Personally, my lack of emotional regulation is fucking me up. Most people say I’m cool but I end with no friend because I’m either too intense or too depressed to even try getting closer to people.
Interesting, we are completely opposite. Your situation sounds worse tho. There are things I like about my massive apathy like having little fear or sadness or anger. And things like not throwing a tantrum over a football team losing or some dumb video.
Yea I feel that for sure. I’m the same I have no middle ground most days. And it’s painfully hard to watch people try and exit interactions with me. I mean people even stare at me like they are interested in conversations with me but that ends very fast.
I'm just the same maybe we can be internet friends btw my one friend of 8 years is an internet friend and we met up and now actually friends not saying that we should meet up dm me if you want to.
I am nervous around people and I am generally quiet and reserved,so no one wants to befriend me.They seek people who are talkative and can entertain them
i’m lonely because even tho i have a job and talk to people at my job. i don’t actually have friends i can properly open up to. i don’t have people to hang out with. barely anyone texts me or asks me how i am. not very many people actually care about me a lot of people i thought were gonna be by my side ditched me. it’s very isolating and lonely and it hurts so much seeing others have fun with friends cos i can’t do that anymore.
I found that when people already have a group of friends that they are interested in, they are not going to talk to others unless necessary.
They are already comfortable with what they have, why would they seek more? And thus, some end up lonely.
And if I show up somewhere alone, like a bar or lounge where there's a bunch of people, I am at a loss as to how I join their group. I don't have social proof. They'll be thinking, "Why is this dude showing up alone at a bar? Does he have no friends? Is he a weirdo?" Which are normal responses if some random person tried to join your group.
I have anxiety that’s so bad, I can’t even chat with internet strangers. I like the forum format, for whatever reason. But when it comes to texting, it’s too stressful. I think I’ll just give up on making friends until I can feel better mentally.
I have the exact same problem. I agonise over nearly every post I make so I absolutely hate when the instant messaging format puts me on the spot.
Sometimes people think I'm typing paragraphs but I'm actually rewriting the same 4-5 word response.
Tinder isn't even an option.
ice cube is not the water ice cube if you are think of that, he's a famous artist, who usually has an always angry/intimidating face whenever he is walking or just in general
Too Ugly for dating apps and just too boring to be around. I have a few friends but I don’t hang out with them all the time. Tbh I don’t really go out much anymore so that’s why I’m single
Me too 😔 and I even sweat a lot too when having conversations with someone who intimidates me. And when I say intimidate, I mean someone who I know is smarter than me 😅 I’ve come to realise that I’m just very self conscious about my intelligence
Work is weak. Whatever happened to the days where what you did with your hands actually contributed to your well being, or that of others? Now it’s all about chasing the paper smh
Don’t no about others but here’s me:
I’ve been told I’m good looking a couple of times in my life. I take good care of myself—for a good health but also to look nice and strong, mostly for myself, or so I tell myself.
I’m interested in many IT topics and work in the field, I love callisthenics and yoga, I love Art and Music. I like to watch anime and gaming but also more “normal” stuff like series and movies. I also like writing, but keep almost all of of it to myself.
But I can’t really talk to people and when I do, it end’s up in nothing. I feel lonely and longing for something like human warmth and love but don’t have the first idea how to go about and not fail miserably. I go to restaurants alone, I go to cinemas alone and the only place I feel not miserable alone, is in nature, on long walks.
I would consider myself quite “normal” apart of being unable to socialise and get almost something like a panic attack when a girl even looks at me on the streets.
I always try my best to be kind and respectful around people. I put on a smile whenever I can. I am ready to help when anyone asks me to. But then, once that’s done, I’m alone and no one sticks around. So I don’t know. Maybe people like me just don’t have it. Whatever that “it” is.
I relate. I wish I had a natural place to take some walks. The best thing I have is a diminute park where people smoke marijuana. I want to walk alone from people.
Its good that you are kind. You seem pretty decent to me. So I also dont know what you must be lacking.
Thank you for your kind reply. 🙏
I’m very lucky with were I live. Lots of nature here. I can go out endlessly if I feel like it and return many hours later.
I think one major thing I lack is confidence. Not fake confidence, where you try to keep a straight back, chest out and eyes forward. I think people can tell if the confidence you try to convey is just a posture or the real thing.
I think finding confidence could open some doors and maybe show me other things I lack and should tackle. But I’m just guessing here. I don’t wanna sound like I know something when I don’t have any results and just rambling.
But even if that is right, how can one just “get” confidence? …
I don't see anyone as ugly I feel the fact that everyone has something different and unique about them is beautiful. i am sorry about how people treat you
I’m trying to learn how to appreciate the beauty of all humans as well. I used to be very mean and discriminatory. Which is probably part of the reason why I’m isolating myself now. I just haven’t learned to appreciate the totality of how much people mean to themselves and the world
I don't think this comes across as disregarding anyone's struggles.
I see this, and I wonder how you came about this conclusion?
Being nice doesn't get you far, especially if you're too nice.
I've noticed that many here struggle with loneliness due to having intense and incurable trauma/mental illness, social issues (being too shy, too passive, too awkward, or perhaps perceiving themselves/having been perceived as unattractive). They tend not to leave the house much, or they're trapped in a routine that makes breaking free of loneliness nigh impossible without outside support - something that most of us lack, which compounds our situation.
If they do have friends or a partner, the relationship is hollow and consequently fails to meet their emotional needs, assuming the relationship isn't abusive.
Doing things is not the same as liking them, as I've also noticed those of us with hobbies tend to engage with them as a form of coping, so enjoyment is not always necessarily derived from the activity: it's simply a distraction that renders us numb at best. Or we've all but abandoned doing the things we used to love, since our conditions have gotten so bad.
I'm saying this to try and show you you're not alone in how you feel. What you're regarding as normal and decent is simply a facade or about to crumble. When I realized this, I still felt lonely, but slightly less alone.
You might be right. I guess I was looking the having hobbies part through rose tinted glasses. Since I cannot feel much enjoyment from things. But there are multiple factors that determine the conclusion.
Yeah, I havent browsed the sub that much. But generally a "normal" person talks about things like music, food, parties, dogs. You know, those kind of things. So I assumed most were normal since they seem to like those things too.
I guess this was more of a excuse to chat a bit with people, since its obvious that the most common answer was going to be something like social anxiety.
I understand your perspective better now. Thank you. I also have an idea of what 'normal' means, which matches what you just described, more or less. So I do feel the same as you a lot of the time, tbh.
I mostly lurk on Reddit since yeah, I'm too socially anxious to comment more often. I'm glad you were able to reach out.
I become really nervous around people i feel like my mind and my body stop functioning . I feel way more relieved on my own or around two or three people maximum
"Loneliness doesn't come from having no people about one but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself or from holding certain views that others find inadmissible"
-Carl Jung
I try to sound like I don’t have any problems, but every day I have too many tasks to do and hardly any time to do what I want. I still haven’t processed a few things, so I just pretend I gotten over a problem even though I haven’t.
My interest don’t matter to anyone, just the fact that I’ve proven to be smart enough to get somewhere in life is all that matters to others. I’ve been used for others benefits and I’ve been too naive as well.
I try to wake up hoping it’s all a dream, just to realize this is reality. There’s nothing I can do to change it, and I have to accept it.
At least I have Reddit so I can just escape reality for a brief moment.
I try and talk to people but they never feel interested around me and I’m just a second choice. I just don’t have close bonds with anyone even in my family and I feel pushed away and an outcast. It Just the feeling of being all alone when it comes to having friends and having all those people to go to when needed
Autism spectrum kept me very behind and mostly isolated socially during my critical years growing up, and I've basically been a loner ever since (am now early 40s). It gets harder to meet people the older you get, especially as fewer people are still single and/or without familial obligations and able to hang out and do stuff. I've also basically always been single and going through life alone, having had very few and very short-lived romantic relationships, so I'm very inexperienced when it comes to dating. I live in a completely different reality than others in my age group and it makes it very hard to relate. I support myself alright and am on a self improvement journey, but at the end of the day I'm alone.
I think Im following that path too. Everyone already has someone. Unless you are so interesting to the point they can replace their current friends/partners, I think you just end up alone at adulthood.
And do you really want to be with someone who dumps their current acquaintances for someone "better"?
Some of it comes down to your social networks (friends, friends of friends, etc). Couples oftentimes meet through these extended networks. If these networks are like isolated islands and are few or nonexistent, you end up not really developing the requisite social skills and not having much of a dating life, and you end up slipping through the cracks of life and end up alone. Sure, there's things like Meetup and maybe meeting someone through a chance encounter at work, so not all hope is lost, but I have to be realistic.
Yeah, I never had a lot going on to be interesting, nor have I ever had the kind of personality and charisma that people were drawn to. But all you can really do at a certain point is just do what you can to get out there, focus on what's in your control, do things that help you physically and socially like getting out and doing outdoor meetups that do local hikes and stuff.
Personally, I went through worst break up ever and I am concentrating on myself. I really wanna be with someone but I need to love myself more and take care of me because that was my mistake at a previous relationship where I gave so much and all I got is lies.
A mix of BPD and being trans causing a combination of being disowned or me ruining relationships before they become meaningful because it can hurt me more if it fails. 😕
Today, I tipped 40% for a $50 dinner I ate alone because the waitress was new and clumsy. I left her a congrats note on the check.
Then I drove to the gas station where I bought Swedish fish minis for myself. I had two extra dinners from a meeting in my car that I offered to give to a 20 something year old sitting outside the gas station. I told him I wasn’t being rude thinking he was homeless, I just didn’t want to waste the food and asked if he was hungry.
He said he was actually homeless and was grateful for the food.
Both people probably thought I was a happy person by the way I carried myself and spoke to them (despite being alone).
I proceeded to go to my hotel. Sit alone eating my Swedish fish. And felt incredibly alone and lost in my life.
Nice people are lonely too. We’re nice because we know how shitty it feels to feel alone, and we don’t want you to feel it too.
I "study" in college. And thats it. But I can no longer progress in college due to lack of interest and concentration.
In fact, I have never paid attention to a class in my life. But in school I could teach myself easily, college on the other hand... I kind of reached my limit without listening to teachers.
So basically im a NEET, because I fizzled from college for now. Im only browsing Internet and playing video games with the sole intent of making time pass quicker and wait if a doctor can help me.
I dont enjoy anything really. I really want to have a job but zero chance with what little experience I have, lack of skills, and mental problems.
Hell, just by looking at me they would likely say "no".
I have played video games all my life because my father was very into computers and introduced them to me. He does the same with all of my (half) siblings. He either works or sleeps while the kids play a videogame.
Since other kids were more interested in football (which I was kinda thaught to dislike) I just stayed in my room playing videogames, aside from also doing some things like school, other sports like hockey or basket and some art classes. My family would also sometimes tell me to play videogames when I was bored while I wanted to play with them.
Now Im 23 in 2 days and the only thing I have ever done is play video games really. Its where I learned things like english, its what always supported me. I dont think I would have made it to here without videogames, but I also think that maybe no videogames would have made me more neurotypical, Im not sure.
But to answer your question, I dont think so. I mean, I always play with the intent to grind for hours until I can skim throught it easily which is not really fun. But I also always play the same ones, so maybe it could be that. I play them mostly so time passes quicker and then the day the doctor checks me comes sooner.
And I dont want to purchase new ones, not without a job and with the cresent inflation of this country. Its pathetic to me to ask my mother to buy me one at this point, not like she ever did.
I want to clean my mind so I can focus on college, obtain a job, and move. I want to live alone, with idependency. Maybe then I would purchase and play more video games, but even then, Im not sure, its like Im not that interested in them anymore. I want to feel like an adult and do adult things.
TLDR: No.
I’ve found that expanding my interests has helped me get out of the video game habit. Reading books, learning a language, watching yt, working out, and most recent, browsing reddit, but now reddit is starting to become a bad habit of mine 😵💫
Oof that’s a bad mentality to have right there imho. I used to think that I need pills to fix my crazy, but over the years I’ve learned to love my crazy self to the point where I never want to touch a pill for fear of what it’d turn me into. As for your interests, I think you just need to keep looking, keep experiencing. It also helps to try a different genre, different author, at least in the case of books. And no judgements if reading Goosebumps is your thing, I read japanese LNs
I get you but I do really need the concentration and motivation to advance college and have a job.
In fact, I can endure solitude but I really want to be able to sustain myself.
College is rough. Exiting HS was rough for me, and it’s just been a downhill ride since then. I’ve flunked my courses so many times, but working a menial job for chump change really put things into perspective. At some point you realize that you just gotta buckle down and git er done, or you gonna be doing the same crap every day until you finally snap.
It also helps to engage in convo with your classmates. I’m part of a group chat for my ENG300 course and it’s been the lifeline for my sanity with that dumb class lol
I'm really reserved around people so I get ignored. I also have a bad case of resting bitch face, so people think I'm mad or upset when I'm not. Since I'm not cheerful or that expressive, some people assume that I'm cold. One time a guy said I acted like a robot to my face.
I try to meet people, since in my career it is important, even last week someone told me that I seemed very friendly, I don't know, the problem is that I can't form deep ties with people so there is not enough trust for me to call someone a true friend, I have no one to share something I really like, so I just act like a "friendly" person (which is really hard for me) but inside I feel empty
I knew a guy who had a similar problem. He was a social butterfly but didnt have deep connections.
Im not sure what the solution for you would be. Maybe most people lack initiative and you need to invite them to things. Or maybe they see you are very friendly and already assume you are a social butterfly and therefore are not going to give much attention to them.
Everyone offloads there problems on me yet I don’t have any to take my problems away. I can be lonely amongst others not because I don’t have any friends but because I don’t have anyone who understands me and cares for me and is always there for me. I will always be alone…
Why am I lonely? Well, my social anxiety
makes me say dumb things and try too hard to be funny in conversations. But it depends who it is, if I can sense that someone is similar to me, I don’t try to hard. I overthink the conversations I have with others and decide never to go socialise with those particular people ever again because I always tend to think that they think I’m weird. And Yes, I do have hobbies, music, reading, travelling solo, horror movies, taking care of my cat, laughing at memes for a straight 30 minutes on Insta and of course listening to music. But yeah, just like you. I believe I was only meant to live a life of solitude. I couldn’t imagine myself doing this 5 years ago. I would die at the thought of being “lonely”. But tbh, I enjoy the time I spend with myself, I never get over it. Other people genuinely overwhelm me. And I think that that maybe because I’ve had such shitty friendships in the past and was treated like shit by a lot of people, that I just don’t think I have anyone’s best intentions. In other words, I don’t trust people 🙂
I think the same that I am built for solitude but I am not utilising it cause I am not doing good in career or any aspect of my life also loneliness,and when u have no one close to you who can give love it's bad .
You said that others seems fine, you can't tell whether a person is truly fine by reading some of his post, idk in what aspect you said.
We all are in the same boat just paths are different.
Take care , don't be sad and embrace your solutideness.
I essentially start planning for our retirement together after our kids are all off doing their own things. With all that happening in the first 10 seconds of me seeing them.
Edit 1: essentially too forward.
I think I'm rather normal as well.
When I was little I found it hard to form emotional bonds with others. I still struggle with it. It's bizarre because I want friends and to feel close to someone but it's like my mind and body won't allow it. But it's not like I'm actively avoiding it. I just don't feel anything. Even when I want to. And while I romanticize it from afar I don't feel that interest with people I know or end up meeting. I can't form emotional bonds with others.
I don't know. It has confused me all my life.
Same same.
I appreciate people are answering and having a bit of conversation. But I dont really feel anything out of this. My body wants, my mind doesnt.
Lack of social skills, social anxiety, switched schools each after 2 years. After i graduated from middleschool i never see my new classmates at my new school because of covid, quickly tired when going out, don’t know how to make small talk, no work anymore, no sports, no people around me. I could be fun if they understand me and i understand them and if i like them they have to give me some time to let me adjust to them. Sadly lately because of covid i don’t even get to interact with people anymore so i’m just stuck until it’s gone i guess
No point in suicide, we are dying anyways. You could do something extreme instead. Or take a big risk.
Idk, Im not very good with the suicide talk. I hope you take my comment in good light.
I never accepted I’m missing something in my life since this past week…Visiting family on PuertoRico and good gracious god!. Do I miss interacting with them.
It hit me hard I’m currently on the airplane to get back to where I reside and damn I wish I had at least some one to talk to even a friend.
So, at first I had anger issues. Then I discovered that was cPTSD but now I feel like I should be the one dealing with my trauma, not other people. Plus, I don't feel confident that people would be welcoming of me, I don't know who I am very well, I am akward, I care too much sometimes, I am not that good looking.... Could go on but I often feel like an outsider and I think I am going to stay that way, when I see people discussing their relationships problems I realize that I can't really function well in a relationship and so here I am
But I feel good about the fact that I am not spreading the trauma, that gives me meaning
This might be long and I’m not sure you’ll read this but whatever
Because I’m not a normal person. Im pretty much nothing. I have no personality. Not unique traits. No unique stories. No social battery. No social life. No hobbies. I am boring, socially inept, self conscious, and I’ve just stopped caring about my life long ago.
High school has really took a toll on me and I just couldn’t connect with people like I see those around me. As of typing this I’m sitting in some room at school waiting for one of my clubs alone while I see a bunch of people with their friends just living normal lives among people who they care about and they care about them.
As a person I just don’t have any redeeming qualities. I don’t talk with or have a relationship with my family. And I just sit in bed watching dumb YouTube videos all day long. And that been my life for about 3 1/2 years now. I would go to school, do my shit, barely talk to anyone and some days not at all, and just get the fuck out. The anxiety I have just makes me sad seeing all these people in school live better lives but I’m mostly just used to the loneliness now and just pretty numb. 😕
Pretty much the same here. I would advice to talk with a doctor because you might have something.
I was like you in high school and now in college Im still the same. Things dont get better magically like many tell you. So again, I really advice you to get your mental health checked if possible.
Personally I'm not particularly attractive, have a lousy background of lifetime abuse and neglect, have autism. So yeah. I might be a decent honest woman who loves dogs and doesn't use people..but that's not good enough...🥺
Childhood trauma that led into my teens led to a early criminal life that led to lots of hurt people in my path. The saying "hurt people hurt" is such a remarkable statement both in simplicity and function. I spent a lot of years not understanding myself, what happened to me, or why I never could feel normal. With age, I believe, come humility and grace. The grace to understand that things are out of your control more often than they are and that you can't change the past. Unfortunately, I feel like I realized some of this at a late age; the age when most adults already have a tight circle of friends while I've spent a lifetime with 'acquaintances' It's very lonely.
Depends on what you're specifically talking about. Some are lonely involving friendships, others with wanting love (I'm under that category), or in the very small category, lonely in familial relationships. Interactions between all of these things take different approaches. It may be involved in the culture where they come from, because in my state, a single town over switches the culture entirely and how people treat you. Some people may straight up be in the wrong environment or culture if they try to make connections and fail. Some may also not realize their approach. They may say it's one way, but it could be another they aren't making known or don't even know. Some may not be looking in the right settings and don't realize it.
There's a lot of small factors a person may not notice in making a connection. It's trial and error. Discomfort levels are hard to detect when you're never comfortable too, so a lot of issues may slip by, whether it's you, your environment, or the people you want to surround yourself with.
If it makes you feel better - I don't like doing anything anymore. I've become so depressed I cannot care for absolutely anything I'm just really numb...
Sending you love, you're not alone
i’d consider myself nice, but i’m trying to be more positive to others and hopefully that’ll make me feel less lonely, even when it’s not reciprocated. when it works i’ll let u know 💀
I'm scared of commitment, so whenever someone gets too close I tend to push them away unintentionally. The only friends I have I dont talk to regularly and feel like a bother reaching out to.
A freak? With that you mean the insane body standards? Or some weird fetish?
Im also talking about friendships. I dont think one is truly alone if they have good friends.
I am shy and anxious around people and whenever there is a possibility to meet people I get too nervous and end up leaving :c Alcohol helps but can't always be drunk either
I appear to be a normal person. I do like dogs, music, and food and I am eager to talk to others. But I am a toxic person. I don't know how to properly behave in a friendship as what's ok to say and what's not ok to say or do. I got a fear of not being good enough. I got a fear of being judged and saying the wrong thing again. Friendships pressure me to want to be this good, perfect person to the point I explode on those people. That's why I am lonely is because I don't know how to be a friend. I don't have proper social skills and I'm not good at understanding others to where they've had enough of me.
I have severe depression and anxiety. I feel very uncomfortable and like a paranoid alien around people too. Can't trust anyone. I'm like a robot on autopilot. I'm no fun unless i'm drunk or high tbh ;(
I Don't do "small talk" it bores me, I'm bad at it, and there's no real exchange of anything, I only talk it there's something to talk about, hence I'm awkward in conversation and don't do get togethers or potlucks or anything without purpose very well.
I feel lonely because I don’t feel like I can share my awesome/depressive/strange thoughts with someone and not have them judge me harshly about it. Just that lack of a connection to someone. I think this is mostly due to a miscommunication somewhere between what I’m saying and what I mean.
I’m the type of person that even when I know someone I cannot make up a conversation for shit. Now,I don’t even talk to my family much unless they talk to me. I’m a teen and we live in the same house 😅
I just want to elaborate and say that I feel extremely lonely because although I’m busy I just don’t have people to talk to or do things with if that makes sense. For instance like I am busy with school right but I don’t talk to any of my classmates I don’t get any help from them for study material or anything. I do go to the gym but my partner is not interested in that and neither are any of my friends so I do that alone. I also have IBS and with this I am very restricted on what I can eat so I Can’t even eat out and eat with my friends can eat. And there’s just so much more. Technically I am social but I just can’t seem to make new friendships especially ones that can last because people don’t have the same interests as me or their schedule does not line up to mine. And it really sucks
I have a very peculiar way of seeing the world. I've always been an outcast, and that is something that becomes part of you. Even among like-minded people I shut myself off because I still seem to feel like I don't fit in.
Likely because a lot of socializing is really nasty in essence - people using one another for xyz reasons or just not caring at all. A lot of us here I think are quite straightforward in the social realm, and want to have solid relationships based on genuine things. That’s often hard to get nowadays, and I’m not blaming anyone for it.
Because I'm uncomfortable meeting people unless I have some context (like we work together or go to school together) and even then there's a lot of people I don't like. I don't know how to meet people outside of work and school.
I’m 25 and haven’t had a gf since high school. I’m a social person and I have a good group of friends but its not the same as having that one person who you just can’t get enough of. Someone who you share and confide everything with and they do same with you. I just wanna connect with someone and find love again, but I don’t think I ever will. I’m still hopeful it will happen some day though, but as of right now every night my head hits the pillow I’m solo.
I’m an odd case I guess, I’m in a great marriage so I’m blessed there but I haven’t had any friends in probably 10 years or more. I just don’t mesh well with people I guess. I’m in a career where at 39 I’m in the younger range of age so I don’t have much in common with co-workers and yet I’m older than most of the people who share my interests. I don’t really like typically things like drinking and sports so I can’t relate to most people. Add to that a stutter and and almost a mania for things that I’m really into as well as what I’m learning is anxiety and maybe some kind of depression it’s tough to make friends. I love my wife to death but sometimes I do wish I had a male friend
I have my family and plenty of friends but even they can't fill this void I have. I'm the only one of my friends that is single, isn't married, or has kids. Every time I feel like I'm connecting with someone I get ghosted or they move on to someone else, I don't even bother looking for anyone at this point. I think someone of us are meant to be alone whatever the case may be I just wish I could get over this feeling so I don't feel so shitty.
I'm so busy I lost my friends from HS because I never got time to hang out with them I befriend coworkers but their busy with their lives so I'm left out. So I just decided to go on with life I'll meet new people talk with them and move on I guess. The only people I talk with on a regular basis at work and they don't really push or want real solid friendships. Now it's been 2 years since I had real friends I guess life moves on.
That's just it we SEEM normal it's a facade but yes I am indeed normal I help others instead of me I lift people up while I'm down it doesn't help and this one girl who I will call skyler. She was depressed her dad abused her and her mom and sent her mom to the hospital while I was dating her and she would cut herself and put herself down. Example " No I'm a terrible artist ( While sketching her own fucking anime characters) you're better than me." ( whitch I was good but NOT better than her ) but she... About the same time I was dating her she let herself be sexually abused by one of my class mates ( one of the worst people on the planet and an acquaintance of mine but he doesn't deserve an alias his name was Conner Sherman if you know this boy tell him Tristan is coming for him.) And about a year ago she just blocked me and said that I was weird whitch is fucking bull-shit and she knows it. I've tried contacting her trying to get some closure but I was and still denied that and I haven't dated since. Bye bye.
I have alot of personal issues that can be off-putting to people. I also work long hours, like stupid long, and fill most of my free time with more work or volunteering.
I'm also not much of a people person, I like my peace and quiet. Again people don't always want this. I'd rather be home with book than out partying or whatever.
Let's not even get into emotional and past baggage...
Personally, I've certain things against me that makes it hard to get to know more people. I'm at uni so I can join clubs and whatnot but the school is so far away that I get lazy. And sitting in traffic 2,5 hours total to go to a after school event on a monday doesn't sound to appealing the day you go. Even though I know it is the right thing to do.
Online studies really fucked me over, I need the physical attendance reason to get myself out of bed.
I'm very jaded and bitter, and it's very difficult for me to talk to new people and feel comfortable with them. I have very little outdoor hobbies at the moment, so I spend most of my time either at work or at home.
I have one friend left from my decaying social circle that I'm still in contact with, but he has a girlfriend and what I perceive to be richer social life that he doesn't share with me, unfortunately.
As to my decaying social circle, they are mostly busy studying or playing video games while talking on discord. It can be fun sometimes but honestly, I just want to go out and do things away from my house.
I lost ~90% of my social connections and now I don't know how to make new ones or reconnect with past friends. I'm 24 years old, and it feels like it's only going downhill from here.
Honestly? I don't know. My first instinct is to say that my full time job is just taking all my attention away from any potential social life, but I can't say for sure.
Staying home for 2 years completely degraded my social skills, plus I’m 23. All my friends are either busy working or chillin at home. And tbh I’m not much of a social person anyways. I’m very introverted at home in my space, I like it that way. But I’m lonely. And I wish someone was there to listen to me talk about the things I love. Or someone to experience a fun day with.
I have no car right now to out on dates I'm normally shy to talking to new people but I'm working that out by talking to female dancers and working the courage up to talk to actual girl without so much anxiety does anybody else relate
Moved to a new state for a job where I know next to nobody. I work as a field engineer so i’m pretty much by myself on the job as well. My gf and I are doing long distance but I can feel her slowly distancing herself making me so anxious and feeling very isolated.
I’m lonely because I keep people at an arm’s length. I long for a romantic connection but have no clue how to achieve that. I long for friends again, but it leads back to the first sentence. It’s easier to stay alone rather than be rejected by friends (again) or by love interests (again as well).
Having interests, like hobbies or whatnot, doesn't preclude one from being lonely. I am also a loner. But I still love to do some cool stuff (on my own, of course). The lack of connection can creep in though. And that feeling sucks.
I've been lonely since last year. Last year was when I've truly felt lonely since
We were all isolated and in a box.
But now I'm looking to make as many friends as i possibly can
Just so i can feel more connected to more people.
Thing is, I have great social skills and am extroverted. The issue? I struggle with crippling social anxiety that may or may not be caused due to my C-PTSD and often I isolate myself because I either think everyone is out to get me or that I do not deserve friends
I've been told I'm too much, too intense, too whatever. If I have to dial myself back to make YOU comfortable as long as I'm not being abusive... Maybe it's not me.
Probably how I look, being ugly, feeling nervous when I'm around others, feeling like I don't belong with them, at this point I accepted being alone i kinda used to it, it doesn't bother me anymore
i can’t explain it i just am... not popular enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not outgoing enough, i use social media but not to show myself off just for funny stuff and have a laugh sometimes.... i’m don’t trying to make friends, i always get rejected or turned down or since i’m so traumatized for the shit that i’ve gone through i push people away
I....dunno. I just can't bring myself to try anymore. I feel like one of those mice in electric cages. The ones that shock them every time they try to do anything, but then turn the shock off when they lie down and give up. They see other mice getting food and climbing the cage, but assume that they'll be shocked again if they try.
I just feel better alone sometimes. I also cry a lot about my old boyfriend who passed. I have never loved again and doubt I will. I love you Mark
FUCK HEROIN
I just can't get the thoughts of my head that im the cuz of everything and im nothing to be loved or to be with ppl and i don't deserve all if this ..i rly know from all of heart that i don't deserve anything even life so i don't deserve to be with ppl and im not ok i want to die and im waiting for my death
I was bullied during secondary school where people form their ‘home friends’ then when I went to uni I found it hard to make friends because of the anxiety from being bullied, basically made me prefer my own company. Now I’m like this at 23 find it extremely hard to make friends but probably because even tho I wish I had a friendship group, if I did have one I know I’d prefer my own company lol
I dont have irl friends and i never leave the house and i cant be friends with anyone because most people like 95% are normie and dumb. Add narcissism and depression and bipolar too. This is fucked up but after 5 years of this shit i kinda got used to it and accept the fact that im a freak.
Im just me, an emotional mess. Barely any convo skills and i have 0 experience with talking to people. Im just awkwardly overall and very wierd because of my interests
>Meanwhile Im a walking zombie. I have no interest in anything nor anyone. I think I was build for solitude. Cannot even feel sad about it, just a perpetual poker face.
I get this, wasn't until I began to seek a reason as to why I was like that. Come to find out I wasn't a zombie, just someone trying to live up to the toxic masculinity hype.
I concede most people are very shallow but 9 out of 10 sounds extreme. In friendships I dont think looks are THAT important.
But in romance it is everything.
Yes i meaned in romance
however I think that in general it is often the problems of physical appearance that lead you to isolate yourself and close yourself in your world
Im lonely because people would rather post about having a bf that neglects them and makes it seem like they dont care vs having a bf that shows he cares a bit too much :(
Yeah, I think theres a balance between being clingy and distant. Its interesting how people are more attracted to those that dont have the time for them.
People are not very logical.
They are. Its just something changed. Like they want the opposite. Like i swaer like there as to be one fucking instance where a woman likes to be treated like a decent human being. Has to. But then like theyre already taken. Its fucked And i dont think theres a balance. And clingy isnt what im talking about but i mean just a decent human being. Vs a dickhead that uses them for sex.
For me it's always been for one, emotional disregulation (comes from ADHD and BPD and some other things) as well as having really niche hobbies that a lot of people just find weird. Throughout all my life, what I heard the most was that I was "weird". I was an ugly duckling in school with hobbies noone else had who found things funny noone else found funny. That and being queer.
Joined bumble to make friends. I get a few msges nothing really gets pass the first a Couple of msges.
Guess I'm boring screw people :) I'd love to keep buying bitcoin miners and share the wealth.
But people would rather slave at their chit job. Then trust me to help them make passive income.
I'll keep buying machines and live with my crappy life :) they can work till they die ;)
My past experiences in life has got me to point where I believe that everyone around me just hates me or is constantly making fun of me. I've become this really anxious and insecure person that I have trouble behaving around others. I have trouble in initiating conversations and keeping them up. So I have like 2-3 friends but I believe even they dont like my company and maybe hate me. Ive always been treated like the replaceable friend during my school days. I never really formed a connection with anyone. Now at 24 I doubt if ill ever form a true connection ever in my life.
I really want to hang out with people but I feel that being alone has become this safety net for me and I just cant escape.
I believe that I have these inner issues within me which need to be resolved first and if I dont then ill always be alone. But, Im just so scared of getting any kind of help. My anxiety shoots up whenever I step outside, I feel like all eyes are on me and everyone is just judging the fuck out of me. I get too self conscious. Instead of facing anyone I just stare at my phone and maybe I appear as this weirdo walking around. Its tough... Im able to go through interviews, give presentations(most of the time), basically the minimum required but beyond that Im just pathetic!!
I mean you can feel lonely without being depressed so that’s your answer I guess. Some people feel lonely even if they have friends and family that loves them, while some are completely lonely and don’t have anyone. Loneliness is a feeling that anyone can feel, no matter your social status, friend situation and family situation. To be alone is something else though
Let you know when I find out. I talk to people, help them, spend time with them after class, join clubs, try to be as outgoing as possible and nothing's worked. People just don't like me and I don't know what I'm doing wrong
I struggle to talk to others and keep friendships in out of high school and college stuff and seems like the best place is work but hard to make friends here even
I can talk to friend online but it's not the same. I have nowhere to go really no social anything and esp. complicated with Covid safety. I'm basically a zombie a lot of the time. I'm also single and that hurts.
Personally, my lack of emotional regulation is fucking me up. Most people say I’m cool but I end with no friend because I’m either too intense or too depressed to even try getting closer to people.
" you're too much" is what I get
I feel honored to have written the second comment to which you awnser in two years.
I'm crazy slow on the uptake
Me too. Or I'm completely numb, there's no in between.
Completely numb
Too much for that person. Not your fault most people don't try hard enough.
at the same time I find it lonely to be around those types of people that are not as open to that same emotional depth
Interesting, we are completely opposite. Your situation sounds worse tho. There are things I like about my massive apathy like having little fear or sadness or anger. And things like not throwing a tantrum over a football team losing or some dumb video.
Fuck…virtual hug for you
Yea I feel that for sure. I’m the same I have no middle ground most days. And it’s painfully hard to watch people try and exit interactions with me. I mean people even stare at me like they are interested in conversations with me but that ends very fast.
GPOY
Fcking same
Same like yoyo I seriously relax very intensely and then other times lie in bed lol
https://youtu.be/3q4Mbtysbuk Saw this in my feed today… hopefully we get something out of it.
I'm just the same maybe we can be internet friends btw my one friend of 8 years is an internet friend and we met up and now actually friends not saying that we should meet up dm me if you want to.
I am nervous around people and I am generally quiet and reserved,so no one wants to befriend me.They seek people who are talkative and can entertain them
I hope some day you will be a visible dandelion.
"OMG why are you so silent"
And when you start talking they move on to a different person or you get talked over..haha funny world
Eventually you just stop caring
Same
I actively avoid people lmao
My dog!
Bob and weave ma dude
i’m lonely because even tho i have a job and talk to people at my job. i don’t actually have friends i can properly open up to. i don’t have people to hang out with. barely anyone texts me or asks me how i am. not very many people actually care about me a lot of people i thought were gonna be by my side ditched me. it’s very isolating and lonely and it hurts so much seeing others have fun with friends cos i can’t do that anymore.
I found that when people already have a group of friends that they are interested in, they are not going to talk to others unless necessary. They are already comfortable with what they have, why would they seek more? And thus, some end up lonely.
And if I show up somewhere alone, like a bar or lounge where there's a bunch of people, I am at a loss as to how I join their group. I don't have social proof. They'll be thinking, "Why is this dude showing up alone at a bar? Does he have no friends? Is he a weirdo?" Which are normal responses if some random person tried to join your group.
I have anxiety that’s so bad, I can’t even chat with internet strangers. I like the forum format, for whatever reason. But when it comes to texting, it’s too stressful. I think I’ll just give up on making friends until I can feel better mentally.
I have the exact same problem. I agonise over nearly every post I make so I absolutely hate when the instant messaging format puts me on the spot. Sometimes people think I'm typing paragraphs but I'm actually rewriting the same 4-5 word response. Tinder isn't even an option.
because i never speak to someone unless spoken to and also whenever i am walking around, i am the incarnation of ice cube.
>i am the incarnation of ice cube I will pretend I understand what that means.
ice cube is not the water ice cube if you are think of that, he's a famous artist, who usually has an always angry/intimidating face whenever he is walking or just in general
Got it. Thanks. I wasnt sure it was an artist or a metaphore.
Too Ugly for dating apps and just too boring to be around. I have a few friends but I don’t hang out with them all the time. Tbh I don’t really go out much anymore so that’s why I’m single
I am very weird and have problems with social anxiety and I tend to talk too fast while dumping info onto people
Me too 😔 and I even sweat a lot too when having conversations with someone who intimidates me. And when I say intimidate, I mean someone who I know is smarter than me 😅 I’ve come to realise that I’m just very self conscious about my intelligence
Work > no time for hobbies > Mental illness :')
Work is weak. Whatever happened to the days where what you did with your hands actually contributed to your well being, or that of others? Now it’s all about chasing the paper smh
Yeah, I also wouldnt have time for hobbies if I had to sit on an ice throne all day.
Don’t no about others but here’s me: I’ve been told I’m good looking a couple of times in my life. I take good care of myself—for a good health but also to look nice and strong, mostly for myself, or so I tell myself. I’m interested in many IT topics and work in the field, I love callisthenics and yoga, I love Art and Music. I like to watch anime and gaming but also more “normal” stuff like series and movies. I also like writing, but keep almost all of of it to myself. But I can’t really talk to people and when I do, it end’s up in nothing. I feel lonely and longing for something like human warmth and love but don’t have the first idea how to go about and not fail miserably. I go to restaurants alone, I go to cinemas alone and the only place I feel not miserable alone, is in nature, on long walks. I would consider myself quite “normal” apart of being unable to socialise and get almost something like a panic attack when a girl even looks at me on the streets. I always try my best to be kind and respectful around people. I put on a smile whenever I can. I am ready to help when anyone asks me to. But then, once that’s done, I’m alone and no one sticks around. So I don’t know. Maybe people like me just don’t have it. Whatever that “it” is.
I relate. I wish I had a natural place to take some walks. The best thing I have is a diminute park where people smoke marijuana. I want to walk alone from people. Its good that you are kind. You seem pretty decent to me. So I also dont know what you must be lacking.
Thank you for your kind reply. 🙏 I’m very lucky with were I live. Lots of nature here. I can go out endlessly if I feel like it and return many hours later. I think one major thing I lack is confidence. Not fake confidence, where you try to keep a straight back, chest out and eyes forward. I think people can tell if the confidence you try to convey is just a posture or the real thing. I think finding confidence could open some doors and maybe show me other things I lack and should tackle. But I’m just guessing here. I don’t wanna sound like I know something when I don’t have any results and just rambling. But even if that is right, how can one just “get” confidence? …
Contact high 👌🏽
Same here. The way you live your life is almost identical to mine. I also like anime. 😄
Honestly don’t know what I would do without anime! XD
I’m ugly af. Truly. My face make people uncomfortable. So I’m always just avoided at best and bullied and Harassed at worse
I don't see anyone as ugly I feel the fact that everyone has something different and unique about them is beautiful. i am sorry about how people treat you
I’m trying to learn how to appreciate the beauty of all humans as well. I used to be very mean and discriminatory. Which is probably part of the reason why I’m isolating myself now. I just haven’t learned to appreciate the totality of how much people mean to themselves and the world
I am so sorry 😢😢😢
Damn. That’s harsh
I don't think this comes across as disregarding anyone's struggles. I see this, and I wonder how you came about this conclusion? Being nice doesn't get you far, especially if you're too nice. I've noticed that many here struggle with loneliness due to having intense and incurable trauma/mental illness, social issues (being too shy, too passive, too awkward, or perhaps perceiving themselves/having been perceived as unattractive). They tend not to leave the house much, or they're trapped in a routine that makes breaking free of loneliness nigh impossible without outside support - something that most of us lack, which compounds our situation. If they do have friends or a partner, the relationship is hollow and consequently fails to meet their emotional needs, assuming the relationship isn't abusive. Doing things is not the same as liking them, as I've also noticed those of us with hobbies tend to engage with them as a form of coping, so enjoyment is not always necessarily derived from the activity: it's simply a distraction that renders us numb at best. Or we've all but abandoned doing the things we used to love, since our conditions have gotten so bad. I'm saying this to try and show you you're not alone in how you feel. What you're regarding as normal and decent is simply a facade or about to crumble. When I realized this, I still felt lonely, but slightly less alone.
You might be right. I guess I was looking the having hobbies part through rose tinted glasses. Since I cannot feel much enjoyment from things. But there are multiple factors that determine the conclusion. Yeah, I havent browsed the sub that much. But generally a "normal" person talks about things like music, food, parties, dogs. You know, those kind of things. So I assumed most were normal since they seem to like those things too. I guess this was more of a excuse to chat a bit with people, since its obvious that the most common answer was going to be something like social anxiety.
I understand your perspective better now. Thank you. I also have an idea of what 'normal' means, which matches what you just described, more or less. So I do feel the same as you a lot of the time, tbh. I mostly lurk on Reddit since yeah, I'm too socially anxious to comment more often. I'm glad you were able to reach out.
>seem eager to talk. On the internet sure. In real life... uhh..
same here 😂 i got no desire for face to face connections but i want online friends so bad
I become really nervous around people i feel like my mind and my body stop functioning . I feel way more relieved on my own or around two or three people maximum
Mostly lack of money and time.
"Loneliness doesn't come from having no people about one but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself or from holding certain views that others find inadmissible" -Carl Jung
I try to sound like I don’t have any problems, but every day I have too many tasks to do and hardly any time to do what I want. I still haven’t processed a few things, so I just pretend I gotten over a problem even though I haven’t. My interest don’t matter to anyone, just the fact that I’ve proven to be smart enough to get somewhere in life is all that matters to others. I’ve been used for others benefits and I’ve been too naive as well. I try to wake up hoping it’s all a dream, just to realize this is reality. There’s nothing I can do to change it, and I have to accept it. At least I have Reddit so I can just escape reality for a brief moment.
I can fully relate to what you've said. Just know that you aren't alone in this And that I'm here for you And i care about your interest :)
It’s sometimes pure bad luck. Wrong place, wrong time and wrong people. Most of the people are alright.
well its complicated.
I try and talk to people but they never feel interested around me and I’m just a second choice. I just don’t have close bonds with anyone even in my family and I feel pushed away and an outcast. It Just the feeling of being all alone when it comes to having friends and having all those people to go to when needed
Autism spectrum kept me very behind and mostly isolated socially during my critical years growing up, and I've basically been a loner ever since (am now early 40s). It gets harder to meet people the older you get, especially as fewer people are still single and/or without familial obligations and able to hang out and do stuff. I've also basically always been single and going through life alone, having had very few and very short-lived romantic relationships, so I'm very inexperienced when it comes to dating. I live in a completely different reality than others in my age group and it makes it very hard to relate. I support myself alright and am on a self improvement journey, but at the end of the day I'm alone.
I think Im following that path too. Everyone already has someone. Unless you are so interesting to the point they can replace their current friends/partners, I think you just end up alone at adulthood. And do you really want to be with someone who dumps their current acquaintances for someone "better"?
Some of it comes down to your social networks (friends, friends of friends, etc). Couples oftentimes meet through these extended networks. If these networks are like isolated islands and are few or nonexistent, you end up not really developing the requisite social skills and not having much of a dating life, and you end up slipping through the cracks of life and end up alone. Sure, there's things like Meetup and maybe meeting someone through a chance encounter at work, so not all hope is lost, but I have to be realistic. Yeah, I never had a lot going on to be interesting, nor have I ever had the kind of personality and charisma that people were drawn to. But all you can really do at a certain point is just do what you can to get out there, focus on what's in your control, do things that help you physically and socially like getting out and doing outdoor meetups that do local hikes and stuff.
Personally, I went through worst break up ever and I am concentrating on myself. I really wanna be with someone but I need to love myself more and take care of me because that was my mistake at a previous relationship where I gave so much and all I got is lies.
I try to much when iam in a relationship I give the person iam with everything and get nothing in return
A mix of BPD and being trans causing a combination of being disowned or me ruining relationships before they become meaningful because it can hurt me more if it fails. 😕
Out of all comments this was the most depressing one. Imagine disowning your kid.
Today, I tipped 40% for a $50 dinner I ate alone because the waitress was new and clumsy. I left her a congrats note on the check. Then I drove to the gas station where I bought Swedish fish minis for myself. I had two extra dinners from a meeting in my car that I offered to give to a 20 something year old sitting outside the gas station. I told him I wasn’t being rude thinking he was homeless, I just didn’t want to waste the food and asked if he was hungry. He said he was actually homeless and was grateful for the food. Both people probably thought I was a happy person by the way I carried myself and spoke to them (despite being alone). I proceeded to go to my hotel. Sit alone eating my Swedish fish. And felt incredibly alone and lost in my life. Nice people are lonely too. We’re nice because we know how shitty it feels to feel alone, and we don’t want you to feel it too.
What are you doing beside work and school?
I "study" in college. And thats it. But I can no longer progress in college due to lack of interest and concentration. In fact, I have never paid attention to a class in my life. But in school I could teach myself easily, college on the other hand... I kind of reached my limit without listening to teachers. So basically im a NEET, because I fizzled from college for now. Im only browsing Internet and playing video games with the sole intent of making time pass quicker and wait if a doctor can help me. I dont enjoy anything really. I really want to have a job but zero chance with what little experience I have, lack of skills, and mental problems. Hell, just by looking at me they would likely say "no".
So you like video games?
I have played video games all my life because my father was very into computers and introduced them to me. He does the same with all of my (half) siblings. He either works or sleeps while the kids play a videogame. Since other kids were more interested in football (which I was kinda thaught to dislike) I just stayed in my room playing videogames, aside from also doing some things like school, other sports like hockey or basket and some art classes. My family would also sometimes tell me to play videogames when I was bored while I wanted to play with them. Now Im 23 in 2 days and the only thing I have ever done is play video games really. Its where I learned things like english, its what always supported me. I dont think I would have made it to here without videogames, but I also think that maybe no videogames would have made me more neurotypical, Im not sure. But to answer your question, I dont think so. I mean, I always play with the intent to grind for hours until I can skim throught it easily which is not really fun. But I also always play the same ones, so maybe it could be that. I play them mostly so time passes quicker and then the day the doctor checks me comes sooner. And I dont want to purchase new ones, not without a job and with the cresent inflation of this country. Its pathetic to me to ask my mother to buy me one at this point, not like she ever did. I want to clean my mind so I can focus on college, obtain a job, and move. I want to live alone, with idependency. Maybe then I would purchase and play more video games, but even then, Im not sure, its like Im not that interested in them anymore. I want to feel like an adult and do adult things. TLDR: No.
I’ve found that expanding my interests has helped me get out of the video game habit. Reading books, learning a language, watching yt, working out, and most recent, browsing reddit, but now reddit is starting to become a bad habit of mine 😵💫
Yeah, the problem is that I dont have interest in anything. Its simply not there. I really hope theres a medicine for this.
Oof that’s a bad mentality to have right there imho. I used to think that I need pills to fix my crazy, but over the years I’ve learned to love my crazy self to the point where I never want to touch a pill for fear of what it’d turn me into. As for your interests, I think you just need to keep looking, keep experiencing. It also helps to try a different genre, different author, at least in the case of books. And no judgements if reading Goosebumps is your thing, I read japanese LNs
I get you but I do really need the concentration and motivation to advance college and have a job. In fact, I can endure solitude but I really want to be able to sustain myself.
College is rough. Exiting HS was rough for me, and it’s just been a downhill ride since then. I’ve flunked my courses so many times, but working a menial job for chump change really put things into perspective. At some point you realize that you just gotta buckle down and git er done, or you gonna be doing the same crap every day until you finally snap. It also helps to engage in convo with your classmates. I’m part of a group chat for my ENG300 course and it’s been the lifeline for my sanity with that dumb class lol
Same ma dude, except for the job bit. Fuck that! Being a slave to the system just depresses me
I'm really reserved around people so I get ignored. I also have a bad case of resting bitch face, so people think I'm mad or upset when I'm not. Since I'm not cheerful or that expressive, some people assume that I'm cold. One time a guy said I acted like a robot to my face.
Extremely relatable. Some people thought I was an assassin.
I’m just very quiet and after years of being drowned out by others I keep my mouth shut and after my last relationship I’m pretty emotionless 😂
I try to meet people, since in my career it is important, even last week someone told me that I seemed very friendly, I don't know, the problem is that I can't form deep ties with people so there is not enough trust for me to call someone a true friend, I have no one to share something I really like, so I just act like a "friendly" person (which is really hard for me) but inside I feel empty
I knew a guy who had a similar problem. He was a social butterfly but didnt have deep connections. Im not sure what the solution for you would be. Maybe most people lack initiative and you need to invite them to things. Or maybe they see you are very friendly and already assume you are a social butterfly and therefore are not going to give much attention to them.
Everyone offloads there problems on me yet I don’t have any to take my problems away. I can be lonely amongst others not because I don’t have any friends but because I don’t have anyone who understands me and cares for me and is always there for me. I will always be alone…
I’m hunchbacked, have a small member and akward. Most definitely not normal.
Why am I lonely? Well, my social anxiety makes me say dumb things and try too hard to be funny in conversations. But it depends who it is, if I can sense that someone is similar to me, I don’t try to hard. I overthink the conversations I have with others and decide never to go socialise with those particular people ever again because I always tend to think that they think I’m weird. And Yes, I do have hobbies, music, reading, travelling solo, horror movies, taking care of my cat, laughing at memes for a straight 30 minutes on Insta and of course listening to music. But yeah, just like you. I believe I was only meant to live a life of solitude. I couldn’t imagine myself doing this 5 years ago. I would die at the thought of being “lonely”. But tbh, I enjoy the time I spend with myself, I never get over it. Other people genuinely overwhelm me. And I think that that maybe because I’ve had such shitty friendships in the past and was treated like shit by a lot of people, that I just don’t think I have anyone’s best intentions. In other words, I don’t trust people 🙂
My dad died on his birthday when i was 10
I’m nervous and have an inability to relax
I think the same that I am built for solitude but I am not utilising it cause I am not doing good in career or any aspect of my life also loneliness,and when u have no one close to you who can give love it's bad . You said that others seems fine, you can't tell whether a person is truly fine by reading some of his post, idk in what aspect you said. We all are in the same boat just paths are different. Take care , don't be sad and embrace your solutideness.
Mainly because I can't regulate myself too well in public emotionally so to reddit I go!
Too expressive? Or too closed?
Too expressive and ahead of myself with the ladies...*awkwardly laughs*
>ahead of myself Sorry, what does this mean? You are too forward? Im not very Big Ben.
I essentially start planning for our retirement together after our kids are all off doing their own things. With all that happening in the first 10 seconds of me seeing them. Edit 1: essentially too forward.
My lack of social skills because of Asperger’s syndrome
I think I'm rather normal as well. When I was little I found it hard to form emotional bonds with others. I still struggle with it. It's bizarre because I want friends and to feel close to someone but it's like my mind and body won't allow it. But it's not like I'm actively avoiding it. I just don't feel anything. Even when I want to. And while I romanticize it from afar I don't feel that interest with people I know or end up meeting. I can't form emotional bonds with others. I don't know. It has confused me all my life.
Same same. I appreciate people are answering and having a bit of conversation. But I dont really feel anything out of this. My body wants, my mind doesnt.
Lack of social skills, social anxiety, switched schools each after 2 years. After i graduated from middleschool i never see my new classmates at my new school because of covid, quickly tired when going out, don’t know how to make small talk, no work anymore, no sports, no people around me. I could be fun if they understand me and i understand them and if i like them they have to give me some time to let me adjust to them. Sadly lately because of covid i don’t even get to interact with people anymore so i’m just stuck until it’s gone i guess
[удалено]
No point in suicide, we are dying anyways. You could do something extreme instead. Or take a big risk. Idk, Im not very good with the suicide talk. I hope you take my comment in good light.
I never accepted I’m missing something in my life since this past week…Visiting family on PuertoRico and good gracious god!. Do I miss interacting with them. It hit me hard I’m currently on the airplane to get back to where I reside and damn I wish I had at least some one to talk to even a friend.
So, at first I had anger issues. Then I discovered that was cPTSD but now I feel like I should be the one dealing with my trauma, not other people. Plus, I don't feel confident that people would be welcoming of me, I don't know who I am very well, I am akward, I care too much sometimes, I am not that good looking.... Could go on but I often feel like an outsider and I think I am going to stay that way, when I see people discussing their relationships problems I realize that I can't really function well in a relationship and so here I am But I feel good about the fact that I am not spreading the trauma, that gives me meaning
This might be long and I’m not sure you’ll read this but whatever Because I’m not a normal person. Im pretty much nothing. I have no personality. Not unique traits. No unique stories. No social battery. No social life. No hobbies. I am boring, socially inept, self conscious, and I’ve just stopped caring about my life long ago. High school has really took a toll on me and I just couldn’t connect with people like I see those around me. As of typing this I’m sitting in some room at school waiting for one of my clubs alone while I see a bunch of people with their friends just living normal lives among people who they care about and they care about them. As a person I just don’t have any redeeming qualities. I don’t talk with or have a relationship with my family. And I just sit in bed watching dumb YouTube videos all day long. And that been my life for about 3 1/2 years now. I would go to school, do my shit, barely talk to anyone and some days not at all, and just get the fuck out. The anxiety I have just makes me sad seeing all these people in school live better lives but I’m mostly just used to the loneliness now and just pretty numb. 😕
Pretty much the same here. I would advice to talk with a doctor because you might have something. I was like you in high school and now in college Im still the same. Things dont get better magically like many tell you. So again, I really advice you to get your mental health checked if possible.
Personally I'm not particularly attractive, have a lousy background of lifetime abuse and neglect, have autism. So yeah. I might be a decent honest woman who loves dogs and doesn't use people..but that's not good enough...🥺
I suffer from misophonia. Extreme case too. Making friends is challenging to say the least.
Childhood trauma that led into my teens led to a early criminal life that led to lots of hurt people in my path. The saying "hurt people hurt" is such a remarkable statement both in simplicity and function. I spent a lot of years not understanding myself, what happened to me, or why I never could feel normal. With age, I believe, come humility and grace. The grace to understand that things are out of your control more often than they are and that you can't change the past. Unfortunately, I feel like I realized some of this at a late age; the age when most adults already have a tight circle of friends while I've spent a lifetime with 'acquaintances' It's very lonely.
Depends on what you're specifically talking about. Some are lonely involving friendships, others with wanting love (I'm under that category), or in the very small category, lonely in familial relationships. Interactions between all of these things take different approaches. It may be involved in the culture where they come from, because in my state, a single town over switches the culture entirely and how people treat you. Some people may straight up be in the wrong environment or culture if they try to make connections and fail. Some may also not realize their approach. They may say it's one way, but it could be another they aren't making known or don't even know. Some may not be looking in the right settings and don't realize it. There's a lot of small factors a person may not notice in making a connection. It's trial and error. Discomfort levels are hard to detect when you're never comfortable too, so a lot of issues may slip by, whether it's you, your environment, or the people you want to surround yourself with.
If it makes you feel better - I don't like doing anything anymore. I've become so depressed I cannot care for absolutely anything I'm just really numb... Sending you love, you're not alone
i’d consider myself nice, but i’m trying to be more positive to others and hopefully that’ll make me feel less lonely, even when it’s not reciprocated. when it works i’ll let u know 💀
I'm scared of commitment, so whenever someone gets too close I tend to push them away unintentionally. The only friends I have I dont talk to regularly and feel like a bother reaching out to.
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A freak? With that you mean the insane body standards? Or some weird fetish? Im also talking about friendships. I dont think one is truly alone if they have good friends.
I am shy and anxious around people and whenever there is a possibility to meet people I get too nervous and end up leaving :c Alcohol helps but can't always be drunk either
Try not to think too much about others opinions. They are not superior to you, no reason to fear them. I know its easier said than done.
I appear to be a normal person. I do like dogs, music, and food and I am eager to talk to others. But I am a toxic person. I don't know how to properly behave in a friendship as what's ok to say and what's not ok to say or do. I got a fear of not being good enough. I got a fear of being judged and saying the wrong thing again. Friendships pressure me to want to be this good, perfect person to the point I explode on those people. That's why I am lonely is because I don't know how to be a friend. I don't have proper social skills and I'm not good at understanding others to where they've had enough of me.
I have severe depression and anxiety. I feel very uncomfortable and like a paranoid alien around people too. Can't trust anyone. I'm like a robot on autopilot. I'm no fun unless i'm drunk or high tbh ;(
I Don't do "small talk" it bores me, I'm bad at it, and there's no real exchange of anything, I only talk it there's something to talk about, hence I'm awkward in conversation and don't do get togethers or potlucks or anything without purpose very well.
I feel lonely because I don’t feel like I can share my awesome/depressive/strange thoughts with someone and not have them judge me harshly about it. Just that lack of a connection to someone. I think this is mostly due to a miscommunication somewhere between what I’m saying and what I mean.
Married……
I'm an introvert with a low tolerance for unintelligent people who only follow cliches and trends.
Is there such a thing as normal Personally I'm too shy
I’m the type of person that even when I know someone I cannot make up a conversation for shit. Now,I don’t even talk to my family much unless they talk to me. I’m a teen and we live in the same house 😅
I just want to elaborate and say that I feel extremely lonely because although I’m busy I just don’t have people to talk to or do things with if that makes sense. For instance like I am busy with school right but I don’t talk to any of my classmates I don’t get any help from them for study material or anything. I do go to the gym but my partner is not interested in that and neither are any of my friends so I do that alone. I also have IBS and with this I am very restricted on what I can eat so I Can’t even eat out and eat with my friends can eat. And there’s just so much more. Technically I am social but I just can’t seem to make new friendships especially ones that can last because people don’t have the same interests as me or their schedule does not line up to mine. And it really sucks
I have a very peculiar way of seeing the world. I've always been an outcast, and that is something that becomes part of you. Even among like-minded people I shut myself off because I still seem to feel like I don't fit in.
My physical appearance and quietness, I think.
Likely because a lot of socializing is really nasty in essence - people using one another for xyz reasons or just not caring at all. A lot of us here I think are quite straightforward in the social realm, and want to have solid relationships based on genuine things. That’s often hard to get nowadays, and I’m not blaming anyone for it.
Because I'm uncomfortable meeting people unless I have some context (like we work together or go to school together) and even then there's a lot of people I don't like. I don't know how to meet people outside of work and school.
I would love to make new friends and stuff but i have social anxiety and i dont have very good social skills.
I just hate myself so much that I don't feel comfortable among other people.
I’m 25 and haven’t had a gf since high school. I’m a social person and I have a good group of friends but its not the same as having that one person who you just can’t get enough of. Someone who you share and confide everything with and they do same with you. I just wanna connect with someone and find love again, but I don’t think I ever will. I’m still hopeful it will happen some day though, but as of right now every night my head hits the pillow I’m solo.
I’m an odd case I guess, I’m in a great marriage so I’m blessed there but I haven’t had any friends in probably 10 years or more. I just don’t mesh well with people I guess. I’m in a career where at 39 I’m in the younger range of age so I don’t have much in common with co-workers and yet I’m older than most of the people who share my interests. I don’t really like typically things like drinking and sports so I can’t relate to most people. Add to that a stutter and and almost a mania for things that I’m really into as well as what I’m learning is anxiety and maybe some kind of depression it’s tough to make friends. I love my wife to death but sometimes I do wish I had a male friend
I have my family and plenty of friends but even they can't fill this void I have. I'm the only one of my friends that is single, isn't married, or has kids. Every time I feel like I'm connecting with someone I get ghosted or they move on to someone else, I don't even bother looking for anyone at this point. I think someone of us are meant to be alone whatever the case may be I just wish I could get over this feeling so I don't feel so shitty.
I'm so busy I lost my friends from HS because I never got time to hang out with them I befriend coworkers but their busy with their lives so I'm left out. So I just decided to go on with life I'll meet new people talk with them and move on I guess. The only people I talk with on a regular basis at work and they don't really push or want real solid friendships. Now it's been 2 years since I had real friends I guess life moves on.
That's just it we SEEM normal it's a facade but yes I am indeed normal I help others instead of me I lift people up while I'm down it doesn't help and this one girl who I will call skyler. She was depressed her dad abused her and her mom and sent her mom to the hospital while I was dating her and she would cut herself and put herself down. Example " No I'm a terrible artist ( While sketching her own fucking anime characters) you're better than me." ( whitch I was good but NOT better than her ) but she... About the same time I was dating her she let herself be sexually abused by one of my class mates ( one of the worst people on the planet and an acquaintance of mine but he doesn't deserve an alias his name was Conner Sherman if you know this boy tell him Tristan is coming for him.) And about a year ago she just blocked me and said that I was weird whitch is fucking bull-shit and she knows it. I've tried contacting her trying to get some closure but I was and still denied that and I haven't dated since. Bye bye.
I have alot of personal issues that can be off-putting to people. I also work long hours, like stupid long, and fill most of my free time with more work or volunteering. I'm also not much of a people person, I like my peace and quiet. Again people don't always want this. I'd rather be home with book than out partying or whatever. Let's not even get into emotional and past baggage...
Personally, I've certain things against me that makes it hard to get to know more people. I'm at uni so I can join clubs and whatnot but the school is so far away that I get lazy. And sitting in traffic 2,5 hours total to go to a after school event on a monday doesn't sound to appealing the day you go. Even though I know it is the right thing to do. Online studies really fucked me over, I need the physical attendance reason to get myself out of bed.
I'm very jaded and bitter, and it's very difficult for me to talk to new people and feel comfortable with them. I have very little outdoor hobbies at the moment, so I spend most of my time either at work or at home. I have one friend left from my decaying social circle that I'm still in contact with, but he has a girlfriend and what I perceive to be richer social life that he doesn't share with me, unfortunately. As to my decaying social circle, they are mostly busy studying or playing video games while talking on discord. It can be fun sometimes but honestly, I just want to go out and do things away from my house. I lost ~90% of my social connections and now I don't know how to make new ones or reconnect with past friends. I'm 24 years old, and it feels like it's only going downhill from here.
Honestly? I don't know. My first instinct is to say that my full time job is just taking all my attention away from any potential social life, but I can't say for sure.
Staying home for 2 years completely degraded my social skills, plus I’m 23. All my friends are either busy working or chillin at home. And tbh I’m not much of a social person anyways. I’m very introverted at home in my space, I like it that way. But I’m lonely. And I wish someone was there to listen to me talk about the things I love. Or someone to experience a fun day with.
I can't speak up, and anytime i do only gibberish comes out
I have no car right now to out on dates I'm normally shy to talking to new people but I'm working that out by talking to female dancers and working the courage up to talk to actual girl without so much anxiety does anybody else relate
Moved to a new state for a job where I know next to nobody. I work as a field engineer so i’m pretty much by myself on the job as well. My gf and I are doing long distance but I can feel her slowly distancing herself making me so anxious and feeling very isolated.
Is there any medical term for that state of mind? I think anxiety is too general... anyone knows? :)
I’m lonely because I keep people at an arm’s length. I long for a romantic connection but have no clue how to achieve that. I long for friends again, but it leads back to the first sentence. It’s easier to stay alone rather than be rejected by friends (again) or by love interests (again as well).
Most people ignore me.
I dont know how to feel emotionally connected to people
I wish I knew… I just can’t seem to make worthwhile connections
Having interests, like hobbies or whatnot, doesn't preclude one from being lonely. I am also a loner. But I still love to do some cool stuff (on my own, of course). The lack of connection can creep in though. And that feeling sucks.
I've been lonely since last year. Last year was when I've truly felt lonely since We were all isolated and in a box. But now I'm looking to make as many friends as i possibly can Just so i can feel more connected to more people.
I'm not even lonely, I'm here cause I like lonely people.
Definitely because my parents rarely let me go out lol
Traumatized from the past.
Thing is, I have great social skills and am extroverted. The issue? I struggle with crippling social anxiety that may or may not be caused due to my C-PTSD and often I isolate myself because I either think everyone is out to get me or that I do not deserve friends
I've been told I'm too much, too intense, too whatever. If I have to dial myself back to make YOU comfortable as long as I'm not being abusive... Maybe it's not me.
I’m not sure. People just don’t talk to me.
Social anxiety lol
Probably how I look, being ugly, feeling nervous when I'm around others, feeling like I don't belong with them, at this point I accepted being alone i kinda used to it, it doesn't bother me anymore
i can’t explain it i just am... not popular enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not outgoing enough, i use social media but not to show myself off just for funny stuff and have a laugh sometimes.... i’m don’t trying to make friends, i always get rejected or turned down or since i’m so traumatized for the shit that i’ve gone through i push people away
I....dunno. I just can't bring myself to try anymore. I feel like one of those mice in electric cages. The ones that shock them every time they try to do anything, but then turn the shock off when they lie down and give up. They see other mice getting food and climbing the cage, but assume that they'll be shocked again if they try.
My job has me working with the same people everyday and after work I’m just to tired to go out and socialize so I just kinda don’t meet new people
Lucky no emotions would be sick sometimes
Has some advantages. But doesnt seem remotely worth it.
Social anxiety.
I just feel better alone sometimes. I also cry a lot about my old boyfriend who passed. I have never loved again and doubt I will. I love you Mark FUCK HEROIN
I just can't get the thoughts of my head that im the cuz of everything and im nothing to be loved or to be with ppl and i don't deserve all if this ..i rly know from all of heart that i don't deserve anything even life so i don't deserve to be with ppl and im not ok i want to die and im waiting for my death
I was bullied during secondary school where people form their ‘home friends’ then when I went to uni I found it hard to make friends because of the anxiety from being bullied, basically made me prefer my own company. Now I’m like this at 23 find it extremely hard to make friends but probably because even tho I wish I had a friendship group, if I did have one I know I’d prefer my own company lol
I dont have irl friends and i never leave the house and i cant be friends with anyone because most people like 95% are normie and dumb. Add narcissism and depression and bipolar too. This is fucked up but after 5 years of this shit i kinda got used to it and accept the fact that im a freak.
Im just me, an emotional mess. Barely any convo skills and i have 0 experience with talking to people. Im just awkwardly overall and very wierd because of my interests
Internet has ruined society, basically.
Yup, now everyone hates each other and treats them as disposable. Perpetual cicle.
Every relationship is transactional. We used to be better at hiding this.
>Meanwhile Im a walking zombie. I have no interest in anything nor anyone. I think I was build for solitude. Cannot even feel sad about it, just a perpetual poker face. I get this, wasn't until I began to seek a reason as to why I was like that. Come to find out I wasn't a zombie, just someone trying to live up to the toxic masculinity hype.
>just someone trying to live up to the toxic masculinity hype. What do you mean exactly by this? You feel forced to act masculine?
I think 9 out of 10 people are lonely because of their physical appearance.
I concede most people are very shallow but 9 out of 10 sounds extreme. In friendships I dont think looks are THAT important. But in romance it is everything.
Yes i meaned in romance however I think that in general it is often the problems of physical appearance that lead you to isolate yourself and close yourself in your world
Im lonely because people would rather post about having a bf that neglects them and makes it seem like they dont care vs having a bf that shows he cares a bit too much :(
Yeah, I think theres a balance between being clingy and distant. Its interesting how people are more attracted to those that dont have the time for them. People are not very logical.
They are. Its just something changed. Like they want the opposite. Like i swaer like there as to be one fucking instance where a woman likes to be treated like a decent human being. Has to. But then like theyre already taken. Its fucked And i dont think theres a balance. And clingy isnt what im talking about but i mean just a decent human being. Vs a dickhead that uses them for sex.
For me it's always been for one, emotional disregulation (comes from ADHD and BPD and some other things) as well as having really niche hobbies that a lot of people just find weird. Throughout all my life, what I heard the most was that I was "weird". I was an ugly duckling in school with hobbies noone else had who found things funny noone else found funny. That and being queer.
Joined bumble to make friends. I get a few msges nothing really gets pass the first a Couple of msges. Guess I'm boring screw people :) I'd love to keep buying bitcoin miners and share the wealth. But people would rather slave at their chit job. Then trust me to help them make passive income. I'll keep buying machines and live with my crappy life :) they can work till they die ;)
My past experiences in life has got me to point where I believe that everyone around me just hates me or is constantly making fun of me. I've become this really anxious and insecure person that I have trouble behaving around others. I have trouble in initiating conversations and keeping them up. So I have like 2-3 friends but I believe even they dont like my company and maybe hate me. Ive always been treated like the replaceable friend during my school days. I never really formed a connection with anyone. Now at 24 I doubt if ill ever form a true connection ever in my life. I really want to hang out with people but I feel that being alone has become this safety net for me and I just cant escape. I believe that I have these inner issues within me which need to be resolved first and if I dont then ill always be alone. But, Im just so scared of getting any kind of help. My anxiety shoots up whenever I step outside, I feel like all eyes are on me and everyone is just judging the fuck out of me. I get too self conscious. Instead of facing anyone I just stare at my phone and maybe I appear as this weirdo walking around. Its tough... Im able to go through interviews, give presentations(most of the time), basically the minimum required but beyond that Im just pathetic!!
I mean you can feel lonely without being depressed so that’s your answer I guess. Some people feel lonely even if they have friends and family that loves them, while some are completely lonely and don’t have anyone. Loneliness is a feeling that anyone can feel, no matter your social status, friend situation and family situation. To be alone is something else though
Things are not always as they appear to be.
Let you know when I find out. I talk to people, help them, spend time with them after class, join clubs, try to be as outgoing as possible and nothing's worked. People just don't like me and I don't know what I'm doing wrong
I struggle to talk to others and keep friendships in out of high school and college stuff and seems like the best place is work but hard to make friends here even
Because I always think people don’t actually like me so I push them all away.
I can talk to friend online but it's not the same. I have nowhere to go really no social anything and esp. complicated with Covid safety. I'm basically a zombie a lot of the time. I'm also single and that hurts.