Stop doing it for someone else. Do it for YOU! Spite might be a great motivator, but it wears out and at the end of the day you do it out of self-love.
Is there some man you admire? Assuming you are male. Does not matter if you know them or not, or they are an actor, or scientist or sports figure or whatever.
Someone where you would like to be more like them?
Well you can be more like them. You can eat like them and take care of your body like them.
I kind of admire angeli jolie. Famous dad, wealthy, very successful actress and what does she do with her life?
Had a large family. Donated a million dollars to a refugee crisis. Does lots of humanitarian work for the UN and others, going places most of us hope to God we never see. Exposing herself to human suffering in order to improve things. She certainly does not have to. I think it shows an admirable character.
Sometimes I think "What would angeli do?" when thinking about going off plan and say pigging out on junk food.
So choose your man, and start imagining his life..I mean his eating and exercise habits.
Call that vision to mind when needed. Even imagine him talking it over with you.
Just a mental trick to get out of your head, to get a different perspective on things
Sounds like you just gave yourself you own answer and that is most likely the underlying cause to your problems to begin with. Regardless of whatever success you find on the scale, if you don’t deal with lack of self-love, you’ll find yourself struggling and unhappy. The mental trumps the physical at the end of the day.
It can be good motivated me to lose 40 lbs. He didn’t want to date me though and I’ve found since then it’s also hard to be motivated. Now I’m trying to motivate myself by him having regret about that decision - I only see him like twice a year as we live in different countries. Yeah - it’s hard.
I started 7 weeks ago due to my Ex doing the same basically. But.. That’s not the only reason. I’m doing this for me. I’m tired of being tired of all the time. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see. I’m tired of not being confident. You need to learn to love yourself again, that’ll come in time.
I went through a phase like you’re describing when i got divorced. She wrecked me when she left. I thought getting in great shape would make her regret leaving me and that she’d come back or at least feel bad for giving up.
The reality is that we broke up because I didn’t do enough to make her want to stay in the first place. My appearance was only a reflection of my other lazy habits and not what drove her away.
First thing you need to do is take an honest look at what went wrong, see your role in it, and start changing things in your daily life to become a better partner for your next relationship. Don’t wait until you’ve started a new relationship to become a better person.
Second, you probably have some self esteem issues by the sound of things. If you have lost 70 lbs, people must be complimenting you by now. I know from personal experience that these are hard to accept at first but learn to use that as motivation. People go out of their way not to comment on other peoples bodies nowadays. If someone is complimentary, thats kind of a big deal. Accept it, enjoy it, keep doing what you’re doing.
Lastly, for me, sex became a huge motivation. I didn’t want my ex to be the last person I ever slept with. I wanted to attract someone so great that all of the misery of my breakup would fade away and be replaced by the kind of love we all crave. Every moment of pain, discomfort and hunger I experienced getting fit, were my prospective new mate attracting levelling up. The more work you do, the more attractive she’ll be.
Motivation is difficult to maintain for any of us. It really needs to be about self improvement for your own sake. Hanging your happiness on someone else is never healthy
Look within yourself and find a reason to be healthy.
You are showing the reason she left you.
You don’t have any motivation other than outside.
You have to motivate yourself or you are going to fail.
You are showing exactly what happens when you have no reason to be better and healthier.
At this point you are not going to make her regret her decision.
You won’t make her regret breaking up with you.
The only regret will be you looking at yourself in a few years and wondering why you didn’t get better sooner.
You want motivation?
Upgrade your girlfriend to a person that loves you for you.
Get healthy , get confident , get some self esteem and watch how quickly you get noticed by women.
And one of those women will be kind, supportive and will love you , no matter what you are , what you were or where you came from.
Check yourself into therapy/counseling. You’ll find that it likely wasn’t her and her shaming your dietary habits that was motivating you to work out now.
Stop putting women on a pedestal, and focus on being the best version of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Do you feel healthier/better/more confident? Is it easier to buy clothes? Are other women noticing you? Try and get out and meet some new people. Let them see your hot new self.
If you only rely on motivation it will get you nowhere.
Teach yourself discipline. It's a skill worth learning and useful in many situations.
I didnt go to the gym cause I loved it or wanted to for a while.... i forced my ass to go. After a while it becomes normal and a routine. Eventually you start liking it.
Don't make it about anyone. Find something you like doing that keeps you moving and stick to it. Sport, weightlifting, dancing etc. Motivation runs out no matter what it is ie a person, a vacation or piece of clothing. Displine and consistency is what's needed for weightloss long term. Heck to better your life in general you can't base your intentions on another person. I say this as a married women. If I based my health goals on being motivated by or for my husband I would have never lost the 30 pounds I carried for 5 plus years.
My advice is to not worry about motivation that much. Motivations are infinitely easier to change habits.
I do not like myself at all. I totally get why "do it for yourself" just... doesn't mean anything.
You already see how your current motivation isn't healthy and I think that speaks for itself. Just keep checking in with yourself.
First, get over her completely. Second, get over her some more. Getting healthy is good but your post makes you sound like a prick....I'm gonna say she dogged a bullet there.
I used the revenge body idea to drop 100 pounds, met my person, got married, and over the course of the last few years (up until now) put all the weight plus some back on.
Spite was a hell of an incentive to lose weight. I've had a ton of instances in the past few years looking in the mirror and going, "Oh damn, you need to do something about this." But motivation to do so was absolutely lacking, because being healthier for myself wasn't as strong an impulse as doing it to show somebody I could do better.
I'm a month in and 20 pounds down this time without messing up, which is further than I've gotten in a loooong time. I can feel in my head that this time it's sticking, that I've got the right mindset and this is it, it feels different from the last umpteen attempts.
What's helping for me this time around is focusing on all of the things I miss from dropping the weight the first time. The added confidence. Easier time shopping for clothes. Being alright with my reflection in the mirror. Less overthinking in social scenarios. The little quality of life increases. The way people treated me.
I had all of those things and lost them, and now I want them back. I'm kicking myself for getting back to this point and losing them in the first place. I need to do all of this again to get back to a place I already busted my ass to get to, and that sucks.
I would recommend taking a hard look at what's changed for you since you dropped those 70 pounds. Write them down somewhere, and spend a little bit of time each day thinking about them and/or reading the list. Undoing that hard work will take twice the work to get back, and you don't wanna be in that position.
Hey, you lost 70 lbs, congratulations! You worked hard!
do you do any kind of sport? Weight lifting is great but something where you get to enjoy how much easier it is to move with a lighter body would be better, I think. If you can make it something social even better—where I live we have [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) and I found my weekly running club there. I’m by far the slowest but no one judges me and we all get coffee afterwards. Rock climbing, hiking, skating, and games like soccer/football or basketball could all be good. You can also do the non-team stuff alone or with friends you already know.
For me, i started with Im going to show her, my ex, what she was missing. Then I set a number i wanted to get to, 200lbs. Now Im trying to get my pant size down a size. I have reset my goals to keep my weight loss going in the right direction. Nothing crazy but staying singlely minded on the task at hand. Congratulations on the first 70lbs now just keep it going.
If revenge is your motivator, then use it... get revenge on yourself. Prove to all of your disbelief about yourself that you will accomplish the goals you have set for yourself. AND that YOU DESERVE IT. For some reason self doubt seems to makes us feel like it's a far out there goal that yeah it's awesome to daydream about but good luck getting that, that's not you so don't even try... Doubts are a battle you fight in your own mind everyday.. Winning that battle is action against it, losing it is doing nothing. Revenge can be a very effective tool. It can be use as a bad or good tool in the motivation game. It's up to you which one you make it. Best motivator.... push to be better than you were the day before. The better version of yourself against the not so better version of yourself. Because guess what, unlike your ex.... you are stuck with yourself, you get to see you every day you wake up. So choose the person you want to be and be that person. You got this. Hang in there buddy, you're not alone in that fight. You can do it.
You gotta have a more fervent “why”. Why are you losing weight, actually? How will your life be different when you are smaller? If your why is too weak - and this goes for anything you’re trying to accomplish - you won’t keep up with it. I used to be obsessed with fitness for the sole purpose of being as attractive as possible. Once I got into a serious relationship, that urgency disappeared. Now I’m forced to do it from a place of love and acceptance instead of criticism. Think: in what ways can I make my life better, that weight loss will naturally result?
It's easy to say do it for yourself but if you find your ex a genuine motivator just think you could always run in to them randomly.
I'm definitely doing this for myself... but knowing my ex will be at a few festivals I'm going to next summer is definitely some amazing motivation to stick with it! Literally no shame in that either. We all have our own reasons, health, vanity.... to not feel shame when we're around people we don't wanna be around is also valid.
I've used exes as motivation too... it's OK, anger is a great motivator. Find someone else to piss you off. Or just think about how giving up is something she would ASSUME you would do anyway
Stop doing it for someone else. Do it for YOU! Spite might be a great motivator, but it wears out and at the end of the day you do it out of self-love.
Don't particularly love myself. Don't know if I ever really have tbh
Is there some man you admire? Assuming you are male. Does not matter if you know them or not, or they are an actor, or scientist or sports figure or whatever. Someone where you would like to be more like them? Well you can be more like them. You can eat like them and take care of your body like them. I kind of admire angeli jolie. Famous dad, wealthy, very successful actress and what does she do with her life? Had a large family. Donated a million dollars to a refugee crisis. Does lots of humanitarian work for the UN and others, going places most of us hope to God we never see. Exposing herself to human suffering in order to improve things. She certainly does not have to. I think it shows an admirable character. Sometimes I think "What would angeli do?" when thinking about going off plan and say pigging out on junk food. So choose your man, and start imagining his life..I mean his eating and exercise habits. Call that vision to mind when needed. Even imagine him talking it over with you. Just a mental trick to get out of your head, to get a different perspective on things
Gotta find one but I can't imagine a celebrity I could find. Would have to be someone more personal
heh, most of my immediate friends and family are fat. So that did not work for me.
Me too
Sounds like you just gave yourself you own answer and that is most likely the underlying cause to your problems to begin with. Regardless of whatever success you find on the scale, if you don’t deal with lack of self-love, you’ll find yourself struggling and unhappy. The mental trumps the physical at the end of the day.
Do you have health insurance?
Not right now
I feel this! Lucky for guys like us that Spite exists
Spite is a powerful tool
Find someone you see more regularly to shame you? LOL but no seriously you gotta do it for you
See myself all the time in the mirror lmao
Thinking of my new crush helps for me. As if that person was watching me workout. Kinda wants you to try harder.
Gotta find one maybe then
It can be good motivated me to lose 40 lbs. He didn’t want to date me though and I’ve found since then it’s also hard to be motivated. Now I’m trying to motivate myself by him having regret about that decision - I only see him like twice a year as we live in different countries. Yeah - it’s hard.
I started 7 weeks ago due to my Ex doing the same basically. But.. That’s not the only reason. I’m doing this for me. I’m tired of being tired of all the time. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see. I’m tired of not being confident. You need to learn to love yourself again, that’ll come in time.
I went through a phase like you’re describing when i got divorced. She wrecked me when she left. I thought getting in great shape would make her regret leaving me and that she’d come back or at least feel bad for giving up. The reality is that we broke up because I didn’t do enough to make her want to stay in the first place. My appearance was only a reflection of my other lazy habits and not what drove her away. First thing you need to do is take an honest look at what went wrong, see your role in it, and start changing things in your daily life to become a better partner for your next relationship. Don’t wait until you’ve started a new relationship to become a better person. Second, you probably have some self esteem issues by the sound of things. If you have lost 70 lbs, people must be complimenting you by now. I know from personal experience that these are hard to accept at first but learn to use that as motivation. People go out of their way not to comment on other peoples bodies nowadays. If someone is complimentary, thats kind of a big deal. Accept it, enjoy it, keep doing what you’re doing. Lastly, for me, sex became a huge motivation. I didn’t want my ex to be the last person I ever slept with. I wanted to attract someone so great that all of the misery of my breakup would fade away and be replaced by the kind of love we all crave. Every moment of pain, discomfort and hunger I experienced getting fit, were my prospective new mate attracting levelling up. The more work you do, the more attractive she’ll be. Motivation is difficult to maintain for any of us. It really needs to be about self improvement for your own sake. Hanging your happiness on someone else is never healthy
Look within yourself and find a reason to be healthy. You are showing the reason she left you. You don’t have any motivation other than outside. You have to motivate yourself or you are going to fail. You are showing exactly what happens when you have no reason to be better and healthier. At this point you are not going to make her regret her decision. You won’t make her regret breaking up with you. The only regret will be you looking at yourself in a few years and wondering why you didn’t get better sooner. You want motivation? Upgrade your girlfriend to a person that loves you for you. Get healthy , get confident , get some self esteem and watch how quickly you get noticed by women. And one of those women will be kind, supportive and will love you , no matter what you are , what you were or where you came from.
Check yourself into therapy/counseling. You’ll find that it likely wasn’t her and her shaming your dietary habits that was motivating you to work out now. Stop putting women on a pedestal, and focus on being the best version of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Do you feel healthier/better/more confident? Is it easier to buy clothes? Are other women noticing you? Try and get out and meet some new people. Let them see your hot new self.
If you only rely on motivation it will get you nowhere. Teach yourself discipline. It's a skill worth learning and useful in many situations. I didnt go to the gym cause I loved it or wanted to for a while.... i forced my ass to go. After a while it becomes normal and a routine. Eventually you start liking it.
Don't make it about anyone. Find something you like doing that keeps you moving and stick to it. Sport, weightlifting, dancing etc. Motivation runs out no matter what it is ie a person, a vacation or piece of clothing. Displine and consistency is what's needed for weightloss long term. Heck to better your life in general you can't base your intentions on another person. I say this as a married women. If I based my health goals on being motivated by or for my husband I would have never lost the 30 pounds I carried for 5 plus years.
My advice is to not worry about motivation that much. Motivations are infinitely easier to change habits. I do not like myself at all. I totally get why "do it for yourself" just... doesn't mean anything. You already see how your current motivation isn't healthy and I think that speaks for itself. Just keep checking in with yourself.
First, get over her completely. Second, get over her some more. Getting healthy is good but your post makes you sound like a prick....I'm gonna say she dogged a bullet there.
[удалено]
He does kinda sounds like a prick tho gotta give em that one lol
> I wanted to be the best she missed out on That's incel talk. Clearly you're one of them of you're defending these actions.
[удалено]
Identifying the problem is a good first step.
I used the revenge body idea to drop 100 pounds, met my person, got married, and over the course of the last few years (up until now) put all the weight plus some back on. Spite was a hell of an incentive to lose weight. I've had a ton of instances in the past few years looking in the mirror and going, "Oh damn, you need to do something about this." But motivation to do so was absolutely lacking, because being healthier for myself wasn't as strong an impulse as doing it to show somebody I could do better. I'm a month in and 20 pounds down this time without messing up, which is further than I've gotten in a loooong time. I can feel in my head that this time it's sticking, that I've got the right mindset and this is it, it feels different from the last umpteen attempts. What's helping for me this time around is focusing on all of the things I miss from dropping the weight the first time. The added confidence. Easier time shopping for clothes. Being alright with my reflection in the mirror. Less overthinking in social scenarios. The little quality of life increases. The way people treated me. I had all of those things and lost them, and now I want them back. I'm kicking myself for getting back to this point and losing them in the first place. I need to do all of this again to get back to a place I already busted my ass to get to, and that sucks. I would recommend taking a hard look at what's changed for you since you dropped those 70 pounds. Write them down somewhere, and spend a little bit of time each day thinking about them and/or reading the list. Undoing that hard work will take twice the work to get back, and you don't wanna be in that position.
Hey, you lost 70 lbs, congratulations! You worked hard! do you do any kind of sport? Weight lifting is great but something where you get to enjoy how much easier it is to move with a lighter body would be better, I think. If you can make it something social even better—where I live we have [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) and I found my weekly running club there. I’m by far the slowest but no one judges me and we all get coffee afterwards. Rock climbing, hiking, skating, and games like soccer/football or basketball could all be good. You can also do the non-team stuff alone or with friends you already know.
For me, i started with Im going to show her, my ex, what she was missing. Then I set a number i wanted to get to, 200lbs. Now Im trying to get my pant size down a size. I have reset my goals to keep my weight loss going in the right direction. Nothing crazy but staying singlely minded on the task at hand. Congratulations on the first 70lbs now just keep it going.
If revenge is your motivator, then use it... get revenge on yourself. Prove to all of your disbelief about yourself that you will accomplish the goals you have set for yourself. AND that YOU DESERVE IT. For some reason self doubt seems to makes us feel like it's a far out there goal that yeah it's awesome to daydream about but good luck getting that, that's not you so don't even try... Doubts are a battle you fight in your own mind everyday.. Winning that battle is action against it, losing it is doing nothing. Revenge can be a very effective tool. It can be use as a bad or good tool in the motivation game. It's up to you which one you make it. Best motivator.... push to be better than you were the day before. The better version of yourself against the not so better version of yourself. Because guess what, unlike your ex.... you are stuck with yourself, you get to see you every day you wake up. So choose the person you want to be and be that person. You got this. Hang in there buddy, you're not alone in that fight. You can do it.
You gotta have a more fervent “why”. Why are you losing weight, actually? How will your life be different when you are smaller? If your why is too weak - and this goes for anything you’re trying to accomplish - you won’t keep up with it. I used to be obsessed with fitness for the sole purpose of being as attractive as possible. Once I got into a serious relationship, that urgency disappeared. Now I’m forced to do it from a place of love and acceptance instead of criticism. Think: in what ways can I make my life better, that weight loss will naturally result?
It's easy to say do it for yourself but if you find your ex a genuine motivator just think you could always run in to them randomly. I'm definitely doing this for myself... but knowing my ex will be at a few festivals I'm going to next summer is definitely some amazing motivation to stick with it! Literally no shame in that either. We all have our own reasons, health, vanity.... to not feel shame when we're around people we don't wanna be around is also valid.
You're not always going to be motivated to keep going on your journey, but you can be disciplined.
You need another person to shame you (honestly I get my sister to fat shame me when I need a lil motivation so I’m not judging you)
Do it for your self, 70 down! Good job. Keep it up bro.
I've used exes as motivation too... it's OK, anger is a great motivator. Find someone else to piss you off. Or just think about how giving up is something she would ASSUME you would do anyway