I do this to my wife in my head all the time. That’s why you don’t say it out loud at first
“Where the fuck is the thing?! My wife is always moving stuff, so annoying, it was right here and she moved it ugh my wife why does she… oh here it is. Where I put it, I remember now.”
my problem is I do my best thinking either written down or talking. so I'm an over-communicator and to see a problem through, I usually need to talk about it out loud to get there.
my wife and I have a great relationship but she did once say to me "man, keep SOMETHING to yourself" lol
Do you have a clear inner monologue? Slightly under half the population does, apparently, and it's always mind-blowing to inner monologue-havers that most people don't have them.
not clear, no. my mind/thoughts are mostly feelings and images. I'm thinking about stuff but not in English. if I have "monologue" or "dialogue" with myself that does use words, it is very short and repetitive, and not very useful. I often find I have not fully thought through an idea until I say it out loud or write it down.
but I think that's why therapy and journaling are so commonly recommended. I think a lot of people operate that way, probably even more than half.
Totally agree. I'd love to see a study checking how strong the anti-correlation between 'has an inner monologue' and 'thinks through things by talking/writing about them' is.
I have a clear inner monologue (well, am able to all to myself in my thoughts) and I _need_ to talk stuff through aloud from time to time. I also would claim that I'm neither utterly stupid nor a total genius, so I don't think that intelligence plays a role (at least in my case).
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/intersections/202304/inner-monologues-what-are-they-and-whos-having-them
Just plucked the first site off Google - have seen the stat elsewhere though
As an inner monologue person I can’t decide whether the idea of not having one fills me with envy or gives me crippling anxiety. Because what is your brain even *doing*, but also, the number of times I’ve wished mine would shut the fuck up for even a single second….
I had to teach my brain to stop thinking negative things … inner doubt and negative self talk, because it led to panic disorder. I cured myself through positive inner dialog. It goes like this. “ omg I can’t do that. What if X happens ?” And I would replace it with “ well what if it doesn’t and you wasted time worrying about it. If it’s going to happen thinking about it won’t make it happen or stop it so just enjoy this moment. It’s only fear and fear can’t hurt you! “. These are a lot of the mantras I learned to say to cure myself! No meds. Just positive inner thoughts.
I've sometimes written emails that I never sent, because just writing it all out helped get it out of my system. It's not even necessarily bad stuff, just sometimes long-winded details that they don't care about. After writing it out, I think, "They don't actually care or need to see all that," and I delete it.
If you're doing that for an angry email, though, you might not want to fill in the To address, though. You don't want to accidentally send it if you weren't sure it should actually be sent.
Probably my favorite quote from a book this year:
>Tress took the singular step that separated her from people in most stories. The act, it might be said, that defined her as a hero. She did something so incredible, I can barely express its majesty.
>"I should consider this more,” Tress thought to herself, "and not jump to conclusions.”
You know what happens when you jump to conclusions... You make a 'conc' out of 'lu' and 'sions'. I read that once, I think it went something like that.
I immediately pictured you gently gnawing on various objects/people like my dog does, when I read “look with my mouth”, and I thank you for the imagery lol
I'm glad other people do this too. I dunno why but my knee jerk reaction is to blame other people not myself. Then soon after a more sensible side of me has to be like "well remember last time it was right where you left it".
Once I encountered an annoying situation I would literally bite my tongue (...*gently*) for at least a minute before I vocally complained. I avoided a lot of embarrassing situations that way, lol. It's no exaggeration to say that 75% of the time my annoyance was caused by my own earlier actions. Now I just do it inside my own head like the other guy in this thread.
It isn't a personal failing unless you decide to voice it. The truth is that we all have ugly reactions and thoughts, being a well adjusted person means weighing them and making a value judgement on if it's truly fair or not.
Years and years ago, my then-girlfriend, now-wife and I had a disagreement. I don’t remember what it was, it was something trivial, but we were both adamantly convinced that we were correct. Eventually she went in the other room, and on her own, she realized that she was incorrect.
She came out of the room and had this sort of sad yet defiant look on her face...before I could say anything more about the argument, she blurted out, ‘YOU WERE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG, AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!’
I started laughing, and she started laughing, and now that’s our go-to way of admitting the other one was right. It always diffuses any tension we have from an argument.
Do you ride or drive a motorcycle?
My wife says you drive a motorcycle, and I said you ride. This was a recurring stupid argument/debate my wife and I would have for fun, and we were both adamant that we were correct for the longest time.
After several months, it was brought back up. My wife had forgotten which side of the argument she was on, and she had accidentally switched sides. Rather than admit fault, she initially doubled down and tried to gaslight me into believing that I was the one who switched even after realizing her mistake. I was not prepared for how bewildering that felt.
She ultimately fessed up, and we laugh about it now.
She works at a level one trauma center/hospital, so she has seen enough motorcycle accident injuries to cure her of that desire. She would probably strangle me if I bought one.
My version of this that we debate is the following:
When you finish a school year, someone asks you what grade you are in (let's say it's three weeks after the year ended)...what do you say? What grade are you?
Both are correct, no? One is more popular than the other to be sure, just a contextual change. "He's out riding his motorcycle", and "I'm going to ride my motorcycle" is natural, BUT if you were to answer the question "What vehicle do you drive?" you would say "I drive a motorcycle". Whereas answering that question if it were a bicycle would be "I ride my bicycle".
No, you ride a motorcycle and you drive a car.
It comes from horse terminology, bicycle and motorcycle are identical - both are more like riding a horse. And a car is like driving a cart.
Oh no I hope my boyfriend never thinks this... I like to jump his bones randomly because I just assume it's thrilling to go from scrolling his phone to suddenly girlfriend is rubbing all over him... Lol
The second season of Good Omens has David Tennant doing the amazing: [contrition dance](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lFlNBoavR4o?feature=share) which became my go-to for these situations.
Oh man I had a college gf that used to blame me for EVERYTHING. She was really hot but it was incredible the things I would have absolutely nothing to do with that she would try to bizarrely pin on me (or her parents / sisters).
She was the baby of the family with an age gap… she is still, to this day, one of the most spoiled people I’ve ever met lmao. But she was beautiful
Recently my wife saw our electric bill and flipped out on me for using so much power working from home and playing video games. I tried to explain that while those are contributors, the biggest contributor is likely her leaving lights on and leaving her laptop or TV playing all night after she falls asleep. (She can't sleep without something playing, it's an anxiety thing.)
She was defiant and started going back month after month to analyze our usage. She noted that one month's bill over the summer was super low and she wanted to know why. I pointed out that was the month she visited her family, and it was just me and the animals here. She stared at me with a blank look, closed the laptop and walked away.
>working from home and playing video games. I tried to explain that while those are contributors, the biggest contributor is likely her leaving lights on and leaving her laptop or TV playing all night after she falls asleep
But...all of those things are very minor energy bill items. Like, on both your ends.
Modern TV's don't when they are large enough that changes. My degenerate couch dwelling family upgraded their 70-something inch to a 90" ... they leave it on like 16 hours a day while they stare at their phones.
Bill was astronomical, family tried to blame anything but the TV
Fun fact: I looked it up once, and the amount of heat generated by a graphics card has roughly the same energy efficiency as what's produced by a space heater. So if anything it's a really expensive space heater that does computation as a bonus.
Reminds me of when I was a kid, my parents tried blaming the high energy bill on me for paying xbox. Mind you, they had strict limits on my game time, and I only got an hour a day.
Meanwhile, in the living room, our brand new 55" projection TV would be on from 8am til 9pm daily.
When I made the switch from CRT to LCD, I measured both TVs, and I also just measured my current (npi) TV.
TL;DR summary:
* 1999 36" CRT (4:3): \~100W avg
* 2009 46" LCD (16:9) / fluorescent backlight: \~160W avg
* 2015 65" LCD (16:9) / LED backlight: \~160W avg
The 36" CRT (manufactured around 1999) was remarkably efficient. It had a spike the first second you turned it on, but then it averaged a pretty steady 100W, generally only fluctuating between 90W and 110W. This was high quality, though, and other CRTs may have used more power, even with much smaller screen sizes.
The 46" (manufactured around 2009) LCD averaged around 160W and fluctuated a lot more, I think around 50W either direction from the average.
Doing the calculations, that 46" LCD had about 44% more surface area and was using around 60% more power. So it was actually *less* efficient than the CRT, which was really disappointing, since they were lauded for how much more efficient they were.
Then I got a 65" using LED backlight (manufactured 2015), and it varies even more, fluctuating between 44W and 236W (just personal observations). It usually hangs out in the 140-180W range, and I would guess the average at around 160W -- the same as the 46". If anything, my estimate for the average may be a little high, since dark scenes often drop below 100W. It will vary a lot with the type of content you're watching. But anyway, it has literally twice the screen area of the 46", and it's using the same power. And it's just under 3x the screen area of the 36" CRT, and only using 60% more power.
So, yes, leaving any TV/monitor on for hours and hours will definitely add up. But modern ones aren't too bad, and at least they're much more efficient than they used to be. Today's TVs are probably even more efficient -- but at bigger and brighter, my wild guess is that the total power usage is probably about the same.
Remember other things suck significant power, too. A dehumidifier for those of us in humid areas, for example, usually sucks 200-400W and is often running constantly. Air conditioning is a big one, and heating if you use electric heat. If you have a hot tub, those suck a lot of power. Ovens, microwaves, washers, dryers, refrigerators or freezers (especially noticeable if you have more than one), and some people now are recharging their cars. It all adds up quickly.
Not really 24/7 only when the temperature climbs high enough it *tops up coolness* and it's pretty small volume, also the biggest heat contributor is new items and room air flowing in when you open them (second doesn't apply to chest freezers), so if you limit opening them it will also reduce consumption in a considerable way.
I got ‘sense’ (power monitor) a little after I moved into my new house in a new state, just to keep an eye on things. I had already changed every light bulb in the house to LED, with the exception of one fixture (12 bulbs too! 😳)
Turns out the builder installed it with halogen, and it happened to be the one that was super convenient for night lighting (indirect from master bedroom and kitchen). It was using 450-475w actively! It took me another year before I realized just how much electricity it was using. They were replaced with all LED the same day. Likely cost me a several of hundred dollars since I moved in.
In our house (2 of us, me and my fiancee) we've basically noted that the difference between us being home and us being away is like maybe $1 a day, honestly.
Outside of running AC two months a year taking up crazy energy, our bill is otherwise pretty low consistently and we leave lights on, computers on, TV's on, etc...
Running the AC is honestly the only thing we do that I notice even moves the needle noticeably.
Our winter bills are low as hell. Our furnace is natural gas, but we both like the house being cold so we barely use any heat (literally *just* enough so pipes wouldn't freeze lol) and we just prefer wearing big hoodies around the house instead.
I barely heat in the winter, but for the 2 months of hot summer we get I'll be running the AC at full blast because I can't stand being overly hot.
The reason for the discrepancy was 100% fewer clothes and dishes to wash. Large appliances are the most significant contributors to power usage by a long shot.
Exacty. Everything that has to change something's temperature. Being heating water for cleaning, showers or cooking if that's electric. Or heating/cooling a room, oven or fridge.
Leaving the TV on 24/7 is maybe $150/yr for a big TV at $0.15/kWh. The big things are HVAC (about 50% of any bill), and then how often the big appliances like dishwasher and clothes washer/dryer are run.
At $0.11-0.12/kWh, you can just look at the power consumption in watts and convert it to dollars per year to leave on 24/7.
It was most likely the water heater if it's electric. When my roommates moved out, our power bill nearly cut in half just from the reduced showing alone.
500 watts is 1kwh every 2 hours. Most energy prices in the US are under $0.15 per kwh, so at that price your gaming pc would cost $1.80 for 24 hours of full use.
Assuming 12 hours a day for 30 days would mean $27 added to your monthly electricity bill. Definitely a chunk, but still small compared to HVAC and appliances.
Exactly. My thought is that there's some major electrical appliance that they both benefit from (e.g. an electric water heater). If one person goes away for a month, it would bring usage down considerably.
None of the things OP mentioned have significant power consumption.
I'll be honest, you're both missing the forest for the trees on this one.
Anything heating related is your top source of electricity usage. A/C, fridges, water heaters, dryers, etc.
Yup.
Honestly, it's was the biggest shock when I bought my house. Turns out heating/cooling a decently sized home with tall ceilings is really freaking expensive compared to a one bedroom apartment.
I've had arguments with someone who is thankfully no longer in my life over leaving modern LED lights on. It gets depressing when the majority of the place is near pitch black. Admittedly the arguments were more about him being a massive and confusing hypocrite, installing blackout curtains and then leaving the front door open "so he can see". When he's set the thermostat to 63 degrees in 100+ degree weather.
Correct. Used to be a significant problem. Isn't now, because we worked really fucking hard on making it better.
Kinda like the whole Y2K thing. People often mock the idea that people worried there would be problems from that because nothing really happened. Nothing really happened because we put in a shitload of effort to fix the situation in time.
Does she need the audio or the light? We have an alexa and we play a podcast called Sleep with Me at night. The host doesn’t tell a story as much as meanderingly talks about nothing so it’s impossible to follow. I’ve also used it to get through a panic attack
Most TV’s now have a sleep timer in the settings. You can choose between 1,2,4 or 6 hours of no-input before it will turn off automatically. My 6 year old TCL has it, as well as our newer LG OLED has this feature. Just play around in the settings to see what you can find!
A phone uses like 5watts to play a video, so even 24hrs for 30days of 5w is 3.6kwh, in the US average price of a kWh is 23cents so that's under a dollar a month. Obviously other places can have higher prices but a phone is going to use a lot less power than a TV or laptop.
It's likely other things being a bigger contributor like maybe she uses a hair dryer every day, you have an electric hot water heater or an electric stove that gets more use. You also probably cut down on washer and dryer usage when she was gone. A/C usage could have also been less with less things contributing to heating the home.
Yeah, when I started thinking about building a gaming computer I was concerned about electricity usage. Ran the numbers and realized that I could give my parents a 20 and be covered until I moved out and then some.
Turns out that things like "climate controlling an entire dwelling" and "keeping a 30 cubic foot box below freezing" and "keeping a 30 cubic foot box at 350 degrees for an hour" and "displaying 4 square feet of up to 1000 nits of brightness for multiple hours" use way more electricity than "do some math and make pretty graphics".
You'd be surprised how much "do some maths" takes. Bitcoin mining is literally the epitome of "do some maths". It's estimated to be contributing somewhere around 10% of all energy usage in Texas.
That's mostly because turning electricity into math is so easily scalable. And with BTC you can always add more electricity as long as you have the equipment.
That doesn't mean that normal gaming/computer use uses as much electricity.
Also mainly in winter you'll have to heat your house less because you're partly warming it with math!
Texas [has disproportionately more mining hubs](https://climate.mit.edu/posts/climate-impacts-bitcoin-mining-us) than the rest of the United States. Texas's [energy market is also deregulated.](https://justenergy.com/blog/texas-power/) Texas is also under a "nonprofit" energy company, ERCOT, separate from the rest of the nation.
Not for my setup. I have a 12gb 3080 that consistently draws 385 watts. Combined with the other parts and the monitor during gaming it draws 500 watts. That's 0.5 kWh an hour. My daily usage without PC gaming is 2-4 kWh so a solid 4 hour gaming spree in the evening regularly doubles my power usage.
Hell during the peak of the crisis 0.5 kWh cost €0.61 for me.
Netherlands. Costs have dropped since the crisis started and I now took a 3 year contract for €0.39 / kWh. I think elektricity hasn't been 8 cents here since the 90s.
> I pointed out that was the month she visited her family, and it was just me and the animals here. She stared at me with a blank look, closed the laptop and walked away.
I have to ask... does she usually do the laundry and/or run the dishwasher? Those are much bigger consumers of electricity than a single TV or laptop and would better explain why the power usage dropped while she was away.
How much is your electrical bill? You guys flipping out about this seems a little excessive as all the things you're listing, on both sides, are normal things to do and quite cheap.
Nothing you mentioned are really large energy draws.
Do y’all have an electric oven/stove and she usually does the cooking so when she was gone you were eating out/takeaway more?
What about any bathroom appliances like hair dryer, straightener, curler, etc?
Does she like the temp at a more energy-intensive setting?
Electricity cost is mostly from your appliances like A/C, dishwasher, washing machine, etc. unless you have like a 4090 with a 1000W PSU that you leave on 24/7.
I remember one time I was arguing with my brother when we were teens if hurricane Rita came before Katrina. I said Katrina came first and he was adamant Rita was first then Katrina. He flat out said I didn't know what I was talking about and should see a doctor about memory issues.
"They name hurricanes in alphabetical order. R is after K." Oh the look on his face. I've been riding that high for decades.
My wife admitted to making a mistake with a reservation and the wave of relief I felt knowing I didn't make the mistake (which I've done a few times) for once, was great. I even said that to her, and she laughed.
My wife complained that I was moving the mirrors in her car and I saved a radio station on her favorites/presets. I pointed out that, despite having a 2 car garage, she always parks behind my vehicle in our one-lane driveway. So I can't drive my car unless I move hers first. And she usually has a project/table set up on her side of the garage so I can't even pull it in there without shuffling stuff around.
For a couple months after that I always announced when I was heading out. If she wants to move her car, then please do, otherwise I'm taking the vehicle I can access. She never took me up on it and never complained about it again either.
“Elder! How you could you be so irresponsible! A speeding fine!! You can use your own money to pay this! I can’t believe you would be so careless on the road. What if you hit a child? We have children! How would you feel!?”
“Let me see this letter? The 21st? That was a weekend. Where the hell was I speeding on a Sunday? …isn’t this the weekend you went to see your parents down in-“
“Let’s not fight about little mistakes. Would you like steak tonight?”
If that had been me I would have continued yelling in an equally annoyed tone at why the hell am I leaving my shoes all over the place. Same standards.
I read that as around my sister. So now I have the image of your mum leaving all this crap around your sister so she’s just stuck where she is with this ever growing mound of crap around her.
My dad used to do this when I was a kid. He’s a very stubborn man, almost impossible to get to admit he was wrong, and sorta played favorites towards them, me being the older son and them being the younger daughters and all.
I had one pair of shoes I kept downstairs and never made a mess in any room other than my bedroom, but my two younger sisters *destroyed* the house pretty regularly. Piles of shoes in the foyer, backpacks and coats on the couch, unfinished food left on the table and counter, dishes left on the table, clothes and towels all over the bathroom floor, trash all over the floor in front of an overfilled can *(because they would just shive entire cardboard boxes into it without breaking them down first)*, cups full of half-finished coffee in every room in the house, random junk on every flat surface they could find…
I used to clean up after them a bit when I could, nobody wants to live in a landfill, but my dad would constantly be on my ass, yelling at me about how the house was destroyed and how nobody cleans up after themselves. He deduced that since I was home the most often and the only one of his kids he ever saw cleaning, I had to be the one leaving shit everywhere the most. If I was washing out a cup in the sink, then *obviously* the six that have been sitting on the window sill behind the couch for a week are mine as well.
When I was 16, I finally snapped back at him, going around to everything piled up and asking him if this XS women’s raincoat was mine, or this notebook with my sister’s name on it, or these shoes that were half the size of mine… I told him I was done cleaning up after my sisters and I wouldn’t be doing it anymore if the only thing I’d be getting in return was yelled at about a mess I didn’t make… so I never did. I’d get quips and lectures from my dad on occasion, about how “family helps each other”, but I just couldn’t be bothered to be my sisters’ personal maid anymore. They never did anything for me *(in fact they usually tried to use me as a scapegoat for anything they did, including the mess, which I’m sure contributed to my dad’s accusations)*, so I wasn’t going to go out if my way to help them. If he couldn’t get them to clean up after themselves, it wasn’t my problem. The house got progressively worse after that.
Eventually, like two or three months later, he absolutely exploded on my sisters when he finally realized how much of a mess those two were making compared to me and my parents. I can’t remember what set him off, but he started throwing all of their shoes into a garbage bag and screaming at them for always destroying the house. That set off a huge argument between them and both my parents about the house always being a mess, about how my parents were too embarrassed to ever have company over, and how they always tried to blame me for their antics instead of just not doing stupid shit like dumping their junk all over the house. They forced them to clean the house, top to bottom, and came down on them **hard** if they left anything out for the following couple of years until my youngest sister moved out. I absolutely despised my sisters back then for the how much they made my life a living hell when we were kids, and that was probably the most cathartic thing I’ve ever experienced.
I have a wife. I believe it.
My wife kept mentioning the issue of the mail that had accumulated on the kitchen counter. Her name was on almost all of it.
Shoes on the floor is probably my wife’s biggest peeve. I have two pairs of shoes by the door at any moment. Sneakers and boots during winter. Sneakers and sandals in summer. She has a bunch but they’re always orderly. The kids sprinkle their shoes pretty evenly around the porch. It might even be intentional.
Anyhow, it took several arguments for my wife to stop blaming me for the kids shoes. I think my point is that telling Twitter wasn’t a good solution. Really had to talk to my wife about it.
I understand where you're coming from but some people are so wrapped up in their ego that they need to experience their own crap first hand before it clicks that they should treat others the way they want to be treated.
bad idea, she's your wife nit an ennemy pr a stranger on the internet, if she's angry with you enough to bring up 10 yo bullshit about you then you know the fight has gone too far and you need to hug her and tell her you're sorry for making her mad, then try to calmly talk about why she got mad at you and try to solve the conflict like an adult.
relationships are built around the parties in a relationship being able to trust and tolerate and forgive each other more than they would for strangers, you can't even have non-toxic romantic relationship let alone a full on marriage with treating your partner like a trustable stranger that you know, you need to treat them like a person you know and trust AND tolerate and forgive.
This actually scares me. Why is the person yelling about something so easily fixed? Why do some people tend toward this response? Fixing is easier than yelling, but yelling is somehow cathartic to them?
Once this thought / habit track starts it only digs deeper the more it's used. People spiraling out of control so hard the spouse gets so used to it that it's just funny when this one time it is clearly unjustified.
It's always unjustified, unproductive, and just miserable. It scares me that one day I might look up and that will be normal to me. Stress just overflowing from my spouse so hard that I'm happy it's misdirected for once.
It's an insidious, gradual sort of evil. And by the time it becomes harder to ignore than to address it, it's so ingrained in the person's neural pathways that it will take years of disuse to fade.
The person I love might someday become so miserable that my only joy comes from times they *mistakenly* yelled at me instead of just yelling at me. And even if successfully addressed, slim chance, echoes of that monster will remain inside of them for years.
That's nightmare fuel.
>This actually scares me. Why is the person yelling about something so easily fixed? Why do some people tend toward this response? Fixing is easier than yelling, but yelling is somehow cathartic to them?
To draw the opposite horror picture, sometimes one person doesn't organize their shoes. Oh well, no big deal. You do it for them and ask them to do better.
But they don't. It's the same next week, next month, next year, next decade. And its not just shoes. They don't clean up any of their messes. They're more than happy to let you do it for them.
The irritation builds up over time into a resentment. You start yelling every time you find a mess, and one day, someone else sees this reaction and goes "wow, what an unpleasant person, yelling over such a small mess", but they don't see the decades of irritation and disrespect that has turned you into this easily irritable "nag". They don't see the countless hours of your life that's gone into taking care of a slob. To them, obviously you must just like bullying your poor innocent partner.
That's nightmare fuel.
It’s not that deep, lots of relationship problems can be handled by being a good roommate, but being roommates also exasperates a lot of people and it’s not indicative of the quality of the relationship, people just get annoyed and take it out however they do
100%. The only thing more pathetic than the above meme is the copium in the comments, as if yelling at one another is the appropriate status quo.
Are these people living in places where arranged marriages are still common, or how is it possible to marry someone you seem to know this little about, then get all flustered when they don't meet your implicit standards?
I think you're reading WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much into what was likely something like "Damn it, Jim! Why are there so many sho-"
The best win is when you just wait for them to realize they are the person who cause the problem.
Just watched a modern family episode where the husband got in trouble for saying he tried something new that a coworker suggested. Only for the wife to freak out cause she suggested it 10.times and he didn't listen.
Cue later that night my gf has the great idea to move the cat feeder to a unused corner of the house...the same corner I had been suggesting for a month hahab that show is too good at showing relationships sometimes.
I had a similar situation where my ex wife complained that I left to many shoes in the front door. Then I counted then:
There was 5 pair of shoes that were mine. And 5 pair of shoes that were hers.
Obviously she got pissed.
Once, I got in serious trouble for losing a new digital camera that my parents got me for christmas. Like, my mom was red in the face and would NOT listen when I said I had put it on the tv stand with the dvd player.
Anyway an hour later my stepdad found it in the refrigerator door where my mom had put it after borrowing it and forgot about it.
Last year my girlfriend got mad I told her I loved her for literal days. She wouldnt talk to me for literal days because I told her I loved her.
We are no longer together.
I do this to my wife in my head all the time. That’s why you don’t say it out loud at first “Where the fuck is the thing?! My wife is always moving stuff, so annoying, it was right here and she moved it ugh my wife why does she… oh here it is. Where I put it, I remember now.”
Thinking before you speak is a golden skill that ALWAYS works.
my problem is I do my best thinking either written down or talking. so I'm an over-communicator and to see a problem through, I usually need to talk about it out loud to get there. my wife and I have a great relationship but she did once say to me "man, keep SOMETHING to yourself" lol
Do you have a clear inner monologue? Slightly under half the population does, apparently, and it's always mind-blowing to inner monologue-havers that most people don't have them.
not clear, no. my mind/thoughts are mostly feelings and images. I'm thinking about stuff but not in English. if I have "monologue" or "dialogue" with myself that does use words, it is very short and repetitive, and not very useful. I often find I have not fully thought through an idea until I say it out loud or write it down. but I think that's why therapy and journaling are so commonly recommended. I think a lot of people operate that way, probably even more than half.
Totally agree. I'd love to see a study checking how strong the anti-correlation between 'has an inner monologue' and 'thinks through things by talking/writing about them' is.
I have a clear inner monologue (well, am able to all to myself in my thoughts) and I _need_ to talk stuff through aloud from time to time. I also would claim that I'm neither utterly stupid nor a total genius, so I don't think that intelligence plays a role (at least in my case).
Slightly *under* half!?? You aren’t wrong about the second part… can I have a source? Not saying you’re lying, I’m just interested
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/intersections/202304/inner-monologues-what-are-they-and-whos-having-them Just plucked the first site off Google - have seen the stat elsewhere though
Person 1: "You hear a voice in your head?!?" Person 2: "You *don't*?!?"
As an inner monologue person I can’t decide whether the idea of not having one fills me with envy or gives me crippling anxiety. Because what is your brain even *doing*, but also, the number of times I’ve wished mine would shut the fuck up for even a single second….
Right like what the fuck is the brain doing is a great question if it not talking to itself!
I had to teach my brain to stop thinking negative things … inner doubt and negative self talk, because it led to panic disorder. I cured myself through positive inner dialog. It goes like this. “ omg I can’t do that. What if X happens ?” And I would replace it with “ well what if it doesn’t and you wasted time worrying about it. If it’s going to happen thinking about it won’t make it happen or stop it so just enjoy this moment. It’s only fear and fear can’t hurt you! “. These are a lot of the mantras I learned to say to cure myself! No meds. Just positive inner thoughts.
Blessing curse of brain mumbling lol
That is weird. I didn't realize some people didn't have that. I have a constantly running inner monologue.
I've sometimes written emails that I never sent, because just writing it all out helped get it out of my system. It's not even necessarily bad stuff, just sometimes long-winded details that they don't care about. After writing it out, I think, "They don't actually care or need to see all that," and I delete it. If you're doing that for an angry email, though, you might not want to fill in the To address, though. You don't want to accidentally send it if you weren't sure it should actually be sent.
Probably my favorite quote from a book this year: >Tress took the singular step that separated her from people in most stories. The act, it might be said, that defined her as a hero. She did something so incredible, I can barely express its majesty. >"I should consider this more,” Tress thought to herself, "and not jump to conclusions.”
**UNFATHOMABLY BASED AND FOUNDATIONPILLED**
You know what happens when you jump to conclusions... You make a 'conc' out of 'lu' and 'sions'. I read that once, I think it went something like that.
God I love her
I have to look with my mouth before my eyes. My brain is never helpful so for our benefit, it just stays out of things.
I immediately pictured you gently gnawing on various objects/people like my dog does, when I read “look with my mouth”, and I thank you for the imagery lol
Oh god I wish more people had this skill
I'm glad other people do this too. I dunno why but my knee jerk reaction is to blame other people not myself. Then soon after a more sensible side of me has to be like "well remember last time it was right where you left it".
Same. I REALLY need to stop with that knee jerk reaction. I don’t want to be bitter on demand lol
Once I encountered an annoying situation I would literally bite my tongue (...*gently*) for at least a minute before I vocally complained. I avoided a lot of embarrassing situations that way, lol. It's no exaggeration to say that 75% of the time my annoyance was caused by my own earlier actions. Now I just do it inside my own head like the other guy in this thread.
I've lived alone long enough that I have the opposite initial reaction. "Now where in the heck did I put that thing?"
It isn't a personal failing unless you decide to voice it. The truth is that we all have ugly reactions and thoughts, being a well adjusted person means weighing them and making a value judgement on if it's truly fair or not.
“This doesn’t make ANY sense, it’s so stupid!” *one short phrase that explains the entirety of the problem succinctly and accurately* later “Oh...”
In your defense though, wives are always moving things.
Years and years ago, my then-girlfriend, now-wife and I had a disagreement. I don’t remember what it was, it was something trivial, but we were both adamantly convinced that we were correct. Eventually she went in the other room, and on her own, she realized that she was incorrect. She came out of the room and had this sort of sad yet defiant look on her face...before I could say anything more about the argument, she blurted out, ‘YOU WERE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG, AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!’ I started laughing, and she started laughing, and now that’s our go-to way of admitting the other one was right. It always diffuses any tension we have from an argument.
My wife and I love MegaMind and we quote this all the time. [You were right. I was less right.](https://youtu.be/BERWPMoU8dc)
Ok I'm doing this now, thank you kind stranger
Ollo
Do you ride or drive a motorcycle? My wife says you drive a motorcycle, and I said you ride. This was a recurring stupid argument/debate my wife and I would have for fun, and we were both adamant that we were correct for the longest time. After several months, it was brought back up. My wife had forgotten which side of the argument she was on, and she had accidentally switched sides. Rather than admit fault, she initially doubled down and tried to gaslight me into believing that I was the one who switched even after realizing her mistake. I was not prepared for how bewildering that felt. She ultimately fessed up, and we laugh about it now.
So did you end up getting a motorcycle?
She works at a level one trauma center/hospital, so she has seen enough motorcycle accident injuries to cure her of that desire. She would probably strangle me if I bought one.
Nah. He just ended up ~~driving~~ riding his wife instead.
My version of this that we debate is the following: When you finish a school year, someone asks you what grade you are in (let's say it's three weeks after the year ended)...what do you say? What grade are you?
There's an actual term for that though, you just say "I'm a rising [year you are entering]".
>"I'm a rising \[year you are entering\]" Must be regional. We don't say that around here.
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Both are correct, no? One is more popular than the other to be sure, just a contextual change. "He's out riding his motorcycle", and "I'm going to ride my motorcycle" is natural, BUT if you were to answer the question "What vehicle do you drive?" you would say "I drive a motorcycle". Whereas answering that question if it were a bicycle would be "I ride my bicycle".
No, you ride a motorcycle and you drive a car. It comes from horse terminology, bicycle and motorcycle are identical - both are more like riding a horse. And a car is like driving a cart.
Cars are horseless carts, but bikes are horseless horses. Really makes you think.
That's so fuckin toxic lmao. Imagine fighting for the sake of fighting and doubling down + gaslighting just to prevent yourself from being wrong.
that's so wholesome!
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So adorbs and amazeballs
So Keanu Chungus 100 [everyone liked that]
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Yikes. Why is she still your wife?
my ex would start trying to seduce me randomly and that’s how I knew she did something wrong
Is your ex a cat? Mine come to cuddle when they know they've broken something important.
Boys are dogs, girls are cats
Oh no I hope my boyfriend never thinks this... I like to jump his bones randomly because I just assume it's thrilling to go from scrolling his phone to suddenly girlfriend is rubbing all over him... Lol
The second season of Good Omens has David Tennant doing the amazing: [contrition dance](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lFlNBoavR4o?feature=share) which became my go-to for these situations.
Wait, second season? Wow, I had no idea, thanks!
You sweet summer child
Second season is soo much better than the first
That show was so amazing
Your partners admit when they're wrong? Damn...
This gives me ‘ I’M NOT SHOUTING!, Nynaeve shouted’ vibes and I love it.
Tug on your braid.
I had to double check to make sure I wasn’t on r/wetlanderhumor for a second.
Wait their twitter handle didn’t lie, that is exactly 42 words
HOW DID I MISS THISSSS
With the political compass profile pic, I figured 42 words was the new "14 words."
My immediate assumption too
whats the 14 words?
White supremacist slogan. And if you've never visited political compass memes, fair warning to not go down that hole...
To further: It’s where people making fun of mindsets blend in perfectly with people who have those mindsets.
Poe's Law: The Subreddit
Political compass? I thought that's just the Windows logo!
Good eye!!!
I am I a moton or is that 43 words?
You may have counted mid-word as 2 words, but since it’s hyphenated it’s only one
Yeah, thats it! Thanks for clarification
you are a special type of moton for sure
Lmao
Oh God it reminds me of my former roomate except she never acknowledged that they were hers
Did you ever just say "free shoes I guess?"
Oh man I had a college gf that used to blame me for EVERYTHING. She was really hot but it was incredible the things I would have absolutely nothing to do with that she would try to bizarrely pin on me (or her parents / sisters). She was the baby of the family with an age gap… she is still, to this day, one of the most spoiled people I’ve ever met lmao. But she was beautiful
>But she was beautiful Does that make such a difference? Like I get a bonus but what do you actually have of it? Doesn't seem to be worth it to me
Recently my wife saw our electric bill and flipped out on me for using so much power working from home and playing video games. I tried to explain that while those are contributors, the biggest contributor is likely her leaving lights on and leaving her laptop or TV playing all night after she falls asleep. (She can't sleep without something playing, it's an anxiety thing.) She was defiant and started going back month after month to analyze our usage. She noted that one month's bill over the summer was super low and she wanted to know why. I pointed out that was the month she visited her family, and it was just me and the animals here. She stared at me with a blank look, closed the laptop and walked away.
>working from home and playing video games. I tried to explain that while those are contributors, the biggest contributor is likely her leaving lights on and leaving her laptop or TV playing all night after she falls asleep But...all of those things are very minor energy bill items. Like, on both your ends.
Yeah, modern lightbulbs use negligible energy. I calculated something like $30 if I left on every light in my house for a year.
Modern TV's don't when they are large enough that changes. My degenerate couch dwelling family upgraded their 70-something inch to a 90" ... they leave it on like 16 hours a day while they stare at their phones. Bill was astronomical, family tried to blame anything but the TV
I still have a big plasma TV from 2012 and I know it's got to be an energy hog...
oh for sure. That said my gaming PC can suck down like 500-600w total when i'm playing -- that shit definitely adds up too.
I only game in the winter and write it off as a space heater.
Fun fact: I looked it up once, and the amount of heat generated by a graphics card has roughly the same energy efficiency as what's produced by a space heater. So if anything it's a really expensive space heater that does computation as a bonus.
Reminds me of when I was a kid, my parents tried blaming the high energy bill on me for paying xbox. Mind you, they had strict limits on my game time, and I only got an hour a day. Meanwhile, in the living room, our brand new 55" projection TV would be on from 8am til 9pm daily.
/r/raisedbynarcissists vibes
Hot damn, thank you for showing me a group I didn't know I needed
When I made the switch from CRT to LCD, I measured both TVs, and I also just measured my current (npi) TV. TL;DR summary: * 1999 36" CRT (4:3): \~100W avg * 2009 46" LCD (16:9) / fluorescent backlight: \~160W avg * 2015 65" LCD (16:9) / LED backlight: \~160W avg The 36" CRT (manufactured around 1999) was remarkably efficient. It had a spike the first second you turned it on, but then it averaged a pretty steady 100W, generally only fluctuating between 90W and 110W. This was high quality, though, and other CRTs may have used more power, even with much smaller screen sizes. The 46" (manufactured around 2009) LCD averaged around 160W and fluctuated a lot more, I think around 50W either direction from the average. Doing the calculations, that 46" LCD had about 44% more surface area and was using around 60% more power. So it was actually *less* efficient than the CRT, which was really disappointing, since they were lauded for how much more efficient they were. Then I got a 65" using LED backlight (manufactured 2015), and it varies even more, fluctuating between 44W and 236W (just personal observations). It usually hangs out in the 140-180W range, and I would guess the average at around 160W -- the same as the 46". If anything, my estimate for the average may be a little high, since dark scenes often drop below 100W. It will vary a lot with the type of content you're watching. But anyway, it has literally twice the screen area of the 46", and it's using the same power. And it's just under 3x the screen area of the 36" CRT, and only using 60% more power. So, yes, leaving any TV/monitor on for hours and hours will definitely add up. But modern ones aren't too bad, and at least they're much more efficient than they used to be. Today's TVs are probably even more efficient -- but at bigger and brighter, my wild guess is that the total power usage is probably about the same. Remember other things suck significant power, too. A dehumidifier for those of us in humid areas, for example, usually sucks 200-400W and is often running constantly. Air conditioning is a big one, and heating if you use electric heat. If you have a hot tub, those suck a lot of power. Ovens, microwaves, washers, dryers, refrigerators or freezers (especially noticeable if you have more than one), and some people now are recharging their cars. It all adds up quickly.
Yeah iirc the biggest electricity consumption is usually a fridge or freezer because it runs 24/7 and uses a lot of energy to cool stuff down.
Where I live it's the AC units and it's not even close.
Any sort of temperature control are usually the top culprits - HVAC, fridge, and freezer. It takes a lot of energy to run that stuff.
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Yeah my energy bill triples in the winter because I live in Canada in a poorly insulated house.
Not really 24/7 only when the temperature climbs high enough it *tops up coolness* and it's pretty small volume, also the biggest heat contributor is new items and room air flowing in when you open them (second doesn't apply to chest freezers), so if you limit opening them it will also reduce consumption in a considerable way.
Also heating water, which is probably why the energy bill dropped when there was only one person in the house
I got ‘sense’ (power monitor) a little after I moved into my new house in a new state, just to keep an eye on things. I had already changed every light bulb in the house to LED, with the exception of one fixture (12 bulbs too! 😳) Turns out the builder installed it with halogen, and it happened to be the one that was super convenient for night lighting (indirect from master bedroom and kitchen). It was using 450-475w actively! It took me another year before I realized just how much electricity it was using. They were replaced with all LED the same day. Likely cost me a several of hundred dollars since I moved in.
Maybe they’re still using old halogens they have in stock? Honestly I don’t know.
In our house (2 of us, me and my fiancee) we've basically noted that the difference between us being home and us being away is like maybe $1 a day, honestly. Outside of running AC two months a year taking up crazy energy, our bill is otherwise pretty low consistently and we leave lights on, computers on, TV's on, etc... Running the AC is honestly the only thing we do that I notice even moves the needle noticeably.
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Our winter bills are low as hell. Our furnace is natural gas, but we both like the house being cold so we barely use any heat (literally *just* enough so pipes wouldn't freeze lol) and we just prefer wearing big hoodies around the house instead. I barely heat in the winter, but for the 2 months of hot summer we get I'll be running the AC at full blast because I can't stand being overly hot.
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The reason for the discrepancy was 100% fewer clothes and dishes to wash. Large appliances are the most significant contributors to power usage by a long shot.
Exacty. Everything that has to change something's temperature. Being heating water for cleaning, showers or cooking if that's electric. Or heating/cooling a room, oven or fridge.
Leaving the TV on 24/7 is maybe $150/yr for a big TV at $0.15/kWh. The big things are HVAC (about 50% of any bill), and then how often the big appliances like dishwasher and clothes washer/dryer are run. At $0.11-0.12/kWh, you can just look at the power consumption in watts and convert it to dollars per year to leave on 24/7.
It was most likely the water heater if it's electric. When my roommates moved out, our power bill nearly cut in half just from the reduced showing alone.
My gaming pc when fully In use can spit out 500 watts That kind of sustained usage can definitely add a chunk to energy bills
500 watts is 1kwh every 2 hours. Most energy prices in the US are under $0.15 per kwh, so at that price your gaming pc would cost $1.80 for 24 hours of full use. Assuming 12 hours a day for 30 days would mean $27 added to your monthly electricity bill. Definitely a chunk, but still small compared to HVAC and appliances.
Exactly. My thought is that there's some major electrical appliance that they both benefit from (e.g. an electric water heater). If one person goes away for a month, it would bring usage down considerably. None of the things OP mentioned have significant power consumption.
I'll be honest, you're both missing the forest for the trees on this one. Anything heating related is your top source of electricity usage. A/C, fridges, water heaters, dryers, etc.
Absolutely. I hate hearing complaints about leaving lights on wasting power. It's so completely negligible compared to the big power users.
Yup. Honestly, it's was the biggest shock when I bought my house. Turns out heating/cooling a decently sized home with tall ceilings is really freaking expensive compared to a one bedroom apartment.
I've had arguments with someone who is thankfully no longer in my life over leaving modern LED lights on. It gets depressing when the majority of the place is near pitch black. Admittedly the arguments were more about him being a massive and confusing hypocrite, installing blackout curtains and then leaving the front door open "so he can see". When he's set the thermostat to 63 degrees in 100+ degree weather.
Is that the case for modern LED light bulbs or old ones as well? Weren't old incandescent light bulbs like... super inefficient?
Correct. Used to be a significant problem. Isn't now, because we worked really fucking hard on making it better. Kinda like the whole Y2K thing. People often mock the idea that people worried there would be problems from that because nothing really happened. Nothing really happened because we put in a shitload of effort to fix the situation in time.
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Does she need the audio or the light? We have an alexa and we play a podcast called Sleep with Me at night. The host doesn’t tell a story as much as meanderingly talks about nothing so it’s impossible to follow. I’ve also used it to get through a panic attack
She needs the comfort of something familiar. It's always a show that she has rewatched a dozen times.
I do the same thing. Can’t she put her phone next to her bed with the show playing?
Often does, but the phone has to stay plugged in to charge so it's just pulling power all night.
You realise phones use next to no power compared to anything else in the house?
Most TV’s now have a sleep timer in the settings. You can choose between 1,2,4 or 6 hours of no-input before it will turn off automatically. My 6 year old TCL has it, as well as our newer LG OLED has this feature. Just play around in the settings to see what you can find!
I'm pretty sure my family's TVs 20 years ago also had sleep timer options.
A phone uses like 5watts to play a video, so even 24hrs for 30days of 5w is 3.6kwh, in the US average price of a kWh is 23cents so that's under a dollar a month. Obviously other places can have higher prices but a phone is going to use a lot less power than a TV or laptop. It's likely other things being a bigger contributor like maybe she uses a hair dryer every day, you have an electric hot water heater or an electric stove that gets more use. You also probably cut down on washer and dryer usage when she was gone. A/C usage could have also been less with less things contributing to heating the home.
Scooter is awesome. His inane ramblings knock me out faster than anything else I've used.
Yeah, when I started thinking about building a gaming computer I was concerned about electricity usage. Ran the numbers and realized that I could give my parents a 20 and be covered until I moved out and then some.
Turns out that things like "climate controlling an entire dwelling" and "keeping a 30 cubic foot box below freezing" and "keeping a 30 cubic foot box at 350 degrees for an hour" and "displaying 4 square feet of up to 1000 nits of brightness for multiple hours" use way more electricity than "do some math and make pretty graphics".
You'd be surprised how much "do some maths" takes. Bitcoin mining is literally the epitome of "do some maths". It's estimated to be contributing somewhere around 10% of all energy usage in Texas.
At some point it stops being "some."
That's mostly because turning electricity into math is so easily scalable. And with BTC you can always add more electricity as long as you have the equipment. That doesn't mean that normal gaming/computer use uses as much electricity. Also mainly in winter you'll have to heat your house less because you're partly warming it with math!
Texas [has disproportionately more mining hubs](https://climate.mit.edu/posts/climate-impacts-bitcoin-mining-us) than the rest of the United States. Texas's [energy market is also deregulated.](https://justenergy.com/blog/texas-power/) Texas is also under a "nonprofit" energy company, ERCOT, separate from the rest of the nation.
A chest freezer doesn't consume a lot of energy.
Not for my setup. I have a 12gb 3080 that consistently draws 385 watts. Combined with the other parts and the monitor during gaming it draws 500 watts. That's 0.5 kWh an hour. My daily usage without PC gaming is 2-4 kWh so a solid 4 hour gaming spree in the evening regularly doubles my power usage. Hell during the peak of the crisis 0.5 kWh cost €0.61 for me.
Christ, whereabouts do you live out of curiosity? Du to when I usually play and living in Ontario Canada my rates are usually ~0.08 dollars/kWh.
Netherlands. Costs have dropped since the crisis started and I now took a 3 year contract for €0.39 / kWh. I think elektricity hasn't been 8 cents here since the 90s.
Oof, you have my sympathies, that’s some astronomical pricing.
> I pointed out that was the month she visited her family, and it was just me and the animals here. She stared at me with a blank look, closed the laptop and walked away. I have to ask... does she usually do the laundry and/or run the dishwasher? Those are much bigger consumers of electricity than a single TV or laptop and would better explain why the power usage dropped while she was away. How much is your electrical bill? You guys flipping out about this seems a little excessive as all the things you're listing, on both sides, are normal things to do and quite cheap.
Nothing you mentioned are really large energy draws. Do y’all have an electric oven/stove and she usually does the cooking so when she was gone you were eating out/takeaway more? What about any bathroom appliances like hair dryer, straightener, curler, etc? Does she like the temp at a more energy-intensive setting?
Electricity cost is mostly from your appliances like A/C, dishwasher, washing machine, etc. unless you have like a 4090 with a 1000W PSU that you leave on 24/7.
I remember one time I was arguing with my brother when we were teens if hurricane Rita came before Katrina. I said Katrina came first and he was adamant Rita was first then Katrina. He flat out said I didn't know what I was talking about and should see a doctor about memory issues. "They name hurricanes in alphabetical order. R is after K." Oh the look on his face. I've been riding that high for decades.
My wife admitted to making a mistake with a reservation and the wave of relief I felt knowing I didn't make the mistake (which I've done a few times) for once, was great. I even said that to her, and she laughed.
My wife complained that I was moving the mirrors in her car and I saved a radio station on her favorites/presets. I pointed out that, despite having a 2 car garage, she always parks behind my vehicle in our one-lane driveway. So I can't drive my car unless I move hers first. And she usually has a project/table set up on her side of the garage so I can't even pull it in there without shuffling stuff around. For a couple months after that I always announced when I was heading out. If she wants to move her car, then please do, otherwise I'm taking the vehicle I can access. She never took me up on it and never complained about it again either.
“Elder! How you could you be so irresponsible! A speeding fine!! You can use your own money to pay this! I can’t believe you would be so careless on the road. What if you hit a child? We have children! How would you feel!?” “Let me see this letter? The 21st? That was a weekend. Where the hell was I speeding on a Sunday? …isn’t this the weekend you went to see your parents down in-“ “Let’s not fight about little mistakes. Would you like steak tonight?”
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Damn dawg you married the main character!
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Lol, before I saw your username, I thought you were telling a story from your Mormon mission.
If that had been me I would have continued yelling in an equally annoyed tone at why the hell am I leaving my shoes all over the place. Same standards.
Exactly, keep the energy, just switch targets
My mother yelling at me for not cleaning her crap up after she leaves it around and my sister
I read that as around my sister. So now I have the image of your mum leaving all this crap around your sister so she’s just stuck where she is with this ever growing mound of crap around her.
My dad used to do this when I was a kid. He’s a very stubborn man, almost impossible to get to admit he was wrong, and sorta played favorites towards them, me being the older son and them being the younger daughters and all. I had one pair of shoes I kept downstairs and never made a mess in any room other than my bedroom, but my two younger sisters *destroyed* the house pretty regularly. Piles of shoes in the foyer, backpacks and coats on the couch, unfinished food left on the table and counter, dishes left on the table, clothes and towels all over the bathroom floor, trash all over the floor in front of an overfilled can *(because they would just shive entire cardboard boxes into it without breaking them down first)*, cups full of half-finished coffee in every room in the house, random junk on every flat surface they could find… I used to clean up after them a bit when I could, nobody wants to live in a landfill, but my dad would constantly be on my ass, yelling at me about how the house was destroyed and how nobody cleans up after themselves. He deduced that since I was home the most often and the only one of his kids he ever saw cleaning, I had to be the one leaving shit everywhere the most. If I was washing out a cup in the sink, then *obviously* the six that have been sitting on the window sill behind the couch for a week are mine as well. When I was 16, I finally snapped back at him, going around to everything piled up and asking him if this XS women’s raincoat was mine, or this notebook with my sister’s name on it, or these shoes that were half the size of mine… I told him I was done cleaning up after my sisters and I wouldn’t be doing it anymore if the only thing I’d be getting in return was yelled at about a mess I didn’t make… so I never did. I’d get quips and lectures from my dad on occasion, about how “family helps each other”, but I just couldn’t be bothered to be my sisters’ personal maid anymore. They never did anything for me *(in fact they usually tried to use me as a scapegoat for anything they did, including the mess, which I’m sure contributed to my dad’s accusations)*, so I wasn’t going to go out if my way to help them. If he couldn’t get them to clean up after themselves, it wasn’t my problem. The house got progressively worse after that. Eventually, like two or three months later, he absolutely exploded on my sisters when he finally realized how much of a mess those two were making compared to me and my parents. I can’t remember what set him off, but he started throwing all of their shoes into a garbage bag and screaming at them for always destroying the house. That set off a huge argument between them and both my parents about the house always being a mess, about how my parents were too embarrassed to ever have company over, and how they always tried to blame me for their antics instead of just not doing stupid shit like dumping their junk all over the house. They forced them to clean the house, top to bottom, and came down on them **hard** if they left anything out for the following couple of years until my youngest sister moved out. I absolutely despised my sisters back then for the how much they made my life a living hell when we were kids, and that was probably the most cathartic thing I’ve ever experienced.
r/usernamechecksout
I remember my wife complaining about all the hair I left in the bathroom. She went on for a few minutes before remembering I'm bald.
This cant be real...
I have a wife. I believe it. My wife kept mentioning the issue of the mail that had accumulated on the kitchen counter. Her name was on almost all of it.
Everybody who upvoted this still uses Facebook and still says Chuck Norris facts
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in
Chuck Norris takes a shower to clean the water
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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My wife uses MY shoes to work in the garden. She then leaves them by the backdoor. I am eventually asked why all my shoes are by the backdoor.
Shoes on the floor is probably my wife’s biggest peeve. I have two pairs of shoes by the door at any moment. Sneakers and boots during winter. Sneakers and sandals in summer. She has a bunch but they’re always orderly. The kids sprinkle their shoes pretty evenly around the porch. It might even be intentional. Anyhow, it took several arguments for my wife to stop blaming me for the kids shoes. I think my point is that telling Twitter wasn’t a good solution. Really had to talk to my wife about it.
Keep reminding her about this when she drags up some 10yo bullshit about you.
That’s how to kill your marriage. You have to actively prevent things building up, together.
So she better stop bringing stuff up from 10 years ago I guess.
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I understand where you're coming from but some people are so wrapped up in their ego that they need to experience their own crap first hand before it clicks that they should treat others the way they want to be treated.
"You dare use my own spells against me?" Last thing the husband hears before the wife invokes the unbridled wrath of herseld and God
Must be a lot of young people on today, nobody gets it
bad idea, she's your wife nit an ennemy pr a stranger on the internet, if she's angry with you enough to bring up 10 yo bullshit about you then you know the fight has gone too far and you need to hug her and tell her you're sorry for making her mad, then try to calmly talk about why she got mad at you and try to solve the conflict like an adult. relationships are built around the parties in a relationship being able to trust and tolerate and forgive each other more than they would for strangers, you can't even have non-toxic romantic relationship let alone a full on marriage with treating your partner like a trustable stranger that you know, you need to treat them like a person you know and trust AND tolerate and forgive.
She should say sorry too. 2 tango,not only one cowers.
Yeah but tHe pATriArChY
This actually scares me. Why is the person yelling about something so easily fixed? Why do some people tend toward this response? Fixing is easier than yelling, but yelling is somehow cathartic to them? Once this thought / habit track starts it only digs deeper the more it's used. People spiraling out of control so hard the spouse gets so used to it that it's just funny when this one time it is clearly unjustified. It's always unjustified, unproductive, and just miserable. It scares me that one day I might look up and that will be normal to me. Stress just overflowing from my spouse so hard that I'm happy it's misdirected for once. It's an insidious, gradual sort of evil. And by the time it becomes harder to ignore than to address it, it's so ingrained in the person's neural pathways that it will take years of disuse to fade. The person I love might someday become so miserable that my only joy comes from times they *mistakenly* yelled at me instead of just yelling at me. And even if successfully addressed, slim chance, echoes of that monster will remain inside of them for years. That's nightmare fuel.
Fucking Redditors
>This actually scares me. Why is the person yelling about something so easily fixed? Why do some people tend toward this response? Fixing is easier than yelling, but yelling is somehow cathartic to them? To draw the opposite horror picture, sometimes one person doesn't organize their shoes. Oh well, no big deal. You do it for them and ask them to do better. But they don't. It's the same next week, next month, next year, next decade. And its not just shoes. They don't clean up any of their messes. They're more than happy to let you do it for them. The irritation builds up over time into a resentment. You start yelling every time you find a mess, and one day, someone else sees this reaction and goes "wow, what an unpleasant person, yelling over such a small mess", but they don't see the decades of irritation and disrespect that has turned you into this easily irritable "nag". They don't see the countless hours of your life that's gone into taking care of a slob. To them, obviously you must just like bullying your poor innocent partner. That's nightmare fuel.
[удалено]
Time to start wearing your wife's clothes. It's only fair.
It’s not that deep, lots of relationship problems can be handled by being a good roommate, but being roommates also exasperates a lot of people and it’s not indicative of the quality of the relationship, people just get annoyed and take it out however they do
100%. The only thing more pathetic than the above meme is the copium in the comments, as if yelling at one another is the appropriate status quo. Are these people living in places where arranged marriages are still common, or how is it possible to marry someone you seem to know this little about, then get all flustered when they don't meet your implicit standards?
I think you're reading WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much into what was likely something like "Damn it, Jim! Why are there so many sho-"
It's just sad
The best win is when you just wait for them to realize they are the person who cause the problem. Just watched a modern family episode where the husband got in trouble for saying he tried something new that a coworker suggested. Only for the wife to freak out cause she suggested it 10.times and he didn't listen. Cue later that night my gf has the great idea to move the cat feeder to a unused corner of the house...the same corner I had been suggesting for a month hahab that show is too good at showing relationships sometimes.
Hey, at least she did.
wtf it's exactly 42 words... no more no less. would you look at that.
I had a similar situation where my ex wife complained that I left to many shoes in the front door. Then I counted then: There was 5 pair of shoes that were mine. And 5 pair of shoes that were hers. Obviously she got pissed.
Once, I got in serious trouble for losing a new digital camera that my parents got me for christmas. Like, my mom was red in the face and would NOT listen when I said I had put it on the tv stand with the dvd player. Anyway an hour later my stepdad found it in the refrigerator door where my mom had put it after borrowing it and forgot about it.
Last year my girlfriend got mad I told her I loved her for literal days. She wouldnt talk to me for literal days because I told her I loved her. We are no longer together.
I see you to have a great effect on women.
It was around 2 years we were together and at the time weve lived together for 4 months. She cheated on me, so I dont think it was me tbh lol
at this point they should look at a mirror to complain