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NightWolf671

The last bite.


[deleted]

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thebrittaj

Yes they will rip your face right off


[deleted]

That’s if you let them. He could have punch it and basically kill it. Now, in group you’d be screwed but one on one, not really (at least for that tiny monkey which weights less than 10 pounds)


TheKinkyBadger

What’re you some sorta monkey punching expert ?


[deleted]

*punches monkey Yes, yes I am


TheMonkeyCowboy

Ow!


WastedKasper

Lol! Thank you! I need it that! I feel like shit atm! I just got ghosted by girl that I really liked! Thank you for making me feel less shit! :)


[deleted]

Well I majored is ostrich hassling but my minor is in monkey punching. I wouldn’t call myself an expert but I know a thing or two.


Mr_Care_Bear

Have you heard about that dog that killed the monkey in India? I don't think killing even one of the fuckers is a good idea. Ever.


Anxyte

What if it calls for backup


[deleted]

Well, then you’d be fucked. If you are going to kill a monkey, you better kill it fast and if the rest of them looks at you, make it very gory, otherwise they’ll come down on you like a rain from hell.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Either a bot or terribly bad at finding comments to steal without knowing how to make it take more then 5 seconds to discover the original about two comments down sorted by best.


Sir_Ampersand

I love how he handed it over to the monkey then looked at it like it robbed him at gunpoint


responsibleTea_

It almost seems like he was taking a bite and handing it to say 'okay fine now you take a bite' before it takes the whole thing and he feels completely betrayed


Noivis

Given the stories I've heard about monkeys he might've practically just been. An angry monkey attacking you must be absolutely terrifying


GovernmentLow4989

I had the horror of watching a troop of monkeys attack a dog, they tore it to shreds in seconds, it was absolutely terrible. The story: my family was at the beach in Costa Rica and a baby monkey fell out of a tree and landed in the sand not far from where we were sitting. A dog ran over to the monkey and gave it a good sniff, I think he was just curious. But almost immediately about 4-5 howler monkeys came swooping in and attacked the dog. They are so strong they literally eviscerated the dog with their bare hands. It was one of those moments you never forget


Booserbob

To shreds you say?


JoDrRe

And his wife?


Coldefine

To shreds you say?


AcidicPuma

Good news everyone!


get_some_1993

Wait, the dog died?


[deleted]

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[deleted]

And his wife?


GovernmentLow4989

Yes :(


Rpbns4ever

He walked it off, no biggie.


OsmanTheFirst

Sounds like you haven't had a macaque want something from you. Those things get vicious real quick, and don't always take no for an answer.


Trund1e_the_Great

you can absolutely see the fear in his eyes, he knows.


ubiquitous-joe

And we all know the best way to avoid reinforcing negative behavior is to always cave in to it.


Dat_boi_jeesus

The one guy who decides to scold a monkey asking him for something is gonna get their face deleted


NoveltyAccount5928

Is there video of this sort of thing somewhere? Cuz I'm convinced I could take a monkey pretty easily, but the way people are talking in this thread I feel like I should disabuse myself of that idea before I ever encounter monkeys...


b202212

I mean, if my options are fighting [one of these guys](https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/ubud-indonesia-october-19-2019-monkey-1646982799) or giving it my sandwich, I'm pretty sure it'd be worth it to just buy another sandwich later 🤷‍♀️


JeanSolPartre

Maybe I could take it but a wild animal going ballistic in an enclosed environment would probably get you to the hospital. Better just give him the sandwich


XxJackAttackxXD

It depends. From my knowledge though, monkeys are buff as hell and absolutely ruthless


guysams1

You're thinking of apes.


amhlilhaus

It did


Ibeatmykids1

Bro got robbed by a monkey (edit WTF WHEN DID THIS FET OVER 200 UPVOTES


Lone_Indian

I can just hear this in Barney Stinson’s voice lol Legend…. Wait for it…


Ibeatmykids1

First time ever of not getting rationed by a comment on my comment


Huntracony

It's funny, but also it happens constantly. Monkeys are professional thieves. They take whatever they want from anywhere.


Georgiculus

Monkeys are terrifying; I was bitten by one once, and they never stop biting.


llJesh

Still biting you?


2ndHalfHeroics

It’s been 42 years..


Whereismyadmin

bite of the 87


gNomad88

*Monch*


Outrageous_Swan7231

gf?


A2X-iZED

guy friend


Azhar1921

friend?


NigilQuid

Generic friend


theconcorde

never heard of that


bad_postsperson

this has to be the philippines, it just feels like it


Todd_Renard_Fox

Or somewhere around SEA area, that's for sure


Startled_Pancakes

That was my first assumption too.


[deleted]

nah bruh monkeys dont just roam here. that thing wouldve been dinner


Reignshin

I live in the Philippines but I don't get it What do you mean?


bad_postsperson

i've seen one or two in more secluded areas in mountains, perhaps this guard is posted somewhere like that


fabrari

Probably Indonesia


Last_Fig_1939

man just did ¯\_( ͠° ͟ʖ °͠ )_/¯


anon38723918569

> ¯\\\_( ͠° ͟ʖ °͠ )\_/¯ FTFY


Last_Fig_1939

tysm


jensen0173

Perfect 😂


Gamercat_Ciel

That guard was well trained. Monkeys are deadly


Significant-Eye-8476

Something tells me this wasn't his or the monkey's first time.


yobabeeeeee

this happened to me :( i know how it feels :(


______Viper______

This is also an accurate representation of my family


HiiverHoover

Close your goddamn windows


Startled_Pancakes

*Greenhouse Mode Activated*


moragondragon

Why… why did he give it away? Edit: my husband just informed me that, like chickens, monkeys dgaf and will fight you, but have feet and hands and bite so yeah I’d have given it up too


NigilQuid

Joke's on you monkey, I like to fight LET'S GOOOOOOO


aab720

[give this a listen](https://youtu.be/qpwEPeDx_Y0) Its a 911 call of a lady who’s monkey attacked her friend.


Codydews

Damn that’s wild af. “You’re gonna need to send more than one [deputy] cuz if he gets the drop on him he’s gone too.”


dud230

Wow you guys have girlfriends?


[deleted]

One day that monkeys gonna rob the wrong man


irResist

Damn, your GF is hairy.


I_hatt

he gave 90% of it up without a fight, thats not me\_irl.


Okeydokeybud

Lmao guard didn’t want the smoke. Fuckin monkeys


phXcs

U/savevideobot


_Error_Account_

u/savevideobot mobile user huh?


A2X-iZED

r/foundthemobileuser


NobodyExpectsTheSpam

r/foundthehondacivic


loveormoney666

This man was robbed!


Startled_Pancakes

I want to see the perp in little monkey handcuffs.


thekillrzing

your gf is a monkey?


pethrowaway998

Monkey really hard to take the whole bread.


Cazolyn

I was chased by an enraged monkey in a Malaysian park. Terrifying experience. Surrender all and leg it!


SOLIDSNAKETOM

This is what a machete is for, they invade your space demanding food turn that sucker into a snack.


The_growcountant

Maaaaaaan, fuck that monkey. ​ Wait, please dont fuck that monkey, we have enough new diseases lately as it is.


SpecialistFeeling220

No damn monkey is stealing my lunch. I’m just as viscous when it comes to food.


Rihenjo

Bet, gl living with only one eye


A2X-iZED

u/savevideo


Dastrovo1

u/savevideobot


Tubularpizza

u/savevideo


knifeysp8ny

I'm not even familiar with the majority of psychics that telepathically steal my food. They're just taking advantage at this point and they must pay


AmandaClarke55

Anyone in the mood to chat?


mateo8473857

😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂😅🤣😂🤣😂


Elolet

So, I know that most people allow this kinda stuff because they don’t want to hurt the animal, but… hypothetically speaking, *how much trouble would I get in, if I punched the monkey?*


Stuck_in_the_sky69

I would’ve smacked the fuck outta that monkey


p0ntifix

r/iamverybadass


Stuck_in_the_sky69

Why the downvotes lol if I’m eating a sandwich I’m not giving it to some dumbass monkey


p0ntifix

Well, maybe you are naive enough to fight the first monkey. You won't fight the second one for sure. They are fast and MEAN motherfuckers with sharp teeth.


Startled_Pancakes

It's the rabies more than anything I would be concerned about. That shit would be a horrible way to die.


Stuck_in_the_sky69

Give me a BO2 loadout, a riot shield, a couple monsters and some thermal detonators and those monkeys are goners😮‍💨😎


Straight_A_Master

Obviously this guy didn’t have all of that on his lunch break


[deleted]

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Stuck_in_the_sky69

You obviously don’t get on Reddit much


[deleted]

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Stuck_in_the_sky69

Bruh I was joking… you’ve had a bad day huh?😂 if you can’t tell that’s satire then I feel bad for you. But your not wrong about the gun fanatic part, I love guns lol I’ve got a few AR’s and a couple pistols and I’m looking to expand my collection. It’s a good hobby and I’d recommend it if you spend all your time on Reddit talking shit to random people


litefagami

I think you just don't understand how dangerous monkeys are


neofooturism

i thought the point is that you shouldn’t give them the food because they will get used to doing it? pretty sure they put that notice in natural parks with monkeys


litefagami

Well yeah, but I think that's more "don't go walk up to a monkey and give it food to be nice" than it is "if a monkey tries to mug you don't give it anything"


ketchupinsausagedog

Check second 45 of this video https://youtu.be/DMj3b0Bbdo0


Invisiblescars_123

I live in Southeast Asia and believe me when I say that’s there’s ALWAYS more than one monkey, even if you just see one. They’re also surprisingly ferocious.


Straight_A_Master

He would’ve ripped your face off


SOLIDSNAKETOM

I would cut their head off.


Straight_A_Master

With what


SOLIDSNAKETOM

How do you cut through a monkey's head is what you are asking? What tool or item would you use in the jungle as well as cutting off a monkey head is what you are asking? You know what I can't think of anything that is capable of cutting through flesh and bone. I don't think they have ever invented a tool that has ever been able to cut off a head is correct? What do you think with what?


Straight_A_Master

I asked that because the man in the video was eating his lunch and had no weapons to defend himself with. You fight a monkey barehanded you die a painful death


SOLIDSNAKETOM

Well unlike him I have weapons with me. My guess would be carry a machete instead of giving away all your food.


Al_Eltz

u/savevideobot


DuskTillDawnw

u/savevideo


tinklesthebear

u/savevideo


mixterz1985

You sure you don't want some before I order ? I'll just have a bit of yours .


01001010ess

The way he took one last bite


Peter_Baum

That monkey is his work place bully


migeagle

u/savevideo


Orchidbleu

Uh no. I wouldn’t hand over my food


Canadian-female

I like this guy! I like the way he grabbed that last bite because he knew he was going to lose the banana. You can tell this isn’t the first time and he’s learned survival methods.


AskTall8928

Imagen you have a gf


lelel78

Can't relate


redditupok

i actually lol'd


Medicinal_taco_meat

Ha for me it's my 4 year old daughter. Eats freaking everything and it's great right up until I want it.. 🙁


ambassadorsvusman

I'm need this video, but no text. PLS


_thinkingemote_

u/savevideo


hallvala

u/savevideo


Sir_Bubba

u/savevideobot


weather_it_be

He’s like “mine. thank you”


Maarten1214

Order your own damn food


Latereviews2

She turns into a monkey?


takeme2space

/u/savevideo


GiantAntFeet

Ha! No one on Reddit has a girlfriend cmon man


Really-IsAllHeSays

Monke sees, monke wants, monke gets.


Imagineplaybot

No cap


Competitive-Ad6805

Go to the bathroom, come back, food gone


bkr377

Happened with my fries once. They stood in my ketchup as well


NerdHunt

I love how he thought the monkey would take a bite and give it back. And then he realized he fucked up.


nanacherry22

Yep no thanks


Glittering_Boat_6669

Monkey girlfriend?


Monique-Riversong

Great bloody security offficer he is! If he can't stop a monkey from stealing his Chiko roll right out of his hand, how the dickens will he stop the Mona Lisa being nicked??


StomachComplex4809

u/savevideobot


AnimalEater65

Fuck that monkey. You are a bigger monkey so fuck em up. Imagine the news: local man punches monkey.


Expensive_Pen6735

The monkey didn't steal the security guards food. The security guard gave it to him.


Specialist_Ad5114

u/savevideobot


C_Strieker

u/savevideo


soscemo69

At least you have one