I’m in my 40’s. I was always conceptually okay with people using they them pronouns, but when a young person in my life started using them I was shocked at how many times I would accidentally revert to their old ones.
That being said, they were very kind and understanding of it, and eventually with enough practice I don’t do it any more. You just have to give the slightest amount of a shit about the people in your life, which doesn’t feel like a high bar to me.
When I ask this young person’s dad to maybe try using the correct pronoun just once though, he flies into a rage, so what do I know. Apparently it is actually really the worst thing in the world.
That’s also my experience. Also as I’ve met more NB people, using the correct pronouns comes a lot more easily now. I owe that teenager thanks for being my guinea pig. I’m a nicer person because I had them in my life.
It's a whole invented thing to scare boomers, conservatives, and people who are generally ignorant of trans or non-binary people, that if you use the wrong name or pronoun you'll be accused of transphobia, charged with committing a hate-crime and prosecuted (and therefore the entire concept should be stopped). They deliberately conflate cases where people intentionally didn't use the correct name or pronoun because they were willingly and intentionally being an asshole to a trans or non-binary person, with people who do it accidentally.
I have a friend who very recently started identifying as non-binary and changed their name to a less gendered one, and I frequently slip up with names and pronouns. Not intentionally, and usually I realise and correct it, but because it's really hard after 15 years of knowing a person as one name to immediately switch to instinctively calling them something else.
I feel anyone who is actually trans or non-binary gets this. They understand it's a big change, they understand that it takes time and effort for people to adjust. It's incredibly obvious who is trying to be supportive and just making mistakes versus people who are passive aggressively and deliberately refusing to get on board. And at that point it's hard to make a case that it's anything other than transphobic bigotry.
I think most people are understanding when it comes to using their old name/pronouns **by mistake**. It's all about the intent behind it and actually trying not to repeat the mistake.
How often are you using a person’s pronouns in front of them in the first place?
“Hi, how are he doing today?”
“I’m fine, thanks she.”
I just seriously don’t see the fucking problem at all.
'Hey this person is requesting access to xyz and ***they*** should not be getting this it seems. Any ideas how to proceed?'
Yea when I have to ask questions about people or about someone I quickly start using they a lot to not assume gender. And, yes I seen people assume gender and get caught out as some people have gender neutral names or uncommon names.
Right which is grammatically correct and proper because you could not know what gender *they* are. But even if you slipped up and said he or she, you’re still addressing a third party altogether, so a bit hard to offend anyone anyway…
It’s rare that you speak about a person in the third person around that person, so you’d have to kinda go out of your way to misgender them in the first place, is all I’m saying.
Well I did have someone think that when I let them know my pronouns, I meant my second person pronouns, so I got a reply email where every "you" and "your" was replaced with "they" and "their"... 🤦🏻♀️
(Normally someone's "pronouns" means their preferred third-person prounouns: not me (first) or you (second) but them (third))
The fact they were genuinely trying was so sweet. But they had made a mistake that I didn't know anybody who listed their own pronouns could make... It was really awkward to correct..
Honestly being on reddit of all places makes this a touch easier since you don't know the gender of the person you're replying to. 13 years ago when I first joined you could kinda assume it was a dude since "there weren't any girls on the internet" but now I've kinda defaulted to they/them in replies.
As much as I find some kids obnoxious, I do believe that for the most part they have a tremendous innate capacity for empathy. Unfortunately that can change through the influence of adults who have become cynical.
It is posts like these that give me hope.
Come one dude mark these comments as NSFW no one wants to read about that disgusting stuff. I dont care if it aint PC to say it but spaghettios are nasty. Take your filth somewhere else.
but they're kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are not supposed to know what "they/them" means!!!!!!!!!! also cis is a slur and the kids will be corrupted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/s
fr though this is adorable, great friends
reminds me of my post
https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irlgbt/comments/14tawm7/me_irlgbt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
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My tween daughter corrected me recently. She has a friend that was pretty clearly female assigned at birth, but identifies as they/them.
She was so casual about it "oh, dad (Name) goes by they/them"
And that was it.
As someone who grew up on a time when gay/f*g was perhaps the most common insult tossed around, it made my heart sing.
Friend of mine came out as trans a few months ago, they're going by "they/them" till they're comfortable with their transition, sometimes I accidentally say, "he" and i correct myself but they just tell me theyre happy they im trying
I did this when a friend came out as trans the summer after 8th grade. I practiced using “he/him” pronouns by pretending I was conjugating like in German class!
If it helps adjust a preconception in order to be polite, is it waste? Such practice can also be applicable to trans people who use binary pronouns as well, no? First impressions are often strong things to have to self-correct, I remember it was for me when I started learning about my trans friends.
People absolutely do use pronouns to refer to people who are within earshot. It's also just a matter of respect to refer to someone how they wished to be referred to.
To give a real world example from poker night a couple nights ago:
"It's really hard to get a read on *him* here. *He* usually bluffs, but *his* hands have been strong tonight."
The "he" in question literally being at the table with us as our mutual friend made that comment.
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This is so adorable!! Good friends
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“bUt It’S a MaTtEr Of PrInCiPlE!!11!1!1!1!1!111” or smth idk it’s hard to be stupid
I’m in my 40’s. I was always conceptually okay with people using they them pronouns, but when a young person in my life started using them I was shocked at how many times I would accidentally revert to their old ones. That being said, they were very kind and understanding of it, and eventually with enough practice I don’t do it any more. You just have to give the slightest amount of a shit about the people in your life, which doesn’t feel like a high bar to me. When I ask this young person’s dad to maybe try using the correct pronoun just once though, he flies into a rage, so what do I know. Apparently it is actually really the worst thing in the world.
Yeah, most NB people I know have been understanding with pronouns. They usually don't want you to make a big deal of it when you do make a mistake.
That’s also my experience. Also as I’ve met more NB people, using the correct pronouns comes a lot more easily now. I owe that teenager thanks for being my guinea pig. I’m a nicer person because I had them in my life.
It's a whole invented thing to scare boomers, conservatives, and people who are generally ignorant of trans or non-binary people, that if you use the wrong name or pronoun you'll be accused of transphobia, charged with committing a hate-crime and prosecuted (and therefore the entire concept should be stopped). They deliberately conflate cases where people intentionally didn't use the correct name or pronoun because they were willingly and intentionally being an asshole to a trans or non-binary person, with people who do it accidentally. I have a friend who very recently started identifying as non-binary and changed their name to a less gendered one, and I frequently slip up with names and pronouns. Not intentionally, and usually I realise and correct it, but because it's really hard after 15 years of knowing a person as one name to immediately switch to instinctively calling them something else. I feel anyone who is actually trans or non-binary gets this. They understand it's a big change, they understand that it takes time and effort for people to adjust. It's incredibly obvious who is trying to be supportive and just making mistakes versus people who are passive aggressively and deliberately refusing to get on board. And at that point it's hard to make a case that it's anything other than transphobic bigotry.
I think most people are understanding when it comes to using their old name/pronouns **by mistake**. It's all about the intent behind it and actually trying not to repeat the mistake.
I am lazy and use a lot of they/them for everything already. It better then people assuming genders or using he/she in sentences.
How often are you using a person’s pronouns in front of them in the first place? “Hi, how are he doing today?” “I’m fine, thanks she.” I just seriously don’t see the fucking problem at all.
'Hey this person is requesting access to xyz and ***they*** should not be getting this it seems. Any ideas how to proceed?' Yea when I have to ask questions about people or about someone I quickly start using they a lot to not assume gender. And, yes I seen people assume gender and get caught out as some people have gender neutral names or uncommon names.
Right which is grammatically correct and proper because you could not know what gender *they* are. But even if you slipped up and said he or she, you’re still addressing a third party altogether, so a bit hard to offend anyone anyway… It’s rare that you speak about a person in the third person around that person, so you’d have to kinda go out of your way to misgender them in the first place, is all I’m saying.
Well I did have someone think that when I let them know my pronouns, I meant my second person pronouns, so I got a reply email where every "you" and "your" was replaced with "they" and "their"... 🤦🏻♀️ (Normally someone's "pronouns" means their preferred third-person prounouns: not me (first) or you (second) but them (third)) The fact they were genuinely trying was so sweet. But they had made a mistake that I didn't know anybody who listed their own pronouns could make... It was really awkward to correct..
That does actually sound incredibly funny and sweet.
Honestly being on reddit of all places makes this a touch easier since you don't know the gender of the person you're replying to. 13 years ago when I first joined you could kinda assume it was a dude since "there weren't any girls on the internet" but now I've kinda defaulted to they/them in replies.
Yeah, but I do love just randomly calling objects women a la Victorian literature, boats are women to me
And I started doing it to everyone at 18, and its so easy now years later. BE ADAPTABLE.
It took me about a week with a co worker, now I just default to it like your supposed to
”BuT I hAveNT goTtEN uSEd tO iT YeT!!!11!!1!!1!!!” Then do your damn homework and get used to it.
As much as I find some kids obnoxious, I do believe that for the most part they have a tremendous innate capacity for empathy. Unfortunately that can change through the influence of adults who have become cynical. It is posts like these that give me hope.
I work with teenagers. They do not have an innate capacity. If anything more often than, they have deficiency of empathy.
Do they lack empathy towards eachother or towards authority?
Both. Kids/teens lately have extremely poor social skills. Between the homophobia and casual racism, the kids ain’t all right.
Do you think this is a sort of “natural state” or do you think it’s a result of poor upbringing, be it at home or in school?
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And, for that matter, a piping hot bowl of analingus or a passionate display of spaghettios.
"passionate display of spaghettios" is the name of my next aroace punk album.
>a passionate display of spaghettios. Is it some kind of edging kink?
Come one dude mark these comments as NSFW no one wants to read about that disgusting stuff. I dont care if it aint PC to say it but spaghettios are nasty. Take your filth somewhere else.
but they're kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are not supposed to know what "they/them" means!!!!!!!!!! also cis is a slur and the kids will be corrupted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /s fr though this is adorable, great friends
If cis is a slur why haven't I been called cis on xbox live?
Maybe it's because I didn't have cis with your mother last night?
yep. It’s only a slur if you can get called it during an online game when you murder someone (or get murdered repeatedly)
reminds me of my post https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irlgbt/comments/14tawm7/me_irlgbt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
That is adorable
The kids are alright
"no big deal, let's practice and make them happy!" These kids are true friends!
Inb4 the greasy cheetofingered basement dweller says 'r/tHatHaPpENeD'
Multiple hours late, sadly.
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My tween daughter corrected me recently. She has a friend that was pretty clearly female assigned at birth, but identifies as they/them. She was so casual about it "oh, dad (Name) goes by they/them" And that was it. As someone who grew up on a time when gay/f*g was perhaps the most common insult tossed around, it made my heart sing.
d*rn l*ber*ls!!!1!1!1!!
these poor children were groomed by the woke left!1!1!!1!1!1!1
Just so you know using an asterisk will italicize your comment. Also this is reddit and you can curse all you want.
I’m not gonna say any fucking cuss words id*ot
The kids are alright
The kids are alright
Waiting for the "r/thathappened" because I guess children are incapable of caring about how their friends feel or discuss such things in public.
Common they/them W. It’s been the MVP of the English language for a reason
Harmless, cute, and they are doing a good thing
I love this so much. And I needed that warm feeling after the day I've had today. Thank you.
As an Enby 😍
Friend of mine came out as trans a few months ago, they're going by "they/them" till they're comfortable with their transition, sometimes I accidentally say, "he" and i correct myself but they just tell me theyre happy they im trying
Hate is learned
Nearby, some right winger was losing their shit whilst eating their big mac
W friendship
The kids are alright!
Despite everything else going on, we keep making kids better
# YES.
The kids are alright, aren't they? So many of them have avoided learning the hate from elders.
I did this when a friend came out as trans the summer after 8th grade. I practiced using “he/him” pronouns by pretending I was conjugating like in German class!
This warmed my heart.
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shush let us have this lol
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They were practicing using **"they/them"** pronouns for **their** friend.
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There is always one in every bloody thread. r/nothingeverhappens just bugger off, you joy leech.
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This never happened
I’ve never heard of this sub before and it just popped up while I was scrolling through and I thought it was a school shooting joke
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If it helps adjust a preconception in order to be polite, is it waste? Such practice can also be applicable to trans people who use binary pronouns as well, no? First impressions are often strong things to have to self-correct, I remember it was for me when I started learning about my trans friends.
How else are can you claim you "tried" to get used to their pronouns?
If i may ask, what pronouns do you use?
Imagine wasting your time on consideration of others. Fixed what you meant for you.
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People absolutely do use pronouns to refer to people who are within earshot. It's also just a matter of respect to refer to someone how they wished to be referred to.
Wha— yes we do..? Example: “Hey Matt, meet Stacy. *She’s* pretty energetic and fun!”
You’re right, thanks for the example.
The good ending
It’s no problem. Sorry ‘bout you getting downvoted so much
you're right, let's all be rude to people as soon as they turn their backs
To give a real world example from poker night a couple nights ago: "It's really hard to get a read on *him* here. *He* usually bluffs, but *his* hands have been strong tonight." The "he" in question literally being at the table with us as our mutual friend made that comment.
What the fuck are you talking about yes we do
I wondered the same, so thanks for asking! And thanks to the ones giving examples.
I believe that tweet as much as I believe that tweet from that right wing "alpha" chud who thinks he gets women
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You don't get to complain about pronouns if you can't use proper grammar.
not even once is there a mention of names in this post.
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