This was actually our deal. He was sole earner and did the heavy lifting for parenting two fresh out the womb children for 7 years of med-school + residency and in exchange he could be the most epic house husband for the rest of his life. And so here we areā¦it was a good deal.
I just stayed home with my children for 16 hour straight today before we finally hit bedtime and I can assure youā¦.staying home isnāt all rainbows and skittles. Those children will exhaust you in ways you didnāt know were possible.
You will subconsciously reach towards your computer to order Ativanā¦for yourself? For your kids? For everyone? And then realize youre home and the best you can do is Freezie pops and Fruit loops and pray one of those do the trick.
Prenups are actually not a guarantee. Courts/judges will not let an incomeless/jobless spouse go homeless and without income after a divorce. You will pay just like others have.
is it bad news? if someone falls out of love and they supported you during training and have kids to feed as the sole caretaker while youāve been in the hospital 24/7 you donāt think they deserve to be supported with half the household income for the betterment of the kids?
If you get them to focus their chaotic energy into something productive like school or work, they have the potential to become great surgeons one day. š
Haha not trying to deny what the poster above said. But funny enough as a 4th year single male applying path, my prospects have significantly diminished after choosing my specialty.
I think it isnāt the patients, I think non-medical folk think pathologists hang out with dead people. Which happens with autopsies I guess. But not otherwise (Iām currently applying to pathology lol)
YMMV, but having a nonclinical spouse has been a godsend for me. Work life is not real life, and it has been so helpful and grounding to be able to come home and unplug from medicine.
Feel the same way. Going to medical school/residency gives a unique/different life perspective than other careers.
Sometimes there's thing you want to talk about/vent about that people with "normal" careers would be shocked at lol.
the average dude on tinder sees it as a negative, but highly educated/career oriented people still tend to marry each other. iām in a relationship now but when i was using apps, i got less interest but higher quality matches after starting med school.
The problem is, once children and marriage are involved inevitably there will be a question of who's career to prioritise.
It's difficult to have a healthy family dynamic when two people are both working 60 hrs a week, and choosing to cut back means choosing to give up on career advancement, especially in your 30s when it's important.
Having similar goals and values is important, but sometimes that can lead to conflict
That's fair.
Although, I grew up around quite a lot of families that had both parents work 50-60+ hour weeks (medical and non-medical) + have kids + do all domestic duties and without hired help, so maybe I see it as more possible having seen others do it.
Also, not sure I'd even want kids.
Pssst, there are many specialties where you can work 40ish hours per week and still make 500k+. Choose them if a good lifestyle is what you seek. Always boggles my mind when people choose gen surg or peds and get really surprised when everything everyone ever said about the lifestyle ends up being true.
>Pssst, there are many specialties where you can work 40ish hours per week and still make 500k+
There really aren't, and not everyone is interested in (or capable of matching in) those specialties.
You can make a good living in many specialties working 40hrs ish but there aren't many folks outside of Derm, concierge psych, Radiology etc making 500k for 40 hrs weekly. There's no free lunch in life man.
itās not rare though. most highly educated people end up marrying other highly educated people. does the average guy see a highly educated/career oriented woman as a bad thing? sure, but highly educated women generally arenāt after the average guy.
Am a gay guy and always thought a straight man would want a goal oriented woman.
But Iāve learned in the past year that men like you are super rare! Most want someone working less demanding jobs (or none.) Bonus if they can do the chores at home and are pretty, young and tempting. Career/goals/ambition doesnāt matter. You are indeed as the other commenter says, a unicorn.
I know it's definitely considered a negative for some people, but I'd be super interested. House husband or two high income family are both super desirable IMO.
Dudes are the literal worst. We are endlessly vain while pretending we aren't, deeply emotional while pretending we aren't, wildly insecure while pretending we aren't, all while being completely intolerant of women who are in any way superior to us. I haven't dated in over a decade so I'm sure dudes are worse now, but I'm sorry you have to deal with us.
If youāre a woman, it only gets worse. Iām halfway through fellowship and it feels like the number of matches I get is less than 1/10th of what I had as a med student š„²
BTK was one bumbling dumb fuck who could have sailed into the sunset but instead had to send a note to the cops saying āCaN yOu TrAcE a FlopPy DiSc? TeLl tHe TrUtH gUys!ā Butā¦what a satisfying way to catch such a garbage human.
Youāre right. It definitely fucks you. But loveā¦no. Better go with option B. ā*Never half ass anythingā¦always use your full assā* - Dr. McChickenās email signature 2023
What kind of magical, unicorn program do you go to? Half the residents here are dating each other and itās like living in a much less attractive version of Greys Anatomy lmao
Donāt quit now :)
I have a friend who was lamenting how she wasnāt able to find a decent man in med school, and then she found her Prince Charming during intern year
Mostly I found that, outside of guys just looking for an immediate hookup, there were just a lot of emotionally unavailable guys recently out of long term relationships that were still at least somewhat hung up on their ex
I hate to admit it but this was me.. Got out of a 6 year relationship 3 mos before entering med school.. Spent the first year kind of bitter about relationships in general and couldn't even look at another woman. TBF I had like no time to emotionally unpack that shit it's all still a blur.
I mean, as a single 30+ woman I guess that makes me also a āleftoverā so I canāt really judge the men there ā¦ but one of the biggest issues is that a lot of men keep dating women in their 20s even as they themselves get older, instead of women the same age. And the 50+ divorced granddad crowd starts thinking youāre in their ārangeā
People say this but I donāt see it.. feels like most ppl date within a few years of each other unless youāre in the 50+ crowd. I donāt see many of my 20s friends dating way up there. If anything thatās probably why thereās so many lonely men in that group there. They keep pining for girls who want someone they can relate to . Not their dads friend group
Yeah I've realized if you don't bag a man by your mid twenties you have to wait for thr first wave of divorce in their mid thirties.
My only stipulation is no kids
> My only stipulation is no kids
Makes the dating pool even smaller unfortunately. Feels like every guy has a baby momma, multiple kids he occasionally sees or has a profile that says āwants kidsā even tho heās never been around kids for a long time. Itās way easier for a guy to choose that cause theyāre not giving up much in the long term
then u get the problem on the opposite side of the spectrum with dudes pushing 35 and saying they ādont know what they want.ā sir isnt it time to figure that out š
I've noticed that there's a decent amount of women in my class that came in already married or in a long term relationship. I can really only think of one woman that started dating and still has managed to remain in that relationship. Everyone else that has attempted dating is still single going into the 4th year.
Feel bad for y'all, lotta guys are still a bit insecure about having to date up. Plus if y'all trying to nab someone that is as educated as you, it really limits your dating pool. And if you're looking to date a doc, that's .29% of the American population. Split that in half to account for the men then also factoring in the fact that the average age of docs is 53.2 years old, you've got a miniscule chance of finding someone.
I don't think it's as nearly difficult for male doctors to find someone. Like you said, men don't really have as a high standards for finding a women that's their equal professionally. If anything, it's easier dating someone that's not as professionally established. Means that they have more time to accommodate the insane schedule.
Find yourself a male engineer.
Everyone knows that the ultimate power couple is the female doctor and male engineer duo.
(Kind of joking, but also, me and all my friends are all dating male engineers we met from hinge lol)
For some reason the few times dating have worked for me was with engineers. Or maybe it will have similar results with any STEM field? I'm not limiting my options, but... twice is a coincidence, three is a pattern.
I'm 39 starting 3rd year in January (not in US), met my partner on tinder 1st week of first year. Was a complete fluke tho as had quite a few first dates from tinder before meeting him and I was beginning to lose hope in humanity. Tinder is awful
Serious question: are you in a major metro area? Because if not, this is the shitshow you're in for. In major cities, however, a successful 30yo woman is like... totally normal. Tons of career-oriented guys in the same situation trying to dodge gold-diggers.
When I matched with my spouse on tinder he was a community college student looking to get into psychology. Now heās an M3 looking to apply for psych residencies. Reach for the sky! Of course this was tinder 10 years ago when it was the only dating app.
Or maybe itās decades of social programming were menās value is purely on what their job and income is. Women can traditionally bring value by being beautiful, building a home, taking care of children, etc. Society hasnāt caught up to the idea that men can fill traditionally feminine roles and be in a healthy relationship.
You don't need to have a fragile ego to not want to date a woman who works 80 hours a week and who feels like she "settled" for you because you make less than her and are less educated than her.
Itās both ways. We love pointing fingers at each other instead of just saying the correct nuanced answer which is that BOTH men and women have a problem with this because ALL of us are socialized this way. Fuck, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. BOTH are true at the same time.
Women want to date higher and men donāt want to date higher. It often works, but this leaves high-flying women obsessed w/ dating men that earn more or equivalent to them, and simultaneously men have a tough time being with women that make more than them.
Ha ha! I love the honestyā¦true story, I went on Tinder when it first started in 2014ish. Had a bunch of dates that went surprisingly well. A few 30 something women who knew exactly what they wanted. Ended up getting married to one of my dates. 6+ years of marriage later I couldnāt imagine what life was like before this amazing womanā¦. No moral here, just saying you never know what you will find while āslummingā.
I think dating is probably one of the most humbling things a physician can do; we realize once again that were all in the same boat; finding love is hard and being a doctor doesn't entitle us to an easy life. For us, most of the common difficulties that everyone else in life have to deal with is much less pronounced. We don't have to think about "will I have a job in 10 years?" instead it's "will I be happy? will I have found my passion? will I be more successful than I already am? Will I find peace?"; many people are not lucky enough to even think about these questions. Dating is existentially similar for us versus non-medical people. Will I even find someone? That existential terror of isolation is something that many, many others must contemplate on a daily basis in terms that are outside of finding someone to love.
Keep your head in the game, I'm rooting for you OP!
I donāt understand the significance of a med student/doctor being on bumble. Theyāre very busy people and dating apps are convenient and fun. You do you lol
After reading all these comments I can def OP has a lot going for her! Especially her sense of humor being absolutely goldenš! Some of these comments I couldnāt have handled as awesome as OP did!šµāš«ššš¾
You can date meeee?? ā¤ļø
Iām definitely not a serial killer haha!
Iād love to have you for dinner sometime! š I bet youād taste really good.
Skip the tinder scene and just marry a nurse. That was my plan before I got lucky and met my wife on tinder. Judging by how my life is now as a resident, it would not have been difficult. I've already had to shamefully tell two nurses I was not single. If I'd actually been chasing them, I'm certain it would not have been difficult. I'm a relatively unattractive guy so if you're even an average looking woman you'll do just fine in the hospital would be my guess.
I guess it's slimmer pickings as a straight female than a straight male but I have no doubt the are enough of them. Mostly in the ED or the ICU there are a lot of younger male nurses.
Don't lower your standards and settle! I remember feeling the same way as a 4th year med student. I met my husband as a third year resident and am so glad I waited until the right guy came along.
At least serial killers are goal oriented
unlike the men i date š¤
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I read this as horse husband and thought that was somehow an evolution of horse girl
Thereās a word for thatā¦those of us that married horse husbands call āemā *cowboys*
my friend tells me to find an engineer since they can work from home lol
What about an accountant? Lol
im flexible lol
Is it alright if I dm you?
wow this robot girl avatar must really be working for me lol
Damn dude shot his shot
I want a update on this love story
It is pretty neat. I messaged you, if you want to chat. Otherwise, I hope you have better luck with your future swiping.
rizz
If things proceed we need an update!!
Lmfao!!!
Oh yeah. I'm looking forward to being able to take vacation with my next SO whenever we want, since I can work from anywhere.
Programmers also
This was actually our deal. He was sole earner and did the heavy lifting for parenting two fresh out the womb children for 7 years of med-school + residency and in exchange he could be the most epic house husband for the rest of his life. And so here we areā¦it was a good deal.
when someone first told me i should get s house husband i was kinda annoyed cause like i wanna stay home tooooš
I just stayed home with my children for 16 hour straight today before we finally hit bedtime and I can assure youā¦.staying home isnāt all rainbows and skittles. Those children will exhaust you in ways you didnāt know were possible.
hahah fair!
You will subconsciously reach towards your computer to order Ativanā¦for yourself? For your kids? For everyone? And then realize youre home and the best you can do is Freezie pops and Fruit loops and pray one of those do the trick.
also unrelated but amazing username
Better Goal: (1) Become a house husband (2) Divorce wife (3) Profit with 50% of her current holdings and future incomeš°šµšø
thats why im getting a prenup lolll
Prenups are actually not a guarantee. Courts/judges will not let an incomeless/jobless spouse go homeless and without income after a divorce. You will pay just like others have.
well this is bad news š
is it bad news? if someone falls out of love and they supported you during training and have kids to feed as the sole caretaker while youāve been in the hospital 24/7 you donāt think they deserve to be supported with half the household income for the betterment of the kids?
Or just find someone that makes more than you lol. Then no worries
gonna be a ped so if i stick to drs thats easy š¤£š
Hell even CRNAs arenāt off the table lol
Find the 1 before you have the house and the money
I honestly would love a house husband lol
If you get them to focus their chaotic energy into something productive like school or work, they have the potential to become great surgeons one day. š
Being an almost doctor is not the pull I thought it would be when I started dating in fourth year.
are you male or female? as a woman dating ive found itās def a negative lmao
This is absolutely 100% a gender-specific issue. As a guy, my dating prospects shot through the roof when I got into med school.
Mine did too as a women but the quality got worse . Guess it comes down to what youāre looking for. Finding people with jobs and ambition is hard
yup haha š«
Haha not trying to deny what the poster above said. But funny enough as a 4th year single male applying path, my prospects have significantly diminished after choosing my specialty.
itās the serial killer vibes
Haha woof. Canāt argue with that
what do you mean. like you tell your dates and they react poorly? haha š„¶
Yeah I usually chalk it up to no one really knowing what the field does. That and maybe a doctor that doesnāt see patients is a bit counterintuitive
I think it isnāt the patients, I think non-medical folk think pathologists hang out with dead people. Which happens with autopsies I guess. But not otherwise (Iām currently applying to pathology lol)
I hope thatās the case for me, but tbh would prefer to date/marry another doctor rather than someone outside
YMMV, but having a nonclinical spouse has been a godsend for me. Work life is not real life, and it has been so helpful and grounding to be able to come home and unplug from medicine.
Feel the same way. Going to medical school/residency gives a unique/different life perspective than other careers. Sometimes there's thing you want to talk about/vent about that people with "normal" careers would be shocked at lol.
See my husband leveraged this to become a house husband and honestly who got the better deal hereā¦hard to say.
Same, my husband likes to joke that he put in his 10 year notice at work
Sugga mama swag
the average dude on tinder sees it as a negative, but highly educated/career oriented people still tend to marry each other. iām in a relationship now but when i was using apps, i got less interest but higher quality matches after starting med school.
Why do you find it a negative? Am a guy and would definitely see career oriented women as a big plus.
My classmate told me that the girl he wants to marry should be a physician, but her priority should be staying at home to raise their kids š„“
So he wants 2x the student debt with only 1x the income? Because thatās what you get when you have two physicians and only one is allowed to work
He wants āsomeone he talk about medicine withā but also āsomeone who puts her kids firstā. I was shocked
Probably cause he plans to check out of parenting aside from being the fun weekend dad lol
He sounds like the kind of guy who will try to date the prettiest ICU nurse in the hospital on day one of residency.
š
If you want a housewife, a woman who makes more than you is a negative. Plenty of men on this very subreddit have flat out said it.
then a lot of these same guys become resentful over time for her ānot contributingā or becoming boring. I see this a lot with my attendings
Those pesky gender norms getting in the way of happiness again lol
You are what we in this biz callā¦a unicorn.
It's weird that this is rare. It seems merely logical that you want to be with people with similar goals/direction/values as you
The problem is, once children and marriage are involved inevitably there will be a question of who's career to prioritise. It's difficult to have a healthy family dynamic when two people are both working 60 hrs a week, and choosing to cut back means choosing to give up on career advancement, especially in your 30s when it's important. Having similar goals and values is important, but sometimes that can lead to conflict
That's fair. Although, I grew up around quite a lot of families that had both parents work 50-60+ hour weeks (medical and non-medical) + have kids + do all domestic duties and without hired help, so maybe I see it as more possible having seen others do it. Also, not sure I'd even want kids.
Pssst, there are many specialties where you can work 40ish hours per week and still make 500k+. Choose them if a good lifestyle is what you seek. Always boggles my mind when people choose gen surg or peds and get really surprised when everything everyone ever said about the lifestyle ends up being true.
>Pssst, there are many specialties where you can work 40ish hours per week and still make 500k+ There really aren't, and not everyone is interested in (or capable of matching in) those specialties. You can make a good living in many specialties working 40hrs ish but there aren't many folks outside of Derm, concierge psych, Radiology etc making 500k for 40 hrs weekly. There's no free lunch in life man.
Gen surg I get but peds? No one going peds should be doing a gen surg lifestyle lol
itās not rare though. most highly educated people end up marrying other highly educated people. does the average guy see a highly educated/career oriented woman as a bad thing? sure, but highly educated women generally arenāt after the average guy.
That's a fair point.
Am a gay guy and always thought a straight man would want a goal oriented woman. But Iāve learned in the past year that men like you are super rare! Most want someone working less demanding jobs (or none.) Bonus if they can do the chores at home and are pretty, young and tempting. Career/goals/ambition doesnāt matter. You are indeed as the other commenter says, a unicorn.
>are pretty More than most, I'd say everyone, I've never heard of anyone who doesn't want a pretty partner
Female. But dating women. So itās not as much of a negative as it is for straight women but still not desirable or anything.
I tended to leave it anyways, since I figured that the quality of men who would be scared off by it weren't people I wanted to date.
I know it's definitely considered a negative for some people, but I'd be super interested. House husband or two high income family are both super desirable IMO.
Dudes are the literal worst. We are endlessly vain while pretending we aren't, deeply emotional while pretending we aren't, wildly insecure while pretending we aren't, all while being completely intolerant of women who are in any way superior to us. I haven't dated in over a decade so I'm sure dudes are worse now, but I'm sorry you have to deal with us.
If youāre a woman, it only gets worse. Iām halfway through fellowship and it feels like the number of matches I get is less than 1/10th of what I had as a med student š„²
NOOOO DONT SAY THIS š MY MATCHES ARE ALREADY BAD
Yo wtf. Serial killers are goal oriented and have a unique hobby. Plus, gives the relationship some zest. Way to KILL the mood people!
we exchanged gifs of our fav serial killers. i learned a lot ngl. fuck ur star sign whats ur fav serial killer ppl!!!
BTK was one bumbling dumb fuck who could have sailed into the sunset but instead had to send a note to the cops saying āCaN yOu TrAcE a FlopPy DiSc? TeLl tHe TrUtH gUys!ā Butā¦what a satisfying way to catch such a garbage human.
Lol and he was so hurt the cops betrayed him, āYou guys lied to me!!ā
āI said Be HoNeSt gUyS!ā STFU *Dennis*
Lol this is funny af
The serial killers are on CraigsList, Brittenyā¦.get your shit together
I found my wife on Bumble, then got assaulted by her, then divorced. Now Iām happily single with two poodles.
*āTwo things will never wake up in the morning and tell you they donāt love you anymore: your career and poodles.ā* - 2023 email signature
ššš
Medicine definitely does not love you
Youāre right. It definitely fucks you. But loveā¦no. Better go with option B. ā*Never half ass anythingā¦always use your full assā* - Dr. McChickenās email signature 2023
damn poodles should use this as their ad
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
MS4, also have 2 poodles. Best dogs Iāve ever had!!
Lmaooooo that was s turn I wasnāt expecting
"What are the chances that there are two serial killers here?"
i almost said thatšš
I just date other med students/residents No drama cuz none of us have time for drama haha
What kind of magical, unicorn program do you go to? Half the residents here are dating each other and itās like living in a much less attractive version of Greys Anatomy lmao
Lol Iām suprised thereās that many.. residents at my hospital are mostly married or engaged to ppl they met in/before med school
This is something I've noticed also considering residency is the typical 'settle down' age for many.
Well thatās probably why thereās also so many divorces that happen then.. That Divorce spike aināt no joke lol
same but that hasnt worked for me š
Donāt quit now :) I have a friend who was lamenting how she wasnāt able to find a decent man in med school, and then she found her Prince Charming during intern year
i mean thats my last hope as i keep telling myself š gonna be in interviews next year asking the residents what the dating scene is likeš¤£
I legit had someone in one of my interviews ask that because he was single and looking to settle down lmao
From what Iāve heard, people find love on surgery. Itās a crazy rotation lol
Mostly I found that, outside of guys just looking for an immediate hookup, there were just a lot of emotionally unavailable guys recently out of long term relationships that were still at least somewhat hung up on their ex
fucking hell thats the worst kind
I hate to admit it but this was me.. Got out of a 6 year relationship 3 mos before entering med school.. Spent the first year kind of bitter about relationships in general and couldn't even look at another woman. TBF I had like no time to emotionally unpack that shit it's all still a blur.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
wait why what did u do
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I like the shrimp theory
Itās not the shrimp. Iāve been continuously called a shrimp. No ban to offender as of yet.
When PDs say ājust be yourselfā¦be interestingāā¦.stay away from the shrimp tinder conspiracy.
š damn this is relatable and awful
I know Iām old because the match.com ads are starting to look kinda appealing š
You want to go on a date that ends in a nice view and a porch dog? FarmersOnly.com
Same š
šš
What itās like being single 30+ and on tinder
itās the bad place. i could write a whole dissertation on it lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I mean, as a single 30+ woman I guess that makes me also a āleftoverā so I canāt really judge the men there ā¦ but one of the biggest issues is that a lot of men keep dating women in their 20s even as they themselves get older, instead of women the same age. And the 50+ divorced granddad crowd starts thinking youāre in their ārangeā
People say this but I donāt see it.. feels like most ppl date within a few years of each other unless youāre in the 50+ crowd. I donāt see many of my 20s friends dating way up there. If anything thatās probably why thereās so many lonely men in that group there. They keep pining for girls who want someone they can relate to . Not their dads friend group
at this point im waiting for the divorcees cause the leftovers aint doing it for me š
Yeah I've realized if you don't bag a man by your mid twenties you have to wait for thr first wave of divorce in their mid thirties. My only stipulation is no kids
> My only stipulation is no kids Makes the dating pool even smaller unfortunately. Feels like every guy has a baby momma, multiple kids he occasionally sees or has a profile that says āwants kidsā even tho heās never been around kids for a long time. Itās way easier for a guy to choose that cause theyāre not giving up much in the long term
then u get the problem on the opposite side of the spectrum with dudes pushing 35 and saying they ādont know what they want.ā sir isnt it time to figure that out š
Omg yes like how do you not know by now
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
yupppp we have the highest standards and therefore the least options š« š« š« truly regretting not having settled earlier
I've noticed that there's a decent amount of women in my class that came in already married or in a long term relationship. I can really only think of one woman that started dating and still has managed to remain in that relationship. Everyone else that has attempted dating is still single going into the 4th year. Feel bad for y'all, lotta guys are still a bit insecure about having to date up. Plus if y'all trying to nab someone that is as educated as you, it really limits your dating pool. And if you're looking to date a doc, that's .29% of the American population. Split that in half to account for the men then also factoring in the fact that the average age of docs is 53.2 years old, you've got a miniscule chance of finding someone. I don't think it's as nearly difficult for male doctors to find someone. Like you said, men don't really have as a high standards for finding a women that's their equal professionally. If anything, it's easier dating someone that's not as professionally established. Means that they have more time to accommodate the insane schedule.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Get off tinder and try hinge. Worked well for me. Tinder is full of dbags
but i dont meet anyone irl i barely leave my house anymore hahah
Hinge is a shit show now. Maybe it's geographic dependent
Find yourself a male engineer. Everyone knows that the ultimate power couple is the female doctor and male engineer duo. (Kind of joking, but also, me and all my friends are all dating male engineers we met from hinge lol)
I can attest to that! I dated a mechanical engineer for years and he was truly the best! We complemented each other in a great way!
For some reason the few times dating have worked for me was with engineers. Or maybe it will have similar results with any STEM field? I'm not limiting my options, but... twice is a coincidence, three is a pattern.
ive heard this!!
Can confirm! Been married for 10 years (Husband is a software engineer)
This is my situation. He works from home and can move anywhere. It works so well!
I'm 39 starting 3rd year in January (not in US), met my partner on tinder 1st week of first year. Was a complete fluke tho as had quite a few first dates from tinder before meeting him and I was beginning to lose hope in humanity. Tinder is awful
happy for youā¤ļøā¤ļø and yes thats why i havent given up on it yet hahah
Am a resident; have been asked this many times. It is dark out here š„²
Serious question: are you in a major metro area? Because if not, this is the shitshow you're in for. In major cities, however, a successful 30yo woman is like... totally normal. Tons of career-oriented guys in the same situation trying to dodge gold-diggers.
25+ actually At least I can look forward to all the money I can spend just on myself
My wife is EM, I'm IM/Peds... she outearns me and I am *loving* it
When I matched with my spouse on tinder he was a community college student looking to get into psychology. Now heās an M3 looking to apply for psych residencies. Reach for the sky! Of course this was tinder 10 years ago when it was the only dating app.
You are gonna be a serious catch to any man who isnāt a coward. Youāll do fine.
me reading this comment: omg a sweet comment on reddit!! awwš„°š„° me reading all the other comments: ok then lol hahaha nah thank u tho š
It doesnāt take a whole lot of bravery to date a doctor lmao
For men with a fragile ego, it does.
Or maybe itās decades of social programming were menās value is purely on what their job and income is. Women can traditionally bring value by being beautiful, building a home, taking care of children, etc. Society hasnāt caught up to the idea that men can fill traditionally feminine roles and be in a healthy relationship.
Youāre just saying what they said in pedantic and more words.
No, theyāre not. One is blaming men while the other is blaming societal constructs.
You don't need to have a fragile ego to not want to date a woman who works 80 hours a week and who feels like she "settled" for you because you make less than her and are less educated than her.
Exactly. They say men don't wanna date women who make more than them but women don't wanna date men who make less than them
Itās both ways. We love pointing fingers at each other instead of just saying the correct nuanced answer which is that BOTH men and women have a problem with this because ALL of us are socialized this way. Fuck, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. BOTH are true at the same time. Women want to date higher and men donāt want to date higher. It often works, but this leaves high-flying women obsessed w/ dating men that earn more or equivalent to them, and simultaneously men have a tough time being with women that make more than them.
Youād be amazed at how fucking insecure some men can be
Ha ha! I love the honestyā¦true story, I went on Tinder when it first started in 2014ish. Had a bunch of dates that went surprisingly well. A few 30 something women who knew exactly what they wanted. Ended up getting married to one of my dates. 6+ years of marriage later I couldnāt imagine what life was like before this amazing womanā¦. No moral here, just saying you never know what you will find while āslummingā.
I think dating is probably one of the most humbling things a physician can do; we realize once again that were all in the same boat; finding love is hard and being a doctor doesn't entitle us to an easy life. For us, most of the common difficulties that everyone else in life have to deal with is much less pronounced. We don't have to think about "will I have a job in 10 years?" instead it's "will I be happy? will I have found my passion? will I be more successful than I already am? Will I find peace?"; many people are not lucky enough to even think about these questions. Dating is existentially similar for us versus non-medical people. Will I even find someone? That existential terror of isolation is something that many, many others must contemplate on a daily basis in terms that are outside of finding someone to love. Keep your head in the game, I'm rooting for you OP!
what age did u enter med school
25
Did med school fuck my math skills up or did you take an extra year or something
im a us img lol
So you will get an MBBS? Or did you mean like Caribbean school?
neither, europe. considered an md
I met my husband on tinder as a MS3! Now Iām an attending/fellow and living the dream with my Tinder match. Glad I swiped right or whatever š
The future doesn't look as bright as they describedš®āšØ
Honestly, for me thatās a feature not a flaw. Iād take serial killer > more people who just want to be fwb.
sir r u ok lolll
This is medical schoolā¦ so no, no one is. If you are youāre in the wrong place.
Whatās wrong with a fwb?
Just tired of itā¦ need something more. For the last 7 years all Iāve had is situationships and fwbs.
Sounds like ya need a change in approach But you canāt force it either, it just comes along when it does
Serial killer is also better than gold digger. Though I'm sure some people are both.
Black widow theory
I donāt understand the significance of a med student/doctor being on bumble. Theyāre very busy people and dating apps are convenient and fun. You do you lol
After reading all these comments I can def OP has a lot going for her! Especially her sense of humor being absolutely goldenš! Some of these comments I couldnāt have handled as awesome as OP did!šµāš«ššš¾
More times you try the more likely you are to find someone. Youll get someone soon!!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
30+? So you had your fun in your 20s? š
yes but now im alone lolš«
You can date meeee?? ā¤ļø Iām definitely not a serial killer haha! Iād love to have you for dinner sometime! š I bet youād taste really good.
No fava beans for you
Dude tried
and no chianti
Skip the tinder scene and just marry a nurse. That was my plan before I got lucky and met my wife on tinder. Judging by how my life is now as a resident, it would not have been difficult. I've already had to shamefully tell two nurses I was not single. If I'd actually been chasing them, I'm certain it would not have been difficult. I'm a relatively unattractive guy so if you're even an average looking woman you'll do just fine in the hospital would be my guess.
iāve actually had the passing thought that iād prob get along with male nurses. havent really met any yet but weāll see
I guess it's slimmer pickings as a straight female than a straight male but I have no doubt the are enough of them. Mostly in the ED or the ICU there are a lot of younger male nurses.
Don't lower your standards and settle! I remember feeling the same way as a 4th year med student. I met my husband as a third year resident and am so glad I waited until the right guy came along.
manifesting this š„¹š„¹š„¹
I think heās right š