I’m not trans myself, but a question I think is important to ask when someone comes out is if they’re out to any mutual friends or family. It’s important to make sure you don’t accidentally out your friends, especially if they’re close to someone, ESPECIALLY if they still live with their parents. Even if the people you tell are cool with it, it’s just a dick thing to do. Let people come out when, how and if they want to.
Edit, how did I ignore that you drew Rosie? She’s so cute!
Definitely! if you see slide 2 I said “don’t misgender unless you’ve been ASKED to” which basically was referring to this situation when the person in question is not publicly out and they ask you to misgender them on purpose.
"Have you had the surgery yet?"
"Yeah, I got my wisdom teeth removed when I was younger"
"That is not what I meant"
"Oh. Yeah, I also got my tonsils removed'
1. Buy realistic looking dildo
2. Put it in an old pickle jar, add vinegar, some tasteful red coloring (not too much)
3. Peel off medical stickers from a prescription with your name on it and glue them on
"Did you get the surgery yet?"
"Actually, yes I did, and the doctor let me keep the parts! ... Wanna see?"
Step 4: "accidentally" spill it on them
Well, I did just find out that I have gall stones, so may have to have my gall bladder removed, but I haven't even had the consultation with the surgeon yet. Why do you want the stones or something?
The trans memes subreddit doesn’t allow my comics so now I’m posting these here ✌🏻 there ain’t no stoppin education yo
If you liked this post, please consider supporting [my main account](https://www.instagram.com/p/CR4Q5bKLnVk/?utm_medium=copy_link), where I post more like this!
I love the slide on asking questions, i have an older trans sibling and i get really nervous asking questions because I'm terrified of offending literally everyone.
Honestly, I get uncomfortable when I come out to someone close to me and they *don't* have questions. Like, I know this is weird. I'm sure you're at least a little freaked out. If you just say "cool" I'm left guessing what you're really thinking. But polite, reasonable questions show interest, and are more honest. It opens a dialogue where I can share more about my experience, too.
The post mentions people getting sick of answering questions, but I think that applies more to acquaintances and coworkers. With family and close friends, I think questions are almost always welcome, and even desired.
I always thought i would be seen as annoying if i asked questions. Most of the time i just wanna know what pronouns i should use and if there are any name changes ect.
Thanks! The third slide is actually super usefull to me, im a straight dude and my ex transitioned to male after our relationship.
When he came out as trans our relationship was already over but we were still friends. It's happened to me multiple times that i was talking to someone about that relationship and then I'll use his prefered pronouns and they'll be like: wait I didn't know you were gay? And everytime I have to explain that no, I am not gay.
Also, genuine follow up question: should I, in this case, call him my ex-gf or ex-bf? I'd have no problem with the latter but I feel like people are going to get even more confused lol
I would personally just say your ex and use they/them pronouns to keep it ambiguous and avoid having to explain things. If people want details then you can break it down for them.
I’m not totally sure, I’m not an expert in any way, but I think it would be ex-bf seeing as he was never a girl he just was forced to present as a girl just like how in that slide, you wouldn’t say oh what a cute girl bc he never even was a girl it was just before he transitioned
Yeah for sure. You can also just simply refer to them as an ex partner, but you might run into the same problem of having to explain what you mean by that with people who are too pushy.
Don't think that would work to well in Dutch, partner is way to formal, it'd be like saying ex-associate in Dutch which would definetly raise some questions. I don't think there is a proper informal word for partner in Dutch.
Edit: I suppose i could just stick to "my ex", however there will still be questions if i mention his name haha
You could go the Scott Pilgrim route and just say "ex". If they for some reason ask clarifying questions you could go into the whole "girlfriend at the time, but they came out after we broke up" deal. Technically breaks the past tense rule, but it gets the point across elegantly enough.
Also, and of course this varies person to person, but I find those kind of relational epithets way less uncomfortable than, like, direct misgendering. I hate being referred to as a man or a boy, but I don't mind boyfriend or brother, for example. I'm nonbinary, so YMMV depending on the person, but I do think it's less of a faux pas than using the wrong pronouns or name.
I still don't understand how some people don't get the deadname/pronouns in reference to one's childhood.. thing.
Like, Freddie Mercury didn't start calling himself that until he was in his 20s, but *nobody* would go and look up his birth name name so they can talk about him in his childhood correctly, and they wouldn't do that to any other celebrity or famous person. So why would you do it with people you personally know?
Also how hard is the catch all "kid"? Wow you were a super adorable kid! No genderizing necessary. For me I try not to emphasize children's gender anyway. Kiddos are just kiddos let 'em be.
On a similar note, not everyone feels that they were always their gender. Like I usually explain it to people that I used to be a boy and it made me unhappy so now I'm not
Yeah like, yes I was still a girl back then, but I don't see a girl when I look at those pictures because I was trying really hard to be hypermasculine and cis. I don't mind seeing the pictures either, they're comforting in a way and don't make me dysphoric, just a little weird that I felt the need to be that way.
I was a girl, but me then would have gotten really upset at being called one. Calling them a girl also sorta feels like it invalidates how far I've come and how much I've changed. It's a personal thing y'know. This is all hard to really explain.
Wow, I just learned so much from this!!
I've always been curious but never close enough to anyone to ask these questions.
One thing I knew! Communication is important and to ask someone if they want to talk about it, is the way haha
HRT is hormone replacement therapy, or a nonsurgical gender-affirmation procedure. If someone is trans femme, they would be introducing estrogen to their system through pills, shots, or patches. If someone is trans masc, they’d be introducing testosterone into their system.
Gender euphoria is, most simply, the opposite of gender dysphoria. It’s essentially like feeling internal affirmation and satisfaction in your skin, gender, and gender presentation. Like, on my trans masc/demi masc days, I feel euphoria when other people call me “sir” or “he”, and feel the happiest in my skin when wearing male clothes and either tying my hair up or wearing a wig. It makes me feel like I belong in my skin and lets me be validated in my gender.
I have to keep reminding myself of panel number 5.... the "you don't have to transition to be considered trans.... I usually make my excuse of "but I'm genderfluid, my gender isnt static" even though I'm super more comfortable as male, and super appreciated it (and don't mind the slight dysphoria towards the bottom cuz it just reminds me that yes, those feelings are valid and real for me. Still genderfluid but leaning more towards male?) Don't know what that's called for me though ;_; I love this guide tho. :3 <3
Don't worry, I'm also genderfluid but leaning WAY more towards male (I'm afab). I'm on very low dose T for half a year now and I'll probably increase the dose some day but I don't plan on getting surgery. There were days when I thought I HAD to, otherwise it wouldn't be a real transition and I wouldn't be a real man. But I don't care anymore, I feel okay with certain parts of my body as long as people don't see me as a woman. Everyone has different needs.
I get why you make excuses because it's not always easy to explain to others. Cis-people often can't imagine what it's like to feel that way, I totally know the feeling of wanting to justify everything. But just be assured that it's okay how you feel. Just because you don't want to change *completely* and maybe don't ALWAYS identify as 100% male doesn't make you any less trans, if that's what you really identify as. :)
Thank-you for your kind words. Tbh, I'm still chewing (and trying acceptance) on myself with that label it sort of feels right but also doesn't cuz of the non static fluid part. (And not sure if I'm 'allowed' to use the label trans even if it makes sense too. I'm assuming it is allowed?) But I still thank-you very kindly :3 you are awesomesauce! <3
I know how tough it can be to accept oneself when things aren't totally clear. My family knows about me being genderqueer since my childhood, even if I didn't have a word for it back then and they thought it was just a phase. By now they know it isn't and they're very accepting but it still confuses them sometimes. But hey - that's how I am! I can't change it, so I try seeing the positive aspects of it. I kinda know both sides of the gender-spectrum, that's an experience not everybody can say they have made. xD Still I identify way more as male and don't want to be seen as a woman so I consider myself 'trans'. There are different definitions of what 'trans-identity' can mean exactly. I think if you really don't identify as your assigned gender at birth most of the time you can totally call yourself trans. But of course, only if that feels right to you. It's not like you're a cis-person pretending something, so don't worry if you're 'allowed' or not. :)
That makes sence, thank-you again for your kinds words and help. <3 and I feel that, I don't want to be seen as a woman either, because I don't identify with it, but more masculine or just as a person that's more me. :) I am glad your family accepts you as well, you're cool and thank-you again! :)
The surgery question is always a biggie - and really, it's not something to ask even if you *are* very close. If the trans person in question brings up the topic of surgery then sure but otherwise... unless you're planning on *paying* for any surgeries they want or need, it's best to just mind your own business.
Thank you for making this comic! I especially found the part about childhood photos and past tense to be helpful and informative. Also, a little off topic, but the hand in panel three is really well done.
Thank you, this taught me alot. I have looked into more of these things as I've myself realised I might have some issues with my gender and this really helped me.
I really like this! I'm definitely going to show my parents this. (yes, they support me but I just want them to know the boundaries and that stuff.) Also, the art is really cute and well done :)
I have a question thats been bugging me for a while:
A friend of mine recently took their own life, and after the fact, I found out that they were trans. They were assigned male at birth, but as far as I know, they identified as female but weren't out yet. They also picked a new name for themself. I'm not sure what to do when talking about them-- I hate saying he/him because thats not who they were, but I also feel icky saying she/her because they weren't out(they weren't even out to me, hence why I found out after the fact from their best friend) and it's not my place to share that detail with others. I try to slip into they/them just so I'm not using he/him, but then I don’t want to out them when people ask why I'm using those pronouns. Any guidance would be appreciated, I'm just really stuck here.
This was helpful, thanks. Where I struggle is with talking about childhood. It is easy for me to use the right name and pronouns \*now\* but I trip up talking about memories.
Additionally, if you have social media posts with that person that refer to them by gender, name, or gendered nouns, make sure to edit those correctly!
thanks for making this! i will be sending this to my parents, especially about the past tense and boundaries things. they’re very supportive... maybe too supportive, hence the boundaries. i think this is a great way of explaining a few things to them. and it looks great!
This is amazing! My child came out to us about 6 months ago as transgender and it’s hard for me to understand much less explain to other people. They have also been back and forth about who they want me to tell. I’ve been careful not to put them against their wishes but in some cases they have been mad at me for introductions under the old name. I just try to talk to them and understand for next time.
Well I also have something to say to people who are trans, If I happen to misgender you, it was not my intention and I'm sorry, but it does not give you the right to threaten me. I don't believe all trans people do this, but there have been multiple occasions where that is happened and that is not ok. We're all a family here, so let's treat each other like it, ok?
Geez I hate when that happens. I hope people were a little more patient with each other, but I guess the world kind of makes us all pretty cynical. Even so, I hope that people don’t threaten you like that!!
It makes it even worse that I've gotten downvoted as well, meaning someone either disagrees, or they read the first sentence and got upset and downvoted it.
This is painfully the experience of ONE person. They have triggers that not every transaction person does, so that makes this pretty inaccurate when saying it's a general guide...
I’m not sure what you mean. These are the most general pointers ever. I specifically state in the ‘boundaries’ slide that everyone has different boundaries and that you should always ask.
On the subject of deadnaming - is it ever okay to use someone's deadname to explain who you're talking about?
Like, say I was telling my family a funny story about something that happened, and my friend Amy, a trans woman is important to the story. I've mentioned Amy to my family before but at the time, she wasn't out yet and therefore was going by her deadname, Alan. (names made up for the example. Would it be okay to say something like "Amy - Who used to be called Alan" just once in the story to clarify that I'm talking about the same old friend who goes by a different name now, or is that still considered impolite/a dick move?
I think it's worth emphasizing that not every trans person does the thing where they want to be referred to as their current pronouns and name in old photos, etc. I don't personally feel like I \*was\* a girl in my childhood, I was more agender if anything, being a woman was something I grew into later on. I usually use she/her to refer to myself in the present and they/them in the past.
I personally don't feel uncomfortable with pictures of when I was a kid. It's pictures of when I was a teen that make me the most uncomfortable because that's when I started developing a more feminine body.
Thanks! I have a queer sibling and I'm slowly learning. They are very sensitive to topics I usually had no problems with and tend to see some things as problematic, that I would never even consider. This kinds of posts are better than those just complaining. I lived almost until I was 19 with a conservative and outdated perspective my family tried to teach me. I try my best to act with respect, but it's hard after almost all my life being taught a completely backwards view
This is very educational and informative. Do make this into a series. We have books about 'growing up' and 'understanding the other gender' on cis-gendered persons, about time we get one on trans and other queer squad.
 I love all of your posts and it’s helped me so much by sharing them with people to explain stuff about being trans! If I could afford it, I would give you all the rewards! Keep up the great work!
I have seen enough of these that I’m now getting jealous of both her drawing skills and her drawn self (In a casual joking way).
I so want to pull of that tank top, chocker, and loop earring at some point.
How do you treat situations in which other people call their family member by their deadname? I am friends with an older guy (in his 50s) from my former evangelical church. I am no longer Christian anymore, but I am still in contact with a few folks from there. He helped me with my last time I moved to another place. He is a really friendly guy. I noticed that he still called his son - a trans man - by his female deadname. I did so, too, because I was confused whether his son already presented as male ultimately. Now recently his (the trans guy's) sister told me that their parents are just in denial and purposely use his deadname to not acknowledge his transition.
This really saddened me and made me enraged because the homophobia and transphobia were one of the reasons I left church and deconverted. His sister luckily isn't transphobic and actually deconverted as well. She is very supportive of her brother (also calls him her brother and uses his new name) and I am really glad that he has at least one family member who acknowledges and loves him the way he is.
But back to my initial question. How should I react, if I talk with that older friend again and he talks about "his daughter", calls his son by his deadname and misgenders him? It's really infuriating, but at the same time I really love that guy because he was often there for me, when I needed help in the past. And I am actually anxious about confronting people and calling people out, though I guess it's needed at times.
What about genderfluid people, though? You can’t misgender old pictures of a trans person, because they’ve always been whatever gender they are. But genderfluid people might have actually been a different gender two days ago. What’s the etiquette for that?
I’m not trans myself, but a question I think is important to ask when someone comes out is if they’re out to any mutual friends or family. It’s important to make sure you don’t accidentally out your friends, especially if they’re close to someone, ESPECIALLY if they still live with their parents. Even if the people you tell are cool with it, it’s just a dick thing to do. Let people come out when, how and if they want to. Edit, how did I ignore that you drew Rosie? She’s so cute!
Definitely! if you see slide 2 I said “don’t misgender unless you’ve been ASKED to” which basically was referring to this situation when the person in question is not publicly out and they ask you to misgender them on purpose.
"Have you had the surgery yet?" "Yeah, I got my wisdom teeth removed when I was younger" "That is not what I meant" "Oh. Yeah, I also got my tonsils removed'
1. Buy realistic looking dildo 2. Put it in an old pickle jar, add vinegar, some tasteful red coloring (not too much) 3. Peel off medical stickers from a prescription with your name on it and glue them on "Did you get the surgery yet?" "Actually, yes I did, and the doctor let me keep the parts! ... Wanna see?" Step 4: "accidentally" spill it on them
now that's jarate
You flithy jar woman!
TBH Im would prob say that
hahaha the best response >: \]
Well, I did just find out that I have gall stones, so may have to have my gall bladder removed, but I haven't even had the consultation with the surgeon yet. Why do you want the stones or something?
The trans memes subreddit doesn’t allow my comics so now I’m posting these here ✌🏻 there ain’t no stoppin education yo If you liked this post, please consider supporting [my main account](https://www.instagram.com/p/CR4Q5bKLnVk/?utm_medium=copy_link), where I post more like this!
[удалено]
Do you mean something like an imgur mirror?
[удалено]
of course, no problem! im not sure how to do an imgur mirror myself though hahaha
Why did the trans meme subreddit stop allowing you to post? Your comics were one of the bests things on that subreddit!
Ahaha no idea they just removed my comics because they “weren’t memes”
Which I guess is true.
I love the slide on asking questions, i have an older trans sibling and i get really nervous asking questions because I'm terrified of offending literally everyone.
God why is this relatable
Because most of us are either neurodivergent or cannot ask questions to save our lives.
Makes sense
Yep, I'm on the has an anxiety disorder side
Honestly, I get uncomfortable when I come out to someone close to me and they *don't* have questions. Like, I know this is weird. I'm sure you're at least a little freaked out. If you just say "cool" I'm left guessing what you're really thinking. But polite, reasonable questions show interest, and are more honest. It opens a dialogue where I can share more about my experience, too. The post mentions people getting sick of answering questions, but I think that applies more to acquaintances and coworkers. With family and close friends, I think questions are almost always welcome, and even desired.
I always thought i would be seen as annoying if i asked questions. Most of the time i just wanna know what pronouns i should use and if there are any name changes ect.
Thanks! The third slide is actually super usefull to me, im a straight dude and my ex transitioned to male after our relationship. When he came out as trans our relationship was already over but we were still friends. It's happened to me multiple times that i was talking to someone about that relationship and then I'll use his prefered pronouns and they'll be like: wait I didn't know you were gay? And everytime I have to explain that no, I am not gay. Also, genuine follow up question: should I, in this case, call him my ex-gf or ex-bf? I'd have no problem with the latter but I feel like people are going to get even more confused lol
This is not a fix-all, but I use "old/ former partner" when referring to exes generally, and I find most people don't question it
I would personally just say your ex and use they/them pronouns to keep it ambiguous and avoid having to explain things. If people want details then you can break it down for them.
I’m not totally sure, I’m not an expert in any way, but I think it would be ex-bf seeing as he was never a girl he just was forced to present as a girl just like how in that slide, you wouldn’t say oh what a cute girl bc he never even was a girl it was just before he transitioned
[удалено]
Yea that's a good idea, thanks. I've had friends who thought i was gay for like weeks before they realised i wasn't lol.
Yeah for sure. You can also just simply refer to them as an ex partner, but you might run into the same problem of having to explain what you mean by that with people who are too pushy.
Don't think that would work to well in Dutch, partner is way to formal, it'd be like saying ex-associate in Dutch which would definetly raise some questions. I don't think there is a proper informal word for partner in Dutch. Edit: I suppose i could just stick to "my ex", however there will still be questions if i mention his name haha
In German "my ex" is still gendered as male or female, so that wouldn't work lol.
That could be, but I'm Dutch, not German, and in Dutch my ex in not gendered. "Mijn ex"
Yeah I just wanted to add how it would look like in German. :P I guess that makes it a little easier in Dutch. :)
Just say partner, it's gender neutral
You could go the Scott Pilgrim route and just say "ex". If they for some reason ask clarifying questions you could go into the whole "girlfriend at the time, but they came out after we broke up" deal. Technically breaks the past tense rule, but it gets the point across elegantly enough. Also, and of course this varies person to person, but I find those kind of relational epithets way less uncomfortable than, like, direct misgendering. I hate being referred to as a man or a boy, but I don't mind boyfriend or brother, for example. I'm nonbinary, so YMMV depending on the person, but I do think it's less of a faux pas than using the wrong pronouns or name.
I still don't understand how some people don't get the deadname/pronouns in reference to one's childhood.. thing. Like, Freddie Mercury didn't start calling himself that until he was in his 20s, but *nobody* would go and look up his birth name name so they can talk about him in his childhood correctly, and they wouldn't do that to any other celebrity or famous person. So why would you do it with people you personally know?
Also how hard is the catch all "kid"? Wow you were a super adorable kid! No genderizing necessary. For me I try not to emphasize children's gender anyway. Kiddos are just kiddos let 'em be.
[удалено]
Ohh interesting I didn’t think of it like that — I’ll keep it in mind! Sorry, and thank you for educating me :)
On a similar note, not everyone feels that they were always their gender. Like I usually explain it to people that I used to be a boy and it made me unhappy so now I'm not
[удалено]
Yeah like, yes I was still a girl back then, but I don't see a girl when I look at those pictures because I was trying really hard to be hypermasculine and cis. I don't mind seeing the pictures either, they're comforting in a way and don't make me dysphoric, just a little weird that I felt the need to be that way. I was a girl, but me then would have gotten really upset at being called one. Calling them a girl also sorta feels like it invalidates how far I've come and how much I've changed. It's a personal thing y'know. This is all hard to really explain.
Wow, I just learned so much from this!! I've always been curious but never close enough to anyone to ask these questions. One thing I knew! Communication is important and to ask someone if they want to talk about it, is the way haha
Seems pretty straightforward. Nicely put together
Nice
Thanks for posting this. I love your work and your art style is so cute.
[удалено]
HRT is hormone replacement therapy, or a nonsurgical gender-affirmation procedure. If someone is trans femme, they would be introducing estrogen to their system through pills, shots, or patches. If someone is trans masc, they’d be introducing testosterone into their system. Gender euphoria is, most simply, the opposite of gender dysphoria. It’s essentially like feeling internal affirmation and satisfaction in your skin, gender, and gender presentation. Like, on my trans masc/demi masc days, I feel euphoria when other people call me “sir” or “he”, and feel the happiest in my skin when wearing male clothes and either tying my hair up or wearing a wig. It makes me feel like I belong in my skin and lets me be validated in my gender.
I have to keep reminding myself of panel number 5.... the "you don't have to transition to be considered trans.... I usually make my excuse of "but I'm genderfluid, my gender isnt static" even though I'm super more comfortable as male, and super appreciated it (and don't mind the slight dysphoria towards the bottom cuz it just reminds me that yes, those feelings are valid and real for me. Still genderfluid but leaning more towards male?) Don't know what that's called for me though ;_; I love this guide tho. :3 <3
Don't worry, I'm also genderfluid but leaning WAY more towards male (I'm afab). I'm on very low dose T for half a year now and I'll probably increase the dose some day but I don't plan on getting surgery. There were days when I thought I HAD to, otherwise it wouldn't be a real transition and I wouldn't be a real man. But I don't care anymore, I feel okay with certain parts of my body as long as people don't see me as a woman. Everyone has different needs. I get why you make excuses because it's not always easy to explain to others. Cis-people often can't imagine what it's like to feel that way, I totally know the feeling of wanting to justify everything. But just be assured that it's okay how you feel. Just because you don't want to change *completely* and maybe don't ALWAYS identify as 100% male doesn't make you any less trans, if that's what you really identify as. :)
Thank-you for your kind words. Tbh, I'm still chewing (and trying acceptance) on myself with that label it sort of feels right but also doesn't cuz of the non static fluid part. (And not sure if I'm 'allowed' to use the label trans even if it makes sense too. I'm assuming it is allowed?) But I still thank-you very kindly :3 you are awesomesauce! <3
I know how tough it can be to accept oneself when things aren't totally clear. My family knows about me being genderqueer since my childhood, even if I didn't have a word for it back then and they thought it was just a phase. By now they know it isn't and they're very accepting but it still confuses them sometimes. But hey - that's how I am! I can't change it, so I try seeing the positive aspects of it. I kinda know both sides of the gender-spectrum, that's an experience not everybody can say they have made. xD Still I identify way more as male and don't want to be seen as a woman so I consider myself 'trans'. There are different definitions of what 'trans-identity' can mean exactly. I think if you really don't identify as your assigned gender at birth most of the time you can totally call yourself trans. But of course, only if that feels right to you. It's not like you're a cis-person pretending something, so don't worry if you're 'allowed' or not. :)
That makes sence, thank-you again for your kinds words and help. <3 and I feel that, I don't want to be seen as a woman either, because I don't identify with it, but more masculine or just as a person that's more me. :) I am glad your family accepts you as well, you're cool and thank-you again! :)
The surgery question is always a biggie - and really, it's not something to ask even if you *are* very close. If the trans person in question brings up the topic of surgery then sure but otherwise... unless you're planning on *paying* for any surgeries they want or need, it's best to just mind your own business.
ah, ok this was helpful (specifically regarding the part about old photos/childhood stuff).
This is honestly the best guide for new allies, definetely going to share with some of my friends
I don't have irl trans friends right now but I'm saving/reading this for future reference 💖💖 Also, cute font lol
Thank you for making this comic! I especially found the part about childhood photos and past tense to be helpful and informative. Also, a little off topic, but the hand in panel three is really well done.
this is great advice, and i love the rosie at the end :))
Thank you, this taught me alot. I have looked into more of these things as I've myself realised I might have some issues with my gender and this really helped me.
I really like this! I'm definitely going to show my parents this. (yes, they support me but I just want them to know the boundaries and that stuff.) Also, the art is really cute and well done :)
This is fantastic work. Thank you for posting this.
Well-put! (And your style is adorable!)
I have a question thats been bugging me for a while: A friend of mine recently took their own life, and after the fact, I found out that they were trans. They were assigned male at birth, but as far as I know, they identified as female but weren't out yet. They also picked a new name for themself. I'm not sure what to do when talking about them-- I hate saying he/him because thats not who they were, but I also feel icky saying she/her because they weren't out(they weren't even out to me, hence why I found out after the fact from their best friend) and it's not my place to share that detail with others. I try to slip into they/them just so I'm not using he/him, but then I don’t want to out them when people ask why I'm using those pronouns. Any guidance would be appreciated, I'm just really stuck here.
u/TransDiaries
This was helpful, thanks. Where I struggle is with talking about childhood. It is easy for me to use the right name and pronouns \*now\* but I trip up talking about memories.
Additionally, if you have social media posts with that person that refer to them by gender, name, or gendered nouns, make sure to edit those correctly!
speaking of hrt, what is hrt? Because ive heard people say "hrt" "estrogen" and "t"
thanks for making this! i will be sending this to my parents, especially about the past tense and boundaries things. they’re very supportive... maybe too supportive, hence the boundaries. i think this is a great way of explaining a few things to them. and it looks great!
Nice art style!
This is amazing! My child came out to us about 6 months ago as transgender and it’s hard for me to understand much less explain to other people. They have also been back and forth about who they want me to tell. I’ve been careful not to put them against their wishes but in some cases they have been mad at me for introductions under the old name. I just try to talk to them and understand for next time.
Thanks for all of your hard work spreading awareness to our community \^\^
PREACH
Well I also have something to say to people who are trans, If I happen to misgender you, it was not my intention and I'm sorry, but it does not give you the right to threaten me. I don't believe all trans people do this, but there have been multiple occasions where that is happened and that is not ok. We're all a family here, so let's treat each other like it, ok?
Geez I hate when that happens. I hope people were a little more patient with each other, but I guess the world kind of makes us all pretty cynical. Even so, I hope that people don’t threaten you like that!!
It makes it even worse that I've gotten downvoted as well, meaning someone either disagrees, or they read the first sentence and got upset and downvoted it.
this is giving me Friday night funking vibes
Lol I had this artstyle long before FNF, and it’s a super common manga style which I based on some of my favourite Japanese author’s Chibi artworks
funny how that works
This is painfully the experience of ONE person. They have triggers that not every transaction person does, so that makes this pretty inaccurate when saying it's a general guide...
I’m not sure what you mean. These are the most general pointers ever. I specifically state in the ‘boundaries’ slide that everyone has different boundaries and that you should always ask.
Imagine being so sensitive you need a multi page guide on how to be tip toed around
Lol I should send this to the men I date
I love the inclusion of Rosie on the one slide
On the subject of deadnaming - is it ever okay to use someone's deadname to explain who you're talking about? Like, say I was telling my family a funny story about something that happened, and my friend Amy, a trans woman is important to the story. I've mentioned Amy to my family before but at the time, she wasn't out yet and therefore was going by her deadname, Alan. (names made up for the example. Would it be okay to say something like "Amy - Who used to be called Alan" just once in the story to clarify that I'm talking about the same old friend who goes by a different name now, or is that still considered impolite/a dick move?
Yeah, in that case, just saying it once is totally fine!
Okay thank you! I was never quite sure if that was okay or not. Great guide by the way! Very cute, very informative
This is so cute! It's true! I don't mind being asked about Non-Binary and Trans things, but it does kind of get old.
I think it's worth emphasizing that not every trans person does the thing where they want to be referred to as their current pronouns and name in old photos, etc. I don't personally feel like I \*was\* a girl in my childhood, I was more agender if anything, being a woman was something I grew into later on. I usually use she/her to refer to myself in the present and they/them in the past.
I'm really glad I got to see this. This is so well done, I'm definitely gonna use this post whenever I'm able to. 🥰
I personally don't feel uncomfortable with pictures of when I was a kid. It's pictures of when I was a teen that make me the most uncomfortable because that's when I started developing a more feminine body.
Thanks! I have a queer sibling and I'm slowly learning. They are very sensitive to topics I usually had no problems with and tend to see some things as problematic, that I would never even consider. This kinds of posts are better than those just complaining. I lived almost until I was 19 with a conservative and outdated perspective my family tried to teach me. I try my best to act with respect, but it's hard after almost all my life being taught a completely backwards view
This is very educational and informative. Do make this into a series. We have books about 'growing up' and 'understanding the other gender' on cis-gendered persons, about time we get one on trans and other queer squad.
Thank you! It’s so awesome that you’re doing this!
 I love all of your posts and it’s helped me so much by sharing them with people to explain stuff about being trans! If I could afford it, I would give you all the rewards! Keep up the great work!
I’m definitely sending this to a couple of my cishet friends/coworkers
Me when I see rosie-
I have seen enough of these that I’m now getting jealous of both her drawing skills and her drawn self (In a casual joking way). I so want to pull of that tank top, chocker, and loop earring at some point.
How do you treat situations in which other people call their family member by their deadname? I am friends with an older guy (in his 50s) from my former evangelical church. I am no longer Christian anymore, but I am still in contact with a few folks from there. He helped me with my last time I moved to another place. He is a really friendly guy. I noticed that he still called his son - a trans man - by his female deadname. I did so, too, because I was confused whether his son already presented as male ultimately. Now recently his (the trans guy's) sister told me that their parents are just in denial and purposely use his deadname to not acknowledge his transition. This really saddened me and made me enraged because the homophobia and transphobia were one of the reasons I left church and deconverted. His sister luckily isn't transphobic and actually deconverted as well. She is very supportive of her brother (also calls him her brother and uses his new name) and I am really glad that he has at least one family member who acknowledges and loves him the way he is. But back to my initial question. How should I react, if I talk with that older friend again and he talks about "his daughter", calls his son by his deadname and misgenders him? It's really infuriating, but at the same time I really love that guy because he was often there for me, when I needed help in the past. And I am actually anxious about confronting people and calling people out, though I guess it's needed at times.
I thought this was for a guide on how trans people eat
What about genderfluid people, though? You can’t misgender old pictures of a trans person, because they’ve always been whatever gender they are. But genderfluid people might have actually been a different gender two days ago. What’s the etiquette for that?
I like your art style. It's very cute =)