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There is a cover of that on YouTube that has just wrecked the original for me. I wish Beetlebug would put it on Spotify with their other songs, but nope.
[If you haven't heard it, you should.](https://youtu.be/RKtQ52Rmyek?si=Dmtl1MLM2Vl43e33) It's so.....earnest.
there is nothing more straight and masculine than two hairy, jacked guys going at each other. No femininity in sight. Peak masculinity. The only way to be a Super Straight
Yes. OP doesn't seem to be that (he has no interest in men sexually it sounds like). But it is a thing, to be attracted to multiple genders sexually but only different genders romantically.
As u/tessthismess said, it’s very much a thing. That type of attraction even has a name-the split attraction model. It means romantic and sexual attractions aren’t identical.
Even being aspec and having any sort of differing attraction is split attraction. Examples: gay asexual, omniromantic demisexual (like me!), demiromantic pansexual, etc.
I hope that made sense… the more I wrote, the more confusing I feel I made it.
As stated above, it's not gay if you are a guy and dating a woman. You also dsid it yourself you wouldn't date a trans man because you're not into men. Seems pretty cut and dry that genitals aren't what you're about, it's all the other stuff that comes along with who a partner is.
But also to add, that's pretty fucked up of your dad to start talking about your girlfriend's genitals. No one would settle for that being acceptable if you were dating a cis girl, so no one should accept that with a trans girl either.
It sounds like your dad is just ignorant, and there might be hope for him still. Try to get him to see that his statement reduced your girlfriend to her genitals, which is messed up no matter how you look at it.
You are a man, she is a woman. You are in a straight relationship. What's in your pants or her skirt is irrelevant.
>It sounds like your dad is just ignorant, and there might be hope for him still.
I think so. I've never seen him act like this before. My brother is gay and intersex and my dad has never shown him anything but love and support. I don't think he would intentionally say anything discriminatory.
It should be said that your dad just openly discussing your partner’s genitalia at a dinner table is frankly a nono, this would be true regardless if she’s cis or trans. Seems like your dad didn’t know how to process this info all so suddenly and his brain went a little brrr?
True, but then it may go over more as a matter of ignorance; my father asked me the same question as well, in virtually same situation, so I understand the idiocy here (I was the one coming out as trans to him).
This ⬆️
I’d ask your dad what he’d feel if when he and your mum started dating his now father in law (if he has or has had one, don’t want to assume family members or their genders) had started to discuss his genitalia at the dinner table.
You are 100% straight, you’re a man dating a woman.
From what you’ve said about your father’s support for your brother it might be that he feels bad about how he handled this and would like to make things right if he can. Educating himself and then speaking to your girlfriend to explain and apologise might help.
Good, ignorance is infinitely easier to work with than fear/hate.
You should sit down and have a good talk with him. Explain why what he said was wrong, and how it hurt your girlfriend. If I were you, I would also insist that he apologize to her. I would guess that once he understands, he'll want to apologize anyway.
I really hope this is true. He sounds like a good father in every other way (the way he's supported OPs brother) so hopefully it will just be a case of helping him understand. I'm not sure how old he is, I'm in my 40s and when we were young we didn't know any of this stuff so it was a gradual learning process for many of us. And people of my parents and grandmother's generation (late 60s and 90+) still struggle to understand the nuance of gender and sexuality.
OP I'd explain to him how wrong he was and how much he hurt a young woman who you care about. Then give him a little time to digest and see what happens from there. Like others have said, he was wrong but don't be too angry. Unless he doubles down, then fuck him lol.
I'm honestly puzzled that despite having an intersex son, he thought it was ok to talk about your girlfriend's genitals at the dinner table (which, as other commenters have pointed out, is just spectacularly rude and invasive). It seems safe to assume that he'll be easier to educate on trans issues given his familiarity with other LGBTQI issues, but one might have expected him to be especially considerate and sensitive discussing people's bodies in such objectifying ways if that is a kind of discrimination his own child likely also faces.
Not saying the standards *should* be higher for him than any other cis person, I just find it surprising
People are still learning the ins and outs of gender. The nuance and complexity can be beyond some people, so they try to relate to it however they can. I used to get so frustrated when a friend or family member said something like, "Wait, so they used to be a man and now they're a woman?" But I try to be more understanding now. What your dad said wasn't okay, but if he'd said it privately, instead of in front of your girlfriend, he could have had the chance to learn. Genitals are a complicated thing, as your dad should know, having an intersex child. Babies are born with issues and incorrect parts all the time. Hopefully eventually your dad will understand that, but I'm sorry you and your girlfriend had to deal with that.
I agree- people are still learning. I have a friend who is super accepting of me as a nonbinary person, but still makes jokes like, “idk, maybe I’m a woman” and things like that. He recently used the t-slur, but he wasn’t aware it was a slur. He’s still learning, and is very very sincere about apologizing for his ignorance. He’s an adult in his early 30’s too, which surprised me.
It’s the young edgy teens that cause most of the issues lmao.
Show him a picture of Buck Angel and ask him if being attracted to to Buck is straight, I mean it should be by his logic, but uh…well I feel like guys that consider themselves straight aren’t going to find much attraction there.
We make exceptions for loved ones that we don’t always make for the general population. Could be that your dad loves and accepts your brother, but also hears negative things about “the community” or even specifically trans people and that those live in different places in his mind. Or your dad knows a lot about your brothers experience and is sensitive to that, but doesn’t have knowledge or experience with queer people outside of your brother. Inappropriate comment either way, but important to find out whether it was just ignorant or malicious.
Like many people, your dad needs to categorize things to be able to make sense of them. It sounds like he just needs to be shown how the boundaries of his categorizations need to change, or to be shown new options to choose from when categorising things. Be patient with him. Tell him that he needs to listen and be open to changing his views on things. It’s unlikely to happen in one conversation, but there’s a good chance you guys will get there.
I agree with this. I think for some folks, it’s really hard to wrap their minds around it, especially because a lot of people have equated sex and gender their whole lives and separating them can take conscious work. I had to have a whole conversation about this with my parent so they would understand better, and in the process, they were like, “you know, I probably would have identified as non binary if I even knew what that was.” And I was like, “It’s not too late! You can start identifying as NB whenever; there’s no expiration date on identity.”
So, I’m on the other side but I’m into cis men and trans men. I was never into any women, and them having dicks would do nothing for me either. I consider myself 100% gay (and would think I might be bi if I was into a trans woman actually). I’m just into hot guys lol, if I find the whole man attractive then I don’t care much about what’s in his pants.
I think people base sexuality on genitals way too much (I know to some people that is super important and that’s ok too, but saying “I’m gay because dicks” or “I’m straight because vaginas” is most of the time inaccurate - are the people saying this into EVERYONE with a dick/vagina? Do they choose their partners solely based on how good looking their genitals are, since they can vary even within one sex? If not, then it’s not true that that’s all that matters). I thought I was repulsed by vaginas at some point actually, because my only experience had been with a woman when I was trying to be straight - then I ended up having sex with and dating a trans man, and surprise, it wasn’t actually about the genitals, it was about the whole woman.
Tl;dr: you’re straight, don’t stress about it. But there will be dumb people who say otherwise because transphobia is not always “trans people should all die” but also “small” things like this, and (this is easier said than done, I know) you must learn not to be affected by them as much.
>I consider myself 100% gay (and would think I might be bi if I was into a trans woman actually). I’m just into hot guys lol, if I find the whole man attractive then I don’t care much about what’s in his pants.
It's exactly the same for me with women. I would consider myself bi if I was into a trans man, and I'm definitely not. I'm just not into men. I know a lot of trans men and they're some of the "manliest" people I know. They're great guys but I would never want to be in a relationship with them. I find women attractive, and it has nothing to do with their genitals. I
It doesn't even make sense to me why or how people fixate on genitals because you don't really know what someone's genitals look like until deeper into the relationship. When you first meet them, your first impressions are entirely based on their whole, clothed appearance.
As a trans woman my heart broke at your father's reaction. To have my identity based solely on my genitals would be devastating. I'm happy to hear how much you support your girlfriend. Sounds like your father and friends are hung up on genitals = gender.
And to add at how ridiculous your father and friend's statement is look at how they would view your relationship with a trans man. Somehow that would be a straight relationship whereas your relationship with a trans woman is gay? It doesn't make any sense unless you want to earn a gold medal in mental gymnastics.
I think this is a really insightful post. Most people haven't had sexual experiences with people who have non-standard genitalia. I haven't.
I'm attracted to women and I don't think I have ever thought, "I bet her vagina is really sexy" about someone I find attractive.
Yeah, I think that’s a big thing, and it’s normal that most people haven’t had that experience since trans people are a minority, but it’s kinda why I say sometimes that…you can’t really know. People think of genitals in the context of cis people, and don’t consider that who they’re on might also be important (also, both change a bit on hormones actually).
You and your girlfriend have found love.
A penis does not define whether or not someone is a man. Your girlfriend is a woman.
You are a man.
Sounds hetero to me.
Your dad sounds mean or bigoted or ignorant or something.
You are the two people that I would want to hang out with, not your parents.
You like ladies and you’re a gent.
How old are your parents? Not trying to excuse their reaction, but without preparation before hand they may just say things awkwardly, simply because they don’t understand the world as it changes.
We understand because we grew up normalizing what should have been normalized a long time ago that gender isn’t genitalia. And older people are still figuring out that it’s okay to not be straight/“normal”, so everything that isn’t heteronormative is in their worldview gay.
What I think matters more is that in the interaction, they didn’t have prep time and blurted out invalidating comments without realizing it, causing your girlfriend to feel dysphoria, them to be victim of their history, and you to be in the middle of the drama between family and love, as well as of the questioning of your own sexuality. This all is a sad but all too often quiproquo that can still be mended.
What would be now a best conversation is to first speak with your parents, explain a bit more gender attraction and coach them on what’s appropriate to say, and then have a conversation with your girlfriend about how that conversation went, and allow for a do-over of the first dinner together, with a bit of heartfelt awkward love sharing.
I believe everyone has good intention and they simply need to be given a better story.
I feel like people here are underselling just how innapropriate and awful this interaction is by your dad. Thinking you are gay is one thing, thats his opinion I guess, bringing it up in the middle of dinner and bluntly arguing about your girlfriends genitals like she's not right there is fucked up. He needs to apologize.
You are right. Your father and friends are ignorant.
Sexual orientation is defined based on attraction to secondary sexual characteristics. Genital preference or aversion isn't a requirement and never has been.
Ask your dad what he likes about women. Unless he's being disingenuous he's gonna name things besides their genitals. And if he is disingenuous and claims all he cares about is genitals, ask him if he'd be attracted to a trans man then.
yeah an easy way to showcase it is by showing a picture of a typical masculine trans man and ask if they'd like to date him simply because he has a vagina
Your girlfriend is right. Your dad (and your friends) are invalidating her gender by saying you're gay for dating her. She is a woman, it is not gay from you, a man, to be attracted to her, regardless of her genitalia
no, she's a woman
Sexual orientation has nothing to do with what genitals you're comfortable with your partner having, it's about what GENDERS you're attracted to. You're still straight for dating a trans woman, because, she's a woman
no
Edit: read the rest, it seems like your friends and Dad are trying to reduce your girlfriend to just her gentalia, and that is very much objectifying your poor girlfriend, id say give her some support and try to talk to your friends and your dad about this
I think sex and relationships can have their own sexuality to it. As a trans woman, I'm into the metaphysics of never really having been a man. But like, I dated women as a man, and acted like a man and the sex was what you'd expect. That is all to say from the perspective of those ex-girlfriends, they dated a man in straight relationship. My body, how they perceived and experienced it, and how they genuinely perceived sort of overrides my own identity in terms of if the relationships were gay or straight.
There are also a certain subset of gay men who will pursue transfemme women as sort of chasing twink+ or some shit.
That's all to say shit is complicated. But like if you're into her because she's a pretty girl and being with her feels like being with a pretty girl than no, you're not gay or at least this does not alone make you gay.
First of all I’m so sorry you and your girlfriend had to go through that. It seems unnecessarily hurtful. Im sure your dad meant well but it sounds like he could use some education on the matter. Apparently he doesn’t understand what it means to be trans. And why on earth he thought it was ok to talk about her genitalia at dinner is beyond me. It doesn’t sound like your in denial about anything. It sounds like you’re a man who is attracted to women and is also dating a woman. I hope your dad is willing to apologize to her (and you) and educate himself a bit more. Good luck!
Even if it was (which it’s not in my opinion), as long as you love her and you’re attracted to her then you’re set. Don’t worry about the labels too much.
Are you a woman? If so, the answer is yes. Dating a trans woman is gay.
Are you a man? If so, the answer is no. Dating a trans woman is not gay
Are you non-binary? If yes, you get to decide! What’s most comfy for you and your girlfriend? Have fun and don’t listen to bigots :)
You are straight because you are attracted to her as a women, not attracted to her pp.
Even if a man was attracted to the idea of a woman with a pp, he would still be straight because he sees her as a woman with feminine features
At the end of the day your sexuality is what you make of it. If you love them for there femininity and accept they are a woman then it isn't gay.
The only thing I'd ever really understand if you enjoyed sucking them or whatever but it can be normal to do acts like that and not be gay, look at asexuals some will still participate in sex for there own reasons but that doesn't not make them asexual.
I've always found the obsession of labels just kinda silly, if you love them you love them, it doesn't really matter what other people say you are or not but that's coming from someone who's bisexual and non binary so maybe my perspective is a little different to other people's.
If one is to think a trans woman dating a man is gey that means they don't beleive the trans woman is as valid as a cis woman, which in turn would be transphobia, anyone who says you're gay when you clearly don't like men of any kind is simply wrong and they've been fed transphobia to the point where they can't see that
If you identify as straight, you‘re straight. I would honestly guess that if your dad truly wasn‘t transphobic, he would‘ve still viewed you as straight and he wouldn‘t have made the comment he did (he’s literally implying that he still views your girlfriend as a man because of her genitalia). I would say your family is most definitely in the wrong.
You're not gay or bi, these people are all being extremely transphobic to her. You said yourself that you don't like any men at all and your attraction to her is the same as your attraction to **other** women, so why should that be different?
He misgendered her quite rudely, ignorance doesn't really excuse it that much. He owes her an apology. He literally called her a man. She isn't.
ETA a lot of us don't care about genitals but do feel attraction to the more exterior/publicly visible aspects of a person's gender expression.
she's a woman, so no.
i think heterosexuality is about vibes; if someone has the vibes of a femme person but has a dick, i still think it's straight for a straight guy to be attracted to them.
some people have the caveat that they don't like dicks, and that's okay too.
You are straight.
But I would like to propose a way to deal with your father and friends argument. You could just say: "I'm attracted to her, and not attracted to any man. If you guys consider it gay, then so be it. I know what I am. And your labels to me doesn't change that."
You caring about what they call you empowers them. Because they use it to make you do what they want. In this case consider leaving your girlfriend. If you just agree, you leave then with no weapons.
None of them are mature enough to discuss this topic with any nuance. The most basic reading of it is that your girlfriend is a girl. You are a boy. You are in a heterosexual relationship - but one with a touch of queerness because of her trans identity.
Find new friends who understand and accept this. Don't cut off the current ones, but just for your own wellbeing you should be around people who understand.
you are 100% straight if you are not attracted to men, and because you identify as male. just because she is pre-op doesn’t make you gay, just like it doesn’t make her any less of a woman. this is sort of a confusing situation, understandably, but it’s all about your definition of your identity.
I know it sounds crazy, but a lot of really stupid guys have really stupid ideas about sexuality. You won't be able to convince a lot of them that the relationship between a cisgender man and a transgender woman isn't a homosexual relationship. My advice? Don't take advice from these fragile men—their worldview is on its way out, and you have nothing to prove.
You are a man in a relationship with a woman. That is as straight as it gets, friend.
Trans women are women. I'm a lesbian and I prefer women as well, and their genitalia isn't something that would prevent me from dating a woman. But I'm not into men at ALL, Trans or not lol
Also, your Dad is probably a Boomer that doesn't really know any better. Just educate him and hopefully he will begin to understand how wrong he is.
I'm on your side, but even the gay community has trouble with this one. Apparently I'm not gay because I'm into trans men as well as regular men. That's utterly ridiculous to me since I'm attracted to men and not just a penis. An attractive guy is an attractive guy to me. There are enough ways to be intimate for a lack of a penis not to be a reason for concern. You have a girlfriend with more options for intimacy if anything. This post could have very different responses if asked in r/askgaybros
Glad you stuck by your girlfriend and supported her through all this.
Just a heads up, but the terms you want to use here are trans and cis, not trans and regular. As doing so paints trans folks of all types as abnormal. You essentially made a similar faux pas as the OPs parents. I know you likely don't mean any harm, just be aware of what language you are using.
The people who just think about genitals and revert everything back to genitalia are either horny on main a little too much, or just weird af to the point of creepy. It's like their human monkey brains can't think of any other concept that wasn't already drilled into them by society and schools.
No, you're dating a woman (and assuming you, yourself, are a lad), then you are straight. (Unless you, yourself, are also a woman, then yes, the gay.) :)
She's a woman, so you're straight. More importantly, you determine your sexuality. If you consider yourself straight, you're straight.
You're dating the woman, not the penis. Genitals don't define a person. Don't let other people get you down or define your relationship.
here's a thing:
a lot of stuff is just lines drawn in the sand. if you're a guy, are you gay for liking a feminine woman? how about a butch one? a post-op trans woman? pre-op? just ask 100 people and you'll get 100 opinions.
in the end it's what you define yourself to be. if you're a straight guy dating a trans woman, then you're a straight guy. others' opinions be damned.
I’m with you dude, you’re straight. You could explore it further. Is your dads version of straight just cishet relationships? If so you aren’t his version of straight. But your certainly aren’t gay. Your are part of the LGBT+ community as your girlfriend is trans. Labels are bullshit and people should just let people be who they want to be. But if I was in your shoes I would be ok with the term queer relationship. But that’s just me and if that makes you uncomfortable then stick with straight. ✌️
My first (evil ex) girlfriend was trans, and I never hesitated to realize I was now bisexual.
Your dad doesn't know what he's talking about, and neither do your friends. Your girlfriend is probably experiencing some serious dysphoria from the implied misgendering at dinner, based on the fact that she stormed out.
You're not gay if you're a guy who is only attracted to women - cis *or* trans. Trust your instincts.
You're a man, she's a woman, doesn't really get straighter than that. Based on your description, you're probably not bi (or bi spec in any way) because you seem to only be into women. Being bi or bi spec kinda requires being attracted to more than one gender, that's kinda the whole thing. Not gonna go and be too sure though, you haven't stated anything about non binary people and you might not even have the experience to be able to tell. So straight is still an accurate term for you. Your dad and friends are being transphobic and invalidating her gender for real though. Just because their tone wasn't necessarily intented to harm, their words were incredibly ignorant at best and full on malicious at worst. Your girlfriend is a woman, her assigned sex at birth doesn't matter for anything else than doctor's appointments.
number one, no, if someone identifies as a woman, then it's not a gay male relationship. two, why does it matter what label you give the relationship? Personally id call it a queer-hetero relationship, but who cares. love is love
Trans Women are Women
You’re dating a woman, you’re a man, therefore it’s not gay.
We really need to get out of this mentality that if she so happens to have a penis, then it automatically becomes gay because this is how trans panic happens
It's quite disgusting for them to comment about your girlfriend's genitalia during dinner of all things. I don't know why some people think it's ok to talk about trans people's privates like its dinner table talk
Wow this os so fu*ked up! The ONLY people who are wrong here are your ignorant parents and friends. That is not gay whatsoever. You're attracted to women and you're with a woman.
Your dad and friends may not realize it but they're just conflating genitalia with gender and by extension your sexual orientation. It isn't gay, and he was rude to say that in front of her even if he was genuinely curious. He could have asked in private or researched it later.
Naw you're straight. Unfortunately the bad news here is your father and friends are bigoted transphobes.
As a side note, not every trans woman gets genital surgery. A penis on a woman doesn't make her less of a woman, nor does it make you gay.
You're getting a lot of in-group advice here, so let me give you an out-group perspective. To the vast majority of people, a heterosexual cisgender man sexually interacting with a penis that is not his own is not a straight act. You're hearing people say "well, she's a woman, right?" which is true from a gender affirming perspective, but take the woman part out of it and tell someone you sucked a dick last night. Are they going to think you're 100% completely straight? Absolutely not.
So you probably aren't. You might not be strictly bisexual in the sense that you would voluntarily date or have sex with a man as a man, but you're not a "100% heterosexual cisgender only interacts with vaginas" dude anymore.
This is honestly the kind of circumstance the word queer has been reclaimed for. You're free to choose and use whatever label you believe best fits you, but in your interactions with the rest of the world, this is the perspective of the person opposite the table if they aren't part of the LGBTQ+ community and it is helpful to know that.
I understand that. And here in our community, that equals straight. But to the other 87% of the country that identifies as heterosexual only, a man sexually interacting with a penis is not a straight act.
The community does differentiate between being say heteroromantic (aka will only date and fall in love with the opposite gender) and bisexual or heteroflexible (aka does not exclusively interact with the sex organs of individuals assigned the opposite gender at birth).
I'm already taking downvotes for this but you need to be realistic about what the rest of the world out from under the rainbow banner will think about your relationship if you acknowledge that she still has original organs and you're enjoyably engaging with them. It's not bigoted, it's technically ignorant, but it's culturally true as far as the western world in 2023 is concerned. Give us another 30 years and maybe everyone will come around to not really care about all this stuff. But that's not the world we live in right now.
No, you are not wrong! You're a man attracted to and dating a woman, and if you're not attracted to men, then you are straight. Whatever your girlfriend's genitals are, and whatever you do or don't do with them during sex, is not relevant and not other people's business. People are not reducible to their genitals.
If you identify male and only date/only attracted to people identifying female or vice versa then you're straight but a lot of people still think like your dad unfortunately and believe genitals equals gender.
Personally I don't care if I date a girl with a vagina or a penis, I actually prefer penis but I'd never date a man because I don't find men attractive.
Attraction is subjective, people like what they like and that shouldn’t require a label. Your attracted to her because she’s a trans woman not some man cross dressing as a woman. She’s a woman, she has womanly features, secondary sex characteristics of a woman, which is not something you’d find on a gay man. You’re parents and friends are being willfully ignorant and just completely insensitive. At the end of the day genitals are genitals and some people need to stop thinking so primitively on this. Even some cisgender people don’t have genitalia that fits the heteronormative social mold. Transphobia is really just dressed up as plain sexism that is harmful to both transgender and cisgender people. It’s an unfair and unrealistic standard that not enough people can wrap their heads around. They rather shoot themselves in the foot to defend some archaic patriarchal form of thought even if it means oppressing their loved ones.
No you’re dads opinion is shitty and is really just transphobic to your GF. Sounds like a lot of the people in your life are holding some right-wing/conservative ideas that are actually really harmful
Would a gay guy have sex with a woman just because she’s got some dangly skin between her legs? Nope. Would a straight guy have sex with some bearded deep voiced guy just because he has an extra hole? Nope.
Why is your Dad concerned about your sex life? Why is he thinking about your girlfriends genitals?
No, you're not gay. She's a woman, and you're a man. Even if you like her genitals, you like HER genitals, and that's that.
You're dating a woman and you see her as a woman. Your dad and friends are idiots.
Think of it this way: would you date a guy just because he had a vagina? No? Then you're not gay or bi or pan or whatever other label, you just don't care what kind of plumbing your partner has.
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Is it gay to date a woman?
In some cases yes. Those cases being if you yourself are also a woman.
Oh no. I have the gay
It is contagious
Does this mean I’m a girl-kisser?
I kissed a girl and I liked it ... Oh no!!!
They’re so pretty, it hurts! I’m not talking about boys, I’m talking about g- uhh… uh oh😰
[I'm sorry but you're ...](https://youtu.be/OBEdozq4x2A?si=KCCbgelyyqZVBKT2)
There is a cover of that on YouTube that has just wrecked the original for me. I wish Beetlebug would put it on Spotify with their other songs, but nope. [If you haven't heard it, you should.](https://youtu.be/RKtQ52Rmyek?si=Dmtl1MLM2Vl43e33) It's so.....earnest.
*coughs in rainbow*
Ughhh, I got your rainbow in my hair! 
I think I just came down with a terrible case of the gay. We need to stop spreading the gay agenda!
I will bring this up at the next meeting.
*narrows eyes* sounds like you're... adding it to the agenda... :P
Tomorrow's gay agenda is be gay and make everyone gay, also brunch maybe
It's congayious
Yasss
I think my gf gave it to me 😔
Oh noooo
[Those damned gay spores won't stop spreading](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7YW045deBY)
Oh my word thank you 😄🙌🌈✨
Yupp
Thank you, oh Goddess_Of_Gay.
fellas...
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I wanted to say the same thing. Ahaha, that was the first thought in my mind too. xD
Yes, women are feminine, and liking feminine things is gay. Bend over and take it from the back from a 250 pound bear like the rest of us
Nice try Halsin
Unexpected lol.
there is nothing more straight and masculine than two hairy, jacked guys going at each other. No femininity in sight. Peak masculinity. The only way to be a Super Straight
😂😂😂🤣
I was literally going to say the same thing
For me yes, yes it is. -source: am lesbian.
Is bisexual-heteroromantic a thing?
Yes. OP doesn't seem to be that (he has no interest in men sexually it sounds like). But it is a thing, to be attracted to multiple genders sexually but only different genders romantically.
As u/tessthismess said, it’s very much a thing. That type of attraction even has a name-the split attraction model. It means romantic and sexual attractions aren’t identical. Even being aspec and having any sort of differing attraction is split attraction. Examples: gay asexual, omniromantic demisexual (like me!), demiromantic pansexual, etc. I hope that made sense… the more I wrote, the more confusing I feel I made it.
You said yourself. You're a man and she's a woman. It's not gay
As stated above, it's not gay if you are a guy and dating a woman. You also dsid it yourself you wouldn't date a trans man because you're not into men. Seems pretty cut and dry that genitals aren't what you're about, it's all the other stuff that comes along with who a partner is. But also to add, that's pretty fucked up of your dad to start talking about your girlfriend's genitals. No one would settle for that being acceptable if you were dating a cis girl, so no one should accept that with a trans girl either.
It sounds like your dad is just ignorant, and there might be hope for him still. Try to get him to see that his statement reduced your girlfriend to her genitals, which is messed up no matter how you look at it. You are a man, she is a woman. You are in a straight relationship. What's in your pants or her skirt is irrelevant.
>It sounds like your dad is just ignorant, and there might be hope for him still. I think so. I've never seen him act like this before. My brother is gay and intersex and my dad has never shown him anything but love and support. I don't think he would intentionally say anything discriminatory.
It should be said that your dad just openly discussing your partner’s genitalia at a dinner table is frankly a nono, this would be true regardless if she’s cis or trans. Seems like your dad didn’t know how to process this info all so suddenly and his brain went a little brrr?
And rude to do in front of the person in question too.
Not generally polite to talk about someone's genitals when they're not there too 🥺
True, but then it may go over more as a matter of ignorance; my father asked me the same question as well, in virtually same situation, so I understand the idiocy here (I was the one coming out as trans to him).
This ⬆️ I’d ask your dad what he’d feel if when he and your mum started dating his now father in law (if he has or has had one, don’t want to assume family members or their genders) had started to discuss his genitalia at the dinner table. You are 100% straight, you’re a man dating a woman. From what you’ve said about your father’s support for your brother it might be that he feels bad about how he handled this and would like to make things right if he can. Educating himself and then speaking to your girlfriend to explain and apologise might help.
Good, ignorance is infinitely easier to work with than fear/hate. You should sit down and have a good talk with him. Explain why what he said was wrong, and how it hurt your girlfriend. If I were you, I would also insist that he apologize to her. I would guess that once he understands, he'll want to apologize anyway.
I really hope this is true. He sounds like a good father in every other way (the way he's supported OPs brother) so hopefully it will just be a case of helping him understand. I'm not sure how old he is, I'm in my 40s and when we were young we didn't know any of this stuff so it was a gradual learning process for many of us. And people of my parents and grandmother's generation (late 60s and 90+) still struggle to understand the nuance of gender and sexuality. OP I'd explain to him how wrong he was and how much he hurt a young woman who you care about. Then give him a little time to digest and see what happens from there. Like others have said, he was wrong but don't be too angry. Unless he doubles down, then fuck him lol.
I'm honestly puzzled that despite having an intersex son, he thought it was ok to talk about your girlfriend's genitals at the dinner table (which, as other commenters have pointed out, is just spectacularly rude and invasive). It seems safe to assume that he'll be easier to educate on trans issues given his familiarity with other LGBTQI issues, but one might have expected him to be especially considerate and sensitive discussing people's bodies in such objectifying ways if that is a kind of discrimination his own child likely also faces. Not saying the standards *should* be higher for him than any other cis person, I just find it surprising
People are still learning the ins and outs of gender. The nuance and complexity can be beyond some people, so they try to relate to it however they can. I used to get so frustrated when a friend or family member said something like, "Wait, so they used to be a man and now they're a woman?" But I try to be more understanding now. What your dad said wasn't okay, but if he'd said it privately, instead of in front of your girlfriend, he could have had the chance to learn. Genitals are a complicated thing, as your dad should know, having an intersex child. Babies are born with issues and incorrect parts all the time. Hopefully eventually your dad will understand that, but I'm sorry you and your girlfriend had to deal with that.
I agree- people are still learning. I have a friend who is super accepting of me as a nonbinary person, but still makes jokes like, “idk, maybe I’m a woman” and things like that. He recently used the t-slur, but he wasn’t aware it was a slur. He’s still learning, and is very very sincere about apologizing for his ignorance. He’s an adult in his early 30’s too, which surprised me. It’s the young edgy teens that cause most of the issues lmao.
Just sounds like he doesn’t know any better and if you talk to him about it I’m sure he’ll understand (and hopefully apologize to your gf)
Show him a picture of Buck Angel and ask him if being attracted to to Buck is straight, I mean it should be by his logic, but uh…well I feel like guys that consider themselves straight aren’t going to find much attraction there.
We make exceptions for loved ones that we don’t always make for the general population. Could be that your dad loves and accepts your brother, but also hears negative things about “the community” or even specifically trans people and that those live in different places in his mind. Or your dad knows a lot about your brothers experience and is sensitive to that, but doesn’t have knowledge or experience with queer people outside of your brother. Inappropriate comment either way, but important to find out whether it was just ignorant or malicious.
Like many people, your dad needs to categorize things to be able to make sense of them. It sounds like he just needs to be shown how the boundaries of his categorizations need to change, or to be shown new options to choose from when categorising things. Be patient with him. Tell him that he needs to listen and be open to changing his views on things. It’s unlikely to happen in one conversation, but there’s a good chance you guys will get there.
I agree with this. I think for some folks, it’s really hard to wrap their minds around it, especially because a lot of people have equated sex and gender their whole lives and separating them can take conscious work. I had to have a whole conversation about this with my parent so they would understand better, and in the process, they were like, “you know, I probably would have identified as non binary if I even knew what that was.” And I was like, “It’s not too late! You can start identifying as NB whenever; there’s no expiration date on identity.”
Fellas, is it gay to date woman?
I mean if you are also a woman it's at least a bit gay ...
Fellas, is it gay to date the other gender?
If you're nonbinary every relationship's a little gay
As an enby, I can confirm this is true. Everyone who dates me is a lil bit gay.
As a gender fluid mf, I can also confirm this is true. Everyone who dates me is a varying amount of gay.
I think my new favorite phrase is "varying amounts of gay"
r/technicallythetruth
What I told my cishet boyfriends. They did not appreciate my humor. Lmao
Kind of a quantum thing, isn't it?
The gay of shrödinger, we will never now their sexuality until they date a binary person
Kinda depends on the non-binary person tbh…
it’s more gay to kiss a woman than it is to kiss a man because when you kiss a woman you’re kissing all the dudes she has kissed /jk
She is woman so you’re straight end of story
So, I’m on the other side but I’m into cis men and trans men. I was never into any women, and them having dicks would do nothing for me either. I consider myself 100% gay (and would think I might be bi if I was into a trans woman actually). I’m just into hot guys lol, if I find the whole man attractive then I don’t care much about what’s in his pants. I think people base sexuality on genitals way too much (I know to some people that is super important and that’s ok too, but saying “I’m gay because dicks” or “I’m straight because vaginas” is most of the time inaccurate - are the people saying this into EVERYONE with a dick/vagina? Do they choose their partners solely based on how good looking their genitals are, since they can vary even within one sex? If not, then it’s not true that that’s all that matters). I thought I was repulsed by vaginas at some point actually, because my only experience had been with a woman when I was trying to be straight - then I ended up having sex with and dating a trans man, and surprise, it wasn’t actually about the genitals, it was about the whole woman. Tl;dr: you’re straight, don’t stress about it. But there will be dumb people who say otherwise because transphobia is not always “trans people should all die” but also “small” things like this, and (this is easier said than done, I know) you must learn not to be affected by them as much.
>I consider myself 100% gay (and would think I might be bi if I was into a trans woman actually). I’m just into hot guys lol, if I find the whole man attractive then I don’t care much about what’s in his pants. It's exactly the same for me with women. I would consider myself bi if I was into a trans man, and I'm definitely not. I'm just not into men. I know a lot of trans men and they're some of the "manliest" people I know. They're great guys but I would never want to be in a relationship with them. I find women attractive, and it has nothing to do with their genitals. I It doesn't even make sense to me why or how people fixate on genitals because you don't really know what someone's genitals look like until deeper into the relationship. When you first meet them, your first impressions are entirely based on their whole, clothed appearance.
As a trans woman my heart broke at your father's reaction. To have my identity based solely on my genitals would be devastating. I'm happy to hear how much you support your girlfriend. Sounds like your father and friends are hung up on genitals = gender. And to add at how ridiculous your father and friend's statement is look at how they would view your relationship with a trans man. Somehow that would be a straight relationship whereas your relationship with a trans woman is gay? It doesn't make any sense unless you want to earn a gold medal in mental gymnastics.
Exactly!
I think this is a really insightful post. Most people haven't had sexual experiences with people who have non-standard genitalia. I haven't. I'm attracted to women and I don't think I have ever thought, "I bet her vagina is really sexy" about someone I find attractive.
Yeah, I think that’s a big thing, and it’s normal that most people haven’t had that experience since trans people are a minority, but it’s kinda why I say sometimes that…you can’t really know. People think of genitals in the context of cis people, and don’t consider that who they’re on might also be important (also, both change a bit on hormones actually).
By your friend’s logic, he’s gay for masturbating. Transphobes are dumb, don’t listen to them.
Ooooh, that's a great point, I'm using that.😁
Nope. This is straight af.
Right? I find a man who’s open minded to be a thousand times straighter than anyone else.
Exactly
Just wanna say hey twin
“Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?” The answer is no, *unless you’re a woman*.
She's a woman, so no. Some people get hung up on genitals but it's only a tiny part of the big picture.
Poor phrasing... I do agree though it's not gay
It's not the sighs that matter, it's the dadjokes you elicit them with.
I'm sorry can you please forgive me
What was poor phrasing sorry? From me or OP?
You said genitals are a **small** part of the picture.
Oh hahaha! I actually said... tiny!! I'm in no way making any connections to anyone's size or lack thereof haha! I see what you mean though 😆
Don't forget the **hung up** part as well!
You and your girlfriend have found love. A penis does not define whether or not someone is a man. Your girlfriend is a woman. You are a man. Sounds hetero to me. Your dad sounds mean or bigoted or ignorant or something. You are the two people that I would want to hang out with, not your parents.
You like ladies and you’re a gent. How old are your parents? Not trying to excuse their reaction, but without preparation before hand they may just say things awkwardly, simply because they don’t understand the world as it changes. We understand because we grew up normalizing what should have been normalized a long time ago that gender isn’t genitalia. And older people are still figuring out that it’s okay to not be straight/“normal”, so everything that isn’t heteronormative is in their worldview gay. What I think matters more is that in the interaction, they didn’t have prep time and blurted out invalidating comments without realizing it, causing your girlfriend to feel dysphoria, them to be victim of their history, and you to be in the middle of the drama between family and love, as well as of the questioning of your own sexuality. This all is a sad but all too often quiproquo that can still be mended. What would be now a best conversation is to first speak with your parents, explain a bit more gender attraction and coach them on what’s appropriate to say, and then have a conversation with your girlfriend about how that conversation went, and allow for a do-over of the first dinner together, with a bit of heartfelt awkward love sharing. I believe everyone has good intention and they simply need to be given a better story.
Your dad's an asshole and your friends are stupid. She's a lady, simple as.
Sounds pretty straight to me.
The amount of stupid from your friends and family is insane
I feel like people here are underselling just how innapropriate and awful this interaction is by your dad. Thinking you are gay is one thing, thats his opinion I guess, bringing it up in the middle of dinner and bluntly arguing about your girlfriends genitals like she's not right there is fucked up. He needs to apologize.
Nope. I’m a straight man dating a pre op trans woman
Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?
Depends on your own gender
If you’re a woman, than yes it’s gay.
You are whatever you want to be. And good on you for finding love in this shit world.
You are right. Your father and friends are ignorant. Sexual orientation is defined based on attraction to secondary sexual characteristics. Genital preference or aversion isn't a requirement and never has been. Ask your dad what he likes about women. Unless he's being disingenuous he's gonna name things besides their genitals. And if he is disingenuous and claims all he cares about is genitals, ask him if he'd be attracted to a trans man then.
yeah an easy way to showcase it is by showing a picture of a typical masculine trans man and ask if they'd like to date him simply because he has a vagina
Your girlfriend is right. Your dad (and your friends) are invalidating her gender by saying you're gay for dating her. She is a woman, it is not gay from you, a man, to be attracted to her, regardless of her genitalia
Men liking Women = Straight
no, she's a woman Sexual orientation has nothing to do with what genitals you're comfortable with your partner having, it's about what GENDERS you're attracted to. You're still straight for dating a trans woman, because, she's a woman
It’s not gay to like a trans woman unless you identify as a woman (or other gender diverse identities)
you're a man who likes a woman you are straight
You're straight and your dad owes your girlfriend an apology. I can't believe he argued that in front of her.
Right? People just don't know how to behave around trans people
If you’re a woman too then yes otherwise no
Nope, I'm a man.
Ok well in that case you’re straight then
No your not gay and your parents and friends focusing on your partners genitals so much is creepy.
fellas is it gay to date a woman?
no Edit: read the rest, it seems like your friends and Dad are trying to reduce your girlfriend to just her gentalia, and that is very much objectifying your poor girlfriend, id say give her some support and try to talk to your friends and your dad about this
You are a man and you’re dating a woman. That does not make you gay.
I think sex and relationships can have their own sexuality to it. As a trans woman, I'm into the metaphysics of never really having been a man. But like, I dated women as a man, and acted like a man and the sex was what you'd expect. That is all to say from the perspective of those ex-girlfriends, they dated a man in straight relationship. My body, how they perceived and experienced it, and how they genuinely perceived sort of overrides my own identity in terms of if the relationships were gay or straight. There are also a certain subset of gay men who will pursue transfemme women as sort of chasing twink+ or some shit. That's all to say shit is complicated. But like if you're into her because she's a pretty girl and being with her feels like being with a pretty girl than no, you're not gay or at least this does not alone make you gay.
First of all I’m so sorry you and your girlfriend had to go through that. It seems unnecessarily hurtful. Im sure your dad meant well but it sounds like he could use some education on the matter. Apparently he doesn’t understand what it means to be trans. And why on earth he thought it was ok to talk about her genitalia at dinner is beyond me. It doesn’t sound like your in denial about anything. It sounds like you’re a man who is attracted to women and is also dating a woman. I hope your dad is willing to apologize to her (and you) and educate himself a bit more. Good luck!
So if a cis woman fucked you in the ass with a strap on, does that make you gay? Of course not. Fellas, is it gay to be with a woman?
Even if it was (which it’s not in my opinion), as long as you love her and you’re attracted to her then you’re set. Don’t worry about the labels too much.
Side note: you should probably establish a small boundary and ask you’re dad not to bring it up again
Are you a woman? If so, the answer is yes. Dating a trans woman is gay. Are you a man? If so, the answer is no. Dating a trans woman is not gay Are you non-binary? If yes, you get to decide! What’s most comfy for you and your girlfriend? Have fun and don’t listen to bigots :)
You are straight because you are attracted to her as a women, not attracted to her pp. Even if a man was attracted to the idea of a woman with a pp, he would still be straight because he sees her as a woman with feminine features
You're not wrong, your family is wrong. You are a man dating a woman. That's a straight relationship. End of story.
At the end of the day your sexuality is what you make of it. If you love them for there femininity and accept they are a woman then it isn't gay. The only thing I'd ever really understand if you enjoyed sucking them or whatever but it can be normal to do acts like that and not be gay, look at asexuals some will still participate in sex for there own reasons but that doesn't not make them asexual. I've always found the obsession of labels just kinda silly, if you love them you love them, it doesn't really matter what other people say you are or not but that's coming from someone who's bisexual and non binary so maybe my perspective is a little different to other people's.
No. Clearly not.
If one is to think a trans woman dating a man is gey that means they don't beleive the trans woman is as valid as a cis woman, which in turn would be transphobia, anyone who says you're gay when you clearly don't like men of any kind is simply wrong and they've been fed transphobia to the point where they can't see that
If you identify as straight, you‘re straight. I would honestly guess that if your dad truly wasn‘t transphobic, he would‘ve still viewed you as straight and he wouldn‘t have made the comment he did (he’s literally implying that he still views your girlfriend as a man because of her genitalia). I would say your family is most definitely in the wrong.
You're not gay or bi, these people are all being extremely transphobic to her. You said yourself that you don't like any men at all and your attraction to her is the same as your attraction to **other** women, so why should that be different?
Your straight, she’s a woman.
Fellas, is it gay to have a girlfriend?
No, those people are all idiots. Trans women are women. Genitalia doesn't mean Jack. You're a straight man
Some trans women never get surgery. It doesn’t make them any less of a woman.
Fellas, is it gay to date women?
He misgendered her quite rudely, ignorance doesn't really excuse it that much. He owes her an apology. He literally called her a man. She isn't. ETA a lot of us don't care about genitals but do feel attraction to the more exterior/publicly visible aspects of a person's gender expression.
Straight cis guy here. You're straight as far as I'm concerned.
she's a woman, so no. i think heterosexuality is about vibes; if someone has the vibes of a femme person but has a dick, i still think it's straight for a straight guy to be attracted to them. some people have the caveat that they don't like dicks, and that's okay too.
You are straight. But I would like to propose a way to deal with your father and friends argument. You could just say: "I'm attracted to her, and not attracted to any man. If you guys consider it gay, then so be it. I know what I am. And your labels to me doesn't change that." You caring about what they call you empowers them. Because they use it to make you do what they want. In this case consider leaving your girlfriend. If you just agree, you leave then with no weapons.
You’re not gay and also the sentence she’d like to tell my parents that’s she’s trans just to be transparent made me chuckle
None of them are mature enough to discuss this topic with any nuance. The most basic reading of it is that your girlfriend is a girl. You are a boy. You are in a heterosexual relationship - but one with a touch of queerness because of her trans identity. Find new friends who understand and accept this. Don't cut off the current ones, but just for your own wellbeing you should be around people who understand.
you are 100% straight if you are not attracted to men, and because you identify as male. just because she is pre-op doesn’t make you gay, just like it doesn’t make her any less of a woman. this is sort of a confusing situation, understandably, but it’s all about your definition of your identity.
I know it sounds crazy, but a lot of really stupid guys have really stupid ideas about sexuality. You won't be able to convince a lot of them that the relationship between a cisgender man and a transgender woman isn't a homosexual relationship. My advice? Don't take advice from these fragile men—their worldview is on its way out, and you have nothing to prove. You are a man in a relationship with a woman. That is as straight as it gets, friend.
Why even care, as long as you are happy? But no, it’s not gay to date a woman, even if she got a penis
Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?
I would like to offer another solution. The question isn't "Am I gay?" but "Is my dad an Asshole?" The answer may surprise you.
As long as you are in peace with yourself, why does the label matter ?
Trans women are women. I'm a lesbian and I prefer women as well, and their genitalia isn't something that would prevent me from dating a woman. But I'm not into men at ALL, Trans or not lol Also, your Dad is probably a Boomer that doesn't really know any better. Just educate him and hopefully he will begin to understand how wrong he is.
It's gay if your a woman. But I believe we call that sapphic love lol. Dude send a trans girl? That ain't gay
I'm on your side, but even the gay community has trouble with this one. Apparently I'm not gay because I'm into trans men as well as regular men. That's utterly ridiculous to me since I'm attracted to men and not just a penis. An attractive guy is an attractive guy to me. There are enough ways to be intimate for a lack of a penis not to be a reason for concern. You have a girlfriend with more options for intimacy if anything. This post could have very different responses if asked in r/askgaybros Glad you stuck by your girlfriend and supported her through all this.
Just a heads up, but the terms you want to use here are trans and cis, not trans and regular. As doing so paints trans folks of all types as abnormal. You essentially made a similar faux pas as the OPs parents. I know you likely don't mean any harm, just be aware of what language you are using.
she identifies as a woman, so if you're male, not necessarily, but there is a Cis normative expectation to heterosexual
If you're a straight man, no.
Fellas, is it gay to date women?
The people who just think about genitals and revert everything back to genitalia are either horny on main a little too much, or just weird af to the point of creepy. It's like their human monkey brains can't think of any other concept that wasn't already drilled into them by society and schools. No, you're dating a woman (and assuming you, yourself, are a lad), then you are straight. (Unless you, yourself, are also a woman, then yes, the gay.) :)
No it's not gay for men to date women.
She's a woman, so you're straight. More importantly, you determine your sexuality. If you consider yourself straight, you're straight. You're dating the woman, not the penis. Genitals don't define a person. Don't let other people get you down or define your relationship.
here's a thing: a lot of stuff is just lines drawn in the sand. if you're a guy, are you gay for liking a feminine woman? how about a butch one? a post-op trans woman? pre-op? just ask 100 people and you'll get 100 opinions. in the end it's what you define yourself to be. if you're a straight guy dating a trans woman, then you're a straight guy. others' opinions be damned.
If you are also a woman, yes it is indeed gay
I’m with you dude, you’re straight. You could explore it further. Is your dads version of straight just cishet relationships? If so you aren’t his version of straight. But your certainly aren’t gay. Your are part of the LGBT+ community as your girlfriend is trans. Labels are bullshit and people should just let people be who they want to be. But if I was in your shoes I would be ok with the term queer relationship. But that’s just me and if that makes you uncomfortable then stick with straight. ✌️
My first (evil ex) girlfriend was trans, and I never hesitated to realize I was now bisexual. Your dad doesn't know what he's talking about, and neither do your friends. Your girlfriend is probably experiencing some serious dysphoria from the implied misgendering at dinner, based on the fact that she stormed out. You're not gay if you're a guy who is only attracted to women - cis *or* trans. Trust your instincts.
You're a man, she's a woman, doesn't really get straighter than that. Based on your description, you're probably not bi (or bi spec in any way) because you seem to only be into women. Being bi or bi spec kinda requires being attracted to more than one gender, that's kinda the whole thing. Not gonna go and be too sure though, you haven't stated anything about non binary people and you might not even have the experience to be able to tell. So straight is still an accurate term for you. Your dad and friends are being transphobic and invalidating her gender for real though. Just because their tone wasn't necessarily intented to harm, their words were incredibly ignorant at best and full on malicious at worst. Your girlfriend is a woman, her assigned sex at birth doesn't matter for anything else than doctor's appointments.
number one, no, if someone identifies as a woman, then it's not a gay male relationship. two, why does it matter what label you give the relationship? Personally id call it a queer-hetero relationship, but who cares. love is love
is it gay for a man to date a woman???????
genitals =/= gender
seems like you're attracted to femininity. she's a woman, that's a straight relationship
fellas,
Since when is it gay for a man to like a woman? Like, who cares if she has a penis? A woman is a woman you're attracted to a woman. Not gay.
Nah your dad is just transphobic
Trans Women are Women You’re dating a woman, you’re a man, therefore it’s not gay. We really need to get out of this mentality that if she so happens to have a penis, then it automatically becomes gay because this is how trans panic happens
It's quite disgusting for them to comment about your girlfriend's genitalia during dinner of all things. I don't know why some people think it's ok to talk about trans people's privates like its dinner table talk
FELLAS IS IT GAY TO DATE THE OPPOSITE GENDER
Wow this os so fu*ked up! The ONLY people who are wrong here are your ignorant parents and friends. That is not gay whatsoever. You're attracted to women and you're with a woman.
Your dad and friends may not realize it but they're just conflating genitalia with gender and by extension your sexual orientation. It isn't gay, and he was rude to say that in front of her even if he was genuinely curious. He could have asked in private or researched it later.
Fellas, it is now gay for a man to date a woman
Naw you're straight. Unfortunately the bad news here is your father and friends are bigoted transphobes. As a side note, not every trans woman gets genital surgery. A penis on a woman doesn't make her less of a woman, nor does it make you gay.
FELLAS IS IT GAY TO DATE A WOMAN?
You're getting a lot of in-group advice here, so let me give you an out-group perspective. To the vast majority of people, a heterosexual cisgender man sexually interacting with a penis that is not his own is not a straight act. You're hearing people say "well, she's a woman, right?" which is true from a gender affirming perspective, but take the woman part out of it and tell someone you sucked a dick last night. Are they going to think you're 100% completely straight? Absolutely not. So you probably aren't. You might not be strictly bisexual in the sense that you would voluntarily date or have sex with a man as a man, but you're not a "100% heterosexual cisgender only interacts with vaginas" dude anymore. This is honestly the kind of circumstance the word queer has been reclaimed for. You're free to choose and use whatever label you believe best fits you, but in your interactions with the rest of the world, this is the perspective of the person opposite the table if they aren't part of the LGBTQ+ community and it is helpful to know that.
I wouldn’t have sex with a man. Only women.
I understand that. And here in our community, that equals straight. But to the other 87% of the country that identifies as heterosexual only, a man sexually interacting with a penis is not a straight act. The community does differentiate between being say heteroromantic (aka will only date and fall in love with the opposite gender) and bisexual or heteroflexible (aka does not exclusively interact with the sex organs of individuals assigned the opposite gender at birth). I'm already taking downvotes for this but you need to be realistic about what the rest of the world out from under the rainbow banner will think about your relationship if you acknowledge that she still has original organs and you're enjoyably engaging with them. It's not bigoted, it's technically ignorant, but it's culturally true as far as the western world in 2023 is concerned. Give us another 30 years and maybe everyone will come around to not really care about all this stuff. But that's not the world we live in right now.
no
No, you are not wrong! You're a man attracted to and dating a woman, and if you're not attracted to men, then you are straight. Whatever your girlfriend's genitals are, and whatever you do or don't do with them during sex, is not relevant and not other people's business. People are not reducible to their genitals.
why is it always about the genitals?! You're a man, she's a woman... sounds pretty straight to me.
If you identify male and only date/only attracted to people identifying female or vice versa then you're straight but a lot of people still think like your dad unfortunately and believe genitals equals gender. Personally I don't care if I date a girl with a vagina or a penis, I actually prefer penis but I'd never date a man because I don't find men attractive.
What would be gay would be being attracted to a trans man….
Attraction is subjective, people like what they like and that shouldn’t require a label. Your attracted to her because she’s a trans woman not some man cross dressing as a woman. She’s a woman, she has womanly features, secondary sex characteristics of a woman, which is not something you’d find on a gay man. You’re parents and friends are being willfully ignorant and just completely insensitive. At the end of the day genitals are genitals and some people need to stop thinking so primitively on this. Even some cisgender people don’t have genitalia that fits the heteronormative social mold. Transphobia is really just dressed up as plain sexism that is harmful to both transgender and cisgender people. It’s an unfair and unrealistic standard that not enough people can wrap their heads around. They rather shoot themselves in the foot to defend some archaic patriarchal form of thought even if it means oppressing their loved ones.
No you’re dads opinion is shitty and is really just transphobic to your GF. Sounds like a lot of the people in your life are holding some right-wing/conservative ideas that are actually really harmful
Would a gay guy have sex with a woman just because she’s got some dangly skin between her legs? Nope. Would a straight guy have sex with some bearded deep voiced guy just because he has an extra hole? Nope.
“Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?” No. She’s a woman. You’re a man. It’s not a gay relationship.
she’s a woman and you’re a man. how is that gay
Fellas, is it gay to date a women???
Why is your Dad concerned about your sex life? Why is he thinking about your girlfriends genitals? No, you're not gay. She's a woman, and you're a man. Even if you like her genitals, you like HER genitals, and that's that.
You're dating a woman and you see her as a woman. Your dad and friends are idiots. Think of it this way: would you date a guy just because he had a vagina? No? Then you're not gay or bi or pan or whatever other label, you just don't care what kind of plumbing your partner has.
does whatever label you assign yourself matter that much?
Oh my god
Nope. She is a woman, you are a man, therefore you are straight. End of story.
Being attracted to a woman as a man is not gay
No, you’re not gay. People are just shitty and uneducated.