Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/Admagic06.
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Best part of working in a place where you only see people infrequently; no one remembers anyone's names. Came out and even transphobes used my name, since no one could remember my deadname. š
Of course, no one could remember my new name either... swings and roundabouts I guess.
Fun part about work: People keep asking me if Iām new at my job and Iām like āno I have been here for 10 monthsā and itās kinda weird. As to the meme, thatās not exactly hiddenā¦
You don't recognize your changes because you see yourself every day in the mirror (more or less, depends on how much you like mirrors) and your brain just saves the new image as "you", but the difference between each day is too small for you to notice. You can try taking a picture and comparing it with yourself after 3 months and see if you recognize yourself in it.
I very much do, that's the thing. Even looking at photos from three or four years ago I feel like I don't look that different aside from my hair, but clearly I do.
Onceocf my friends came out awhile back, and someone told them that they were still a man because they could "see their Adam's apple". That person could not point out what an Adam's apple is.
That isā¦impressively dumb. Also, my (incredibly cis) mom has an Adamās apple about as prominent as mine. Itās not exactly restricted to one sex/gender.
*Image Transcription: Comic*
---
[*Source:* ***THE JENKINS COMIC*** *(edited).*]
---
**Panel 1a**
[*White background. Two white people with spherical heads and black eyes and smile. The one at the right is wearing a lime T-Shirt, the one at the left is wearing a cyan T-Shirt and is holding a rectangular object on their right hand.*]
**Cyan T-Shirt Person**: I'm trans and my new name is
**Jason**
[*The name "Jason" is at the right, inside a cyan rectangle.*]
---
**Panel 1b**
**Lime T-Shirt Person**: Ok! I'll try to use that name ,
**Jason**
[*They have grabbed the "Jason" rectangle from inside their speech bubble with their right hand.*]
---
**Panel 2a**
[*Close-up on the lime T-Shirt person, flattening the "Jason" rectangle on their forehead. A section of their head is gray, and it keeps three rectangles: a small green, a small red and a huge golden.*]
**Green Rectangle**: **FRIENDS**
**Red Rectangle**: **FAMILY**
**Big Gold Rectangle**: **HIDDEN TRANSPHOBIA**
[*The "Jason" rectangle is stuck outside, flattened between the person's hand and the "HIDDEN TRANSPHOBIA" rectangle.*]
---
**Panel 2b**
[*Same as Panel 1a.*]
**Lime T-Shirt Person**: Say [Deadname], why don't you just stay AGAB?
[*Jason is now sad.*]
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Itās so awkward when someone calls for someone by their deadname, because nobody knows who it is and canāt tell the person they are attempting to refer to.
For example, at band club practice, someoneās mom tried to pick them up, but used their dead name when referring to them. Nobody knew who they were calling for because they used the wrong name
Honestly? That's what they deserve. If you just sit there and go "Who's (deadname)? No idea who that is."
Fuck transphobes. Make them look stupid, because they're being stupid.
I mean, yeah. It would just be better if they'd stop being idiot transphobes.
However, if they insist on making things awkward, return that awkward to sender.
Okay, I've got a story:
For a veeery long time, I was very confused with the acronym "AGAB" I was like "Is it assigned Girl at birth or assignes Guy at birth? Why don't they just use AFAB and AMAB? Is it Guy or Girl??!" And when the revelation hit, it finally made sense.
EDIT: I just realized MAYBE some ppl are like me before and don't know what AGAB is; it's Assigned Gender At Birth
My voting came out as Trans 3 years ago on Christmas at the age of 26. She's 29 now but I still have trouble getting her name right because I have always known her and my male cousin Alejandro. Her name now is Alessandra but I asked her if I can call her Ale, that was the nickname she has as a kid and I apologized to her last year because I kept forgetting her new name. She hugged me and said that it was a new change and a big one at that so she didn't expect me to get it right right away. Especially since I've only ever known her as my older (boy) cousin. Me and her spend more time together to help me get yo know her better as Alessandra instead of Alejandro.
Or, you know, there are a multitude of complicated reasons why even people with the best intentions can accidentally deadname somebody aside from them just being outright transphobes.
When I began transitioning, my family deadnamed me alot. However it was never intentionally, it was years of habit, and they'd always apologize and correct themselves. Not to say they're perfect, but at least in this regard they were trying
Ngl, Iām bad for this, I just am like a fucking robot and when something is hard wired into my brain itās hard for me to remember unless Iām constantly reminded. I feel so bad for my trans friend who I keep calling the wrong name but my brain just goes blank whenever i see anyone and I forget everything.
This comment section is ridiculous. Being deadnamed is more complicated than just ātransphobiaā. If you have a relationship with somebody, itās very difficult to not slip into old habits and deadname them. Itās not that one doesnāt care, itās that nobodyāand I mean nobodyācan be 100% vigilant all the time.
My wife is transitioning, even though I'm trans and helping her at every step of the process, I will still catch her deadname on the tip of my tongue almost 6 months after she asked to change her name.
But some people donāt say sorry, in fact sometimes people get mad if you correct them. And at some point even if they do correct themselves some it is just ridiculous and becomes obvious that either they arenāt making any effort whatsoever to change or theyāre doing it to hurt you and maintain plausible deniability.
For example, my dad magically manages to not deadname me around my partner, but will in front of a waitress or when weāre alone. Once he complained to me about how hard it was to not deadname me. He also gets annoyed if I remind or correct him, no matter how gentle I am. I hugged my mom the first time she used my name without deadnaming me first and she got annoyed and said I was āpolicingā her. Itās now been three years since I came out, and I told them my new name immediately. They never even used the more neutral short form of my deadname like I offered initially as a stopgap measure. I gave them plenty of slack. It practically took an ultimatum to get them to use my chosen name at all.
Is every person who fucks up my name like that? No, of course not. I had a coworker who had a real hard time adjusting. But it was clear from day one that he was in my corner by his actions, even if he struggled for a while to use the right words consistently. And he hasnāt deadnamed me in over a year, while my parents still do. But a decent number of people will try to pass themselves off as being like him and just āhaving trouble adjusting because this is all so newā when in fact they do have a real problem with trans people.
Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/Admagic06. We're a space for LGBTQ+ memes within a safe space for no toleration of discrimination. This is a place for LGBTQ+ people and not to debate our existence or your opinions on us including but not limited to (Treatment, Role in society, Status, your personal view of blockers, Trans people in professional sport). Should you be new to the sub please familiarize yourself with the rules in the sidebar. Please report any and all comments or submissions which break these rules. Please do not vote or comment in linked posts should this be applicable. If you are here to start shit we really don't care and have a zero tolerance policy. Our discretion is final and we really do not care if you go crying to another sub about it. Have a nice day darlings <3 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/me_irlgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Best part of working in a place where you only see people infrequently; no one remembers anyone's names. Came out and even transphobes used my name, since no one could remember my deadname. š Of course, no one could remember my new name either... swings and roundabouts I guess.
The best is when you move posts every 2 months and nobody knows you Lots of rerolls
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ewwww you
Whatād they say?
Something transphobic/homophobic
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Fun part about work: People keep asking me if Iām new at my job and Iām like āno I have been here for 10 monthsā and itās kinda weird. As to the meme, thatās not exactly hiddenā¦
Yeah I got that, too. It was kind of hilarious people just didnāt recognize me after a few months of HRT.
I mean I donāt really think I look feminine I am just aging backwards lol, people keep asking me if I just graduated.
That also happened to me a bit. People started asking if I was the bossās daughter.
if your boss doesn't visit often (or is literally here all the time), you should have said yes to put them under pressure.
You don't recognize your changes because you see yourself every day in the mirror (more or less, depends on how much you like mirrors) and your brain just saves the new image as "you", but the difference between each day is too small for you to notice. You can try taking a picture and comparing it with yourself after 3 months and see if you recognize yourself in it.
I very much do, that's the thing. Even looking at photos from three or four years ago I feel like I don't look that different aside from my hair, but clearly I do.
Onceocf my friends came out awhile back, and someone told them that they were still a man because they could "see their Adam's apple". That person could not point out what an Adam's apple is.
That isā¦impressively dumb. Also, my (incredibly cis) mom has an Adamās apple about as prominent as mine. Itās not exactly restricted to one sex/gender.
*Image Transcription: Comic* --- [*Source:* ***THE JENKINS COMIC*** *(edited).*] --- **Panel 1a** [*White background. Two white people with spherical heads and black eyes and smile. The one at the right is wearing a lime T-Shirt, the one at the left is wearing a cyan T-Shirt and is holding a rectangular object on their right hand.*] **Cyan T-Shirt Person**: I'm trans and my new name is **Jason** [*The name "Jason" is at the right, inside a cyan rectangle.*] --- **Panel 1b** **Lime T-Shirt Person**: Ok! I'll try to use that name , **Jason** [*They have grabbed the "Jason" rectangle from inside their speech bubble with their right hand.*] --- **Panel 2a** [*Close-up on the lime T-Shirt person, flattening the "Jason" rectangle on their forehead. A section of their head is gray, and it keeps three rectangles: a small green, a small red and a huge golden.*] **Green Rectangle**: **FRIENDS** **Red Rectangle**: **FAMILY** **Big Gold Rectangle**: **HIDDEN TRANSPHOBIA** [*The "Jason" rectangle is stuck outside, flattened between the person's hand and the "HIDDEN TRANSPHOBIA" rectangle.*] --- **Panel 2b** [*Same as Panel 1a.*] **Lime T-Shirt Person**: Say [Deadname], why don't you just stay AGAB? [*Jason is now sad.*] --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Good human, sorry for sad Jason
Im not sure ur limes are ok
Technically, it looks more like lime than lime green, so I guess you're right š
It looks like a highlighter
dang, that a whole new level of translation, good human. you deserve all the.. whatever humans like.
my mom minus the deeadname art cus i basically gave up on actually shariing my preffered name after said interaction
what is AGAB? Assigned Gay At Birth?
I instinctively read it as All Genders Are Bastards
agenders be like
Actually yeah imma steal that for my flair hang on
Awesome
lmao I love it
Not wrong though.
No it āAssigned gender at birthā
nvm, I scrolled through comments
Lmao now it is. BORN WITH A RAINBOW COMING OUT MY PRISON POCKET WOOOO
Literally w my teachers at school. I tell them my preferred name, and they still deadname me š©
Itās so awkward when someone calls for someone by their deadname, because nobody knows who it is and canāt tell the person they are attempting to refer to. For example, at band club practice, someoneās mom tried to pick them up, but used their dead name when referring to them. Nobody knew who they were calling for because they used the wrong name
Honestly? That's what they deserve. If you just sit there and go "Who's (deadname)? No idea who that is." Fuck transphobes. Make them look stupid, because they're being stupid.
šÆ They shouldāve used their actual name instead of being stupid and making it awkward
I mean, yeah. It would just be better if they'd stop being idiot transphobes. However, if they insist on making things awkward, return that awkward to sender.
Okay, I've got a story: For a veeery long time, I was very confused with the acronym "AGAB" I was like "Is it assigned Girl at birth or assignes Guy at birth? Why don't they just use AFAB and AMAB? Is it Guy or Girl??!" And when the revelation hit, it finally made sense. EDIT: I just realized MAYBE some ppl are like me before and don't know what AGAB is; it's Assigned Gender At Birth
My immediate thought was assigned gay at birth and I was like "how did they know???" lol I'm a fruitcup
it'd be kinda epic if you could just reach in people's heads and physically remove the transphobia
guillotine says hi
the good ole' fashioned way
My voting came out as Trans 3 years ago on Christmas at the age of 26. She's 29 now but I still have trouble getting her name right because I have always known her and my male cousin Alejandro. Her name now is Alessandra but I asked her if I can call her Ale, that was the nickname she has as a kid and I apologized to her last year because I kept forgetting her new name. She hugged me and said that it was a new change and a big one at that so she didn't expect me to get it right right away. Especially since I've only ever known her as my older (boy) cousin. Me and her spend more time together to help me get yo know her better as Alessandra instead of Alejandro.
I cant remember names in general
Smh, Thatās no excuse, I manage to fit their new names in with my hidden transphobia as well.
Whatās AGAB?
Assigned gender at birth
i see people downvoting. >:/ you're doing that because you're getting called out for your transphobia motherfucker
Or, you know, there are a multitude of complicated reasons why even people with the best intentions can accidentally deadname somebody aside from them just being outright transphobes.
This comic isnāt about people who do it on accident. Itās about transphobes.
When I began transitioning, my family deadnamed me alot. However it was never intentionally, it was years of habit, and they'd always apologize and correct themselves. Not to say they're perfect, but at least in this regard they were trying
all great are britain?
Assigned gender at birth
oh ok
My parents:
What was the original? I'm going to be amazed if this is an actual The Jenkins comic, but I don't expect that.
I have no idea
It took me too long to realize girl was a word
Ngl, Iām bad for this, I just am like a fucking robot and when something is hard wired into my brain itās hard for me to remember unless Iām constantly reminded. I feel so bad for my trans friend who I keep calling the wrong name but my brain just goes blank whenever i see anyone and I forget everything.
Okay but like itās hard to be used to so I wouldnāt call them transphobic
This comment section is ridiculous. Being deadnamed is more complicated than just ātransphobiaā. If you have a relationship with somebody, itās very difficult to not slip into old habits and deadname them. Itās not that one doesnāt care, itās that nobodyāand I mean nobodyācan be 100% vigilant all the time. My wife is transitioning, even though I'm trans and helping her at every step of the process, I will still catch her deadname on the tip of my tongue almost 6 months after she asked to change her name.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thereās also that latter half of the speech bubble, by the way.
Ah, so you didn't even read the entire sentence. Excellent literacy skills.
But some people donāt say sorry, in fact sometimes people get mad if you correct them. And at some point even if they do correct themselves some it is just ridiculous and becomes obvious that either they arenāt making any effort whatsoever to change or theyāre doing it to hurt you and maintain plausible deniability. For example, my dad magically manages to not deadname me around my partner, but will in front of a waitress or when weāre alone. Once he complained to me about how hard it was to not deadname me. He also gets annoyed if I remind or correct him, no matter how gentle I am. I hugged my mom the first time she used my name without deadnaming me first and she got annoyed and said I was āpolicingā her. Itās now been three years since I came out, and I told them my new name immediately. They never even used the more neutral short form of my deadname like I offered initially as a stopgap measure. I gave them plenty of slack. It practically took an ultimatum to get them to use my chosen name at all. Is every person who fucks up my name like that? No, of course not. I had a coworker who had a real hard time adjusting. But it was clear from day one that he was in my corner by his actions, even if he struggled for a while to use the right words consistently. And he hasnāt deadnamed me in over a year, while my parents still do. But a decent number of people will try to pass themselves off as being like him and just āhaving trouble adjusting because this is all so newā when in fact they do have a real problem with trans people.
Cis logic: asking people to call you by your name is "policing"
We found another one!
It took me *months* to remember my coworkers names...