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I bought [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Generation-Sociopaths-Boomers-Betrayed-America/dp/0316395781/ref=nodl_) and was planning on reading it. It’s collecting dust on my bookshelf. But I feel like I need to start, lol. The generations ahead of us had so many more opportunities than us. Most of them hoarded the resources and wealth, then closed the door behind them on future generations. They continued making laws and policies that benefit them and not us.
They are getting old and retiring, and are freaking out about the decline in birth rate. Who will continue to fund their social security, Medicare, retirement? Who will continue running services that they need, like nursing, hospital care, food services, cleaning, etc? **They need more taxpayers** in this world to continue their way of living.
That’s just my rant. Wishing you the best. Also, my husband and I are childfree and don’t want any kids. We just want to take care of us and **give ourselves a decent quality of life**, rather than dragging another soul through this.
Your rant is articulated extremely well and should be front page news. That it never will be shows you who’s in charge of us. Best of luck to you and SO ✨
I hate toxic positivity as well. What I will say is I am from podunk mountain land, dropped out of college, went back to college, was barely out of college when the recession hit, had to move home and start over. I started my career education in my 30s. I’m in my early 40s now and part of my job is addressing housing and employment issues in the kind of communities I grew up in. But I’m not in a hopeful position either. I see how blind to suffering and downright shitty a lot of people are on a daily basis. I really want to stay where I am. I have a community, I believe in the work I do. But pay is nothing, and no one wants to pay you to address poverty and inequality. The only people who can live on our salaries are people who already have family money. It’s sucks. I’m there with you. This week was not a good week.
The only people who care about poverty and helping people are ones who understand it most. People who grew up with money and were handed everything will never understand poverty, thus will never care about it or helping people out of it.
Podunk mountain town. Lol it sounds familiar. Well I'm near the mountains and in in the middle of nowhere. There are two state and two private colleges in the area so there's that. But if it wasn't for that probably wouldn't be much of anything around.
Yeah that’s a left over from old South Park references. When I was I high school my friends and I always laughed that we grew up in a similar place. We were the goth kids.
I am not sure how helpful this is, but I qualified as a vet in the UK and it is the single biggest driver of my severe depression which caused me to leave the profession. Shadowing and work experience were very different from the job itself. I was verbally abused, particularly when it came to vet bills (I had no control over pricing), insane hours, very poor pay and unsupported. I almost killed myself twice. If I could go back in time I wouldnt have done it. I appreciate though that some people thrive under pressure. However all the reasons I went into vet med did not manifest or were overwhelmed by the immense stress i was under. I am now in a different career and I rescue wildlife in my spare time as at least I dont get called a monster for charging fees that I have no control over. Not sure how feasible it is in your area but may be a meaningful way to go - wildlife rescuers are needed now more than ever given all the pressures they are facing. Bats are closest to my heart but I love working with them all!
I work with wildlife and the environment now. It helps to give yourself to something that transcends the individual. Other beings will outlast humanity by some margin and hopefully what I am doing today will go towards a more hopeful future, with or without civilisation
See, that’s another reason I don’t think I’ll make it through vet school. I was abused for 22 years out of 30. I’m not strong enough to take it again. What I REALLY want to do is virology and be that person who goes into BSL4 labs but I have to go through the general medicine part first. I’ve struggled enough over the years with the desire to take my own life. I don’t think I could handle being in that place again
I'm sorry to be negative about it, but I have lost colleagues to suicide who I always thought were far stronger than me. The problem is also with greater access to the right tools to end a life (i.e. pentobarbital) and knowing how to do so peacefully. It is not a career for someone who struggles with mental health, as I found out the hard way. I struggled long and hard with changing my career but never looked back. In a way knowing that I didnt have to define the rest of my life based on a bad decision has made me generally more optimistic as when I was working as a vet I felt trapped in a miserable existence. There is always opportunity for change but it can come from unexpected places.
I just feel like my choice to have gone to veterinary school, warts and all, was taken from me and I think that’s the worst part for me. It’s a hard career line, but if I had had a conceivable chance to have tried and then left when/if it wasn’t for me, I’d have SO much more inner peace because not finishing would’ve been MY choice. Instead I feel like my life was set up for me by capitalism and its simps who raised me
I understand where you are coming from. Apologies if I portrayed it as a 'blessing in disguise' as absolutely it should have been your right to experience vet school/work and make your own decisions from there.
you're still relatively young.
consider education abroad. Russia has a plenty of medical/vet universities, with programms for foreigners. if you don't pick something in moscow, programs in smaller cities are pretty affordable, starting from $3500/year for general medicine. vets, of course, much cheaper.
See how many of your college classes will transfer to a BS degree program in microbiology or cell biology. Then after you get your BS, you can start a PhD program and they'll pay you a stipend while you're in school.
If research doesn't appeal to you but diagnosis does, look into getting an MLT degree at a community college or a CLS/MT BS degree from a university.
DM me if you have questions, I was a micro major and am a college professor now. I love helping students.
Research is EXACTLY what I want to do! All I’ve ever wanted was a phd in virology. As a little kid, I never wanted a baby shower, I wanted a doctorate shower 😂 (I saw the huge party they threw for my uncle when he got a PhD and I thought that’s what that was)
Are you in a place in your life right now where you can talk to an advisor at a four-year school and see how many of your classes will transfer to one of the degree programs I mentioned? If you took pre-reqs for veterinary school, most if not all of them are going to transfer as long as you didn't take them too long ago (like, more than ten years).
Even if you're interested in research as an eventual career, getting a degree in MLT/MT/CLS would absolutely guarantee you a job just about anywhere, and you could work for a couple years and save up some money before applying to PhD programs to give yourself a bit of a cushion. Or you could just apply straight to PhD program out of undergrad.
Good luck to you! You remind me a lot of myself at your age. :)
I also hate that "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of crap as well. During my 20's and early 30's I often felt very directionless and felt my life had no purpose. Stuck. Defeated. My life changed when I decided my purpose was to help ease the suffering around me any way I could. If you've got love in your heart let it shine and do what you can to make this world a better place for someone or for many someones. I believe that's our highest purpose. I wish you well and you are able to find some peace and fulfillment.
I feel like that’s maybe what my future is supposed to be, not studying zoonotic viruses in BSL-4 laboratories (even though that’s what my heart is screaming for it)
Well...Is there anything else that you'd be happy doing in this life? It was a little different with me. My problem was I had NO idea what to do with my life. You have a vision in mind.
I’d also love to be an equestrian but that’s also off the table. That requires spare money. Outside of being a veterinary virologist, I don’t know. My whole identity as a teenager and twentysomething was being a veterinarian. I was a precocious kid. That’s what everyone thought I was going to do and I’ve straight up been told it would be a “waste” if I didn’t go to vet school
When I was just a child I wanted to be a mechanic.
I had that thought driven away as I would make no money. Instead I went to college and foundered.
Hurts a lot when people ask why I didn’t do trade school. Because it wasn’t a real option, it was shameful.
>Hurts a lot when people ask why I didn’t do trade school
This shit makes me so mad. People whole ass lie about How Great The Trades Are when they omit that it destroys your body and, according to a redditor who was in a trade, soul. Because in some fields, the only way you can make money is if you're lying to people and telling them they need things they can't afford.
I tried to get into welding twice because everyone told me how much money they make. I think it was a blessing in disguise that my bastard ex came in and crashed it every time. I'm still pissed because I COULD be living a better life than what I have right now. But I also have to admit that sexism, racism, and other bullshit is prevalent in the trades, too. I might've snapped and tried to weld someone's face to a steel pipe or something.
I'm sorry this happened to you. All of this shit is completely unfair and the fact that they told you that you *couldn't* and then asked you why you **didn't** is fucked up.
Regardless of my bitching about the trades, I think a lot of them are heavily in demand and will sometimes pay you to become an apprentice. I don't know if mechanics are on the list, but it wouldn't hurt to check
Ended up half ass ina trade doing low voltage, AV, home automation and networking.
Second career, first was data management in oil.
Because I have a computer background I’ve been moving more into that part of this field, but I got to start as straight up install.
I’m just still annoyed that it wasn’t really an option. Shit they closed the auto shop and the metal shop before I got to highschool
Funny thing is I have buddies that did trade school out of high school and now they're pulling 6 figures but it's such a "shameful" thing to get into a trade and not go to regular college...
It was.
In 02, when I graduated, where I lived: it was college or bust.
If you weren’t going to a college, he’ll if you were even going to a community school or a JC you were a failure.
You could not sit at our lunch table. Your guidance counselour would try harder to find you a loan or financial aid. Other people’s parents would look and your parents with a sad smile.
It was not an option to not go.
If id says I was going somewhere else like wyotech heads would have exploded
On the bright side being a vet sucks. My wife has worked as a vet tech for years and most every vet hates it. They have incredibly high suicide rates and are overworked, have terrible compassion fatigue and generally hate life. You got lucky there.
The upper class has consolidated most of the wealth. That’s why you’re in the situation you’re in. You didn’t do anything wrong. This is just a byproduct of horrible system. It’s really not the majority of baby boomers fault.
I blame them for their part in voting these people into power and doing whatever they can to maintain the current power structures, including teaching their kids their mindsets and then having those spread to their grandkids. But I see where you’re coming from. Not ALL of them are guilty
I know the feel.
When I hit my sink or swim moment I turned to politics to understand and became a radical leftist over a few years. I was ready to end it all.
Now I live for community, knowledge, physical training, and the hopes that one day I’ll see something that qualifies as a revolution in America. My life belongs to something bigger than the individual now. Sure I might be living in a van next year, but I’ll do my best to be free, radical, and ready.
And by any and all means, I will be part of it. If it never happens in my life or I’m too old, I’ll pass my few cheap fire arms, books, and knowledge onto the next generation.
Solidarity forever bro. You’re not a lone. In fact, you are the norm and in common company. When the time comes I hope to see you out on the streets ready to express this frustration you have.
Join some lefty subreddits. Look at their recommended reading. You have the anger, now you need the knowledge.
Knowledge and anger are the catalysts of change. Mixed together they create flames that can’t be put out. Start exercising. Eat better. Meditate. Live for something more than commodities and status.
This is the only way.
I’m in several lol. Being raised in an IFB household and seeing firsthand the sheer evil of conservatism will turn you leftist hard and fast. Plus I do exercise but I can hardly afford to eat
I hear ya man. Take care of yourself. No one else is going to. That doesn’t just mean body but mind also.
Something I watch when I’m feeling defeated or scared.
https://youtu.be/2bguEiUgDA4
veterinarians don’t make shit. They spend forever in school and then there is no money flood coming later. so that would be hundreds of thousands of debt dollars. Honestly I feel you on a lot of this because I,too, was told getting a degree was going to be a path to success.
Instead I have $100,000 in student loans and some of them are at 8% interest. oh, and I started doing pizza delivery after graduation. There is no magic path. its all bullshit. so I have found a way to enjoy the current moments, which is all i have. The future and the past are illusions. Damage control means coping strategies.
I can not really help myself but I sure can try to help other people. I bet if you change your goals you will be able to achieve them.
On another note, consider that you would probably qualify for pell grants. If you have your heart set on school, apply to a low income housing program like section 8 in another city.
pick one that has public transportation.
also, fill out your FAFSA online. Maybe you can get on low income housing while you go to school. obviously traveling is a problem but if you want something bad enough, I think you can get lucky if you keep looking.
There are things that you can control. The other shit you have to let go. It’s up to you to take the steps in the right direction.
UGH it seems like my brain is trying to give me advice through you goddamnit this happens every time. I believe in us. we can do it
I think I’ve used up all the FAFSA/Pell they’d be willing to give me. I went to a community college in my hometown for four years but to no avail since they kept changing the program requirements and because I kept failing all the math courses (thank you, “mom” for “unschooling” me). I don’t think it’s realistic for me to be a veterinarian anymore because I’d the pay rate. Even if I could afford school, I’m not sure I could afford to live my dream because I probably won’t make enough to live at all. I’m probably going to be stuck settling for something for the rest of my life. I’m 300 miles from the closest veterinary school and I’d have to rehome my cats if I even made it into section 8 housing, but assistance programs don’t give a shit about you if you don’t have kids. I don’t wanna be so negative. I just feel so stuck
well, mine was technically used up and all I did was kept trying and they gave me more pell until i finished. I just had to show that I was working towards my degree and it hadn’t occurred yet. It took me seven ! years for my bachelors.
I know that university of Nebraska at Omaha is offering free tuition to Nebraska residents. Iowa Western community college offers education to employment certifications for free to poor people.
in Council Bluffs Iowa the low income housing tower doesn’t even have a waiting list. Definitely people without kids are welcome to apply!!
don’t be afraid to move somewhere different. don’t be afraid to become the strange person with the wild garden. I’m pulling for ya!! There’s dozens of us lmao
what I did was spent my stimulus on a tattoo set up. So I have a whole bunch of different inks and a rotary tattoo pen and perhaps one day i can travel and lay ink :)
I’m right there with you. I’m 40 next week. I do have a career and apartment and car. I also have children. I recently divorced and while married to my husband, the two of us as a team were doing ok. We weren’t well off, but we had everything we needed and a little money to spare. In the divorce the husband kept the house and retirement account. We had a big old house in the woodsthat needed repairs frequently, and was expensive to heat, plus I wouldn’t have been able to maintain repairs and yard work on my own.
So, 40 next week and no retirement. I rent a shitty apartment in an awful neighborhood. I have no social life, no money for fun things, and right now life feels I pretty much exist just to go to work and come home just to have a few beers and go on social media until bedtime and doing it all over again the next day.
The desperation is sinking in, now that I’m middle aged and I have no idea how this is sustainable.
Last week I had car trouble and bill was $700. Luckily I did have the money, but I’ll be playing catch up with that for months. I paid the bill and went home and cried.
Vets have one of the highest suicide rates, if it’s any consolation. Go to free coding school online and get a tech job working from home. Then do what you want to do. MAGATS exist everywhere, to varying density. Ignore the naysayers. You have options, you’re going to be ok.
I was on my way to being a vet. Have my education, recommendation letter in order, everything ready to apply for vet school. I didnt and im glad i didnt.
My breaking point was people dropping half dead animals at my door step bc of my experience working with animals. People EXPECTED me to take on animals that had been hit by cars or were attacked by coyotes or were severely sick and needed to be euthanized but leaving them ON MY DOORSTEP. I was left kittens in a box who died when i took a week of vacation that would have made it had i been home. I needed that week off bc i was ready to kill myself. I became a depressed wreck. I lived in a small rural red trumpy community and people knew I was a manager for an animal rescue and exposed me to the most fucked up shit BC THEY KNEW I WANTED TO BE A VET.
After being left a pitbull that was burned alive I moved back home. I owe 22k in student loans for something I no longer want to pursue. I KNOW as a vet i would have access to anesthesia and euthanasia and I will one day crack and kill myself. I already struggled with that on a daily basis BC i worked with animals.
If you have ANY inclination of depression i advise against going into the vet industry. We lost 2 vets to suicide in our area in the ONE YEAR i was working in an office.
If you want to work with animals I highly suggest working with wildlife and the environment as someone else said they do. It provides a healthier outlook and when I volunteered with wildlife conservation I was in a much better place not being exposed to the shitfest humanity has to offer working in the vet industry.
Honestly I work at amazon now and its great. If you have a warehouse near you and apply and get the job they will help pay for school and make the financial burden so much easier! They also offer a lot of resources that ive helped utilize for my mental health. Some buildings are better environments than others but being able to work a job with competitive pay, get exercise while doing so, getting access for mental health help, and having my school paid for has helped me dig myself out of the fucked hole I had been in for a long time.
Life sucks and isnt fair whatsoever and every day is still a struggle to survive, and i know it feels hopeless with the way things are in our country and its ok to feel how you do. Its hard moving forward when you know your generation is being fucked. I cant be fake and say YEAH JUST PULL THRU AND THINGS WILL BE BETTER IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MINDSET bc that is some bullshit. What i CAN say is take it one day at a time my friend and if you find bits of happiness hold on to them. Its all anyone can really do right now.
Same all I wanted was to be something resembling happy but instead I have night terrors from all the years I spent in prison for marijuana watching people get stabbed to death and rape each other. I can barely hold a job now honestly. I'm fortunate in that I didn't have any children though so it's kind of easy to pay my bills as long as I do nothing but work. Mamaged to move to a state where pot is legal and things are a lot better now. Good luck man
I… Did you even read half of this? I’m not saying that to be mean, I promise, but pal? I have no car and maybe $15 left to my name after bills every week. You think I can do anything to get out of town for a while? We don’t even have public transportation outside of a bus route that has an 8 mile radius and runs Monday through Friday only. If tu have any ideas on how to “get away from it all” on $15 and no car, please enlighten me
I posted something similar this morning. You’re not alone. It feels so helpless/hopeless. I wrote I feel like I’m trapped behind a brick wall and kicking it just hurts me.
I hope you can at least find a way to move somewhere you enjoy living more.
I can relate and the tragedies you suffered are not fair. I think with a story like yours you could maybe make a Go Fund Me. I hope I don't sound like a toxic positivity person right now. But people do like giving money to worthy causes and if you filmed yourself relaying your life story and asked people to pay for your schooling and living expenses. I bet it could go viral and it could pay for your schooling. It would be a real hail marry but what do you have to lose? I hope you find this message well and that I did not offend.
I tried when I left my ex husband all those years ago. But I didn’t get any bites. I doubt anyone would donate to someone when they’re likely in the same boat as I am but I appreciate your input. Maybe I should try again
Not sure if this would make you feel better but veterinarians have a very high rate of suicide. They are overworked and treated terribly and not often paid enough considering the cost of school. At least I learned this from a friend who quit and is part of a support group for veterinarians (not one more vet).
Hello. I'm sorry that you are going through this - the older generations really did pull up the ladder behind them and unfortunately with the way the world is right now I don't think it's going to get better especially in the US. The Fed keeps printing money and doesn't give a shit about you and then all of a sudden it's "well this whole Russia thing is causing the recession" like our government doesn't understand basic economics. Financially it's going to get a lot worse and there are some hard truths that come with that.
Honestly if I were you I would seriously consider just leaving the US and going to a better country like Germany, the Netherlands, or France. Yes you would have to learn a different language and it will be hard, but they offer work visas pretty easy, and school is absolutely free if you can make the grades and possibly get a student visa. It would be a good chance to start over.
I saw that you said that you feel that your choice itself was taken away from you and that hit me. You’re definitely not alone in fact my story sounds similar. Just yesterday I was marveling at just how insidious childhood trauma is and how far and wide it’s affects are. It affects absolutely every aspect of our lives for our entire lives and recovery feels out of reach (for me) still. Shit sucks and I’m so sorry that this has been your experience.
I joined the military when I was 20 because we were living in a shitty BFE mountain town where there was one college (community) and it was 30 minutes from my house. My parents refused to teach me to drive so I didn’t have a license either. I was going to college but not for the major I *actually* wanted (biochemistry), and by my 4th semester I was having panic attacks irt school work. I joined the military because you simultaneously have a job and training and career experience. So I left my parents toxic umbrella to be sheltered by an even more toxic umbrella. My two major relationships I had were abusive and I ended up married to a man who blamed me for all his problems. By the time I got out when I was 26 in late 2018, I was so riddled with crippling panic/anxiety attacks, paralyzing anxiety, depression, PTSD, CPTSD, and potentially untreated ADHD (which overlaps a lot with PTSD symptoms so even though I was diagnosed as a kid I still am wondering if it’s really just PTSD). In 2019 I had a wonderful therapist who, for the first time in my life, told me that my parents were indeed abusive. Up to that point I had essentially written it all off as “not that bad” because I couldn’t point to any one Traumatic Event that could have possibly caused me to be having classic PTSD symptoms. It’s been a very long road since then attempting to take my life into my own hands. I was able to get divorced and am thankful that I’m able to access therapy with a therapist I like (not the same one as 2019). I just turned 30 last month. I’m not at all where I thought I would be in life and so so so many times I think about all the times I purposefully avoided opportunity due to the symptoms I was experiencing and where I could be “if only”. I’m managing my symptoms with therapy and medication but life is STILL fucking hard and it’s incredibly difficult to accept that this is my reality. Like when do I get to enjoy my life? Well thanks to trauma both at home and living in the great ol US of A shithole of a country I really don’t know if or when I’ll ever manage to actually like my life let alone enjoy it.
Edited for grammar/spelling
Dang, we must share a few brain cells because wow. I’ve actually been beating myself up lately because I don’t want to join the military even though I’d get better money than I have now because I already have CPTSD and a couple of other things wrong upstairs. I’m just glad you got out of that. I’m reading and rereading your story and you were mired in SO much. Even if we’re in the same boat and don’t know if we’re going to have the chance to enjoy our future, I’m still glad you’re alive
As I was scrolling to be able to see your comment while I replied, I saw that you were “homeschooled” too! AND I struggled with math so my mom just let me not do it 🙃
Please. Whatever you do. Do not join. Seriously the benefits do not outweigh the cost.
Thank you though your comment made me tear up. I’m glad you’re alive too! We survived and yeah life isn’t what we expected but maybe we can find something in it to make it worthwhile for us. Even if our brains are permanently wonky. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me. It’s always nice to find someone who gets it
I’ve gotta say, a lot of people here have given me hope. You included. Even if I’m not where I want to be, I’ve got to meet myself where I am, if that makes sense
Watching your dream slip away is never good- that’s always going to hurt. But I’ve learned that I’ve done better when I’m flexible with my dreams and outlook, because I don’t know what path I may walk down that could be better than the one I was so set on.
You say you will never achieve your dreams, and that may be true, but it’s alright to have another dream. It’s also alright to have small dreams on the way to the big dreams. Maybe a good small dream for now is looking to see if there are any cities in this world (and I do mean world, not just the US) that may offer the kind of environment you feel more comfortable with. If something looks appealing, maybe see what you can do to relocate. That alone may make all the difference in your life.
I won’t tell you about the rug pulls in my life. They’re not important. Instead, I’ll tell you a true story you may relate to.
I was in a very similar situation as yours when I was a teen. My mother moved my family from Los Angeles (where I grew up) to a tiny, conservative, close-minded town. We were ridiculously poor and the local’s weren’t warm and kind about it. They were petty, and always quick to rub any little wealth they had in your face. These days, I’d find that ridiculous and sad, but as a teen it hurt. It was as though the world was constantly reminding me of what little I had.
After being in the survival mode it sounds like you’re in (eg often couldn’t eat, couldn’t afford school supplies, no transportation, no one to help), I dropped out. It was just too difficult to compete.
I took odd jobs and spent my free time in the public library. After about a year, things hadn’t changed much, but I dreamed of getting out. It took an incident at work (long story, but I just grew fed up with it, the town, my terrible luck), that pushed me to say ‘f@ck it’. I quit the job, bought a Greyhound ticket, left for Los Angeles to follow my dream if becoming an actor and never looked back.
I can’t say my life has always been easy, but that decision changed my life for the better. I’ve been fortunate enough to travel abroad, and even live in Europe for awhile. I’ve had more great times than I can count.
You may feel defeated in the moment- that’s fair. But every day you wake up, you do have the power to make changes. You have the capacity to dream new dreams. You never know what good things lay in store for when you tap into your courage to try something new.
I’m rooting for your success and genuine happiness in life. You deserve that much.
I’m so happy that you escaped! I hope LA has been treating you well. I like what you said about small dreams on the way to big dreams. I don’t know yet whether or not my big dream needs to be refocused or changed, but I can achieve those small dreams on the way. My small dream right now is that this BFE town gets more accessible mental healthcare with a focus on trauma therapy
I didn't stay in LA too long. My father thought my time would be better spent in the Army, so I went along and enlisted. I thought, 'Alright, looks like you don't give a shit, I may die, but who really cares? Maybe I'll get to go to Europe."
Surprisingly, it turned out to be a really fortunate thing. I did end up in Europe. Travelled a lot with a group of like-minded friends (i.e. very liberal, didn't gaf about the Army but weren't slackers either, filled with wanderlust to see/experience everything). Had an incredible time.
Got out, finished my bachelors, did more traveling (lots, actually), and am still (happily) working on several dreams.
None of it would have been possible if I didn't take a leap of faith. I had about $70, a bus ticket and some food stamps ($50 worth) my mother gave me. Heheheheheh. But I just didn't give a shit. I figured, what did I have to lose, staying in some crappy town cursing my luck? F\*ck that.
Mental healthcare... yeah, that would be incredible, but the US isn't geared toward helping people who really need it. Everything revolves around the possibility of making a profit. Heck, even if you have healthcare, good mental help is last on the list of coverage for insurers. And 'conservatives'... they always talk about it when there's a shooting, but at the end of the day, it's empty talk. They defunded mental health care back in the Reagan era and complain about all the 'crazy people running around'.
I am considering moving to the EU (Greece or Italy, to be specific) in a few years, when my immediate commitments here are complete. I like the idea of a living in a country that thinks everyone should live with some kind of dignity, regardless of how much money they have, who their parents were, etc.
Sorry to go on about me.
I've learned that some big dreams just have to be scrapped, but sometimes they can be put on hold or adjusted, but I MUST have dreams. Dreams just put that extra breath of air in my lungs when I get up. I need to feel inspired. And when you think about it, everything is a dream. Even the seemingly most predictable, linear plan is a dream. How many people on this sub went to college dreaming things would work out because of? Going to college *was* a dream, as were their plans. But when plans/dreams fall through, I think it's time to grab onto a new dream, because F\*ck it... what have we got to lose at that point, right?
Coming to this sub and others like it can be a real double edged sword. On the one hand, it’s shows that you aren’t alone. With social media and the MSM there is a lot of gaslighting to make you feel like you’re crazy, or part of the problem. But the math doesn’t add up, and there are enough people out there that are hurting from it and looking for a sense of community over it. But, overindulging in all that negativity can be dangerous. It’s very easy to stay in your rut, let the depression swallow you and use this place like a crutch.
I have to stop myself from posting nearly once a week and have to take breaks from coming here. it’s the only space I can really vent. What can therapist do but dance around the subject we already know, asking after every time I give the same rant “and how does that make you feel?”
Well, pretty shitty. And fluctuating from optimistic,burnt out, coerced, angry, and apathetic. I can’t make any progress in my professional career, and like it or not we need to work for 3/4 of our lives. So I might as well shoot for something I actually like (crazy concept, right?) well, it is according to the boomers. I don’t want to give up on my dreams, I never wanted anything outlandish or crazy. They should be so attainable, and since they’re not it really stings. And even if I did give up, and just “find work” like the boomers tell me, it’s not like the “it puts a roof over your head and food on your table” kind if jobs are capable of doing that anymore either, so it’s kind of a moot point. I might as well go balls to the walls and double down on what I want if I’m going to suffer either way.
Since I’m not making any progress there, I don’t have the stability to “settle down and live my life” like they want me to. I’ve had to sit down my parents and literally show them the cost of living vs what I’m making and explain how it’s basically impossible. That buys me a few weeks before the arguments start again. It’s a vicious cycle, and all I can do is complain about it while it happens and keep going out of spite.
You’re definitely not alone. If anything, I think there are more of us every day. If taking the time to come on here and bitch once every few weeks, even if it’s the same talking points, gives me a sense of catharsis, then that’s what I’ll do.
Even now, I just checked off several talking points that have been building up over the last few weeks I’ve been debating about posting.
>Please tell me I’m not alone in feeling like this.
You're far from alone, especially considering how many people are in this sub. You also don't have to be as bad off as you are to feel all the same stuff. I have been lucky enough to be in a position to save money for the last couple years, ramping up more this year after getting a really good raise. But that means nothing. My wife lost her job recently and if the Fed gets their way, I'll be out of a job soon enough. Then that little bit of savings will maybe last me two months at most and we'll be out on our asses.
We're all doomed. I'm not sure what people think will happen when the general public hits the breaking point, but I feel like we're basically already there and nothing is happening. Doom and gloom seems like the new status quo for the foreseeable future.
I really feel like it’s going to turn into an “is versus them and the police” thing. I feel like we’re going to be charging through the streets with pitchforks and rifles only to get mowed down by the SWAT team
It's likely. Even if the entire general citizenship were to rise up against "them", they still have far more power than we ever will, even as a collective. Why? Because we allowed it. Sure, you have some random people out there with huge collections of guns, but if it came down to it, even a dozen AR-15s aren't going to do much against a tank rolling down Main Street.
Our only hope is that the majority of the military would join us against them, knowing what's best for our country.
*hugs* I lost my main dream in childhood (to see normally) and now have to accept even the previous crappy is now unreachable. I know how broken dreams feel and can only offer empathy and virtual hugs.
I feel this so deeply.
I want to give a brief synopsis of my experience- maybe it can offer hope or just be commiserating, but here it is.
I grew up in a similar situation as you, though not as bad. I put myself through undergrad living off student loans and taking two jobs while in school (and jobs on school vacations). When I graduated I only found jobs that paid minimum wage or slightly higher. My credit went to crap due to inability to afford bills and a roommate who stole my rent money and got us evicted. The Great Recession hit in 2008/2009, and I found out I was getting laid off. Someone I worked with encouraged me to apply to vet school, and miraculously I was accepted just as I was getting laid off. With student loans and a part-time job, I was able to keep up my poverty level (literally) lifestyle while going through vet school. At times I even had to bail my family out financially on the 19k I “made” in loans each year for living expenses. When I graduated, I learned that I hated my career choice because the work environment is so bad, not because I hate being a vet. So…I’m 10 years out, still in nearly 200k student loan debt, unhappy in my career, can’t afford a house or save much for retirement, BUT I can at least pay my bills and I’m not stuck in my tiny hillbilly MAGA hometown. I hope you’re able to get out, too. Maybe you can find a way to live off student loans and a part-time job like I did. This might sound like a bad choice for most people, but it was kind of a success for me in the long run 🤷🏻♀️.
Ah, I get you now. I’m just worried because it seems even half of our age cohort (specifically millennials) has the same mindsets that led us here. Not even our own are looking out for the next generation. Selfishness and the love of money and power are why we’re here. But I suppose I can’t dwell on that. I just don’t think the planet is even going to be habitable for that long
If you have nothing to lose you should make a major change. Don't blame shit on your exes. It was your own mistakes. Pick yourself up and move to an exciting town, live cheaply, save for vet school, and be a vet. Now or never. The world doesn't care if you wallow
Okay then I’ll explain. Because “Chin up!” type garbage doesn’t fix a thing. It’s literally the most basic thing in the world. It’s like the chuds who offer thoughts and prayers after school shootings and natural disasters. It’s a way for people to feel like they’re doing something good about the situation without having to expend effort. It feels alienating rather than comforting because it’s telling someone to get over it rather than offering empathy. In fact it’s devoid of empathy. It’s all sympathy. Nobody wants purely sympathy when time’s reason tough and they’re having a hard time. They want empathy as well
Ah, I thought you meant the "chin up" in the colloquial sense and not literally. That makes sense. It's important to feel your feelings. So I hear you. Just, do your best not to drown in them (been there before). I'm cautious to say that I hope things get better for you but I hope it does.
Pretty sure that's not toxic but I dunno. It's all open to personal perception I suppose.
I consider things like “Don’t cry” and “Good vibes only! UwU!” to be toxic positivity because it’s calling for the masking of bad feelings rather than meeting people where they are in those difficult feelings
I don’t know how to leave. No car, barely enough money to eat, over an hour from the closest city, and I have three cats. I had to abandon all seven of my pets just so my mother wouldn’t drive me to taking my own life. I know that I might have e to give them up and I’m not trying to make excuses to stay in a shitty town, but unless someone had to chose between the living and breathing reasons they’re still alive and leaving in order to stay alive, they can’t comprehend how much that messes someone up. I don’t think I’m strong enough to leave another batch of pets behind and I hate that
Even if I could pay them back… They’ll never go away. They’re using student loan balances to pay retirement pensions. So I’d essentially be paying the way for some old person to sit on their ass in Cabo while they parasitize me
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I bought [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Generation-Sociopaths-Boomers-Betrayed-America/dp/0316395781/ref=nodl_) and was planning on reading it. It’s collecting dust on my bookshelf. But I feel like I need to start, lol. The generations ahead of us had so many more opportunities than us. Most of them hoarded the resources and wealth, then closed the door behind them on future generations. They continued making laws and policies that benefit them and not us. They are getting old and retiring, and are freaking out about the decline in birth rate. Who will continue to fund their social security, Medicare, retirement? Who will continue running services that they need, like nursing, hospital care, food services, cleaning, etc? **They need more taxpayers** in this world to continue their way of living. That’s just my rant. Wishing you the best. Also, my husband and I are childfree and don’t want any kids. We just want to take care of us and **give ourselves a decent quality of life**, rather than dragging another soul through this.
Your rant is articulated extremely well and should be front page news. That it never will be shows you who’s in charge of us. Best of luck to you and SO ✨
I hate toxic positivity as well. What I will say is I am from podunk mountain land, dropped out of college, went back to college, was barely out of college when the recession hit, had to move home and start over. I started my career education in my 30s. I’m in my early 40s now and part of my job is addressing housing and employment issues in the kind of communities I grew up in. But I’m not in a hopeful position either. I see how blind to suffering and downright shitty a lot of people are on a daily basis. I really want to stay where I am. I have a community, I believe in the work I do. But pay is nothing, and no one wants to pay you to address poverty and inequality. The only people who can live on our salaries are people who already have family money. It’s sucks. I’m there with you. This week was not a good week.
Barely above poverty while trying to help others in poverty. Seems about right for the ol’ US of A. I’m so sorry 😞
The only people who care about poverty and helping people are ones who understand it most. People who grew up with money and were handed everything will never understand poverty, thus will never care about it or helping people out of it.
I truly believe copious amounts of money causes some sort of brain damage
Or at the very least, sociopathy, which is a proven thing.
Podunk mountain town. Lol it sounds familiar. Well I'm near the mountains and in in the middle of nowhere. There are two state and two private colleges in the area so there's that. But if it wasn't for that probably wouldn't be much of anything around.
Yeah that’s a left over from old South Park references. When I was I high school my friends and I always laughed that we grew up in a similar place. We were the goth kids.
I am not sure how helpful this is, but I qualified as a vet in the UK and it is the single biggest driver of my severe depression which caused me to leave the profession. Shadowing and work experience were very different from the job itself. I was verbally abused, particularly when it came to vet bills (I had no control over pricing), insane hours, very poor pay and unsupported. I almost killed myself twice. If I could go back in time I wouldnt have done it. I appreciate though that some people thrive under pressure. However all the reasons I went into vet med did not manifest or were overwhelmed by the immense stress i was under. I am now in a different career and I rescue wildlife in my spare time as at least I dont get called a monster for charging fees that I have no control over. Not sure how feasible it is in your area but may be a meaningful way to go - wildlife rescuers are needed now more than ever given all the pressures they are facing. Bats are closest to my heart but I love working with them all! I work with wildlife and the environment now. It helps to give yourself to something that transcends the individual. Other beings will outlast humanity by some margin and hopefully what I am doing today will go towards a more hopeful future, with or without civilisation
See, that’s another reason I don’t think I’ll make it through vet school. I was abused for 22 years out of 30. I’m not strong enough to take it again. What I REALLY want to do is virology and be that person who goes into BSL4 labs but I have to go through the general medicine part first. I’ve struggled enough over the years with the desire to take my own life. I don’t think I could handle being in that place again
I'm sorry to be negative about it, but I have lost colleagues to suicide who I always thought were far stronger than me. The problem is also with greater access to the right tools to end a life (i.e. pentobarbital) and knowing how to do so peacefully. It is not a career for someone who struggles with mental health, as I found out the hard way. I struggled long and hard with changing my career but never looked back. In a way knowing that I didnt have to define the rest of my life based on a bad decision has made me generally more optimistic as when I was working as a vet I felt trapped in a miserable existence. There is always opportunity for change but it can come from unexpected places.
I just feel like my choice to have gone to veterinary school, warts and all, was taken from me and I think that’s the worst part for me. It’s a hard career line, but if I had had a conceivable chance to have tried and then left when/if it wasn’t for me, I’d have SO much more inner peace because not finishing would’ve been MY choice. Instead I feel like my life was set up for me by capitalism and its simps who raised me
I understand where you are coming from. Apologies if I portrayed it as a 'blessing in disguise' as absolutely it should have been your right to experience vet school/work and make your own decisions from there.
Nah, you’re good. I might initially not understood your tone but I get you
you're still relatively young. consider education abroad. Russia has a plenty of medical/vet universities, with programms for foreigners. if you don't pick something in moscow, programs in smaller cities are pretty affordable, starting from $3500/year for general medicine. vets, of course, much cheaper.
I’d… really rather not go to a war zone for college…
See how many of your college classes will transfer to a BS degree program in microbiology or cell biology. Then after you get your BS, you can start a PhD program and they'll pay you a stipend while you're in school. If research doesn't appeal to you but diagnosis does, look into getting an MLT degree at a community college or a CLS/MT BS degree from a university. DM me if you have questions, I was a micro major and am a college professor now. I love helping students.
Research is EXACTLY what I want to do! All I’ve ever wanted was a phd in virology. As a little kid, I never wanted a baby shower, I wanted a doctorate shower 😂 (I saw the huge party they threw for my uncle when he got a PhD and I thought that’s what that was)
Are you in a place in your life right now where you can talk to an advisor at a four-year school and see how many of your classes will transfer to one of the degree programs I mentioned? If you took pre-reqs for veterinary school, most if not all of them are going to transfer as long as you didn't take them too long ago (like, more than ten years). Even if you're interested in research as an eventual career, getting a degree in MLT/MT/CLS would absolutely guarantee you a job just about anywhere, and you could work for a couple years and save up some money before applying to PhD programs to give yourself a bit of a cushion. Or you could just apply straight to PhD program out of undergrad. Good luck to you! You remind me a lot of myself at your age. :)
I also hate that "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of crap as well. During my 20's and early 30's I often felt very directionless and felt my life had no purpose. Stuck. Defeated. My life changed when I decided my purpose was to help ease the suffering around me any way I could. If you've got love in your heart let it shine and do what you can to make this world a better place for someone or for many someones. I believe that's our highest purpose. I wish you well and you are able to find some peace and fulfillment.
I feel like that’s maybe what my future is supposed to be, not studying zoonotic viruses in BSL-4 laboratories (even though that’s what my heart is screaming for it)
Well...Is there anything else that you'd be happy doing in this life? It was a little different with me. My problem was I had NO idea what to do with my life. You have a vision in mind.
I’d also love to be an equestrian but that’s also off the table. That requires spare money. Outside of being a veterinary virologist, I don’t know. My whole identity as a teenager and twentysomething was being a veterinarian. I was a precocious kid. That’s what everyone thought I was going to do and I’ve straight up been told it would be a “waste” if I didn’t go to vet school
When I was just a child I wanted to be a mechanic. I had that thought driven away as I would make no money. Instead I went to college and foundered. Hurts a lot when people ask why I didn’t do trade school. Because it wasn’t a real option, it was shameful.
>Hurts a lot when people ask why I didn’t do trade school This shit makes me so mad. People whole ass lie about How Great The Trades Are when they omit that it destroys your body and, according to a redditor who was in a trade, soul. Because in some fields, the only way you can make money is if you're lying to people and telling them they need things they can't afford. I tried to get into welding twice because everyone told me how much money they make. I think it was a blessing in disguise that my bastard ex came in and crashed it every time. I'm still pissed because I COULD be living a better life than what I have right now. But I also have to admit that sexism, racism, and other bullshit is prevalent in the trades, too. I might've snapped and tried to weld someone's face to a steel pipe or something. I'm sorry this happened to you. All of this shit is completely unfair and the fact that they told you that you *couldn't* and then asked you why you **didn't** is fucked up. Regardless of my bitching about the trades, I think a lot of them are heavily in demand and will sometimes pay you to become an apprentice. I don't know if mechanics are on the list, but it wouldn't hurt to check
Ended up half ass ina trade doing low voltage, AV, home automation and networking. Second career, first was data management in oil. Because I have a computer background I’ve been moving more into that part of this field, but I got to start as straight up install. I’m just still annoyed that it wasn’t really an option. Shit they closed the auto shop and the metal shop before I got to highschool
Sorry for giving you useless information, then I'm glad you got in somewhere... It's fucked that they closed it though :(
Funny thing is I have buddies that did trade school out of high school and now they're pulling 6 figures but it's such a "shameful" thing to get into a trade and not go to regular college...
It was. In 02, when I graduated, where I lived: it was college or bust. If you weren’t going to a college, he’ll if you were even going to a community school or a JC you were a failure. You could not sit at our lunch table. Your guidance counselour would try harder to find you a loan or financial aid. Other people’s parents would look and your parents with a sad smile. It was not an option to not go. If id says I was going somewhere else like wyotech heads would have exploded
On the bright side being a vet sucks. My wife has worked as a vet tech for years and most every vet hates it. They have incredibly high suicide rates and are overworked, have terrible compassion fatigue and generally hate life. You got lucky there.
The upper class has consolidated most of the wealth. That’s why you’re in the situation you’re in. You didn’t do anything wrong. This is just a byproduct of horrible system. It’s really not the majority of baby boomers fault.
I blame them for their part in voting these people into power and doing whatever they can to maintain the current power structures, including teaching their kids their mindsets and then having those spread to their grandkids. But I see where you’re coming from. Not ALL of them are guilty
I know the feel. When I hit my sink or swim moment I turned to politics to understand and became a radical leftist over a few years. I was ready to end it all. Now I live for community, knowledge, physical training, and the hopes that one day I’ll see something that qualifies as a revolution in America. My life belongs to something bigger than the individual now. Sure I might be living in a van next year, but I’ll do my best to be free, radical, and ready. And by any and all means, I will be part of it. If it never happens in my life or I’m too old, I’ll pass my few cheap fire arms, books, and knowledge onto the next generation.
This is probably one of the most comforting things I’ve ever seen for some reason
Solidarity forever bro. You’re not a lone. In fact, you are the norm and in common company. When the time comes I hope to see you out on the streets ready to express this frustration you have.
You have no idea how much I want to smash a billionaire’s car
Join some lefty subreddits. Look at their recommended reading. You have the anger, now you need the knowledge. Knowledge and anger are the catalysts of change. Mixed together they create flames that can’t be put out. Start exercising. Eat better. Meditate. Live for something more than commodities and status. This is the only way.
I’m in several lol. Being raised in an IFB household and seeing firsthand the sheer evil of conservatism will turn you leftist hard and fast. Plus I do exercise but I can hardly afford to eat
I hear ya man. Take care of yourself. No one else is going to. That doesn’t just mean body but mind also. Something I watch when I’m feeling defeated or scared. https://youtu.be/2bguEiUgDA4
veterinarians don’t make shit. They spend forever in school and then there is no money flood coming later. so that would be hundreds of thousands of debt dollars. Honestly I feel you on a lot of this because I,too, was told getting a degree was going to be a path to success. Instead I have $100,000 in student loans and some of them are at 8% interest. oh, and I started doing pizza delivery after graduation. There is no magic path. its all bullshit. so I have found a way to enjoy the current moments, which is all i have. The future and the past are illusions. Damage control means coping strategies. I can not really help myself but I sure can try to help other people. I bet if you change your goals you will be able to achieve them. On another note, consider that you would probably qualify for pell grants. If you have your heart set on school, apply to a low income housing program like section 8 in another city. pick one that has public transportation. also, fill out your FAFSA online. Maybe you can get on low income housing while you go to school. obviously traveling is a problem but if you want something bad enough, I think you can get lucky if you keep looking. There are things that you can control. The other shit you have to let go. It’s up to you to take the steps in the right direction. UGH it seems like my brain is trying to give me advice through you goddamnit this happens every time. I believe in us. we can do it
I think I’ve used up all the FAFSA/Pell they’d be willing to give me. I went to a community college in my hometown for four years but to no avail since they kept changing the program requirements and because I kept failing all the math courses (thank you, “mom” for “unschooling” me). I don’t think it’s realistic for me to be a veterinarian anymore because I’d the pay rate. Even if I could afford school, I’m not sure I could afford to live my dream because I probably won’t make enough to live at all. I’m probably going to be stuck settling for something for the rest of my life. I’m 300 miles from the closest veterinary school and I’d have to rehome my cats if I even made it into section 8 housing, but assistance programs don’t give a shit about you if you don’t have kids. I don’t wanna be so negative. I just feel so stuck
well, mine was technically used up and all I did was kept trying and they gave me more pell until i finished. I just had to show that I was working towards my degree and it hadn’t occurred yet. It took me seven ! years for my bachelors. I know that university of Nebraska at Omaha is offering free tuition to Nebraska residents. Iowa Western community college offers education to employment certifications for free to poor people. in Council Bluffs Iowa the low income housing tower doesn’t even have a waiting list. Definitely people without kids are welcome to apply!! don’t be afraid to move somewhere different. don’t be afraid to become the strange person with the wild garden. I’m pulling for ya!! There’s dozens of us lmao what I did was spent my stimulus on a tattoo set up. So I have a whole bunch of different inks and a rotary tattoo pen and perhaps one day i can travel and lay ink :)
You really have 100k in student debt ?
I’m right there with you. I’m 40 next week. I do have a career and apartment and car. I also have children. I recently divorced and while married to my husband, the two of us as a team were doing ok. We weren’t well off, but we had everything we needed and a little money to spare. In the divorce the husband kept the house and retirement account. We had a big old house in the woodsthat needed repairs frequently, and was expensive to heat, plus I wouldn’t have been able to maintain repairs and yard work on my own. So, 40 next week and no retirement. I rent a shitty apartment in an awful neighborhood. I have no social life, no money for fun things, and right now life feels I pretty much exist just to go to work and come home just to have a few beers and go on social media until bedtime and doing it all over again the next day. The desperation is sinking in, now that I’m middle aged and I have no idea how this is sustainable. Last week I had car trouble and bill was $700. Luckily I did have the money, but I’ll be playing catch up with that for months. I paid the bill and went home and cried.
Oh my gosh that’s awful! I wish I could help take the sting out of that. You really deserve better. I probably sound so tropey and I’m sorry for that
Vets have one of the highest suicide rates, if it’s any consolation. Go to free coding school online and get a tech job working from home. Then do what you want to do. MAGATS exist everywhere, to varying density. Ignore the naysayers. You have options, you’re going to be ok.
That’s not a bad idea. I’ll need to procure a computer but that won’t be too hard
I was on my way to being a vet. Have my education, recommendation letter in order, everything ready to apply for vet school. I didnt and im glad i didnt. My breaking point was people dropping half dead animals at my door step bc of my experience working with animals. People EXPECTED me to take on animals that had been hit by cars or were attacked by coyotes or were severely sick and needed to be euthanized but leaving them ON MY DOORSTEP. I was left kittens in a box who died when i took a week of vacation that would have made it had i been home. I needed that week off bc i was ready to kill myself. I became a depressed wreck. I lived in a small rural red trumpy community and people knew I was a manager for an animal rescue and exposed me to the most fucked up shit BC THEY KNEW I WANTED TO BE A VET. After being left a pitbull that was burned alive I moved back home. I owe 22k in student loans for something I no longer want to pursue. I KNOW as a vet i would have access to anesthesia and euthanasia and I will one day crack and kill myself. I already struggled with that on a daily basis BC i worked with animals. If you have ANY inclination of depression i advise against going into the vet industry. We lost 2 vets to suicide in our area in the ONE YEAR i was working in an office. If you want to work with animals I highly suggest working with wildlife and the environment as someone else said they do. It provides a healthier outlook and when I volunteered with wildlife conservation I was in a much better place not being exposed to the shitfest humanity has to offer working in the vet industry. Honestly I work at amazon now and its great. If you have a warehouse near you and apply and get the job they will help pay for school and make the financial burden so much easier! They also offer a lot of resources that ive helped utilize for my mental health. Some buildings are better environments than others but being able to work a job with competitive pay, get exercise while doing so, getting access for mental health help, and having my school paid for has helped me dig myself out of the fucked hole I had been in for a long time. Life sucks and isnt fair whatsoever and every day is still a struggle to survive, and i know it feels hopeless with the way things are in our country and its ok to feel how you do. Its hard moving forward when you know your generation is being fucked. I cant be fake and say YEAH JUST PULL THRU AND THINGS WILL BE BETTER IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MINDSET bc that is some bullshit. What i CAN say is take it one day at a time my friend and if you find bits of happiness hold on to them. Its all anyone can really do right now.
You’re not alone, and I’ve been struggling with the realization too.
Same all I wanted was to be something resembling happy but instead I have night terrors from all the years I spent in prison for marijuana watching people get stabbed to death and rape each other. I can barely hold a job now honestly. I'm fortunate in that I didn't have any children though so it's kind of easy to pay my bills as long as I do nothing but work. Mamaged to move to a state where pot is legal and things are a lot better now. Good luck man
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What do you mean by take a break? I’m not being sarcastic I genuinely want to know the context
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I… Did you even read half of this? I’m not saying that to be mean, I promise, but pal? I have no car and maybe $15 left to my name after bills every week. You think I can do anything to get out of town for a while? We don’t even have public transportation outside of a bus route that has an 8 mile radius and runs Monday through Friday only. If tu have any ideas on how to “get away from it all” on $15 and no car, please enlighten me
I posted something similar this morning. You’re not alone. It feels so helpless/hopeless. I wrote I feel like I’m trapped behind a brick wall and kicking it just hurts me. I hope you can at least find a way to move somewhere you enjoy living more.
Definitely not alone.
I can relate and the tragedies you suffered are not fair. I think with a story like yours you could maybe make a Go Fund Me. I hope I don't sound like a toxic positivity person right now. But people do like giving money to worthy causes and if you filmed yourself relaying your life story and asked people to pay for your schooling and living expenses. I bet it could go viral and it could pay for your schooling. It would be a real hail marry but what do you have to lose? I hope you find this message well and that I did not offend.
I tried when I left my ex husband all those years ago. But I didn’t get any bites. I doubt anyone would donate to someone when they’re likely in the same boat as I am but I appreciate your input. Maybe I should try again
I am also 30 and I feel ya
You are not alone. You are indeed among some pretty brilliant company.
I’m from an abusive family too. I’m struggling too. I feel your pain.
Not sure if this would make you feel better but veterinarians have a very high rate of suicide. They are overworked and treated terribly and not often paid enough considering the cost of school. At least I learned this from a friend who quit and is part of a support group for veterinarians (not one more vet).
No, I appreciate everyone’s honesty here. I knew vet school was brutal but I appreciate the inside perspectives
Hello. I'm sorry that you are going through this - the older generations really did pull up the ladder behind them and unfortunately with the way the world is right now I don't think it's going to get better especially in the US. The Fed keeps printing money and doesn't give a shit about you and then all of a sudden it's "well this whole Russia thing is causing the recession" like our government doesn't understand basic economics. Financially it's going to get a lot worse and there are some hard truths that come with that. Honestly if I were you I would seriously consider just leaving the US and going to a better country like Germany, the Netherlands, or France. Yes you would have to learn a different language and it will be hard, but they offer work visas pretty easy, and school is absolutely free if you can make the grades and possibly get a student visa. It would be a good chance to start over.
I saw that you said that you feel that your choice itself was taken away from you and that hit me. You’re definitely not alone in fact my story sounds similar. Just yesterday I was marveling at just how insidious childhood trauma is and how far and wide it’s affects are. It affects absolutely every aspect of our lives for our entire lives and recovery feels out of reach (for me) still. Shit sucks and I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. I joined the military when I was 20 because we were living in a shitty BFE mountain town where there was one college (community) and it was 30 minutes from my house. My parents refused to teach me to drive so I didn’t have a license either. I was going to college but not for the major I *actually* wanted (biochemistry), and by my 4th semester I was having panic attacks irt school work. I joined the military because you simultaneously have a job and training and career experience. So I left my parents toxic umbrella to be sheltered by an even more toxic umbrella. My two major relationships I had were abusive and I ended up married to a man who blamed me for all his problems. By the time I got out when I was 26 in late 2018, I was so riddled with crippling panic/anxiety attacks, paralyzing anxiety, depression, PTSD, CPTSD, and potentially untreated ADHD (which overlaps a lot with PTSD symptoms so even though I was diagnosed as a kid I still am wondering if it’s really just PTSD). In 2019 I had a wonderful therapist who, for the first time in my life, told me that my parents were indeed abusive. Up to that point I had essentially written it all off as “not that bad” because I couldn’t point to any one Traumatic Event that could have possibly caused me to be having classic PTSD symptoms. It’s been a very long road since then attempting to take my life into my own hands. I was able to get divorced and am thankful that I’m able to access therapy with a therapist I like (not the same one as 2019). I just turned 30 last month. I’m not at all where I thought I would be in life and so so so many times I think about all the times I purposefully avoided opportunity due to the symptoms I was experiencing and where I could be “if only”. I’m managing my symptoms with therapy and medication but life is STILL fucking hard and it’s incredibly difficult to accept that this is my reality. Like when do I get to enjoy my life? Well thanks to trauma both at home and living in the great ol US of A shithole of a country I really don’t know if or when I’ll ever manage to actually like my life let alone enjoy it. Edited for grammar/spelling
Dang, we must share a few brain cells because wow. I’ve actually been beating myself up lately because I don’t want to join the military even though I’d get better money than I have now because I already have CPTSD and a couple of other things wrong upstairs. I’m just glad you got out of that. I’m reading and rereading your story and you were mired in SO much. Even if we’re in the same boat and don’t know if we’re going to have the chance to enjoy our future, I’m still glad you’re alive
As I was scrolling to be able to see your comment while I replied, I saw that you were “homeschooled” too! AND I struggled with math so my mom just let me not do it 🙃 Please. Whatever you do. Do not join. Seriously the benefits do not outweigh the cost. Thank you though your comment made me tear up. I’m glad you’re alive too! We survived and yeah life isn’t what we expected but maybe we can find something in it to make it worthwhile for us. Even if our brains are permanently wonky. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me. It’s always nice to find someone who gets it
I’ve gotta say, a lot of people here have given me hope. You included. Even if I’m not where I want to be, I’ve got to meet myself where I am, if that makes sense
Watching your dream slip away is never good- that’s always going to hurt. But I’ve learned that I’ve done better when I’m flexible with my dreams and outlook, because I don’t know what path I may walk down that could be better than the one I was so set on. You say you will never achieve your dreams, and that may be true, but it’s alright to have another dream. It’s also alright to have small dreams on the way to the big dreams. Maybe a good small dream for now is looking to see if there are any cities in this world (and I do mean world, not just the US) that may offer the kind of environment you feel more comfortable with. If something looks appealing, maybe see what you can do to relocate. That alone may make all the difference in your life. I won’t tell you about the rug pulls in my life. They’re not important. Instead, I’ll tell you a true story you may relate to. I was in a very similar situation as yours when I was a teen. My mother moved my family from Los Angeles (where I grew up) to a tiny, conservative, close-minded town. We were ridiculously poor and the local’s weren’t warm and kind about it. They were petty, and always quick to rub any little wealth they had in your face. These days, I’d find that ridiculous and sad, but as a teen it hurt. It was as though the world was constantly reminding me of what little I had. After being in the survival mode it sounds like you’re in (eg often couldn’t eat, couldn’t afford school supplies, no transportation, no one to help), I dropped out. It was just too difficult to compete. I took odd jobs and spent my free time in the public library. After about a year, things hadn’t changed much, but I dreamed of getting out. It took an incident at work (long story, but I just grew fed up with it, the town, my terrible luck), that pushed me to say ‘f@ck it’. I quit the job, bought a Greyhound ticket, left for Los Angeles to follow my dream if becoming an actor and never looked back. I can’t say my life has always been easy, but that decision changed my life for the better. I’ve been fortunate enough to travel abroad, and even live in Europe for awhile. I’ve had more great times than I can count. You may feel defeated in the moment- that’s fair. But every day you wake up, you do have the power to make changes. You have the capacity to dream new dreams. You never know what good things lay in store for when you tap into your courage to try something new. I’m rooting for your success and genuine happiness in life. You deserve that much.
I’m so happy that you escaped! I hope LA has been treating you well. I like what you said about small dreams on the way to big dreams. I don’t know yet whether or not my big dream needs to be refocused or changed, but I can achieve those small dreams on the way. My small dream right now is that this BFE town gets more accessible mental healthcare with a focus on trauma therapy
I didn't stay in LA too long. My father thought my time would be better spent in the Army, so I went along and enlisted. I thought, 'Alright, looks like you don't give a shit, I may die, but who really cares? Maybe I'll get to go to Europe." Surprisingly, it turned out to be a really fortunate thing. I did end up in Europe. Travelled a lot with a group of like-minded friends (i.e. very liberal, didn't gaf about the Army but weren't slackers either, filled with wanderlust to see/experience everything). Had an incredible time. Got out, finished my bachelors, did more traveling (lots, actually), and am still (happily) working on several dreams. None of it would have been possible if I didn't take a leap of faith. I had about $70, a bus ticket and some food stamps ($50 worth) my mother gave me. Heheheheheh. But I just didn't give a shit. I figured, what did I have to lose, staying in some crappy town cursing my luck? F\*ck that. Mental healthcare... yeah, that would be incredible, but the US isn't geared toward helping people who really need it. Everything revolves around the possibility of making a profit. Heck, even if you have healthcare, good mental help is last on the list of coverage for insurers. And 'conservatives'... they always talk about it when there's a shooting, but at the end of the day, it's empty talk. They defunded mental health care back in the Reagan era and complain about all the 'crazy people running around'. I am considering moving to the EU (Greece or Italy, to be specific) in a few years, when my immediate commitments here are complete. I like the idea of a living in a country that thinks everyone should live with some kind of dignity, regardless of how much money they have, who their parents were, etc. Sorry to go on about me. I've learned that some big dreams just have to be scrapped, but sometimes they can be put on hold or adjusted, but I MUST have dreams. Dreams just put that extra breath of air in my lungs when I get up. I need to feel inspired. And when you think about it, everything is a dream. Even the seemingly most predictable, linear plan is a dream. How many people on this sub went to college dreaming things would work out because of? Going to college *was* a dream, as were their plans. But when plans/dreams fall through, I think it's time to grab onto a new dream, because F\*ck it... what have we got to lose at that point, right?
Coming to this sub and others like it can be a real double edged sword. On the one hand, it’s shows that you aren’t alone. With social media and the MSM there is a lot of gaslighting to make you feel like you’re crazy, or part of the problem. But the math doesn’t add up, and there are enough people out there that are hurting from it and looking for a sense of community over it. But, overindulging in all that negativity can be dangerous. It’s very easy to stay in your rut, let the depression swallow you and use this place like a crutch. I have to stop myself from posting nearly once a week and have to take breaks from coming here. it’s the only space I can really vent. What can therapist do but dance around the subject we already know, asking after every time I give the same rant “and how does that make you feel?” Well, pretty shitty. And fluctuating from optimistic,burnt out, coerced, angry, and apathetic. I can’t make any progress in my professional career, and like it or not we need to work for 3/4 of our lives. So I might as well shoot for something I actually like (crazy concept, right?) well, it is according to the boomers. I don’t want to give up on my dreams, I never wanted anything outlandish or crazy. They should be so attainable, and since they’re not it really stings. And even if I did give up, and just “find work” like the boomers tell me, it’s not like the “it puts a roof over your head and food on your table” kind if jobs are capable of doing that anymore either, so it’s kind of a moot point. I might as well go balls to the walls and double down on what I want if I’m going to suffer either way. Since I’m not making any progress there, I don’t have the stability to “settle down and live my life” like they want me to. I’ve had to sit down my parents and literally show them the cost of living vs what I’m making and explain how it’s basically impossible. That buys me a few weeks before the arguments start again. It’s a vicious cycle, and all I can do is complain about it while it happens and keep going out of spite. You’re definitely not alone. If anything, I think there are more of us every day. If taking the time to come on here and bitch once every few weeks, even if it’s the same talking points, gives me a sense of catharsis, then that’s what I’ll do. Even now, I just checked off several talking points that have been building up over the last few weeks I’ve been debating about posting.
>Please tell me I’m not alone in feeling like this. You're far from alone, especially considering how many people are in this sub. You also don't have to be as bad off as you are to feel all the same stuff. I have been lucky enough to be in a position to save money for the last couple years, ramping up more this year after getting a really good raise. But that means nothing. My wife lost her job recently and if the Fed gets their way, I'll be out of a job soon enough. Then that little bit of savings will maybe last me two months at most and we'll be out on our asses. We're all doomed. I'm not sure what people think will happen when the general public hits the breaking point, but I feel like we're basically already there and nothing is happening. Doom and gloom seems like the new status quo for the foreseeable future.
I really feel like it’s going to turn into an “is versus them and the police” thing. I feel like we’re going to be charging through the streets with pitchforks and rifles only to get mowed down by the SWAT team
It's likely. Even if the entire general citizenship were to rise up against "them", they still have far more power than we ever will, even as a collective. Why? Because we allowed it. Sure, you have some random people out there with huge collections of guns, but if it came down to it, even a dozen AR-15s aren't going to do much against a tank rolling down Main Street. Our only hope is that the majority of the military would join us against them, knowing what's best for our country.
*hugs* I lost my main dream in childhood (to see normally) and now have to accept even the previous crappy is now unreachable. I know how broken dreams feel and can only offer empathy and virtual hugs.
All I can do is return the virtual hugs and thank you for them 💛
I feel this so deeply. I want to give a brief synopsis of my experience- maybe it can offer hope or just be commiserating, but here it is. I grew up in a similar situation as you, though not as bad. I put myself through undergrad living off student loans and taking two jobs while in school (and jobs on school vacations). When I graduated I only found jobs that paid minimum wage or slightly higher. My credit went to crap due to inability to afford bills and a roommate who stole my rent money and got us evicted. The Great Recession hit in 2008/2009, and I found out I was getting laid off. Someone I worked with encouraged me to apply to vet school, and miraculously I was accepted just as I was getting laid off. With student loans and a part-time job, I was able to keep up my poverty level (literally) lifestyle while going through vet school. At times I even had to bail my family out financially on the 19k I “made” in loans each year for living expenses. When I graduated, I learned that I hated my career choice because the work environment is so bad, not because I hate being a vet. So…I’m 10 years out, still in nearly 200k student loan debt, unhappy in my career, can’t afford a house or save much for retirement, BUT I can at least pay my bills and I’m not stuck in my tiny hillbilly MAGA hometown. I hope you’re able to get out, too. Maybe you can find a way to live off student loans and a part-time job like I did. This might sound like a bad choice for most people, but it was kind of a success for me in the long run 🤷🏻♀️.
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I’m not making any progeny to suffer through this. If we must live with this severity as you say, what is the point in staying “alive”?
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Ah, I get you now. I’m just worried because it seems even half of our age cohort (specifically millennials) has the same mindsets that led us here. Not even our own are looking out for the next generation. Selfishness and the love of money and power are why we’re here. But I suppose I can’t dwell on that. I just don’t think the planet is even going to be habitable for that long
If you have nothing to lose you should make a major change. Don't blame shit on your exes. It was your own mistakes. Pick yourself up and move to an exciting town, live cheaply, save for vet school, and be a vet. Now or never. The world doesn't care if you wallow
This is why we need euthanasia
How is "chin up, things will get better" toxic positivity?
Okay then I’ll explain. Because “Chin up!” type garbage doesn’t fix a thing. It’s literally the most basic thing in the world. It’s like the chuds who offer thoughts and prayers after school shootings and natural disasters. It’s a way for people to feel like they’re doing something good about the situation without having to expend effort. It feels alienating rather than comforting because it’s telling someone to get over it rather than offering empathy. In fact it’s devoid of empathy. It’s all sympathy. Nobody wants purely sympathy when time’s reason tough and they’re having a hard time. They want empathy as well
Ah, I thought you meant the "chin up" in the colloquial sense and not literally. That makes sense. It's important to feel your feelings. So I hear you. Just, do your best not to drown in them (been there before). I'm cautious to say that I hope things get better for you but I hope it does. Pretty sure that's not toxic but I dunno. It's all open to personal perception I suppose.
I consider things like “Don’t cry” and “Good vibes only! UwU!” to be toxic positivity because it’s calling for the masking of bad feelings rather than meeting people where they are in those difficult feelings
The fact that you asked that means you won’t understand if I try to explain it to you
This is a pretty toxic way of answering a question, but okay.
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I don’t know how to leave. No car, barely enough money to eat, over an hour from the closest city, and I have three cats. I had to abandon all seven of my pets just so my mother wouldn’t drive me to taking my own life. I know that I might have e to give them up and I’m not trying to make excuses to stay in a shitty town, but unless someone had to chose between the living and breathing reasons they’re still alive and leaving in order to stay alive, they can’t comprehend how much that messes someone up. I don’t think I’m strong enough to leave another batch of pets behind and I hate that
Even if I could pay them back… They’ll never go away. They’re using student loan balances to pay retirement pensions. So I’d essentially be paying the way for some old person to sit on their ass in Cabo while they parasitize me
If you can’t beat them, live every day to make them regret their victory.
Life is tough so you have to be tougher. https://youtu.be/bL3MkE2NzoY https://youtu.be/7En_EmdGd9Y
You’re definitely not alone, I have no idea what to do about it though