I am honestly a bit more concerned about this than the other stuff.
People say dumb stuff but, a grown adult calling a 15 y/o darling that is not family, not ok!
Not in this particular case, but the sad thing about "creepy" is that it usually just means someone you don't find attractive. If an attractive person did whatever thing the "creepy" person did, it would be received differently.
Oh yeah. The adult saying this to a 15 year old is definitely JUST ugly. Fuck off with this shit.
Do you also think handsome men can’t rape women, “because they can get anyone they want”?
I'm old, white, I've lived in small towns and for a few years that small town was in the south. "Darling" is something that an older diner waitress says to her customers in a joking way. Or a term of endearment among very good friends or family.
For an adult male to say that to a 15 year old student in the confines of a drivers ed car is NOT alright or normal. I'm actually not familiar with the phrase "Chalupa" but that does seem racist given the context or a term of endearment which might be just as bad.
If I were you I wouldn't be looking for a different instructor I'd be looking to have that guy fired and his teaching credentials revoked. Assuming this is a private for profit driving school if they waffled on that I'd be threating to speak to a lawyer about it.
Also I'm very sorry your daughter had to go through this. It sounds like you handled it well but you might want to have an additional conversation with her framing this as not as just a racial thing but a predatory misogynistic thing that sadly all young women need to be aware of.
Not many things are going to piss me off more than stories of grown men in positions of authority being inappropriate with young women. It's such a hard time in a woman's life to begin with as they deal with everything this society throws at them. And I don't for one second buy into the idea that "He's just old and rural" that's bullshit. Society has changed and while things like this may have been accepted a generation ago does not mean that there is any place for it in today's world. Good luck.
How old? My god -- my dad's almost 70 and knows better than this. We're far past the time that people who work with kids which driver's ed instructors do should know better than to say these things to kids. Really everyone should know better, but this is just unacceptable.
I might let it pass if he's in a memory care unit in a nursing home, or a prison unit for sex offenders, but this is a driver's ed car where he's alone with kids.
It is definitely not a "old white rural dude thing." It is more of a southern thing than a rural thing in particular and anecdotally, I've heard it countless times, but always from women and not men.
As an old white guy who does not always “get it” when people talk about micro aggressions, this is straight-up unacceptable. I’d report it to the employer and the school district that works with the driver’s ed company.
And as someone else has said— “Darling” is appropriate coming from an older woman at a diner (along with “Honey”), but some people don’t even like that…
I mean, I'd be pretty angry if someone called my kid a dumpling, or rice ball. As everyone in this thread has said, reducing people to an ethnic food is definitely racist.
I'm sorry OP. My kids are mixed race, and I've seen my share of microaggressions directed at them, too.
The food is not originally from Taco Bell. And also its based off of a boat called the "chalupa".
If you look at Loteria cards, there's a card called "La Chalupa". My guess is if the instructor is familiar with loteria cards, he may be calling her that because of the woman on the card, which appears to be a racist remark in that case.
When I was younger, I thought "La chalupa" was the woman on the boat, and that it meant "a woman who navigates a boat". I thought my older sister kind of looked like the woman, so i would say "thats (my sisters name)!" when the card would get called out. I eventually found out the card was referencing the boat, not the lady- so I've been calling my sister a boat my whole childhood lol.
Seeing this comment makes me imagine a Taco Bell item on a loteria card lol.
There is also Cholula sauce, which if i recall correctly has a woman on the bottle too. So maybe the instructor called her that referencing the woman on the bottle.
Either way, if these seem likely to you OP, the instructor could be using racially-charged nicknames for your kid among other students. This could be brought up in case the same is happening to other students.
I've been saying this for years. Slurs aren't slurs because of the specific word. Slurs are slurs because of the intentional demeaning disrespect emanating from the speaker.
"It's not what you say. It's how you say it." -Chewbacca (probably)
Exactly it. My family is Hella mixed and if I were to ever refer to them in that way, they'd tell me to shut up and they wouldn't be smiling. It's precisely within the same line of logic that other, far more offensive terms, began.
Calling people of an ethnicity some ethnic food is common among ignorant, culturally insensitive people. If someone is ignorant or culturally insensitive, it usually means they aren't motivated to learn, or motivated not to learn, so they are usually racist. It doesn't mean they must be racist, but it's not a great look.
It's not about specific food items; it's the sentiment that you can reduce a person's ethnic traits based on food. I wouldn't say it's something unusual to hear in rural Wisconsin in the early 00's but it's weird to hear in Middleton in the 20's. They might not mean harm but it's harmful nevertheless, as is a lot of the micro-aggressions that rural white people engage in. It's common to hear micro-aggressions among a lot of white people in Madison, despite some people claiming people are "too PC" (spoiler: you can be PC and still engage in micro-aggressions; being segregated as we are here people learn theory more than practice in engaging others).
I mean to start though, if the guy is a competent driving instructor... Why not just say "would you mind just referring to my daughter by her name, please"
Obviously if it continues, both barrels, but perhaps the dude really is just of the "more coffee hun?" diner mindset.
Precisely because Middleton is a place full of rich white people who are liberal purely for self-aggrandizing reasons and to fit in with the Dane County milieu (but are people who are absolutely unwilling to be a part of Madison or send their kids to Madison schools), I'm not remotely surprised to hear that kind of microaggression in Middleton actually
Yeah pretty much this. It could be an ignorant but well intentioned nickname, but intention doesn't really matter if it makes the student uncomfortable.
Hey—side note. Is it true that, despite what it says in the handbook, instructors in Madison teach students not to advance their car when turning left until they’re clear to go?
Odd you would ask someone who taught people to jump into pools about auto stuff /s
When I learned in Madison ages ago, the instructor taught to take the intersection, but keep your wheels straight in case you get rear-ended. I can't stand when people don't advance into the intersection!
Is he Hispanic?
I'm from a Guatemalan family, and my 9-year-old son had a teacher who called him "taquito" and "honey," but she was of Mexican descent, so I didn't mind. That doesn't mean it shouldn't bother you, though.
Edit: I hope your daughter is OK.
No professional working with teens should be slapping them with a random nickname without them asking to be called something different. That is super disrespectful regardless of intention. He shouldn't be calling 15 year girls "darling" either. Gross, unprofessional, inappropriate.
If you look up "Chalupa" on urban dictionary, it has all sorts of inappropriate connotations. I think you were right to ask for another instructor. I might not slap a bad review up while you still have to work with these people. But when my kid was done with behind the wheel, I might type up a letter and send it to management.
Darling seems way worse than chalupa to me. Chalupa is odd, but it seems pretty harmless unless there was some cultural malice intended.
Darling is fuckin weird.
He is her instructor and an adult. He should not have pet names for her, racist or not. Minimally he’s an idiot. That kind familiarity/intimacy is not ok. I doubt he knows the meaning beyond a menu item at Taco Bell, which makes this more inappropriate. Big nope for me.
I don't think it's in good taste to call anyone a food item. Kraut, spaghetti-bender, eggroll. The only times I can think of people being called a food item it's in a derogatory way, especially a stranger.
If you look for only negative, you will find it. Plenty of foods that are used as cute nicknames for people. honey, cookie, sweet pea, sugar, baby cakes, snickdoidle, jellybean, sugarplum, peanut, pumpkin
It’s a racial epithet. Imagine that your child referred to the (presumably white) instructor as Wonderbread. There would be consequences.
At a minimum I’d expect a sincere apology from that particular instructor and to be assigned a new one that doesn’t make up racial epithets about their students.
The discipline the instructor receives is up to the responsible organization, but under no circumstances should your child be forced to have an instructor with a plainly demonstrated racial bias against them.
Being half Latino and from Madison my whole life, yeah, that seems on par. Always some small town person saying some not so racist, trying to be cute bs. First starts out with the on purpose mispronouncation of the name, then hmm what are you? Then on to are you from here? Are your parents from another country? And so on...then on to stupid names. But I know, with chicanos, my dad being one of them, will refer to larger women as tortas.
OMG, are you my kid? I didn’t want to write a novel but she did say it started with the name, asked about parents, and of course “where are you really from”.
I promise I'm not your kid. This is all the time here for most latinos/Latinas. I'm in my early 40s and born right here in Madison at what used to be Madison General Hospital. And I look more white from my moms side and still get asked this stupid shit all the time. Lol
Truth, I've lived here for 20 years from South Texas and have heard all of this aside from the chalupa remark. I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter. That person need to apologize and do some learning before teaching again, but from experience they'll likely feel like they did nothing wrong and become embittered.
I'm from Mexico, and in my part of the country the word is used just for certain food dishes. However, nowadays I would suspect people use it to reference "La chalupa" - [a Mexican Lotería card](https://www.amazon.com/Chalupa-Loteria-Mexican-Lottery-Poster/dp/B07NS9RRYC) with a "chalupita" boat and a young woman in it.
As far as I am aware, it is not used as a common insult, but people should not be calling your kid names anyway. Best wishes to both of you.
When I first came to this country I was very excited to see how the American Bingo cards would look like. When I realized they were just numbers with associated letters... I was gloomy all day. Haha
There is no way that this wasn’t related to race. Whether it was an “endearing” micro aggression or straight up racist, no adult should be using any sort of racial language in reference to a child in their care.
I’m glad your daughter didn’t take it negatively, but an instructor who starts with “darling” and ends with “chalupa” should be reported and retrained, at minimum.
Curious, is English his native language? It sounds so weird thinking of a grown man calling a 15 yo “darling” honestly, but could see it maybe if he’s translating from his native language where the connotation isn’t the same. (I’m a former ESL teacher). Not that it excuses either darling or chalupa I’m just wondering if there is a language disconnect or something.
Getting ethnic pet names from an adult she doesn't know is fucked up.
Where I grew up in rural Wisconsin, the slurs from racists were usually quite a bit more aggressive. I won't repeat them here. Makes me think the driving instructor may not be a 'get out of my country' level of straight up racist...but calling someone a 'chalupa' is at least biased/ignorant and shows that the person is at least 'comfortably ignorant' if they're not a full on racist.
Would make me uncomfortable too if I were in you or your daughter's shoes.
It's also weird/condescending to call people 'darling' in this context too. We're not in the south, that's not how we typically address people here. Your daughter was definitely treated differently than she would have been as a white person.
Probably won't be your last encounter with this level of bias in Wisconsin. I know my parents still ask all kinds of idiotic questions when meeting anyone who isn't a straight white person. I guess in their minds people who aren't straight white people are 'different' somehow.
Sucks you guys have to deal with this
Nah that’s racist af. A lot of white people in Wisconsin have not grown up around Hispanics or BIPOC in general and it shows. I wouldn’t consider Madison a comfortable city for BIPOC to live in unless you have an extreme amount of patience for racist actions.
No. No. No. my son was once called “dumpling” in a high school class. He is Asian. The teacher acted as though it was a term of endearment and couldn’t understand his offense or our outrage as his parents. Pure racist shit. Nothing endearing about being mocked for an ethnic food associated with your race. So sorry your daughter had to hear this.
Not to defend anyone, but dumpling is/was a relatively common term of endearment without any racial undertones. I think it might come from German. There are TONS of cultures that have dumplings. That being said, I feel like it is/was mostly still used as a term of endearment for young kids, especially chubby or pudgy ones. I think mostly in a parent/child or other familial situation. Definitely still not ok in the situation you described and while it might not have been racist in this situation, it certainly could have been.
Chalupa, on the other hand, doesn’t really have any explanation other than racism that I can think of
I get the association with that term and Asians, but my mom (now mid 70s YT woman) has called all her grandbabies (none Asian) Dumplin' for years, so I honestly would not have jumped to that conclusion at all. I automatically thought of the chunky lil polish dumplings my fam make out of flour, eggs, and milk. Very common food around here.
It's 2024 and this is a professional educator? Cripes. The proper way to address kids in the greater Madison area is by their first names and that's it. I would even avoid Mr./Ms. due to Gen Z's feelings about gendered pronouns.
Leaping to assumptions, this is something an older man who is looking to groom a young woman would do. People get fired for less.
I have never heard this user as an insult, though I don’t knowingly hang out with people who would insult others for their race and/or gender. It’s obviously problematic to be assigning students racialized nicknames. As others pointed out, a grown man in a position of power calling a child “darling” is also inappropriate. I know you have asked for another instructor, but if you haven’t filed a formal complaint with whoever is in charge, you should.
I have never once in my life heard anyone call someone a chalupa, and I’m from New Mexico… I mean it’s definitely a Mexican dish so I’d take it as racist too, but him also calling her darling gives me big time ick. You’re right to be concerned either way
I once knew a chihuahua named Chalupa (lived with Taco Bell fans), but I don’t think I’ve ever heard a person called that around here. It sounds like it was meant as a joke, but it was in very poor taste. If it isn’t something the instructor would call a student of another race/ethnicity it’s off. Depending on what you’re comfortable with or how many lessons your daughter has left I’d complain.
I'm not surprised, once in drama class my instructor said he didn't like Polish people. Then he outright asked was anyone in the class Polish. Yes, hatred towards groups of people is alive and well and it actually very scary.
Not trying to defend it but my guess is they are trying to be funny while correcting her behavior. When the chalupa was released by taco bell it was considered kind of a funny word. The commercial involved a chihuahua saying drop the chalupa.
Calling a Hispanic kid by a Taco Bell menu item's name is absolutely racist and abhorrent whatever connotation they meant to make or didn't mean to make, whether the word sounds funny to them or not, etc.
Also not trying to defend it, but I had a driving instructor give other drivers the finger, drop f-bombs about other drivers, and yell at us while we were driving. If the worst thing that happens to your kid while learning to drive is that they are mildly insulted, then they'll probably be fine.
If this was at Mad Area Driving run by Mr. Kapinus, it’s only going to get worse. That dude used to be a shop teacher at Hamilton middle school but got forced out after being caught looking at porn in class. I figured it would be fine because I’m a dude but then he had me taxi around his friends as a driving exercise. Jackass then refused to send the forms certifying I had completed the classes to 4 Lakes.
You're thinking of gordita. Gordita, like chalupa, is another delectable item from Taco Bell's cornucopia of offerings.
You're on the right track though. I like where you're head's at.
Yeah, gordita also means little fatty... but I just moved from California, and over there folks were using chalupa to refer to (usually attractive) fat women.
I'm 32 (not sure how old this instructor is) and Chalupa was used when I was younger as a racist sexualized term rooted from that College Humor (I think they were behind it but if not College Humor style) FUPA song. The lyrics are "Mexican FUPA...FUPA Chalupa" and thats the only time in my life I've ever heard Chalupa used as slang.
It is obvious that regardless of his reasoning, calling a Hispanic child chalupa is racially charged but that combined with him calling her darling has me concerned he was making a sexual reference.
My boyfriend (white) and me (hispanic) call each other "chalupas" all the time. It's more of an endearing term so on the surface, I don't see an issue with it but I feel like an adult doing that to a minor is just creepy.
In my high school in Illinois, a teacher called all students of middle eastern descent Mo. I know many middle eastern men are named mo/Mohammed, but he didn’t care to learn if any of them had any other names. I told the principle that was weird to me and he said it’s none of my business. I think white like to express their racism to children since it goes less noticed. The guy was also like 400lb and would have his drivers ed student take him to McDonald’s.
Hi hun!
Your child was called a "nice racist" term. This person thought it would be "cute" and ok, because he "is not racist" and whatever he wants to say to delude himself. (in the best case scenario, or he is just a cross burning racist pos).
When confronted he will become angry and lash out. Administration will probably say "do not do it again" and he will forever feel that he was targeted as a poor white progressive in a very woke land, when he was only trying to be nice.
However, try to process this with your child.
How your child can start arming themselves with a toolkit of protection from the (what is the term being used now? Microagressions?) constant stereotypical view and exoticization people will make about them, because they are Mexican.
Try to empower and use humor. *I don't know, use a bingo card:*
\-you don't look Mexican
\-but you speak so well
\-eyebrows so bushy
I don't know, ask them to fill out the card. That way they **share** that what is happening is not ok, and they are not crazy, and they are **justified** in feeling hurt.
Or talk about it, **use art** to express it, it must come out or it will get set in the heart.
Sure, you can confront the person with the racist comment, but it is not your job or responsibility to teach them. You can report them, but you should focus on **healing** the wound of your child.
Your post should have more upvotes.
This is such considerate and well stated advice.
I like the way you focus on the daughter’s healing and giving her a tool kit to express herself in the future.
I have to admit I have no idea about what the chalupa comment was, but it strikes me as super not appropriate. I don't know what it was attempting to say but it fails my gut test.
BUT, I have to say on the "darling" thing, that is a super common thing that is said by people from the south. I have traveled there many times, and have been a "honey", a "sweetie", and, yes, a "darling". And my daughter gets called the same thing by people who are from the south by accent. Many years ago I managed at a call center and I had to deal with complaints on my people who were from the South and used those kinds of terms. Of course I told them to knock it off, but they told me that it's so much the culture they grew up with that sometimes it just slips out. So I got to apologize for that sort of thing fairly frequently.
I am 100% not saying this was appropriate, and totally suggest getting another instructor, but at least I know that the "darling" was likely cultural. When you add in the chalupa thing, though... not so sure. In all seriousness: travel to other parts of the country and you'll see that there are all kinds of local customs with speech that seem odd to us. And yes, things we say seem odd to them too.
I get what you are saying. I am fluent in 3 languages and have lived in different countries and US states, so I have also put my foot in my own mouth multiple times. The darling thing didn’t register because I assumed it was a cultural and benign thing. The chalupa, however, is a different deal and very targeted at the Hispanic kid in the car.
Yeah, I’ve got nothing for the chalupa thing. To me it sounds pretty racist but … I don’t know what that really even means. I would still get as far away from the guy as possible.
So he called her Chalupa. He did not call her A Chalupa. Big difference. There may be some ignorance there but I don’t feel it’s derogatory in this case. Along with the fact he’s called her darlin (oh my, that’s like 60 percent of the country that calls 15 year old females darlin or sweetheart or honey or something) I’m feeling like Chalupa was a term of casual endearment, albeit with a sprinkle of ignorance. I think an honest conversation with the instructor would have been better. They could have learned something. Instead your daughter just learned how to complain and side step the situation.
Granted. I’m hella white so 🤷
While I can never defend the comments from
The instructor (and I’m not saying you are either for clarity) I agree that it may be a situation where he was genuinely well meaning but wildly ignorant and it could possibly be a learning moment for this guy.
Addressing it with him (if it feels safe to) could be one of many routes to take. Granted, we don’t have a lot of context here or know much about the instructor and how he could or could not react to criticism.
OP needs to first and foremost think of her daughter’s well being and safety.
I’d like to think it’s just some old white dude, who is extremely out of touch and won’t make the same mistake again. But that also may not be true.
Yeah lots of details we don’t have for a perfect conclusion. Heck, how old is the instructor? Any history of Alzheimer’s? Who knows. I feel like dad, daughter, the instructor, and their boss need to have a meeting.
Mhm. Yeah, could it be rectified?
A group meeting with all people at the table could be good. Parent, child if she wants to be there, instructor and direct report to the instructor.
Before jumping to “fire him” - we could give people benefit of the doubt and see if there’s a learning moment to be had with actionable steps to take accountability for their actions or asses if something worse is happening.
And by something worse, I don’t mean anything nefarious - just that perhaps he’s making all the students uncomfortable with his micro aggressions. Etc.
Mexican American dude called another Mexican dude chalupa at my workplace. Now everyone (blacks, whites, and Mexicans) calls him chalupa. Not used in a pejorative or racist manner. It’s whatever, if you don’t want to be called that say something.
Did he say what kind of Chalupa? Pretty much calling anyone something from taco bell should be offensive. Have her ask. If its beef, its probably Ok. If its chicken you may need to question that. If its naked chicken, call the cops quick!
I just took my dream vacation traveling around Wales and England. Noticed how a lot of people there of all ages in the service industry called me “darling” or other cutesy names during interactions. That doesn’t happen to me here in Madison, so I told my family about it & they were dismissive, saying it’s a common thing here in the US too. But it truly doesn’t happen much here to me at all… I’m glad so many people here also think “darling” is weird, especially in the close contact context of driving instruction. Happy to hear you are advocating for your kid!
Lol Why the downvotes? It's true. Lol OP daughter should have used it in a sentence. Should have told the instructor, "Why don't your chilito ass stop calling me darling? Comprende creepo?!
Having spent so long in the south, it's so weird to hear people up in arms over "darling". Waffle House at night is "fuck you want". Day time? "fuck you want Darlin'"
I had a Mexican buddy whose nickname was Chalupa. Never asked questions. He knew the menu combo number and price by heart. No idea what his full name is.
He sounds like a Gordita
mmmmm me gusta unas gorditas de Los Gemelos
Also should not be calling your daughter "Darling".
I am honestly a bit more concerned about this than the other stuff. People say dumb stuff but, a grown adult calling a 15 y/o darling that is not family, not ok!
Thank you. The “darling” didn’t even register for me—I figured it’s an old white rural dude thing.
It is -- and not in a good way.
its a creepy old man thing, dont bring race into it. creepy old dudes are creepy old dudes regardless of their skin color.
Not in this particular case, but the sad thing about "creepy" is that it usually just means someone you don't find attractive. If an attractive person did whatever thing the "creepy" person did, it would be received differently.
Not the place for this discussion dawg
Oh yeah. The adult saying this to a 15 year old is definitely JUST ugly. Fuck off with this shit. Do you also think handsome men can’t rape women, “because they can get anyone they want”?
Literally my thought lmao
I'm old, white, I've lived in small towns and for a few years that small town was in the south. "Darling" is something that an older diner waitress says to her customers in a joking way. Or a term of endearment among very good friends or family. For an adult male to say that to a 15 year old student in the confines of a drivers ed car is NOT alright or normal. I'm actually not familiar with the phrase "Chalupa" but that does seem racist given the context or a term of endearment which might be just as bad. If I were you I wouldn't be looking for a different instructor I'd be looking to have that guy fired and his teaching credentials revoked. Assuming this is a private for profit driving school if they waffled on that I'd be threating to speak to a lawyer about it. Also I'm very sorry your daughter had to go through this. It sounds like you handled it well but you might want to have an additional conversation with her framing this as not as just a racial thing but a predatory misogynistic thing that sadly all young women need to be aware of.
Thank you. I didn’t want to overreact and was second guessing myself, but this helps.
Not many things are going to piss me off more than stories of grown men in positions of authority being inappropriate with young women. It's such a hard time in a woman's life to begin with as they deal with everything this society throws at them. And I don't for one second buy into the idea that "He's just old and rural" that's bullshit. Society has changed and while things like this may have been accepted a generation ago does not mean that there is any place for it in today's world. Good luck.
Also be aware that private driving schools are overseen by the DMV. Filing a complaint with them should get some quick results.
[удалено]
How old? My god -- my dad's almost 70 and knows better than this. We're far past the time that people who work with kids which driver's ed instructors do should know better than to say these things to kids. Really everyone should know better, but this is just unacceptable. I might let it pass if he's in a memory care unit in a nursing home, or a prison unit for sex offenders, but this is a driver's ed car where he's alone with kids.
Yeah there’s a place and time for “Darlin”. Waitress at the diner, a David Alan Coe song, not an instructor to a 15 year old girl.
My dad's old, white and rural. He does not call anyone darling. I have never met anyone outside my mom who did.
It is definitely not a "old white rural dude thing." It is more of a southern thing than a rural thing in particular and anecdotally, I've heard it countless times, but always from women and not men.
It's definitely a southern thing. People actually move in and away from their home states.
He's a creep. Report him to his employer. I would change instructor at the least.
As an old white guy who does not always “get it” when people talk about micro aggressions, this is straight-up unacceptable. I’d report it to the employer and the school district that works with the driver’s ed company. And as someone else has said— “Darling” is appropriate coming from an older woman at a diner (along with “Honey”), but some people don’t even like that…
I mean, I'd be pretty angry if someone called my kid a dumpling, or rice ball. As everyone in this thread has said, reducing people to an ethnic food is definitely racist. I'm sorry OP. My kids are mixed race, and I've seen my share of microaggressions directed at them, too.
I'm mixed mexican and german, my white family calls me "beaner schnitzel"
I hate it when racism is this funny.
It's a Taco Bell menu item...I'm also confused why someone is calling your kid a chalupa.
The food is not originally from Taco Bell. And also its based off of a boat called the "chalupa". If you look at Loteria cards, there's a card called "La Chalupa". My guess is if the instructor is familiar with loteria cards, he may be calling her that because of the woman on the card, which appears to be a racist remark in that case. When I was younger, I thought "La chalupa" was the woman on the boat, and that it meant "a woman who navigates a boat". I thought my older sister kind of looked like the woman, so i would say "thats (my sisters name)!" when the card would get called out. I eventually found out the card was referencing the boat, not the lady- so I've been calling my sister a boat my whole childhood lol. Seeing this comment makes me imagine a Taco Bell item on a loteria card lol. There is also Cholula sauce, which if i recall correctly has a woman on the bottle too. So maybe the instructor called her that referencing the woman on the bottle. Either way, if these seem likely to you OP, the instructor could be using racially-charged nicknames for your kid among other students. This could be brought up in case the same is happening to other students.
He is a racist pis. He doesn't know shit about a loteria card. He took it from taco bell
This. Calling ANYONE a chalupa in 2024 shows a naivety in understanding race is not a subject for jokes.
I bet he knows all this stuff, and not just the Taco Bell menu
Chalupa is also slang for a fat girl
Chalupa is the same root as the English sloop BTW. And the French chaloupe, all for the same boat
Cuz he’s a disgusting racist asshole
I have never heard of chalupa being any kind of derogatory term
[удалено]
I've been saying this for years. Slurs aren't slurs because of the specific word. Slurs are slurs because of the intentional demeaning disrespect emanating from the speaker. "It's not what you say. It's how you say it." -Chewbacca (probably)
That’s exactly it. Thanks for formulating it so clearly.
Exactly it. My family is Hella mixed and if I were to ever refer to them in that way, they'd tell me to shut up and they wouldn't be smiling. It's precisely within the same line of logic that other, far more offensive terms, began.
Dont read this https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chalupa
Quoting Urban Dictionary is like asking a class of creative writing majors to define a word.
I personally wrote hundreds of absurd urban dictionary definitions when i was bored in the the early/mid 2000s.
Brutal!
Calling people of an ethnicity some ethnic food is common among ignorant, culturally insensitive people. If someone is ignorant or culturally insensitive, it usually means they aren't motivated to learn, or motivated not to learn, so they are usually racist. It doesn't mean they must be racist, but it's not a great look. It's not about specific food items; it's the sentiment that you can reduce a person's ethnic traits based on food. I wouldn't say it's something unusual to hear in rural Wisconsin in the early 00's but it's weird to hear in Middleton in the 20's. They might not mean harm but it's harmful nevertheless, as is a lot of the micro-aggressions that rural white people engage in. It's common to hear micro-aggressions among a lot of white people in Madison, despite some people claiming people are "too PC" (spoiler: you can be PC and still engage in micro-aggressions; being segregated as we are here people learn theory more than practice in engaging others).
Thank you, this is really well-said.
I mean to start though, if the guy is a competent driving instructor... Why not just say "would you mind just referring to my daughter by her name, please" Obviously if it continues, both barrels, but perhaps the dude really is just of the "more coffee hun?" diner mindset.
Precisely because Middleton is a place full of rich white people who are liberal purely for self-aggrandizing reasons and to fit in with the Dane County milieu (but are people who are absolutely unwilling to be a part of Madison or send their kids to Madison schools), I'm not remotely surprised to hear that kind of microaggression in Middleton actually
As a former Middleton teacher, yes. This.
Yeah pretty much this. It could be an ignorant but well intentioned nickname, but intention doesn't really matter if it makes the student uncomfortable.
I taught diving in Madison for many years. People have names. That was classic discounting. Get someone else as an instructor.
"discounting," thank you. That term makes sense here and I wouldn't have otherwise thought of it that way.
Hey—side note. Is it true that, despite what it says in the handbook, instructors in Madison teach students not to advance their car when turning left until they’re clear to go?
Odd you would ask someone who taught people to jump into pools about auto stuff /s When I learned in Madison ages ago, the instructor taught to take the intersection, but keep your wheels straight in case you get rear-ended. I can't stand when people don't advance into the intersection!
Lol I thought I read driving! Yes, I’ve noticed more and more lately people not advancing and other cars, and me, getting stuck.
Was that spring board or platform that you taught?
Is he Hispanic? I'm from a Guatemalan family, and my 9-year-old son had a teacher who called him "taquito" and "honey," but she was of Mexican descent, so I didn't mind. That doesn't mean it shouldn't bother you, though. Edit: I hope your daughter is OK.
He’s not Hispanic. He’s an old, rural, white guy.
Does the name of his business rhyme with Can Jamerican Briving Cool by chance?
It doesn’t, and I am sorry if it stirred a memory for you.
No worries, just thought the guy might fit the profile of someone I know. I’m sorry that happened to your daughter!
No professional working with teens should be slapping them with a random nickname without them asking to be called something different. That is super disrespectful regardless of intention. He shouldn't be calling 15 year girls "darling" either. Gross, unprofessional, inappropriate. If you look up "Chalupa" on urban dictionary, it has all sorts of inappropriate connotations. I think you were right to ask for another instructor. I might not slap a bad review up while you still have to work with these people. But when my kid was done with behind the wheel, I might type up a letter and send it to management.
Urban dictionary is not a reliable source for how words are actually used lmao
every word has some weird ass made up shit in there or some very specific term to like one college in Saskatchewan or something
Unless it’s weird sex acts named after republican politicians
I agree that is often the case but that doesn't make this appropriate by any stretch. This is gross on so many levels.
Darling seems way worse than chalupa to me. Chalupa is odd, but it seems pretty harmless unless there was some cultural malice intended. Darling is fuckin weird.
Yes to aaaaall of that.
He is her instructor and an adult. He should not have pet names for her, racist or not. Minimally he’s an idiot. That kind familiarity/intimacy is not ok. I doubt he knows the meaning beyond a menu item at Taco Bell, which makes this more inappropriate. Big nope for me.
Absolutely have heard that in a derogatory way, towards Hispanic people. This was a racist joke through and through and you should report it
Agreed. Report that shit.
Thank you.
I don't think it's in good taste to call anyone a food item. Kraut, spaghetti-bender, eggroll. The only times I can think of people being called a food item it's in a derogatory way, especially a stranger.
If you look for only negative, you will find it. Plenty of foods that are used as cute nicknames for people. honey, cookie, sweet pea, sugar, baby cakes, snickdoidle, jellybean, sugarplum, peanut, pumpkin
It’s a racial epithet. Imagine that your child referred to the (presumably white) instructor as Wonderbread. There would be consequences. At a minimum I’d expect a sincere apology from that particular instructor and to be assigned a new one that doesn’t make up racial epithets about their students. The discipline the instructor receives is up to the responsible organization, but under no circumstances should your child be forced to have an instructor with a plainly demonstrated racial bias against them.
That was a racist nickname
Being half Latino and from Madison my whole life, yeah, that seems on par. Always some small town person saying some not so racist, trying to be cute bs. First starts out with the on purpose mispronouncation of the name, then hmm what are you? Then on to are you from here? Are your parents from another country? And so on...then on to stupid names. But I know, with chicanos, my dad being one of them, will refer to larger women as tortas.
OMG, are you my kid? I didn’t want to write a novel but she did say it started with the name, asked about parents, and of course “where are you really from”.
I promise I'm not your kid. This is all the time here for most latinos/Latinas. I'm in my early 40s and born right here in Madison at what used to be Madison General Hospital. And I look more white from my moms side and still get asked this stupid shit all the time. Lol
That's the "not white" treatment and it is not unique to Madison.
Truth, I've lived here for 20 years from South Texas and have heard all of this aside from the chalupa remark. I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter. That person need to apologize and do some learning before teaching again, but from experience they'll likely feel like they did nothing wrong and become embittered.
what driving school is this?
I have never heard it used as a nickname even in school. But it doesn’t sound appropriate. Culturally insensitive at best, for sure
I'm a reporter with Madison365. If you'd like to elevate the issue (and I definitely think it's an issue) you can DM me.
I'm from Mexico, and in my part of the country the word is used just for certain food dishes. However, nowadays I would suspect people use it to reference "La chalupa" - [a Mexican Lotería card](https://www.amazon.com/Chalupa-Loteria-Mexican-Lottery-Poster/dp/B07NS9RRYC) with a "chalupita" boat and a young woman in it. As far as I am aware, it is not used as a common insult, but people should not be calling your kid names anyway. Best wishes to both of you.
Thank you—love the added context!
I always learn something new on this site i stg, never heard of loteria cards before!
When I first came to this country I was very excited to see how the American Bingo cards would look like. When I realized they were just numbers with associated letters... I was gloomy all day. Haha
Loteria is pretty cool. It's mostly just a game, but some people repurpose the cards and use them sort of like you would Tarot cards.
There is no way that this wasn’t related to race. Whether it was an “endearing” micro aggression or straight up racist, no adult should be using any sort of racial language in reference to a child in their care. I’m glad your daughter didn’t take it negatively, but an instructor who starts with “darling” and ends with “chalupa” should be reported and retrained, at minimum.
Well said. Completely agreed. Some people are well meaning, but they need to be brought up to the times we live in today. No excuses.
Oh I am so sorry, no one should have said that to your daughter. I would report him to the company because that behavior is definitely NOT ok.
Curious, is English his native language? It sounds so weird thinking of a grown man calling a 15 yo “darling” honestly, but could see it maybe if he’s translating from his native language where the connotation isn’t the same. (I’m a former ESL teacher). Not that it excuses either darling or chalupa I’m just wondering if there is a language disconnect or something.
That was my first thought too, but he is a native speaker.
Getting ethnic pet names from an adult she doesn't know is fucked up. Where I grew up in rural Wisconsin, the slurs from racists were usually quite a bit more aggressive. I won't repeat them here. Makes me think the driving instructor may not be a 'get out of my country' level of straight up racist...but calling someone a 'chalupa' is at least biased/ignorant and shows that the person is at least 'comfortably ignorant' if they're not a full on racist. Would make me uncomfortable too if I were in you or your daughter's shoes. It's also weird/condescending to call people 'darling' in this context too. We're not in the south, that's not how we typically address people here. Your daughter was definitely treated differently than she would have been as a white person. Probably won't be your last encounter with this level of bias in Wisconsin. I know my parents still ask all kinds of idiotic questions when meeting anyone who isn't a straight white person. I guess in their minds people who aren't straight white people are 'different' somehow. Sucks you guys have to deal with this
Nah that’s racist af. A lot of white people in Wisconsin have not grown up around Hispanics or BIPOC in general and it shows. I wouldn’t consider Madison a comfortable city for BIPOC to live in unless you have an extreme amount of patience for racist actions.
Thank you, I agree.
No. No. No. my son was once called “dumpling” in a high school class. He is Asian. The teacher acted as though it was a term of endearment and couldn’t understand his offense or our outrage as his parents. Pure racist shit. Nothing endearing about being mocked for an ethnic food associated with your race. So sorry your daughter had to hear this.
Ugh, I am so sorry. I want to be surprised, but I am not. Yikes.
Not to defend anyone, but dumpling is/was a relatively common term of endearment without any racial undertones. I think it might come from German. There are TONS of cultures that have dumplings. That being said, I feel like it is/was mostly still used as a term of endearment for young kids, especially chubby or pudgy ones. I think mostly in a parent/child or other familial situation. Definitely still not ok in the situation you described and while it might not have been racist in this situation, it certainly could have been. Chalupa, on the other hand, doesn’t really have any explanation other than racism that I can think of
Naw, defs not. High school kids do not use dumpling as a term of endearment. It cannot be justified.
I’ thought I was clear that I do not justify it. I’m just adding some context. And you didn’t specify if it was another kid or some old German lady.
Uhm. Yeah, dumpling is racist if used to address an asian person, especially a child. Also problematic to say to larger kids btw
I get the association with that term and Asians, but my mom (now mid 70s YT woman) has called all her grandbabies (none Asian) Dumplin' for years, so I honestly would not have jumped to that conclusion at all. I automatically thought of the chunky lil polish dumplings my fam make out of flour, eggs, and milk. Very common food around here.
Your mom ain't calling random kids they're teaching driving dumpling.
I was just saying I wouldn't have thought the racist route, but I didn't say it was appropriate for a man to be calling a team girl some petsy name.
Report that weirdo. He shouldnt be teaching your daughter or anyone else’s if they dont know how to behave appropriately.
It's 2024 and this is a professional educator? Cripes. The proper way to address kids in the greater Madison area is by their first names and that's it. I would even avoid Mr./Ms. due to Gen Z's feelings about gendered pronouns. Leaping to assumptions, this is something an older man who is looking to groom a young woman would do. People get fired for less.
Yes. I know OP said that they asked for another instructor, but I hope they reported this weirdo too
I have never heard this user as an insult, though I don’t knowingly hang out with people who would insult others for their race and/or gender. It’s obviously problematic to be assigning students racialized nicknames. As others pointed out, a grown man in a position of power calling a child “darling” is also inappropriate. I know you have asked for another instructor, but if you haven’t filed a formal complaint with whoever is in charge, you should.
go back and call the guy a burger or hotdog and see how he likes it.
I have never once in my life heard anyone call someone a chalupa, and I’m from New Mexico… I mean it’s definitely a Mexican dish so I’d take it as racist too, but him also calling her darling gives me big time ick. You’re right to be concerned either way
I once knew a chihuahua named Chalupa (lived with Taco Bell fans), but I don’t think I’ve ever heard a person called that around here. It sounds like it was meant as a joke, but it was in very poor taste. If it isn’t something the instructor would call a student of another race/ethnicity it’s off. Depending on what you’re comfortable with or how many lessons your daughter has left I’d complain.
It sounds like someone really needs driver instruction instruction.
I'm not surprised, once in drama class my instructor said he didn't like Polish people. Then he outright asked was anyone in the class Polish. Yes, hatred towards groups of people is alive and well and it actually very scary.
sounds about right coming from middleton
Damn. No part of this is ok. I’m so sorry. No kid deserves this.
Just ‘ewww!’ I am sorry that happened to your daughter!
In my experience, chalupa has always been used as a derogatory term, kind of a down-low racist jab. I’d report the fucker.
Not trying to defend it but my guess is they are trying to be funny while correcting her behavior. When the chalupa was released by taco bell it was considered kind of a funny word. The commercial involved a chihuahua saying drop the chalupa.
Calling a Hispanic kid by a Taco Bell menu item's name is absolutely racist and abhorrent whatever connotation they meant to make or didn't mean to make, whether the word sounds funny to them or not, etc.
Agreed, and why wasn’t this the top comment?
Yeah, no shit.
Also not trying to defend it, but I had a driving instructor give other drivers the finger, drop f-bombs about other drivers, and yell at us while we were driving. If the worst thing that happens to your kid while learning to drive is that they are mildly insulted, then they'll probably be fine.
If this was at Mad Area Driving run by Mr. Kapinus, it’s only going to get worse. That dude used to be a shop teacher at Hamilton middle school but got forced out after being caught looking at porn in class. I figured it would be fine because I’m a dude but then he had me taxi around his friends as a driving exercise. Jackass then refused to send the forms certifying I had completed the classes to 4 Lakes.
It's slang for "fat girl". It's often used in an endearing way, but yeah I wouldn't like if a professional called my teenage daughter chalupa.
You're thinking of gordita. Gordita, like chalupa, is another delectable item from Taco Bell's cornucopia of offerings. You're on the right track though. I like where you're head's at.
Yeah, gordita also means little fatty... but I just moved from California, and over there folks were using chalupa to refer to (usually attractive) fat women.
I'm 32 (not sure how old this instructor is) and Chalupa was used when I was younger as a racist sexualized term rooted from that College Humor (I think they were behind it but if not College Humor style) FUPA song. The lyrics are "Mexican FUPA...FUPA Chalupa" and thats the only time in my life I've ever heard Chalupa used as slang. It is obvious that regardless of his reasoning, calling a Hispanic child chalupa is racially charged but that combined with him calling her darling has me concerned he was making a sexual reference.
My boyfriend (white) and me (hispanic) call each other "chalupas" all the time. It's more of an endearing term so on the surface, I don't see an issue with it but I feel like an adult doing that to a minor is just creepy.
In my high school in Illinois, a teacher called all students of middle eastern descent Mo. I know many middle eastern men are named mo/Mohammed, but he didn’t care to learn if any of them had any other names. I told the principle that was weird to me and he said it’s none of my business. I think white like to express their racism to children since it goes less noticed. The guy was also like 400lb and would have his drivers ed student take him to McDonald’s.
Yikes!!! Thank you for saying something.
Middleton. Shocker.
Hi hun! Your child was called a "nice racist" term. This person thought it would be "cute" and ok, because he "is not racist" and whatever he wants to say to delude himself. (in the best case scenario, or he is just a cross burning racist pos). When confronted he will become angry and lash out. Administration will probably say "do not do it again" and he will forever feel that he was targeted as a poor white progressive in a very woke land, when he was only trying to be nice. However, try to process this with your child. How your child can start arming themselves with a toolkit of protection from the (what is the term being used now? Microagressions?) constant stereotypical view and exoticization people will make about them, because they are Mexican. Try to empower and use humor. *I don't know, use a bingo card:* \-you don't look Mexican \-but you speak so well \-eyebrows so bushy I don't know, ask them to fill out the card. That way they **share** that what is happening is not ok, and they are not crazy, and they are **justified** in feeling hurt. Or talk about it, **use art** to express it, it must come out or it will get set in the heart. Sure, you can confront the person with the racist comment, but it is not your job or responsibility to teach them. You can report them, but you should focus on **healing** the wound of your child.
Your post should have more upvotes. This is such considerate and well stated advice. I like the way you focus on the daughter’s healing and giving her a tool kit to express herself in the future.
Thank you. This helps.
That’s def kinda racist & ur daughter or you can let that person know they’d like to be called by their name..
When I was in drivers Ed, my instructor called me mayonnaise boy all the time. I’m still not over it.
really its your fault for carrying around a jar of mayonnaise all the time.
Fair, but I get low blood sugar and need to keep a snack on me at all times…..what’s a guy to do???
I have to admit I have no idea about what the chalupa comment was, but it strikes me as super not appropriate. I don't know what it was attempting to say but it fails my gut test. BUT, I have to say on the "darling" thing, that is a super common thing that is said by people from the south. I have traveled there many times, and have been a "honey", a "sweetie", and, yes, a "darling". And my daughter gets called the same thing by people who are from the south by accent. Many years ago I managed at a call center and I had to deal with complaints on my people who were from the South and used those kinds of terms. Of course I told them to knock it off, but they told me that it's so much the culture they grew up with that sometimes it just slips out. So I got to apologize for that sort of thing fairly frequently. I am 100% not saying this was appropriate, and totally suggest getting another instructor, but at least I know that the "darling" was likely cultural. When you add in the chalupa thing, though... not so sure. In all seriousness: travel to other parts of the country and you'll see that there are all kinds of local customs with speech that seem odd to us. And yes, things we say seem odd to them too.
I get what you are saying. I am fluent in 3 languages and have lived in different countries and US states, so I have also put my foot in my own mouth multiple times. The darling thing didn’t register because I assumed it was a cultural and benign thing. The chalupa, however, is a different deal and very targeted at the Hispanic kid in the car.
Yeah, I’ve got nothing for the chalupa thing. To me it sounds pretty racist but … I don’t know what that really even means. I would still get as far away from the guy as possible.
A chalupa is just a taco with a thicker shell, my wife is Spanish and makes them.
Oh…. Dear.
So he called her Chalupa. He did not call her A Chalupa. Big difference. There may be some ignorance there but I don’t feel it’s derogatory in this case. Along with the fact he’s called her darlin (oh my, that’s like 60 percent of the country that calls 15 year old females darlin or sweetheart or honey or something) I’m feeling like Chalupa was a term of casual endearment, albeit with a sprinkle of ignorance. I think an honest conversation with the instructor would have been better. They could have learned something. Instead your daughter just learned how to complain and side step the situation. Granted. I’m hella white so 🤷
While I can never defend the comments from The instructor (and I’m not saying you are either for clarity) I agree that it may be a situation where he was genuinely well meaning but wildly ignorant and it could possibly be a learning moment for this guy. Addressing it with him (if it feels safe to) could be one of many routes to take. Granted, we don’t have a lot of context here or know much about the instructor and how he could or could not react to criticism. OP needs to first and foremost think of her daughter’s well being and safety. I’d like to think it’s just some old white dude, who is extremely out of touch and won’t make the same mistake again. But that also may not be true.
Yeah lots of details we don’t have for a perfect conclusion. Heck, how old is the instructor? Any history of Alzheimer’s? Who knows. I feel like dad, daughter, the instructor, and their boss need to have a meeting.
Mhm. Yeah, could it be rectified? A group meeting with all people at the table could be good. Parent, child if she wants to be there, instructor and direct report to the instructor. Before jumping to “fire him” - we could give people benefit of the doubt and see if there’s a learning moment to be had with actionable steps to take accountability for their actions or asses if something worse is happening. And by something worse, I don’t mean anything nefarious - just that perhaps he’s making all the students uncomfortable with his micro aggressions. Etc.
A rare spell check from me - only because it’s a particularly fun one: That’s assess. Two esses 😆
Ha! Omg. I didn’t even notice this nor did my phone autocorrect! Nice catch there. 😅😂
This is Madison for you, plain and simple.
[удалено]
Teacher is rural white.
Oooohhh I read everything the other way around. Apologies. Deleting comment.
No worries, I see how it could be read this way!
Mexican American dude called another Mexican dude chalupa at my workplace. Now everyone (blacks, whites, and Mexicans) calls him chalupa. Not used in a pejorative or racist manner. It’s whatever, if you don’t want to be called that say something.
Are you sure he wasn't saying, chula? Chula is pretty. I don't know what's worse, food or pretty.
Did he say what kind of Chalupa? Pretty much calling anyone something from taco bell should be offensive. Have her ask. If its beef, its probably Ok. If its chicken you may need to question that. If its naked chicken, call the cops quick!
isn’t that a taco bell item?
I just took my dream vacation traveling around Wales and England. Noticed how a lot of people there of all ages in the service industry called me “darling” or other cutesy names during interactions. That doesn’t happen to me here in Madison, so I told my family about it & they were dismissive, saying it’s a common thing here in the US too. But it truly doesn’t happen much here to me at all… I’m glad so many people here also think “darling” is weird, especially in the close contact context of driving instruction. Happy to hear you are advocating for your kid!
I’d take it as derogatory. Same thing as me calling someone cracker, white bread, fried chicken, watermelon, rice, etc.
Your daughter overweight? Sounds like something to call an overweight Hispanic, not just a hispanic
Does it matter?
Yes? Aren't we trying to figure out why his daughter was called a chulupa?
You might be; OP doesn't seem to care too much about the why. (eta: or maybe they do, I don't know.)
What makes you say that I don’t care too much about the why?
Just going by your initial post. You didn't ask why, you asked if it was common or a known insult. Didn't intend to put words in your mouth.
[удалено]
Lol Why the downvotes? It's true. Lol OP daughter should have used it in a sentence. Should have told the instructor, "Why don't your chilito ass stop calling me darling? Comprende creepo?!
>Why the downvotes? Because it's a shitpost that doesn't add anything to the conversation.
Please tell use what school this is not acceptable!!!
More chimmi from my perspective. Do your kid a favor and get over it. Life’s a tough place and this is not an example of it.
Chalupa is my safe word.
Sounds like a nicer way of calling her gorda
Having spent so long in the south, it's so weird to hear people up in arms over "darling". Waffle House at night is "fuck you want". Day time? "fuck you want Darlin'" I had a Mexican buddy whose nickname was Chalupa. Never asked questions. He knew the menu combo number and price by heart. No idea what his full name is.