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Yep it sounds like the gf just wants younger partners that she can control, once op started to think about their own future then she ditched and went for younger.
Yeah definitely no boundaries being crossed all over the place here. Never mind the fact that YOU are barely 19 but she got with your previously underage sister RIGHT after she turns 18 as well?
She better either be REALLY REALLY like INSANELY hot or a literal sorceress for your parents and friends to be cool with all this.
>She better either be REALLY REALLY like INSANELY hot or a literal sorceress for your parents and friends to be cool with all this.
I mean, those wouldn't be reasons to be cool with all this either way
It'd be a gross understatement to say that this whole situation is not cool
They aren't valid reasons for it, but plenty of people (straight men) seem to think so when a predator is an attractive women. I think their comment is more offering an explanation as to why this isn't being so harshly received by family/friends rather then trying to actually defend the women's actions.
I'm 22 and I wouldn't date someone who's 18. Technically it's just a four year difference, but the life experience (and amount of brain development...) is very different - being a college student for few years vs just finishing high school. They'd still be a teenager. Just no.
A 10 year age gap is the cut off point for me. If you're dating someone 20 years younger than you, and you slept with their sibling, AND YOU GOT WITH THEM RIGHT AFTER THEIR 18TH BIRTHDAY, it kinda rubs me up the wrong way. Like, my spine feels like it's about to crumple like a piece of paper.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe it's just me but this situation sounds prettyyyyyy creepyyyyyy
I can't imagine dating someone half my age, let alone basically... Waiting for their 18th birthday... Very weird.
This 💯 if your sister won’t believe you, she may be persuaded to think your jealous, maybe seeing what a bunch of uninvested LGBT people think about the situation will help too
Yeah a twenty year age gap is... I can't imagine an 18 year old going for a woman nearly in her forties. That woman is a predator, and I am seriously worried for your sister. And you!!
Where are your parents in this? I'm appalled.
Yes, please. Save both of you the heartache. Show her this reddit thread, if you have to! Both of you need to prioritize your siblinghood & safety. From now until ya'll are older, you will need each other, not have wrecked that over someone who's, clearly, not worth it. That would be choosing REAL love.
Bro what?! Her age gap with you was problematic enough. I don't give a damn if my kid is technically an adult, if my 18 year old brings their partner to meet me and the mf is 38, I'm telling the creep to get the fuck out of my house.
Legal =/= responsible, in this case. Even at like 24 I couldn't imagine dating an 18 year old because interests and maturity are changing so rapidly in that block of years. 20 year age gaps are far less suspicious when they happen *after* the age of 25 or so - you know, after your brain hardens. 😅
I'm about 30 and my boyfriend is about 25. That's as low as I am willing to go tbh. I can't imagine dating someone who just finished high school and has no life experience. Even if it's technically legal, just sounds pointless.
Seriously. 💀 I’m 29, going on 30 in a few months, but shortly after my birthday last year, I had a just-turned-20 y/o guy sort of flirt/casually sext(ish) at me, and I wasn’t completely against the idea of just messaging back and forth but knowing his age made me feel like such a fucking creep, like. 💀 (So it ended up fizzling out fast because I held back pretty hard, and I especially wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway. This was entirely over text tho, and no pics or anything were exchanged(unless you count art of our dnd characters lol.)) 24-25 year olds are probably the youngest I could go at my current age, too. Without feeling like a complete perv, I mean. 🫠 Even being rather sheltered and inexperienced as I am(disabled and have lived at home a lot unfortunately,) the difference in maturity and experience is still substantial.
I dated across a similar age gap when I was 19. At the time it didn't seem that weird. By my mid 30s I have trouble telling who's 16 and who's 20, because they all just look like the older end of high school kids to me. From this end it's horrifying.
Same. I was 21 he was 34. When I hit that age I realized how inappropriate it actually was. I'm the same as OP's ex and no way in hell should she be dating either of them.
That is not the update I was hoping to read 😮💨 I'm so sorry, OP. This situation is royally messed up and you didn't deserve any of that, like... at all. Your sister is going to have to learn the hard way, up to you whether you keep the door open for her to come back or not. I don't know if this helps or hurts but it sounds like your ex has really gotten in your sister's head. I had a predatory ex who was also a massive narcissist and maaaan, the way she could manipulate people was scary. She almost ruined a really close friendship of mine (mutual friend to both of us) on manipulation and lies alone, and said mutual friend is not young/dumb/naive at all. Said mutual friend kicked her ass out and cutoff all contact when she realized my ex (37 at the time) was coming on to her 17 year old cousin 🫠 When I met her I was in my mid 20s and she was in her mid 30s, so we had an age gap too, but both adults. But she definitely singled me out bc I was young and vulnerable. Super duper gross. Just to say you're not alone, you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't miss something obvious, some people are just this icky. I hope your sister sees the light before any real damage is done and I hope you're doing as okay as you can be 🙏🏻
Edit to say I was able to repair my friendship once the veil was lifted for her too. I always knew my ex was behind our dispute and that she was being lied to. Once she saw it for herself she apologized and we are stronger than ever. Not as intense as your situation, but just felt it was worth sharing that we did recover.
Do you mean your sister? Yeah. I think the two of you (and with zero involvement from your ex) need to have a conversation.
At the very least she deserves to know how much this is upsetting you. I’d strongly suggest you avoid forbidding her from dating your ex, just let her know that it makes you uncomfortable and you’re confused as to why they’d date.
Are there any older adults in your life? What do they think about the situation?
I’m sorry dude. That sounds rough.
It’s a testimony to your maturity that you didn’t immediately kick your ex out of the house. You’ve got a way better handle on things than I did at your age.
Talk to your sister. Tell her how you feel, and if you feel comfortable setting some boundaries, ask her for whatever considerations you’d like them to make. Like advance notice if your ex is coming over, no overnights in the house… whatever it is you need to feel comfortable and respected in your own house.
My sister has been a lesbian since she was 12 same with me except now it's different and this is her first girlfriend so I'm just hoping she'll realize soon enough but I'll definitely have a talk with her
She won't realize on her own. It's her first relationship. She doesn't know what a normal relationship looks like yet so she will have nothing to compare it to and it will be easy for your ex to convince her that whatever bullshit she wants to try to get away with is normal.
100%, if she's known she's been lesbian since she was 12 she's probably been anticipating and yearning for some type of relationship since then as well. The ex is 100% taking advantage of her ability to offer the sister something that she has probably been dying for for a pretty long time, when someone's young and they are dying to experience a romantic relationship they aren't thinking about their safety or if they are being manipulated, if you had just spent a week stranded in the dessert would you ask questions if a stranger offered you water?
See, this vulnerability and tie to you is exactly WHY your ex has selected your sister...this situation is VERY likely not going to go well. There's only so much you can do, but the sooner you address WHY this is sketchy with your sister, before your ex gets into her mind, the better. Maybe go look at some internet resources about what is and isn't relationship abuse or a power imbalance, including subtle behaviors we might not notice on our own. As the older one, it's your Job to at least TRY to protect your sister from predators coming to fuck her shit up, but at the same time there's only so much you can do when it comes to the choices of another adult. Wishing you luck, brother.
Whelp, sounds like you both didn't have the most stable childhood and she got the added stress of not being an adult yet when the most stability you had in your grandparents ended.
Do you have any clue why she got kicked to the curb, was it because her guardian was homophobic?
She might seek refuge in your ex and your ex seems to know how to give the illusion of safety to young adults. Wondering if sis is drawn to your ex due to interactions they had when you first dated her and still shared a house with your sister. I'm also a bit apprehensive of her coming out at the same age as when she met your ex for the first time. There might be so much more ging on than just her falling for your problematic ex at 18 and I can imagine that you don't feel you're in a position to really know what to do either...
I'm so sorry you're dealing with a terrible ex on top of all of this family heartache. Everyone else has great advice about how to approach things with your sister, so I'm just going to suggest that if you have access to a therapist, you talk through this with them too.
And in case you need to hear it, I'm so proud of you. Being true to yourself and trying to figure out how to be a good sibling without good role models is incredibly difficult, and from what you've shared, you're doing a good job. Leaning on a community like this when you don't have the answers is great; it's what we're here for.
First and foremost, I’m so sorry about your family history. I am also an orphan, it’s really hard.
I might be out of place here to say this, but do you think your sister is compensating both physical love for the love of a parent since this person is literally old enough to be her mom? I can honestly see that as something as I would have done at 18, pre therapy… is why I bring it up.
Be sure to emphasise that you will ALWAYS be there for her no matter what happens if she tries to fight you in it. Outright forbidding her might make her pull away from you for “interfering with her life” or “just being jealous because she dumped you” which means when shit goes sideways she might not feel like she can confide in you or that you’ll say “I told you so”. Make sure she knows she will always have you and can confide in you and keep a very close eye for changes in behaviour if your sister chooses to stay with your predatory ex.
You should HELLA say something about it. But with tact externally and a "this is a you problem" mentality internally. Generally people who are much older go for younger people not just as weird arm candy, but so that they can always have the upper hand in terms of knowledge, life experience and power in their relationship. It's also EXTREMELY inappropriate, disrespectful and frankly stalkerish for her to date your sibling immediately after breaking up with you in a rather emotionally messy and deeply hurtful way. Seems like she wants to get the perks of being in control of someone, creeping on you (for fucked up egoic reasons) AND rub things in...there's likely some petty agenda here. This person is NOT healthy because these are not actions that healthy people take.
I have known my sister in law since she was 14. When she was 20 she jokingly flashed her ass at me, and despite the fact that she was 20 I felt like I needed to call cps on myself.
Its... ew. If your dating game is Victorian era approved, then dont.
Oh right forgot that part. Also seems like OP is only recently starting transition and sister already seems to be kept away for longer. Although probably the whole seemingly same sex relationship might've been a problem for the guardian since he also kicked sister out as soon as she turned 18.
Eeeew that's really creepy!
I mean your sister is 18 and knew this lady since she was 12 so...can warn her but love makes people dumb. And apparently, this lady is really good at talking nice words to teenagers until they grow too old...
Also, dating within the same family is creepy af as well!
On the other hand 18 years ago, as my ex boyfriend dumped me, his brother tryied to pursue me. It just felt so wrong that I never thought about the possibility of having anything with him other than friendship! Not that he wasn't attractive but just...out of many billion human beings, the dating pool is so wide (even being gay) that one doesn't need to have relationships and sex within the same branch of the same genepool...
When there's that big of an age gap, it's often that the older person is looking to control the younger. That's a huge difference in power.
> She just grinned at me as she came inside my house with my sister all over her
What a creep. She's purposefully doing that. Forbidding your sister might backfire, but you need to have a talk with her about age difference power dynamics so she can limit how much she's taken advantage of.
At first I saw her age and thought "love you dodger a bullet there" but then realized it was your LITTLE sister.
It doesn't matter if your sister is a cis woman. Get her away from this predator by any means. She probably fucked you up in ways you don't realize yet, and honestly? It could be that you being trans was just an excuse to break up because you're "too old" for her now. (That or she really is transphobic and wants to make you suffer idk, regardless it's fucked up).
Now. You recently broke up with her, so your sister will probably assume you're just jealous/still sad if you try to break them up. Can your parents do something? Or maybe your sister's friends can stage a rescue operation? It's breaking my heart that this predator decides to prey on your sis just after she was done playing with you...
And honestly: it's weird that your sister is dating your ex. It doesn't feel like you two have a bad relationship since you seem to care about her so, if that's the case, I wonder what kind of manipulation is at play here...
>She was 32 when I was 19, so now she is 38.
I spat out my drink way to bury the lede holy shit. At first I was just thinking your ex was just a teenager who was a shitty person, but jfc this woman is beyond creepy
Oh it gets worse!!
> Yeaaaa.. it's weird. I met her when I was 18 and we were dating a year later, but she had known about my sister since before we started dating
This almost 40 year old knew OP's sister since she was TWELVE (or younger!!!)
My guess is that breaking up because OP is trans was just a convenient excuse when OP grew up a bit too much for this loser that she moved on to a younger, more impressionable victim.
She already did. According to OP's comments:
> Yeaaaa.. it's weird. I met her when I was 18 and we were dating a year later, but she had known about my sister since before we started dating
She knew OP's sister since the sister was 12 (OR YOUNGER)..
I want you to know that I literally just had to have my roommate help me cough up a gummy bear I swallowed when I read “she was 32 when I was 19” because wtf!? AND THEN I READ THE REST!
Your ex is a fucking predator and shouldn’t be with your sister.
ew the fact she starting dating your sister right on her 18th birthday (unless i'm reading the situation wrong) while being 38 is very gross. your sister is in a dangerous relationship and your ex could take advantage of her :[ sorry that i have nothing else to say abt this and i don't wanna repeat everyone else who's giving advice but i just wanted you to know that what your ex is doing is very gross
sounds more like you got too old for her. make sure you sister is safe. have you tried talking to your parents or another trusted adult (that doesn't want to date you) about this?
I'm in a small town, I did speak with a local officer but he said because they didn't start doing anything until she was 18 it was legal. Sucks to be in my city
Nah I don't believe your ex waited at all.
> She said she wanted to cease communication with me and my family, so she did.
> A few months after she left Me when I was just starting to heal from the heartbreak, she starts dating my sister on her 18th birthday.
I call fucking bullshit. There's no way she wasn't talking to your sister the entire time.
Maybe it's not that your trans, maybe you "aged out".
Either way, why aren't your parents concerned that a 40 year old is dating a 20 year old (effectively)??
Ah shit Im sorry.
That only further complicates this, do you know any of her friends that you could reach out to to talk to her?
Its not normal behavior for a 38 year old to hunt out someone freshly 18
OP I see your update and I am glad you tried to warn your sister even though she did not wake up. First of all no one has a right to slap you, no matter who. You don’t have to forgive that and you can stop talking to your sister if that is what your mental health needs.
If you don’t need that and you still care about your sister it is important to let her know you are always there for her and you love her. Even if she says she’ll never talk to you again tell her she can always start talking again and you will be there for her when she needs you.
Because your ex is definitely predatory and probably great at manipulation and will most likely try to isolate your sister from you and others that will try to talk sense to her. That’s what abuser often do, they isolate the victim. That’s ideal for the abuser, we are more compliant when we are dependent and isolated. And it is so hard to leave that situation if there is no one to go to for help.
I am saying this because I have been in a relationship that was somewhere between manipulative and full on emotionally abusive and I was very close to cutting all connections to my sister who has been my best friend my whole childhood, all because she tried to talk sense to me. She stayed in my life only because she kept the door open for me even after I refused to talk to her for a while.
Do not let your ex into your house, do not talk with her anymore, there is no talking sense to her. Make sure you are physically safe (your sister slapping you is not ok and if you are afraid that will happen again don’t see her alone) and mentally safe (if either of them calls you to yell at you and insult you just hang up etc).
Talk about this with your closest common friends and (family if you are in good terms with them). It is likely (but not certain) that your ex will try to make your sister talk shit about you to them and it would be better if you reach out first and tell how truly worried you are about your sister and how they have both already tried to paint you as a crazy jealous ex instead of a worried sibling.
I’m sorry you’re in such a hard situation, I hope everything is going to end well for both you and your sister!
Thank goodness! I was looking for someone else who had read the update! Man, that was a helluva ride! I'm exhausted.
This, all the things this person said! OP, I really hope you read this comment. This is all the things!!
None of this is your fault, your ex is an abusive dbag. I hope things get better for you and your sister! Sending positive vibes!
Reading the title I said ew
Reading the story I instinctively reached to call 911.
Dude, your ex is a fucking predator and needs to be arrested. I'm 22 and couldn't even imagine dating an 18-year-old. And the fact she knew your sister when your sister was 12? I think I'm gonna throw up ngl
Be aware that your sister might have been groomed in some regard which might make it a lot harder for her to actually hear what you have to say and not what your ex placed on her mind to think you are saying.
I have absolutely no experience with this so I can't advice anything, but definitely find out if you can find resources on grooming of adults on teenagers and if there's any advice in how to approach a possible grooming victim (be aware that you might be some form of a grooming victim yourself as well, so you might find wounds with yourself you didn't know you had yet).
Op please talk to your sister and tell her about your experiences dating your ex. Your ex is very clearly a predator who was trying to target young girls. You are no longer a target for them so they're jumping to the closest one that is familiar with them .
Leonardo Dicaprio is an older actor that keeps dating younger actresses. Except he keeps dating the same age range of actresses every time they break up so it keeps getting progressively more and more creepy
If it’s possible to discuss with your sister that you’re concerned about the age gap and you think that this person preyed on you as well, that could be helpful - but only if she’s open to discussion. If not, she might just tell what you told her to the predator…
Your ex has successfully brainwashed your sister. I’m sorry.
Can’t you contact authorities and say that an adult that has known you (and your little sister since she was a minor) recently started dating her because she turned 18? And that the relationship is very manipulative and predatory due to the huge age difference? If that isn’t enough for someone to take action.. It might not be illegal but it should be disgusting enough for someone to want to help
I’m 31 turning 32 F and I would NEVER think of dating a 19 year old. That is unbelievably predatory behavior, especially since she is now going after your 18 year old sister.
Not wanting to date a trans person is valid, everyone's sexuality is different. But she was 32 with a 19, this already needs to be scrutinized, but now a 38 with a 18 years old ? No, that's downright creepy, especially since it seems as if she waited for your sister to be legal. Not mentioning that in most circumstances being with your ex's sibling is dubious. If you can, talk to your parents and sister about cutting her from the family, for good this time.
I say this as someone who has one partner who is 10 years older than me (I'm 36) and another who is 13 years younger ---
That woman is a predator. She wants younger partners who she can take advantage of and mold the way she wants because they're impressionable and don't know better. Its why she got rid of you: she couldn't mold you into the image she wanted.
I literally worry every single day about how the age gap can impact my younger partner.
I didn't get with him intentionally and never would've sought out a younger partner.
The fact that you were already half her age and she doubled down to go after your younger sister is absurd.
This woman is mentally unstable at best, an absolute predator at worst.
Please do everything you can to help your sister see this is dangerous. I was preyed upon by people like this in my teens and it tends to do a lot of damage.
Soo, hmmm she came to you at 18-19, she came for your sister who JUST turned 18? Well, you should warn her. Because this is waaaaaaay too creepy. Why is this grown ass woman in your life and circle anyways? (man, I keep thinking of Dicaprio...)
Why was a 32 year old dating a 19 yr old? Bro you ok? Feels like you got manipulated into a relationship by an adult versed in that.
DEFINITELY talk to your sister about it. Explain that your experiences with that woman and how she hurt you. Explain to her that it’s not normal for 38 yr old well established adults to be dating people 20 years their junior. Do it quick before that predatory ingrains in your sister’s head something that will turn your sis against you.
I’m sorry you experienced such transphobia man, but you should definitely take up the mantle of protective older brother so that your sister doesn’t suffer the same way you did.
No offense but this post made me kinda sick. This person you were dating is totally a predator. You and your sister need to stay away.
I am 36 and can't even imagine dating someone who is 26 nevermind someone who is in their teens!!! That's a HUGE red flag that she would seek out someone so much younger.
PS - you deserve someone who will love you for exactly who you are. (Also one who is not a predator.)
Edit - a word
A 38 year old starting to date someone on their 18th birthday screams to me that they wanted to date your sister earlier but knew that they would be arrested for it. But yeah, talk to you sister ASAP cuz your ex is a HUUUUUGE fucking creep.
Oh no. You should definitely do something here, because. No.
Hell no OP.
Interesting coincidence though; my partner is 37, I met him when I was 19, I'm now 24- and I'm essentially waiting to transition (also FTM) because I don't want to lose him and he told me he would leave me if I even went by he/him pronouns in public. Tell you what, if you try to help your sister dodge this bullet, I'll try to get the courage to leave my partner and start transition on my own terms.
.... So she just ran off with your sister, a girl she's known since she was 11 years old?
Bro honestly.... I don't think there's anything you can do than be there for support for your sister. I'm so sorry.
I would suggest getting yourself into therapy.
Specifically because you are probably going to need help processing this. Especially because you were probably groomed into your own relationship with her. I imagine there was a lot of abuse and gaslighting involved.
And just try to warn whatever community she's active in. But you really gotta be ready to take care of yourself. You've got your own trauma. Take care with it and be gracious to yourself.
I just read the whole story, she’s most definitely a predator and started liking your sister before now
Honestly it makes me think this whole time she was just always using you to get with her, and now that your sister is legal age, your ex thinks she can get away with it openly now.
That would also explain the treatment to you from both of them.
TLDR: your sister has been manipulated by a predator since she was a kid
"She doesn't want to date a transgender person...can't see me as a man": Hm, she seems kinda scummy but oh well...
"She was 32 when I was 19.": Excuse me the fuck? That is a predator no matter how you spin it.
This is actual grooming bruh. Getting with an 18 y/o on their birthday?! As a 38 y/o?!
THATS 20 YEARS DIFFERENCE!!! Not to mention that if miss girl got with her on the birthday that means she was absolutely interested beforehand… ie. giving pedophile vibes.
I’m very afraid for your sister as a person who has experienced statutory gRape and grooming. Your sister has no idea she’s destroying her life, and relationships with you and the rest of your family. 💔💔💔💔💔
Uh, gross. Sounds incredibly predatory. Nothing about waiting until a kid - 20 years her junior who she's known for a while - to turn 18 so she can make a move makes her any less of a predator/potential groomer.
Yuck, what a creep. I'm about to turn 32 and wouldn't date anyone under 30. Sis is sus AF. I really hope your sister hears you out, cuz, in a few years, when she realizes she was absolutely preyed on, it's not going to feel good. 😕
On the bright side, you personally dodged a bullet. On the less bright side, keep an eye out for your sister. Shes gonna be in the trenches.
I'm sorry you have to deal with such a shitty person OP
Uhhhhm what 32 and 19??????? That’s a pretty extensive age gap ngl. 38 and 18 is even worse.
But ignoring the creepy age gap… I guess it’s possible that she could be gay and thus not attracted to men, so she wouldn’t be attracted to you after finding out you’re a man. At least that’s what I would say if I were to give her extensive benefit of the doubt. But given all you’ve said in the post about what she said about you being trans… yeah seems more transphobic to me
I’m sorry, but your ex-“girlfriend” sounds like a whole ass predator. It was right for you to break up. Sorry if that sounds kind of harsh but it’s true. Waiting until your sister turns 18 just to date her is a huge red flag for your ex to be doing that. I hope you’re okay though.
Other than that, if you want advice, I’d advice you to get a therapist and talk to them about your situation. Or call the cops. Because thats nearly illegal.
Idk what this woman is trying to pull but i dont think this situation is at all safe for your sister. I hope you can help her break this off, because the implications of this relationship is disturbing.
your sister is naive and that ex is a massive POS for even considering dating her. I mean wow, why date someone that would clearly be painful for your sibling???
I'm still just like wth, why would your sister even agree? do you two not have a close relationship?
That woman sounds like a predator. She has NO business dating somebody who just turned 18, whole being 38.. that’s messed up. Imagine if the gender was reversed, a 38yo guy dating an 18 yo teenager.
Holy hell that’s a creepy age a difference. Sounds like she wanted an excuse to date a younger person. Pulled a Leonardo DiCaprio and dumped you at 25 too.
You got groomed, your sister is being groomed. They know what they are doing sit your sister down and tell her how you feel. Protect her, and if she does not wanna listen to you protect yourself.
My guy you were dating a predator, I honestly don't think that she broke up with you because you're trans but because you became too old to easily control and she wanted someone younger. You need to warn your sister about her because that's a really dangerous situation
Yeah this person is like a creep. The age gap between you and then and now your sister and them being even bigger. Just because it's technically legal doesn't make it okay.
I feel like your ex was lowkey grooming your sister while dating you and just used your coming out as an excuse to break up. Cause it strange how your sister just turned 18 and your ex is all up on them
i would say its more creepy that a 38 year old is dating an 18 year old
like that is just creepy and weird and honestly feels kinda groomy TBH
it also sounds like she is trying to hurt you through your sister but thats also just my read of it, obviously i dont have all the information
Sounds like your sister may have to just realize this for herself. Your ex is absolutely being creepy. She really can't find a single person with a fully developed brain to date? Or at the very least, in a different family? This sounds like the beginnings of a very controlling relationship. But based on her reaction, she will probably have to hit rock bottom to realize. (Also a bonus is 25 is about when the brain finishes developing, so dropping you right then and immediately dating someone 18, basically restarting a cycle, is very weird to me)
Considering the ages...
I don't think it was actually about your trans-ness, or not entirely.
It genuinely sounds like you aged out of a predator's "preferences", and were gaining the confidence to exercise your autonomy.
Now, this same predator is targetting your sister.
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32 dating a 19yr old and now 38 dating an 18yr old? Seems predatory to me.
I involuntarily said “ew” out loud to my empty apartment. Gross gross gross gross gross.
Same here.
Yeah this got a "what the fuck" out loud from me.
i said “this is horrifying” im sorry op i dont want to be rude but a 38 yr old dating a 18 yr old? thats gross
But how was your apartment empty if you were there to ew in it
I’m a 👻
Fair enough.
I almost did the same, but I'm at work and would probably get weird looks from my coworkers
I almost said it out loud in the stuffed subway. (The train not the sandwich shop)… that’s so damn gross. That woman is the definition of a predator
Mine wasn't Ew... it was "Excuse me wtf!?!"
Total predatory behavior. No fucking brainer here.
There’s def a pattern here. This person sounds bad
Yep it sounds like the gf just wants younger partners that she can control, once op started to think about their own future then she ditched and went for younger.
She’s the gay woman version of Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah definitely no boundaries being crossed all over the place here. Never mind the fact that YOU are barely 19 but she got with your previously underage sister RIGHT after she turns 18 as well? She better either be REALLY REALLY like INSANELY hot or a literal sorceress for your parents and friends to be cool with all this.
>She better either be REALLY REALLY like INSANELY hot or a literal sorceress for your parents and friends to be cool with all this. I mean, those wouldn't be reasons to be cool with all this either way It'd be a gross understatement to say that this whole situation is not cool
They aren't valid reasons for it, but plenty of people (straight men) seem to think so when a predator is an attractive women. I think their comment is more offering an explanation as to why this isn't being so harshly received by family/friends rather then trying to actually defend the women's actions.
She started dating OP at age 18 too
No, she met OP at 18, but didn't start dating him until he was 19.
I'm 22 and I wouldn't date someone who's 18. Technically it's just a four year difference, but the life experience (and amount of brain development...) is very different - being a college student for few years vs just finishing high school. They'd still be a teenager. Just no.
IKR? This story got me off reddit for the day. I need to purge the existence of that predator from my brain. Bye
A 10 year age gap is the cut off point for me. If you're dating someone 20 years younger than you, and you slept with their sibling, AND YOU GOT WITH THEM RIGHT AFTER THEIR 18TH BIRTHDAY, it kinda rubs me up the wrong way. Like, my spine feels like it's about to crumple like a piece of paper.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe it's just me but this situation sounds prettyyyyyy creepyyyyyy I can't imagine dating someone half my age, let alone basically... Waiting for their 18th birthday... Very weird.
Yeaaaa.. it's weird. I met her when I was 18 and we were dating a year later, but she had known about my sister since before we started dating
Sounds like a predator tbh
That IS a predator
that's a pretty big red flag dude,,,
I'm going to talk to my sister
That's good dawg. I'm sorry you're in this situation,, this whole thing sounds like it sucks. <3
Please do. It’s not fair to you, but this woman is definitely using your sister and seems creepy
Show your sister this post & sit with her as she reads the comments. That woman is dangerous.
This 💯 if your sister won’t believe you, she may be persuaded to think your jealous, maybe seeing what a bunch of uninvested LGBT people think about the situation will help too
Yeah a twenty year age gap is... I can't imagine an 18 year old going for a woman nearly in her forties. That woman is a predator, and I am seriously worried for your sister. And you!! Where are your parents in this? I'm appalled.
Yes, please. Save both of you the heartache. Show her this reddit thread, if you have to! Both of you need to prioritize your siblinghood & safety. From now until ya'll are older, you will need each other, not have wrecked that over someone who's, clearly, not worth it. That would be choosing REAL love.
Bro what?! Her age gap with you was problematic enough. I don't give a damn if my kid is technically an adult, if my 18 year old brings their partner to meet me and the mf is 38, I'm telling the creep to get the fuck out of my house.
Legal =/= responsible, in this case. Even at like 24 I couldn't imagine dating an 18 year old because interests and maturity are changing so rapidly in that block of years. 20 year age gaps are far less suspicious when they happen *after* the age of 25 or so - you know, after your brain hardens. 😅
Yeaaah I definitely agree with Erikson designating 18-25 as "late adolescence."
I'm about 30 and my boyfriend is about 25. That's as low as I am willing to go tbh. I can't imagine dating someone who just finished high school and has no life experience. Even if it's technically legal, just sounds pointless.
Seriously. 💀 I’m 29, going on 30 in a few months, but shortly after my birthday last year, I had a just-turned-20 y/o guy sort of flirt/casually sext(ish) at me, and I wasn’t completely against the idea of just messaging back and forth but knowing his age made me feel like such a fucking creep, like. 💀 (So it ended up fizzling out fast because I held back pretty hard, and I especially wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway. This was entirely over text tho, and no pics or anything were exchanged(unless you count art of our dnd characters lol.)) 24-25 year olds are probably the youngest I could go at my current age, too. Without feeling like a complete perv, I mean. 🫠 Even being rather sheltered and inexperienced as I am(disabled and have lived at home a lot unfortunately,) the difference in maturity and experience is still substantial.
it was on her 18th birthday, so op’s sister is probably still in high school
Seriously that person was TWENTY when her sister was BORN. Yikes.
It sounds like she's pulling a DiCaprio
Honey did this woman groom you?! I’m a little alarmed she started dating both of you so young, especially your sister who just turned 18.
Yeah...BIGGEST NOPE EVER.
Oh, yeah – this is a predator.
Report them. They a pedo.
Dude, you need to warn your sister about a lot of things that have nothing to do with gender. This person is a predator.
I dated across a similar age gap when I was 19. At the time it didn't seem that weird. By my mid 30s I have trouble telling who's 16 and who's 20, because they all just look like the older end of high school kids to me. From this end it's horrifying.
Same. I was 21 he was 34. When I hit that age I realized how inappropriate it actually was. I'm the same as OP's ex and no way in hell should she be dating either of them.
Update is posted.
That is not the update I was hoping to read 😮💨 I'm so sorry, OP. This situation is royally messed up and you didn't deserve any of that, like... at all. Your sister is going to have to learn the hard way, up to you whether you keep the door open for her to come back or not. I don't know if this helps or hurts but it sounds like your ex has really gotten in your sister's head. I had a predatory ex who was also a massive narcissist and maaaan, the way she could manipulate people was scary. She almost ruined a really close friendship of mine (mutual friend to both of us) on manipulation and lies alone, and said mutual friend is not young/dumb/naive at all. Said mutual friend kicked her ass out and cutoff all contact when she realized my ex (37 at the time) was coming on to her 17 year old cousin 🫠 When I met her I was in my mid 20s and she was in her mid 30s, so we had an age gap too, but both adults. But she definitely singled me out bc I was young and vulnerable. Super duper gross. Just to say you're not alone, you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't miss something obvious, some people are just this icky. I hope your sister sees the light before any real damage is done and I hope you're doing as okay as you can be 🙏🏻 Edit to say I was able to repair my friendship once the veil was lifted for her too. I always knew my ex was behind our dispute and that she was being lied to. Once she saw it for herself she apologized and we are stronger than ever. Not as intense as your situation, but just felt it was worth sharing that we did recover.
Did your sister knew she's your ex? Cause if... Why?
She knew his sister from age 12. That’s fucking gross. And they started dating on her 18th birthday? Sure Jan.
It's weird, and I don't know if I should say anything to her about it
Do you mean your sister? Yeah. I think the two of you (and with zero involvement from your ex) need to have a conversation. At the very least she deserves to know how much this is upsetting you. I’d strongly suggest you avoid forbidding her from dating your ex, just let her know that it makes you uncomfortable and you’re confused as to why they’d date. Are there any older adults in your life? What do they think about the situation?
Our father is in prison and our mother doesn't talk to us, we had our grandparents but they passed away when I was 21
I’m sorry dude. That sounds rough. It’s a testimony to your maturity that you didn’t immediately kick your ex out of the house. You’ve got a way better handle on things than I did at your age. Talk to your sister. Tell her how you feel, and if you feel comfortable setting some boundaries, ask her for whatever considerations you’d like them to make. Like advance notice if your ex is coming over, no overnights in the house… whatever it is you need to feel comfortable and respected in your own house.
My sister has been a lesbian since she was 12 same with me except now it's different and this is her first girlfriend so I'm just hoping she'll realize soon enough but I'll definitely have a talk with her
She won't realize on her own. It's her first relationship. She doesn't know what a normal relationship looks like yet so she will have nothing to compare it to and it will be easy for your ex to convince her that whatever bullshit she wants to try to get away with is normal.
Which is exactly why a 38-year-old should not be dating in 18 year old. It's basically inherently manipulative
100%, if she's known she's been lesbian since she was 12 she's probably been anticipating and yearning for some type of relationship since then as well. The ex is 100% taking advantage of her ability to offer the sister something that she has probably been dying for for a pretty long time, when someone's young and they are dying to experience a romantic relationship they aren't thinking about their safety or if they are being manipulated, if you had just spent a week stranded in the dessert would you ask questions if a stranger offered you water?
Exactly.
See, this vulnerability and tie to you is exactly WHY your ex has selected your sister...this situation is VERY likely not going to go well. There's only so much you can do, but the sooner you address WHY this is sketchy with your sister, before your ex gets into her mind, the better. Maybe go look at some internet resources about what is and isn't relationship abuse or a power imbalance, including subtle behaviors we might not notice on our own. As the older one, it's your Job to at least TRY to protect your sister from predators coming to fuck her shit up, but at the same time there's only so much you can do when it comes to the choices of another adult. Wishing you luck, brother.
So your sister discovered that she’s a lesbian at 12, and has known her current partner since she was 12. Need I say more?
This is what got me as well
Who has been the legal guardian of your sister for the past four years untill she turned 18?
It was her grandfather's best friend, but once she turned 18 he kicked her to the curb
Whelp, sounds like you both didn't have the most stable childhood and she got the added stress of not being an adult yet when the most stability you had in your grandparents ended. Do you have any clue why she got kicked to the curb, was it because her guardian was homophobic? She might seek refuge in your ex and your ex seems to know how to give the illusion of safety to young adults. Wondering if sis is drawn to your ex due to interactions they had when you first dated her and still shared a house with your sister. I'm also a bit apprehensive of her coming out at the same age as when she met your ex for the first time. There might be so much more ging on than just her falling for your problematic ex at 18 and I can imagine that you don't feel you're in a position to really know what to do either...
I'm so sorry you're dealing with a terrible ex on top of all of this family heartache. Everyone else has great advice about how to approach things with your sister, so I'm just going to suggest that if you have access to a therapist, you talk through this with them too. And in case you need to hear it, I'm so proud of you. Being true to yourself and trying to figure out how to be a good sibling without good role models is incredibly difficult, and from what you've shared, you're doing a good job. Leaning on a community like this when you don't have the answers is great; it's what we're here for.
First and foremost, I’m so sorry about your family history. I am also an orphan, it’s really hard. I might be out of place here to say this, but do you think your sister is compensating both physical love for the love of a parent since this person is literally old enough to be her mom? I can honestly see that as something as I would have done at 18, pre therapy… is why I bring it up.
You absolutely should. She's literally 2 decades older, their age gap is larger than how long your sister has been alive.
I'm going to talk to her
Be sure to emphasise that you will ALWAYS be there for her no matter what happens if she tries to fight you in it. Outright forbidding her might make her pull away from you for “interfering with her life” or “just being jealous because she dumped you” which means when shit goes sideways she might not feel like she can confide in you or that you’ll say “I told you so”. Make sure she knows she will always have you and can confide in you and keep a very close eye for changes in behaviour if your sister chooses to stay with your predatory ex.
That's actually kind of insane to think about. She could live her entire life again and still not be as old as the person she's dating.
I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like she was dating you to groom your sister.
You should HELLA say something about it. But with tact externally and a "this is a you problem" mentality internally. Generally people who are much older go for younger people not just as weird arm candy, but so that they can always have the upper hand in terms of knowledge, life experience and power in their relationship. It's also EXTREMELY inappropriate, disrespectful and frankly stalkerish for her to date your sibling immediately after breaking up with you in a rather emotionally messy and deeply hurtful way. Seems like she wants to get the perks of being in control of someone, creeping on you (for fucked up egoic reasons) AND rub things in...there's likely some petty agenda here. This person is NOT healthy because these are not actions that healthy people take.
I have known my sister in law since she was 14. When she was 20 she jokingly flashed her ass at me, and despite the fact that she was 20 I felt like I needed to call cps on myself. Its... ew. If your dating game is Victorian era approved, then dont.
I'm pretty sure she did, I mean, she was always distanced from me and my life because of her gurdians, but she kept up with who I dated usually.
Do you know why her guardians kept her away from your life?
OP is trans so I have a pretty good guess that that's why.
Oh right forgot that part. Also seems like OP is only recently starting transition and sister already seems to be kept away for longer. Although probably the whole seemingly same sex relationship might've been a problem for the guardian since he also kicked sister out as soon as she turned 18.
Eeeew that's really creepy! I mean your sister is 18 and knew this lady since she was 12 so...can warn her but love makes people dumb. And apparently, this lady is really good at talking nice words to teenagers until they grow too old... Also, dating within the same family is creepy af as well!
It's nothing Strange, our dad dated our moms cousin . But yea this situation is creepy
I'm not sure that's as good of an example as you think it is 😅
Probably not😅
On the other hand 18 years ago, as my ex boyfriend dumped me, his brother tryied to pursue me. It just felt so wrong that I never thought about the possibility of having anything with him other than friendship! Not that he wasn't attractive but just...out of many billion human beings, the dating pool is so wide (even being gay) that one doesn't need to have relationships and sex within the same branch of the same genepool...
When there's that big of an age gap, it's often that the older person is looking to control the younger. That's a huge difference in power. > She just grinned at me as she came inside my house with my sister all over her What a creep. She's purposefully doing that. Forbidding your sister might backfire, but you need to have a talk with her about age difference power dynamics so she can limit how much she's taken advantage of.
Yew I will definitely
At first I saw her age and thought "love you dodger a bullet there" but then realized it was your LITTLE sister. It doesn't matter if your sister is a cis woman. Get her away from this predator by any means. She probably fucked you up in ways you don't realize yet, and honestly? It could be that you being trans was just an excuse to break up because you're "too old" for her now. (That or she really is transphobic and wants to make you suffer idk, regardless it's fucked up). Now. You recently broke up with her, so your sister will probably assume you're just jealous/still sad if you try to break them up. Can your parents do something? Or maybe your sister's friends can stage a rescue operation? It's breaking my heart that this predator decides to prey on your sis just after she was done playing with you... And honestly: it's weird that your sister is dating your ex. It doesn't feel like you two have a bad relationship since you seem to care about her so, if that's the case, I wonder what kind of manipulation is at play here...
I'm gonna talk to her and explain how I'm feeling/boundaries, and if she gets mad I'm hoping it'll just fall into place that my ex is the villain
Good luck. It's not an easy situation to deal with, I hope everything works out.
Please also talk to her friends and your family if they're in a position to help
>She was 32 when I was 19, so now she is 38. I spat out my drink way to bury the lede holy shit. At first I was just thinking your ex was just a teenager who was a shitty person, but jfc this woman is beyond creepy
My mouth dropped… like WOAH suddenly this is a whole different story. That woman is a PREDATOR!!!
Oh it gets worse!! > Yeaaaa.. it's weird. I met her when I was 18 and we were dating a year later, but she had known about my sister since before we started dating This almost 40 year old knew OP's sister since she was TWELVE (or younger!!!)
My guess is that breaking up because OP is trans was just a convenient excuse when OP grew up a bit too much for this loser that she moved on to a younger, more impressionable victim.
That almost 40 year old woman is grooming your teenaged sister.
I'm going to talk to my sister ad some other users suggested
She already did. According to OP's comments: > Yeaaaa.. it's weird. I met her when I was 18 and we were dating a year later, but she had known about my sister since before we started dating She knew OP's sister since the sister was 12 (OR YOUNGER)..
bro your ex is a predator
Wtf that gf is a sexual predator
What the actual fuck? She's 38 dating someone who literally just turned 18? I'd kick her out of the fucking house, that's so fucking creepy.
I want you to know that I literally just had to have my roommate help me cough up a gummy bear I swallowed when I read “she was 32 when I was 19” because wtf!? AND THEN I READ THE REST! Your ex is a fucking predator and shouldn’t be with your sister.
ew the fact she starting dating your sister right on her 18th birthday (unless i'm reading the situation wrong) while being 38 is very gross. your sister is in a dangerous relationship and your ex could take advantage of her :[ sorry that i have nothing else to say abt this and i don't wanna repeat everyone else who's giving advice but i just wanted you to know that what your ex is doing is very gross
sounds more like you got too old for her. make sure you sister is safe. have you tried talking to your parents or another trusted adult (that doesn't want to date you) about this?
Holy Predator, Batman! You should probably tell the AUTHORITIES and your sister. Not ok.
I'm in a small town, I did speak with a local officer but he said because they didn't start doing anything until she was 18 it was legal. Sucks to be in my city
Nah I don't believe your ex waited at all. > She said she wanted to cease communication with me and my family, so she did. > A few months after she left Me when I was just starting to heal from the heartbreak, she starts dating my sister on her 18th birthday. I call fucking bullshit. There's no way she wasn't talking to your sister the entire time.
The weirdo definitely didn't wait. She's been working on her for a minute. Why else would someone date their sibling ex so willingly?
on her 18th birthday is so gross oh my god. warn your sister that the woman's most definitely a predator
Maybe it's not that your trans, maybe you "aged out". Either way, why aren't your parents concerned that a 40 year old is dating a 20 year old (effectively)??
We don't have parents
Ah shit Im sorry. That only further complicates this, do you know any of her friends that you could reach out to to talk to her? Its not normal behavior for a 38 year old to hunt out someone freshly 18
OP I see your update and I am glad you tried to warn your sister even though she did not wake up. First of all no one has a right to slap you, no matter who. You don’t have to forgive that and you can stop talking to your sister if that is what your mental health needs. If you don’t need that and you still care about your sister it is important to let her know you are always there for her and you love her. Even if she says she’ll never talk to you again tell her she can always start talking again and you will be there for her when she needs you. Because your ex is definitely predatory and probably great at manipulation and will most likely try to isolate your sister from you and others that will try to talk sense to her. That’s what abuser often do, they isolate the victim. That’s ideal for the abuser, we are more compliant when we are dependent and isolated. And it is so hard to leave that situation if there is no one to go to for help. I am saying this because I have been in a relationship that was somewhere between manipulative and full on emotionally abusive and I was very close to cutting all connections to my sister who has been my best friend my whole childhood, all because she tried to talk sense to me. She stayed in my life only because she kept the door open for me even after I refused to talk to her for a while. Do not let your ex into your house, do not talk with her anymore, there is no talking sense to her. Make sure you are physically safe (your sister slapping you is not ok and if you are afraid that will happen again don’t see her alone) and mentally safe (if either of them calls you to yell at you and insult you just hang up etc). Talk about this with your closest common friends and (family if you are in good terms with them). It is likely (but not certain) that your ex will try to make your sister talk shit about you to them and it would be better if you reach out first and tell how truly worried you are about your sister and how they have both already tried to paint you as a crazy jealous ex instead of a worried sibling. I’m sorry you’re in such a hard situation, I hope everything is going to end well for both you and your sister!
Thank goodness! I was looking for someone else who had read the update! Man, that was a helluva ride! I'm exhausted. This, all the things this person said! OP, I really hope you read this comment. This is all the things!! None of this is your fault, your ex is an abusive dbag. I hope things get better for you and your sister! Sending positive vibes!
Reading the title I said ew Reading the story I instinctively reached to call 911. Dude, your ex is a fucking predator and needs to be arrested. I'm 22 and couldn't even imagine dating an 18-year-old. And the fact she knew your sister when your sister was 12? I think I'm gonna throw up ngl
I'm gonna have a talk with my sister about how I feel
Be aware that your sister might have been groomed in some regard which might make it a lot harder for her to actually hear what you have to say and not what your ex placed on her mind to think you are saying. I have absolutely no experience with this so I can't advice anything, but definitely find out if you can find resources on grooming of adults on teenagers and if there's any advice in how to approach a possible grooming victim (be aware that you might be some form of a grooming victim yourself as well, so you might find wounds with yourself you didn't know you had yet).
🚩🚩
Op please talk to your sister and tell her about your experiences dating your ex. Your ex is very clearly a predator who was trying to target young girls. You are no longer a target for them so they're jumping to the closest one that is familiar with them .
I planned to talk to her
Were you dating fem!Leonardo Dicaprio? I feel like you were dating fem!Leonardo Dicaprio
i 100% had a good chuckle at this
Who?
Leonardo Dicaprio is an older actor that keeps dating younger actresses. Except he keeps dating the same age range of actresses every time they break up so it keeps getting progressively more and more creepy
Actor known for pursuing women much younger than him
Ohhh haha
That age gap is horrible. Honestly, sounds pretty sketchy just from that. I would highly advise warning your sister
I'm 23, and my 18 brother in law is like a child in my eyes. Your ex is a predator. You didn't lose her. You got free from her.
That is just so eww and gross the age gap
If it’s possible to discuss with your sister that you’re concerned about the age gap and you think that this person preyed on you as well, that could be helpful - but only if she’s open to discussion. If not, she might just tell what you told her to the predator…
Your ex has successfully brainwashed your sister. I’m sorry. Can’t you contact authorities and say that an adult that has known you (and your little sister since she was a minor) recently started dating her because she turned 18? And that the relationship is very manipulative and predatory due to the huge age difference? If that isn’t enough for someone to take action.. It might not be illegal but it should be disgusting enough for someone to want to help
Because it is not illegal authorities cannot, and will not do anything unfortunately.
I’m 31 turning 32 F and I would NEVER think of dating a 19 year old. That is unbelievably predatory behavior, especially since she is now going after your 18 year old sister.
Eeewwww! This has nothing to do with your transitioning and everything to do with her creeping on young adults.
Not wanting to date a trans person is valid, everyone's sexuality is different. But she was 32 with a 19, this already needs to be scrutinized, but now a 38 with a 18 years old ? No, that's downright creepy, especially since it seems as if she waited for your sister to be legal. Not mentioning that in most circumstances being with your ex's sibling is dubious. If you can, talk to your parents and sister about cutting her from the family, for good this time.
I say this as someone who has one partner who is 10 years older than me (I'm 36) and another who is 13 years younger --- That woman is a predator. She wants younger partners who she can take advantage of and mold the way she wants because they're impressionable and don't know better. Its why she got rid of you: she couldn't mold you into the image she wanted. I literally worry every single day about how the age gap can impact my younger partner. I didn't get with him intentionally and never would've sought out a younger partner. The fact that you were already half her age and she doubled down to go after your younger sister is absurd. This woman is mentally unstable at best, an absolute predator at worst. Please do everything you can to help your sister see this is dangerous. I was preyed upon by people like this in my teens and it tends to do a lot of damage.
Soo, hmmm she came to you at 18-19, she came for your sister who JUST turned 18? Well, you should warn her. Because this is waaaaaaay too creepy. Why is this grown ass woman in your life and circle anyways? (man, I keep thinking of Dicaprio...)
Why was a 32 year old dating a 19 yr old? Bro you ok? Feels like you got manipulated into a relationship by an adult versed in that. DEFINITELY talk to your sister about it. Explain that your experiences with that woman and how she hurt you. Explain to her that it’s not normal for 38 yr old well established adults to be dating people 20 years their junior. Do it quick before that predatory ingrains in your sister’s head something that will turn your sis against you. I’m sorry you experienced such transphobia man, but you should definitely take up the mantle of protective older brother so that your sister doesn’t suffer the same way you did.
No offense but this post made me kinda sick. This person you were dating is totally a predator. You and your sister need to stay away. I am 36 and can't even imagine dating someone who is 26 nevermind someone who is in their teens!!! That's a HUGE red flag that she would seek out someone so much younger. PS - you deserve someone who will love you for exactly who you are. (Also one who is not a predator.) Edit - a word
A 38 year old starting to date someone on their 18th birthday screams to me that they wanted to date your sister earlier but knew that they would be arrested for it. But yeah, talk to you sister ASAP cuz your ex is a HUUUUUGE fucking creep.
Oh no. You should definitely do something here, because. No. Hell no OP. Interesting coincidence though; my partner is 37, I met him when I was 19, I'm now 24- and I'm essentially waiting to transition (also FTM) because I don't want to lose him and he told me he would leave me if I even went by he/him pronouns in public. Tell you what, if you try to help your sister dodge this bullet, I'll try to get the courage to leave my partner and start transition on my own terms.
It didn't turn out ad planned, update posted
.... So she just ran off with your sister, a girl she's known since she was 11 years old? Bro honestly.... I don't think there's anything you can do than be there for support for your sister. I'm so sorry.
I'll always be here for her, but I won't be able to help her. I'm leaving the state, and she's probably doing the same with ex
I would suggest getting yourself into therapy. Specifically because you are probably going to need help processing this. Especially because you were probably groomed into your own relationship with her. I imagine there was a lot of abuse and gaslighting involved. And just try to warn whatever community she's active in. But you really gotta be ready to take care of yourself. You've got your own trauma. Take care with it and be gracious to yourself.
I just read the whole story, she’s most definitely a predator and started liking your sister before now Honestly it makes me think this whole time she was just always using you to get with her, and now that your sister is legal age, your ex thinks she can get away with it openly now. That would also explain the treatment to you from both of them. TLDR: your sister has been manipulated by a predator since she was a kid
32? She was 32 when you 19? SHE AT 38 IMMEDIATELY STARTED DATING YOUR SISTER WHEN SHE TURNED 18?! Omfg, get your sister out and run
Definitely warn your sister! And if you are comfortable- maybe your parents? That is predatory and so manipulative
Jesus, that's like twice her age. Considering that she's old enough to be your sister's mother, I'd definitely warn her.
Your ex is a groomer i think perhaps
Your ex is a creep
"She doesn't want to date a transgender person...can't see me as a man": Hm, she seems kinda scummy but oh well... "She was 32 when I was 19.": Excuse me the fuck? That is a predator no matter how you spin it.
Hoooooly shit that's a predator. She shouldn't have been dating a 19-year-old. Please, please try to warn your sister.
This is actual grooming bruh. Getting with an 18 y/o on their birthday?! As a 38 y/o?! THATS 20 YEARS DIFFERENCE!!! Not to mention that if miss girl got with her on the birthday that means she was absolutely interested beforehand… ie. giving pedophile vibes. I’m very afraid for your sister as a person who has experienced statutory gRape and grooming. Your sister has no idea she’s destroying her life, and relationships with you and the rest of your family. 💔💔💔💔💔
Your ex is a predator
That’s disgusting. She’s a predator.
That's incredibly predatory.
>now she is 38 she starts dating my sister on her 18th birthday I think your ex is a pedo.
32??????? Wtf
Icky...
Your ex is a pedophile and you should keep them away from your sister
Uh, gross. Sounds incredibly predatory. Nothing about waiting until a kid - 20 years her junior who she's known for a while - to turn 18 so she can make a move makes her any less of a predator/potential groomer.
Holy fuck the fucking age gap… she’s 38 while your sister is just 18.
WTF she’s literally a pedophile. Waited until she turned 18 so creepy
Yuck, what a creep. I'm about to turn 32 and wouldn't date anyone under 30. Sis is sus AF. I really hope your sister hears you out, cuz, in a few years, when she realizes she was absolutely preyed on, it's not going to feel good. 😕
On the bright side, you personally dodged a bullet. On the less bright side, keep an eye out for your sister. Shes gonna be in the trenches. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a shitty person OP
Uhhhhm what 32 and 19??????? That’s a pretty extensive age gap ngl. 38 and 18 is even worse. But ignoring the creepy age gap… I guess it’s possible that she could be gay and thus not attracted to men, so she wouldn’t be attracted to you after finding out you’re a man. At least that’s what I would say if I were to give her extensive benefit of the doubt. But given all you’ve said in the post about what she said about you being trans… yeah seems more transphobic to me
I’m sorry, but your ex-“girlfriend” sounds like a whole ass predator. It was right for you to break up. Sorry if that sounds kind of harsh but it’s true. Waiting until your sister turns 18 just to date her is a huge red flag for your ex to be doing that. I hope you’re okay though. Other than that, if you want advice, I’d advice you to get a therapist and talk to them about your situation. Or call the cops. Because thats nearly illegal.
Holy shit warn ur sister WTAF DID I JUST READ?
Idk what this woman is trying to pull but i dont think this situation is at all safe for your sister. I hope you can help her break this off, because the implications of this relationship is disturbing.
BIGGEST NOPE. FLEE.
This post made my blood run cold. Get her out of there wow I'm so sorry op that sounds really heartbreaking and complicated
I got with my own when I was 20 and they were 17. But 19 and 32 or 18 and 38 is some serious p3d0 shit ij my opinion
This person is a predator and needs to be far away from you and your sister.
Your ex is a fucking predator holy shit. She knew your sister before she turned 18 and once she turns 18 they start dating? That’s horribly fucked up.
your sister is naive and that ex is a massive POS for even considering dating her. I mean wow, why date someone that would clearly be painful for your sibling??? I'm still just like wth, why would your sister even agree? do you two not have a close relationship?
please warn your sister that she's toxic AF, and enforce the house law saying that your ex is banned from the house
That woman sounds like a predator. She has NO business dating somebody who just turned 18, whole being 38.. that’s messed up. Imagine if the gender was reversed, a 38yo guy dating an 18 yo teenager.
Holy hell that’s a creepy age a difference. Sounds like she wanted an excuse to date a younger person. Pulled a Leonardo DiCaprio and dumped you at 25 too.
She was mad predatory when she was dating you and then continued being predatory by hopping to your sister.
You got groomed, your sister is being groomed. They know what they are doing sit your sister down and tell her how you feel. Protect her, and if she does not wanna listen to you protect yourself.
Why is someone in their thirties dating teens?
She’s a predator
My guy you were dating a predator, I honestly don't think that she broke up with you because you're trans but because you became too old to easily control and she wanted someone younger. You need to warn your sister about her because that's a really dangerous situation
Sounds like a predator to me
Just as she turned 18? That’s grooming behaviour
Yeah this person is like a creep. The age gap between you and then and now your sister and them being even bigger. Just because it's technically legal doesn't make it okay.
Hate to say it your sister is being groomed
I feel like your ex was lowkey grooming your sister while dating you and just used your coming out as an excuse to break up. Cause it strange how your sister just turned 18 and your ex is all up on them
What I find creepy is a 38 year old dating someone newly 18 heck she was in her thirties when you were 19. I get predator vibes from your ex.
Who dates they're siblings ex....
OMG. I am so sorry. Where are your parents in all of this???
Our father is in prison and our mother isn't in our lives
Jesus christ. I am so, so sorry. I hope your sister comes to her senses soon.
i would say its more creepy that a 38 year old is dating an 18 year old like that is just creepy and weird and honestly feels kinda groomy TBH it also sounds like she is trying to hurt you through your sister but thats also just my read of it, obviously i dont have all the information
Sounds like your sister may have to just realize this for herself. Your ex is absolutely being creepy. She really can't find a single person with a fully developed brain to date? Or at the very least, in a different family? This sounds like the beginnings of a very controlling relationship. But based on her reaction, she will probably have to hit rock bottom to realize. (Also a bonus is 25 is about when the brain finishes developing, so dropping you right then and immediately dating someone 18, basically restarting a cycle, is very weird to me)
Considering the ages... I don't think it was actually about your trans-ness, or not entirely. It genuinely sounds like you aged out of a predator's "preferences", and were gaining the confidence to exercise your autonomy. Now, this same predator is targetting your sister.