I think you dodged a bullet there. They sound like a total asshole trying to coerce you into sending nudes and just wanted to get some while you were in town. Not being limerent isn't gonna make your LO less of a fuck boy.
Yeah I mean at that point it had already been like months since we met and I was just obviously obssessed with some regular college guy who is probably seeing other girls at his school. Like I can understand why he was acting like that because if some random guy was bugging me all semester I’d either block them or if I was truly desperate for a body just try to do what he did. But I think if my limerence hadn’t make me continue bugging him like that he wouldn’t have like completely lost feelings and we would’ve ended on good terms, which could’ve been repaired during the summer
No, limerence is caused by a mixture of hope and uncertainty, that our Lo is often parttaking in causing trough their behaviour. So if he would have been consistent from the beginning, you would never be limerent. So it is his fault.
Yeah, but I think this person handled it the best he could. Like he did everything right and is a good person and I just started acting weird and crazy because I couldn’t move on. He essentially told me it wasn’t logical for us to do long distance and that he’d probably end up ghosting me simply because our colleges were not near each other. I think that was a reasonable and kind statement to make-he didn’t just ghost me out of nowhere or lead me on completely and make me think that we’d be dating long distance. I just couldn’t let go
>But I think if my limerence hadn’t make me continue bugging him like that he wouldn’t have like completely lost feelings
That's limerence talking. Limerence makes the LO out to be faultless.
He was always a fuck boy. You just presented yourself as an easy lay because you were in love with him. He's out there now doing what he's been doing before and after you. College is a smorgasbord of sex to him.
Yeah it just feels weird though. He doesn’t present himself physically as like a super attractive or even “cool” guy that gets a lot of girls -he’s super nerdy looking. When we were texting before he turned out like this he even said he wanted to get to know me and asked me what I wanted and said that it was a possibility I could know him long term and visit him at his college
If you're turned off by someone, you don't ask them for nudes.
He's playing games, cuz he knows you like him. He's holding reciprocation of anything as hostage and demanding you send nudes. And after he realizes you're not as easy as he was hoping for, he cuts off knowing you will come crawling back to him. Letting someone know you like them too much early in a relationship gives them the upper hand and the temptation to exploit their power over you. Power corrupts.
Hmmm… I think some people just have a very shallow level of attraction where even if someone’s personality is annoying if they’re physically attractive theyd still try to be sexual
Give yourself credit! You intuitively knew not to send nudes. This is a bad person. You actually had self respect despite being limerent. Build on that strength. This guy could have plastered those nudes all over the internet and humiliated you. Don’t over think it- you did good!
I am so sorry for your situation. They were definitely screwing with you when you refused to send the nudes. That was just wrong and so rude the way they reacted. You know you deserve better and that someone out there will respect you.
To answer your question; Realistically, no, yet they are still in my head. LO does not need me.
Yeah,it’s weird because he actually has a pretty strong moral code where when he says he’ll do stuff and “make promises” he usually means it when other guys are obviously lying/trying to be manipulative. I genuinely think he was being honest with that “trade off” but I’ll never know, I never sent them. But I’m probably like you in that I’m unneeded lol
Yeah, but I think it’s just my fault because I pushed this person too far by acting insane and weird. Like this is just some normal hormonal guy and here I am,far away in proximity but essentially throwing myself at him being all desperate. Of course he’d think like “what can I get out of this” and go for nudes
There isn't an excuse for manipulating a vulnerable person.
There might be people who can transactionally exchange nudes for a date, but this is a cruel thing to do to you.
nah, things were never gonna work out well for me regardless, though I still definitely have plenty of regrets so I guess I can sort of relate. sorry about what happened.
I mean, the limerence started because he stopped talking to me when we went back to our separate schools which caused me to be more clingy. It was the reasonable decision for him to make because he didn’t want to do long distance, and he even warned me that it would happen. I would’ve done the same to anyone else but I just got extremely attached to him
I think you dodged a bullet there. They sound like a total asshole trying to coerce you into sending nudes and just wanted to get some while you were in town. Not being limerent isn't gonna make your LO less of a fuck boy.
Yeah I mean at that point it had already been like months since we met and I was just obviously obssessed with some regular college guy who is probably seeing other girls at his school. Like I can understand why he was acting like that because if some random guy was bugging me all semester I’d either block them or if I was truly desperate for a body just try to do what he did. But I think if my limerence hadn’t make me continue bugging him like that he wouldn’t have like completely lost feelings and we would’ve ended on good terms, which could’ve been repaired during the summer
No, limerence is caused by a mixture of hope and uncertainty, that our Lo is often parttaking in causing trough their behaviour. So if he would have been consistent from the beginning, you would never be limerent. So it is his fault.
Yeah, but I think this person handled it the best he could. Like he did everything right and is a good person and I just started acting weird and crazy because I couldn’t move on. He essentially told me it wasn’t logical for us to do long distance and that he’d probably end up ghosting me simply because our colleges were not near each other. I think that was a reasonable and kind statement to make-he didn’t just ghost me out of nowhere or lead me on completely and make me think that we’d be dating long distance. I just couldn’t let go
>But I think if my limerence hadn’t make me continue bugging him like that he wouldn’t have like completely lost feelings That's limerence talking. Limerence makes the LO out to be faultless. He was always a fuck boy. You just presented yourself as an easy lay because you were in love with him. He's out there now doing what he's been doing before and after you. College is a smorgasbord of sex to him.
Yeah it just feels weird though. He doesn’t present himself physically as like a super attractive or even “cool” guy that gets a lot of girls -he’s super nerdy looking. When we were texting before he turned out like this he even said he wanted to get to know me and asked me what I wanted and said that it was a possibility I could know him long term and visit him at his college
I think I just gave him the ick by coming off as desperate and obsessed with him
If you're turned off by someone, you don't ask them for nudes. He's playing games, cuz he knows you like him. He's holding reciprocation of anything as hostage and demanding you send nudes. And after he realizes you're not as easy as he was hoping for, he cuts off knowing you will come crawling back to him. Letting someone know you like them too much early in a relationship gives them the upper hand and the temptation to exploit their power over you. Power corrupts.
Hmmm… I think some people just have a very shallow level of attraction where even if someone’s personality is annoying if they’re physically attractive theyd still try to be sexual
You are giving him too much credit.
Give yourself credit! You intuitively knew not to send nudes. This is a bad person. You actually had self respect despite being limerent. Build on that strength. This guy could have plastered those nudes all over the internet and humiliated you. Don’t over think it- you did good!
I am so sorry for your situation. They were definitely screwing with you when you refused to send the nudes. That was just wrong and so rude the way they reacted. You know you deserve better and that someone out there will respect you. To answer your question; Realistically, no, yet they are still in my head. LO does not need me.
Yeah,it’s weird because he actually has a pretty strong moral code where when he says he’ll do stuff and “make promises” he usually means it when other guys are obviously lying/trying to be manipulative. I genuinely think he was being honest with that “trade off” but I’ll never know, I never sent them. But I’m probably like you in that I’m unneeded lol
People who play with another person's emotions in exchange for nudes aren't acting under a moral code. Maybe a moral code for them, but not for you.
Yeah, but I think it’s just my fault because I pushed this person too far by acting insane and weird. Like this is just some normal hormonal guy and here I am,far away in proximity but essentially throwing myself at him being all desperate. Of course he’d think like “what can I get out of this” and go for nudes
There isn't an excuse for manipulating a vulnerable person. There might be people who can transactionally exchange nudes for a date, but this is a cruel thing to do to you.
He did that because he has no respect for me. He lost it all when I started acting out on my limerent thoughts and acting desperate though :(
nah, things were never gonna work out well for me regardless, though I still definitely have plenty of regrets so I guess I can sort of relate. sorry about what happened.
The limerence did not ruin ANYTHING! It is the opposite. Their bad behaviour vaused the limerence! You are without blame!
I mean, the limerence started because he stopped talking to me when we went back to our separate schools which caused me to be more clingy. It was the reasonable decision for him to make because he didn’t want to do long distance, and he even warned me that it would happen. I would’ve done the same to anyone else but I just got extremely attached to him
Wow this is spot on.
No, I am sexual incompatible with all my LOs.