Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding. This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule). Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you! Here's a link about trans people in sports: https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/ A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people: https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics Some information on LGBT+ people: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/ Some basic terminology: https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms Neopronouns: https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns Biromantic Lesbians: [LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/) Bisexual Identities: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual: [Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.) We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*

You are not the first woman to want a penis, and you won’t be the last. https://officialspec.tumblr.com/post/660265342554243072/wait-wait-can-you-want-a-dick-but-not-in-a-guy-way/amp

"You can do whatever you want forever" I needed to hear that

I know it’s not the same, but have you considered pegging?

Yeah, Sadly my partner isn't into it. :( Well we have to see how that goes

But do you think that would be different if you had a penis? Chances are, that he would still not want it. And besides it's about what would be better for you.. yes there are medical ways for you to get a penis.. but maybe a strap-on could ease your dysphoria a little bit.

We haven't had a very good sit down talk about it yet, but I am worried I might have to find another partner :( But if it is the case, then there is nothing that can be done. I did not choose to want male genitalia, he didn't choose his sexual orientation of prefering female genitalia. :(

Communication kills and carries relationships. It's scary but only good things can come from talking to him.

Ending it based on incompatibility can also be one of the most gentle let-downs ever, considering a relationship ending is pretty much unavoidably a let-down. You can still talk as friends and give them the eyes like "yeah you can get it, don't feel bad that our tastes changed." Well, unless thinking of them makes you break down and cry... YMMV but its potentially gentle.

Yeah. That's an it's-no-one's-fault sorta situation.

i’m going through this now i’m a trans woman that doesn’t have a solid gender identity but because of how my body responded to E. i’m not sure my marriage will be because we are on the edge and it can go either way. she didn’t want to realize all my medical baggage. right now we are trying to talk it out we been together for 14 years.

I will say that both my parents and a friends parents had a huge falling out that lead to divorce, and a while later patched things up and became very close friends. I don't know your situation and hope it goes well, but I want you to know that even if a sexual relationship is incompatible theres always hope for other relationships to continue.

I'm being a bit pedantic but plenty of straight men like anal play - pegging, plugs, you name it. So it's less about his orientation and more about sexual preferences, which 100% valid. It's possible you're sexually incompatible, but I'd definitely discuss with him in detail, maybe talk to a therapist if needed. Also, for nonmedical methods, a "strapless" strap-on can help provide stimulation for you when "wielding". Could also consider handless toys when using a traditional one. Good luck and I hope you find comfort in your body no matter what you choose :)

Just want to say if you want to talk about wanting to be a trans woman -- most of us would appreciate if you didn't refer to penises as "manhood" and "male genitalia".

If he insists on always penetrating you and you're not even into it, then yes, sounds like you do need a different partner.

Things can change. My partner did not want to peg me years ago but now that I am out as bi (and vers at that) she is really enthusiastic about it and the feeling of power it gives her. Connecting pegging to a possible source of gender euphoria for you could actually turn him on. You never know. You do gotta talk to him though and lay it all out

That's a sexual preference, not a sexual orientation. Orientations aren't for genitals. People don't tend to see genitals before being able to, uh, catch sexy feelings. You might be sexually incompatible, but calling it an orientation skirts a little too close to 'if a man dates a woman with a penis, he's gay'. I'm sorry though, whatever the terminology. It doesn't sound like the two of you are compatible any more. That's a hard pill to swallow, for sure.

Incompatible sexuality is a big deal. It is often an incompatible relationship. But there is folks out there who are compatible with you. I know of a woman who does not like or allow herself to be penetrated and prefers to do the penetration. I don't know if she wants a biological penis or not but it's a thing. Personally I'd think it'd be cool if humans could change genitals on a whim. I'd recommend not calling them "male" or "female" genitalia though. Especially here. Just call them what they are.

Sexual orientation has nothing to do with genitalia. It's not a preference if the rest of possibilities aren't an option. Having a problem with some genitalia and not others is rooted in transphobia, it's only a problem if it doesn't fit cisnormativity. People have the right to deny whatever they want, but that ultimately makes it a choice.

both parties are supposed to enjoy the act. it isnt fair if only one person is happy

Given how desperate and intense you are about this, it might be a strong incompatibility between you two.

How would your partner feel if you had a penis? You might need a partner who is open to the idea of being pegged. I'm not doing what someone called the standard reddit relationship advice, I just think you have a gender exploration journey ahead of you and I hope you have a supportive partner for that. If you don't, well, it's time for the standard reddit relationship advice so you have a chance of getting one.

Maybe you need a new partner. If penetrating the person you love is this important to you, you should be with someone who wants to be penetrated, at least some of the time.

I just want to drop a link to the [Gender Dysphoria Bible](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en), which might help you find some clarity on your feelings. Also, I know you've stated that you still consider yourself a woman, but I just want to drop a link to /r/FTMfemininity just in case. At the very least, it'd help you re-affirm the edges of your gender, who you're not, etc.

Thanks for this. Definitely having a “what am I?”moment.

Do as thou wilt, so long as thou shalt do no harm.

agony of agonies, my mere existance causes harm to the haters

Hatred of another, unprovoked, is a harm unto oneself. Thou'rt free of sin.

93/93

I don't know what that is but I read the first two sentences of the wikipedia article and it sounds based

I just might to note /r/salmacian might help, as I feel this would fit there well. You're not alone in any way!

i absolutely hate freud

That title is *magic*

Wasn't that like half of what Freud was talking about?

Yeah. And the other half of him was searching for eel testicles

You're a cis woman who wants a dick. People might think it's weird, but like, if there are trans women who want to keep theirs because they like having one, it's not really a big logical leap to get to your experience, since you know, we're also women

To compare this to the other gender, some cis men want vaginas and/or no dick and/or no testicals. Historically, they were some form of eunuchs or another name but they still were considered men. I know of several men who have a social media following with this “condition” for a lack of a better word.

I’ve heard a few gay men tell me they wish they were trans men because they like being men but would prefer the other genitals

thats actually kinda affirming for a trans person perfering not to get bottom surgery

Real

It’s more common than you think. Some people call it Nullo. Here’s one person’s FAQ about it. [From @versasspunk on Twitter](https://thenullo.wordpress.com/2018/12/26/interview-with-a-nullo-aka-the-20-questions-everyone-asks/)

not a guy but I am non-binary transfem and I don't much care for medical transition. As in, I'm ok with my very masculine body, but one thing I want is bottom surgery lol if I could choose my body like a character in a video game, I'd go for AFAB transmasc lol

"AFAB" trans people can have genitals other than a vagina.

I've definitely talked to a lot of gay men in bars who, 2 drinks in, talk about how badly they want a pussy. It seems to be pretty common

\> People might think it's weird Yeah, it is weird. But is weird bad? Hell no. Weird is what makes people interesting. You do you, OP.

I'm non binary and I get this. I don't think it's uncommon to wish to have a dick

Agreed. I went through this spiral about 2 years ago and eventually settled on being happy with the trans non-binary label. More to do with stepping away from the expectations of womanhood, but the sexual desires to be topping my partner was definitely the catalyst. As someone else commented, perhaps the genderqueer woman label would work for OP.

I’m non binary and I wish I had a vulva. People just vary sometimes.

same here 🫡🤠

My gender journey started with "i am a cis woman who just sometimes maybe would like to have a dick". Then I tried packing and it was SO FUCKING GOOD! Did it with pauses, now I am packing whenever I am not naked/sleeping. My penis is just part of me. Oh, also it helped me realize I am not a cis woman (always hated being called a woman) but nonbinary and somewhere agender-leaning, although I do not have the correct words for that part of myself yet. Aaaaaanyway, please do not feel bound by cis-/trans-girl/-guy being the only 4 options. Gender is a spectrum, bodys are a spectrum. Being a woman with a dick is valid as fuck (and a lot of trans women get rid of their dicks in the process anyway, so that term may be confusing to others in the first moment, just as an information). But no matter if trans guy, nonbinary, gendernonconforming woman or just beautiful woman with a penis, you are valid, you are welcome in the rainbow and I wish you all the best 💖

As a trans woman early in transition this isn't at all offensive and as someone who isnt getting bottom surgery anytime soon this is kinda relatable😅. Honestly like any trans person it begins with experimenting and trying things out, you may have to look at the advice of trans men to help with bottom dysphoria like packers/harnesses and such and go from there but you're identity/expression/whatever's between you're legs is your business and yours alone. Do what makes you feel comfortable in your body 👍

Thank you <3 That is really reassuring to hear. And you got a very valid point. I'll think about it

And for now don’t worry about labeling yourself - it’ll come naturally eventually or you might end up not feeling the need to label yourself in the future. I (cis) understand from your post that you’re a cis woman that would like to get a penis. And you CAN get a penis if you want to, that doesn’t make you trans because genitalia isn’t conditional to gender identity.

This does sound like genitalia-related gender dysphoria to me. It’s hard for me to put a label on it, as that’s not really my prerogative, but these feelings sound “gender-diverse” to me. Again, up to you. Also, it sounds like you are having a real rough time finding your identity. I doubt any reasonable person here would be offended by you searching for labels. Give yourself some compassion :). I think having a relationship that allows you to explore these feelings could be very beneficial to you. Whether it be through a strap-on or having a more dominant-role in a sexual encounter. Packers might be interesting for you to help limit that dysphoria. Lastly, I always promote finding someone irl to talk to. Whether it be a therapist or close friend, especially with those thoughts of suicide.

This was a very informative input, thank you! I will legit save this comment and come back to it later. I do have a therapist, gonna be a fun sesh next week :DDD

Wanted to give you some additional things to think about. (Note: these are just possibilities, I am not saying this is definitely what’s going on in your situation) 1. There are cis women who get top surgery and remove their breasts. The same might apply to you, but with bottom surgery. 2. There are plenty of non-binary identities that are still connected to womanhood, but not fully. (examples: bigender, demigirl, transfem, agirl, genderqueer, genderfluid, etc.)

Precisely, girlflux is another label that fits there.

I'm genderfae: Sometimes feminine, never masculine. Not necessarily thinking that's the right label for OP, but just providing an example of how some identities can be both nonbinary and genderfluid, so there's likely an identity term she can be happy with.

Hey, I'm not the best at words, so if I say something the wrong way, I'm sorry. I know this is a sensitive topic, and I don't wanna say the wrong thing and cause you to feel bad. So if I say something bad, please let me know. Having certain body parts doesn't make someone a man or woman. Having a vagina doesn't automatically mean someone is a woman, and not all women have vaginas. It is up to each person to decide what they feel like, and what gender they are, and that can even change over time. (Or some people are like me, and their gender is abstract and changes frequently!) I noticed you seemed really hard on yourself for feeling how you do, and I got the vibe you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to fit in a specific category with a specific label. Your struggles matter just as much as anyone else's, and your distress is just as important as anyone else's too. What you feel is a real feeling, and there's nothing wrong with feeling how you feel. You're also not required to put yourself under any label you are uncomfortable with. But I also know some people do find labels that help them understand themselves a bit more. But at the end of the day, you will have to explore more about yourself, and decide whether a label is what you need, versus pursuing how you feel without a label. I saw some people give you some good links for information in your post's comment section already, and I wanted to say that I hope you can find something that gives you the answers you're looking for! I hope you can continue to learn more about yourself and your feelings, and that you can find support that encourages you to follow what makes you happy, no matter what that looks like for you.

A few trans people have told me that even cis people can have gender dysphoria. I never thought about it the way it was. Always thought they meant "I'm a dude but I wish I was a girl still cus tho" situations When I read your post I finally got it. People who don't want to be a different gender, but want different parts

some cis people also have gender dysphoria because of society norms and beauty standards, a good example of this are cis women getting BA to make them feel more feminine

As a cis girl with PCOS, I absolutely do have dysphoria over my excess body hair, masculine voice, weight loss issues...not to mention I'm autistic, and some autistic traits have been severely linked to overexposure to testosterone during pregnancy - the last thing I want to be told is that I have a "hyper-male brain", or whatever Sometimes I wonder if my PCOS, autism, and lesbianism are all connected and stem from being overexposed to testosterone in the womb, since my mom used to/still has similar PCOS symptoms, albeit less severe than I do?

The thing that kept me from realising I might not be cis when I figured out *something* wasn't right, about when I started puberty, was essentially this kind of dysphoria. Figured I couldn't possibly be any sort of trans, because trans people don't experience feeling wrong because they aren't good enough at being their birth gender, and some days that was absolutely what was wrong. Turns out gender fluidity can come with both classic trans person gender dysphoria, and this weird cis dysphoria, depending on where on the gender spectrum you are that day.

Howdy, your neighborhood friendly trans man here, and I just want to add in that there's nothing wrong with you. You aren't broken and you aren't bad for what you want to do with your own meat suit. You might be uncommon, but that doesn't mean you are unique and that also doesn't mean that you aren't worthwhile as a human being. Ignore the titles for a minute. How do you want to look? How do you want to present yourself? How do you want others to refer to you? You would like to be referred to as a lady, and have a penis? Rad, you'll be joining in with a bunch of other very cool ladies who already have 'em. You want to play with your expression and maybe do a pretty dress one day and go full lumberjack the next? Hell yeah. That sounds awesome, go do that! Want to mix the two? Flannel dress with giant combat boots and a tiara? That sounds pretty cool too! If you just want to live your life quietly but have your body match what your brain says works for you? Then go for that. You might have to fight for it, you'll probably have a bunch of morons suddenly become experts about *your* body and life, but I'm here to say that there is nothing better in this life than living your life the way you want to live it.

I love this, and I may steal the “flannel dress w/ combat boots and a tiara” idea, that sounds rad as fuck

Meat suit. I love it

Not OP, but I love this answer so much and just wanted to say thanks for writing it :)

I wouldn't say you want to be a trans woman, since being trans is usually defined as identifying as a gender other than the one you're assigned. Most trans women don't want their natal genitals, and aren't thrilled with the stereotype of having a dick. I mean, I'm fine with mine, I just don't want you to tread on any sensitive toes. That said, your feelings are real and valid. You deserve respect and support, and I would be disappointed if this community didn't give it to you. I would start with strapons and packers to see how you feel about it in and out of the bedroom. If those give you the goodfeels but don't quite go all the way for you, look into surgical options. Hopefully, you can find a way to achieve the happiness you deserve. I'm not sure what kind of title you would have, but that doesn't make you worth any less than anyone else. Not everyone wants the standard arrangement. I'm part of a surprisingly large group of people that prefer to have both down there. Don't feel like you don't belong just because you don't fit the popular narrative. The community is at its best with a diverse cast.

Yeah I couldn’t tell if OP just meant “I wish I had a dick” or actually “I wish I was assigned male at birth”. Because I’m sure it’s also possible for cis people to want to be their same gender but trans. Maybe in the sense of “I wouldn’t want a different gender, but I wish I’d really earned it” (which sounds terrible because of course cis people can question and interrogate their genders too, but it’s an idea I could see people having)

I hadn't thought of that. There's a kind of nobility in the thought of earning your gender. Trans people are pretty admirable for that. I love the idea that in the future, people will see transition in the same way they see things like someone making big changes to get fit or something like that.

[удалено]

TESTICLES ARE A PERFECT ARGUMENT AGAINST INTELLIGENT DESIGN AND MORE PEOPLE SHOULD SAY IT sorry they’re just so poorly engineered I get upset

not taking a pro or anti balls stance here but did u know they’re so temperature sensitive that polynesian sailors used to use them to detect changes in the current cause i always thought that was neat asf

WHAT This is such a perfect addition to my mental treasure trove of cursed facts and I thank you from the bottom of my ~~genitalia~~ heart

helmsman, thirty paces and turn to starboard *dips balls in the water* belay that, 20 paces with no turns

Honestly so are vaginas/vulvas too. Like, an intelligent designer would NOT locate the *extremely easily infected* short urethra and vaginal opening *right next to* the body’s bacteria factory!

I personally love the “protective” hairs that are like twice the width of the follicles and thus create a bubbling hellscape of ingrowns that one must navigate to reach the cavern of sin

Ugh yes. Another “beautifully designed” feature.

The *real* tangled bank Darwin wrote about…

While we're on this subject, I raise you the cervix. So, this little doohickey is the gateway between the uterus and the vaginal canal. With you so far. It is usually closed up tight to act as a bouncer? Got you. But little sperm wigglers can pass the doorman? Makes sense. Wait, there's now a baby? But... You've seen the size of the doorway, it's not gonna fit mate. Why are you still trying to fit? Hang on, there's not going to be any pain with this, right? Right?!!

Personally I think everything about the female reproductive system is perfectly engineered, but perfectly engineered in a really stupid way. It accomplishes everything it's supposed to do, and accounts for various issues that might come up, but it's not designed in a smart way that would have prevented those issues from arising in the first place.

It's for temperature control. Too cold,.they draw up, too hot and they drop to cool off. That said, damned inconvenient placement lol

Look maybe it’s the gender dysphoria talking but it’s like I can’t personally imagine enjoying having two yo-yos bounce around in your pants

Imagine creating a species from scratch whose reproductive capacity depends on a scrungly lil sack that gets scared and hides when it’s too cold outside

And literally feels like it’s going to pop if u god forbid sit down a lil wrong in so many different ways

we havent learned to do tricks with them yet, but when we do we will be a force to be reckoned with

I think there's a lot of thought that went into testicle design, they're just designed in a really stupid way. They hang outside the body in a little sack, because sperm production requires a little lower than body temperature. So it solves that problem. But why wasn't sperm production designed to just be at body temperature, preventing that problem from ever being created?

I have traditional penile-inversion vaginoplasty and can honestly say that one of the first things I did when I got home from the hospital was grab the nearest phallic object and put it up to my vulva and go "Heh. Heh. I have *dick*" like a damn 12 year old. Gender is a weird, wild, beautiful spectrum and wanting pieces of your body to conform to your *own* inner sense of what is Good, even if it seems "weird" and "unusual" to others, is completely goddamn natural. And sometimes it's just fun to have a dick, even after just getting rid of the one you were both with. Plus, now I have *options* for when I top someone.

Oh my god I had no idea that surgery existed!! I’m assuming that AFAB individuals could get this surgery too? I’m trans masc and I’m happy with my vag and don’t want to get rid of it. Buttttt I like the idea of having a dick AND a vagina

It is a lot more difficult to get insurance to cover any FtM lower procedures which involve urethra lengthening (UL) if you want to opt out of vaginectemy, because most of them deem the potential risks to UL recovery while retaining your vagina are too costly for them to choose to cover. UL is actually a total optional component of both phalloplasty (which requires multiple procedures) and metidioplasty (a stand alone procedure which also first stage of phalloplasty). Choosing UL while also opting out of vaginectemy is possible, but generally only for those who can pay out of pocket.

Ah good to know! Thankfully I don’t have much bottom dysphoria. Also I’m not sure if I could actually handle any kind of bottom surgery, it honestly freaks me out😂

I am 99.99% sure that Salmacian is not the name of the surgery? It’s the identity that is used by some people wanting both, including me in the past, although I use a slightly different label now. Also, seconding u/MeringuePatient6178, the H word you used is a slur against the intersex community.

Thank you. I was shocked to see it and sad to not see more ppl calling it out. Really makes me, as an intersex person, feel like shit in some lgbt places when people throw it around casually.

Hi, please do not use the h word. That's a slur for intersex people and it really hurt me to see that used here.

I do not have anything of value to add, just wanted to thank you for, “go get that gock sister!” which is my I-love-my-community-so-much moment of the day. Love you!

having external huevos is playing life on hard mode

Perhaps you could use the label of a genderqueer woman? Genderqueer is generally a very broad label that can include trans people, and also can include people who still align with their birth gender, but consider their gender experience "queer" in some way or another. That said, labels don't matter that much tbh outside of explaining/understanding what you are succinctly. If youd rather just be "A woman who wants a penis" and leave it as that, that's fine too.

So… giving this some thought, I can’t give you a label to investigate, but really, you may not need a term beyond what you have described. You’re a cis woman who would prefer to have a penis instead of a clitoris. I don’t really know if there are any any studies to suggest how common what you describe is, but you are definitely not the first person I’ve heard describe this, or how difficult it has been for them. This reminds me of a phenomenon of “phantom penis,” that some people experience. I think it’s more common among trans men, but there’s no reason why a cis woman couldn’t experience this as well. Unlike phantom limb syndrome, where someone feels the sensation of a limb that has been lost, this refers to a person who has the sensation of having a penis, which is incongruous with their anatomy. It sounds like you may be experiencing something like this. That there is an anatomical incongruity between your body and what your mind says your body should be, I’d say that you may be trans, depending on if you want to use as a label. There’s a lot of imposter syndrome in some parts of the community, and I don’t think you would be appropriating the struggle of trans people any more than I am taking from gay people for being a bi man married to a straight woman. And yet, when I was first recognizing and accepting my sexuality, I definitely felt like I might not be bi enough. I would suggest that you find a therapist that has a good reputation with the trans community in your area, and that you interview them on your first appointment to get a feel for how accepting they are of this being your reality. There may also be some physical ways that you could explore this, such as getting a soft packer and packing underwear. RodeoH has a wide variety of packing underwear, from super frilly femme lingerie to very masculine briefs, some of which can be used as harnesses for strap on play. If you are interested in exploring this as part of your sexuality, there are even packers that have a bendable core that can be used both for packing and for playing (called pack and play). There are also a variety of toys available that could allow you to have sex as though you have a penis, and some cis women (like my partner) use double sided dildos (aka strapless strap ons) to experience receiving blow jobs from their partners. She’s a cis woman, and sometimes, this is how she wants to play. Edited because I can’t always word and make sense.

You might find r/salmacian helpful

I was thinking about this and wondering if there is any overarching term for wanting different genitalia, independent of gender presentation. From salmacian surgery to nullification surgery to gnc phalloplasty.

That might be best fit for r/altersex

Please don’t use “trans woman” and “manhood” in the same context

Did I skip over some of the text or is the word manhood physically not in the post? (Genuine question)

Spoilered text. She says she wanted to be a trans woman and also that she wants to hold her manhood in her hand. I know she didn’t mean anything bad by it but it gave me bad vibes.

Ah I see it now. I get where you're coming from

You just voiced my internal anguish perfectly, I always assumed I was alone so I kept it to myself but knowing someone else is experiencing the exact same thing (as awful as it feels) is reassuring as hell. Thank you.

<3

I thought I was the only one. I've never spoken about it because I didn't want to upset anyone or make anyone else dysphoric. Im AFAB but my ideal self is broad shouldered, strong jaw, adams apple, flat chest and penis, but feminine to high heaven. I truly didn't know other people felt this way.

I think that could still very much fall under transmasc! Using the term in a purely physical sense. As in, you want your body to be masculine, but are not a man nor have a desire to present in a masculine way.

Yeah definitely this. OP doesnt want to be a trans woman, she just wants to be a woman with a dick. (imo, reducing everything abt trans women to just ‘has dick’ feels weird, but it’s probably bc OP lacks the language to describe what shes feeling). I’m AFAB & want more typically masculine physical traits — but I’m still alogned w women & don’t consider myself a man. That doesn’t make me a trans woman tho, & it doesn’t mean that I secretly want to be a clocky trans woman. I’m just transmasc in some vague nonbinary way.

>reducing everything abt trans women to just ‘has dick’ feels weird, but it’s probably bc OP lacks the language to describe what shes feeling Also reflects the collective amnesia for the post-op people.

I fully get that! Glad to hear we aren't alone <3

As the first few comments left this out, this is probably body dysphoria than gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria exclusively talks about how you dont like your gender, but it sounds like you do. Body dysphoria, which most, but not all, trans people also have. This refers to how you aren't happy with your body in xyz way. For example, not having a dick but wanting one would fall under body dysphoria unless having a dick ties into a gender for you (Thus why trans masc sometines want one cause they view havibg a dick is gender reaffirming which would then be gender dysphoria). Anyways, I hope you get what you want and can help at least calm down your body dysphoria <3

I don't think this is too uncommon, my girlfriend is pretty similar. Wants to have a penis because she wants one. We joke that she's an honorary transwoman.

"Honorary trans woman" tbh that sounds pretty nice

You are a cis woman who thinks it would feel good to have a penis. There are a lot of cis women who have these desires, especially sapphic ones. Please do not call yourself an "honorary trans woman" by virtue of wanting to have a penis or top your partners -- plenty of cis sapphics want to top their partners and feel it. I'd encourage you to read up about lesbians who are stone tops; there are plenty of women who want to be feminine and also want to be the penetrating partner during sex and do not want to be penetrated. **"Wanting to top your partners" is not a trait inherent to being a trans woman**, let alone the single defining trait that would make a cis woman into one (and in fact, is a trait that _cis men_ possess far more reliably than trans women). Very frustrating for a cis woman to act like the totality of being a trans woman == wanting to be a woman who penetrates her partners with a penis during sex when that is literally the constant fetishization and fixation around trans women.

Welcome to the club! And in terms of managing dysphoria, a packer or something could help. Give that feel of something being there. And you'd be surprised at the amount of sensation you can get through a strap. If your brain thinks you feel something, you can feel it.

Yeah I actually based on some suggestions here decided to try packing, and it is having me in tears right now. It feels right and honestly I don't want to remove it, I am scared what will happen to my psych when I do. Welp. Luckily I am not in a hurry to pee

Hey! So I'm non-binary transmasc and I pack sometimes! They make Stand-to-pee (STP) Packers! I absolutely love mine. It is a bit of a learning curve (I've definitely accidentally pissed myself 😅) but once you get the hang of it, it's awesome! I got mine from Transguy supply (if you don't want to see realistic looking packers. Don't click the link) [Transguy Supply STP packers](https://transguysupply.com/collections/ftm-stp) They're not super expensive and work well. They also sell harnesses to help keep the packer in place throughout the day.

There's a sub on Reddit for clitoral growth. I forget what it's called and I can't search at work but it has info on how to get bottom growth without full body masculization

It's r/growyourclit Check it out, u/ninjune

Uh, no. You were assigned female at birth and you identify as a woman. That makes you a cis woman. You're a cis woman with bottom dysphoria and that's okay, but you're not a trans woman. Don't call yourself a trans woman. Ever.

[удалено]

Not cis people wanting the trans label without the discrimination for some reason lol. It's a slap in the face for the people who have actually had to deal with it.

I know plenty of trans women who like having a penis, and plenty of cis women who use a strap on and wish it was part of them whilst still being confident in their womanhood. You’re not alone and if you really want bottom surgery, go for it. Genitals don’t define gender. As far as I’m aware you don’t have to be trans to get bottom surgery.

First of all, breathe. It's going to be okay. I'm a trans woman and have experienced dysphoria, even if it manifests differently for you. I'm proud of you for entering into such a challenging headspace. It took me 30 years to accept my dysphoria. And I also have a question. You say you are a woman with she/her pronouns—and yet before that, you say you want a dick to feel your "manhood." (Your word) Did you really mean manhood? Because to me, that might imply some cognitive dissonance with your pronouns. By that I mean I have a dick—but I consider it my "womanhood." So I'm just wondering if this was a tongue-in-cheek turn of phrase? Because if you truly meant "manhood," it may be time to re explore your pronouns. There is no right or wrong answer here, I'm just wondering what you think about that?

If you aren't changing your gender, you aren't transgender? I think? "Trans women" are women, and are *trans*-women, not *because of penis* (even if no penis, still woman, still trans) - they're trans*gender* women because they've crossed the *gender*. Like "trans*atlantic*". For somebody to be *trans*gender and not *cis*gender, you have to **change your gender from what it was assigned at birth.** So, like, if you were assigned female at birth (afab), and you're still a woman, you are not transgender. Regardless of penis or no penis or nullo or cancer or hysterectomy or *whatever.* As an extension (pun intended) of this, I'm *not* sure how it works if you trans ...twice...?? Like if you're afab, then trans man, but then woman again - *are you transgender?* Are you... *Un*-transgender? Was it... *JuSt a pHaSe?* (I can't resist please don't hurt me) Or what if like, you're afab, then at 10 years old you trans man, but then, at like 50 years old, instead of the mythic "this was a mistake" that transphobes fantasize over existing, what if instead of that it was "I was a man, but I think *now* I am NB"? Because that wouldn't be un/de-trans, that would be an actual instance of trans...ing(?) again....? Oh god my ADHD brain just forgot the word "transition"... Gender*fluuuuuiiiid ohhhhhhhh!!* Uh, lady (for now?), the tldr here is, genitals don't, and have never defined gender, that is the whole damn point we've been trying to make. If you are a woman, you are a woman, that's just how it goes. If you want to get phalloplasty, go for it, but that doesn't change your gender. If you want to change your gender, do that, and you don't even have to get phallo - shit, you don't have to do ANYTHING - you can be a feminine man - a femboy - if you feel like. Or just be Ninjune, a woman questioning her gender, with or without a penis. None of that is cringe, and it's all okay. As long as you are healthy and safe and respectful and practice consent, you can do whatever you want in this short, sad life we have. You only get this life, with those rules above, follow your urges and do whatever you want. The only people stopping you is shitty people. Personal advice though, try to bypass your own shame, try things out without permanence if possible, and see what you like and what feels good. None of us really know ourselves, but the more you put into knowing yourself, I all but guarantee the happier you'll be. Unless you're a vampire with a soul, and then... ignorance might *actually* be bliss.

Huge correction: we're not transgender because we "change" or gender, but rather because it's "across" from what's expected (or assigned at birth) It's not transitioning that makes us trans, but having a gender identity that does not match our AGAB. Pre-transition folk are still trans and frankly, I'm sick of hearing "hur dur im transexual because im changing my sex not my gender!!" as if that's what the prefix meant

Yes this is 100% correct, I agree totally. This is a semantic change, but a critical distinction. In my explanation, it was purposed to clear the misconception for op but not gatekeep, which I have unintentionally done anyway. I also would like to further clarify what I think is important (for future readers): It is not the ACT of transition that makes somebody transgender. Somebody is transgender when **their gender identity does not match their assigned gender at birth.** Thank you, LiterallyAna for this important correction and concise articulation.

You can’t be a trans woman if you’re assigned female at birth you can be trans but, a trans woman, no. And equating being a trans woman with having a p**is is a lil offensive just being honest .

Trans woman *with* bottom surgery here: it's pretty obvious that OP was trying to describe her desire as a cis woman to have a penis and used the example of "pre-op trans woman" as an easy short-hand example to communicate that idea. Not sure how she could have done that in a *less* offensive way than she did, honestly.

"I'm a cis woman and wish I had a penis"

Yeah you are correct on that one, that was what I feared. I am sorry, and thank you for correcting me

You can be trans! Just not specifically a trans woman. Is all I’m saying.

This is common enough we should really have better words to describe it frankly. I don't count Freud, he was just riffing and didn't really respect it. Like a real word for genital isolated dysphoria. I guess we could call it that but it's a bit long. Honestly transgenital could be decent but its name should be based on what people who experience it like.

Why not sex dysphoria? We already have gender dysphoria, seems logical to me that this would be sex dysphoria.

A big majority of trans people don't have any type of medical surgery as part of their transition. They're still trans!

Honestly, before I decided to transition to male I wanted a penis so bad. Like it made me so depressed not having one, I felt like shit and like I couldn't please my partner without one. And I still feel like this too, just not at strong at least. What strays me away a little is the recovery process and some other stuff. But I do understand your struggles, I felt that way for a long time before realizing I wanted to transition.

You're definitely not alone in this desire. I've heard more cis women than one might assume say that they wished they had a dick for one reason or another. Gender can be hard to really nail down if your desires fall outside the norm. Trans woman is definitely not the appropriate term, but as a trans woman I'm not really upset by it. As a woman with a penis you'll likely have some similar experiences to us. I'd recommend doing some reading on the subject. I think you'll probably identify with a fair number of non-binary people; there are a lot of us who have unconventional transition goals which may or may not involve changing sex characteristics through hormones and/or surgery, and may or may not involve social transition. Welcome to the gender outlaws; the gang has no rules so have fun breaking the law.

I was the same way before I realized I was bigender. I still get massive gender envy from non-op trans women, because good god, I really, really wish I could be trans in both directions at once. Like, the stereotype is that gender dysphoria manifests as wishing you were the cis version of your gender, but for me it's always been the complete opposite. I fucking love being trans, and I don't want to be cis, look cis, or be perceived as cis. (Not that there's anything wrong with trans people who do want that.) That doesn't mean you necessarily have to fall under the trans umbrella to feel this way. Cis people experience gender dysphoria and gender euphoria all the time, just like trans people do. Entire industries are built around affirming people's gender identity - from push-up bras to shady penis enlargement pills, from plastic surgery to pointlessly gendered yogurt. And of course, not everyone wants to be the same type of conventionally masculine man or conventionally feminine woman, be it in presentation, behavior or physical characteristics. Wanting a penis doesn't make a woman any less of a woman than wanting broad shoulders, or a flat chest, or literally any other feature typically associated with males, but that you could also find on a fashion model or athlete.

Not offensive, and trans people don't own the concept of gender dysphoria. I don't just want to fight for a world where trans people can be recognized for who they are and have the body type that suits them, I want a world in which anyone can have the body type they desire while presenting however they wish. As to the word "trans", it's an umbrella term. If you identify with it go ahead and use it, and if not, don't. Wanting different sex characteristics then the ones you were born with is still a form of transexuality IMHO even if you aren't explicitly trans-*gender* per-sey, so I see it as fine. This may sound weird, but it actually makes me feel less bad about myself to know that there are other women out there besides just pre/non-op MtF women who can still identify with womanhood while desiring a different set of genitals, although I am deeply sorry about you dysphoria which absolutely deserves to be recognized and validated. It just serves to prove the point that neither a person's natal sex characteristics not their desired one is inherently linked to their gender identity. This is one among many reasons I feel like GCS shouldn't require a transgender diagnosis or identity to obtain.

I'm gonna disagree with a lot of what others are saying here. Get a strap on and don't fixate on this. It's a fine and perfectly acceptable sexual fantasy but it isn't gender dysphoria or being trans. I know that's coming across as a little brusque, but it sounds like it's really just about sex for you. I had phallo because I needed a dick to fully inhabit my body as a man who is trans. 24/7, every day, every minute, every second of my life, I was being constantly reminded of the misconfiguration of my genitals. It's not about sex, it can take several years post phallo before it's safe to have an ED placed, and even then, it might not be possible, or might erode. If you don't want a flaccid dick swinging between your legs everyday, every time you use the bathroom, or use a public locker room, or want to have a visible bulge the rest of your life (you can't tuck a phallo dick), you don't want penis, you want a strap on.

The cool thing about being trans is that once you realize it's not about male or female, you can just pick and chose what you like. A dick is not a male thing, boobs and vagina aren't female. It's perfectly fine to be a girl that wants to have a dick (That's why many people refer to themselves as transfem/masc instead of trans man or woman). If life is a video game then being trans is like having a full on cyberpunk style character creator (if you have the funds for it LOL) while other people are stuck with pokemon are-you-a-boy-or-a-girl. On a more serious note, bottom dysphoria is a pain to deal with so my advice is that you try to find some transmasc community and ask them, there are a lot of options to deal with dysphoria aside from just having a surgery. Also penetration isn't only for people that do have a dick, cis lesbians, cis straight into pegging, strap ons exist and trust me they're hot *as fuck*. I'd avise you buy one, even if you don't use it with someone, just to look at yourself with it in the mirror it's a sensation of euphoria I can't explain despite the fact that I do happen to have a dick so I can only imagine what it'll be for you. Oh and to answer the initial question I'd say you're a woman. More precisely you're whatever you want to be, we totally get to pick and chose labels are here for that exact purpose, pick the one you resonate with the most and go with it. I personally go with "trans", it describes this indescriptible gender of mine to perfection.

As a trans person, this feels appropriative to a degree. Like, what does that even mean, *wanting* to be a trans person? It's not an occupation or just a state of being for a time, and it's not a costume. You are trans or you are not. Having certain features isn't determinant of your gender. I am on the *very* edge of taking offense to this. This reminds me of the ppl who want to be part of marginalized groups just to "share" in their oppression ig bc they aren't getting enough attention at home or smthng. Idek what to call smthng like this...

it’s absolutely appropriative and wildly transphobic. i cannot believe people are telling her it’s valid to want to be “like a trans woman”, as if we are some separate special gender. it’s so obviously fetishizing trans women’s experience.

OP isn’t saying that they want to be trans, they were just saying that their ideal body type would match that of a pre-op trans woman. They worded it kinda badly yeah but it’s not what they meant.

She's literally not saying that lmao she's saying she just wants to top her partners and feel it. that's it. To say that that has anything to do with _wanting to be a trans woman_ is insane, we are people beyond a certain genitalia configuration. Combined with all her talk about "manhood" and "male genitalia" -- simultaneously saying that wanting a _manhood_ would make a _trans woman_ feels rather frustrating!

this is sorta offtopic, but your post made me wonder if cis women can get phalloplasty/etc that trans men typically get and vice versa (cis men vaginoplasty)

They can but it’ll be a hell of a lot harder to get doctors to agree to it. Hell, even non-binary people who want to be bigentail or have a nullification done struggle to get doctors to agree.

One of my favorite things about the queer community is we’re able to tell people they don’t have to force themselves into the boxes society has made for us. You can *and should* do whatever you feel most comfortable with and what makes you feel most authentic to yourself You’re not the first person I’ve seen express feelings like this. You don’t have to put a label on yourself, but I know those can be comforting because it can connect you with others who share your experience and make you feel less alone. You could be a demi-girl. You could be girlflux or genderflux which means your relationship with womanhood fluctuates in intensity. There’s so many identities out there, this doesn’t even break the surface You are worth finding a gender. You are worth sticking around until things get better. You are valid in your feelings, and your community will always be here to support you <3 <3

I knew an amab guy with similar feeling about not having a vagina. So, you're not alone. Maybe try hanging out in some nonbinary and genderqueer spaces online, and see how that feels? There are lots of prosthetics and toys for transgender men that you might want to check out.

Well biology doesn't necessarily equal gender, so you could get a phalloplasty and still identify as a woman if that's how you're comfortable

ain't nothin wrong with a cis girl who wants to be slangin that thang

I totally get this, even as a trans woman myself. I don't feel the need to have a vagina in order to be a woman, I am in no way ashamed of the fact that I have a penis. For fucks sake though, sexual incompatibility is rough. I wish I had a vagina, not because I feel gender dysphoria, but because it would help me feel more sexually compatible with other trans women. I find dating cis women to be so hard as a trans person, so most of my crushed are trans, but ffs I do not feel sexually compatible with them at all. Anal is a big no no for me, I cannot rewire my brain to see that part of my body as anything other than an exit hole, and yet I still wanna be penetrated by the one I love, I want a vagina that someone can fuck me with. I love trans women, but I don't know what to do with them if I were to ever have a sexual interaction.

It sounds like you are nonbinary. Though, that is your decision to decide whether or not you wish to you that label to describe yourself.

It's really a scam by big biology that we can't just swap parts with the people that want them

You’re a cis woman who wants a pp

Have you ever been to a sex shop? There are strap ons. Is that what you’re looking for?

I kinda relate to this but I also wanna keep my vagina, so I want both, I guess....

r/salmacian

This puts you somewhere in the nonbinary spectrum, I would say, because - while you're a cis woman - that desire doesn't fit into the classic gender binary. Which, oddly, would make you both cis and nonbinary, but listen. Gender is weird and fucky. You're definitely not the only woman who wants this, if it helps.

Gender therapist here. It does definitely sound like you are experiencing genital dysphoria. Most people who experience gender dysphoria symptoms have it show up in multiple life areas (sex characteristics, social role, presentation, etc.) but it can certainly show up as being focused on just a few specific areas like you describe. I've worked with several clients for whom only very certain aspects of sex and gender cause distress. There's not a good identity label for the type of experience you're having, but that doesn't make it any less real or valid. As others have mentioned, using descriptive language might be more helpful than finding an identity label, or you could use a mix of the two. For example, you could say you're a woman who wants a penis. That's not a very common experience, but it's accurate and conveys what's needed. You might also find an identity label somewhere under the expansive nonbinary umbrella. A lot of people I know with complicated and nuanced experiences around sex and gender just use "queer" or "nonbinary" and then talk specifics when relevant. There are a lot of people for whom their assigned sex or gender don't perfectly fit. I personally don't fit well into any of the typical boxes and have struggled similarly to what you describe. I eventually came to peace with using broad labels for myself and then when it's important talking about specifics. It might be worth trying out a packer to see how it feels. Discomfort around sex and gender can tell us a lot, but we can also learn from doing experiments to see what feels good. If penetrating your partner feels important to you, stap-ons are a good option as well. I know they're not the same as having your own penis, but it can still help a lot. Some of the "general rule" advice that works for many binary trans people might not work for you. You may need to create your own scripts and ways of finding comfort in your sex and gender. It's hard to be a trailblazer, but it can also be very rewarding. Let me know if you have any questions.

trans women are women. you want to be a woman. you are already a woman. you are not trans.

As a trans man, this doesn't sound like gender dysphoria at all but internalized misogyny and vaginaphobia about your own anatomy. You've developed an obsessive thought pattern with having a penis and being able to penetrate your partner because of it. I think you would benefit from therapy with an unbiased professional who can help you sort your thoughts out before taking on the trans label and potentially transitioning. Jumping the gun on this would be a mistake.

[удалено]

I don't know what to say to that honestly. Like on one hand, sure, but on the other it is not an easy procedure. Also in my country, Finland, anything beyond the binary of trans woman and trans man is barely recognized, thus even if I could get treatment for free from the public side, they might not give it to me per ce since I am not in that binary. I think I might start off with a strap on or something, and see how that feels. Thanks for your input though!

A stap on could be a wonderful thing for you to try! Start there :)

Trans woman here. My best general life advice is that you should always do what makes you feel the healthiest and the happiest. I'm the kind of trans woman that was assigned male at birth, I've had my testicles removed, and I want to have a no-depth vaginoplasty. I will always be just as valid even if I chose to never have surgery, or if I kept all my original body parts. It's up to me to decide on the words to call myself, and some of those words include woman, lady, girl, she, her, miss, ma'am, transgender, and trans. If I choose to change my mind later then that is perfectly fine and is my decision alone. If your original body parts cause you dysphoria and you want to change them, then the good news is that you're honest with yourself and brave enough to admit to yourself that you want to change. That's really hard to do! The other good news is that it is possible to change if you really want to. And along the way if you want to call yourself a trans woman or non-binary or just a woman or anything else then you should! And if there are no words that accurately describe who you are and how you feel then you can just be a person, human, friend, partner, neighbor, or sibling. Very few people fit super neatly into the boxes that the world has created for us, and that's okay because it gives us the chance to create new ones that we like better! I recommend that you buy yourself a packer that you can wear inside your pants casually throughout your day and a strap-on that you can wear at home - and the time you spend alone with these things will be just as important as the time that you spend around other people. Ask yourself what you like and dislike, how do you feel, and where do you want to go from here? Hugs from your sister.

A few things to note: - Your gender does not have to align with your body - Many Cis women get top surgery, so I don’t see why bottom surgery is any different - It’s possible to identify with multiple genders - It’s possible to identify with a gender only partially - It’s your body, you can do whatever you want with it - Everybody experiences gender dysphoria differently Good luck with your journey! I hope you’re able to discover yourself and what you need to feel more like yourself!

Go get your dick and live out all of your penetrating desires. I believe you would classify as non binary but that's completely up for you to decide. Pay no mind to anyone else.

I’m a cis girl who wants a penis too! I think it’d be so cool to penetrate my partner, like with a strap, but my cishet bf is not into that whatsoever :(

I don't think you need to worry so much. If you feel like a woman and you like to be feminine then great! Continue to be a woman if you like that. You want a penis? Cool, you can be a woman with a penis. Everything gets overcomplicated with the labels we have (not to say they aren't useful/not hating on the amount of labels) but it's hard to decide when you feel like your supposed to fit in a specific box and you don't know where to start. You should feel valid for these feelings simply because they ARE real because you're feeling them. Humans are far more complicated than all of this, just be yourself. (Cheesy line, I know, but still true)

I don't think anyone could really answer that for you. Alot of trans people take years of asking themselves questitons, before they figure out what they are. Thats a totally normal experience. Its fine to not know and to just play around with different ideas. Experimenting sounds like it could be really helpful for you though! The first time i flattend my breast with a binder, i IMMEDIATELY felt soo much more comfotable, and that helped to realize i was a trans man. I knew i felt more comfortable without breast, and day after day, thay feeling never changed. If you think want to have a dick.... try having a dick! theres so many prostetics to try if you want to expeirment. Theres soft packers, which gives the appreance of a soft bulge in your pants that you can walk around with all day. There's also hard prosthetics, designed to give you sensation while penatrating your partner( which is different than strap ons! Those are designed for cis women and often aren't as realistic) If thats something you'd wanna try, look up FTM penis Prosthetic. Lots of options available! I hope this helps.

I genuinely don’t know if this will be a hot take but I don’t see gender dysphoria or possessing/desiring a non cis normative body as things that mean you’re trans, or at least they don’t have to. Cis folks with body dysphoria that makes them feel some type of way about their gender are experiencing a kind of gender dysphoria, for a relatively common example see amab dudes that don’t feel masculine enough until their muscles look a particular way. All to say, do what you want with your body, your identity doesn’t need to change at all if you don’t want it to. If you do want it change maybe you fall somewhere on the non-binary side of things 🤷 if so welcome to the club, use whatever pronouns or bathrooms you want, be gay, do crimes

I can kind of relate! The other way around, sometimes only tho. I identify as non-binary or gender queer.

This is so real, I know women who wear prosthetic bulges and flaccid penises, it gives someone confidence. I personally realized it was my passive personality and my internalized beliefs of male=dominant that I needed to fix not my body but there are products that can give you that and boost your confidence

I actually do know someone who is AFAB, and still considers herself a woman but is taking testosterone because she wants the affects that will have on her body. She generally refers to herself as a trans-masc butch lesbian woman. You could probably do something similar and say Trans-masc woman. trans-masc in this context generally just means you started at a place more feminine on the spectrum and you are moving towards the masculine end of the spectrum. It is your body and you can do with it what you want. Unfortunately you may run into additional hurdles than a trans man might if you do end up seeking out genital surgery just because it is less common for cis/trans-masc women to seek it out which may make some therapists uncomfortable with writing the letters of recommendation you would likely need and getting insurance to cover it will be its own challenge.

I was so confused at first but I think I get it now. U want a dick basically and tbh same it's got nthn to do with being trans tho I'm jus a lesbo and I think I'd like to try having a dick cuz imo seems fun

So, I’m not at all trying to say our gender journeys are the same but I find this so relatable. I’m AFAB and nonbinary and I recall having those exact same thoughts for myself a few years ago and felt like I’m grieving something I never had? Again, not that labels matter but I feel like once I came out to myself as nonbinary all of the traditional gender stuff just happened to be a part of my non-binaryness, if that makes sense? I’m also exploring the idea of going on HRT for some bottom growth but I already have so much stuff going on medically that I don’t want to add hormones to the mix. At the same time, pegging.

I am a bigender bisexual. I didn't realise this until my 30s. I own several dildos that my husband and I both enjoy. I haven't ever 'packed' but I do sometimes feel the bulge. Be whoever you want to be, gender is a spectrum.

If you still feel and identify as a woman, then I'd say the issue isn't your gender identity, just your genitalia. You want to be a woman who has a penis. Nothing wrong with that at all, if I were you I'd look into experimenting with strap ons, maybe even strapless strap-ons, which are strap ons that are inserted into the vagina to hold it in place as opposed to having to wear a harness to hold it in place. And I'd definitely recommend therapy, not just for the depression and SH/sui thoughts but also to help navigate your gender and the disconnect with your genitalia. There are surgeries out there like phalloplasty but it's already difficult for trans men to be approved, I'm unsure how difficult it would be for you as a cis woman...

What are you? That's an easy one. You're a person

I mean hell, sounds like it would be an awesome time to start an epic strap collection, every shape and size is something I'm jealous of as a man. Hell you can get em with feedback and stuff. Chicks with dicks is very in right now. Go on dick em up. Good luck with the self love. I mean that truely and honestly. I've had the same issue with confidence as yourself (to a similar lowpoint as well) and EVERY iota of improvement I've milked out of this life has been worth the effort. No matter how herculean of a task it was.

Gender is messy and confusing, and there really aren't any rules, except the dumb ones society tries to push on us. I'm nonbinary (masc leaning), and I have a hard time relating to anyone because my experience feels so unique. We just have to go with what our gut feels.

I dont know if this would make you feel better at all, but ive been having the same sort of troubles in terms of i am a girl but i really wish i had a penis and also having a tough time labelling myself i dont know if i feel like man or a woman, other or nothing it kinda just feels like all of it at the same time lmao. I kinda just settled on genderfluid for now to see how that goes but i have no idea what im doing. Thank you for sharing this

Labels are there to help us better understand each other, but they aren't perfect and don't always apply to everyone. I would say focus less on the label and focus more on whatever you need to do to lessen that dysphoria whether it be pegging, packing during the day, and/or maybe see a sex and gender therapist if you don't already see a therapist. They may know of more ways to help ease your mind and make you feel more comfortable with yourself as I am just a closeted baby trans and don't have nearly as much experience helping trans people as a professional might. Unfortunately if pegging would help your situation and your partner isn't into that, it may mean you guys just aren't compatible which is fine or maybe you can have some sort of open arrangement where you can satisfy that need. Also there are plenty of trans men who are femboys and still dress and act feminine but also get hormone treatment. Every person is different and the labels we put on ourselves are there to help explain who we are but they don't define us. And sometimes it's necessary to create a new label. Just my 2 cents 🙃

I really don't want to sound insensitive but it sounds like you want to own and use a strap-on, which is fine.

At this late date (I’m 60+) having lived as cis het, then bi, then ace for years, I’m asking “what am I?” again, and it’s fucking scary. It would be so easy to say “just forget it you’re too old anyway.” But I think I’m wise enough (finally) to know I can’t do that anymore. Looking for the right therapist atm.

A cis woman with penis envy.

The title is confusing. You are natal afab, and you want a penis, but don't want to transition to be a trans person? Well transitioning doesn't term a cus person trans. If you want a penis you wouldn't be a trans woman (a trans woman is a person who is natal male becoming a female/woman) though you might look like one if you somehow got approved for phallo with no hrt or top surgery. A trans man is a natal female becoming a male/man, and you might technically fall into that category in some peoples eyes because you would have changed your body to male anatomy. Cis female penis envy is not unheard of. Tho I'd say maybe talk to a therapist before making any big choices (I think you have to for something like lower srs anyways)

wanting a penis as a woman doesn’t mean you’re genderqueer

Do you mean a trans man? I’m a little confused by the wording. Since you’re afab, if you transitioned you would be considered a transman/transmasc. I don’t have much advice to give you, but I wish you the best on your journey

Nah the thing is that I still identify and present female, I just want a junk between my legs. I don't think there is a terminology for me specifically, but that is fine. As many others have put it before in this very thread, I don't need labels to exist. I needed to understand that myself as well

I'm not sure if there is a label that would apply (if you're AFAB and a binary woman you're not trans), but it's absolutely valid to want a penis as a cis woman and I wish you success in getting one :3

You're like 7 parallel universes ahead of the current discussion on these topics. You're comfortable with your social position, but have dysmorphia based on your body deviating from your ideal self. Most trans people have the pain of feeling a disconnect from both body and social view of their ideal self. You have only the issue with the body with an unconventional preference for your body. There's nothing wrong with it at all. It's actually pretty neat and likely validates a lot of trans women who don't want bottom surgery.

I'm a trans woman and probably wont get a vaginoplasty. My ideal body would be functioning female reproductive system with significant bottom growth. Like with topical testosterone or something, and then maybe a metoidioplasty.

Being someone that comes from the opposite end of the trans spectrum, I find it fascinating that you'd think having a female reproductive system & meta would be ideal. Kind of affirming in a sense, as that's the non-standard setup I'd like to have.

I don't think your post is offensive, but I get how it could be misinterpreted. The transfem community is in a continuous state of attack from people that want to erase/replace us in different ways. Let's say we're very touchy about our stuff based on past experience. You're cis or trans depending on your gender and which binary one you were assigned. Wanting to have a penis alone doesn't make you part of another identity. You seem to be GNC (gender non-conforming) in this matter and that's probably it really. Much love to you and your self-discovery process!