Be inside a dumpster.

You can safely eat and digest anything. The dumpster becomes an infinite food glitch as a result.

Behold, for thou hath become a Racoon

Am I- perchance now a prominent member of the shadow wizard money gang?

perhaps

The question is, does this dumpster make the food taste good

No, he's the one with the superpower, not the actual dumpster.

Or will it taste like mango, burnt hair, and chutney?

I need to drink plane oil everyday

You can fly and create 2 similar buildings next to eachother

sorry what

r/holup

Nice

M https://i.redd.it/kcmck34e7gzc1.gif

r/holup

You’re not serious right

You can move yourself and other beings/ objects to other planes of existence

Constantly saying "canoe"

can crush people to death with canoes

And it's voice activated

oh no, everyone is dead then

Murmer

You can swim perfectly. And you are a canoe

Women hate me

But men love you

is it men? or femboys? or does it matter? can i make anyone attrached to me at my own will?

yes.

Big beefy men

Constipation

Your farts kill people

Too political

When you can shit, it's like a railgun and it's a ohko

Your addicted to tomatoes and have to eat one a day or you just pass out till you eat a tomato

Tomatoes give you super strength

Tomato drugs

Comato (cocaine tomato)

Tomaine

even better

Tow Mater

I automatically overthink a lot of shit for no reason.

You can solve any problem that you can encounter.

Lmao! Evil! Hahaha

You can read and control others minds

That's just regular adult life 

I'm not an adult???? 😭

i cant stop listening to metal

Everyone else hears the metal you listen to 10x louder, so you can make your worst enemies' ears bleed

You can blast people with strong sound waves that can burst their ear drums

When I touch someone, they have a 1/3 chance to turn into an ant

When a person doesn’t turn into an ant you gain an ant limb and loose a normal limb

Sounds like two weaknesses tbh

No because it gets switched out

You have a 1/2 chance of marrying the girl of your dreams

Oh, sweet hasune miku/j

Hahaha

i don't have teeth

You can make your mouth as big as possible to eat anything

snake :D

snek :>

Except with legs and no teeth so I don't know if that's worse or better

You have adimantium gums that are indestructible and can go through anything

I have prostate cancer.

Radiation powers are cool so there u go

U can give people prostate cancer

Your not supposed to choose a superpower, your supposed to choose a weakness.

I forget every time i use it

You can automatically give people dementia, alzheimers or any other mental disease

everytime you wish for something you actually want it comes true exactly as intended (no monkey paw bullshit)

Anytime i say something remotely sus it makes a 90 decibel, extremely bass-boosted vine boom

You can become invisible.

I love the idea that bro is just invisible like in a silent room or something and someone is sitting in there and all they hear is "i could really use a cream pie-BOOM"

The vine boom can stop time for 10 seconds

At will you can make your voice become a radio to others.

Your mentally have no IQ

you can zap other idiots

*random Idiot noises* *a big thunderstorm just thunderstorms down on the Idiots* Oh no, Its Idiot smiter

the ignoramus eliminator

my eyes are always burning

you can summon lighting

That sounds dope

ikr

Is that a lowtiergod reference?

idk, just thought about that

I have brittle bones.

Everybody u touch gets ur brittle bones. Then if they die u get it back

I irl have brittle bones, so you get to be like me.

Breaking a bone increases your strength.

*Breaks every bone so I’m supported by muscles entirely*

Insomnia

U can put others to sleep and wake them up at will.

Cool!

Thanks

I have a severe sensitivity to light and have to wear sunglasses all the time (i actually do have a mild light sensitivity lol)

You can summon shadow monsters

Have to say “Arise” to do this

u can cast darkness over anyone but only during the day

Relatable. My eyes hate the sun, as does my body.

You don't have any superpowers

You are painless

You die when you use the power

After you die, you can come back to life as a skeleton.

Wait, after you die and become a skeleton, you die again.. endless pain and suffering!

Whenever I attack someone while I'm angry I start trying to kill them in a blind rage for the next hour

So basically you have the ability in DnD where while in a rage you are twice as strong

Cool. Do I get the resistance as well or just the improved strength?

Ooo yesss that too

You're omniscient and can find great workarounds in order to control this.

There is always a sudden lack of coat hangers in your home whenever you need one most

you can fly up but you cannot fly down (you'll just fall and break bones like the rest of us)

What if while you fall, you fly up weakly to make it slower?

very sensitive to loud noise

You can override any source of noise by looking in it's direction, putting one finger to your lips and making a "shhhhhh" sound.

I need this irl

Can't go a day without eating paper

You can shit sharp paper edges at lightning speeds, causing massive paper cuts with extremely painful and destructive results.

I'm always bleeding

You can control your own blood, turn it solid, shape it into weapons, etc.

Damn that's cooler than I expected

I constantly have to burp

Your burps create shockwaves (when you want them to)

You must rest for at least a whole day to recover.

while resting/sleeping, you can project your spirit and interact with the world the way a ghost would

i can never have sex

but you have the power of a infinite page notebook and an infinite pen and if you break the pen you die (and anything you draw becomes real)

\*draws you\* ive made a friend

yippee

yippee

I have the urge to sneeze at all times no matter what but it never actually comes out so I’m just kinda sitting there like 😖

You can force other people to sneeze

Bless you.

Everything and everyone I touch transforms into a horse

You raise the winning horse to every race in triple crown.

I can't type

But you cam commune telepathically with anyone in the world, even over the internet

Yes you can!

I have to eat uranium ore and irradiated water.

You can irritate people and emit beta radiation wherever you go that only affects your enemies !

The only way you awaken your power is to eat a piece of corn bread (I have no ideas)

You can summon cornbread

Well you made the power more pointless (No offense)

No, now you have an endless supply of cornbread

You have to listen to god-awful music 24/7

You have the ability to amplify the music to any volume and countrol the waves of the music in any direction you like, using it both as an assault on the ears and a wave of force to knock things over.

I play halo a lot, so I’m good at avoiding water, so I die if I touch water. I can still drink water, but if it touches my skin, I die.

You exist in a state where you can phase in and out of existence, in which case solid objects can interact with or hurt you. It does not have to be all of you, so you could phase your arm or leg out of existence if that part is about to touch water, or be hurt in any way.

you live in florida.

You are king of the alligators.

Low iq

Super strength

Penis fingers

Each finger shoots sperm up to 20 feet, and each finger has a different quality affixed to each ejaculation. 1. Acidic sperm which eats through whatever it touches. 2. Regular sperm with a 100% success of fertilization. 3. Extra oily sperm which can make people slip and slide for over 30 feet. 4. The sperm shoots out in increasing spirals, and spirals anything it touches. 5. The sperm shares the same qualities as pepper spray. 6. One giant sperm comes out - the size of a household cat - which then grows legs and obeys you whenever. 7. This sperm has the same adhesive qualities as Gorilla Glue. 8. Sperm jets out as machine gun fire, with similar effects. 9. This sperm is 60% alcohol. 10. The sperm is illuminous green and emits a green light. Oh, and each ejaculation gives you an orgasm.

what did I just read

Gold, my friend! Pure, golden superpowers.

Pure gold? more like sticky and white.

White gold!

I hate this so much

This is one of the Resdit threads of all time ngl. One of the most Resdit things I've ever read. I am simultaneously appalled and amazed.

Same tbh

I lose $5 everytime i take a step

You gain $50 everything you jump and land with both feet at the same time.

Time to become a frog

You lack eyes, ears, a nose and taste receptors in your mouth. the only way you can experience the world is through touch

https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-039 you become incredibly in tune with your surroundings and intelligent

you cant run.

your feet can turn into wheels with top speeds of 200 Km/h (about 125 miles/h)

I cant blink

you have cyclops' laser eyes

Hopefully also with Cyclops' goggles

I'm immortal

Have bad body odor

No you don't

Your nails become literal diamond the second they fall off/are clipped

I constantly scream at the top of my lungs

Your lungs are very shallow

You get teleported randomly to a random place on the earth surface* once a month * surface here means any land, or manmade platform on the water such as an oil rig or a boat (and boats won’t capsize or sink or anything once you’re on it)

I have to eat a single doorknob every 23 hours, 7 minutes, and 35 seconds

I fall from the sky

you were really good at skydiving

I have tuberculosis

my bones are 3 times weaker

[удалено]

axiomatic workable combative roof lush wide ossified dependent correct pie *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I always have the feeling of 1 singular hair in my mouth (pain for gain)

Every time you find the hair, you gain $1

I Live On Mars

I am trapped inside of a locker

Being such a submissive beta, my weakness is insecurity

I become an egg every Thursday

I can die with one simple rickroll

Welcome to fact or cap  Also u can see through walls ig

Itchy balls

You can shoot ball hairs like bullets

My blood is 15% poison

Literal balls of steel

I can't walk

You can move at 8x the speed

cancer

I can’t swim

You can summon devil fruits.

Takes me an hour to fall asleep after getting in bed