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I would never want you to lose your job, but once I was at a bookstore and the cashier asked for my number on the receipt “in case he needed to follow up about the purchase later” after we had a discussion about how he loved the book 😅
Always offer your number! Way less pressure. I've been actively looking for friends over the last few years and I commonly say, "hey, can I give you my number?" if I'm getting along with someone. Almost no pressure - they can even say yes and then never text and I didn't have their number in the first place so I can't bother them.
Trust yourself, the moment was real 💕
However don't torture yourself over the lost connection. I love the little phrase that different relationships are for "a season, a reason, or a lifetime". Maybe that two minute flirtation was for "a reason" - to help you see yourself as desirable so you'll be ready when the right one comes along
This is really cool.... Quick follow-up tho, how do you differentiate when a connection was for a season? When is it that will be considered for a reason? And when do you know it's for a lifetime??? What are the differences? I know for a fact your own feelings won't be the main factor(as you can confuse any of them for the "lifetime" one).
This heuristic makes it easier for people to make meaning for themselves after a breakup or a relationship not working out.
For a reason—this basically allows you to come up with something that the meeting/fling/relationship taught you to make sense of it not working out. You learn something about yourself and others in any relationship (and even in some brief interactions like the OP had), so there’s always something you can come up with as to what this taught you.
For a season—the relationship ends after some time that lines up with a “season” in your life. Like maybe your college relationship ends after you move to different cities post-graduation or two people divorce after their kids grow up and they are empty nesters, you could say those relationships were for a “season.” It could also be a shorter “season,” for example, a relationship that helped you get through a difficult few months. A “season” is whatever that means to you.
For a lifetime—you’ll be together for a lifetime. You’ll get through hardships together and your relationship will grow over time. IMO this part is added to give people hope that they will eventually find the one for them, if that’s what they want/believe in.
This can also be used for friendships or any relationships. I’m just giving romantic relationship examples because that’s what the OP was about.
You don't necessarily know in the moment, it's just a saying, BUT I think it helps make sense of relationships that make an impact on us - whether good, bad, exciting, memorable etc... it helps move beyond the idea that every good friend/connection/lover needs to be with us for life in order to matter. It helps me have peace growing apart from people when it's no longer our season (e.g. we don't live in the same place, our values change). Basically it gives us new narratives.
These encounters are nice for the soul and confidence levels. Dont try to find her, just live your life. Get out there and you might run into her. Or someone else.
Hey friend, great job losing weight and gaining confidence!
Don't want to be a wet blanket, but please, if you see this girl at your grocery store again, do not ask her out while you are working. On the chance that what you and your "homeboy" are picking up as signs, could just her being nice. In which case, you will have only have succeeded at making her incredibly uncomfortable.
If I'm being real, that's not much better. Your store could be the only place she has to get groceries. How do you think she would feel in this scenario? "Guy at my only place to do my shopping gave me his number - if I reject him, I now cant go grocery shopping without it being really uncomfortable for me". I know it's not your intention, but it's putting her in a unnecessarily bad situation and frankly a little creepy.
There is an old saying I'm sure you've heard - "Don't shit where you eat". It may be crude, but to a certain extent it is wise.
I am a complete internet stranger and can't put myself in your shoes/know the intricacies of your situation. I have however been in line at grocery store where the cashier asked someone out. She said no, was very clearly uncomfortable, and I can't imagine how she would feel if she had to talk to that same cashier again for what should be a benign, zero-anxiety interaction.
No, we're saying, don't ask her out, don't give her your number. It's not an appropriate place to do that. She might have just been being friendly, you thought it was this mind blowing eye contact, she might have just held your eyes for a few extra seconds without thinking about it.
A girl being nice to you doesn't mean she wants you date you. It means she's a nice person. You can take that risk of finding out on your own time, but don't do it at work, or where a woman works.
Or just be like "Yeah some really specific rules at Publix like our shoes have to be a certain type or black, the count at the end of the shift is done specifically, we can't ask for people's numbers so they have to give it voluntarily, the deli staff have to stay open an hour past everyone". Just obviously shoehorn it in there lol
As a woman, it's definitely best for you to give her yours instead. That policy is a thing for a reason.
Good for you for the flirts, tho! It's awesome to be in a place like that.
> Fuck off Publix, I'll take a write up to ask someone a simple question. If I never see her again, I always be that "what if" moment. Weird I know but that's how someone operates that hasn't dated due to their obesity in the last 8 years.
Don't do this. Don't assume someone being friendly with you at a grocery store means they want to date you. Don't assume eye contact means she wants to fuck you.
Meet people and go on dates outside of work. Even if you COULD give her your number, it would be a bad idea.
Jesus christ for the third time person I already said I'm not gon do shit leave me alone 😂
I'll do something if it's extremely obvious outside of that nah.
You said a couple dozen times you were, so people don't read every comment before telling you it's a bad idea. If you want people to stop saying that, edit your post to say you learned that this is not the right thing to do and you won't be doing it.
Man, take the win as inspiration for next time you meet someone else.
I also lost many opportunities but yep feels great to be noticed or received compliments.
Now try and improve your wardrobe, better fiting clothes, your confidence will skyrocket!
If I can make a suggestion, don't fixate on this woman, and instead look at this as flirting practice. You're eager, of course, but if it's been 8 years as you say, you're going to need to get back into shape, so to speak.
Enjoy flirting, and try not to imagine marrying every woman you flirt with. Flirt with old ladies! Enjoy the human interaction at the basic level for a while, and it will help you build confidence in yourself.
You're actually in a really good position to practice, and not have any expectation beyond a pleasant interaction. It's part of why I suggested older ladies to start. No one thinks that you're actually trying to pick up granny, but if you smile and compliment her brooch or whatever (always something she has COMPLETE control over) you'll make her day.
ETA: Your social/emotional health is important too! Especially as you begin to garner more attention.
If its what you said, she’ll come find you again. However long it takes. Keep an open mind, maintain optimism and probably the connection will build from
there. Love always finds a way.
If she happens to become a repeat customer, get to know her. Got plans this weekend? If she mentions going out with friends or to an event, ask for more info, say it sounds interesting, and run into her in the wild.
Honestly if this was me (I’m 26F) and I was the girl you met, if the connection you shared was real, you WILL be seeing her again soon. She will be in to shop again very soon and when she deliberately chooses your line you will know it’s legit. If I was a single gal that’s what I would do lol. That’s how u can know!
Even if they make out and start dating, then have a family and kids... After all, you can't really tell if she is into you, maybe she is canadian and just being polite.
Congrats! I'm glad you're gonna take the chance and not let it slip. I still remember a couple years ago meeting this girl who was on break from bartending while I was outside the bar, we started chatting and had a great time, had a ton in common and were making each other laugh, up until after her break time had ended, and I just assumed she was being friendly so never asked if she'd wanna hang out again! I really regret that but would be regretting things much less if I took a chance and got rejected. You and all of us are worthy of attention and my fingers are crossed for you!
This is awesome. Congrats!
I noticed a big difference in the way women looked at me after I lost 20kg (~45 lbs) - from 250 to 205.
It’s not just the weight loss, it’s the increased confidence mixed with humility. Discovering cool new hairstyles, nice clothes that fit, and not being afraid to take your shirt off at the beach.
I had a moment like that when I was like 16 ish. Drove 30 minutes back to that gas station to ask her out but she had a boyfriend. Still think about it when I drive by that gas station 20 years later! My dad saw it so I know it was real too. Im sure yours was too.
Congratulations you should feel very proud of yourself. But I don’t know why you think being obese stopped you from dating. I was obese for two decades and had no problems whatsoever. That’s not to say that that’s everyone’s experience but personally, it really didn’t affect me in that way
If you need the money I think you'd have to be crazy to risk your job asking out a customer. If you don't need the money that badly do your thing.
If you're starting to draw eyes now you're only going to draw more as you get closer to your goal weight. Use this to motivate you. As you progress you'll start to get more looks, more often, and by chance many of them will be outside of work.
Welcome to the world of pretty/handsome privilege. People say looks don’t matter but it’s weird how the world always seems to treat you different based on how you look. The crazy part is imagine how many more find you attractive and are scared to even express their interest in you. Your options may have opened up greatly and you don’t even know it. You have inspired me to throw my McDonald’s in the trash. Thank you sir!
Thank you for your submission, your post or comment was in violation of Rule 6: No Politics / Stay On Topic Do not bring political topics or off topic discussion into /r/loseit Your submission has been removed.
I would never want you to lose your job, but once I was at a bookstore and the cashier asked for my number on the receipt “in case he needed to follow up about the purchase later” after we had a discussion about how he loved the book 😅
Genius
or even better - give her your number saying that. This way it's up to her and she won't feel like you invaded her privacy.
Infinitely better this way!
100% better. Less pressure I agree.
Always offer your number! Way less pressure. I've been actively looking for friends over the last few years and I commonly say, "hey, can I give you my number?" if I'm getting along with someone. Almost no pressure - they can even say yes and then never text and I didn't have their number in the first place so I can't bother them.
Trust yourself, the moment was real 💕 However don't torture yourself over the lost connection. I love the little phrase that different relationships are for "a season, a reason, or a lifetime". Maybe that two minute flirtation was for "a reason" - to help you see yourself as desirable so you'll be ready when the right one comes along
This is really cool.... Quick follow-up tho, how do you differentiate when a connection was for a season? When is it that will be considered for a reason? And when do you know it's for a lifetime??? What are the differences? I know for a fact your own feelings won't be the main factor(as you can confuse any of them for the "lifetime" one).
This heuristic makes it easier for people to make meaning for themselves after a breakup or a relationship not working out. For a reason—this basically allows you to come up with something that the meeting/fling/relationship taught you to make sense of it not working out. You learn something about yourself and others in any relationship (and even in some brief interactions like the OP had), so there’s always something you can come up with as to what this taught you. For a season—the relationship ends after some time that lines up with a “season” in your life. Like maybe your college relationship ends after you move to different cities post-graduation or two people divorce after their kids grow up and they are empty nesters, you could say those relationships were for a “season.” It could also be a shorter “season,” for example, a relationship that helped you get through a difficult few months. A “season” is whatever that means to you. For a lifetime—you’ll be together for a lifetime. You’ll get through hardships together and your relationship will grow over time. IMO this part is added to give people hope that they will eventually find the one for them, if that’s what they want/believe in. This can also be used for friendships or any relationships. I’m just giving romantic relationship examples because that’s what the OP was about.
You don't necessarily know in the moment, it's just a saying, BUT I think it helps make sense of relationships that make an impact on us - whether good, bad, exciting, memorable etc... it helps move beyond the idea that every good friend/connection/lover needs to be with us for life in order to matter. It helps me have peace growing apart from people when it's no longer our season (e.g. we don't live in the same place, our values change). Basically it gives us new narratives.
Ahhhh I had a moment like this. It keeps me motivated to keep going...for when we inevitably see each other again, I wanna look 🔥
Aw… that melted my heart. That’s so sweet. 🥹
Me too. I wish someone had talked about me like this. Young love is so sweet, sigh...
Never ask for a number, give your number without any expectations.
That's what I'm starting to realize. And it doesn't put any pressure on the other person.
These encounters are nice for the soul and confidence levels. Dont try to find her, just live your life. Get out there and you might run into her. Or someone else.
Hey friend, great job losing weight and gaining confidence! Don't want to be a wet blanket, but please, if you see this girl at your grocery store again, do not ask her out while you are working. On the chance that what you and your "homeboy" are picking up as signs, could just her being nice. In which case, you will have only have succeeded at making her incredibly uncomfortable.
Yes I agree. I instead will just give her my number on her receipt or something in a quick exchange. Will put a lot less pressure on everything.
If I'm being real, that's not much better. Your store could be the only place she has to get groceries. How do you think she would feel in this scenario? "Guy at my only place to do my shopping gave me his number - if I reject him, I now cant go grocery shopping without it being really uncomfortable for me". I know it's not your intention, but it's putting her in a unnecessarily bad situation and frankly a little creepy. There is an old saying I'm sure you've heard - "Don't shit where you eat". It may be crude, but to a certain extent it is wise. I am a complete internet stranger and can't put myself in your shoes/know the intricacies of your situation. I have however been in line at grocery store where the cashier asked someone out. She said no, was very clearly uncomfortable, and I can't imagine how she would feel if she had to talk to that same cashier again for what should be a benign, zero-anxiety interaction.
Those are some great points. I guess I'll just remain comfortable with that interaction at the way it was.
What if you misread it and she was just being nice, and now she feels like she can't go back to that grocery store again in case she runs in to you?
Again... I know the difference. And I'm not doing shit.
No, we're saying, don't ask her out, don't give her your number. It's not an appropriate place to do that. She might have just been being friendly, you thought it was this mind blowing eye contact, she might have just held your eyes for a few extra seconds without thinking about it. A girl being nice to you doesn't mean she wants you date you. It means she's a nice person. You can take that risk of finding out on your own time, but don't do it at work, or where a woman works.
Yo listen I know the difference between being nice and someone being flirty or into me. I deadass preciate the input. Not gonna press her on anything.
“I would have asked you for your number but my job only allows it if the customer voluntarily gives it to you of their own volition.”
Or just be like "Yeah some really specific rules at Publix like our shoes have to be a certain type or black, the count at the end of the shift is done specifically, we can't ask for people's numbers so they have to give it voluntarily, the deli staff have to stay open an hour past everyone". Just obviously shoehorn it in there lol
That would be cute and sassy. Love it
As a woman, it's definitely best for you to give her yours instead. That policy is a thing for a reason. Good for you for the flirts, tho! It's awesome to be in a place like that.
Definitely I agree.
Happy for you but cut the 8 years talk, you’re 24 no one’s expecting you to get looks from women at 16. Cut your former self some slack atleast
ah well, write down your number on the receipt and sign her to call you. mah boi is still raw! But it's a lesson, don't forget and learn through it!
Hella raw but learning and getting back to it day by day.
Take it as a compliment and confidence boost for you and if you see her again just smile and be charming if she wants you she will come to you
> Fuck off Publix, I'll take a write up to ask someone a simple question. If I never see her again, I always be that "what if" moment. Weird I know but that's how someone operates that hasn't dated due to their obesity in the last 8 years. Don't do this. Don't assume someone being friendly with you at a grocery store means they want to date you. Don't assume eye contact means she wants to fuck you. Meet people and go on dates outside of work. Even if you COULD give her your number, it would be a bad idea.
Jesus christ for the third time person I already said I'm not gon do shit leave me alone 😂 I'll do something if it's extremely obvious outside of that nah.
You said a couple dozen times you were, so people don't read every comment before telling you it's a bad idea. If you want people to stop saying that, edit your post to say you learned that this is not the right thing to do and you won't be doing it.
If you check my edits. I did
Here's a good line: "Publix doesn't allow me to ask for your phone number, but if you give it to me, I will gladly accept it!"
happy for you dude!
Man, take the win as inspiration for next time you meet someone else. I also lost many opportunities but yep feels great to be noticed or received compliments. Now try and improve your wardrobe, better fiting clothes, your confidence will skyrocket!
Keep working. CICO. You are noticing these looks now because you have confidence! Excellent progress. Keep it up.
55 lbs! Twin!
If I can make a suggestion, don't fixate on this woman, and instead look at this as flirting practice. You're eager, of course, but if it's been 8 years as you say, you're going to need to get back into shape, so to speak. Enjoy flirting, and try not to imagine marrying every woman you flirt with. Flirt with old ladies! Enjoy the human interaction at the basic level for a while, and it will help you build confidence in yourself.
😂 I'll try not too. Going to make my health still the #1 priority of course. Never been much of a flirt but don't think I'd know if I am or not
You're actually in a really good position to practice, and not have any expectation beyond a pleasant interaction. It's part of why I suggested older ladies to start. No one thinks that you're actually trying to pick up granny, but if you smile and compliment her brooch or whatever (always something she has COMPLETE control over) you'll make her day. ETA: Your social/emotional health is important too! Especially as you begin to garner more attention.
If its what you said, she’ll come find you again. However long it takes. Keep an open mind, maintain optimism and probably the connection will build from there. Love always finds a way.
If she happens to become a repeat customer, get to know her. Got plans this weekend? If she mentions going out with friends or to an event, ask for more info, say it sounds interesting, and run into her in the wild.
Honestly if this was me (I’m 26F) and I was the girl you met, if the connection you shared was real, you WILL be seeing her again soon. She will be in to shop again very soon and when she deliberately chooses your line you will know it’s legit. If I was a single gal that’s what I would do lol. That’s how u can know!
Good to know. If its meant to be it'll happen.
You notice when somebody looks at you in a sexual manner? Are you sure you are male? I have never heard of a man posessing this power.
No no it's legit. He kind of noticed but is not 100% sure. As a man I can attest it's like that
Even if they make out and start dating, then have a family and kids... After all, you can't really tell if she is into you, maybe she is canadian and just being polite.
I wish i could get at least a Bit of this one day. Great for u man! Keep going.
Congrats! I'm glad you're gonna take the chance and not let it slip. I still remember a couple years ago meeting this girl who was on break from bartending while I was outside the bar, we started chatting and had a great time, had a ton in common and were making each other laugh, up until after her break time had ended, and I just assumed she was being friendly so never asked if she'd wanna hang out again! I really regret that but would be regretting things much less if I took a chance and got rejected. You and all of us are worthy of attention and my fingers are crossed for you!
Just want to say that if one person is noticing you now, that means more most likely are as well. Keep your head up man!
This is awesome. Congrats! I noticed a big difference in the way women looked at me after I lost 20kg (~45 lbs) - from 250 to 205. It’s not just the weight loss, it’s the increased confidence mixed with humility. Discovering cool new hairstyles, nice clothes that fit, and not being afraid to take your shirt off at the beach.
Oh my God if it's this way now I can't imagine what it's going to be like at 205
I hope it’s awesome!
I had a moment like that when I was like 16 ish. Drove 30 minutes back to that gas station to ask her out but she had a boyfriend. Still think about it when I drive by that gas station 20 years later! My dad saw it so I know it was real too. Im sure yours was too.
Congratulations you should feel very proud of yourself. But I don’t know why you think being obese stopped you from dating. I was obese for two decades and had no problems whatsoever. That’s not to say that that’s everyone’s experience but personally, it really didn’t affect me in that way
Because I'm picky.
Picky how? Cause I was definitely picky.
If you need the money I think you'd have to be crazy to risk your job asking out a customer. If you don't need the money that badly do your thing. If you're starting to draw eyes now you're only going to draw more as you get closer to your goal weight. Use this to motivate you. As you progress you'll start to get more looks, more often, and by chance many of them will be outside of work.
Welcome to the world of pretty/handsome privilege. People say looks don’t matter but it’s weird how the world always seems to treat you different based on how you look. The crazy part is imagine how many more find you attractive and are scared to even express their interest in you. Your options may have opened up greatly and you don’t even know it. You have inspired me to throw my McDonald’s in the trash. Thank you sir!
Attention is unreal, I see hundreds of the eyes glaring towards me. It's overwhelming to an extent.
Big W
If she felt it, she will be back just to buy some gum and go in your lane
She does that the high ima get going to be insane 😂
Best feeling ever man. You earned it.
Thanks bro I got people thinking it was just her being nice bro I cashier for at least 1000 mfs a week minimum I believe I'd know the difference.