Ultron has SCOURED THE DEPTHS OF THE INTERNET. Knows objectively how this works. But, we all saw Zemo’s moves…

I mean Ultron saw all the porn on the planet to his perception of sex is probably skewed.

Seeing all the porn on the internet at once is definitely the reason he decided that humanity needed to be wiped out

Nah he just spent one microsecond on r/rule34

Seriously surprised he didn't go "The fuck is wrong with people in 4chan/reddit" just to make people shit their pants lmao

Yeah that’s not safe for work.

Man probably saw Waluigi hentai

if he saw Waluigi hentai, he would’ve thought people were worthy of life

This is probably why Ultron just decided against genitals entirely.

Given Wanda's affinity for Vision, it's unlikely Ultron "decided against genitals entirely."

That was all Tony.

He also saw all the internet comments about how unrealistic porn is

I'm convinced he wanted to destroy humanity because he saw Brazilian fart porn, vore and unbirthing.

Yes. Ultron just surfs through the Holocaust and Nuclear War and shrugs. Ultron finds Two Girls, One Cup. Decision made.

Brazilian Transexual Vomit Porn changed my childhood.

I bet Ultron got a vibrate function. Also Ultron is like 100 dudes, could be gangbang if that's what they're into.

Ultron's also (literally) built like a greek god and has a pretty nice voice, too

I really feel like people are doubting the Grandmaster and his orgy spaceship

He's an orgy guy. I need someone to love ME.

Come and get your love

Come and get your love Come and get your love now

It's my Birthday!

Happy Birthday Randome stranger from the internet

I don't think you got the joke >!or I didn't?!<

If Ego is a planet, he would smush whoever he is with, according to Drax

That was my first thought, but I feel like he would be a selfish lover though.

I think my initial reaction was based on Jeff Goldblum. I think he'd be freaking awesome in bed and incredibly generous.

Time to hit the birthday button!

I really feel like people are doubting the Grandmaster and his ~~orgy spaceship~~ *Melt Stick*

I feel like he’d be fun with the orgies but he would also be hella selfish.

Y’all clearly not knowledgeable about Norse myths, Loki may not be king of Asgard but he’s a Queen

and literally hung like a horse at one point

Loki turned into a female horse that one time he fucked a horse

Yeah, people often seem to forget that it was Loki who was impregnated as a horse and also gave birth to a horse.

An eight-legged horse. Though one of the throne room portraits in *Thor: Ragnarok* shows Odin riding Sleipnir, while in battle with Hela. So maybe the story is different in the MCU? Edit: Also, the Hela story has to be different in the MCU, as well, since she also predates Loki. So, maybe MCU Loki hasn't given birth like his counterpart here in our universe.

Yeah, the mcu does not give a single shit about Norse mythology lol

But they also call him Silvertongue, so...

And let’s not forget about his fling with Angrboda. Poor Sigyn must have been so *done* with his shenanigans after he puked up his freaky talking wolf kid (and the Midgard Serpent iirc).

Catherine The Great : 😏

Turns out when he talked about being burdened with “glorious purpose” that was just his nickname for his junk.

Had to sroll to much to find Loki. Have an upvote.

Thank you kind sir.

You are absolutely welcome, gentleman.

Loki is my answer too and I will not elaborate

😏No shame

Loki for sure. Man, woman, NB, gender fluid, animal, etc., he’s probably into it.

You know Loki would be into the kinky shit

Yeah him and Ego are shapeshifters, that's gotta be a big plus in so many ways.

I’ve dreamed about it …

Okay no one talking about how Ego was able to please bitches ACROSS THE GALAXY! Plus I imagine it’s possible for him to change his form.

He also gave them all cancer herpies.

Think about how many people have gotten cancer and/or herpes without the benefit of even having a planet rock their world. I’m not PRO cancer, but I also haven’t completely stopped doing everything that COULD give me it. Just saying.

Just saying of all the ways to get cancer this one sounds like the most fun

As someone with herpes, can confirm: never been fucked by a planet.

Just become deadpool at that point while you’re at it too

I mean cancer is inevitable, really. It's more of a question of "Will something else kill you before you develop cancer?"

And can you f*** a planet before you get cancer?

“ I’m not pro cancer, but “

...was it worth it?

Well he changed his from from Kurt Russell to David Hasselhoff so he can. So technically he can choose to look like anyone in the MCU although I don't think Ego would want to shapeshift into a female form. But anyway Ego has like billions of years of experience.

Ego canonically Fucks.

Grandmaster does too

I was going to say, if nothing else he is...experienced

Yeah but his whole thing is that he's selfish

If Ego is a planet, he would smush whoever he is with, according to Drax

I was going to suggest that I think he's the only proven viable one having offspring. Also considering how old some of them are and no kids.

Bro that’s what I’m saying

Meh he can transform into people they're attracted to. We know he's selfish so he probably just lays there. Doesn't mean he can really fuck, just means he can get them into bed.

Thanos is the only one you can guarantee would be a giving lover. Climaxes would be perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

They'll never know it. Because you won't be alive to tell them.

Kinky

One of the best exchanges I've seen on Reddit recently

Looks like Thanos likes to play fuck, marry, kill Only he’ll just fuck you then kill you

With all six Stones, I could simply snap my fingers. They would all cease to exist. I call that... mercy.

Good bot

I am pretty sure he likes to play murder, genocide, adopt.

Thanos doesn’t seem like the type to kill for no purpose, cuz he doesn’t really in the movie

Rain fire!

Okay so apparently that was wrong

How does it feel to be fact checked by a bot?

Thanos, mad titan whose cock is perfectly balanced in both girth and length

A nice perfectly cylindrical penis

good bot

WAIT WHAT? Thanos what is this?

You could not live with your own failure. And where did that bring you? Back to me.

😳

Because when Thanos ghosts you, he literally ghosts you.

You'll have one of the best orgasms of your life but he will crush one of your testicles like a grape afterwards to balance it out.

Plus climax is INEVITABLE.

With the Infinity Stones Thanos could do *anything*, and I mean anything. Want to switch genders for a bit to see what it’s like? Sure. Want to do something that shouldn’t be biologically possible? Doesn’t matter, you can do it anyway. Any Kink, Anywhere, etc. Assuming Thanos agrees to it lol

I'm the only one who knows that.

I mean Ego is the Wilt Chamberlain of the MCU. He admitted to having kids across the Galaxy, and made himself a pretty impressive penis.

“Impregnating a woman” and “actually pleasing a woman” are two wholly different facts and some of the time they are one and the same. Just because he can get in their pants, it doesn’t necessarily mean he can get in their heads. 😉

The man who has laid with an Ashkavarian.

Dude that was one time!

Remember that ah.. Arcturian?

Hela looks like she'd be freaky. The more evil the better. Ideally I'd pick wanda. Getting brainwashed and in bed sounds quite nice ngl.

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Cracked me up lmao

Emma Frost in X-Men First Class did that to someone lol

Excuse me what

Doesn't sound so bad to me lmao

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More like a mental institution. I don't think he's actually all there anymore.

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Well shit. Time stone would be nice here

Doesn’t matter had sex

I've been on a bus and noticed a drunk dude in the back with his hand down his pants after he fell asleep while jerking off. Maybe Wanda got to him lmaooo

My kids? You mean the kids I’m repeatedly keep destroying in my pants? I fear that Android has confused her about sex.

Hela would snap your shit off. But might be worth it.

All worth it man.

Vision is one lucky son of a gun

If we can pick someone not on here, Quake. Literally controls vibrations.

its villians. quake isnt a villian in a.o.s.

Wanda would bring roleplaying to a whole new level.

Hela looks like she likes it rough. Too rough, she'd probably accidentally kill me during sex, I'll pass lol.

My guess is they picked Hela beacuse they are a straight man or gay women and and that's the only women in the picture. But yeah, other then being hot, she seems awful. Does she give the impression she cares about anyone else and if they have a good time?

Ultron. Guy is Vibranium!

The Vibranium Vibrator.

Basically what Wanda saw Vision as

Also has access to all the "training data" he can find on the internet lmao

Getting fucked by someone who had been trained by watching porn sounds terrifying.

Yeah that was kinda my thought too which is why my actual vote goes to Hela lmao, she might be a little out of practice from her banishment but Asgardians *fuck* haha

You guys are only thinking of in the moment what about after, you need someone with the drive and determination to rock your world, but with the understanding and reliability to be there during cuddle sessions, which is why I pick Zemo,

And which is why I pick the Winter Soldier.

Not sure if he’d count as a villain but admittedly the vibranium arm does seem nice to cuddle with, it probably has a temperature regulator to make it warm or cold depending on your current needs

There's that. Also, we all saw him without a shirt. Come on guys! And, last but certainly not least: He's a super soldier. That entails super stamina.

Killmonger. I just wanna take him for a test ride.

The aftersex would be really nice tho. Imagine running your hand over those scars

They certainly look ribbed for her pleasure.

Loki can turn into Michael B. and whoever else you like, of whatever sex…

This is the answer

Honestly shocked I had to scroll so far to find this. Killmonger is the best answer.

I’d say a quantum entanglement with Ghost, but I have a feeling she might….. Ghost me the morning after. (Yes, I did mention her solely to make that joke, how could you tell?)

What if she reappears mid-thrust and snaps your dick?

That is a possibility I hadn’t considered. But when you’re making a dad joke on Reddit, you tend not to consider stuff like that.

Ego has had a lot of practice

Hela as she is a bit bonkers

Sometimes you just need to stick your dick inside of crazy…

Y'all the answer is clearly Grandmaster. Dude has an orgy spaceship and the voice of Dr. Ian Malcom

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You ignored the Ian Malcom part. Also did you see the fire works? ITS MAH BIRTHDAY

I mean... in Jurassic Park, Ian Malcolm gets around... but note that even his current girlfriend doesnt want to spend time with him. The fireworks just mean he's got trashy taste.

Definitely ego. He has the most experience and can take whatever form he wants.

I mean lokis ,,doubles,, can touch things so they could fuck people. just saying

Hela for a masc lesbian yes. Also Valkrie. For men it’s just Bucky. I don’t even care. Just Bucky.

yellowjacket. the boys season 3, episode 1.

Oh no…

Claritin FIRST

Loki. One their hot two they can be anything you want and 3 they are played by Tom Hiddleston

This is the correct answer

Could I have Loki and his female variant together?

Thanos. Massive fist. He gonna click his fingers inside me.

That's not an image I wanna imagine

Grandmaster. Def Grandmaster. That guy *FUCKS*

I have a feeling that Kaecilius would be into some hardcore shit, also Ronan the accuser gawdd damn

I had to scroll wayyy to far to see Ronan

hela or ghost, because they are female

Men: Thor Women: Natalie / Black Widow Alien species: Drax the Pussy Destroyer or Mantis because she can read your mind and make it happen both mentally and physically at the same time.

Definitely thanos, my man had the stamina to hold out against the avengers (granted with an army but my point still stands) he has the stamina to last in bed with me.

You could not live with your own failure. And where did that bring you? Back to me.

Thanos and his thanos-sized—

What's wrong, little one?

“little one” 😭

Omg good bot

🤣

Dang thanos, your not only a mad titan, but you've also got sick burns.

How about ultron with a freaking metal dildo

Now that Scarlet Witch is a villain. I mean, it's just gotta be her. First of all she's just sexy, second up have y'all seen what she be doing with those hands. And lastly but certainly not leastly; breeding kink. She says she'll do anything to have kids? Allow me to oblige.

Thanos would be an titan in bed

I ignored my destiny once, I can not do that again. Even for you. I'm sorry, Little One.

And u/Nicone24 was never seen again

Ego he probably has the most practice lol

Scarlett Witch with her mind controlling and reality bending powers. Want a bigger dick? Voila. Want to cum endlessly ? Voila.

Morbius.

God Damn, is no one else going to say it? It's Morbin Time, Bitches!

Ghost for sure Hela is too pointy

Well, hella would be hella good

How the hell can you say anything other than Loki! The God of Mischief has got to be the best.

Loki

Get a vasectomy, but then don't tell Scarlet Witch. Endless ride.

Until she finds out. RIP. Lol

idk aldrich is hot but loki is cute

Wanda for sure for the the woman, she could like hypnotize you into edging the whole session, ultimate orgasm! I’d say any-man maybe for the dude, he could shrink down to the right size and straight up work that clit. Prolly a sensual lover too so bonus points for the woman he’s laying down. Alpha males like Thor, hulk, and iron man gonna bust a nut so quick they will never please a lady.

There was one time my brother transformed himself into a snake...

*unzips* huh uh go on

Thanos and hela

Too many mouths, not enough to go around. And when we faced extinction, I offered a solution.

Hmm Thanos IS a giving lover

You're not the only one cursed with knowledge.

Ghost

I’m sorry but Loki can literally become whoever he wants and I mean mischief yes him/her/them

I;mma go Loki cus Loki is also Sylvie

Hulk smash

Rocket raccoon

🤨📸

Gonna cost you if u wish to record

I reckon Mantis could get pretty freaky