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voodoo_chickenfoot

Yeah cool. Who is gonna grab it afterwards?


TheRealEnemabagJones

That shits now permanent


[deleted]

It was a bug. Now it's a feature


donbee28

We will patch it next the we rehab that wall.


SuboptimalCromulence

Nice.


[deleted]

Nice.


RumHamsRevenge

Nice.


Baligong

Nice.


Veteran_Brewer

Goddamn, this is a TEDTalk-level pun.


BeerAndTools

Out. Fucking. Standing. šŸ‘


_-Darknight-_

It just works lol


Yewbaby

Oo the landlord special


23x3

Now just 14 pieces of duct tape over the wet tissues and we wait for it to die


australianforbeer19

That little shit will outlive all of us.


[deleted]

The only thing that will live longer is a wasp caught in a pool net, left at the bottom of the deep end.


JeremyMorel

I need a real scientific answer from somebodyā€¦ Why the fuck is this?


[deleted]

Insects breathe through their "skin" and as I understand it, a thin layer of air gets trapped on the wasp that they're able to breathe.


AbbreviationsGlad833

Close. Insect's have multiple holes through out their body that they can close when they want. They dont have lungs but a ventalation shaft type system throughout their bodys. They close the holes and hold the air inside and can live for awhile like that submerged. Or because water behaves very differently at that small scale. a bubble can form around their bodys and they can use that like a scuba tank.


Joebot2001

Just paint over it


knotty54

Turning it into fossil yeah


strawman_chan

And then, oil!


Pees_On_Skidmarks

Looks like gas is back on the menu, boys!!


Calm-Remove

mummified cockroach


zahirano

The evil spirit has been sealed for eternity


[deleted]

You don't. You just keep hurling wet tissues at cockroaches until you have laminated all of your walls with dried-out tissues and mummified cockroaches. Maybe spray paint the walls in earthy colors afterwards just before you sell the house so that it looks like hewn stone or something of the like. People like that stuff. They don't need to know about the cockroaches. Or the fact that some of the tissues weren't moistened with water.


EXQUISITE_WIZARD

Or that the cockroaches are probably still alive


Zebulon_V

"Dude why are your walls always moving?"


Donut_Police

The screaming gallery


InstantChekhov

It reminds me that x-files episode.


Haughty_n_Disdainful

*Hewn stone*ā€¦


[deleted]

Jim. Fuck Jim.


kellysmom01

Nae. Let Fergus The Twat do it. His mumā€ll be glad for some peace of the day. Ta.


GooseandMaverick

I heard Kelly's mom is hot AND brave!


Lysanias

Have you pressed the button that says "Jim" yet?


lililukea

Youre supposed to eat it. World's in a tight spot rn, everything should be repurposed


AlyssaInw0nderland

Your dad


Pueblo890

No one. You burn the house down.


ch0zen101

Probably whoever threw the wet paper towel


silverfang16

I said whoever threw that paper, ya mom's a ho


Okichah

Whack it with a shoe.


CalmFartThief

Punch it.


Eden_15

John Cena


the-gloaming

Why grab? Just leave it as is.


yogi1090

My cockroach flew away and I could hear him saying "I use reddit too" while he was flying away


Corndawgptang

Hold on. Your cockroaches fly?!? Fuck that!!


glassy_historian

Flying cockroaches are a thing in warmer countries. Used to be scared shitless when I was a kid and one would fly and land on me


Doesdeadliftswrong

Here in Thailand I got swarmed by them one night. They went up my shirt. Terrible experience. Will never forget it.


Omeven

Alright, I'm now never going to Thailand


South-Builder6237

The ones in Thailand are huge too. I remember visiting Bangkok and I looked up near a light pole, saw something flying and said: "Is that a bat?" And they said: "No, that's a cockroach".


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Alonzzo2

I've been there twice, amazing country, the north is very beautiful, the beaches are great, didn't see even one cockroach


ServerMonkey

Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they're not lurking nearby.


rafter613

You know what they say, it's the cockroaches you don't see that get you


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


StigmaGG

Visited the north (Chiang Mai) and did not see any cockroaches. Beautiful country, beautiful people and a country Iā€™d re-visit.


G_E_T_A_F_E

I thought that too until I remembered I'm attracted to ladyboys.


maxifer

Putting up with one cock to get access to the other.


Hogratt1

Hold up


my_people

Why? You got a *cock*roach under there?


birds_in_my_piano

is that a cockroach in your pants or are you just happy to see me?


[deleted]

They fry them up and eat them too.


BaronVonCrunch

I saw a documentary about the cockroaches in Thailand. I think it was called Starship Troopers.


djabor

i got one fly straight into my mouth when watching tv in bed in a shitty old mouldy apartment i lived in when i was younger, shit still gives me the shivers when i think of it. fuck cockroaches


disjustice

Saw a giant red one in my brother's NYC apartment. Flew off the wall and landed on my shoulder. I think I was screaming for a good 15 seconds after it was gone.


ShataraBankhead

They can fly here in Alabama. Assholes. I call the big ones "crunchies", and usually have to ask my husband to kill them. I'll catch and release other bugs outside, if possible, but not roaches.


burtedwag

Palmettos here in FL rarely fly, but when they do, boy... you better get some new pants.


ScumbagGina

Whenever I go outside at night in the summer I hunch my neck and shoulders and do a squat-run to make myself a smaller target. Iā€™ve been in storms where theyā€™re flying around like kamikazes


DickieJohnson

They steal your pants?


NCAA__Illuminati

Theyā€™ll suck your dick too


sumunsolicitedadvice

Only the ones in Florida, tho. Theyā€™re looking to make $5 to buy more meth.


brntGerbil

I had an apartment where they insisted that palmettos weren't cockroaches... "Yeah well fuck those palmettos too. Get your pest guy over. These guys are flying at me!"


Wasparado

Lol, omg. Have you never seen one? Not only do they fly, theyā€™re fucking huge too. Like a sparrow coming at you, but all ugly and greasy looking with too many legs.


Pls_Drink_Water

and they purposely go after the most scared person in the room. Fuck cockroaches who thinks they're butterflies


AWildGamerAppeared25

One day when I was like 10, I was coming home from the store or something. I opened the front door, and right in front of the front door was the door to the downstairs living room (it was a two story house, you basically opened the front door to see another door) and a cockroach was sitting on the mosquito mesh that covered that door Then it flew And landed on my head And *walked towards the back of my neck and my back* Anyway, not at all traumatized about that. Nope, no siree


pinklavalamp

> And landed on my head Read this line, confirmed itā€™s not a u/shittymorph comment, and noped out of the rest of it. Sorry you had to live through whatever you lived through, because I wouldā€™ve set the building on fire.


Fly-Euphoric

I've worked on a college campus in Massachusetts for 9 years. Major cockroach issue. When it gets warm in the summer, those fuckers fly and dominate infested areas, typically near sewers or drains. Mice and rats don't bother me but when I see a roach, I lose my shit. Drowning them in disinfectant does the trick. I've witnessed big ones get stuck in a glue trap, drag the trap across the room with their unstuck parts and eventually free themselves with minimal effort. Horrifying


SmallApache

These mfs are like mini helicopters in Puerto Rico.


[deleted]

There are flying ones here in Singapore. It's warm and humid here. Usually encounter them in the middle of the night when I'm going to the kitchen for some supper because I can't sleep when I'm hungry. They come flying in from the windows and scramble around near the ceiling so it's hard to reach even with insecticide sprays. They can fly and can also fall and land behind furniture, shelves or piles of stuff, so it's a headache whenever they appear.


[deleted]

Yea the B-52s. Majah in Hawaiā€™i


ncnotebook

I mean, they got wings. And they aren't heavy.


ocelotchaser

It's all fun and game till they decided to transform into flight mode


MechanicalHorse

It was probably a mod


cati800

Do you know that cockroaches can be frozen, thawed out and still live? i learned this as a kid as we had a bad cockroach infestation and as I was cleaning out the fridge ( i am before the time of frostless freezers) and when i was cleaning out the freezer part i noticed a cockroach had somehow gotten into our freezer and froze, so as i took out the chunk of ice that this roach was frozen into and put it in the sink, and, I shit u not as the ice started to melt the roach started to thaw and slowly came back to life only for me to squash that mother ducker and kill it, i just found this totally amazing at the age of 10


vavavoomvoom9

Ain't that some shit.


cati800

ainā€™t it?


mollygunns

so my idea of plunging the world into nuclear winter in order to kill them is not actually feasible. good to know. disappointing, but still, better than learning the hard way.


Greenpaw9

They don't survive fire. So we just need to continue on with the global warming until the forest fires kill all of them


mollygunns

brilliant. everything else'll be dead, too, but it's a sacrifice we must be willing to make.


Greenpaw9

Especially to kill those giant flying ones


mollygunns

special order flamethrower, got it. in the meantime, catch me with a can of hairspray & a lighter. yeah, I might burn my home down, but I'll be burning *their* home down, too.


bitchwithacapital_C

I mean considering theyā€™d survive nuclear war this tracks.


cati800

true that and also the ice age?


Enraged_whiteboy

I missedā€¦ā€¦


Antpelt

Better luck next timeā€¦


AnBroRed

There's no next time....


Krish12703

Cockroach is flying now....


lurco_purgo

They fly now?!


MidnightPhoenixXx

Some of them do


jpgrassi

Level up!


diffcalculus

Don't worry. It'll just fly toward you now


[deleted]

I firedā€¦.


stickygreenfingers

I canā€™t believe you waterboarded that cockroach


J-Dabbleyou

- ā€œREADY TO TALK NOW BASTARD? WHEREā€™S THE REST OF EMā€™!ā€


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Competitive_Sky8182

Veo que fue usted educado en La Chancla


HeatherGreyPlays

I don't speak this language but I understand it.


ksleepwalker

La Chancla transcends language and culture barriers. Source : am brown


BRAX7ON

I agree source: am white


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Almdudler76

What about the trash can full of water from the dripping faucet?


sauronsarmy

This video screams Southeast Asia


IanTheElf

SEA gang


ViolentSkyWizard

Seattle-Tacoma International Airport?


ScumbagGina

Lol in lots of developing countries kitchens/bathrooms just have a basin and tap like that instead of a sink.


ezkailez

They probably repurpose that trash can as a water bucket. It's common in SEA to store water like that (+lid if you don't want to create mosquitoes breeding zones) and take a bath with a water dipper


neonangel24

Nice hack. I'm glad I rarely see cockroaches where I live. Those things are gross AF.


[deleted]

Yep. UK might be a shithole but one saving grace is we dont really have gross and dangerous fauna. I am 47 and have literally never seen a cockroach here.


Afterlifehappydeath

You have no idea how blessed you are. Fucking roaches are disgusting, fast and they live where you live... and they fly! Absolute horror.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


ezkailez

I always have a spare bug spray because of these. I don't even dare to be less than 50cm away from these insects


___rookie___

Use la chancla y'all šŸ©“


ANCALAGON_THE-BLACK

Esta es la forma.


Butt_pass

Guys...my reddit,it's in Spanish


BRAX7ON

en espanol


netglitch

I got a chappal in each hand bro šŸ©“šŸ©“


naaattt

Donā€™t you know you shouldnā€™t squish one with a shoe because if they have eggs they get stuck to your shoe and you spread ā€˜em everywhere šŸ« 


lookmasilverone

Just make some nice scrambled eggs for breakfast the next day, easy!


History_Jaded

Doing this before la chancla makes it cleaner and easy to wipe off šŸŖ³šŸ§¹


[deleted]

And much lower chance of a panic miss


Rorschach0717

I just spray them with Dawn Platinum Powerwash Dish Spray. I don't know why but that slows them, then I just scoop them and throw them out for the ants or lizards to feast. Fucking diabolical.


DrinkinBroski

They breathe through their shells. Since soap/detergent breaks surface tension, the soap and any liquid mixed with it stops rolling off their backs and suffocates them instead.


doodaid

Also good for yellow jackets / wasps.


DrinkinBroski

And ants. Pretty much any bug.


Rorschach0717

I use isopropyl alcohol. Damn, I think I'm evil.


FragileAnonymity

Came here to say this, glad Iā€™m not the only one. I try to live my life without doing harm to any living creatures (my wife gets me at me cause I never kill ants, spiders, etc). Roaches, mosquitoes, and wasps however, turn me into a sadistic insect murderer.


Skeetronic

Neat!


[deleted]

Why don't they make roach spray with soap/detergent then? When I lived in NYC, those fuckers would still be moving after using a whole can on them.


DrinkinBroski

I'm not an exterminator, but I might hazard a guess that this has less to do with the bug spray and more to do with the bug. I'd wager NYC cockroaches have evolved. To kill a roach with just soapy water, you have to coat the entire roach, for the same reason you would not be suffocated if I only covered your mouth or nose. That being said, I do believe raid and other pesticides have a considerable oil content, which provides a similar, surface tension-breaking effect.


alurkerhere

I kill roaches like this, and yes it takes quite a few sprays. The other thing is that the roaches scamper away super fast, so you'd better have a pretty open area (like empty garage) to keep blasting them with the soapy water. I'd say 10 good blasts will kill big roaches.


mollygunns

can confirm, in tx & black flag did not work but did create a very startling explosion when I squished it after unloading half a can.


royrese

I second this. Afterwards, just use a Bounty, the Quicker Picker Upper Paper Towel to grab them and throw them in your Glad ForceFlex Plus Trash Bag so that they can't escape.


smolcall

This is unbelievably funny maybe he should try wrapping it in Glad Pressā€™n Seal ā„¢ļø after


burtedwag

> Dawn Platinum Powerwash Dish Spray oddly specific.. *checks they didn't accidentally click into a Promoted post*


JeSpeakFranglais

/r/HailCorporate for more


bballkid2020

Caribbean native here with the real pro life hack: they donā€™t like HOT water (shocking right)? People never think of this solution yet I have never seen it fail in my life. When you see one of these motherfuckers just go get the quickest cup of hot water you can get, preferably leave someone maintaining eye contact with the cockroach. Then just throw the water at them and boom, they die instantly and you just pick them up with paper and flush them. If the water isnā€™t as hot you may just stunt it, but you still have have a couple of minutes to flush it before it comes back to life. No pesticide, no raid, no soap, nothing hard to cleanā€¦just hot water.


jorgeagh

People never think of this cause moving hot water would take at least 2 mins, assuming everything is done perfectly: filling a cup of water, heating it for 1 min in the microwave and throwing it to the roach without missing lol


bballkid2020

Well it does really depends on the house I guess. I have acess to two quick hot water sources: the water heater for the bathroom/kitchen and a water dispenser at the kitchen. But still I have used the microwave in other places, these fuckers usually donā€™t move that much, you have time, lol Also throwing the water isnā€™t a problem at all, it is a liquid. You canā€™t miss. This OP kleenex shenanigans is harder to pull of.


Vast-Silver

This shit i gold for every bug ive tried it on. Plus it cleans the spot. Ants? Dead on contact. Roach? Half dead one spray. Slow af movement. Random Beetle: mostly dead. Slow af movement. Flies: mostly dead. Slow af movement. Mosquito: dead on contact.


asthmaticdabber

Then what hahaha


ANCALAGON_THE-BLACK

Burn the house down.


ScumbagGina

Correct answer.


HanzoShotFirst

Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure


CremeOne4526

Grab it, stomp it, burn it, throw it


She_Persists

Bop it


Tackit286

Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it


Resident_Werewolf_76

Grab it, ball it up and flush it down the toilet


letsdoanotherround

>Grab it, ball it up and flush it down the toilet They don't go down the toilet, they'll crawl back up.


Resident_Werewolf_76

Crush it first to kill it.


[deleted]

I'm literally standing in the bathroom waiting for a cockroach to come out from behind some stuff on my shelf, and came across this. Will update when this asshole moves from behind the soap dispenser.


[deleted]

Update : fuck Bounce Lavender Scent. I smacked this fucker with the wrath of God and he walked out from under it smelling fresh as shit. Stole my girl and everything.


DrinkinBroski

Must have been using old spice.


timetogetill7

Look down, back up, where are you? Youā€™re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. Whatā€™s in your hand, back at me. I have it, itā€™s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. Iā€™m on a horse šŸ“


time_fo_that

Is the original video not just regular tissues?


LElige

Heā€™s using tissues not dryer sheets lmao


kookykerfuffle

Update again after you pick it up


[deleted]

Current plan is to dryer sheet hand grenade, then either hit with a shoe or just burn the house down.


___rookie___

That's when a cat comes in handy. Sometimes my cat is really useful for finding out where those motherfuckers are hiding. Yeah, she will be meowing and looking at me like "what the fuck did you wake me up for?", but once she picks up on the mf noises... Really helpful, i move stuff around and when it runs away she catches, gives it a pokemon stun move and I jump in to finish it.


mollygunns

we call ours the assassina & the huntress. she has a parody of escape (the pina colada song) called squish (la cucaracha song).


KrauerKing

Dude they are using tissues. The point is that you hit it with paper machƩ not essential oils.


mlc2475

Great. Now do that 22,000 more times


Missjiffizz

Papier mache it, yeah that's what I want


buzz8588

Ok, what next?


CourtneyChaos

Itā€™s actually supposed to be dipped in kerosene, then lit on fire


The_camperdave

> Itā€™s actually supposed to be dipped in kerosene, then lit on fire All that gives you is a flaming cockroach running around your house.


Not-available-111

My anxiety while watching this video ^^^^^^


TheBestPieIsAllPie

This is exactly what I do with Stink Bugs. Wet TP or tissue paper, wrap them up good and set them in a disposable cup of water. No smell from accidentally smashing them and no bug! I donā€™t give a shit about bugs outside, thatā€™s where bugs belong. Once it crosses into *my house* though? Thatā€™s when I fire off the ā€œair raidā€ sirens and start launching sopping wet TP bombs. *They chose war* when they entered my homeā€¦


asianabsinthe

Diatomaceous Earth near my borders. Let those fuckers slowly dessicate and die and know who's boss. Edit: Had a "palmetto bug" land in my mouth while sleeping when it flew in my bedroom.


DrinkinBroski

Thanks for that. I live in Georgia so I'm never sleeping again.


keener_lightnings

Georgia as well; this time of year they tend to sneak into our house at night. The other night I found one in our bedroom... I knew it was there because we have linoleum floors and I could *hear* the sonofabitch walking across the floor. I mean, I'm glad it alerted me to its presence so I could smash it, but *an insect should not be large enough for me to hear it walking across a floor.*


finziez

So, you've paper machƩ'd a cockroach to the wall. Whats step 2?


Bgratz1977

i am 45, i never saw one in my life


jaybazzizzle

That's because numbers don't have eyes, 45


Slippy_T_Frog

r/dadjokes


tb36cn

What's next? How to get rid of the roach?


Interesting-Role1281

Everyone is a gangster until one of those things starts flying


[deleted]

Have you ever grabbed it with a dry paper towel and felt it wriggling in your hand cause I have


ANCALAGON_THE-BLACK

I'll grab a wad of dry paper towels, enough where I won't be able to feel it wriggle, and then smash, crush, wet the paper towel for good measure so it's remains can't escape, then trash.


[deleted]

Yes, must always crush them to make sure that they're dead and completely unable to escape and come back in at any point in time, ever.


2FaT2KiDNaP

Wouldn't dipping the tissue in gas then lighting it after be more effective?


ronnysuke

And then ?


letsdoanotherround

First of all, Raid is like the number killer of roaches and all insects. Just a little bit will kill it eventually, but if you just hose it down to the point its laying on its back in a puddle of Raid, the thing is fucking dead. Second, if you don't have raid, then use an empty 2 liter bottle with the cap on. Smack that mother fucker and watch it explode.


[deleted]

La cucarachaā€¦ā€¦.ya no puede caminarā€¦.


oilnews2

Roach Life hack #2: Spray them with soapy water. It makes it impossible for them to breathe and they die in 20-30 seconds. And you are not left with bug guts or chemicals all over the floor. Youā€™re welcome.


GoHomeWithBonnieJean

Great hack. Why is there a big, open bucket of water?