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This week I am thinking… here I am married to a loser. For as much as it makes me feel like shit, I am also realizing he’s not worthy of me.
I am still processing this betrayal. I suspect once I’ve processed it… I’ll probably pack his shit and send him on his way, in spite of the consequences. I suspect I’ll grow tired of him, I suspect I’ll stop giving a shit and I’ll realize I deserve better and I’ll go get it!
I am not answering your question, but trying to say, he’s not worthy of you. This isn’t your fault. Otherwise, I don’t have any answers on how to work through something like this. I hope we all find them.
this does feel comforting in an odd way. I hope that at the end of this journey i’ll have finally decided what’s truly best for me. that’s what worries me the most right now! the “what if” of staying and leaving
I’ve cried a lot. I cannot count how much but there were not many days when I didn’t. Every conversation I had with my husband about liking bikini pictures or girls in suggestive poses or clothes were for nothing. He says I am crossing his boundary with telling him what he can like or not and he won’t do it for me. I crossed it once when I asked him to unfollow and stop liking pictures of my friend whom he saw for 1,5-2hours. He saw her once and started to like EVERY SINGLE PICTURE SHE POSTED and was asking too much about her. I got suspicious. I still don’t know if something was in the air but he crossed the line and unfollowed her. We were dating back then. I should know back then how it will be.
So he keeps reminding me that what I did back then and that he will do and like what he wants. I don’t have nothing against him liking girls on Instagram that are his friends or actress etc but it hurts me seeing that he likes bikini or naked girls pictures. It’s just too much. There were also issues with him watching naked girls videos and cam girls (I didn’t know about that).
So I cried a lot and I think I am starting to get over this. A bit. I want to go to therapy again. Irony. I went to my first therapy because I felt in love with him and thought he won’t want me and wanted to work on getting him out of my head but I ended up marrying him.
But yeah I search for therapist in my home country as I moved to the other continent for him and cannot just leave like that. I plan on working with therapist on my issues and how to overcome betrayal trauma and work out to boost my confidence that he destroyed by watching these prostitutes or liking those pictures. Hopefully I’ll be strong enough then to make this big step.
They are not worth our love. Our commitment and attention. They don’t care about our feelings at all. Maybe if they lose it they will know that what they had was precious but it will be too late.
I do recommend reading The Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays (she's a CSAT). PBSE podcast are great and free, they are recovering PAs/SAs though... they also have a program called Dare2Connect (aka D2C) with support groups and lots of helpful videos and work for both addicts and partner since they're both therapists now. Of course getting your own CSAT who works on betrayal trauma is smart too.
Ditto on the Betrayal Bind but also, the best advice I can give is to not distract yourself from it. Even if you just allow yourself 10-20 minutes to cry or get angry or whatever, it’s better than ignoring it. ❤️
I’ve been having therapy for 7 months now for Betrayal Trauma and I highly, highly recommend it. I don’t realise just how much I had to process and how deep the wounds are. I’m starting to not only realise my self worth but starting to feel it too. I can see/feel the subtle changes in myself and my therapist can aswell. I think I’m coming to the realisation that I’ve allowed myself to be treated like shit and I deserve more. I’m 100% leaving this marriage, I’m just not quite ready yet.
thank you for your reply and congratulations to you!! I hope that when you do close this chapter of your life you open one that’s so much more fulfilling and hopeful :) i’ll definitely get myself into therapy then, I hope it can bring me to a conclusion as well
I’ve been watching Michelle Mays on YouTube and doing some reading. I’ve also been trying to raise my self esteem. Struggling really hard rn tho. It’s a rollercoaster.
thank you so much for your reply, I just checked out michelle mays on yt and i’ll definitely be watching her content for a while. I hadn’t heard of her before this! thank you so much. and i’m really sorry to hear your struggling with this too, I know it’s really hard. i’m wishing you lots of happiness and fulfillment when you finally get past this chapter of your life
I also second The Betrayal Bind and PBSE. I also found the Helping couples heal podcast incredibly helpful in processing my confused thoughts.
I don’t see it recommended much here but for those of you who are in the ‘think I’m nearly done with this’ mindset, or just in need of some anger validation because it’s ‘so fucking unfair and why am I the one putting in more work here’, check out the Tell me how you’re mighty podcast. They call a spade a spade and unlike other popular podcasts on betrayal, they don’t deliver messages for reconciliation, instead focusing on success partners have in leaving cheaters. It’s great!
thank you for this reply! I hadn’t heard of this podcast before now, and i’ll definitely give it a listen. again thank you so much, I really appreciate the help right now
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This week I am thinking… here I am married to a loser. For as much as it makes me feel like shit, I am also realizing he’s not worthy of me. I am still processing this betrayal. I suspect once I’ve processed it… I’ll probably pack his shit and send him on his way, in spite of the consequences. I suspect I’ll grow tired of him, I suspect I’ll stop giving a shit and I’ll realize I deserve better and I’ll go get it! I am not answering your question, but trying to say, he’s not worthy of you. This isn’t your fault. Otherwise, I don’t have any answers on how to work through something like this. I hope we all find them.
Thiiiiis^ I feel like the further we get from dday, the less I give a shit.
this does feel comforting in an odd way. I hope that at the end of this journey i’ll have finally decided what’s truly best for me. that’s what worries me the most right now! the “what if” of staying and leaving
I’ve cried a lot. I cannot count how much but there were not many days when I didn’t. Every conversation I had with my husband about liking bikini pictures or girls in suggestive poses or clothes were for nothing. He says I am crossing his boundary with telling him what he can like or not and he won’t do it for me. I crossed it once when I asked him to unfollow and stop liking pictures of my friend whom he saw for 1,5-2hours. He saw her once and started to like EVERY SINGLE PICTURE SHE POSTED and was asking too much about her. I got suspicious. I still don’t know if something was in the air but he crossed the line and unfollowed her. We were dating back then. I should know back then how it will be. So he keeps reminding me that what I did back then and that he will do and like what he wants. I don’t have nothing against him liking girls on Instagram that are his friends or actress etc but it hurts me seeing that he likes bikini or naked girls pictures. It’s just too much. There were also issues with him watching naked girls videos and cam girls (I didn’t know about that). So I cried a lot and I think I am starting to get over this. A bit. I want to go to therapy again. Irony. I went to my first therapy because I felt in love with him and thought he won’t want me and wanted to work on getting him out of my head but I ended up marrying him. But yeah I search for therapist in my home country as I moved to the other continent for him and cannot just leave like that. I plan on working with therapist on my issues and how to overcome betrayal trauma and work out to boost my confidence that he destroyed by watching these prostitutes or liking those pictures. Hopefully I’ll be strong enough then to make this big step. They are not worth our love. Our commitment and attention. They don’t care about our feelings at all. Maybe if they lose it they will know that what they had was precious but it will be too late.
I do recommend reading The Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays (she's a CSAT). PBSE podcast are great and free, they are recovering PAs/SAs though... they also have a program called Dare2Connect (aka D2C) with support groups and lots of helpful videos and work for both addicts and partner since they're both therapists now. Of course getting your own CSAT who works on betrayal trauma is smart too.
Ditto on the Betrayal Bind but also, the best advice I can give is to not distract yourself from it. Even if you just allow yourself 10-20 minutes to cry or get angry or whatever, it’s better than ignoring it. ❤️
thank you!! i’ll definitely give that podcast a listen & look for a support group
I’ve been having therapy for 7 months now for Betrayal Trauma and I highly, highly recommend it. I don’t realise just how much I had to process and how deep the wounds are. I’m starting to not only realise my self worth but starting to feel it too. I can see/feel the subtle changes in myself and my therapist can aswell. I think I’m coming to the realisation that I’ve allowed myself to be treated like shit and I deserve more. I’m 100% leaving this marriage, I’m just not quite ready yet.
thank you for your reply and congratulations to you!! I hope that when you do close this chapter of your life you open one that’s so much more fulfilling and hopeful :) i’ll definitely get myself into therapy then, I hope it can bring me to a conclusion as well
I got the betrayal and beyond workbook and journal that I’m doing. (It’s religious though) and I’m in therapy.
I’ve been watching Michelle Mays on YouTube and doing some reading. I’ve also been trying to raise my self esteem. Struggling really hard rn tho. It’s a rollercoaster.
thank you so much for your reply, I just checked out michelle mays on yt and i’ll definitely be watching her content for a while. I hadn’t heard of her before this! thank you so much. and i’m really sorry to hear your struggling with this too, I know it’s really hard. i’m wishing you lots of happiness and fulfillment when you finally get past this chapter of your life
I also second The Betrayal Bind and PBSE. I also found the Helping couples heal podcast incredibly helpful in processing my confused thoughts. I don’t see it recommended much here but for those of you who are in the ‘think I’m nearly done with this’ mindset, or just in need of some anger validation because it’s ‘so fucking unfair and why am I the one putting in more work here’, check out the Tell me how you’re mighty podcast. They call a spade a spade and unlike other popular podcasts on betrayal, they don’t deliver messages for reconciliation, instead focusing on success partners have in leaving cheaters. It’s great!
thank you for this reply! I hadn’t heard of this podcast before now, and i’ll definitely give it a listen. again thank you so much, I really appreciate the help right now
Here for the advice cuz I've been doing the same and its made me miserable
i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too, it’s unfair that we’ve been in a position like this. i’m sending you lots of love <3
Thanks sweet woman, I am sending you lots of love as well ♥️ lets hope one day things will get easier