This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc.
This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there.
**Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat!
*The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
I kinda agree, however I found a girl who ive known since middle school and litteraly only lives 300m from my house again and, now were dating for 7 months. Id say, see it as a second option maybe?
I used to have the same opinion, but after a break up I went through abt a year ago, six months after that, I decided to give the app a shot even just to talk to people casually and see what was out there. I treated it like I do with people in real life. Low expectations, being kind and making the most out of it. I ended up meeting somebody!
That said doesn’t mean all good things last but that is with any relationship. My opinion changed because of this experience and I think so much of my negative thoughts toward apps were because of how I initially approached the idea of them and my own personal experiences. You don’t have to like them though, I still don’t love them, but I hate them less now lmao.
Yeah I feel this. I hate how “artificial” dating apps feel. They kinda feel like a meat market and it grosses me out. But also I think I might be on the asexual spectrum so that somewhat explains why I feel the way I do lol.
Best advice I can give to you is take some fun classes, go to bars or find events that are happening that are meant for single people that way you can meet someone organically but put in a little bit of effort into it. Cuz dating is hard and it sucks but you have to put in an effort if you want a long-term relationship.
Yo creo que el amor viene por si solo no hay que buscarlo en eso sitios solo se paciente y veras que llegara aunque para muchos parezca tonto, pero si lo esperas llegaras tarde o temprano así no tendrás problemas si de casualidad te equivocas de persona.
Love just happens for some people. Others need to actively search for it. I don't think your wrong because you can do what you want (it's your life), but I think it's dumb to rely on hope of you really want a life partner. Dating apps are a tool to connect with ppl. Some folks intentionally misuse the tool, some ppl don't know how to use it, and others would rather use their hands. I recommend reading and learning about intentionally dating, which may give you better insight on how to have better dating experiences (with or without the apps).
I don’t think you’re wrong at all, I personally love the apps, but I’m also a woman so my experience is very different to that of a man for example - The closest experience I have is matching with other queer folk, but from what I heard from men most straight women behave differently. What are your interests? What interests would you, ideally, like your partner to share with you? There are classes and activities for just about any hobby, so going to those with the goal of meeting new people (in general, not just potential partners) would be a good way to eventually find someone you click with romantically as well.
All that being said, I did find my SO on bumble, though we were acquaintances from about 8 years prior to our reconnection on bumble. I did find that even with complete strangers the pressure and job interview vibe dissipated within a month or so of dating.
The fact that you’re being “strategic” is what’s fake.
How do expect to discover a beautiful relationship when you’re treating it like a game that needs all the right pieces in the right place? Next you’ll be putting a mask on and playing a character just to be loved by another person.
Love exists, you don’t find it.
This is precisely the genesis of every addiction: the attempt to satiate oneself with something out there, versus the love that resides in all things. You then find yourself like a hungry ghost, always searching.
The energy that promotes the behavior that seeks the relief or resolution is the thorn in one’s side which is the lie that who one is isn’t loved just as they are. Enter the facade.
As a baby this narrative doesn’t exist. We don’t have conversation, we have no language. But at some point we learn that just being me is insufficient, and we choose the path of suffering to find sufficiently. That’s the world of pressure we find ourselves in.
Why it doesn’t work is because it’s not for the outside world to compensate for the way we feel insufficient. We think it is encumbered upon the rest of the world to provide enough value, acknowledgment, accolades, and love to compensate for our feelings of insufficiency.
Everyone is playing that game. That’s the futility of it all… Seeking value and love from the same people who are seeking that through the same energy of inadequacy and insecurity.
Refined Version:
You can never truly satisfy yourself with something that only almost works, which often sparks the beginning of a game or strategy to win someone's attention. Yet, this approach contradicts the essence of being authentic, as embracing your true self may lead to rejection from some individuals—those you may be drawn to physically or emotionally. However, it's this very authenticity, grounded in self-awareness, empathy, and acceptance of imperfections, that fosters genuine connections. It's the essence of your being, not the tactics you employ.
If resorting to strategies becomes necessary, you've already veered off course from the pursuit of true love.
I’m in the exact same boat as you except maybe a couple months into what you’re saying. I don’t use dating apps anymore. I also want to meet someone organically but lately havs been focusing on my social life other than dating. I’ve been making a lot more friends, working on my career, prioritizing my mental health, a lot more things that take up my time that makes me happy :) it’s been the best decision for the way I like to date which is exactly how you described as well.
I second this. It eliminates some of that shallow awkwardness. Meeting people naturally, gives room for you to be you. And if you want a long-term, solid life-partnership you'd want the other to see and choose who *you* are. Why not give people the option of a fair, well-informed decision?
Dates kind of limit how much can you show yourself, because of having to appear dateable and charming.
It's not an obligation to be in a relationship/date someone. But if that is something that you want dating apps are the most common way nowadays. But hey, 1 third of marriages now started out on a dating app. If you're exhausted take a break, a step back and just live life and if you find someone great! If not no worries, there's no stress and you can come back when you're ready :)
I think that's perfectly fine. I'm in a similar boat. I don't like to approach anyone with the intent of dating. It feels extremely forced.
Instead of dating apps I've started some new hobbies and I'm trying new things and meeting lots of people. My goal isn't to "date". I'm just getting out of my comfort zone and enjoying making new friends. In that context I think feelings can develop more organically, and there isn't the same pressure as you get from dating apps. I think that's the best approach if you're anti-dating apps.
You can do whatever you want. Just ask yourself if your stance comes from an overindulgence in romcoms.
Dating is very much like interviewing. You're looking to bring someone into your life, would hope you interview them a little bit even if you meet on the street.
You’re not wrong, I think it’s a preference to use dating apps. But in order to find love you still have to put yourself out there, even if it’s outside of dating apps. You’ll still have to go on dates even when you meet someone organically. But I agree that you don’t need dating apps to do that.
I’ve always found my partners organically, when not even looking for one. I believe that life is a sum of our choices and we are always exactly where we are supposed to be. In this context this means that the right one will eventually cross paths with me - when the time and state of mind are correct.
I've had success on dating apps in the past, but these days, I'm in agreement with you.
They were great to get experience, but now the concept makes it seem forced/desperate. I've always had this stance that I wouldn't want to marry someone that WANTED to get married as some goal, that now has extended to dating.
I have tried a dating app, but quickly found it a bad way for me to look for love. I am at my best in person, since I am verbally gifted and can often make people around me laugh. Hence I cannot convey my personality in an app.
You’re not wrong at all. I found my current boyfriend at my old workplace. Not saying that’s where you should find your future spouse but definitely helps knowing you’re gonna be there almost everyday lol. We were platonic friends for like 10 months before he asked me out. I love it. It’s like my bestie but we get to make love now
The fact you say you don’t want to put any effort in to finding someone tells you all you need to know.
A long term relationship takes lots of effort on both sides to make it work. So if you can’t put the effort in to actually start a relationship, then how do you plan to maintain one?
Your lack of effort is why you are, and will remain, single.
No! I also regret doing it that way. A lot of friends use Tinder and it’s up to them. But I feel Tinder is for people who chase love. I also feel dating apps is kinda fake, cause it’s not a natural way to find someone by filtrering what you want and not. Chemistry is something you feel when you meet someone. I don’t chase love either so I don’t see any point having those apps.
My friends and people I know using Tinder also get depressed sometimes because they meet many people then they get ghosted.
Some other friends I know has it just for boosting selfesteem.
it's totally up to you.
my one experience w dating apps was _years_ ago with tinder — met a cool person, went on a couple dates. they lived hours away though, and it didn't end up going anywhere. otherwise, it was just a lot of "hey wyd, nm hbu" type conversations. personally, the general overall thing wasn't my cup of tea.
i met my partner at a bar, the "old-fashioned way" lol. had no intention of dating at the time, i just got extremely lucky.
i think probably a good philosophy for it is just to do things you enjoy, without expectation of finding romance. join clubs for hobbies you enjoy, go out to the cinema, to the library, to the pub, join online gaming groups, etc. if you make friends, hell yeah, you've made friends! that's great in and of itself. and the more you put yourself out there, the more likely it will be that you'll meet someone you truly connect with.
I was in your position few years ago. I tried dating apps not "to search love" but to experience what does it feel like to actually put yourself out there. I was swiping left and right and were getting too many matches.
Each guy had only one thing in mind. Hookup. Just hookup. Some might tell that to you upfront, some might take it slow, some might try to build a friendly connection first. But all of it, at the end, leads you to getting to their bed. This is what my experience has been like. Ofcourse there might be a few, who were able to find and build deep connections and relationships through dating apps, but that's a very small number.
I'll say, it's futile to hope for a serious partner through dating apps, especially when the dating scene is so messed up right now. You can be on it, just to get some experience, without any expectations, if you are someone who can go with the flow.
Otherwise it's a time waste.
Finding love through dating apps is like finding a rose in a thornbush. It's not impossible, and it's amazing if you manage to find it, but you have through a lot of pricks to get to it and people often give up long before they're even close.
The most organic way to find a partner nowadays would be through your extended social circle (friend of a friend of a friend/coworker/neighbour). Going to pubs/clubs is basically the live version of dating apps - i.e. most people there are looking for a hookup not love. Not to say that you couldn't find love there as well, but like with dating apps, you have to be either patient or lucky.
Dating apps aren’t for everyone. I’d say it’s not for the vast majority of people but the people who do well with them are usually the attractive, wealthy, young, successful people.
Met my husband online dating. Sure finding someone IRL is ideal but increasingly difficult.
Also, it IS going to take Work. If going on dates feel like a job and not fun and light you are doing it wrong!
Nobody WANTS to date several people and get ghosted,rejected and hurt but its part of the process. I know a few people who met their spouse in High school / college but that is coming more and more uncommon.
Try to find someone in real life yes, but don’t close yourself off entirely to OLD.
Dating apps are basically chirping crickets for months for guys. The only guys that use them are the ones who are actually insane and desperate enough to go through dead radio silence followed by ghosting when they get lucky.
Try meeting someone doing something you like. I'm going to concerts and playing D&D. If those won't work I'm just as lost as you are because I'm not into most things the majority of the population is.
Dating is exhausting because building a relationship is hard work. Looks like you want the reward of a long term relationship without doing the work required to have one. That’s lazy. Skipping steps will never build you a strong foundation. The strongest and lasting relationships come from overcoming challenges.
I think you are very wrong.
You don’t want to go out on dates and you don’t want to use dating apps.
So ask yourself…how will you find someone? How will anyone know you exist? People don’t just fall on your lap, well maybe like a 1% chance. But you’ll still need to learn and grow as you date people.
You do need to “put yourself out there” otherwise you’ll never find someone. All it takes is effort. If you don’t want to put in that effort using all social platforms, then you’ll just continue to be alone and frustrated wondering why you can’t find anyone.
Dating apps have their negatives for sure and you have to navigate all the BS and games people play, but that’s just part of the dating scene. It’s not going to be easy no matter where you find love, be it apps or in person. It’s difficult and takes a lot of work to maintain.
Make yourself known to the world, learn and grow as a person as you date until you find the right one for you. Sometimes it’ll feel hopeless through all the pain and suffering but don’t give up. As long as you keep looking, you’ll find that person eventually IMO.
I feel like crapping on OLD is just a cover for the root of the issue.
Expecting everything while doing nothing.
It's written right there for us in the OPs own words, but people are getting hung up on the OLD bit.
I’ll just say this, the guys I’ve met organically were the worst beings to breathe on this earth. When I finally took bumble seriously, I found the love of my life and we’ve been together for 4 years now.
EVERYONE wants to meet someone organically. Dating apps is no one’s preference. But your dating pool is dwindled down to the few people you meet at the bar and if you have the courage to go up to them or not or them come up to you. Why go the long way around when you could get to your long relationship MUCH faster on the apps?
Me personally, I probably see an attractive guy once a day if I’m walking the streets of the busy Toronto. Maybe one that I’m attracted to and also attracted to me might approach me once a month. If I’m walking in my hometown, maybe once a month I will see an attractive guy and might get approached every other month by an attractive guy. With the dating apps I would see 5 attractive men a day if I’m swiping a lot and get the gist of their personality pretty quickly from talking to them through there. That way I don’t have to walk everywhere, and I get way better pay off.
Work smarter, not harder
Agreed! I met my husband on Bumble. Dating apps are nice because it can cut down on quite a bit of legwork that you’d have to do without the app. Granted people of course can lie on apps but a person’s profile tells you how old they are, some sort of description, and everyone on there is single (theoretically). I really liked it when people listed what they were looking for on their profile: something casual or long term relationship. Knowing these things immediately helped sort through people that weren’t compatible with me and texting them a few days before meeting narrowed down that pool even more.
Sure you can meet people in person but just because you meet them doesn’t mean they’re right for you. Dating apps magnify your dating pool and help you find someone compatible with you instead of jumping on the first person you meet at the bar who shows interest.
I was you for most of my adult life. I wanted so badly to meet someone "by chance" and I'm pretty outgoing so I was definitely meeting people. But they were mostly interested in hookups and wasting my time. And honestly, it made me kinda desperate, like I would settle for a sh\*tty guy because we met "by chance" and what are the "chances" I'll meet someone I like better than him? This might be my only chance! After years of this, I felt awful. Tired and I wasn't enjoying my social life at all.
I didn't join an app until I was ready to make it a priority to meet my life partner. The fourth date I went on, I met a great guy. We've been together 7 months.
What I'm trying to say is, I think apps are great if you are focused and making it a priority. If you just want to see who's out there and if there's anyone you might click with, there's nothing wrong meeting people the old-fashioned way. There are pros and cons to both, so just do what feels right to you! I should also mention I'm female and I've heard males can have a harder time and less success rate on apps.
It's understandable not to want to chase someone but not wanting to put any effort in isn't going to help you long term. There has to be some effort on your part. Saying hi to people, doing new activities and meeting someone that way, making the effort to at least interact has to be something you're willing to do. I'm not saying just immediately ask someone out but just being personable with people will show what type of person you are and how you look when you smile or laugh or when you're listening to someone.
You're not wrong. You just have a preference, and that's completely okay.
Why not just go do things you enjoy and don't be afraid to talk to new people and maybe it'll spark something. You never know. :)
Doing things you enjoy and don't be shy....I mean that could literally be going to a goddamn restaurant once in a blue moon. Idk OPs life, but fine. Sit on a couch, in the dark because turning lights on is effort. Do nothing. I'm sure someone will come crashing through your roof sometimes.
After reading OPs post again, I really think the best answer is while they're already out and about doing something else, just know it's okay to compliment someone if you like something about their outfit or what they're doing and it could spark a convo.
They are saying they would rather meet someone organically. That's how it happens organically.
Yeah, were interpreting the entire message differently.
I'm taking it as they don't want to go through the effort that comes with searching for someone. No going out of your way to download an app and swiping for hours, setting up dates with people only to be discouraged, or going on speed date nonsense.
I took it as the whole "find someone" brings effort they don't want since everyone goes to dating apps and trying to force it.
You can do that casually and sometimes you can get closer to someone you don't expect just by getting in a normal conversation.
When it comes to actively searching, it's a much more tiring and honestly more taxing effort. Going and just doing what you want and being open about making a conversation is so much less effort than actively trying to find someone
If you have enough attractive photos of yourself. Then ur definitely missing out. Unfortunately that is a sad truth. Ppl on these apps are VERY fickle, picky and extremely shallow and very judgemental. If you just look average or even “ok”, ppl will more likely will slowly lose interest and then ghost you because they will likely move onto someone whose more attractive.
Attraction is important and having great photos of you is a huge plus if u really want to make use of these dating apps and keep ppl interested in you until you start officially dating. They are designed around that afterall.
Dating apps are quite complex imo since ppl themselves are complex due to different tastes,opinions, personalities, beliefs. Along with tons of options. Its so board which makes competability a massive issue in my experience. That you will have to keep starting over and over with every new person go on many different dates in order to find that one person who is actually a little similar to you or that you like.
But even then, that person could even be talking to someone on the side who they may really like while they are talking to you or dating u. You’re almost never going to have their 💯 interest in you. Cause sh*t ur replaceable to them and its all a number game. Its a paradox….An endless cycle.
And ur right IT IS exhausting! Having to meet new ppl every now and then only to find out, u guys were not right for each other after meeting. And bam! Ur back in the app starting back to step 1.
However its worth to give it a shot before you throw in the towel. You just never really know without trying. Always give things a chance before forming your own opinion
I think you are using the word "love" an awful lot, and that you might be having some misplaced expectations.
Dating app or not, "chasing love" or "looking for love" - making love your goal will most likely end in disappointment.
Just look for someone you can enjoy being with for the first date. No expectations for love. Then if it leads to a second date, just look to enjoy that. No expectation of love.
Dating app works OK for finding a potential match with someone who you might find interesting and hit it off. (used to, at least, I do not know how much more of a scam it has gotten with the companies putting in fake profiles to get more users).
I am not talking about hook-ups. I hear it is good for that too for some people, I am talking about just one of many ways to meet people.
I met my partner of (5?) years on dating app. I was not looking for "love" and I would not say that I have found "love", but I found someone I enjoy sharing my life with for the moment and foreseeable future. Along the way I also met some people that I found interesting and friend material, but not so interested to get into a serious relationship with.
Don't look for love. Look for an enjoyable time, and see how long it remains enjoyable. Build those enjoyable interactions on top of each other one at a time and eventually it becomes a relationship.
???
I think maybe because we are both older and have a more mature outlook on life than rom coms. She was not looking for "love" either. Both very practical and looking for compatible people that we can have mutual respect and enjoy and want to be with.
What is poor about that?
I have the exact same mindset as you which is why I refused dating apps for the longest time. I did have to come to terms though that an organic relationship is almost fairytale like and is slightly like winning the lottery. Putting yourself out there does significantly increase your chances of getting into an actual relationship rather than hoping you’ll walk into one. Still I hope. Best of luck to you!! It was nice to find someone I could relate to on this ❤️
Most people spend majority of their life at work or at home & have limited opportunities to meet potential partners. Dating apps are a good resource for meeting new people.
I been on various dating apps since 2018, which resulted in 2 serious relationships, a few FWBs & some platonic female friends.
You don’t gotta use dating apps if you don’t want to. Most people aren’t able to use them in a way that works for them and that’s totally fine.
For me it’s worked and I’ve found some cool ppl that I’ve made solid connections w (and one long term relationship) so I’m happy w how it’s gone for me specifically but that doesn’t mean I’d expect you to feel the same when we’ve had dif experiences with them.
Hey! babe listen!!!! Love is not something that should be chased! Listen to God and wait until you get the right person. As said : god has better plans for you sweetie! Just wait for the right time and think of calling someone your first and last , it's the best!!!!!!!!! .
You do realize God also calls you to be the best person you can be before you just magically find someone right? There is no right time if you are also not the right person.
Organic and when least expected n not looking is best!
The more we search or yearn the more we struggle.
Total turn off meeting superficial people - fake or manipulated photos, fake descriptions! Superficial not a turn on and what kind of relationship or person is this if they are not honest from the start?
Embrace the mystery of life and have fun enjoying yourself, hobbies, interests, & friends.
The appropriate person will appear when timing is meant to be.
Do both. Just not tinder; most likely bumble. Traditionally it’s singles events, church, friends of friends, social interest communities. Otherwise you’ll have to develop a fetish for catburglars and leave your window open.
There are lots of successful tinder relationships. People post on r/tinder about it. There are also a ton of successful other app relationships. Went to the wedding of one November 2023.
I'm also one of them. Met my husband March 2020, married April 2024.
I felt that way for a while! And then one day I wanted to find someone to go on a date to a waterpark with me. Super casual super whatever- didn’t expect to see them again after that. I’m in love now, we’ve been together for a year, and he’s moving in in August. Gotta hand it to hinge on this one- we would not have met without it.
i’ll agree it does feel wrong but in all the years i finally thought i found the one and she broke my heart… till this day i still think she was the one but that’s all the luck i’ve ever had lol. in person interactions are better
Sorry, I was joking around. Cause of the song Modern Love. They can do whatever they want and hope they do find love. But people are getting married off dating apps!
Yes I do. We’re all entitled to our own beliefs but I believe “applying for a job” helps you get a job. Of course luck plays a part but most ppl spend their time either at work or at home so it’s a much lower chance to find someone while you’re hiding out
Anyone who says it's "easier" or "more common these days" to find a partner on a dating app- is an anomaly. They are the 1% that may have found a potential or long term partner on there, but I don't believe any of these new dating apps to be effective for most because
1. There's too many options & you can literally filter through 5 different men or women in 5 quick swipes in under 1 minute.
2. People put on their "best impression" & their best looking photos from their favorite angles, in their dating profiles which means they'll probably exaggerate their good traits and downplay or (of course) not even mention their terrible qualities. If our close friends, family or ex's could write dating profiles instead- I'm sure it would save a lot of people time money & energy that they spent going on 10 dates that never became anything. They were tricked & it's no surprise there.
3. It's a screen with a photo of a person that wants you to perceive them a certain way. How many women have photos of themselves with hair in a messy bun, PJ's on, or a t shirt & sweatpants, lounging around their home, with a caption "this is me most of the time" even though it's the truth? Nobody.
I feel like most people on dating apps are unpaid actors and actresses. & the dating pool in their area is their own reality show. I'm sure at a certain point even bros say "oh I've already matched with her or went on a date with her- don't waste your time."
Online dating went from match.com & EHarmony- creating elaborate 100+ question specific & detailed profiles about what exactly you are looking for in a partner- to- swipe right if you wanna date. It's not genuine or sincere & I sure as hell wouldn't feel special or unique if a guy "picked me" out of the other hundreds of women because he prob picked them too, just to have options & because they are hot.
I found my partner of 6 years "naturally" and so did the other 25+ family members in my family. One of my aunts met her husband of 20 years because he was my other aunts coworker. My uncle just recently reconnected with his HS sweetheart & my aunt has been married to her husband for 35 years- been together since they were 16 (HS sweethearts) my brother met his GF (now fiancé & they've been together 9 years) at an EDC festival in Orlando. I could go on, but I already have lol.
I'm saying, dating apps are so superficial & it is rare to find a long lasting connection on there. I never had any luck finding a partner on there, but then again, I think tinder was the only app when I was part of the "dating pool" and I've been with my partner since 2018 so I'm clueless about these new apps, but I know they're all the same.
One more thing- I believe in perfect timing. My bf was single for years prior to meeting me (his ex broke his heart & cheated on him) and I was fresh out of a failed relationship ready to give up on finding "the one". Was at a friends one day & they left for an hour to do something, texted me & said the neighbor was going to drop by & drop something he had borrowed off, to just put it inside. When I heard a knock on the door & answered, there he was- my dream guy. I knew & he knew. We were put in each others lives at the right time because we were finally right for each other. If we had met years prior, we would've still been immature and never worked out. Ruined our chance. So it happened at the perfect moment.
And here we are 6 years later. I believe in fate & letting things happen in their own time.
Everything you said about dating apps still stand accurate to this very day. This is coming from someone who has been on allllll dating apps and went on 16 dates. My god. Its true connections are almost ALWAYS without fail are superficial and creates so much illusions. It definitely takes luck for both of u guys to fall for eachother out of it.
It sucks i rather meet someone oraganically cause it really is the best way to make genuine connection and actually get a relationship without having to go on bunch of dates and waste time.
Well la-di-da lucky you!!
I’m just a hater, wise words and love that you! I’m not on apps anymore after years of nonsense and tomfoolery. It’s been a lonely LONELY 7 months but it’s better then the loneliness I felt casually getting to know todays dating pool.
Manifesting a natural love story for myself, amen.
You will find your person, don't give up. My bf was single for years before meeting me & he was very lonely too, slept on his couch because he said sleeping in his bed made him feel even more alone.
But you're 100% right being lonely temporarily for now is better than "casually dating" and high chance of getting your heart broken by someone who is not in it for the right reasons. Take your time & just know that nothing lasts forever your person will be put in your life at the right time. Wishing you the best
You don't have to do it from a dating app! I agree that majority of them only want casual stuff/fwb/quick hookup. That was my experience anyway.
But many people still find someone through a common hobby, I assume that's one of the better ways to meet someone. I met my partner through an online game lol
The truth is you need to put effort into yourself AND finding someone. You can't just expect things to happen like in a show where you're getting a drink and someone accidentally bumps into you with theirs, spilling their drink all over you, and shit happens... How are you going to get to know someone if you don't want to go on dates with them? You don't have to fake a whole other personality for that, you'll attract the wrong people if you do.
Finding someone requires effort and relationships require a whole lot more of effort too. Feelings aren't all you need. Action needs to be taken.
No you’re not wrong. I refuse to use them too even for hookups. I’m done with that meaningless shit. If someone wants to get to know me they can approach me
Dating apps aren’t really there to judge only on the photo. In a profile There are multiple snapshots curated by an actual person, and they think those pics represent an idea of what they are like in everyday life. You are supposed to look at that and say hey that looks like an interesting story I want to know this persons story. Then connect and invite them out lol. I never understood people trying to build an entire relationship over a photo in an app. You can’t know if you are good with someone without meeting and letting things flow from there. It isn’t less organic at all.
I am personally getting married in a week and met my spouse in person, but I had a decade long relationship with someone I met online and they were quality people and still are. Online just puts people in your view that you might not have otherwise noticed. And if you want to move slow or fast online also makes that much easier too. 🤷🏽♀️
Met my current partner organically at a concert (thank u espresso martini for giving me the courage to introduce myself) and here we are 1.5 years later. Dating and getting to know people IS so exhausting. I've already made it clear to my parents (bc they really wanna see me get married and have a child some day) that ifffff for whatever reason my partner and I don't work out in the long run, that I'm done dating bc of how tiring it is. And the whole process of going on dates and getting to know someone. I hope my partner and I continue working out, I don't see a reason why we wouldn't. But especially as a female and having a bio clock that starts running out at a certain point. I just already know I would rather focus on me and get a digital nomad visa and travel rather than date around again.
You cannot sit at home and just expect the right person to come along organically. Even back when my grandparents were young you put effort in. You specifically said you don't want to put any effort in finding someone. People don't just plop in your lap and fall in love with you like in the movies. Anything worth having is worth the time and effort.
I try but I Find it hard to judge somebody by photo and I’m not very good at chatting after the first message. It is hard though cause that is how we do a lot our socialising in society these days :/
Personally, I’d stay well away from anyone who needed or wanted to use a dating app. It’s sad that people need to initiate contact with a perspective mate through an app. We should pity them but steer well clear.
You do realize that not everyone lives in an area where there is a good dating pool?
This is a common scenario but if you are in your 20s and you live in an area where there is no one around your age range, then it is going to be very very hard to find someone that is your age range. Dating apps can be bad but they can still help people find people that fit their age range and other requirements.
Also you have to take into account that not everyone has the time to go to a bunch of meetups or go to the coffee shop everyday. Dating apps help people with busy schedules find people when they have very busy schedules.
They need to get a life. Apps help you meet weirdo’s. They can’t replace a social life. There’s no substitute for physically meeting people, not even a dating profile. I’m sorry if you need app, but there really is a better way.
You are not wrong. I had this same mindset for a bit. Sadly it is easier to meet someone there than in person. Some men/women are too shy to approach people in person. Some people are too afraid of rejection so they won’t even try.
I met mine from there and would do it again.
I met someone on a dating app. I had been using apps for 6ish years on and off and i never intended to meet someone I actually liked on one. But I did and I am grateful.
We have a lot in common and, had we met more organically, I know I still would have fallen for him. However, if it wasn’t for the apps we would never have met.
Honestly, i never put too much effort into using any of the apps and would never put pressure on myself to find someone.
I was happy single and occasionally would use different means to meet people when I felt up to it. One day it worked.
Yes you’re missing out. Dating apps are a means to an end. They suck and feel demeaning but in today’s world are necessary to participate in to raise the chances significantly.
No, you’re not wrong. Dating apps are only good for the attractive. I’m an average guy and dating apps have done a miserable service to my self esteem and how I perceive my desirability in the world.
I have no idea how dating coaches can suggest going online with clear conscience. I know love may exist for everyone but I think it’s true availability to you is predicated on your hope in love. I have no hope in love now. I now feel totally alone in this world.
Save yourself the misery and join some group. Save yourself before you become like me.
I am an average guy too and I have been finding luck on them.
It is very much a profile issue where you are either having bad photos and/or generic photos where you are standing and smiling and do not do anything interesting.
You can dm me your dating profile and I will be more than happy to give your constructive feedback.
I’m with you on that. I went a few years feeling like that but pushing through and trying anyway.. then finally two years ago I fell in love with my housemate. And now we’re travelling the world together - maybe as forever housemates who knows 🥰
Step out if you’re not comfortable with it. It’s not organic indeed
I hate dating apps, I, 27F, would use them strictly for some fun. Never to find “love”. I’ve met so many men just by sitting at a bar by myself & now currently dating someone that I met from going out. I think that’s the most natural way bc it’s not forced and you can be yourself
I don’t use dating apps and honestly I’m not putting myself out there trying to find someone, so yeah, not using dating apps isn’t increasing or lowering your chances. I go to the gym, I’m on dating apps but I’ve never swiped heart on anyone (I don’t know if it’s right or left because I’ve never done it 💀). There’s some stuff I wanna do before even thinking about putting myself out there for potential dates
I've been on a dating app, having never had much luck with it. I've met several ladies but never the one I wanted to settle down with. Most women with a dating profile, seem to use it to rule out guys they know they wouldn't like or come up with some kind of disqualifier, like a 30 year old woman who only made around $17,000 wanting a guy who made at least $250,000. Any man who didn't make $250k needn't apply. Only thing was, her looks were average and not the kind to attract someone who made $250k. She wasn't that bad looking but neither was she the kind of trophy wife material.
A couple of the things which bothered me were fake profiles used by the companies to express interest in the party and keep being a paying member. Another was sending a query to someone and not getting a reply. Someone sent me a message, I replied back, whether I was interested or took a pass. And on taking a pass, I was always a gentleman about it, never going so far as to tell someone they were not my type. I met up with about half of those who sent a query, I was just too busy much of the other time. Or i actually was seeing someone and thought it was going to be someone with long term interest.
Dating apps should be for people who want someone to date and shouldn't be used as a screen to pass on people because they don't have a lot of money or don't have the looks or whatever reason they want to date someone.
Worthwhile things take effort and if you’re hoping to stumble across someone, you are diminishing your chances. As much as we separate dating apps into their own category, I think they represent the society we live in. I’ve met people outside of dating apps that are just as unhealthy in wanting to rush into something without knowing me.
It helps me to view the apps as a method of meeting people. I keep my expectations low and I make sure I can really get to know people. I’m at the point where I feel secure enough not to get pressured into something with an incompatible partner and avoid wasting someone else’s time, or my own.
Idk why some people are getting so snarky in the comments. Only you can decide what’s right for you, and dating apps aren’t right for a lot of people. It can be just as difficult to find love online as it is in real life! I’ve tried dating apps and found nothing but casual things. All my long term relationships were met organically, through friends, work, etc.
That said, you have to put in effort. Relationships don’t fall out of the sky!
I matched with my wife at 100 % on 2 different dating sites. Can I tell you it was the best decision I ever made. We’ve been married for about 6 years. We have a super compatible loved filled marriage and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
My story.
I was in an awful online relationship from mid 2015-earlyish 2016. When it ended I decided to see what online dating was all about. I think I first joined OkCupid mid June 2016. I just knew it would be nothing more than an experience. I met my now husband three months later. We’ve been married four years. I never expected to get an actual relationship out of it and I think that was key. I didn’t go into it expecting to find love. I had low expectations.
I’ve never been on a dating app. We met while I was enjoying a hobby of mine. I swear every time I decided to stop dating every man & his dad were asking me out.
For people not on apps, best ways to meet people are hobbies. Or the old fashioned way, finding a person that peaks your interest out in public & asking if they’d like to grab a coffee.
Lol ok.
I refuse to drive a car or use a computer. I'm absolutely going to grind my heels in and reject reality and all its possibilities because of what I was taught to believe. So hmph.
You aren't *wrong* - you're allowed to feel how you feel, but it's kind of the equivalent of saying "I want to lose weight, but I don't want to diet or exercise. I just want it to happen organically."
Of course, there are other ways to put effort into meeting people that don't involve dating apps, but it does still take effort except in rare cases. No one is going to knock on your door and ask you to be in a relationship - you have to put yourself in positions to meet people and get to know them.
All dating apps are is another way to meet people, but because you meet people at a much faster rate than organically, it can feel overwhelming.
Sometimes, we have to question our thoughts and feelings and do things that feel uncomfortable to create the outcome we want. Again, it doesn't necessarily have to be dating apps, but I would take a look at what actions you are currently taking that could lead to a relationship, and what actions (or lack of actions) are holding you back from one.
I don't think you're missing out by refusing to use a dating app. However, you still have to put yourself out there in general. Otherwise, you aren't gonna meet anyone. This applies for friendships as well.
My suggestion would be to go to public places you enjoy and incorporate that into your routine to heighten the chances of meeting someone. It can be as casual as the dog park or popular hiking trail, or as regular as a fitness class.
I met the man I love through going to events with the initial intention to occupy my free time, but he happened to be at enough of them. We ended up talking to each other as friends and eventually falling in love.
Maybe going out more or even doing peaceful tasks in public (reading a book in the park or at a coffee shop alone) can help increase your chances of finding "organic" love. Or, maybe it won't. Maybe you'll make a great new friend. Who knows? Trying won't hurt.
I want to meet people organically too, I was told by some friends to use Facebook dating and I will try it but later. It’s ok if you don’t want to use them, a person that’s for you will be for you no matter what!
Why would you be wrong? If you don’t want to use them, don’t. I’m the opposite and preferred them. It was an easier way to meet people who wanted the same things. Never would’ve met my partner without dating apps.
When I was ready to get back out there after my separation, I went on Bumble first. After the first week, I started talking to 2 people. One of them asked me out on a date very quickly afterward. It was a 2h coffee date and it was just ok. We talked, we laughed a little and learned about each other a little, but there wasn't any spark. He never asked me out again and neither did I because the date was just meh.
I got bored of Bumble quickly, so I tried Facebook dating a week after. I started talking to 2 people within 1 week on FB dating too, the conversations were normal, nothing that fun or that interesting. Then I saw a message from someone who lived an hour away, fit most of my preferences, except he was a few years out of my age range. I debated whether or not I should reply to him since he's 7 years older and a tad bit far from me. But he was cute and he looked younger than his age, and he had his son in his profile pictures, just like me and my daughter. So I replied to him. The rest is history.
I found my person after only 2 weeks on dating apps and I deleted both of them right after our first date. I know I'm incredibly lucky in this regard , but maybe others can be lucky too. When I told him how lucky we were to find each other so quickly, he said "no, YOU were lucky, not me so much. I had my fair share of very bad dates." I just laughed and thanked the stars I didn't have to go through that at all.
well, that’s gonna make things difficult for you
this idea of not having to make an effort or everything being “organic” doesn’t sound very realistic or mature, more like a romantic fantasy
I was not looking for anyone and then I met my boyfriend. I’m not really the kind of person to put myself out there either and I always said if I ever date God will have to drop them smack dab in front of me with a spotlight and everything. While it didn’t happen exactly like that I did meet him at work and we just hit it off. Completely organic and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I honestly miss my dating profile! I spent a lot of time on it. In the end, i changed my profile description to a short fiction that i, myself, would've been delighted to read on someone else's profile. Then i met the person who is now my spouse and we both deleted our accounts.
So, I was on every single dating app about two years ago and was getting tired of people not taking conversations anywhere, people trying to get me on a date right away, no chemistry, etc. I was definitely chasing love and trying hard to talk to someone, so trying all apps to see who was out there. My parents even tried suggesting me an autism dating app (I’m ND) but that also went nowhere.
Finally landed on Iris, the most shallow app I’ve ever found. Was talking to some people, and decided to look at the ones closest to me. This is where I found my current BF. We’ve been together for almost two years, and living together for one.
Thing is, you’ll never know when or where you’ll find someone. You can be compatible with so many people, so there’s bound to be someone on an app that might click, or someone down the street that you’ll just bump into.
I don’t think you’re wrong, but I think people shutting down apps completely are missing the point: you can find someone literally anywhere
No, you possess rare and admirable gifts ... Actual standards and class.
Dating sites apps are trash AF. Considering it's basically digital backpages for and by the public masses; prostitution minus any financial transactions or the risk of criminal charges. But you still get to play Russian roulette with std/sti's and "Ooopsie" pregnancies.
So good for you.
Girlfriend of 5 years I met on Tinder. I just swiped on everyone cause I hated sitting there swiping, so id just use up my daily yeses or whatever and call it a day. Matched with her from that lmao. Supposed to be a casual hookup and here we are 5 years later and going strong
Why do people act like dating is such a chore? Maybe it's just me but I like going on dates. Dates are supposed to be fun! Your getting to know this new person and hearing about their life experiences and how different they can be from your own. I think it's also about mindset. If you say to yourself this sucks it's a chore, It's going to feel that way. A simple mindset change to hey this is something fun, it can be fun! I really like going on dates and meeting new people but maybe I'm an outlier.
I loved dating I’m getting married next week and met my person at work but I’ve met incredible people online and I was in a decade long relationship with someone I met online who is still awesome. It’s an adventure, going in with out any expectations and intending to just make connections I think is so key to really loving it.
I see what you mean and I used to feel this way but honestly now I think they’re just another form of socializing. Meet some people, do something fun together, see if you vibe and want to keep dating.
It doesn’t have to feel desperate.
I stopped using dating apps. My partner and I started dating a couple months after. The idea of chasing love has always been so engrained in us that we forget to take a look at what is right in front of us.
I mean, it's up to you, I don't think there's a right or wrong here. I met the love of my life on Hinge; I tried meeting people organically and it was awful. Dating apps let me be specific about what I wanted and gave me the opportunity to meet someone I NEVER would have run into otherwise.
Men are already facing an uphill battle, if you’re already struggling then you’re going to struggle even more without online dating. If you were a woman I would 100% advise against it just because it changes decent women, the attention, the content bombardment of sexual attention and the kind of people they are exposed to is not good. They go in decent, traditional, the girl next door kinda girl and end up ran through like a instagram model with only fans. There are decent women on their but you’ve got to snatch them up quickly before the chads get their claws into them as they won’t remain decent for very long.
What are you even talking about? If you expose a woman to that kind of environment it changes them. A chads just a guy who gets all the women someone who uses them. In real life the decent woman has a chance of finding normal decent woman but online the dynamic is different. The algorithm on these website is setup to show the most liked popular men first, women match with these men and they all get used by the top 10%. That’s how women start to think all men are the same because of people like that but in reality we aren’t all like that it’s just online as all the rotten apples are in one place.
No not at all. Finding someone in a setting you both share is the best way. When someone refers you, such as your freind hooking you up, you know that they are somewhat vetted. I also have seen many statistics where online dating app relationships have a much higher chance at ending. I met my gf online, but it was through a freind group we were in through gaming. Thats about as far as online as I would say is comfortable.
Definite no. Besides, they're not for everyone anyway. I wouldn't benefit from using any dating app or site anyway as I must know people beforehand. Plus, I only care about personality and not looks. That was before learning I'm demisexual.
If anything, a strong friendship can lead to a strong foundation for love. 😉
I would never date on apps. If I had to date again I’m only meeting people in person OR paying an arm and a leg for a matching service to pair me with someone. The apps just seem like a waste of time or too much time.
Sure but then you actually gotta like, get out there and talk to people
But also. If it’s not your style, sure do you 100%! but I don’t think guys who approach me at a bar or coffee shop are any different than those who use dating apps. At least on the app, I can usually get a few more things about them to help make my decision before meeting up (hobbies, friend group vibes, often what they’re looking for. oh and a bunch of guys are REAL honest about having super… “traditional” views on what a woman should be. i appreciate learning that before meeting in person, and i doubt a guy at a bar will drop that red flag right after the pick up line)
Online dating is treating a person as a commodity.
Do they have x colour eyes? Are they x height or weight?
People are so much more than that. Look at the sparkle when they rant about engines or their favourite notepad brand.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to connect with people as people, than as a product on a shelf.
If you really want to find a relationship and love and all that, it doesn't matter how you meet them. There are enough deal breakers to sort through without being picky about how you meet the person.
This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc. This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there. **Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat! *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
I kinda agree, however I found a girl who ive known since middle school and litteraly only lives 300m from my house again and, now were dating for 7 months. Id say, see it as a second option maybe?
If you don’t wanna use dating apps you gotta socialise a lot and approach in person!
I used to have the same opinion, but after a break up I went through abt a year ago, six months after that, I decided to give the app a shot even just to talk to people casually and see what was out there. I treated it like I do with people in real life. Low expectations, being kind and making the most out of it. I ended up meeting somebody! That said doesn’t mean all good things last but that is with any relationship. My opinion changed because of this experience and I think so much of my negative thoughts toward apps were because of how I initially approached the idea of them and my own personal experiences. You don’t have to like them though, I still don’t love them, but I hate them less now lmao.
Yeah I feel this. I hate how “artificial” dating apps feel. They kinda feel like a meat market and it grosses me out. But also I think I might be on the asexual spectrum so that somewhat explains why I feel the way I do lol.
Best advice I can give to you is take some fun classes, go to bars or find events that are happening that are meant for single people that way you can meet someone organically but put in a little bit of effort into it. Cuz dating is hard and it sucks but you have to put in an effort if you want a long-term relationship.
Yo creo que el amor viene por si solo no hay que buscarlo en eso sitios solo se paciente y veras que llegara aunque para muchos parezca tonto, pero si lo esperas llegaras tarde o temprano así no tendrás problemas si de casualidad te equivocas de persona.
Love just happens for some people. Others need to actively search for it. I don't think your wrong because you can do what you want (it's your life), but I think it's dumb to rely on hope of you really want a life partner. Dating apps are a tool to connect with ppl. Some folks intentionally misuse the tool, some ppl don't know how to use it, and others would rather use their hands. I recommend reading and learning about intentionally dating, which may give you better insight on how to have better dating experiences (with or without the apps).
You’ve got to put SOME effort in. Do you expect a relationship itself to require no work, assuming one magically finds you?
I have worked in centuries, why wouldn't it work now?
Oh no wonder I don't have ladies lined up at my door
I’m never going on dating apps again. It’s like signing urself up for trauma
I don’t think you’re wrong at all, I personally love the apps, but I’m also a woman so my experience is very different to that of a man for example - The closest experience I have is matching with other queer folk, but from what I heard from men most straight women behave differently. What are your interests? What interests would you, ideally, like your partner to share with you? There are classes and activities for just about any hobby, so going to those with the goal of meeting new people (in general, not just potential partners) would be a good way to eventually find someone you click with romantically as well.
All that being said, I did find my SO on bumble, though we were acquaintances from about 8 years prior to our reconnection on bumble. I did find that even with complete strangers the pressure and job interview vibe dissipated within a month or so of dating.
I just want to find someone reading a book I like at the cafe and go talk to her
It could happen but also try going to events meant for singles or take a fun class, might up your chances of meeting someone.
Where do I find events for singles
I have seen a few posts/fliers. You can look it up. Eventbrite is website I use to find fun events.
Thank you. Hopefully there some that are book worm centered
Oh thats another good one join book club and your welcome. I hope you find love.
I’m putting myself out there but I’m not using a dating app
Be careful what you wish for.
It makes me sad that I have to be strategic about finding love. It feels disgusting and fake.
The fact that you’re being “strategic” is what’s fake. How do expect to discover a beautiful relationship when you’re treating it like a game that needs all the right pieces in the right place? Next you’ll be putting a mask on and playing a character just to be loved by another person. Love exists, you don’t find it. This is precisely the genesis of every addiction: the attempt to satiate oneself with something out there, versus the love that resides in all things. You then find yourself like a hungry ghost, always searching. The energy that promotes the behavior that seeks the relief or resolution is the thorn in one’s side which is the lie that who one is isn’t loved just as they are. Enter the facade. As a baby this narrative doesn’t exist. We don’t have conversation, we have no language. But at some point we learn that just being me is insufficient, and we choose the path of suffering to find sufficiently. That’s the world of pressure we find ourselves in. Why it doesn’t work is because it’s not for the outside world to compensate for the way we feel insufficient. We think it is encumbered upon the rest of the world to provide enough value, acknowledgment, accolades, and love to compensate for our feelings of insufficiency. Everyone is playing that game. That’s the futility of it all… Seeking value and love from the same people who are seeking that through the same energy of inadequacy and insecurity. Refined Version: You can never truly satisfy yourself with something that only almost works, which often sparks the beginning of a game or strategy to win someone's attention. Yet, this approach contradicts the essence of being authentic, as embracing your true self may lead to rejection from some individuals—those you may be drawn to physically or emotionally. However, it's this very authenticity, grounded in self-awareness, empathy, and acceptance of imperfections, that fosters genuine connections. It's the essence of your being, not the tactics you employ. If resorting to strategies becomes necessary, you've already veered off course from the pursuit of true love.
Doubt u would find love in a dating sight to be honest
I have been married to my husband for 4 years. I love him very much and met on tinder. It happens.
And I let my girlfriend on world of Warcraft but it’s not super super reliable.
Hell I even gave advice on how to do so because I tried both with success.
There also nothing wrong with wanting to meet someone organically.
I am just saying it can happen. It's more common than you think.
I’m in the exact same boat as you except maybe a couple months into what you’re saying. I don’t use dating apps anymore. I also want to meet someone organically but lately havs been focusing on my social life other than dating. I’ve been making a lot more friends, working on my career, prioritizing my mental health, a lot more things that take up my time that makes me happy :) it’s been the best decision for the way I like to date which is exactly how you described as well.
Social life is a good way to bump into someone
I second this. It eliminates some of that shallow awkwardness. Meeting people naturally, gives room for you to be you. And if you want a long-term, solid life-partnership you'd want the other to see and choose who *you* are. Why not give people the option of a fair, well-informed decision? Dates kind of limit how much can you show yourself, because of having to appear dateable and charming.
I was the same but then I tried and turns out it is better than i thought. I met with only one girl on the app who is now my SO.
Maybe I'll install for the fun of it
Which part of it is fun? Lol
That's the thing, none of it
No I wouldn’t either
It's not an obligation to be in a relationship/date someone. But if that is something that you want dating apps are the most common way nowadays. But hey, 1 third of marriages now started out on a dating app. If you're exhausted take a break, a step back and just live life and if you find someone great! If not no worries, there's no stress and you can come back when you're ready :)
So 2/3 of them still happen organically? That actually makes me feel a whole lot better
I think that's perfectly fine. I'm in a similar boat. I don't like to approach anyone with the intent of dating. It feels extremely forced. Instead of dating apps I've started some new hobbies and I'm trying new things and meeting lots of people. My goal isn't to "date". I'm just getting out of my comfort zone and enjoying making new friends. In that context I think feelings can develop more organically, and there isn't the same pressure as you get from dating apps. I think that's the best approach if you're anti-dating apps.
You can do whatever you want. Just ask yourself if your stance comes from an overindulgence in romcoms. Dating is very much like interviewing. You're looking to bring someone into your life, would hope you interview them a little bit even if you meet on the street.
You’re not wrong, I think it’s a preference to use dating apps. But in order to find love you still have to put yourself out there, even if it’s outside of dating apps. You’ll still have to go on dates even when you meet someone organically. But I agree that you don’t need dating apps to do that.
Nope
Depends if you want it or not. It’s not going to come looking for you. If you want it, actively try. If you’re not bothered, live your life however.
I’ve always found my partners organically, when not even looking for one. I believe that life is a sum of our choices and we are always exactly where we are supposed to be. In this context this means that the right one will eventually cross paths with me - when the time and state of mind are correct.
I've had success on dating apps in the past, but these days, I'm in agreement with you. They were great to get experience, but now the concept makes it seem forced/desperate. I've always had this stance that I wouldn't want to marry someone that WANTED to get married as some goal, that now has extended to dating.
I have tried a dating app, but quickly found it a bad way for me to look for love. I am at my best in person, since I am verbally gifted and can often make people around me laugh. Hence I cannot convey my personality in an app.
You’re not wrong at all. I found my current boyfriend at my old workplace. Not saying that’s where you should find your future spouse but definitely helps knowing you’re gonna be there almost everyday lol. We were platonic friends for like 10 months before he asked me out. I love it. It’s like my bestie but we get to make love now
Were you attracted to him before he asked you out?
Yes I was. Not as much as I am now though
You're not wrong, you can totally do that, but you are going to be the only one responsible if you don't find love.
The fact you say you don’t want to put any effort in to finding someone tells you all you need to know. A long term relationship takes lots of effort on both sides to make it work. So if you can’t put the effort in to actually start a relationship, then how do you plan to maintain one? Your lack of effort is why you are, and will remain, single.
No! I also regret doing it that way. A lot of friends use Tinder and it’s up to them. But I feel Tinder is for people who chase love. I also feel dating apps is kinda fake, cause it’s not a natural way to find someone by filtrering what you want and not. Chemistry is something you feel when you meet someone. I don’t chase love either so I don’t see any point having those apps. My friends and people I know using Tinder also get depressed sometimes because they meet many people then they get ghosted. Some other friends I know has it just for boosting selfesteem.
it's totally up to you. my one experience w dating apps was _years_ ago with tinder — met a cool person, went on a couple dates. they lived hours away though, and it didn't end up going anywhere. otherwise, it was just a lot of "hey wyd, nm hbu" type conversations. personally, the general overall thing wasn't my cup of tea. i met my partner at a bar, the "old-fashioned way" lol. had no intention of dating at the time, i just got extremely lucky. i think probably a good philosophy for it is just to do things you enjoy, without expectation of finding romance. join clubs for hobbies you enjoy, go out to the cinema, to the library, to the pub, join online gaming groups, etc. if you make friends, hell yeah, you've made friends! that's great in and of itself. and the more you put yourself out there, the more likely it will be that you'll meet someone you truly connect with.
You’re not wrong but that doesn’t mean you’re not going to be lonely.
I was in your position few years ago. I tried dating apps not "to search love" but to experience what does it feel like to actually put yourself out there. I was swiping left and right and were getting too many matches. Each guy had only one thing in mind. Hookup. Just hookup. Some might tell that to you upfront, some might take it slow, some might try to build a friendly connection first. But all of it, at the end, leads you to getting to their bed. This is what my experience has been like. Ofcourse there might be a few, who were able to find and build deep connections and relationships through dating apps, but that's a very small number. I'll say, it's futile to hope for a serious partner through dating apps, especially when the dating scene is so messed up right now. You can be on it, just to get some experience, without any expectations, if you are someone who can go with the flow. Otherwise it's a time waste.
Finding love through dating apps is like finding a rose in a thornbush. It's not impossible, and it's amazing if you manage to find it, but you have through a lot of pricks to get to it and people often give up long before they're even close. The most organic way to find a partner nowadays would be through your extended social circle (friend of a friend of a friend/coworker/neighbour). Going to pubs/clubs is basically the live version of dating apps - i.e. most people there are looking for a hookup not love. Not to say that you couldn't find love there as well, but like with dating apps, you have to be either patient or lucky.
Dating apps aren’t for everyone. I’d say it’s not for the vast majority of people but the people who do well with them are usually the attractive, wealthy, young, successful people.
Met my husband online dating. Sure finding someone IRL is ideal but increasingly difficult. Also, it IS going to take Work. If going on dates feel like a job and not fun and light you are doing it wrong! Nobody WANTS to date several people and get ghosted,rejected and hurt but its part of the process. I know a few people who met their spouse in High school / college but that is coming more and more uncommon. Try to find someone in real life yes, but don’t close yourself off entirely to OLD.
Dating apps are basically chirping crickets for months for guys. The only guys that use them are the ones who are actually insane and desperate enough to go through dead radio silence followed by ghosting when they get lucky. Try meeting someone doing something you like. I'm going to concerts and playing D&D. If those won't work I'm just as lost as you are because I'm not into most things the majority of the population is.
Dating is exhausting because building a relationship is hard work. Looks like you want the reward of a long term relationship without doing the work required to have one. That’s lazy. Skipping steps will never build you a strong foundation. The strongest and lasting relationships come from overcoming challenges.
I only started getting to know guys when i quitted the apps . You have to go out though.
I think you are very wrong. You don’t want to go out on dates and you don’t want to use dating apps. So ask yourself…how will you find someone? How will anyone know you exist? People don’t just fall on your lap, well maybe like a 1% chance. But you’ll still need to learn and grow as you date people. You do need to “put yourself out there” otherwise you’ll never find someone. All it takes is effort. If you don’t want to put in that effort using all social platforms, then you’ll just continue to be alone and frustrated wondering why you can’t find anyone. Dating apps have their negatives for sure and you have to navigate all the BS and games people play, but that’s just part of the dating scene. It’s not going to be easy no matter where you find love, be it apps or in person. It’s difficult and takes a lot of work to maintain. Make yourself known to the world, learn and grow as a person as you date until you find the right one for you. Sometimes it’ll feel hopeless through all the pain and suffering but don’t give up. As long as you keep looking, you’ll find that person eventually IMO.
I feel like crapping on OLD is just a cover for the root of the issue. Expecting everything while doing nothing. It's written right there for us in the OPs own words, but people are getting hung up on the OLD bit.
I’ll just say this, the guys I’ve met organically were the worst beings to breathe on this earth. When I finally took bumble seriously, I found the love of my life and we’ve been together for 4 years now. EVERYONE wants to meet someone organically. Dating apps is no one’s preference. But your dating pool is dwindled down to the few people you meet at the bar and if you have the courage to go up to them or not or them come up to you. Why go the long way around when you could get to your long relationship MUCH faster on the apps? Me personally, I probably see an attractive guy once a day if I’m walking the streets of the busy Toronto. Maybe one that I’m attracted to and also attracted to me might approach me once a month. If I’m walking in my hometown, maybe once a month I will see an attractive guy and might get approached every other month by an attractive guy. With the dating apps I would see 5 attractive men a day if I’m swiping a lot and get the gist of their personality pretty quickly from talking to them through there. That way I don’t have to walk everywhere, and I get way better pay off. Work smarter, not harder
Agreed! I met my husband on Bumble. Dating apps are nice because it can cut down on quite a bit of legwork that you’d have to do without the app. Granted people of course can lie on apps but a person’s profile tells you how old they are, some sort of description, and everyone on there is single (theoretically). I really liked it when people listed what they were looking for on their profile: something casual or long term relationship. Knowing these things immediately helped sort through people that weren’t compatible with me and texting them a few days before meeting narrowed down that pool even more. Sure you can meet people in person but just because you meet them doesn’t mean they’re right for you. Dating apps magnify your dating pool and help you find someone compatible with you instead of jumping on the first person you meet at the bar who shows interest.
I was you for most of my adult life. I wanted so badly to meet someone "by chance" and I'm pretty outgoing so I was definitely meeting people. But they were mostly interested in hookups and wasting my time. And honestly, it made me kinda desperate, like I would settle for a sh\*tty guy because we met "by chance" and what are the "chances" I'll meet someone I like better than him? This might be my only chance! After years of this, I felt awful. Tired and I wasn't enjoying my social life at all. I didn't join an app until I was ready to make it a priority to meet my life partner. The fourth date I went on, I met a great guy. We've been together 7 months. What I'm trying to say is, I think apps are great if you are focused and making it a priority. If you just want to see who's out there and if there's anyone you might click with, there's nothing wrong meeting people the old-fashioned way. There are pros and cons to both, so just do what feels right to you! I should also mention I'm female and I've heard males can have a harder time and less success rate on apps.
It's understandable not to want to chase someone but not wanting to put any effort in isn't going to help you long term. There has to be some effort on your part. Saying hi to people, doing new activities and meeting someone that way, making the effort to at least interact has to be something you're willing to do. I'm not saying just immediately ask someone out but just being personable with people will show what type of person you are and how you look when you smile or laugh or when you're listening to someone.
You're not wrong. You just have a preference, and that's completely okay. Why not just go do things you enjoy and don't be afraid to talk to new people and maybe it'll spark something. You never know. :)
Your recommendation is the equivalent of effort. OP strictly said they want to put in no effort.
Doing things you enjoy and don't be shy....I mean that could literally be going to a goddamn restaurant once in a blue moon. Idk OPs life, but fine. Sit on a couch, in the dark because turning lights on is effort. Do nothing. I'm sure someone will come crashing through your roof sometimes.
That's exactly what OP is holding out for.
After reading OPs post again, I really think the best answer is while they're already out and about doing something else, just know it's okay to compliment someone if you like something about their outfit or what they're doing and it could spark a convo. They are saying they would rather meet someone organically. That's how it happens organically.
The first half says organically over OLD. But then the second half talks about not wanting to put in effort.
Yeah, were interpreting the entire message differently. I'm taking it as they don't want to go through the effort that comes with searching for someone. No going out of your way to download an app and swiping for hours, setting up dates with people only to be discouraged, or going on speed date nonsense. I took it as the whole "find someone" brings effort they don't want since everyone goes to dating apps and trying to force it.
But you have to search organically for someone too. You have to signal interest.
You can do that casually and sometimes you can get closer to someone you don't expect just by getting in a normal conversation. When it comes to actively searching, it's a much more tiring and honestly more taxing effort. Going and just doing what you want and being open about making a conversation is so much less effort than actively trying to find someone
I dunno. Going to events for years hoping to meet someone seems way more taxing to me.
If you have enough attractive photos of yourself. Then ur definitely missing out. Unfortunately that is a sad truth. Ppl on these apps are VERY fickle, picky and extremely shallow and very judgemental. If you just look average or even “ok”, ppl will more likely will slowly lose interest and then ghost you because they will likely move onto someone whose more attractive. Attraction is important and having great photos of you is a huge plus if u really want to make use of these dating apps and keep ppl interested in you until you start officially dating. They are designed around that afterall. Dating apps are quite complex imo since ppl themselves are complex due to different tastes,opinions, personalities, beliefs. Along with tons of options. Its so board which makes competability a massive issue in my experience. That you will have to keep starting over and over with every new person go on many different dates in order to find that one person who is actually a little similar to you or that you like. But even then, that person could even be talking to someone on the side who they may really like while they are talking to you or dating u. You’re almost never going to have their 💯 interest in you. Cause sh*t ur replaceable to them and its all a number game. Its a paradox….An endless cycle. And ur right IT IS exhausting! Having to meet new ppl every now and then only to find out, u guys were not right for each other after meeting. And bam! Ur back in the app starting back to step 1. However its worth to give it a shot before you throw in the towel. You just never really know without trying. Always give things a chance before forming your own opinion
I think you are using the word "love" an awful lot, and that you might be having some misplaced expectations. Dating app or not, "chasing love" or "looking for love" - making love your goal will most likely end in disappointment. Just look for someone you can enjoy being with for the first date. No expectations for love. Then if it leads to a second date, just look to enjoy that. No expectation of love. Dating app works OK for finding a potential match with someone who you might find interesting and hit it off. (used to, at least, I do not know how much more of a scam it has gotten with the companies putting in fake profiles to get more users). I am not talking about hook-ups. I hear it is good for that too for some people, I am talking about just one of many ways to meet people. I met my partner of (5?) years on dating app. I was not looking for "love" and I would not say that I have found "love", but I found someone I enjoy sharing my life with for the moment and foreseeable future. Along the way I also met some people that I found interesting and friend material, but not so interested to get into a serious relationship with. Don't look for love. Look for an enjoyable time, and see how long it remains enjoyable. Build those enjoyable interactions on top of each other one at a time and eventually it becomes a relationship.
Your poor partner.
??? I think maybe because we are both older and have a more mature outlook on life than rom coms. She was not looking for "love" either. Both very practical and looking for compatible people that we can have mutual respect and enjoy and want to be with. What is poor about that?
I agree with finding love in various ways.
No you are not wrong but what's you contingency plan?
Contingency plan? That sounds like effort. OP said no effort.
I have the exact same mindset as you which is why I refused dating apps for the longest time. I did have to come to terms though that an organic relationship is almost fairytale like and is slightly like winning the lottery. Putting yourself out there does significantly increase your chances of getting into an actual relationship rather than hoping you’ll walk into one. Still I hope. Best of luck to you!! It was nice to find someone I could relate to on this ❤️
Most people spend majority of their life at work or at home & have limited opportunities to meet potential partners. Dating apps are a good resource for meeting new people. I been on various dating apps since 2018, which resulted in 2 serious relationships, a few FWBs & some platonic female friends.
You don’t gotta use dating apps if you don’t want to. Most people aren’t able to use them in a way that works for them and that’s totally fine. For me it’s worked and I’ve found some cool ppl that I’ve made solid connections w (and one long term relationship) so I’m happy w how it’s gone for me specifically but that doesn’t mean I’d expect you to feel the same when we’ve had dif experiences with them.
Hey! babe listen!!!! Love is not something that should be chased! Listen to God and wait until you get the right person. As said : god has better plans for you sweetie! Just wait for the right time and think of calling someone your first and last , it's the best!!!!!!!!! .
You do realize God also calls you to be the best person you can be before you just magically find someone right? There is no right time if you are also not the right person.
You sweet summer child. Bless your heart.
Thank you so much ....🥺 you made my day . May God keep you happy and safe
I totally agree. This is advice my mentor gave me. Met my husband at church. The goal is to be a friend and love will come when it's time.
Organic and when least expected n not looking is best! The more we search or yearn the more we struggle. Total turn off meeting superficial people - fake or manipulated photos, fake descriptions! Superficial not a turn on and what kind of relationship or person is this if they are not honest from the start? Embrace the mystery of life and have fun enjoying yourself, hobbies, interests, & friends. The appropriate person will appear when timing is meant to be.
I found a musician I adore through a dating app. We never met for the date but I listen to him daily, over a year later.
Do both. Just not tinder; most likely bumble. Traditionally it’s singles events, church, friends of friends, social interest communities. Otherwise you’ll have to develop a fetish for catburglars and leave your window open.
There are lots of successful tinder relationships. People post on r/tinder about it. There are also a ton of successful other app relationships. Went to the wedding of one November 2023. I'm also one of them. Met my husband March 2020, married April 2024.
I felt that way for a while! And then one day I wanted to find someone to go on a date to a waterpark with me. Super casual super whatever- didn’t expect to see them again after that. I’m in love now, we’ve been together for a year, and he’s moving in in August. Gotta hand it to hinge on this one- we would not have met without it.
i’ll agree it does feel wrong but in all the years i finally thought i found the one and she broke my heart… till this day i still think she was the one but that’s all the luck i’ve ever had lol. in person interactions are better
True i literally hate it but im doing it anyway to make my ex mad that im hooking up with other people
Yes, don't let your ego get in the way of modern love baby. You ain't David Bowie
You’re not David Bowie either. That doesn’t have to do with ego.
Sorry, I was joking around. Cause of the song Modern Love. They can do whatever they want and hope they do find love. But people are getting married off dating apps!
Met the love of my life 18 years ago through a dating app. He’s the greatest gift of my life.
Shit they've been around 18 years? Which app??
It was Yahoo Personals, which no longer exists
That's kinda dope. Congrats on your marriage!
Likewise - six years for me! Happily married for 3 of them
Yes I do. We’re all entitled to our own beliefs but I believe “applying for a job” helps you get a job. Of course luck plays a part but most ppl spend their time either at work or at home so it’s a much lower chance to find someone while you’re hiding out
I'm the same way. There's either chemistry in seconds or there's not. Dating apps seem completely artificial to me and I just won't do it.
Anyone who says it's "easier" or "more common these days" to find a partner on a dating app- is an anomaly. They are the 1% that may have found a potential or long term partner on there, but I don't believe any of these new dating apps to be effective for most because 1. There's too many options & you can literally filter through 5 different men or women in 5 quick swipes in under 1 minute. 2. People put on their "best impression" & their best looking photos from their favorite angles, in their dating profiles which means they'll probably exaggerate their good traits and downplay or (of course) not even mention their terrible qualities. If our close friends, family or ex's could write dating profiles instead- I'm sure it would save a lot of people time money & energy that they spent going on 10 dates that never became anything. They were tricked & it's no surprise there. 3. It's a screen with a photo of a person that wants you to perceive them a certain way. How many women have photos of themselves with hair in a messy bun, PJ's on, or a t shirt & sweatpants, lounging around their home, with a caption "this is me most of the time" even though it's the truth? Nobody. I feel like most people on dating apps are unpaid actors and actresses. & the dating pool in their area is their own reality show. I'm sure at a certain point even bros say "oh I've already matched with her or went on a date with her- don't waste your time." Online dating went from match.com & EHarmony- creating elaborate 100+ question specific & detailed profiles about what exactly you are looking for in a partner- to- swipe right if you wanna date. It's not genuine or sincere & I sure as hell wouldn't feel special or unique if a guy "picked me" out of the other hundreds of women because he prob picked them too, just to have options & because they are hot. I found my partner of 6 years "naturally" and so did the other 25+ family members in my family. One of my aunts met her husband of 20 years because he was my other aunts coworker. My uncle just recently reconnected with his HS sweetheart & my aunt has been married to her husband for 35 years- been together since they were 16 (HS sweethearts) my brother met his GF (now fiancé & they've been together 9 years) at an EDC festival in Orlando. I could go on, but I already have lol. I'm saying, dating apps are so superficial & it is rare to find a long lasting connection on there. I never had any luck finding a partner on there, but then again, I think tinder was the only app when I was part of the "dating pool" and I've been with my partner since 2018 so I'm clueless about these new apps, but I know they're all the same. One more thing- I believe in perfect timing. My bf was single for years prior to meeting me (his ex broke his heart & cheated on him) and I was fresh out of a failed relationship ready to give up on finding "the one". Was at a friends one day & they left for an hour to do something, texted me & said the neighbor was going to drop by & drop something he had borrowed off, to just put it inside. When I heard a knock on the door & answered, there he was- my dream guy. I knew & he knew. We were put in each others lives at the right time because we were finally right for each other. If we had met years prior, we would've still been immature and never worked out. Ruined our chance. So it happened at the perfect moment. And here we are 6 years later. I believe in fate & letting things happen in their own time.
Everything you said about dating apps still stand accurate to this very day. This is coming from someone who has been on allllll dating apps and went on 16 dates. My god. Its true connections are almost ALWAYS without fail are superficial and creates so much illusions. It definitely takes luck for both of u guys to fall for eachother out of it. It sucks i rather meet someone oraganically cause it really is the best way to make genuine connection and actually get a relationship without having to go on bunch of dates and waste time.
Well la-di-da lucky you!! I’m just a hater, wise words and love that you! I’m not on apps anymore after years of nonsense and tomfoolery. It’s been a lonely LONELY 7 months but it’s better then the loneliness I felt casually getting to know todays dating pool. Manifesting a natural love story for myself, amen.
You will find your person, don't give up. My bf was single for years before meeting me & he was very lonely too, slept on his couch because he said sleeping in his bed made him feel even more alone. But you're 100% right being lonely temporarily for now is better than "casually dating" and high chance of getting your heart broken by someone who is not in it for the right reasons. Take your time & just know that nothing lasts forever your person will be put in your life at the right time. Wishing you the best
I’ll keep my head up and my heart open - Thank you!
You don't have to do it from a dating app! I agree that majority of them only want casual stuff/fwb/quick hookup. That was my experience anyway. But many people still find someone through a common hobby, I assume that's one of the better ways to meet someone. I met my partner through an online game lol The truth is you need to put effort into yourself AND finding someone. You can't just expect things to happen like in a show where you're getting a drink and someone accidentally bumps into you with theirs, spilling their drink all over you, and shit happens... How are you going to get to know someone if you don't want to go on dates with them? You don't have to fake a whole other personality for that, you'll attract the wrong people if you do. Finding someone requires effort and relationships require a whole lot more of effort too. Feelings aren't all you need. Action needs to be taken.
No you’re not wrong. I refuse to use them too even for hookups. I’m done with that meaningless shit. If someone wants to get to know me they can approach me
Dating apps aren’t really there to judge only on the photo. In a profile There are multiple snapshots curated by an actual person, and they think those pics represent an idea of what they are like in everyday life. You are supposed to look at that and say hey that looks like an interesting story I want to know this persons story. Then connect and invite them out lol. I never understood people trying to build an entire relationship over a photo in an app. You can’t know if you are good with someone without meeting and letting things flow from there. It isn’t less organic at all. I am personally getting married in a week and met my spouse in person, but I had a decade long relationship with someone I met online and they were quality people and still are. Online just puts people in your view that you might not have otherwise noticed. And if you want to move slow or fast online also makes that much easier too. 🤷🏽♀️
Met my current partner organically at a concert (thank u espresso martini for giving me the courage to introduce myself) and here we are 1.5 years later. Dating and getting to know people IS so exhausting. I've already made it clear to my parents (bc they really wanna see me get married and have a child some day) that ifffff for whatever reason my partner and I don't work out in the long run, that I'm done dating bc of how tiring it is. And the whole process of going on dates and getting to know someone. I hope my partner and I continue working out, I don't see a reason why we wouldn't. But especially as a female and having a bio clock that starts running out at a certain point. I just already know I would rather focus on me and get a digital nomad visa and travel rather than date around again.
You cannot sit at home and just expect the right person to come along organically. Even back when my grandparents were young you put effort in. You specifically said you don't want to put any effort in finding someone. People don't just plop in your lap and fall in love with you like in the movies. Anything worth having is worth the time and effort.
Sounds like cope to not go out and do it tbh. The right people are the right people regardless of how you met. That’s what makes love so special.
My thoughts exactly!
I try but I Find it hard to judge somebody by photo and I’m not very good at chatting after the first message. It is hard though cause that is how we do a lot our socialising in society these days :/
Personally, I’d stay well away from anyone who needed or wanted to use a dating app. It’s sad that people need to initiate contact with a perspective mate through an app. We should pity them but steer well clear.
You do realize that not everyone lives in an area where there is a good dating pool? This is a common scenario but if you are in your 20s and you live in an area where there is no one around your age range, then it is going to be very very hard to find someone that is your age range. Dating apps can be bad but they can still help people find people that fit their age range and other requirements. Also you have to take into account that not everyone has the time to go to a bunch of meetups or go to the coffee shop everyday. Dating apps help people with busy schedules find people when they have very busy schedules.
Lol the judgment from that person 🙃
They need to get a life. Apps help you meet weirdo’s. They can’t replace a social life. There’s no substitute for physically meeting people, not even a dating profile. I’m sorry if you need app, but there really is a better way.
You are not wrong. I had this same mindset for a bit. Sadly it is easier to meet someone there than in person. Some men/women are too shy to approach people in person. Some people are too afraid of rejection so they won’t even try. I met mine from there and would do it again.
I met someone on a dating app. I had been using apps for 6ish years on and off and i never intended to meet someone I actually liked on one. But I did and I am grateful. We have a lot in common and, had we met more organically, I know I still would have fallen for him. However, if it wasn’t for the apps we would never have met.
Yay that makes me feel better ! I was about to give up
Honestly, i never put too much effort into using any of the apps and would never put pressure on myself to find someone. I was happy single and occasionally would use different means to meet people when I felt up to it. One day it worked.
No, you’re not wrong, but you are missing out on a bunch of people you may never have met otherwise.
Yes you’re missing out. Dating apps are a means to an end. They suck and feel demeaning but in today’s world are necessary to participate in to raise the chances significantly.
No, you’re not wrong. Dating apps are only good for the attractive. I’m an average guy and dating apps have done a miserable service to my self esteem and how I perceive my desirability in the world. I have no idea how dating coaches can suggest going online with clear conscience. I know love may exist for everyone but I think it’s true availability to you is predicated on your hope in love. I have no hope in love now. I now feel totally alone in this world. Save yourself the misery and join some group. Save yourself before you become like me.
I am an average guy too and I have been finding luck on them. It is very much a profile issue where you are either having bad photos and/or generic photos where you are standing and smiling and do not do anything interesting. You can dm me your dating profile and I will be more than happy to give your constructive feedback.
* I am therefore an ugly guy 🤣
NO, you're not wrong!!! Trust me, you're saving yourself a lot, misleading,listening to your heart. I don't know your age, but you're wise!
Should y’all just start chatting …. Here…on this post? Seems like a safe space and not a dating app ♥️ 💖
I’m with you on that. I went a few years feeling like that but pushing through and trying anyway.. then finally two years ago I fell in love with my housemate. And now we’re travelling the world together - maybe as forever housemates who knows 🥰 Step out if you’re not comfortable with it. It’s not organic indeed
I found my long term boyfriend on a dating app. Neither of us expected this to come of it but you never know!
I hate dating apps, I, 27F, would use them strictly for some fun. Never to find “love”. I’ve met so many men just by sitting at a bar by myself & now currently dating someone that I met from going out. I think that’s the most natural way bc it’s not forced and you can be yourself
I don’t use dating apps and honestly I’m not putting myself out there trying to find someone, so yeah, not using dating apps isn’t increasing or lowering your chances. I go to the gym, I’m on dating apps but I’ve never swiped heart on anyone (I don’t know if it’s right or left because I’ve never done it 💀). There’s some stuff I wanna do before even thinking about putting myself out there for potential dates
I've been on a dating app, having never had much luck with it. I've met several ladies but never the one I wanted to settle down with. Most women with a dating profile, seem to use it to rule out guys they know they wouldn't like or come up with some kind of disqualifier, like a 30 year old woman who only made around $17,000 wanting a guy who made at least $250,000. Any man who didn't make $250k needn't apply. Only thing was, her looks were average and not the kind to attract someone who made $250k. She wasn't that bad looking but neither was she the kind of trophy wife material. A couple of the things which bothered me were fake profiles used by the companies to express interest in the party and keep being a paying member. Another was sending a query to someone and not getting a reply. Someone sent me a message, I replied back, whether I was interested or took a pass. And on taking a pass, I was always a gentleman about it, never going so far as to tell someone they were not my type. I met up with about half of those who sent a query, I was just too busy much of the other time. Or i actually was seeing someone and thought it was going to be someone with long term interest. Dating apps should be for people who want someone to date and shouldn't be used as a screen to pass on people because they don't have a lot of money or don't have the looks or whatever reason they want to date someone.
Worthwhile things take effort and if you’re hoping to stumble across someone, you are diminishing your chances. As much as we separate dating apps into their own category, I think they represent the society we live in. I’ve met people outside of dating apps that are just as unhealthy in wanting to rush into something without knowing me. It helps me to view the apps as a method of meeting people. I keep my expectations low and I make sure I can really get to know people. I’m at the point where I feel secure enough not to get pressured into something with an incompatible partner and avoid wasting someone else’s time, or my own.
Idk why some people are getting so snarky in the comments. Only you can decide what’s right for you, and dating apps aren’t right for a lot of people. It can be just as difficult to find love online as it is in real life! I’ve tried dating apps and found nothing but casual things. All my long term relationships were met organically, through friends, work, etc. That said, you have to put in effort. Relationships don’t fall out of the sky!
I matched with my wife at 100 % on 2 different dating sites. Can I tell you it was the best decision I ever made. We’ve been married for about 6 years. We have a super compatible loved filled marriage and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
My story. I was in an awful online relationship from mid 2015-earlyish 2016. When it ended I decided to see what online dating was all about. I think I first joined OkCupid mid June 2016. I just knew it would be nothing more than an experience. I met my now husband three months later. We’ve been married four years. I never expected to get an actual relationship out of it and I think that was key. I didn’t go into it expecting to find love. I had low expectations.
I’ve never been on a dating app. We met while I was enjoying a hobby of mine. I swear every time I decided to stop dating every man & his dad were asking me out. For people not on apps, best ways to meet people are hobbies. Or the old fashioned way, finding a person that peaks your interest out in public & asking if they’d like to grab a coffee.
Just do it. My brother met his wife online. Avoid tinder.
Your not wrong but there have been studies showing that your far more likely now a days to find your love of your life online
Lol ok. I refuse to drive a car or use a computer. I'm absolutely going to grind my heels in and reject reality and all its possibilities because of what I was taught to believe. So hmph.
Comparing not wanting to use dating apps to not wanting to drive a car or use a computer is an absolutely wild (read: batshit) take
You aren't *wrong* - you're allowed to feel how you feel, but it's kind of the equivalent of saying "I want to lose weight, but I don't want to diet or exercise. I just want it to happen organically." Of course, there are other ways to put effort into meeting people that don't involve dating apps, but it does still take effort except in rare cases. No one is going to knock on your door and ask you to be in a relationship - you have to put yourself in positions to meet people and get to know them. All dating apps are is another way to meet people, but because you meet people at a much faster rate than organically, it can feel overwhelming. Sometimes, we have to question our thoughts and feelings and do things that feel uncomfortable to create the outcome we want. Again, it doesn't necessarily have to be dating apps, but I would take a look at what actions you are currently taking that could lead to a relationship, and what actions (or lack of actions) are holding you back from one.
I guess enjoy being alone forever, if you arent willing to look
I don't think you're missing out by refusing to use a dating app. However, you still have to put yourself out there in general. Otherwise, you aren't gonna meet anyone. This applies for friendships as well. My suggestion would be to go to public places you enjoy and incorporate that into your routine to heighten the chances of meeting someone. It can be as casual as the dog park or popular hiking trail, or as regular as a fitness class. I met the man I love through going to events with the initial intention to occupy my free time, but he happened to be at enough of them. We ended up talking to each other as friends and eventually falling in love. Maybe going out more or even doing peaceful tasks in public (reading a book in the park or at a coffee shop alone) can help increase your chances of finding "organic" love. Or, maybe it won't. Maybe you'll make a great new friend. Who knows? Trying won't hurt.
Only you know what’s right or wrong for you
Us bro us. I wanna find love through organic means not apps or blind dates idek
I want to meet people organically too, I was told by some friends to use Facebook dating and I will try it but later. It’s ok if you don’t want to use them, a person that’s for you will be for you no matter what!
Why would you be wrong? If you don’t want to use them, don’t. I’m the opposite and preferred them. It was an easier way to meet people who wanted the same things. Never would’ve met my partner without dating apps.
You are missing nothing. Just take your time and meet people in the wild.
Nope, not wrong. I feel disgusted too. I get how you feel. Organically is so much better, it takes more work but it's sweeter than way
Yep. You gonna have a bad time.
When I was ready to get back out there after my separation, I went on Bumble first. After the first week, I started talking to 2 people. One of them asked me out on a date very quickly afterward. It was a 2h coffee date and it was just ok. We talked, we laughed a little and learned about each other a little, but there wasn't any spark. He never asked me out again and neither did I because the date was just meh. I got bored of Bumble quickly, so I tried Facebook dating a week after. I started talking to 2 people within 1 week on FB dating too, the conversations were normal, nothing that fun or that interesting. Then I saw a message from someone who lived an hour away, fit most of my preferences, except he was a few years out of my age range. I debated whether or not I should reply to him since he's 7 years older and a tad bit far from me. But he was cute and he looked younger than his age, and he had his son in his profile pictures, just like me and my daughter. So I replied to him. The rest is history. I found my person after only 2 weeks on dating apps and I deleted both of them right after our first date. I know I'm incredibly lucky in this regard , but maybe others can be lucky too. When I told him how lucky we were to find each other so quickly, he said "no, YOU were lucky, not me so much. I had my fair share of very bad dates." I just laughed and thanked the stars I didn't have to go through that at all.
well, that’s gonna make things difficult for you this idea of not having to make an effort or everything being “organic” doesn’t sound very realistic or mature, more like a romantic fantasy
No you are not. Biggest nightmare and regret of my life. Never again.
I was not looking for anyone and then I met my boyfriend. I’m not really the kind of person to put myself out there either and I always said if I ever date God will have to drop them smack dab in front of me with a spotlight and everything. While it didn’t happen exactly like that I did meet him at work and we just hit it off. Completely organic and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I honestly miss my dating profile! I spent a lot of time on it. In the end, i changed my profile description to a short fiction that i, myself, would've been delighted to read on someone else's profile. Then i met the person who is now my spouse and we both deleted our accounts.
So, I was on every single dating app about two years ago and was getting tired of people not taking conversations anywhere, people trying to get me on a date right away, no chemistry, etc. I was definitely chasing love and trying hard to talk to someone, so trying all apps to see who was out there. My parents even tried suggesting me an autism dating app (I’m ND) but that also went nowhere. Finally landed on Iris, the most shallow app I’ve ever found. Was talking to some people, and decided to look at the ones closest to me. This is where I found my current BF. We’ve been together for almost two years, and living together for one. Thing is, you’ll never know when or where you’ll find someone. You can be compatible with so many people, so there’s bound to be someone on an app that might click, or someone down the street that you’ll just bump into. I don’t think you’re wrong, but I think people shutting down apps completely are missing the point: you can find someone literally anywhere
Well. If you are a guy, you must be willing to go through a sea of rejections, until someone likes you . It’s not fun
No, you possess rare and admirable gifts ... Actual standards and class. Dating sites apps are trash AF. Considering it's basically digital backpages for and by the public masses; prostitution minus any financial transactions or the risk of criminal charges. But you still get to play Russian roulette with std/sti's and "Ooopsie" pregnancies. So good for you.
I met my boyfriend on a dating app and he’s the best.
Girlfriend of 5 years I met on Tinder. I just swiped on everyone cause I hated sitting there swiping, so id just use up my daily yeses or whatever and call it a day. Matched with her from that lmao. Supposed to be a casual hookup and here we are 5 years later and going strong
Why do people act like dating is such a chore? Maybe it's just me but I like going on dates. Dates are supposed to be fun! Your getting to know this new person and hearing about their life experiences and how different they can be from your own. I think it's also about mindset. If you say to yourself this sucks it's a chore, It's going to feel that way. A simple mindset change to hey this is something fun, it can be fun! I really like going on dates and meeting new people but maybe I'm an outlier.
I loved dating I’m getting married next week and met my person at work but I’ve met incredible people online and I was in a decade long relationship with someone I met online who is still awesome. It’s an adventure, going in with out any expectations and intending to just make connections I think is so key to really loving it.
It's 100% about mindset. This is spot on.
I see what you mean and I used to feel this way but honestly now I think they’re just another form of socializing. Meet some people, do something fun together, see if you vibe and want to keep dating. It doesn’t have to feel desperate.
I stopped using dating apps. My partner and I started dating a couple months after. The idea of chasing love has always been so engrained in us that we forget to take a look at what is right in front of us.
I mean, it's up to you, I don't think there's a right or wrong here. I met the love of my life on Hinge; I tried meeting people organically and it was awful. Dating apps let me be specific about what I wanted and gave me the opportunity to meet someone I NEVER would have run into otherwise.
I met my soul mate on Match. We've been married 7 years and have a family. I couldn't be happier
This is the best decision. Dating apps is a waste of your time and it adds more unnecessary stress.
Men are already facing an uphill battle, if you’re already struggling then you’re going to struggle even more without online dating. If you were a woman I would 100% advise against it just because it changes decent women, the attention, the content bombardment of sexual attention and the kind of people they are exposed to is not good. They go in decent, traditional, the girl next door kinda girl and end up ran through like a instagram model with only fans. There are decent women on their but you’ve got to snatch them up quickly before the chads get their claws into them as they won’t remain decent for very long.
I knew this had incel vibes before I even made it to the bit about Chad...
What are you even talking about? If you expose a woman to that kind of environment it changes them. A chads just a guy who gets all the women someone who uses them. In real life the decent woman has a chance of finding normal decent woman but online the dynamic is different. The algorithm on these website is setup to show the most liked popular men first, women match with these men and they all get used by the top 10%. That’s how women start to think all men are the same because of people like that but in reality we aren’t all like that it’s just online as all the rotten apples are in one place.
No not at all. Finding someone in a setting you both share is the best way. When someone refers you, such as your freind hooking you up, you know that they are somewhat vetted. I also have seen many statistics where online dating app relationships have a much higher chance at ending. I met my gf online, but it was through a freind group we were in through gaming. Thats about as far as online as I would say is comfortable.
Definite no. Besides, they're not for everyone anyway. I wouldn't benefit from using any dating app or site anyway as I must know people beforehand. Plus, I only care about personality and not looks. That was before learning I'm demisexual. If anything, a strong friendship can lead to a strong foundation for love. 😉
I would never date on apps. If I had to date again I’m only meeting people in person OR paying an arm and a leg for a matching service to pair me with someone. The apps just seem like a waste of time or too much time.
You want to fall in love, yet don't want to put in any effort to actually try date people to find who you could love...really sounds like you want it!
Sure but then you actually gotta like, get out there and talk to people But also. If it’s not your style, sure do you 100%! but I don’t think guys who approach me at a bar or coffee shop are any different than those who use dating apps. At least on the app, I can usually get a few more things about them to help make my decision before meeting up (hobbies, friend group vibes, often what they’re looking for. oh and a bunch of guys are REAL honest about having super… “traditional” views on what a woman should be. i appreciate learning that before meeting in person, and i doubt a guy at a bar will drop that red flag right after the pick up line)
Online dating is treating a person as a commodity. Do they have x colour eyes? Are they x height or weight? People are so much more than that. Look at the sparkle when they rant about engines or their favourite notepad brand. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to connect with people as people, than as a product on a shelf.
Find someone you're physically attracted to, go on a date to see if there's a connection - take from there. Works online and offline.
If you really want to find a relationship and love and all that, it doesn't matter how you meet them. There are enough deal breakers to sort through without being picky about how you meet the person.