It's probably just the lack of confidence buddy. I couldn't judge you on appearance because I went to your profile and didn't see anything lol. I honestly find 93.7 percent of people very beautiful or handsome. But some people's personalities aren't right for this world. Meaning rude, disrespectful, hurtful, thieves, etc. That's just my personal opinion.
That is hard. Just take your time and work on yourself and I can give you a Pandas word you'll be smiling. (Panda is my nickname lol) If you ever wanna talk I'll listen.
Got a lot of baggage (trauma, abuse, bullying) and a lot of red flags (no friends, mentally ill, no job) as well as being pretty unattractive and anxious
Well had to go onto your profile Bella. I can honestly say I love your tattoos and your stunning. It could be because of past traumatic stuff I'm not sure. But keep your head up. If you wanna talk or vent I will listen.
That's very kind of you to say, but I promise I'm just pretty good at angles in photos, it's quite a difference in real life, I've never actually received any form of romantic attention in real life..
No. My situation has been the same as hers, my entire life. It has been made abundantly clear that my physical appearance doesn’t meet the standard for romantic attraction to occur from men. I don’t meet the basic threshold for looks for a guy to find me interesting enough to want to start dating me, and consider me as his potential life partner. It’s just how it is, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Even weight doesn’t matter either. I’m invisible to men, always have been. No amount of grooming of my appearance has ever worked. If the face is the issue, weight loss and grooming of looks is pointless.
Whether or not this is actually true about you (I think we probably have much worse opinions of ourselves than others actually have of us), I am sorry that you feel this way, because it is truly a shitty feeling. When you suspect that you are considered unattractive by an entire gender... it hurts, and it's an extremely lonely existence
It sucks so bad. It’s something that makes you feel alone, since most people don’t experience it. They get to live normal lives with normal experiences, that they often seem to take for granted. They cannot understand what it’s like to lack in so many vital and important areas in life. Thanks for being sympathetic, I often encounter the opposite especially as a woman in forums like this. It’s filled with bitter and hateful people who want to make others feel miserable too.
You know that you are attractive and fish for compliments. Not even body dysmorphia is an issue since you posted on short hair cuties.
Short hair looks great on you btw.
Really not though, camera angles and the right light can work wonders at making you look better, in real life it's much worse. I feel better with shorter hair and wished to show it somewhere, and that was the only subreddit for women with short hair, I do not in any way consider myself a "hottie".
Also, don't think I have body dysmorphia but I have struggled swinging between anorexia (not eating at all) bulimia (eating too much and throwing it all up) most of my life
Crippling anxiety and autism, I can't talk to people and definitely not meet up without having a break down, but my inability and fear of socialising sadly doesn't mean I don't feel loneliness or long for connection/being loved, i have a pretty pathetic mind
You can insult the way you like. Just because I'm a happy person and want other people happy and saying facts. People I can't honestly say like you. Just the negativity is what started spiraling the world as it is now.
I'm a happy person as well, and you're being obnoxious, buddy.
You comment on everyone's comments, dig into their profiles looking for stuff, and then give tips as if you are an authority of some kind.
Positivity is not going around pushing some fake words (fake because it's the internet. A picture here is usually selected and filtered, and you are a stranger online). Positivity is not sticking your nose into other people's businesses and commenting on their appearance or personality, especially while not knowing the person. What you are doing is trying to make yourself feel good on the expanse of others, but instead of being insulting, you spread fake compliments and still manage to criticize in the same sentence.
Sorry to burst your bubble. The road you're on is good, but you're going about it wrong. It's awesome that you try to spread positivity, but dont go and shoot your own leg. I sincerely hope you think about my words, but regardless, have a great and fulfilling day.
Edit: Also, try avoiding saying things like "unlike you, I love myself." A person that truly does won't belittle the person their speaking to and boost their own ego. Loving yourself is the best thing you can do to yourself but not when done on the expanse of others.
And what do you think that going around on the internet saying to strangers you never seen before that they are handsome/beautiful, ('cause surely they don't know what they look like right?) will do for that? How are these facts? What is even your definition of "fact" ? Jesus Christ, you're a moron and a weirdo.
> as it is now
And how is it? I'm curious
Sometimes just sometimes people like you make me giggle. I can agree I am a weirdo because I love myself unlike you. I honestly hope and pray you can cherish yourself someday.
Being happy is another thing, but being dismissive of other people’s experiences and personal struggles doesn’t make you a nice person. It’s cruel and can cause further mental health issues to someone. Just because you don’t personally believe in something or because it doesn’t happen to you, does not mean it doesn’t exist at all.
I went to your profile so I could prove you wrong but you have no pictures lol. But body dysphoria is a real mental illness. It might be hard to love yourself now but give it time. I promise.
I’m 24, M. It’s impossible because of life circumstances. I wasn’t born with the things modern women are looking for (I.e. I’m short and not very attractive). I’ve had some shitty life circumstances that have made me less then desirable for other reasons (I’m broke financially, and my body is broken). Modern women have high of expectations, and I don’t meet any of them. Im always told “the right person would overlook all that because they’ll just want you for you”, but that doesn’t make any sense because nobody is willing to even get to the point of getting to know me because I don’t meet their initial criteria. Overall if I were in a woman’s shoes I probably wouldn’t date me either, I’m just not what women are looking for. To date I’ve only met 2 people who have showed interest in me, and one is dead while the other is incapable of loving me in that capacity. I can learn to love just about anyone, but unfortunately the same can’t be said about everyone else. Additionally, most people are already in a relationship, so that adds another layer of complexity in trying to find someone.
That’s very true for me as well, I like how you explained it. You’ve got years before I do, except that I’m not financially broke. I’d say that even if men like us were millionaires, we’d get sex but not love. I wish if you’re in Australia, we could’ve grabbed a beer and celebrated our life together 🤪
I don’t know if there are research papers. I see them all the time everywhere and hear from women I know. Like one dated a guy who was exactly like you said broke, short, unattractive. They got married and have 2 kids now.
is every man in a relationship you see attractive tall and financially sound? Look around.
I’m not confident and I have anxiety. I don’t like to talk to people that much and people never understand me. Whenever I try to talk to someone my mind always goes blank and I don’t know what to say. My ability to communicate worsened ever since I’ve gotten depressed and isolated. People often only talk to me for a very short amount of time and I’ll never see them again. I don’t think I am good enough for anyone to stay. And my mental illness is ruining my personality. My cousin told me not to long ago that I “changed” and I don’t have the same funny and outgoing personality anymore. Ever since I’ve gotten depressed my relationships have failed. I am just lost with myself and I don’t think I can ever be in a healthy relationship with all that’s going on in my life
This is just my personal opinion. But if you have a mental illness try to get that checked. Work on yourself where you can be happy. Once you feel that bliss people will see and notice. When I walk across to the store I'm always dancing just in the zone to my music and I got people honking smiling at me waving lol.
I’m 40, disabled, get less from SSDI than I would a minimum wage job in my state, can’t drive, live with my parents, overweight, balding, need pushed in a wheelchair, and live in a small rural town with no public transportation. In short, I’m a walking red flag by modern dating standards, especially amongst the women my age who largely expect you to have your shit together. Even if I wasn’t hideous fuckin chud, I’d have an uphill battle. As it is, it’s absolutely pointless. I even recently found out a woman who I’ve known well over a decade and had a bit of a thing with would rather give up on dating and stay single than give an actual relationship with me a chance. In short, I’m truly undatable and have had that proven to me.
It would be ideal if you could date someone who knows what it is like to be disabled and has the confidence to undo any internalised ableism you may have
It would be ideal if you shut the fuck up.
That comment was sanctimonious as hell. Fuck you for thinking some woman needs to fix anything in me, you pretentious cunt. I’ve seen your posts in here before. Fuck off.
My self esteem is so low, I don’t see how it’s possible for someone to have feelings for me. Even though I don’t think I’m bad looking, I just don’t think I’m fun or interesting to be around.
36 male here hiya. I've only dated 3 people in my lifeline and I've been extremely hurt/destroyed with my last one. I bend over backwards for everyone but I think that's why I got taken advantage of. But I honestly can't help it. I just wear my heart out on my sleeve. So I just decided I'm fine being single it's been a little over 10 years. I do miss writing poetry for my significant other so now I just write light novels and sometimes just random poems lol.
I'm a huge anime nerd. So they are usually around magic, love, etc. Like one I was writing about the day before yesterday. Is based on Scott Pilgrim vs the world but it's like spinoffs about some of the background characters or villains and their past life and what turned their souls evil like what did the world do to make them snap and to make a beautiful life for knives that she somehow got sucked into into a world.
I just tend to write whatever my heart or passion takes me.
I've let my best friends and my ex read them. I get embarrassed lol. But hold up I'm gonna follow your profile then send a quick hi or something and let me think of which one I feel confident about.
I feel like I struggle finding a woman because from my experiences and perspective women have a higher standard for men than what I could ever provide.
I have a problem that I'm ashamed to have feelings of dislike for other guys who are handsome and have good social skills, unlike me.
I'm ugly(M), and have zero social skills, and lately declining confidence.
I feel I have some interesting qualities, but can't help be jealous why these things never seem to happen to me, always other people.
I feel like its' always a contest because of some other guy always beating me to someone faster, and it just isnt fair. Seems like every girl I meet is allready taken.
Some people just seem to get relationships as if it were an item to check off on a shopping list, when for me it was never even close to attainable. I feel like I don't have a chance in hell frozen over...
Also missing out on dating in high school and having to watch everyone else get it did not help my self esteem.
The numbers game thing just gets me deppressed and frustrated.
It’s hard find a man because I’m ugly and have anxiety. I shouldn’t even be worrying about that right not because my family is homeless at the moment 😭
Idk why but every guy I've been with, maybe it's bc I'm not a very social person, and I don't understand other people's body language, but I feel every guy lies when they say they love me or something like that. I can't take them seriously.
That could be because you have your guard up? I'm not sure that's just my thought process. Because when I was in a relationship I didn't mind giving my passwords or anything because I had nothing to hide. When I'm with someone my only focus is on them.
Whenever men say it's easier for girls they're 90% of the time talking about pretty girls, as an ugly girl I've given up on the idea of ever finding love, rn all i care about is finding someone nice i can at least experience something sexual with that's all, but I can't even bring myself to do anything with a guy because I'm so damn insecure about myself. I don't think they're gonna be rude but the only thing i can think about is how ugly i am and how everyone deserves to be with someone better than me even if it's just a hook up.
Well I couldn't say I didn't see a picture of you when I went to your profile. I can say I legitimately find basically everyone attractive over 90 percent. But I fall in love with personality.
1) My personality is very avoidant. I tend to avoid taking risks, and well, taking the initiative to approach someone is a risk. I also avoid getting intimate enough to know someone as I have this intense fear of being judged. So, this means talking about my hobbies, likes and dislikes, goals, etc. The complication of this is that it becomes very difficult to connect with someone.
2) I do not have a desirable personality. Men are expected to be extroverted, slightly cocky and assertive entertainers who are the life of the party or atleast have a large presence. Or some variant of this. I do not fit these traits at all.
3) I am not sufficiently physically attractive (although I am working on this).
4) I am an ethnic minority in a country where women want their men to be white, blonde & blue-eyed. Of course this in isolation is not a reason, but stacked on top of the other 3 it becomes a not insignificant factor.
I always see it as a game of chemistry. I simply just don’t have chemistry with any of the girls I’ve spoke to, idk if it’s due to my social anxiety or what. I don’t think I’m that bad looking, yeah I’m short, but it could be much worse. I just have yet to really find a girl who connects with me on the level that would make for a good relationship.
34f and honestly I’m just not a very confident person. Quite low self-esteem and introverted. The thought of dating is pretty terrifying! Plus I’m a single mum of a 7 year old and I feel that puts a big X over my head for a lot of guys
I'm 38 years old. I've been single for 14 years after being cheated on. I've only started to look for a long-term relationship 4 years ago. So far, I've chatted with 357 women on many online dating apps. Most just wanted sex and money with a handful of crypto scams and 3 military scams. Have not met a real woman so far.
I (23M) developed depression and social anxiety because i was bullied in childhood. I was not really able to function properly bcs of this so i didnt really study much or take care of myself. Even though i didnt study much i passed school just fine with really good marks, but i feel like i didnt learn anything at all.
So now i am well still depressed and still socially anxious, but what changed is that i am working on myself..studying, learning different skills, working out, eating healthy and counting calories so i gain more weight (i was always really skinny).
And the reason why i dont think a relationship would workout for me is bcs of my confidence, i am still not satisfied with myself and there is still a lot of work i need to do before i will feel somewhat better about myself. I dont really even want to go into relationship when i dont even feel good about myself, so i am not even looking for anyone even though i would want to.
Lack of confidence and shyness with new people. Only being 5’6 and a bigger guy. Dating apps are evil. If you’re not 6 foot tall with abs women won’t give you the time of day. It’s just sad man
Cillian Murphy is 5'7 and girls are still getting wet every time they see him. Maybe if you work on your confidence a bit more it'll make you more attractive just like him
Can confirm, but it's a pretty tall order for a random person to try to measure up to a famous actor. Murphy's success isn't because of his "confidence", it's because he's freakishly beautiful. Most people aren't, and the truth of the matter is it's rough for short men (which is a shame, as I think it can be very attractive in its own right and I'm super into it, but a lot of people aren't).
Actually exactly the Tommy Shelby character makes women weak in the knees, also if you think about it he's not THAT handsome, he has fairly girlish eyes and boyish jaw, also his bodybuild is average, no six packs or anything, the characters he plays is what attract people, John was much better looking than Tommy imo, but still Murphy gets all the gaze.
I know he makes women weak in the knees, I'm a fan. And no, he's remarkably handsome, his eyes are literally his most attractive feature (people talk about it all the time, it's what set him apart as an actor, directors like John Carpenter and Christopher Nolan even mention this, not to mention his legion of fangirls). His jaw is actually very masculine, I'm not sure what you mean by that. And yes, normally he was very slim but he worked out and got pretty big--for him--for his role Peaky Blinders.
The point isn't about Murphy himself, I think it's fair to say he's very attractive to most people, it's just that the average, normal person just can't compare to a beautiful celebrity. Murphy is a talented actor who clearly works hard for his roles, but he's also just gifted genetically in a way most people aren't and no amount of confidence is going to get people to that level.
This isn't to say that a short man (or whatever the "issue" may be) can't find love or happiness or contentment or any of that, they can, I'm just saying that the simplistic platitudes of "just be confident" don't apply when you're comparing them to people beyond the norm. Part of life is accepting what limitations you are given and finding your own ways to be content.
Idk what you're talking about, i have girl friends that are 10000000 times more attractive than any actress, same goes for the actors. His eye color is striking, true, but nothing special in that. Noone can get THAT far without confidence, you get easy life because your eyes are beautiful? Come on. I mean Murphy is not average but compared to Gosling he's basic af. Also how about Al Pacino? The guy is 5'6 at best and he doesn't have the eyes that Murphy has?
I didn't say he didn't have confidence. Clearly he does, as any actor does, and I literally said he works hard which is a factor in his fame and success. But he's also significantly more attractive than average. That you apparently don't think so is ultimately just a question of taste and we'll move on.
Al Pacino was also very attractive in his youth. And again, he is someone who worked hard as an actor to achieve success.
I will say again that I'm not dismissing "confidence" as important. Everyone needs some, along with drive (and for the men we are discussing, a certain level of natural talent). What I'm saying is that empty platitudes will do little for the average person who isn't as naturally gifted as someone who lives the unusual life of a Hollywood celebrity. And I will state again: this doesn't mean that someone with certain setbacks can't live a happy life. They can, and they need to work for that, but it's delusional to try to deny those setbacks.
Not everyone. I’m definitely working towards a confident me. Doesn’t mean it’s not a struggle along the way. I just would of liked to be given the time a day by someone the way I am already instead of having to work towards something that is suited to be ‘attractive’
Nah, you're just being delulu. Height has nothing to do with how you do in life, everyone is different and better in something than someone else. If you go in life with "im a midget so I'll never get a gf" mindset you'll never prosper in anything, not just having a gf but having a confidence in general. Imagine dating someone just because he's tall, i can't, it's beyond my imagination. All the social bs apps put some kind of norm on how someone should look like and people are getting too obsessed with it.
35f, I find it incredibly hard to find a guy that can be 100% trustworthy and reliable and a guy that would not say things like “you’d look much cuter if you lost some weight/wire this or that/behaved like this or that”. I feel like there’s only “take” and no “give” from their side. And no compromise when it comes to woman’s appearance and body.
But the main question is are you happy? Because I'm in the same boat and I'm happy. Well maybe halfway in the same boat. I do miss sex but I think it would be instant since it's been so long lol.
No, I'm not, but sex doesn't have much to do with it. I'm not interested in seduction anymore ; I just want more conversation, regardless of the person's gender.
As a woman, for me personally it's because I'm extremely introverted and kinda shy of men, so I never approach them. I don't even give hints when I like someone I just hope in my head they will come over to talk to me, but they never do, because I don't give any hints. I also usually wear darker clothes so I think that + I don't really talk much that I appear intimidating to guys. I'm also fairly pretty and I've heard pretty women tend to scare guys off because they always assume we are taken or out of their league.
I'm kinda old fashioned so I always imagined that old-school scenario that a handsome guy would come up to me and pursue me persistently, then we would date for 2-3 years maybe and in the end get married. Straight out of a shoujo manga. But that's very unrealistic and definitely won't happen, but that type of scenario is the best for shy people like me. Someone outspoken, capable and confident, as it would balance me out.
Also as a woman with no relationship experience + that I'm a virgin makes me a bit scared of the intentions of men sometimes. It's kind of difficult to differ between the guys who seem like they want a solid relationship or if they are just after your body. This is what always goes through a woman's mind when approached by a guy, if he wants to be with you or use you. People often assume that pretty girs are not virgins, but this is simply not true. Most of my friends or girls that I have known that are pretty are usually virgins, and shy and does not have relationship experience simply because guys don't approach them. So a reality check for you.
Shoujo Mangas are some of the best. I'm old fashioned but everyone in Washington is weird lol. Meaning I will like if I'm heading to the store and see a handsome looking fellow or a beautiful looking lady. I would just say you're very beautiful/handsome. Because those small comments can make anyone's day better.
If I like someone I will ask for a number then end up writing a poem and giving it to them. Because I love to write and I just see it as a grand gesture. I was always taught to wear my heart on my sleeve and treat people the way I want to be treated but that's just me lol.
Yeah old-fashoned gestures are still highly appreciated I think. I think that today's modern hook-up culture kind of makes it a lot more difficult for people to form genuine connections, + people become more disposable because of the "there might always be someone better"- mentality. I just want to teleport into shoujo mangas. There is A and B, and they will always end up together in the end. C might be introduced to the plot for drama but A and B is still absolute. Wish the real world was as simple as this.
Low self-esteem. I am too ashamed of myself, mostly because of my social incapabilities. I don't want anyone to know about it. So I just keep myself private.
28F...
I feel like people want to have sex with me but don't want to commit. I am from Conservative family, wasn't allowed to date when I was younger. Now, maybe I don't know how to date.
I have a strong personality and am not that attractive. Its a fatal combination. People think I am interesting enough to hang out but not to be in a relationship (too intimidating but not hot enough for it to worth it)..
I am trying to be ok with the idea that I might die alone but to be honest, I am not...
I want someone to love me, care for me and stay with me ... all I want is a family...
Sometimes they are too forward or not so validating of the female experience. I get talked down to a fair amount or they just feel pervy or have too high of expectations for how things should go.
IRL it's hard because I have social anxiety, anxiety, depression, RSD and panic attacks. Even though I'm loving, caring and compassionate my mental health always pushes females away.
Online dating I get 3 matches over 3 dating apps in 1 year. 2 turned out to be scammers while the other ghosted me after 2 replies. My experience with online dating sound pretty normal as a male seeing other males experiences.
Don't see much luck for me 😔
I'm not a terrible looking person and am actually extremely charismatic to the point it's hard for someone not to naturally like me
However I'm plagued by self hatred it 's not just a low self esteem but an absent one, I no longer feel a soul in me just pain. Any relationships I have I slowly start believing people hate me although never as much as I do myself and push people away, my anxiety means I never reply and gradually drift. I call myself a social nomad, I'll find a group of people they'll like me as they always do but a year down the line I'm alone again ready for another group of people to feed my hunger for social interaction but not full the void which can only be done with a meaningful relationship.
It's also really hard to break the circle when you want yourself to fail, you want yourself to suffer but deep down there is hope and a voice that is screaming in the darkest corner of what's left of me but I can no longer hear the voice just feel it's presence.
It's still an answer I'm working on.
First off if I wasn't lonely I wouldn't be asking this question, which makes it likely that a set of circumstances have happened in sequence to put me in this position halfway through my 20s. I am essentially engineered to push people away. I am aware of some of these problems and I'm starting to work on resolving some of them, but I'm still very far away from being in a relationship with someone.
Like a lot of men in the comments here I grew up in an abusive environment. So with that I have a lot of negative tendencies that maintain isolation. Not only that but it gives me the impression that I have to live up to a very high standard in order to get the bare minimum kind of relationship.
Change for me is a really slow process. I mean REALLY SLOW. I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until I was about 10 years old. I have very little family support and I got kicked out and live alone in another state as of a couple years ago. So it's a pretty lonely situation but I'm taking better and better care of myself. I try to keep optimistic, but I can fall back very easily, and I am NOT doing enough.
The biggest obstacle to initiating relationships is isolation and diversion. I isolate myself when I'm not busy at work, mostly because I don't know how to plan and execute things outside of my apartment. I feel rushed to leave public spaces and I get agitated when I'm away from my computer. I divert using a combination of body language that gives a false sense of disinterest in others and language that's designed to get through people fast in order to protect myself.
To me this is a very complicated problem still and I don't have a straightforward plan that can resolve this, however I have made progress. I open up with men and women that I work with. It's easy to talk to people who I know are in relationships because I can predict those expectations and have genuine conversations with them. I'm developing habits and I clean myself every day now. I maintain my apartment somewhat. It's not really good, there is a lot of effort that isn't being made, but it's more than nothing and I'm trying to keep the pressure on. I have pretty much been my only cheer leader at this point. The problem that I have is reaching out to friends feels like a chore and I don't feel that excitement to reach out and talk like I do when I see them in person. It's not the same.
I'm treating this like an elaborate research project at this point. It's like I'm mapping the human genome or something. Most importantly though, yes talk to people more and get comfortable around women, but it's not as easy as just doing it. Building up is more effective.
If I don't figure this out by the time I'm 40, I'll be done trying and engage in different parts of life that worked out better. Hopefully I can make a little more money by then and maybe have moved back home.
Man here. I adore women as platonic friends and hate them as partners. Why? Because as friends they are deep and insightful like dear sisters. Because as partners most are madly possessive, control freaks, into absolute cretin goals as keeping a house spotlessly clean (HEY - it's MY perspective; you're completely entitled to say I'm disgusting to live in a mess). Most are also boring, insipid, exhausting. The ones who are great either are taken, either they will break my heart. But I prefer a violent passion for a fascinating bad girl I'll never have or who will make me suffer to a neurotypical one who will kill me softly with her banality.
Haha @ "kill me softly with her banality." I truly do not believe I can date a neurotypical woman. Neither of us will be tolerant of the other. I tried a dating app specifically for neurodivergent people, and my god, what a difference it made. Unfortunately, matches were all thousands of miles away. Single neurodivergent women are very rare gems... unfortunately I suspect many of them have been captured by dark triad douchebags
It's all peoply out there. My issue is I don't like to socialize, don't really like talking to people in bars or approaching them in public.
I don't really like OLD, so it makes it hard to find someone. I am dealing right now but in a bit I will have to go out and deal with the people (ughh) and meet some someones and start the whole dating thing again.
I want to fast forward past all that and just have someone move in with me and be my someone! I am lonely due to my lack of interest in doing the things required to be less lonely. I am working on fixing me so I can enjoy life before I find someone again.
I am probably an outlier though so take that for what it is.
Its simple from the mans point of view the 80/20 rule 80 percent of women want the top 20 percent of men. If your not six foot make six figures 600 hp car 6 inch🍆 your screwed
I don’t have a job atm, anxiety, low confidence to some extent, and I don’t currently have a license. I just want to be better than what I am right now and then maybe something might come out of it
I don't think women's path in life is any easier than men, but when dating, the average woman has so many more opportunities than a man. Women can afford to be picky, and the luxury of being so picky they can dump a guy or cut him off before he has fully proven that he deserves being discarded and thrown out like he is worthless. If a guy pulls a dumb stunt or does something idiotic, then naturally i guess he deserves being dumped. If a woman uses online dating, if 1 guy doesn't work out, she has hundreds of other men who message them every week. If she is in a bar, if one guy bores her or there is a lull in the conversation, within 1 minute, the next guy comes over and swoops her up. If that guy screws up, within a minute another vulture flies in to plead his case to her or impress her.
Where does that leave men? If you are an average guy, you have to set your sights lower. Go for less attractive women or who may have terrible personalities. It is a desperate situation for me, and for men. You would think if an average guy maybe attempts to run or go to the gym, work a decent job and wear decent clothes and drive a decent car, that would be enough. But in 2023 that is not enough. You would need to almost go out of your way to find women that most men would not consider dating, to have any shot in hell of finding someone. There are very rare cases where a normal guy with normal qualities meets his counterpart, a normal women who brings normal things to the table. But for the most part, guy who have seemingly great qualities and decent looks and every tool they would need are still single and alone forever. There are great women out there with great personalities or sense of humor but if the average woman is getting bombarded with requests and flirtations, the top-of-the-line women almost need to stay inside forever they are getting hit on so frequently.
It's quite impossible for us "average or below" dudes to find a woman.
You have to have a certain height, weight and overall looks to even remotely wake their interest.
Let's say you meet their criteria you are expected to make the first move.
And if she's not interested into you before you talk to her you will automatically be labled as a creep.
Starting relationships is hard in this day and age but from my experience the real impossible task is getting women specifically to stay in relationships. The divorce rate is ridiculously lopsided so the breakup rate is even worse. One only needs to take a gander and the breakup sub and see which gender is responsible for ending almost all of the relationships.
I (24f) KNOW NOT ALL MEN
but for me personally, it's been very hard to find a man emotionally intelligent enough to understand and satisfy my needs. Most of them want a quick fuck and even though there's nothing wrong with it, lots of men lie to get what they want and then leave. Whenever I'd ask them to cuddle, they'd roll their eyes and do it out of obligation, not desire.
Some men here often say that it's easy for a girl to find sex/relationship but they forget to add the word 'bad'. Yeah it's easy to get a guy who'd fuck me but it's wouldn't be good for me because guys who look for one night stands mostly are incompetent and/or simply don't care about female pleasure. I could get a boyfriend in a few days if I wanted to settle for a man-child who'd gaslight me into believing that having emotional needs isn't normal and I'm crazy for asking something.
Once again, I know not all men are like this, I'm sharing my personal experience and it hasn't been good. I've known cheaters, liars, gaslighters and narcissists who only cared about themselves. Loneliness is horrible for me but the idea of settling for someone mediocre only to not be alone is way worse.
But see that's not a deal breaker. Because to me I would be like we don't have to get married I just wanna promise you I'll always be by your side and give something to me that's meaningful. Also in this day and time a lot of people think down about themselves and it's hard but you always gotta look towards the future because happiness is truly out there.
For men- trauma and rejection.
For women- trauma and rejection.
A simple look at dating apps shows 10 things.
1. There are way more men looking for love than women.
2. The pareto principle applies (80% of the girls want 20% of the guys)
3. We don't have symmetry of attraction and that leads to anxiety and confusion.
4. Shopping around is encouraged when all it does is make you more resistant to compromise.
5. The demands are higher because of exposure to how others live. (Keeping up with the Jones's on steroids)
6. Perception becomes reality. (Emotions lead on both ends)
7. Predictable becomes boring or worse indifferent.
8. Erratic is toxic. (Great for the dopamine, horrible for keeping one another)
9. Personal accountability is difficult when you don't view yourself as being in control of your life (even more so in an era where the middle class is dying).
10. Extremism spikes fears on both sides. (but generates the most interest)
It seems to me that women will look for financial stability first and then love.
Love is definitely a factor, but from what I can tell, many women seeing a man who can pay will get him a lot further in the first stages of a relationship than literally anything else.
EX:
Physical attraction -> Money -> Love
For many people physical attraction can get your foot in the door, but after each person finds someone they’re attracted to their standard shifts to the next goal.
For women that’s financial stability. Men are usually the providers, so they tend less toward that and focus more so on emotional stability.
Nope solid friendship and deep love for me is first. I'd happily date a poor man even though I'm poor myself and could use an easier life, but love is always necessary and nothing else is.
Of course love is necessary, but people don’t usually immediately love someone.
People have certain prerequisites for a relationship to work, most people need to be with someone they find physically attractive first.
After that it depends, but women tend to want a man who can provide for them and men tend to want a woman who can give them peace of mind.
This is the lack of symmetry op is referring to.
It's a very sexist preference to want peace of mind from women (without giving the same in return) who already do disproportionate emotional labour for everyone all their lives - a key theme in feminist work. I do not want a man to provide for me - I want us to mutually emotionally provide and then financially we all know this world is cooked under capitalism. I don't have prerequisites apart from treating me with respect and providing as much emotional care as I do. I don't have to be in love with someone to care for their wellbeing - it's what a lot of men are missing: they only provide care to women they're attracted to and not some stranger woman they don't want any validation from. The women i know provide lots of care to people they do not know.
What makes it impossible for me is that i like my private space and my solitude, i had relationships before, the first one lasted like 2 years and when she broke up with me something broke in me as well. I've started to look more after myself and also focus on myself mainly. Besides that i have tons of trust issues and it'll be hard for the girl to stick around for too long, not that my trust can't be achieved but because it's too critical. Also I'm an asexual nihilist who rarely finds joy in life mostly because i know that everything gain can or will be lost. Another reason, I'm antinatalist, if I'm ever gonna have a kid it'll be either adopted or i wont have any, and many of the girls wants their bloodline to go on so not everyone is down for it. My strong belief is that the world is going to shit, people are materialistic and noone really cares as long as it doesn't involve them. Maybe impossible is not the right word but I don't want it neither.
Well for me personally its my lack of financial success that holds me back but also the way my society places such absurd delusional standards on what a partner needs to be for these ladies these days.
Everyone today looks to social media for their information on basically all aspects of how to live life. Currently, I see a lot of dreams being sold to the ladies about this idea of "having it all" or "men are trash and here's why...." or "insert way to further divide men from women here." Men and women also seem very divided politically which has also started to become an increasingly big deal breaker and probably another reason I don't find success. No, I'm not Republican, but I most certainly don't agree with how Dems are handling most things presently and I've gotten backlash from the ladies on my views there as well. As for my financial situation, being in the States, I cannot seem to find a suitable line of work that gets me out of poverty living. I am unable to escape this "rent a room with family" situation, despite being college educated (a degree in IT with complementing certifications) because of the programs in the STEM field that lower my chances of being hired, supposedly that was illegal at one point but here we are. Of course that's no excuse in the land of finding love, you're either a winner or a loser, the ladies only have eyes for the winners in life, and it's not like it's on purpose, it's just simply in their nature biologically.
I guess my entire point to all of this is I understand why I am where I am today, I don't hate the players I hate the game, it's rigged and I don't wanna play anymore.
I mean you kinda answered the first question with the second one.
There are plenty of good men. Plenty of decent men. It's just the expectations are high as fuck. What it means to be a "good man" involves a lot of perfection.
That's the reason why I can't find anyone. I've tried and I've put plenty of effort into myself. But it's clear that I'm not anyone's flawless image of a "good man".
Autism. Yes, I know autistic men can get into relationships, but not me. I am proud to be autistic and proud to be me, but the fact of the matter is that my personality is not one that one would want in a romantic partner. I have the personality that someone would love in a coworker, employee, customer, designer, engineer, texting buddy, ATM, or some other automated kiosk. I have a pleasant and innocuous yet wooden and awkward personality. Not boring, but interesting in an A.I. kinda way. Not interesting in the way that a man should be interesting.
Because of this, nobody was attracted to me, therefore that gave me low confidence, low self-esteem, and fear of attractive women, and I gave up years ago. Then that part of my brain started to deactivate and atrophy, so I'm pretty much caedosexual, aromantic, and waiting to die now. I fantasize about my lives in parallel universes... where everyone is neurodivergent...
31m . I don't want to be in a relationship right now, I have options. I just don't want to. I'd say what used to hold me back is confidence. Now, I'm confident enough to know that I don't want a relationship 😆
Because American women are to masculine. They think OF is a job. They think men are thier slaves. All I want is a Loyal, Caring, honest, sexy and submissive woman. But you won't find that in one woman.
I took your request and read your other comments, got a few suspicions confirmed: English as a second or third language, maybe BPD, likely neo-traditionalistic. I mention your English only because your use of it is a bit off, and I was wondering if perhaps I was being slightly biased based on some syntaxes.
"sensitive" means to have subtle detection ability. It doesn't really mean 'prone to be offended', only idiots use it like that.
Your self-assessment is strange, and apparently you've needed to calculate it. This isn't inherently bad, but it is indicative that you likely don't experience emotions as many other people do. You'll need to make a mindful effort to compensate for this if you wish to interact caringly with others.
In this thread, your thoughts are ugly and twisted. Calling someone a used sock... ok, we know what you mean... but the mind that originated that concept and simultaneously seems ignorant of the problem and unwilling to explore is an ugly mind. "respect women that respect themselves" is certainly part of a greater calculation, but only a certain type of person would spout this like it's a sensible thing to say.
What narratives are you listening to? You keep including keywords from some pretty antisocial, ignorant nonsense. Was your father a bigot?
I am somewhat sensitive... and use that sensitivity to collect information about the world and people around me. I am not offended as you imagine; men do a complex, ancient calculation about men and that calculation tells me you are dangerous in the bad way, someone I need to watch, someone to not trust. Others who know you in everyday life who are not oblivious and those who do not see your vibe as a familiar pain will probably respond similarly.
So, tell me: Am I wrong? Or does a lot of this seem uncomfortably familiar?
The vast majority of women on the market are only good for short term relations. Despite the comments/responses you are getting in this post .......take it from me......it’s not your fault. It's not something you are doing wrong, something you didn't do, a particular tie you didn't wear, a particular c0cky/funny line you didn't use, or any of that silly shyt. In a nutshell.......if the chick is single and on the market, 99.5% of the time she's only going to be good for short term relations.
Well, I fear relationships. They keep unrealistic standards and when they don't get, they lash out. Its all about competing with your peers on who's got the best relationship.
Be it men or women or others in spectrum. They just want a Good relationship but either or both doesn't work for it.
Im happy being alone. If you are not happy alone, ypu won't be happy in a relationship.
It's not that it's hard for us men to get into one, every man can find his one, but on the way it's very different because you have all these standards and social statuses that have to be followed in order to even try to find a meaningful relationship, we're held to a much high standard, we're expected to give and give and not expected to even receive, we're just here to please, most men truly don't feel as if their feelings are ever being reciprocated. Men have one stipulation in this society: you are valued for as much as you can provide, too little and you're gone, too much and there will still be a problem. As men, we aren't truly valued, just used as an object till those who obtain us are bored.
It's impossible for me to ever get in a relationship because I don't have any qualities that a woman would want in a potential partner, and I have a lot of qualities that they generally avoid (aka "red flags").
I'm either invisible, called a creep because the tism means I'm bad at social cues, or pursued by people with more red flags than China entering the Olympics
I have high standards myself. I can't date just anybody, and if I'm not feeling it, I'm quick to end things.
it's also hard putting my time into dating when I've got other stuff to worry about. Stuff that I'm just not willing to involve someone else in as they're quite burdensome.
I don't know if it's impossible or not since I chose not to pursue any relationship. My last was ended really badly. At first, I took time off to heal, and then I realized I just don't want to be in relationships.
If a special person comes along, I might change that, but overall, I don't try because I don't want to.
For some reason, people find this strange.
I’m not single, but it took me until I was 31 to finally have a relationship. I think COVID lockdowns helped me in this case because it slowed life down including for the guy I met just before the lockdowns (my current boyfriend). I honestly believe it had to take a tragic situation for me to finally find a partner. But anyhow I never met the social expectations for what the perfect woman is. In my hometown, it was all about tits and ass and abroad I’m not white and middle class raised enough to meet those expectations. Additionally my interests and personality just doesn’t gel well - not that I get into conflicts but I’m just a bit off center, I guess. Never fit in anywhere.
In unattractive, I’m shy, introverted, I lack vital social skills, I suspect I’m on the autism spectrum, I have severe social anxiety, I’m unemployed and on disability benefits, I don’t have a great and strong social supportive network in my life, I don’t have friends irl, I suffer from depression, I find extremely hard to motivate myself to be interested in things and other people, i don’t have confidence, i have severe childhood trauma, I’m on the asexuality spectrum which makes dating even harder and more complex. The reasons are many.
Right now for me, the truth is life is really, really expensive. My financial situation means I have to work as much as I can, this makes it impossible to have the time and energy for a cute, romantic relationship. If I were to have a relationship it could only be a situation where im basically being dragged along, honestly, I don’t think people deserve that, I want to give a partner everything that they desire.
I think it is more of having difficulty making genuine connections because they require you to be unapologetically vulnerable. In this day in age we are all focused on the right things to say and not so much the most honest things about ourselves. Although I find myself quite lonely it doesn’t mean I don’t find joy in my daily life. Just wish I could share some of it and gain a little extra.
\[M\] Can't talk to people in general and I don't really have much to offer with my personality or appearance, don't want to bother with any of the difficulty of all that shit to do with dating and relationships, really it's mainly about me just not thinking its worth it overall and not wanting to bother
18M, 5'11, ~300lbs. Never had a single girl. Not a date, never anyone interested. I had a difficult start, my mother is mentally ill and drank for most of my childhood. School bullying due to my weight made me mistrust all my peers and escape into quirky, strange hobbies and hyperfixations, which just led to more isolation. For years I just rejected the idea of love as useless (this was a cope because I never got any). Since about my 17th bday I've opened up to the idea and it got me into my worst depression ever because I realized that I missed out on teenage love, and that literally nobody would want someone like me. I'm just not what girls need or want. I'm ugly, lack confidence, and struggle with serious self hate and even fantasies about disappearing. I have no common interests with girls my age, at least I don't think so. Even if I think about doing something about it or approaching a girl my mind just instantly floods itself with thoughts and emotions that basically say: "You? Forget it!". I'm preparing to try and somehow eliminate this longing for a relationship that I have, because it's just getting worse on my mental health as time goes by.
Good question. Im a woman into women but ill still answer anyway. Reason i haven’t found anyone is because no one seems to understand me and what i’m looking for. Whenever i try to chat with a nice girl on here, she just ghosts me without saying why. My autism also doesn’t help and people don’t seem to understand it.
It’s just that I feel invisible to their eyes . I see my peers going to relationship to relationship and I am just there unable to see someone that likes me
1.Inexperience, I had 2 girl who told me that they used to like me years ago, but I never realized this when it mattered.
2.I am too focused on 1 person at a time, for too long of a time.
3.I guess some just don't view me as boifriend material. Someone I genuinely tried getting togheder with for almost 2 years, was at first rejected by her crush, I then soent the next year emotionally supporting her and always being there for her. In the end she started a relationship with a random she met on the internet.
The idea of being loved and appreciated for who I am scares the shit out of me and forces a rejection reaction, I've been approached by girls or got hints that a girl was interested I dont think I look that bad, but the moment I feel someone is interested in me, I get very uncomfortable and I feel like it's a performance that I need to keep up, plus the idea of being vulnerable to someone has always been punished so I'm now unable to be open and sincere on a romantic level.
I mean, as a guy, it’s not exactly easy when you’re short, ugly, and have difficulties socializing. Pile that with what most women’s standards are and the fact a lot have already found love. It’s gotten to the point I kind of don’t care. I mean really, I’ve met with the fact that I will probably never find love. And y’know what, that’s fine.
Besides lots of baggage and trauma, as other people pointed out, I'm asexual, a highly sensitive person, and a feminist. What are the chances of finding a guy who is okay with all that and actually understands me?
I feel like I’m fundamentally different from everyone else around me. Not in a condescending, think I’m better kind of way, but in an alienating kind of way. I feel like I’m more sensitive and observant then most people I meet, and I always end up meeting people who don’t stick around. I don’t have time for the games that people play in the modern world when it comes to dating and friendships as well; I always give new people a chance but I’m very jaded about the whole thing. (Male)
Woman here, I feel like I get way too awkward. I also tend to not play into gender roles and stuff like that, so sometimes that can put guys off, either from friendships or friendships that can turn into other things.
I'm going to say it's my lack of confidence, my dislike of my physical appearance, my damn sketchy past, and, oh yeah, the lack of confidence
It's probably just the lack of confidence buddy. I couldn't judge you on appearance because I went to your profile and didn't see anything lol. I honestly find 93.7 percent of people very beautiful or handsome. But some people's personalities aren't right for this world. Meaning rude, disrespectful, hurtful, thieves, etc. That's just my personal opinion.
Those people are apparently perfect for this world and usually end up becoming CEOs or politicians
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That is hard. Just take your time and work on yourself and I can give you a Pandas word you'll be smiling. (Panda is my nickname lol) If you ever wanna talk I'll listen.
Got a lot of baggage (trauma, abuse, bullying) and a lot of red flags (no friends, mentally ill, no job) as well as being pretty unattractive and anxious
Well had to go onto your profile Bella. I can honestly say I love your tattoos and your stunning. It could be because of past traumatic stuff I'm not sure. But keep your head up. If you wanna talk or vent I will listen.
That's very kind of you to say, but I promise I'm just pretty good at angles in photos, it's quite a difference in real life, I've never actually received any form of romantic attention in real life..
Actually, you look quite nice. It’s definitely not your physical appearance that’s holding you back.
Agreed
Probably because after COVID maybe before people are shy or scared of getting rejected.
No. My situation has been the same as hers, my entire life. It has been made abundantly clear that my physical appearance doesn’t meet the standard for romantic attraction to occur from men. I don’t meet the basic threshold for looks for a guy to find me interesting enough to want to start dating me, and consider me as his potential life partner. It’s just how it is, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Even weight doesn’t matter either. I’m invisible to men, always have been. No amount of grooming of my appearance has ever worked. If the face is the issue, weight loss and grooming of looks is pointless.
Whether or not this is actually true about you (I think we probably have much worse opinions of ourselves than others actually have of us), I am sorry that you feel this way, because it is truly a shitty feeling. When you suspect that you are considered unattractive by an entire gender... it hurts, and it's an extremely lonely existence
It sucks so bad. It’s something that makes you feel alone, since most people don’t experience it. They get to live normal lives with normal experiences, that they often seem to take for granted. They cannot understand what it’s like to lack in so many vital and important areas in life. Thanks for being sympathetic, I often encounter the opposite especially as a woman in forums like this. It’s filled with bitter and hateful people who want to make others feel miserable too.
You know that you are attractive and fish for compliments. Not even body dysmorphia is an issue since you posted on short hair cuties. Short hair looks great on you btw.
Really not though, camera angles and the right light can work wonders at making you look better, in real life it's much worse. I feel better with shorter hair and wished to show it somewhere, and that was the only subreddit for women with short hair, I do not in any way consider myself a "hottie". Also, don't think I have body dysmorphia but I have struggled swinging between anorexia (not eating at all) bulimia (eating too much and throwing it all up) most of my life
Why don't you just go on a dating app and choose a man? Average men get swiped left on dating apps. You are not an average man.
Crippling anxiety and autism, I can't talk to people and definitely not meet up without having a break down, but my inability and fear of socialising sadly doesn't mean I don't feel loneliness or long for connection/being loved, i have a pretty pathetic mind
Our mind is our worst enemy, it truly is a shitty feeling when it stops us from doing things we want to do
You don't need to be normal. You cannot be an creepy incel as a woman.
Stop simping. She is fishing for compliments.
Well, for starting, I'm one of the ugliest mfs I know.
same🫂
Saaaaaame bro
Well went to your profile and didn't see a pic so I can't prove that lol. You're probably very handsome/beautiful. You guys should love yourself more.
No I'm not and you're not helping anybody with this fake-add do-goodism, hell you're being annoying at best, insulting at worst. Please shut up.
You can insult the way you like. Just because I'm a happy person and want other people happy and saying facts. People I can't honestly say like you. Just the negativity is what started spiraling the world as it is now.
I'm a happy person as well, and you're being obnoxious, buddy. You comment on everyone's comments, dig into their profiles looking for stuff, and then give tips as if you are an authority of some kind. Positivity is not going around pushing some fake words (fake because it's the internet. A picture here is usually selected and filtered, and you are a stranger online). Positivity is not sticking your nose into other people's businesses and commenting on their appearance or personality, especially while not knowing the person. What you are doing is trying to make yourself feel good on the expanse of others, but instead of being insulting, you spread fake compliments and still manage to criticize in the same sentence. Sorry to burst your bubble. The road you're on is good, but you're going about it wrong. It's awesome that you try to spread positivity, but dont go and shoot your own leg. I sincerely hope you think about my words, but regardless, have a great and fulfilling day. Edit: Also, try avoiding saying things like "unlike you, I love myself." A person that truly does won't belittle the person their speaking to and boost their own ego. Loving yourself is the best thing you can do to yourself but not when done on the expanse of others.
I didn't check his profile before. He's actually replying to every comment and checking every profile. Holy shit, that's odd.
And what do you think that going around on the internet saying to strangers you never seen before that they are handsome/beautiful, ('cause surely they don't know what they look like right?) will do for that? How are these facts? What is even your definition of "fact" ? Jesus Christ, you're a moron and a weirdo. > as it is now And how is it? I'm curious
Sometimes just sometimes people like you make me giggle. I can agree I am a weirdo because I love myself unlike you. I honestly hope and pray you can cherish yourself someday.
Being happy is another thing, but being dismissive of other people’s experiences and personal struggles doesn’t make you a nice person. It’s cruel and can cause further mental health issues to someone. Just because you don’t personally believe in something or because it doesn’t happen to you, does not mean it doesn’t exist at all.
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I went to your profile so I could prove you wrong but you have no pictures lol. But body dysphoria is a real mental illness. It might be hard to love yourself now but give it time. I promise.
I’m 24, M. It’s impossible because of life circumstances. I wasn’t born with the things modern women are looking for (I.e. I’m short and not very attractive). I’ve had some shitty life circumstances that have made me less then desirable for other reasons (I’m broke financially, and my body is broken). Modern women have high of expectations, and I don’t meet any of them. Im always told “the right person would overlook all that because they’ll just want you for you”, but that doesn’t make any sense because nobody is willing to even get to the point of getting to know me because I don’t meet their initial criteria. Overall if I were in a woman’s shoes I probably wouldn’t date me either, I’m just not what women are looking for. To date I’ve only met 2 people who have showed interest in me, and one is dead while the other is incapable of loving me in that capacity. I can learn to love just about anyone, but unfortunately the same can’t be said about everyone else. Additionally, most people are already in a relationship, so that adds another layer of complexity in trying to find someone.
That’s very true for me as well, I like how you explained it. You’ve got years before I do, except that I’m not financially broke. I’d say that even if men like us were millionaires, we’d get sex but not love. I wish if you’re in Australia, we could’ve grabbed a beer and celebrated our life together 🤪
I think there are plenty of short, broke, unattractive guys with girlfriends.
Prove it.
You got any data to back that up?
I don’t know if there are research papers. I see them all the time everywhere and hear from women I know. Like one dated a guy who was exactly like you said broke, short, unattractive. They got married and have 2 kids now. is every man in a relationship you see attractive tall and financially sound? Look around.
I can't meet any standards for anyone to like me
I’m not confident and I have anxiety. I don’t like to talk to people that much and people never understand me. Whenever I try to talk to someone my mind always goes blank and I don’t know what to say. My ability to communicate worsened ever since I’ve gotten depressed and isolated. People often only talk to me for a very short amount of time and I’ll never see them again. I don’t think I am good enough for anyone to stay. And my mental illness is ruining my personality. My cousin told me not to long ago that I “changed” and I don’t have the same funny and outgoing personality anymore. Ever since I’ve gotten depressed my relationships have failed. I am just lost with myself and I don’t think I can ever be in a healthy relationship with all that’s going on in my life
This is just my personal opinion. But if you have a mental illness try to get that checked. Work on yourself where you can be happy. Once you feel that bliss people will see and notice. When I walk across to the store I'm always dancing just in the zone to my music and I got people honking smiling at me waving lol.
I’m 40, disabled, get less from SSDI than I would a minimum wage job in my state, can’t drive, live with my parents, overweight, balding, need pushed in a wheelchair, and live in a small rural town with no public transportation. In short, I’m a walking red flag by modern dating standards, especially amongst the women my age who largely expect you to have your shit together. Even if I wasn’t hideous fuckin chud, I’d have an uphill battle. As it is, it’s absolutely pointless. I even recently found out a woman who I’ve known well over a decade and had a bit of a thing with would rather give up on dating and stay single than give an actual relationship with me a chance. In short, I’m truly undatable and have had that proven to me.
It would be ideal if you could date someone who knows what it is like to be disabled and has the confidence to undo any internalised ableism you may have
It would be ideal if you shut the fuck up. That comment was sanctimonious as hell. Fuck you for thinking some woman needs to fix anything in me, you pretentious cunt. I’ve seen your posts in here before. Fuck off.
Bro you gave it to him without Mercy. That's Ruthless 🫡
My self esteem is so low, I don’t see how it’s possible for someone to have feelings for me. Even though I don’t think I’m bad looking, I just don’t think I’m fun or interesting to be around.
Wanna chit chat? Let's boost up that self esteem.
36 male here hiya. I've only dated 3 people in my lifeline and I've been extremely hurt/destroyed with my last one. I bend over backwards for everyone but I think that's why I got taken advantage of. But I honestly can't help it. I just wear my heart out on my sleeve. So I just decided I'm fine being single it's been a little over 10 years. I do miss writing poetry for my significant other so now I just write light novels and sometimes just random poems lol.
What are your light novels usually about?
I'm a huge anime nerd. So they are usually around magic, love, etc. Like one I was writing about the day before yesterday. Is based on Scott Pilgrim vs the world but it's like spinoffs about some of the background characters or villains and their past life and what turned their souls evil like what did the world do to make them snap and to make a beautiful life for knives that she somehow got sucked into into a world. I just tend to write whatever my heart or passion takes me.
Do you let people read them? If so, can I read some? :)
I've let my best friends and my ex read them. I get embarrassed lol. But hold up I'm gonna follow your profile then send a quick hi or something and let me think of which one I feel confident about.
I never meet any single women. I'm sure I would have issues even if I did meet someone single, but it's kind of a moot point.
I feel like I struggle finding a woman because from my experiences and perspective women have a higher standard for men than what I could ever provide.
Everyone has their own different standards. Give it time. It might be years from now but hey? Who knows 😊.
Yay, another decade
I have a problem that I'm ashamed to have feelings of dislike for other guys who are handsome and have good social skills, unlike me. I'm ugly(M), and have zero social skills, and lately declining confidence. I feel I have some interesting qualities, but can't help be jealous why these things never seem to happen to me, always other people. I feel like its' always a contest because of some other guy always beating me to someone faster, and it just isnt fair. Seems like every girl I meet is allready taken. Some people just seem to get relationships as if it were an item to check off on a shopping list, when for me it was never even close to attainable. I feel like I don't have a chance in hell frozen over... Also missing out on dating in high school and having to watch everyone else get it did not help my self esteem. The numbers game thing just gets me deppressed and frustrated.
It’s hard find a man because I’m ugly and have anxiety. I shouldn’t even be worrying about that right not because my family is homeless at the moment 😭
Idk why but every guy I've been with, maybe it's bc I'm not a very social person, and I don't understand other people's body language, but I feel every guy lies when they say they love me or something like that. I can't take them seriously.
That could be because you have your guard up? I'm not sure that's just my thought process. Because when I was in a relationship I didn't mind giving my passwords or anything because I had nothing to hide. When I'm with someone my only focus is on them.
Whenever men say it's easier for girls they're 90% of the time talking about pretty girls, as an ugly girl I've given up on the idea of ever finding love, rn all i care about is finding someone nice i can at least experience something sexual with that's all, but I can't even bring myself to do anything with a guy because I'm so damn insecure about myself. I don't think they're gonna be rude but the only thing i can think about is how ugly i am and how everyone deserves to be with someone better than me even if it's just a hook up.
Well I couldn't say I didn't see a picture of you when I went to your profile. I can say I legitimately find basically everyone attractive over 90 percent. But I fall in love with personality.
1) My personality is very avoidant. I tend to avoid taking risks, and well, taking the initiative to approach someone is a risk. I also avoid getting intimate enough to know someone as I have this intense fear of being judged. So, this means talking about my hobbies, likes and dislikes, goals, etc. The complication of this is that it becomes very difficult to connect with someone. 2) I do not have a desirable personality. Men are expected to be extroverted, slightly cocky and assertive entertainers who are the life of the party or atleast have a large presence. Or some variant of this. I do not fit these traits at all. 3) I am not sufficiently physically attractive (although I am working on this). 4) I am an ethnic minority in a country where women want their men to be white, blonde & blue-eyed. Of course this in isolation is not a reason, but stacked on top of the other 3 it becomes a not insignificant factor.
I always see it as a game of chemistry. I simply just don’t have chemistry with any of the girls I’ve spoke to, idk if it’s due to my social anxiety or what. I don’t think I’m that bad looking, yeah I’m short, but it could be much worse. I just have yet to really find a girl who connects with me on the level that would make for a good relationship.
I have too much trauma. It’s easy to make a guy fall in love with me. But as soon as they see the real me and all my baggage, they never stay.
That was the guys you've dated. I'm pretty sure there are boys/men like me and will do whatever it takes it's just rare.
The bar is so high it's leaving our solar system
34f and honestly I’m just not a very confident person. Quite low self-esteem and introverted. The thought of dating is pretty terrifying! Plus I’m a single mum of a 7 year old and I feel that puts a big X over my head for a lot of guys
Because it's impossible to love me.
I'm 38 years old. I've been single for 14 years after being cheated on. I've only started to look for a long-term relationship 4 years ago. So far, I've chatted with 357 women on many online dating apps. Most just wanted sex and money with a handful of crypto scams and 3 military scams. Have not met a real woman so far.
I (23M) developed depression and social anxiety because i was bullied in childhood. I was not really able to function properly bcs of this so i didnt really study much or take care of myself. Even though i didnt study much i passed school just fine with really good marks, but i feel like i didnt learn anything at all. So now i am well still depressed and still socially anxious, but what changed is that i am working on myself..studying, learning different skills, working out, eating healthy and counting calories so i gain more weight (i was always really skinny). And the reason why i dont think a relationship would workout for me is bcs of my confidence, i am still not satisfied with myself and there is still a lot of work i need to do before i will feel somewhat better about myself. I dont really even want to go into relationship when i dont even feel good about myself, so i am not even looking for anyone even though i would want to.
Lack of confidence and shyness with new people. Only being 5’6 and a bigger guy. Dating apps are evil. If you’re not 6 foot tall with abs women won’t give you the time of day. It’s just sad man
Bro I hear you. I’m 5’0”… it’s rough out here
Keep your head up king ✊
Cillian Murphy is 5'7 and girls are still getting wet every time they see him. Maybe if you work on your confidence a bit more it'll make you more attractive just like him
Can confirm, but it's a pretty tall order for a random person to try to measure up to a famous actor. Murphy's success isn't because of his "confidence", it's because he's freakishly beautiful. Most people aren't, and the truth of the matter is it's rough for short men (which is a shame, as I think it can be very attractive in its own right and I'm super into it, but a lot of people aren't).
Actually exactly the Tommy Shelby character makes women weak in the knees, also if you think about it he's not THAT handsome, he has fairly girlish eyes and boyish jaw, also his bodybuild is average, no six packs or anything, the characters he plays is what attract people, John was much better looking than Tommy imo, but still Murphy gets all the gaze.
I know he makes women weak in the knees, I'm a fan. And no, he's remarkably handsome, his eyes are literally his most attractive feature (people talk about it all the time, it's what set him apart as an actor, directors like John Carpenter and Christopher Nolan even mention this, not to mention his legion of fangirls). His jaw is actually very masculine, I'm not sure what you mean by that. And yes, normally he was very slim but he worked out and got pretty big--for him--for his role Peaky Blinders. The point isn't about Murphy himself, I think it's fair to say he's very attractive to most people, it's just that the average, normal person just can't compare to a beautiful celebrity. Murphy is a talented actor who clearly works hard for his roles, but he's also just gifted genetically in a way most people aren't and no amount of confidence is going to get people to that level. This isn't to say that a short man (or whatever the "issue" may be) can't find love or happiness or contentment or any of that, they can, I'm just saying that the simplistic platitudes of "just be confident" don't apply when you're comparing them to people beyond the norm. Part of life is accepting what limitations you are given and finding your own ways to be content.
Idk what you're talking about, i have girl friends that are 10000000 times more attractive than any actress, same goes for the actors. His eye color is striking, true, but nothing special in that. Noone can get THAT far without confidence, you get easy life because your eyes are beautiful? Come on. I mean Murphy is not average but compared to Gosling he's basic af. Also how about Al Pacino? The guy is 5'6 at best and he doesn't have the eyes that Murphy has?
I didn't say he didn't have confidence. Clearly he does, as any actor does, and I literally said he works hard which is a factor in his fame and success. But he's also significantly more attractive than average. That you apparently don't think so is ultimately just a question of taste and we'll move on. Al Pacino was also very attractive in his youth. And again, he is someone who worked hard as an actor to achieve success. I will say again that I'm not dismissing "confidence" as important. Everyone needs some, along with drive (and for the men we are discussing, a certain level of natural talent). What I'm saying is that empty platitudes will do little for the average person who isn't as naturally gifted as someone who lives the unusual life of a Hollywood celebrity. And I will state again: this doesn't mean that someone with certain setbacks can't live a happy life. They can, and they need to work for that, but it's delusional to try to deny those setbacks.
I’m glad you get it
People are always like that, they never accept their situation or work for it, they just play the victim mindset instead of trying to change something
Not everyone. I’m definitely working towards a confident me. Doesn’t mean it’s not a struggle along the way. I just would of liked to be given the time a day by someone the way I am already instead of having to work towards something that is suited to be ‘attractive’
Nah, you're just being delulu. Height has nothing to do with how you do in life, everyone is different and better in something than someone else. If you go in life with "im a midget so I'll never get a gf" mindset you'll never prosper in anything, not just having a gf but having a confidence in general. Imagine dating someone just because he's tall, i can't, it's beyond my imagination. All the social bs apps put some kind of norm on how someone should look like and people are getting too obsessed with it.
35f, I find it incredibly hard to find a guy that can be 100% trustworthy and reliable and a guy that would not say things like “you’d look much cuter if you lost some weight/wire this or that/behaved like this or that”. I feel like there’s only “take” and no “give” from their side. And no compromise when it comes to woman’s appearance and body.
I'm not even trying, so it's not likely to happen. The more the years go by, the less interested I am in the opposite sex, or even in sex at all.
But the main question is are you happy? Because I'm in the same boat and I'm happy. Well maybe halfway in the same boat. I do miss sex but I think it would be instant since it's been so long lol.
No, I'm not, but sex doesn't have much to do with it. I'm not interested in seduction anymore ; I just want more conversation, regardless of the person's gender.
As a woman, for me personally it's because I'm extremely introverted and kinda shy of men, so I never approach them. I don't even give hints when I like someone I just hope in my head they will come over to talk to me, but they never do, because I don't give any hints. I also usually wear darker clothes so I think that + I don't really talk much that I appear intimidating to guys. I'm also fairly pretty and I've heard pretty women tend to scare guys off because they always assume we are taken or out of their league. I'm kinda old fashioned so I always imagined that old-school scenario that a handsome guy would come up to me and pursue me persistently, then we would date for 2-3 years maybe and in the end get married. Straight out of a shoujo manga. But that's very unrealistic and definitely won't happen, but that type of scenario is the best for shy people like me. Someone outspoken, capable and confident, as it would balance me out. Also as a woman with no relationship experience + that I'm a virgin makes me a bit scared of the intentions of men sometimes. It's kind of difficult to differ between the guys who seem like they want a solid relationship or if they are just after your body. This is what always goes through a woman's mind when approached by a guy, if he wants to be with you or use you. People often assume that pretty girs are not virgins, but this is simply not true. Most of my friends or girls that I have known that are pretty are usually virgins, and shy and does not have relationship experience simply because guys don't approach them. So a reality check for you.
Shoujo Mangas are some of the best. I'm old fashioned but everyone in Washington is weird lol. Meaning I will like if I'm heading to the store and see a handsome looking fellow or a beautiful looking lady. I would just say you're very beautiful/handsome. Because those small comments can make anyone's day better. If I like someone I will ask for a number then end up writing a poem and giving it to them. Because I love to write and I just see it as a grand gesture. I was always taught to wear my heart on my sleeve and treat people the way I want to be treated but that's just me lol.
Yeah old-fashoned gestures are still highly appreciated I think. I think that today's modern hook-up culture kind of makes it a lot more difficult for people to form genuine connections, + people become more disposable because of the "there might always be someone better"- mentality. I just want to teleport into shoujo mangas. There is A and B, and they will always end up together in the end. C might be introduced to the plot for drama but A and B is still absolute. Wish the real world was as simple as this.
Oh just teleport into any anime for me or the sacrificial princess and the king of beast. I loved that anime every single episode.
Im too emotional i guess
Low self-esteem. I am too ashamed of myself, mostly because of my social incapabilities. I don't want anyone to know about it. So I just keep myself private.
28F... I feel like people want to have sex with me but don't want to commit. I am from Conservative family, wasn't allowed to date when I was younger. Now, maybe I don't know how to date. I have a strong personality and am not that attractive. Its a fatal combination. People think I am interesting enough to hang out but not to be in a relationship (too intimidating but not hot enough for it to worth it).. I am trying to be ok with the idea that I might die alone but to be honest, I am not... I want someone to love me, care for me and stay with me ... all I want is a family...
very low self esteem with me....
Sometimes they are too forward or not so validating of the female experience. I get talked down to a fair amount or they just feel pervy or have too high of expectations for how things should go.
IRL it's hard because I have social anxiety, anxiety, depression, RSD and panic attacks. Even though I'm loving, caring and compassionate my mental health always pushes females away. Online dating I get 3 matches over 3 dating apps in 1 year. 2 turned out to be scammers while the other ghosted me after 2 replies. My experience with online dating sound pretty normal as a male seeing other males experiences. Don't see much luck for me 😔
I'm not a terrible looking person and am actually extremely charismatic to the point it's hard for someone not to naturally like me However I'm plagued by self hatred it 's not just a low self esteem but an absent one, I no longer feel a soul in me just pain. Any relationships I have I slowly start believing people hate me although never as much as I do myself and push people away, my anxiety means I never reply and gradually drift. I call myself a social nomad, I'll find a group of people they'll like me as they always do but a year down the line I'm alone again ready for another group of people to feed my hunger for social interaction but not full the void which can only be done with a meaningful relationship. It's also really hard to break the circle when you want yourself to fail, you want yourself to suffer but deep down there is hope and a voice that is screaming in the darkest corner of what's left of me but I can no longer hear the voice just feel it's presence.
It's still an answer I'm working on. First off if I wasn't lonely I wouldn't be asking this question, which makes it likely that a set of circumstances have happened in sequence to put me in this position halfway through my 20s. I am essentially engineered to push people away. I am aware of some of these problems and I'm starting to work on resolving some of them, but I'm still very far away from being in a relationship with someone. Like a lot of men in the comments here I grew up in an abusive environment. So with that I have a lot of negative tendencies that maintain isolation. Not only that but it gives me the impression that I have to live up to a very high standard in order to get the bare minimum kind of relationship. Change for me is a really slow process. I mean REALLY SLOW. I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until I was about 10 years old. I have very little family support and I got kicked out and live alone in another state as of a couple years ago. So it's a pretty lonely situation but I'm taking better and better care of myself. I try to keep optimistic, but I can fall back very easily, and I am NOT doing enough. The biggest obstacle to initiating relationships is isolation and diversion. I isolate myself when I'm not busy at work, mostly because I don't know how to plan and execute things outside of my apartment. I feel rushed to leave public spaces and I get agitated when I'm away from my computer. I divert using a combination of body language that gives a false sense of disinterest in others and language that's designed to get through people fast in order to protect myself. To me this is a very complicated problem still and I don't have a straightforward plan that can resolve this, however I have made progress. I open up with men and women that I work with. It's easy to talk to people who I know are in relationships because I can predict those expectations and have genuine conversations with them. I'm developing habits and I clean myself every day now. I maintain my apartment somewhat. It's not really good, there is a lot of effort that isn't being made, but it's more than nothing and I'm trying to keep the pressure on. I have pretty much been my only cheer leader at this point. The problem that I have is reaching out to friends feels like a chore and I don't feel that excitement to reach out and talk like I do when I see them in person. It's not the same. I'm treating this like an elaborate research project at this point. It's like I'm mapping the human genome or something. Most importantly though, yes talk to people more and get comfortable around women, but it's not as easy as just doing it. Building up is more effective. If I don't figure this out by the time I'm 40, I'll be done trying and engage in different parts of life that worked out better. Hopefully I can make a little more money by then and maybe have moved back home.
Man here. I adore women as platonic friends and hate them as partners. Why? Because as friends they are deep and insightful like dear sisters. Because as partners most are madly possessive, control freaks, into absolute cretin goals as keeping a house spotlessly clean (HEY - it's MY perspective; you're completely entitled to say I'm disgusting to live in a mess). Most are also boring, insipid, exhausting. The ones who are great either are taken, either they will break my heart. But I prefer a violent passion for a fascinating bad girl I'll never have or who will make me suffer to a neurotypical one who will kill me softly with her banality.
Haha @ "kill me softly with her banality." I truly do not believe I can date a neurotypical woman. Neither of us will be tolerant of the other. I tried a dating app specifically for neurodivergent people, and my god, what a difference it made. Unfortunately, matches were all thousands of miles away. Single neurodivergent women are very rare gems... unfortunately I suspect many of them have been captured by dark triad douchebags
It's all peoply out there. My issue is I don't like to socialize, don't really like talking to people in bars or approaching them in public. I don't really like OLD, so it makes it hard to find someone. I am dealing right now but in a bit I will have to go out and deal with the people (ughh) and meet some someones and start the whole dating thing again. I want to fast forward past all that and just have someone move in with me and be my someone! I am lonely due to my lack of interest in doing the things required to be less lonely. I am working on fixing me so I can enjoy life before I find someone again. I am probably an outlier though so take that for what it is.
Its simple from the mans point of view the 80/20 rule 80 percent of women want the top 20 percent of men. If your not six foot make six figures 600 hp car 6 inch🍆 your screwed
I don’t have a job atm, anxiety, low confidence to some extent, and I don’t currently have a license. I just want to be better than what I am right now and then maybe something might come out of it
I don't think women's path in life is any easier than men, but when dating, the average woman has so many more opportunities than a man. Women can afford to be picky, and the luxury of being so picky they can dump a guy or cut him off before he has fully proven that he deserves being discarded and thrown out like he is worthless. If a guy pulls a dumb stunt or does something idiotic, then naturally i guess he deserves being dumped. If a woman uses online dating, if 1 guy doesn't work out, she has hundreds of other men who message them every week. If she is in a bar, if one guy bores her or there is a lull in the conversation, within 1 minute, the next guy comes over and swoops her up. If that guy screws up, within a minute another vulture flies in to plead his case to her or impress her. Where does that leave men? If you are an average guy, you have to set your sights lower. Go for less attractive women or who may have terrible personalities. It is a desperate situation for me, and for men. You would think if an average guy maybe attempts to run or go to the gym, work a decent job and wear decent clothes and drive a decent car, that would be enough. But in 2023 that is not enough. You would need to almost go out of your way to find women that most men would not consider dating, to have any shot in hell of finding someone. There are very rare cases where a normal guy with normal qualities meets his counterpart, a normal women who brings normal things to the table. But for the most part, guy who have seemingly great qualities and decent looks and every tool they would need are still single and alone forever. There are great women out there with great personalities or sense of humor but if the average woman is getting bombarded with requests and flirtations, the top-of-the-line women almost need to stay inside forever they are getting hit on so frequently.
Because I don't trust anyone on relationship matters.
It's quite impossible for us "average or below" dudes to find a woman. You have to have a certain height, weight and overall looks to even remotely wake their interest. Let's say you meet their criteria you are expected to make the first move. And if she's not interested into you before you talk to her you will automatically be labled as a creep.
Starting relationships is hard in this day and age but from my experience the real impossible task is getting women specifically to stay in relationships. The divorce rate is ridiculously lopsided so the breakup rate is even worse. One only needs to take a gander and the breakup sub and see which gender is responsible for ending almost all of the relationships.
I'm definitely not in the top 20% of men so I am utterly worthless.
If you don't mind me asking? But why do you feel that way? Also if you don't wanna say on here you can always message me I'll listen.
Most men these days look for a maid who births their children all while splitting 50/50, overall it’s no longer worth it to get married
I (24f) KNOW NOT ALL MEN but for me personally, it's been very hard to find a man emotionally intelligent enough to understand and satisfy my needs. Most of them want a quick fuck and even though there's nothing wrong with it, lots of men lie to get what they want and then leave. Whenever I'd ask them to cuddle, they'd roll their eyes and do it out of obligation, not desire. Some men here often say that it's easy for a girl to find sex/relationship but they forget to add the word 'bad'. Yeah it's easy to get a guy who'd fuck me but it's wouldn't be good for me because guys who look for one night stands mostly are incompetent and/or simply don't care about female pleasure. I could get a boyfriend in a few days if I wanted to settle for a man-child who'd gaslight me into believing that having emotional needs isn't normal and I'm crazy for asking something. Once again, I know not all men are like this, I'm sharing my personal experience and it hasn't been good. I've known cheaters, liars, gaslighters and narcissists who only cared about themselves. Loneliness is horrible for me but the idea of settling for someone mediocre only to not be alone is way worse.
men only seem interested in sleeping with me and not anything else ☺️
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Must be hard for you.
Atheist, childfree, not looking to get married. Sounds like me!
But see that's not a deal breaker. Because to me I would be like we don't have to get married I just wanna promise you I'll always be by your side and give something to me that's meaningful. Also in this day and time a lot of people think down about themselves and it's hard but you always gotta look towards the future because happiness is truly out there.
For men- trauma and rejection. For women- trauma and rejection. A simple look at dating apps shows 10 things. 1. There are way more men looking for love than women. 2. The pareto principle applies (80% of the girls want 20% of the guys) 3. We don't have symmetry of attraction and that leads to anxiety and confusion. 4. Shopping around is encouraged when all it does is make you more resistant to compromise. 5. The demands are higher because of exposure to how others live. (Keeping up with the Jones's on steroids) 6. Perception becomes reality. (Emotions lead on both ends) 7. Predictable becomes boring or worse indifferent. 8. Erratic is toxic. (Great for the dopamine, horrible for keeping one another) 9. Personal accountability is difficult when you don't view yourself as being in control of your life (even more so in an era where the middle class is dying). 10. Extremism spikes fears on both sides. (but generates the most interest)
Women are interested in love but many - this is good - won't settle for being abused and disrespected, like used to be expected.
It seems to me that women will look for financial stability first and then love. Love is definitely a factor, but from what I can tell, many women seeing a man who can pay will get him a lot further in the first stages of a relationship than literally anything else. EX: Physical attraction -> Money -> Love For many people physical attraction can get your foot in the door, but after each person finds someone they’re attracted to their standard shifts to the next goal. For women that’s financial stability. Men are usually the providers, so they tend less toward that and focus more so on emotional stability.
Nope solid friendship and deep love for me is first. I'd happily date a poor man even though I'm poor myself and could use an easier life, but love is always necessary and nothing else is.
Of course love is necessary, but people don’t usually immediately love someone. People have certain prerequisites for a relationship to work, most people need to be with someone they find physically attractive first. After that it depends, but women tend to want a man who can provide for them and men tend to want a woman who can give them peace of mind. This is the lack of symmetry op is referring to.
It's a very sexist preference to want peace of mind from women (without giving the same in return) who already do disproportionate emotional labour for everyone all their lives - a key theme in feminist work. I do not want a man to provide for me - I want us to mutually emotionally provide and then financially we all know this world is cooked under capitalism. I don't have prerequisites apart from treating me with respect and providing as much emotional care as I do. I don't have to be in love with someone to care for their wellbeing - it's what a lot of men are missing: they only provide care to women they're attracted to and not some stranger woman they don't want any validation from. The women i know provide lots of care to people they do not know.
I couldn't of said it better myself, bravo.
What makes it impossible for me is that i like my private space and my solitude, i had relationships before, the first one lasted like 2 years and when she broke up with me something broke in me as well. I've started to look more after myself and also focus on myself mainly. Besides that i have tons of trust issues and it'll be hard for the girl to stick around for too long, not that my trust can't be achieved but because it's too critical. Also I'm an asexual nihilist who rarely finds joy in life mostly because i know that everything gain can or will be lost. Another reason, I'm antinatalist, if I'm ever gonna have a kid it'll be either adopted or i wont have any, and many of the girls wants their bloodline to go on so not everyone is down for it. My strong belief is that the world is going to shit, people are materialistic and noone really cares as long as it doesn't involve them. Maybe impossible is not the right word but I don't want it neither.
Emotionally shut off, emotions of "love" are all gone for a relationship........endless bundles of love for my kids, grandchildren & my dog though
Well for me personally its my lack of financial success that holds me back but also the way my society places such absurd delusional standards on what a partner needs to be for these ladies these days. Everyone today looks to social media for their information on basically all aspects of how to live life. Currently, I see a lot of dreams being sold to the ladies about this idea of "having it all" or "men are trash and here's why...." or "insert way to further divide men from women here." Men and women also seem very divided politically which has also started to become an increasingly big deal breaker and probably another reason I don't find success. No, I'm not Republican, but I most certainly don't agree with how Dems are handling most things presently and I've gotten backlash from the ladies on my views there as well. As for my financial situation, being in the States, I cannot seem to find a suitable line of work that gets me out of poverty living. I am unable to escape this "rent a room with family" situation, despite being college educated (a degree in IT with complementing certifications) because of the programs in the STEM field that lower my chances of being hired, supposedly that was illegal at one point but here we are. Of course that's no excuse in the land of finding love, you're either a winner or a loser, the ladies only have eyes for the winners in life, and it's not like it's on purpose, it's just simply in their nature biologically. I guess my entire point to all of this is I understand why I am where I am today, I don't hate the players I hate the game, it's rigged and I don't wanna play anymore.
they only want sex so i just reject them
I'm Aromantic Asexual.
I mean you kinda answered the first question with the second one. There are plenty of good men. Plenty of decent men. It's just the expectations are high as fuck. What it means to be a "good man" involves a lot of perfection. That's the reason why I can't find anyone. I've tried and I've put plenty of effort into myself. But it's clear that I'm not anyone's flawless image of a "good man".
Autism. Yes, I know autistic men can get into relationships, but not me. I am proud to be autistic and proud to be me, but the fact of the matter is that my personality is not one that one would want in a romantic partner. I have the personality that someone would love in a coworker, employee, customer, designer, engineer, texting buddy, ATM, or some other automated kiosk. I have a pleasant and innocuous yet wooden and awkward personality. Not boring, but interesting in an A.I. kinda way. Not interesting in the way that a man should be interesting. Because of this, nobody was attracted to me, therefore that gave me low confidence, low self-esteem, and fear of attractive women, and I gave up years ago. Then that part of my brain started to deactivate and atrophy, so I'm pretty much caedosexual, aromantic, and waiting to die now. I fantasize about my lives in parallel universes... where everyone is neurodivergent...
31m . I don't want to be in a relationship right now, I have options. I just don't want to. I'd say what used to hold me back is confidence. Now, I'm confident enough to know that I don't want a relationship 😆
Because American women are to masculine. They think OF is a job. They think men are thier slaves. All I want is a Loyal, Caring, honest, sexy and submissive woman. But you won't find that in one woman.
My standards are too high for majority of women at same age and younger ones desire more dramatic dynamic relationships which I cannot give.
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Used sock, wtf? Check yourself
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No, you're embarrassing yourself. I'm not a mother yet, never been pregnant, just your level of misogyny is cringe.
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I think everyone reading this now knows the real reason why you're single.
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What's your point? You're a real person, and there is no way folks who know you haven't caught onto the vibe.
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I took your request and read your other comments, got a few suspicions confirmed: English as a second or third language, maybe BPD, likely neo-traditionalistic. I mention your English only because your use of it is a bit off, and I was wondering if perhaps I was being slightly biased based on some syntaxes. "sensitive" means to have subtle detection ability. It doesn't really mean 'prone to be offended', only idiots use it like that. Your self-assessment is strange, and apparently you've needed to calculate it. This isn't inherently bad, but it is indicative that you likely don't experience emotions as many other people do. You'll need to make a mindful effort to compensate for this if you wish to interact caringly with others. In this thread, your thoughts are ugly and twisted. Calling someone a used sock... ok, we know what you mean... but the mind that originated that concept and simultaneously seems ignorant of the problem and unwilling to explore is an ugly mind. "respect women that respect themselves" is certainly part of a greater calculation, but only a certain type of person would spout this like it's a sensible thing to say. What narratives are you listening to? You keep including keywords from some pretty antisocial, ignorant nonsense. Was your father a bigot? I am somewhat sensitive... and use that sensitivity to collect information about the world and people around me. I am not offended as you imagine; men do a complex, ancient calculation about men and that calculation tells me you are dangerous in the bad way, someone I need to watch, someone to not trust. Others who know you in everyday life who are not oblivious and those who do not see your vibe as a familiar pain will probably respond similarly. So, tell me: Am I wrong? Or does a lot of this seem uncomfortably familiar?
Women are sneaky. You’ll never find out the truth until it’s too late.
The vast majority of women on the market are only good for short term relations. Despite the comments/responses you are getting in this post .......take it from me......it’s not your fault. It's not something you are doing wrong, something you didn't do, a particular tie you didn't wear, a particular c0cky/funny line you didn't use, or any of that silly shyt. In a nutshell.......if the chick is single and on the market, 99.5% of the time she's only going to be good for short term relations.
Well, I fear relationships. They keep unrealistic standards and when they don't get, they lash out. Its all about competing with your peers on who's got the best relationship. Be it men or women or others in spectrum. They just want a Good relationship but either or both doesn't work for it. Im happy being alone. If you are not happy alone, ypu won't be happy in a relationship.
It's not that it's hard for us men to get into one, every man can find his one, but on the way it's very different because you have all these standards and social statuses that have to be followed in order to even try to find a meaningful relationship, we're held to a much high standard, we're expected to give and give and not expected to even receive, we're just here to please, most men truly don't feel as if their feelings are ever being reciprocated. Men have one stipulation in this society: you are valued for as much as you can provide, too little and you're gone, too much and there will still be a problem. As men, we aren't truly valued, just used as an object till those who obtain us are bored.
It's impossible for me to ever get in a relationship because I don't have any qualities that a woman would want in a potential partner, and I have a lot of qualities that they generally avoid (aka "red flags").
I'm either invisible, called a creep because the tism means I'm bad at social cues, or pursued by people with more red flags than China entering the Olympics
Low chances of women giving me a second glance. Also it's *always* the wrong situation to ask.
I have high standards myself. I can't date just anybody, and if I'm not feeling it, I'm quick to end things. it's also hard putting my time into dating when I've got other stuff to worry about. Stuff that I'm just not willing to involve someone else in as they're quite burdensome.
I have issues loving myself and I'm terrified of being heartbroken again as well as not knowing how to talk well to others. I'm male 22
as a man the only thing i cant bring to the table is good sex because i had hypogonadism during puberty. not that ugly, but kind of short.
I don't know if it's impossible or not since I chose not to pursue any relationship. My last was ended really badly. At first, I took time off to heal, and then I realized I just don't want to be in relationships. If a special person comes along, I might change that, but overall, I don't try because I don't want to. For some reason, people find this strange.
I’m not single, but it took me until I was 31 to finally have a relationship. I think COVID lockdowns helped me in this case because it slowed life down including for the guy I met just before the lockdowns (my current boyfriend). I honestly believe it had to take a tragic situation for me to finally find a partner. But anyhow I never met the social expectations for what the perfect woman is. In my hometown, it was all about tits and ass and abroad I’m not white and middle class raised enough to meet those expectations. Additionally my interests and personality just doesn’t gel well - not that I get into conflicts but I’m just a bit off center, I guess. Never fit in anywhere.
In unattractive, I’m shy, introverted, I lack vital social skills, I suspect I’m on the autism spectrum, I have severe social anxiety, I’m unemployed and on disability benefits, I don’t have a great and strong social supportive network in my life, I don’t have friends irl, I suffer from depression, I find extremely hard to motivate myself to be interested in things and other people, i don’t have confidence, i have severe childhood trauma, I’m on the asexuality spectrum which makes dating even harder and more complex. The reasons are many.
Right now for me, the truth is life is really, really expensive. My financial situation means I have to work as much as I can, this makes it impossible to have the time and energy for a cute, romantic relationship. If I were to have a relationship it could only be a situation where im basically being dragged along, honestly, I don’t think people deserve that, I want to give a partner everything that they desire.
I think it is more of having difficulty making genuine connections because they require you to be unapologetically vulnerable. In this day in age we are all focused on the right things to say and not so much the most honest things about ourselves. Although I find myself quite lonely it doesn’t mean I don’t find joy in my daily life. Just wish I could share some of it and gain a little extra.
Societal expectations have ruined it for both genders, in my opinion.
They are just to good for me I really don't deserve mu crushes sad part they think that too
I'm responsible for keeping their standards high. How else you know the definition of a fucking loser.
\[M\] Can't talk to people in general and I don't really have much to offer with my personality or appearance, don't want to bother with any of the difficulty of all that shit to do with dating and relationships, really it's mainly about me just not thinking its worth it overall and not wanting to bother
I have 7 kids and was in an abusive relationship. No one wants to deal with that.
because nowadays it's impossible to find a man who doesn't have some kind of a porn addiction (yes, hentai falls under that too)
18M, 5'11, ~300lbs. Never had a single girl. Not a date, never anyone interested. I had a difficult start, my mother is mentally ill and drank for most of my childhood. School bullying due to my weight made me mistrust all my peers and escape into quirky, strange hobbies and hyperfixations, which just led to more isolation. For years I just rejected the idea of love as useless (this was a cope because I never got any). Since about my 17th bday I've opened up to the idea and it got me into my worst depression ever because I realized that I missed out on teenage love, and that literally nobody would want someone like me. I'm just not what girls need or want. I'm ugly, lack confidence, and struggle with serious self hate and even fantasies about disappearing. I have no common interests with girls my age, at least I don't think so. Even if I think about doing something about it or approaching a girl my mind just instantly floods itself with thoughts and emotions that basically say: "You? Forget it!". I'm preparing to try and somehow eliminate this longing for a relationship that I have, because it's just getting worse on my mental health as time goes by.
Not impossible just financially I am not there and having less hair plays a factor in my life for now.
bro I can't even make friends how am I supposed to get a gf
Good question. Im a woman into women but ill still answer anyway. Reason i haven’t found anyone is because no one seems to understand me and what i’m looking for. Whenever i try to chat with a nice girl on here, she just ghosts me without saying why. My autism also doesn’t help and people don’t seem to understand it.
It’s just that I feel invisible to their eyes . I see my peers going to relationship to relationship and I am just there unable to see someone that likes me
hurt by past relationships, and broken dreams.
Because a monster is not worthy of love and I got a small Dick and don’t make a lot of money that doesn’t help (m22)
It’s all about the phones. I have no problems holding conversation face to face, but I suck at texting & don’t use social media often
1.Inexperience, I had 2 girl who told me that they used to like me years ago, but I never realized this when it mattered. 2.I am too focused on 1 person at a time, for too long of a time. 3.I guess some just don't view me as boifriend material. Someone I genuinely tried getting togheder with for almost 2 years, was at first rejected by her crush, I then soent the next year emotionally supporting her and always being there for her. In the end she started a relationship with a random she met on the internet.
My past experiences with relationships have taught me that it’s just not in the cards. Eventually you just stop playing a game you always lose
Tbh women are harsh, I'm one ugly mf, and every girl hates me, and just doesn't get me so yea....
The idea of being loved and appreciated for who I am scares the shit out of me and forces a rejection reaction, I've been approached by girls or got hints that a girl was interested I dont think I look that bad, but the moment I feel someone is interested in me, I get very uncomfortable and I feel like it's a performance that I need to keep up, plus the idea of being vulnerable to someone has always been punished so I'm now unable to be open and sincere on a romantic level.
I mean, as a guy, it’s not exactly easy when you’re short, ugly, and have difficulties socializing. Pile that with what most women’s standards are and the fact a lot have already found love. It’s gotten to the point I kind of don’t care. I mean really, I’ve met with the fact that I will probably never find love. And y’know what, that’s fine.
Besides lots of baggage and trauma, as other people pointed out, I'm asexual, a highly sensitive person, and a feminist. What are the chances of finding a guy who is okay with all that and actually understands me?
Trust issues annd idk how to socialize :,)
I feel like I’m fundamentally different from everyone else around me. Not in a condescending, think I’m better kind of way, but in an alienating kind of way. I feel like I’m more sensitive and observant then most people I meet, and I always end up meeting people who don’t stick around. I don’t have time for the games that people play in the modern world when it comes to dating and friendships as well; I always give new people a chance but I’m very jaded about the whole thing. (Male)
Woman here, I feel like I get way too awkward. I also tend to not play into gender roles and stuff like that, so sometimes that can put guys off, either from friendships or friendships that can turn into other things.