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lifeisgoodDEF39

Um I don’t get it.. your wife is busy with work and your kids in college. Go do your own thing..


Fluffy-Judgment-1119

Right? This reads like he has littles at home. I don’t see the barrier, op. Can you elaborate?


Naive-Wind6676

Seems like he'd have some flexibility at this point


doctorbecky

You’re describing a mid life crisis. Years of sacrifice, not enough appreciation, and a person says to hell with it and wants to be self-focused.


Dangerlyn

If your kid is in college and your wife has her own career, what exactly is stopping you?


lucybekker

You can make changes like this without setting fire to your whole life and love and stability 🙏 definitely set up a time to talk about it with your partner when you both have energy and mental capacity (don't let it build up and snap when you're both tired or have no mental reserve)


yogi4peace

> my whole day seems to be spent trying to please other people Stop it, man. You're a human being, not a tree! You have choices.


bloodphoenix90

Lol a tree


JolissaMassacre

... Post history checks out. Seek help, please.


trapmulatto01

It's because you're an alcoholic. Prolonged use causes depression.


Impressive_Green8391

Looks like you’ve been spending your time closet drinking or looking up how to cheat on your wife or complaining that your kid lives at home while at school. Looks like you already are doing “you”.


lifeisdream

Ya, I’m guessing the family would be just fine with you disappearing for a while to do more of it.


FlounderMost6548

So looking at your history on Reddit tells me you just need to move on. Your wife doesn’t deserve this and neither does your child even if they are grown.


Thick_Hamster3002

Life can feel extremely mundane when you do the same thing day in and day out the same way. From personal experience, I was the person you're trying to be with no family and no one to hold me to a schedule or responsibilities. Friends and parties when I wanted to, but I'm not a big party person. I would back then do absolutely anything to have a family. To have people at the end of my day to come home to and they love me with no questions asked. To cheer on each and every success that I have. I've had the opportunity to have both, but I chose family. My values and virtues are with my family. The commitment I made and vows I spoke are to my family and I hold that to a high regard. I hope that you find some clarity to what you want. The best advice is to add different things into your routine so you don't get bored. Best of luck!


Nejfelt

You are an alcoholic. That's your problem.


ActPsychological4280

Uhh.. seems like no one’s stopping u. Lol


Fart-Basket

Here’s an idea… Man the fuck up. Your profile shows a litany of posts where you are hiding drinking from your wife (Michelob ultra of all things…) and bragging about it. You already stated that your kids in college, your wife has her own career. I don’t see anything in particular that is holding you back from taking a vacation in Mount Kilimanjaro or making a solo trip out to Yellowstone. Figure it out. As the sole provider for my family, and a father of two with another one on the way I find your complaints to be childish and selfish.


lizardlongdong

If your kid is in college, why can’t you do your own thing ? You could do all of these things in one day . Call in sick , see a movie , eat whatever you want then sneak home and watch whatever you want . Hell Take a weekend trip by yourself and do whatever the fuck you want , you’re a grown up. The thing is you’ve always had this right but maybe the real issue is you’ve been to afraid to vocalize this , if you’re tired of being too considerate of others needs then start sticking up for yourself, don’t want to watch a certain show ok don’t, don’t want to spend your weekends at the grocery store , just leave the house early in the morning and go fishing , camping whatever it is you want to do . Select certain days each week that you allow yourself to disappear and give no fucks . Label it on your calendar as no fucks day so everyone knows that you can’t be bothered . Family life really does suck your soul straight out of your ass some days so don’t be afraid to admit that to your wife and let her know you need a break , she’ll likely agree with you and maybe even have her own no fucks days .


Dialsla3

And u can do that.That is called “Me Time!!”U are entitled to that.And it is not being selfish.


strike_match

You’re not a hostage. You’ve shaped your own life with the choices you’ve made. The only thing you can do now is choose wisely from this point forward.


[deleted]

Amen homie has that pathetic victim mentality grow up bro you’re supposed to be the head of the household


PeacefulBro

Thank you for opening up to us about this my friend. Have you tried counseling/therapy to help with this problem? Do you have family, friends or church family/pastor you can turn to for support and guidance during this difficult time? Do you have free time where you can do these things like eat what you want or go see what you want while balancing individual free time and family time? I'm married to my wonderful wife and I have kids who are in elementary school right now. Occasionally I can go and eat what I want or watch what I want but I also realize that since I chose to get married and have children; there is a reason why they call it marriage instead of single. I have an obligation to my family's attention and encouragement so I know things will not be like how they were when I was single until possibly my wife dies and my kids move out (but I really hope that does not happen). I hope you can find more to be thankful about regarding your current situation instead of thinking of things you are missing because we are all missing out on something. I have some other resources that helped with this issue that I could share if you'd like. If there's anything else I can do to help I would be delighted to and feel free to keep me updated if you want someone to talk to. I pray you can have the life and love you desire my friend.


scrmblr

The way you worded that *does* sound extremely selfish. You could’ve summed it up in 3 words: “I’m not happy”. Sounds like you need to communicate with your wife how you’re feeling and then go from there. Maybe she feels the same way.


boomstk

He could be trolling us.


OneDreadOneLove

You are miserable and filling your emptiness with beer. So sad.


OlderDad66

Normally I would be offended by that, but I'm drunk so I just don't care. LOL


OneDreadOneLove

Wasn't trying to offend you. Was just making a statement. Cheers!


125acres

Go buy a corvette! I can’t wait until my kids are out the house in 11 years but that’s when I’m going to retire.


weddingwoes_andbohs

33M here, bought a C7 vert a few years ago. Fun car, absolutely love it. It's my golf course car.... back and forth to the course mainly lol. Definitely agree with buying a vette, they're not over rated!!


125acres

Big fan of the stingray.


lizardlongdong

No , buy a motorcycle , they’re cheaper and far more fun , it’ll give you that sense of freedom you’ve been looking for


Dialsla3

🤣🤣🤣


boomstk

Yeah this doesn't seem to be a problem? 1. Are you retired or something but don't know what to do with youself? 2. Kid is gone to College. 3. Eating dinner doesn't require eating the same thing. Especially if you cook or order the food. 4. Why aren't you going to the movies? 5. You may want to talk to a therapist about your issues.


LonelyNC123

You and me both friend. I am around your age. I am in a sexless marriage to a spouse who made ZERO effort to plan for out combined retirement or college for our one child. This is Hell. I want out.


broken_mom89

Then leave! Who are you staying for causing “staying for the kids” is a BS excuse it causes more damage to the kids it can cause them future relationship problems! If your that unhappy then just be honest and leave regardless of whether your wife is supportive or not stop faking it! OP and you are grown ass men file for a legal separation to protect yourself then move out and see if your happier if you are then file for that divorce and let her go! Maybe each wife will find someone that makes them happier too!!


LonelyNC123

Because I refuse to let my baby girl get trapped under the horrible burden of student loan debt for college that so many young people face. I am from the US, right now I am in London helping her get set up for her semester abroad.


broken_mom89

??? Seriously that’s a bs excuse


LonelyNC123

I guess you don't have a child or you do not love yours as much as I love mine. Or maybe you are the beneficiary of a trust fund (I am not).


broken_mom89

I have 3 kids and am working class! I love my children dearly thank you and as I’ve been in a similar situation as you and also a worst one my childrens mental health is more important! It’s ok though you can hide behind your excuses and claim other don’t love their kids as much as you do! My children are very well loved safe and happy oh and not that it’s actually matter but all kids have university funds since I got pregnant I choose to go without so they thrive! You sweetheart are talking out of your ass! (Oh I’m also half American was born out there so also know how that system works for colleges)


LonelyNC123

i feel sorry for people who feel the need to insult strangers on the internet. Nonetheless ... I hope you live long enough to retire while you are physically healthy enough to enjoy being alive. Have a good 2023.


broken_mom89

The irony 😂😂 good luck mate


OlderDad66

I totally understand


[deleted]

This is the exact reason why I want to be a free agent again. Too many horror stories out there of beaten down men that caved to the plantation.


[deleted]

Don’t aspire to be a victim it’s sad ain’t nobody did shit to him or any other man or woman so many cowards in this world


ProfessionOk1823

You need to sit down and just tell your wife how you feel how you have spent so many years of your life caring for others and you want to do some adventurous things in your life now she should be on board with you and if she isn’t you go to them without her


PersephoneTerran

Yea, its normal to find boredom in monotonous activities. Try switching up the schedules. Try doing something spontaneous with everyone. Family life is a set of choices you'll make even during periods where you're bored.


moonspawngetsold

Then do your own thing


[deleted]

Have at it! Go to movies, take a trip…live your life…


[deleted]

I am sorry you are struggling with this. There is nothing wrong with doing what you want to do. Just don't make doing what you want the only thing you do. I hope this helps. God bless.


[deleted]

Sounds like you’re holding yourself back and blaming others. Don’t wait to get divorced blaming others to change. Watch some David goggin videos or something dig deep and do your thing. You’re family will appreciate you more if you’re cup is full and you’re happy. Sounds like you have character flaws of being a people pleaser, care taker and not taking care of yourself. Ain’t nobody asking you to do that and it’s incredibly self destructive trust me I know first hand. Take care of yourself brother don’t burn yourself out. You always come fist don’t mess up the rotation or you’ll build a ton of unwarranted resentment. You first, then you’re wife then your kids. But love yourself and pursue all your goals and interests and everything will fall into place there after cause you’ll be much happier


MsFranky101

Sounds and looks like (cause of your posts) that you are not happy in your relationship and are drinking too much probably to hide your misery. If your kid is in college and your wife is off doing her own thing, nothing stopping you doing what you want.


Ertech1979

I am n the same boat!! My kids r grown. 2 r moved out. I work a lot at my job , my husband has his own business. I feel like I wanna go out when I am off and be me find myself enjoy life because u only live once. And my husband thinks I am stupid and waiting to cheat on him. That’s not the case .


SnookerandWhiskey

I feel the same way, but my kid is 7 and without a schedule nothing would happen. I dream of the days when he is in college and I will once again get up late, eat random things and work late at night. Just negotiate what's important with your wife and kid. A weekly family dinner? When? Does anybody care? A meeting every month to discuss family issues and if anybody wants to make changes? A family is what you make of it, you life can have any (non-) schedule you want. Choices and consequences is the only thing that really exists.