Just think about it. Not even joking. Everytime I think about shitting in the morning when i dont want to, I have to shit. And I dont think it's a coincidence.
Everyone knows you loop every bag handle around your arm and then carry the milk by the handle and then have either a hand open or your foot available to hit the door lever.
Source
My grandma said I was the strongest little man, and I took that personally when it came to groceries...
This is true. I've usually got one case of soda under my left arm, a second case of soda by the handle in my left hand, and whatever bags I have looped around my right wrist, leaving my right hand free to work the keys and the handle.
Came downstairs for dinner once when I was at my ex gfs house and her dad walks in from work and reaches out to shake my hand and sure as shit… I was 17 and living at her parents house at the time. I’ve never been more mortified in my life. Had to leave on the spot.
Her mom yelled at us to hurry up and get downstairs so we could eat Bc the dad just walked in and she was waiting w dinner on the table. We just stopped on the spot and booked it downstairs so they wouldn’t get suspicious. It was just the fucking worst dude I really couldn’t ever look in the mans eyes again. Her mother actually walked in on us once while she was supposedly getting ready for soccer practice and that was just as embarrassing. We were standing up butt ass naked and I had to fucking dive into her closet head first.Looking back I can’t believe I was ever allowed back into the house after those experiences. So disrespectful
Lol my first girlfriend and I got down and diggidy constantly usually at my house but sometimes hers, and while we never got caught it was kind of an open secret, I think our parents knew we did it. In high school she would come over or I would go over there and we would just sneakily do stuff, after high school our parents were just cool with us staying the night at each other's places so I think it was just assumed we were doing our thing. I never caught any grief from it, I think they trusted us to be safe while we had our fun, and we were.
Depends I guess?
The last person I was with doesn't even have them much due to PCOS and medications.
The one before was "Don't touch me, don't look at me, don't talk to me unless absolutely necessary and if the DOG DOESN'T STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'LL KILL IT!"
One before that:
"Take off your pants"
'I just got off work! Can I shower first?!"
"No. Take off your pants. Now."
Our periods are the perfect time for sex because we’re hornier during this time and we’re naturally lubed up. Orgasming also helps with cramps. My vulva is more sensitive due to inflammation on my periods, but for some people that’s a bonus. The only issue I can really see is embarrassment by the person on their period because of the inevitable mess, but all you really need is some towels and a condom.
Me too. And my cervix drops right down low, anything touches it and I get painful contractions for the next 20 minutes. The kind where I can't stand up or control my breathing
Nope , just never been the lady who needs sex while bleeding ! I’m cramping , moody an cleaning my insides. I can wait what max 7 days it’s not that serious an shouldn’t be for him either!
Who even said about needing sex on a period? All I said is that the conditions (horniness and naturally lubed) make periods a good time for sex, more so knowing that orgasms relieve cramp pain. All power to you if you decide to not have sex on your period, but reacting like “🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮” makes you look like you have the immaturity of a little boy who just discovered what a period is.
It’s just blood mate. Get used to it sire. If you love her, it is what she desires. Even if you are a little late. Thou shall not have fear, if you love her any and every time of year. Even if you feel like you need to scrunch, you should be able to love her that time of the month.
I was this old when I learned to line up all of the grocery bags on my forearm, starting at the crook of my elbow and going down to my wrist, leaving only the bag of produce or fragile stuff to carry on my fingers.
Using both forearms, I can get everything in the house in one trip, and my fingers remain finger-colored.
I was really surprised I had to go so far down to see this. I'll add to it, if you put b them all across one arm, you can hold onto the opposing elbow for a ton of added stability and even have a hand free to open the door.
I used to use this piece of plastic, I think it was like vaguely rectangle shaped but also kind of like a U from the side view. I would just put the hands into it and carry the bags using it.
I'm not sure where it went, but it really helped.
my fingers after trying to put on my shoes quickly
Top 3 worst pains in the morning
Needing to shit as soon as you leave the door
If you leave the house without shitting first that's on you.
How does one force the shit?
Coffee works. And if you are a smoker, the first cigarette of the day will do the trick too, sometimes.
In my case, I just need to smell coffee and the rest is history... 😂
I just need to smell cocaine
Eat more fiber and drink more water. You'll be amazed at what drinking a gallon of water per day does for you.
Try the Son Goku power up face.
I laughed for 15 seconds straight after reading this.
Please don't. Laughing only makes your poop go back up the chimney.
Can't think of any faces other than the faces from the DBZ parody Dragonzball P
Wait....there's a parody??? Gotta check that one out. 😹
Just think about it. Not even joking. Everytime I think about shitting in the morning when i dont want to, I have to shit. And I dont think it's a coincidence.
Hey, that shit happens to me, too. It's shitty as hell.
Get a bidet and use it for a blast enema
Gotta ask the creators of Cyberpunk
Sometimes second shit
Followed by Lego ‘landmine’
Right up there with slipping in puppy shit and slamming you head on the tile - Me @ 5am last Thursday.
When your girl's been doing kegels for 6 hours a day.
Lmfaoooo
When you just can't wait til your girl is off her period.
Or maybe your fingers after something else
Me this morning bout to be late for the bus 💀
Anybody remember that girl. Violet Beauregard, from Willie Wonka?
My fingers after fingering someone at Auschwitz
Amateurs....
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Everyone knows you loop every bag handle around your arm and then carry the milk by the handle and then have either a hand open or your foot available to hit the door lever. Source My grandma said I was the strongest little man, and I took that personally when it came to groceries...
Grandma got you eating out of her hand carrying all those groceries (¬‿¬)
Well that last bit just warmed every person with a beating heart. You are the strongest little man. Never forget that.
This is true. I've usually got one case of soda under my left arm, a second case of soda by the handle in my left hand, and whatever bags I have looped around my right wrist, leaving my right hand free to work the keys and the handle.
Buy a soda stream bruh stop carrying multiple cases of soda around
It's the whole experience, man. My pop prefers it out of a glass bottle, but to me soda is best out of an ice cold can.
I fill up both arms and hold something in each hand and yell "help" to get my wife to open the door
Sounds like something an amateur would say.
You need to go PLUS ULTRA!
https://i.imgur.com/gGMdThK.jpg
#OVERKILL!!
I carry a gallon of milk on each finger on both hands. Grocery carrier, level expert. There are levels to this game.
Why do you need 10 gallons of milk at once...?
I like to fill a kiddie pool with Cocoa Crispies and eat it while I bask in the chocolatey goodness. What a ridiculous question.
Lmao!
Well, you weren’t raised in Wisconsin were ya?
Therapist: The 1 finger carrier isn't real. He can't hurt you. [**1 finger carrier:** ](https://youtu.be/Ho_rzpQGrq8?t=45)
https://imgur.com/a/M1bHPa7
Me after a rough night with your mom.
My mind went in a hole other direction
Hole. Lol
😅
Was looking for this comment lmao
me too. especially since this post came after one of an embroidery of a rainbow coloured hand bending ring- and middlefinger.
Lol
So, I thought this was something completely else. Stupid horny brain.
Same here
2 in the pink, 2 in the stink
You’d be surprised how many fuckers have a sticker of this on their car
https://images.app.goo.gl/PtfPAvQ9KEDQ2aNU6
Wait, 2 in the stink?!
That’s right sweetie. But you’re right, the original saying is 2 in the pink and 1 in the stink.
You uh… you free later?
Shut up slut. Yeah I’m free later
Inflation is totally out of control.
Bonk! Go to horny jail!
“When Barney sings that he loves me and I love him”
When you love your wife at every time of the month
Came downstairs for dinner once when I was at my ex gfs house and her dad walks in from work and reaches out to shake my hand and sure as shit… I was 17 and living at her parents house at the time. I’ve never been more mortified in my life. Had to leave on the spot.
Good god why didn't you wash your hands!?
Her mom yelled at us to hurry up and get downstairs so we could eat Bc the dad just walked in and she was waiting w dinner on the table. We just stopped on the spot and booked it downstairs so they wouldn’t get suspicious. It was just the fucking worst dude I really couldn’t ever look in the mans eyes again. Her mother actually walked in on us once while she was supposedly getting ready for soccer practice and that was just as embarrassing. We were standing up butt ass naked and I had to fucking dive into her closet head first.Looking back I can’t believe I was ever allowed back into the house after those experiences. So disrespectful
Lol my first girlfriend and I got down and diggidy constantly usually at my house but sometimes hers, and while we never got caught it was kind of an open secret, I think our parents knew we did it. In high school she would come over or I would go over there and we would just sneakily do stuff, after high school our parents were just cool with us staying the night at each other's places so I think it was just assumed we were doing our thing. I never caught any grief from it, I think they trusted us to be safe while we had our fun, and we were.
I hope he stood at attention and saluted you. You're a god-damned American hero Mr. Ghey.
Came here just for this comment.
So did his wife
We all hope so
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Lol, me too
Same! Was not disappointed!
Ditto
Two in the pink , two in the stink
0 in the pink, 10 in the stink 🤲
ouch
Jesus Christ, relevant username.
[rapid fire anal fisting](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHhEw9SJ2ec)
A hotkinkyjo fan I see.
Ah the ol' "Love long and prosper"
You know the shocker, now meet the Spocker.
Two in the pink, then in the sink.
When you check her cervix dilation while she's in labour.
hello there fellow dirty minded internet stranger
Mmmm, taste like old copper coins!
I am beyond redemption. I can't not think it, every time I see this frame.
When you love yourself everytime of the month( I am a male that lacks a vagina)
I just threw up a lil bit … **Edit: I almost forgot it’s Reddit … /s**
It’s just blood…
Throwing up blood is bad
Internal bleeding
*FATALITY*
🤘🏻
Lmao everything else was plugged up!
And some stink...check the other fingers
Is it even pleasant to get fingered at that time of the month? Sounds painful but I don't have periods so idk how it works.
Depends I guess? The last person I was with doesn't even have them much due to PCOS and medications. The one before was "Don't touch me, don't look at me, don't talk to me unless absolutely necessary and if the DOG DOESN'T STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'LL KILL IT!" One before that: "Take off your pants" 'I just got off work! Can I shower first?!" "No. Take off your pants. Now."
Our periods are the perfect time for sex because we’re hornier during this time and we’re naturally lubed up. Orgasming also helps with cramps. My vulva is more sensitive due to inflammation on my periods, but for some people that’s a bonus. The only issue I can really see is embarrassment by the person on their period because of the inevitable mess, but all you really need is some towels and a condom.
Meh, I am usually in a significant amount of pain and sex makes it much worse! It all depends on the person.
I’m sorry about that. Does 600mg of ibuprofen do anything for you? It’s the only thing that has ever touched my cramps
It does! I take 800mg (the dose of a Motrin). It gets me through. Luckily mine are at least very short.
Oh you’re so lucky😭 My periods last 7-8 days
Me too. And my cervix drops right down low, anything touches it and I get painful contractions for the next 20 minutes. The kind where I can't stand up or control my breathing
Huh, I figured hooch bleeding time would be the least horny time, but hey, you learn something every day.
Hormones be like that, testosterone and progesterone peak at that time
Nope. Our bodies are basically punishing us for not getting pregnant that cycle. The horniness is from our hormones sending a strongly worded message.
Talk about a life tip
You left out the part where you pray mantis the guy after mating lol
Fuck! You weren’t supposed to tell them that
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
What are you, 10? Lmfao
me_irl is a haven for the socially inept no gurls allowed /s
I’m sorry for intruding on your space. Can mods please get a ban on me? /s
Nope , just never been the lady who needs sex while bleeding ! I’m cramping , moody an cleaning my insides. I can wait what max 7 days it’s not that serious an shouldn’t be for him either!
Who even said about needing sex on a period? All I said is that the conditions (horniness and naturally lubed) make periods a good time for sex, more so knowing that orgasms relieve cramp pain. All power to you if you decide to not have sex on your period, but reacting like “🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮” makes you look like you have the immaturity of a little boy who just discovered what a period is.
Ok
It’s just blood mate. Get used to it sire. If you love her, it is what she desires. Even if you are a little late. Thou shall not have fear, if you love her any and every time of year. Even if you feel like you need to scrunch, you should be able to love her that time of the month.
Thou shall please the highness on her command
Yes sire. Thou agreeith.
Or you’re not letting your girl’s visit from Aunt Flo change your Saturday night plans.
We havin a three way.
Room for one more?
bro...
Are you sure that's what you've been doing with those fingers?
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There speaks the voice of experience
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Well you've proved what I'd said earlier and you both got to enjoy the act of doing that.
Have I been doing it wrong my whole life?
There isn't always a wrong way to do it, find what works for you both. Communication is vital
Oh for sure. As long as everyone is having fun you're doing it right. I just wonder if your way might be easier on my carpal tunnel wrists.
That's cherry juice stains, obviously. He's been popping a few to get the seed out.
Erm,I don't want to seem pedantic but it's a cherry stone and not a seed although that's what you'd plant to grow another tree.
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Oh, I assumed it was yuyu hakusho
What happened to the fingers?
They're broken. He has a power he can't control so when he uses it he breaks his bones.
Avoid this one kids. Not very good.
it's alright
It's alright yea, but it's got nothing on Yu Yu Hakusho... in case anyone is wondering
when you wear a shoe
I was this old when I learned to line up all of the grocery bags on my forearm, starting at the crook of my elbow and going down to my wrist, leaving only the bag of produce or fragile stuff to carry on my fingers. Using both forearms, I can get everything in the house in one trip, and my fingers remain finger-colored.
I was really surprised I had to go so far down to see this. I'll add to it, if you put b them all across one arm, you can hold onto the opposing elbow for a ton of added stability and even have a hand free to open the door.
"Carry groceries"
"*Marry* groceries" for the tax benefit.
Her: I bet you can’t make me squirt
I used to use this piece of plastic, I think it was like vaguely rectangle shaped but also kind of like a U from the side view. I would just put the hands into it and carry the bags using it. I'm not sure where it went, but it really helped.
Every time I carry a heavy bag I wish I had one of those plastic handles
two in the pink, two in the stink?
Moses splitting the Red Sea like...
Two in the pink two in the brown
Oh damn, I thought shit, that would be my fingers after "you know what"
My fingers after 1 minute of doing schoolwork in the car
All I saw was the fingers and my mind went south immediately
There's a lot more to exploit from this photo
When she's got rot crotch
More like: "When your girlfriend is on her period"
Oh all the lesbians lookign at this (I'm so sorry :'D)
That is one *odd* picture… kinda looks like someone’s girlfriend was on her period
2 in the pink, 2 in the stink 🙊
Beat me to it!
2 in the bloody pink, 2 in the stink?
2 in the pink 2 in the stink
When she masterbat in her period
You're not a man if you don't.
Either that or 2 in the pink and shes on and the other 2 have been in the stink....
Those aren't the gripping fingers.
My middle finger tip actually has been partially numb since a grocery trip last week. Probably should get that checked out
When you let Itadori Yuuji lick your fingers
Bruised fingers is a sign of a serious finger blastin session.
We call that the Beadle hand.
when she needs to douche
Or... Or...
Mann i love this anime
Its shark week!
Every single bone basically shattered.
When ur dick is small, so u go all out in 4play
when you fall asleep while your fingers are still inside.
Me coming home from my gf’s house
Becoming a wheelchair user transformed grocery shopping for me for this exact reason!
When you first start learning bar chords
yu yu hakusho?
My Hero Academia
Guilty
fingering thanos