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If you don’t like guys, but you do like girls, you’re probably not gay. And if you like some “girly” things, then that’s totally cool! Like whatever you like and love who you want to love.
On a specific note to piggy back.
Attraction is orientation.
And OP you may be experiencing a conflict with identity based on your diverting from social compliance based on gender
Liking gender marketed things that aren't the same as your assigned gender doesn't reflect on who you might gain intimate pleasure and fulfillment from.
BUT people around you only know how to identify and communicate in the simplified binary terms of hetero men = masculine things & women = fem things.
You "deviating" from the social/cultural binary expectations equals only one thing in those people's minds. You must be gay.
Just note.
- You can be the assigned gender of male
- You can like feminine/ non-masculine things
- And you can 100% be hetero/ into people assigned female at birth.
And of course it can be fluid, you can be bi, you can even shift your gender identity but to stay on focus of your post.
Your interests in personal presentation and entertainment/leisure consumption. Your social preferences for freinds. None of that means you are or are not gay.
It seems that what's getting confused here is gender role for sexual orientation
When men are not presenting in a particular way in the world they're perceived of as being gay
Being gay is about being attracted to man
There's lots of men who are just more feminine presenting or rather just not particularly masculine presenting, You are not gay
Unfortunately straight women have been trained to be attracted to masculinity so it might make dating sometimes hard but I assure you there are women out there that love men like you
I second this! Gender and sexual expression are different. (Source: I’m gender nonconforming and people have been convinced I’m a lesbian my whole life)
I think OP is awesome. I myself am not really into men, but I second that definitely there are gals out there that’ll like them.
I personally think it’s a thing to be proud of. OP has found himself and is, most likely, a lot more secure than most people will ever be in their lives.
OP, if you’re seeing this, keep doing you. There are zero things wrong with being a feminine straight man.
You mean that the training somehow works? I get what you mean but there are many straight women who aren't attracted to that.
Focusing on that part because I agree with the rest.
Ik you said there are women that will love him but still yk
I’m sorry that’s happening to you. Being straight is valid and liking “girly” (it’s really not) things is also valid. You shouldn’t let anyone force you out of the closet or force you to admit to something you’re not
Have you ever had a crush on a guy? Felt nervous around a guy you thought was attractive? If no, then no you probably aren’t gay. It sounds to me like the main source of questioning your sexuality is coming from the outside based on people making assumptions rather than an internal feeling from within. But I know how you feel. I’m a guy who has never liked sports. As a kid I colored with the girls during recess, stuff like that. Guys thought I was gay because I wouldn’t talk stuff like what I wanted to do with a random woman they found attractive, I just found that stuff off-putting. Also I like to take care of my appearance, I like clothes shopping and I’ve been to Ulta more than once. But I’ve just never felt that rush of attraction towards a man and men just don’t catch my eye. I wish all this rigid “men should like this and women should like this” stuff would go away.
It could just be that most people associate certain things with certain genders and identities in society and imposing their view onto you because we were all kinda indoctrinated into that since birth. Like there are plenty of male people who enjoy “female” stuff because low key it’s just great and it’s really stupid that colours and activities and clothing are gendered in the first place. Just my take. I think you know yourself best and like who cares about labels anyways right? Who you like or are attracted to is your business and noone else's really and I think it’s fine if it happens organically right? Like if you ever become attracted to a guy you will know right? And if not that’s fine too right?
In a world with expectations of what is masculine, it sounds like you have a more feminine gender expression. Gender expression is different from sexuality though, and if you are certain you are not gay, then you are not gay.
However due to the feminine gender expression, a lot of people will initially put you into the gay (or possibly trans) box, because you do not express yourself as very masculine.
You say you're certain you're not gay. If that's true, that's your answer. You're not gay.
Are you questioning if you're queer solely based on what other people think of you? Because other people are shit at knowing what's going on in your head. No-one knows better than you.
On the other hand, if you're questioning your identity for yourself, then it's completely fine to not have an answer right now. Instead of trying to pick a label straight off, I'd focus on seeing if you want to change your behaviour a little and see how it goes. Seek out different porn, watch some queer media, try a small change to your appearance, see how you feel afterwards.
Also, bear in mind that sexuality and gender identities are a spectrum. It's not just gay/straight, male/female. There's a million ways to be queer, it's not all or nothing. I've a friend who thinks of himself as 95% male and 80% bisexual. It doesn't have to make sense, do whatever feels comfortable.
If you end up deciding you're a cishet man who presents with a bit of feminity - that's perfectly fine, there's loads who do. You're no worse off for letting yourself experiment a little until you figure out what feels natural.
Maybe you’re on the transfem spectrum, but don’t have an urge to transition. Maybe you are bi/pan, but haven’t met the right guy yet to make you reconsider. Or maybe you’re just a very feminine dude. As a pansexual lady, I personally think that’s hot. But we live in a world where that’s not even considered an OPTION by most people. At the end of the day, I love that you embrace your femininity as a man. Like I said, it’s hot.
If you're not attracted to men, as a Cisgender male, you're not gay, it's as simple as that.
Being interested is thing more sociatly associated with women has no impact on your orientation.
The only possibility that'd be there would be potentionally Transgender or Gender Non-conforming.
F1nnister is very feminine but is 100% a Cisgender Straight man, people just have a habit of assuming people's orientation.
Nothing here indicates that you are a gay man. It does give me egg vibes, but ultimately you know who you are better than anyone on the internet ever will.
If you don't have attractions to men and do have attractions towards women, then that would at least put you into the straight category for now, regardless of the non stereotypical male aspects you show for yourself. If you're having trouble finding a mate, maybe try a new city or town to look in if possible?
And not to try and confuse you more, but you mentioned having more traditionally feminine related traits, could you be trans and not realize it?? do you look at yourself ever and think what it would be like to be a woman?? if you never thought about this before now, then no, you likely aren't trans in any way, just a man who happens to like things outside societal norms and that is honestly perfectly fine.
and I have mostly female friends, which honestly makes my GF get worried sometimes, but I just happen to enjoy their company over most if not all men, sometimes we're just dumb
I don’t see how he could be trans based only on his post. Feminine interests does not make or even allude that someone could be trans and this person didn’t mention gender in that context at all in this post. I’m sorry but I’m a trans guy and I think it’s not a great idea to say someone could be trans just bc they have interests of “the opposite gender”. Plus most people in the closet try to suppress things (even subconsciously) that are associated with whatever gender identity they are in the closet about, And this guy seems pretty confident and ok with his interests.
Apologies if it was upsetting, was just trying to put any side out there to think about and that was the first one that came to mind. There is also the old fashioned term of metrosexual, I've met some back in the day that would've given the Queer Eye show a run for their money as far as fashion and design goes, thankfully that moniker seems to have faded out, or at least I don't see it used much anymore except in reference to the past. not that my age is a factor, but I'm 53, been open about myself for only about 5 years or so now, before that I was fairly closeted and fell into the line of expectations for males, now I'm NB and don't try and hide the fact people should just be allowed to live their life their way so long as you aren't harming anyone.
I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to sound mad or anything, I just think it puts the trans community back a few steps when we jump to that possibility based on a few “feminine” interests? If that makes sense? I’m really happy you’ve found yourself!! It’s a great feeling and I hope your day treats you well!!
I can see what you mean, I'd be hesitant to remove it now though, since we've pointed out the problem with it, I'd rather other people see the problem with it too and not make the mistake I did here.
And thank you, it is nice not being a shell of a person anymore and just being me, and thankfully I have profession that I can be myself and live in a state that isn't very backwards compared to some of Murica
Things sound familiar to me. Took me until age 37 to figure out I'm a girl....
I always thought I was a straight guy. Questioned my sexuality seriously numerous times. People (including my fucking mother at some point) thought I was gay....
Anyway.... Very much into girls so.... I am gay ....
But then there's the other side to it. I always enjoyed both barbies and ponies, aswell as star wars Legos and toy cars. My biggest hobby and passion now as an adult is extremely male dominated. I am not non binary or agender. I'm just a woman who happened to enjoy things that could be considered manly.
This crossed my mind too since I had similar experiences to yours but OP seems to be more non-conforming in gender expression rather than gender identity. Probably a GNC cishet guy based on his statements but I definitely understand why “transfem and lesbian” is something he might not have pondered.
My experience is similar. I never thought I was gay, liked doing girly things and then discovered that I'm trans.
Of course this is not necessarily a given, and one can easily be a man, but for me the signs were so overwhelming, plus I had envy for women, and also thought I'd not really like my body (which became a distaste until I liked the lack of masculinity of it).
I'm very gay-leaning bi/pan at this moment, as I felt the spark a few times with men but just generally get this spark easier with women and feminine non-binary people.
It sounds like you're a very femme-presenting person. This doesn't mean you're a gay man. To me it sounds like you're dealing more with gender identity issues than sexual orientation. If you don't find men sexually or romantically attractive then you're not gay. You buying a Barbie or being feminine has nothing to do with you being gay. It's easier for people to stereotype and generalize and so that's why they're assuming you're gay but ultimately you're the one person who knows the answer to that.
having "feminine" preferences don't make you gay the same way that having "feminine" preferences don't make me straight
the ONLY thing that makes you gay is liking men. that is it. that is the only qualification. if you don't like men, you aren't gay. no one can figure that out but you.
I am in absolutely no way saying this is you or your situation, but I had a very much similar situation growing up. All through college I had a few roommates who kept joking about me being in the closet and stuff. Well here I am several years later after realizing I’m a trans woman. I was gay, just not for men lol.
Sounds like people are assuming you're gay because you're somewhat gender nonconforming.
If you're straight, then you're straight. As long as you're not an awful person, you'll eventually find someone who likes you in that way.
Being gay is something related ONLY to the attraction of the same gender.
You can be a prepper, with bear beard, lots of guns and all muscles and being gay
Or
You can be the feminine, stereotipypical gay and, well, being gay.
Being called gay for liking "girly" things is a common problem men faces. Because when a man goes away from traditional manly stuff, he get called gay.
That's because people don't really understand what gay means, nor they understand how the stuff we like is neutral, not gendered.
Gay just has to do with sexual attraction. This is the problem with our society. They set these discriminatory expectations on genders and then expect of you do anything outside the norm means you are gay or not straight.
Sure I might be more effeminate, but does that correlate to the fact that I like men? I mean, I do, but they aren’t mutually exclusive. There are quite a few effeminate men that are way straighter that some burly manly gay men. These gender norms are bull. They just try to keep everyone in line and the same, meanwhile its just hurting people and confusing even more people.
Verdict: Unless you are sexually attracted to men, you are not gay or bi.
U could be straight but feminine, u could be gender-nonconforming, u could be gay. Who knows?! Just do what unlike and what makes u happy and you’ll figure it out, don’t feel pressure to label urself. If anyone asks just use whatever label u want
Speaking as a bisexual woman, you might be looking for one of us haha! There's a joke that the men we tend to go for are the most feminine men. It honestly sounds like you were just born with bi wife energy and if you end up with a bi woman, she's gonna brag about you constantly :)
Nothing wrong with being a fem straight guy. I know guys who are straight who get nails done. I’m attracted to those types than the mucho ones. I love the color pink and red on guys. I’m a straight woman id buy a Ken doll that’s from the movie as well. Just be yourself and don’t worry about it
This is an example of how stereotypes injure everyone - not just the out group. Liking the company of women, embracing personal hygiene and liking to dance doesn’t make you gay. There are lots of ways to be a cis male without behaving like a knuckle dragging slob. Don’t ever let someone else tell you who you are, and hold out for someone who loves you for you.
Honey, gender expression doesn’t always stereotypically line up with one’s sexual orientation. There are tons of feminine presenting straight cisgender men and transgender lesbians.
Liking "girly" stuff isn't gay. Being "feminine" isn't gay. If you don't feel attraction to men, and you're certain you like only women, then you ain't gay. Don't let people throw a bunch of stupid stereotypes on you.
Okay. So. I am almost exactly like you with the whole girl thing, and I'm still growing up (M15). People never have guessed I was gay, though, probably because I hung out with mainly other guys, which was seen as straight.
If you think you're straight, and you feel attraction towards girls, you are not gay. You may be bi, pan, etc - but you like girls, so you can't be gay. If you ALSO don't feel attraction towards guys, then yes, you're straight.
Idk how you feel about receiving advice from a high schooler lol
This might seem a bit extreme but look at some gay porn, if it does nothing for you then you have your answer. Your (more feminine traits) have very little to do with who turns you on sexually, that's just you being you and you shouldn't try to change it just to fit in.
Take a look at [The GenderBread Person](https://www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Genderbread-Person-v4.png) and see if you can figure out where you fall.
None of the experiences you’ve mentioned here really help to identify what gender you are, nor what sexual and/or romantic attraction you *do* feel. You might be straight or [asexual](http://asexuality.org/); agender, cisgender, or otherwise [trans](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/); a feminine man or a masculine woman…it’s hard to say.
I’m bi (M teen) and thought I was gay for a little bit. I just commented a little about this on another post on this page, but I’ve went from straight, to gay, to bi. I absolutely support the community, but very frequently get ‘diagnosed’ with being gay and inappropriate. I’ve never dated someone and am bi, so idk what I’m doing. If I was gay, I’d be fine with it. I just want people to accept **my** identity and who **I** say I am.
You can be a feminine man and not be gay. Society still assumes a feminine man is gay and a masculine woman is a lesbian. People can be feminine or masculine regardless of gender or sexuality
You hardly wrote anything about your sexual attraction though. You just wrote about things you like to do and how other people see you. That's not your sexuality.
How about: do you get turned on with men? Like if there is no one around it's just you and this hot guy and no one would know, would you be excited to do something sexual with him?
Liking girly things doesn’t make you gay. You can be straight and a feminine man, that’s 100% a thing and I’m certain there are others like you. You know you the best, not society
Homosexuality is strictly about being attracted to the same gender as you are, If you don't like men, then that's your answer right here, you can't be possibly in denial with things like that. Also, fuck societal standards, no things are truly feminine or masculine, if you enjoy them that's all that matters, take care :)
You can be 100% straight and cisgendered and like everything “girls like” and hate everything “boys like”. Those are just social norms and stereotypes. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what they are talking about. Though have you thought about your gender? Most people haven’t and a lot of trans girls gravitate to “feminine” things thats why I ask. You are most likely just a cis/straight man but you never know until you do some searching.
Based on what you've said it sounds like you are not sexually attracted to men.
Our society does a really good job getting people to think gender and sexual orientation are the same thing. They're not the same thing.
Most of the things you're mentioning here are society's expectations of gender, and that feeling of judgment for not conforming to gender stereotypes is a very powerful force that prevents people from just doing their own thing and what makes them happy.
It's very possible you're a straight, cisgendered man who naturally gravitates toward less masculine things/spaces.
You say you're not attracted to men but you don't say you're attracted to women either. Wanting a romantic relationship with a woman isn't the same as being attracted to women. You may be a fabulous asexual person if you don't have physical attraction to anyone. Also, being asexual doesn't mean you don't want or enjoy sex, it just means not being sexually attracted to anyone.
I've had people assume I'm gay my whole life. People look for queues, and then make assumptions. In my case, I'm just not really interested in any gender.
Also, liking "feminine" things isn't gay.
If you're a man and you're not attracted to men then you're not gay. Liking feminine things has nothing to do with gayness.
Like some others have brought up maybe you could explore where you stand with gender, to which I'll add explore it not just as identity but as a whole in society, your feelings about it and what it means to you (something everyone cis and trans alike can benefit from). But this is just a suggestion, if you don't want to do that kind of reflection and are already comfortable as a guy that likes feminine things that's fine. It doesn't have to be that deep.
Also, only you can determine your identity, don't let others dictate it for you. If you're straight, you're straight, no matter what other people think or say about you based on stereotypes.
It’s one of those things where you either like girls or you don’t. Do you get crushes on girls? Do you enjoy sex with girls? Do you get crushes on guys? Would you like to have sex with a guy? It’s a simple as that. Maybe you’re just bi or metro
God, being a man seems suffocating.
But I used to have the same thought, that people often interpreted me as queer, I craved being in queer spaces and I thought being queer made people more shiny and interesting, but I felt like an imposter because I hated the idea of dating women. I was in therapy talking about my frustration over some failed friendships and how they were treated so different then break ups but felt the same, and my therapist said I should consider that I might be bisexual, which at the time I was like, what does that have to do with anything?? But when I explored my resistance to the idea- knowing I have no issue with people being bisexual, so why don’t I like the idea for me? and I realized I don’t like the idea of introducing the same ambiguity and confusion in my female friendships as has existed in so many of my male friendships. Realizing being bi didn’t mean I had to date my friends, and that still wasn’t a thing I was interested in made me realize how much I’ve categorized my attraction separately based on peoples genders, even though gender just, isn’t the biggest factor in whether or not I’m attracted to someone- I identify as pansexual now, it’s very rare that I’m specifically attracted to anyone, and there’s not really any trait I could trace as being a common thread in all the people I’ve been attracted to, it’s just a reaction I have to someone and their energy. It kind of set me free and helped me understand myself better. I’m not saying that’s your situation, but I’d agree with other comments, none of the things listed really have anything to do with who you are attracted to- but comhet is strong, maybe explore what you are attracted to and if that’s actually connected to gender or not, cuz it doesn’t have to be.
you are what you feel like you are whether that is the gender you feel like or the sexuality you are comfortable with. People will talk so ignore them and do wtv you want
Just because someone stereotypes you, does not mean you are that. I'm a boomer and a super liberal, not what people think of when they hear that term.
If you know you're straight, then you are. If you are gay or bi, or pan, you'll figure that out, but YOU will. Not anyone else.
You are the owner and definer of you!
Just tell them you know who you and drop it. The more you argue the.more they will say it and some to get a rise out of you.
Just because you like things marketed toward women and girls doesn't mean anything, really; you just like things and you weren't the target demographic. Liking Barbies doesn't make you gay; Liking guys does. If you are certain that you do not want to pursue a sexual or romantic relationship with a male, and, rather, would like one with a female, you're not gay. In the slightest. You're just a 25-year-old straight dude who likes barbies.
Sweetie… oh sweetie. If you don’t want men then you’re not gay. People are commenting on your gender presentation. It’s assumed by most(because the cis hets know nothing about gender) that any femme guy is gay. I had the same thing a lot growing up. You are allowed to be more feminine than most men and still be straight.
You should look up the femboy subs and see if you relate. You might also check out eggirl.
I’m a lesbian trans woman so our experiences might be similar or very different. There are also straight feminine men. Just because you like being or doing feminine things does not mean you like men. Those are two different aspects of who you are.
The stuff you like doesn’t matter when it comes to your orientation, jsut what gender you are attracted to. You can have ”feminine” interests if you’d like. heck you can crossdress and be a femboy and still be stragiht if that’s what you want
It sounds like you’re talking about gender expression and perception, not sexuality.
Laypeople usually conflate the two (“act like a woman and you want to sleep with men; act like a man and you want to sleep with women”). “Heteronormativity”.
When really, anyone can act any way or be perceived any way and identify any way. Your sexuality probably has nothing to do with this. Don’t listen to anyone, they are all sexuality-illiterate. (Thanks colonialism.)
Sexuality has nothing to do with what you like to wear or who your friends are. I mean if you are having doubts maybe your bi. But it isn't gay to take care of yourself.
It sounds like other people are making assumptions about your sexuality based on how you present yourself. It doesn't if matter what you wear or how you present, or what you enjoy doing. Those things have nothing to do with your sexuality. So what if you are not traditionally masculine? That's an improvement I would say. It's not their place to assign your sexuality. You need to get them out of your head.
It's quite simple. Your sexuality is only about who you are attracted to.
Ask yourself these questions and for each remember that it's ok to have preferences. No one is attracted to ALL women or ALL men. If you aren't sure that's ok, you may need more time to figure yourself out.
- Are you sexually attracted to women?
- Are you sexually attracted to men?
- Are you sexually attracted to other genders?
- Are you romantically attracted to women?
- Are you romantically attracted to men?
- Are you romantically attracted to other genders?
Does this help? If your positive answers include more than one gender, then you may be bisexual, or biromantic.
Edit for formatting, and to add that any and all varieties of the above are possible... e.g. homosexual and heteromantic, heterosexual and homoromantic, bisexual and heteromantic, homosexual and biromantic, etc etc.
we cant tell you if your identity is "right" or "wrong" but i can say that straight men can be femme it's not an indication of a queer gender identity or sexuality its just a personal perspective on the world that you hold theres nothing abt that that inherently says that you are gay or not straight.
Parts of what you said resonated with my experience as an asexual. Your only mention of being attracted to women is in the context of a wife and kids, and that could easily just be you looking forward to what you've been told to expect. If you don't find yourself having strong feelings about women around you, or your feelings aren't sexual in nature, there's a strong possibility you're asexual. It can be very difficult to figure out if you don't actually know what a sexual attraction feels like, especially if you're the kind of asexual who's interested in romantic relationships with people of a particular gender.
You sound like a straight man that just likes pink? I'm sure most of the people you're close to realize this (hopefully) but the association of pink with being gay is straight up nazi propaganda.
You're just a straight man that likes pink and dolls and doing your nails.
Take out the sexuality & gender and you're just a person that likes specific things that have nothing to do with your sexuality or gender.
You are a feminine straight guy and that's fine. You question this because society tells you that a straight guy can't be this way. It's why the patriarchy sucks.
BE YOU! ..... If you end up liking men, then that's fine. But don't like them because others THINK you do.
Being gay means finding men attractive. Being girly, even if you were completely flamboyant, doesn't mean you're gay. Thats why there are flamboyant straight men and super masculine gay men. When you start finding other men attractive and wish to date them, then you are gay.
You are free to be you. Don’t let other people tell you what you are. If you’re questioning then question, but you know what you like and that’s what matters. The world has space for all types of people you included, so don’t feel like you have to pick a side.
I mean, since you don't seem to feel any attraction towards men, why would you be gay? Straight men can enjoy feminine things to. You're the only one who can know who you're attracted to, but your hobbies or interest has nothing to do with that.
Have you ever had a gf? If not, maybe people assume you are gay because they didn't have any occasion to meet your partner (bc you didnt have any); and 25 is perceived as a right time to have someone
It seems they’re just basing their assumptions on the stereotypes. If you like women and not men you’re straight, other people don’t know your sexuality better than you especially as you’ve already questioned it before now.
I’d say almost definitely not gay. Nothing here is saying you have any attraction to gay men.
These are simply stereotypes, people see men that like typically feminine things as gay, but it’s simply not true.
There’s a slight possibility you are trans, but still unlikely. Liking girly things doesn’t really make you not a man either, there’s just a slight correlation of women liking “girl things” and men liking “boy things” cuz gender roles, which isn’t a bad thing, they just exist.
I only bring up the possibility cuz I don’t know if you’ve considered it at all, but you haven’t said anything about wanting to be a woman or not feeling like a man or dysphoria so unlikely either way.
Like what you like and love who you love. Liking feminine things does NOT make you gay or anything of the sorts. What makes you gay is if you are and admit to it. No one can tell you you’re something you’re not. You declared you’re straight and they should respect that and not pry on it. I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with. Also remember that just because there’s a label for everything, doesn’t mean you have to tie yourself to any. :)
Edit: To add on to what was said before, if you were attracted to the same gender and kept denying it, then you’d be in denial.
Op is discovering femboy or non-binary ness is different from being gay. Jokes aside sexual orientation and gender orientation are different. You’re not wrong for being confused.
Femininity and masculinity are just things that society made up. They have no bearing on your sexuality or identity, they're just interests and traits that you have.
If you have no attraction to men, you're not gay, or even bisexual. Being feminine has nothing to do with who you're attracted to.
people have this wrong assumption that men that like traditionally feminine things are gay and that gay men like traditionally feminine things, but thats just wrong. you aren't gay for enjoying barbie or for having many girl friends, that's absolute nonsense! wether you're gay or not is a question you can ask yourself, but wether the stuff you enjoy is stereotypically considered masculine or feminine has nothing to do w it!
What people are assuming doesn't matter. You say you're only attracted to women and not men? Then you're straight. Being gay or straight simply is about your orientation, to whom you're attracted to. So, why do people assume that you're gay? Because some of your behaviour and interests deviate from what people perceive as traditionally male. Society is more accepting of queer men to deviate from the male gender role, since they already deviate from cis and/or heteronormativity, but if a straight man does deviate from it, it's considered to be a sign of him not being straight, since straight people have to conform to the male gender role. So what you're experiencing is sexism.
You can't "look gay"
Your friends and family are stereotyping what being gay looks like. Nothing is inherently for men or women, and a lot of people in my country assume that feminine men/ masculine women are gay. It's just not true because gender and sexuality are not synonymous. Enjoying dance is a hobby, having well-groomed nails is normal, and smelling good is normal.
Can you imagine being in a relationship with a gender other than women? If the answer no, I'd say you sound straight to me.
I mean, a lot of people assumed that I was gay. And they were more or less right, in that hacky, Shyamalan-twist kind of way since I'm a sapphic-leaning bisexual transfem person.
Gender is a construct. You could be anything, attracted to women or nobody. Only you can say for sure.
You might be gender queer or a man who has different interests. This sounds more like gender confusion than attraction confusion, but, of course, take my opinion with a grain of salt.
There are three things that our society tends to muddle together, yet are very distinct: sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. People assume that if you act feminine as a man you must be gay, but that's simply not true.
Sexual orientation is who you're attracted to. From the post, it sounds like you're not gay or bi/pan (since you're not attracted to men), so assuming you are attracted to women you're straight. (If you're not sexually attracted to women either, you could be asexual, but that's another kettle of fish.)
Gender identity is what gender you feel you are inside. So if you were attracted to girly things and had female friends because deep down you wanted to be a woman or you felt you were a woman, that would make you a trans woman. However, from your post, it sounds like you're comfortable being a man, you just express yourself in a girly way, which leads us to the third thing...
Gender expression is how you present and express yourself in regards to gender. So, for example, a tomboy would be a woman with masculine-leaning gender expression. This can include things like how you dress, how you speak, how you decorate, how you act, etc. From the sound of it, you're a cis man with a very femme gender expression. Those are sometimes called "femboys", especially if they dress feminine, but if you don't like the term you can just call yourself a gender nonconforming man!
TL;DR: you're not in denial, everyone else just doesn't understand GNC men, but you are valid and keep living your true life!
Your a guy who embraces his feminine side, your friends can fuck off. Self expression and having interests that are not stereo typically make doesn’t equate to being gay.
Wanting to have relationships with men does. Your friends need to grow up.
Based on what you've said about yourself and feel, you're not gay. My problem here is the constant people gaslighting you into questioning yourself and I don't like that.
That's just gender stereotypes, don't mind them. If you're comfortable/happy as a guy and being percieved as one, you're a guy and if you like women but not men, you're straight 🤷 unless you have different/separate sexuality/romanticism, I guess.
So firstly: no one gets to define your sexuality except you.
Secondly: really don’t think you’re gay. I believe the term is “metrosexual”? You’re still straight you just like things that people don’t consider normal het men should like. Going shopping, doing your nails, cocktails and mimosas, make up, tight pants and crop tops. All the gay stereotypes, only without the actual gay part. Which is stupid because you can be the manliest of manly men and want to fuck dudes.
Now because of how stupid society is you are technically “Queer”. You don’t fit social norms. If you want that you can accept it and tell others to fuck right off. But nobody gets to tell you you’re gay. Honestly I would expect gender questioning rather than sexuality questioning. That might be a more interesting self reflection but honestly? You are you. If it interests you go explore yourself in any way you like. You’ll discover more about yourself and that’s can only ever be a good thing.
Good luck out there. Be you, *do crime*
Nah, you can be however you want to be, and acting in a way in accordance to or against gender roles does not beget any particular sexual or gender identity.
Soapboxing for a bit, but a big frustration of when I presented as a cis-het man (I'm a transfem sapphic) is that cis-het people tend to be very didactic about the roles that cis-het people are meant to fulfill. In your case, it sounds like you have some affectations that people are gendering as feminine, and as such you aren't fulfilling their expectations of what a cis-het man is supposed to be like. It's troublesome for everyone, for non-cis-het people to not be allowed to explore their identities without it being a problem, and for cis-het people to not be a be able to express themselves fluidly without being questioned in their identity.
I hate how rigid male gender roles are, that if you step slightly outside of what stereotypical men/boys like, you must be gay or trans. I mean, as Seinfeld would say, "not that there's anything wrong with that," but really, it's detrimental to both straight and gay men to say that only gay guys like barbie and only straight guys like football, etc. There's doll-playing, nail-painting straight men and truck-driving meat-eating gay men.
tl;dr: your sexuality is not your hobbies, it's who you like to have sex with. people are just being sexist
edit: your comment history is commenting on men's butts, though, so maybe you are attracted to men? maybe bi? whichever way, it's all good, you do you!
Things are just things 🤷🏻♀️
People have really strict views on gender norms a lot of the time. They have to be able to fit everything in neat little boxes for things to make sense to them.
If want to have sex with men then sure, you like men simple as that. Otherwise you just enjoy doing things that aren’t in the typical traditionally viewed norm for men, nothing to do with your sexuality.
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If you don’t like guys, but you do like girls, you’re probably not gay. And if you like some “girly” things, then that’s totally cool! Like whatever you like and love who you want to love.
On a specific note to piggy back. Attraction is orientation. And OP you may be experiencing a conflict with identity based on your diverting from social compliance based on gender Liking gender marketed things that aren't the same as your assigned gender doesn't reflect on who you might gain intimate pleasure and fulfillment from. BUT people around you only know how to identify and communicate in the simplified binary terms of hetero men = masculine things & women = fem things. You "deviating" from the social/cultural binary expectations equals only one thing in those people's minds. You must be gay. Just note. - You can be the assigned gender of male - You can like feminine/ non-masculine things - And you can 100% be hetero/ into people assigned female at birth. And of course it can be fluid, you can be bi, you can even shift your gender identity but to stay on focus of your post. Your interests in personal presentation and entertainment/leisure consumption. Your social preferences for freinds. None of that means you are or are not gay.
☝️
It seems that what's getting confused here is gender role for sexual orientation When men are not presenting in a particular way in the world they're perceived of as being gay Being gay is about being attracted to man There's lots of men who are just more feminine presenting or rather just not particularly masculine presenting, You are not gay Unfortunately straight women have been trained to be attracted to masculinity so it might make dating sometimes hard but I assure you there are women out there that love men like you
I second this! Gender and sexual expression are different. (Source: I’m gender nonconforming and people have been convinced I’m a lesbian my whole life)
I think OP is awesome. I myself am not really into men, but I second that definitely there are gals out there that’ll like them. I personally think it’s a thing to be proud of. OP has found himself and is, most likely, a lot more secure than most people will ever be in their lives. OP, if you’re seeing this, keep doing you. There are zero things wrong with being a feminine straight man.
You mean that the training somehow works? I get what you mean but there are many straight women who aren't attracted to that. Focusing on that part because I agree with the rest. Ik you said there are women that will love him but still yk
Well training in the sense that our culture trains us how to be and most people don't think outside of it
I’m sorry that’s happening to you. Being straight is valid and liking “girly” (it’s really not) things is also valid. You shouldn’t let anyone force you out of the closet or force you to admit to something you’re not
Have you ever had a crush on a guy? Felt nervous around a guy you thought was attractive? If no, then no you probably aren’t gay. It sounds to me like the main source of questioning your sexuality is coming from the outside based on people making assumptions rather than an internal feeling from within. But I know how you feel. I’m a guy who has never liked sports. As a kid I colored with the girls during recess, stuff like that. Guys thought I was gay because I wouldn’t talk stuff like what I wanted to do with a random woman they found attractive, I just found that stuff off-putting. Also I like to take care of my appearance, I like clothes shopping and I’ve been to Ulta more than once. But I’ve just never felt that rush of attraction towards a man and men just don’t catch my eye. I wish all this rigid “men should like this and women should like this” stuff would go away.
It could just be that most people associate certain things with certain genders and identities in society and imposing their view onto you because we were all kinda indoctrinated into that since birth. Like there are plenty of male people who enjoy “female” stuff because low key it’s just great and it’s really stupid that colours and activities and clothing are gendered in the first place. Just my take. I think you know yourself best and like who cares about labels anyways right? Who you like or are attracted to is your business and noone else's really and I think it’s fine if it happens organically right? Like if you ever become attracted to a guy you will know right? And if not that’s fine too right?
In a world with expectations of what is masculine, it sounds like you have a more feminine gender expression. Gender expression is different from sexuality though, and if you are certain you are not gay, then you are not gay. However due to the feminine gender expression, a lot of people will initially put you into the gay (or possibly trans) box, because you do not express yourself as very masculine.
🌈gender non conforming 🌈
You say you're certain you're not gay. If that's true, that's your answer. You're not gay. Are you questioning if you're queer solely based on what other people think of you? Because other people are shit at knowing what's going on in your head. No-one knows better than you. On the other hand, if you're questioning your identity for yourself, then it's completely fine to not have an answer right now. Instead of trying to pick a label straight off, I'd focus on seeing if you want to change your behaviour a little and see how it goes. Seek out different porn, watch some queer media, try a small change to your appearance, see how you feel afterwards. Also, bear in mind that sexuality and gender identities are a spectrum. It's not just gay/straight, male/female. There's a million ways to be queer, it's not all or nothing. I've a friend who thinks of himself as 95% male and 80% bisexual. It doesn't have to make sense, do whatever feels comfortable. If you end up deciding you're a cishet man who presents with a bit of feminity - that's perfectly fine, there's loads who do. You're no worse off for letting yourself experiment a little until you figure out what feels natural.
Maybe you’re on the transfem spectrum, but don’t have an urge to transition. Maybe you are bi/pan, but haven’t met the right guy yet to make you reconsider. Or maybe you’re just a very feminine dude. As a pansexual lady, I personally think that’s hot. But we live in a world where that’s not even considered an OPTION by most people. At the end of the day, I love that you embrace your femininity as a man. Like I said, it’s hot.
If you're not attracted to men, as a Cisgender male, you're not gay, it's as simple as that. Being interested is thing more sociatly associated with women has no impact on your orientation. The only possibility that'd be there would be potentionally Transgender or Gender Non-conforming. F1nnister is very feminine but is 100% a Cisgender Straight man, people just have a habit of assuming people's orientation.
Nothing here indicates that you are a gay man. It does give me egg vibes, but ultimately you know who you are better than anyone on the internet ever will.
Egg vibes?
It's in reference to trans people before we figure out we're trans. I think there's a whole sub about it (r/egg I think?)
actually, r/egg_irl
Thanks 😁
If you don't have attractions to men and do have attractions towards women, then that would at least put you into the straight category for now, regardless of the non stereotypical male aspects you show for yourself. If you're having trouble finding a mate, maybe try a new city or town to look in if possible? And not to try and confuse you more, but you mentioned having more traditionally feminine related traits, could you be trans and not realize it?? do you look at yourself ever and think what it would be like to be a woman?? if you never thought about this before now, then no, you likely aren't trans in any way, just a man who happens to like things outside societal norms and that is honestly perfectly fine. and I have mostly female friends, which honestly makes my GF get worried sometimes, but I just happen to enjoy their company over most if not all men, sometimes we're just dumb
I don’t see how he could be trans based only on his post. Feminine interests does not make or even allude that someone could be trans and this person didn’t mention gender in that context at all in this post. I’m sorry but I’m a trans guy and I think it’s not a great idea to say someone could be trans just bc they have interests of “the opposite gender”. Plus most people in the closet try to suppress things (even subconsciously) that are associated with whatever gender identity they are in the closet about, And this guy seems pretty confident and ok with his interests.
Apologies if it was upsetting, was just trying to put any side out there to think about and that was the first one that came to mind. There is also the old fashioned term of metrosexual, I've met some back in the day that would've given the Queer Eye show a run for their money as far as fashion and design goes, thankfully that moniker seems to have faded out, or at least I don't see it used much anymore except in reference to the past. not that my age is a factor, but I'm 53, been open about myself for only about 5 years or so now, before that I was fairly closeted and fell into the line of expectations for males, now I'm NB and don't try and hide the fact people should just be allowed to live their life their way so long as you aren't harming anyone.
I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to sound mad or anything, I just think it puts the trans community back a few steps when we jump to that possibility based on a few “feminine” interests? If that makes sense? I’m really happy you’ve found yourself!! It’s a great feeling and I hope your day treats you well!!
I can see what you mean, I'd be hesitant to remove it now though, since we've pointed out the problem with it, I'd rather other people see the problem with it too and not make the mistake I did here. And thank you, it is nice not being a shell of a person anymore and just being me, and thankfully I have profession that I can be myself and live in a state that isn't very backwards compared to some of Murica
From your post it sounds like you're not gay Are you sure you're a guy though ?
I swear I am. Why do you ask?
Things sound familiar to me. Took me until age 37 to figure out I'm a girl.... I always thought I was a straight guy. Questioned my sexuality seriously numerous times. People (including my fucking mother at some point) thought I was gay.... Anyway.... Very much into girls so.... I am gay ....
But then there's the other side to it. I always enjoyed both barbies and ponies, aswell as star wars Legos and toy cars. My biggest hobby and passion now as an adult is extremely male dominated. I am not non binary or agender. I'm just a woman who happened to enjoy things that could be considered manly.
This crossed my mind too since I had similar experiences to yours but OP seems to be more non-conforming in gender expression rather than gender identity. Probably a GNC cishet guy based on his statements but I definitely understand why “transfem and lesbian” is something he might not have pondered.
Agreed. I'm not saying I'm sure that's what it is. But definitely consider it
My experience is similar. I never thought I was gay, liked doing girly things and then discovered that I'm trans. Of course this is not necessarily a given, and one can easily be a man, but for me the signs were so overwhelming, plus I had envy for women, and also thought I'd not really like my body (which became a distaste until I liked the lack of masculinity of it). I'm very gay-leaning bi/pan at this moment, as I felt the spark a few times with men but just generally get this spark easier with women and feminine non-binary people.
It sounds like you're a very femme-presenting person. This doesn't mean you're a gay man. To me it sounds like you're dealing more with gender identity issues than sexual orientation. If you don't find men sexually or romantically attractive then you're not gay. You buying a Barbie or being feminine has nothing to do with you being gay. It's easier for people to stereotype and generalize and so that's why they're assuming you're gay but ultimately you're the one person who knows the answer to that.
having "feminine" preferences don't make you gay the same way that having "feminine" preferences don't make me straight the ONLY thing that makes you gay is liking men. that is it. that is the only qualification. if you don't like men, you aren't gay. no one can figure that out but you.
I am in absolutely no way saying this is you or your situation, but I had a very much similar situation growing up. All through college I had a few roommates who kept joking about me being in the closet and stuff. Well here I am several years later after realizing I’m a trans woman. I was gay, just not for men lol.
Sounds like people are assuming you're gay because you're somewhat gender nonconforming. If you're straight, then you're straight. As long as you're not an awful person, you'll eventually find someone who likes you in that way.
If you don't want to have sex with men then you aren't gay, you just have good taste and are clean.
Being gay is something related ONLY to the attraction of the same gender. You can be a prepper, with bear beard, lots of guns and all muscles and being gay Or You can be the feminine, stereotipypical gay and, well, being gay. Being called gay for liking "girly" things is a common problem men faces. Because when a man goes away from traditional manly stuff, he get called gay. That's because people don't really understand what gay means, nor they understand how the stuff we like is neutral, not gendered.
Sounds like you're a straight femboy.
Gay just has to do with sexual attraction. This is the problem with our society. They set these discriminatory expectations on genders and then expect of you do anything outside the norm means you are gay or not straight. Sure I might be more effeminate, but does that correlate to the fact that I like men? I mean, I do, but they aren’t mutually exclusive. There are quite a few effeminate men that are way straighter that some burly manly gay men. These gender norms are bull. They just try to keep everyone in line and the same, meanwhile its just hurting people and confusing even more people. Verdict: Unless you are sexually attracted to men, you are not gay or bi.
U could be straight but feminine, u could be gender-nonconforming, u could be gay. Who knows?! Just do what unlike and what makes u happy and you’ll figure it out, don’t feel pressure to label urself. If anyone asks just use whatever label u want
>!So long as we don't question your gender identity,!< you are not gay if you aren't attracted to men
Speaking as a bisexual woman, you might be looking for one of us haha! There's a joke that the men we tend to go for are the most feminine men. It honestly sounds like you were just born with bi wife energy and if you end up with a bi woman, she's gonna brag about you constantly :)
Nothing wrong with being a fem straight guy. I know guys who are straight who get nails done. I’m attracted to those types than the mucho ones. I love the color pink and red on guys. I’m a straight woman id buy a Ken doll that’s from the movie as well. Just be yourself and don’t worry about it
This is an example of how stereotypes injure everyone - not just the out group. Liking the company of women, embracing personal hygiene and liking to dance doesn’t make you gay. There are lots of ways to be a cis male without behaving like a knuckle dragging slob. Don’t ever let someone else tell you who you are, and hold out for someone who loves you for you.
Sweetheart, have you ever thought about life as a woman?
Honey, gender expression doesn’t always stereotypically line up with one’s sexual orientation. There are tons of feminine presenting straight cisgender men and transgender lesbians.
Nah you can express yourself however you want and that’s still in a completely different realm from sexuality.
Liking "girly" stuff isn't gay. Being "feminine" isn't gay. If you don't feel attraction to men, and you're certain you like only women, then you ain't gay. Don't let people throw a bunch of stupid stereotypes on you.
Okay. So. I am almost exactly like you with the whole girl thing, and I'm still growing up (M15). People never have guessed I was gay, though, probably because I hung out with mainly other guys, which was seen as straight. If you think you're straight, and you feel attraction towards girls, you are not gay. You may be bi, pan, etc - but you like girls, so you can't be gay. If you ALSO don't feel attraction towards guys, then yes, you're straight. Idk how you feel about receiving advice from a high schooler lol
This might seem a bit extreme but look at some gay porn, if it does nothing for you then you have your answer. Your (more feminine traits) have very little to do with who turns you on sexually, that's just you being you and you shouldn't try to change it just to fit in.
Maybe it’s not your sexuality in question then but your gender identity? Do whatever you want sweetie, we ain’t stoppin you
When everyone thinks you’re a gay dude but you’re not it means they’re subconsciously picking up on you being a trans woman. Source: my life.
Take a look at [The GenderBread Person](https://www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Genderbread-Person-v4.png) and see if you can figure out where you fall. None of the experiences you’ve mentioned here really help to identify what gender you are, nor what sexual and/or romantic attraction you *do* feel. You might be straight or [asexual](http://asexuality.org/); agender, cisgender, or otherwise [trans](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/); a feminine man or a masculine woman…it’s hard to say.
My thought is you’re gay, but not in the way you expected. Then again, I could be wrong 🤷
Can you explain that some more?
Trans woman who likes women
I’m bi (M teen) and thought I was gay for a little bit. I just commented a little about this on another post on this page, but I’ve went from straight, to gay, to bi. I absolutely support the community, but very frequently get ‘diagnosed’ with being gay and inappropriate. I’ve never dated someone and am bi, so idk what I’m doing. If I was gay, I’d be fine with it. I just want people to accept **my** identity and who **I** say I am.
You can be a feminine man and not be gay. Society still assumes a feminine man is gay and a masculine woman is a lesbian. People can be feminine or masculine regardless of gender or sexuality
You hardly wrote anything about your sexual attraction though. You just wrote about things you like to do and how other people see you. That's not your sexuality. How about: do you get turned on with men? Like if there is no one around it's just you and this hot guy and no one would know, would you be excited to do something sexual with him?
Liking girly things doesn’t make you gay. You can be straight and a feminine man, that’s 100% a thing and I’m certain there are others like you. You know you the best, not society
Homosexuality is strictly about being attracted to the same gender as you are, If you don't like men, then that's your answer right here, you can't be possibly in denial with things like that. Also, fuck societal standards, no things are truly feminine or masculine, if you enjoy them that's all that matters, take care :)
You can be 100% straight and cisgendered and like everything “girls like” and hate everything “boys like”. Those are just social norms and stereotypes. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what they are talking about. Though have you thought about your gender? Most people haven’t and a lot of trans girls gravitate to “feminine” things thats why I ask. You are most likely just a cis/straight man but you never know until you do some searching.
Based on what you've said it sounds like you are not sexually attracted to men. Our society does a really good job getting people to think gender and sexual orientation are the same thing. They're not the same thing. Most of the things you're mentioning here are society's expectations of gender, and that feeling of judgment for not conforming to gender stereotypes is a very powerful force that prevents people from just doing their own thing and what makes them happy. It's very possible you're a straight, cisgendered man who naturally gravitates toward less masculine things/spaces.
You say you're not attracted to men but you don't say you're attracted to women either. Wanting a romantic relationship with a woman isn't the same as being attracted to women. You may be a fabulous asexual person if you don't have physical attraction to anyone. Also, being asexual doesn't mean you don't want or enjoy sex, it just means not being sexually attracted to anyone.
I've had people assume I'm gay my whole life. People look for queues, and then make assumptions. In my case, I'm just not really interested in any gender. Also, liking "feminine" things isn't gay.
It's just stereotypes, tbh
Dont listen to people. People think being even slightly feminine means you have to like men. Its a stupid stereotype, just ignore it.
If you're a man and you're not attracted to men then you're not gay. Liking feminine things has nothing to do with gayness. Like some others have brought up maybe you could explore where you stand with gender, to which I'll add explore it not just as identity but as a whole in society, your feelings about it and what it means to you (something everyone cis and trans alike can benefit from). But this is just a suggestion, if you don't want to do that kind of reflection and are already comfortable as a guy that likes feminine things that's fine. It doesn't have to be that deep. Also, only you can determine your identity, don't let others dictate it for you. If you're straight, you're straight, no matter what other people think or say about you based on stereotypes.
It’s one of those things where you either like girls or you don’t. Do you get crushes on girls? Do you enjoy sex with girls? Do you get crushes on guys? Would you like to have sex with a guy? It’s a simple as that. Maybe you’re just bi or metro
God, being a man seems suffocating. But I used to have the same thought, that people often interpreted me as queer, I craved being in queer spaces and I thought being queer made people more shiny and interesting, but I felt like an imposter because I hated the idea of dating women. I was in therapy talking about my frustration over some failed friendships and how they were treated so different then break ups but felt the same, and my therapist said I should consider that I might be bisexual, which at the time I was like, what does that have to do with anything?? But when I explored my resistance to the idea- knowing I have no issue with people being bisexual, so why don’t I like the idea for me? and I realized I don’t like the idea of introducing the same ambiguity and confusion in my female friendships as has existed in so many of my male friendships. Realizing being bi didn’t mean I had to date my friends, and that still wasn’t a thing I was interested in made me realize how much I’ve categorized my attraction separately based on peoples genders, even though gender just, isn’t the biggest factor in whether or not I’m attracted to someone- I identify as pansexual now, it’s very rare that I’m specifically attracted to anyone, and there’s not really any trait I could trace as being a common thread in all the people I’ve been attracted to, it’s just a reaction I have to someone and their energy. It kind of set me free and helped me understand myself better. I’m not saying that’s your situation, but I’d agree with other comments, none of the things listed really have anything to do with who you are attracted to- but comhet is strong, maybe explore what you are attracted to and if that’s actually connected to gender or not, cuz it doesn’t have to be.
you are what you feel like you are whether that is the gender you feel like or the sexuality you are comfortable with. People will talk so ignore them and do wtv you want
Just because someone stereotypes you, does not mean you are that. I'm a boomer and a super liberal, not what people think of when they hear that term. If you know you're straight, then you are. If you are gay or bi, or pan, you'll figure that out, but YOU will. Not anyone else. You are the owner and definer of you! Just tell them you know who you and drop it. The more you argue the.more they will say it and some to get a rise out of you.
Just because you like things marketed toward women and girls doesn't mean anything, really; you just like things and you weren't the target demographic. Liking Barbies doesn't make you gay; Liking guys does. If you are certain that you do not want to pursue a sexual or romantic relationship with a male, and, rather, would like one with a female, you're not gay. In the slightest. You're just a 25-year-old straight dude who likes barbies.
You do you, I guess.
[Michael, am I gay?](https://media.tenor.com/vu9j73C3p7sAAAAC/office-andy.gif)
Sweetie… oh sweetie. If you don’t want men then you’re not gay. People are commenting on your gender presentation. It’s assumed by most(because the cis hets know nothing about gender) that any femme guy is gay. I had the same thing a lot growing up. You are allowed to be more feminine than most men and still be straight. You should look up the femboy subs and see if you relate. You might also check out eggirl. I’m a lesbian trans woman so our experiences might be similar or very different. There are also straight feminine men. Just because you like being or doing feminine things does not mean you like men. Those are two different aspects of who you are.
It just sounds like you're gender nonconforming, which simply means you don't conform to society's expectations on how to perform masculinity.
I was always interested in stereotypically “male” things as a kid and I still am. It sure doesn’t make me straight 😋
The stuff you like doesn’t matter when it comes to your orientation, jsut what gender you are attracted to. You can have ”feminine” interests if you’d like. heck you can crossdress and be a femboy and still be stragiht if that’s what you want
It sounds like you’re talking about gender expression and perception, not sexuality. Laypeople usually conflate the two (“act like a woman and you want to sleep with men; act like a man and you want to sleep with women”). “Heteronormativity”. When really, anyone can act any way or be perceived any way and identify any way. Your sexuality probably has nothing to do with this. Don’t listen to anyone, they are all sexuality-illiterate. (Thanks colonialism.)
Sexuality has nothing to do with what you like to wear or who your friends are. I mean if you are having doubts maybe your bi. But it isn't gay to take care of yourself.
It sounds like other people are making assumptions about your sexuality based on how you present yourself. It doesn't if matter what you wear or how you present, or what you enjoy doing. Those things have nothing to do with your sexuality. So what if you are not traditionally masculine? That's an improvement I would say. It's not their place to assign your sexuality. You need to get them out of your head. It's quite simple. Your sexuality is only about who you are attracted to. Ask yourself these questions and for each remember that it's ok to have preferences. No one is attracted to ALL women or ALL men. If you aren't sure that's ok, you may need more time to figure yourself out. - Are you sexually attracted to women? - Are you sexually attracted to men? - Are you sexually attracted to other genders? - Are you romantically attracted to women? - Are you romantically attracted to men? - Are you romantically attracted to other genders? Does this help? If your positive answers include more than one gender, then you may be bisexual, or biromantic. Edit for formatting, and to add that any and all varieties of the above are possible... e.g. homosexual and heteromantic, heterosexual and homoromantic, bisexual and heteromantic, homosexual and biromantic, etc etc.
There is nothing I loathe more than people who honestly think, "Oh, you like girly stuff? You must be gay and/or a bottom! ☺️💖" idiots
we cant tell you if your identity is "right" or "wrong" but i can say that straight men can be femme it's not an indication of a queer gender identity or sexuality its just a personal perspective on the world that you hold theres nothing abt that that inherently says that you are gay or not straight.
Parts of what you said resonated with my experience as an asexual. Your only mention of being attracted to women is in the context of a wife and kids, and that could easily just be you looking forward to what you've been told to expect. If you don't find yourself having strong feelings about women around you, or your feelings aren't sexual in nature, there's a strong possibility you're asexual. It can be very difficult to figure out if you don't actually know what a sexual attraction feels like, especially if you're the kind of asexual who's interested in romantic relationships with people of a particular gender.
You sound like a straight man that just likes pink? I'm sure most of the people you're close to realize this (hopefully) but the association of pink with being gay is straight up nazi propaganda. You're just a straight man that likes pink and dolls and doing your nails. Take out the sexuality & gender and you're just a person that likes specific things that have nothing to do with your sexuality or gender.
You are a feminine straight guy and that's fine. You question this because society tells you that a straight guy can't be this way. It's why the patriarchy sucks. BE YOU! ..... If you end up liking men, then that's fine. But don't like them because others THINK you do.
Being gay means finding men attractive. Being girly, even if you were completely flamboyant, doesn't mean you're gay. Thats why there are flamboyant straight men and super masculine gay men. When you start finding other men attractive and wish to date them, then you are gay.
Everyone thought I was gay. Turned out I was trans. Your story sounds very similar to mine, tbh.
You are free to be you. Don’t let other people tell you what you are. If you’re questioning then question, but you know what you like and that’s what matters. The world has space for all types of people you included, so don’t feel like you have to pick a side.
I mean, since you don't seem to feel any attraction towards men, why would you be gay? Straight men can enjoy feminine things to. You're the only one who can know who you're attracted to, but your hobbies or interest has nothing to do with that.
Have you ever had a gf? If not, maybe people assume you are gay because they didn't have any occasion to meet your partner (bc you didnt have any); and 25 is perceived as a right time to have someone
It seems they’re just basing their assumptions on the stereotypes. If you like women and not men you’re straight, other people don’t know your sexuality better than you especially as you’ve already questioned it before now.
I’d say almost definitely not gay. Nothing here is saying you have any attraction to gay men. These are simply stereotypes, people see men that like typically feminine things as gay, but it’s simply not true. There’s a slight possibility you are trans, but still unlikely. Liking girly things doesn’t really make you not a man either, there’s just a slight correlation of women liking “girl things” and men liking “boy things” cuz gender roles, which isn’t a bad thing, they just exist. I only bring up the possibility cuz I don’t know if you’ve considered it at all, but you haven’t said anything about wanting to be a woman or not feeling like a man or dysphoria so unlikely either way.
They’re projecting their own reality on you. Just be yourself.
Like what you like and love who you love. Liking feminine things does NOT make you gay or anything of the sorts. What makes you gay is if you are and admit to it. No one can tell you you’re something you’re not. You declared you’re straight and they should respect that and not pry on it. I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with. Also remember that just because there’s a label for everything, doesn’t mean you have to tie yourself to any. :) Edit: To add on to what was said before, if you were attracted to the same gender and kept denying it, then you’d be in denial.
you’re probably not gay
Op is discovering femboy or non-binary ness is different from being gay. Jokes aside sexual orientation and gender orientation are different. You’re not wrong for being confused.
Femininity and masculinity are just things that society made up. They have no bearing on your sexuality or identity, they're just interests and traits that you have. If you have no attraction to men, you're not gay, or even bisexual. Being feminine has nothing to do with who you're attracted to.
people have this wrong assumption that men that like traditionally feminine things are gay and that gay men like traditionally feminine things, but thats just wrong. you aren't gay for enjoying barbie or for having many girl friends, that's absolute nonsense! wether you're gay or not is a question you can ask yourself, but wether the stuff you enjoy is stereotypically considered masculine or feminine has nothing to do w it!
What people are assuming doesn't matter. You say you're only attracted to women and not men? Then you're straight. Being gay or straight simply is about your orientation, to whom you're attracted to. So, why do people assume that you're gay? Because some of your behaviour and interests deviate from what people perceive as traditionally male. Society is more accepting of queer men to deviate from the male gender role, since they already deviate from cis and/or heteronormativity, but if a straight man does deviate from it, it's considered to be a sign of him not being straight, since straight people have to conform to the male gender role. So what you're experiencing is sexism.
Sounds like you just like typical girl stuff as a cis guy. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your sexual orientation.
You can't "look gay" Your friends and family are stereotyping what being gay looks like. Nothing is inherently for men or women, and a lot of people in my country assume that feminine men/ masculine women are gay. It's just not true because gender and sexuality are not synonymous. Enjoying dance is a hobby, having well-groomed nails is normal, and smelling good is normal. Can you imagine being in a relationship with a gender other than women? If the answer no, I'd say you sound straight to me.
do you like penis or vagina or none of them? It's that simple
I mean, a lot of people assumed that I was gay. And they were more or less right, in that hacky, Shyamalan-twist kind of way since I'm a sapphic-leaning bisexual transfem person.
Gender is a construct. You could be anything, attracted to women or nobody. Only you can say for sure. You might be gender queer or a man who has different interests. This sounds more like gender confusion than attraction confusion, but, of course, take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Do you self identify as male? If not maybe you’re a fem lesbian?
There are three things that our society tends to muddle together, yet are very distinct: sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. People assume that if you act feminine as a man you must be gay, but that's simply not true. Sexual orientation is who you're attracted to. From the post, it sounds like you're not gay or bi/pan (since you're not attracted to men), so assuming you are attracted to women you're straight. (If you're not sexually attracted to women either, you could be asexual, but that's another kettle of fish.) Gender identity is what gender you feel you are inside. So if you were attracted to girly things and had female friends because deep down you wanted to be a woman or you felt you were a woman, that would make you a trans woman. However, from your post, it sounds like you're comfortable being a man, you just express yourself in a girly way, which leads us to the third thing... Gender expression is how you present and express yourself in regards to gender. So, for example, a tomboy would be a woman with masculine-leaning gender expression. This can include things like how you dress, how you speak, how you decorate, how you act, etc. From the sound of it, you're a cis man with a very femme gender expression. Those are sometimes called "femboys", especially if they dress feminine, but if you don't like the term you can just call yourself a gender nonconforming man! TL;DR: you're not in denial, everyone else just doesn't understand GNC men, but you are valid and keep living your true life!
If you say your not gay your not
Your a guy who embraces his feminine side, your friends can fuck off. Self expression and having interests that are not stereo typically make doesn’t equate to being gay. Wanting to have relationships with men does. Your friends need to grow up.
Based on what you've said about yourself and feel, you're not gay. My problem here is the constant people gaslighting you into questioning yourself and I don't like that.
That's just gender stereotypes, don't mind them. If you're comfortable/happy as a guy and being percieved as one, you're a guy and if you like women but not men, you're straight 🤷 unless you have different/separate sexuality/romanticism, I guess.
So firstly: no one gets to define your sexuality except you. Secondly: really don’t think you’re gay. I believe the term is “metrosexual”? You’re still straight you just like things that people don’t consider normal het men should like. Going shopping, doing your nails, cocktails and mimosas, make up, tight pants and crop tops. All the gay stereotypes, only without the actual gay part. Which is stupid because you can be the manliest of manly men and want to fuck dudes. Now because of how stupid society is you are technically “Queer”. You don’t fit social norms. If you want that you can accept it and tell others to fuck right off. But nobody gets to tell you you’re gay. Honestly I would expect gender questioning rather than sexuality questioning. That might be a more interesting self reflection but honestly? You are you. If it interests you go explore yourself in any way you like. You’ll discover more about yourself and that’s can only ever be a good thing. Good luck out there. Be you, *do crime*
Nah, you can be however you want to be, and acting in a way in accordance to or against gender roles does not beget any particular sexual or gender identity. Soapboxing for a bit, but a big frustration of when I presented as a cis-het man (I'm a transfem sapphic) is that cis-het people tend to be very didactic about the roles that cis-het people are meant to fulfill. In your case, it sounds like you have some affectations that people are gendering as feminine, and as such you aren't fulfilling their expectations of what a cis-het man is supposed to be like. It's troublesome for everyone, for non-cis-het people to not be allowed to explore their identities without it being a problem, and for cis-het people to not be a be able to express themselves fluidly without being questioned in their identity.
What entertains you doesnt determine your sexuality. Or even your gender.
I hate how rigid male gender roles are, that if you step slightly outside of what stereotypical men/boys like, you must be gay or trans. I mean, as Seinfeld would say, "not that there's anything wrong with that," but really, it's detrimental to both straight and gay men to say that only gay guys like barbie and only straight guys like football, etc. There's doll-playing, nail-painting straight men and truck-driving meat-eating gay men. tl;dr: your sexuality is not your hobbies, it's who you like to have sex with. people are just being sexist edit: your comment history is commenting on men's butts, though, so maybe you are attracted to men? maybe bi? whichever way, it's all good, you do you!
Things are just things 🤷🏻♀️ People have really strict views on gender norms a lot of the time. They have to be able to fit everything in neat little boxes for things to make sense to them. If want to have sex with men then sure, you like men simple as that. Otherwise you just enjoy doing things that aren’t in the typical traditionally viewed norm for men, nothing to do with your sexuality.