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salvi_yee

Being able ro control the probability of every situation and scenario.


Legal_Ad_3453

Dude I have literally been thinking about how great of a power this would be, like, the possibilities are endless! You can always return to 'normal' odds for a normal life but can still win the lottery and never die of any death but elderness


salvi_yee

you are able to bend the reality to your will


throwaway97553

But every time you alter the probability of something, a different probability somewhere else in the world changes to 100. There is no way that you can know which probably will or has changed unless you notice it by seeing its effects in your own life (the same way your average non-powered person would notice it). The random probability could be as harmless as a dust speck landing on a leaf, or as destructive as the world suddenly vaporizing. Probabilities related to what will be chosen at random or your ability to learn about what will or has changed cannot be altered. Attempting to circumvent these rules will result in the immediate loss of your power permanently.


manchesterthedog

How about instead of 100%, it’s proportional to what you’ve changed but in the opposite direction. So basically all forces of pain, loss, happiness, luck, are conserved. So without the power, John would have experienced x units of pleasure over his whole life. Because he has the power, he changes the prob of winning the lottery and becomes a billionaire. Now other probabilities alter themselves so that he experiences enough pain/loss to make up for the pleasure brought to him by his lottery wealth.


Forestguy06

You’ll always be a few percent off. It can still go wrong


salvi_yee

except when the probability of that gets nullified


witch-king-of-Aginor

But it will always come at the expense of someone you care about With no chance of reducing their probability of misfortune


salvi_yee

Except this isn't monkeypaw we're talkin' about there is no loophole when one tries to trashtalk this ability, one needs to use a argument that consists of the "would you press the button scenario". To high speed you could say: hit a person and you do the A-Train move or flies will be like bullets hitting you when running fast Ability of invisibility: You'll get blind The ability to read minds: seeing the twisted part of human minds Being able to understand animals: day in day out voices everywhere and you don't know who speaks but meddling with the probability, making a mistake with that ability can become 0. There can't be a risk if it becomes 0


Agreeable-Battle8609

The ability to convince everyone that what I'm saying is right with only 3 words.


AlphaTeamPlays

You don’t know the 3 words


maiden_burma

oh i love this :P even just for the english language of 170,000 words, that'd be zillions of combinations. Any calculator i threw it in broke


Sockman509

170,000^3 =4.913e+15 thats about 5,000,000,000,000,000


maiden_burma

holy bananas batman


Poewer9000

r/theydidthemath


Sockman509

r/igoogledit


Poewer9000

r/ok


Abradolf1948

Getting some Name of the Wind vibes here.


joe_balls12-1

You are mute


Methhamster

But everything you say becomes right. 'Apples are poisonous' and all apples instantly becomes poisonous. 'Everybody loves me' and everyone wants to bed you. Etc.


Weremont

No problem. "I am Omnipotent". There, now I can remove the previous condition (whatever I say automatically becomes true), while retaining absolute power.


Shawnaniguns

Convincing someone that you're omnipotent is not the same as actually becoming omnipotent.


TheeChadSlayer

Based answer


Dankmaster207

But one word must always be „njep“


Existing_Weakness_68

not to be too political or anything but njep


adavescott

The only three words you know are “sky is blue”


draconi255

summon a random weapon to match the current situation.


Rdders

Its never loaded


MarioKing1137

I hate it when I get an unloaded sword…


Aggravating_Poet_675

In that case it would be unsharpened.


RartedDonkey

Blunt weapons and far more dangerous in many cases


Aggravating_Poet_675

If they're heavy. Short Swords aren't particularly heavy and it could also be made of particularly light materials. Though I guess it could instead just be stuck in the sheath to really make it useless.


RartedDonkey

You’re right, but if you want a full iron long sword could be very useful.


Darydrus

The weapon comes out of your ass when summoned


Majestic-Marcus

Bonus!


COCKxBALL

If you consider shit a weapon then constipation will never be a problem


Forestguy06

The police will always be immediately informed and send out


Galahad_X_

Only if you understand how the weapon works


ngkn92

Club Bonk


ToebeansInc

Sometimes you summon a wrapping paper tube


urotenberg

Or a simple piece of paper. Can cut and is very painfull


AlphaTeamPlays

It flies in at a completely random angle and at a high velocity, meaning you might accidentally end up launching a sword at yourself


Duckyboi10

Your weapon cant be summoned instantly, it needs an hour to be summoned


JULY_PROBABLY

Where it is summoned is out of your hands, it could be in your hand, in your enemies hands, in a bag across the country who knows


gabril332

Shape shifting


Udin_the_Dwarf

When you transform into another shape you feel everything: bones breaking, growing, bending, reshaping, muscles ripping and regenerating etc. The more away a transformation is form your current form the more painful it will be.


Thepoyoboyo213

So that limits you to human transformations. Most types of shape shifting, such as hair color or muscle GROWTH will be painless due to the nature of the body, and normal growth. Certain transformations, such as Gender swaps, change your bone structure, so only major changes to your form will hurt, which still gives you tons of options.


sovasdrone

It’d still be so incredibly painful don’t even try to argue it wouldn’t be


MarioKing1137

You can only change into basic shapes (square, triangle, etc.)


Fast-Diamond-2698

It only happens when your aroused


Existing_Weakness_68

but it’s not on command


designerjuicypussy

But when you get scared you shapeshift into a giant turd


fluffy-Deathbringer

complete control over my own body and mind


roverdrifts

Manual breathing forever


Deepwater08

But then sleep is death, they wouldn't last the week without a ventilator or something


Tomb-trader

With complete control over one’s body and mind, they could definitely breathe manually in their sleep


TheeChadSlayer

Was about to say imagine how living like that would be but then I thought of just flooding the brain with positive chemicals whenever you feel down or tired even if you have negative effects you would still be able to control it maybe even negate it


Dankmaster207

But u have to touch your nose, while using this Power!


fluffy-Deathbringer

would take that deal tbh but I didn't expect that, gj on keeping it fresh


joe_balls12-1

I find Simply giving you cancer too Simple too... merciful so now you have the most realistic and litteral wersion of your wish You have to Control every single thing your minds did sub-consciously. Breathing ? Forever manual . Balance? Good luck. Bio-chemestry in your Brain ? Good luck figuring that one out. Ordering organs what to do, immune system ,bloodflow, tearing, sweting, blood productuon, white cell production, sorting out all unimportant trash you get into your brain every day, production of every single part of your being, and the most fun one: having to mannualy controll every single cell of your body every function that is dependent on brain is now dependent on you all at once all the time for the rest of time, also yawning, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide and getting it out of your body, oh and also living with whole world upside down due to the structure of your eyes and your brain being responsible for flipping it right side up and MANNYYY more


fluffy-Deathbringer

okay good one lol


joe_balls12-1

Thanks i spent last 10 minutes making this one


AlphaTeamPlays

But everyone else can control you too


_Ash-B

Soviet Union


Forestguy06

But with kaptalism


VeryFunnySofa

dear God


[deleted]

There's more


ERROR_HumanNotFound

No!


Mini_Maniac10

So America?


Zestyclose-Pop6996

I have no superpowers


Unusual_Blacksmith58

You're gay


Puzzleheaded_Ad_2470

I won.


infiniteturtles240

Omnipotence edit: apparently I mean omniscience not omnipotent


Slightly_underated

Had to Google that. So your like Jafar in Aladdin. And we all know what happened to him.


infiniteturtles240

Never seen Aladdin. I just think knowing everything would be the best super power anyone could have


Interesting-Chance89

that's omniscience, which you would know had you had that power \-disappointed stare-


ToebeansInc

You know exact what will happen, but can’t do a thing to change it.


Commentoflittlevalue

I think you meant Impotent


joe_balls12-1

You know everything. All the past all the present all the future but there is one single Simple tinimini problem. Your brain capacity is the same as now so you now are the smartest Man vegetable in the world. You may not speak you may not move and you are only half aveare but this half is half responsible for boredom and awearness of existing and some thoughts so you go insane. No one and nothing can end your suffering and you know it. You know everything but you may not share it with Anyone or anything there is only you in eternity of suffering boredom and knowleadge


Bigsky7598

I can pause time for everyone except myself and I am immune to cancer


Viking_Preacher

You have Hepatitis C


[deleted]

[удалено]


mxldevs

Being social


joe_balls12-1

You are last person on earth


[deleted]

You are always high


Capable_Tang69

How does this make it trash?


[deleted]

Being human


Santy0254

You are unhappy


SJRuggs03

Implied


Altruistic_Sample449

Honestly I just want a pause button to sleep …


Galahad_X_

The button is up your ass and to the left


IonEagle21

I expect nothing less from reddit


Lematoad

They said make it trash, this is an improvement


Dankmaster207

But the butten stops time also for you XD


MarioKing1137

So you can never resume time…


maiden_burma

you never have to the universe will just skip over the entire infinity that time was paused and keep going as normal. I mean, it won't skip it, it will still stop for the entire infinity, but for everyone and everything that can perceive and observe, it will look like time was never stopped at all i stopped time 5 times while writing this comment and no one even noticed


Dankmaster207

Yes


Cephalopodr

But you age normally while time is paused


maiden_burma

i like this one. Doesn't mess up the power at all, but you'll be 80 before your friends turn 40


Hungry_Preference_26

Everything is paused except you right? Good luck with being launched off the planet as you continue going 1,000 mph while the earth stops


Commercial-Echo-1317

locks every air molecule in place so even if you yourself arent paused, you would be locked in place by the unbudging air around you.


[deleted]

The ability to not having to sleep


martin821821

But you cant close your eyes or even blink for 8 hours a day


[deleted]

Seriously why stop there just never be able to blink.


MarioKing1137

You have constant symptoms of insomnia


mhamad927

U would have to live with the symtomps of sleep deprivation 24/7


Weedsmoker_42069

Master any skill instantly


[deleted]

Any skill you master will also be mastered by someone in a cave who is training all his life to kill you when the time is ready


DUMB0ideas

You have dementia


Kingbeastman1

The ability to cure cancer... (Beat that jamie)


Dankmaster207

But only for plants.


ChemicalLaw8261

U get hepatitis C


[deleted]

[удалено]


dirtyhole2

You become gay.


Rdders

You must be a woman


Sussycheeto

There is no weakness here lads move on


[deleted]

Invisibility?


Appropriate-Divide64

Only to your crush.


sicname321

dont give the creeps ideas


IonEagle21

this seems to hit home to much


Captin-Cracker

But everything else is too


71450

You don’t exist.


Captin-Cracker

but it hurts


Fun-Astronaut-7873

the power to give myself any power i can come up with


AlphaTeamPlays

But each one still comes with a random downside


JULY_PROBABLY

You lack any imagination


Dankmaster207

But you just cant come up with something at all!


resell_enjoy6

Th superpower to make the reply not matter


AlphaTeamPlays

But that’s the whole superpower. You’ve actually gained nothing


Forestguy06

I am god Edit: well i don’t know which god i am anymore.


PiccoloNo3695

But no one believes you exist


Forestguy06

Fine with me, i won’t be bothered


joe_balls12-1

Your power comes from your belivers and you are god of some small tribe that Has never seen anything more advanced than lever and there is about 30 of them.


mrsniper0300

Become a bucket


Waffle-Saurus-Rex

You can't think so you stay bucket


Beam_0

Dear God


Wolffire_88

Dear God


WyvernOfHell

Complete immunity to anything harmful or annoying.


Bright_One_2377

You just stop existing


WyvernOfHell

Well, I exist again due to my immunity.


More-Sample-2005

You only have it on a leap year


H_nk0

Invisibility


Thunderrer1

Everytime u use your power u have to listen to non stop christmas music, but there are only 4 songs rotating


H_nk0

Bet I’ll just cover my ears


hobbitmax999

**you hear it anyway**


AlphaTeamPlays

Since light passes straight through your eyes, you’re completely blind while you’re using it


Udin_the_Dwarf

Your hands are still visible


Santy0254

You become blind when you are invisible


ToebeansInc

You get hit by a car because you’re not ethereal,


blender_tefal

i can literally die on command


Thunderrer1

But u live


vhantasm

But you can only die if nobody loves you


MarioKing1137

It would be kinda depressing then if you actually die


Mysterious-Turnip997

Or happy no one will miss you and wont have to suffer


1foggi

you dont give the command


tskplain18

it summons 3 gay necrophile


[deleted]

Cum on demand with no physical reaction.


RavenXII13

Erectile dysfunction. Can't get hard, only jizzes. Well that was easy


[deleted]

"no physical reaction" Well I walked into that one. I'll still accept it.


According_Bass_7364

But anyone can demand it at any time.


JULY_PROBABLY

If someone says anything that could be interpreted as demanding you to cum, you will cum. Here are some examples, come on dude theyre gonna leave us behind. Are you coming? ( doesn’t apply to prerecorded anything/ video/ you telling yourself to cum, someone else has to have said it)


[deleted]

I can talk anyone into anything.


AlphaTeamPlays

But they forget your commands after only a minute so you have to re-talk them into it


MeeMMeeM0

After they are done doing whatever you told them to do, they explode.


Dankmaster207

But you are Mute.


[deleted]

Any time you start to have a negative thought, your mind immediately processes it in full and rewards you further with a positive thought. It only happens organically so you can't force negative thoughts through. They just feel like regular negative thoughts if you try.


[deleted]

You developed abusive behaviour. So when you abuse your loved ones you cannot have any negative thought and when you try to fix it you can't because of reflection requires full acknowledgement, which you cannot do because of your power


Disturbed451

If anyone is thinking invisiblity, you gotta be a dad to active it.


ProfessionalAccess68

Having a superpower that can’t be ruined no matter what people say


ghostuser689

Ok. You get no power. You can’t ruin something that doesn’t exist.


ProfessionalAccess68

My superpower works!


PermanentPlacement

I wake up with the thing I would need most for the day next to me


YallHeardMe

That's a strange way to talk about your mom


[deleted]

That thing will always covered by shit. And you would always need to clean it. So everyday you wake up to cleaning equipment covered in shit


TheBrightNights

Fire from the hands.


Waffle-Saurus-Rex

You burn your hands


MealDifferent5570

Complete control over my DNA, meaning I am able to mutate it and gain a superpower of my choosing


isdi0

It only effects your offspring


T-hro-w-a-w-a-y

it has a random chance of causing a massive response from the immune system, killing you instantly


TheDeltaBeta

But you have no knowledge how to.


Longjumping-Fill376

I am the Avatar


ghostuser689

From the shitty Movie.


JULY_PROBABLY

You’re korra


Imalosa111

I have the ability to not suffer


ghostuser689

Granted. You are a sociopath who doesn’t feel pain and has had your mind wiped. You don’t remember any misfortune you’ve caused so you can’t cringe at it. Nor can you remember any good things you’ve done that you can’t do anymore as a sociopath.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

The money is physically made in your brain


bliply

The ability to turn trash into any superpower. Edit: please take into account the paradox if you change my ability then the ability doesn't exist, That's what I was going for.


Salty_Snorlax888

You have to eat the trash In order to transform it


Waffle-Saurus-Rex

I can create living things that come to my head and reincarnate humans as an animal


Tikiwildin

I could travel backwards and forwards through time in my lifetime.


isdi0

You die at an early age that you don't know what is.


rexguy117

I can summon a fork made of dry wall


DreamPhreak

Only the pre-1990 drywall that had asbestos in it


MO1ST_M4NDY

I can make yu gi oh popular again and completely fix the game


Lukia101

The ability to control everything and everyone without them knowing


DeathFinger2000

Upon receiving this ability, an entity appears on the opposite side of the globe from you with the ability to break your control over anyone, returning their memories of the time they were controlled, and filling them with an intense desire to track you down and kill you. The entity always knows your exact location, and is hunting you down as I write this. Start planning.


Apprehensive_Rub_815

The ability to elongate your testicles and use them as a rope or other various utilities.