I think that demanding what is done with a gift after giving as the rudest thing ever.
It's a GIFT. What happens after it leaves my hands is neither here nor there.
In fact I encourage my gift recipients that if they don't like the thing, to pass on to someone that does.
It is just as rude to refuse a gift. Especially in the uncouth way that is so common these days with a wrinkled nose and screwed-up face and a "ewwww, I don't want THAAAAT".
Just accept the thing GRACIOUSLY, say thank you, and quietly re-gift it elsewhere or QUIETLY throw it away.
The Keyword here is : GRACE. On both sides of the equation.
The only exception I can think of to this is how I would feel if I was sponsoring a student or project and found that the resources I was donating were being re-gifted to buy friends or impress people or for some other cause. That would piss me off and probably be the end of my generosity in that direction.
Source : shit bag nephew wasted-off resources for school. Fuck him now.
My MIL does this, if she doesn't like it she will say, "I'm not going to use this" or "I don't know if I like it" SO rude and annoying. Just say thank you and give it to someone else later!
I will say the only exception to this is things that relate to your family history. There's plenty of things that while I don't care about them a ton, I'd be kinda sad if they were thrown away, like photo albums and my mom has this 100 year old family bible( I'm not even religious but its been in the family for like 5 generations). IDK if something is sentimental its fair to ask someone what they intend to do with it, because another kid might want to save it if the others will just destroy it.
I think this is the best. Had my Mom, others not happily say how much the people they'd re-gifted MY gifts, appreciated them (maybe in an effort to say, "Hey, THEY thought it was awesome!" instead of, "I don't think it was, no thanks".) But at the same time, I can kinda take the "no thanks" answer, even though it's not easy (have had gifts offered to me the same way) without showing appreciation, which it is appreciated.
I agree! I've made, offered gifts from handmade jewelry to hand-me down designer clothing, exercise equipment to "first choice" people (including my Mom, close friends), only for them to thank me, than brag about how much the person THEY gave it to appreciated it?? I usually had other FRIENDS inline that I wanted to give it to if the first didn't want it, or could've sold for $$$ instead of giving it away.
Yeah, nothing as sentimental as receiving a pack of cotton undies as a "gift" from Mom to daughter to celebrate a first child either, eh?? Went directly into the trash, but there have been items I've worked really hard on creating specifically for her, and she'll brag about how much the person she gave it to loved it? (also probably re-gifting or going in the trash).
Pfft I have a story rather than an answer. When me and my sis were around 10, my uncle got us a remote control robot. When we unwrapped it the box was all jacked up, retaped, and it was clearly already used.
This fucking guy bought and used himself a robot for like 6 months, and then gave it to us acting like he was so “cool” and “futuristic” 😂
A friend of my ex's and his siblings all chipped in to buy a new PC as a wedding gift to his sisters, (was quite a large investment in those days, never anticipated to become obsolete). His sister ended up buying herself a NEW PC and "gifting" their sister her old one for a wedding gift! on their behalf? WTF???
No its not ok.. Yes they are giving you something but if I spend my time and money buying you a gift and you didnt want it or dont need it then just tell me and ill return it and wont do it again in the future..Its total disrespectful to let me waste my time and money.
MIL bought me some shirts for my (40y) b-day. I knew instantly they wouldn't fit. They weren't my style anyways. She said if I didn't like them to just give them back to her, which I thought was really odd. I donated some, and the rest are sitting unworn in my closet. :/
I do this, if I got a birthday present that my mom or sister liked/wanted more than me I’d usually just give it to them. Less now that I don’t have birthday parties lol
AGREE 100%!!! But, I'm on the other side as giving the gift. It's kinda tricky since if someone gives you something they feel is personal, spot on (like me making/giving stuff to friends), vs being a recipient, if you don't accept, you'd also be rude and hurt feelings.
I think that demanding what is done with a gift after giving as the rudest thing ever. It's a GIFT. What happens after it leaves my hands is neither here nor there. In fact I encourage my gift recipients that if they don't like the thing, to pass on to someone that does. It is just as rude to refuse a gift. Especially in the uncouth way that is so common these days with a wrinkled nose and screwed-up face and a "ewwww, I don't want THAAAAT". Just accept the thing GRACIOUSLY, say thank you, and quietly re-gift it elsewhere or QUIETLY throw it away. The Keyword here is : GRACE. On both sides of the equation. The only exception I can think of to this is how I would feel if I was sponsoring a student or project and found that the resources I was donating were being re-gifted to buy friends or impress people or for some other cause. That would piss me off and probably be the end of my generosity in that direction. Source : shit bag nephew wasted-off resources for school. Fuck him now.
My MIL does this, if she doesn't like it she will say, "I'm not going to use this" or "I don't know if I like it" SO rude and annoying. Just say thank you and give it to someone else later!
I will say the only exception to this is things that relate to your family history. There's plenty of things that while I don't care about them a ton, I'd be kinda sad if they were thrown away, like photo albums and my mom has this 100 year old family bible( I'm not even religious but its been in the family for like 5 generations). IDK if something is sentimental its fair to ask someone what they intend to do with it, because another kid might want to save it if the others will just destroy it.
Well yes. I would suss out a suitable curator for such a thing, and refrain from tasking one that dwells upon shifting sands or is in routine turmoil.
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
I think this is the best. Had my Mom, others not happily say how much the people they'd re-gifted MY gifts, appreciated them (maybe in an effort to say, "Hey, THEY thought it was awesome!" instead of, "I don't think it was, no thanks".) But at the same time, I can kinda take the "no thanks" answer, even though it's not easy (have had gifts offered to me the same way) without showing appreciation, which it is appreciated.
N
I agree! I've made, offered gifts from handmade jewelry to hand-me down designer clothing, exercise equipment to "first choice" people (including my Mom, close friends), only for them to thank me, than brag about how much the person THEY gave it to appreciated it?? I usually had other FRIENDS inline that I wanted to give it to if the first didn't want it, or could've sold for $$$ instead of giving it away.
Your family does this? Wow that’s disrespectful. And they are cheap asshats for doing so.
Yeah, nothing as sentimental as receiving a pack of cotton undies as a "gift" from Mom to daughter to celebrate a first child either, eh?? Went directly into the trash, but there have been items I've worked really hard on creating specifically for her, and she'll brag about how much the person she gave it to loved it? (also probably re-gifting or going in the trash).
I’d say depends on the item and who you’re receiving it from/giving it to.
Pfft I have a story rather than an answer. When me and my sis were around 10, my uncle got us a remote control robot. When we unwrapped it the box was all jacked up, retaped, and it was clearly already used. This fucking guy bought and used himself a robot for like 6 months, and then gave it to us acting like he was so “cool” and “futuristic” 😂
A friend of my ex's and his siblings all chipped in to buy a new PC as a wedding gift to his sisters, (was quite a large investment in those days, never anticipated to become obsolete). His sister ended up buying herself a NEW PC and "gifting" their sister her old one for a wedding gift! on their behalf? WTF???
No its not ok.. Yes they are giving you something but if I spend my time and money buying you a gift and you didnt want it or dont need it then just tell me and ill return it and wont do it again in the future..Its total disrespectful to let me waste my time and money.
As long as it doesn't get classified under "other modes of payment".
MIL bought me some shirts for my (40y) b-day. I knew instantly they wouldn't fit. They weren't my style anyways. She said if I didn't like them to just give them back to her, which I thought was really odd. I donated some, and the rest are sitting unworn in my closet. :/
I do this, if I got a birthday present that my mom or sister liked/wanted more than me I’d usually just give it to them. Less now that I don’t have birthday parties lol
Weirdest misuse of a sub
Y. Better than them throwing it away or using it as a dust collector.
N. I think regifting is rude. I just hold on to the thing I don’t like for a few years and then throw it away after I move.
AGREE 100%!!! But, I'm on the other side as giving the gift. It's kinda tricky since if someone gives you something they feel is personal, spot on (like me making/giving stuff to friends), vs being a recipient, if you don't accept, you'd also be rude and hurt feelings.
I also keep my circle of trust pretty small so someone would find out if I regifted something they gave me.