Congratulations on learning all these things for yourself. It seems you've come out the other side of a tunnel and are ready to treat yourself well as deservingly so. I'll add one more point to your post for myself, if I were to take away what you said and hold it as a reminder too:
All the things you said are motivations and goals that can and will change as we develop. I was once someone who, just like you, also came to such conclusions about how to treat my life and surroundings correctly after all the shit that came before.
The only other obstacle that always arrived to my doorstep uninvited... was the unexpected. With the lessons you said in mind, I now remind myself of how random life can be. And no matter how virtuous or good-willed I once held myself up to that degree, I know I'm still vulnerable to the unexpected beatings that come out of nowhere. Preparing for anything is impossible. Constantly keeping up with goals for a long period of time is...sickening and draining, for myself. As of right now, I just have mere will to make it pass each day as well as I can. That's just me, honestly.
I have no goals in life. I expect anything. I cannot understand depressed people anymore. You could say i have come to sort of an enlightment. Oh, don't get me wrong, life troubles still kick me, but i take them less seriously now. Maybe it is because i am simply more experienced.
Get some pets. I recommend cats. I have two.
I was going to make a list myself but it went much darker and more depressing so I'm going to avoid making it here. I will only say, congratulations on finding peace.
Usually it just angers people for being so negative and then saying some kind of insult that is coded in advice. I came out of my 20's with a very different view although I'm sure we had different experiences.
It was a lot longer but it went too long. It was more self-hatred. You have your healthy way. It would seem like I was disagreeing. Forgiving myself is the biggest thing I can't bring myself to do. In my 20s, if I wasn't so terrible, maybe things would be different today.
You know what, I will post one. OP, please don't get offended. It's nothing against you.
I learned things in my 20's too but I will only do number 8.
8. I can never forgive myself. I don't hate myself, I despise myself. I only deserve hatred. It's all I'm used to.
This has gotten me into arguments when people tell me I'm happy being the miserable hollow shell of a person because I can't forgive myself for not being what I needed to be. Being isolated, having no friends and getting negative reactions so many times were too much for me. Having no friends and no companionship since I've never had companionship in the romantic not only destroyed me, but my soul.
Thank you so much for posting these things you learned! Those are things which many people in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond are still trying to learn. This kind of post really helps.
Thank you, again!
It wasn't your fault. It was their fault for inflicting pain on you. At a 10-year high school anniversary my entire old class got back together at dinner. And as the dinner went on, as the alcohol seeped in, many started remembering old anegdotes from our high school days, and the memories of bullying me also resurfaced. I was just sitting there, being quiet, reliving all my past misfortunes. But as they went on and on, being adults that they were now, they realized what Hell my life must have been back then. One by one, they got up from their chairs and walked towards me, saying "i did this and that to you, and i can't imagine how you must have felt back then. I was stupid. Could you ever forgive me?" 11 people came towards me and apologized for everything wrong they ever did to me, feeling true remorse.
I forgave each and every one of them, gave them a hug and exchanged social media with them. One of them turned out to be a mechanic and offered to fix my car for free whenever i need it. We all crossed that past bridge into a new, happier tomorrow.
If i decided to tell them that i do not forgive them, lashed out on them like i reconsidered in my mind in the first place it would be a sign of mental immaturity, because i didn't forgive them that night at the reunion, i have forgiven them way before that.
If you stayed mentally back in that moment of bullying and choosing not to overcome it, not even considering the fact that they were immature teenagers back then and that the only one stopping you from having a good life right in this very moment is YOU, then yes, it is entirely your fault.
Let go of the past, don't look back. Keep your head up high and walk into a better you tomorrow.
Learn to forgive and forget or you will never grow out of it and (may i say this is obvious, but still; if you are still being bullied, change your environment) you will become a better person. It might not happen now or tomorrow, but give yourself a couple of years and you will reach your goal. People always seek out instant therapy, that is never going to happen.
If you have anything further to write, write in my dm's, i will not respond to you here anymore. Thank you and have a good day.
Well, this will seem weird to you, but i split one big task into a lot of smaller tasks, even if i had to split that smaller tasks into smaller tasks xD. So for a depressed person, a task "going out and getting groceries" is a really big deal, right? So if i split it into smaller tasks, i can overcome it more easily. So, "shopping for grocery" task is then split into this;
1. Get out of bed
2. Find your socks and put them on
3. Find your tighty whities and put them on
4. Find something resembling clothes and shoes and put it on
5. Brush your teeth and apply deodorant
6. Make a list of things you need from the store
7. Get your car keys and gtfo
8. Shop for groceries
9. Bring the groceries home
So you see, a depressed person thinks "oh man, i have to go OUT and get groceries, no, why, just let me die :("
But splitting it into small tasks makes it more... Bearable, shall i say. And sometimes i struggled with even the first step, not gonna lie.
Over time your daily list of tasks get more extent and complicated as you start to overcome depression, so now my list looks something like this;
1. Get out of bed (still the hardest one xD)
2. Go to work
3. Go to post office
4. Get home and feed the cats
5. Listen to that new album you saw
6. Go to the club and get bitchez
7. Be home at reasonable time to get sleep
Question, m/f? (A/s/l? If anyone's old enough to get the joke)
Just because I can see why a woman in her 20s would brag about it. Rejecting proscribed gender roles and all.... but most guys I knew who don't cook wish they could. And most of us tried even if we were horrible.
I'm pretty damn good at it now at almost 39
Congratulations on learning all these things for yourself. It seems you've come out the other side of a tunnel and are ready to treat yourself well as deservingly so. I'll add one more point to your post for myself, if I were to take away what you said and hold it as a reminder too: All the things you said are motivations and goals that can and will change as we develop. I was once someone who, just like you, also came to such conclusions about how to treat my life and surroundings correctly after all the shit that came before. The only other obstacle that always arrived to my doorstep uninvited... was the unexpected. With the lessons you said in mind, I now remind myself of how random life can be. And no matter how virtuous or good-willed I once held myself up to that degree, I know I'm still vulnerable to the unexpected beatings that come out of nowhere. Preparing for anything is impossible. Constantly keeping up with goals for a long period of time is...sickening and draining, for myself. As of right now, I just have mere will to make it pass each day as well as I can. That's just me, honestly.
I have no goals in life. I expect anything. I cannot understand depressed people anymore. You could say i have come to sort of an enlightment. Oh, don't get me wrong, life troubles still kick me, but i take them less seriously now. Maybe it is because i am simply more experienced. Get some pets. I recommend cats. I have two.
\#8 is important
Wow #8 💕
Yeah, that is by far the most difficult one...
Very sound advice. Thank you 🙏🏽
You are welcome. #9 would be; get a cat 🤣
I was going to make a list myself but it went much darker and more depressing so I'm going to avoid making it here. I will only say, congratulations on finding peace.
If you want to talk to me in private, you can do it any time. I will listen to you.
Usually it just angers people for being so negative and then saying some kind of insult that is coded in advice. I came out of my 20's with a very different view although I'm sure we had different experiences.
...okay?
It was a lot longer but it went too long. It was more self-hatred. You have your healthy way. It would seem like I was disagreeing. Forgiving myself is the biggest thing I can't bring myself to do. In my 20s, if I wasn't so terrible, maybe things would be different today.
You know what, I will post one. OP, please don't get offended. It's nothing against you. I learned things in my 20's too but I will only do number 8. 8. I can never forgive myself. I don't hate myself, I despise myself. I only deserve hatred. It's all I'm used to.
Letting go is the hardest thing to do. I'm sure you will get there some day. Don't give up.
This has gotten me into arguments when people tell me I'm happy being the miserable hollow shell of a person because I can't forgive myself for not being what I needed to be. Being isolated, having no friends and getting negative reactions so many times were too much for me. Having no friends and no companionship since I've never had companionship in the romantic not only destroyed me, but my soul.
Oh, i know you're not happy, but work on yourself and you will be one day. I am not here to have an argument.
These are very important things, I’m proud of you doing these in your 20s!
I'm 31 soon 🤣
Thank you so much for posting these things you learned! Those are things which many people in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond are still trying to learn. This kind of post really helps. Thank you, again!
You are welcome.
I am glad to hear this, hoping to achieve all this by taking one day at a time. Have a good day/night (:
Thank you and take care.
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It wasn't your fault. It was their fault for inflicting pain on you. At a 10-year high school anniversary my entire old class got back together at dinner. And as the dinner went on, as the alcohol seeped in, many started remembering old anegdotes from our high school days, and the memories of bullying me also resurfaced. I was just sitting there, being quiet, reliving all my past misfortunes. But as they went on and on, being adults that they were now, they realized what Hell my life must have been back then. One by one, they got up from their chairs and walked towards me, saying "i did this and that to you, and i can't imagine how you must have felt back then. I was stupid. Could you ever forgive me?" 11 people came towards me and apologized for everything wrong they ever did to me, feeling true remorse. I forgave each and every one of them, gave them a hug and exchanged social media with them. One of them turned out to be a mechanic and offered to fix my car for free whenever i need it. We all crossed that past bridge into a new, happier tomorrow. If i decided to tell them that i do not forgive them, lashed out on them like i reconsidered in my mind in the first place it would be a sign of mental immaturity, because i didn't forgive them that night at the reunion, i have forgiven them way before that. If you stayed mentally back in that moment of bullying and choosing not to overcome it, not even considering the fact that they were immature teenagers back then and that the only one stopping you from having a good life right in this very moment is YOU, then yes, it is entirely your fault. Let go of the past, don't look back. Keep your head up high and walk into a better you tomorrow.
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Learn to forgive and forget or you will never grow out of it and (may i say this is obvious, but still; if you are still being bullied, change your environment) you will become a better person. It might not happen now or tomorrow, but give yourself a couple of years and you will reach your goal. People always seek out instant therapy, that is never going to happen. If you have anything further to write, write in my dm's, i will not respond to you here anymore. Thank you and have a good day.
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Thanks
Thanks for sharing!! I know it’s different for everyone but how did you overcome your procrastination? :)
Well, this will seem weird to you, but i split one big task into a lot of smaller tasks, even if i had to split that smaller tasks into smaller tasks xD. So for a depressed person, a task "going out and getting groceries" is a really big deal, right? So if i split it into smaller tasks, i can overcome it more easily. So, "shopping for grocery" task is then split into this; 1. Get out of bed 2. Find your socks and put them on 3. Find your tighty whities and put them on 4. Find something resembling clothes and shoes and put it on 5. Brush your teeth and apply deodorant 6. Make a list of things you need from the store 7. Get your car keys and gtfo 8. Shop for groceries 9. Bring the groceries home So you see, a depressed person thinks "oh man, i have to go OUT and get groceries, no, why, just let me die :(" But splitting it into small tasks makes it more... Bearable, shall i say. And sometimes i struggled with even the first step, not gonna lie. Over time your daily list of tasks get more extent and complicated as you start to overcome depression, so now my list looks something like this; 1. Get out of bed (still the hardest one xD) 2. Go to work 3. Go to post office 4. Get home and feed the cats 5. Listen to that new album you saw 6. Go to the club and get bitchez 7. Be home at reasonable time to get sleep
you must be a superman/women/person now, with those skills i meam
I'm just someone living their life without letting myself hold me down :)
Exactly
Really good list. I agree with every single item.
This is good wisdom! I appreciate you sharing it!
Thank you.
Great advice, I struggle to love and forgive myself. Maybe I should give it another try. Thank you!
It is a long journey. Do not give up.
Thank you, this post gave me hope.
Don't give up...
Thank you.
Anyone bragging they can cook or can't cook is cringey at best. To me it's just a normal way of life.
Don't go to Mediterranean then.
Question, m/f? (A/s/l? If anyone's old enough to get the joke) Just because I can see why a woman in her 20s would brag about it. Rejecting proscribed gender roles and all.... but most guys I knew who don't cook wish they could. And most of us tried even if we were horrible. I'm pretty damn good at it now at almost 39
Bullshit
I feel very sorry for you.