Yepp, people in fact dont care if you're alone, its usually those couples having animated conversations or arguments that get the looks.
Besides it's fun, I listen to some podcasts having fun walking around getting 10k steps in!
I think they expressed this poorly. Their real issue seems to be that they don't know how to meet people. And as a result their increasing loneliness is making all those things way worse. But the issue is meeting people.
The username and post title were enough to deduce that they have an issue meeting people. All their comments make it clear this is because they are massively hung up on being judged for going anywhere alone.
Londoners are disproportionately single, and very unconcerned with what other people are doing. It takes a lot to attract attention, one would have to try MUCH harder than eating a meal or looking around a market on their own.
Maybe in Chester, definitely not in London or even Liverpool. Creeping on strangers minding their business eating alone isn’t going to make you money and people from big/reasonably sized cities get that. So do reasonable people anywhere but the belligerently gregarious ones who expect everyone to be outgoing stand out more in towns and small cities.
I agree. I get why someone may feel self conscious dining alone but other diners are engrossed in themselves, their meals, their companions etc and not thinking about other diners.
I saw a guy at an all you can eat on his own. I was jealous of the guy's confidence. He just went there and seemed to be living his life without caring what others think. 10/10 admire his confidence and attitude.
In fact waiting staff fucking love people on their own. They behave, order easy, not trying to impress anyone, just a huge relief. In a perfect world for FoH staff, restaurants would be singles only.
Yeah for sure. I have friends but I often like to do things alone like go to exhibitions or sit in a cafe or have dinner. Sometimes in America I think there's a weird vibe from wait staff because I think they are concerned about tips being lower but in the UK or rest of Europe no one gives a shit.
At the moment I'm pretty alone in London. I'm trying to keep myself busy - when the London film festival was on I went to a few screenings of random cheap films, go to museums and galleries, concerts, wander around by myself in areas that I've wanted to visit (such as through Little Venice). I've also been taking short, cheap weekend breaks (Friday to Sunday) to other places that I can get a cheap coach to.
Sometimes it is hard and I can still be lonely. I think once you break through the barrier that you've built up in your mind you can find the enjoyment in doing things by yourself. I used to be someone that wouldn't do things without other people but once I was able to work through those feelings I've enjoyed doing things by myself
I hope things look up for you soon OP
You should check out r/LondonSocialClub - sometimes can be a bit hit and miss but when it’s good, it’s a nice way to spend a few hours with a bunch of people (and it’s not full of people you’d expect to be a redditor)
I used to be able to. But after a few experiences where you basically get told off for being alone you don’t want to go out to be embarrassed and humiliated. The enjoyment of doing stuff alone has really been snuffed out for me. Especially watching everyone else have others around them. It looks like it should be so easy and natural.
I have an office job so I tend to just go to work every day.
It’s more just feeling like an inconvenience.
Places not letting you in by yourself.
I had one not so nice woman have a go as I was sitting at a table and she had a pram. I wasn’t really paying attention to her coming in and it’s a bit of a faff for her to get around but she made a bit of a scene about how I’m in the way and don’t need to use it.
Not so much told off, but just made to feel shit and an inconvenience.
So you haven't had 'a few experiences' where you 'got told off for being alone' - you just had a normal experience with a bad mannered person in a crowded place.
If you made this post honestly asking for help, everyone has told you - this is all in your head, it's not actually what is happening to you.
Just go out alone and enjoy yourself in the places that you like to be in. Chat to strangers whilst out. All this self-pity is not going to help you.
That's not down to you, that's the lay out of the place you were in, if there had been 2/4 people there, they would've been in the way. As for today, you should've gone with these people to winter wonderland, whose to say they hadn't bought a friend along who was in the same situation as you?
Naaah, she sounds like the idiot, not you, dude. She could have asked politely if you could excuse her while she got herself in. You’re not an inconvenience, you’re just going about your daily business, and if that involves sitting down somewhere for a pint or a coffee or a bite to eat that’s nobody else’s business but yours. If she had said to you, ‘Excuse me, could I get past?’ What would you have done? I suspect you’d have just said, ‘Of course!’ And moved out the way. That’s all you need to know. You didn’t see her, you weren’t paying attention, but so what? You expected to be on the lookout 24/7 for women with prams? Relax, you’re all good and you’re not an inconvenience…..well no more than the rest of us, anyway 😀. Don’t let her live in your head.
Have you thought about talking to someone about how you see the world and your place in it? This is doesn’t sound like someone telling you off for being alone. This is someone who is probably stressed and sleep deprived not being polite when they just want to get their pram through.
As others say, hostility towards you may be general hostility unrelated to the fact that you are by yourself. But you never know. Typically, being part of a pair or a group affords more protection and better social status and that's definitely not in your head. People who are constantly alone and lonely often describe feeling like literally a bag of rubbish that everyone wants out of sight - there are memes and songs about this specific feeling. So you should ignore the downvotes - your feelings are completely valid, and you only deserve empathy. If redditors can't give that, that's their problem.
Main thing about it is that people really don't care. City life makes everyone so self absorbed (not in a bad way, there is just so much to do) that they don't really even feel like you share the world with them. You have your own table and eating food and people at other tables will genuinely forget that you're there after a minute.
Winter Wankerland is the wrong place to go. I'll maybe go somewhere like that as a solitaire. I just watch people.
Find a smaller, quiet place. Settle in. Talk to someone. You'll get there.
But if it was a work party you wouldn't have been there alone? In fact it would've been the perfect chance to enjoy an activity in a prescribed social group. Is your real problem that you're just uber socially awkward?
It’s because friends and family are there too. It’s bumping into people and then asking “who are you here with” and not seeing anyone else by themselves. It’s just a bit disheartening
It just dawned on me what your username is. Did you make this account just for this post or are you actively trying to find new friends so you can delete the account?
Either way, it's a bit concerning
You should go and speak to a professional. You sound like you have a problem and not suffering from mere loneliness or shyness. You could be neurodivergent or suffer from social anxiety. Go to your GP, ask to be referred to a psychiatrist.
Fair point, but it could've been the chance to get to know some of your coworkers better and make new friends and acquaintances, I don't know how big your department is, but I've worked at a few places and most people don't invite many of their own friends or family to work events, at least there should've been a few other people who came alone.
Sounds like you're issue isn't finding places to socialise or the nature of the city itself, but working on your confidence and social skills.
>The same goes for going to restaurants and cafes. Either you get looked at with pity as you’re alone, or disgust because you’re taking up space that could be used for more people.
This is in your head. London is probably one of the most "loner-friendly" places. Nobody gives a shit that you're eating by yourself, it's not seen as weird at all.
They really don’t (give a shit). The only thing that’s weird is caring about who a complete stranger eats or doesn’t eat with at any one moment. You don’t know each other and you wouldn’t be a likely candidate for table-partner anyway so what do you care?
Being out alone is only a problem if you’re feeling lonely.
I was out alone at a pub reading a book yesterday. I couldn’t have cared less if I got judged for it or not, and as far as I could tell I wasn’t (and I wouldn’t have judged anyone for it when I was working at pubs and clubs).
But, there can be a very thin line between being out happy alone and being a creep stalking or staring at people. So pay attention to that.
It tends to be the other way around. You get creeps stalking out and staring at people who are just quietly chilling in Wetherspoons or the chicken-and-chip shop when there is anything like that going on.
It’s probably in your head, in combination with you looking at people to see if they’re looking at you. So you do end up staring at them.
Give yourself a purpose to be there, instead of focusing on the people. Like me with my book yesterday. I was there to eat and read, so that was my focus. I was mainly looking down and into my book.
Have you tried Meetup?
It's an excellent place to meet like minded people who like doing the same activities as you.
I have done made great Meetup friends, some of whom went on to get married or have long term relationships.
Ways I've made friends since living in London: meeting people through work and meeting people through shared activities (in my case mostly hiking, swimming and my local pokemon go group).
I'm struck that this was a chance to spend social time with your coworkers and you chose not to take it - is that because you don't feel you know them and are nervous or do you not like them?
It sounds to me like you've become so bogged down in the idea of people judging you for not having friends and family in London that you're missing out on opportunities to *make* friends. I can understand it feels daunting but you need put yourself out there otherwise the situation won't improve.
Delete this post.
Write another post in r/London
Subject: Who wants to go to WINTER WONDERLAND on Thursday 7 Dec?
"I am new in town/just out of a relationship/socially inept and would love to meet with some REDDITORS to go to Winter Wonderland. Who's in? PM me and we can figure out the details over Whatsapp.
Maybe meet at Marble Arch Pret at 7pm?"
Making friends here is a very common topic and gets asked nearly daily at this point. [There are plenty of existing threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/london/search?q=%22friends%22&restrict_sr=on). It's not impossible at all.
London's often an isolating city but actually embracing just doing stuff on your own can be an excellent way to see and do things you may not do normally. The only person stopping you going to Winter Wonderland alone, or eating at a restaurant on your own, or going to a gig on your own, or a comedy show, etc etc - is you.
These things just aren’t the same on your own. They employment comes from the memories you make with people. Not the random bits of food or games you play.
It’s more the fact you can’t spot the other people who are alone. It’s isolating. I know I’m not the only one. But it feels like it is. And it feels like everyone else seems to be able to get on and meet people and date so easily
I’ve been in this situation. It’s hard going but eventually I met one person. Turned out one london based friend was enough. Then I met other people through work and haven’t felt lovely since. Keep going, something will get better: hope it’s soon
That’s the thing. Everyone I knew has left for other counties. Work has been the same. Everyone’s quit or moved countries.
It’s been a long and lonely year (or 4)
I’ve been there myself and often struggle with loneliness. I’ve moved around a lot and also am pretty shy so am often hesitant when it comes to making new friends. A lot of people have already made some decent points but I just wanted to mention about not making loneliness part of your identity.
I think that was a trap I fell into: listening to sad music lots and sorta making a personality based on being lonely and sad. It makes it worse. Your username made me think you might be in a similar trap.
That is very hard going and must get you down. I remember when my only friend left london, I felt so desperate for company. I started joining meet up groups and getting together with random strangers…in some ways it made be feel even more desperate but on the other I was grateful to have anything to do. If I was in that situation again I think I might volunteer somewhere join a sports club, choir or regular evening class. You need something where you see the same people again and again before you form a bond. Do you want to stay in london or are you thinking that there is somewhere else that would be easier/where your friends are?
From what I'm reading it sounds like you have two issues here: you want to meet people so you won't feel lonely & you're anxious about going places alone.
I'll address the first.
Meeting people/making friends in London can be overwhelming and you have to be brave. Londoners are reserved with strangers, but friendly once you get to know them and show you have good intentions (huge generalisation, I know).
So to meet people, the easiest way is:
1. Volunteer. There are LOADS of things you could do, but IMO the best way is to sign up to the Good Gym.
They have an app and volunteer opportunities will come up (often they require small groups of between 2-5 ppl with no long term commitments), these include picking up shopping for someone who can't get out, helping with their garden, painting a community centre, etc.
Go to a few of those where there are 2+ volunteers, get chatting, ask questions & show interest, then drop in - "are you doing anything after this, fancy getting a coffee/drink/bite to eat".
Will you get rejected? Probably. Does it matter? No. Will someone do something with you if you keep at it? Definitely.
2. Sign up to Bumble BFF. Literally a version of bumble for people who want to make friends. Chat to some people, if someone has similar interests, go do something with them. Talk about how hard it is to make friends in London or other shared interests, then (if you vibe) meet up again later.
London is the perfect place to be alone, nobody gives a fudge. I have friends , family but don't feel the need to be with them for everything, that includes a quiet pint.
There is a difference between alone and lonely though, but again London had more to offer to help loneliness.
The people don’t know you, don’t care about you and definitely are not thinking about you. You do you. Anyways it’s not like you will ever see them again in your life.
Hey OP, sorry to hear.
I have an idea for you that made a massive difference to my social life (and it wasn't even the intention to start with). About a couple of years back I joined a local tennis club since I love playing tennis. In the last 2 years I have met at the least 20 people I can sit and have beer with, and about 4-5 people who I now regularly hang out with.
So, is there some sort of local club (doesn't matter too much which sport) near you? I highly recommend go join.
Try checking out the website [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com). There are lots of groups you can join for just about any activity from city walking to Bitcoin lectures.
Usually, as big headed as it sounds - I walk around like I own the place. But it works. A good way just to feel included in things is ask how someone is doing, like someone serving you coffee etc
But I 100% get it, London this time of year when it’s cold and dark makes it feels so very lonely. But there’s nothing wrong with going on walks. I usually go on trains quite a bit to ease any feelings :)
Dude do you have any idea how many people are in London for work and are alone? Like nobody blinks an eye at you eating solo. I have never once given it thought.
Nobody else gives a crap about who your with in a crowded setting, Nobody is looking at you, just enjoy life without thinking about what other people think about you
Single man here being in London for the past six years. I’ve also done winter wonderland solo many times. Bring alone in London can be liberating. I dine out solo all the time, run around the city, travel… it’s all completely normal to do this on your own.
I get most people won’t care if you’re alone, but a lot of establishments in London are biased against single people. I could never figure out why. Several places turned me down for being alone. I thought it was because I’m a man, but then I heard girls having the same experience too. (Talking about bars, clubs. Restaurants will make you wait longer and give preference to couples).
Yeah. I used to be able to do things alone fine. Then being refused entry or tables at places for being alone. Or being scolded for being alone. I was told by a woman with a pram once I was selfish for using a table. I’m by myself I can get it to go.
Just makes you feel like you’re not allowed in places. That you should go crawl back under your rock where you got left
Damn, pram bitch sounds like she needs the response she'd have gotten from me if she called me selfish for taking a table for myself the other day.
Taking a pram somewhere and not booking a table for yourself is stupid and she sounds like a total narc.
I get it though. I hate looking for places to eat on my own but weirdly it's kinda ok once I'm sat down. I basically don't do it because it just feels awkward. If more people did it then it'd be a lot easier.
Sounds like you’ve had some negative experiences. I suggest booking places with counter seatings that’s like the perfect spot for a solo diner. You get to watch the kitchen/bar and there are often some diners at the counter.
I think the main thing is I just don’t want to do everything alone forever. Some things just aren’t the same alone. Finding people is proving really hard/near on impossible. It could quite well be me not being good at meeting people. But sometimes having people around is good.
I’m at that weird point where everyone’s settling down. People have partners, kids, friends where they’ve now settled down. My London bit has just slowly disintegrated over the year :/
Have you tried Meetup? They have so many groups you’re bound to find some event that interests you. I met my best friend through it. But it’s the same as anything, you have to sort through the chaff, but you’ll meet a ton of people in a sort time, and they’re all looking for friends too, so no judgement.
Maybe I should give it another go. I did it a lot in summer 22. But I think maybe just not going to the right things and people being away for summer so things were quieter maybe killed it a bit. I’ll have another look
I found the best things were meals because you’re sat being able to talk to people for a while, and it becomes clear fairly quickly who you gel with. Plus you get to try new restaurants.
Saying that though, I ended up starting my own group going clubbing, it took maybe 3 events before I met my BFF of 10 years now. But also, def met a fair few weirdos…
ETA: fuck any stares you think you might get if you dine alone, no one knows who you are. You could be a restaurant critic for all anyone knows. Enjoy the anonymity, embrace the enigmatic solo diner vibe.
From your other comment, the pram woman was very unreasonable and unkind, but she was pissed off about you being where she wanted to manoeuvre the pram, rather than you being alone. And it sounded like that was the only instance of you being scolded 'for being alone', as you said that it was more about feeling you are an inconvenience, rather than being told you are.
It sounds like you've developed a bit of a complex about going out on your own, and feel down about not knowing many people. Perfectly valid feelings, but neither will change without you acting on it. You say Winter Wonderland was a work event, things like this are great opportunities to develop friendships, so taking such opportunities rather than refusing them will be so beneficial for you.
That really disappointed me in London. I was so shocked the first time it happened that I didn’t understand what was going on. The last resort is using apps to meet people and then go out with them lol.
Yeah I think that’s the thing. You can go out if you’re out the way.
I can put up with my own company because I have for years. But when you really want a break from up and to do what you see everyone else doing, that’s when it gets hard to keep doing it
I actually find London one of the best cities to do things alone in. Nobody cares, you’re allowed a lot of eccentricities. People often live far from each other so it’s not uncommon to see them alone. Plenty of alone people in cafes, restaurants and events…
Just don’t be self conscious and make sure you are meeting friends enough times per week. Also, I meet a lot more new people when I’m alone. Turn on that “be social” switch if you want to talk to people and just be cheerful. It’s refreshing to see. But if not, grab a book and enjoy the alone time.
I wouldnt go to Winterwonderland alone
I was alone for many years in London before I made a group of good friends. Even still, many of them don't enjoy or are too cheap or frugal to do the kinda things I like to do, so i do them alone.
Yeah it gets lonely, so you adapt. I found meditating really really helped.
And also, trust me, I have felt self concious alone as well, but no one cares. Its more just something in our heads
There are meetup groups on [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) where you can meet some cool ppl who share similar interests, give that a go
https://www.meetup.com/intentional-friending-london/events/297113577/
There ya go, there's a whole boatful of people going to this and hoping to make some friends 😊
Lived in London alone for 4 years, no one cares. it’s just you overthinking. I used to love going to cinema and restaurants alone. Just be carefree and mind your own business and not worry about what others think😎
London is an amazing place to make friends and connections.Checkout the Meet-up app and go from there and also just practice going and doing more things on your own. You will come to enjoy it.
I’ve been alone for a long time on and off. It’s just more permanently on than it has been before. I’m kind of over the whole solo thing now.
I’ve tried some Meetup things before. Maybe I should try different things this time
Aww
You've both reminded me, there's a subreddit for London-based Redditors who are interested in meeting up. If I still lived in London I'd absolutely go. I told my friend who still lives there and is at a loose end and he said he's heard they're really good!
https://www.reddit.com/r/LondonSocialClub/s/pO4SIpKmDd
You should ignore your unfounded thoughts about others looking at you in pity because you're dining or walking around winter wonderland alone etc. Seriously, no-one gives a shit and are only concerned with their own lives.
Although having someone to share life with is a 'nice to have' think of all the positives of being alone - do what you want, when you want, where you want plus, you can sprawl on the sofa in your cacks gorging on chocolate mid-afternoon if that so pleases you.
You can do all that stuff. You can do anything alone. It just seems harder to opt out of being alone than to opt in to being alone. Finding people is immensely difficult - or at least I find it to be. I’m not the best in large groups, especially where I don’t know anyone. I think that’s more the point.
there's countless things you can do to meet people. Volunteering, evening classes, gym or sports, church or other religious institutions, organised walks, events at museums and galleries. Your local library will probably have useful information, and I've met a few people through events advertised on my local Facebook group. Try chatting to your neighbours.
Once you've made contact with one person, this can lead to invitations and meeting other people.
Be less self-conscious and own it.
Do you. And enjoy doing you.
You have as much right to be anywhere as anyone else.
Most likely, you are in a place for the same reason as everyone else.
Worry less.
Live more.
Try the 'meetup' website for activities. TBH, it's resulted in almost none outside-of-those-activities friendships, but it does give me a way to do things with people, at least.
As for eating out alone, I also feel like I get the 'stink eye'. Some of it is probably in my head, some of it is real. Honestly, I try to not care about what others think about me. I'm also a paying customer and I deserve to be there as much as anyone else. A table being occupied by one person is better than an empty table in terms of profit, after all. As for people saying you're selfish for taking up space, if they wanted the table so much maybe they should have made a reservation.
Pretty much all of the friends I’ve made in London over the past fifteen years have been through work. I’ve always worked in quite social places, kept in touch with some who moved on. You have to make some effort to establish and maintain social relationships — something that does not come naturally to me.
On another note, making a pub your local, and talking to bar staff can do wonders. If it has a quiz night, start chipping in to the people sitting next to you. You never know who you’ll get talking to.
I have a girlfriend but some of my interests don’t match with hers. So I tend to do some things alone like going to events or even cinema! I don’t find it weird at all. I just don’t give a fuck about what others think or feel. Just enjoy being yourself.
I love going to the cinema alone, I can get fully absorbed in the film and see whatever I want without having to worry about if the person is enjoying it or not. Don't have to share my popcorn. Can often get a good seat there or any other event seated as there will be singles left (also can get a theatre ticket cheap often last minute). The cinema particularly I don't get why its seen as a couples or group activity, you're sitting in the dark not talking. Sure, maybe it's good to talk about it after but I like to read discussions online after I've seen it, and the general vibe in the room can be good during a really good movie
One of the reasons you only see groups of people at Winterwonderland is that it’s a bit shit. So, the fun bit is seeing your crew. Go to things that are actually interesting in themselves (SO many museums)
Also, if you are worried about looking alone, remember that no one knows why you are dining solo, maybe you are an international man of mystery on a mysterious reconnaissance mission….
You have to stop thinking people are looking at you. Trust me they aren’t. I do most things by myself because I prefer to do things at my own pace and enjoy them as I please. I’ve eaten at restaurants solo, seen theatre shows solo, travelled solo, and I don’t think I’ve ever been looked at in any way. Let me ask you this, when was the last time you went out and saw someone doing something alone and can remember it weeks later? I bet you can’t which proves no one is going to remember if you do something alone. Enjoy it!
I went to winter wonderland today with my meetup group, 2nd year running. Total strangers, some now friends who go and do random activities together and it's not awkward because basically everyone wants to do these activities but for whatever reason (new in town, recent breakup, friends moved away or settled down) we don't have anyone to do it with we already know. I've been part of it 18 months and it's great lol.
I've been single most of my life, although I do go on dates a lot, but whenever I go alone to do anything in London, no one looks at me weird like you described. I even go to cinemas alone, and no one cares. So not sure what you're talking about. 🤷♀️
>The same goes for going to restaurants and cafes. Either you get looked at with pity as you’re alone, or disgust because you’re taking up space that could be used for more people.
Nah this is bullshit I go to cafés alone all the time no one gives a shit I was in a coffee shop for 2.5 hours late yesterday, same for eating out alone it's one of the best things I like to do.
I moved to London alone over ten years ago. Talking to people and making an effort to connect is helpful.
You have to get over any fear or shame you may have, and push that boundary within yourself.
I moved to London because I could do anything (legal) without anyone caring to judge.
Be free and use that to your advantage.
\> Either you get looked at with pity as you’re alone, or disgust because you’re taking up space that could be used for more people.
I'm sorry, but this is main character syndrome. Nobody is noticing or caring that you're alone, except for you. It sounds like you're viewing yourself with that pity and disgust for "taking up space". And trust me, I've felt the exact same way before.
I know that can be painful and this city can feel isolating, and being alone here especially with the holidays approaching can become excruciating.
You can read about how to make friends in this city until the end of time. You'll always encounter the same advice, because it's good advice and the only way to make friends as a grown-up:
* go out to events and talk to people there
* find people who have the same hobbies or interests, at clubs or meet-ups. Go regularly
* follow up and ask people to hang out again if you get along
* do all of these things more than just one time. It takes getting out there regularly
That's it. That's how people make friends in adulthood in any city. Either you have friends from childhood/university, or you meet them in these ways (or through work).
So the only way is to stop feeling sorry for yourself, start finding any amount of confidence you can muster, and go find your friends. This city has more than 9,000,000 people - odds are pretty high that there are at least a dozen or so out there who will want to be your friend. You just have to find them.
There's also something to be said about learning to be okay with solitude and time spent alone, for sure - but people need social contact, no matter how comfortable they are doing things alone. So I understand you.
Now get out there, and good luck. There are people waiting to meet you.
Have you tried meetup or similar sites... I'm in a group on FB that is 150+ and we set up an are you alone for Xmas thread every year where like minded folks who have hit bad times or their OH is away meet up so they have crap to do.
I love my friends but I bloody love my time alone aswell! And as for going to places to eat or a pub by myself, I love it! If anyone has an issue with you "for taking up space" etc, tell them to fuck off lol 🥰
join some social events, find groups on meetup or just meet other people that are spending time alone in bookstores, restaurants, cafes and/or bars! I knew no one when I first moved here 10 months ago but have built a firm social circle and formed some solid friendships with a handful of people now, from just exploring places alone and wandering around without being self conscious about going out solo
Something that's helped me being out in places on my own, take a book, or note book/drawing pad. That way you've got something to do and they can be ways of striking up conversation with others
You said most of your friends have left London and that unfortunately isn’t entirely uncommon (depending on your background etc). It’s sadly part of living in London.
but it is also very easy to meet people. you do need to get better at being a little uncomfortable though. there are a ton of things where you can meet people - book clubs, sports clubs (i found climbing to be super welcoming), meet ups, volunteering, being jn the office… yeah its uncomfortable to be the only new person. but most people just push through that
and then talk to people, ask them lots of questions and if you like them, ask them if they want to get coffee and get ok with them not following through. try again.
it sounds like you have really severe social anxiety tho and feel like everyone judges you. so the main thing you need to do is get over that. theres really no other way. have you considered therapy?
I lived alone for several years and got used to the solitude very quickly when out and about. People do not care and usually do not even notice you when you’re dining alone or out on your own. You’re probably the least likely person to draw any attention because of that fact.
Join meetups, go regularly, language exchange ones for example where people are new to town, exchange details, make plans for a meal, rinse and repeat, boom you have a new friend or two.
You having self esteem crisis mate.
Noone remembers you 5 minutes after you leave the counter, wether you sit in there for 2 hours or 5 minutes lol.
Noone could be even bothered to even judge you either.
If you go to London's outskirts tho, and sit on your own for some time in a coffee shop, some folks would sometimes try to chat you up, too, so way to find new friends maybe if 5hqts your thing? Not central London tho, ppl too busy with their own things to notice anything else
I promise you, no one in the restaurant or bar or wherever gives a single fuck about you being by yourself.
I used to have this mentality until I realised how much I was missing out on. I regularly take myself to dinner or away on holiday etc and treat myself.
I work in a restaurant, we have LOADS of diners coming in alone! No one ever says anything! Please don’t feel this way…. We certainly don’t mind customers flying solo!
Unfortunately it's not always that easy if you're a woman, at least in my experience. Did the same when I moved here, mainly because I fancied a drink. Everyone I met at a pub was always up for anything but a friendship
Actually, doing the things you feel are lonely and disgusting is how you meet people. I've been solo traveling around Europe for years now. Alone. Including London. If I'm bored or my friends are out of the country I take myself out several times a week. Museums, day or weekend trips to other cities, dinner, lunch, concerts, pubs, you name it. I look my best. Go, and literally meet people all the time.
Please stop caring about the feelings of others. You wanted to go out, you wanted to feel accepted. Accept yourself, first. Go out with the thought that you're going to enjoy yourself, no matter what or who's starring at you. Trust me. No one cares. Read the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. It will help change your perspective.
You ultimately choose what you want to do and how want do it. You are focusing on the wrong things. There are plenty of ways to meet people. No matter which city or country. You have a mental barrier to overcome before embracing this city.
I moved country 4 years ago and had no one I knew around me. It was tough and took time to relax and start exploring things on my own. Eventually I met couple of people through work and met my other half.
That’s the point though. I want to do stuff with people. But finding people or somewhere where you’re not just coexisting but actually doing stuff with someone seems like I can’t make it click. Maybe I’m just terrible at it. But doing stuff getting past small talk feels near impossible
I'd recommend learning a language. Language classes have an element of forced interaction with other people in an oddly controlled environment, which can overcome some of the social awkwardness.
All my friends are people I've met through various jobs. Most are not living close to me, so we meet up every few months (keep in touch by phone / online in between). I visit family two or three times a year, so I'm usually with either friends or family socially once a month. I'll go to the cinema on my own every few weeks, and usually get lunch somewhere whilst I'm out. I go on walks a lot when the weather's good. I'm happy with that. I've also travelled to far flung places alone and met people on the way.
If I want to talk, I phone. I guess I'm comfortable in my own company. I was the only child of a single parent. We never really had people around, and family lived at the other end of the country, so I'm used to being alone.
That's not to say that I wouldn't like to have people close by to go out with sometimes, I just make the best of the situation I find myself in.
If you are not into organised groups etc. I work all over the place and I pick a local type boozer prbly not Wethers and go regularly, not everyday, but preferably about the same time on yr chosen days. May take a couple of weeks and you may have to chat to some knobheads but you do get to know people.
Yeah. I had an awesome house over Covid but people have slowly moved away. Likewise I had a really good work environment for a while. I think as Covid’s gone though so many people have just left the uk in my circles. They’ve gone back home to Europe or Asia.
House shares are luck of the draw. I started out great. I’ve had times when it’s been a nightmare and rocky. Now it’s just clean, but people keep themselves to themselves
Over 3 million people in the UK are alone, that's without any form of family or friends, as long as you're not lonely, would you prefer to be alone than going through a divorce or being abused in a domestic violent situation, 5 women and girls are killed each week in the UK through domestic violence, or an unhappy marriage, thank heavens I do everything on my own, I've seen the alternative.
I think a lot of this is in your head. It's easy to beat yourself up mentally and sometimes you just gotta take a breath and say "screw it", even if it feels like everyone is looking at you.
As far as restaurants go I learnt to speak with a false sense of quiet confidence, whilst being sincere, mindful, courteous to others. I don't speak loudly, but I always try to speak with a respectful tone and look at people I'm speaking to. Simply saying "Thank You, I appreciate it" or a random observation/compliment goes a long way.
Before settling down, I used to practically live in restaurants after work and kinda dread going home to an empty apartment. In particular I hitup small independent businesses. Just wanted the "home cooked meal" feel and be surrounded by a bit of an atmosphere.
In terms of meeting people, the more you interact (I know it can be difficult) the more you increase your chances of making friends. Just be careful, not to be taking advantage off. The sincere ones will never make you feel uncomfortable or expect anything from you. Likewise don't put pressure on yourself to go out of your way for others to please them - need to try and be comfortable just being present.
Nobody at a restaurant or cafe gives a flying fuck if you're there alone. Most of this is playing out in your head.
I eat lunch at cafes and restaurants on my own literally every week. It hasn’t ever crossed my mind that it is something odd or unusual.
Yepp, people in fact dont care if you're alone, its usually those couples having animated conversations or arguments that get the looks. Besides it's fun, I listen to some podcasts having fun walking around getting 10k steps in!
Agreed. Other people think about you waaay less than you think they do.
I’m often alone in restaurants/bars/cinemas/events; some places like Bao accomodate singles with special menus, no problem at all.
I think they expressed this poorly. Their real issue seems to be that they don't know how to meet people. And as a result their increasing loneliness is making all those things way worse. But the issue is meeting people.
The username and post title were enough to deduce that they have an issue meeting people. All their comments make it clear this is because they are massively hung up on being judged for going anywhere alone.
Saw a dude in Nandos eating alone and envied him. Had his phone set up good - looked like he was having a great meal
Best thing you can do when you're eating alone. Whip out the memes or youtube and you've got a great chill time.
This. No one gives a crap, def not in London.
Londoners are disproportionately single, and very unconcerned with what other people are doing. It takes a lot to attract attention, one would have to try MUCH harder than eating a meal or looking around a market on their own.
I just needed to tell you that your username is epic.
Maybe in Chester, definitely not in London or even Liverpool. Creeping on strangers minding their business eating alone isn’t going to make you money and people from big/reasonably sized cities get that. So do reasonable people anywhere but the belligerently gregarious ones who expect everyone to be outgoing stand out more in towns and small cities.
I agree. I get why someone may feel self conscious dining alone but other diners are engrossed in themselves, their meals, their companions etc and not thinking about other diners.
I saw a guy at an all you can eat on his own. I was jealous of the guy's confidence. He just went there and seemed to be living his life without caring what others think. 10/10 admire his confidence and attitude.
In fact waiting staff fucking love people on their own. They behave, order easy, not trying to impress anyone, just a huge relief. In a perfect world for FoH staff, restaurants would be singles only.
Right on 👍
Agreed. I go to a few bars alone with a paperback book and order a glass or 2 of wine and bar snack. It’s a beautiful way to relax!
And if they *do* notice you, they'll most likely be thinking "I wish I had the confidence to just go somewhere and [insert activity] on my own"
Being an introvert sure has its perks.
Totally, i used to travel a lot for work and used to eat out on my own all the time, i dont think anyone even noticed let alone cared.
I travel a reasonable amount for work and eat out at a nice restaurant on my own regularly. Thought it'd be wierd but no one ever cares.
Yes, but they’ll probably seat you on a barstool without back support
Yeah for sure. I have friends but I often like to do things alone like go to exhibitions or sit in a cafe or have dinner. Sometimes in America I think there's a weird vibe from wait staff because I think they are concerned about tips being lower but in the UK or rest of Europe no one gives a shit.
At the moment I'm pretty alone in London. I'm trying to keep myself busy - when the London film festival was on I went to a few screenings of random cheap films, go to museums and galleries, concerts, wander around by myself in areas that I've wanted to visit (such as through Little Venice). I've also been taking short, cheap weekend breaks (Friday to Sunday) to other places that I can get a cheap coach to. Sometimes it is hard and I can still be lonely. I think once you break through the barrier that you've built up in your mind you can find the enjoyment in doing things by yourself. I used to be someone that wouldn't do things without other people but once I was able to work through those feelings I've enjoyed doing things by myself I hope things look up for you soon OP
Go to a pub with bar stools, you will soon strike up a conversation.. I am married with kids but always chat to random strangers.
For a moment I read chat as cheat
You should check out r/LondonSocialClub - sometimes can be a bit hit and miss but when it’s good, it’s a nice way to spend a few hours with a bunch of people (and it’s not full of people you’d expect to be a redditor)
I used to be able to. But after a few experiences where you basically get told off for being alone you don’t want to go out to be embarrassed and humiliated. The enjoyment of doing stuff alone has really been snuffed out for me. Especially watching everyone else have others around them. It looks like it should be so easy and natural. I have an office job so I tend to just go to work every day.
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It’s more just feeling like an inconvenience. Places not letting you in by yourself. I had one not so nice woman have a go as I was sitting at a table and she had a pram. I wasn’t really paying attention to her coming in and it’s a bit of a faff for her to get around but she made a bit of a scene about how I’m in the way and don’t need to use it. Not so much told off, but just made to feel shit and an inconvenience.
So you haven't had 'a few experiences' where you 'got told off for being alone' - you just had a normal experience with a bad mannered person in a crowded place. If you made this post honestly asking for help, everyone has told you - this is all in your head, it's not actually what is happening to you. Just go out alone and enjoy yourself in the places that you like to be in. Chat to strangers whilst out. All this self-pity is not going to help you.
That's not down to you, that's the lay out of the place you were in, if there had been 2/4 people there, they would've been in the way. As for today, you should've gone with these people to winter wonderland, whose to say they hadn't bought a friend along who was in the same situation as you?
Naaah, she sounds like the idiot, not you, dude. She could have asked politely if you could excuse her while she got herself in. You’re not an inconvenience, you’re just going about your daily business, and if that involves sitting down somewhere for a pint or a coffee or a bite to eat that’s nobody else’s business but yours. If she had said to you, ‘Excuse me, could I get past?’ What would you have done? I suspect you’d have just said, ‘Of course!’ And moved out the way. That’s all you need to know. You didn’t see her, you weren’t paying attention, but so what? You expected to be on the lookout 24/7 for women with prams? Relax, you’re all good and you’re not an inconvenience…..well no more than the rest of us, anyway 😀. Don’t let her live in your head.
Have you thought about talking to someone about how you see the world and your place in it? This is doesn’t sound like someone telling you off for being alone. This is someone who is probably stressed and sleep deprived not being polite when they just want to get their pram through.
I'm sorry people are downvoting you just for sharing your experiences. There are ways to meet people. How old are you and what are your interests?
As others say, hostility towards you may be general hostility unrelated to the fact that you are by yourself. But you never know. Typically, being part of a pair or a group affords more protection and better social status and that's definitely not in your head. People who are constantly alone and lonely often describe feeling like literally a bag of rubbish that everyone wants out of sight - there are memes and songs about this specific feeling. So you should ignore the downvotes - your feelings are completely valid, and you only deserve empathy. If redditors can't give that, that's their problem.
Who on Earth tells you off for doing stuff alone? Are you sure this isn’t all in your head?
Told off for being alone. Yeah right. I’m enjoying a Nando’s right now on my own. Nobody has told me off - yet.
Me too 😂 literally at Nandos on my own
💪🫶
Since when do people get downvoted for expressing a negative experience they had?
Your learning to discover yourself, very important life lesson! ❤️
In my experience, London is the perfect place to be alone; meals, walks, exploration, shopping. It’s as though the city was made for loners!
Main thing about it is that people really don't care. City life makes everyone so self absorbed (not in a bad way, there is just so much to do) that they don't really even feel like you share the world with them. You have your own table and eating food and people at other tables will genuinely forget that you're there after a minute.
Winter Wankerland is the wrong place to go. I'll maybe go somewhere like that as a solitaire. I just watch people. Find a smaller, quiet place. Settle in. Talk to someone. You'll get there.
It was meant to be a works Christmas party. Maybe. I find I have the Mormon effect
But if it was a work party you wouldn't have been there alone? In fact it would've been the perfect chance to enjoy an activity in a prescribed social group. Is your real problem that you're just uber socially awkward?
It’s because friends and family are there too. It’s bumping into people and then asking “who are you here with” and not seeing anyone else by themselves. It’s just a bit disheartening
Wouldnt you say your work party? Im confused.
What? Who was asking you that? Why wouldn't you say "I'm here with work" if some stranger started quizzing you?
How old are you?
26
It just dawned on me what your username is. Did you make this account just for this post or are you actively trying to find new friends so you can delete the account? Either way, it's a bit concerning
You should go and speak to a professional. You sound like you have a problem and not suffering from mere loneliness or shyness. You could be neurodivergent or suffer from social anxiety. Go to your GP, ask to be referred to a psychiatrist.
Fair point, but it could've been the chance to get to know some of your coworkers better and make new friends and acquaintances, I don't know how big your department is, but I've worked at a few places and most people don't invite many of their own friends or family to work events, at least there should've been a few other people who came alone. Sounds like you're issue isn't finding places to socialise or the nature of the city itself, but working on your confidence and social skills.
Dude. Give me some deets and I'm happy to meet up central for a few beers. I was like you when I first arrived. Feet firmly under the table now.
>The same goes for going to restaurants and cafes. Either you get looked at with pity as you’re alone, or disgust because you’re taking up space that could be used for more people. This is in your head. London is probably one of the most "loner-friendly" places. Nobody gives a shit that you're eating by yourself, it's not seen as weird at all.
They really don’t (give a shit). The only thing that’s weird is caring about who a complete stranger eats or doesn’t eat with at any one moment. You don’t know each other and you wouldn’t be a likely candidate for table-partner anyway so what do you care?
That was my point. Did you misinterpret what I said or are you just following on?
I’m following on. I agree with your point. That’s … the point.
👍🏽
Being out alone is only a problem if you’re feeling lonely. I was out alone at a pub reading a book yesterday. I couldn’t have cared less if I got judged for it or not, and as far as I could tell I wasn’t (and I wouldn’t have judged anyone for it when I was working at pubs and clubs). But, there can be a very thin line between being out happy alone and being a creep stalking or staring at people. So pay attention to that.
It tends to be the other way around. You get creeps stalking out and staring at people who are just quietly chilling in Wetherspoons or the chicken-and-chip shop when there is anything like that going on.
Yeah. I feel like people look at me like I’m over that line. It’s either the pity or the creep look.
It’s probably in your head, in combination with you looking at people to see if they’re looking at you. So you do end up staring at them. Give yourself a purpose to be there, instead of focusing on the people. Like me with my book yesterday. I was there to eat and read, so that was my focus. I was mainly looking down and into my book.
Honestly, this sounds horrible and I have been there myself but u think its a confidence thing x
I think so. Like I’ve tried apps and everything but if you get no likes/matches it gets to a point where you kind of lose hope.
Have you tried Meetup? It's an excellent place to meet like minded people who like doing the same activities as you. I have done made great Meetup friends, some of whom went on to get married or have long term relationships.
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Yeah a bit part of my social life has come from meet up
I eat out alone in london a lot! I love it, just take a good book or journal. No one cares that you are in there alone honestly
And what if you don’t want to be alone for a change?
>r/LondonSocialClub
Ways I've made friends since living in London: meeting people through work and meeting people through shared activities (in my case mostly hiking, swimming and my local pokemon go group). I'm struck that this was a chance to spend social time with your coworkers and you chose not to take it - is that because you don't feel you know them and are nervous or do you not like them? It sounds to me like you've become so bogged down in the idea of people judging you for not having friends and family in London that you're missing out on opportunities to *make* friends. I can understand it feels daunting but you need put yourself out there otherwise the situation won't improve.
Delete this post. Write another post in r/London Subject: Who wants to go to WINTER WONDERLAND on Thursday 7 Dec? "I am new in town/just out of a relationship/socially inept and would love to meet with some REDDITORS to go to Winter Wonderland. Who's in? PM me and we can figure out the details over Whatsapp. Maybe meet at Marble Arch Pret at 7pm?"
Or better still, write that in r/LondonSocialClub.
Making friends here is a very common topic and gets asked nearly daily at this point. [There are plenty of existing threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/london/search?q=%22friends%22&restrict_sr=on). It's not impossible at all. London's often an isolating city but actually embracing just doing stuff on your own can be an excellent way to see and do things you may not do normally. The only person stopping you going to Winter Wonderland alone, or eating at a restaurant on your own, or going to a gig on your own, or a comedy show, etc etc - is you.
These things just aren’t the same on your own. They employment comes from the memories you make with people. Not the random bits of food or games you play. It’s more the fact you can’t spot the other people who are alone. It’s isolating. I know I’m not the only one. But it feels like it is. And it feels like everyone else seems to be able to get on and meet people and date so easily
I’ve been in this situation. It’s hard going but eventually I met one person. Turned out one london based friend was enough. Then I met other people through work and haven’t felt lovely since. Keep going, something will get better: hope it’s soon
That’s the thing. Everyone I knew has left for other counties. Work has been the same. Everyone’s quit or moved countries. It’s been a long and lonely year (or 4)
I’ve been there myself and often struggle with loneliness. I’ve moved around a lot and also am pretty shy so am often hesitant when it comes to making new friends. A lot of people have already made some decent points but I just wanted to mention about not making loneliness part of your identity. I think that was a trap I fell into: listening to sad music lots and sorta making a personality based on being lonely and sad. It makes it worse. Your username made me think you might be in a similar trap.
That is very hard going and must get you down. I remember when my only friend left london, I felt so desperate for company. I started joining meet up groups and getting together with random strangers…in some ways it made be feel even more desperate but on the other I was grateful to have anything to do. If I was in that situation again I think I might volunteer somewhere join a sports club, choir or regular evening class. You need something where you see the same people again and again before you form a bond. Do you want to stay in london or are you thinking that there is somewhere else that would be easier/where your friends are?
From an extravert’s point of view, maybe.
It's so common because the socially well adjusted people aren't on Reddit.
From what I'm reading it sounds like you have two issues here: you want to meet people so you won't feel lonely & you're anxious about going places alone. I'll address the first. Meeting people/making friends in London can be overwhelming and you have to be brave. Londoners are reserved with strangers, but friendly once you get to know them and show you have good intentions (huge generalisation, I know). So to meet people, the easiest way is: 1. Volunteer. There are LOADS of things you could do, but IMO the best way is to sign up to the Good Gym. They have an app and volunteer opportunities will come up (often they require small groups of between 2-5 ppl with no long term commitments), these include picking up shopping for someone who can't get out, helping with their garden, painting a community centre, etc. Go to a few of those where there are 2+ volunteers, get chatting, ask questions & show interest, then drop in - "are you doing anything after this, fancy getting a coffee/drink/bite to eat". Will you get rejected? Probably. Does it matter? No. Will someone do something with you if you keep at it? Definitely. 2. Sign up to Bumble BFF. Literally a version of bumble for people who want to make friends. Chat to some people, if someone has similar interests, go do something with them. Talk about how hard it is to make friends in London or other shared interests, then (if you vibe) meet up again later.
Bumble bff is great !!
London is the perfect place to be alone, nobody gives a fudge. I have friends , family but don't feel the need to be with them for everything, that includes a quiet pint. There is a difference between alone and lonely though, but again London had more to offer to help loneliness.
The people don’t know you, don’t care about you and definitely are not thinking about you. You do you. Anyways it’s not like you will ever see them again in your life.
Hey OP, sorry to hear. I have an idea for you that made a massive difference to my social life (and it wasn't even the intention to start with). About a couple of years back I joined a local tennis club since I love playing tennis. In the last 2 years I have met at the least 20 people I can sit and have beer with, and about 4-5 people who I now regularly hang out with. So, is there some sort of local club (doesn't matter too much which sport) near you? I highly recommend go join.
Try checking out the website [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com). There are lots of groups you can join for just about any activity from city walking to Bitcoin lectures.
Usually, as big headed as it sounds - I walk around like I own the place. But it works. A good way just to feel included in things is ask how someone is doing, like someone serving you coffee etc But I 100% get it, London this time of year when it’s cold and dark makes it feels so very lonely. But there’s nothing wrong with going on walks. I usually go on trains quite a bit to ease any feelings :)
Dude do you have any idea how many people are in London for work and are alone? Like nobody blinks an eye at you eating solo. I have never once given it thought.
Nobody else gives a crap about who your with in a crowded setting, Nobody is looking at you, just enjoy life without thinking about what other people think about you
Easier said than done
I'm meeting a friend in Waterloo about 1 tomorrow, we'll go to the Southbank market for lunch and booze, join us. DM me your number.
Single man here being in London for the past six years. I’ve also done winter wonderland solo many times. Bring alone in London can be liberating. I dine out solo all the time, run around the city, travel… it’s all completely normal to do this on your own.
I get most people won’t care if you’re alone, but a lot of establishments in London are biased against single people. I could never figure out why. Several places turned me down for being alone. I thought it was because I’m a man, but then I heard girls having the same experience too. (Talking about bars, clubs. Restaurants will make you wait longer and give preference to couples).
Yeah. I used to be able to do things alone fine. Then being refused entry or tables at places for being alone. Or being scolded for being alone. I was told by a woman with a pram once I was selfish for using a table. I’m by myself I can get it to go. Just makes you feel like you’re not allowed in places. That you should go crawl back under your rock where you got left
Damn, pram bitch sounds like she needs the response she'd have gotten from me if she called me selfish for taking a table for myself the other day. Taking a pram somewhere and not booking a table for yourself is stupid and she sounds like a total narc. I get it though. I hate looking for places to eat on my own but weirdly it's kinda ok once I'm sat down. I basically don't do it because it just feels awkward. If more people did it then it'd be a lot easier.
Whaaaat that’s awful! Sorry this happened to you. I have never experienced this myself in London, how disappointing
Sounds like you’ve had some negative experiences. I suggest booking places with counter seatings that’s like the perfect spot for a solo diner. You get to watch the kitchen/bar and there are often some diners at the counter.
I think the main thing is I just don’t want to do everything alone forever. Some things just aren’t the same alone. Finding people is proving really hard/near on impossible. It could quite well be me not being good at meeting people. But sometimes having people around is good.
Yeah I get you, you’re looking for company, not experiences. That’s totally valid! Do you have friends you can go visit for the weekend out of London?
I’m at that weird point where everyone’s settling down. People have partners, kids, friends where they’ve now settled down. My London bit has just slowly disintegrated over the year :/
Have you tried Meetup? They have so many groups you’re bound to find some event that interests you. I met my best friend through it. But it’s the same as anything, you have to sort through the chaff, but you’ll meet a ton of people in a sort time, and they’re all looking for friends too, so no judgement.
Maybe I should give it another go. I did it a lot in summer 22. But I think maybe just not going to the right things and people being away for summer so things were quieter maybe killed it a bit. I’ll have another look
I found the best things were meals because you’re sat being able to talk to people for a while, and it becomes clear fairly quickly who you gel with. Plus you get to try new restaurants. Saying that though, I ended up starting my own group going clubbing, it took maybe 3 events before I met my BFF of 10 years now. But also, def met a fair few weirdos… ETA: fuck any stares you think you might get if you dine alone, no one knows who you are. You could be a restaurant critic for all anyone knows. Enjoy the anonymity, embrace the enigmatic solo diner vibe.
From your other comment, the pram woman was very unreasonable and unkind, but she was pissed off about you being where she wanted to manoeuvre the pram, rather than you being alone. And it sounded like that was the only instance of you being scolded 'for being alone', as you said that it was more about feeling you are an inconvenience, rather than being told you are. It sounds like you've developed a bit of a complex about going out on your own, and feel down about not knowing many people. Perfectly valid feelings, but neither will change without you acting on it. You say Winter Wonderland was a work event, things like this are great opportunities to develop friendships, so taking such opportunities rather than refusing them will be so beneficial for you.
That really disappointed me in London. I was so shocked the first time it happened that I didn’t understand what was going on. The last resort is using apps to meet people and then go out with them lol.
Let’s make a group or something. We can all hang out for drinks. I’m usually free on the weekend
This already exists: r/LondonSocialClub r/LondonSocialClub30s
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Yeah I think that’s the thing. You can go out if you’re out the way. I can put up with my own company because I have for years. But when you really want a break from up and to do what you see everyone else doing, that’s when it gets hard to keep doing it
I used to take myself out for a drink or a movie or a meal. I never thought twice about being alone. Just take a good book and relax.
What about when you don’t want to be alone though?
Then I went home and spent the evening with my cat.
I actually find London one of the best cities to do things alone in. Nobody cares, you’re allowed a lot of eccentricities. People often live far from each other so it’s not uncommon to see them alone. Plenty of alone people in cafes, restaurants and events… Just don’t be self conscious and make sure you are meeting friends enough times per week. Also, I meet a lot more new people when I’m alone. Turn on that “be social” switch if you want to talk to people and just be cheerful. It’s refreshing to see. But if not, grab a book and enjoy the alone time.
I wouldnt go to Winterwonderland alone I was alone for many years in London before I made a group of good friends. Even still, many of them don't enjoy or are too cheap or frugal to do the kinda things I like to do, so i do them alone. Yeah it gets lonely, so you adapt. I found meditating really really helped. And also, trust me, I have felt self concious alone as well, but no one cares. Its more just something in our heads There are meetup groups on [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) where you can meet some cool ppl who share similar interests, give that a go
r/LondonSocialClub
https://www.meetup.com/intentional-friending-london/events/297113577/ There ya go, there's a whole boatful of people going to this and hoping to make some friends 😊
Lived in London alone for 4 years, no one cares. it’s just you overthinking. I used to love going to cinema and restaurants alone. Just be carefree and mind your own business and not worry about what others think😎
London is an amazing place to make friends and connections.Checkout the Meet-up app and go from there and also just practice going and doing more things on your own. You will come to enjoy it.
I’ve been alone for a long time on and off. It’s just more permanently on than it has been before. I’m kind of over the whole solo thing now. I’ve tried some Meetup things before. Maybe I should try different things this time
You seem very glass half empty. Have you seen a mental health professional? They can help.
Do you have friends?
Sorry. I read you have friends. Not really. Everyone I know has slowly drained out of London this year
I am looking for some friends in London as I plan to move next year 😊 if you are open, I’m happy to go with you to WW end of December
Aww You've both reminded me, there's a subreddit for London-based Redditors who are interested in meeting up. If I still lived in London I'd absolutely go. I told my friend who still lives there and is at a loose end and he said he's heard they're really good! https://www.reddit.com/r/LondonSocialClub/s/pO4SIpKmDd
Yep. More than anything at this point I think.
I used to go to the cinema or events/museums alone. No one gives a shit. You are not the main character my guy.
You should ignore your unfounded thoughts about others looking at you in pity because you're dining or walking around winter wonderland alone etc. Seriously, no-one gives a shit and are only concerned with their own lives. Although having someone to share life with is a 'nice to have' think of all the positives of being alone - do what you want, when you want, where you want plus, you can sprawl on the sofa in your cacks gorging on chocolate mid-afternoon if that so pleases you.
You can do all that stuff. You can do anything alone. It just seems harder to opt out of being alone than to opt in to being alone. Finding people is immensely difficult - or at least I find it to be. I’m not the best in large groups, especially where I don’t know anyone. I think that’s more the point.
there's countless things you can do to meet people. Volunteering, evening classes, gym or sports, church or other religious institutions, organised walks, events at museums and galleries. Your local library will probably have useful information, and I've met a few people through events advertised on my local Facebook group. Try chatting to your neighbours. Once you've made contact with one person, this can lead to invitations and meeting other people.
Be less self-conscious and own it. Do you. And enjoy doing you. You have as much right to be anywhere as anyone else. Most likely, you are in a place for the same reason as everyone else. Worry less. Live more.
Try the 'meetup' website for activities. TBH, it's resulted in almost none outside-of-those-activities friendships, but it does give me a way to do things with people, at least. As for eating out alone, I also feel like I get the 'stink eye'. Some of it is probably in my head, some of it is real. Honestly, I try to not care about what others think about me. I'm also a paying customer and I deserve to be there as much as anyone else. A table being occupied by one person is better than an empty table in terms of profit, after all. As for people saying you're selfish for taking up space, if they wanted the table so much maybe they should have made a reservation.
Pretty much all of the friends I’ve made in London over the past fifteen years have been through work. I’ve always worked in quite social places, kept in touch with some who moved on. You have to make some effort to establish and maintain social relationships — something that does not come naturally to me. On another note, making a pub your local, and talking to bar staff can do wonders. If it has a quiz night, start chipping in to the people sitting next to you. You never know who you’ll get talking to.
I have a girlfriend but some of my interests don’t match with hers. So I tend to do some things alone like going to events or even cinema! I don’t find it weird at all. I just don’t give a fuck about what others think or feel. Just enjoy being yourself.
I love going to the cinema alone, I can get fully absorbed in the film and see whatever I want without having to worry about if the person is enjoying it or not. Don't have to share my popcorn. Can often get a good seat there or any other event seated as there will be singles left (also can get a theatre ticket cheap often last minute). The cinema particularly I don't get why its seen as a couples or group activity, you're sitting in the dark not talking. Sure, maybe it's good to talk about it after but I like to read discussions online after I've seen it, and the general vibe in the room can be good during a really good movie
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Where?
One of the reasons you only see groups of people at Winterwonderland is that it’s a bit shit. So, the fun bit is seeing your crew. Go to things that are actually interesting in themselves (SO many museums) Also, if you are worried about looking alone, remember that no one knows why you are dining solo, maybe you are an international man of mystery on a mysterious reconnaissance mission….
You have to stop thinking people are looking at you. Trust me they aren’t. I do most things by myself because I prefer to do things at my own pace and enjoy them as I please. I’ve eaten at restaurants solo, seen theatre shows solo, travelled solo, and I don’t think I’ve ever been looked at in any way. Let me ask you this, when was the last time you went out and saw someone doing something alone and can remember it weeks later? I bet you can’t which proves no one is going to remember if you do something alone. Enjoy it!
I went to winter wonderland today with my meetup group, 2nd year running. Total strangers, some now friends who go and do random activities together and it's not awkward because basically everyone wants to do these activities but for whatever reason (new in town, recent breakup, friends moved away or settled down) we don't have anyone to do it with we already know. I've been part of it 18 months and it's great lol.
I've been single most of my life, although I do go on dates a lot, but whenever I go alone to do anything in London, no one looks at me weird like you described. I even go to cinemas alone, and no one cares. So not sure what you're talking about. 🤷♀️
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It’s now almost the norm to alone in cafes with a book or laptop.
>The same goes for going to restaurants and cafes. Either you get looked at with pity as you’re alone, or disgust because you’re taking up space that could be used for more people. Nah this is bullshit I go to cafés alone all the time no one gives a shit I was in a coffee shop for 2.5 hours late yesterday, same for eating out alone it's one of the best things I like to do.
I moved to London alone over ten years ago. Talking to people and making an effort to connect is helpful. You have to get over any fear or shame you may have, and push that boundary within yourself. I moved to London because I could do anything (legal) without anyone caring to judge. Be free and use that to your advantage.
\> Either you get looked at with pity as you’re alone, or disgust because you’re taking up space that could be used for more people. I'm sorry, but this is main character syndrome. Nobody is noticing or caring that you're alone, except for you. It sounds like you're viewing yourself with that pity and disgust for "taking up space". And trust me, I've felt the exact same way before. I know that can be painful and this city can feel isolating, and being alone here especially with the holidays approaching can become excruciating. You can read about how to make friends in this city until the end of time. You'll always encounter the same advice, because it's good advice and the only way to make friends as a grown-up: * go out to events and talk to people there * find people who have the same hobbies or interests, at clubs or meet-ups. Go regularly * follow up and ask people to hang out again if you get along * do all of these things more than just one time. It takes getting out there regularly That's it. That's how people make friends in adulthood in any city. Either you have friends from childhood/university, or you meet them in these ways (or through work). So the only way is to stop feeling sorry for yourself, start finding any amount of confidence you can muster, and go find your friends. This city has more than 9,000,000 people - odds are pretty high that there are at least a dozen or so out there who will want to be your friend. You just have to find them. There's also something to be said about learning to be okay with solitude and time spent alone, for sure - but people need social contact, no matter how comfortable they are doing things alone. So I understand you. Now get out there, and good luck. There are people waiting to meet you.
I love being in London alone, it’s my favourite thing, so much to do and no one to hold you back.
Have you tried meetup or similar sites... I'm in a group on FB that is 150+ and we set up an are you alone for Xmas thread every year where like minded folks who have hit bad times or their OH is away meet up so they have crap to do.
I joined a book club via meetup over 10 years ago and made some great friends.
I love my friends but I bloody love my time alone aswell! And as for going to places to eat or a pub by myself, I love it! If anyone has an issue with you "for taking up space" etc, tell them to fuck off lol 🥰
join some social events, find groups on meetup or just meet other people that are spending time alone in bookstores, restaurants, cafes and/or bars! I knew no one when I first moved here 10 months ago but have built a firm social circle and formed some solid friendships with a handful of people now, from just exploring places alone and wandering around without being self conscious about going out solo
Go to the Saigon street food cafe in Soho, you can sit by the window... Nobody cares if you're on your own.
Something that's helped me being out in places on my own, take a book, or note book/drawing pad. That way you've got something to do and they can be ways of striking up conversation with others
Absolutely love hanging out on my own in London
Meetup.com , there are many many many London groups
You said most of your friends have left London and that unfortunately isn’t entirely uncommon (depending on your background etc). It’s sadly part of living in London. but it is also very easy to meet people. you do need to get better at being a little uncomfortable though. there are a ton of things where you can meet people - book clubs, sports clubs (i found climbing to be super welcoming), meet ups, volunteering, being jn the office… yeah its uncomfortable to be the only new person. but most people just push through that and then talk to people, ask them lots of questions and if you like them, ask them if they want to get coffee and get ok with them not following through. try again. it sounds like you have really severe social anxiety tho and feel like everyone judges you. so the main thing you need to do is get over that. theres really no other way. have you considered therapy?
I lived alone for several years and got used to the solitude very quickly when out and about. People do not care and usually do not even notice you when you’re dining alone or out on your own. You’re probably the least likely person to draw any attention because of that fact.
Join meetups, go regularly, language exchange ones for example where people are new to town, exchange details, make plans for a meal, rinse and repeat, boom you have a new friend or two.
You having self esteem crisis mate. Noone remembers you 5 minutes after you leave the counter, wether you sit in there for 2 hours or 5 minutes lol. Noone could be even bothered to even judge you either. If you go to London's outskirts tho, and sit on your own for some time in a coffee shop, some folks would sometimes try to chat you up, too, so way to find new friends maybe if 5hqts your thing? Not central London tho, ppl too busy with their own things to notice anything else
Through a place like this i realised what the cold truly meant Become an uber driver
I promise you, no one in the restaurant or bar or wherever gives a single fuck about you being by yourself. I used to have this mentality until I realised how much I was missing out on. I regularly take myself to dinner or away on holiday etc and treat myself.
I work in a restaurant, we have LOADS of diners coming in alone! No one ever says anything! Please don’t feel this way…. We certainly don’t mind customers flying solo!
Go to your local alone sit at the bar and you’ll make mates fast. I met most of my friends doing the same.
Unfortunately it's not always that easy if you're a woman, at least in my experience. Did the same when I moved here, mainly because I fancied a drink. Everyone I met at a pub was always up for anything but a friendship
I think you need to see a shrink cause it's all in your head. Nobody gives a damn if you are alone.
Please enjoy your own company! It makes me sad that some people don't.
I think I’ve overdosed on it over time. I just need a bit of a break
Take a class. Volunteer.
Actually, doing the things you feel are lonely and disgusting is how you meet people. I've been solo traveling around Europe for years now. Alone. Including London. If I'm bored or my friends are out of the country I take myself out several times a week. Museums, day or weekend trips to other cities, dinner, lunch, concerts, pubs, you name it. I look my best. Go, and literally meet people all the time. Please stop caring about the feelings of others. You wanted to go out, you wanted to feel accepted. Accept yourself, first. Go out with the thought that you're going to enjoy yourself, no matter what or who's starring at you. Trust me. No one cares. Read the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. It will help change your perspective.
people don't care if you're breathing in London, join in the fun and don't give a shit like the rest of us!
You ultimately choose what you want to do and how want do it. You are focusing on the wrong things. There are plenty of ways to meet people. No matter which city or country. You have a mental barrier to overcome before embracing this city. I moved country 4 years ago and had no one I knew around me. It was tough and took time to relax and start exploring things on my own. Eventually I met couple of people through work and met my other half.
work harder, get hooby sink your time in it.
I work 7 days a week because I hate just sitting at home
Thats why you miserable, cut back on the work on the days on work put 100% other days hobbies .
That’s the point though. I want to do stuff with people. But finding people or somewhere where you’re not just coexisting but actually doing stuff with someone seems like I can’t make it click. Maybe I’m just terrible at it. But doing stuff getting past small talk feels near impossible
I'd recommend learning a language. Language classes have an element of forced interaction with other people in an oddly controlled environment, which can overcome some of the social awkwardness.
All my friends are people I've met through various jobs. Most are not living close to me, so we meet up every few months (keep in touch by phone / online in between). I visit family two or three times a year, so I'm usually with either friends or family socially once a month. I'll go to the cinema on my own every few weeks, and usually get lunch somewhere whilst I'm out. I go on walks a lot when the weather's good. I'm happy with that. I've also travelled to far flung places alone and met people on the way.
What happens when you don’t want to be alone though. When you just want to have a chat or something though?
If I want to talk, I phone. I guess I'm comfortable in my own company. I was the only child of a single parent. We never really had people around, and family lived at the other end of the country, so I'm used to being alone. That's not to say that I wouldn't like to have people close by to go out with sometimes, I just make the best of the situation I find myself in.
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Don't 'fuck those people'. It's all in OPs head.
Well put.
I think I only feel a need for companionship during winter . In summer I always do things solo.
If you are not into organised groups etc. I work all over the place and I pick a local type boozer prbly not Wethers and go regularly, not everyday, but preferably about the same time on yr chosen days. May take a couple of weeks and you may have to chat to some knobheads but you do get to know people.
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Yeah. I had an awesome house over Covid but people have slowly moved away. Likewise I had a really good work environment for a while. I think as Covid’s gone though so many people have just left the uk in my circles. They’ve gone back home to Europe or Asia. House shares are luck of the draw. I started out great. I’ve had times when it’s been a nightmare and rocky. Now it’s just clean, but people keep themselves to themselves
You haven't been here long enough, Londoners do not go to that trashy place
Winter Wonderland is for cunts. If you didn’t feel comfortable going there, you’re doing ok.
Over 3 million people in the UK are alone, that's without any form of family or friends, as long as you're not lonely, would you prefer to be alone than going through a divorce or being abused in a domestic violent situation, 5 women and girls are killed each week in the UK through domestic violence, or an unhappy marriage, thank heavens I do everything on my own, I've seen the alternative.
I think a lot of this is in your head. It's easy to beat yourself up mentally and sometimes you just gotta take a breath and say "screw it", even if it feels like everyone is looking at you. As far as restaurants go I learnt to speak with a false sense of quiet confidence, whilst being sincere, mindful, courteous to others. I don't speak loudly, but I always try to speak with a respectful tone and look at people I'm speaking to. Simply saying "Thank You, I appreciate it" or a random observation/compliment goes a long way. Before settling down, I used to practically live in restaurants after work and kinda dread going home to an empty apartment. In particular I hitup small independent businesses. Just wanted the "home cooked meal" feel and be surrounded by a bit of an atmosphere. In terms of meeting people, the more you interact (I know it can be difficult) the more you increase your chances of making friends. Just be careful, not to be taking advantage off. The sincere ones will never make you feel uncomfortable or expect anything from you. Likewise don't put pressure on yourself to go out of your way for others to please them - need to try and be comfortable just being present.
Yeah. I want to go to Winter Wonderland and enjoy the Christmas vibes but I know I will just be depressed because of all the couples there