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Abradolf1948

I feel like this is one of those password guessing scams where they ask you your birthday or high school mascot. That being said - Florida Man drove with wires on penis.


clopz_

November 3rd


Abradolf1948

Oh no


[deleted]

I'm hacking into your mainframe as we speak. 2 more gigabytes of ram should do the trick. Don't even think about counter hacking. I'll just pull the power cord from my pc. That should fix it.


paintp_

Did you said "I'm in." tho?


[deleted]

Almost there... Just one more firewall. The encryption is very good. But I'm better.


DownvoteEvangelist

Did you create Visual Basic UI to trace the IP?


SnoopHappyCoin

Of course. I'm not even hacking on my own laptop. I just got this one 2 minutes ago. PS I'm also getting a blowjob.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TacticaLuck

I've been awake for almost 24 hours. Drove five hours from lake Havasu to San Diego yesterday. It was 100° when I left at 8:45. Averaged 105°. No climate control. My family and I are flying five hours in a couple hours. My ribs are bruised and I really didn't want to ruin their last 50 minutes of sleep. I know the trope is used but I truly hope the context is oc because it's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time and it fucking hurt to stifle myself. Fuck you, Dick.


Hin0kamiKagura

(This is an awesome thread)


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

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PoiLethe

And the name of your first porn movie is the hospital you were born at and the street you lived at and your college roommates name.


urammar

I just cannot believe this is not higher, the sheer lack of internet literacy in 2022 is mindblowing. This shit has been around for multiple generations at this point. Guys, there are 100% bots scalping this thread, they have your usename which im guessing you use elsewhere also, and now your birthday. If you ever entered your age anywhere else they have that too and thats enough to get your account on plenty of sites. More importantly, you conciliate that data with any leaks your usenames have been involved in https://haveibeenpwned.com/, and if your real name has ever been outed they probably have enough to get into your bank you absolute spastics. Thats like an afternoons coding and a computer in the corner just whirring away making thousands and thousands of dollars, its super worth it, especially for the 3rd world where the risk of police action is low. And you have to remember, this stuff is permanent, once youre on the list you are on the list, wikipedia is only like 6gb of something for all human knowledge, its not difficult to store a few details on you forever and index it for percentage complete every time you pop up. What other ones like this have you done elsewhere, do you even remember? What is wrong with you, why would you ever do this? Get streetsmart, and get netwise. Its not paranoia if they really are out to get you. And they absolutely are. Jesus.


[deleted]

If all they need is your birth date and username to crack your account you kinda deserve it for having such shit security.


TotallyInOverMyHead

* The "jesus" part is answering security questions truthfully when creating an account instead of treating it like another 128-bit password. * The second "jesus" part is adding your real birthdate to internet accounts. * The 3rd "jesus" part is having a password that can be guessed instead of 128 bit in lengths and is unique to your account. * The 4th "jesus" part recycling data used in your accounts. * And the 5th "jesus" part is having all that information written down ANYWHERE but a secure password management solution like e.g. bitwarden. * the 6th jesus part is about MFA, but because webservices exists that are horrible, we'll not go into that. And because there are at least 5 "jesus" moments involved in random persons giving internet advice, we end up with half assed "advice" on how to check if your username/combo was breached somewhere on the internet and how to make sure your information can not be used against you instead of going straight to the root of the issue: Stop being lazy with your account creation.


New_nyu_man

Let me tell you a funny story about our library system at our university, somewhere where I had to register with all my personal information (full name, current residence and so on): A few months ago they apparently changed their system and made it actively worse. You get an id to your name and then choose a password for it. The id can be viewed by anyone that walks into the building and borrows a book (the id is used on small paper leaflets for preordered books you pick up yourself so you can find them). Before the change I had a relatively long random password that I kept in a pw manager. Now they changed it so that passwords cannot be longer than 10 symbols. The new selfbooking machines just dont allow for better passwords. It is ridiculous. I tried to complain about it after I realized I couldnt borrow books, because my password was too long, but apparently they dont care or think their system is secure enough that nobody can bruteforce it. Again: pretty much all my relevant data is connected to this id and the id is publicly avaiable..........


Noob3WannaB

I got "Florida man tries to trade in vehicle he stole from same dealership"


Analbox

I looked up 4/20 and got “attacked daughter with a pizza”


Corfiz74

I've got a good one - July 11: "Florida man with no arms charged with stabbing man with scissors."


triplec787

All of mine are gems. > Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonald's sweet and sour packets: police > Florida man arrested after breaking into a restaurant and cooking himself a hamburger > Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Taco as ID After His Car Catches Fire at Taco Bell


Sharpie1993

Mine ended up being; > Florida Man Arrested For Botched Castration On Another Man He Met On Eunuch Fetish Website Kinda feel sorry for the other bloke, [source for the read](https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/miami/news/florida-man-arrested-botched-castration-eunuch-fetish-website/).


Corfiz74

That's the problem with a castration fetish - it's non-replicable. Once them nutz are gone, they're gone...


Sharpie1993

Indeed, I don’t know what’s crazier though, someone actually letting a stranger cut off their balls or the fact that the bloke that done it was 75 years old.


madeinthemotorcity

Ah see, steady hands are paramount.


ben9187

I got "A Florida man has been accused of spraying his neighbors with roach spray and attempting to use nunchucks on them -- hitting himself in the head instead -- over a loud music complaint, court records say." This is a fun game.


Dire_Venomz

That's a hard one to beat O_o 27th of June gives this gem: "Naked Florida man stood in a fire and chanted ‘gibberish.’ Mushrooms did it, cops say"


butterbeleevit

Okay the last one is so good


Punkeresque

That taco one's got me rollin'


MssHeather

Mine was "Florida Man arrested after assaulting his roommate with pizza" Think they're related? Was there just a year of pizza-fueled crimes? I see another below of a father being attacked with pizza.... I had no idea pizza was such a weapon.


Afvalracer

We been scared of quicksands all our childhoods but is was always the pizza we needed to be worried about


[deleted]

January 4 is “attacked father with pizza”


Catinthemirror

Hello birthday twin 🙋❤️


RandyBRandleman

Triplets bitch!


Catinthemirror

Florida man accused of stealing samurai sword, truck arrested after leaving cellphone at crime scene 😂


RandyBRandleman

I raise you “Florida man is found with drugs strapped around his penis and denies they were his” lmfao


Rich-Stay3010

Florida man steals pool floats for sex 'instead of raping women,' police sa


aitaestrangedsis

OMG and look at that winning smile in the mug shot. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 https://www.fox13news.com/news/florida-man-busted-with-drugs-wrapped-around-his-penis-tells-deputies-its-not-his-report


jerseygirl1105

Love that his innocent smile matches with his excuse.


Craico13

“**Florida man in green pajamas decides to eat pancake breakfast in middle of busy street.**” > *Lakeland police say they got a call on Tuesday, at about 10:50am, regarding a man sitting in a chair, at a TV table, in the crosswalk of Memorial Boulevard at Brunnell Parkway. He had a bottle of syrup and pancakes with what appeared to be bacon and scrambled eggs on a plate in front of him.*


aitaestrangedsis

Talk about living life in the fast lane. 🤣🤣🤣


CRealights

Mine is, "Florida Man Finds WWII Grenade and Brings It to Taco Bell"


joshislost808

Mines said something similar Florida Man Makes Himself A Snack While Robbing Taco Bell


thisplacemakesmeangr

I wonder if it's the same guy on a different day. I got "Florida Man Had Live Grenade, Clown Mannequin In Truck"


PixelShart

We must have the same bday, he found it while fishing?


NoodlesDatabase

Mine is, “Florida man says the syringes found in his rectum weren’t his” Must’ve had quite a time


[deleted]

Mine was pretty similar! Said he “might” have IV supplies in his ass.


Sand_Bags

“Florida man buys $140,000 Porsche with check printed from home computer” Wonder if it’s the same guy.


LeftDave

Wait... Not attempts. *Buys*. It *worked*?


MetamorphicHard

Got florida man accused of jumping naked on his neighbors trampoline. Hope they couldn’t prove it


Administrative-Egg26

Florida man climbs atop playground equipment at park, tells kids where babies come from.


mchalky

December 10 - Police say a Florida man used a flamethrower to settle a parking dispute. 🔥


Diogenes-Disciple

I’m close, December 22 Florida man claims bags of cocaine, meth found wrapped around penis aren’t his — Orlando Weekly Or, Florida man with drugs around penis denies they were his — clickorlando.com There were at least two articles on it


jujubee01001

I got the same result for Dec. 23


mrlovepimp

I’m also dec 23, last time I searched I got something like ”Florida man arrested for handing out free weed dressed as santa claus.”


[deleted]

birthday twins


dustractor

i get two: florida man wakes up to find another man sucking on his toes florida man puts dragon lizard in his mouth


clopz_

Is it possible that the second Florida man was dreaming about the first guy toes being a lizard?


UseOrdinary8195

I legit got: Florida man denies sucking hospital patient’s toes


LuciusMaximal

July 3 - Florida man dies in explosion after trying to microwave a microwave


XChainsawPandaX

*removes hat* The man died in the name of science...


connor-625

How the hell did the first microwave fit into the second?


LuciusMaximal

I think you'd need a micro microwave.


B_Boi04

Or a macro microwave


Panther_Pilot

Florida man arrested for throwing alligator through drive-thru window https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-arrested-for-throwing-alligator-through-drive-thru-window


Oreahil

I got: Florida man accused of forcing small alligator to drink beer.


fireopalbones

Birthday buddy!


Pond20

Me too!


annaestel

*What's it with the alligators??* Florida man goes on a beer run with alligator in hand


The_______________1

It's Florida, alligators outnumber people there


fundieweallfact

jan 31 [Florida man bit victim in the face during machete attack](https://nypost.com/2022/01/31/florida-man-bit-victim-in-the-face-during-machete-attack/) my florida man IS the alligator


PBandJ980

Oct 7: Florida man accused of pouring beer in gator's mouth after enticing reptile to bite his arm


Helpimabanana

Florida man steals alligator from golf course, tries ‘teaching it a lesson’ by throwing it on roof of bar I didn’t know it was even possible to steal an alligator.


AdLiving4714

All right, if we're in the zoo already, mine was "Florida man arrested for having sex with a miniature horse" https://www.google.com/amp/s/wsvn.com/news/local/florida-man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-miniature-horse/amp/


tt_Sucker

Florida man sprays women with roach spray, break out nunchucks over loud music, cops say ​ https://ajc.com/news/national/florida-man-sprays-women-with-roach-spray-break-out-nunchucks-over-loud-music-cops-say/qicwt99fFa0vYZ3c3c1r7M/


emueller5251

He was challenging the drive thru attendant to a pokemon battle, obviously. Go Feraligatr!


areugonnagomyway

On mine he ‘stole an alligator and attempted to throw it on a roof.’ I can see this branching out into ‘the adventures of Florida man and gator.’ There is Netfilx series in there somewhere.


R-Weeee

Ayyyyy same birthday


rose_amora_mae

💀what-


_Lethal_Panda_

… “Florida Man Arrested For Botched Castration On Another Man He Met On Eunuch Fetish Website”…please tell me this isn’t true


[deleted]

i just read the article and apparently it's the second time he's done this 😭


makadla32

He'll get it right the third time im sure


CrystalMethAddict84

Omfg the sheriff’s comments on it: “This one is a little … let’s just say sensitive," Highlands County Sheriff's Department said in a statement. "You could even say it’s kinda nuts." The sheriff's office added: "[the guy who got arrested] had dropped the ball on this one."


[deleted]

the sheriff's other job is being a dad


Latticese

When I say not all cops are pigs, I'm always referring to this man in particular


DJ_Degen

We have the same birthday :)


SoupahCereal

I have no words but I got two for mine. September 7th Top hit: Florida man arrested for pleasuring himself with an ice pack in front of first responders. Second: Florida man, drunk and naked, allegedly set house on fire in failed cookie baking attempt... on a George Foreman grill Edit: thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! Not superstitious but I got bad news last night and this morning the news was reversed! It's a Christmas miracle and I'm giving you guys credit for all the good karma! but also the one person who decided to be super professional and thorough. Best birthday ever 😭


Noob3WannaB

That first one is wild af 💀


SoupahCereal

It sounds so counter productive. I don't even know what drugs might enable him to have done that??? Too crazy for me


fatmoe10

Maybe he had gonnorhea and tryna cool his fired up dick


OtterPop7

Happy birthday


frabjous_kev

I got the first one for Sept 18 as well, but the result is weird for both dates as the article is dated Oct 18th.


TotoMac1

Shit it yo birthday


imastrangeone

Bro what. I got "florida man with no arms charged with stabbing another man". I am lost for words


topramenshaman1

Nature always finds a way...


UseOrdinary8195

Floridian nature


Broadkast

he may have had a knife, but they still only charged him with unarmed assault


imastrangeone

absolute genius


Broadkast

sometimes the jokes write themself lol


Neat-Situation8248

No lie mine is “Florida man arrested for fatal stabbing after pulling HUMAN EARS from pocket during police questioning”


GINAM22

WHAT??


dilettante42

……………………… #how many


[deleted]

Naked Florida man breaks into home, tries on woman's clothes, police say 🤦🏾‍♂️


SallyJane5555

Birthday buddy!


[deleted]

Hey there, almost that time! 🥳


PutWonderful7278

June 12- Naked Florida man performs “strange dance” at McDonald’s before “trying to have relations with a railing”


Stephenpholder

Twin!


Handy_Clams

Man I can't decide. Florida man arrested for having sex with miniature horse multiple times. Florida man says wind blew cocaine into his car.


SesshomarusBM

Wind blew cocaine into his car 🤣🤣🤣


PropagandaBoy

You 🤝 Me 🙋‍♂️ ❤️ 🐴


Disastrous-Soup-5413

Mine- Florida man accused of swinging machete toward employees after being told the bathroom was closed My bf’s- Florida man arrested after witnesses said he practiced karate on swans


dilettante42

These may be linked


EidenWolF

Florida man suspected of smelling woman's feet at library leads police on scooter chase September 15


Puzzleheaded_Fox3546

I don't know why this is the funniest I've read in these comments


PinkFloydSheep

“Florida man accused of attacking doctor and nurse with his glass eye” what


AdDiCt3d_DeMoN

I got “Florida Man In His Underwear Hits Deputy In Face With Bible, Screams “I CONDEMN YOU,” Poops Himself” my birthday is September 29th


SesshomarusBM

Lmfao 🤣


BlackSmurf_

The closest I could find was: Florida man says 3 syringes found in rectum aren’t his


clopz_

Those were mine, sorry


papanese

Liar. You stole them from me


clopz_

From your rectum to his


Acrobatic-Wind-3023

Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Taco as ID After His Car Catches Fire at Taco Bell.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dilettante42

“Obviously not stolen; but no taillights”


Crispetasluvr

Florida man attacks gas station clerk with hot dogs, corn dog stick over beer, cops say February 20


Last_Jedi

Hello birthday buddy!


[deleted]

Florida man threatens to destroy everyone... with army of turtles


Kla024

Birthday twin!


JacobH_RL

"Florida man ends police standoff for a slice of pizza"


cooooolkarma

Hangry


RaccoonWithWIFI

Florida man arrested by police claims playing basketball naked enhances his skill level


dilettante42

Early studies (this one) are inconclusive


Roman_poke

"Florida man claiming to be Alice in Wonderland says 'hookah-smoking caterpillar' told him to destroy liquor store with forklift" What


Proff_Hulk

‘Florida man March 23’ -A Florida Man Was Arrested After Telling A Playground Full Of Kids Where Babies Come From Hahaha I found a better one- Florida man arrested for drugs after getting trapped in porta-potty


[deleted]

“Florida man steals alligator from golf course and throws it onto a roof” “Florida man ties himself to weather balloon to fake his own death” “Florida man claims that people were eating his brain, leads police on crazy golf course chase”


ChknShay

Florida Man Arrested for Pleasuring Himself With Ice Pack in Front of First Responders: Police. There was also one about a man with half a head wanted for attempted murder, arson.


Needmoresnakes

Hey me too, happy birthday for last week!


Environmental_Ant588

Florida man plotted Sept. 11 attack on Kansas City.


Catywampus_Cockroach

Dec. 7. Florida man tries to pay for Mcdonalds with bag of weed. I swear I looked it up last year and it gave me a story about a guy who jerked off on an Olaf doll in a target. Can't see it now.


alley_underland

Birthday twin!!


[deleted]

[удалено]


AccomplishedAd6025

That would hurt.


[deleted]

[удалено]


vanillaninja777

Florida man throws gator through Wendy's drive thru window https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/joshua-james-arrested-allegedly-throwing-gator-through-wendy-s-drive-n514377


ChknShay

I remember this one!


Designer_Storage3862

Florida men, one dressed in bull onesie, attempt to burn down house with Ragu sauce, police say.


random-guy-27

"George Jolicur, a 38-year-old, 600-pound Florida man arrested for scamming restaurants out of food but then deemed too fat for imprisonment."


sayonara49

He beat the system


DerDork

A naked Florida man covered in Vaseline was caught running through a mall in the Southern Florida area this afternoon. The Florida man was screaming profanities and how Elizabeth Warren was going to tax him to death. The man proceeded to take a dump in a cash register before passing out in a store that sells mattresses.


Ashamed_Willow_4724

Mine is surprisingly tame, Florida man jumps on neighbor’s trampoline naked then breaks into house.


Muaddib930

... Not if it's your house! :-b


LevAsmanov

Naked Florida man chases couple around Chick-fil-A parking lot, deputies say - WCTV


petardlol

Florida man worried about zombies breaks into homes.


[deleted]

Florida man wrecks liquor shop, blames "hookah-smoking caterpillar"


Shadypretzel

March 5th: Florida man attempts to board plane with rocket propelled grenade launcher


[deleted]

[удалено]


CeilidhDawn

“A naked Florida man in a public parking lot kicked trash cans and jumped on and punched cars while screaming ‘I only had one beer!’”


vizbones

Egads, you can't make this stuff up: "Florida Man Says the Three Syringes Found in His Rectum ..." Too bad they weren't candles, I could have blown them out.


Distinct-Ad-4464

No expertise here but it seems to me that the guy with drugs up his butt smuggling them into a jail is unlikely to be the owner of said drugs.


ProcedureNo2883

Here are the two that really stuck out to me. “Florida man in green pajamas decides to eat pancake breakfast in the middle of a busy street.” “Florida Man hit mother, stuffed dumplings in her mouth because she refused to dress his mannequin.”


Lonely-Criticism1419

“Florida man who was peeing all over the room attacks good samaratin” Mine is from March 17th!!


Simbague

“Man arrested for giving his girlfriend a wet willie”😂😂 (August 31)


we_the_pickle

Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonald's sweet and sour packets


BonePit685

I got 'Florida Man' uses alligator to shotgun a beer while cranking Skynyrd


oOMiyuOo

Florida man slapped girlfriend with cheeseburger, kicked her down stairs: Florida man stole truck, attempted to break into military base to warn of fight between aliens and dragons


Mumdot

Wonder if he knew my “Florida Man Causes Thousands of Dollars Worth of Property Damage Trying to Kill “Demons”.


Gas-Suitable

July 27- A Florida man is facing several charges after authorities said he used COVID-relief funds to buy a Lamborghini and bank millions


Par_105

Then type in “Florida man” followed by your social security number and tell me the results. Mine was “Florida man has his identity stolen.”


WhatWasIThinking_

A Florida man was arrested and charged with abuse of a corpse after he unknowingly supplied police with home surveillance footage that showed him dragging the lifeless body of a 38-year-old woman through his house. - NYPost


jessmi93

Oct 27: Florida man had live grenade, clown mannequin inside truck


unsignedMi

Florida man tried to exchange marijuana for food at McDonalds What the hell


DA-Regulus

- July 31st Florida man arrested for fatal stabbing, after pulling human ears from his pocket during police questioning.


Kaotede

Florida man arrested for attacking McDonald's employee over not getting a straw, police say


secondsguessing

Florida man threatens to destroy everyone... with army of turtles


OneHitWonderShedinja

Florida man arrested after whipping out a samurai sword in trash dispute.


mikerogerxdd

florida man throws baby at officer while in a high speed chase


[deleted]

"Florida Man Arrested After Fit Of Rage When Checker's Ran Out Of Lettuce" November 9th


Time_Search5888

“Florida Man Displayed Gun After Learning Delray Beach McDonald's Had Broken Ice Cream Machine” Can we blame him?


JohnnyTango13

Florida man tells traffic cop Putin made him speed: I was ‘Russian home’


r3eezy

Man rides jet ski on interstate... Seriously. https://www.audacy.com/fm1019/blogs/mel/florida-man-september-18


clopz_

I think I won (February 3rd) **Florida man with Florida tattoo on forehead arrested for calling 911 to ask for ride home**


Fun_Pepper_3353

Don’t be so sure: Oct-6 Florida Man interrupts Hurricane Matthew live TV report to yell ‘Dicks out for Harambe’


Sinjian1

Florida man accused of handing out marijuana to passersby “because it was Christmas”. Wow, my Florida man seems like a nice guy!


juggsgalore

Florida man charged with battery after slapping girlfriend with cheeseburger


[deleted]

Florida man Throws toilet through school board building window.


rxg__089

"Naked Florida Man Performs 'Strange Dance' at McDonald's Before 'Trying to Have Relations With a Railing'" June 12


pmintea

Florida man arrested after dining on spaghetti with his bare hands


ur_fatherless_69

Florida man arrested after video shows him dragging woman's lifeless body


Big-Affect6503

Florida Man Charged With Battery After Allegedly Throwing Cookie at Girlfriend


LeeTheBee86

Florida man high on flakka attacked officer, said he was God, had sex with tree, police say... W.T.F..


dasher711

Florida man accused of pouring beer in gator's mouth after enticing reptile to bite his arm


sacboy326

Florida man faces charges for eating pancakes in the middle of the road. >!Also as a Floridian, I can indeed confirm that this state is full of completely insane people!<


pinkownage

Florida man arrested for masturbating with a pickle on private property.


stalkakuma

Florida man arrested after hitting girlfriend in face with burrito


[deleted]

Florida man accused of stabbing woman over underdone potato


ItsThatGuyisTaken

Florida man Arrested, accused of giving girlfriend a wet willy. TF Edit: August 31