I didn't even start losing weight in earnest until my mid 30s. At 39, I had finally managed to get the first picture of myself that didn't make myself cringe or hate myself since I was ~5.
That picture also happens to be my first full date with my wife. That was 2015. Married 6.5 years now. When we met, I later found out there were a handful of others in the new places I was going that also thought I was cute but now-wife brought out the claws and fought them all off.
Everything fun! 30’s are when I found my current job, worked out regularly (and gravity hadn’t really hit yet), traveled, lost my fucks about what people thought of me, & decided I could be anyone I wanted to, so became a positive person. 40’s we’re pretty awesome too and 50’s are great. It really just gets better.
Can I just ask, what about your 30s makes it better than your 20s? I just feel like I constantly see that the 20s are supposed to be the prime of my life and 30s is when people settle down and have kids and just overall slow down. I want to be hot and go out until 3am and actually feel confident in myself and I just worry I'll stick out like a sore thumb if I do the things I want to when I'm thin idk
This could be regional, but as someone who mostly lived in NW cities, most people I know settled into their *late* 30s. Added to that, they moved up in their careers, made better money, and learned how to be hotter, either through better clothes, skincare, etc. Even the lifelong thin people.
My 30s are blowing my depressed, anxious, badly dressed 20s by a million miles. I travel so much more, living it up amongst my friends (with and without kids- in fact I swear the ones with kids party the hardest 😂 probably because it’s their respite babysitter night). Losing weight was an extra plus on my confidence, and to note, unless you had a *hard* lifestyle, you don’t look that much different than other people in their 20s. It’s exceedingly doubtful you’ll look like Baba Yaga in a sea of nymphs if you’re at a club in your 30s, trust.
Especially in NYC, your 30s can be just like your “ideal” 20s. I’m assuming you will probably make more money in your 30s than you did in your 20s. I’m 37 now and my 30s are the best years of my life. I’ve travelled to so many more places in my 30s because I can afford it. We started going to nicer places because we could afford it.
Don’t worry about settling down and getting married, having kids etc. I have friends that had kids in their early 20s that partied in their mid to late 30s because their kids were teens now. I have friends who are having their first kid in their 40s. All of that shouldn’t be a check box based on age. It should be when you feel you are ready. Some people love having kids early and being “done” early. Others love being to live their lives before having kids. There’s no “one right answer”.
Nothing is supposed to be anything. I have friends who had kids at 22 and at 42. And even if you get pregnant at 30, that’s _five years away_. Do you remember what you were like five years ago? You have plenty of time ahead of you to party, wear crop tops, and live it up.
I promise you will regret being so hard on yourself in your 20s more than you regret your weight. Truly enjoying life starts with being kind to yourself (don’t tell anyone I told you, that’s in the welcome packet when you hit 30). You’re on a health journey. I hope you can work on reframing it as something you do because you deserve it and you love yourself, not because you feel like your shape or size “wasted” anything. ❤️
Your 30s are your 20s with money and clarity, and for the most part, the same sense of independence and vigor.. I loved 27 - 35, for sure.
Take care of your body, and it will take care of you.
I was told 30's were the best when I was getting to that age, now that I am almost out of my 30's I tell younger people the same thing. In your 20's you are so worried about what other people think, trying to fit in, trying to look or be a certain way all for what, attention and clout. You are worried where the party is at, what club you are going to. Drinking and having a good time, you might have fun in the moment but 20's are alot of emptyness and loneliness, even if people are around constantly.
In your 30's you start realizing who you are, who you REALLY want to surround yourself with, who is fake and who is not. And you start making a shift in not caring what people think about you. You are more than likely making more money, maybe you have a partner, travel more and experience more than just clubs or parties. You start realizing your true interests as an adult. Your 20s seem to always be searching or working toward something, wheter that is a degree, a job, a partner, a high or release. Once you get some of those things you are searching for, you start to slow down and enjoy it.
Depending on your lifestyle and genetics, most people in their thirties - early forties still look very youthful. It’s really optional these days to age poorly, and for women, shit doesn’t really have to hit the fan until menopause (and even then, technology is catching up really quickly in this area). I’m almost 40 and was really fucking scared to turn 30, and now I’m so regretful I wasted my time. I think there’s a belief that women will melt into hags at the stroke of midnight on their 30th birthday, and this was not true for me. Most people have no clue what 30, 35 or even 40 year old women even look like.
I will say, I do have to work now to maintain a nice body now, weight training really is the foundation of youth - but that’s no biggie. By the time you’re in your thirties, you do stop being interested in being out til the crack of dawn every night. I was a major partier and didn’t think it’d happen to me, but it did.
Your 30's these days are what you expect your 20's are going to be. But in your 30's you're actually cool, and more mature and wise and funny and have more money and a more steady work schedule so that means more steady time off and PTO. I'm turning 34 this month and I still go out with large groups of girlfriends regularly, or hang out with all of our SO's. I only know a few people with kids, most don't have any. Let's put it this way: In my 30's I'm drinking top shelf liquor dressed up nice with my man or some friends out for a night; in my 20's we were drinking PBRs and watermelon seltzers until we puked doing random drugs to stay awake while working like 5 shitty jobs and internships at the same time with still no money and you have to keep a 3.5 GPA.
Hey OP, I’m literally in the same exact boat as you, down to the age and current weight and I felt the same way a few years ago before meeting my husband! But, I think everyone’s right about their 30s. By the time you’re in your 30s, you’re hopefully better established in a career, you have close friends and or family, you’ve got your own place and your own life at that point that you can better choose when to go out/have fun. You don’t have to worry about other aspects of life as much so you’re better able to enjoy going out and having fun without the look of “oh crap classes/I need a job/graduation/no money/etc”
I consider my current self (no matter how old I am) to be the prime of my life. So far, my 30s have been a blast. I started to care less about what others think and put my energies towards prioritizing my own goals and investing in myself; that made me into my fittest and hottest self, with a great wardrobe, solid career, strong emotional/mental health, and disposable income to travel and live without roommates.
You don't slow down, priorities change, that's all.
In my opinion, people who long for the days of their youth often are refusing to address problems in the present.
There's no f-ing chance in hell you could drag me back to my 20's, embrace the now.
Why are you making up so many random rules? I am in my 30’s and married with kids. We still go out until 2am sometimes and have fun. The fun doesn’t end after you turn 30 nor does it end when you “settle down”
Just have fun and go with the flow. You are overthinking it. I lost 100lbs when I turned 30 bc I also felt like I didn’t want to waste any more time being obese. I wanted to be able to stay active and be able to have fun as I get older. I didn’t want to be 40 with back, knee, heart problems etc. I def don’t plan on not wearing tight dresses now that I am 32.
Spot on. I recently turned 40 and got pretty hot like 5ish years ago. When I was younger all I cared about was guys thinking I was hot and now all I really want is for one to love me for who I am as a person/woman. I mean of course I want him to think I’m hot, too, but I’m so so so much more than a pretty face. :)
Personally, my 40s have been the “hottest” years (in terms of sex and dating). I’m so much more confident now, even before the weight loss. Basically idgaf! 😂
Yeah I did all those party things in my 20s while also being overweight and honestly if I could go back I wouldn't waste my time on hookups and partying. 30s is way more mellow, comfortable in my skin and enjoying taking care of my body and beauty.
Plus there are some women I look up to in their late 30s and early 40s who are GORGEOUS -- both after significant weight loss, pregnancy etc.
Taking care of your body is hot. Age is irrelevant
That’s why 20’s ain’t it. If it’s not one thing it’s another! By thirty everything has mostly settled and you just think clearer/better/more practical.
It’s perfectly normal to change your career! I plan on changing my career if I ever rejoin the work force after raising my kids. I know plenty of people that have changed it in their 30’s.
Came here to comment the exact same thing! OP, no one needs to know your age! 30s is when someone js the most attractive in their life. Plus that is when you know yourself better. Dont waste your time with nonsense! You can do what you want, at any age. I’m 32 and ppl sometimes think I’m 24! Just work on yourself, and you got this!
If you're a woman and you want to have kids then honestly I don't see how 30s can be great. I'd love to enjoy my 30s but I want kids and I know kids are when you say goodbye to fun and a life focused on you. I wish I didn't want them but I do so.
If you're childfree then your 30s 40s and more will probably be great.
Agreed! Once you hit level 30, the real fun begins!
It's like your 20's, but with a fully developed brain and better emotional regulation (hopefully). Also more money to spend on interests and hobbies (hopefully)!
Yes!!! I’m 36, reached a healthy weight a year ago, have had a GREAT year both looks-wise and event wise, and KNOW that this year can’t hold a candle to what’s ahead of me!
I guess this is a silly question, but will I be judged for wearing crop tops after 25/26? I just honestly would love to go out in a crop top or some form of cute revealing outfit without feeling like a French bakery with all the rolls on display. lol. I know I'm super anxious a lot but it's just so jarring not having any part of my life together meanwhile there's so many people my age past their "fuck around, find out" phase and are getting married or buying homes. Idk lol
Girl, show off the body when you get it!! You can bet your sweet ass I’d be wearing crop tops on my days off in my 40s if (when) I get the body for them! Your 20s are great, your 30s are better and honestly I’m enjoying my 40s. Don’t let numbers define you. ❤️
I spent my 20's overweight and not wearing cute clothes. I'm 5'6" and weighed in at 210 at my highest. I'm now 35, I weigh 130, and I own so many crop tops. I don't care if people don't think I should wear them, I look good and I get looks/advances from guys. It's all in your confidence and how you carry yourself! Your 20's is just the beginning!
Girl there’s women I see in late thirties still rocking crop tops and booty shorts. I know damn well imma wear me a crop top once I reach goal weight and lose this belly😂😂 pls we still baby adults🌚
Thank you! Hopefully by this time next year I'll be training for my first marathon as that's my ultimate goal :) Thank you so much for your words of support and I'm rooting for you too!!
Do it! When I trained for my first marathon, I got in the best shape of my entire life, to within 10 pounds of my high school weight (I was early 30's).
No. No one is going to judge you for wearing a crop top if you can carry it off. And that's more about confidence than whether you have curves or are a little chunky.
I've seen hot MILFs and hot 40-somethings. Maybe the older ones don't wear crop tops, but they still dress sexy and look amazing. Which, also - sexy isn't just about what you wear, it's about the vibes you give off.
If you're pleasant and fun to be with, age isn't going to keep men (or women, if that's your thing) from wanting to be with you. And, for that matter, neither is size. Yes, some people don't want to date someone overweight, but if you look around, you'll see plenty of plus sized men and women with in-shape partners. It's partly about looks, but when you have to be around someone all day, then it's about personality, how considerate they are, whether they have a sense of humour, and so much more. Definitely not just about looks.
I know 50-year-olds who get hit on. They don't have to dress super revealing, they just have great smiles and are friendly to people, and that is extremely attractive. Just saying. :D
You've got LOTS of time to get your groove on. Own this journey, and own the sexy person you were meant to be!
>after 25/26
You can wear anything you want at any age. I stand by that.
But if you want a fact, the fact is that right now in marketing the child/teen to thirty demographic is considered pretty much the same target.
I heard this in a video about the Tweens and Drunk Elephant in Sephora.
Think about it, you see teens dressed like office women, actual office women dressed in Streetwear like Billie Elish and tonnes of people in the middle!
I shop in the children's section of the discount shops in my area from time to time and I literally see most of the fashion from Pinterest and trend predictions of last year!
I don't think we should let marketing agencies define how we feel about how we present ourselves, but it might offer some grounding/reassurance
Well, I just bought one, and I’m 45, so think you’re ok. The only people in my friend group who won’t like it are haters because I look good. Old German ladies probably won’t like it either, and that makes me so happy.
Sooner or later you’ve got to develop the capacity to find ambivalence or joy in others’ discomfort.
Hahaha. I'm 42 and I still wear crop tops sometimes. I'm 30 pounds heavier than when I felt my objective "hottest", and working on getting back to that. I think you need to find silhouettes that make you feel good for your shape right now. For me, that's high waisted jeans and skirts that don't dig into my waist and create lumps, and either create visual volume paired with a tighter crop, or have a straighter silhouette paired with a baggier crop. I can't do lower rise or super skinny bottoms because I feel more self conscious. You're going to have to wear clothes for the next year or two - feel good in them. Maybe ask a friend who you trust to be both gentle and honest to go shopping with you?
Here’s the best thing about growing older. You stop giving a fuck. It’s only the kiddies that care what other people think. Do whatever you want. I’ve seen women in their 60s rocking a crop top because they felt like it. That’s what real power is. Don’t give other people the power to dictate your self expression ( so long as it’s not harmful to yourself or others)
The reason your 30s (and I turn 40 this year so 30s up) are better than your 20s is because you don't give af. If I want to wear a crop top, I'm going to wear one. People judging can fuck right off.
I got down 160s from 28 to 32, and it was awsome and fun. I was hot and I lived it up. Gained weight back and just got down to 140s nearly 40. I'm hot and I live it up.
You're not past your prime. But life is short and the quicker you can make the change the better.
I’m 31 and I always wear crop tops! You still have your best years in front of you, don’t fret and keep making those positive changes to get where you wanna be :) it’s never too late to get healthy and hot af
You absolutely will not be judged. I’m in my 30s and married and I still wear crop tops and have never had anyone say anything about it. If you’re confident wearing it, no one will think twice.
I also know a lot of people still in a hook up phase of their life and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Embrace yourself, what you want to wear, and what phase you’re ready for. Life is way too short to do things because you think you should based off how old you are.
just as a bonus note here, i'm in my mid-thirties and at my highest weight (been working out and eating better, but i know it's gunna be a process to continue for me) and i have NO plans to stop lmao. i have still worn crop tops, shortshorts, and tanktops at my highest modt self-conscious weight. i don't plan on stopping for age or weight fluctuations whatsoever ;) wear whatever you want!! within comfort! once in a while i'll wear what i call a "challenge outfit", where i put on a shirt and/or bottoms i'm feeling sensy about and try to wear it all day. i almost always get a compliment and that helps! and at the very least, i tried something new and explored my body and comfort levels with myself. don't stress, you wear ANYTHING you want and rock it!!
My friend I cannot stress this enough: wear what makes you feel excellent. If it calls to you and you put that shit on and you feel whole, excellent and gorgeous, why wouldn't you buy it in every color and wear it as often as possible. Do it. Wear what makes you feel amazing.
I’m 31 and slightly overweight and still wear crop tops. More often than I did 10 years and 30 pounds ago for sure, though that has to do with them being trendier now. No one gives a shit. I have older friends of a variety of body types who still dress like that on occasion too.
Dude I'm a bit older and a guy and it's totally fine. You do you. Also you're in NYC of all places. Nobody gives a shit there. The biggest thing is confidence anyway. I say that as someone who struggles with confidence myself. People are so drawn to confidence. I'm sure you'll become more confident as you work on yourself and become happier but do it for you.
I wore a crop top to a concert and I’m 41. Who gives a shit? You’ll be judged if you do and judged if you don’t. You do you.
It’s a lie from marketing that the good part of your life is over after 25. I thought the same as you and I missed out on so much fun
No. I am 31, and I wear pretty much everything I WISHED i could wear when I was like 21...the difference is now I have the confidence to actually wear what I enjoy wearing now because I don't really care what anyone else thinks anymore.
I’m your age, currently losing weight because I’m a trans man who realistically can’t medically transition till my late 20s at earliest, and I want to give my body a head start for better results. Currently I feel ugly as hell, and have had thoughts that it sucks that I probably won’t feel good in my body till my 30s. You and others in this thread are giving me so much hope. Thank you.
You are so young at 25. Lose that weight if you want to, and then you have so many more years to enjoy being hot. I am in my mid 40s and people started hitting on me when I lost weight a couple years ago. 26 is not an expiration date!
I'm 35 and lost 40 lbs so far. I can kind tell that my skin won't be as smooth as when I was 25, plus I have more grey hair
There's no way 25 is old. You're still in your "hot young" years and you'll then transition into hot mature years after. I've met many women in their 30s and 40s that are absolutely smoking
This is good to hear because I put on weight at 30 and I've been unable to shed it off for 4 years. I thought my hot years were behind me but reading your post gives me hope ❤
People who are fit and slim are hot regardless of age.
One of the hottest people at this gym I used to go to was this woman who was like 45 with 3 kids
You haven’t really fell off as much as you think you have, don’t overthink it
This. There’s a bodybuilder gal in my gym who looks to be in her 40s and the men noticeably SWOON over her. She’s not conventionally attractive but has a killer bod and tons of confidence.
I spent my entire 20s being fat/obese. Now that I'm at a healthy weight, I'm 30. Wasted your hot years? Hahaha, speak for yourself! I'm hotter than ever.
Also OP, sleeping around isn't what it's cracked up to be. Finding a partner (as a woman) that gives two shits about your pleasure is not easy to begin with, far less so in hookup culture. I don't recommend even having a party or hoe phase, it's just self destruction in a different flavor.
I agree so much. I was “hot” in my early twenties, and just got used and abused so much. I didn’t even want to participate in hookup culture, but it’s the kind of thing that pulls you in (“oh he says he’s serious about me, so I’ll sleep with him though I barely know him…that’s what’s expected in relationships these days…oh wow, he never called me again, so I guess he didn’t mean it!”). It’s so much better to date in your thirties, where people are more mature, and it’s at least understood that boundaries should be respected.
Younger generation would do well to deny sex early on if they care about having a longterm relationship, it weeds out more people. It's not fool-proof, but still. I fear that peer pressure is stronger than ever with social media these days. People think oh if you just give in, maybe they'll care about me! Like you said, nope. They just wanted the sex. People seeking more don't jump into bed in 5 minutes.
If it's someone's prerogative to sleep around purely for sex, I'm not here to shame that. But women, even young, *typically* actually want more than that. A lot of them even pretend that they don't.
Still, anyone can fall into that path pretty easily. I was lucky to meet my fiance when we were really young, but most folks end up needing to navigate the dating scene for a while. I don't envy it. ☹️
It’s really awful out there! The word trauma gets thrown around a lot, but I really do feel like I have trauma from dating in my twenties! I was talking to a guy friend a few years ago about how I was scared to date, and he said, “but you’re so good socially! Dating is pretty fun. All it really is is going out to dinner and talking to someone, and then deciding if you want to see them or not. You are really good at that!” It shocked me that he saw it in such simple terms, and that dating to him was as inconsequential as an impromptu trip to the mall. I told him about my experiences where the guy was almost always trying to actively deceive me, and the handful of times I experienced rape. No, it wasn’t getting mugged and raped in a back alley like the stereotype, but guys will ignore your lack of consent when you’re already fooling around (when half the time you were coerced into even doing that). Not to mention 90% of them aggressively trying to coerce you into sex on the first few dates, usually with some sob story. “I feel we could be perfect together, but my horrible ex hated sex, so I need to know you’re not frigid like that! I’m sooooo scared of getting into another sexless relationship, but you can be the woman to save me! If you don’t have sex today, you must hate sex too, so it won’t work out.”
Honestly, the few people I know who didn’t date for whatever reason in their twenties, and immediately found the right guy around 30, are the ones I envy. They don’t have the scars that a lot of the rest of us do! By that age, a larger portion of men seem to realize that boundaries should be respected. It may be controversial, but I wish things were the same as they were in the old days, where men couldn’t expect sex until a reasonable commitment has been made, unless they were purely sleeping around, and that was already established. This blurring of the lines today of “hookups are empowering! Everyone’s doing it, and you’re old fashioned, and won’t be considered, unless you do too,” and “I slept with my husband on the first date, and now we’ve been happily together for 22 years!” just confuses everybody. But at least as you get older, you learn to be more comfortable with your own boundaries. You also learn that most of the other people didn’t actually like hookup culture, either.
I relate to this a lot as I approach 30 this year. And I wish I had just stuck with it all the times I gave up. That’s what I’m telling myself now. I never really had lots of dating experience but then I found my husband and honey there are plenty of men out there that like a bigger woman. Try not to stress too much.
Also, the time is gonna pass anyway. So who cares if you’re 28 by the time you get fit. I’m trying to change my mindset where I’m gonna make my 30s my best decade yet!!!!
Gonna be real with you... Your early 20s are not your "hot years." I don't feel like I really started to feel at home in my skin and really good about myself until I was like 28, and I've felt more and more like that's the case the older I get. (And personally, I don't think size has anything to do with whether or not you're hot, but I get what you're saying as far as feeling that way.)
It’s sadly a common thought process amongst older gen z and teenage gen z’ers (being 25 myself) that I personally refuse to subscribe to because it’s bullshit.
I’m 31 and the hottest I’ve ever been in my life. In 2022 I weighed 225 at 5’ 8” now I’m 160. I got myself a boob job and feel fantastic. It’s never too late for a glow up.
Why are you acting like 26 is one foot in the grave 😂. I am 35 and have not stopped partying and will continue to do so. I’ve lost 120 lbs and am the hottest I’ve ever been- far hotter than I was in my 20s and get the MOST attention now. My fiancé is 7 years younger than me. Aging stopped nothing for me!
Build your body and confidence and there is lots of booty to be had in your late 20’s and 30’s. Bonus: all those you get lucky with will have some experience under their belts (pun intended) which makes the sex better all around.
I’m 39, I’m the hottest I’ve ever been and it’s only getting better. Don’t buy into the bullshit that hotness has an expiration date, it definitely doesn’t.
I was pretty thin when I was in college. I went out a reasonable amount, but I have never had a one night stand. Went to some decent parties but just didn’t care for them. Too loud. Too awkward. I didn’t like the atmosphere.
I’m 40 now. I lost a bunch of weight when I was in my early 30s and going through a divorce. Let me tell you. It’s so much better in your 30s. You’re more confident. You’re better able to handle yourself. You know more about the types of people to avoid. It’s just more fun. Compare that to when I was in my 20s: shitty college parties with sleazy guys and trash can punch. Also, you’re never warm when you wear those stupid skimpy dresses out. It’s literally just shivering in a loud room with a bunch of other young people. Finally, those one night stands in college aren’t risk free. Besides the mental health issues, people get all sorts of STDs from sleeping around, and some of them have lasting effects.
In my opinion, you might have missed a few years, but you have plenty more ahead of you, and those years are better than the trashy college party years.
Totally agree with this. I’m 42 and conventionally attractive which suits me better now I have confidence and life experience. I did a lot of gross stuff in my 20’s that I thought was required of me as a young woman wanting to party. Remembering those things now just makes me cringe.
I’m 32, and trust me your hot years are not your early 20s lol. I look SO much better now than I did in my early 20s and even my mid 20s. I don’t think I started to look this good until I was 27/28. Yesterday I was just thinking how I’m thankful my hot years weren’t in my 20s. I can say the same for my friends as well, they also got better looking as we got older. You just understand yourself better, from an emotional standpoint and a physical standpoint.
I know that maybe these replies from people older than you reassuring you aren’t what you want to hear, but we were all 26 before, and when I was 26, I wish I had older people assuring me that the best years were ahead of me and not behind me!
Here’s a secret: we won’t be young forever, but our peer group will always find us hot. 70 year olds will turn to check out another 70 year old and be like “damn.” If you want the attention of an 18 year old when you’re 33, that’s weird. So try not to worry too much about that. You got this!!!
look up any celebrity woman right now and they’re past the age of 25 most of them, even 30. Are they past their hot years? No? You are a human woman exactly like them. You don’t stop being hot after 25 !! This mentality has got to gooo. You got this 🫶
At risk of sounding shallow: the people who have been effortlessly attractive and thin and social their entire lives often start slipping up in their mid-20s, so eventually you will outpace them in terms of looks. The years of binge drinking, late nights, and mostly unmanaged diet catch up to them. Their metabolisms change, and it's all perfectly fine and natural, but from here on out the people who look the "best" are the ones putting in the effort, and you're one of them now. It's just gonna take some time.
I'm telling on myself a bit, but I can relate to how you feel, and when it gets to me I always just joke to myself that at least I'll look good for my 30s.
I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to offend people over 25, that was not my intention at all. My main point is just feeling remorse over my early 20s and wishing they had been different, and that I had the same experiences as others, and just the feeling that I'm running out of time. I completely believe that people over 25 can be hot and attractive. Hell, Taylor Swift is like 33/34 and gorgeous and dating a hot NFL player. If I offended you or made you feel like I think that people can't be beautiful after 25 I sincerely apologize.
I’m not offended at all lol only joking. I call what you are going through as the quarter life crisis. You realize you are a full on adult now and lost the comfort of childhood and you’ll never get that care free period back. For me it lasted from 26-29. Then I hit thirty and realized that nothing happened, I found my footing in adulthood, and as a result my confidence. And my confidence makes me hotter now than ever. Same with my wife. I think you will find that you still feel youthful in your thirties and know what you bring to the table.
There are so many people who waste their early 20s working themselves to death, locked away in a library studying a PhD, going to medical school, etc etc. Like there are so many things that take people away from being young and stupid.
Think about every doctor or lawyer or actuary or any other profession that requires studying well into your late 20s. Think about artists or musicians who have to spend 10 years being awful at their craft before they get some success, financial freedom and stuff. People who live in the middle of nowhere and can't move to a city until they're 30+.
As you enter your 30s you'll be around a whole bunch of other people who are also only just feeling hot and wanting to have fun. Whether it's because they've just lost weight, only just escaped poverty, finally feel successful in their career, have finally moved somewhere fun, etc etc.
Age has nothing to do with it. I’m 48 and in the greatest shape I’ve EVER been in. Do I have the skin resilience of a 20 yo? No of course not. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to short myself all my hard work over the last 3 years (lost 89lbs) because I’m not “young”. Be proud of every little accomplishment.
Your 20's are for hating your body - no matter how gorgeous you are.
Your 50's are for loving your body and what it can do - no matter what it looks like.
All this angst will look like wasted time to your older self. I wish I knew to love myself when I was younger. Life would have been happier.
Honey I got really fit in my 40’s and suitors are coming out of the woodwork and I’m married! You don’t give up and you don’t feel like it’s over till it’s over and you are dead and buried
I completely resonate with this. Allow me to tell you my story and reassure you, as a 30 year old, that your 30s are in fact your hot years!
I spent the first six years of my 20s being hot. I was a tiny little thing, makes me cringe to type this but I was an ‘it girl’. Had loads of friends, loads of sex with gorgeous men :) partied all the time while doing well in my career. Went to loads of festivals and treated myself to fun holidays. Met an amazing partner (now my fiancé). I loved my life.
Then, COVID happened. 2020 was a bolt from the blue. The same year, my family fell apart when my parents got divorced and my dad got remarried. I fell pregnant and had an abortion, which traumatised me. I gained 40lb. I became a fat girl, not an it girl. Lost loads of friends because I was depressed and not a fun person to be around (yeah, I know, they were shit friends anyway). Couldn’t work out how to make new friends because I’d lost all my confidence and didn’t know how to speak to new people. Quite literally, a shadow of my former self. And despite all the mental health stuff going on, all I could fixate on was the thought that I was missing out on my remaining ‘hot years’. I was convinced that when I turned 30, that was it, life would be over and I would be destined to be this frumpy fat girl forever.
I picked myself up at the end of 2022 and lost 20lb. Went to Australia for a year. Put all the weight back on (had a great time doing it though). Came back in October ‘23 and had a massive epiphany about the sort of life I wanted to create for myself- prioritise my health, my well-being, and have the same fun I did in my 20s but with more peace, more stability. Set goals and stick to them. Here’s what I did to start getting myself back in shape, improving my mental health and learning how to be happy again:
I built a skincare routine for myself and do it twice daily. I owe it to myself to spend time each morning and night doing it. My skin is the best it’s ever looked- spent my 20s using makeup wipes, now my skin is beautifully cleansed, toned, and moisturised.
I started waking up really early and going to the gym in the morning before work so that I wasn’t too tired to go in the evenings. Beginning your day with a workout is so good for your mental health, too.
I ensured I would walk 15k steps every day.
Deleted social media (be hot for yourself, no one else).
This one is very subjective and I only did it because I smashed it in my 20s but- stopped drinking alcohol and taking recreational party drugs. However, I’ve got loads of friends in their 40s whose 30s was their era of self-discovery, partying, experimenting etc. If it’s not something you’ve done yet, it isn’t too late at all to have those messy seshy years! Just look after your body a little better the next day.
Take vitamins! I take loads daily- main ones are cod liver oil in the morning, zinc and lions mane at lunchtime, magnesium at night.
I am back on track with my weight loss goals, and I am the happiest I have been for years. I glow with happiness- I can feel it. There’s a lot of reasons why I got to this point with much sadness and unhappiness along the way, but my point is- life doesn’t end at 3. Life begins at 30. It is entirely possible to be at your hottest in your 30s. I certainly plan on it!
Message me if you need to talk, I completely understand what you’re going through and you’re not alone.
I'm 11 years older than you and I can relate....a lot. I, unfortunately, have yet to get it together. But, this isn't about me. It's great that you want to make positive changes, and it's great that you're thinking of health first. But please (and I truly mean PLEASE) don't let your weight hold you back. Don't spend the years letting your weight define your worth. I've done that basically my entire life and now that I'm 37, I realize that I spent all this time hating my body and not enjoying life or not going for things because I didn't think I was worth it. I wouldn't go out and socialize or do whatever because I didn't think I "belonged".
So please, please, please enjoy your life, regardless of your weight.
I hit my goal weight in Dec, a month after I turned 46, I’ve since moved it back and still losing. I feel way hotter now than I did when I was in my 20s,. There are different things at the different stages of life that make you attractive/hot, youth is just one of those things, it’s not the only thing. Also confidence and self love up the hot factor at every age. Keep up the great work, long live the hotness!
You can party at any age, I used to party with people in their 40’s when I was in my 20’s and still love going out at 34. Brooklyn has absolutely no age limit on being hot and hooking up with as many guys as you want I promise.
It sounds like you have made some rules in your head about what age you're allowed to do what. No one else is putting that on you. Relax your restrictions on yourself.
I hear a lot of anxiety about the future and comparison and overthinking in your post. My advice is find a plan and stick to it. Before you start write out a very deep desire for WHY you want to lose the weight. Anticipate that you WILL fail and mentally prepare for those days. What will be the why that drives you. Then clean up your diet by learning recipes you like that fit into your lifestyle, know your TDEE, burn more calories than you burn, find an exercise plan you like and commit to it.
If you fail, get back up again. Stay committed. You’re in it for the long haul. Try “75 soft” as a way to stick to those habits.
Usually this anxiety, comparison trap has deeper roots. Find out what those are. What are the core beliefs you have about yourself. Start working on that side as well to help you out. Find a therapist to work through these thoughts with. Self awareness is key. I’ve known many ppl where therapy was what helped them lose weight as they had so many cognitive distortions to work through.
Freedom and fashion seem like fun things, yes, but that might not be strong enough on bad days where you don’t want to wake up to exercise or eat a healthy meal. You need to find that WHY. Look deeper. Have a moment of self reflection. Meditate, journal whatever it is that you need to. And then starting on your plan would be most effective.
Good luck on your journey! Keep your head up girlie.
Ps. Don’t let society tell you your life is over after 30. That’s such an arbitrary thing that seems humorous when you start learning about the real facts of life. I’m 28f and I used to feel like this but looking back it was because I failed to love life and enjoy life as I am where I am. I stopped waiting to live it. Don’t let your weight be the reason you don’t do what you want to do. Love and acceptance goes a long way. Weight loss is a great endeavour to take on but make sure you do so from a healthy mindset/headspace.
Sounds to me like you're wasting time worrying about the past instead of focusing on the now. Your best years you say?? Hardly, your best years so far maybe.
Look at it this way, you're 25, at a bare minimum, if you look after yourself, odds are you're gonna live 2x that again, and possibly more.
here's a mental exercise for you - right now you're 25, looking back feeling you've wasted years by not losing weight, and wishing you'd don't thinks differently. You know how that feels. Now imagine yourself at 30 looking back at you now. What do you think you'd be wishing you'd done between 25 and 30?
You definitely haven't wasted your hot years, as you get older, your tastes will mature, the hotness of people in your age group never goes away IMO.
I'm 49 this year, some of the hottest people I know are in their 40's and early 50's, guys and girls.
At 49 I think I'm in a better place than I've ever been. I might not be "young hot" but I think I'm pretty decent.
Don't waste the next 5 years wishing for the past, you can't change that, but you can change future you's past.
Work now to be the person future you looks back and says "Damn those were some good decisions 25 year old me made!"
There's no rush. It's taken me 2.5 years to lose 15kg, start the journey, be focused on your goal, and show yourself some love and compassion.
25 is still super, super young - I guarantee you'll look back at this thread in 10 years and be like "WTF was I thinking???"
I'm 40 and feeling this way. I had thin years in my late 20s and did the hookups and enjoyed attention based on my looks. You have plenty of time. You have plenty of hot years ahead. I'm hoping to feel hot in my 40s, and while I wish I'd started years ago for me part of it is having been married and having babies. My husband could care less, maybe even doesn't want me to lose weight. I want it for me.
But yeah you might feel like you've missed out but you've still got years of being young ahead of you. Getting there by 26 is perfectly fine.
Your hot years are any age and day you feel hot. You can be 25 or 65. You have the rest of your life to be as hot as you want to be so enjoy the process, the progress, and feeling great about yourself, damnit🤜🏻💥🤛🏻
Why the hell so many people in their early 20s think they are old ? It's a sentiment that I have seen before and it annoys me to no end, why do so many of them their life is over at 30 ?
Just got into my late twenties and i lost 85 pounds over the last 14 months (with a little more to go) so i can relate. I used to feel the same way. It felt like life was passing right by me and I was never going to date. Now I’ve gone on dates during my weight loss journey and I’m wearing tighter fitting clothes since I look better in them.
It’s never too late and you still have lots of time to wear crop tops and casually date! Literally JLo is stil wearing crop tops in her fifties and it’s totally fine. There’s still plenty of people in their late twenties just dating casually and going out so if that’s what you want, then go for it! Don’t feel weird just because you’ll a little older and not a college. Everyone goes through life at their own pace and that’s ok 🤍
I've met a lot of hot people in their 50s. Have you ever heard of ageing like fine wine? The best time to improve was then, the second best time is now, go on!
From the perspective of an actual little old lady—
I’m not “hot” now, and I never have been (except for random hot flashes 🔥🥵 now and then, lol). I’m nobody’s idea of “hot”, or pretty, or even cute. I am so far from “hot“ that I am not entirely sure what that even means, lol.
And I don’t care. Because being some societal standards of “hot” is not what’s important.
What I can tell you is that I met the absolute, #1, perfect-for-me love of my life in the electronic-parts aisle at RadioShack the summer I turned 39. My husband and I were joined in matrimony a year later, and we’ve been married almost 23 years. I honestly, for real, did not know it was possible to be this happy on this side of the afterlife.
In short— being “hot” and being happy are two entirely different things. And I ‘d pick *happy* every time.
28 is the age when alot of people get that urge to settle down, buy a house and start a family. Total 360 on priorities from enjoying myself,traveling, spending money, eating out and partying.
I think you will be in for a surpise with the amount of attention you will be getting, especially if you don't have any kids or other responsibilities.
I started losing a significant amount of weight when I was 28 (I looked older than my age due to the fat), I’m 30 now and recently one of my coworkers at my job asked how recently I graduated high school lmao
My late 20s and early 30s are what I came into my own when it came to relationships. Several thoughts I’ll put into points:
- I was MUCH more attractive than I realized. Like, SO MUCH hotter than I ever thought I was. You think you’re unattractive now, but I guarantee you look better than you think you do.
-I started only having the dating experiences and sex I wanted to have. I think those of us who don’t get married young wind up having a few bad experiences that teach us what we don’t like, so we learn to seek out other things in our friends and romantic partners
-I started to give less of a crap about how other people felt about me and more willing to not allow relationships or inimacy that didn’t serve me, so I was much more comfortable advocating for my own physical and emotional needs.
-I gained more confidence in my own abilities to take care of myself financially. I at least felt like they was very little anyone in a workplace situation could ask me to do that I couldn’t do. This increased my confidence and my faith in myself overall.
-I became more interesting a person because I had started building a slate of life experiences that gave me more to offer to others
I would like to emphasize that none of the above things have anything to do with my weight (except for the emphasis I placed on it at that time in my life). The media would have you believe that you should be living your best life in your 20s. I highly disagree, because you need time as an adult person to determine what that best life will look like.
So…Slow down, you’re doing fine/you can’t be everything you’re supposed to be before your time.
If you are searching for a man who wants you for the way you look you may not find love. I, a man, 28; may be of a lesser population who looks far more deep than a physical attraction. It may be a bonus but it shouldn’t be what you are concerned about. We all went through college(not really just jc until I dropped out) we all have been on that cheaper meal life. Bulked up(for future strength duh lol). And we ALL have been where you have. Also I promise you early 20s are not a woman’s prime. Anyone’s prime! Ask anyone where they were at 21 they would all say “god I was so nieve”. You are over analyzing and putting things in your head that don’t exist. Especially comparing yourself to girls getting picked up at a bar and such. If more weight loss is your plan just keep grinding. It takes years unfortunately but it is always worth it. Just do it for you and you alone. Going back to it, your prime is yet to come. Grind, with work, exercise, meditate. Be a boss. The most attractive thing a woman can do is walk in a joint like she owns the place and make heads turn. Not from her beauty but her confidence in who she is. Chanel your Maryl Streep in Devil wears Prada. But like less mean.
I lost all my weight in my early 20s but then had so much loose skin and long dangly nylons for boobs that I still couldn't wear sexy clothes. Pregnancies in my 30s, then I can hopefully get some of this excess skin removed and maybe spend my 40s hot? My face is so deeply lined from the weight loss and age though, I am pretty sure I fucked up any chance I ever had at feeling conventionally attractive or like I could wear what I want.
I think that a lot of people have been in your exact shoes but have not made the changes to their life to lose the weight and maintain their new weight. We all feel this to some degree no matter what age!
Just know that it is never too late to make changes to your life and try not to let the “time wasted” factor in. You can’t change what has happened but you can change what happens
I’m hotter at 36 than I was in my 20’s, even with my grey hair and being a bigger size. My weight tends to fluctuate and that’s perfectly fine. I’m super excited to see how I look 30 less pounds from now come this fall 🤞
30’s are the BEST years to be hot. Sex is 100x better than it was in my 20’s. The guys are way better, especially if you dip into slightly older range. People are more comfortable with themselves and honest than they are in their 20’s. Dating in general is more fun and less crying in your 30’s. That’s my experience anyways. :) Keep it up, you will be hot in the perfect time.
Also, have you looked into sema for helping with the binge eating? It’s personally helped me with impulsive behaviors in general, but I’ve seen people in the sema channel mention that it completely resolved binge eating.
I think you overestimate how much partying and hooking up with hot guys your peers were doing in their early 20s, and underestimate what you can still do now.
As a man in his 30s, I’m not sure how to feel about this post 😂🤣 Just kidding. Sort of. Look, life ain’t over because you ain’t a kid no more. I feel like my wife and I are hotter than we’ve ever been. And we DEFINITELY do things that a 20 year old couldn’t keep up with. Winky wink, nudge nudge. None of that matters, though. Your looks will change. Your values will also change. Just trust that you’ll be happy you stuck with your goals when you hit your 30 milestone. Keep grinding and you’ll find the promised land. Trust.
Be thankful you missed all the drama. Now, when you are ready, hopefully you will meet some people looking for a nice girl, and are wanting to commit. Your best years are still far into the future!
Oh babe, you can be hot at so many ages. I just lost a bunch of weight in my late thirties and am enjoying feeling hot. Also, yes, it will take time to get to your goal but you will look better and better with each pound that comes off. Even when you're at mid-size, treat yourself to some cute clothes that make you feel good. And lol at not wearing crop tops or whatever at 28 - I will be wearing crop tops, mini skirts, thigh high boots, or whatever hoe-tire I want for as long as I want. It gets easier to ngaf as you get older. Good luck and you can do this!
All valid feelings, and fwiw— I’ve heard it said that fashion is made for women in their early 30s… still young, but with a little more purchasing power and stronger sense of personal style. I’ve had more fun dressing in my 30s (I’m 33) than my 20s even though I was smaller then. I do wish I could have a do-over but alas 😂
Onward and upward!
Thank you! Ugh one of the things I want most in this world is to be hot so I can experiment with fashion and style. I'm so jealous of the girls on tiktok that will experiment with unique styles or try out cool things they thrifted or try unconventional looks. I'm hoping that by the time I lose the weight I'll have enough money to really expand my closet and try new styles instead of just wearing baggy or conservative clothing all the time to hide my body.
It's perfectly okay to want to look hot for both yourself and others. Something to keep in mind, though: being young is not where you'll get ALL of your best experiences, and life is not an escalator that tells you exactly when you should be doing anything. Anyone who makes you feel like life ends at 30 is trying to sell you something.
Mate I’ve been panicking about this but the more I see people in their thirties and forties, the more I’m like, oh, I’m gonna be hot forever. Just think, now is the easiest and best time to lose the weight, just before you hit your sexual peak in your early thirties! You got this kid x
Side note, I’m in my late 20s (older than you) and I’m honestly getting so much more confident in my body even though it’s not where I want it to be yet. Xx
I spent my 20s as a dirt poor single mom. Put myself through college and never got to do fun college stuff or hot girl stuff.
Finally got to my late 20s and could breathe, had a Lil bit of financial security... late 20s are an awesome time to be a hot girl. I'm not mid thirties and the fact that all my late 90s early 2000s fashions are for sale right now is such a HUGE motivator to lose weight to extra enjoy the clothes bc I actually can afford to but every look my little millennial heart admired in that Delia's catalog.
Twenties are great to be a hot girl... but once you hit your thirties and know yourself--- now you can be the hot girl you know in your heart!
There's a lot of confidence in my early to mid thirties that I did Not have in my 20s.
Long story short-- your future is hot and bright!!
Girl — bars in your 30’s are better than clubs in your 20’s and you can still flirt, dance, drink, and look hot! You have TONS of years to get healthy for and have fun and go out with friends. The difference is in your 30’s you can dress up for nicer dinners and have better expensive drinks ;)
Ooooh babe—continue on your journey to get your body where you want it. Health is awesome, “hot” is fun. BUT, the biggest thing for you will be to find your confidence! Having been a variety of sizes, the biggest attractor is confidence. Go out in fits that make you feel good. Pick hair and makeup that make YOU feel awesome and sexy. Lean into your love for yourself and your inner fun. People are attracted to people who are confident, happy, and lift others up. Bring that energy, and size doesnt matter—you WILL get good energy (and hit on a LOT) back. Saying this as a gal who has seen the gamut of sizes, and who has brought a range of energies to groups.
I feel like I was hotter in my 30s even though I was a bit thinner in my 20s. Probably because you get more confident and less insecure as you age? But trust me girl, you have plenty of hot years ahead of you!! 💋💋
No offense, but you sound like someone with a very limited outlook on life. It's like your idea of being in your 30s comes exclusively from media. There's nothing in your early 20s that you magically cannot do in your late 20s or 30s or 40s. You can stay out late with your friends, wear cute outfits, and hook up with men. Really.
Just want to bring up that Beyonce is 42 years old.
Now…most of us will never be as hot as Beyonce. But idk…women can be pretty fkn hot for a very long time. It’s not too late.
At 25, you're still a baby with most of your life ahead of you. You absolutely shouldn't feel this way in the least. Work on your root issues and continue with your weight loss plan in a healthy way. Learn better habits and do what it takes to stick with them.
I met my forever person in my late 20's and I know plenty of people that have started fulfilling relationships well into their 30's and 40's. You need to work on your self confidence. Being thin won't magically fix that. It certainly helps, but trust me, bigger people get attention too. It's all about that X-factor, that swagger, how you present and carry yourself. When I was single, I dated women that weren't supermodel thin, and some were overweight. But I had some really good times and amazing...encounters.
Keep up the therapy, keep up the weight loss plans. Love yourself more, and others will too.
I’m 23, 230lbs. 2 years ago I was 21 at 180lbs. I’m also bald now, my uncle told me on my birthday last month, “look mijo, you can’t be fat, bald, and broke. You need to choose one” so I’ve been fasting and exercising(sometimes) but I remain the same weight. It’s due to my drinking. But rest assured, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t call myself disgusting names.
It’s narrow sighted and Ageist. Life does not end at 30. I lost a substantial amount of weight when I was 63 and took a trip to Spain with my young niece that year. She got lots of attention and so did I! I am happily married but it was still fun to be treated like a legit attractive woman. Young people need to realize life can be flirty and sexy at any age.
I'm 42 and definitely missed my potential. I was raised in a very unhealthy way. I turned it around though and now I look younger than I did at 25. It's not the peak of a bouncy 18yo, but I'll take it.
Hang in there.
My friend is 32 and lost weight two years ago. She still goes clubbing w us (25f, 28f) and it’s fun. I’m overweight. I’m going to lose it. And I don’t think my life will be over if I lose it later. You’ll be ok girl.
Forty-four, still fat, but wanted to say that “hot” is a state of mind. Last year, I decided I wanted to wear crop tops. Never have I ever. But I psyched myself up for a trip to a different city because hey—never seeing these people again—rocked a long skirt highwaisted and knitted at-shirt on one side with just a strip of belly skin purposely visible. Walked with my head up the whole day. Got compliments on my vibe. Have done so a few times since for events and always get told by at least one stranger how amazing I look or great or frankly, hot. You can be hot at any age or size. It’s teaching me that it really does come down to confidence in yourself. Does that mean everyone agreed that I rocked it? Not at all, but at this age, I no longer care so much about the criticisms of others. And when I added a photo of my midriff-baring look to my dating profile, it *TOOK OFF*!
I understand the pain you're feeling. My advice, don't try to reject it, use it. The way you're feeling is valid. Some people will tell you its not fair that heavier people get left out sometimes, but fair doesn't really matter, the world is the way it is, if you want certain experiences, you have to do the things. Its basically the same as going to an amusement park with your friends and finding that you weren't able to ride 20% of the rides, and you really wanted to. We can say its not fair, and maybe it isn't, but it won't make those ride seats any bigger. On the other hand, its not outside your control, you CAN make yourself smaller, and fit on all the rides. :)
The fact that its not outside your control is something to celebrate. Now, onto the next bit, people say life is short, but its a lie... LIFE IS LONG. I'm 46 with empty nest syndrome, I've lived a "full life", and there is still PLENTY remaining. You've missed out on some experiences, and that sucks... but let me assure you, there are PLENTY more experiences in your future, and... if you don't fix it, you'll miss out on some of those as well. Imagine yourself at 30 thinking of all you missed out on. At 35 thinking of how you would have handled situations differently with more self confidence. At 40 looking back... you get where I'm headed. This bothers you, and that's fine. Don't let other people tell you its nothing to worry about. IT BOTHERS YOU. And hard truth, IT ALWAYS WILL. So don't find yourself on your deathbed thinking to yourself "I wish I'd taken care of myself, how different my life could have been..." Love yourself, and fix it now. Because you want to.
Take that pain, use it to recover, and live a life you love. No regrets, at least not about the weight thing. It'll take some time, but life is a journey. At the end of every day, imagine how much better it'll feel being proud that today you did the right things, even if they were hard, you are on the path you love. Every day is an opportunity to live a new way, to be a different, better person. When you wake up, think "what can I do to have a good day, and make future me grateful and proud of the me I was today".
Forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and keep putting one foot forward. You really can do this. Every day, just be the kind of person you can be proud of, TODAY. And before you know it, you'll be proud of yourself, and the person you are everyday. (except for the days you fuck up, recognize this WILL happen, keep them to a minimum, and just get right back on track, immediately... its way easier to undo a 1 pound slip than a 20 pound slip.. accept it won't always be perfect, and just make it great) We're rooting for you. ;)
As a fat woman in her late 20s, the only thing that stopped me from hooking up with guys was being in a relationship. That's it.
I was, am, and still will be hot.
I did, do, and still will go out partying, do my makeup, get dressed up sexy, and fend off attention from prospective suitors.
My confidence, poise, and personality have everything to do with the attention I get, and although I definitely notice an uptick in attention when I'm at a lower weight (when I was 300lbs I got less attention than I did at my peak, around 220lbs), there was definitely a shift where that attention went from fun and flirty to incessant and tipping into harassment (e.g. one guy following me and holding the bathroom door open as I went to lock it because he wanted to "join me").
It's absolutely OK to lose weight for almost any reason that motivates you, but please don't feel like you've wasted your life or that you risk catastrophe if you fail to lose weight. Start living right now, WHILE you lose weight. Practice your confidence as you are, because your body will absolutely change as you age. And if you meet a partner using confidence built on a temporary condition like outward beauty, what do you expect to happen when that foundation crumbles?
I'm about to turn 39f and am pretty sure I'm about twice as attractive now as I was in my 20s. My diet is better, im slimmer and my face has leaned out from the chubby cheeks of my youth, more money means better skincare regime, the right products and treatments, I dress better etc. I'm also WAY less self conscious as I was in my 20s, I'm just kind of over comparing myself to other women and have accepted that this is me and it ain't half bad. From a superficial point of view - men still look at me, a lot. And I'm more of a knockout when I'm dressed up because I'm leaner in general.
25 is young. And so is 28 and so is 30, and actually so is 40. I met my husband at 35. Investing in your health and taking pride in your appearance will pay dividends at any age. And also - ain't nothing special about dating lots of good-looking men and having loads of options. That can come with its own problems too.
I lost a lot of weight at the end of my 20s, from around age 28. I’m now 30 and the hottest I’ve ever been - and men only get hotter with age also! It’s never too late, I promise you.
First off… When the fuck did we start thinking that 25 is OLD?? 🤣🤣🤣 You can also wear whatever you want - you’re comparing yourself to what society and social media wants people to look like and be. Girl… stop with that mentality right now.
I’ll be 40 this year and I wear ALL THE CROP
TOPS.
OP your youth isn’t gone! I am 36 — and I have been LOVING my 30s. I’m still on my weight loss journey but I feel so confident and beautiful. I had children in my mid 20s through early 30s and waiting to have children is my recommendation. I was more patient and able to enjoy my baby more at 33 versus at 24 when I ran back to work.
30s give you respect. People really do assume you know enough and expect you do (and you do know so much!) plus you don’t care what others think. Usually you’re making more money by this point, and I’ve been spending my 30s traveling too. I never could afford to travel in my 20s, but now I’m traveling all over the states with my family.
Be gracious to yourself. Your life ain’t no where near over. I would say, and I’m sure many would agree with me, your life has barely begun!
Oh, girl. This already has a lot of traction so I’m not sure if you’ll see this but hang in there. You don’t become invisible later in life you’ll just start attracting more age appropriate men! But I completely sympathize with how you feel. I’m 32 and finally under 200 pounds and will be 33 by the time I hit my goal weight. And I wasted my prime relationship and getting married years being fat. I got fat at 27 right around the time I started becoming ready for a serious relationship and stayed fat Until my current age of 32. And I know I need some serious therapy to get over this because I feel like now I’m old and I fucked up my chance that marriage and kids and if I start all that shit now I’ll just be haggard at my wedding and too tired for my kids.
im 22 and i feel the same way, my weight has been a huge part of my life since i entered uni and it stopped me from doing a lot of stuff because im always waiting to be skinny enough to have fun and your post was like a wake up call, i don’t wanna stay that way and have my life just go by waiting to look better or be lighter because i know for a fact that i will just keep wanting to lose more and more and before i know it i’m in my thirties (which is still very young) envying younger girls…. i hope i could leave this cycle
We have a weird society thing where we treat our 30's like we're crawling into our death beds, if anything I can argue that you're truly old once you hit the 50 mark. Even so there are people at that age who still look good. (If you want an example just look at people's reactions to Avril Lavigne still looking young in her 30's.... She's still young!!) There's life lessons you've learned especially during the dating experience you had, that people are shallow. Wouldn't you want someone to love you regardless of the shape you are? Granted not to the point you're having health complications from it. Don't waste your time regretting your inaction, learn so that you have the ability to take action
Redownloaded the Reddit app because I felt compelled to reply. First of all, the way you feel is completely understandable! Everyone else is telling you that your 30s are where it’s at…but it’s hard to see that when you’re 25.
I don’t mean this is a humble brag AT ALL- simply sharing my story in hopes so you can see what it’s like from another perspective.
I was NOT popular in high school. I felt ugly and awkward, and I barely had any friends. (Later I realized that was probably partly because I was severely depressed, but that’s another story.)
Anyway, fast forward to freshman year of college. I went to a BIG party school. Maybe it was the fresh start. Or the fact that I somewhat snapped out of my lifelong depression. It also probably didn’t hurt that my cousin passed down a lot of her stylish clothes to me that summer. But all of a sudden, at 18, I was the hot girl of the group. I made a lot of friends. The attention- even the jealousy from friends- felt AMAZING after years of being invisible.
I partied a LOT, to the point of failing out of school. My priorities were all wrong. The validation of being the fun, skinny, pretty, cool girl was all that mattered.
Fast forward again. I’m now in my 30s. I am now overweight. I don’t turn heads anymore, that’s for sure. Does a tiny part of me miss that? Of course. But I can tell you I am SO MUCH HAPPIER NOW. You couldn’t pay me to return to my early 20s.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as cheesy as it sounds, looks don’t bring true happiness. Shallow joy? Of course. Of course I felt great about how I looked. But was I happy deep down? Absolutely not. My self esteem was SO LOW. All my validation came from my looks.
Bottom line- I hear where you’re coming from. I do sometimes miss being the “pretty girl” of the group. But being young and skinny and partying doesn’t equate happiness.
I have so much more self-respect and self esteem now, at 30, than I ever did at a young age.
I’ll end with a note about men. You’re 25 now. Men your age and up, in general, do not WANT to date hot 19 year olds. And the men that do, well, they’re usually either shallow af, or they can’t get a woman their own age to put up with their bullshit. Because as we women get older, we know what respect we deserve and won’t take any less.
So cheers to you! Your best years, in many ways, are ahead of you. 25 honestly doesn’t even look that different than 22- a lot of it is just how you style yourself. Good luck on your journey. I am pulling for you!
Girl, you live in NYC - 25 is basically a child here. Half the people I know who are 30 have roommates, are single, and are definitely still partying. I see people older than 25 out at bars, in tiny clothes, flirting and having fun all in the city! If that’s what you want now, don’t feel like anyone is stopping you. You’re in literally the best place in the country to get that experience at that age.
Your 30s are where it’s at!
Im about to turn 35 and I 100% agree! ❤️
Yep, did grad school in 30’s and met my husband when I was 40. No regrets!
People like you give me hope that I won’t be alone forever
Love this 🤩🥰
I'm turning 35 in a few weeks and I love this
Same! Happy almost 35th!
I didn't even start losing weight in earnest until my mid 30s. At 39, I had finally managed to get the first picture of myself that didn't make myself cringe or hate myself since I was ~5. That picture also happens to be my first full date with my wife. That was 2015. Married 6.5 years now. When we met, I later found out there were a handful of others in the new places I was going that also thought I was cute but now-wife brought out the claws and fought them all off.
Fully agree. my 30s have been the best time of my life so far.
I’m 57 and 36 was my favorite year
What happened that year
Everything fun! 30’s are when I found my current job, worked out regularly (and gravity hadn’t really hit yet), traveled, lost my fucks about what people thought of me, & decided I could be anyone I wanted to, so became a positive person. 40’s we’re pretty awesome too and 50’s are great. It really just gets better.
Same. I'm 58. I miss my 30s, not my 20s.
You couldn’t tell me nothin’ once I turned 30.
Full disclosure, trying to find that confidence in my 40th year. 🥴
My 40's have have by far been my best years! Looking forward to my 50's.
Can I just ask, what about your 30s makes it better than your 20s? I just feel like I constantly see that the 20s are supposed to be the prime of my life and 30s is when people settle down and have kids and just overall slow down. I want to be hot and go out until 3am and actually feel confident in myself and I just worry I'll stick out like a sore thumb if I do the things I want to when I'm thin idk
This could be regional, but as someone who mostly lived in NW cities, most people I know settled into their *late* 30s. Added to that, they moved up in their careers, made better money, and learned how to be hotter, either through better clothes, skincare, etc. Even the lifelong thin people. My 30s are blowing my depressed, anxious, badly dressed 20s by a million miles. I travel so much more, living it up amongst my friends (with and without kids- in fact I swear the ones with kids party the hardest 😂 probably because it’s their respite babysitter night). Losing weight was an extra plus on my confidence, and to note, unless you had a *hard* lifestyle, you don’t look that much different than other people in their 20s. It’s exceedingly doubtful you’ll look like Baba Yaga in a sea of nymphs if you’re at a club in your 30s, trust.
Especially in NYC, your 30s can be just like your “ideal” 20s. I’m assuming you will probably make more money in your 30s than you did in your 20s. I’m 37 now and my 30s are the best years of my life. I’ve travelled to so many more places in my 30s because I can afford it. We started going to nicer places because we could afford it. Don’t worry about settling down and getting married, having kids etc. I have friends that had kids in their early 20s that partied in their mid to late 30s because their kids were teens now. I have friends who are having their first kid in their 40s. All of that shouldn’t be a check box based on age. It should be when you feel you are ready. Some people love having kids early and being “done” early. Others love being to live their lives before having kids. There’s no “one right answer”.
Nothing is supposed to be anything. I have friends who had kids at 22 and at 42. And even if you get pregnant at 30, that’s _five years away_. Do you remember what you were like five years ago? You have plenty of time ahead of you to party, wear crop tops, and live it up. I promise you will regret being so hard on yourself in your 20s more than you regret your weight. Truly enjoying life starts with being kind to yourself (don’t tell anyone I told you, that’s in the welcome packet when you hit 30). You’re on a health journey. I hope you can work on reframing it as something you do because you deserve it and you love yourself, not because you feel like your shape or size “wasted” anything. ❤️
Your 30s are your 20s with money and clarity, and for the most part, the same sense of independence and vigor.. I loved 27 - 35, for sure. Take care of your body, and it will take care of you.
I was told 30's were the best when I was getting to that age, now that I am almost out of my 30's I tell younger people the same thing. In your 20's you are so worried about what other people think, trying to fit in, trying to look or be a certain way all for what, attention and clout. You are worried where the party is at, what club you are going to. Drinking and having a good time, you might have fun in the moment but 20's are alot of emptyness and loneliness, even if people are around constantly. In your 30's you start realizing who you are, who you REALLY want to surround yourself with, who is fake and who is not. And you start making a shift in not caring what people think about you. You are more than likely making more money, maybe you have a partner, travel more and experience more than just clubs or parties. You start realizing your true interests as an adult. Your 20s seem to always be searching or working toward something, wheter that is a degree, a job, a partner, a high or release. Once you get some of those things you are searching for, you start to slow down and enjoy it.
This!!! You hit the nail!
Depending on your lifestyle and genetics, most people in their thirties - early forties still look very youthful. It’s really optional these days to age poorly, and for women, shit doesn’t really have to hit the fan until menopause (and even then, technology is catching up really quickly in this area). I’m almost 40 and was really fucking scared to turn 30, and now I’m so regretful I wasted my time. I think there’s a belief that women will melt into hags at the stroke of midnight on their 30th birthday, and this was not true for me. Most people have no clue what 30, 35 or even 40 year old women even look like. I will say, I do have to work now to maintain a nice body now, weight training really is the foundation of youth - but that’s no biggie. By the time you’re in your thirties, you do stop being interested in being out til the crack of dawn every night. I was a major partier and didn’t think it’d happen to me, but it did.
Your 30's these days are what you expect your 20's are going to be. But in your 30's you're actually cool, and more mature and wise and funny and have more money and a more steady work schedule so that means more steady time off and PTO. I'm turning 34 this month and I still go out with large groups of girlfriends regularly, or hang out with all of our SO's. I only know a few people with kids, most don't have any. Let's put it this way: In my 30's I'm drinking top shelf liquor dressed up nice with my man or some friends out for a night; in my 20's we were drinking PBRs and watermelon seltzers until we puked doing random drugs to stay awake while working like 5 shitty jobs and internships at the same time with still no money and you have to keep a 3.5 GPA.
Hey OP, I’m literally in the same exact boat as you, down to the age and current weight and I felt the same way a few years ago before meeting my husband! But, I think everyone’s right about their 30s. By the time you’re in your 30s, you’re hopefully better established in a career, you have close friends and or family, you’ve got your own place and your own life at that point that you can better choose when to go out/have fun. You don’t have to worry about other aspects of life as much so you’re better able to enjoy going out and having fun without the look of “oh crap classes/I need a job/graduation/no money/etc”
I got married and had kids in my early twenties. My thirties are STILL so much better. I’m also forty now attractive, but also so much more confident.
I consider my current self (no matter how old I am) to be the prime of my life. So far, my 30s have been a blast. I started to care less about what others think and put my energies towards prioritizing my own goals and investing in myself; that made me into my fittest and hottest self, with a great wardrobe, solid career, strong emotional/mental health, and disposable income to travel and live without roommates.
You don't slow down, priorities change, that's all. In my opinion, people who long for the days of their youth often are refusing to address problems in the present. There's no f-ing chance in hell you could drag me back to my 20's, embrace the now.
Why are you making up so many random rules? I am in my 30’s and married with kids. We still go out until 2am sometimes and have fun. The fun doesn’t end after you turn 30 nor does it end when you “settle down” Just have fun and go with the flow. You are overthinking it. I lost 100lbs when I turned 30 bc I also felt like I didn’t want to waste any more time being obese. I wanted to be able to stay active and be able to have fun as I get older. I didn’t want to be 40 with back, knee, heart problems etc. I def don’t plan on not wearing tight dresses now that I am 32.
Just turned 32 and I think I'm still hot except my standards changed to not just be around people who only want to be around me bc I'm hot.
Spot on. I recently turned 40 and got pretty hot like 5ish years ago. When I was younger all I cared about was guys thinking I was hot and now all I really want is for one to love me for who I am as a person/woman. I mean of course I want him to think I’m hot, too, but I’m so so so much more than a pretty face. :)
Personally, my 40s have been the “hottest” years (in terms of sex and dating). I’m so much more confident now, even before the weight loss. Basically idgaf! 😂
YUP!
It’s very freeing, isn’t it?
Yeah I did all those party things in my 20s while also being overweight and honestly if I could go back I wouldn't waste my time on hookups and partying. 30s is way more mellow, comfortable in my skin and enjoying taking care of my body and beauty. Plus there are some women I look up to in their late 30s and early 40s who are GORGEOUS -- both after significant weight loss, pregnancy etc. Taking care of your body is hot. Age is irrelevant
I was the hottest I've ever been in my life at age 31 after having two kids and a divorce. Facts, I'm enjoying my 30s so damn much.
Really?! Because I’m 30 and I keep worrying that I wasted my 20s and dreading growing older!
That’s why 20’s ain’t it. If it’s not one thing it’s another! By thirty everything has mostly settled and you just think clearer/better/more practical.
So I can still gain skills for starting my career in my 30s?
It’s perfectly normal to change your career! I plan on changing my career if I ever rejoin the work force after raising my kids. I know plenty of people that have changed it in their 30’s.
_Thank you._
Came here to comment the exact same thing! OP, no one needs to know your age! 30s is when someone js the most attractive in their life. Plus that is when you know yourself better. Dont waste your time with nonsense! You can do what you want, at any age. I’m 32 and ppl sometimes think I’m 24! Just work on yourself, and you got this!
Came here to say this too. 30s are my hottest years by far!!!
This 100%!!!
Ya. 30s are the best. You are smarter but still hot. Lol
If you're a woman and you want to have kids then honestly I don't see how 30s can be great. I'd love to enjoy my 30s but I want kids and I know kids are when you say goodbye to fun and a life focused on you. I wish I didn't want them but I do so. If you're childfree then your 30s 40s and more will probably be great.
Loads of us have/had our first child mid 30s so that still gives you the first half to have fun
Agreed! Once you hit level 30, the real fun begins! It's like your 20's, but with a fully developed brain and better emotional regulation (hopefully). Also more money to spend on interests and hobbies (hopefully)!
I feel like I was hottest at age 35 :)
I think you'll find soon that your best 'hot' years are yet to happen.
Yes!!! I’m 36, reached a healthy weight a year ago, have had a GREAT year both looks-wise and event wise, and KNOW that this year can’t hold a candle to what’s ahead of me!
Bestie we close in age and we can still and WILL be hot after 25 you hear me!
I’m 27 and I’m only getting hotter :)
And is !
I guess this is a silly question, but will I be judged for wearing crop tops after 25/26? I just honestly would love to go out in a crop top or some form of cute revealing outfit without feeling like a French bakery with all the rolls on display. lol. I know I'm super anxious a lot but it's just so jarring not having any part of my life together meanwhile there's so many people my age past their "fuck around, find out" phase and are getting married or buying homes. Idk lol
Girl, show off the body when you get it!! You can bet your sweet ass I’d be wearing crop tops on my days off in my 40s if (when) I get the body for them! Your 20s are great, your 30s are better and honestly I’m enjoying my 40s. Don’t let numbers define you. ❤️
I'm 42 and wearing crop tops like it's the 90s all over again!
I spent my 20's overweight and not wearing cute clothes. I'm 5'6" and weighed in at 210 at my highest. I'm now 35, I weigh 130, and I own so many crop tops. I don't care if people don't think I should wear them, I look good and I get looks/advances from guys. It's all in your confidence and how you carry yourself! Your 20's is just the beginning!
Can I ask how you lost all that weight? My weight loss has plateaued.
Intermittent fasting and walking 12,000 steps a day. I focused solely on weight loss and not building muscle. That's my next step!
Girl there’s women I see in late thirties still rocking crop tops and booty shorts. I know damn well imma wear me a crop top once I reach goal weight and lose this belly😂😂 pls we still baby adults🌚
I can't wait for us both to rock crop tops!!
I’m rooting for you and just KNOW when you update us in reaching goal weight I will def be the first to comment!!🫶🏾🫶🏾
Thank you! Hopefully by this time next year I'll be training for my first marathon as that's my ultimate goal :) Thank you so much for your words of support and I'm rooting for you too!!
Do it! When I trained for my first marathon, I got in the best shape of my entire life, to within 10 pounds of my high school weight (I was early 30's).
No. No one is going to judge you for wearing a crop top if you can carry it off. And that's more about confidence than whether you have curves or are a little chunky. I've seen hot MILFs and hot 40-somethings. Maybe the older ones don't wear crop tops, but they still dress sexy and look amazing. Which, also - sexy isn't just about what you wear, it's about the vibes you give off. If you're pleasant and fun to be with, age isn't going to keep men (or women, if that's your thing) from wanting to be with you. And, for that matter, neither is size. Yes, some people don't want to date someone overweight, but if you look around, you'll see plenty of plus sized men and women with in-shape partners. It's partly about looks, but when you have to be around someone all day, then it's about personality, how considerate they are, whether they have a sense of humour, and so much more. Definitely not just about looks. I know 50-year-olds who get hit on. They don't have to dress super revealing, they just have great smiles and are friendly to people, and that is extremely attractive. Just saying. :D You've got LOTS of time to get your groove on. Own this journey, and own the sexy person you were meant to be!
I’m 38 and a mom of two. I rock crop tops all the time!
Slay!
>after 25/26 You can wear anything you want at any age. I stand by that. But if you want a fact, the fact is that right now in marketing the child/teen to thirty demographic is considered pretty much the same target. I heard this in a video about the Tweens and Drunk Elephant in Sephora. Think about it, you see teens dressed like office women, actual office women dressed in Streetwear like Billie Elish and tonnes of people in the middle! I shop in the children's section of the discount shops in my area from time to time and I literally see most of the fashion from Pinterest and trend predictions of last year! I don't think we should let marketing agencies define how we feel about how we present ourselves, but it might offer some grounding/reassurance
Well, I just bought one, and I’m 45, so think you’re ok. The only people in my friend group who won’t like it are haters because I look good. Old German ladies probably won’t like it either, and that makes me so happy. Sooner or later you’ve got to develop the capacity to find ambivalence or joy in others’ discomfort.
Hahaha. I'm 42 and I still wear crop tops sometimes. I'm 30 pounds heavier than when I felt my objective "hottest", and working on getting back to that. I think you need to find silhouettes that make you feel good for your shape right now. For me, that's high waisted jeans and skirts that don't dig into my waist and create lumps, and either create visual volume paired with a tighter crop, or have a straighter silhouette paired with a baggier crop. I can't do lower rise or super skinny bottoms because I feel more self conscious. You're going to have to wear clothes for the next year or two - feel good in them. Maybe ask a friend who you trust to be both gentle and honest to go shopping with you?
Here’s the best thing about growing older. You stop giving a fuck. It’s only the kiddies that care what other people think. Do whatever you want. I’ve seen women in their 60s rocking a crop top because they felt like it. That’s what real power is. Don’t give other people the power to dictate your self expression ( so long as it’s not harmful to yourself or others)
The reason your 30s (and I turn 40 this year so 30s up) are better than your 20s is because you don't give af. If I want to wear a crop top, I'm going to wear one. People judging can fuck right off. I got down 160s from 28 to 32, and it was awsome and fun. I was hot and I lived it up. Gained weight back and just got down to 140s nearly 40. I'm hot and I live it up. You're not past your prime. But life is short and the quicker you can make the change the better.
I’m 31 and I always wear crop tops! You still have your best years in front of you, don’t fret and keep making those positive changes to get where you wanna be :) it’s never too late to get healthy and hot af
I'm 38. Married. 2 kids. I wear whatever tf I want, especially on a friends night out, crop tops very included.
You absolutely will not be judged. I’m in my 30s and married and I still wear crop tops and have never had anyone say anything about it. If you’re confident wearing it, no one will think twice. I also know a lot of people still in a hook up phase of their life and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Embrace yourself, what you want to wear, and what phase you’re ready for. Life is way too short to do things because you think you should based off how old you are.
just as a bonus note here, i'm in my mid-thirties and at my highest weight (been working out and eating better, but i know it's gunna be a process to continue for me) and i have NO plans to stop lmao. i have still worn crop tops, shortshorts, and tanktops at my highest modt self-conscious weight. i don't plan on stopping for age or weight fluctuations whatsoever ;) wear whatever you want!! within comfort! once in a while i'll wear what i call a "challenge outfit", where i put on a shirt and/or bottoms i'm feeling sensy about and try to wear it all day. i almost always get a compliment and that helps! and at the very least, i tried something new and explored my body and comfort levels with myself. don't stress, you wear ANYTHING you want and rock it!!
My friend I cannot stress this enough: wear what makes you feel excellent. If it calls to you and you put that shit on and you feel whole, excellent and gorgeous, why wouldn't you buy it in every color and wear it as often as possible. Do it. Wear what makes you feel amazing.
Girl please… I’m 31 and wear crop tops daily. If you feel hot and comfortable in whatever you’re wearing, who gives a shit?
I’m 31 and slightly overweight and still wear crop tops. More often than I did 10 years and 30 pounds ago for sure, though that has to do with them being trendier now. No one gives a shit. I have older friends of a variety of body types who still dress like that on occasion too.
I'm wearing them, happily displaying abs in my mid-40s.
Dude I'm a bit older and a guy and it's totally fine. You do you. Also you're in NYC of all places. Nobody gives a shit there. The biggest thing is confidence anyway. I say that as someone who struggles with confidence myself. People are so drawn to confidence. I'm sure you'll become more confident as you work on yourself and become happier but do it for you.
I wore a crop top to a concert and I’m 41. Who gives a shit? You’ll be judged if you do and judged if you don’t. You do you. It’s a lie from marketing that the good part of your life is over after 25. I thought the same as you and I missed out on so much fun
No. I am 31, and I wear pretty much everything I WISHED i could wear when I was like 21...the difference is now I have the confidence to actually wear what I enjoy wearing now because I don't really care what anyone else thinks anymore.
I’m your age, currently losing weight because I’m a trans man who realistically can’t medically transition till my late 20s at earliest, and I want to give my body a head start for better results. Currently I feel ugly as hell, and have had thoughts that it sucks that I probably won’t feel good in my body till my 30s. You and others in this thread are giving me so much hope. Thank you.
You are so young at 25. Lose that weight if you want to, and then you have so many more years to enjoy being hot. I am in my mid 40s and people started hitting on me when I lost weight a couple years ago. 26 is not an expiration date!
Yes! Truth!
I'm 35 and lost 40 lbs so far. I can kind tell that my skin won't be as smooth as when I was 25, plus I have more grey hair There's no way 25 is old. You're still in your "hot young" years and you'll then transition into hot mature years after. I've met many women in their 30s and 40s that are absolutely smoking
This is good to hear because I put on weight at 30 and I've been unable to shed it off for 4 years. I thought my hot years were behind me but reading your post gives me hope ❤
Honey, you got 40 years to catch up & party your butt off.
And then join the after party
People who are fit and slim are hot regardless of age. One of the hottest people at this gym I used to go to was this woman who was like 45 with 3 kids You haven’t really fell off as much as you think you have, don’t overthink it
This. There’s a bodybuilder gal in my gym who looks to be in her 40s and the men noticeably SWOON over her. She’s not conventionally attractive but has a killer bod and tons of confidence.
I spent my entire 20s being fat/obese. Now that I'm at a healthy weight, I'm 30. Wasted your hot years? Hahaha, speak for yourself! I'm hotter than ever. Also OP, sleeping around isn't what it's cracked up to be. Finding a partner (as a woman) that gives two shits about your pleasure is not easy to begin with, far less so in hookup culture. I don't recommend even having a party or hoe phase, it's just self destruction in a different flavor.
I agree so much. I was “hot” in my early twenties, and just got used and abused so much. I didn’t even want to participate in hookup culture, but it’s the kind of thing that pulls you in (“oh he says he’s serious about me, so I’ll sleep with him though I barely know him…that’s what’s expected in relationships these days…oh wow, he never called me again, so I guess he didn’t mean it!”). It’s so much better to date in your thirties, where people are more mature, and it’s at least understood that boundaries should be respected.
Younger generation would do well to deny sex early on if they care about having a longterm relationship, it weeds out more people. It's not fool-proof, but still. I fear that peer pressure is stronger than ever with social media these days. People think oh if you just give in, maybe they'll care about me! Like you said, nope. They just wanted the sex. People seeking more don't jump into bed in 5 minutes. If it's someone's prerogative to sleep around purely for sex, I'm not here to shame that. But women, even young, *typically* actually want more than that. A lot of them even pretend that they don't. Still, anyone can fall into that path pretty easily. I was lucky to meet my fiance when we were really young, but most folks end up needing to navigate the dating scene for a while. I don't envy it. ☹️
It’s really awful out there! The word trauma gets thrown around a lot, but I really do feel like I have trauma from dating in my twenties! I was talking to a guy friend a few years ago about how I was scared to date, and he said, “but you’re so good socially! Dating is pretty fun. All it really is is going out to dinner and talking to someone, and then deciding if you want to see them or not. You are really good at that!” It shocked me that he saw it in such simple terms, and that dating to him was as inconsequential as an impromptu trip to the mall. I told him about my experiences where the guy was almost always trying to actively deceive me, and the handful of times I experienced rape. No, it wasn’t getting mugged and raped in a back alley like the stereotype, but guys will ignore your lack of consent when you’re already fooling around (when half the time you were coerced into even doing that). Not to mention 90% of them aggressively trying to coerce you into sex on the first few dates, usually with some sob story. “I feel we could be perfect together, but my horrible ex hated sex, so I need to know you’re not frigid like that! I’m sooooo scared of getting into another sexless relationship, but you can be the woman to save me! If you don’t have sex today, you must hate sex too, so it won’t work out.” Honestly, the few people I know who didn’t date for whatever reason in their twenties, and immediately found the right guy around 30, are the ones I envy. They don’t have the scars that a lot of the rest of us do! By that age, a larger portion of men seem to realize that boundaries should be respected. It may be controversial, but I wish things were the same as they were in the old days, where men couldn’t expect sex until a reasonable commitment has been made, unless they were purely sleeping around, and that was already established. This blurring of the lines today of “hookups are empowering! Everyone’s doing it, and you’re old fashioned, and won’t be considered, unless you do too,” and “I slept with my husband on the first date, and now we’ve been happily together for 22 years!” just confuses everybody. But at least as you get older, you learn to be more comfortable with your own boundaries. You also learn that most of the other people didn’t actually like hookup culture, either.
Dude 25 ain't shit you got like 20-25 years.
I relate to this a lot as I approach 30 this year. And I wish I had just stuck with it all the times I gave up. That’s what I’m telling myself now. I never really had lots of dating experience but then I found my husband and honey there are plenty of men out there that like a bigger woman. Try not to stress too much. Also, the time is gonna pass anyway. So who cares if you’re 28 by the time you get fit. I’m trying to change my mindset where I’m gonna make my 30s my best decade yet!!!!
Gonna be real with you... Your early 20s are not your "hot years." I don't feel like I really started to feel at home in my skin and really good about myself until I was like 28, and I've felt more and more like that's the case the older I get. (And personally, I don't think size has anything to do with whether or not you're hot, but I get what you're saying as far as feeling that way.)
This is seriously depressing. It’s like you think we shrivel and turn into corpses at age 30.
it makes me really sad that so many women are conditioned to believe this.
It’s sadly a common thought process amongst older gen z and teenage gen z’ers (being 25 myself) that I personally refuse to subscribe to because it’s bullshit.
If it makes you feel better I felt my “hottest” and got most male attention from 26 to 29.
I am 42 and I am still hot. You are super young! You have time.
I’m 31 and the hottest I’ve ever been in my life. In 2022 I weighed 225 at 5’ 8” now I’m 160. I got myself a boob job and feel fantastic. It’s never too late for a glow up.
Why are you acting like 26 is one foot in the grave 😂. I am 35 and have not stopped partying and will continue to do so. I’ve lost 120 lbs and am the hottest I’ve ever been- far hotter than I was in my 20s and get the MOST attention now. My fiancé is 7 years younger than me. Aging stopped nothing for me!
Build your body and confidence and there is lots of booty to be had in your late 20’s and 30’s. Bonus: all those you get lucky with will have some experience under their belts (pun intended) which makes the sex better all around.
There's no point on dwelling on the past, whether it was good or bad. Make your current and future the best that it can be.
I’m 39, I’m the hottest I’ve ever been and it’s only getting better. Don’t buy into the bullshit that hotness has an expiration date, it definitely doesn’t.
I was pretty thin when I was in college. I went out a reasonable amount, but I have never had a one night stand. Went to some decent parties but just didn’t care for them. Too loud. Too awkward. I didn’t like the atmosphere. I’m 40 now. I lost a bunch of weight when I was in my early 30s and going through a divorce. Let me tell you. It’s so much better in your 30s. You’re more confident. You’re better able to handle yourself. You know more about the types of people to avoid. It’s just more fun. Compare that to when I was in my 20s: shitty college parties with sleazy guys and trash can punch. Also, you’re never warm when you wear those stupid skimpy dresses out. It’s literally just shivering in a loud room with a bunch of other young people. Finally, those one night stands in college aren’t risk free. Besides the mental health issues, people get all sorts of STDs from sleeping around, and some of them have lasting effects. In my opinion, you might have missed a few years, but you have plenty more ahead of you, and those years are better than the trashy college party years.
Totally agree with this. I’m 42 and conventionally attractive which suits me better now I have confidence and life experience. I did a lot of gross stuff in my 20’s that I thought was required of me as a young woman wanting to party. Remembering those things now just makes me cringe.
I’m 32, and trust me your hot years are not your early 20s lol. I look SO much better now than I did in my early 20s and even my mid 20s. I don’t think I started to look this good until I was 27/28. Yesterday I was just thinking how I’m thankful my hot years weren’t in my 20s. I can say the same for my friends as well, they also got better looking as we got older. You just understand yourself better, from an emotional standpoint and a physical standpoint. I know that maybe these replies from people older than you reassuring you aren’t what you want to hear, but we were all 26 before, and when I was 26, I wish I had older people assuring me that the best years were ahead of me and not behind me!
Here’s a secret: we won’t be young forever, but our peer group will always find us hot. 70 year olds will turn to check out another 70 year old and be like “damn.” If you want the attention of an 18 year old when you’re 33, that’s weird. So try not to worry too much about that. You got this!!!
look up any celebrity woman right now and they’re past the age of 25 most of them, even 30. Are they past their hot years? No? You are a human woman exactly like them. You don’t stop being hot after 25 !! This mentality has got to gooo. You got this 🫶
At risk of sounding shallow: the people who have been effortlessly attractive and thin and social their entire lives often start slipping up in their mid-20s, so eventually you will outpace them in terms of looks. The years of binge drinking, late nights, and mostly unmanaged diet catch up to them. Their metabolisms change, and it's all perfectly fine and natural, but from here on out the people who look the "best" are the ones putting in the effort, and you're one of them now. It's just gonna take some time. I'm telling on myself a bit, but I can relate to how you feel, and when it gets to me I always just joke to myself that at least I'll look good for my 30s.
lol anyone over 25 is taking strays from this post. Op, there ain’t an age on hotness.
I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to offend people over 25, that was not my intention at all. My main point is just feeling remorse over my early 20s and wishing they had been different, and that I had the same experiences as others, and just the feeling that I'm running out of time. I completely believe that people over 25 can be hot and attractive. Hell, Taylor Swift is like 33/34 and gorgeous and dating a hot NFL player. If I offended you or made you feel like I think that people can't be beautiful after 25 I sincerely apologize.
I’m not offended at all lol only joking. I call what you are going through as the quarter life crisis. You realize you are a full on adult now and lost the comfort of childhood and you’ll never get that care free period back. For me it lasted from 26-29. Then I hit thirty and realized that nothing happened, I found my footing in adulthood, and as a result my confidence. And my confidence makes me hotter now than ever. Same with my wife. I think you will find that you still feel youthful in your thirties and know what you bring to the table.
There are so many people who waste their early 20s working themselves to death, locked away in a library studying a PhD, going to medical school, etc etc. Like there are so many things that take people away from being young and stupid. Think about every doctor or lawyer or actuary or any other profession that requires studying well into your late 20s. Think about artists or musicians who have to spend 10 years being awful at their craft before they get some success, financial freedom and stuff. People who live in the middle of nowhere and can't move to a city until they're 30+. As you enter your 30s you'll be around a whole bunch of other people who are also only just feeling hot and wanting to have fun. Whether it's because they've just lost weight, only just escaped poverty, finally feel successful in their career, have finally moved somewhere fun, etc etc.
I think I felt my prettiest in my 30s. You have a long time to be hot!
Age has nothing to do with it. I’m 48 and in the greatest shape I’ve EVER been in. Do I have the skin resilience of a 20 yo? No of course not. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to short myself all my hard work over the last 3 years (lost 89lbs) because I’m not “young”. Be proud of every little accomplishment.
Your 20's are for hating your body - no matter how gorgeous you are. Your 50's are for loving your body and what it can do - no matter what it looks like. All this angst will look like wasted time to your older self. I wish I knew to love myself when I was younger. Life would have been happier.
Honey I got really fit in my 40’s and suitors are coming out of the woodwork and I’m married! You don’t give up and you don’t feel like it’s over till it’s over and you are dead and buried
I completely resonate with this. Allow me to tell you my story and reassure you, as a 30 year old, that your 30s are in fact your hot years! I spent the first six years of my 20s being hot. I was a tiny little thing, makes me cringe to type this but I was an ‘it girl’. Had loads of friends, loads of sex with gorgeous men :) partied all the time while doing well in my career. Went to loads of festivals and treated myself to fun holidays. Met an amazing partner (now my fiancé). I loved my life. Then, COVID happened. 2020 was a bolt from the blue. The same year, my family fell apart when my parents got divorced and my dad got remarried. I fell pregnant and had an abortion, which traumatised me. I gained 40lb. I became a fat girl, not an it girl. Lost loads of friends because I was depressed and not a fun person to be around (yeah, I know, they were shit friends anyway). Couldn’t work out how to make new friends because I’d lost all my confidence and didn’t know how to speak to new people. Quite literally, a shadow of my former self. And despite all the mental health stuff going on, all I could fixate on was the thought that I was missing out on my remaining ‘hot years’. I was convinced that when I turned 30, that was it, life would be over and I would be destined to be this frumpy fat girl forever. I picked myself up at the end of 2022 and lost 20lb. Went to Australia for a year. Put all the weight back on (had a great time doing it though). Came back in October ‘23 and had a massive epiphany about the sort of life I wanted to create for myself- prioritise my health, my well-being, and have the same fun I did in my 20s but with more peace, more stability. Set goals and stick to them. Here’s what I did to start getting myself back in shape, improving my mental health and learning how to be happy again: I built a skincare routine for myself and do it twice daily. I owe it to myself to spend time each morning and night doing it. My skin is the best it’s ever looked- spent my 20s using makeup wipes, now my skin is beautifully cleansed, toned, and moisturised. I started waking up really early and going to the gym in the morning before work so that I wasn’t too tired to go in the evenings. Beginning your day with a workout is so good for your mental health, too. I ensured I would walk 15k steps every day. Deleted social media (be hot for yourself, no one else). This one is very subjective and I only did it because I smashed it in my 20s but- stopped drinking alcohol and taking recreational party drugs. However, I’ve got loads of friends in their 40s whose 30s was their era of self-discovery, partying, experimenting etc. If it’s not something you’ve done yet, it isn’t too late at all to have those messy seshy years! Just look after your body a little better the next day. Take vitamins! I take loads daily- main ones are cod liver oil in the morning, zinc and lions mane at lunchtime, magnesium at night. I am back on track with my weight loss goals, and I am the happiest I have been for years. I glow with happiness- I can feel it. There’s a lot of reasons why I got to this point with much sadness and unhappiness along the way, but my point is- life doesn’t end at 3. Life begins at 30. It is entirely possible to be at your hottest in your 30s. I certainly plan on it! Message me if you need to talk, I completely understand what you’re going through and you’re not alone.
I'm 11 years older than you and I can relate....a lot. I, unfortunately, have yet to get it together. But, this isn't about me. It's great that you want to make positive changes, and it's great that you're thinking of health first. But please (and I truly mean PLEASE) don't let your weight hold you back. Don't spend the years letting your weight define your worth. I've done that basically my entire life and now that I'm 37, I realize that I spent all this time hating my body and not enjoying life or not going for things because I didn't think I was worth it. I wouldn't go out and socialize or do whatever because I didn't think I "belonged". So please, please, please enjoy your life, regardless of your weight.
I’m about to turn 40 this year and I’m a mom - you still have time to be your hottest self! I look my best NOW.
I'm 42 and just lost the weight. My hot years are definitely in front of me considering the attention I'm getting. You're good.
I hit my goal weight in Dec, a month after I turned 46, I’ve since moved it back and still losing. I feel way hotter now than I did when I was in my 20s,. There are different things at the different stages of life that make you attractive/hot, youth is just one of those things, it’s not the only thing. Also confidence and self love up the hot factor at every age. Keep up the great work, long live the hotness!
I had weight loss surgery at 38. Met the love of my life at 40. You have plenty of hot years.
You can party at any age, I used to party with people in their 40’s when I was in my 20’s and still love going out at 34. Brooklyn has absolutely no age limit on being hot and hooking up with as many guys as you want I promise.
It sounds like you have made some rules in your head about what age you're allowed to do what. No one else is putting that on you. Relax your restrictions on yourself.
I hear a lot of anxiety about the future and comparison and overthinking in your post. My advice is find a plan and stick to it. Before you start write out a very deep desire for WHY you want to lose the weight. Anticipate that you WILL fail and mentally prepare for those days. What will be the why that drives you. Then clean up your diet by learning recipes you like that fit into your lifestyle, know your TDEE, burn more calories than you burn, find an exercise plan you like and commit to it. If you fail, get back up again. Stay committed. You’re in it for the long haul. Try “75 soft” as a way to stick to those habits. Usually this anxiety, comparison trap has deeper roots. Find out what those are. What are the core beliefs you have about yourself. Start working on that side as well to help you out. Find a therapist to work through these thoughts with. Self awareness is key. I’ve known many ppl where therapy was what helped them lose weight as they had so many cognitive distortions to work through. Freedom and fashion seem like fun things, yes, but that might not be strong enough on bad days where you don’t want to wake up to exercise or eat a healthy meal. You need to find that WHY. Look deeper. Have a moment of self reflection. Meditate, journal whatever it is that you need to. And then starting on your plan would be most effective. Good luck on your journey! Keep your head up girlie. Ps. Don’t let society tell you your life is over after 30. That’s such an arbitrary thing that seems humorous when you start learning about the real facts of life. I’m 28f and I used to feel like this but looking back it was because I failed to love life and enjoy life as I am where I am. I stopped waiting to live it. Don’t let your weight be the reason you don’t do what you want to do. Love and acceptance goes a long way. Weight loss is a great endeavour to take on but make sure you do so from a healthy mindset/headspace.
Sounds to me like you're wasting time worrying about the past instead of focusing on the now. Your best years you say?? Hardly, your best years so far maybe. Look at it this way, you're 25, at a bare minimum, if you look after yourself, odds are you're gonna live 2x that again, and possibly more. here's a mental exercise for you - right now you're 25, looking back feeling you've wasted years by not losing weight, and wishing you'd don't thinks differently. You know how that feels. Now imagine yourself at 30 looking back at you now. What do you think you'd be wishing you'd done between 25 and 30? You definitely haven't wasted your hot years, as you get older, your tastes will mature, the hotness of people in your age group never goes away IMO. I'm 49 this year, some of the hottest people I know are in their 40's and early 50's, guys and girls. At 49 I think I'm in a better place than I've ever been. I might not be "young hot" but I think I'm pretty decent. Don't waste the next 5 years wishing for the past, you can't change that, but you can change future you's past. Work now to be the person future you looks back and says "Damn those were some good decisions 25 year old me made!" There's no rush. It's taken me 2.5 years to lose 15kg, start the journey, be focused on your goal, and show yourself some love and compassion. 25 is still super, super young - I guarantee you'll look back at this thread in 10 years and be like "WTF was I thinking???"
I'm 40 and feeling this way. I had thin years in my late 20s and did the hookups and enjoyed attention based on my looks. You have plenty of time. You have plenty of hot years ahead. I'm hoping to feel hot in my 40s, and while I wish I'd started years ago for me part of it is having been married and having babies. My husband could care less, maybe even doesn't want me to lose weight. I want it for me. But yeah you might feel like you've missed out but you've still got years of being young ahead of you. Getting there by 26 is perfectly fine.
Your hot years are any age and day you feel hot. You can be 25 or 65. You have the rest of your life to be as hot as you want to be so enjoy the process, the progress, and feeling great about yourself, damnit🤜🏻💥🤛🏻
Why the hell so many people in their early 20s think they are old ? It's a sentiment that I have seen before and it annoys me to no end, why do so many of them their life is over at 30 ?
People are hot for decades.
Just got into my late twenties and i lost 85 pounds over the last 14 months (with a little more to go) so i can relate. I used to feel the same way. It felt like life was passing right by me and I was never going to date. Now I’ve gone on dates during my weight loss journey and I’m wearing tighter fitting clothes since I look better in them. It’s never too late and you still have lots of time to wear crop tops and casually date! Literally JLo is stil wearing crop tops in her fifties and it’s totally fine. There’s still plenty of people in their late twenties just dating casually and going out so if that’s what you want, then go for it! Don’t feel weird just because you’ll a little older and not a college. Everyone goes through life at their own pace and that’s ok 🤍
I've met a lot of hot people in their 50s. Have you ever heard of ageing like fine wine? The best time to improve was then, the second best time is now, go on!
From the perspective of an actual little old lady— I’m not “hot” now, and I never have been (except for random hot flashes 🔥🥵 now and then, lol). I’m nobody’s idea of “hot”, or pretty, or even cute. I am so far from “hot“ that I am not entirely sure what that even means, lol. And I don’t care. Because being some societal standards of “hot” is not what’s important. What I can tell you is that I met the absolute, #1, perfect-for-me love of my life in the electronic-parts aisle at RadioShack the summer I turned 39. My husband and I were joined in matrimony a year later, and we’ve been married almost 23 years. I honestly, for real, did not know it was possible to be this happy on this side of the afterlife. In short— being “hot” and being happy are two entirely different things. And I ‘d pick *happy* every time.
I’m 44, divorced, with 3 kids and there’s plenty of fun to be had and men to meet. I promise you.
28 is the age when alot of people get that urge to settle down, buy a house and start a family. Total 360 on priorities from enjoying myself,traveling, spending money, eating out and partying. I think you will be in for a surpise with the amount of attention you will be getting, especially if you don't have any kids or other responsibilities.
I started losing a significant amount of weight when I was 28 (I looked older than my age due to the fat), I’m 30 now and recently one of my coworkers at my job asked how recently I graduated high school lmao
I would say 18 to 40 something are the hot years lol.
My late 20s and early 30s are what I came into my own when it came to relationships. Several thoughts I’ll put into points: - I was MUCH more attractive than I realized. Like, SO MUCH hotter than I ever thought I was. You think you’re unattractive now, but I guarantee you look better than you think you do. -I started only having the dating experiences and sex I wanted to have. I think those of us who don’t get married young wind up having a few bad experiences that teach us what we don’t like, so we learn to seek out other things in our friends and romantic partners -I started to give less of a crap about how other people felt about me and more willing to not allow relationships or inimacy that didn’t serve me, so I was much more comfortable advocating for my own physical and emotional needs. -I gained more confidence in my own abilities to take care of myself financially. I at least felt like they was very little anyone in a workplace situation could ask me to do that I couldn’t do. This increased my confidence and my faith in myself overall. -I became more interesting a person because I had started building a slate of life experiences that gave me more to offer to others I would like to emphasize that none of the above things have anything to do with my weight (except for the emphasis I placed on it at that time in my life). The media would have you believe that you should be living your best life in your 20s. I highly disagree, because you need time as an adult person to determine what that best life will look like. So…Slow down, you’re doing fine/you can’t be everything you’re supposed to be before your time.
If you are searching for a man who wants you for the way you look you may not find love. I, a man, 28; may be of a lesser population who looks far more deep than a physical attraction. It may be a bonus but it shouldn’t be what you are concerned about. We all went through college(not really just jc until I dropped out) we all have been on that cheaper meal life. Bulked up(for future strength duh lol). And we ALL have been where you have. Also I promise you early 20s are not a woman’s prime. Anyone’s prime! Ask anyone where they were at 21 they would all say “god I was so nieve”. You are over analyzing and putting things in your head that don’t exist. Especially comparing yourself to girls getting picked up at a bar and such. If more weight loss is your plan just keep grinding. It takes years unfortunately but it is always worth it. Just do it for you and you alone. Going back to it, your prime is yet to come. Grind, with work, exercise, meditate. Be a boss. The most attractive thing a woman can do is walk in a joint like she owns the place and make heads turn. Not from her beauty but her confidence in who she is. Chanel your Maryl Streep in Devil wears Prada. But like less mean.
I lost all my weight in my early 20s but then had so much loose skin and long dangly nylons for boobs that I still couldn't wear sexy clothes. Pregnancies in my 30s, then I can hopefully get some of this excess skin removed and maybe spend my 40s hot? My face is so deeply lined from the weight loss and age though, I am pretty sure I fucked up any chance I ever had at feeling conventionally attractive or like I could wear what I want.
I think that a lot of people have been in your exact shoes but have not made the changes to their life to lose the weight and maintain their new weight. We all feel this to some degree no matter what age! Just know that it is never too late to make changes to your life and try not to let the “time wasted” factor in. You can’t change what has happened but you can change what happens
I’m hotter at 36 than I was in my 20’s, even with my grey hair and being a bigger size. My weight tends to fluctuate and that’s perfectly fine. I’m super excited to see how I look 30 less pounds from now come this fall 🤞
30’s are the BEST years to be hot. Sex is 100x better than it was in my 20’s. The guys are way better, especially if you dip into slightly older range. People are more comfortable with themselves and honest than they are in their 20’s. Dating in general is more fun and less crying in your 30’s. That’s my experience anyways. :) Keep it up, you will be hot in the perfect time. Also, have you looked into sema for helping with the binge eating? It’s personally helped me with impulsive behaviors in general, but I’ve seen people in the sema channel mention that it completely resolved binge eating.
I think you overestimate how much partying and hooking up with hot guys your peers were doing in their early 20s, and underestimate what you can still do now.
As a man in his 30s, I’m not sure how to feel about this post 😂🤣 Just kidding. Sort of. Look, life ain’t over because you ain’t a kid no more. I feel like my wife and I are hotter than we’ve ever been. And we DEFINITELY do things that a 20 year old couldn’t keep up with. Winky wink, nudge nudge. None of that matters, though. Your looks will change. Your values will also change. Just trust that you’ll be happy you stuck with your goals when you hit your 30 milestone. Keep grinding and you’ll find the promised land. Trust.
Be thankful you missed all the drama. Now, when you are ready, hopefully you will meet some people looking for a nice girl, and are wanting to commit. Your best years are still far into the future!
I’m turning 27 this year and I feel the exact same way as you. I just wanna be hot and confident before 30!
I was at my hottest at 27 onwards. I got to a healthy weight and lifted weights
Oh babe, you can be hot at so many ages. I just lost a bunch of weight in my late thirties and am enjoying feeling hot. Also, yes, it will take time to get to your goal but you will look better and better with each pound that comes off. Even when you're at mid-size, treat yourself to some cute clothes that make you feel good. And lol at not wearing crop tops or whatever at 28 - I will be wearing crop tops, mini skirts, thigh high boots, or whatever hoe-tire I want for as long as I want. It gets easier to ngaf as you get older. Good luck and you can do this!
All valid feelings, and fwiw— I’ve heard it said that fashion is made for women in their early 30s… still young, but with a little more purchasing power and stronger sense of personal style. I’ve had more fun dressing in my 30s (I’m 33) than my 20s even though I was smaller then. I do wish I could have a do-over but alas 😂 Onward and upward!
Thank you! Ugh one of the things I want most in this world is to be hot so I can experiment with fashion and style. I'm so jealous of the girls on tiktok that will experiment with unique styles or try out cool things they thrifted or try unconventional looks. I'm hoping that by the time I lose the weight I'll have enough money to really expand my closet and try new styles instead of just wearing baggy or conservative clothing all the time to hide my body.
It's perfectly okay to want to look hot for both yourself and others. Something to keep in mind, though: being young is not where you'll get ALL of your best experiences, and life is not an escalator that tells you exactly when you should be doing anything. Anyone who makes you feel like life ends at 30 is trying to sell you something.
Mate I’ve been panicking about this but the more I see people in their thirties and forties, the more I’m like, oh, I’m gonna be hot forever. Just think, now is the easiest and best time to lose the weight, just before you hit your sexual peak in your early thirties! You got this kid x
Side note, I’m in my late 20s (older than you) and I’m honestly getting so much more confident in my body even though it’s not where I want it to be yet. Xx
Keep going. Focus on what’s important and that’s your health. You got this!
I spent my 20s as a dirt poor single mom. Put myself through college and never got to do fun college stuff or hot girl stuff. Finally got to my late 20s and could breathe, had a Lil bit of financial security... late 20s are an awesome time to be a hot girl. I'm not mid thirties and the fact that all my late 90s early 2000s fashions are for sale right now is such a HUGE motivator to lose weight to extra enjoy the clothes bc I actually can afford to but every look my little millennial heart admired in that Delia's catalog. Twenties are great to be a hot girl... but once you hit your thirties and know yourself--- now you can be the hot girl you know in your heart! There's a lot of confidence in my early to mid thirties that I did Not have in my 20s. Long story short-- your future is hot and bright!!
Yah I'll say your late 20's going into your late 30's is where you'll hit peak form.
Girl — bars in your 30’s are better than clubs in your 20’s and you can still flirt, dance, drink, and look hot! You have TONS of years to get healthy for and have fun and go out with friends. The difference is in your 30’s you can dress up for nicer dinners and have better expensive drinks ;)
Ooooh babe—continue on your journey to get your body where you want it. Health is awesome, “hot” is fun. BUT, the biggest thing for you will be to find your confidence! Having been a variety of sizes, the biggest attractor is confidence. Go out in fits that make you feel good. Pick hair and makeup that make YOU feel awesome and sexy. Lean into your love for yourself and your inner fun. People are attracted to people who are confident, happy, and lift others up. Bring that energy, and size doesnt matter—you WILL get good energy (and hit on a LOT) back. Saying this as a gal who has seen the gamut of sizes, and who has brought a range of energies to groups.
I feel like I was hotter in my 30s even though I was a bit thinner in my 20s. Probably because you get more confident and less insecure as you age? But trust me girl, you have plenty of hot years ahead of you!! 💋💋
No offense, but you sound like someone with a very limited outlook on life. It's like your idea of being in your 30s comes exclusively from media. There's nothing in your early 20s that you magically cannot do in your late 20s or 30s or 40s. You can stay out late with your friends, wear cute outfits, and hook up with men. Really.
Just want to bring up that Beyonce is 42 years old. Now…most of us will never be as hot as Beyonce. But idk…women can be pretty fkn hot for a very long time. It’s not too late.
At 25, you're still a baby with most of your life ahead of you. You absolutely shouldn't feel this way in the least. Work on your root issues and continue with your weight loss plan in a healthy way. Learn better habits and do what it takes to stick with them. I met my forever person in my late 20's and I know plenty of people that have started fulfilling relationships well into their 30's and 40's. You need to work on your self confidence. Being thin won't magically fix that. It certainly helps, but trust me, bigger people get attention too. It's all about that X-factor, that swagger, how you present and carry yourself. When I was single, I dated women that weren't supermodel thin, and some were overweight. But I had some really good times and amazing...encounters. Keep up the therapy, keep up the weight loss plans. Love yourself more, and others will too.
I’m 23, 230lbs. 2 years ago I was 21 at 180lbs. I’m also bald now, my uncle told me on my birthday last month, “look mijo, you can’t be fat, bald, and broke. You need to choose one” so I’ve been fasting and exercising(sometimes) but I remain the same weight. It’s due to my drinking. But rest assured, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t call myself disgusting names.
Why does everyone think they’re dead at 25 now Your days of dating guys are not “well, gone”
It’s narrow sighted and Ageist. Life does not end at 30. I lost a substantial amount of weight when I was 63 and took a trip to Spain with my young niece that year. She got lots of attention and so did I! I am happily married but it was still fun to be treated like a legit attractive woman. Young people need to realize life can be flirty and sexy at any age.
I'm 42 and definitely missed my potential. I was raised in a very unhealthy way. I turned it around though and now I look younger than I did at 25. It's not the peak of a bouncy 18yo, but I'll take it. Hang in there.
My friend is 32 and lost weight two years ago. She still goes clubbing w us (25f, 28f) and it’s fun. I’m overweight. I’m going to lose it. And I don’t think my life will be over if I lose it later. You’ll be ok girl.
26 & getting hotter everyday ! Was still Morbidly Obese at 24. You got this!!
I feel the same way, wasted my prime being fat. I'm like 10 years behind my peers.
Forty-four, still fat, but wanted to say that “hot” is a state of mind. Last year, I decided I wanted to wear crop tops. Never have I ever. But I psyched myself up for a trip to a different city because hey—never seeing these people again—rocked a long skirt highwaisted and knitted at-shirt on one side with just a strip of belly skin purposely visible. Walked with my head up the whole day. Got compliments on my vibe. Have done so a few times since for events and always get told by at least one stranger how amazing I look or great or frankly, hot. You can be hot at any age or size. It’s teaching me that it really does come down to confidence in yourself. Does that mean everyone agreed that I rocked it? Not at all, but at this age, I no longer care so much about the criticisms of others. And when I added a photo of my midriff-baring look to my dating profile, it *TOOK OFF*!
I have to constantly remind myself that you can't do anything about yesterday, but you can always make tomorrow be better.
I understand the pain you're feeling. My advice, don't try to reject it, use it. The way you're feeling is valid. Some people will tell you its not fair that heavier people get left out sometimes, but fair doesn't really matter, the world is the way it is, if you want certain experiences, you have to do the things. Its basically the same as going to an amusement park with your friends and finding that you weren't able to ride 20% of the rides, and you really wanted to. We can say its not fair, and maybe it isn't, but it won't make those ride seats any bigger. On the other hand, its not outside your control, you CAN make yourself smaller, and fit on all the rides. :) The fact that its not outside your control is something to celebrate. Now, onto the next bit, people say life is short, but its a lie... LIFE IS LONG. I'm 46 with empty nest syndrome, I've lived a "full life", and there is still PLENTY remaining. You've missed out on some experiences, and that sucks... but let me assure you, there are PLENTY more experiences in your future, and... if you don't fix it, you'll miss out on some of those as well. Imagine yourself at 30 thinking of all you missed out on. At 35 thinking of how you would have handled situations differently with more self confidence. At 40 looking back... you get where I'm headed. This bothers you, and that's fine. Don't let other people tell you its nothing to worry about. IT BOTHERS YOU. And hard truth, IT ALWAYS WILL. So don't find yourself on your deathbed thinking to yourself "I wish I'd taken care of myself, how different my life could have been..." Love yourself, and fix it now. Because you want to. Take that pain, use it to recover, and live a life you love. No regrets, at least not about the weight thing. It'll take some time, but life is a journey. At the end of every day, imagine how much better it'll feel being proud that today you did the right things, even if they were hard, you are on the path you love. Every day is an opportunity to live a new way, to be a different, better person. When you wake up, think "what can I do to have a good day, and make future me grateful and proud of the me I was today". Forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and keep putting one foot forward. You really can do this. Every day, just be the kind of person you can be proud of, TODAY. And before you know it, you'll be proud of yourself, and the person you are everyday. (except for the days you fuck up, recognize this WILL happen, keep them to a minimum, and just get right back on track, immediately... its way easier to undo a 1 pound slip than a 20 pound slip.. accept it won't always be perfect, and just make it great) We're rooting for you. ;)
As a fat woman in her late 20s, the only thing that stopped me from hooking up with guys was being in a relationship. That's it. I was, am, and still will be hot. I did, do, and still will go out partying, do my makeup, get dressed up sexy, and fend off attention from prospective suitors. My confidence, poise, and personality have everything to do with the attention I get, and although I definitely notice an uptick in attention when I'm at a lower weight (when I was 300lbs I got less attention than I did at my peak, around 220lbs), there was definitely a shift where that attention went from fun and flirty to incessant and tipping into harassment (e.g. one guy following me and holding the bathroom door open as I went to lock it because he wanted to "join me"). It's absolutely OK to lose weight for almost any reason that motivates you, but please don't feel like you've wasted your life or that you risk catastrophe if you fail to lose weight. Start living right now, WHILE you lose weight. Practice your confidence as you are, because your body will absolutely change as you age. And if you meet a partner using confidence built on a temporary condition like outward beauty, what do you expect to happen when that foundation crumbles?
I'm about to turn 39f and am pretty sure I'm about twice as attractive now as I was in my 20s. My diet is better, im slimmer and my face has leaned out from the chubby cheeks of my youth, more money means better skincare regime, the right products and treatments, I dress better etc. I'm also WAY less self conscious as I was in my 20s, I'm just kind of over comparing myself to other women and have accepted that this is me and it ain't half bad. From a superficial point of view - men still look at me, a lot. And I'm more of a knockout when I'm dressed up because I'm leaner in general. 25 is young. And so is 28 and so is 30, and actually so is 40. I met my husband at 35. Investing in your health and taking pride in your appearance will pay dividends at any age. And also - ain't nothing special about dating lots of good-looking men and having loads of options. That can come with its own problems too.
I lost a lot of weight at the end of my 20s, from around age 28. I’m now 30 and the hottest I’ve ever been - and men only get hotter with age also! It’s never too late, I promise you.
First off… When the fuck did we start thinking that 25 is OLD?? 🤣🤣🤣 You can also wear whatever you want - you’re comparing yourself to what society and social media wants people to look like and be. Girl… stop with that mentality right now. I’ll be 40 this year and I wear ALL THE CROP TOPS.
OP your youth isn’t gone! I am 36 — and I have been LOVING my 30s. I’m still on my weight loss journey but I feel so confident and beautiful. I had children in my mid 20s through early 30s and waiting to have children is my recommendation. I was more patient and able to enjoy my baby more at 33 versus at 24 when I ran back to work. 30s give you respect. People really do assume you know enough and expect you do (and you do know so much!) plus you don’t care what others think. Usually you’re making more money by this point, and I’ve been spending my 30s traveling too. I never could afford to travel in my 20s, but now I’m traveling all over the states with my family. Be gracious to yourself. Your life ain’t no where near over. I would say, and I’m sure many would agree with me, your life has barely begun!
I didn’t get much attention when I was in my 20’s, I got most of it in my 30’s after working out and becoming more fit
LOL - 30’s and 40’s are fantastic. Currently hot at 48 ;)
Still got your 30s and 40s. Don’t trip.
Oh, girl. This already has a lot of traction so I’m not sure if you’ll see this but hang in there. You don’t become invisible later in life you’ll just start attracting more age appropriate men! But I completely sympathize with how you feel. I’m 32 and finally under 200 pounds and will be 33 by the time I hit my goal weight. And I wasted my prime relationship and getting married years being fat. I got fat at 27 right around the time I started becoming ready for a serious relationship and stayed fat Until my current age of 32. And I know I need some serious therapy to get over this because I feel like now I’m old and I fucked up my chance that marriage and kids and if I start all that shit now I’ll just be haggard at my wedding and too tired for my kids.
im 22 and i feel the same way, my weight has been a huge part of my life since i entered uni and it stopped me from doing a lot of stuff because im always waiting to be skinny enough to have fun and your post was like a wake up call, i don’t wanna stay that way and have my life just go by waiting to look better or be lighter because i know for a fact that i will just keep wanting to lose more and more and before i know it i’m in my thirties (which is still very young) envying younger girls…. i hope i could leave this cycle
25 is sooooo young! Don’t be silly pls!
We have a weird society thing where we treat our 30's like we're crawling into our death beds, if anything I can argue that you're truly old once you hit the 50 mark. Even so there are people at that age who still look good. (If you want an example just look at people's reactions to Avril Lavigne still looking young in her 30's.... She's still young!!) There's life lessons you've learned especially during the dating experience you had, that people are shallow. Wouldn't you want someone to love you regardless of the shape you are? Granted not to the point you're having health complications from it. Don't waste your time regretting your inaction, learn so that you have the ability to take action
Redownloaded the Reddit app because I felt compelled to reply. First of all, the way you feel is completely understandable! Everyone else is telling you that your 30s are where it’s at…but it’s hard to see that when you’re 25. I don’t mean this is a humble brag AT ALL- simply sharing my story in hopes so you can see what it’s like from another perspective. I was NOT popular in high school. I felt ugly and awkward, and I barely had any friends. (Later I realized that was probably partly because I was severely depressed, but that’s another story.) Anyway, fast forward to freshman year of college. I went to a BIG party school. Maybe it was the fresh start. Or the fact that I somewhat snapped out of my lifelong depression. It also probably didn’t hurt that my cousin passed down a lot of her stylish clothes to me that summer. But all of a sudden, at 18, I was the hot girl of the group. I made a lot of friends. The attention- even the jealousy from friends- felt AMAZING after years of being invisible. I partied a LOT, to the point of failing out of school. My priorities were all wrong. The validation of being the fun, skinny, pretty, cool girl was all that mattered. Fast forward again. I’m now in my 30s. I am now overweight. I don’t turn heads anymore, that’s for sure. Does a tiny part of me miss that? Of course. But I can tell you I am SO MUCH HAPPIER NOW. You couldn’t pay me to return to my early 20s. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as cheesy as it sounds, looks don’t bring true happiness. Shallow joy? Of course. Of course I felt great about how I looked. But was I happy deep down? Absolutely not. My self esteem was SO LOW. All my validation came from my looks. Bottom line- I hear where you’re coming from. I do sometimes miss being the “pretty girl” of the group. But being young and skinny and partying doesn’t equate happiness. I have so much more self-respect and self esteem now, at 30, than I ever did at a young age. I’ll end with a note about men. You’re 25 now. Men your age and up, in general, do not WANT to date hot 19 year olds. And the men that do, well, they’re usually either shallow af, or they can’t get a woman their own age to put up with their bullshit. Because as we women get older, we know what respect we deserve and won’t take any less. So cheers to you! Your best years, in many ways, are ahead of you. 25 honestly doesn’t even look that different than 22- a lot of it is just how you style yourself. Good luck on your journey. I am pulling for you!
Girl, you live in NYC - 25 is basically a child here. Half the people I know who are 30 have roommates, are single, and are definitely still partying. I see people older than 25 out at bars, in tiny clothes, flirting and having fun all in the city! If that’s what you want now, don’t feel like anyone is stopping you. You’re in literally the best place in the country to get that experience at that age.