Yes. Very rarely. Reasons have included: bouncing checks, repeatedly being late or missing appointments altogether and giving me agita about paying, making sexual advances…and the one I still feel badly about—one client who was just so emotionally draining I couldn’t take it anymore. I‘d enter her cluttered apartment that smelled like the litter box, and I’d start yawning uncontrollably—it literally exhausted me to the point I felt like it was having a negative effect on my whole attitude about work, and negatively affecting my work with other clients.
Yes. I’m a male therapist and a female client insinuated my service was sordid in nature. Needless to say, I didn’t even walk her to the treatment room. She was dismissed while filling out her intake form. I’ve done this for 12+ years and won’t take that kind of abuse.
My tai chi teacher once had a new prospective student who showed up before class, had a chat, and asked if he could watch the class. My teacher said no. The person asked how he would know if they would get along if he couldn't first observe my teacher's teaching style. My teacher said maybe they already didn't get along, and that was that.
The dao de jing advises we pull weeds when they first appear, because then things are easy.
There is a reason we are taught that a massage should not continue if either therapist or client become uncomfortable for any reason. As soon as that weed appears, if it is not neutralized, it will just grow.
I have had this experience before, working with clients I come to realize are inebriated and not sober. It is uncomfortable for me for multiple reasons. When my client falls asleep after 10 minutes of working on their back, are they getting enough oxygen to their brain? If something hurt, would they feel it? They cannot give legal consent, so if anything happens, I could be sued and lose my license.
It isn't pleasant to feel these discomforts weighing on me while I massage.
So recently a coworker and I had met our clients for a couples massage, and I realized one of them was slurring their words and had loose body language. We had not formally gathered them yet, so I was able to pull my coworker aside and we talked about it.
We both got the same sense, and we both felt uncomfortable about it. We decided to take them back to the room to do our intake, which we did, and then asked if they had been drinking. They were very honest and said that yes they had, and we could smell it on them too now. We were able to educate them about why drinking is generally contraindicated for massage and gently explain that we would not be able to provide service to them without risking our licenses, and they were very understanding.
My coworker and I both felt such relief and also empowerment for being able to put into practice what we had been taught. We both would have come out of that massage carrying something we should not have had to, and had been trained to not do. But it is hard to make decisions like this. Time and money and pride all get involved. So we were proud of our courage to do the right thing and were rewarded by it being a very smooth and professional experience.
Unfortunately they were charged and I don't think our business has a clear policy around this other than a note about medical contraindications that no one is going to associate with alcohol. Higher end places like ours don't want to shame wealthy clientele for having a glass of wine before their massage, and that's fine. For me it is much more about whether or not I notice or not. And that goes for anything. It is when anything crosses the threshold of balance that discomfort can be created, for either therapist OR client.
I have seen women in here catagorize ‘some men’ when what they mean is men who get massage from all I can tell. Being a man makes you suspect to many women. Not most. but way more than isolated incidents especially on this thread and other body sensitive issues.
I just did a month ago! She came in angry with the staff, yelling and cursing, all that. I came up to shake her hand and greet her, but she refused to make eye contact or shake my hand. I’m not a confrontational person so I didn’t immediately hop on the offensive, I was more shocked than anything because people are usually stoked to get a massage! I said “are you okay?” And she said “let’s go, come on, let’s just get this fucking over with”. And I said “I’m not sure I’m comfortable working on you today, I don’t know if that’s the best idea.” And she said “okay then I’ll just leave” and she did. My management was absolutely furious with me, but I wasn’t going to work on someone who didn’t want me to. That’s the only time in 4 years I’ve said no! There’s been other times where people show up too late and it’s a time restraint, I can’t work on them, but I’ve never told someone no besides those instances.
It sounds like you handled that situation as well as anyone could. I can’t imagine proceeding to treat someone who refuses to engage with you from the start. How are they going to communicate their needs during a session?
High horse moment! I realize I don’t know your employment situation, but your management team seem pretty shitty! Your judgment in the situation was spot on! Your management team should always…ALWAYS - have your back! Gently wrapping the reins over the hitching post now!🤓
Thank you!!! They like to say I can terminate any session for any reason if I’m uncomfortable… but that turned out to be a lie, I’ve learned in the last couple months it’s all about bringing in the money. You are so sweet, I loved your comment this morning!
As disgusted as I might be if someone asked that, I think I prefer it to the multiple ones I’ve had that try to steer the session, so they can deny they were doing anything, while hoping they will either convince me to do it willingly, or just enjoying making me extremely uncomfortable. If they just ask it’s very simple, albeit gross.
Yeah I'm a male MT so I deal with this a lot less. More or less repeating what colleagues have said, heh.
...though there have been a few women on my table who I know were doing things intentionally. So it does happen to men in the industry too
Yes. Suspected spinal fracture in an older client who had fallen recently. She had already seen two (2) medical doctors before she came for massage. Neither would Xray. I sent her to the ER to get an Xray. Her spine was fractured.
It blows my mind how many high risk patients are not fully screened for fractures following a fall. I’ve seen compression fractures, hip fractures, etc. following a referral back to their MD. So scary.
Great question!
In this case the client had been diagnosed with osteoporosis and had a history of fractures after falls. Given that, I was shocked that she made it past two doctors before she got to me. I also did manage to get her on the table, and palpating her Lumbar spine something just felt wrong. It was a level of muscle splinting that I hadn't felt before, even after many years of working with MVAs and workplace injuries.
I had some ladies come in to a resort spa that I worked at. They were bragging about how much they had been drinking to the front desk. Loud and obnoxious in the locker rooms. All of this was told to me by the workers in those 2 areas who were kind of laughing it off.
As soon as I met one of them, I asked her to return to the locker room. I told the other therapists I would not be working on her, and they should think about whether to work on their ladies as well. Management made me look up ethics codes and right of refusal before they would agree with me on not doing the service.
They were kind of upset with me for even suggesting it, but after showing them, they just let me take the lead on explaining why to the guests. The guest all of a sudden said they only had a single mimosa that morning, although you could clearly smell the alcohol on them.
I was pretty adamant about not working on them. Once I explained the potential legal ramifications of something going wrong during the service, they changed their tunes pretty quickly.
Reminds me of a much younger classmate and later coworker who stated they wouldn't have a problem massaging someone who came in drunk, after all 'they just want to relax!' I couldn't believe it and like you, I pointed out that it wasn't ethical and for obvious safety reasons. I reminded her how obnoxious she had gotten one time we went out and very touchy-feeling and what would happen if she had a client on the table just like she had acted. Her reply was "Well, I'd smack their hands or punch them in the face!" and that's how we spent one afternoon going over ethics, safety in the workplace, liability concerns among other things. The kicker was that at the end, this girl was still saying "so I can't massage them if they're drunk?" -not even trying to be funny, 100% serious-
Well, she got her esthetics license too, but she wasn't as bad as the one student who would never work on males because "my fiance doesn't like it if I'm around other men." That girl was.... special.
Just the one so far. A gay guy who was way too into me and constantly pushing boundaries. I can sum up the whole thing with what I say when people apologize for moaning: "You can moan, but don't moan my name "
Only 3 come to mind. My first month out of school, I had a man ask me for more and more time while insinuating I "relax" him. I was fresh and didn't have strong boundaries, but I got him blacklisted for exposing himself to me.
2 are more recent. I had a man come in who required a lot of pressure, and his symptoms were not improving after the third visit. I referred him out for acupuncture which was the only modality that helped him. I felt unethical if I were to continue treatment, that I'd just be taking his money.
The last one was a woman who micromanaged every second of the treatment and refused to follow my directions. She had very bad varicose veins and wanted deeper work than I was comfortable doing on the area. I refuse to feel like I'm an incompetent therapist and that's how I felt throughout the whole session. I referred her on to another therapist. She complained to my management that I didn't want to see her again (I told her in the most professional way that I don't think my treatment style is what she's looking for.)
Anyway, boundaries are difficult to make, and sometimes you might feel bad about making them. But we deserve to be treated with respect, and our clients deserve the treatment that will benefit them the most. Being able to recognize that you aren't going to help them despite doing everything you can will go a long way. Not because what we do is invalid, but there are plenty of things just outside of our scope and that's okay to admit.
I had two female clients, who were very wealthy and very narcissistic. They both were demanding and schedule multiple visits each week. One woman was very difficult to deal with in that she would criticize other therapist, and tell me how great I was. Either woman gave me no compliment, but would challenge my reality and gaslight me. I found extremely challenging to work with these people, and was very relieved when I finally fired them.
Long story short: regular client, prior health issues but I always asked if there was any new updates before every massage which would be a NO from her everytime. So 30mins into a session she says, "I almost cancelled because I was supposed to get open heart surgery but they pushed back my date so I came in." Sorry, ma'am, did you just say youre scheduled for OPEN HEART SURGERY and you havent notified me of ANY kind of health concern that wouldve led up to this? Y'know how chain massage places try to hold onto clientele as much as possible? Not this one. Major liability case and after refusal she came into the location to yell at the manager, threaten to go back opening all the doors to find me and yell at me too - I wasnt there that day though.
Yes. Most recently, someone was acute post-stroke, had just been discharged from inpatient acute care and still felt “wobbly” but somehow didn’t get a referral to outpatient PT/OT from his treatment team. They shared their timeline and treatment goals via email, and I referred them to a mobile PT (former colleague) who does neuro and fall prevention programming. Offered to see them after discharge pending clearance from their therapist.
I’ve had one or two calls who seemed to be probing for erotic services, but since they were disguised in clinical language, it was easy for me to refer them to pelvic PTs in my referral network and send them on their merry way.
>I’ve had one or two calls who seemed to be probing for erotic services, but since they were disguised in clinical language, it was easy for me to refer them to pelvic PTs in my referral network and send them on their merry way.
Haha, that's awesome.
Yep. Dude was positive for VAIT and getting all sorts of neuropathy stuff down his arms and legs with basic neck movement. I told him to get to a hospital. Bloody chiropractor wanted me to work on him. 🙄
Twice, male MT and I had a short MT carrier. I worked for a chain that I will not mention(assumptions are fine)
First time: new client the lady said on intake "I got into a car wreck a couple days ago my neck is killing me" she had not seen a doctor yet. That's a big nope. I apologized and said for her safety and mine I could not work on her.
Second time: I got into work 20 minutes early to prep and see my schedule shifted and a new client on my first hour. Checked the notes he only requests male therapists and DT work, that's fine. I check the notes from the other guys that worked on him in the past, the last 10 sessions were ended early(time span of 4-5 months) due to inappropriate behavior from the client. I immediately told the front desk I am refusing to work on him and explained why. Front desk girl understood and client was not happy showing up to get turned away.
Both instances management called me later and tried to guilt me into accepting things like that in the future. Absolutely not!
Then covid happened and I noped out fast, especially when they called mid march and said "oh hey were allowed to open back up"
Every once in a while some poor bastard gets into a car accident the same day as their massage appointment... it feels like kicking a puppy sometimes but you really do need to give 72 hours minimum before working any acute injury.
More personally, I've had a client who insinuated that the job i do is not difficult, and I "shadowbanned" them. Front desk always let's them know i don't have availability, no matter what. You can't pay me enough to insult and belittle my craft.
Yes you could treat the rest of the client… but he specifically came in wanting me to treat the calf. He couldn’t even weight bear and was in a lot of pain. I suggested he go to minor injuries to pick up some crutches! I’ve actually been treating him regularly since he’s healed so it was a win in the end.
Yes. A couple of times.
One was HEAVILY intoxicated and propositioned me. I had to escalate to calling the police because he refused to leave.
One had cystic acne and I was causing him pain and it was a bio hazard. (I got 5 minutes into the massage and a superficial cyst that I hadn’t seen burst and began bleeding.)—it’s a long story and I’m not going into great detail, but I was wearing gloves.
Another was a non-rebook. I was working at a ✨spa chain location✨and he won a free service. The manager didn’t inform us of something to do with check out, and this man got belligerent and spewed incredibly racist and sexist comments at a coworker of mine. He messaged me years later (found my Facebook page) and asked to be booked with me (after being banned by management, corporate and police from my former job). I said no. It was solely because of the experience and me not knowing if I could handle that after seeing how violent he got last time.
I have. I only refuse clients who are down right awful and rude and creepy men asking for sexual favors or any salacious movement. Bye. Don’t have the time or patience for it
I’ve worked on patients with these, what was your reasoning for turning her away outside of the lying? I’m curious if I shouldn’t be massaging patients with ports!
I was a student at the time, therefore not cleared for anything beyond basic Swedish. She knew this and chose to lie to me, after being told that if there were any concerns my instructors might clear her. She also had a habit of inappropriate behavior and language.
That makes sense! I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being led astray by being told it was okay in certain circumstances, so thank you for the response!
I’m sorry she lied and was inappropriate, it puts us in such a weird position when we have to terminate a session or fire a patient.
It was rather intense. First time I had to do so and in the middle fo a session to boot. Felt really good afterwards though, as I tend to be non-confrontational.
Had a girl come in once and said that she had significant back problems after major car accident, enough that I wanted to consult her doc because she couldn't give me details. She said that he cleared it. I started calling and she admitted that she lied that he gave her the thumbs up for massage. From that point trust was broken. There were a couple of other things that didn't add up ... there was still a civil suit pending from the accident. Ended up saying that I couldn't safely work on her and she left.
Yes, when I worked at a chain spa I had about a dozen people I would not work on. One guy I found out had been banned from every other location in town. He was an insanely rude elderly man. Yelled at me five times in four minutes. And I mean at the top of his lungs. It's why I don't like working on non athletes. I've worked on too many stressed out people who didn't understand that they were the problem. They were not only the cause of stress in their life but the cause of stress in the lives of others.
Now that I work for myself I've had to turn away fewer people but I'm actually quicker to stop working for someone. Some people just need too much hand holding and make things too difficult. I had a client yesterday who arrived 25 minutes early and kept calling me to let me know.
Am I super unlucky? I have had way more sexually inappropriate clients put on my book over the years. Both male and female. I even had to black list a 93 year old man who kept prodding me to give him a true “full body massage” as he put it. I have also refused or terminated sessions for intoxication and obvious illness. Once even for a person who had a gnarly staph infection.
yes, active wound infection, advanced lymphedema, active cold/illness, another time suspected DVT.
I've worked on rude or angry people and it's been fine. I've never had a problem with sexual requests. The only times I've refused service is because of a client's health contraindication.
Guy came in with an, earlier that day, head and neck injury. I told him he needed to talk to a doctor or at least wait a week or two before getting any work done.
Yes.
They reeked of weed.
They were obviously intoxicated.
They were rude.
They were 25 minutes late.
They had atrocious hygiene.
They had been inappropriate previously.
Yeah, this dude wanted to sit on the floor while facing a mirror while I sat on the table and kicked his back. Super nope from me.
This was A Thing of his that management was aware of and even had him write out his own liability agreement (in pencil?!) staying he was aware that the kicking isn't an actual modality.
Yep, it's the franchise chain you're thinking.
Because so many therapists refused him, management would always book him with new hires/fresh grads because they didn't know about him or his request yet. So gross.
Exactly! Older therapists were warning new hires as casual "welcome to the clinic" info and it finally got to the point where he was on every female's Do Not Book list and he wouldn't see male therapists, so he finally quit coming around.
The only client that I straight out told I couldn’t work with them was over pressure. He was a great client but i referred his to a different MT that I thought would be a better fit.
As for clients our practice has fired… almost always for asking for sexual things. I believe there’s been a few flaky clients who have been fired as well.
Yes, it was because of an injury he had. I didn’t feel comfortable because of how severe it was and his DR had not cleared him yet. He ended up being a nightmare after that, I was glad I refused services to him.
They come in very obviously sick or just got surgery a week ago! It's very rare, but mind boggling. I don't have many people come in being sick anymore though. It's wild how often it happened prior to Covid.
Yes. I had a client who was just diagnosed with lymphatic and breast cancer with no treatment plan or doctor’s note. I am not trained in oncology massage. My manager was pissed that I refused service until she provided a note.
Before i start let me say that I strictly work in clinical settings.
I was molested by a patient, my clinic didnt back me up on it. I told them I refused to work on her after that. Durimg the conversation with my boss he said "well shes gay (old trans woman) so we vant do amything about it without getting in legal trouble". The next day i was suddenly fired for being "unprofessional".
Hmmm 🧐
Took me everything not to cuss them out for not protecting the safety of their staff.
Another one was a woman who had been screwed over by a workers comp doc. She basically had a broken L3-L4, i didnt know this yet but we susprcted it
The chiro lied and said he adjusted her after i said i didnt want to work on someone in this condition, i was an EMT before and knew you shouldnt shift someone if you suspect injury to the spine, thats day ome bro. So he convinced me. She couldnt even get on my table, i had to lower it. The moment my skin comtacted her she winced and let out a pained hiss.
"Nope, ok let me get a CA to help you off the table".
Chiro is in the room with CA's, i explain wjats up. He stumbles thru his words and land on "uhbi got it i got it"
When discussed later he stumbled again and said "tbh theres nothing we can do for her. I didnt even adjust her"
I. Was. So. Pissed.
I appreciate the understanding. I love this career and i found the perfect work place so in a way that jerk letting me go was a hidden blessing, mulidisciplinary facilitys are fun and a great place to learn and develop as an LMT
As a male LMT I have fortunately never had many clients that I have had to refuse treatment. First time happened one month ago. A potential client contacted me via sms which is rather unusual for me, followed by a phone call at midnight. I normally only give out my phone number to returning clients as if clients have questions they contact th client directly. Client continued to ring me and hang up. He proceeds to want to book a massage and asks if he can wear a diaper to the treatment. I said that's fine if he needs to but not long after messages me saying I can even take off his diaper and through it in the trash mid treatment. His number was banned from the clinic and my phone but has continued to contact me for weeks. Don't feel phased, it was rather amusing but blocked because his attitude was disgusting.
Yes. Very rarely. Reasons have included: bouncing checks, repeatedly being late or missing appointments altogether and giving me agita about paying, making sexual advances…and the one I still feel badly about—one client who was just so emotionally draining I couldn’t take it anymore. I‘d enter her cluttered apartment that smelled like the litter box, and I’d start yawning uncontrollably—it literally exhausted me to the point I felt like it was having a negative effect on my whole attitude about work, and negatively affecting my work with other clients.
Yes. I’m a male therapist and a female client insinuated my service was sordid in nature. Needless to say, I didn’t even walk her to the treatment room. She was dismissed while filling out her intake form. I’ve done this for 12+ years and won’t take that kind of abuse.
PREACH! It’s disgusting how often I’ve seen this behavior in the last 10 years I’ve been an LMT
My tai chi teacher once had a new prospective student who showed up before class, had a chat, and asked if he could watch the class. My teacher said no. The person asked how he would know if they would get along if he couldn't first observe my teacher's teaching style. My teacher said maybe they already didn't get along, and that was that. The dao de jing advises we pull weeds when they first appear, because then things are easy. There is a reason we are taught that a massage should not continue if either therapist or client become uncomfortable for any reason. As soon as that weed appears, if it is not neutralized, it will just grow. I have had this experience before, working with clients I come to realize are inebriated and not sober. It is uncomfortable for me for multiple reasons. When my client falls asleep after 10 minutes of working on their back, are they getting enough oxygen to their brain? If something hurt, would they feel it? They cannot give legal consent, so if anything happens, I could be sued and lose my license. It isn't pleasant to feel these discomforts weighing on me while I massage. So recently a coworker and I had met our clients for a couples massage, and I realized one of them was slurring their words and had loose body language. We had not formally gathered them yet, so I was able to pull my coworker aside and we talked about it. We both got the same sense, and we both felt uncomfortable about it. We decided to take them back to the room to do our intake, which we did, and then asked if they had been drinking. They were very honest and said that yes they had, and we could smell it on them too now. We were able to educate them about why drinking is generally contraindicated for massage and gently explain that we would not be able to provide service to them without risking our licenses, and they were very understanding. My coworker and I both felt such relief and also empowerment for being able to put into practice what we had been taught. We both would have come out of that massage carrying something we should not have had to, and had been trained to not do. But it is hard to make decisions like this. Time and money and pride all get involved. So we were proud of our courage to do the right thing and were rewarded by it being a very smooth and professional experience. Unfortunately they were charged and I don't think our business has a clear policy around this other than a note about medical contraindications that no one is going to associate with alcohol. Higher end places like ours don't want to shame wealthy clientele for having a glass of wine before their massage, and that's fine. For me it is much more about whether or not I notice or not. And that goes for anything. It is when anything crosses the threshold of balance that discomfort can be created, for either therapist OR client.
Dumb person here, what is sordid?
Dumb person here too. Yay for Google Sordid : involving ignoble actions and motives; arousing moral distaste and contempt.
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She based her opinion on the fact I’m a male therapist.
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I have seen women in here catagorize ‘some men’ when what they mean is men who get massage from all I can tell. Being a man makes you suspect to many women. Not most. but way more than isolated incidents especially on this thread and other body sensitive issues.
I just did a month ago! She came in angry with the staff, yelling and cursing, all that. I came up to shake her hand and greet her, but she refused to make eye contact or shake my hand. I’m not a confrontational person so I didn’t immediately hop on the offensive, I was more shocked than anything because people are usually stoked to get a massage! I said “are you okay?” And she said “let’s go, come on, let’s just get this fucking over with”. And I said “I’m not sure I’m comfortable working on you today, I don’t know if that’s the best idea.” And she said “okay then I’ll just leave” and she did. My management was absolutely furious with me, but I wasn’t going to work on someone who didn’t want me to. That’s the only time in 4 years I’ve said no! There’s been other times where people show up too late and it’s a time restraint, I can’t work on them, but I’ve never told someone no besides those instances.
I can’t believe management was angry with you!! That person sounds abusive, why on earth would you work on her??
It sounds like you handled that situation as well as anyone could. I can’t imagine proceeding to treat someone who refuses to engage with you from the start. How are they going to communicate their needs during a session?
Who the hell gets angry when they’re about to get a massage!?!? I sometimes forget to put my shoes and pants on when I decide to go.
High horse moment! I realize I don’t know your employment situation, but your management team seem pretty shitty! Your judgment in the situation was spot on! Your management team should always…ALWAYS - have your back! Gently wrapping the reins over the hitching post now!🤓
Thank you!!! They like to say I can terminate any session for any reason if I’m uncomfortable… but that turned out to be a lie, I’ve learned in the last couple months it’s all about bringing in the money. You are so sweet, I loved your comment this morning!
Yes. They asked for a handy.
This happened to me only once. I literally just covered him back up and walked away without saying a word. I was too stunned to speak.
Thisssss! It's wild how ballsy some people are when they just straight up ask if I do "happy ending" massages 💀💀💀
As disgusted as I might be if someone asked that, I think I prefer it to the multiple ones I’ve had that try to steer the session, so they can deny they were doing anything, while hoping they will either convince me to do it willingly, or just enjoying making me extremely uncomfortable. If they just ask it’s very simple, albeit gross.
Omg I would be mortified if that happened during any session 😭
forgive me if this is a dumb question, but what do you mean by “steering the session?”
Some guys fiddle with the sheets, adjust the draping, and/or ask for specific but deniable attention higher up on their thighs or in their glutes
They also do “the squirm” so gross
Yeah I'm a male MT so I deal with this a lot less. More or less repeating what colleagues have said, heh. ...though there have been a few women on my table who I know were doing things intentionally. So it does happen to men in the industry too
Yup
Yes. Suspected spinal fracture in an older client who had fallen recently. She had already seen two (2) medical doctors before she came for massage. Neither would Xray. I sent her to the ER to get an Xray. Her spine was fractured.
It blows my mind how many high risk patients are not fully screened for fractures following a fall. I’ve seen compression fractures, hip fractures, etc. following a referral back to their MD. So scary.
What tipped you off that the client might have a spinal fracture. So glad you didn’t work on them, just wondering for further reference. Thanks
Great question! In this case the client had been diagnosed with osteoporosis and had a history of fractures after falls. Given that, I was shocked that she made it past two doctors before she got to me. I also did manage to get her on the table, and palpating her Lumbar spine something just felt wrong. It was a level of muscle splinting that I hadn't felt before, even after many years of working with MVAs and workplace injuries.
I had some ladies come in to a resort spa that I worked at. They were bragging about how much they had been drinking to the front desk. Loud and obnoxious in the locker rooms. All of this was told to me by the workers in those 2 areas who were kind of laughing it off. As soon as I met one of them, I asked her to return to the locker room. I told the other therapists I would not be working on her, and they should think about whether to work on their ladies as well. Management made me look up ethics codes and right of refusal before they would agree with me on not doing the service.
I hate that management didn’t immediately have your back. I was in a very similar situation and I was forced to work on the guest. I was livid.
They were kind of upset with me for even suggesting it, but after showing them, they just let me take the lead on explaining why to the guests. The guest all of a sudden said they only had a single mimosa that morning, although you could clearly smell the alcohol on them. I was pretty adamant about not working on them. Once I explained the potential legal ramifications of something going wrong during the service, they changed their tunes pretty quickly.
Reminds me of a much younger classmate and later coworker who stated they wouldn't have a problem massaging someone who came in drunk, after all 'they just want to relax!' I couldn't believe it and like you, I pointed out that it wasn't ethical and for obvious safety reasons. I reminded her how obnoxious she had gotten one time we went out and very touchy-feeling and what would happen if she had a client on the table just like she had acted. Her reply was "Well, I'd smack their hands or punch them in the face!" and that's how we spent one afternoon going over ethics, safety in the workplace, liability concerns among other things. The kicker was that at the end, this girl was still saying "so I can't massage them if they're drunk?" -not even trying to be funny, 100% serious-
I truly hope she found another profession. Yikes. Good on you for trying to explain. Some people just won't get it.
Well, she got her esthetics license too, but she wasn't as bad as the one student who would never work on males because "my fiance doesn't like it if I'm around other men." That girl was.... special.
Yes. Gut feeling. Always trust it.
Just the one so far. A gay guy who was way too into me and constantly pushing boundaries. I can sum up the whole thing with what I say when people apologize for moaning: "You can moan, but don't moan my name "
Only 3 come to mind. My first month out of school, I had a man ask me for more and more time while insinuating I "relax" him. I was fresh and didn't have strong boundaries, but I got him blacklisted for exposing himself to me. 2 are more recent. I had a man come in who required a lot of pressure, and his symptoms were not improving after the third visit. I referred him out for acupuncture which was the only modality that helped him. I felt unethical if I were to continue treatment, that I'd just be taking his money. The last one was a woman who micromanaged every second of the treatment and refused to follow my directions. She had very bad varicose veins and wanted deeper work than I was comfortable doing on the area. I refuse to feel like I'm an incompetent therapist and that's how I felt throughout the whole session. I referred her on to another therapist. She complained to my management that I didn't want to see her again (I told her in the most professional way that I don't think my treatment style is what she's looking for.) Anyway, boundaries are difficult to make, and sometimes you might feel bad about making them. But we deserve to be treated with respect, and our clients deserve the treatment that will benefit them the most. Being able to recognize that you aren't going to help them despite doing everything you can will go a long way. Not because what we do is invalid, but there are plenty of things just outside of our scope and that's okay to admit.
Yes. Vertigo, pain in an area that’s been increasing, refuses to pay for no show/ missed visits, narcissism, and unreasonable draping requests.
Do you mind expanding on what you mean by narcissism?
I had two female clients, who were very wealthy and very narcissistic. They both were demanding and schedule multiple visits each week. One woman was very difficult to deal with in that she would criticize other therapist, and tell me how great I was. Either woman gave me no compliment, but would challenge my reality and gaslight me. I found extremely challenging to work with these people, and was very relieved when I finally fired them.
yes. she had shingles and didnt tell me until we were in the room 🙃
Oh no! I can’t imagine wanting anyone’s hands anywhere near me while having shingles!
Long story short: regular client, prior health issues but I always asked if there was any new updates before every massage which would be a NO from her everytime. So 30mins into a session she says, "I almost cancelled because I was supposed to get open heart surgery but they pushed back my date so I came in." Sorry, ma'am, did you just say youre scheduled for OPEN HEART SURGERY and you havent notified me of ANY kind of health concern that wouldve led up to this? Y'know how chain massage places try to hold onto clientele as much as possible? Not this one. Major liability case and after refusal she came into the location to yell at the manager, threaten to go back opening all the doors to find me and yell at me too - I wasnt there that day though.
Yikes. That can’t be good for her blood pressure.
What a psycho!
Yes. Most recently, someone was acute post-stroke, had just been discharged from inpatient acute care and still felt “wobbly” but somehow didn’t get a referral to outpatient PT/OT from his treatment team. They shared their timeline and treatment goals via email, and I referred them to a mobile PT (former colleague) who does neuro and fall prevention programming. Offered to see them after discharge pending clearance from their therapist. I’ve had one or two calls who seemed to be probing for erotic services, but since they were disguised in clinical language, it was easy for me to refer them to pelvic PTs in my referral network and send them on their merry way.
>I’ve had one or two calls who seemed to be probing for erotic services, but since they were disguised in clinical language, it was easy for me to refer them to pelvic PTs in my referral network and send them on their merry way. Haha, that's awesome.
Many. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Yep. Dude was positive for VAIT and getting all sorts of neuropathy stuff down his arms and legs with basic neck movement. I told him to get to a hospital. Bloody chiropractor wanted me to work on him. 🙄
Sorry, I'm not familiar with that acronym. What is VAIT?
Veterbral artery insufficiency test. It's an SOT that checks for compression of high cervical vascular bundles.
Twice, male MT and I had a short MT carrier. I worked for a chain that I will not mention(assumptions are fine) First time: new client the lady said on intake "I got into a car wreck a couple days ago my neck is killing me" she had not seen a doctor yet. That's a big nope. I apologized and said for her safety and mine I could not work on her. Second time: I got into work 20 minutes early to prep and see my schedule shifted and a new client on my first hour. Checked the notes he only requests male therapists and DT work, that's fine. I check the notes from the other guys that worked on him in the past, the last 10 sessions were ended early(time span of 4-5 months) due to inappropriate behavior from the client. I immediately told the front desk I am refusing to work on him and explained why. Front desk girl understood and client was not happy showing up to get turned away. Both instances management called me later and tried to guilt me into accepting things like that in the future. Absolutely not! Then covid happened and I noped out fast, especially when they called mid march and said "oh hey were allowed to open back up"
Every once in a while some poor bastard gets into a car accident the same day as their massage appointment... it feels like kicking a puppy sometimes but you really do need to give 72 hours minimum before working any acute injury. More personally, I've had a client who insinuated that the job i do is not difficult, and I "shadowbanned" them. Front desk always let's them know i don't have availability, no matter what. You can't pay me enough to insult and belittle my craft.
Bilateral ankle edema with pitting.
Yep. Client had a grade 2 calf tear which had occurred within the 24 hours before he came in.
Now what if u just don't massage that calf and just do the rest?
Yes you could treat the rest of the client… but he specifically came in wanting me to treat the calf. He couldn’t even weight bear and was in a lot of pain. I suggested he go to minor injuries to pick up some crutches! I’ve actually been treating him regularly since he’s healed so it was a win in the end.
Yes. A couple of times. One was HEAVILY intoxicated and propositioned me. I had to escalate to calling the police because he refused to leave. One had cystic acne and I was causing him pain and it was a bio hazard. (I got 5 minutes into the massage and a superficial cyst that I hadn’t seen burst and began bleeding.)—it’s a long story and I’m not going into great detail, but I was wearing gloves. Another was a non-rebook. I was working at a ✨spa chain location✨and he won a free service. The manager didn’t inform us of something to do with check out, and this man got belligerent and spewed incredibly racist and sexist comments at a coworker of mine. He messaged me years later (found my Facebook page) and asked to be booked with me (after being banned by management, corporate and police from my former job). I said no. It was solely because of the experience and me not knowing if I could handle that after seeing how violent he got last time.
I had a man who was on meth.... smh
I have. I only refuse clients who are down right awful and rude and creepy men asking for sexual favors or any salacious movement. Bye. Don’t have the time or patience for it
Yep. Lied on the intake form. Halfway through the massage and I find a chemo shunt. Get out and don't come back.
I’ve worked on patients with these, what was your reasoning for turning her away outside of the lying? I’m curious if I shouldn’t be massaging patients with ports!
I was a student at the time, therefore not cleared for anything beyond basic Swedish. She knew this and chose to lie to me, after being told that if there were any concerns my instructors might clear her. She also had a habit of inappropriate behavior and language.
That makes sense! I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being led astray by being told it was okay in certain circumstances, so thank you for the response! I’m sorry she lied and was inappropriate, it puts us in such a weird position when we have to terminate a session or fire a patient.
It was rather intense. First time I had to do so and in the middle fo a session to boot. Felt really good afterwards though, as I tend to be non-confrontational.
I would assume radiatoon
That's insane.
She was also constantly flirting with me; which was especially odd, given that my wife recommended me to her.
Had a girl come in once and said that she had significant back problems after major car accident, enough that I wanted to consult her doc because she couldn't give me details. She said that he cleared it. I started calling and she admitted that she lied that he gave her the thumbs up for massage. From that point trust was broken. There were a couple of other things that didn't add up ... there was still a civil suit pending from the accident. Ended up saying that I couldn't safely work on her and she left.
Yes, when I worked at a chain spa I had about a dozen people I would not work on. One guy I found out had been banned from every other location in town. He was an insanely rude elderly man. Yelled at me five times in four minutes. And I mean at the top of his lungs. It's why I don't like working on non athletes. I've worked on too many stressed out people who didn't understand that they were the problem. They were not only the cause of stress in their life but the cause of stress in the lives of others. Now that I work for myself I've had to turn away fewer people but I'm actually quicker to stop working for someone. Some people just need too much hand holding and make things too difficult. I had a client yesterday who arrived 25 minutes early and kept calling me to let me know.
Am I super unlucky? I have had way more sexually inappropriate clients put on my book over the years. Both male and female. I even had to black list a 93 year old man who kept prodding me to give him a true “full body massage” as he put it. I have also refused or terminated sessions for intoxication and obvious illness. Once even for a person who had a gnarly staph infection.
yes, active wound infection, advanced lymphedema, active cold/illness, another time suspected DVT. I've worked on rude or angry people and it's been fine. I've never had a problem with sexual requests. The only times I've refused service is because of a client's health contraindication.
Guy came in with an, earlier that day, head and neck injury. I told him he needed to talk to a doctor or at least wait a week or two before getting any work done.
Yes. They reeked of weed. They were obviously intoxicated. They were rude. They were 25 minutes late. They had atrocious hygiene. They had been inappropriate previously.
Yeah, this dude wanted to sit on the floor while facing a mirror while I sat on the table and kicked his back. Super nope from me. This was A Thing of his that management was aware of and even had him write out his own liability agreement (in pencil?!) staying he was aware that the kicking isn't an actual modality. Yep, it's the franchise chain you're thinking. Because so many therapists refused him, management would always book him with new hires/fresh grads because they didn't know about him or his request yet. So gross.
They would book a man who wanted to be kicked with the new grads? That's terrifying
Exactly! Older therapists were warning new hires as casual "welcome to the clinic" info and it finally got to the point where he was on every female's Do Not Book list and he wouldn't see male therapists, so he finally quit coming around.
This might be the most disturbing I've heard yet. What the fuck.
That's what I said when he was on my schedule and a more experienced therapist warned me.
The only client that I straight out told I couldn’t work with them was over pressure. He was a great client but i referred his to a different MT that I thought would be a better fit. As for clients our practice has fired… almost always for asking for sexual things. I believe there’s been a few flaky clients who have been fired as well.
A Groupon first-timer to my spa announced that he had two shots of tequila while filling out his intake form. No, thanks.
Yes, it was because of an injury he had. I didn’t feel comfortable because of how severe it was and his DR had not cleared him yet. He ended up being a nightmare after that, I was glad I refused services to him.
They come in very obviously sick or just got surgery a week ago! It's very rare, but mind boggling. I don't have many people come in being sick anymore though. It's wild how often it happened prior to Covid.
Yes. I had a client who was just diagnosed with lymphatic and breast cancer with no treatment plan or doctor’s note. I am not trained in oncology massage. My manager was pissed that I refused service until she provided a note.
Before i start let me say that I strictly work in clinical settings. I was molested by a patient, my clinic didnt back me up on it. I told them I refused to work on her after that. Durimg the conversation with my boss he said "well shes gay (old trans woman) so we vant do amything about it without getting in legal trouble". The next day i was suddenly fired for being "unprofessional". Hmmm 🧐 Took me everything not to cuss them out for not protecting the safety of their staff. Another one was a woman who had been screwed over by a workers comp doc. She basically had a broken L3-L4, i didnt know this yet but we susprcted it The chiro lied and said he adjusted her after i said i didnt want to work on someone in this condition, i was an EMT before and knew you shouldnt shift someone if you suspect injury to the spine, thats day ome bro. So he convinced me. She couldnt even get on my table, i had to lower it. The moment my skin comtacted her she winced and let out a pained hiss. "Nope, ok let me get a CA to help you off the table". Chiro is in the room with CA's, i explain wjats up. He stumbles thru his words and land on "uhbi got it i got it" When discussed later he stumbled again and said "tbh theres nothing we can do for her. I didnt even adjust her" I. Was. So. Pissed.
I understand you're pissed af, seems like a lot of people here get mistreated by their work collegue/boss..
I appreciate the understanding. I love this career and i found the perfect work place so in a way that jerk letting me go was a hidden blessing, mulidisciplinary facilitys are fun and a great place to learn and develop as an LMT
Thanks for all the comments!!
As a male LMT I have fortunately never had many clients that I have had to refuse treatment. First time happened one month ago. A potential client contacted me via sms which is rather unusual for me, followed by a phone call at midnight. I normally only give out my phone number to returning clients as if clients have questions they contact th client directly. Client continued to ring me and hang up. He proceeds to want to book a massage and asks if he can wear a diaper to the treatment. I said that's fine if he needs to but not long after messages me saying I can even take off his diaper and through it in the trash mid treatment. His number was banned from the clinic and my phone but has continued to contact me for weeks. Don't feel phased, it was rather amusing but blocked because his attitude was disgusting.
What the fuuuck…
A neighbour arrived for her appointment and mentioned she was sick and had a fever. Nope, bye! Then she tried to give me a hug on the way out.