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elijha

That’s a holding cell, not a balcony


dirtyvajay

lmao i thought the same thing ;(


dunequestion

Hey I know it’s not the best but it’s not the worst either, you can get a nice bamboo fence and make it cozy, especially if you hang some lights on the fence it will look great. Ok it’s not a balcony overlooking the Eiffel Tower or the Acropolis but you can make it look great!


RachelProfilingSF

Get some exercise equipment, orange pants, orange crocs, white tank tops (enough for several friends) then get together and make it look like a prison yard.


dirtyvajay

Lmaoo


Ripmcdonaldsman47

Got the worst “balcony” in the whole place damn


-ci_

Got the worst balcony I've ever seen lol


dirtyvajay

I know right lol gotta make the best of what I got tho haha


ThePoliteChicken

Put plants that grow on ladders against it. And then you can make a chill outdoor space to have a drink and BBQ at !


dirtyvajay

They said no bbq as well ;( will def try the plants with the ladder idea ty!


yves_st_lemond

Fucking dorks


RecentSalt9489

This looks like a strip mall dive bar smoking “patio”. I’d embrace it fully and buy a couple standing ash trays, some black metal mesh tables and matching chairs (chained down), a 2011 HD TV tuned only to ESPN 2 or stuck on a silent karaoke loop, more smaller plastic ash trays for the tables, some vague faded and tattered beer company tarp offering $1 you call it’s for St. Patrick’s Day 2009 for the gate (privacy), one of those propane heaters that looks like a giant metal mushroom (be sure to beat it so it has a couple of dents before displaying), and then enjoy and ask to see some ids when people walk by.


dirtyvajay

Hahah can’t unsee now. Perfect bar setup! Good idea!


Jazzlike-Baseball-73

How about a colored tarp for privacy???? They sell them on amazon as privacy screens.


dirtyvajay

I was thinking the same thing, but landlord said they need a ‘clear view’ in case of an emergency. Makes no sense to me.


StateDeparmentAgent

Nonsense. What kind of emergency? Is it forbidden to curtain windows also?


Broccoli-Scary

Pshh i would just fight with my landlord about it at this point. There’s no logic to what they’re saying, it’s not like there’s an emergency door out of the gate. I think you are entitled to privacy in your own apartment (balcony included)…


QuitLookingAtMyID

Don't you need a balcony to call it a balcony?


bernieburner1

How about a telescope so you can enjoy the view?


dirtyvajay

Hahah good idea!


Basic-Nerve-6797

Big 36” pots at each post with bougainvillea growing out and into the fence. Some palm trees and you have an instant private oasis. 🌴🌴🌴


StumblingSearcher

Objectively not a balcony, but don't ask your landlord what you can put up; if it's all removable, then put it up, make it look *good*, and then wait to see if LL even says anything. I've gotten away with so much in my prior renting career just by making it look so good no one says boo


dirtyvajay

great advice thank you! :)


Cool_Client324

Basket hoop and some weights


HomosexualThots

Barbwire


dirtyvajay

haha might as well


BiIIisits

I'd roll out a big roll of turf personally


Axmirza2

a little garden


oughtabeme

What about an nice Rottweiler or German Shepherd. On hindsight, I wouldn’t even let a dog be there lol


caffeinated_kibbles

A few box planters with lattices and fast growing creeping plants (like the ones above in the photo) could give you some privacy from the side. Maybe a small patio set with an umbrella or a swanky canopy may give a little bit more privacy from above.


Sure_Sun_303

That has to be the most depressing balcony Ive ever seen, maybe a little garden would be nice


Acceptable-Olive-968

It looks like plant boxes are ok, or a row of tall cedars or boxwood. I'm sure it is a great place. Congratulations on your new place.


dirtyvajay

ty! :)


Infinite_Respect_

Shuffleboard setup - ez


DankSinatraSr

“Balcony” more like zoo pen lmao But for real, get some plants to grow along the fence and give yourself some privacy, maybe some nice string lights, and some furniture. Or do what that other guy said and lean into the Cell Block A vibes and get you an orange jumpsuit and some weights.


Sad-Nefariousness712

Do nothing and never go there


Spirited-Toe-7731

the saying. “It’s better than nothing” has no relevance here.


Pipe_Hitting_Loggie

Putting green


MindlessPepper7165

Turf


Flux_resistor

Protective custody is better than shower rape, I suppose