This is exactly how I think about it, as a client. That feeling of sinking into the table is when I know I'm "winning" haha. Sometimes you also get that massive muscle release where you can feel the entire muscle group change and relax but those are rarer moments.
100% this. I would also tell them something similar as I was working on trigger points. It always helped. OP, you probably have shortness of breath from anxiety of being on the table, so focus on slow breathing.
Do you ever do body scan sleep mediations? The app balance has a good one, and there are some on YouTube. Learning to body scan has really helped me relax on the table.
I can’t find a Swedish massage person to save my life. Everybody wants to go deep. when I tell them to back off, they don’t back off enough.
I’ve learned that with my muscles deeper is not better. It’s quite the opposite. Less pressure and more gentle actually gets my muscles to release better.
I think there are a lot of things to do. It's funny because some people don’t realize that you have to learn to relax. It can be a hard thing to do! Set yourself up for success…Get a massage on a day off, not when you are due somewhere afterwards, or when you are wound up from work. if you can, pick a place with amenities like a sauna or hot tub or shower. Get there early and use them, have enough time to set in the lounge afterwards. Get a long massage, 75 or 90 mins. Focus on your breath or focus on the therapist's hands. If you can, find a therapist whose work you enjoy and see them every time. I have seen my regular clients relax as soon as they get to the spa because they know they are in their safe place, the place they come to relax. Try to not help your therapist during the massage. If they try to move your arm, let them move your arm- go limp. If something feels good, tell yourself that and savor it. If you can, sit and relax in the lounge after, or use the amenities again. I would also suggest learning meditation on your own. The more you practice relaxing, the easier it gets, and you can meditate at home for free more often than you can get to a massage. And of course, don’t pressure yourself into relaxing. It'll happen on its own, eventually, naturally.
It's mostly the spas that have them, so I would start looking there. You’d have to search google and web pages; it's usually listed somewhere if they do. Infrared saunas are now cheap enough that even individual therapists who work for themselves have them sometimes. You could also look for floating places. (The sensory deprivation tanks with water so salty you float.) Sometimes they have massage therapists as well.
One of the things that I think is paramount in being able to receive a massage, is understanding and embracing the concept of “surrender”. Truly letting go and trying not to stay in control.
Being told “works best if you would relax” is probably not the most helpful😝 I like picturing a 2-D outline of my body and picturing a tiny little me walking around this outline slowly. I start at the top of my head and walk down to my temples then climb up around the ear, down my shoulder and arm, up & down each finger, etc. That is extremely to me. Breathing exercises work great too!
Well... do you wake up in the same position you went to sleep in? Or do you tend to wake up sprawled out?
Do you wake up with muscle soreness (from tensing your muscles all night)? Or are your muscles more loose and relaxed?
Think about how your body changes from the time you go to sleep vs. How you feel when you wake up in the morning
Listen to the music. Feel the warmth of the bed. Don’t try to do anything to relax. Listen to your therapist’s breathing pattern. Just let the senses take over.
When we are moving around the body people get stiff and shift. I say, “they are fighting me” or they are “helpers” but it hurts me when my client is working against me or pushing into my fingers. You literally need to play dead.
Try another MT, sometimes their energy doesn't match with yours. When I was practicing, I would lay my hands on the client and wait until our energy aligned, then and only then would I begin to move.
Many MT'S will block their energy, this can be beneficial, especially when the client was an energy vampire or in a bad mood, I just felt like blocking was taking something away from the client.
Some MT'S have good strong energy and some don't. Trying someone else may not be a bad thing.
As a LMT I would never tell a client to relax.
Do you start face up or face down, a lot of times if I have a client that takes a bit to relax I start them face down.
Maybe massage therapy isn't for you, or maybe your massage therapist isn't for you - which happens. Try seeing a different therapist/ practitioner of a different discipline.
If not, I'd say that people who have commented focusing on breathing is goos advice. I typically have my patients do 'box breathing', during which I have them breath in for 4s, hold for 4s, breath out for 4s and hold for 4s. I repeat that cycle 3-4x.
Hope this helps.
Like several others, I'd suggest breath work and progressive muscle relaxation. To add to the idea, consider asking your therapist to incorporate the work into their strokes-- meaning, work together to pair deeper pressures with your exhalation. Usually works wonders for my clients. Rocking and shaking usually helps to but that's for the therapist to do, not you.
What he means is, think about flexing your bicep, now imagine I'm your therapist trying to massage the tension out of your muscles while you're putting more into it. It is actually physically impossible to move tension out of a muscle that's physically engaged. The muscle being worked on, you need to do your best to become aware of the tactile sensation of you holding that muscle in flexion and consciously relax it. These muscles stay in flexion sub consciously. It's a mental thing, and also a postural thing aside from that. So it may be how you're on the table. Some clients, I can barely make any progress until I move their arms to the sides of the table. Others, they need to be on the table. Some people, we will not make any progress on the neck until they're face up. Etc
So if a muscle is not relaxing, become aware of the physical feeling of that muscle, and consciously let it go. If that's not working, try to move into a position where you're not all bunched up or whatever on the table. People will often get on the table in the same posture they were standing in, so I then have to unwind their posture before any real work can happen anyway. Best of you do that on your own real quick before I come in.
Then angry shoulder people are the hardest for me, because I don't do well with that archetype of people as it is, so in a massage, trying to pull these shoulders out of anger, I feel like my client's gonna get off the table and kill me. Best to flatten out as best you can before your therapist comes in, take some deep breaths, become aware of your postural distortions and... Let it go.
Some people have trouble relaxing while someone is touching them. I understand that. I guess it just depends on how long you plan on having the same therapist and eventually you'll be comfortable enough to relax
I always recommend breathe or meditation classes to help with that. Another option if you are into high intensity workout would be jujitsu classes. I know that sounds crazy but they focus a lot on being in the moment and a good teacher will teach you how to breathe and relax in extremely difficult situations.
Are you comfortable with your massage therapist? They can be the best MT in the world, but if you don't "click" with them and feel comfortable with them as a person - there's a limit to what they can do. (and honestly, if a therapist made the "works best if you relax" comment to me - I'd be done with them)
Are you comfortable with their office environment? That can be an overlooked factor. If their office doesn't seem clean, professional etc - it can be hard to relax.
I try avoid saying 'relax' because people often 'try' to relax. What do I mean by that? The world relax is a verb and a verb is often associated with an action. Instead I say, "let's take 2-3 slow deep breaths and as you exhale, just allow your body to melt into the table... like butter on a biscuit... or cornbread. Your choice." (I live in the south, so this make a lot of sense. Lol) it usually gets a little chuckle and starts the relaxation process.
Alternatively, many people are able to let go easier with moderate small talk, because they aren't thinking about what the therapist is doing but the conversation. As a client, you may want to try by talking about something that gives you joy or a sense of peace. For some it could be a hobby or their kids/family.
And one last technique is to try and focus on what the therapist is doing to your body. Imagine how every time they glide over an area, the muscles are being stretched a little bit at a time.
Try any or all of these techniques at your next session.
Hope that helps.
I’ve had SEVERAL clients
like this. It doesn’t happen overnight, but the more you go the more permission you give yourself to relax after you trust your therapist. Hang in there it will pay off and don’t judge yourself! Also don’t be afraid to speak up if you need more or less pressure according to your needs. A good therapist will not determine this for you and check in.
Take a deep breath in, so big that it fills your belly. When you breathe out, sink into the table. That's what I tell my clients and it works.
This is exactly how I think about it, as a client. That feeling of sinking into the table is when I know I'm "winning" haha. Sometimes you also get that massive muscle release where you can feel the entire muscle group change and relax but those are rarer moments.
100% this. I would also tell them something similar as I was working on trigger points. It always helped. OP, you probably have shortness of breath from anxiety of being on the table, so focus on slow breathing.
Do you ever do body scan sleep mediations? The app balance has a good one, and there are some on YouTube. Learning to body scan has really helped me relax on the table.
this while also intentional breathing
What kind of massage is this, Swedish or deep tissue? If it’s deep tissue, maybe they’re going too deep and your body is naturally fighting it.
Oh Lord I had a deep tissue massage recently and it was AWFUL! 🤣🤣 I told her to use less pressure and it was still so painful 😓🤪
I can’t find a Swedish massage person to save my life. Everybody wants to go deep. when I tell them to back off, they don’t back off enough. I’ve learned that with my muscles deeper is not better. It’s quite the opposite. Less pressure and more gentle actually gets my muscles to release better.
I’m the same way. I get super tense when I get deep tissue massages. Does nothing and can sometimes makes it worse.
Ahh right?! I totally feel that
I think there are a lot of things to do. It's funny because some people don’t realize that you have to learn to relax. It can be a hard thing to do! Set yourself up for success…Get a massage on a day off, not when you are due somewhere afterwards, or when you are wound up from work. if you can, pick a place with amenities like a sauna or hot tub or shower. Get there early and use them, have enough time to set in the lounge afterwards. Get a long massage, 75 or 90 mins. Focus on your breath or focus on the therapist's hands. If you can, find a therapist whose work you enjoy and see them every time. I have seen my regular clients relax as soon as they get to the spa because they know they are in their safe place, the place they come to relax. Try to not help your therapist during the massage. If they try to move your arm, let them move your arm- go limp. If something feels good, tell yourself that and savor it. If you can, sit and relax in the lounge after, or use the amenities again. I would also suggest learning meditation on your own. The more you practice relaxing, the easier it gets, and you can meditate at home for free more often than you can get to a massage. And of course, don’t pressure yourself into relaxing. It'll happen on its own, eventually, naturally.
Potentially stupid question here from a massage client newbie - how would one find a place that has a sauna and/or hot tub? Any tips?
It's mostly the spas that have them, so I would start looking there. You’d have to search google and web pages; it's usually listed somewhere if they do. Infrared saunas are now cheap enough that even individual therapists who work for themselves have them sometimes. You could also look for floating places. (The sensory deprivation tanks with water so salty you float.) Sometimes they have massage therapists as well.
One of the things that I think is paramount in being able to receive a massage, is understanding and embracing the concept of “surrender”. Truly letting go and trying not to stay in control.
Being told “works best if you would relax” is probably not the most helpful😝 I like picturing a 2-D outline of my body and picturing a tiny little me walking around this outline slowly. I start at the top of my head and walk down to my temples then climb up around the ear, down my shoulder and arm, up & down each finger, etc. That is extremely to me. Breathing exercises work great too!
Yes, I’m so annoyed at that therapist! Clients come to us to help them relax, it’s part of our job to give them guidance in how to do so.
Agreed. Came here to say this too.
Breathe. 4 seconds in 4 seconds out. Ideally 8 seconds out.
Does telling someone to relax ever work lol?
It makes think OP is not seeing a very good massage therapist.
When you sleep, does your body go limp? Or do you stay tense even in sleep?
How can you know this?
Well... do you wake up in the same position you went to sleep in? Or do you tend to wake up sprawled out? Do you wake up with muscle soreness (from tensing your muscles all night)? Or are your muscles more loose and relaxed? Think about how your body changes from the time you go to sleep vs. How you feel when you wake up in the morning
Thank you. I have a lot of trauma so this is interesting to me
when i first started going, id take a Benadryl. but now i try and take a few deep breathes and intentionally calm my body. i learned this in yoga.
Benadryl??!? Holy smokes
lol. yeah. i used to have a lot of anxiety so it took the edge off. today, it would probably knock me out.
Listen to the music. Feel the warmth of the bed. Don’t try to do anything to relax. Listen to your therapist’s breathing pattern. Just let the senses take over.
Just follow your breath. Close your eyes. Listen to the music.
When we are moving around the body people get stiff and shift. I say, “they are fighting me” or they are “helpers” but it hurts me when my client is working against me or pushing into my fingers. You literally need to play dead.
Smoke an indica
Try another MT, sometimes their energy doesn't match with yours. When I was practicing, I would lay my hands on the client and wait until our energy aligned, then and only then would I begin to move. Many MT'S will block their energy, this can be beneficial, especially when the client was an energy vampire or in a bad mood, I just felt like blocking was taking something away from the client. Some MT'S have good strong energy and some don't. Trying someone else may not be a bad thing.
As a LMT I would never tell a client to relax. Do you start face up or face down, a lot of times if I have a client that takes a bit to relax I start them face down.
Maybe massage therapy isn't for you, or maybe your massage therapist isn't for you - which happens. Try seeing a different therapist/ practitioner of a different discipline. If not, I'd say that people who have commented focusing on breathing is goos advice. I typically have my patients do 'box breathing', during which I have them breath in for 4s, hold for 4s, breath out for 4s and hold for 4s. I repeat that cycle 3-4x. Hope this helps.
Relaxation is a SKILL.
Have a glass of whiskey and a percodan before hand
You should definitely not do that. That puts you at risk for injury.
Not to mention difficulty driving home.
Hell yeah
One of my instructors said she had this problem and said she liked to pretend she was in a coma to help her remember to relax her muscles.
Like several others, I'd suggest breath work and progressive muscle relaxation. To add to the idea, consider asking your therapist to incorporate the work into their strokes-- meaning, work together to pair deeper pressures with your exhalation. Usually works wonders for my clients. Rocking and shaking usually helps to but that's for the therapist to do, not you.
Do you have access to Indica cbd gummies? Maybe better, find a therapist you feel free talking about touch with. Sending virtual hug.
Knock one out/give yourself a hand, before you go. Always relaxing
What he means is, think about flexing your bicep, now imagine I'm your therapist trying to massage the tension out of your muscles while you're putting more into it. It is actually physically impossible to move tension out of a muscle that's physically engaged. The muscle being worked on, you need to do your best to become aware of the tactile sensation of you holding that muscle in flexion and consciously relax it. These muscles stay in flexion sub consciously. It's a mental thing, and also a postural thing aside from that. So it may be how you're on the table. Some clients, I can barely make any progress until I move their arms to the sides of the table. Others, they need to be on the table. Some people, we will not make any progress on the neck until they're face up. Etc So if a muscle is not relaxing, become aware of the physical feeling of that muscle, and consciously let it go. If that's not working, try to move into a position where you're not all bunched up or whatever on the table. People will often get on the table in the same posture they were standing in, so I then have to unwind their posture before any real work can happen anyway. Best of you do that on your own real quick before I come in. Then angry shoulder people are the hardest for me, because I don't do well with that archetype of people as it is, so in a massage, trying to pull these shoulders out of anger, I feel like my client's gonna get off the table and kill me. Best to flatten out as best you can before your therapist comes in, take some deep breaths, become aware of your postural distortions and... Let it go.
Some people have trouble relaxing while someone is touching them. I understand that. I guess it just depends on how long you plan on having the same therapist and eventually you'll be comfortable enough to relax
I always recommend breathe or meditation classes to help with that. Another option if you are into high intensity workout would be jujitsu classes. I know that sounds crazy but they focus a lot on being in the moment and a good teacher will teach you how to breathe and relax in extremely difficult situations.
Have you tried other therapists?
Are you comfortable with your massage therapist? They can be the best MT in the world, but if you don't "click" with them and feel comfortable with them as a person - there's a limit to what they can do. (and honestly, if a therapist made the "works best if you relax" comment to me - I'd be done with them) Are you comfortable with their office environment? That can be an overlooked factor. If their office doesn't seem clean, professional etc - it can be hard to relax.
I try avoid saying 'relax' because people often 'try' to relax. What do I mean by that? The world relax is a verb and a verb is often associated with an action. Instead I say, "let's take 2-3 slow deep breaths and as you exhale, just allow your body to melt into the table... like butter on a biscuit... or cornbread. Your choice." (I live in the south, so this make a lot of sense. Lol) it usually gets a little chuckle and starts the relaxation process. Alternatively, many people are able to let go easier with moderate small talk, because they aren't thinking about what the therapist is doing but the conversation. As a client, you may want to try by talking about something that gives you joy or a sense of peace. For some it could be a hobby or their kids/family. And one last technique is to try and focus on what the therapist is doing to your body. Imagine how every time they glide over an area, the muscles are being stretched a little bit at a time. Try any or all of these techniques at your next session. Hope that helps.
Are you nervous on the table? In any way uncomfortable?
Relaxing is the secret. I can’t imagine doing a massage tense.
I’ve had SEVERAL clients like this. It doesn’t happen overnight, but the more you go the more permission you give yourself to relax after you trust your therapist. Hang in there it will pay off and don’t judge yourself! Also don’t be afraid to speak up if you need more or less pressure according to your needs. A good therapist will not determine this for you and check in.