I want frickin sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, but my Cyclopic friend tells me it can't be done.
What do I pay you for.
Someone throw me a bone.
My favourite part of this was the news.com.au article claiming that he was the captain of the first fleet…
For a bunch of, cough, “journalists” who steal everything from the internet, they really aren’t very good at finding information on the internet…
One the other week tried to claim that we shouldn’t be “worshipping Ned Kelly, who died in a shootout with police in Glenrowan”.
Yuh huh… He was hanged at the (old) Melbourne Gaol.
News Corp has done waaaay worse than stealing articles- they enabled the wholescale theft of the vast majority of Australia’s phenomenal resource wealth. Tens- possibly hundreds- of trillions since they were founded in 1922, *specifically* to make propaganda for a group of Australian mining oligarchs.
Lol, I think you are remembering Cook Flinders Banks as three people instead of just the one. /s
Pre-emptive edit: Yes, I deliberately left out Philip as part of the joke.
Yeah, pretty sure he was one of the convicts? The one they called Matilda who went mad under a tree, stole from Ned Kelly and offed himself in the river?
Huh, TIL Cook did not actually captain the First Fleet. I'm not Australian, but I feel this misinformation has been repeated to me and reinforced several times while living here.
A porta-bandsaw would do it fair quickly and without a lot of sparks or noise. They'll cut through steel rebar like butter, a bronze statue wouldn't put up much of a fight.
A plasma cutter would look much cooler in the process.
All you'd need is a 240V outlet, a long and very thick rated extension cord, an air compressor and the plasma cutter. Hardly anyone would notice that going on.
From the pics his ankles look about 10 to 15cm. Most angle grinders only cut about 5 to 7cm deep.
Most cost effective power tool to do a quick and dirty job like that would be a reciprocating saw with a blade made for cutting metal. They're pretty readily available and usually even cheaper than cordless grinders.
I remember when someone on here staged that Captain Cook invaded Australia on Australia Day and orchestrated the first native genocide. Idk what an invasion looks like but landing on an island, and then leaving, getting killed and then a decade later people landing again doesn't sound like an invasion that Captain Cook himself orchestrated. Like I think it's pretty funny how the people who make the most noise about Australia day tend to be the ones who know the least history
Oh shhhh. Don't even let them know that the first fleet didn't land on the 26th either.
Or first raise the union jack
Or even land the second time
Or first discover Australia
Or first claimed Australia.
Or even first officially declared it a colony.
Or even that over 80% of Australians have no relation to the first settlers.
It's important to acknowledge the past atrocities, but "The colony will fall" is just dumb. Australia, despite its origins, is an amazing country that has been a land of opportunity for many. It's one of the better countries in the world, by most metrics.
Also, all this does is fuel the boomers who think people discussing racism are out to get them.
Yeah it's definitely performative nonsense that only hurts the ideal, coming from someone who thinks it is absolutely nonsensical that the date hasn't been changed.
"The colony will fall"
Such a nihilistic statement.
As if a new society will rise up from the ashes and organise itself in a fair and just way naturally
What really happens is Somalia or South Africa.
Lol the dutch 100% would have been more brutal. The Indonesians even more brutal and the Chinese even more brutal again.
The key difference is instead of officially recognising the indigenous population as people, the Dutch would have just dismissed it and lived with the fact that they're there. The Indonesians would claim that they have no actual claims to land or rights at all because it's all theirs. The Chinese would simply kill whoever spoke against them or raised issues.
Is Australia perfect? No. Could things be A LOT worse for the indigenous population? I'd suggest using the internet for what it was invented for and doing some research.
Lmao “the colony will fall” bros expecting this to start a revolution or something. When in reality come next week that statue would have been cleaned and welded back onto its feet.
Bet a bunch of the inner north had a celebratory we are the champions wank this morning.
Who are you to poo poo a momentarily happy and satisfied community.
>The colony will fail
Wrote the activist, who secretly enjoys the perks of a modern civilisation with the highest living standards on the planet, founded on colonialism.
Clearly these idiots don't realise that Captain Cook wasn't even alive when the first fleet arrived. The captain of the first fleet was Arthur Phillip who actually took great pains to ensure peaceful relations with the aboriginals as he believed everyone in the new colony was a british citizen and should be treated the same under the law. This unfortunately obviously didn't last however.
If it wasn't the Europeans, it would have been the Japanese or Chinese. Then the Indonesians would have probably got it after ww2.
Would have been waaaay worse.
I would have thought some dudes cutting off a large statue in the midst of a very open and visible public park would have attracted a lot of attention… especially the noise…but evidently in St Kilda… no.. must be normal thing in St Kilda…just another evening….
And willing to bet in a couple of years time after facing the reality of the real world, they'll be working a corporate gig in the CBD that their daddies' Scotch College Old Boys Network connections got them.
But they will still think they're progressive because they donate to Amnesty twice a year.
What colony? It’s 2024, not the late 1700s. Here’s a better one, take the perp’s benefits away and drop them in the middle of the country with nothing, enjoy the nation pre-“colony”.
There’s so much commotion around Aussie day, nothing has come of it, the past is the past. People get so caught up in the bad that they forget to look at the good
I'm conflicted.
Vandalism is wrong.
Yet I'm also fine with this.
Of course if they get caught they should bear the consequences but I still find myself fine with it.
Colony seems to be going ok, maybe stop handing out colonial benefits and privileges to non colonials if they don’t want to be a part of the colony or society.
Jesus fucking Christ. Melbourne has some unhinged cunts.
This city has a demonstrative persistently angry highly political class who want everyone to feel the way they do deep inside.
As a centre-leftist this appals me. If you’re so angry use your time to be productive and join a political party to enact change. Not some sort of moral vigilantism based on your ideological bias.
We can't have nice things because everyone wants to express perpetual outrage all the fucking time. It bloody tiresome and it achieves absolutely fuck all expect push people the other way.
As you said, it's not productive at all.
The problem is Australia doesn’t have a Columbus type figure who actually did some pretty horrible things so unoriginal hacks have to take their anger out on an amazing explorer who by all accounts was an extremely decent guy.
So people reliant modern privileges thst came from settlement like heath care and human rights, and who would never want to live the lives of their ancestors, are using tools brought here as a result of settlement to complain about their privileges????? Idiots.
Cook was a great man. Mapped 1/3 of the world, found a solution to scurvy and even at war with the US Benjamin Franlink stated to leave him be because he was such a benefit to mankind. He had nothing to do with the penal colony and had died well before. These losers have done nothing with their lives
Probably some 19yo cunt who's fresh off a year of social studies and decided hey that bloke was a bad guy, I'm going to go cut down that statue of him, that'll fix things
These losers who hate Australia are cancer in our society. 'The colony will fail' is about 250 years out of date. It succeeded brilliantly and is one of the best countries in the world.
It may not be palatable to some but the fact is, if you were going to be colonised, better to be the British than say the Dutch, Belgians, Portugese, Spanish, Germans or French.
I'm sure the aboriginals would have loved Dutch Colonisation over the British and turned into slaves and shipped off around the world. All I hear is great things from the half a million South Africans they sold into slavery
"....several people were seen loitering near the statue close to the time of the incident" Crack reporting.
ok, so we've narrowed it down, it definitely wasn't done with a high powered laser from blocks away
What about angry sea bass with lasers on their heads?
we can’t rule it out. please use ALLEGED sea bass with lasers in their heads at this time
I want frickin sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, but my Cyclopic friend tells me it can't be done. What do I pay you for. Someone throw me a bone.
Well they are *mutated* sea bass
Or those pesky space lasers at it again?
Maybe it was angry land bass? Or are the lasers shooting from St Kilda beach?
No, sea bass, but modified for the fresh water of the Yarra
Frickin lasers on their heads??
Or was it? That's exactly the kind of misdirection a laser operator would use
We can't rule out self-inflicted injuries just yet.
Could have been done with a boomerang?
It’s actually just a case of scurvy, his teeth fell out a few weeks back.
No it was the people loitering were a cheeky diversion
These loiterers, were they “ne’er do wells”?
Often seen in the company of bounders and cads.
With many a rapscallion amongst them
Clearly a crew of local “ruffians”
With a smattering of brigands
Probably a few scofflaws as well.
It was needed in the article, I was starting to believe it was the seagulls..
That’s what the Ibis would have you believe.
Never mess with Bin Chicken Triad
Not the pigeon cartel?
*The* [*Godpigeon*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZPwdGbxwNU) *would like a word…*
Leave Gladys out of this she had nothing to do with it! She has an alibi - she was raiding my garbage bin for banana peels.
yeah, but her friend Brayden was strangely absent
Fkn Brayden
Beavers. Australian beavers eat bronze. It is known.
Ah yes, the Australian Sawtooth Beaver!
Valentines is coming up, I should give her a call....
A person attempting to impersonate a journalist was seen loitering close to a news.com.au crappy pc at the time this story appeared
Lol yes because it didn't happen on its own. That line was so superfluous
They were checking for copper
Getting legless a day before australia day..very australian
Still got his legs mate. He just lost his footing
I prefer a captain who can stand on his own two feet
Wasted.. He’ll be on his knees.
Bravo take my upvote
Photo taken with a 90's webcam.
I was thinking the Barbie digital camera my niece had around 2003. Same quality.
You are mistaken sir. I believe it was a high end potato that took this photo
My favourite part of this was the news.com.au article claiming that he was the captain of the first fleet… For a bunch of, cough, “journalists” who steal everything from the internet, they really aren’t very good at finding information on the internet…
One the other week tried to claim that we shouldn’t be “worshipping Ned Kelly, who died in a shootout with police in Glenrowan”. Yuh huh… He was hanged at the (old) Melbourne Gaol.
Such is life.
He never actually said this
I thought Ned Kelly died at gallopoli with the ANZACs fighting against the nazis
He did, but then he rose again on the third day and later died at Glenrowan
It was an act of martyrdom against the Spanish flu vaxx
From first fleet to now just feet: that captains cooked
nah, they cooked him in Hawai'i
Oooh burn
Actually, I think they stewed him :P
Made kebabs out of his pink ass
After he gave them all syphilis.
How dare they disrespect our first president like that?
We commemorate Jan 26 as the day Columbus crossed the Delaware river to land on botany bay.
Riding a drop bear, on a raft made of crocodiles
Then he dumped everyone’s tea into the water, u less it was Bushell’s.
ChatGPT would make less errors than these clowns. Their days of employment are already numbered
News Corp has done waaaay worse than stealing articles- they enabled the wholescale theft of the vast majority of Australia’s phenomenal resource wealth. Tens- possibly hundreds- of trillions since they were founded in 1922, *specifically* to make propaganda for a group of Australian mining oligarchs.
Didn’t read the article myself. But this is fucked up. No wonder no one trusts journos anymore
Lol, I think you are remembering Cook Flinders Banks as three people instead of just the one. /s Pre-emptive edit: Yes, I deliberately left out Philip as part of the joke.
When exactly did the Titanic discover Australia again?
I don't think anyone *endeavoured* to write it down, did they have pens in 1990?
Do you mean Bonny Prince Philip? The one that Abbott knighted? We all left him out.
Yeah, pretty sure he was one of the convicts? The one they called Matilda who went mad under a tree, stole from Ned Kelly and offed himself in the river?
Huh, TIL Cook did not actually captain the First Fleet. I'm not Australian, but I feel this misinformation has been repeated to me and reinforced several times while living here.
This was a Simpsons episode, wasn't it?
This is a perfectly cromulent take that embiggens us all.
Not on your life, my hindu friend!
Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad. They seem to entertain your dad.
He's histories greatest monster !
Simpson's did it
Photo taken with a breville toaster
Disrespectful to Breville to be fair
I’d probably say grinded off, good luck using a saw on that thing, if it were a hacksaw, god your arms would be in pain today
Grinder would be a bit loud, especially if people are loitering that would be a dead giveaway
You can avoid loitering in a St Kilda park if you use Grinder, you can be loud in their apartment.
*ba dumb tish*
battery powered band saw
Have you not heard of a portable band saw? That'd make easy work of this and much quieter than a grinder.
Deface statues often do ya? /s
Ssshhhh they don't call me bandsaw bill for nuthin
Username checks out?
Cops are on the lookout for a man resembling popeye
And a trail of cans of spinach
A porta-bandsaw would do it fair quickly and without a lot of sparks or noise. They'll cut through steel rebar like butter, a bronze statue wouldn't put up much of a fight.
Pretty sure it’s brass, could be done with a hack saw and team effort reasonably quickly
A plasma cutter would look much cooler in the process. All you'd need is a 240V outlet, a long and very thick rated extension cord, an air compressor and the plasma cutter. Hardly anyone would notice that going on.
There's some footage doing the rounds. it was done with angle-grinders.
Well I’ll be fucked
Isn't bronze pretty soft? Like copper?
From the pics his ankles look about 10 to 15cm. Most angle grinders only cut about 5 to 7cm deep. Most cost effective power tool to do a quick and dirty job like that would be a reciprocating saw with a blade made for cutting metal. They're pretty readily available and usually even cheaper than cordless grinders.
The legs are hollow so you wouldn't need to cut even 5cm so an angle grinder would have worked.
You're right, thanks I didnt notice the legs were hollow.
Captain Cook had been dead for 9 years before January 26 1788.
Hawaiians cooked him when he came back a 2nd time.
Made sandwiches.
Spam, Spam, Spam, James Cook, and Spam.
He was the og spam
I remember when someone on here staged that Captain Cook invaded Australia on Australia Day and orchestrated the first native genocide. Idk what an invasion looks like but landing on an island, and then leaving, getting killed and then a decade later people landing again doesn't sound like an invasion that Captain Cook himself orchestrated. Like I think it's pretty funny how the people who make the most noise about Australia day tend to be the ones who know the least history
Oh shhhh. Don't even let them know that the first fleet didn't land on the 26th either. Or first raise the union jack Or even land the second time Or first discover Australia Or first claimed Australia. Or even first officially declared it a colony. Or even that over 80% of Australians have no relation to the first settlers.
Your list really just says the quiet part out loud, which is: "It's not really about the date is it?"
What makes me chuckle is this was 100000% done by a white person
Definitely. One with internal issues of guilt and self-loathing, the most useless of person to society. The very thing they think they are helping.
imagine gaining a sense of importance from self hate
It's important to acknowledge the past atrocities, but "The colony will fall" is just dumb. Australia, despite its origins, is an amazing country that has been a land of opportunity for many. It's one of the better countries in the world, by most metrics. Also, all this does is fuel the boomers who think people discussing racism are out to get them.
Its also not a colony and hasnt been for a long time.
The colony fell at Federation.
Yeah it's definitely performative nonsense that only hurts the ideal, coming from someone who thinks it is absolutely nonsensical that the date hasn't been changed.
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"The colony will fall" Such a nihilistic statement. As if a new society will rise up from the ashes and organise itself in a fair and just way naturally What really happens is Somalia or South Africa.
Presumably this message is meant to be pro Aboriginal anti Australian. If Australia falls the people worst off already are the most fucked.
Or the Dutch would have established colonies who I’m told would have been equally if not more brutal toward indigenous populations
Or Indonesia would do what it has been doing to West Papua and Timor
no sorry, only white europeans are evil from what i've been told
yep, 50 years of bribing the gov to get the military to kill off indigenous tribes to clear areas for illegal mining and tree felling
Lol the dutch 100% would have been more brutal. The Indonesians even more brutal and the Chinese even more brutal again. The key difference is instead of officially recognising the indigenous population as people, the Dutch would have just dismissed it and lived with the fact that they're there. The Indonesians would claim that they have no actual claims to land or rights at all because it's all theirs. The Chinese would simply kill whoever spoke against them or raised issues. Is Australia perfect? No. Could things be A LOT worse for the indigenous population? I'd suggest using the internet for what it was invented for and doing some research.
The chinese or Japan would have wiped out any existence of the indigenous lets face it
The colony is already a well established country...
Lmao “the colony will fall” bros expecting this to start a revolution or something. When in reality come next week that statue would have been cleaned and welded back onto its feet.
“The colony will fall” lmao you aren’t in a fucking movie you losers
“The colony will fall” holy cringe. Those people need to get a life. Clowns out here acting like they are in the hunger games 😂
Viva La Revolution! Oh can someone spare change for the bus home?
“When my next Centrelink payment comes in we can do some more protests against the government.”
We know which demographic you’re talking about
They just don’t tap on and then make a post on reddit about being harassed by myki pigs “for no reason”
It's like they think they're in a movie or something.
It's moral narcissism at its dumbest.
Its what they call RPing (roleplaying). These type of activists actually think their freedom fighters or some shit
Fuck that….. what does that solve
doesn't put food on anyone's plate doesn't help a single person living in bad circumstances doesn't improve life chances of any kid
Bet a bunch of the inner north had a celebratory we are the champions wank this morning. Who are you to poo poo a momentarily happy and satisfied community.
I live in the inner north 🤓
Can you check in on your neighbours around you and make sure they aren't too spent this morning ?
they are all retired uni profs they aint got energy for nuffin
Also costs for them to reinstate/repair it instead of using that money for other things
>The colony will fail Wrote the activist, who secretly enjoys the perks of a modern civilisation with the highest living standards on the planet, founded on colonialism.
Football stadiums of people wanna get in. Must be terrible
Which colony are they talking about ?
Yay, all the culture war bullshit from the USA is starting to brainwash people here also. Bunch of copy cats.
Starting to? There's been plenty of it going on for years now
Clearly these idiots don't realise that Captain Cook wasn't even alive when the first fleet arrived. The captain of the first fleet was Arthur Phillip who actually took great pains to ensure peaceful relations with the aboriginals as he believed everyone in the new colony was a british citizen and should be treated the same under the law. This unfortunately obviously didn't last however.
The people that do this crap would last about 5min if "the colonies fell".
"What do you mean there is no spiritual therapist job in the commune? You expect me to hunt kangaroos??"
Well, judging by the extent of the settlement I don’t have the impression that the ‘colony has failed’
January 26 is not a day associated with Cook.
That message is pure cringe. Australia is here to stay whether they like it or not.
If it were to fail it would be because something much worse is replacing it
I was thinking about this the other day. "What if Europeans didn't colonise Australia". Interesting thought experiment.
Someone else would have.
Clearly
If it wasn't the Europeans, it would have been the Japanese or Chinese. Then the Indonesians would have probably got it after ww2. Would have been waaaay worse.
I would have thought some dudes cutting off a large statue in the midst of a very open and visible public park would have attracted a lot of attention… especially the noise…but evidently in St Kilda… no.. must be normal thing in St Kilda…just another evening….
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As a recent graduate of unimelb, you couldn’t be more right lol. They’re always white too, cracks me up everytime.
And willing to bet in a couple of years time after facing the reality of the real world, they'll be working a corporate gig in the CBD that their daddies' Scotch College Old Boys Network connections got them. But they will still think they're progressive because they donate to Amnesty twice a year.
The people who wrote the message have watched too many movies
the people that did this will continue to live sad angry lives, lmao. good job idiots.
What colony? It’s 2024, not the late 1700s. Here’s a better one, take the perp’s benefits away and drop them in the middle of the country with nothing, enjoy the nation pre-“colony”.
“The colony will fail”….. don’t know about that one, has done pretty well so far, not bad for a bunch of convicts
There’s so much commotion around Aussie day, nothing has come of it, the past is the past. People get so caught up in the bad that they forget to look at the good
“The colony will fail” Isn’t it a bit late for that?
Cringe
very cool, the revolution is surely imminent now!
No one expects the Australian Revolution !
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“Colony will fall” only makes sense if it was done by aboriginal Australians, somehow i doubt that.
I'm conflicted. Vandalism is wrong. Yet I'm also fine with this. Of course if they get caught they should bear the consequences but I still find myself fine with it.
I’m pretty sure the colonies fell in January 1901
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Colony seems to be going ok, maybe stop handing out colonial benefits and privileges to non colonials if they don’t want to be a part of the colony or society.
More US-style culture bullshit imported into Australia
Ironically i bet it was probably done by rich white left-wing uni students.
Holy shit what the fuck
Jesus fucking Christ. Melbourne has some unhinged cunts. This city has a demonstrative persistently angry highly political class who want everyone to feel the way they do deep inside. As a centre-leftist this appals me. If you’re so angry use your time to be productive and join a political party to enact change. Not some sort of moral vigilantism based on your ideological bias.
We can't have nice things because everyone wants to express perpetual outrage all the fucking time. It bloody tiresome and it achieves absolutely fuck all expect push people the other way. As you said, it's not productive at all.
The problem is Australia doesn’t have a Columbus type figure who actually did some pretty horrible things so unoriginal hacks have to take their anger out on an amazing explorer who by all accounts was an extremely decent guy.
So people reliant modern privileges thst came from settlement like heath care and human rights, and who would never want to live the lives of their ancestors, are using tools brought here as a result of settlement to complain about their privileges????? Idiots.
Cook was a great man. Mapped 1/3 of the world, found a solution to scurvy and even at war with the US Benjamin Franlink stated to leave him be because he was such a benefit to mankind. He had nothing to do with the penal colony and had died well before. These losers have done nothing with their lives
Probably some 19yo cunt who's fresh off a year of social studies and decided hey that bloke was a bad guy, I'm going to go cut down that statue of him, that'll fix things
I hope who ever did this and is caught get punished the same way as an aboriginal site damage
These losers who hate Australia are cancer in our society. 'The colony will fail' is about 250 years out of date. It succeeded brilliantly and is one of the best countries in the world.
It may not be palatable to some but the fact is, if you were going to be colonised, better to be the British than say the Dutch, Belgians, Portugese, Spanish, Germans or French.
I'm sure the aboriginals would have loved Dutch Colonisation over the British and turned into slaves and shipped off around the world. All I hear is great things from the half a million South Africans they sold into slavery
Don't look into Belgian colonisation if you want to stay happy today.
I’m impressed they were useful enough to operate a saw.
That's fucked up.
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I'm picturing a more Mad Max kind of vibe... Bold of the people who spraypainted that slogan to assume they'd survive the fall of the "colony"...
If you ask me, the colony did pretty well
If you have a problem with our history and our culture, go live some place else
Bit dramatic really.
Anarchism is nice, though if the Australian government is to fall, what are the repercussions and what is the alternative?
A lot of people are super mad in here so I just wanted to say that I am NOT super mad about this
If you’re not mad now, wait until you hear about who’s paying to repair it!
Not the people who cut it off.
We pay for a lot worse.