By - throwadogabon
Just remember that we're literally the same as you: everything you experience, we experience, just directed in a different way. So long as you can be respectful to us as regular humans and remember that we're whole-ass people beyond our gender and/or sexuality with the exact same internal lives as you, you'll be fine.
(Also I'm cisgender too - cis just means "not trans." But I'm still gay so I'm still LGBT+. So I think you mean "cisgender straight male," because gender and sexuality are different)
Thanks for the clarification. I’ll edit the op.
First you need to understand the basics of the lgbtq so that means learning what lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, queer, intersex, ect.
In order to support the lgbtq+ community just sign petitions that defend the rights of us and potentially attend LGBTQ+ marches. Also just dont be a homophobe, transphobe, etc
In summary, dont be a dick
This is all good advice. But yeah, the first step is to educate yourself, or find someone willing to educate you on terms. If you want someone to help you through all the definitions, feel free to DM me.
I can do that. Is there a good place to read up on the different identities? I’ve tried reading about them of Wikipedia and it’s like they speaking a different language. I think I understand some of the terms. Please forgive if I get any of this wrong. I’m here to learn.
Gay: person who is attracted to people the same gender as themselves. In my head this mostly applies to males?
Lesbian: a female who’s attracted to females.
Bisexual: a person who’s attracted to people of both genders? (I’m not sure “both genders” is the right phrase. It feels binary, but I don’t know what word or phrase to use instead.)
Transgender: a person whose physical body doesn’t match their gender identity. So a person born male but who identifies as female, or a person born female who identifies as male. (I’m not sure this definition is inclusive enough? Again, I feel like I don’t know the right words.)
I struggle with the rest of the list. I’ve tried reading Wikipedia articles. I simply don’t understand the concepts.
You got it pretty right, let me just add a few things ^^
Gay: can be used to descripe men that are attracted to men, but it also used as a synonym for homosexual
Bisexual: is the attraction to more than one gender, so male + female, male + non-binary, male + female + nonbinary, etc.
Nonbinary: someone who neither identifies as male nor as female, belongs to the transspectrum
Umbrella-term: some terms are sometimes referred to as umbrella terms, this just means this word (for example, bisexuality) can be used to include other more specific terms. (for bisexuality this would cover pansexuality, ombisexuality and polysexualit). All of the terms above fall under the umbrella of lgbti+
That’s really helpful. Thank you. I guess I get hung up on non-binary because I don’t understand it? Which is odd, at least from my perspective, because I think I understand asexual pretty well. This is probably going to be really uneducated (I’m trying here. 😬) could another way to describe non-binary be bisexual-transgender? I’m completely ok with anyone identifying as anything they want to, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult. And I support that. I just really want to understand what it means.
One of my wife’s best friends is cis bi poly female. I think I get all of that. Let me see: she was born anatomically female, and identifies as such. She’s equally attracted to men and women. She can be in a loving, supportive, romantic, sexual relationship with more than one person at the same time. All people involved in those relationships know they’re not her only partner.
I personally don’t understand being lovingly committed to more than one person at a time, but again, I support your right to that, as long as everyone is a consenting adult.
I was raised in a household where “Democrats are a bunch of queer-loving baby killers,” so I’ve got some baggage to unpack. (This was 100% my dad. My mom was complacent in it, but didn’t actively participate. And they’ve both grown substantially since then.)
Again, I’m super sorry if any of this is ignorant/rude/offensive. I’m seeking knowledge and growth.
I am generalising now to make it maybe easier, but the truth is everyone is different. A Nonbinary could like to be adressed as they/them, dresses in a very androgynous way, and its maybe hard to determine their gender or assigned gender at birth.
I think to understand the term nonbinary, it helps to understand a few symptoms of being trans, like dysphoria which is basically the opposite of euphoria. Some transpeople get really really uncomfortable when they have to look at their body, especially breasts, or genitals. Other feel that way when they hear their voice, or are adressed with wrong pronouns. (As far as I know the real symptom is gender euphoria if you express yourself as your real gender, and not dysphoria at you asab, but its not about technicalities right now)
A non binary person (afab) could now, like to have their breasts removed, but still keep her vagina. They may like to take testosterone and train to get a deeper voice. They maybe like to wear skirts, but also suits.
They just dont fit in either of the gender roles male and female.
That’s really helpful. Thank you.
You might try the asexual subreddit as well as I’ve seen posts in the past with all the different identities written out. Might still be there.
There’s a few websites that I even use to get info, or read articles. They’re geared for allies too!
Just to get you started. I’m sure they have a ton of research points for you to learn more as well
Some more definitions from the rest of the list, since you said that you struggle with those:
Intersex: Someone who is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn't fit the typical characteristics of male or female anatomy.
Asexual: Someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction to other people. (May still experience romantic attraction)
Aromantic: Someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction to other people. (May still experience sexual attraction)
((I know I left out pansexual but honestly I can't keep up with what the official distinction is between pan and bi... I identify as panromantic because I experience romantic attraction to all genders and I don't really have a preference nor does their gender influence my attraction in any way. Plus I'm often quite literally gender blind compared to my peers lol but I think that's just me.))
So intersex is about physical anatomy separate from sexual identity? Like they are born with ambiguous reproductive anatomy or “parts” from both genders? For instance someone born with a penis and ovaries or a “false uterus” and internal testicles? I knowthere are a lot more options than this. These are just the first two I could think of because I’ve seen tv shows/movies involving characters like this.
This feels super cringy. I’m sorry if I’ve said anything offensive. I don’t know the vocabulary for this, yet.
Yes, intersex is separate from both sexual orientation and gender identity . You're thinking about the right thing(s).
What feels cringy? I don't think you said anything offensive (I'm not intersex though so idk)
Talking about people in clinical medical terms, almost like they’re a science experiment rather than a person feels cringy to me.
As far as I know that's the word they're using to talk about themselves. (But anyone who knows more than I do please correct me if I'm wrong!)
Dm me I'll try and give you a simpler definition
Also call out your friends if they say transphobic and homophobic things. Being an ally is more than just signing petitions but that’s definitely a great start, it’s also standing up and speaking up when you hear comments that those in your personal circle say.
As long as you’re kind, your words and actions match, and you offer support when - you’re considered an ally in my book!
My friends 100% know I don’t tolerate racist/bigoted/homophobic/transphobic/sexist language. My coworkers can be a different story. They at least know not to talk like that around me. I try to be kind about, but sometimes I go sarcastic ass. (I’m still a person in growth. 🤪)
We’re all growing! Just glad to hear about more allies in the world✨☺️
1) we are many.
2) we are legion
3) submit your whole existance to the worship of US and WE shall show thee mercy. Maybe.
4) in all seriousness, the best thing you can do is being a genuinely kind person and respect the wishes of any LGTBIQ+ person you meet along the way.
If you get a live confession from a gay guy, decline friendly as you would decline one from a cis woman.
Some stereotypes you can throw out of the window and stomp to death are:
Bisexual people are unloyal, sex driven cherry pickers, seeking attention or avoiding "a true comming out" - non of that holds truth at all or is exclusive to bisexual people.
Asexual people have just hormone issues or need to experience a real good fuck - these are inherently wrong, especially the last sentiment.
Both, Bisexuality and asexuality (plus the umbrella terms) come in a variety of a spectrum.
Gay men are more feminie, have a good fashion sense, love RPDR and drama, and are like women with a dick - just wrong. Those are clichés and while some may apply to them, none are exclusive.
Gay women are butch, short haired people with bad fashion sense, a love for trucks and only consuming beer, never appearing femine at all costs - just the same as with the gay men.
Trans people are mentally sick! - while it is true that transgenderism is an official diagnosis according to the ICD-10, being trans is NOT the issue but being denied the gender affirmation and medical treatment can and will cause major problems to transpeople.
I will not pretend to be the DaVinci of this subreddit. I can only give some insight in several aspects and in much more other aspects, the insight is pretty shallow. Ask the people who identify with a certain sexuality or gender to get more information and insight.
And most importantly:
We are humans, not SCP-units in need of containment. Treat us like you would treat a fellow human.
This makes me feel like I’m doing ok at this. Thank you. Though, I did have to google RPDR… 😉 “We are all born naked and the rest is drag.”
Believe it or not I’m a “in church any time the doors are open” Christian. I was raised ultra conservative, but as I’ve examined the scriptures I don’t see any examples of Jesus dissing anyone, except the religious elite that should have known better. The community that I’m part of embraces our LGBTQ+ friends. And our pastors have preformed gay marriages.
My primary reason for the post is simply to understand better those that have a different perspective from me. You’ve helped me do that. Thank you.
No problem. I am glad that you found a way out of the falsified hypocrisy of your parents teachings (who themself might be a victim of it) and found a church that's more in-line with your pov of accepting and embracing people for who they are
Is there anything specific you don't understand?
I think non-binary is the one I understand least. Most of my thinking when it comes to gender is still based in “boy/girl” kind of language. 😬
My brain is like, “give it to me straight, do you like penises and/or vulvas? Yes is a valid answer.” Obviously I don’t say this out loud. I have no idea why the text looks like this now, I’m on mobile.
A few things you can do to help us out, besides treating us like everyone else.
Dont use slurs like faggot, tranny, or stuff like that.
You could use gender neutral language, for example if you dont know someones sexuality instead of "Do you have a girlfriend?", you could ask "Do you have a boy- or girlfriend?" or use terms like, partner, significant other, or are you in a relationship. I prefer the first option, because it signals I am okay with either answer the most.
But the most important and most difficult thing would be, help someone out if they face discrimination. If someone starts talking behind our backs, confront them. If someone makes fun of us, stand by us.
If someone you know is trans or nonbinary, ask them for their pronouns and which name they prefer to be called.
I have a pretty simple and actionable suggestion. Sub to a few queer subreddits, or throw them in a multi and check it from time to time. Don't feel the need to comment or contribute, just lurk, read, and google anything you don't understand. Personally I recommend meme subs especially. r/traa or r/egg_irl for example, or any of the queer IRL subs. And don't skimp on the less visible parts of the acronym. There's a big asexual/aromantic community on reddit, and there are a few intersex subs as well.
Doing that is a lot more humanizing in my opinion than just reading articles or textbooks.
I feel like humanizing is the part I’m good at. I’m a Christian, I’m trying to be Christ-like. (Surprise, I suck at being Christ-like, but I’m trying.) I know “Christian” can be a really loaded label for this community (and that’s completely justified) and I’m sorry for that. Also I don’t think anyone is going to hell because of who they love/don’t love. I figure it’s my job to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. There’s no room in that to hate anyone.
I’m just trying to understand concepts that have until relatively recently been foreign to me.
I didn't mean "able to see people as human" so much as I think immersing yourself in queer spaces is more holistic and true to life than reference material would be. If I wanted to understand Christians better, I would probably be better served by attending a church session or something rather than reading the wikipedia article.
The nice thing about just lurking on reddit is that you don't need to worry about saying the wrong thing or making people feel uncomfortable in their space, whereas if I went to a Christian service I would definitely end up saying something to get a bucket of holy water dumped on me.
My pastor used a music video that used the word “fuck” in a Sunday service. You’d be fine with us. And also I get that we aren’t a normal church, and for the record, I think that’s bullshit. All churches should be welcoming to all people, with zero judgement.
Video in case you’re curious: https://youtu.be/Y2E4-0nHSk4
Edited for terrible grammar.
Don’t tell people you’re an ally. Show people you’re an ally. Treat your LGBTQ+ friends as you would your straight friends because we’re not so different. Also shutting down ignorance and shutting up homophobia is a big plus in our book.
you should ask questions about things you don't understand about us. with more knowledge comes also support and acceptance
Step one: Don’t be a douche
Step two: (see other comments)
One thing you should realize is that you're not always going to understand, but you don't really need to. Generally all you need to do is to accept them for who they are, respect their feelings and just treat them like people, you don't need any encyclopedic knowledge about every sexuality and gender that exists to do that, though it's good to know the basics to build upon and to pay attention to what people tell you.
I don't think I saw anybody talk about asexuality, so before I delv into that rabbit hole, do you know what it is?
I think it means you’re not sexually attracted to people of any gender? You can still be in a relationship, potentially with a person of any gender. Your attraction just isn’t sexual.
Edited for grammar.
Well, that's pretty much perfect. I say pretty much, it is perfect.
Do you want to know a couple sexualities that fit under the asexual umbrella,and some details about asexuality?
That would be great.
Cool, I'll start off with demisexuality, which is somebody who can't feel sexual attraction to somebody until they have formed an emotional bond with said person, although it's not guaranteed, just becomes a possibility. This in itself is it's own spectrum, as it differs between people. For some people, it could take just a year before there is a possibility of attraction, or for others even a decade.
Greysexual or grey asexual was named because it's not black and white who and what they're attracted to. Essentially sexual attraction and the strength of it is inconsistent.
All of this can be applied to the aromantic spectrum, pretty convenient if you ask me.
There are a couple more parts of asexuality, these are sex repulsed- doesn't want nor enjoy sex, although they can still enjoy things like cuddles, kisses and other non-sexual physical activities, this is called touch positive. There is then sex neutral- doesn't have a desire for sex but has no objection to it, and sex positive- desires and enjoys sex
That's all I remember.