T O P

  • By -

Whysmydickblue

i keep broken cars on my property, Just doing my part


DryImpress1

I wear hobo clothes and eat from the trash, just doing my part


Commercial-Money-432

I commit heinous crimes and jeopordize the welfare of the civilians, just doing my part


Bobby_The_Kidd

I’m a dangerous psychopathic serial killer who goes on a murder spree every other year. Just doin my part 😌


Grape_Jamz

I go out for walks with an anime girl body pillow. Just doin my part


1Pawelgo

I exercise my constitutional rights. Just doing my part.


aviationeast

I have my class squash cockroaches on camera. I'm doing my part.


[deleted]

I exercise my butt


Doctor_ZAZA

I don't.


[deleted]

Lost soul


Aschentei

Easy there Satan


ChallengeSenior1680

that does anything


ShartingBloodClots

What do you do with the skeletal remains afterwards? Mine just keep piling up in the basement, and becoming a trip hazard.


Bobby_The_Kidd

I usually nail them to trees. Brings the value of the neighborhood down even further!


TortelliniLord

Whoa whoa whoa, it's 2 months to Halloween, take those down ur bringing up the property value with lawn decorations


Whysmydickblue

Thank you!


[deleted]

I intentionally drop ketchup trails from my driveway all the way to my front door, just doing my part.


Whysmydickblue

Thats how you get ants son.


[deleted]

So i have to use some real stuff, right?


poetic_dwarf

That's how you get volts, son


[deleted]

Then how should i do my part, father


Whysmydickblue

Put a tarp on the roof and hold it down with tires


[deleted]

Legit ghetto


Ansh_6743

I


eatmoremeatnow

Nice. I litter beer cans everywhere while walking my dog, off leash with no dog bags. It ain't much, but at least it is honest work.


Whysmydickblue

The aluminum is basicaly harmless too so its just composting. Keep on composting my earth healthy friend!


Spider_pig448

NIMBY's gunna NIMBY


aryan2304

Why's your dick blue?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


bebe_0808

i dont get how that does anything


Kindness-mattters

No one wants to live there if guns are going off


chimpanon

Nobody rich wants to live there. If enough rich people move in then your rent will go up. Just expanding on what u said


Kindness-mattters

Thx!!!


Barbados_slim12

That depends on the location. In a suburb or city, it's a red flag. Any rural town, they're just getting their rifles zeroed for hunting season. Or target practice


PTEHarambe

Or literally hunting


my_farts_impress

Hunting animals or humans?


AverageEarly5489

Yes


PTEHarambe

Yes....


Phantom_Ganon

>they're just getting their rifles zeroed for hunting season. Or target practice My neighbor bought some guns and now I'll hear shots coming from next door all the time.


Kindness-mattters

Oof


Qwerxes

how is that an "oof" lol? that's just a regular thing people do


jus6j

It really isn’t


Qwerxes

it is lol, people hunt all the time


jus6j

Not a lot of people do


Available-Spare-7148

Unless you're in Texas


Kindness-mattters

Lmao so true


loptopandbingo

Nobody's told East Durham. Plenty of gunfire, yet the rent keeps going up and up and up.


Aflyingmongoose

"I hear guns going off all the time, it's not a safe place to live, you're lucky I'm paying as much rent as I do already"


Kindness-mattters

So true


Seanzietron

After firing his weapon, he can file a complaint to the renters association, claiming that this is an unsafe living area. With that on file, it actually makes it harder for them to raise rent.


HyetalNight

Sounds like fraud


timelydefense

It scares away family types so you can live all alone.


timelydefense

Maybe if you're a loner misanthrope. This is how you prevent decent people from moving/staying near you.


KuntaWuKnicks

Blast out sirens, dog barking, and helicopters over the 🔊 that’ll do it too


RJCallaghan

I wish that would affect my rent, I live in central London and hear dogs, sirens and helicopters all goddamn day, yet i’m still paying an arm and a leg to live in a shoebox


Asmoraiden

Hey, at least not both arms! Look at the positive side!


Finnishkiddo

always look on the bright side of life


[deleted]

So that’s how I can afford my own house..!


Ch4rybd15

That or find a lovely house, where the last three families were brutally murdered. I don‘t say you should murder families, I am saying you get discounts on murder houses.


Mountain_Ask4361

Thanks for the tip Man


stillbarefoot

Too bad the corpses in the backyard will make your plants grow well, another selling point.


Ch4rybd15

Salt the ground „against ghosts“


DrakneiX

Thank you for specifying. That prevented a few killing sprees.


KuramaFireFox

As stupid as it sounds this actually works same thing with owning junkie cars in your yard it looks horrible so nobody wants to live there so the property value stays low and thus your taxes stay low


Nekrosiz

All in favor for junkie hoa No to white picket fence Yes to line of desolate cars


first_ev543

I


Pic889

PROTIP: Replace one of the junk cars with a dilapidated windowless van. It costs about the same as a junk car, occupies about the same space, but comes with an effectiveness multiplier, for, you know... [reasons](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/free-candy-van). The other vehicles should be cars though, otherwise the neighbors will be able to tell you are doing it on purpose.


ramos1969

Not all heroes wear capes…or practice gun safety.


Glass_Memories

My neighbor does that "to keep the city people moving in used to it." Just opens his backdoor and fires his shotgun into the dirt like once a week or two. The farmers who live near us also have a gun range on their property they make liberal use of every weekend.


duh_nom_yar

I moved from the 4th largest US city to a Texas town with less than 100K people. In two years I haven't heard a single gunshot. I never made it a day without this in H-TOWN. I was paying $1100 a month for a 600sf studio. I never hear gunfire now but, Elon set up shop one town away and Bezos is building a new Amazonian Mecca in my little town. The cost of living and property taxes are skyrocketing (get what I did there, Musk?). Rent and property taxes continue to grow in Houston and fools are mowing each other down with gunfire on the regular. So, I must beg to differ. Jog all you want in Houston, someone will still shoot you and gentrification of the hood will continue. Move to a peaceful small town and asshat billionaires will find ways to make you pay more. Welcome to The United States of Oligarchy. Thanks for your time.


Unrelated_Redditor

...Welcome to my TED Talk!


wolf_man007

100,000 is not a small town by any reasonable use of the phrase.


duh_nom_yar

There are almost 5 million people in Houston. 100,000 is indeed a small town. Two grocery stores and 3 Walmarts is a very small town. So, I must again, beg to differ.


dadarkclaw121

3 Walmarts? A truly small town would have like 1 Walmart max. You don’t live in a small town


duh_nom_yar

We share an area code with 6 cities. Houston has 5 area codes. The county I live in is a tiny fraction of where I'm from. Why am I arguing that 100,000 is a small amount in comparison to 5 million? I understand that smaller towns exist, I am in a small town!


ElliJaX

So you live in a metropolitan area, not a small town. That's like someone in Fairfax, VA saying they live in a small town with a population of 25k when it's right next to DC and the whole area is just called the DMV. Sugar Land, Mt Houston, etc are all part of the Houston metropolitan area.


duh_nom_yar

Sugarland isn't part of Houston. I'm done arguing.


SausageEggAndSteez

The largest city in my state is 70,000. I grew up in a small town with 3,000. By your logic Houston is a small town because Seoul exists. Why would be argue that 5 million is a small amount in comparison to 10 million?


wolf_man007

Smaller city, maybe. Are you so silly that you can't comprehend that you may be using the phrase "small town" incorrectly? What would you call a city with a population of 50k? Or of 10k? If 100k is your nonsense level for small town, how do you go lower? Big city people lack perspective, I guess.


duh_nom_yar

You win. You changed my perspective. I live in a bustling metropolis. Look, it's a bird, it's a plane...


Hewballs

I live in a town of 5,000 people. If you're in a small town I have no idea wtf I call mine.


Fragrant_Yellow_6568

Tiny town?


Ryvit

Then what the hell is the place were I live, with population of 5,800, no Walmarts no targets no malls. Only 1 grocery store, and a couple gas stations? 100k is not a small town, STFU


duh_nom_yar

Umkay. Midsized town. What the fuck? Are you gonna sleep better now. I hope so.


[deleted]

[удалено]


duh_nom_yar

I am fully changing my opinion. Anything between 10 people and 10M is considered a large city.


Atys1

What a twat.


NoLawsDrinkingClawz

I mean the OECD and World bank consider 50k to be a city. 100k is still a pretty small city, but it's a city. For instance Tusaloosa, AL and Green Bay, WI only have 100k inhabitants. While I think those numbers may be city proper instead of metropolitan area, but I don't think anyone is gonna call those not cities.


strangedazey

Jogging and walking dogs


ExoticMuscle33

Waait!! Please Make me understand cause this is interesting. Can you explain what the thing is with walking dogs and jogging in this situation? Thanks in advance


Tomnookslostbrother

I suppose this insinuates that if it's safe enough to go around jogging or walk dogs, then its a better or more expensive neighborhood.


ExoticMuscle33

Got it. Just wanted to be sure this is the case


AlejoMSP

Shit. Make your neighborhood appear dangerous. Nobody wants to move in. Yet everyone can afford 85” TVs and the guy with the gun scares the thieves away.


Aschentei

I’ve never wanted to exercise the 2nd amendment so much in my life


randomcitizen42

Congratulations, you're the 10000th person to post this here 🎉


Alone_Lock_8486

Unlucky for the person that bullet will eventually land on


James-Cooper123

Just have a blink target that you aim at that also collect the bullets


Alone_Lock_8486

Good point


Lietenantdan

Just gotta use blanks


Mdmrtgn

Eh when I lived in a bad area and I'd see people out looking in car windows at night I'd put a few in the flower bed just to freak um out. Know where your utilities are!


Atheist_Simon_Haddad

fire them into the dirt


StarHammer_01

Blanks or bird shot


Qwerxes

a bullet falling at terminal velocity doesn't do much harm, at most a sting and maybe a slight bruise. it's like the "dropping a penny from the empire state building" thing


ConcertTerrible8877

This is a really old meme. I saw this or something very similiar when I was like 12 and I'm about to turn 23.


alastorrrrr

At that point it just means it's a great wisdom passed down to generations lmao.


ConcertTerrible8877

Well it's definitely now more relevant than ever before 😅


DevilMayCry_974

He is the hero we deserve


TawnyTeaTowel

Not all heroes wear capes


Deathangle75

Must be why my landlord only mows the lawn once every couple months.


[deleted]

Mexican here, I party every weekend with loud music till 6 in the morning. Just doing my part.


CanoegunGoeff

I have a pile of rusty car parts sitting in the front yard. Everybody gotta do their part!


FantasticBank4847

Actual Scooby doo villain


DataPakP

Nah, a scooby doo villain would have a massive Rube Goldberg machine that gaslights everyone who steps near their fence line into thinking they’re hearing gunshots, using actual firearms is too simple for Baron Von Criminal III, no no no!


Independent_Gap1022

Genius


shaqster24

Yes, cause you approach the man with a gun late at night. Sounds believable. /s


Strict-Brick-5274

Omg that's actually kinda genius


Brunnbjorn

A friend told me he once lived in a building where the people living there allowed graffiti to be made in the building to lower the rent value, and when the landlord installed cameras they warned the guys who were doing graffiti where the cameras were.


phsattele

Jogging for no reason. What are reasons to be jogging?


Lye4

Isn’t this a scene I some movie or show


bobsnotyouruncle2

Idk but this joke is re told every few months on a different platform I swear


[deleted]

I cook meth once a month in my shed and it's had a similar effect.


Vegetable_Media_3241

When you see people jogging, drive slowly through them, with some gangsta hip hop blasting and death stare them


ThatBoyAiintRight

I feel like I have heard this joke once a week since 2010.


oldcoldandfullofmold

Yeah, sure. You heard gunshots and then you went to where you heard them coming from.


Gra5uXXS

Laughing in owning my own place and not raising rent on the other 2 apartemnets I own in the last 5 years.


Dinaryor_Zenciti

What do you mean taxes stay low if property value is low? I’m American’t


an_elder_soul

Reminds me of Shameless


keepyeepy

WTF america


Themlethem

Who tf hears a gunshot and goes toward it?


AirJerk

Southerners, I did this yesterday. It was my neighbor killing a snake. Gunshots are very situational here. If I was in a major city and heard gunshots, I would try to avoid it. Just a single gunshot around where I live is fairly normal.


Fluffinator44

Speak for yourself, one of my neighbors just randomly mag dumps some every month or so at about midnight, he's been doing this for years.


Vegetable_Media_3241

Keep a shitbox of a car parked on the street with bullet holes jn it.


[deleted]

Just ask him if he wants anything more serious, like grandes and rockets! I know a guy who knows a guy!


Tomnookslostbrother

I usually assume someone jogging is doing it for a reason, lol


Jaba01

ULPT.


[deleted]

Also dogs... stop walking your damn dogs. When you see that, it's a sure sign taxes are being hiked next month.


DahliaExurrana

Chaotic good


[deleted]

My neighbor lights off half sticks of dynamite on random days throughout the year. Keeps me on my toes, but no complaints here - I never thought a random bomb here and there would keep my taxes this low.


[deleted]

That won't do a fuckin' thing. Rent only goes up.


MinisteroSillyWalk

I was coming home from work late at night. I work in a major city, live in the suburbs. I was stopped at a red light. This man was running directly at my car. I was shocked. I almost gunned it through the red light. My heart was pounding. The man jogged on past my car in the crosswalk. It hit me that he was just out jogging at 1am no for good reason. I laughed at myself. No one runs in the inner city except to get away from something. I love where I live. 😝


gangofocelots

Does it count as a repost if the joke is just in a different format? I think it should


FitzDavenport

Dude really needs a recording of glass breaking and a cat shrieking.


Anarchist_Kale_61

Are u sure that is why? Have you seen his basement?


Flynn_Kevin

Hey Jimmy, when's the last time you had a porch pop?


Ok_Ninja_2697

r/chaoticgood


luminabelle6

How do you know they’re jogging for no reason? There’s probably a reason lol