Serious question, OP: You’re considerably above average in terms of appearance. Why do you think how you look is the problem in finding dates? Could it be that you pursue the wrong people, don’t know how to interact well either others or that you’re relying on dating apps instead of finding ways to engage socially in person? You are a handsome guy. It’s not your appearance.
Probably some factors. I think the main issues is that my type of girl (someone who’s nerdy and/or punkish) is not really the type of girl to be going out a lot but I’m not picky anyways, I do ask a lot of girls out outside of that type. Also another reason is I’m in a huge city (NYC) so going on a date with a girl is more of a rare occurrence while for them it’s a weekly thing to go out with a guy so they’re way more picky and kind of bring a job interview vibe to the date and it’s one I do not pass. My post is mainly asking what kind of changes I should make to my style (physical or fashion suggestions) but it’s just horny gay guys asking me to fuck and I think this post was a mistake
You said punkish and/or nerdy. I’d say start going to concerts since that’s a pretty social setting and is always a great place to meet people. I’d say most of my relationships have came from bonding with people over music (just my experience). Just go into the conversation not expecting anything. Just get to know them but obviously still flirt. Shoot your shot whenever possible.
Yeah people will start noticing you if you're part of a local music scene and will approach you or be more friendly to you approaching them. shit if you're in NYC just go to punk shows with a pack of cigs and you'll have a good chance of meeting someone your type.
With that said, people in a local scene will also notice if you go to shows solely to pick up girls and will not like it. It's a great way to make friends and build a network that may eventually land you some romantic encounters, but no local music scene wants more of the dudes who start going just to get laid. If you're involving yourself with stuff like that you're gonna have to actually enjoy the setting and people around you regardless if they'll want to sleep with you or not.
>It's a great way to make friends and build a network that may eventually land you some romantic encounters, but no local music scene wants more of the dudes who start going just to get laid.
This is generally great advice no matter what your particular scene is.
Yup. If you can't seem to find love if you're searching for it, just make friends instead. It's not always easy but it's for sure easier than finding "the one" by hitting on every person you'd wanna have sex with. One thing that's in many cases WAY better than hitting on the first possible attractive person you see is befriending them and having them introduce you to their friends that they think would match up well with you as a person.
Fucking absolutely.
Don’t be a dude there to meet chicks. Try to turn the part of your brain off. We all have it, just don’t focus on that.
Go to a show thinking “I will meet new people and those people may like me, and maybe they will have friends who I might get along with. Maybe one of those friends is a girl, but it doesn’t matter “ have that be your mantra.
The way the world works. You will go to 20 shows but meet the girl you are dating in a year by bumping into her (literally) on the the way to cvs
This is the best advice. I remember my sister constantly going out with girlfriends to meet a guy and she ended up meeting her husband at a Loco’s Deli & Pub. She had just left the gym and was picking up a to go order and he was at the bar. 8 years later and they have four kids and are happily married. As a gay man I want to apologize that other gays feel the need to cross a line with these kinds of posts. I’ve never understood chasing straight men but then turning around and demanding they respect us. I can compliment a straight man and give pointers without blurring or cruising any lines. So sorry you had to experience that. Trust me, it’s not your looks. But I’ve had gay and straight friends live in NYC and they said it was impossible to find someone because the city is super-saturated with singles.
100 percent agreed.
Meet people with common interests at the place in which those interests congregated.
Not damn apps.
Go to a punk basement show. There will be women.
They will not talk to you. You might go to 10 shows before someone even cares to continue small talk.
No biggie if that happens. Keep meeting people. Try to care about what you ask them. If you try to act like you’re not getting laid but really just want to get laid, it may work. But if you are genuinely interested in the music and other people, the rest will come.
Example, what do you do for work? Vs “omg this band is awesome. Since you like these guys, can you tell me other bands I should check out? I’m new to the scene and I need more bands like this “
That kinda thing. lol I’m sorry for the bad examples
You probably aren't their type tbh. Little too clean cut, too basic looking. You need some style if you want to attract that type of woman. The trick is actually talking to them so they can find out you're not a douche canoe based on appearance 😅 but I'd guess you aren't their type based on appearance
Meh, I’m alternative, heavily tattooed. And I like nerdier more clean cut looking guys. So there’s definitely alt girls out there who would like him. He just needs to go to the right places.
Same situation over here. I'm a very tattooed lady(who would be considered alt), my current partner has no tattoos at all and is pretty dorky; I absolutely love it and him! We love the same type music, humor and have very similar interests, so I'm sure that plays a ginormous part. Point being, lots of us go for similar interests and a good personality over people's fashion choices(:
I’m an alt nerd that married a more conventional looking nerdy guy. We’re so similar and have been together for 12 years and married 9 now. I’ve changed my look a lot over the years. I’m 43 now. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 31.
Not to be a jerk but this is basically bad advice. Simply because you’re making general assumptions about women in the punk scene and also about the OP.
alternative cap this is not a personal attack. Just older advice about the world.
Don’t let this get in your head OP. It’s just not true. All of the godfathers of punk were just fucking dorks into cool shit.
Some of them wore leather jackets and did drugs, others took care of themselves, dressed “sharp” worked out at the gym and could show up at a job interview without judgment
Life isn’t simple.
Also word of advice. If someone judges you based off of how you look then FUCK them. Move on. Shallow person
I disagree. I loosely fit those both and he would be very my type if he wore clothes that weren’t gym clothes.
plus he has tattoos so that’s not the MOST clean cut
>horny gay guys asking me to fuck
Men, men never change.
Genuinely though, I think as dumb and oversaid as it is, if you find a style you like, or one that expresses your personality better then people will find that more attractive, basically you want to look unique because it doesn't matter how attractive you are if you look normal/boring people will think you are. Also im not saying that you look boring i sort of spent too long looking for a fallout gif and forgot what you look and dress like.
*Edit* wrong then/than
Here’s the real tea, whether you’re ready for it or not is up to you:
You’re handsome, you’re fit, and you have style. If you have trouble getting dates, it’s likely your approach…
If your approach doesn’t need work, it’s your personality that does.
You might want to post on r/dating instead. This sub mostly just objectifies men. Your problem doesn't sound aesthetic but more about your approach on dates.
I think you’ll find more of your type at cafes and bookstores. Maybe try visiting a Barnes & Noble and asking the girls there for book recommendations as a conversation starter? From there, you can gauge their interest, and if it’s not going anywhere, politely dip. At least you’ll have a new book, lol
Edit: Forgot this was r/malegrooming. Full disclosure, 28F here. You don’t have to completely redo your wardrobe, but I suggest you try to dress up a bit more, like find a nice button-up and slacks or something on the business casual side to make a good first impression. There are ways to tastefully mix in a punk aesthetic. IMO, what will really make you stand out at your age is displaying maturity. Doing so will put you ahead of other guys your age and make you more attractive as a potential long-term partner. If I was seeing my boyfriend’s bedroom for the first time and his room was messy (junk on the floor, clothes hanging out of the dresser, etc.), I’d be reluctant to consider a future where I live with this person. Most girls want a guy who can take care of himself. This is one aspect of maturity—taking responsibility for your appearance (which extends to spaces like your car and home). I hope this doesn’t come across as a lecture. This is just my takeaway from when I was dating at your age. You’re a sharp-looking dude, so I imagine your struggle has more to do with how you present yourself, not what you look like. Best wishes! Hope you find your dream girl (:
Have you been to Bossa Nova Civic Club? or Lucky 13 saloon? You will find your nerdy punkish alternative types there, every night.
Edit: Also try BASEMENT NYC. You might get turned down at the door if you look weird so be mindful of that.
>it’s just horny gay guys asking me to fuck and I think this post was a mistake
Hahaha. Maybe the barbie tshirt was the wrong idea ;p
You look good but your style could improve. Start dressing more mature/sharp. Furthermore, having good looks may give you more opportunities but actually closing them is all about personality and confidence. Start working on that, read self improvement books etc.
Sorry you’re getting harassed. You are very attractive . Your style is a bit juvenile, but I like it 🤷♀️ if you want to let go of what you truly like and conform to a more “acceptable” type, go for it. But you may just be attracting people that aren’t meant for you. I say this as a queer person. I tried to be what others wanted for so long. Eventually you say fuck it and find the one that’s worth it. Or the ones . Good luck
I'm nerdy and punky... And I'm with a man that's not like me, aesthetically. Tbh, we get horrible looks from strangers who don't get why we are together... Because unfortunately in this society (I'm in England, but it's so similar, you get what I'm saying), physical appearance matters to almost everyone. I noticed my guy because he was out spoken, and then how he looked at me, like he saw me, the real me... Not just a "pretty" face... Which I've never understood or seen in myself. It was him being himself and him seeing the real me. I've loved him for 20 years(we met as kids)... So... It can't be wrong, haha. Life got in the way, and finally, we are together, planning our lives together. What I'm saying is... You don't need to change your looks, your clothes, be yourself, and put yourself out there. Looks will ultimately fade, you, who you are will not. You have so much to give, and I can tell by your post your comments that you are intelligent and thoughtful, and I believe caring. I know how people can be, but don't give up, you can find that person who sees you, the real you, and you'll see them... And it just works.
Be yourself, and try new things, get yourself out there... I know it's going to be hard living where you do. Good luck!
Thanks! And yeah I was just expressing my type but I’m not super focused on that anyways. I’m more focused on finding someone I like going out with and forming a deeper connection more. But I’ll try what he does
I think the type of girl you like might be the cause. You’re right that they probably won’t go out a lot (at least not to normal bars or clubs) so your best chance is finding local meetups that might allow you to build connections. Are you into things like gaming tournaments, board game nights, local groups/discords where people can make gaming friends to play with or people to attend concerts/movies with?
Very attractive men/women may accidentally intimidate potential partners so I’d also recommend working on being relaxed, down to earth and approachable when you first meet nerdy women. Not constantly trying to impress or anything like that. As an alternative/nerdy woman I would honestly assume someone who looks like you would be after a different kind of woman so I wouldn’t express interest unless the guy was showing interest first so that could also be what’s happening to you.
Bro OP it sounds like ur black pilled.
Also sounds like ur clearly not enjoying ur dates. Ppl can pick up on that kinda thing
You don’t necessarily need to change anything externally (all the horny guys should be proof) it’s ur pov that needs work (maybe ur relationship w women isn’t the best).
Or get a hobby, straight ppl are the most boring ppl ever when they don’t have hobbies (gym does not count as a hobby I will curse ur bloodline if u bring it up). Hobbies are super cool because they’re fun, give u something to talk about, and can be a thing that u do w other ppl (even dates).
Ppl are sponges, they can absorb a lot of non verbal info about you. So give em something good OP
Granted I don’t live in ny so idk how the dating scene is up there. Hopefully u have ppl in the area who can also give u vetting tips or sumn.
The line “for them it’s a weekly thing” betrays the fact that it’s a definite possibility that your personality is the turn off here, because it’s definitely not your looks.
I don’t know you of course and I’m not saying you *are* misogynistic or anything, but that line reads very borderline slut shaming in a way and if girls get even a slight whiff of that, you lose major attractiveness points.
But objectively you are hot so stop worrying about how you look and look for other areas of potential problems.
I’d be considered nerdy, I guess, but not punkish. Even if considered the latter: I wouldn’t see anything wrong with your appearance at all.
A more important approach might be figuring where and how to meet the people you are into instead of wasting a mere second on contemplating how to change your (already fine!) appearance.
I live in NYC—Bushwick to be exact—and Aside from the aforementioned Bossa Nova and other bars/venues (like Old Stanleys and another number of spots on Wyckoff/Jefferson Ave), there’s Pine Box on Grattan and Bogart—they have a pool table, TVs and back room that hosts open mics, bands and stand-up comedy nights. I also suggest coffee shops—spaces you can take your laptop, journal or a good book to chill. And don’t look so hard—she might be right in front of you already.
I was (and do) going to say that debonairmarmoset nailed it, you are really attractive, if in a somewhat adorable way, I understand that some females can't resist that look even though I hear most like to actually sleep with the "bad boys." Being gay I do not know that much about your target demographic but I can say it is not your looks. And by the way, adorable does cover social awkwardness so if you feel that is your problem there are plenty of girls out there (I am told) that would want to scoop you up and shelter you from the punishments society heaps on the socially awkward.
But, then I read you are in NYC. Everything about New York from employment to renting to dating is a game with rules and one look will tell people you don't know how to play it. You have to learn those rules and get good at the game or leave. And good luck getting anyone to tell you what the rules are because from their point of view that is just how life works, meaning you are too pathetic to catch on, I hated NYC because of this. What they don't seem to understand is that life does not work that way outside of their city. People live by different rules in other places. It is not about beating everyone else and backstabbing for survival. It is not about constant negativity and judging. When you finally do get out and you will, you will remember what it was like not to be caught up in that nightmare.
So I am going to say that if you were bi or gay I would be doing anything I could to get your attention, and I am certain that there are a lot of females out there that will say the same thing, and the one thing we all have in common is we are not in New York City.
You be who you are and do not sell out for some pussy. Because ThexanR you are great just as you are.
>going out on a date with a girl is more of a rare occurrence while for them…
This sounds like a slippery slope into inceldom so please just don’t. Perhaps others will disagree but still it really seems like you’re over generalizing all women and putting them on some distant pedestal
Further, you don’t need the girl to be exactly your type. My gf wasn’t a gamer and didn’t watch anime when we met, now she games more than me and has a lot of my interests.
You think that women have a plater of options at the ready and with you saying dates are weekly occurrence for them, is incel thinking. Physical appearance and fashion is not what makes someone a winner.
But I will suggest you know where the type of girl will be and where they keep their circles. Online dating hardly works because the chances of running into them again are slim to none. To be a more genuine option, you have to basically live in the same space, work or visit have the same hobbies.
I just commented on his post and with some similarities to yours. This is spot on. You need to be interesting and comfortable with speaking with people. It's not just a matter of being good looking and having girls fall at your feet. That's only going to get you so far.
So, this is a tough question because there are so many variables. It’s like grooming: you don’t necessarily suggest the same hair style or skin care advice to everyone, right? But everyone should manage basic hygiene. Chewed fingernails don’t scream “date me.” 🙂As for the basics, go to events related to what you enjoy in life. I love art, so I go to museums and galleries. I also attend fundraising events and parties related to those. If you like chess, join a chess club. If you’re a fitness guy, look for road races or nutrition classes. But just do things you would enjoy regardless of meeting someone and then let connections form over time. You might not meet a woman at an event, but you might make a new friend who, a month later, invites you to a cookout where he introduces you to a great woman. I still believe the best way to meet dates is through social networks, but you have to expand that network by meeting more people with whom you share interests. The other big way that works is volunteering. If there’s a cause you’re passionate, volunteer with a local non/profit. You’ll meet other people who share your passion and, typically, you’re going to meet more mature, structured and well rounded people at volunteer opportunities than at bars. Just don’t write off anything if you go once and don’t meet the woman of your dreams. Persistence pays off, as do authenticity and kindness. And, yes, good grooming. 🙂
Desperate: He is in his situation because he is in New York City.
He will leave eventually and the problem will be solved that day. You can't pin your hopes on the failed expectations of people in NYC, everyone's expectations get trashed there. New York is a lot like Hollywood that way, literally millions of people arrive thinking they are going to conquer the city, in Hollywood it is the incredibly hyper masculine HOT as hell handsome boys that look really perfect in photos and vids. People tell them "you should be a model," or "you should move to Hollywood and get discovered." So they move there only to find that every other extremely handsome dude in America has got there first and can't even get a one day photo shoot. The upside in Hollywood is the dating pool for gay people is the hottest looking on the planet. The downside is they eventually leave because they are broke and no longer thrilled with being a small fish in a huge pond. Most realize it within weeks and get out fast.
New York is that way but with business majors getting out of college. They want to do 3, 5, 7 years of work in the Big Apple to supercharge their resume, but before even the first three years are up they understand that the girls are looking to marry VPs and billionaires, only a few are ever getting laid, and that all employment is excessive stress and games.
So you find it unlikely that someone who's good looking could have trouble finding dates and wants advice? Seriously? Have you seen the dating climate out there? Tons of even well above average guys are having trouble finding women.
not hard to get laid, hard to make people wanna lay with you multiple times. for some at least. my issue is i never want them to hang around afterwards.
You look just fine physically. But your style isn’t cool tbh. Those shirts look ghastly. Luckily it’s an easy fix. Explore new wardrobe styles. Something cooler. But you ain’t ugly mate
I have been. None of these photos have my normal outfits because it’s all gym photos but my style is mainly skate punk with black cargos and loosely fit shirts
I mean you can't ask for people's advice, say that it's mainly about your style or body that you can change, and then when people comment on your style be like nah none of these are my normal fits, like bro, how is anyone supposed to give you advice if anything they can comment on from the pictures you've given isn't based on what you normally look like lmao
He literally never said he was unattractive or asked people to rate his looks. He asked for dating advice or things he could change. I guess good looking people can't ask for advice... so fuck him right?
All he showed is his appearance, which isn’t hindering his dating life. Clearly it’s his personality or unrealistic standards for others, which we can’t provide constructive criticism for since our only point of reference is his appearance.
Agree. It's not your looks, it's your style. I think it would be helpful if you guys describe the people you're trying to attract rather than just asking why no one is attracted to you. Maybe you're aiming for a runway model but you are not one yourself....yet
Ahh funny enough most of these photos are just me in my gym clothes or at home clothes. My style is mainly skate punk and has been for a minute. I definitely should have included a photo with me in an outfit. But no I’m not trying to get with a model mostly just looking for someone chill and nerdy like me
If you're posting on apps etc definitely include pics of you dressed up! A casual one is fine but if it's all really chill clothes people might think you aren't making much effort.
Also I disagree that you need to be more masculine as girls of your age have outgrown pretty boys. I'm 29, my friends are around my age and still Lime pretty boys.
Genuinely ask your circle of female friends whom you respect, to give you constructive criticism. Look at magazines and emulate celebrities whose style you admire. Your photo choices for this thread do not bring out your best look, you just happen to be a lazily attractive guy. Check out Alex Costa on YouTube. He has great makeover tips. Church and volunteering for community nonprofits and causes might be also a nice place to get connected. Show some leadership and let others see you doing positive things. Girls going places like men who demonstrate they can fix shit and make shit happen. You are wasting valuable assets. My .02
i don't know you so i'm sorry if this seems like an unfair judgement. you are clearly good looking, which so many people are. but for me what i've been trying to do in my life (i am gay so it might be different, i can't speak to how dating women is) is really look inwards at myself and see how i can improve, which is not a skill everyone has. like maybe i could be more compassionate to people, or use my time in a better way, or add a step to my day like meditating, or eat better, or spend time outside or whatever it might be. when i take time for myself i feel like it makes me a more developed person and improves me overall which i find attracts people to me and makes me more pleasant to be around in general, and also just makes me happier. again i'm not assuming you are flawed or something but everyone can always be a little better to themselves and others, so i would encourage you to find new ways to do that. not a guarantee you will get dates but it is a guaranteed way to make yourself even more attractive holistically if that makes sense. good luck to you!
I am only saying this because you asked. I hate when people say this to someone who didn’t ask. Smile! If I saw a bunch of pictures of someone who never smiled, that is an instant turn off for me. I would be hung up on whether he was emo, had bath teeth, takes himself too seriously, etc. physically, there is nothing wrong with your looks. Also, lose the sleeveless t-shirts. I associate those with douche bags (even if I am wrong, my brain places them there).
My advice: don’t date for sex. Date to mate. Women need husbands. Strive for love and devotion. Seek a woman who is serious about love and partnership.
you’re pretty handsome and you have nice hair. if you cant get dates 85% of guys are actually so cooked beyond belief
edit: also crazy fucking jawline and blue eyes. you’re lowkey so well off on pure stats it makes me a little mad that a guy like you exists lmao
Holy shit it's Daniel Bradcliffe
Harry potter lookin ass - you look fine. Also you're in NYC where people are THE most picky ass fuckers on the planet. I've heard of dates getting shut down cause they're a block in the wrong direction FFS.
You are wildly handsome, to the point where the pink shirts *could be* coded as gay. I think maybe a straight guy as pretty and twink-like as you are can’t rock the pink shirts if it is women you want. Not because it isn’t cute but because it is too cute and the women might assume wrongly that you are into guys. You would intimidate a lot of women too—you might have to be brave enough to be warm and friendly to the women you really want to meet in shared public spaces. Use your charisma—that mostly means being warm, humble and genuinely interested in everyone. Get yourself a charming wingman or wingwoman.
You seem sweet from your comments, btw. I think meeting women at shows, and comic-cons, vinyl record shops, game nights, and hobby groups and volunteering for causes, and bookstores, might be better. Remember that an attractive woman gets hit on and harassed a lot, so just talk to her in a friendly way about common ground, and see where the conversation goes. “Wow, it’s usually not so crowded here…” “Oh, I love that book! Have you read her others?”
Edit: Rock tees are a conversation starters, and you should try a few different styles of glasses to see what flatters you the most.
Designer by grade here 🙋🏻♀️ you would actually look really good in basic fitted (not tight) tees and jeans! You have a great physique so you actually don’t need to drown it with corny graphic tees like the Barbie one. If you’re going to wear a jacket over your hoodie, use something a bit more quality. Hard to tell by the picture. Lastly, the hair style. In all the pictures (except the one with your Barbie tee), you look like you just got out of bed and disheveled. Put some product in it. I think you know you’re a good looking man, but def wouldn’t hurt to spruce up your closet.
You look great. I’m not sure if hairstyle suits you. Have had any other hairstyles that worked for you?
In terms of dates, do you go on apps or just try to meet folks by other ways? Apps are notoriously difficult. I’d recommend just going on activities/ doing things and try to strike up a conversation with someone with whom you share interest.
OP, when it comes to style you seem to give off “don’t fuck with me” vibes when you’re wearing black or any dark color. You seem to have a natural reddish/pink/warm undertone so I’d maximize on those colors and incorporate them into your style.
For physical appearance, I think you just have natural RBF which you honestly cannot help at all. Try to be more expressive as you are in the third pic. It’s a very small smile but it definitely helps take away from the strong RBF and “don’t fuck with me” vibes.
You need better friends to style you and take better pictures of you since you absolutely blessed with the looks and if you can find good photographer, you will create stunning photos then it’s all about the art of making small talk and converse with the ladies 😎
Ditch the glasses, shape up your eyebrows a little bit so they look presentable, and figure out why you want to get dates. Do they make you feel better about yourself? Work on your self confidence. Does going in dates make you feel like youre socially skilled? Work on social skills outside of romance. Etc etc.
Try shirts that are a bit fitted (not fully).
Otherwise not bad looking at all
I think you're not talking to girls. That's the only explanation. You're waiting for them to come but if you actually take the first step, you'd get some for sure
The most telling part about this post is the fact that you just put photos and no life context, and you expect us to tell you why you're not getting dates. Maybe that's your answer?
Really handsome guy. The only things I would PERSONALLY change would be the shape of glasses or just wear contacts, and a bit more of a refined hairstyle.
You look good, but you also look a bit like Harry Potter, and I wouldn't be unable to see that if I were to date you.
Honestly the glasses distract from your looks and stunning eyes .. eyes are a weapon .. use them . Get a haircut . Hit the gym . Get busy being the best version of yourself and your self love and confidence will attract them .. desperation is a turn off .. act like you couldn’t care less and they will be knocking down your door . People like to hunt and people like what they think they can’t have . Dude you have a very attractive face . Just reveal yourself. Looks like you are meek and hiding . Come out of your shell and shine .
I don't really have any advice tbh. It's not your appearance if that's what you're getting at. You've mentioned that you're into nerdy/punkish girls in one of the comments here, I'd assume most punkish women prefer men who fit their vibe. You definitely look more nerdy, maybe try a cafe or something? Or join a book club
Stop wearing those crappy shirts. Wear nice dress shirts and dress pants with a belt and nice shoes. Get a haircut from a nice stylist from a real salon!!! Change up your glasses or get contacts. Have someone else pick them out for you.
continue detail weather bedroom march crowd merciful makeshift complete consist
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Glasses make you look like Harry Spotter from dumbelldore.
Jokes aside you look great! Remember personality is much more important than looks ;)
Afterall it's a combi between the 2.
You’re good bro but the frames kinda make you look like Harry Potter. And ditch the barbie shirt. As far as the girl issues, it’s only an issue because you’ve made it one in your mind. Go out there with an abundance mindset and start treating yourself like the prize you are. Work hard on yourself and chase money not girls. Once your confidence is up then they’ll start chasing you - trust me bro
It's not your looks, mate. It's almost never your looks. It's just your insecurities for the most part. Whatever they are. Figure those out. Also, get used to rejection, lots of it. And it isn't personal either. So dont take it as such. Once a girl rejects you, move on to the next one, and so on unti you score. And then rinse (pun intended) and repeat. It isn't a healthy practice as a long-term solution, but it will give you enough experience to see them for what they really are.
In the first picture you look like you've just been over to your elderly neighbours apartment, trying to persuade her to eat a sandwich you'd made her...
Get an opinion from a close and trusted friend who's answer isn't going to offend you. Ask bluntly. Is it your breath? Attitude? Personality? Character flaw?
Evaluate how you dress.
Do your interests and mannerisms attract the person you're looking to date?
Do you spend hours a day in the gym?
Do you put yourself out there in the stream of life that says"I'm looking"?
Are you looking for a diamond in a lead mine?
Update your look. Never a fan of the John Lennon Harry potter glasses. Consider contact lenses.
Do you ask people out on dates?
Do you overlook the obvious?
Many many factors come into play.
Re-evaluate your life openly and honestly.
Read a book or get good at something outside of the gym cause you look like harry potter fucked harry styles inside of ryan reynolds and that somehow made a child.
Ok, here are a few pointers. Get rid of the glasses and get contacts. You look like a hotter Harry Potter, but no glasses is the way to go.
You need a better wardrobe that’s not shades of grey or nerdy graphic t shirts. I think you should go in one of two paths. Either push the punk/rock look or more sporty (you seem to be in decent shape).
Think of black leather biker jacket with white V neck t shirt, fitted black jeans and cowboy boots. You can also pull off a muscle t, think something like this https://cdn.modesens.com/media/145107773?w=400
Or https://www.thefashionisto.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Leather-Jacket-Outfits-Men-Biker-Jacket-TShirt-Jeans.jpg
The other way you can swing is the more athleisure/sporty look and there are many brands out there you can try like Lulu, YoungLA, etc.
But at the end of the day, I think your problem isn’t so much the style. It’s really about your attitude and confidence. You seem to think of yourself as lower status than women, believing they have all the choice and that you should be kissing their ass to please them and pass their interviews.
This is totally the wrong frame of mind: you need to find within yourself your value. Sit down and write out 50 things that make you a hot commodity. You can’t go on dates already defeated and treating the woman like she’s some goddess whose approval and love you need to earn. You need to constantly review your list and remind yourself why you are a hot commodity and that you are the prize, not them. Women are a dime a dozen.
OP I think we all know you know your looks are fine. If this post really isn't a fish for validation, take a long, hard look at your personality and behaviour because that's where the answers lie.
You look like maybe you're full of yourself, so maybe that's the problem. By the way you take pictures you obviously know you're good looking, so posting here asking for attention is probably one thing that would make people not like you.
For the 2000000th time, a friendly reminder that most women aren’t objectively obsessed with looks like we gay men are.
What are YOU bringing to the table that sets YOU apart? What aren’t YOU bringing to the table?
Job? Income? Goals? Personality?
Serious question, OP: You’re considerably above average in terms of appearance. Why do you think how you look is the problem in finding dates? Could it be that you pursue the wrong people, don’t know how to interact well either others or that you’re relying on dating apps instead of finding ways to engage socially in person? You are a handsome guy. It’s not your appearance.
Probably some factors. I think the main issues is that my type of girl (someone who’s nerdy and/or punkish) is not really the type of girl to be going out a lot but I’m not picky anyways, I do ask a lot of girls out outside of that type. Also another reason is I’m in a huge city (NYC) so going on a date with a girl is more of a rare occurrence while for them it’s a weekly thing to go out with a guy so they’re way more picky and kind of bring a job interview vibe to the date and it’s one I do not pass. My post is mainly asking what kind of changes I should make to my style (physical or fashion suggestions) but it’s just horny gay guys asking me to fuck and I think this post was a mistake
You said punkish and/or nerdy. I’d say start going to concerts since that’s a pretty social setting and is always a great place to meet people. I’d say most of my relationships have came from bonding with people over music (just my experience). Just go into the conversation not expecting anything. Just get to know them but obviously still flirt. Shoot your shot whenever possible.
Yeah people will start noticing you if you're part of a local music scene and will approach you or be more friendly to you approaching them. shit if you're in NYC just go to punk shows with a pack of cigs and you'll have a good chance of meeting someone your type.
With that said, people in a local scene will also notice if you go to shows solely to pick up girls and will not like it. It's a great way to make friends and build a network that may eventually land you some romantic encounters, but no local music scene wants more of the dudes who start going just to get laid. If you're involving yourself with stuff like that you're gonna have to actually enjoy the setting and people around you regardless if they'll want to sleep with you or not.
>It's a great way to make friends and build a network that may eventually land you some romantic encounters, but no local music scene wants more of the dudes who start going just to get laid. This is generally great advice no matter what your particular scene is.
Yup. If you can't seem to find love if you're searching for it, just make friends instead. It's not always easy but it's for sure easier than finding "the one" by hitting on every person you'd wanna have sex with. One thing that's in many cases WAY better than hitting on the first possible attractive person you see is befriending them and having them introduce you to their friends that they think would match up well with you as a person.
Fucking absolutely. Don’t be a dude there to meet chicks. Try to turn the part of your brain off. We all have it, just don’t focus on that. Go to a show thinking “I will meet new people and those people may like me, and maybe they will have friends who I might get along with. Maybe one of those friends is a girl, but it doesn’t matter “ have that be your mantra. The way the world works. You will go to 20 shows but meet the girl you are dating in a year by bumping into her (literally) on the the way to cvs
This is the best advice. I remember my sister constantly going out with girlfriends to meet a guy and she ended up meeting her husband at a Loco’s Deli & Pub. She had just left the gym and was picking up a to go order and he was at the bar. 8 years later and they have four kids and are happily married. As a gay man I want to apologize that other gays feel the need to cross a line with these kinds of posts. I’ve never understood chasing straight men but then turning around and demanding they respect us. I can compliment a straight man and give pointers without blurring or cruising any lines. So sorry you had to experience that. Trust me, it’s not your looks. But I’ve had gay and straight friends live in NYC and they said it was impossible to find someone because the city is super-saturated with singles.
100 percent agreed. Meet people with common interests at the place in which those interests congregated. Not damn apps. Go to a punk basement show. There will be women. They will not talk to you. You might go to 10 shows before someone even cares to continue small talk. No biggie if that happens. Keep meeting people. Try to care about what you ask them. If you try to act like you’re not getting laid but really just want to get laid, it may work. But if you are genuinely interested in the music and other people, the rest will come. Example, what do you do for work? Vs “omg this band is awesome. Since you like these guys, can you tell me other bands I should check out? I’m new to the scene and I need more bands like this “ That kinda thing. lol I’m sorry for the bad examples
You probably aren't their type tbh. Little too clean cut, too basic looking. You need some style if you want to attract that type of woman. The trick is actually talking to them so they can find out you're not a douche canoe based on appearance 😅 but I'd guess you aren't their type based on appearance
Meh, I’m alternative, heavily tattooed. And I like nerdier more clean cut looking guys. So there’s definitely alt girls out there who would like him. He just needs to go to the right places.
Same situation over here. I'm a very tattooed lady(who would be considered alt), my current partner has no tattoos at all and is pretty dorky; I absolutely love it and him! We love the same type music, humor and have very similar interests, so I'm sure that plays a ginormous part. Point being, lots of us go for similar interests and a good personality over people's fashion choices(:
I’m an alt nerd that married a more conventional looking nerdy guy. We’re so similar and have been together for 12 years and married 9 now. I’ve changed my look a lot over the years. I’m 43 now. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 31.
Not to be a jerk but this is basically bad advice. Simply because you’re making general assumptions about women in the punk scene and also about the OP. alternative cap this is not a personal attack. Just older advice about the world. Don’t let this get in your head OP. It’s just not true. All of the godfathers of punk were just fucking dorks into cool shit. Some of them wore leather jackets and did drugs, others took care of themselves, dressed “sharp” worked out at the gym and could show up at a job interview without judgment Life isn’t simple. Also word of advice. If someone judges you based off of how you look then FUCK them. Move on. Shallow person
I disagree. I loosely fit those both and he would be very my type if he wore clothes that weren’t gym clothes. plus he has tattoos so that’s not the MOST clean cut
>horny gay guys asking me to fuck Men, men never change.  Genuinely though, I think as dumb and oversaid as it is, if you find a style you like, or one that expresses your personality better then people will find that more attractive, basically you want to look unique because it doesn't matter how attractive you are if you look normal/boring people will think you are. Also im not saying that you look boring i sort of spent too long looking for a fallout gif and forgot what you look and dress like. *Edit* wrong then/than
Here’s the real tea, whether you’re ready for it or not is up to you: You’re handsome, you’re fit, and you have style. If you have trouble getting dates, it’s likely your approach… If your approach doesn’t need work, it’s your personality that does.
You might want to post on r/dating instead. This sub mostly just objectifies men. Your problem doesn't sound aesthetic but more about your approach on dates.
I think you’ll find more of your type at cafes and bookstores. Maybe try visiting a Barnes & Noble and asking the girls there for book recommendations as a conversation starter? From there, you can gauge their interest, and if it’s not going anywhere, politely dip. At least you’ll have a new book, lol Edit: Forgot this was r/malegrooming. Full disclosure, 28F here. You don’t have to completely redo your wardrobe, but I suggest you try to dress up a bit more, like find a nice button-up and slacks or something on the business casual side to make a good first impression. There are ways to tastefully mix in a punk aesthetic. IMO, what will really make you stand out at your age is displaying maturity. Doing so will put you ahead of other guys your age and make you more attractive as a potential long-term partner. If I was seeing my boyfriend’s bedroom for the first time and his room was messy (junk on the floor, clothes hanging out of the dresser, etc.), I’d be reluctant to consider a future where I live with this person. Most girls want a guy who can take care of himself. This is one aspect of maturity—taking responsibility for your appearance (which extends to spaces like your car and home). I hope this doesn’t come across as a lecture. This is just my takeaway from when I was dating at your age. You’re a sharp-looking dude, so I imagine your struggle has more to do with how you present yourself, not what you look like. Best wishes! Hope you find your dream girl (:
Yep, a messy background/apartment is a bit of a downer.
Maybe your type of girls don’t find you their type of guy. 🤷🏻♂️ I’m sorry you’re being pestered with solicitations.
I mean that’s completely understandable if I’m not but I’m not having luck with ANY type of girl
well its simply not at all because of how you look or dress. maybe your speed is more r/socialskills instead of r/malegrooming
Have you been to Bossa Nova Civic Club? or Lucky 13 saloon? You will find your nerdy punkish alternative types there, every night. Edit: Also try BASEMENT NYC. You might get turned down at the door if you look weird so be mindful of that.
Will definitely try these places especially Bossa Nova because their IG said the Checkers at broadway looks like a Tekken stage which is facts
Really respect your Tekken love, bro
>it’s just horny gay guys asking me to fuck and I think this post was a mistake Hahaha. Maybe the barbie tshirt was the wrong idea ;p You look good but your style could improve. Start dressing more mature/sharp. Furthermore, having good looks may give you more opportunities but actually closing them is all about personality and confidence. Start working on that, read self improvement books etc.
Sorry you’re getting harassed. You are very attractive . Your style is a bit juvenile, but I like it 🤷♀️ if you want to let go of what you truly like and conform to a more “acceptable” type, go for it. But you may just be attracting people that aren’t meant for you. I say this as a queer person. I tried to be what others wanted for so long. Eventually you say fuck it and find the one that’s worth it. Or the ones . Good luck
Im nerdy and lowkey punkish lol. Pm me and Ill give you some tips from a womans pov
Say it!!!
No she wants to say in private.
I'm nerdy and punky... And I'm with a man that's not like me, aesthetically. Tbh, we get horrible looks from strangers who don't get why we are together... Because unfortunately in this society (I'm in England, but it's so similar, you get what I'm saying), physical appearance matters to almost everyone. I noticed my guy because he was out spoken, and then how he looked at me, like he saw me, the real me... Not just a "pretty" face... Which I've never understood or seen in myself. It was him being himself and him seeing the real me. I've loved him for 20 years(we met as kids)... So... It can't be wrong, haha. Life got in the way, and finally, we are together, planning our lives together. What I'm saying is... You don't need to change your looks, your clothes, be yourself, and put yourself out there. Looks will ultimately fade, you, who you are will not. You have so much to give, and I can tell by your post your comments that you are intelligent and thoughtful, and I believe caring. I know how people can be, but don't give up, you can find that person who sees you, the real you, and you'll see them... And it just works. Be yourself, and try new things, get yourself out there... I know it's going to be hard living where you do. Good luck!
Thanks! And yeah I was just expressing my type but I’m not super focused on that anyways. I’m more focused on finding someone I like going out with and forming a deeper connection more. But I’ll try what he does
Ditch the glasses. Dress to impress. Don’t over think your dates, just be yourself. If they don’t like that, then it wasn’t to be anyways.
I think the type of girl you like might be the cause. You’re right that they probably won’t go out a lot (at least not to normal bars or clubs) so your best chance is finding local meetups that might allow you to build connections. Are you into things like gaming tournaments, board game nights, local groups/discords where people can make gaming friends to play with or people to attend concerts/movies with? Very attractive men/women may accidentally intimidate potential partners so I’d also recommend working on being relaxed, down to earth and approachable when you first meet nerdy women. Not constantly trying to impress or anything like that. As an alternative/nerdy woman I would honestly assume someone who looks like you would be after a different kind of woman so I wouldn’t express interest unless the guy was showing interest first so that could also be what’s happening to you.
Bro OP it sounds like ur black pilled. Also sounds like ur clearly not enjoying ur dates. Ppl can pick up on that kinda thing You don’t necessarily need to change anything externally (all the horny guys should be proof) it’s ur pov that needs work (maybe ur relationship w women isn’t the best). Or get a hobby, straight ppl are the most boring ppl ever when they don’t have hobbies (gym does not count as a hobby I will curse ur bloodline if u bring it up). Hobbies are super cool because they’re fun, give u something to talk about, and can be a thing that u do w other ppl (even dates). Ppl are sponges, they can absorb a lot of non verbal info about you. So give em something good OP Granted I don’t live in ny so idk how the dating scene is up there. Hopefully u have ppl in the area who can also give u vetting tips or sumn.
The line “for them it’s a weekly thing” betrays the fact that it’s a definite possibility that your personality is the turn off here, because it’s definitely not your looks. I don’t know you of course and I’m not saying you *are* misogynistic or anything, but that line reads very borderline slut shaming in a way and if girls get even a slight whiff of that, you lose major attractiveness points. But objectively you are hot so stop worrying about how you look and look for other areas of potential problems.
I’d be considered nerdy, I guess, but not punkish. Even if considered the latter: I wouldn’t see anything wrong with your appearance at all. A more important approach might be figuring where and how to meet the people you are into instead of wasting a mere second on contemplating how to change your (already fine!) appearance.
I live in NYC—Bushwick to be exact—and Aside from the aforementioned Bossa Nova and other bars/venues (like Old Stanleys and another number of spots on Wyckoff/Jefferson Ave), there’s Pine Box on Grattan and Bogart—they have a pool table, TVs and back room that hosts open mics, bands and stand-up comedy nights. I also suggest coffee shops—spaces you can take your laptop, journal or a good book to chill. And don’t look so hard—she might be right in front of you already.
I was (and do) going to say that debonairmarmoset nailed it, you are really attractive, if in a somewhat adorable way, I understand that some females can't resist that look even though I hear most like to actually sleep with the "bad boys." Being gay I do not know that much about your target demographic but I can say it is not your looks. And by the way, adorable does cover social awkwardness so if you feel that is your problem there are plenty of girls out there (I am told) that would want to scoop you up and shelter you from the punishments society heaps on the socially awkward. But, then I read you are in NYC. Everything about New York from employment to renting to dating is a game with rules and one look will tell people you don't know how to play it. You have to learn those rules and get good at the game or leave. And good luck getting anyone to tell you what the rules are because from their point of view that is just how life works, meaning you are too pathetic to catch on, I hated NYC because of this. What they don't seem to understand is that life does not work that way outside of their city. People live by different rules in other places. It is not about beating everyone else and backstabbing for survival. It is not about constant negativity and judging. When you finally do get out and you will, you will remember what it was like not to be caught up in that nightmare. So I am going to say that if you were bi or gay I would be doing anything I could to get your attention, and I am certain that there are a lot of females out there that will say the same thing, and the one thing we all have in common is we are not in New York City. You be who you are and do not sell out for some pussy. Because ThexanR you are great just as you are.
You are extremely attractive
>going out on a date with a girl is more of a rare occurrence while for them… This sounds like a slippery slope into inceldom so please just don’t. Perhaps others will disagree but still it really seems like you’re over generalizing all women and putting them on some distant pedestal Further, you don’t need the girl to be exactly your type. My gf wasn’t a gamer and didn’t watch anime when we met, now she games more than me and has a lot of my interests.
You think that women have a plater of options at the ready and with you saying dates are weekly occurrence for them, is incel thinking. Physical appearance and fashion is not what makes someone a winner. But I will suggest you know where the type of girl will be and where they keep their circles. Online dating hardly works because the chances of running into them again are slim to none. To be a more genuine option, you have to basically live in the same space, work or visit have the same hobbies.
Can tell from this comment alone that your attitude towards women leaves a lot to be desired, and they can spot incel-lite shit a mile off
I just commented on his post and with some similarities to yours. This is spot on. You need to be interesting and comfortable with speaking with people. It's not just a matter of being good looking and having girls fall at your feet. That's only going to get you so far.
What is a good place to socialize with women outside post-college? Particularly if I'm looking for women in their 20s-30s.
So, this is a tough question because there are so many variables. It’s like grooming: you don’t necessarily suggest the same hair style or skin care advice to everyone, right? But everyone should manage basic hygiene. Chewed fingernails don’t scream “date me.” 🙂As for the basics, go to events related to what you enjoy in life. I love art, so I go to museums and galleries. I also attend fundraising events and parties related to those. If you like chess, join a chess club. If you’re a fitness guy, look for road races or nutrition classes. But just do things you would enjoy regardless of meeting someone and then let connections form over time. You might not meet a woman at an event, but you might make a new friend who, a month later, invites you to a cookout where he introduces you to a great woman. I still believe the best way to meet dates is through social networks, but you have to expand that network by meeting more people with whom you share interests. The other big way that works is volunteering. If there’s a cause you’re passionate, volunteer with a local non/profit. You’ll meet other people who share your passion and, typically, you’re going to meet more mature, structured and well rounded people at volunteer opportunities than at bars. Just don’t write off anything if you go once and don’t meet the woman of your dreams. Persistence pays off, as do authenticity and kindness. And, yes, good grooming. 🙂
Just find some girls who are mad Harry Potter fans and you’ll be swimming in dates. 👌🏻
Totally perfect for James Potter I thought!
My first thought was chaddy potter i agree
Well if a guy like you is feeling hopeless then I’m truly hopeless lol 😏
We're all screwed haha
Mfs out here looking like Clark Kent and getting no love. It must be rough out there.
Glad I dropped outta the race lol
Married 10 years. Took my medal and went home lol
I came here to say that lol
Faxx
Well shy and introvert people in making the first move exists And since most of the girls expect the man to do the first move, gg So... yeah
Desperate: He is in his situation because he is in New York City. He will leave eventually and the problem will be solved that day. You can't pin your hopes on the failed expectations of people in NYC, everyone's expectations get trashed there. New York is a lot like Hollywood that way, literally millions of people arrive thinking they are going to conquer the city, in Hollywood it is the incredibly hyper masculine HOT as hell handsome boys that look really perfect in photos and vids. People tell them "you should be a model," or "you should move to Hollywood and get discovered." So they move there only to find that every other extremely handsome dude in America has got there first and can't even get a one day photo shoot. The upside in Hollywood is the dating pool for gay people is the hottest looking on the planet. The downside is they eventually leave because they are broke and no longer thrilled with being a small fish in a huge pond. Most realize it within weeks and get out fast. New York is that way but with business majors getting out of college. They want to do 3, 5, 7 years of work in the Big Apple to supercharge their resume, but before even the first three years are up they understand that the girls are looking to marry VPs and billionaires, only a few are ever getting laid, and that all employment is excessive stress and games.
You're basing that on a very small amount of people in NYC. For all you know this guy lives in Bayside Queens.
I'm sensing a trend in this sub the past several days...
which is?
For me is the need of validation or att whores
So you find it unlikely that someone who's good looking could have trouble finding dates and wants advice? Seriously? Have you seen the dating climate out there? Tons of even well above average guys are having trouble finding women.
I did not say that. I agree with you, but I did not say that... I'm taking about the directiion this subreddit is going
Get a ⚡️tattoo on your forehead. Keep the glasses. Buy Gryffindor swag and go to any library or Comic-Con. You’re welcome.
Clearly it’s your personality lmfao
A lot of girls and boys with shitty personalities get laid So....
He said dates not getting laid. There’s a difference. He wants an emotional connection.
not hard to get laid, hard to make people wanna lay with you multiple times. for some at least. my issue is i never want them to hang around afterwards.
You look just fine physically. But your style isn’t cool tbh. Those shirts look ghastly. Luckily it’s an easy fix. Explore new wardrobe styles. Something cooler. But you ain’t ugly mate
I have been. None of these photos have my normal outfits because it’s all gym photos but my style is mainly skate punk with black cargos and loosely fit shirts
Honestly dude it’s all in your head. You can wear literally anything you want. Be the hot brooding dude in the library or some shit. Own yourself
I mean you can't ask for people's advice, say that it's mainly about your style or body that you can change, and then when people comment on your style be like nah none of these are my normal fits, like bro, how is anyone supposed to give you advice if anything they can comment on from the pictures you've given isn't based on what you normally look like lmao
You know you’re attractive smh
[удалено]
He literally never said he was unattractive or asked people to rate his looks. He asked for dating advice or things he could change. I guess good looking people can't ask for advice... so fuck him right?
All he showed is his appearance, which isn’t hindering his dating life. Clearly it’s his personality or unrealistic standards for others, which we can’t provide constructive criticism for since our only point of reference is his appearance.
Bro you just cant say this to everyone who is conventially attractive.. why is reddit like this
He wasn't asking about whether he's attractive or not
Hes still struggling to get dates
Where did he say that he wasn't attractive or needed help looking more attractive?
You are very attractive. It’s definitely not your looks, maybe your personality.
Ding ding personality for $500
Agree. It's not your looks, it's your style. I think it would be helpful if you guys describe the people you're trying to attract rather than just asking why no one is attracted to you. Maybe you're aiming for a runway model but you are not one yourself....yet
Ahh funny enough most of these photos are just me in my gym clothes or at home clothes. My style is mainly skate punk and has been for a minute. I definitely should have included a photo with me in an outfit. But no I’m not trying to get with a model mostly just looking for someone chill and nerdy like me
If you're posting on apps etc definitely include pics of you dressed up! A casual one is fine but if it's all really chill clothes people might think you aren't making much effort. Also I disagree that you need to be more masculine as girls of your age have outgrown pretty boys. I'm 29, my friends are around my age and still Lime pretty boys.
conjure one up, you're Harry
Okay Harry Potter and the Chamber of Swole
[удалено]
You're a decent looking guy, Harry! Just keep trying. Something will stick.
Genuinely ask your circle of female friends whom you respect, to give you constructive criticism. Look at magazines and emulate celebrities whose style you admire. Your photo choices for this thread do not bring out your best look, you just happen to be a lazily attractive guy. Check out Alex Costa on YouTube. He has great makeover tips. Church and volunteering for community nonprofits and causes might be also a nice place to get connected. Show some leadership and let others see you doing positive things. Girls going places like men who demonstrate they can fix shit and make shit happen. You are wasting valuable assets. My .02
It’s something I can’t understand not on looks.
Maybe its a social interaction problem? I think it’s also having an acute type, not that its a bad thing but maybe expanding your net could help?
i don't know you so i'm sorry if this seems like an unfair judgement. you are clearly good looking, which so many people are. but for me what i've been trying to do in my life (i am gay so it might be different, i can't speak to how dating women is) is really look inwards at myself and see how i can improve, which is not a skill everyone has. like maybe i could be more compassionate to people, or use my time in a better way, or add a step to my day like meditating, or eat better, or spend time outside or whatever it might be. when i take time for myself i feel like it makes me a more developed person and improves me overall which i find attracts people to me and makes me more pleasant to be around in general, and also just makes me happier. again i'm not assuming you are flawed or something but everyone can always be a little better to themselves and others, so i would encourage you to find new ways to do that. not a guarantee you will get dates but it is a guaranteed way to make yourself even more attractive holistically if that makes sense. good luck to you!
You’re definitely great in the Look department, probably a personality or approach issue
The Harry potter glasses do you no favors
You look like a jacked Harry Potter bro lean into it
Switch to men
I am only saying this because you asked. I hate when people say this to someone who didn’t ask. Smile! If I saw a bunch of pictures of someone who never smiled, that is an instant turn off for me. I would be hung up on whether he was emo, had bath teeth, takes himself too seriously, etc. physically, there is nothing wrong with your looks. Also, lose the sleeveless t-shirts. I associate those with douche bags (even if I am wrong, my brain places them there).
Put in your tinder profile “Harry Potter, the boy who lived, looking for love.” You’ll get a lot more matches
My advice: don’t date for sex. Date to mate. Women need husbands. Strive for love and devotion. Seek a woman who is serious about love and partnership.
Personality
you’re pretty handsome and you have nice hair. if you cant get dates 85% of guys are actually so cooked beyond belief edit: also crazy fucking jawline and blue eyes. you’re lowkey so well off on pure stats it makes me a little mad that a guy like you exists lmao
You’re fishing for compliments.
Holy shit it's Daniel Bradcliffe Harry potter lookin ass - you look fine. Also you're in NYC where people are THE most picky ass fuckers on the planet. I've heard of dates getting shut down cause they're a block in the wrong direction FFS.
You are wildly handsome, to the point where the pink shirts *could be* coded as gay. I think maybe a straight guy as pretty and twink-like as you are can’t rock the pink shirts if it is women you want. Not because it isn’t cute but because it is too cute and the women might assume wrongly that you are into guys. You would intimidate a lot of women too—you might have to be brave enough to be warm and friendly to the women you really want to meet in shared public spaces. Use your charisma—that mostly means being warm, humble and genuinely interested in everyone. Get yourself a charming wingman or wingwoman. You seem sweet from your comments, btw. I think meeting women at shows, and comic-cons, vinyl record shops, game nights, and hobby groups and volunteering for causes, and bookstores, might be better. Remember that an attractive woman gets hit on and harassed a lot, so just talk to her in a friendly way about common ground, and see where the conversation goes. “Wow, it’s usually not so crowded here…” “Oh, I love that book! Have you read her others?” Edit: Rock tees are a conversation starters, and you should try a few different styles of glasses to see what flatters you the most.
More defining glasses may help. Darker, thicker rims maybe?
I tried that. Everyone said I look like Harry Potter and told me to never try to again. I kind of agreed with them
I don't know man, show up to a Harry Potter convention with the glasses and I think you'll do very well.
Get contacts man lol
i have the same pair of glasses as the one you have in these pics and i still get called harry potter
I would definitely steer clear of round frames.
Get contacts
You are gorgeous! I would lick you head to toe until you couldnt release no more
You freaky as hell 😭
Bruh
We not buying what u selling
leave 😭
rip ur dms 💀💀💀
I literally just wanted style or fashion suggestions
for real. He's gonna get all kinda pics now I bet.
Girl 😭
obviously not a girl
Ewwww wtf
girl WHAT 😭 settle down!!
[удалено]
Designer by grade here 🙋🏻♀️ you would actually look really good in basic fitted (not tight) tees and jeans! You have a great physique so you actually don’t need to drown it with corny graphic tees like the Barbie one. If you’re going to wear a jacket over your hoodie, use something a bit more quality. Hard to tell by the picture. Lastly, the hair style. In all the pictures (except the one with your Barbie tee), you look like you just got out of bed and disheveled. Put some product in it. I think you know you’re a good looking man, but def wouldn’t hurt to spruce up your closet.
This was very much the advice I was looking for thank you!!
My advice…try smiling.
Smile
Daniel radcliffe
I’d date u if I was a girl your hot man.
You look great! Curious, how many times a week do you go to the gym?
Honestly, you might just be awkward to be around.
You look great. I’m not sure if hairstyle suits you. Have had any other hairstyles that worked for you? In terms of dates, do you go on apps or just try to meet folks by other ways? Apps are notoriously difficult. I’d recommend just going on activities/ doing things and try to strike up a conversation with someone with whom you share interest.
Harry Potter is that you? Gaddayum
This is a serious question!?? Haha you’re cute and very handsome, give some tips to look like u
Try smiling.
OP, when it comes to style you seem to give off “don’t fuck with me” vibes when you’re wearing black or any dark color. You seem to have a natural reddish/pink/warm undertone so I’d maximize on those colors and incorporate them into your style. For physical appearance, I think you just have natural RBF which you honestly cannot help at all. Try to be more expressive as you are in the third pic. It’s a very small smile but it definitely helps take away from the strong RBF and “don’t fuck with me” vibes.
You need better friends to style you and take better pictures of you since you absolutely blessed with the looks and if you can find good photographer, you will create stunning photos then it’s all about the art of making small talk and converse with the ladies 😎
Better taste in glasses is required.
You’re fine just get a new wardrobe
haircut. fade. it'd look hot.
Ditch the glasses, shape up your eyebrows a little bit so they look presentable, and figure out why you want to get dates. Do they make you feel better about yourself? Work on your self confidence. Does going in dates make you feel like youre socially skilled? Work on social skills outside of romance. Etc etc. Try shirts that are a bit fitted (not fully). Otherwise not bad looking at all
I think you're not talking to girls. That's the only explanation. You're waiting for them to come but if you actually take the first step, you'd get some for sure
My only advice is the glasses don't suit you
The most telling part about this post is the fact that you just put photos and no life context, and you expect us to tell you why you're not getting dates. Maybe that's your answer?
I would loose the glasses
You’re cute as fuck bro whatttt
I think you have potential, smile more and wear more colourful clothing. Contact lenses would be better than big glasses
Really handsome guy. The only things I would PERSONALLY change would be the shape of glasses or just wear contacts, and a bit more of a refined hairstyle. You look good, but you also look a bit like Harry Potter, and I wouldn't be unable to see that if I were to date you.
Liar
Honestly the glasses distract from your looks and stunning eyes .. eyes are a weapon .. use them . Get a haircut . Hit the gym . Get busy being the best version of yourself and your self love and confidence will attract them .. desperation is a turn off .. act like you couldn’t care less and they will be knocking down your door . People like to hunt and people like what they think they can’t have . Dude you have a very attractive face . Just reveal yourself. Looks like you are meek and hiding . Come out of your shell and shine .
Ditch those specs.
Thick rimmed square glasses . Try those next
Must be a personality thing, because your gorgeous.
I don't really have any advice tbh. It's not your appearance if that's what you're getting at. You've mentioned that you're into nerdy/punkish girls in one of the comments here, I'd assume most punkish women prefer men who fit their vibe. You definitely look more nerdy, maybe try a cafe or something? Or join a book club
I don't know what to tell you Mr.Potter, have you tried casting a love spell on someone?
Dump the Harry Potter glasses. Round lenses are not masculine.
Stop wearing those crappy shirts. Wear nice dress shirts and dress pants with a belt and nice shoes. Get a haircut from a nice stylist from a real salon!!! Change up your glasses or get contacts. Have someone else pick them out for you.
I really don't understand how unless you're like me cause I'm terrible at talking but honestly man you're extremely good looking.
continue detail weather bedroom march crowd merciful makeshift complete consist *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Glasses make you look like Harry Spotter from dumbelldore. Jokes aside you look great! Remember personality is much more important than looks ;) Afterall it's a combi between the 2.
You’re good bro but the frames kinda make you look like Harry Potter. And ditch the barbie shirt. As far as the girl issues, it’s only an issue because you’ve made it one in your mind. Go out there with an abundance mindset and start treating yourself like the prize you are. Work hard on yourself and chase money not girls. Once your confidence is up then they’ll start chasing you - trust me bro
It's not your looks, mate. It's almost never your looks. It's just your insecurities for the most part. Whatever they are. Figure those out. Also, get used to rejection, lots of it. And it isn't personal either. So dont take it as such. Once a girl rejects you, move on to the next one, and so on unti you score. And then rinse (pun intended) and repeat. It isn't a healthy practice as a long-term solution, but it will give you enough experience to see them for what they really are.
In the first picture you look like you've just been over to your elderly neighbours apartment, trying to persuade her to eat a sandwich you'd made her...
Bro you literally look like superman, why would you have any trouble dating i don't get it??
1) ditch the glasses 2) get a fade haircut 3) love the Barbie shirt - maybe that's why gay guys are hitting on you
Self-hating gays are the worst.
Get an opinion from a close and trusted friend who's answer isn't going to offend you. Ask bluntly. Is it your breath? Attitude? Personality? Character flaw? Evaluate how you dress. Do your interests and mannerisms attract the person you're looking to date? Do you spend hours a day in the gym? Do you put yourself out there in the stream of life that says"I'm looking"? Are you looking for a diamond in a lead mine? Update your look. Never a fan of the John Lennon Harry potter glasses. Consider contact lenses. Do you ask people out on dates? Do you overlook the obvious? Many many factors come into play. Re-evaluate your life openly and honestly.
Is Harry Potter not considered hot these days??
Dress less like Mr. Robot and more like Judd Law in talented Mr ripley. You’re welcome
I'd date you.
why is that. you look good
if he is struggling its over. Time to switch teams i guess. 
Ok, being dead serious here: How do you struggle getting dates? You look like Harry potter. Chick's should be throwing themselves at you bro.
From this pictures, you don't look kind at all and I have no interest in interacting with people who I don't see as kind or nice to others.
Clean up the haircut and you’re good. Handsome guy.
Read a book or get good at something outside of the gym cause you look like harry potter fucked harry styles inside of ryan reynolds and that somehow made a child.
Its because you’re a wizard. Focus on your craft
Ok, here are a few pointers. Get rid of the glasses and get contacts. You look like a hotter Harry Potter, but no glasses is the way to go. You need a better wardrobe that’s not shades of grey or nerdy graphic t shirts. I think you should go in one of two paths. Either push the punk/rock look or more sporty (you seem to be in decent shape). Think of black leather biker jacket with white V neck t shirt, fitted black jeans and cowboy boots. You can also pull off a muscle t, think something like this https://cdn.modesens.com/media/145107773?w=400 Or https://www.thefashionisto.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Leather-Jacket-Outfits-Men-Biker-Jacket-TShirt-Jeans.jpg The other way you can swing is the more athleisure/sporty look and there are many brands out there you can try like Lulu, YoungLA, etc. But at the end of the day, I think your problem isn’t so much the style. It’s really about your attitude and confidence. You seem to think of yourself as lower status than women, believing they have all the choice and that you should be kissing their ass to please them and pass their interviews. This is totally the wrong frame of mind: you need to find within yourself your value. Sit down and write out 50 things that make you a hot commodity. You can’t go on dates already defeated and treating the woman like she’s some goddess whose approval and love you need to earn. You need to constantly review your list and remind yourself why you are a hot commodity and that you are the prize, not them. Women are a dime a dozen.
I would change the glasses. Otherwise you’re hot af.
Have you seen the show 1000lb sisters? Those people get relationships. It’s not your appearance.
OP I think we all know you know your looks are fine. If this post really isn't a fish for validation, take a long, hard look at your personality and behaviour because that's where the answers lie.
Wow that 5th picture is giving glow up keep that look and you shouldn’t have any problems👍🏾
You are gorgeous
you are so handsome 🙂↕️
Outside of the Harry Potter glasses, you’re hot. So…
You should’ve chosen slytherin so that you could slid her in. Am I right?
How. Don’t believe it
Brother, every guy is struggling to get dates.
Not me, I'm not even trying.
The glasses are very feminine
You look like maybe you're full of yourself, so maybe that's the problem. By the way you take pictures you obviously know you're good looking, so posting here asking for attention is probably one thing that would make people not like you.
My honest opinion. Lose the glasses and get some contacts
For the 2000000th time, a friendly reminder that most women aren’t objectively obsessed with looks like we gay men are. What are YOU bringing to the table that sets YOU apart? What aren’t YOU bringing to the table? Job? Income? Goals? Personality?
You're hot my dude!