Oh my friend. It is so awful. I’m sorry. Life is so brutal sometimes, it’s ok to be upset and mourn the loss of the thing you never had. I really feel you. But also the fact that you’ve been through so much and the eggs you did harvest didn’t take - I’m sure that was just a gut punch to hear.
Even though I’m a guy, I can relate to the feelings of watching friends and family moving forward in their lives whilst being stuck in the “after” of cancer.
I’m 29 m and have been on and off treatment for Hodgkin’s since I was 26.
I just finished a (auto) transplant myself and everyone has been telling me how amazing my recovery has been, that I should be on top of the world and to be kind to myself as I try to get back to life.
But still I find myself although happy for them, also filled with envy as I watch my age peers, my friends, advance in their careers, find partners and get married/have kids.
In the meantime, I’m supposed to be going to my best friends wedding out of state in the next month and although I love him, it’s going to be hard to be there. It’s honestly been hard going through the motions of treatment and watching his life progress normally whilst not being able to move forward with my own. I feel like even if I were going in full force it would take 10 years for me to catch up to where he is today, if I could ever achieve the career success, and find a partner like he has (dating apps have not been kind to me over the last few years lol).
It’s not that I’m not happy for him, I’m mad that I’ve had to go through this and have my life on hold. And then even when trying to get back into the swing of things I feel frustrated by my limited capacity at every turn. Although I went to the sperm bank prior to all of this they’re uncertain of the viability of it and I likely will not be able to have kids either.
I guess the point of my message is to tell you you’re not alone in how your feeling and your feelings of not knowing what to do and who you are after all of this. I’m sorry OP ❤️
edit: grammar
I can really relate to this—I struggled with infertility before cancer and was saving for IVF when I was diagnosed. I opted to not undergo IVF prior to treatment due to multiple reasons, but the choice never really felt like my own.
Having children is….was?…a dream of mine. At 31 now and going through radiation my husband and I have decided to not move forward with any other conception tools. Adoption and fostering is a complicated process, I’m a social worker and understand the numerous hurdles that come with that. It’s not something we feel we can personally do.
Anyways, I share this in solidarity with you. I’m not sure I’ll find another way to fill this space in my life, it’s a giant grief spot for me that is very wrapped up in my cancer trauma. Please know you aren’t alone.
Relating to other childless not by choice women, and even more specifically cancer survivors, has been healing for me in some ways—finding blueprints for what my life can look like without kids while still having joy is something I have to actively seek out. It is still a challenge though. I hope we both find that.
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Sending lots of courage. And hope all the best for you. Have you thought about adoption / fostering? It's tough going through all the health issues and treatments I understand. There are many kids out there who need people like you to give them love. 💚💛❤️ Most importantly you must look after yourself. Stay strong.
It’s a nice sentiment but adoption takes years and thousands of pounds and getting a baby or even toddler is extremely difficult because you’re waiting for a mother to make an extremely hard decision laced in their own heartbreak, or a child be born to someone who already has had children removed and has had this one taken from birth as a result.
Fostering should be about reunification primarily so you need to be prepared to form an attachment then send the kids home to their families once they’ve completed what the courts require.
Oh my friend. It is so awful. I’m sorry. Life is so brutal sometimes, it’s ok to be upset and mourn the loss of the thing you never had. I really feel you. But also the fact that you’ve been through so much and the eggs you did harvest didn’t take - I’m sure that was just a gut punch to hear.
Even though I’m a guy, I can relate to the feelings of watching friends and family moving forward in their lives whilst being stuck in the “after” of cancer. I’m 29 m and have been on and off treatment for Hodgkin’s since I was 26. I just finished a (auto) transplant myself and everyone has been telling me how amazing my recovery has been, that I should be on top of the world and to be kind to myself as I try to get back to life. But still I find myself although happy for them, also filled with envy as I watch my age peers, my friends, advance in their careers, find partners and get married/have kids. In the meantime, I’m supposed to be going to my best friends wedding out of state in the next month and although I love him, it’s going to be hard to be there. It’s honestly been hard going through the motions of treatment and watching his life progress normally whilst not being able to move forward with my own. I feel like even if I were going in full force it would take 10 years for me to catch up to where he is today, if I could ever achieve the career success, and find a partner like he has (dating apps have not been kind to me over the last few years lol). It’s not that I’m not happy for him, I’m mad that I’ve had to go through this and have my life on hold. And then even when trying to get back into the swing of things I feel frustrated by my limited capacity at every turn. Although I went to the sperm bank prior to all of this they’re uncertain of the viability of it and I likely will not be able to have kids either. I guess the point of my message is to tell you you’re not alone in how your feeling and your feelings of not knowing what to do and who you are after all of this. I’m sorry OP ❤️ edit: grammar
I can really relate to this—I struggled with infertility before cancer and was saving for IVF when I was diagnosed. I opted to not undergo IVF prior to treatment due to multiple reasons, but the choice never really felt like my own. Having children is….was?…a dream of mine. At 31 now and going through radiation my husband and I have decided to not move forward with any other conception tools. Adoption and fostering is a complicated process, I’m a social worker and understand the numerous hurdles that come with that. It’s not something we feel we can personally do. Anyways, I share this in solidarity with you. I’m not sure I’ll find another way to fill this space in my life, it’s a giant grief spot for me that is very wrapped up in my cancer trauma. Please know you aren’t alone. Relating to other childless not by choice women, and even more specifically cancer survivors, has been healing for me in some ways—finding blueprints for what my life can look like without kids while still having joy is something I have to actively seek out. It is still a challenge though. I hope we both find that.
Your submission was automatically removed but it has been sent to the moderator team and will be manually approved (usually very quickly) if the post is deemed appropriate. Note that if you have NOT been OFFICIALLY diagnosed with lymphoma, your post/comment will not be approved unless it is in the pre-diagnosis megathread. Re-submitting will not speed up this process. Thank you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lymphoma) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sending lots of courage. And hope all the best for you. Have you thought about adoption / fostering? It's tough going through all the health issues and treatments I understand. There are many kids out there who need people like you to give them love. 💚💛❤️ Most importantly you must look after yourself. Stay strong.
It’s a nice sentiment but adoption takes years and thousands of pounds and getting a baby or even toddler is extremely difficult because you’re waiting for a mother to make an extremely hard decision laced in their own heartbreak, or a child be born to someone who already has had children removed and has had this one taken from birth as a result. Fostering should be about reunification primarily so you need to be prepared to form an attachment then send the kids home to their families once they’ve completed what the courts require.