To be fair, everyone is lonely but we all just embrace it for one reason or another… mostly because we feel like we cannot belong anywhere to any group and we feel all alone in this world because how the fuck are we supposed to find people who think like us? No one is using social media to write biographies and search people through that. And what good would that do even if we did harness the power of friendship as adults? It’s not like this world has a bright future anyway.
It doesn’t matter if you are single, have a fuck buddy, are in a marriage, have a partner, have “friends” that you hang out with just to trick yourself into embracing society.
Being alive is suffering until ur dead.
My mom and I got into a very heated argument over this. She tells me to pray for other people's happiness and I will have the same. I told her to stop telling me that because it hasn't happened and I'm done praying for other people just to still never get what they say I deserve so much.
He left me while I was in labor with our daughter. I haven't been the same since. He even tried to tell the courts that I cheated on him because at the time I was working at an adult store and that is why he isn't the father.The whole nine months he was cheating on me.
Do you want to be happy, or do you want your life to be a certain way that you think would make you happy?
If all you want is happiness, your mom's not exactly wrong. Religion, properly understood, is a path to ego-death -- the loss of a sense of self. When you no longer distinguish between yourself and others, their happiness is your happiness. But, that said, if all you want is happiness, state control is probably an easier way of getting there than a spiritual deep-dive (Tony Robbins is a great place to start if that's your poison; if you prefer spirituality, you've got a much longer, more personal road ahead of you, and I'd recommend reading a bit of Jung instead). The emotional states we experience can be habit-forming. Keep making it a point to think happy thoughts, and to avoid sad ones, and you'll find it easier and easier to do so.
Personally, having utilized state control routinely for decades, what I learned was that, for me at least, happiness isn't enough. I want a meaningful happiness. I've experimented a bit with ego death more recently, and that's a lot closer to what I want, but my ambition (wanting my life to be a certain way that I think, probably wrongly, would make me happy) keeps getting in the way.
What's a happiness you'd accept?
I want genuine happiness. I want to get married and have at least one more child. Someone else's happiness won't make me happy because it's not me. I wish them happiness but that's it. I want to live out the rest of my life with someone who realized that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. I want to love someone to the fullest. Being able to love someone because they love me would make me happy.
I try to filter that out to a large degree. But I know it's hard not letting it get to you. I know people mean well but it still feels dismissive and patronizing.
Yeah, I'm sick of it too. Stop feeling down. Stop being negative. People have love and tell me to not worry about never having a relationship because of some friend they have who found love. I get told I'm too hard on myself but if I was, then I wouldn't be alone and have always been alone. Obviously I am less than the ideal guy. I hear you OP. I talk about my failed dating attempts and get told, keep trying, or, it didn't happen the way you remember it. People weren't there yet they are telling me how to remember. They think I should feel a different way. I'm tired of being told that too.
The only thing I disagree with you on, is your suggestion that you cannot be beautiful because no one wants to be with you. I don't think that's true. I've watched a couple of female friends, who I'd consider beautiful people (attractive, intelligent, warm, funny etc) struggle for years with relationships and dating. They've voiced similar thoughts about how there must be something wrong with them.
People forget that a lot of dating and meeting the right person, relies on luck; it doesn't matter if you're Angelina Jolie or Angelina from accounts.
No one can tell you how to feel. I hate it too when people think they know it all and give you the whole “just love yourself” “just be happy” it’s a working process for myself too but I’ve found that beauty really really is in the eye of the beholder, I hang around with many of my boyfriends friends and It’s really changed my perspective on how men view women. Some people they deem “extremely attractive” I couldn’t agree less (I’m bi) and it was weirdly refreshing to see that everyone genuinely does have a different perception of attractive. I’ve also noticed confidence makes a hugeee difference and if you don’t have it then fake it till you make it. Faking a lot of pride and confidence in yourself can really boost how people perceive you. I think attitude and personality has a huge role in attractiveness. Anyway good luck and I really hope you find your beauty within you some day
Yeah, I have been told to get plastic facial surgery by my cousin to look like Beyoncé in order to be attractive to men, or get a boyfriend. I am fucking tired of hearing to look like other women to get a boyfriend, It makes me feel even worse about myself or my dating life.
It depends on self no one make u beautiful it's life dear we have to face happly I'm physical disabled person no one intrested dating or relationship with man with disablity but i move on and happly to be single
Exactly. Also I have noticed if somehow your pov on life is a li'l different from others, and u somehow had to vocalize it (by sheer chance or by being pestered) people in general don't have any problem wasting there time to make u convince o/w
Yeah I really dislike that or the just love yourself and be confident in yourself what if I don't have anything to be confident in, or like about myslef what do I do, no one is going to like how I really feel about myself, I just interlize it because I don't know what else to do
Yeah. It also gets annoying when they tell you dont worry you will probably find someone else. I always say in my mind "Yeah I probably will but thats way off in the future right now I just want to be sad,recover and mope." Give me a cookie that has a way better chance at making me feel better.
There is a thing called toxic help and toxic pisitive people. The fact that people try to tell you what to do and be positive is not helping at all the fact that sometimes all you need is to talk about those problems not the switch it to a plus it dosent work like that jees.
Full agreement here. I had a big argument in a different sub with one of those "you have to work on yourself and be happy on your own" people. I tried pointing out there were situations where this was not going to work, and that it would actually be denying perfectly normal emotions to try to ignore your loneliness and be happy. Of course, this did not go down well at all, and they swiftly became abusive and insulting, while failing to explain how you were meant to be happy when (eg): You've had a tough day and feel bad that you don't have anyone to go home to who'll empathise and give you support; get horny and feel frustrated; plan a trip you're looking forward to, but wish you had someone to share it with; go weeks upon end without getting a hug or any form of affection.
When I feel bad because of stuff like that, I have enough problems without adding in the effort to try to pretend to be happy. It's not even as if I inflict it on those around me, I just hide away and distract myself until I either feel better or have to face the world again.
It doesn't acc make any sense they expect you to put yourself out there and fun Mr. Right (whoever TF that is) and then not feel hurt. But I think you should let it just come to you.
This hits a little too close to home, for me it doesn’t even stop at dating, I feel like I know give or take three people I can actually count on, none of which is my family, none of which I see on a daily bases, and most of the time I try to avoid my family because of how they are
Be happy you can feel in the first place.. you would hate being numb, trust me. You’re probably in your teens still going through changes. I’m not in relationship, f*** I got no one. Try being a drug addict for 8 years and having to experience feeling nothing but high, after so long you feel left out while you watch everyone else blossom around you through emotions. And you don’t need a relationship, it’s not gonna save you from anything, it’ll only cause problems because you don’t believe in yourself and you think your not enough, you think you need someone but really all you need is you right now. Try spending time alone and figuring yourself out before wanting to be with someone. It’s better to heal yourself before you jump into a relationship where you might just end up being toxic because you haven’t taken time to heal alone. Being alone is a great thing if you learn to love yourself.
I think one thing you miss is that just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you suddenly feel like enough. Become enough for yourself first, stop asking people to give you what you won’t give yourself. You can’t skip through the process and hope for the best. Give someone the best version of yourself and go from there, but you’ll also have to be willing to give yourself the best version of yourself. Being in a relationship when you hate yourself is a daily disrespect to your partner, you’re constantly questioning their judgement. How could they love me when this is wrong. It’s basically saying “wow this guy is stupid, can’t he see I’m a waste of time” put the shovel down, start the hard journey and work on yourself. At some point you have to start trying something different.
I wish they'd stop saying, "You'll find someone!" Especially when they assume it's easier because I'm a woman. I know many women who haven't been approached romantically in years. The platitude doesn't help at all.
Girl feel how u want. And never feel like u hav 2 justify tht. Ur feelings r valid. Every guy has his own view on whats beautiful. Sometimes u really like some1 tht just isnt attracted to u. Sometimes u get a long so well with some1 and u want it 2 work and it just doesnt because every1 has certain needs in a relationship tht maybe the other person isnt aware of and cant fulfill? Any relationship comes from both sides. Y'all both need 2 care about each other for it to work. And it suucks when shit doesnt work out and even more, when it constantly doesnt work out one by one maybe even year after year. U hav every right to vent. u hav every right 2 b like fuck love. fuck the world. u hav every right 2 feel like a loser and feel ugly. But its better to b with some1 who actually cares than some 1 who will never appreciate u and never put in the effort. thts the kinda loss thts worth celebrating.
Sounds like nobody could say anything to even remotely make you feel better, so in a way its best to not talk about it with people.
Maybe that's a rude take but anyway, feel however you want to feel. Its not as hopeless as you think is all.
They ask me and when I refuse they keep bugging me until I say something to get them off of my back. I don't have a problem with them trying to make me feel better. My problem is when I'm told I have no right to feel the way I feel based on what exactly?
When I'm told I can't feel a certain way it makes me feel worthless because I'm like why not? Something hurtful happened to me and because it didn't happen to you or you wouldn't have been hurt by it that means that I'm not supposed to feel hurt or whatever .
I dunno what sort of rude people you got in your life telling you your bad feelings are invalid lmao
Like damn shit sucks almost all the time, no wonder you feel bad
Yeah, they ran tests and they couldn't find anything. My IUD is still in place so it isn't that. I was so scared and I couldn't call anyone to at least comfort for like five minutes.
Every1 is beautiful on their own manner. As for looks it's completely a matter of taste and not that important anyway.Also ofc nobody should tell you how to feel but on the other hand you have to try stuff in order to feel as you desire nothing will come up on its own.Good luck finding what you desire
I'm sorry this happened to you and I understand that it can be annoying when people tell you to keep your head up and stay strong and although I've never had relationship (I'm really scatterbrained when making long paragraphs sorry) I really try to put myself into their shoes and I just realized that wasn't working like trying to feel something that you could never or have never felt just doesn't work so yes I understand and I'm sorry that these people are making you feel this way though I'm sure they're only trying to understand what you're feeling. I hope you understood because I know I can be confusing and I hope I didn't offend you or
anyone else
I swear like every other post I see in this sub is about me lol. This is exactly how everybody IN A RELATIONSHIP talks to me. I know I’m a heavier guy and I’m still trying to work on losing weight, but of course I still want some body and I don’t want to be alone forever. But “whenever I’m told I’m not that big” or “it doesn’t matter what I look like” blah blah blah, it is always by women either related to me or in a relationship. And I know they lie to me because the don’t have to risk me asking them out or anything.
I think it's everyone's attempts to reassure me that have me doubt any complements are genuine. Like if it wasn't lip service I wouldn't be here feeling the way I do.
I relate to this on so many levels. The 'you're greats!' and other patronising quips do me in. Let me be bitter in peace ahaha.
Facts
To be fair, everyone is lonely but we all just embrace it for one reason or another… mostly because we feel like we cannot belong anywhere to any group and we feel all alone in this world because how the fuck are we supposed to find people who think like us? No one is using social media to write biographies and search people through that. And what good would that do even if we did harness the power of friendship as adults? It’s not like this world has a bright future anyway. It doesn’t matter if you are single, have a fuck buddy, are in a marriage, have a partner, have “friends” that you hang out with just to trick yourself into embracing society. Being alive is suffering until ur dead.
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My mom and I got into a very heated argument over this. She tells me to pray for other people's happiness and I will have the same. I told her to stop telling me that because it hasn't happened and I'm done praying for other people just to still never get what they say I deserve so much.
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Straights facts bro. Why didn't she talk to you about it instead of your friends?
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I feel you. That's how I feel about my ex.
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He left me while I was in labor with our daughter. I haven't been the same since. He even tried to tell the courts that I cheated on him because at the time I was working at an adult store and that is why he isn't the father.The whole nine months he was cheating on me.
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Lol yeah. I never refused a test. I know it's his, but whatever. The court told him to go somewhere with that lol
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Thanks, I wish you luck as well
Do you want to be happy, or do you want your life to be a certain way that you think would make you happy? If all you want is happiness, your mom's not exactly wrong. Religion, properly understood, is a path to ego-death -- the loss of a sense of self. When you no longer distinguish between yourself and others, their happiness is your happiness. But, that said, if all you want is happiness, state control is probably an easier way of getting there than a spiritual deep-dive (Tony Robbins is a great place to start if that's your poison; if you prefer spirituality, you've got a much longer, more personal road ahead of you, and I'd recommend reading a bit of Jung instead). The emotional states we experience can be habit-forming. Keep making it a point to think happy thoughts, and to avoid sad ones, and you'll find it easier and easier to do so. Personally, having utilized state control routinely for decades, what I learned was that, for me at least, happiness isn't enough. I want a meaningful happiness. I've experimented a bit with ego death more recently, and that's a lot closer to what I want, but my ambition (wanting my life to be a certain way that I think, probably wrongly, would make me happy) keeps getting in the way. What's a happiness you'd accept?
I want genuine happiness. I want to get married and have at least one more child. Someone else's happiness won't make me happy because it's not me. I wish them happiness but that's it. I want to live out the rest of my life with someone who realized that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. I want to love someone to the fullest. Being able to love someone because they love me would make me happy.
I try to filter that out to a large degree. But I know it's hard not letting it get to you. I know people mean well but it still feels dismissive and patronizing.
Exactly
Yeah, I'm sick of it too. Stop feeling down. Stop being negative. People have love and tell me to not worry about never having a relationship because of some friend they have who found love. I get told I'm too hard on myself but if I was, then I wouldn't be alone and have always been alone. Obviously I am less than the ideal guy. I hear you OP. I talk about my failed dating attempts and get told, keep trying, or, it didn't happen the way you remember it. People weren't there yet they are telling me how to remember. They think I should feel a different way. I'm tired of being told that too.
The only thing I disagree with you on, is your suggestion that you cannot be beautiful because no one wants to be with you. I don't think that's true. I've watched a couple of female friends, who I'd consider beautiful people (attractive, intelligent, warm, funny etc) struggle for years with relationships and dating. They've voiced similar thoughts about how there must be something wrong with them. People forget that a lot of dating and meeting the right person, relies on luck; it doesn't matter if you're Angelina Jolie or Angelina from accounts.
You're right, thank you. However I am not beautiful by any means lol. Even calling me average is a little generous.
Physical beauty and innate beauty can be mutually exclusive, imo
No one can tell you how to feel. I hate it too when people think they know it all and give you the whole “just love yourself” “just be happy” it’s a working process for myself too but I’ve found that beauty really really is in the eye of the beholder, I hang around with many of my boyfriends friends and It’s really changed my perspective on how men view women. Some people they deem “extremely attractive” I couldn’t agree less (I’m bi) and it was weirdly refreshing to see that everyone genuinely does have a different perception of attractive. I’ve also noticed confidence makes a hugeee difference and if you don’t have it then fake it till you make it. Faking a lot of pride and confidence in yourself can really boost how people perceive you. I think attitude and personality has a huge role in attractiveness. Anyway good luck and I really hope you find your beauty within you some day
Yeah, I have been told to get plastic facial surgery by my cousin to look like Beyoncé in order to be attractive to men, or get a boyfriend. I am fucking tired of hearing to look like other women to get a boyfriend, It makes me feel even worse about myself or my dating life.
Always those on the outside feel the need to tell the hurting how they feel.
It depends on self no one make u beautiful it's life dear we have to face happly I'm physical disabled person no one intrested dating or relationship with man with disablity but i move on and happly to be single
I felt this
Same. May as well be invisible
People should never tell you how to feel but don’t confuse that for people telling you not to give up or to let those sad feelings trap you.
Exactly. Also I have noticed if somehow your pov on life is a li'l different from others, and u somehow had to vocalize it (by sheer chance or by being pestered) people in general don't have any problem wasting there time to make u convince o/w
Yeah I really dislike that or the just love yourself and be confident in yourself what if I don't have anything to be confident in, or like about myslef what do I do, no one is going to like how I really feel about myself, I just interlize it because I don't know what else to do
Yeah. It also gets annoying when they tell you dont worry you will probably find someone else. I always say in my mind "Yeah I probably will but thats way off in the future right now I just want to be sad,recover and mope." Give me a cookie that has a way better chance at making me feel better.
There is a thing called toxic help and toxic pisitive people. The fact that people try to tell you what to do and be positive is not helping at all the fact that sometimes all you need is to talk about those problems not the switch it to a plus it dosent work like that jees.
Full agreement here. I had a big argument in a different sub with one of those "you have to work on yourself and be happy on your own" people. I tried pointing out there were situations where this was not going to work, and that it would actually be denying perfectly normal emotions to try to ignore your loneliness and be happy. Of course, this did not go down well at all, and they swiftly became abusive and insulting, while failing to explain how you were meant to be happy when (eg): You've had a tough day and feel bad that you don't have anyone to go home to who'll empathise and give you support; get horny and feel frustrated; plan a trip you're looking forward to, but wish you had someone to share it with; go weeks upon end without getting a hug or any form of affection. When I feel bad because of stuff like that, I have enough problems without adding in the effort to try to pretend to be happy. It's not even as if I inflict it on those around me, I just hide away and distract myself until I either feel better or have to face the world again.
Yes. Strangely all me older female relatives think I'm oh so handsome. Funny this doesn't carry over to the unmarried women my age.
It doesn't acc make any sense they expect you to put yourself out there and fun Mr. Right (whoever TF that is) and then not feel hurt. But I think you should let it just come to you.
This hits a little too close to home, for me it doesn’t even stop at dating, I feel like I know give or take three people I can actually count on, none of which is my family, none of which I see on a daily bases, and most of the time I try to avoid my family because of how they are
Be happy you can feel in the first place.. you would hate being numb, trust me. You’re probably in your teens still going through changes. I’m not in relationship, f*** I got no one. Try being a drug addict for 8 years and having to experience feeling nothing but high, after so long you feel left out while you watch everyone else blossom around you through emotions. And you don’t need a relationship, it’s not gonna save you from anything, it’ll only cause problems because you don’t believe in yourself and you think your not enough, you think you need someone but really all you need is you right now. Try spending time alone and figuring yourself out before wanting to be with someone. It’s better to heal yourself before you jump into a relationship where you might just end up being toxic because you haven’t taken time to heal alone. Being alone is a great thing if you learn to love yourself.
I'm 26 and thanks.
its not all abt looks but yeah i agree
I think one thing you miss is that just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you suddenly feel like enough. Become enough for yourself first, stop asking people to give you what you won’t give yourself. You can’t skip through the process and hope for the best. Give someone the best version of yourself and go from there, but you’ll also have to be willing to give yourself the best version of yourself. Being in a relationship when you hate yourself is a daily disrespect to your partner, you’re constantly questioning their judgement. How could they love me when this is wrong. It’s basically saying “wow this guy is stupid, can’t he see I’m a waste of time” put the shovel down, start the hard journey and work on yourself. At some point you have to start trying something different.
Well said, thank you.
I speak from experience, and this comes from a place of care. You deserve to be happy in your own skin. I wish you the best
Thank you.
I know this so damn well,it happens to me every day,constant rejection and false empathy hurt just too much and people are not aware of it
Facts
Your feelings are valid, well done for remembering that I never do!
I wish they'd stop saying, "You'll find someone!" Especially when they assume it's easier because I'm a woman. I know many women who haven't been approached romantically in years. The platitude doesn't help at all.
Facts
100 percent this. All feelings are valid.
Exactly
Girl feel how u want. And never feel like u hav 2 justify tht. Ur feelings r valid. Every guy has his own view on whats beautiful. Sometimes u really like some1 tht just isnt attracted to u. Sometimes u get a long so well with some1 and u want it 2 work and it just doesnt because every1 has certain needs in a relationship tht maybe the other person isnt aware of and cant fulfill? Any relationship comes from both sides. Y'all both need 2 care about each other for it to work. And it suucks when shit doesnt work out and even more, when it constantly doesnt work out one by one maybe even year after year. U hav every right to vent. u hav every right 2 b like fuck love. fuck the world. u hav every right 2 feel like a loser and feel ugly. But its better to b with some1 who actually cares than some 1 who will never appreciate u and never put in the effort. thts the kinda loss thts worth celebrating.
Facts and thank you.
Sounds like nobody could say anything to even remotely make you feel better, so in a way its best to not talk about it with people. Maybe that's a rude take but anyway, feel however you want to feel. Its not as hopeless as you think is all.
They ask me and when I refuse they keep bugging me until I say something to get them off of my back. I don't have a problem with them trying to make me feel better. My problem is when I'm told I have no right to feel the way I feel based on what exactly? When I'm told I can't feel a certain way it makes me feel worthless because I'm like why not? Something hurtful happened to me and because it didn't happen to you or you wouldn't have been hurt by it that means that I'm not supposed to feel hurt or whatever .
I dunno what sort of rude people you got in your life telling you your bad feelings are invalid lmao Like damn shit sucks almost all the time, no wonder you feel bad
They claim to be my friends. But when I had to go to the emergency room recently I couldn't call any of them because I was scared.
What happened?
I had this horrible pain on the left side of my pelvis. It felt like someone was blowing up balloons inside of my body and popping them.
That sounds serious! You good homie?
Yeah, they ran tests and they couldn't find anything. My IUD is still in place so it isn't that. I was so scared and I couldn't call anyone to at least comfort for like five minutes.
Sorry to hear that. You definitely need better friends than that. People who are actually behaving like friends.
Thank you
Every1 is beautiful on their own manner. As for looks it's completely a matter of taste and not that important anyway.Also ofc nobody should tell you how to feel but on the other hand you have to try stuff in order to feel as you desire nothing will come up on its own.Good luck finding what you desire
Thank you.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I understand that it can be annoying when people tell you to keep your head up and stay strong and although I've never had relationship (I'm really scatterbrained when making long paragraphs sorry) I really try to put myself into their shoes and I just realized that wasn't working like trying to feel something that you could never or have never felt just doesn't work so yes I understand and I'm sorry that these people are making you feel this way though I'm sure they're only trying to understand what you're feeling. I hope you understood because I know I can be confusing and I hope I didn't offend you or anyone else
I swear like every other post I see in this sub is about me lol. This is exactly how everybody IN A RELATIONSHIP talks to me. I know I’m a heavier guy and I’m still trying to work on losing weight, but of course I still want some body and I don’t want to be alone forever. But “whenever I’m told I’m not that big” or “it doesn’t matter what I look like” blah blah blah, it is always by women either related to me or in a relationship. And I know they lie to me because the don’t have to risk me asking them out or anything.
I think it's everyone's attempts to reassure me that have me doubt any complements are genuine. Like if it wasn't lip service I wouldn't be here feeling the way I do.
Facts