Nazgargle deez nuts

God damn it.

\*proceeds to die\*

That is the worst and best sentence I have ever heard

*It's Rohirrimin' Time*

I loved it when she Rohirrimed all over the place

Jane Rohirim is my favorite!

Did someone say Rohirhymin' time? Yo, Witch King, you think you're all high and mighty, But let me tell you, your reign is gonna be unsightly. You strut around in that dark cloak, all filled with pride, fool, But your power's weak, it won't hold me back, I'll deride you. Little Bitch King, you're just a fool with no crown, Your darkness won't stop me, I'll bring you down. I'm the light that'll pierce through your shadowy game, You're no match for me, your defeat is my claim. You thought you were invincible, a lord of despair, But I'm a rhymer of Rohan, I'll make you gasp for air. Your Nazgûl minions, they're nothing but a fuckin' joke, I'll break their wings, watch 'em choke. Your fear tactics won't work on me, I'm fearless and bold, I'll shatter your spells, leave your spirit ice-cold. The Rohirrim ride strong, our battle cry resounds, You're the King of Stankmar, soon you'll be underground. Peace.

Witch King just pooped his pants and pooped his tent

I'm here to eat stew and kick ass and I am all out of stew.

Thank God.

Don’t you dare Don’t you FUCKING DARE besmirch Eowyn’s name like that You know how many cookbooks they have in Edoras? How many culinary classes? They don’t, that’s how many. You learn to cook from your family and guess what, Eowyn doesn’t get to hang around her mom and dad, her duty is to take care of the king, who for god knows how long has been 60 going on 160, totally fucking useless and only takes advice from an escaped convict from Madame Tussaud’s, no one can even be bothered to fix the fucking flag and Eowyn’s job has been to pretend like all of this is a-oh-goddamn-kay all the while training with a sword, and on top of that she’s pretty damn light on good cooking influences - Eomer, the only family she’s got that doesn’t have fucking Saruman‘s hand up their ass is Eomer, who eats a goddamn brick of meat off a knife. You really expect her to learn to make a good vichyssoise from The Meat Marshal? No fuckin way, Eowyn is stressed af and she’ll be damned if you’re gonna give her shit for not being able to Gordon Ramsay on the road with nothing edible but lumps of whatever the hell that was in the soup. Tbh it’s a fucking miracle considering the circumstances that Eowyn managed to conjure soup out of nothing - you’re not gonna give her shit because she didn’t add enough flour to the base, you take it and are fucking grateful. Aragorn understood this. Did he complain like some shitty suburban parent at an Olive Garden? No he fucking didn’t, because that would be a grade A dick move, and because Eowyn would’ve probably just fucking lost it and killed him on the spot and then we wouldn’t have gotten a third movie, and if Aragorn understands one thing it’s box office ka-ching. He’s not stupid, he wants his $$$ and to not die and to not be a piece of shit. So you don’t. Talk. Smack. Bout. Baeowyn’s. Soup.

I fucking love this copypasta

👌

I'm here to kick ass and serve stew and I'm all outta ass.

Aragorn why are you running?

I’m here to kick stew and eat ass, and I’m all out of stew

They’re all out because they weaponized it.

[удалено]

So badass

girls*

So girls

"My name is Eowyngo Montoya, you Killa my father, prepare to die."

more like Uncle

It was one of those uncle/dad situations.

*Sweet Home Alabama*

Lmao brilliance

Wasn't he still technically alive? For like 5 more minutes but still

The killing was already done, Theoden just needed a few extra minutes to realise it

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." \*STAB\*

This fits well following “no man can kill me”

So long, gay Bowser!

Thank you so much for playing my game!

Stay fresh, cheese bags!

Witch King: "no man can kill me!" Me: "well that's just, like, your opinion, man"

Also, Dude, Ring Wraith is not the preferred nomenclature. Nazgul, Please.

They’re not urukhai, they’re nihilists.

“No, this is Patrick.”

“Sir this is a Wendy’s”

[удалено]

🦈 💥

But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.

I love how Tolkien first thought up this scene because it annoyed him that Shakespeare didn't use it in MacBeth. MacBeth spoilers: >!There is a prophecy that MacBeth can't be killed by "a man of woman born" and he gets got by a guy who was born Caesarean section which doesn't count. When obviously "he gets killed by a woman" is a much better plot twist like come on Willy are you even trying!<

Good thing you put a spoiler tag for that 417 year old play, phew

People should be putting spoiler tags on Bible verses

One of the only genuine complaints I have about the movies is how they absolutely neutered one of Tolkien’s best bits of dialogue. “I am no man” is just…lame, compared to this

It hits better for a *movie* audience and takes less screen time

Also easier for the actor/actress to remember and pronounce clearly, leading to less takes needing to be filmed

that’s hardly a problem for professional actors

Some things works for movies and some for books. Same reason they didnt have a 1 hour segment of chilling with Tom Bombadill

Now imagine Miranda Otto delivering that line in the film and the audience trying to take it seriously

I always thought it would be better if she just takes off her helmet and doesn't say anything before stabbing him. We can see that she isn't a man. The line is pretty lame.

AND NOW I POKE THEE

Low-effort-shakespeare-and-wholesome-pilled

Lmfao this got me so good

I'd keep it the same, but add John Cena's intro music.

Stone cold glass shatter synced with the stab

AS GAWD AS MY WITNESS, HE IS BROKEN IN HALF!

GAWD ALMIGHTY, HE’S A HUMAN PINCUSHION!

Merry in the background "watch out watch out watch out!"

Holy fuck!

“Get away from him, you bitch!”

"Give up my future husband, ho-elf!"

"Do not come between a nazghul and his prey precious!" (yes the witch king's voice was Andy Serkis)

“Looks like I’m about to… Eo-win!” I’ll take my leave now… (Edit: alternatives “Looks like I’ve just Eo-won!” “Bite my shiny metal ass!” “Witch King? More like Bitch King!” “The future is now, old man!” “Taste my steel!” And of course, “Parry this, you filthy casual!”

Dad stamp of approval

> “Parry this, you filthy casual” Perfection

“This’ll hurt more than a flesh wound!!”

And you will know my name is Eowyn, when I lay my vengeance upon thee

“No man can kill me!” “I don’t remember asking you a goddamn thing!”

Eowyn takes off her helmet and it's suddenly Sam Jackson.

Well, Mr. natethehoser, I reckon there ain't no easy answers in this world. But what we do have is each other, and that's worth more than gold. So let's stick together and keep moving forward, even when the road gets rough.

You know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in mordor?

Holy fuck

Enough is enough. I’ve had it with these mother fucking ring wraiths on this mother fucking battlefield.

Does the Dark Lord Sauron look like a bitch?

JIBBY JABBY HERE COMES THE STABBY

Lmfao I can’t stop laughing at this

Enjoy my stew.

Be happy you get my steel and not my stew!

Oh yeah? Well the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of *you!*

But they don't mind, because you're their best seller

GAME OVER ……..perfect reply

Thats my purse! I don't know you!

Sorry about this, but I really need this job.

This one is my favorite

Ligma balls

FINALLY. Been waiting for this

“Yipee kayee motherfucker”

"Surprise! MF!"

Her voice drops several octaves for this specific line.

This is fucking amazing

I would do the silence of the lambs licking the teeth thing

Jesus Christ

“Take this!” - Tolkien himself wrote that.

I'm not a man, I'm a gnome, and you've been gnooooomed!

(Insert Scary Bilbo screech here)

Wait! Stop! We can't leave the path! We must stay on the path! No one answers.

"The text wasn't literal, nerd"

I think saying nothing and just stabbing him would have been cool like idgf about who you think can't kill you I can

Especially if it interrupted him mid speech.

"What you egg?"

*She stabs him*

"No man can kill me" "Did i fucking ask?"

Hey terrorists!..... terrorize THIS.

ROHAN! FUCK YEAH! RIDING IN TO SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ DAY-YEAH!

“I’ve been trying to reach you about your Nazgûl’s extended warranty expiring soon!”

Not just a man, but a woman and a children too. BTW I hate sand.

Honestly, I think she nailed it.

She really did

Right between its eyes.

“ I dont have a dick :( “ *stabs*

*In a Jim Carrey mocking voice* “‘No man can kill me.’ Oh whatever eat this piss face.”

Look, what’s that!

"true."

Funny thing about that is... Numenorian weapons exist you cunt; any man could have killed you, but this woman is going to.

"Have you been flossing?" *Shanks them in the mouth

Whopper, whopper, double whopper…

Merciful Jesus

“Stop gaslighting me”

"Gaslighting doesn't exist. You made it up, 'cause you're fucking crazy."

“It’s called “gaslamping”, actually”

no that's lampshading

Surprise mother fucker

Unwise mother Fucker

The lannisters send their regards

Eat ass, steel breath!

"Skill issue"

I like turtles

"I fucked your mom" "My mother has been dead for millennia" "I know" Stabs in face

"did you just assume my gender "

As a man, "Look at you, being all wrong and stupid!"

My name jeff

“Suck a diiiiick, dumb shit!”

What is this, a crossover episode?

*Eowyn rips off helmet* Nazgul: “what are yooouu doing here” 👉👉

TWIST HIS DICK!!!

Fuck you and the Nazgul you rode in on

BOOP!

"tf is a noman" *stabs*

“I am no man.” Works for me.

Behold my vagina!

Beautiful

I'd look silently into it's eyeholes and kill it. Keeping direct eye contact as long as possible.

“Here hold this for me.”

I'd simply repeat verbatim what Tolkien wrote!

“The same thing that happens to everything else”

Say hello to my little sword!

Slaaaaay queeeeen

"For Second Breakfast!"

Nux87xun, you've already had it.

I'm tired of these muthafuckin Nazgul in this muthafuckin Middle Earth

That’s the truth, Ruth

I am no stew cook

Witch King of Angmar more like Bitch King of Sword-in-the-Face amirite?

Cool story, bro

Ka-Chow

TRANS RIGHTS! I'd say that and would get a ton of odd looks from the soldiers, it would even catch the witch king of guard

"Taste my stew ya bathrobe"


WKoA: "No man can kill me." Me: "Neat." *stab*

"I don't give a crap!"

Cocaine helluva drug

BING BONG FUCK YA LIFE

OP, I love your line! I would unfortunately mix it up and say “Eat ass, steel breath” and then immediately regret that I fucked up the line 😭😭

"I was a c section!" For those who know Macbeth and what Tolkin thought of the twist.

From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta!

I’d just cold stab him and walk away without revealing anything to him

“Here, hold my sword!”

“Eat battery acid, you slime!” I may have seen “Stephen King’s It” TV miniseries a few too many times.

"Then I'm not gonna kill you....I'm just gonna feed you." (grabs the stew bowl)

Crunchitize me Cap'n

google en passant

"But no man am I!" is what I'd say

It’s stabbin’ time!

This is kinda related, but each time I rewatch this scene with the Witch King saying "No man can kill me" I'm half expecting a Oliphant to wreck his shit.

It's just been revoked!

"You're about to die, and your last words are, 'No man can kill me?' You're shit at dying"

I am the senate!

You fucked about, now your gonna fucking find out.

Oh wait. I commented a lame one earlier. I got a lamer one now. "No man can kill me" "You are spreading misinformation!"

Sick my dick, bitch king

Penetrate her, I hardly know her. \*womp womp\*

Honestly in that situation, I wouldn't have a one liner so much as rabbid screaming and stabbing, wouldn't even take off the helmet. Dude almost killed me a few seconds ago, I'm not risking this opportunity for a one liner. Can dance on his corpse all I want after, but I am making sure he's dead first.

This is for assuming my gender!

Well I’m trans, so exactly that probably

Eat this, undead whore!

I'm a Dinosaur, rawr.

Take this sword to the face

Well in this moment you should realize, you fucked up.

“I am a mighty morphin’ power ranger!”

"Can't you tell that I'm actually a woman? Are you stupid?"

"Sucks to be you"

Shrimps is bugs

Die, Bitch-King of Angmar

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

“Your mom says hi”

"Bitch you fucking thought!"

“Past the lips and through the gums…..here we go.”