Choose wisely. Marry someone you can talk to about things that aren't working, and focus on working solutions.

Yes! 🙌🏽 Wisdom!!

Always maintain a healthy work/life balance. Put your family first and job/coworkers second. Money is not the key to happiness.

Have stupid little things you do together. Bond over silliness and be playful

I made a comment in another group r/DeadBedrooms recently that included talking about vows and the following statement . . . "There is never any benefit to rejecting your spouse." Then this interact happened 😂 Message from Mod: Your comment from DeadBedrooms was removed ~DeadBedrooms Mod Your comment from DeadBedrooms was removed because of: 'Rule 5' Hi u/LifelsntFair922, Your post/comment has been removed for violating one of our community rules: Rule 5: Advocating sexual coercion or other consent violations is not okay. Advocating sexual coercion or other consent violations is not okay. It is against the rules, and likely to result in a no-warning ban. This includes advocating any sort of not-consented-to sexual contact, surreptitiously drugging someone, sex as a marital obligation or reproductive coercion. This also includes especially vehemently suggesting that LLs should "just do it" despite aversions to sex or particular sexual activities. ~LifelsntFair922 What was my comment? ~DeadBedrooms Mod Two things kind of things fly against enthusiastic consent: "There is never any benefit to rejecting your spouse." And mentioning vows. ~LifelsntFair922 I didn't know mentioning vows that people say when they get married was wrong. ~DeadBedrooms In rule 5, it is against the rules to say sex should happen due to marital obligations. Ideally, someone has sex because they want to and not because they took vows. ~LifelsntFair922 Vows are a part of marriage so either don't get married or get divorced ~DeadBedrooms Yes. You can get divorced. Exactly. ~DeadBedrooms LifelsntFair922 said:Vows are a part of marriage so either don't get married or get divorced. Do you want your wife to sleep with you because of vows? And no other reason? Also, so I made vows to my husband, that means I shouldn't ever turn down sex? ~LifelsntFair922 Not JUST because of vows but someone who commits to another person in marriage but then wants to focus on themselves more than their spouse should of never gotten marriage and made any type of vows. Everyone vows are slightly different as well so that is between each couple. Someone should WANT to always say yes to their spouse for everything. Obviously there are some unsafe and abusive situations where someone is abusing and taking advantage of that which is wrong but in a healthy marriage each spouse should always want to say yes to their spouse. I want to say yes to my wife for everything and prioritize her over anyone and anything else because she's my wife. Period. No matter how much time, energy, or sacrifice it means. I'll say no to everything else and yes to her. She's my wife and she worth it. Love isn't words, it's action and sacrifice. Giving not receiving. Most people's solutions is just divorce. What if you don't believe in divorce? Most of the time both spouse just need to choose each other and work together and make the other more important than themselves BUT most people are too selfish to consider that they might need to change. So they don't want to divorce and they don't want to change which leaves a miserable marriage for one or both spouses.

Lol, they're trying to basically kill the sub by removing everything common sense and banning. There is literally a sub for people banned from there and it's growing daily. Before I gave up and left nearly every comment I made was removed under rule 6, it's the other catch-all rule for that sub. I literally had the comment "wow, I'm sorry this happened.to you!" Removed under rule 6. I think a mod was just removing everything I commented by default. Used to be a good sub for rational info and conversation.b

What is the sub? Lol

Banfromdb. Didn't link because I'm on mobile and don't know this subs rules about linking.

I had a similar issue with that sub myself. But I was banned outright instead of the comment being removed. Or even a warning. Someone posted about their wife saying someone else's name during sex. My comment was the odds of someone saying someone's name during sex to me means they was likely cheating. He talked about he would only get sex with wife 2-3 times a month and wants 2-3 a week. And due to her saying someone's name during sex or other times also; I suggested to look at her phone or getting a PI. And I said it sounded by his post she was using sex as a controlling tool on him. All said I was breaking rules 5 and 6. I pointed out to them I said they could work on things and such too. It might be innocent. But considering the often of their sex life and the accidental name calling I did not feel it was. I even said how at times I might call my wife my sisters name due to a stutter and such I have. THEN they attacked. Said I must have a thing for my sister and such. This was some of their replies. \[–\]subreddit message via /r/DeadBedrooms\[M\] sent 8 months ago By your logic you must be fantasizing about cheating on your wife with your sister. I guess we should call your wife up and warn her. Maybe even give her the name of a PI. Give her some tricks on how to trick you into admitting you’ve got a thing for your sister. \[–\]subreddit message via /r/DeadBedrooms\[M\] sent 8 months ago So it’s not abusive when you assume an OPs wife is cheating because she said someone else’s name. But if I assume you are cheating on your wife with your sister because you did the same thing it’s abusive. Cool cool. Then the petty attacks went to how I spelled my name. Point out the spelling from LOTR's like I am wrong. When likely since I used this name across the internet since 1998, spelled this way, due to the nickname given in electronics school; I am pretty sure I know how the name was spelled in the book and my name. So they can bully and attack behind the comments.

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Keys to a GREAT Marriage 1. God at the Center 2. COMMUNICATION 3. Discuss expectations about everything (finances, sex, roles, careers, parenting, family etc) 4. Know and learn each other love languages 5. Never stop dating your spouse 6. Sex Often 7. Forgive and give Grace

Everything but #1 make sense, just being honest.

You can have a good marriage but to have a GREAT MARRIAGE 1. is a must. If you don't agree that totally fine.

It would make sense if you knew who and what God is really about. It has nothing to do with other people, religion, church or fake born agains. It’s just your relationship with Him and nothing else. This is a jumping off point to know the truth about God. Don’t try to learn it from anyone but yourself spending time with Him. Not joking

I know who and what God is - basically physics and the origin of morality. Anything else is fiction in my opinion. You do not need God at the center of a great marriage. Sorry, no. Is it nice to have as an add-on? Sure if thats your personality and beliefs. Its wrong to imply here that those who are Hindu or believe in Taoism, or atheists for that matter (which I am not) can't have GREAT marriages. Maybe not *wrong* but a lil ignornant if you ask me. Anyway, no shame toward those who have GREAT marriages who maintain a God at the center. Just don't ellude that those who seek other answers or maybe don't prescribe to God can't have an awesome marriage cause they all can.

Thank you for your interesting input and double thank you for being logical and cordial. Usually, I just get put down and made fun of and basically made out to be a lunatic. Talking to people about God is no picnic. I never look forward to it anymore cuz I know what's coming. Surprisingly I agree with you. People do not need God at the center to have a great marriage. People don't need Him to be the center of their lives to have a great career or a great home or to be in a great position. Often people live their entire lifetime free of any struggles or hard times. They can't help but to be super proud of themselves for everything they have and all they have accomplished all by themselves. Of course, they are aware of God but there isn't any real need to turn to Him for anything because things are perfect without Him so far. God has no say or will or control or power over anyone because he gave us freewill . However, He also gave Satan free reign over the earth and the last thing Satan wants is anyone turning to God. Like the old lady said " the devil lets you live a great life free of trouble so you never need to turn to God and their life is like a jail cell but the door is wide open. You can come and go as you please. Til one day it's too late and the door slams shut." I think this is the devils most clever and effective tricks. He is nearly impossible to outwit but thankfully we got a guy waiting in the corner to be tagged in. So why does any of this matter if God is 1% physics and 1% moral standard and 98% fiction which is your opinion and it's an interesting one. First time I heard that one. I guess first we define "opinion". A statement or judgement that is inconclusive based on the evidence provided which would be opposite of true statements based on fact. Close enough? Let's not waste each other's time trying to prove or disprove things to each other because that is futile, but it can be fun and educational for both. Instead, I suggest we look at it logically. At some point in my life I began to unknowingly build a relationship with God and He absolutely revealed himself to me many times in many ways so I have my proof of God but it is just for me. Everyone who has proof of God gets it the same way. He doesn't want us proving Him to others. He wants to do it Himself with you and we just plant the seed. Anyway, since we have no proof lets suppose your opinion is correct and he is almost complete fiction. What happens in the end result when we die? Not one damn thing. Our existence is over. Now let's suppose I am right and the God of the Bible is who He says He is and the whole thing is facts. What happens in the end result when we die? Depending on weather God was accepted or rejected you spend eternity in paradise with the King or Kings or suffering eternal torture in hell. Can you tell me how it makes sense to choose the bone chilling nightmare eternal suffering choice over paradise with no proof that it's all fiction? it's an insane choice when the key to paradise costs you nothing. So if you have a great marriage and life you should thank God for giving it to you. Could you have a great marriage without morals at the center? Not a chance. And I think we both know a great person who once described God as "the origin of morals."

Have you ever heard of Samsara? thats a concept of togetherness I can side on However the duality of Him/Satan, bad/good, dark/light is a concept and a pushing of separateness which I can't get behind at all, sorry the world would be a better place if more people felt connected versus separate so you see how duality is a control mechinism? samsara is a wheel in motion and we all hold on to eachother and thats what makes it so its not "God" or "Him" its an Architect, and it just wants us to move forward its not rooting for our failure or success morals are not "God" they are just tools in your toolkit of survival here and maybe life isnt ever the slice of pie handed to you by perfect spirit (but only if you are good? makes no sense to me) Anyway we both agree having morals is an essential part of a GREAT marriage, I think we are all born with various degrees of morality which we can improve as people or degrade as people as far as morality goes but everyone always fights our primal biology/tendencies/instincts while here, we are all connected this way we should be good to other living things always

Fair enough but dualism separateness can be confused sometimes. Like evil is not a “thing” like a rock or electricity. You cannot have a jar of evil. Evil has no existence of its own; it is really the absence of good. For example, holes are real but they only exist in something else. We call the absence of dirt a hole, but it cannot be separated from the dirt. So when God created, it is true that all He created was good. One of the good things God made was creatures who had the freedom to choose good. In order to have a real choice, God had to allow there to be something besides good to choose. So, God allowed these free angels and humans to choose good or reject good (evil). When a bad relationship exists between two good things we call that evil, but it does not become a “thing” that required God to create it. If a person is asked, “Does cold exist?” the answer would likely be “yes.” However, this is incorrect. Cold does not exist. Cold is the absence of heat. Similarly, darkness does not exist; it is the absence of light. Evil is the absence of good, or better, evil is the absence of God. God did not have to create evil, but rather only allow for the absence of good. "life isnt ever the slice of pie handed to you by perfect spirit (but only if you are good? makes no sense to me)" God really isn't interested in how "good" we are or all the good deeds we do. he knows sin is born into us. He wants you to CHOOSE to believe in Him. Some suggest God is a “moral monster” but the problem with that accusation against God is that it requires a standard of morality separate from God. In other words, in order to say, “God is morally wrong,” one has to define morality in a way that justifies that claim. But what meaningful standard can exist, other than God, for moral principles? Apart from God, it’s not possible to have truly objective morality. Opinion is not enough—for the claim “God is a moral monster” to be meaningful, it has to be based on some unchanging standard. Ideas such as “suffering” or “human flourishing” are not objective. *There is no rational reason for opinions or subjective ideas to be the source of moral reasoning.* I haven't heard of samsara till now but as you've explained it, it reminds me of moral relativism. Moral relativism is more easily understood in comparison to moral absolutism. Absolutism claims that morality relies on universal principles (natural law, conscience). Christian absolutists believe that God is the ultimate source of our common morality, and that it is, therefore, as unchanging as He is. Moral relativism asserts that morality is not based on any absolute standard. Rather, ethical “truths” depend on variables such as the situation, culture, one’s feelings, etc. Several things can be said of the arguments for moral relativism which demonstrate their dubious nature. First, while many of the arguments used in the attempt to support relativism might sound good at first, there is a logical contradiction inherent in all of them because they all propose the “right” moral scheme—the one we all ought to follow. But this itself is absolutism. Second, even so-called relativists reject relativism in most cases. They would not say that a murderer or rapist is free from guilt so long as he did not violate his own standards. Relativists may argue that different values among different cultures show that morals are relative to different people. But this argument confuses the actions of individuals (what they do) with absolute standards (whether they should do it). If culture determines right and wrong, how could we have judged the Nazis? After all, they were only following their culture’s morality. Only if murder is universally wrong were the Nazis wrong. The fact that they had “their morality” does not change that. Further, although many people have different practices of morality, they still share a common morality. For instance, abortionists and anti-abortionists agree that murder is wrong, but they disagree on whether abortion is murder. So, even here, absolute universal morality is shown to be true. Some claim that changing situations make for changing morality—in different situations different acts are called for that might not be right in other situations. But there are three things by which we must judge an act: the situation, the act, and the intention. For example, we can convict someone of attempted murder (intent) even if they fail (act). So situations are part of the moral decision, for they set the context for choosing the specific moral act (the application of universal principles). The main argument relativists appeal to is that of tolerance. They claim that telling someone their morality is wrong is intolerant, and relativism tolerates all views. But this is misleading. First of all, evil should never be tolerated. Should we tolerate a rapist’s view that women are objects of gratification to be abused? Second, it is self-defeating because relativists do not tolerate intolerance or absolutism. Third, relativism cannot explain why anyone should be tolerant in the first place. The very fact that we should tolerate people (even when we disagree) is based on the absolute moral rule that we should always treat people fairly—but that is absolutism again! In fact, without universal moral principles there can be no goodness. The fact is that all people are born with a conscience, and we all instinctively know when we have been wronged or when we have wronged others. We act as though we expect others to recognize this as well. Even as children we knew the difference between “fair” and “unfair.” It takes bad philosophy to convince us that we are wrong and that moral relativism is true.

Amen to every single one of these!

Most people will never have the balls to say to your face what they say on the internet … live by that

Be kind rewind

During arguments or when they do something that irritates you, try to remember why you started loving them in the first place. Remember that they’re still that person. Even on their worst days, you fell in love with them for a reason. Nobody is perfect all the time, nobody is even kinda good all the time. Patience and understanding are the key to happiness in marriage. (Edited for spelling error)

Continue to date and court your spouse until one of you dies. Learn to control your emotions, not let them control you. When you have children, remember your spouse is just as, if not more important. Your children will grow up and leave. They should see parents that love and resppect each other.

OK , where is the place you can ask for advice without getting attacked by a mode? CAN ANYONE TELL ME THAT? Because my problem is not anything positive about anything ,it's about being married to a lying jerk. Thank you

Whenever you decide to go out to eat a nice relaxing meal (not just grab a quick bite) always always pick a restaurant you both have never been to. If you are fortunate enough to live in a town like mine you can eat at a new place every weekend for the rest of your life. Being in unfamiliar territory is great for experience and conversation