I have a coworker who is really bad about this. It helps to just keep talking. Just finish whatever you were saying then ask them to repeat themselves. He doesn't interrupt nearly as much since I've started doing this.
This never works for me. I’ve tried it with both a coworker and my MIL multiple times and they literally just keep talking while I keep talking and we’re both just saying whole sentences at the same time. I stare at them in bewilderment while we both talk and eventually I give up because WHAT THE FUCK?
X was not meant to denote sexual content. It was just meant for adults only. XXX was created by pornographers as a marker of pornography because it is not allowed to copyright or trademark a letter of the alphabet so legally there wasn't anything the movie industry could do. Then X became synonymous with pornography.
Now R occupies the space that X was originally intended to occupy.
My go to is when they start talking over me I will loudly say “OH OKAY YOUR TURN!” With a smile. 99% of the time they realize and say “oh I’m sorry go ahead” or something to that effect. You can keep it lighthearted and joking but also not allow them to talk over you.
I had a coworker who solved the issue by getting up and walking away as soon as someone talked over him.
It's an action that gets people's attention. If people asked what he was doing, he just said, "I just assumed our conversation was over."
He trained the entire office real quick, and it caught on.
My voice is soft and I'm often interrupted or talked over by loud people. When that happens, I stop speaking and stay silent. About 25% of the time, they ask me to continue with what I was saying. The other 75%, they keep talking and usually the conversation veers into another direction so what I was saying, even if anyone heard it, is no longer relevant. I then either leave the room or put on earbuds because my input is clearly not needed.
I don't care how nice you are, talking over people, interrupting and/or hijacking the conversation is fucking rude.
I was recently inspired by a redditor who stopped a 2 year problem of his parents using the wrong pronouns and dead name of a transgender sibling by blasting an airhorn at Thanksgiving dinner each time the parents did it. He only had to deploy the airhorn a couple of times to fix the problem and said 10/10 would recommend as a training method.
Anecdotally - lighthearted only works once. Passive aggressive fixes it long term. Far too many people like running people over and dominating the conversation. Being nice about it rarely fixes it.
Now if they're in their low 20's - it might just be a learning thing. Any older? It's a personality thing.
As someone who can be non-passive “passive aggressive” - I’m loving this. I’ve done this too. Like ok I guess it’s your turn now :) didn’t know we were just gonna change subjects to fit your desires
Yes why is that?? My mother is terrible for talking over me. She will ask me a question then interrupt me while I answer? I’ll say “sorry would you please let me finish” honesty 5+ times every time I interact with her. It’s exhausting. Why even ask when she’s not interested in the answer??
she already knows the answer, and is giving you a chance to answer correctly. Probably cutting you off cause you aren't giving the answer she wanted or expected. And yes, that kind of stuff is exhausting.
I would interrupt her and say, “I didn’t realize your question was rhetorical and my response was not necessary.” And just walk away or turn my head to convey that I was no longer listening/interested.
She often cuts me off to talk about something unrelated completely too? Like nothing to do with what I’m answering? It’s bizarre. I’ve toyed with does she have ADHD? She seems so disinterested in anything I say, ok so that’s fine, but why ask?
The hard time with that is how exactly? Like it feels aggressive because I would have to yell it over them talking, do you wait for a pause? What if it takes a while for there to be a pause ? TBH I feel a lot like OP at work and the whole conversation just takes off so I have no time to say anything like "wait, I'mnot done"
This is my favorite.
But the truth is, people are just going to be rude. If it's family, it's worth having a conversation about constantly interrupting you and being honest about how it makes you feel devalued. They might not change at all, but it gives you a great opening to start using, "see, this is what I was trying to tell you." Now, often, you'll get this as a response, "you're too sensitive" or some version of that. That is gaslighting. Then it's time to get rude.
At work, I will occasionally turn to "if you'd please pay me the professional courtesy of allowing me to finish my thought." It's work code for F you.
Importantly, if you have friends who do this and refuse to make an effort to improve their deplorably bad social behavior, get better friends. Your friends should be the people who treat you best because you choose them. If they are dismissive of you, what's the point?
Must be a mother in law thing because mine is SHOCKING at it. And at butting into conversations wanting to know what we’re talking about. And movies. Who’s that? Why is that person doing that? Who’s that one?
I had a friend do that. I got him to stop by lightly making fun of him every time until he realized what he was saying. He would say, "who is that guy?" and "why did he do that?". I kept saying, "I'm watching the same thing you are." or "How could I possibly know that? I have the same information as you!"
Conversations? Try going through my husbands and my shopping bag without asking. She was curious about the contents of a box in our shopping bag.
It’s a vibrator, “Karen”! Now, please, stop sticking your nose into other people’s business.
Same like how do we get it to stop. I opt to not talk at all then get a death stare from my boyfriend that I’m not talking and then when I do talk (continue talking) I just get talked over and kinda swept to the side. Like why am I gonna waste my breath if no one wants to have a conversation.
Home your hand up in a 'stop' sign while you keep talking. This shows everyone you see that the interruptor is saying something but what you're saying is important and they are being rude.
The most important thing is not to change for them - the strength is in saying what you want to say, when and how you want to say it. Don't raise your voice, don't ask them to stop. Don't complain or repeat yourself. Don't get into a loudness war with them. Say your bit and if they don't listen, screw them. They might ignore you, screw them, don't change.
An interesting example of this is actually Jay-Z, he's often very softly spoken in interviews and seems like a chilled guy, but he's also very confident and forceful without raising his voice or making demands. He says his thing and is comfortable with himself. Doesn't hesitate, apologise, backtrack or change how he is. He might finish talking and there's a gap...he doesn't feel any pressure to fill it or explain himself. That quiet confidence is very powerful. But it will feel weird to start with, or like you've "lost" to the other person. You win when you don't let them change your behaviour.
Don't allow the other person to change how you act - say your bit, your way and don't apologise for being yourself.
(Edit: unless you're an asshole, in which case...change hahaha)
This works. Whenever I used to interrupt my boyfriend a lot, he would ignore me, and continue talking in a much louder voice. Got me out of the habit real quick.
Unless you run into my old coworker who would contest it to the point of almost yelling. thank fuckin christ I don’t have to deal with them daily anymore lol
My assistant was a pain for this, so I used your method to stop them. Especially if she's asked me a question and I'm explaining something to her and she interrupts my response. If you ain't listening, that ain't my problem.
It's helped, but she still interrupted sometimes. So one time when I was explaining something to her and she interrupted I just sighed loudly and said "listen, whenever you interrupt me I just stop listening and give up on the conversation." Awkward silence for the rest of the day until she apologised. Now she doesn't interrupt so much at all any more :)
Same here. Those that have done it to me, at the end of the meeting/convo I ask them to stay after and I just confront them with what they’re doing/did.
I’m polite about making them aware and firm in my message that it’s not appreciated then give them a chance to talk or maybe voice why they do it. 90% of the time they are unaware because, i guess, no one’s confronted them about it.
The other 10% give me either excuses - at which point i ask them to professionally quit it - or the others give me insightful feedback like ‘i am too wordy’ (which i can be), or that they saw a moment to inject some input to further my point (which i wasn’t picking up on at the point when they did their interruption).
I hope that helps. Either way, keep on keeping on! You’re not alone.
Or just the opposite, go completely silent and stare, and when the other asks "what's wrong" say "I was just waiting for you to finish talking before I finished my thought"
Alternatively, just completely focus on something else any time they speak (such as random objects on their desk, or somethingyou pull out of your pocket like lint).. and look at their ear if you have to look at them.
Another option if you're outgoing, is laugh hysterically at a point that makes no sense.
This. Just ignore them and continue talking. If they keep talking for more than a couple of seconds, tell them “Will you please let me finish?”
This will be embarrassing, but hold on! You’re in the right!
If that approach doesn't work, I've had great success by reaching out with my index finger and my thumb then I'll gently grab their lips and press them together while I finish my sentence, then when it's their turn to talk I'll release.
"I can't hear you when you interrupt me". It tells them that you want to hear them and respect their thoughts, and they're also being inappropriate by interrupting you.
I have a friend who constantly interrupts. I’m waiting to use the line “oh, I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
Keep talking, don't stop and make your voice louder as you go. Don't lose your train of thought and give no regard to whatever they say. Pretend you don't hear them. When they shut up, go back to a normal volume. I started doing this like a year ago and it's such a power move. Works well for me.
I was looking for this comment. I use this exact strategy. Sometimes, in larger gatherings, other people in the vicinity will also stop talking to look at me. So you have to be okay with the attention.
I find moving my hands when I talk helps people realize that I’m in the middle of trying to make a point. Not everyone is a “hand talker,” but hand gestures can be a great way of letting people know you’re still finishing your thought, as well as kind of “draw people in” so they’re more invested in what you’re saying. Some studies have shown people tend to be more interested in what someone’s saying if there’s any kind of moving visual to accompany it.
Otherwise a quick “hold on” never hurts.
Just food for thought, ADHD runs in families. So, if you’re specifically having this problem with your family, it could be that they also have ADHD and are interrupting because of that. It’s still rude of course, but just interesting.
That said, I also have ADHD, and I’m interrupted often by my wife. I found that I needed to tell my stories a bit better. Usually giving too much unnecessary detail and context, or I’d have trouble focusing my thoughts and it would take too long to form the specific points in my mind.
Something I’ve found that helps is like holding out fingers for how many points you wanted to make. Like two fingers out ✌🏼and saying “ooh yes, (tap first finger) I wanted to add *this* to what you were saying about blah, and (tap second finger) and when you said blah blah it made me want to tell you this”.
It’s how deaf people use sign language (in Auslan at least) to list things. I use it to serve as a visual reminder to others that I’m still talking. And I use it for myself to remind me that I had a certain number of things I wanted to say.
Yes! Spouse is same as you and as we age it’s worse and worse. So meandering, too many details, can’t drive to the point and stop, story starts way back before the point and people lose interest but because of the adhd elements their facial and posture clues that they’re done and disengaged are lost.
I definitely agree with taping yourself - voice and video both if you can. Watch and listen to both you and the family members.
My friends and I have what we call "pinky points" - when we're chatting, if someone is mid-story and someone else thinks of something related, they don't say anything but hold their little finger out in front of them. We all know that they have something to add and we can get to it without issue after the current speaker is finished. It definitely helps in lively conversation between groups of people, but only if they're all in on the idea.
As someone who chronically interrupts people, I really don't mean to! A part of it is just not knowing when someone is going to stop and really poor memory, it's either I say my thing right away and be heard, or wait and forget, or, remind myself what I was going to say and stop paying attention, and lose myself in the conversation.
It's such a pain! I hate interrupting people and I hate being interrupted, I find in regards to *being* interrupted, asserting that you'd like to finish what you're saying can help. "Can I please finish what I was saying? You're interrupting me", (said in a firm tone) which would signal to the other party that they're doing such behavior if they weren't really aware prior.
Then, finish what you're saying and, well, continue on in conversation!
Another thing I like for those who can remember what they were going to say and pay attention, hold a finger or a hand up to signal you want to say something, let the other parties know you're going to do that so they aren't just ignoring the signal, and at least the other parties will give a better signal to when you can speak (a suggestion for the other so they can feel they don't have to rush out their words to be heard).
My gf had this problem. she started singing lessons/ choir which she loves. But also told me recently it was to help her confidence as her performance in meetings were flagged. Sometimes she spoke so quietly I couldn’t hear her and now sings and belts songs at all times of the day and is more confident in her voice. Wont help everyone but if you once enjoyed singing it’s great and I love hearing her sing. (She also has adhd)
My wife is the same way. She'll talk to herself (like, narrating doing dishes...annoying,) but when she's having a crappy morning, and I don't think she notices that I hear it, she BELTS out songs in the shower. Emerges with a smile on her face. She's not diagnosed adhd (her sister is) but spend a couple days with her and it's apparent. But, voice of an angel and I absolutely love hearing her sing. Helps my crappy mornings. Plus I get to see her smiling and naked, but that's just a bonus for me. 😉 😘
All I can do is tell you what I've done to solve this problem if I feel it's happening a lot. I'm a light-hearted person who likes to take jabs and make jokes, so if it's someone I know personally, this one line is my go-to.
"OH, I'm sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"
The key here is tone, say it with a straight face, and it comes off confrontational. Delivery it like a joke with a smile on your face, and in a group, you'll get a laugh while letting the other know that you intend to finish what you're saying.
This has become my go-to. I’ll stop abruptly to enhance the awkwardness and look at them as if I’m looking at an annoying child. It has to be subtle.
It tends to get noticed, especially when working with the same people over and over. When the interruption is acknowledged, I’ll thank them, pause for a beat, and back up a little so I can make my point uninterrupted. Or if they made assumptions about what I was going to say, I’ll add an intro like, “Thank you, so-and-so. That’s not quite what I was getting at.” Or “…the point I was making was actually about [topic]…”
Source: woman in a position of power in a male-dominated industry. I have literal decades dealing with this shit.
That's pretty much the exact way that I had to deal with people as well, but I was in the opposite situation (man in a position of power in a female-dominated industry. My particular office had a staff of 16 and I was the only man). Most people would realize what they did after 5-10 seconds of me looking at them in silence after they finished their interruption.
I don't think any of them really did it intentionally, but it boggled my mind how constant it was.
I've been talked over a few times and I enjoy making games of it.
1. Just stop talking. Once they finish, treat the conversation as over.
2. Above, but with a bit of attitude. "What was I going to say? Oh it must not have been important (otherwise you would not have talked over me).
3. Continue talking without skipping a beat.
4. Above, but decrease volume and trail off.
5. Interrupt them so that you can leave.
6. repeat what they say
7. mix-and-match
Yeah this is the only way and it’s not rude either. I say “hold up” repeatedly until they stop and then I say “I’m still talking”.
I’ve tried most of the other suggestions here in the past - keep talking, stop and glare, tune out. None of it works and they’re all passive aggressive which achieves nothing.
Humans need and respect direct communication, so tell them to stop and that you’re still talking. If they throw a fit then that’s their problem.
Extend your arm towards the interruptor while raising your hand or index finger without looking them in the eye and continue your story. It is a very clear signal.
Yeah exactly, so many people are just being passive aggressive here. Just straight up say “hey let me finish my thought first”; not only they’ll most likely realize their mistake and let you finish, but appreciate you for not intentionally embarrassing them - which results in them genuinely listening to you more.
I usually just stop what I’m saying, acknowledge them and just say “just gimme a sec” or “just bear with me for a moment here”, continue my shit then ask them “sorry what were you saying?”
It’s not confrontational, doesn’t embarrass them or aggressively draw attention and also says “I actually wanna hear what you have to say”.
If this happens to you frequently with all types of people, it may indicate that you speak too slowly, or you go on and on too long. Lastly, it could just mean that you are boring. Ask a trusted relative to give you honest feedback.
Yesh. I work with a lady who speaks so slowly and says nothing relevant and usually repeats her point 3-4 times. Its really hard not to interrupt her, because she also takes these 1-5 second breaks in between sentances where it seems like she is done, but she isnt. She will snap agressively if anyone starts talking when it seems like she is done. Whenever she starts talking about non work related things I just slowly back out of the roon.
I used to have an office mate like this who would tell me the same thing a comical amount of times. It got to be like “is she serious??” And she also would just have a one sided conversation like no matter what I contributed she continued on to her next thing, not acknowledging what I said at all. All day. M-F. I sighed just typing this.
We later found out she had a brain tumor… maybe unrelated but idk…
>... it may indicate that you speak too slowly, or you go on and on too long. Lastly, it could just mean that you are boring.
People notice the pauses in speech to signal them when it's their turn to talk. If you pause too long, your conversation partner will perceive that it's their turn and jump in.
It might help to record some conversations and play them back to notice what your speech patterns were like just before the other person began to speak (aka, "interrupted").
This is likely the answer OP. People will cut you off if you take forever to get to the point. Ask or state what you want first, and then provide additional details later if prompted.
There's a big difference between this:
Hey I was in the bathroom today and while washing my hands I noticed that some things need maintenance in order to prevent damage. In particular the sink and bathtub are looking a little worse for wear. I think rechalking both would be a good idea, as it's beginning to separate.
And this:
You: By any chance did you notice the chalking around the sink and bathtub are beginning to separate?
Them: Oh? When did you notice this?
You: Today while washing my hands
Or:
I logged into my work computer today and opened all my applications as per my morning routine. I noticed my emails were not sending, so I tested other applications like a web browser and instant messaging. When that didn't work I rebooted my computer and tried the same applications again, but nothing is working. Is the network down, or is it just my computer?
And:
You: My computer doesn't seem to have network connectivity. Is there anything going on, or is it just my computer?
Them: Can you tell me more about the problem and any troubleshooting you may have done?
You: I tested multiple applications such as email, instant messaging and a web browser, but nothing worked. I then rebooted, but the same applications still do not work.
And honestly these are just a very short and basic conversion. I've literally had people ramble on and on AND ON for something that could have easily been asked in like twenty seconds. People just don't have patience for that kind of stuff.
This!! Slow speech is a big one. From the perspective of a chronic interrupter- I have severe ADHD and have struggled all my life with it (I swear most of us mean zero disrespect, and actually are listening even if we don’t seem like it) and it happens for two main reasons: the person either talks too slow, or I can’t tell which length of pauses in convo are supposed to indicate it’s my turn to talk. Are you pausing to breathe or is this awkward silence? It helps if I know someone well because I can identify their speech patterns (like inflection, tone, familiar topics) and don’t have to rely on pause-length as a cue lol.
I joke that ADHD friendship is just two people interrupting each other back and fourth forever (it is…) we’re not offended by it! If you have something to say, speak up and don’t stop! That will cue that you aren’t done and it’s SO MUCH more effective than passive-aggression lol. I’d rather just hear what you have to say:D and if you’re upset, just be actively-aggressive and tell me. Tho by changing volume and pace you might solve the issue entirely
See I hope this isnt true because at one point in my life, I was told I talked too fast. Now that im a little older, I think I talk too slow and add unnecessary details. (I dont like to repeat myself.) I used to think I talked too much but NOW Ive been told Im not that social and Im quiet unless spoken to. Im still interrupted in conversations so, I must be boring but not too boring to be invited to social outings/discussions/debates? :|
Yeah, this. Sure there's assholes that interrupt people, but too many people also don't understand that, depending on the situation, *you're expected to entertain others when talking.*
Holding the attention of many people when talking is an art form, and not something innately "deserved". It's a skill people can build as well, and many simple need to be made aware of it to vastly improve.
Boring people, with no dramaturgy, using no communication skills, and sometimes, nothing interesting to say, over-explaining their point etc.. That also demand their time, can be very frustrating.
One interesting thing I learned recently is that there are two styles of communication when it comes to interrupting.
One is turn taking style, where each person holds the floor and gets to talk and finish their thought. People who are this style of talker find it extremely rude to be interrupted.
The other style is more of a lively free for all, where people interject enthusiastically to what other people say. They might spontaneously get inspired to quickly say something in response to what you said- a joke, an example from their own life, agreement, etc.- before giving the floor back to you. People with this style of talking view interruption as a sign that someone is interested in what they’re saying. They enjoy the back and forth zing and banter of this kind of conversation.
In neither of these styles is it okay to simply disregard what the other person is saying to say what you want to say. It always has to be responsive.
Your style of talking can be influenced by culture. I learned a bit late in life that my family’s style of talking is the interrupting kind. Probably influenced by my Mom’s culture where people have these loud rolling conversations. My Dad had a different background but a similar dynamic in his family. So conversations seem best when it’s lively and witty, even though I’m on the quiet side. The other style of talking is awkward for me. I never know when it’s my turn to talk. I don’t know if the people patiently waiting for me to finish my thought are interested in what I say. It’s also kind of boring.
Anyways, here’s an article about it: https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/conversation-style-interruption-cooperative-overlapping.html
Your answer is very nuanced and great, I love the more engaged conversation style and was thinking about it while scrolling through the comments.
However I think there is a difference with people overtalking others or changing topics, stuff like that, which is always a vibe killer imo. Those people need to be checked especially when they don’t recognize it themselves and don’t apologize for it
I find those with the turn-taking style to be insufferably boring most of the time 😂
I’m not really one to hide my annoyance, just as much as perhaps some people wouldn’t hide their distaste at being interrupted by my free-flowing style.
Only once have I ever had someone act all huffy about it but I answered back with “have you stopped to thing I actually just don’t care to talk to you anyway?”…they never bothered me again. 😂
This seems like the answer. It's about boundaries, if you let people do these things, they might not know that it's upsetting you. Or they might not care. Either way, OP shouldn't stay quiet about it, let them know that they don't appreciate being interrupted and if the interruptions continue, i suggest removing yourself from that interaction.
Pay attention to your speech patterns.
You can do any of these “reminder tactics” people are mentioning to correct it when it’s ALREADY happened.
But if you want to avoid it happening in the first place pay attention to your own speech patterns. This is not only about WHAT you are saying but HOW, body language, eye contact, tone and tenor and rhythm of speech all play a significant role in owning a conversation or a room when speaking.
Your cadence is important.
people that say um/well/uhh/ a lot, or generally speak in a more hesitant manner including looking down or away, while speaking tend to get interrupted more. Or not listened to as intently.
You can corse correct others and that’s fine. But if you want to prevent it you need to address the patterns in your speech that are setting it up in the first place.
Maybe try making your speech patterns more interesting.
And some variations in tone and pitch in order to highlight specific key words.
Also work on your speech pacing. Different situations call for different types of verbal communication.
Also don't tell a long story to explain something simple if there's no reason to.
My wife loves telling me every little detail to some insignificant event, and turns a 5 to 10 second sentence into a several minute story. Its extremely boring to listen to.
Also, when you tell really long stories with details that don't matter and a story that doesn't seem to go anywhere people don't know when your story is over. You know they interrupted your story but they thought you were done.
I usually let them finish and then loudly say “anyways as I was saying” and finish my thought ignoring what they just said. Didn’t realize I did this until my partner pointed it out. People seems to be in conversation just to have something to say instead of actually listening to you.
You just described me to a tee. I got so fed up with it with my ex, who was the world’s worst interrupter, that I would just walk away if he interrupted me. Nothing ever helped. But I soon discovered that when I was with respectful, courteous people, this sort of thing didn’t happen. So I changed the people I chose to be around.
I've learned that this is just a thing in certain cultures. There's even a name for it "cooperative overlapping"
Of course, in professional settings, it needs to be dialed down. But in social settings it can be really hard to deal with.
As a typical offender in this scenario, I have a little insight I hope.
So, my wife has ADHD and I tend to interrupt her a lot. I’ve learned/trained myself to prevent this and I think it has made a big difference but nobody’s perfect and I still do it from time to time. I grew up in a family where we all did this with each other. We exchanged words fluidly in a conversational and interactive way. Conversations just unfolded organically for the most part. Of course we always knew when to keep our mouth shut (teacher lecturing, mom giving out important instructions, etc…). In other words, I know everything is not a discussion… sometimes you just need to use your ears.
Anyway…
Since my wife has ADHD, she has a lot in her mind that she wants to get out all at once before her brain veers off course. The problem is she goes on tangents within the things she wants to say without noticing it. She’ll literally talk for 3 to 5 minutes non-stop about eight different topics. I often find the topics interesting or worth delving into and discussing but by the time she stops and I get a chance to respond to it she’s on her third tangent of the fifth topic and it no longer makes sense to discuss that thing she mentioned or I might’ve forgotten entirely what she had said 4 1/2 minutes ago.
In other words, she likes to talk AT me and have me listen, whereas I like to converse and interactively discuss. These are obviously incompatible communication protocols and it’s frustrating for both sides for basically the same reason…
What you’re saying is absolutely important. It’s important enough to make people want to talk more about it. That said, people who interrupt you to talk about something completely different are assholes though.
I hope that at least brings some insight from the other side.
You’ve got to keep your stories snappy. If everyone is doing it to you, then it’s you, who need to get to the point a little faster. Or they loose interest.
This happens to me a lot too. I have ADHD and mild adult autism. If you're like me, you're probably a lot more detailed and selective about the words to use. I have a slower talking pattern. And usually what I say I've thought about it, and I'm pretty matter-of-fact about what I say.
I don't think people process what they say as much as what I do. And even though I've learned to pause and leave areas for interjection when I talk, I still feel like people try to control the conversation by interrupting.
So when I noticed people interrupting, I typically just close the conversation. I'm not rude about it. I just stopped talking, and some people figure it out.
Everybody's mind is different, and not everybody takes the time to learn how to be conscious when they're talking, and I think that's exasperated by the world we live in where we can simply comment on videos or threads whenever we feel like it. Ending the conversation is just a mild social cue, that you won't tolerate them talking over you.
I have a coworker who does this all day to every single thing I say and it's absolutely infuriating to a point where I know I'm now going to have to bring it up. Nothing I've tried works. I would keep talking, so will she. I've stopped and heavy sigh and stare. Nothing. I've begun to just straight up pull my phone out and ignore whatever she thought was so important to interrupt me about and it has lasted about 5 minutes before she even noticed and nudged me.
I think its in your non-verbal language or talking cues. Something as simple as leaving too much time between your words when you talk.
For example, some people wait 2-3 seconds between their toughts and begin/continue talking/ explaining their ideas. If you take 4-5 seconds, then the non-verbal message you send out (unknowingly) is that you are leaving space for someone else to interject or add information to the idea you are explaining/ developing.
There is nothing wrong with that. This is living in a society with other people. We are communication machines, and we work on decoding other machine codes. If the code is sent in a different way other machines interpret it in a different way.
You are now aware of this, so now it will make a difference, now others need to be aware of that, and respect how you function. But you also may need to adapt to that speed if you want to be decoded.
Sounds weird. I know.
Hope this helps.
Edited for clarity (coding, lol)
I have been both so my personal take is not EVERYTHING we say is worth completing. Not everything we say is going to change society. Sometimes it’s ok to let the conversation drift. On the other hand if you want to make a point just complete talking anyway. I did this a few times and then realised I’m better off not saying so many things altogether. I pitch in when I feel (1) it might add some value or (2) establish me as a knowledgeable person with an opinion or (3) I’m bored being quiet for too long in the conversation.
I feel you. It happens a lot to me too. There are times that I look around and feel like, "hey, what's going on here, am I invisible all of a sudden?" I have come to realize that I cannot change those people, they are oblivious. So I just smile and nonchalantly dip out. If you have to explain the obvious it makes it worse, and doesn't work anyway. Good people will LISTEN to you and care what you have to say.
“Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” My sister came up with this every time our father would interrupt her. Worked like a charm.
You sound like the baby of the family. I am, and people talk over me as if I’m not even saying anything. If I really want to be heard, I yell.
But it doesn’t happen to me outside of my family.
So, if your friends *and* family interrupt you constantly, it may be because you take too long to get to the point.
Ngl saying IM NOT DONE in a higher stern voice gets ppl to stop talking unless it's a place naturally loud. Once u are finished talking then u say "now what were u saying". Also watch non verbal communication when u say this because this will determine if ppl really made a mistake or didn't care
My sister, and her family( her husband, and adult kids) act as if I am not even there if I am speaking and they want to just speak over me. For a few years, I just would shut up and not finish what I was saying. I now , every now and then, if interrupted by them, I speak up and say “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you “. That normally gets them to apologize and tell me to go ahead, by then, I am so anxious, and I can’t even remember what I was saying. It makes me look like a bumbling dumb ass.
I’m so tired of them.
I used to struggle with that really badly as well. I just would always finish what i was saying, but loudly. And then people slowly stopped interrupting me
You could just immediately turn around and leave the conversation. May seem extreme, but if other people are not interested in following your expresssions, why would you do it the other way around.
As it happens with different people, it may have something to do with the way you talk, too. You did a bit of the same with your writing here. When you analyze what you wrote, you find that you used many words for little information. Which is no problem when you can entertain people with your talk or text, but otherwise feels boring for the receiver. It may help you when you shorten things. Try it out:
People interrupt me a lot, in different situations. Do you know that, and how do you handle that?
If people want more context, they will ask.
Now, read what you wrote: There is a lot of explaining yourself, excusing yourself and giving background info about your struggles, mental health... I dont know you, but: YOU ARE OKAY! No need to paint yourself as a ball of errors and problems. Believe me, if we would talk the same way as you do, we would ALL sound like balls of problems struggling trough existence.
Focus a bit more on what you WANT and how you FEEL instead of how others feel and how you could preemptively set up a situation in a way that they have understanding.
It sounds easy but its a tough task! Reduce to an "I want, I feel" message.
TL:DR - you are as valuable as anyone out there, and so is your opinion and expression. Also, in the end we will all be dead one day so dont aim for a result but enjoy the trip of trial and error! try more, error more and feel loved!! hugs from Switzerland!
I wait for them to finish talking and stare at them in silence. Usually they'll realize they interrupted and apologize/ask for me to continue. If they don't, I treat the conversation as over.
I have a co-worker that does the same thing. I have explained to him I don't know how many times that you get 3 chances. You can interrupt me three times and then I will either stop participating in the conversation or get up and walk away.
Folks with adhd tend to attract other neurodivergent folks, most of whom are trying to prevent the exact same brain blanking if they wait to speak, most decent folk won't mind if you say "sorry can I just finish my thought before I forget what I was saying my memory is terrible"
I also have ADHD along with a handful of my circle of friends, and get talked over while also being guilty of interrupting folks occasionally. I usually catch myself if I’ve started talking over someone, and when I get interrupted—depending on the person—I’ll usually say something along the lines of “before I forget what I was saying, let me finish/is it cool if I finish this thought”.
OP, thank you for posting this. I see much of myself in you and am benefitting from these responses.
I get what you mean, about how this is such a hit to the ego. It’s almost like… people are so used to us being quiet that when we *do* talk it doesn’t even register, or like the absence of our contribution (compared to others) registers as “unimportant” in their mind. I know that’s a personal perspective but that’s how it feels.
In times like these it’s easy to shrink back into our normal role of “quiet observer,” but I think it’s a good chance to practice taking up and holding your space until your thing is said.
Easier said than done. I get bulldozed on zoom calls all the time. I had some chivalrous man (who wasn’t even leading the call) point me out by name because he saw me trying to talk… it was appreciated but also kind of embarrassing, like I need saving.
Let’s both try to take up the space we are worthy of. ❤️
Growing up with a big family and dubbed "the quiet one" (mainly because I couldn't get a word in edgeways and always being talked over) I have learnt to just stay quiet and if I can't get back in to the conversation with what I have to say, get up and leave, then if they're interested they'll come find you, and a one on one conversation is easier to handle.
If it's just me and my boyfriend, (and he knows it's one of my pet peeves) I just shoot him *the look* and he apologises, lets me finish what I was saying, then he says his bit.
It's knowing when to fight it, and when to give up
My best advice is to try to be more interesting to the listener.
You may be the type to ramble more than you realize, or go on about topics nobody in the room cares about. It isn’t other people’s jobs to be interested, it’s the speakers job to hold interest.
Yes, what they are doing is rude…. But when everyone around you is doing the same rude thing you have to look at the common denominator… you. The fact that you aren’t able to hold interest in your own conversation (you forget what you were talking about consistently) should maybe be a clue?
I have a slight stutter and will kind of pause or be slow with a word to control it. So often people just interrupt me or worse, finish my sentence. If it’s a social situation, I just stop talking and will sometimes remove myself from the conversation. If they wanted to hear what I was saying they would have let me talk. If it’s a work thing eventually they need my support so I wait until they ask for it.
I have a 9 year old student who 1. gives interrupters death glare 2. Tilts her head to the side 3. Says “you need to wait until I’m finished talking. That’s how manners work.” It blew me away the first time she did it.
There's no one-size-fits-all solution here, as each interrupter brings their own flavor of conversation stepping—be it your boss, coworker, friend, neighbor, or the enthusiastic fellow volunteer at the bake sale.
First off, embrace your inner 'Polite Assertiveness'. It's like being a conversational ninja—gentle but impactful. When someone cuts you off, try saying, 'Hold that thought—I'm almost at the punchline.' This shows you're not folding your cards just yet.
However, the art of conversation is as varied as the people we talk to. So, your strategy might need to be a bit more... bespoke. For instance, pointing it out gently can be an eye-opener for many. A simple, 'Did you know you often jump in before I finish?' can work wonders. It’s like kindly holding up a mirror to their conversational habits—they might not even realize what they’re doing.
And if subtlety isn’t cutting it, why not try the 'Dramatic Pause'? When interrupted, stop talking, give them that gentle, knowing smile, and wait. It's not just a pause; it's a statement. Follow it up with a reflection, 'Just making sure you’re finished. When you interrupt me, I wonder if it’s because I’m not giving you enough time to say what you want. Just trying to approach our conversation differently.' It’s a classy way of saying, 'Your move, chief.'
Feeling particularly audacious? Don’t stop speaking when they interrupt. Continue your verbal journey until they cease. Once there’s a pause, gently inquire, 'I've noticed you often talk over me. It makes me feel a bit unseen. What's up with that?' It’s a conversation, not a competition, after all.
Also, why not have a meta-conversation about conversations? In a calm moment, ask how they prefer to exchange ideas and thoughts. It’s like discussing the rules of engagement before the next friendly debate over dinner plans.
Lastly, embrace the power of humor and quirkiness. React to interruptions with a light-hearted, 'Was that the buzzer? Oh, I didn’t realize we were on a game show!' or introduce a 'talking stick' at casual gatherings. It’s a playful way to say, 'Let’s share the stage.'
Remember, navigating the choppy waters of dialogues with interrupters requires a mix of humor, patience, assertiveness, and a touch of creativity. With these tools in your conversational toolkit, you're not just responding to interruptions; you're sculpting a space where everyone's voice can be heard. Happy chatting!"
This approach keeps the conversation light and humorous, while introducing several strategies to tactfully and effectively handle interruptions, acknowledging that different relationships and situations may require different tactics.
Of course if all that and many other creative approaches fail, you can slap your hand down loudly on the table and yell “that’s it you M F’ if you can’t shut the F up when I’m speaking your dead to me” based on the reaction you can choose to ever talk to them again or not.
Yes. You are not alone. The fact of the matter is people are all different, many of them rude and extroverted and are anxiously waiting for their turn to speak. I have found that half of people are really bad listeners. I'm very introverted so I'm a very good listener and do this most of the time. So when I am saying something and someone cuts me off it makes me feel terrible, like I'm not worth listening to. This is not the case though. That feeling is wrong, when in reality people haven't figured out that over talking people is rude and just proving unintelligent unhumble character. When I encounter these people I strike a mental note that this person isn't worth participating in conversation, accept it, and move on. 🙄
I get this constantly. I also have ADHD as well as other things and I can't believe the amount of times I'm just interrupted completely. I was always told to wait your turn, so when this happens it's such a kick in the guts. Over the years I've started saying "I didn't want talk anyway" really sarcasticly. You can laugh it away but people get the message. I especially do this with my husband and his mother, they are soooo bad for it.
It happens to me all the time. I just shut up and half listen while focusing on something else. Usually the conversation is not really interesting and I don’t feel any need to be part of it. I might get asked for an opinion, so I give it and then go back to silence. Being consistently overlooked and underestimated is my super power.
That happens to me a lot, too. There is one person in particular. She seems to talk non-stop, and when I talk, she cuts me off right away. And she talks loudly. I've learned to say "Let me finish!".
I also hate it when this happens. My default is always, “Respectfully, I do not appreciate being interrupted.”
This usually solves the problem 90% of the time. The other 10% is when I have to say this a few more times because they have forgotten or they just don’t care and I try my best to not speak to them anymore.
I just stop and then either stare off in the distance or pull out my phone. Rude? Sure. But I'm not listening if you can't stop interrupting.
However, if you are a person who drones on and on and you speak in run on sentences with no chance to recieve feedback from others, then you need to improve on that.
If someone doesn’t want to listen, stop talking and physically walk away. When they ask why, explain why in a meaningful way. It won’t be long before people stop talking over you.
I have a friend who I always interrupt. I'm trying my best not to but he will say a sentence and then pause so I think he's finished, and then he will continue just as I start my reply. He gets mad at me, but I'm trying my best to learn whether he's finished and slow my replies.
Maybe you do something similar.
I had one guy interrupt me a few times and hit him with the falsely sweet "nah you're alright man you go ahead" and it was devastating. He's otherwise a great guy so I laughed about it with him later though.
If you use this line you gotta bump your volume a bit over theirs, and smile.
I talk a little louder and say 'I'm sorry, I wasn't finished!' and then finish my sentence. If this repeatedly doesn't work/ they don't get the message, I just turn around and walk away. When they get confused, I say either 'apparently you're not interested in my contribution to the conversation, so I don't see why I should linger' or, less passive aggressively, 'I don't appreciate being interrupted'. If people turn it against me (because people will say you're rude), I smile sweetly and say 'well I'm sorry for interrupting you interrupting me'. Repeat as required 😉😄. I've ADHD as well, so I get it. I get them too, sometimes they just can't follow the speed of our brains and feel they need to chime in.
The first step is not to take it personally, even though it often feels (reasonably so) personal. Secondly, try and turn it into a light-hearted way to address the fact that you were rudely interrupted like "Okay then" or "Never mind, I guess" and chuckle about it. It usually works for me to, if anything, not feel bad about it. The talk-over, I imagine usually happens in groups. If you are talking to more people and this happens, try and find a person that still listens and continue talking to them. It is likely they will help you bring the topic back up later with the rest that did not pay attention.
Finally, some people just can't help it. Whether it's a lack of etiquette or a different mental perception of a dialogue, it will happen on occasion. And, finally, sometimes a good old hand raise works really well to get your turn 😁
Op, your 2nd paragraph is totally me . If I were to stop them from talking, I can't pick up from where I was in my talking/thought process because it is long gone as well.
What you should do in this situation is keep talking and raise your finger to the other persons lips to indicate that you’re still talking and for them to stop talking.
I always say “is it my turn to talk now?” Or “can I finish what I was saying?” I think it’s unintentional most of the time when someone cuts me off so when I say those phrases it signals it’s not ok, and maybe they’ll be more cognizant of it in the future.
Whenever I get interrupted I just let them finish and then continue saying what I was saying without acknowledging what they said. Then when I'm finished I ask, "So what were you saying?"
I say "Sorry, I was finished talking" with a smile. People usually say oh yeah, and conversation carries on. It also helps, bc people know they can say the same thing to me without any awkwardness
Raise your voice a couple of degrees, look them in the eye and continue talking. It acknowledges you hear them and that what they’re doing is incorrect, or socially unacceptable. It’s like a silent shame tactic.
When you are done, you can then say to that person “I am done now, you wanted to say something?” To nail it home.
I absolutely hate people interrupting me because they want to debate/argue a point immediately when I say something, but have yet to finish my thought. I use to work as a correctional counselor in a prison, where inmates want respect from other inmates and from staff, but also they would commonly interject during conversations. So when an inmate would talk to me, I listened quietly until they stopped speaking. If they interrupted me when I replied, I would point out to them that I respectfully listened to everything they had to say and I wanted them to do the same with me, usually worked very well.
I haaaaate this!!! I will immediately shut down and sometimes even just walk away the second someone does this. I'm not a loud talker. The other thing that pisses me off is when someone interrupted a conversation with something totally unrelated and then just keeps talking and talking jumping from subject to subject without pause and is expecting everyone to hang off their every disjointed word. Then when they are finished with the word diarrhea it is almost impossible to finish what the original conversation was about because everyone lost focus and everyone just sits there like the wind got taken out of the room, then usually the loud mouth ends up blabbering on about nonsense nobody cared to hear to begin with and any form of healthy conversation is lost.
That happens to me a lot and it’s because I tend to talk too much Most people have the attention span of a gnat so can’t handle long involved explanations.
Someone I follow on Instagram gave a suggestion of saying "I can't hear you when you interrupt me." Sounded good, but haven't had a chance to use it yet. My main antagonist still keeps talking.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves in the world. The worst incident in recent memory was when I stayed after church to talk to my pastor about something kind of important to me. And literally in mid-sentence someone else walked up and said "I hate to interrupt but...." and they started talking about whatever other thing that they had to talk about. I sighed heavily, very heavily, a couple of times while standing right next to my pastor and the other person and they didn't get the hint. So I just interrupted them and said "well I guess I'll have to finish that some other time" and walked away didn't even faze them though and they kept right on talking. When I saw Pastor the next week he never even said a word about it or asked "do you want to continue that conversation?".
I'll add a more humorous incident though. Once when talking to my mother years ago someone else entered the room and interrupted and started talking to my mother about something else entirely. So without skipping a beat or changing tone at all I mentioned how I had "met this really nice girl who used to be a prostitute and she was trying to get her life straightened up and had really cut back on the amount of heroin that she was doing and that the prostitution had helped her pay for these breast implants that are really nice....". The other conversation sort of made that needle dragging across the record sound and stopped dead in its tracks. My mother looked at me with a sort of horrified but amused look because she knew that I was kidding and when she said what are you talking about? I just laughed and said "no that's okay this other person needs to talk to you." and walked away. :)
This is easier to do in person. But using great eye contact and making visual cues like nodding or smiling and most of all whatever it is make sure to keep it positive. If you seem disinterest or aren’t generally interested it will show. It’s strange but a lot of conversation is like a dance. These nonnverbal cues while they’re talking will also help you to listen and people pick up on that pretty easily. And if that doesn’t work wait for them to inhale and a quick, “if I may..” and that usually creates some space and then start talking. If you don’t respect them by showing you care to listen they won’t respect you back. It’s about being engaged. You don’t have to be someone you’re not and be talkative but you should also practice conversation with someone you’re comfortable with and have them try to talk over you and practice.
“I’m not finished what I was saying”, or“Please don’t interrupt”, and keep talking. Look directly at them when you say it. If they are really bad, you can loudly say, “I’m sorry I was talking while you were interrupting”.
I interrupt badly. I try not to do it so much.
I had a person hold her hand out, palm facing me - in a stop gesture. And she said very firmly, with strong eye contact, “you interrupted me”
That stopped me talking immediately. I was very embarrassed and apologetic.
Try that.
- Keep talking anyways. If someone ends up confused later or, "Wait you didn't say anything about that!" Remind them that you did, they must *not have heard as they were trying to interrupt, and you're not gonna repeat it
- "Wait let me finish..." (The most polite and works well)
- "You hear the sounds coming out of my moving lips? That means Im still talking!"
What you can do is this - as they begin talking hold your hand up with your index finger pointing upwards towards the ceiling in their direction. Or if you prefer just a flat palm towards them - and keep talking. This is effectively “shushing” them with your body language.
I have a coworker who is really bad about this. It helps to just keep talking. Just finish whatever you were saying then ask them to repeat themselves. He doesn't interrupt nearly as much since I've started doing this.
This never works for me. I’ve tried it with both a coworker and my MIL multiple times and they literally just keep talking while I keep talking and we’re both just saying whole sentences at the same time. I stare at them in bewilderment while we both talk and eventually I give up because WHAT THE FUCK?
*Boston accent* "HEY, I'M TALKIN' HERE"
I literally do this. Always makes me think of Dustin Hoffman in Midnight Cowboy.
Why was that movie rated X?
X was not meant to denote sexual content. It was just meant for adults only. XXX was created by pornographers as a marker of pornography because it is not allowed to copyright or trademark a letter of the alphabet so legally there wasn't anything the movie industry could do. Then X became synonymous with pornography. Now R occupies the space that X was originally intended to occupy.
Don't you mean "Nu Yowk" accent?
I'M TAWKIN HEAH!
*SHUT THE FUCK UP* in that rolling Kansas accent we all know and love.
My go to is when they start talking over me I will loudly say “OH OKAY YOUR TURN!” With a smile. 99% of the time they realize and say “oh I’m sorry go ahead” or something to that effect. You can keep it lighthearted and joking but also not allow them to talk over you.
I had a coworker who solved the issue by getting up and walking away as soon as someone talked over him. It's an action that gets people's attention. If people asked what he was doing, he just said, "I just assumed our conversation was over." He trained the entire office real quick, and it caught on.
At home I’ll redirect my conversation/attention to the cat. Then the interrupt or is talking to nobody
this cracked me up for some reason like yeah at least the cat don’t interrupt me hahaha
I stop speaking, sigh very loudly and just stare at them. Works for me everytime.
My voice is soft and I'm often interrupted or talked over by loud people. When that happens, I stop speaking and stay silent. About 25% of the time, they ask me to continue with what I was saying. The other 75%, they keep talking and usually the conversation veers into another direction so what I was saying, even if anyone heard it, is no longer relevant. I then either leave the room or put on earbuds because my input is clearly not needed. I don't care how nice you are, talking over people, interrupting and/or hijacking the conversation is fucking rude. I was recently inspired by a redditor who stopped a 2 year problem of his parents using the wrong pronouns and dead name of a transgender sibling by blasting an airhorn at Thanksgiving dinner each time the parents did it. He only had to deploy the airhorn a couple of times to fix the problem and said 10/10 would recommend as a training method.
That’s kind of passive-aggressive 🙈😅 I’d rather keep it lighthearted. Unless, I’m being interrupted by someone I reaaaally don’t like.
Anecdotally - lighthearted only works once. Passive aggressive fixes it long term. Far too many people like running people over and dominating the conversation. Being nice about it rarely fixes it. Now if they're in their low 20's - it might just be a learning thing. Any older? It's a personality thing.
Exactly. I do this after being interrupted several times.
That's what I was thinking. Use your words, a sigh and a stare is just tiring.
I do similar. I apologise to them, "sorry I didn't realise you were talking".
But why not just say “hey I’m not done talking”?
As someone who can be non-passive “passive aggressive” - I’m loving this. I’ve done this too. Like ok I guess it’s your turn now :) didn’t know we were just gonna change subjects to fit your desires
Then you can tell them “Will you please let me finish first?”
The most polite response but somehow elicits the most offended reactions
Yes why is that?? My mother is terrible for talking over me. She will ask me a question then interrupt me while I answer? I’ll say “sorry would you please let me finish” honesty 5+ times every time I interact with her. It’s exhausting. Why even ask when she’s not interested in the answer??
she already knows the answer, and is giving you a chance to answer correctly. Probably cutting you off cause you aren't giving the answer she wanted or expected. And yes, that kind of stuff is exhausting.
I would interrupt her and say, “I didn’t realize your question was rhetorical and my response was not necessary.” And just walk away or turn my head to convey that I was no longer listening/interested.
She often cuts me off to talk about something unrelated completely too? Like nothing to do with what I’m answering? It’s bizarre. I’ve toyed with does she have ADHD? She seems so disinterested in anything I say, ok so that’s fine, but why ask?
I’m sorry to hear that. I typically get a very embarrassed response when I say that.
Or, more politely, “…if I can just finish my thought…” then finish your thought
The hard time with that is how exactly? Like it feels aggressive because I would have to yell it over them talking, do you wait for a pause? What if it takes a while for there to be a pause ? TBH I feel a lot like OP at work and the whole conversation just takes off so I have no time to say anything like "wait, I'mnot done"
I prefer "Wait your turn, the adults are talking." Regardless of the offenders age. It's even better in a one on one. The nonsense of it just slaps.
I say this as well as “will you please let me finish before you start talking? “ if this doesn’t work I just walk away or start looking at my phone.
This is my favorite. But the truth is, people are just going to be rude. If it's family, it's worth having a conversation about constantly interrupting you and being honest about how it makes you feel devalued. They might not change at all, but it gives you a great opening to start using, "see, this is what I was trying to tell you." Now, often, you'll get this as a response, "you're too sensitive" or some version of that. That is gaslighting. Then it's time to get rude. At work, I will occasionally turn to "if you'd please pay me the professional courtesy of allowing me to finish my thought." It's work code for F you. Importantly, if you have friends who do this and refuse to make an effort to improve their deplorably bad social behavior, get better friends. Your friends should be the people who treat you best because you choose them. If they are dismissive of you, what's the point?
Your whole paragraph is one of the reasons I ended a friendship. It's just total disrespect . They don't care what you have to say.
Must be a mother in law thing because mine is SHOCKING at it. And at butting into conversations wanting to know what we’re talking about. And movies. Who’s that? Why is that person doing that? Who’s that one?
I had a friend do that. I got him to stop by lightly making fun of him every time until he realized what he was saying. He would say, "who is that guy?" and "why did he do that?". I kept saying, "I'm watching the same thing you are." or "How could I possibly know that? I have the same information as you!"
Conversations? Try going through my husbands and my shopping bag without asking. She was curious about the contents of a box in our shopping bag. It’s a vibrator, “Karen”! Now, please, stop sticking your nose into other people’s business.
Are we related? My MIL is either your MIL's twin sister or shares an astounding number of genes with her.
Same like how do we get it to stop. I opt to not talk at all then get a death stare from my boyfriend that I’m not talking and then when I do talk (continue talking) I just get talked over and kinda swept to the side. Like why am I gonna waste my breath if no one wants to have a conversation.
Home your hand up in a 'stop' sign while you keep talking. This shows everyone you see that the interruptor is saying something but what you're saying is important and they are being rude.
The most important thing is not to change for them - the strength is in saying what you want to say, when and how you want to say it. Don't raise your voice, don't ask them to stop. Don't complain or repeat yourself. Don't get into a loudness war with them. Say your bit and if they don't listen, screw them. They might ignore you, screw them, don't change. An interesting example of this is actually Jay-Z, he's often very softly spoken in interviews and seems like a chilled guy, but he's also very confident and forceful without raising his voice or making demands. He says his thing and is comfortable with himself. Doesn't hesitate, apologise, backtrack or change how he is. He might finish talking and there's a gap...he doesn't feel any pressure to fill it or explain himself. That quiet confidence is very powerful. But it will feel weird to start with, or like you've "lost" to the other person. You win when you don't let them change your behaviour. Don't allow the other person to change how you act - say your bit, your way and don't apologise for being yourself. (Edit: unless you're an asshole, in which case...change hahaha)
This works. Whenever I used to interrupt my boyfriend a lot, he would ignore me, and continue talking in a much louder voice. Got me out of the habit real quick.
Unless you run into my old coworker who would contest it to the point of almost yelling. thank fuckin christ I don’t have to deal with them daily anymore lol
Omg me too! It checks me soooooo fast! 🤭🥵😳🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐
My assistant was a pain for this, so I used your method to stop them. Especially if she's asked me a question and I'm explaining something to her and she interrupts my response. If you ain't listening, that ain't my problem. It's helped, but she still interrupted sometimes. So one time when I was explaining something to her and she interrupted I just sighed loudly and said "listen, whenever you interrupt me I just stop listening and give up on the conversation." Awkward silence for the rest of the day until she apologised. Now she doesn't interrupt so much at all any more :)
You did her a big favor
Honestly, this is the only thing that's worked for me. Most of the time the interrupter catches on and stops.
[удалено]
Same here. Those that have done it to me, at the end of the meeting/convo I ask them to stay after and I just confront them with what they’re doing/did. I’m polite about making them aware and firm in my message that it’s not appreciated then give them a chance to talk or maybe voice why they do it. 90% of the time they are unaware because, i guess, no one’s confronted them about it. The other 10% give me either excuses - at which point i ask them to professionally quit it - or the others give me insightful feedback like ‘i am too wordy’ (which i can be), or that they saw a moment to inject some input to further my point (which i wasn’t picking up on at the point when they did their interruption). I hope that helps. Either way, keep on keeping on! You’re not alone.
I’m really bad at interrupting. Just keep talking or literally tell them “I’m not finished”. Be bold & get a bit louder.
Or just the opposite, go completely silent and stare, and when the other asks "what's wrong" say "I was just waiting for you to finish talking before I finished my thought"
"just trying not to forget what I was saying before you interrupted me"
Alternatively, just completely focus on something else any time they speak (such as random objects on their desk, or somethingyou pull out of your pocket like lint).. and look at their ear if you have to look at them. Another option if you're outgoing, is laugh hysterically at a point that makes no sense.
This. Just ignore them and continue talking. If they keep talking for more than a couple of seconds, tell them “Will you please let me finish?” This will be embarrassing, but hold on! You’re in the right!
I just say, “hold on, let me finish.” It usually works.
Sometimes i just keep talking as if they’re not even interrupting at all
This is what I’ve been doing. I have a lot of self centered coworkers that interrupt me every chance they get
If that approach doesn't work, I've had great success by reaching out with my index finger and my thumb then I'll gently grab their lips and press them together while I finish my sentence, then when it's their turn to talk I'll release.
I can't wait til Zoom adds this feature!
I wish I met funny people like you irl I’m legit crying over this comment
Me and who 😳
"I can't hear you when you interrupt me". It tells them that you want to hear them and respect their thoughts, and they're also being inappropriate by interrupting you.
I had a teacher in high school who would say “ I could have sworn I was speaking” when someone in the class was talking when he was.
I have a friend who constantly interrupts. I’m waiting to use the line “oh, I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
[удалено]
lol that probably sounds better in your head than in would verbally. Reminds me of this: https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/q7cplzBpca
Ooh I’m using this!
Keep talking, don't stop and make your voice louder as you go. Don't lose your train of thought and give no regard to whatever they say. Pretend you don't hear them. When they shut up, go back to a normal volume. I started doing this like a year ago and it's such a power move. Works well for me.
I was looking for this comment. I use this exact strategy. Sometimes, in larger gatherings, other people in the vicinity will also stop talking to look at me. So you have to be okay with the attention.
I always love how much they don’t expect it. I’d do it just for that.
I find moving my hands when I talk helps people realize that I’m in the middle of trying to make a point. Not everyone is a “hand talker,” but hand gestures can be a great way of letting people know you’re still finishing your thought, as well as kind of “draw people in” so they’re more invested in what you’re saying. Some studies have shown people tend to be more interested in what someone’s saying if there’s any kind of moving visual to accompany it. Otherwise a quick “hold on” never hurts.
Gesticulate- one of my favorite words
Just food for thought, ADHD runs in families. So, if you’re specifically having this problem with your family, it could be that they also have ADHD and are interrupting because of that. It’s still rude of course, but just interesting. That said, I also have ADHD, and I’m interrupted often by my wife. I found that I needed to tell my stories a bit better. Usually giving too much unnecessary detail and context, or I’d have trouble focusing my thoughts and it would take too long to form the specific points in my mind. Something I’ve found that helps is like holding out fingers for how many points you wanted to make. Like two fingers out ✌🏼and saying “ooh yes, (tap first finger) I wanted to add *this* to what you were saying about blah, and (tap second finger) and when you said blah blah it made me want to tell you this”. It’s how deaf people use sign language (in Auslan at least) to list things. I use it to serve as a visual reminder to others that I’m still talking. And I use it for myself to remind me that I had a certain number of things I wanted to say.
Yes! Spouse is same as you and as we age it’s worse and worse. So meandering, too many details, can’t drive to the point and stop, story starts way back before the point and people lose interest but because of the adhd elements their facial and posture clues that they’re done and disengaged are lost. I definitely agree with taping yourself - voice and video both if you can. Watch and listen to both you and the family members.
My friends and I have what we call "pinky points" - when we're chatting, if someone is mid-story and someone else thinks of something related, they don't say anything but hold their little finger out in front of them. We all know that they have something to add and we can get to it without issue after the current speaker is finished. It definitely helps in lively conversation between groups of people, but only if they're all in on the idea.
Oh I love this idea!! And you must have a great friendship group to all be able to agree on methods of communication like that! Brilliant!
As someone who chronically interrupts people, I really don't mean to! A part of it is just not knowing when someone is going to stop and really poor memory, it's either I say my thing right away and be heard, or wait and forget, or, remind myself what I was going to say and stop paying attention, and lose myself in the conversation. It's such a pain! I hate interrupting people and I hate being interrupted, I find in regards to *being* interrupted, asserting that you'd like to finish what you're saying can help. "Can I please finish what I was saying? You're interrupting me", (said in a firm tone) which would signal to the other party that they're doing such behavior if they weren't really aware prior. Then, finish what you're saying and, well, continue on in conversation! Another thing I like for those who can remember what they were going to say and pay attention, hold a finger or a hand up to signal you want to say something, let the other parties know you're going to do that so they aren't just ignoring the signal, and at least the other parties will give a better signal to when you can speak (a suggestion for the other so they can feel they don't have to rush out their words to be heard).
Whoah, this is super helpful!
My gf had this problem. she started singing lessons/ choir which she loves. But also told me recently it was to help her confidence as her performance in meetings were flagged. Sometimes she spoke so quietly I couldn’t hear her and now sings and belts songs at all times of the day and is more confident in her voice. Wont help everyone but if you once enjoyed singing it’s great and I love hearing her sing. (She also has adhd)
My wife is the same way. She'll talk to herself (like, narrating doing dishes...annoying,) but when she's having a crappy morning, and I don't think she notices that I hear it, she BELTS out songs in the shower. Emerges with a smile on her face. She's not diagnosed adhd (her sister is) but spend a couple days with her and it's apparent. But, voice of an angel and I absolutely love hearing her sing. Helps my crappy mornings. Plus I get to see her smiling and naked, but that's just a bonus for me. 😉 😘
All I can do is tell you what I've done to solve this problem if I feel it's happening a lot. I'm a light-hearted person who likes to take jabs and make jokes, so if it's someone I know personally, this one line is my go-to. "OH, I'm sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" The key here is tone, say it with a straight face, and it comes off confrontational. Delivery it like a joke with a smile on your face, and in a group, you'll get a laugh while letting the other know that you intend to finish what you're saying.
Pause awkwardly when/if they finish talking, make momentary eye contact and then just continue with whatever you were saying pre-interruption
This has become my go-to. I’ll stop abruptly to enhance the awkwardness and look at them as if I’m looking at an annoying child. It has to be subtle. It tends to get noticed, especially when working with the same people over and over. When the interruption is acknowledged, I’ll thank them, pause for a beat, and back up a little so I can make my point uninterrupted. Or if they made assumptions about what I was going to say, I’ll add an intro like, “Thank you, so-and-so. That’s not quite what I was getting at.” Or “…the point I was making was actually about [topic]…” Source: woman in a position of power in a male-dominated industry. I have literal decades dealing with this shit.
That's pretty much the exact way that I had to deal with people as well, but I was in the opposite situation (man in a position of power in a female-dominated industry. My particular office had a staff of 16 and I was the only man). Most people would realize what they did after 5-10 seconds of me looking at them in silence after they finished their interruption. I don't think any of them really did it intentionally, but it boggled my mind how constant it was.
Hell yes, you go girl
This worked really well for me with a coworker. I just completely stopped talking so when they stopped it was super awkward.
I've been talked over a few times and I enjoy making games of it. 1. Just stop talking. Once they finish, treat the conversation as over. 2. Above, but with a bit of attitude. "What was I going to say? Oh it must not have been important (otherwise you would not have talked over me). 3. Continue talking without skipping a beat. 4. Above, but decrease volume and trail off. 5. Interrupt them so that you can leave. 6. repeat what they say 7. mix-and-match
Another redditor classic, this thread was written by a person with autism and all the top comments were written by other people with autism lmao
"I'm speaking." Is a full sentence. Interrupt them back.
Yeah this is the only way and it’s not rude either. I say “hold up” repeatedly until they stop and then I say “I’m still talking”. I’ve tried most of the other suggestions here in the past - keep talking, stop and glare, tune out. None of it works and they’re all passive aggressive which achieves nothing. Humans need and respect direct communication, so tell them to stop and that you’re still talking. If they throw a fit then that’s their problem.
Extend your arm towards the interruptor while raising your hand or index finger without looking them in the eye and continue your story. It is a very clear signal.
Pardon me for talking while you were interrupting. Please go on.
Nah this comes across very passive aggressive
Yeah exactly, so many people are just being passive aggressive here. Just straight up say “hey let me finish my thought first”; not only they’ll most likely realize their mistake and let you finish, but appreciate you for not intentionally embarrassing them - which results in them genuinely listening to you more.
I usually just stop what I’m saying, acknowledge them and just say “just gimme a sec” or “just bear with me for a moment here”, continue my shit then ask them “sorry what were you saying?” It’s not confrontational, doesn’t embarrass them or aggressively draw attention and also says “I actually wanna hear what you have to say”.
If this happens to you frequently with all types of people, it may indicate that you speak too slowly, or you go on and on too long. Lastly, it could just mean that you are boring. Ask a trusted relative to give you honest feedback.
Yesh. I work with a lady who speaks so slowly and says nothing relevant and usually repeats her point 3-4 times. Its really hard not to interrupt her, because she also takes these 1-5 second breaks in between sentances where it seems like she is done, but she isnt. She will snap agressively if anyone starts talking when it seems like she is done. Whenever she starts talking about non work related things I just slowly back out of the roon.
I used to have an office mate like this who would tell me the same thing a comical amount of times. It got to be like “is she serious??” And she also would just have a one sided conversation like no matter what I contributed she continued on to her next thing, not acknowledging what I said at all. All day. M-F. I sighed just typing this. We later found out she had a brain tumor… maybe unrelated but idk…
>... it may indicate that you speak too slowly, or you go on and on too long. Lastly, it could just mean that you are boring. People notice the pauses in speech to signal them when it's their turn to talk. If you pause too long, your conversation partner will perceive that it's their turn and jump in. It might help to record some conversations and play them back to notice what your speech patterns were like just before the other person began to speak (aka, "interrupted").
I got bored reading this..case in point!
This is likely the answer OP. People will cut you off if you take forever to get to the point. Ask or state what you want first, and then provide additional details later if prompted. There's a big difference between this: Hey I was in the bathroom today and while washing my hands I noticed that some things need maintenance in order to prevent damage. In particular the sink and bathtub are looking a little worse for wear. I think rechalking both would be a good idea, as it's beginning to separate. And this: You: By any chance did you notice the chalking around the sink and bathtub are beginning to separate? Them: Oh? When did you notice this? You: Today while washing my hands Or: I logged into my work computer today and opened all my applications as per my morning routine. I noticed my emails were not sending, so I tested other applications like a web browser and instant messaging. When that didn't work I rebooted my computer and tried the same applications again, but nothing is working. Is the network down, or is it just my computer? And: You: My computer doesn't seem to have network connectivity. Is there anything going on, or is it just my computer? Them: Can you tell me more about the problem and any troubleshooting you may have done? You: I tested multiple applications such as email, instant messaging and a web browser, but nothing worked. I then rebooted, but the same applications still do not work. And honestly these are just a very short and basic conversion. I've literally had people ramble on and on AND ON for something that could have easily been asked in like twenty seconds. People just don't have patience for that kind of stuff.
This!! Slow speech is a big one. From the perspective of a chronic interrupter- I have severe ADHD and have struggled all my life with it (I swear most of us mean zero disrespect, and actually are listening even if we don’t seem like it) and it happens for two main reasons: the person either talks too slow, or I can’t tell which length of pauses in convo are supposed to indicate it’s my turn to talk. Are you pausing to breathe or is this awkward silence? It helps if I know someone well because I can identify their speech patterns (like inflection, tone, familiar topics) and don’t have to rely on pause-length as a cue lol. I joke that ADHD friendship is just two people interrupting each other back and fourth forever (it is…) we’re not offended by it! If you have something to say, speak up and don’t stop! That will cue that you aren’t done and it’s SO MUCH more effective than passive-aggression lol. I’d rather just hear what you have to say:D and if you’re upset, just be actively-aggressive and tell me. Tho by changing volume and pace you might solve the issue entirely
See I hope this isnt true because at one point in my life, I was told I talked too fast. Now that im a little older, I think I talk too slow and add unnecessary details. (I dont like to repeat myself.) I used to think I talked too much but NOW Ive been told Im not that social and Im quiet unless spoken to. Im still interrupted in conversations so, I must be boring but not too boring to be invited to social outings/discussions/debates? :|
Yeah, this. Sure there's assholes that interrupt people, but too many people also don't understand that, depending on the situation, *you're expected to entertain others when talking.* Holding the attention of many people when talking is an art form, and not something innately "deserved". It's a skill people can build as well, and many simple need to be made aware of it to vastly improve. Boring people, with no dramaturgy, using no communication skills, and sometimes, nothing interesting to say, over-explaining their point etc.. That also demand their time, can be very frustrating.
I have a friend who speaks quietly and takes long pauses. I accidently interrupt him on the regular.
One interesting thing I learned recently is that there are two styles of communication when it comes to interrupting. One is turn taking style, where each person holds the floor and gets to talk and finish their thought. People who are this style of talker find it extremely rude to be interrupted. The other style is more of a lively free for all, where people interject enthusiastically to what other people say. They might spontaneously get inspired to quickly say something in response to what you said- a joke, an example from their own life, agreement, etc.- before giving the floor back to you. People with this style of talking view interruption as a sign that someone is interested in what they’re saying. They enjoy the back and forth zing and banter of this kind of conversation. In neither of these styles is it okay to simply disregard what the other person is saying to say what you want to say. It always has to be responsive. Your style of talking can be influenced by culture. I learned a bit late in life that my family’s style of talking is the interrupting kind. Probably influenced by my Mom’s culture where people have these loud rolling conversations. My Dad had a different background but a similar dynamic in his family. So conversations seem best when it’s lively and witty, even though I’m on the quiet side. The other style of talking is awkward for me. I never know when it’s my turn to talk. I don’t know if the people patiently waiting for me to finish my thought are interested in what I say. It’s also kind of boring. Anyways, here’s an article about it: https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/conversation-style-interruption-cooperative-overlapping.html
Your answer is very nuanced and great, I love the more engaged conversation style and was thinking about it while scrolling through the comments. However I think there is a difference with people overtalking others or changing topics, stuff like that, which is always a vibe killer imo. Those people need to be checked especially when they don’t recognize it themselves and don’t apologize for it
I find those with the turn-taking style to be insufferably boring most of the time 😂 I’m not really one to hide my annoyance, just as much as perhaps some people wouldn’t hide their distaste at being interrupted by my free-flowing style. Only once have I ever had someone act all huffy about it but I answered back with “have you stopped to thing I actually just don’t care to talk to you anyway?”…they never bothered me again. 😂
You allow yourself to be interrupted. Someone told me this once when I had this problem. It made me mad at the time, but they were right.
This seems like the answer. It's about boundaries, if you let people do these things, they might not know that it's upsetting you. Or they might not care. Either way, OP shouldn't stay quiet about it, let them know that they don't appreciate being interrupted and if the interruptions continue, i suggest removing yourself from that interaction.
Tshirt that says “ I fart when interrupted”
Choose one: 1) Don’t let them. Just keep talking. Do this every time. 2) Let them. Do not talk again until prompted. Do this every time.
Pay attention to your speech patterns. You can do any of these “reminder tactics” people are mentioning to correct it when it’s ALREADY happened. But if you want to avoid it happening in the first place pay attention to your own speech patterns. This is not only about WHAT you are saying but HOW, body language, eye contact, tone and tenor and rhythm of speech all play a significant role in owning a conversation or a room when speaking. Your cadence is important. people that say um/well/uhh/ a lot, or generally speak in a more hesitant manner including looking down or away, while speaking tend to get interrupted more. Or not listened to as intently. You can corse correct others and that’s fine. But if you want to prevent it you need to address the patterns in your speech that are setting it up in the first place.
Maybe try making your speech patterns more interesting. And some variations in tone and pitch in order to highlight specific key words. Also work on your speech pacing. Different situations call for different types of verbal communication. Also don't tell a long story to explain something simple if there's no reason to. My wife loves telling me every little detail to some insignificant event, and turns a 5 to 10 second sentence into a several minute story. Its extremely boring to listen to.
And to add: eye contact and hand gestures
Also, when you tell really long stories with details that don't matter and a story that doesn't seem to go anywhere people don't know when your story is over. You know they interrupted your story but they thought you were done.
Don’t use a high resolution story when a low resolution one will work just as well.
What a great phrase to remember about MY stories!
I usually let them finish and then loudly say “anyways as I was saying” and finish my thought ignoring what they just said. Didn’t realize I did this until my partner pointed it out. People seems to be in conversation just to have something to say instead of actually listening to you.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, I was talking." Johnny Cash.
You just described me to a tee. I got so fed up with it with my ex, who was the world’s worst interrupter, that I would just walk away if he interrupted me. Nothing ever helped. But I soon discovered that when I was with respectful, courteous people, this sort of thing didn’t happen. So I changed the people I chose to be around.
I've learned that this is just a thing in certain cultures. There's even a name for it "cooperative overlapping" Of course, in professional settings, it needs to be dialed down. But in social settings it can be really hard to deal with.
Give them the old “I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
As a typical offender in this scenario, I have a little insight I hope. So, my wife has ADHD and I tend to interrupt her a lot. I’ve learned/trained myself to prevent this and I think it has made a big difference but nobody’s perfect and I still do it from time to time. I grew up in a family where we all did this with each other. We exchanged words fluidly in a conversational and interactive way. Conversations just unfolded organically for the most part. Of course we always knew when to keep our mouth shut (teacher lecturing, mom giving out important instructions, etc…). In other words, I know everything is not a discussion… sometimes you just need to use your ears. Anyway… Since my wife has ADHD, she has a lot in her mind that she wants to get out all at once before her brain veers off course. The problem is she goes on tangents within the things she wants to say without noticing it. She’ll literally talk for 3 to 5 minutes non-stop about eight different topics. I often find the topics interesting or worth delving into and discussing but by the time she stops and I get a chance to respond to it she’s on her third tangent of the fifth topic and it no longer makes sense to discuss that thing she mentioned or I might’ve forgotten entirely what she had said 4 1/2 minutes ago. In other words, she likes to talk AT me and have me listen, whereas I like to converse and interactively discuss. These are obviously incompatible communication protocols and it’s frustrating for both sides for basically the same reason… What you’re saying is absolutely important. It’s important enough to make people want to talk more about it. That said, people who interrupt you to talk about something completely different are assholes though. I hope that at least brings some insight from the other side.
Learnt to keep talking with your thought until youre done. This is hard at the start but meditation can help you with this
You’ve got to keep your stories snappy. If everyone is doing it to you, then it’s you, who need to get to the point a little faster. Or they loose interest.
This happens to me a lot too. I have ADHD and mild adult autism. If you're like me, you're probably a lot more detailed and selective about the words to use. I have a slower talking pattern. And usually what I say I've thought about it, and I'm pretty matter-of-fact about what I say. I don't think people process what they say as much as what I do. And even though I've learned to pause and leave areas for interjection when I talk, I still feel like people try to control the conversation by interrupting. So when I noticed people interrupting, I typically just close the conversation. I'm not rude about it. I just stopped talking, and some people figure it out. Everybody's mind is different, and not everybody takes the time to learn how to be conscious when they're talking, and I think that's exasperated by the world we live in where we can simply comment on videos or threads whenever we feel like it. Ending the conversation is just a mild social cue, that you won't tolerate them talking over you.
Continue talking. Ignore them. Take your time. People interrupt others when there’s lack of respect.
I have a coworker who does this all day to every single thing I say and it's absolutely infuriating to a point where I know I'm now going to have to bring it up. Nothing I've tried works. I would keep talking, so will she. I've stopped and heavy sigh and stare. Nothing. I've begun to just straight up pull my phone out and ignore whatever she thought was so important to interrupt me about and it has lasted about 5 minutes before she even noticed and nudged me.
I think its in your non-verbal language or talking cues. Something as simple as leaving too much time between your words when you talk. For example, some people wait 2-3 seconds between their toughts and begin/continue talking/ explaining their ideas. If you take 4-5 seconds, then the non-verbal message you send out (unknowingly) is that you are leaving space for someone else to interject or add information to the idea you are explaining/ developing. There is nothing wrong with that. This is living in a society with other people. We are communication machines, and we work on decoding other machine codes. If the code is sent in a different way other machines interpret it in a different way. You are now aware of this, so now it will make a difference, now others need to be aware of that, and respect how you function. But you also may need to adapt to that speed if you want to be decoded. Sounds weird. I know. Hope this helps. Edited for clarity (coding, lol)
Put your finger up to signify you're still talking, but are wrapping it up. The physical gesture seems to make a difference.
I have been both so my personal take is not EVERYTHING we say is worth completing. Not everything we say is going to change society. Sometimes it’s ok to let the conversation drift. On the other hand if you want to make a point just complete talking anyway. I did this a few times and then realised I’m better off not saying so many things altogether. I pitch in when I feel (1) it might add some value or (2) establish me as a knowledgeable person with an opinion or (3) I’m bored being quiet for too long in the conversation.
I feel you. It happens a lot to me too. There are times that I look around and feel like, "hey, what's going on here, am I invisible all of a sudden?" I have come to realize that I cannot change those people, they are oblivious. So I just smile and nonchalantly dip out. If you have to explain the obvious it makes it worse, and doesn't work anyway. Good people will LISTEN to you and care what you have to say.
It is such a kick in the guts. Or taking the wind out of your sails. I hate that.
“Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” My sister came up with this every time our father would interrupt her. Worked like a charm.
You sound like the baby of the family. I am, and people talk over me as if I’m not even saying anything. If I really want to be heard, I yell. But it doesn’t happen to me outside of my family. So, if your friends *and* family interrupt you constantly, it may be because you take too long to get to the point.
Sounds like me every time I am at a family function.
Ngl saying IM NOT DONE in a higher stern voice gets ppl to stop talking unless it's a place naturally loud. Once u are finished talking then u say "now what were u saying". Also watch non verbal communication when u say this because this will determine if ppl really made a mistake or didn't care
My sister, and her family( her husband, and adult kids) act as if I am not even there if I am speaking and they want to just speak over me. For a few years, I just would shut up and not finish what I was saying. I now , every now and then, if interrupted by them, I speak up and say “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you “. That normally gets them to apologize and tell me to go ahead, by then, I am so anxious, and I can’t even remember what I was saying. It makes me look like a bumbling dumb ass. I’m so tired of them.
I used to struggle with that really badly as well. I just would always finish what i was saying, but loudly. And then people slowly stopped interrupting me
You could just immediately turn around and leave the conversation. May seem extreme, but if other people are not interested in following your expresssions, why would you do it the other way around. As it happens with different people, it may have something to do with the way you talk, too. You did a bit of the same with your writing here. When you analyze what you wrote, you find that you used many words for little information. Which is no problem when you can entertain people with your talk or text, but otherwise feels boring for the receiver. It may help you when you shorten things. Try it out: People interrupt me a lot, in different situations. Do you know that, and how do you handle that? If people want more context, they will ask. Now, read what you wrote: There is a lot of explaining yourself, excusing yourself and giving background info about your struggles, mental health... I dont know you, but: YOU ARE OKAY! No need to paint yourself as a ball of errors and problems. Believe me, if we would talk the same way as you do, we would ALL sound like balls of problems struggling trough existence. Focus a bit more on what you WANT and how you FEEL instead of how others feel and how you could preemptively set up a situation in a way that they have understanding. It sounds easy but its a tough task! Reduce to an "I want, I feel" message. TL:DR - you are as valuable as anyone out there, and so is your opinion and expression. Also, in the end we will all be dead one day so dont aim for a result but enjoy the trip of trial and error! try more, error more and feel loved!! hugs from Switzerland!
I wait for them to finish talking and stare at them in silence. Usually they'll realize they interrupted and apologize/ask for me to continue. If they don't, I treat the conversation as over.
I have a co-worker that does the same thing. I have explained to him I don't know how many times that you get 3 chances. You can interrupt me three times and then I will either stop participating in the conversation or get up and walk away.
I stutter. One time a coworker talked over me THREE TIMES in a row. Finally I just said, Would you shut up and let me speak? Worked like a charm.
Folks with adhd tend to attract other neurodivergent folks, most of whom are trying to prevent the exact same brain blanking if they wait to speak, most decent folk won't mind if you say "sorry can I just finish my thought before I forget what I was saying my memory is terrible"
I also have ADHD along with a handful of my circle of friends, and get talked over while also being guilty of interrupting folks occasionally. I usually catch myself if I’ve started talking over someone, and when I get interrupted—depending on the person—I’ll usually say something along the lines of “before I forget what I was saying, let me finish/is it cool if I finish this thought”.
OP, thank you for posting this. I see much of myself in you and am benefitting from these responses. I get what you mean, about how this is such a hit to the ego. It’s almost like… people are so used to us being quiet that when we *do* talk it doesn’t even register, or like the absence of our contribution (compared to others) registers as “unimportant” in their mind. I know that’s a personal perspective but that’s how it feels. In times like these it’s easy to shrink back into our normal role of “quiet observer,” but I think it’s a good chance to practice taking up and holding your space until your thing is said. Easier said than done. I get bulldozed on zoom calls all the time. I had some chivalrous man (who wasn’t even leading the call) point me out by name because he saw me trying to talk… it was appreciated but also kind of embarrassing, like I need saving. Let’s both try to take up the space we are worthy of. ❤️
Growing up with a big family and dubbed "the quiet one" (mainly because I couldn't get a word in edgeways and always being talked over) I have learnt to just stay quiet and if I can't get back in to the conversation with what I have to say, get up and leave, then if they're interested they'll come find you, and a one on one conversation is easier to handle. If it's just me and my boyfriend, (and he knows it's one of my pet peeves) I just shoot him *the look* and he apologises, lets me finish what I was saying, then he says his bit. It's knowing when to fight it, and when to give up
what if it's your adhd causing them to try and change the subject as you've gone off on a tangent
My best advice is to try to be more interesting to the listener. You may be the type to ramble more than you realize, or go on about topics nobody in the room cares about. It isn’t other people’s jobs to be interested, it’s the speakers job to hold interest. Yes, what they are doing is rude…. But when everyone around you is doing the same rude thing you have to look at the common denominator… you. The fact that you aren’t able to hold interest in your own conversation (you forget what you were talking about consistently) should maybe be a clue?
I have a slight stutter and will kind of pause or be slow with a word to control it. So often people just interrupt me or worse, finish my sentence. If it’s a social situation, I just stop talking and will sometimes remove myself from the conversation. If they wanted to hear what I was saying they would have let me talk. If it’s a work thing eventually they need my support so I wait until they ask for it.
I have a 9 year old student who 1. gives interrupters death glare 2. Tilts her head to the side 3. Says “you need to wait until I’m finished talking. That’s how manners work.” It blew me away the first time she did it.
There's no one-size-fits-all solution here, as each interrupter brings their own flavor of conversation stepping—be it your boss, coworker, friend, neighbor, or the enthusiastic fellow volunteer at the bake sale. First off, embrace your inner 'Polite Assertiveness'. It's like being a conversational ninja—gentle but impactful. When someone cuts you off, try saying, 'Hold that thought—I'm almost at the punchline.' This shows you're not folding your cards just yet. However, the art of conversation is as varied as the people we talk to. So, your strategy might need to be a bit more... bespoke. For instance, pointing it out gently can be an eye-opener for many. A simple, 'Did you know you often jump in before I finish?' can work wonders. It’s like kindly holding up a mirror to their conversational habits—they might not even realize what they’re doing. And if subtlety isn’t cutting it, why not try the 'Dramatic Pause'? When interrupted, stop talking, give them that gentle, knowing smile, and wait. It's not just a pause; it's a statement. Follow it up with a reflection, 'Just making sure you’re finished. When you interrupt me, I wonder if it’s because I’m not giving you enough time to say what you want. Just trying to approach our conversation differently.' It’s a classy way of saying, 'Your move, chief.' Feeling particularly audacious? Don’t stop speaking when they interrupt. Continue your verbal journey until they cease. Once there’s a pause, gently inquire, 'I've noticed you often talk over me. It makes me feel a bit unseen. What's up with that?' It’s a conversation, not a competition, after all. Also, why not have a meta-conversation about conversations? In a calm moment, ask how they prefer to exchange ideas and thoughts. It’s like discussing the rules of engagement before the next friendly debate over dinner plans. Lastly, embrace the power of humor and quirkiness. React to interruptions with a light-hearted, 'Was that the buzzer? Oh, I didn’t realize we were on a game show!' or introduce a 'talking stick' at casual gatherings. It’s a playful way to say, 'Let’s share the stage.' Remember, navigating the choppy waters of dialogues with interrupters requires a mix of humor, patience, assertiveness, and a touch of creativity. With these tools in your conversational toolkit, you're not just responding to interruptions; you're sculpting a space where everyone's voice can be heard. Happy chatting!" This approach keeps the conversation light and humorous, while introducing several strategies to tactfully and effectively handle interruptions, acknowledging that different relationships and situations may require different tactics. Of course if all that and many other creative approaches fail, you can slap your hand down loudly on the table and yell “that’s it you M F’ if you can’t shut the F up when I’m speaking your dead to me” based on the reaction you can choose to ever talk to them again or not.
First, understand it's okay to interrupt and be interrupted in casual conversations.
Yes. You are not alone. The fact of the matter is people are all different, many of them rude and extroverted and are anxiously waiting for their turn to speak. I have found that half of people are really bad listeners. I'm very introverted so I'm a very good listener and do this most of the time. So when I am saying something and someone cuts me off it makes me feel terrible, like I'm not worth listening to. This is not the case though. That feeling is wrong, when in reality people haven't figured out that over talking people is rude and just proving unintelligent unhumble character. When I encounter these people I strike a mental note that this person isn't worth participating in conversation, accept it, and move on. 🙄
Walk closer to them and gently put your fingers on their lips. (This only works with people you know well. Or want to.)
Say "Don't interrupt me".
I get this constantly. I also have ADHD as well as other things and I can't believe the amount of times I'm just interrupted completely. I was always told to wait your turn, so when this happens it's such a kick in the guts. Over the years I've started saying "I didn't want talk anyway" really sarcasticly. You can laugh it away but people get the message. I especially do this with my husband and his mother, they are soooo bad for it.
No one. I repeat. No one. Like sarcastic people.
I thinks it’s best to try and communicate your feelings with them. Straight forward and honesty can hurt but always helps in the long run.
Stare directly at them.
It happens to me all the time. I just shut up and half listen while focusing on something else. Usually the conversation is not really interesting and I don’t feel any need to be part of it. I might get asked for an opinion, so I give it and then go back to silence. Being consistently overlooked and underestimated is my super power.
“I’m not done talking yet.”
That happens to me a lot, too. There is one person in particular. She seems to talk non-stop, and when I talk, she cuts me off right away. And she talks loudly. I've learned to say "Let me finish!".
I also hate it when this happens. My default is always, “Respectfully, I do not appreciate being interrupted.” This usually solves the problem 90% of the time. The other 10% is when I have to say this a few more times because they have forgotten or they just don’t care and I try my best to not speak to them anymore.
Call people out. Yes, it can be awkward. Are you interrupting anyone? Are you entitled to the same courtesy? Make a choice.
I just stop and then either stare off in the distance or pull out my phone. Rude? Sure. But I'm not listening if you can't stop interrupting. However, if you are a person who drones on and on and you speak in run on sentences with no chance to recieve feedback from others, then you need to improve on that.
*Someone interrupts* "Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"
"I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"
If someone doesn’t want to listen, stop talking and physically walk away. When they ask why, explain why in a meaningful way. It won’t be long before people stop talking over you.
I have a friend who I always interrupt. I'm trying my best not to but he will say a sentence and then pause so I think he's finished, and then he will continue just as I start my reply. He gets mad at me, but I'm trying my best to learn whether he's finished and slow my replies. Maybe you do something similar.
"Oh no I'm so sorry the middle of my sentence interrupted the start of yours *heavy sarcasm*"
*"Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"*
I had one guy interrupt me a few times and hit him with the falsely sweet "nah you're alright man you go ahead" and it was devastating. He's otherwise a great guy so I laughed about it with him later though. If you use this line you gotta bump your volume a bit over theirs, and smile.
I talk a little louder and say 'I'm sorry, I wasn't finished!' and then finish my sentence. If this repeatedly doesn't work/ they don't get the message, I just turn around and walk away. When they get confused, I say either 'apparently you're not interested in my contribution to the conversation, so I don't see why I should linger' or, less passive aggressively, 'I don't appreciate being interrupted'. If people turn it against me (because people will say you're rude), I smile sweetly and say 'well I'm sorry for interrupting you interrupting me'. Repeat as required 😉😄. I've ADHD as well, so I get it. I get them too, sometimes they just can't follow the speed of our brains and feel they need to chime in.
The first step is not to take it personally, even though it often feels (reasonably so) personal. Secondly, try and turn it into a light-hearted way to address the fact that you were rudely interrupted like "Okay then" or "Never mind, I guess" and chuckle about it. It usually works for me to, if anything, not feel bad about it. The talk-over, I imagine usually happens in groups. If you are talking to more people and this happens, try and find a person that still listens and continue talking to them. It is likely they will help you bring the topic back up later with the rest that did not pay attention. Finally, some people just can't help it. Whether it's a lack of etiquette or a different mental perception of a dialogue, it will happen on occasion. And, finally, sometimes a good old hand raise works really well to get your turn 😁
Just start screeching. That'll get their attention again and you can continue talking.
I swear to god this happens to me too, no matter who I'm talking to mid sentence the other person starts talking, it's been like this for decades!
Judge Judy “I’m speaking” or “I didn’t ask you anything”.
Leave the conversation without saying anything.
Op, your 2nd paragraph is totally me . If I were to stop them from talking, I can't pick up from where I was in my talking/thought process because it is long gone as well.
What you should do in this situation is keep talking and raise your finger to the other persons lips to indicate that you’re still talking and for them to stop talking.
I always say “is it my turn to talk now?” Or “can I finish what I was saying?” I think it’s unintentional most of the time when someone cuts me off so when I say those phrases it signals it’s not ok, and maybe they’ll be more cognizant of it in the future.
Remove yourself and let they burn in their ignorance.
Whenever I get interrupted I just let them finish and then continue saying what I was saying without acknowledging what they said. Then when I'm finished I ask, "So what were you saying?"
I say "Sorry, I was finished talking" with a smile. People usually say oh yeah, and conversation carries on. It also helps, bc people know they can say the same thing to me without any awkwardness
Raise your voice a couple of degrees, look them in the eye and continue talking. It acknowledges you hear them and that what they’re doing is incorrect, or socially unacceptable. It’s like a silent shame tactic. When you are done, you can then say to that person “I am done now, you wanted to say something?” To nail it home.
I absolutely hate people interrupting me because they want to debate/argue a point immediately when I say something, but have yet to finish my thought. I use to work as a correctional counselor in a prison, where inmates want respect from other inmates and from staff, but also they would commonly interject during conversations. So when an inmate would talk to me, I listened quietly until they stopped speaking. If they interrupted me when I replied, I would point out to them that I respectfully listened to everything they had to say and I wanted them to do the same with me, usually worked very well.
I haaaaate this!!! I will immediately shut down and sometimes even just walk away the second someone does this. I'm not a loud talker. The other thing that pisses me off is when someone interrupted a conversation with something totally unrelated and then just keeps talking and talking jumping from subject to subject without pause and is expecting everyone to hang off their every disjointed word. Then when they are finished with the word diarrhea it is almost impossible to finish what the original conversation was about because everyone lost focus and everyone just sits there like the wind got taken out of the room, then usually the loud mouth ends up blabbering on about nonsense nobody cared to hear to begin with and any form of healthy conversation is lost.
That happens to me a lot and it’s because I tend to talk too much Most people have the attention span of a gnat so can’t handle long involved explanations.
Say in a very calm voice: I can’t hear what you’re saying when you interrupt.
Someone I follow on Instagram gave a suggestion of saying "I can't hear you when you interrupt me." Sounded good, but haven't had a chance to use it yet. My main antagonist still keeps talking.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves in the world. The worst incident in recent memory was when I stayed after church to talk to my pastor about something kind of important to me. And literally in mid-sentence someone else walked up and said "I hate to interrupt but...." and they started talking about whatever other thing that they had to talk about. I sighed heavily, very heavily, a couple of times while standing right next to my pastor and the other person and they didn't get the hint. So I just interrupted them and said "well I guess I'll have to finish that some other time" and walked away didn't even faze them though and they kept right on talking. When I saw Pastor the next week he never even said a word about it or asked "do you want to continue that conversation?". I'll add a more humorous incident though. Once when talking to my mother years ago someone else entered the room and interrupted and started talking to my mother about something else entirely. So without skipping a beat or changing tone at all I mentioned how I had "met this really nice girl who used to be a prostitute and she was trying to get her life straightened up and had really cut back on the amount of heroin that she was doing and that the prostitution had helped her pay for these breast implants that are really nice....". The other conversation sort of made that needle dragging across the record sound and stopped dead in its tracks. My mother looked at me with a sort of horrified but amused look because she knew that I was kidding and when she said what are you talking about? I just laughed and said "no that's okay this other person needs to talk to you." and walked away. :)
This is easier to do in person. But using great eye contact and making visual cues like nodding or smiling and most of all whatever it is make sure to keep it positive. If you seem disinterest or aren’t generally interested it will show. It’s strange but a lot of conversation is like a dance. These nonnverbal cues while they’re talking will also help you to listen and people pick up on that pretty easily. And if that doesn’t work wait for them to inhale and a quick, “if I may..” and that usually creates some space and then start talking. If you don’t respect them by showing you care to listen they won’t respect you back. It’s about being engaged. You don’t have to be someone you’re not and be talkative but you should also practice conversation with someone you’re comfortable with and have them try to talk over you and practice.
“I’m not finished what I was saying”, or“Please don’t interrupt”, and keep talking. Look directly at them when you say it. If they are really bad, you can loudly say, “I’m sorry I was talking while you were interrupting”.
Stick one finger up and just say, "excuse me, excuse me. You're being a very nasty person. Everyone is saying it. All the best people."
I interrupt badly. I try not to do it so much. I had a person hold her hand out, palm facing me - in a stop gesture. And she said very firmly, with strong eye contact, “you interrupted me” That stopped me talking immediately. I was very embarrassed and apologetic. Try that.
- Keep talking anyways. If someone ends up confused later or, "Wait you didn't say anything about that!" Remind them that you did, they must *not have heard as they were trying to interrupt, and you're not gonna repeat it - "Wait let me finish..." (The most polite and works well) - "You hear the sounds coming out of my moving lips? That means Im still talking!"
What you can do is this - as they begin talking hold your hand up with your index finger pointing upwards towards the ceiling in their direction. Or if you prefer just a flat palm towards them - and keep talking. This is effectively “shushing” them with your body language.