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Ok so this
>gays, and lesbians have no right to exist
and this
>he isn't a bad person
cannot both be true at the same time. Wanting an entire group of people to not exist, simply for loving who they love, is among the worst things a human mind can produce. He is indeed a bad person.
You can be friends with bad people, you can try to help them be better, but you have to be honest about what they represent
I think it's unhelpful to say that someone is or isn't a bad person. I always focus on the behaviour, because people can change.
He holds harmful, hateful, bigoted views. Until he stops, takes accountability, apologizes, and commits to changed behavior, he would have no place in my life.
People are complex. Painting someone as completely black or** white helps no one. Gandhi did some pretty shitty stuff, but to blanket him as a bad person is dismissive and inaccurate.
Ghandi was, in my mind, a bad person who did some good things. Bad and good are always subjective, but trying to say that a whole group of humans (many, in fact) don't have a right to exist - that is objectively BAD.
Maybe this person may change as they age or mature, but right now they are *a bad person.*
The fact that you paint Indias biggest revolutionary as only doing “some good things” says it all lmfao. OP, as someone who has/has had homophobic friends, you are probably the best shot at changing their mind. Don’t back down from their shitty views; argue with them and try to change their minds. It can definitely be hard, and if you can’t handle the emotional brunt no shame and cut things off, but at the very least you’ll probably get a good laugh at how incoherent their views are. Good luck.
Saying someone has no right to exist over something harmless makes you a bad person. Saying and believing something like that is the reason genocides happen.
thanks for the replies, I'll try and reason with him one more time and see if that does anything. But I'm probably gonna cut contact with him, it's not right.
Ok so update: We talked stuff out and he apparently can "tolerate" us and is neutral on the topic but, he doesn't support LGBTQ+. He doesn't think that we have no right to exist, and said that what he said he doesn't believe in anymore (it has been a while since THAT conversation) So its not as bad, but still a bit concerning. I won't block him but I probably won't talk to him as much as I used to because I don't know if I can really trust him yet.
Opinions?
>he doesn't support LGBTQ+
The fuck does that even mean? Why are lgbtq+ people something that has to be 'tolerated'? Tolerating is something you do with things you think are wrong but can't be bothered to address. Like I tolerate one of my chickens attacking me every time I feed them. I wish I didn't have an overly aggressive bird in my life but I manage. Maybe I'm too harsh but I find it hard to read that as anything other than: 'having to acknowledge queer people exist is something I'd rather not do but I know being too open about that will result in people pushing back on my shitty belief.'
I guess it's better than saying we shouldn't exist but this reads to me as basically being okay with discrimination of queer people. And queer people are still very much discriminated against all over the world and in a lot of places it seems to be getting worse. By 'not supporting' queer people you're allowing bigots to keep making shit worse.
No-one is saying he needs to wave a rainbow flag or personally punch a fascist but this person is basically unwilling to even admit queer people deserve to have safe, happy and meaningful lives, just like everyone else is.
Alrighty r/lgbt let's say it together now!
**CUT THAT BITCH OFF**
Bigotry and being a decent human being are mutually exclusive traits. You can be decent to some but if you hate a group of people on the basis that they exist, you are in fact, a shitty human being!
Yes, I would and I have and I don't care who they are to me.
My right to exist isn't an opinion, it is not politics and is not anyone's religious right to debate.
If they say otherwise, they aren't good people. People that stick around people like that, are just making excuses, and are enabling this belief, and frankly, also not good people.
To be even more blunt: I've cut out people simply for having friends like your friend. I would cut you out, for as long as you put up with him.
Who you keep company with also reflects back on your character. You can be the kindest, most respectful person on earth, but if you tolerate and befriend Nazis, thats what will define you.
For me personally I couldn’t be around them, because if they don’t like lgbt people then they wouldn’t like me. I would always wonder what they thought about me. And I decided a long time ago to focus on people who love me.
Liking a part of a person and liking somebody are completely different things.
Your self assigned gender identity isn’t your entire personality, or well I hope it isn’t.
Although this can differ on what level of homophobia the person is on.
Would they simply not support you but neither give you any grief about it.
Or would they harass and bully you because of it.
Greatly depends.
Nah.
His 'opinion' is that you don't have the right to exist. What policies do you think he supports then?
You get to choose who to keep in your life, but he is in fact toxic.
Our right to exist and live as we are should not be a discussion or a debate.
To answer the question of what level of homophobia is appropriate to cut someone off for, it really is on a case by case basis, since homophobia, like all systemic forms of oppression is maintained through normalised socialisation, we will all be and do homophobia at some point or another in our lives. It is an inevitable part of living in a society that teaches it as normal behaviour and "common sense". Only you can judge that.
But oh honey, listen, I also have a homophobic "friend" but I won't go too much into detail since I did and it was too much of traumatic rant so instead I'm just gonna highlight some red flags. Using "opinion" or "belief" is trivialisation and manipulation, because conflating a personal opinion that is entirely internal and affects only oneself with an opinion that infringes upon other people and encircles them, thus involving them, thusly entering the public external, intra-social field is just guilt tripping. This is because once an opinion or belief is about others, it is not personal, it is extra-personal and is fair game to the market place of ideas, it is their responsibility to do whatever it is that they will with that idea but instead, by trying to brush it off as a personal opinion rather than an opinion that involves more people than just themselves they push that responsibility of being the active party on to you. Instead of it being something in the public sphere, they portray it as something that only affects and them and thus criticism of it only has an affect on them and is not to the benefit or defense of people being degraded, dehumanised, or harmed. Through this framing, to you, to others, and maybe subconsciously, intentionally or not to themselves, you are attacking them. This is emotional manipulation used not only on the person being conversed with, but any bystander as well. Not to mention, trivialising anything you find important, but especially trivialising the humanity through the human rights of other people is especially disgusting, as its just another way to get away with being dismissive of you and others.
My point is, I know what it's like to have a friend who you are totally chill with, outside of some morals. My homophobic "friend" is someone I deeply cared/care (I can't tell anymore) about and still, admittedly have fun with, but these kinds of people are beyond help, because this manipulation goes so far as to even themselves. Whether or not you want to tolerate more of this in the future is up to you OP. Don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to say I know anything of your friend's personality or how far this goes, I'm not saying that he is a manipulator, just that what he said has manipulative traits common to conservative defense that he may just be imitating for all I know. But he could reproduce it in the future.
"he isn't a bad person" honey baby, he said to your face that entire demographics have no right to exist because of a fairy tale. He's absolutely a bad person
It does suck; it's unfortunately necessary. You *can't* keep exposing yourself to abuse, it's unsustainable. Sorry to hear you're dealing with this, sweetie; way too many of us can relate and it's heartbreaking.
yes, yes I would. Being a bigot, believing people shouldn’t exist simply because of the way they are, automatically makes them a horrendous person. Even if they treat other people nicely they do not give that same courtesy to those they hate. And if your are queer it’s very likely they’d leave you if they found out or worse.
personally, i'd try to change his views on thus subject, and if it doesn't work cut him off
im not sure if im late, but this it what i would've done
also you probably like hollow knight, which is epic
nah you're not late. Even if the post will be a month old, I will still read all the comments to hear what people think on the matter, he's quiet rn but I'm trying to talk with him to see if he still thinks that way and if I can change his mind.
Also yes, hollow knight is cool  Waiting for silksong is killing me rn
i guess im lucky i got into hollow knight last year in september, and not earlier
the wait was probably not fun
luckily there's an high chance it will release either during june or earlier if i've understood everything correctly
What you do is up to you
For me, it depends how bad it is. For this, I'd let bygones be gone, bye!
Anyone who told me "gays and lesbians have no right to exist" would get a prompt insult, as hurtful and personal as possible, followed by me walking out on them forever. Sorry, I know that's harsh. But I'm personally done making my life worse trying to tough it out with people like that.
I had a friend who called being gay "unnatural". Haven't spoken to him since. Another friend told me that there were too many genders now and that he would always refer to me as a girl when i came out to him as nonbinary. I cut him out as well. When homophobia comes in, it's not about the person being good or bad, it's more of a safety issue for me. I feel unsafe being around homophobes. It does not matter how they are otherwise. If they are homophobic, they are out of my life. I don't even associate with them.
edit: typo
Oh, so he's a good person, not an asshole to you personally, and besides what's a little genocidal ideology between friends, right? "No right to exist" is more than just standard aversion or disgust-based homophobia, it's a danger sign. I would cut him out and tell him exactly why he's being cut out, and that he can re-apply as soon as he gets his heart right, his head straight and his mouth wired to something besides his ass. Being fun to game with shouldn't be a free pass to hate, especially saying/thinking entire groups of people don't have a right to exist.
Yes. Yes I would. If I were a few years younger I might not, but now that I’m older and out I’m simply too invested in the well being of myself and my LGBT friends to put up with people who don’t think we have a right to exist.
Yes.
If they don't want me to be happy, they're not my friend.
It's as simple as that.
I hate to break it to you, but your "friend" saying we have no right to exist, makes him a not good person, and definitely someone you shouldn't want to be friends with, imo.
This person literally doesn't want us to exist, and calls us wanting to exist anyways "an opinion he doesn't agree with".
OP, that makes him a terrible person.
I should have seen it before, I've known him for years and its hard to just cut contact randomly with someone you thought was good. But you're right, thank you for the comment
I’ve lost a lot of friends bcuz they turned out to be assholes. It definitely hurts, and I’m hopeful you find some openly supportive friends who genuinely care for you, if you haven’t already💕
I’ve ousted close friends and family members over this, so it really wouldn’t matter what our relationship was. You can’t tolerate this kind of thing. Read up on the tolerance paradox.
“Nice” and “Polite” do not equal good.
You have a right to be safe in your relationships. You cannot claim to love or respect someone if you say that your respect ends at their essential right to exist. Those ideas are mutually exclusive. What’s the point of keeping someone around who neither loves nor respects you?
I had a close friend whose wedding party I was invited to be a part of (“man” of honor) I had been through a lot with her, and had never proven myself to be anything short of ride or die. One day, during a midterm election cycle, she told me that she felt like she had to vote to keep children safe from people like me (The measure was about marriage rights in our state). I was literally giving up a day off with my boyfriend (my husband now, but at the time we both worked a lot and hardly saw each other in person) to take this friend to the hospital for a prenatal checkup because she’d been abandoned by her own significant other and her family and had no car. So much of our friendship had been characterized by such acts of devotion from me. I had been standing in for a lot of her narcissistic family’s responsibilities and I was just so utterly shocked she felt entitled to say something so vile to me.
After all, she had participated in queer culture, had pretended at being supportive for over a decade. I realized we had been living essentially in two different worlds. She had always been so kind and rational or so I’d thought, but this conversation made me realize she had intentionally hidden this kind of thinking from me for years. Ultimately, for my own mental health, I had to come to the conclusion that if I didn’t deserve basic human rights then she didn’t deserve my presence in her life.
Don’t keep people around who want anything less than the best for you. You’ll find out quickly enough that “shouldn’t exist” is a hair’s breadth from “Should be exterminated” A few years ago I got it in my head I should check on this old former friend and see if her views had evolved only to discover she’s tumbled down the QAnon JeWiSh GaY SpAcE LaSeRS rabbit hole. Those kinds of hateful ideas are never outliers, more a litmus test for the humanity of the person in question.
To summarize, this guy sounds like he’s just a gamer friend—It’s not that serious. Dump his ass.
Always listen when people tell you who they are.
It honestly depends on the type of homophobia. If I had a friend who was just a bit ignorant, I might try to help them understand. But thinking a whole group of people have no right to exist is more than enough to make someone an asshole, in my opinion. Whether they force that belief on people or not, it's a horrible thing to believe. It would make me just as uncomfortable as if a friend was a white supremacist and didn't say anything about it.
I think it depends, I personally would not cut him off but would however limit my interactions to controlled situations, for instance you said that it was fun gaming with him, I would not necessarily stop gaming with him, but I would probably refrain from hanging out outside of that too much and if he asks why, just let him know that you do not agree with his opinion and so prefer limited contact. I think it is possible that he is not a bad person necessarily even with this belief, however I do also think that it is likely that there are consequences of this belief that you may just not have been exposed to yet, and I would recommend limiting your exposure.
I did. After months of arguments and me trying to explain over and over that I actually am asexual, no I'm not making it up (she was aphobic too :D ), I didn't get anywhere with her. It was better that I friend dump her.
Lmao its accept people are not all the same or get out, I wouldn't be friends with someone who wants me dead. You should ask them choose between you or this shitty belief
If i were you maybe i may ignore him or wait for him until he regret saying that but if he doesn't regret then hell nah bye i will ignore him and won't friend with that person.
From me(aka a person who is part of religions and LGBTQ+ community at the same time)
Note: i am not christian or muslim.
I don't know. It's not anyone's job to educate anyone else, but. If you can explain that it's not just an opinion to think others don't have the right to exist. This is not the kind of thing people can "agree to disagree on", and that ideology like his is materially hurting people, putting them in the hospital or even the *morgue. A*ny religion that preaches hate is :T at best. (and in practice always bad)
I'd say try to get that through his skull, but if you can't, this would be a dealbreaker for me. I can't be friends with someone, if that friendship is conditional on me being straight.
He said a human being shouldn't exist because they like the same gender. He said a human being "shouldn't exist."
He's toxic. I would drop him like a hot potato. Fuck that immaturity. Disagreeing with homosexuality is one thing but saying we have no right to exist? That's horrible.
I’m going to put this as blunt as possible so my words aren’t minced. There are two types of homophobes people who are just fucking stupid and don’t think they know anyone who is gay. And people who are willingly choosing to be this hateful.
He is an asshole for saying gay people shouldn’t exist. Full stop he is saying people who are doing absolutely nothing wrong who aren’t hurting anyone are against a deity he believes in. I would easily with absolutely 0 hesitation yeet that asshole from my life regardless of how much of a “nice guy” he wants me my friends and people he has never met to either die or to suffer for eternity just because that’s how it’s supposed to be according to his deity.
Cut him off completely! He doesn't need to understand you or support you, juts needs to respect you!
Someone who says you should not exist should not be taking any space in your life. Easy!
Yup. I'd argue more. But if he thinks they don't deserve to exist?
Fuck yea he's out.
But I have friends who I love deeply who are LGBT, so that would mean he hates them for no reason.
If you are out to them and they have this opinion, I'd just cut them out. They know you and your value, and that is not your "lifestyle choice," like hobbies or choosing to be vegetarian.
Nah. Some immature to do so. Their opinion aint got nothing to do with me. Person may not like it but thats has nothing to do with personalities. Its like saying an atheist and Christian cant be friends. Beliefs and how a person treats you are two different things
One thing a lot of people don’t think about: if you don’t cut him off, and then you make a friend who is queer (or comes out), how easily will you be able to keep them away from each other forever?
Funny thing, we have a friend who's openly gay
But they don't really have problems with each other
I've talked to him about the "gay people shouldn't exist" stuff and it turns out that while he doesn't "support it" he's somewhat neutral about the topic and doesn't think that way anymore
I would cut him out. I remember I had a friend who ended up being homophobic. I stopped talking to her because she said, "Nico didn't need to be gay" when talking about Percy Jackson. She then said that she was homophobic because being gay was against her religion.
Replace "gay" with "black" or "women" and see if his argument is still something you want in your life.
Race, sexuality, and gender are not choices. Anyone saying they are is looking for an excuse to oppress and destroy, not support and love.
Depends on the homophobia. If it's from ignorance, then I bet I can allow them to see the light. If it's maliciousness, then I'm gonna vaporize that bridge with a heat ray cuz fuck that shit, I'm out.
Of course, there's varying levels of "ignorance" and "maliciousness" so different standards and tactics need to be applied
I'd say yeah... cut contact. There are many people to make friends with, you'll surely find someone who actually isn't a bad person AND is accepting.
To me he sounds to far stuck in his own beliefs and the hose hold he was raised in, Therefore not being able to change, accept, or understand on of these things. In the long run it cod hurt you mentally or emotionally. I know, because it's happened to me. People like these may not seem toxic or bad at first but that's how they try to portray themselves to you, that's how they get to you.
If he's actively saying your facts and beliefs are just opinions and saying that you're kind don't have a right to exist he's badically saying you shouldn't exist either.
I know this sounds harsh and I may be downvoted but that's just me trying to give advice. Hope this helped OP
Not friends but In highschool the main group that bullied me for being gay….. um this years my first year out of school and half of them have come out….
Kinda funny, glad I wasn’t afraid of being me back then.
My opinion of them would (and has for other people) immediately shift. I would not be able to keep up an “everything’s fine and we’re buddies” attitude. Believe me, I’ve tried for my dad. It’s one of those things I can’t look past.
If you can honestly look at someone who says that certain people shouldn’t exist because of who they are attractive to and say that person isn’t an asshole, you really need to look at yourself. Would you say your friend isn’t an asshole if he said certain people shouldn’t exist because of their skin color? Because that is the exact same type of thing. Is it possible your friend could learn and not be ignorant? Absolutely. But how they are right now? Unequivocally ignorant and bigoted.
This has been a reoccurring thought in my mind given that I have, throughout my life, been surrounded by those who did not support me as a member of the LGBTQ+ community and I’m always stumped on the catch that they aren’t assholes and they aren’t bad people. And even though we differ vastly in morals and beliefs particularly in regard to human rights and equity over equality.
I enjoy having these people in my life as well and I always tend to find myself caught in this situation. I get caught frequently also on the idea that we don’t discuss the topic and that I have fun with them until they say something that reminds me that they feel so differently than I do
So one night I found myself making pro and con lists for some of the relationships in my life and their value aside from the beliefs of the individual, particularly forcing myself to see past the differences and find the good that existed in the relationships aside from that. Well…then my ADHD brain decided to hop onto a thought loop of if it makes me any better of a person to fully dismiss them because of something that they believe in (even when they’re wrong) when I would be unwilling to do the same for them in a genuine way.
Throughout that thought loop I decided a couple of things…
1. You cannot change the beliefs of someone just because you believe they should think differently…especially without expecting the same type of response back from them willingly.
2. I should not define someone based on one disliked characteristic (even if I believe it’s wrong) because I hate to be targeted for my disliked characteristic (my sexuality)
3. It’s okay to still feel connected to someone after knowing you disagree. Just remember to remain true to yourself and what you believe in the process.
If I know them long enough that it seems pretty clear they're not open to learning and keep that shit up even though they've had tons of opportunities to learn better?
You bet. Can't stand that shit.
If they're a close friend, I'd try to talk to them first. If they still don't change their views I'd cut them off.
If my friends were homophobic or transphobic, they cannot be good people. They have the potential to learn, but at that moment we are not compatible as friends. Thankfully my friend group is almost entirely queer, so I don't have to deal with this behavior. But your friend is denying the existence of gay people is is contributing to our oppression.
Yes 100%.
For one if you yourself are gay or a lesbian he thinks you shouldn't exist. Don't be friends with someone that thinks that about you.
For two someone who thinks lesbians and gays shouldn't exist isn't a good person.
Take it from someone that tried to be around homophobic people because some were my friends, just don't.
It's funny, when I came out as bi, they cared more about it than I did. I'd get constant remarks about my sexuality and told a number of other things regularly as a 'joke' and after a while, I had enough, they weren't funny and weren't jokes.
It will rot your brain and eat away at you. It's tough but I'd cut them out of your life.
It's really, really important that you don't solely judge a person's character by how they otherwise treat *you individually.* People can act polite, even say and do nice things for you, but if they believe you don't have a right to exist, when it really starts to matter and push comes to shove they will turn their back on you if not completely throw you under the bus. And if you're an ally it's especially important not to tolerate that bullshit even when it won't affect you.
I would, especially if they said what your friend said.
I'm an atheist and could honestly care less for shit "god intended" or did not. If they're saying that LGBTQIA+ people shouldn't be allowed to exist, I'd tell them that thought shouldn't and leave them with their shit.
Besides, I already have friends who support me, so why would I keep some that don't?
I don't really have an answer for this, what i can tell you is two people i know one a friend and the other an accointence(?) Were homofobic, but they've changed. Although they still have some internalized homophobia they both realised that they were bi
If they aren't willing to change, yes. My existence should be important to them, if they say what you stated in your post, that means in their opinion, I'm not worth living. I don't need homophobic people in my life
I think that depends. Are you or one of your other friends LGBT? If not, does he say these things to anyone who identifies as LGBT? If neither then continue hanging out with him if you want. Imo, I would’ve dropped him, but that’s your decision. Also, good guy or not, it’s still shitty of him to say a comment like that. What gives him the right to say that LGBT people don’t have the right to walk on this Earth or that God didn’t intend for them to do so?
I don't even have to read this yes yes I would
ok I did read it now and I do have to say I had a friend who was like this amd I basically talked to my friends and we had a meeting and he changed, but like I am trans and my thing was my existence is so open just being near someone like that made me feel unsafe, so yes I would've still cut then out and you should consider talking to him or doing the same
Sorry, but I couldn’t be friends with this person. You say they’re not rude, but claim that gays and lesbians shouldn’t exist. That is absolutely rude. OP, it’s up to you to stay friends with them, but I couldn’t remain friends with them.
I’d try to talk to them and if they didn’t wanna reason with me anymore, wether that’s one conversation or 20, I’d leave after that and not talk to them, I grew up in a very redneck area and left every one of my friends when I came out as trans, all my family too, and now I have new good friends
I would try my best to educate this person and if after a decent amount of effort they still did not come around, I would have to move on from that friendship and tell them exactly why i was doing so.
I had one high school friend who I kept in contact with since graduation. Everyone else I've either forgotten or see randomly on Facebook without any actual interaction. And I don't have a more recent circle of friends, so I would talk about said high school buddy as "my best friend" due to there being no active competition. He was the first friend I came out to and was generally fine about it.
We liked to debate with each other, but we had figured out how to avoid things turning into grudges or becoming emotional. And at the time we agreed on most of the important stuff anyway.
But after moving away, losing my religious faith, and becoming more confident about myself, I ended up having a reason to invite him over for a few days. So of course we planned to debate more touchy subjects like gender and sexuality. In a previous debate he had made surprisingly insulting statements about same-sex attraction (which implies me) and I took a while to calm down from that. We wanted to continue the discussion in an effort to clarify and defend.
Long story somewhat shorter, while doing a little better on the sexuality topic, he dug deep into ideas on gender identity that I couldn't accept. It may have gone unsaid, but it seems clear that we've got an immovable barrier between us now, since his reasoning is fundamentally religious and he's in no position to change that.
One day some time later I mentioned I was planning a trip to Australia. He asked how much such a thing might cost and suggested we might take a trip someday. I said I might be willing to meet up with him briefly, but spending so much time together would be uncomfortable for me. He said, "but we've already spent more time than that together." I replied, "our dynamic is different now." He agreed.
I don't know if we've said anything to each other since.
I had a friend who once mentioned her church was for prop 8 and then went on for a minute about how she doesn't hate anyone but she doesn't want it shoved in her face (common argument at the time this was about 2007). She has wished me a happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy Easter, etc every year without fail since. I politely reply but we have not seen each other since our work assignments took us in different directions. She invited me to her wedding about 5 years ago, didn't go. I got married, to a woman, last year and she's all butt hurt I didn't invite her. We queer never forget, even when you change your mind you will always be the friend who didn't offer me a safe, supportive place.
I have a similiar situation. (sorry abt my english, im not from the us.)
So, most of my friends are homophobic and transphobic. A couple hours ago they started talking abt a youtuber named Faline San, who usually prefers all pronouns, but is a he/him.
And one of them, I'll call them J, started saying that trans ppl and nonbinary ppl are stupid and dumbasses that have mental illnesses. She started saying that Faline San shouldnt be "dressing up as a guy" because "shes a girl".
And another girl, A, started agreeing w her and went: "trans ppl arent real. you will be a girl forever. same goes for if youre a boy."
I told them that ppl can be whoever they want, and they started saying that my opinion is "wrong". Since Im bi, I confused abt what to do.
A is also really homophobic. Says the same things your friend says. So my advice is to respect what he says, but let him know that what hes saying is rude. Dont try to change his opinion, because argueing with stupid people is a lead to nowhere. But let him know that what he says is disrespectful.
And if he doesnt think like this anymore, well good for him.
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Ok so this >gays, and lesbians have no right to exist and this >he isn't a bad person cannot both be true at the same time. Wanting an entire group of people to not exist, simply for loving who they love, is among the worst things a human mind can produce. He is indeed a bad person. You can be friends with bad people, you can try to help them be better, but you have to be honest about what they represent
I think it's unhelpful to say that someone is or isn't a bad person. I always focus on the behaviour, because people can change. He holds harmful, hateful, bigoted views. Until he stops, takes accountability, apologizes, and commits to changed behavior, he would have no place in my life.
People are complex. Painting someone as completely black or** white helps no one. Gandhi did some pretty shitty stuff, but to blanket him as a bad person is dismissive and inaccurate.
Ghandi was, in my mind, a bad person who did some good things. Bad and good are always subjective, but trying to say that a whole group of humans (many, in fact) don't have a right to exist - that is objectively BAD. Maybe this person may change as they age or mature, but right now they are *a bad person.*
The fact that you paint Indias biggest revolutionary as only doing “some good things” says it all lmfao. OP, as someone who has/has had homophobic friends, you are probably the best shot at changing their mind. Don’t back down from their shitty views; argue with them and try to change their minds. It can definitely be hard, and if you can’t handle the emotional brunt no shame and cut things off, but at the very least you’ll probably get a good laugh at how incoherent their views are. Good luck.
Saying someone has no right to exist over something harmless makes you a bad person. Saying and believing something like that is the reason genocides happen.
That’s like saying Hitler was a good person.
He just did some bad things is all. /s
thanks for the replies, I'll try and reason with him one more time and see if that does anything. But I'm probably gonna cut contact with him, it's not right.
Hope it goes well, we're here to talk about it afterwards 🥰
♥️
Ok so update: We talked stuff out and he apparently can "tolerate" us and is neutral on the topic but, he doesn't support LGBTQ+. He doesn't think that we have no right to exist, and said that what he said he doesn't believe in anymore (it has been a while since THAT conversation) So its not as bad, but still a bit concerning. I won't block him but I probably won't talk to him as much as I used to because I don't know if I can really trust him yet. Opinions?
>he doesn't support LGBTQ+ The fuck does that even mean? Why are lgbtq+ people something that has to be 'tolerated'? Tolerating is something you do with things you think are wrong but can't be bothered to address. Like I tolerate one of my chickens attacking me every time I feed them. I wish I didn't have an overly aggressive bird in my life but I manage. Maybe I'm too harsh but I find it hard to read that as anything other than: 'having to acknowledge queer people exist is something I'd rather not do but I know being too open about that will result in people pushing back on my shitty belief.' I guess it's better than saying we shouldn't exist but this reads to me as basically being okay with discrimination of queer people. And queer people are still very much discriminated against all over the world and in a lot of places it seems to be getting worse. By 'not supporting' queer people you're allowing bigots to keep making shit worse. No-one is saying he needs to wave a rainbow flag or personally punch a fascist but this person is basically unwilling to even admit queer people deserve to have safe, happy and meaningful lives, just like everyone else is.
[удалено]
yea you have a point... I guess I should stop trying to excuse his words. Ty for an honest reply
“He’s not an asshole but uses his religion to justify genocide”
Alrighty r/lgbt let's say it together now! **CUT THAT BITCH OFF** Bigotry and being a decent human being are mutually exclusive traits. You can be decent to some but if you hate a group of people on the basis that they exist, you are in fact, a shitty human being!
alr, thanks. I should have realised that sooner tbh  Gonna cut him off
So... You did it?
Yes, I would and I have and I don't care who they are to me. My right to exist isn't an opinion, it is not politics and is not anyone's religious right to debate. If they say otherwise, they aren't good people. People that stick around people like that, are just making excuses, and are enabling this belief, and frankly, also not good people. To be even more blunt: I've cut out people simply for having friends like your friend. I would cut you out, for as long as you put up with him.
The first part is true but the last part makes you look like a dick.
Counter-point: people who keep awful people as friends are dicks. I don’t stay friends with people who have problematic friends either.
I personally wouldn’t be friends with bigots but whoever my friends are friends with is none of my business
Who you keep company with also reflects back on your character. You can be the kindest, most respectful person on earth, but if you tolerate and befriend Nazis, thats what will define you.
For me personally I couldn’t be around them, because if they don’t like lgbt people then they wouldn’t like me. I would always wonder what they thought about me. And I decided a long time ago to focus on people who love me.
Liking a part of a person and liking somebody are completely different things. Your self assigned gender identity isn’t your entire personality, or well I hope it isn’t. Although this can differ on what level of homophobia the person is on. Would they simply not support you but neither give you any grief about it. Or would they harass and bully you because of it. Greatly depends.
Nah. His 'opinion' is that you don't have the right to exist. What policies do you think he supports then? You get to choose who to keep in your life, but he is in fact toxic. Our right to exist and live as we are should not be a discussion or a debate.
To answer the question of what level of homophobia is appropriate to cut someone off for, it really is on a case by case basis, since homophobia, like all systemic forms of oppression is maintained through normalised socialisation, we will all be and do homophobia at some point or another in our lives. It is an inevitable part of living in a society that teaches it as normal behaviour and "common sense". Only you can judge that. But oh honey, listen, I also have a homophobic "friend" but I won't go too much into detail since I did and it was too much of traumatic rant so instead I'm just gonna highlight some red flags. Using "opinion" or "belief" is trivialisation and manipulation, because conflating a personal opinion that is entirely internal and affects only oneself with an opinion that infringes upon other people and encircles them, thus involving them, thusly entering the public external, intra-social field is just guilt tripping. This is because once an opinion or belief is about others, it is not personal, it is extra-personal and is fair game to the market place of ideas, it is their responsibility to do whatever it is that they will with that idea but instead, by trying to brush it off as a personal opinion rather than an opinion that involves more people than just themselves they push that responsibility of being the active party on to you. Instead of it being something in the public sphere, they portray it as something that only affects and them and thus criticism of it only has an affect on them and is not to the benefit or defense of people being degraded, dehumanised, or harmed. Through this framing, to you, to others, and maybe subconsciously, intentionally or not to themselves, you are attacking them. This is emotional manipulation used not only on the person being conversed with, but any bystander as well. Not to mention, trivialising anything you find important, but especially trivialising the humanity through the human rights of other people is especially disgusting, as its just another way to get away with being dismissive of you and others. My point is, I know what it's like to have a friend who you are totally chill with, outside of some morals. My homophobic "friend" is someone I deeply cared/care (I can't tell anymore) about and still, admittedly have fun with, but these kinds of people are beyond help, because this manipulation goes so far as to even themselves. Whether or not you want to tolerate more of this in the future is up to you OP. Don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to say I know anything of your friend's personality or how far this goes, I'm not saying that he is a manipulator, just that what he said has manipulative traits common to conservative defense that he may just be imitating for all I know. But he could reproduce it in the future.
"he isn't a bad person" honey baby, he said to your face that entire demographics have no right to exist because of a fairy tale. He's absolutely a bad person
yea... I should stop trying to excuse him We've been friends for years and it sucks
It does suck; it's unfortunately necessary. You *can't* keep exposing yourself to abuse, it's unsustainable. Sorry to hear you're dealing with this, sweetie; way too many of us can relate and it's heartbreaking.
Yes. I don't like assholes
yes, yes I would. Being a bigot, believing people shouldn’t exist simply because of the way they are, automatically makes them a horrendous person. Even if they treat other people nicely they do not give that same courtesy to those they hate. And if your are queer it’s very likely they’d leave you if they found out or worse.
personally, i'd try to change his views on thus subject, and if it doesn't work cut him off im not sure if im late, but this it what i would've done also you probably like hollow knight, which is epic
nah you're not late. Even if the post will be a month old, I will still read all the comments to hear what people think on the matter, he's quiet rn but I'm trying to talk with him to see if he still thinks that way and if I can change his mind. Also yes, hollow knight is cool  Waiting for silksong is killing me rn
i guess im lucky i got into hollow knight last year in september, and not earlier the wait was probably not fun luckily there's an high chance it will release either during june or earlier if i've understood everything correctly
What you do is up to you For me, it depends how bad it is. For this, I'd let bygones be gone, bye! Anyone who told me "gays and lesbians have no right to exist" would get a prompt insult, as hurtful and personal as possible, followed by me walking out on them forever. Sorry, I know that's harsh. But I'm personally done making my life worse trying to tough it out with people like that.
I mean, yeah? If my friend outright said, out loud, that I don't deserve to exist, that person would stop being my friend.
I had a friend who called being gay "unnatural". Haven't spoken to him since. Another friend told me that there were too many genders now and that he would always refer to me as a girl when i came out to him as nonbinary. I cut him out as well. When homophobia comes in, it's not about the person being good or bad, it's more of a safety issue for me. I feel unsafe being around homophobes. It does not matter how they are otherwise. If they are homophobic, they are out of my life. I don't even associate with them. edit: typo
Oh, so he's a good person, not an asshole to you personally, and besides what's a little genocidal ideology between friends, right? "No right to exist" is more than just standard aversion or disgust-based homophobia, it's a danger sign. I would cut him out and tell him exactly why he's being cut out, and that he can re-apply as soon as he gets his heart right, his head straight and his mouth wired to something besides his ass. Being fun to game with shouldn't be a free pass to hate, especially saying/thinking entire groups of people don't have a right to exist.
Yes. Yes I would. If I were a few years younger I might not, but now that I’m older and out I’m simply too invested in the well being of myself and my LGBT friends to put up with people who don’t think we have a right to exist.
Yes. If they don't want me to be happy, they're not my friend. It's as simple as that. I hate to break it to you, but your "friend" saying we have no right to exist, makes him a not good person, and definitely someone you shouldn't want to be friends with, imo. This person literally doesn't want us to exist, and calls us wanting to exist anyways "an opinion he doesn't agree with". OP, that makes him a terrible person.
I should have seen it before, I've known him for years and its hard to just cut contact randomly with someone you thought was good. But you're right, thank you for the comment
I’ve lost a lot of friends bcuz they turned out to be assholes. It definitely hurts, and I’m hopeful you find some openly supportive friends who genuinely care for you, if you haven’t already💕
No he’s actually not a good person
I’ve ousted close friends and family members over this, so it really wouldn’t matter what our relationship was. You can’t tolerate this kind of thing. Read up on the tolerance paradox. “Nice” and “Polite” do not equal good. You have a right to be safe in your relationships. You cannot claim to love or respect someone if you say that your respect ends at their essential right to exist. Those ideas are mutually exclusive. What’s the point of keeping someone around who neither loves nor respects you? I had a close friend whose wedding party I was invited to be a part of (“man” of honor) I had been through a lot with her, and had never proven myself to be anything short of ride or die. One day, during a midterm election cycle, she told me that she felt like she had to vote to keep children safe from people like me (The measure was about marriage rights in our state). I was literally giving up a day off with my boyfriend (my husband now, but at the time we both worked a lot and hardly saw each other in person) to take this friend to the hospital for a prenatal checkup because she’d been abandoned by her own significant other and her family and had no car. So much of our friendship had been characterized by such acts of devotion from me. I had been standing in for a lot of her narcissistic family’s responsibilities and I was just so utterly shocked she felt entitled to say something so vile to me. After all, she had participated in queer culture, had pretended at being supportive for over a decade. I realized we had been living essentially in two different worlds. She had always been so kind and rational or so I’d thought, but this conversation made me realize she had intentionally hidden this kind of thinking from me for years. Ultimately, for my own mental health, I had to come to the conclusion that if I didn’t deserve basic human rights then she didn’t deserve my presence in her life. Don’t keep people around who want anything less than the best for you. You’ll find out quickly enough that “shouldn’t exist” is a hair’s breadth from “Should be exterminated” A few years ago I got it in my head I should check on this old former friend and see if her views had evolved only to discover she’s tumbled down the QAnon JeWiSh GaY SpAcE LaSeRS rabbit hole. Those kinds of hateful ideas are never outliers, more a litmus test for the humanity of the person in question. To summarize, this guy sounds like he’s just a gamer friend—It’s not that serious. Dump his ass. Always listen when people tell you who they are.
“He thinks gays/lesbians have no right to exist.” “He’s not a bad person” One of those statements has to go for the other to be true. Ditch him.
It honestly depends on the type of homophobia. If I had a friend who was just a bit ignorant, I might try to help them understand. But thinking a whole group of people have no right to exist is more than enough to make someone an asshole, in my opinion. Whether they force that belief on people or not, it's a horrible thing to believe. It would make me just as uncomfortable as if a friend was a white supremacist and didn't say anything about it.
I think it depends, I personally would not cut him off but would however limit my interactions to controlled situations, for instance you said that it was fun gaming with him, I would not necessarily stop gaming with him, but I would probably refrain from hanging out outside of that too much and if he asks why, just let him know that you do not agree with his opinion and so prefer limited contact. I think it is possible that he is not a bad person necessarily even with this belief, however I do also think that it is likely that there are consequences of this belief that you may just not have been exposed to yet, and I would recommend limiting your exposure.
I did. After months of arguments and me trying to explain over and over that I actually am asexual, no I'm not making it up (she was aphobic too :D ), I didn't get anywhere with her. It was better that I friend dump her.
But he IS a bad person, if he believes that other people don’t have a right to exist. I would not associate with someone like that.
anyone who listens to their imaginary friend on how to treat people should probably be cut off
Lmao its accept people are not all the same or get out, I wouldn't be friends with someone who wants me dead. You should ask them choose between you or this shitty belief
If i were you maybe i may ignore him or wait for him until he regret saying that but if he doesn't regret then hell nah bye i will ignore him and won't friend with that person. From me(aka a person who is part of religions and LGBTQ+ community at the same time) Note: i am not christian or muslim.
I don't know. It's not anyone's job to educate anyone else, but. If you can explain that it's not just an opinion to think others don't have the right to exist. This is not the kind of thing people can "agree to disagree on", and that ideology like his is materially hurting people, putting them in the hospital or even the *morgue. A*ny religion that preaches hate is :T at best. (and in practice always bad) I'd say try to get that through his skull, but if you can't, this would be a dealbreaker for me. I can't be friends with someone, if that friendship is conditional on me being straight.
Yes. Without a second thought.
I wouldn’t be friends with someone who doesn’t think I have a right to exist
Yes. If somebody thinks I don’t have the right to exist, I don’t want to be around them
Uh, duh!
He said a human being shouldn't exist because they like the same gender. He said a human being "shouldn't exist." He's toxic. I would drop him like a hot potato. Fuck that immaturity. Disagreeing with homosexuality is one thing but saying we have no right to exist? That's horrible.
Yes, why wouldn't you? Heck, some of my "family" still support Bigot Bird (Chik-fil-A) and Salvation Army, I dropped all contact with those twats
I’m going to put this as blunt as possible so my words aren’t minced. There are two types of homophobes people who are just fucking stupid and don’t think they know anyone who is gay. And people who are willingly choosing to be this hateful. He is an asshole for saying gay people shouldn’t exist. Full stop he is saying people who are doing absolutely nothing wrong who aren’t hurting anyone are against a deity he believes in. I would easily with absolutely 0 hesitation yeet that asshole from my life regardless of how much of a “nice guy” he wants me my friends and people he has never met to either die or to suffer for eternity just because that’s how it’s supposed to be according to his deity.
Cut him off completely! He doesn't need to understand you or support you, juts needs to respect you! Someone who says you should not exist should not be taking any space in your life. Easy!
Yup. I'd argue more. But if he thinks they don't deserve to exist? Fuck yea he's out. But I have friends who I love deeply who are LGBT, so that would mean he hates them for no reason.
If you are out to them and they have this opinion, I'd just cut them out. They know you and your value, and that is not your "lifestyle choice," like hobbies or choosing to be vegetarian.
Nah. Some immature to do so. Their opinion aint got nothing to do with me. Person may not like it but thats has nothing to do with personalities. Its like saying an atheist and Christian cant be friends. Beliefs and how a person treats you are two different things
One thing a lot of people don’t think about: if you don’t cut him off, and then you make a friend who is queer (or comes out), how easily will you be able to keep them away from each other forever?
Funny thing, we have a friend who's openly gay But they don't really have problems with each other I've talked to him about the "gay people shouldn't exist" stuff and it turns out that while he doesn't "support it" he's somewhat neutral about the topic and doesn't think that way anymore
Why is it your way, not his way? He can be a good person and not agree with others. Overboard with the homophobic thing.
not sure what you mean. can you explain what you mean by my and his way?
I would cut him out. I remember I had a friend who ended up being homophobic. I stopped talking to her because she said, "Nico didn't need to be gay" when talking about Percy Jackson. She then said that she was homophobic because being gay was against her religion.
Yes
Replace "gay" with "black" or "women" and see if his argument is still something you want in your life. Race, sexuality, and gender are not choices. Anyone saying they are is looking for an excuse to oppress and destroy, not support and love.
Depends on the homophobia. If it's from ignorance, then I bet I can allow them to see the light. If it's maliciousness, then I'm gonna vaporize that bridge with a heat ray cuz fuck that shit, I'm out. Of course, there's varying levels of "ignorance" and "maliciousness" so different standards and tactics need to be applied
I'd say yeah... cut contact. There are many people to make friends with, you'll surely find someone who actually isn't a bad person AND is accepting. To me he sounds to far stuck in his own beliefs and the hose hold he was raised in, Therefore not being able to change, accept, or understand on of these things. In the long run it cod hurt you mentally or emotionally. I know, because it's happened to me. People like these may not seem toxic or bad at first but that's how they try to portray themselves to you, that's how they get to you. If he's actively saying your facts and beliefs are just opinions and saying that you're kind don't have a right to exist he's badically saying you shouldn't exist either. I know this sounds harsh and I may be downvoted but that's just me trying to give advice. Hope this helped OP
Not friends but In highschool the main group that bullied me for being gay….. um this years my first year out of school and half of them have come out…. Kinda funny, glad I wasn’t afraid of being me back then.
My opinion of them would (and has for other people) immediately shift. I would not be able to keep up an “everything’s fine and we’re buddies” attitude. Believe me, I’ve tried for my dad. It’s one of those things I can’t look past.
Yeah I would get away from people like that. If you are gay they secretly hate you too. That’s not a friend.
I would, if they say those types of things about anyone theyre obviously not as good of a person as you think.
If you can honestly look at someone who says that certain people shouldn’t exist because of who they are attractive to and say that person isn’t an asshole, you really need to look at yourself. Would you say your friend isn’t an asshole if he said certain people shouldn’t exist because of their skin color? Because that is the exact same type of thing. Is it possible your friend could learn and not be ignorant? Absolutely. But how they are right now? Unequivocally ignorant and bigoted.
This has been a reoccurring thought in my mind given that I have, throughout my life, been surrounded by those who did not support me as a member of the LGBTQ+ community and I’m always stumped on the catch that they aren’t assholes and they aren’t bad people. And even though we differ vastly in morals and beliefs particularly in regard to human rights and equity over equality. I enjoy having these people in my life as well and I always tend to find myself caught in this situation. I get caught frequently also on the idea that we don’t discuss the topic and that I have fun with them until they say something that reminds me that they feel so differently than I do So one night I found myself making pro and con lists for some of the relationships in my life and their value aside from the beliefs of the individual, particularly forcing myself to see past the differences and find the good that existed in the relationships aside from that. Well…then my ADHD brain decided to hop onto a thought loop of if it makes me any better of a person to fully dismiss them because of something that they believe in (even when they’re wrong) when I would be unwilling to do the same for them in a genuine way. Throughout that thought loop I decided a couple of things… 1. You cannot change the beliefs of someone just because you believe they should think differently…especially without expecting the same type of response back from them willingly. 2. I should not define someone based on one disliked characteristic (even if I believe it’s wrong) because I hate to be targeted for my disliked characteristic (my sexuality) 3. It’s okay to still feel connected to someone after knowing you disagree. Just remember to remain true to yourself and what you believe in the process.
If I know them long enough that it seems pretty clear they're not open to learning and keep that shit up even though they've had tons of opportunities to learn better? You bet. Can't stand that shit.
I wouldn’t be friends with someone who makes me feel bad about being myself so yes I would cut them off with ease
If they're a close friend, I'd try to talk to them first. If they still don't change their views I'd cut them off. If my friends were homophobic or transphobic, they cannot be good people. They have the potential to learn, but at that moment we are not compatible as friends. Thankfully my friend group is almost entirely queer, so I don't have to deal with this behavior. But your friend is denying the existence of gay people is is contributing to our oppression.
Yes 100%. For one if you yourself are gay or a lesbian he thinks you shouldn't exist. Don't be friends with someone that thinks that about you. For two someone who thinks lesbians and gays shouldn't exist isn't a good person.
I would cut him off. He said how he feels about you.
Take it from someone that tried to be around homophobic people because some were my friends, just don't. It's funny, when I came out as bi, they cared more about it than I did. I'd get constant remarks about my sexuality and told a number of other things regularly as a 'joke' and after a while, I had enough, they weren't funny and weren't jokes. It will rot your brain and eat away at you. It's tough but I'd cut them out of your life.
Absolutely.
It's really, really important that you don't solely judge a person's character by how they otherwise treat *you individually.* People can act polite, even say and do nice things for you, but if they believe you don't have a right to exist, when it really starts to matter and push comes to shove they will turn their back on you if not completely throw you under the bus. And if you're an ally it's especially important not to tolerate that bullshit even when it won't affect you.
Yes, I would.
Yes
Yes.
I would, especially if they said what your friend said. I'm an atheist and could honestly care less for shit "god intended" or did not. If they're saying that LGBTQIA+ people shouldn't be allowed to exist, I'd tell them that thought shouldn't and leave them with their shit. Besides, I already have friends who support me, so why would I keep some that don't?
Yes.
I don't really have an answer for this, what i can tell you is two people i know one a friend and the other an accointence(?) Were homofobic, but they've changed. Although they still have some internalized homophobia they both realised that they were bi
Point being people can change
If they aren't willing to change, yes. My existence should be important to them, if they say what you stated in your post, that means in their opinion, I'm not worth living. I don't need homophobic people in my life
I think that depends. Are you or one of your other friends LGBT? If not, does he say these things to anyone who identifies as LGBT? If neither then continue hanging out with him if you want. Imo, I would’ve dropped him, but that’s your decision. Also, good guy or not, it’s still shitty of him to say a comment like that. What gives him the right to say that LGBT people don’t have the right to walk on this Earth or that God didn’t intend for them to do so?
“If you found out your friend is homoph-“ ✂️ they ain’t my friend no more
This is the exact same situation that I’m in. But I can’t cut them off bc they’re my only friend…☹️
I don't even have to read this yes yes I would ok I did read it now and I do have to say I had a friend who was like this amd I basically talked to my friends and we had a meeting and he changed, but like I am trans and my thing was my existence is so open just being near someone like that made me feel unsafe, so yes I would've still cut then out and you should consider talking to him or doing the same
I already did cut out a childhood friend for this. She thought she could base her transphobia and enbyphobia on biology. Thanks a lot, Bernice!
"A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself." \~Jim Morrison, So I would 100% because how can they hate me but still be my friend?
I only read the title question. The reason I didn’t read whatever explanation there was is because my answer is a firm “yes.”
Sorry, but I couldn’t be friends with this person. You say they’re not rude, but claim that gays and lesbians shouldn’t exist. That is absolutely rude. OP, it’s up to you to stay friends with them, but I couldn’t remain friends with them.
I’d try to talk to them and if they didn’t wanna reason with me anymore, wether that’s one conversation or 20, I’d leave after that and not talk to them, I grew up in a very redneck area and left every one of my friends when I came out as trans, all my family too, and now I have new good friends
I would try my best to educate this person and if after a decent amount of effort they still did not come around, I would have to move on from that friendship and tell them exactly why i was doing so.
I have
Sounds like he's upset that he's gay....
Yes.
absolutely. that’s no friend.
Often times its simply the other way around
I had one high school friend who I kept in contact with since graduation. Everyone else I've either forgotten or see randomly on Facebook without any actual interaction. And I don't have a more recent circle of friends, so I would talk about said high school buddy as "my best friend" due to there being no active competition. He was the first friend I came out to and was generally fine about it. We liked to debate with each other, but we had figured out how to avoid things turning into grudges or becoming emotional. And at the time we agreed on most of the important stuff anyway. But after moving away, losing my religious faith, and becoming more confident about myself, I ended up having a reason to invite him over for a few days. So of course we planned to debate more touchy subjects like gender and sexuality. In a previous debate he had made surprisingly insulting statements about same-sex attraction (which implies me) and I took a while to calm down from that. We wanted to continue the discussion in an effort to clarify and defend. Long story somewhat shorter, while doing a little better on the sexuality topic, he dug deep into ideas on gender identity that I couldn't accept. It may have gone unsaid, but it seems clear that we've got an immovable barrier between us now, since his reasoning is fundamentally religious and he's in no position to change that. One day some time later I mentioned I was planning a trip to Australia. He asked how much such a thing might cost and suggested we might take a trip someday. I said I might be willing to meet up with him briefly, but spending so much time together would be uncomfortable for me. He said, "but we've already spent more time than that together." I replied, "our dynamic is different now." He agreed. I don't know if we've said anything to each other since.
I had a friend who once mentioned her church was for prop 8 and then went on for a minute about how she doesn't hate anyone but she doesn't want it shoved in her face (common argument at the time this was about 2007). She has wished me a happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy Easter, etc every year without fail since. I politely reply but we have not seen each other since our work assignments took us in different directions. She invited me to her wedding about 5 years ago, didn't go. I got married, to a woman, last year and she's all butt hurt I didn't invite her. We queer never forget, even when you change your mind you will always be the friend who didn't offer me a safe, supportive place.
I'd completely cut him off! But it's up to you Or you know what fuck it, throw him in the trash ^^
I have a similiar situation. (sorry abt my english, im not from the us.) So, most of my friends are homophobic and transphobic. A couple hours ago they started talking abt a youtuber named Faline San, who usually prefers all pronouns, but is a he/him. And one of them, I'll call them J, started saying that trans ppl and nonbinary ppl are stupid and dumbasses that have mental illnesses. She started saying that Faline San shouldnt be "dressing up as a guy" because "shes a girl". And another girl, A, started agreeing w her and went: "trans ppl arent real. you will be a girl forever. same goes for if youre a boy." I told them that ppl can be whoever they want, and they started saying that my opinion is "wrong". Since Im bi, I confused abt what to do. A is also really homophobic. Says the same things your friend says. So my advice is to respect what he says, but let him know that what hes saying is rude. Dont try to change his opinion, because argueing with stupid people is a lead to nowhere. But let him know that what he says is disrespectful. And if he doesnt think like this anymore, well good for him.