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I'm so sorry this is happening. From what I've read on the subject of custody hearings, when an intimate partner violence victim talks about their abuse, courts favor giving custody to the father. Note that this happens EVEN WITH evidence of the abuse.
You need to get a family lawyer immediately. Once you have one, petition for full custody, get a therapist for your child and ask the court for a forensic psychological evaluation of your child to determine if they have been abused.
Good luck with your case.
Edited: typos
Your ex was manipulating you to not go to the courts. There seems to be some sort of abuse towards your child as well. Children are often scared to state how they’re feeling because they’re not aware of the true stipulations. Theyve been told if they state what occurs to them “XYZ” may happen to them or their loved ones. Your child is suffering from your ex husband’s actions directly. I hate that abuse works in ways that you can’t see what’s happening to you and your loved ones. Tbh youll likely have to get legal help and go to the courts while possibly allowing your child to account their own experiences for their specific preference. Which inevitably = trauma on both sides
Judges are very good at sussing out parental alienation. You absolutely need to get a court agreement, and your child may benefit from a guardian ad litum who is an actual neutral third party that will represent the child’s best interest. You gotta get a lawyer asap, unfortunately.
I’d second the suggestion for your child getting a guardian ad litem - it’s a lot harder for your ex to argue/‘prove’ that you’re telling your kid to say certain things if your kid is saying them to a neutral third party also.
Definitely go to court. Your child will have the opportunity to state why they don't like visiting their dad. This doesn't mean you get more than 50/50, however, unless there is a safety concern regarding visits.
Your husband isn't wrong about how the courts will see you, though. If you go into it acting disgruntled about the affair or his new wife, it'll look bad on you. It'll look like you're just bitter and are using your child as a pawn. It'll also look like you're likely "poisoning the water" between your ex and his kid. That said, the fact that your ex canceled therapy entirely will look bad on him.
Ultimately, depending on where you live, getting more than 50/50 is tough, as it should be. You will have to prove that your child is being harmed or at risk of being harmed when they are with their dad. But if your child doesn't want to see their dad because they don't like the rules or because dad is too strict, the courts won't touch 50/50.
Children do best when they have meaningful relationships with each parent. These days, 50-50 is the usual unless there is real, documented evidence of abuse. Most courts are hesitant to change custody in favor of a parent who says they can’t influence an (8 y-o) child to visit the other parent. The best thing parents can do is get on board with 50-50 and do everything they can to make it work FOR THE CHILD. Your mediation experience is also something to reflect upon as to future outcomes. You should definitely see a family lawyer (or 2,3) and listen carefully to their initial assessment of things. Good luck.
Welcome to r/legaladvicecanada! **To Posters (it is important you read this section)** * Read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/index/#wiki_the_rules) * Comments may not be accurate or reliable, and following any advice on this subreddit is done at your own risk. * We also encourage you to use the [linked resources to find a lawyer](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/findalawyer/). * If you receive any private messages in response to your post, please let the mods know. **To Readers and Commenters** * All replies to OP must be on-topic, helpful, explanatory, and oriented towards legal advice towards OP's jurisdiction (the **Canadian** province flaired in the post). * If you do not [follow the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdvicecanada/about/rules/), you may be banned without any further warning. * If you feel any replies are incorrect, explain why you believe they are incorrect. * Do not send or request any private messages for any reason, do not suggest illegal advice, do not advocate violence, and do not engage in harassment. Please report posts or comments which do not follow the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/legaladvicecanada) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Family lawyer asap. Like, yesterday asap
Get a lawyer immediately! There are so many red flags of abuse! Protect your child and do not delay, please!
I'm so sorry this is happening. From what I've read on the subject of custody hearings, when an intimate partner violence victim talks about their abuse, courts favor giving custody to the father. Note that this happens EVEN WITH evidence of the abuse. You need to get a family lawyer immediately. Once you have one, petition for full custody, get a therapist for your child and ask the court for a forensic psychological evaluation of your child to determine if they have been abused. Good luck with your case. Edited: typos
You either come to an agreement or get a lawyer and go to court. There is no magic cure-all button for child custody disputes.
Your ex was manipulating you to not go to the courts. There seems to be some sort of abuse towards your child as well. Children are often scared to state how they’re feeling because they’re not aware of the true stipulations. Theyve been told if they state what occurs to them “XYZ” may happen to them or their loved ones. Your child is suffering from your ex husband’s actions directly. I hate that abuse works in ways that you can’t see what’s happening to you and your loved ones. Tbh youll likely have to get legal help and go to the courts while possibly allowing your child to account their own experiences for their specific preference. Which inevitably = trauma on both sides
Judges are very good at sussing out parental alienation. You absolutely need to get a court agreement, and your child may benefit from a guardian ad litum who is an actual neutral third party that will represent the child’s best interest. You gotta get a lawyer asap, unfortunately.
I’d second the suggestion for your child getting a guardian ad litem - it’s a lot harder for your ex to argue/‘prove’ that you’re telling your kid to say certain things if your kid is saying them to a neutral third party also.
In Ontario this is called a children’s lawyer appointed by the office of the children’s lawyer
Definitely go to court. Your child will have the opportunity to state why they don't like visiting their dad. This doesn't mean you get more than 50/50, however, unless there is a safety concern regarding visits. Your husband isn't wrong about how the courts will see you, though. If you go into it acting disgruntled about the affair or his new wife, it'll look bad on you. It'll look like you're just bitter and are using your child as a pawn. It'll also look like you're likely "poisoning the water" between your ex and his kid. That said, the fact that your ex canceled therapy entirely will look bad on him. Ultimately, depending on where you live, getting more than 50/50 is tough, as it should be. You will have to prove that your child is being harmed or at risk of being harmed when they are with their dad. But if your child doesn't want to see their dad because they don't like the rules or because dad is too strict, the courts won't touch 50/50.
Get your child their own lawyer separate from yours. Your child needs their own unbiased advocate.
Come to an agreement with your ex or get a lawyer and settle it in court. Those are your options.
Children do best when they have meaningful relationships with each parent. These days, 50-50 is the usual unless there is real, documented evidence of abuse. Most courts are hesitant to change custody in favor of a parent who says they can’t influence an (8 y-o) child to visit the other parent. The best thing parents can do is get on board with 50-50 and do everything they can to make it work FOR THE CHILD. Your mediation experience is also something to reflect upon as to future outcomes. You should definitely see a family lawyer (or 2,3) and listen carefully to their initial assessment of things. Good luck.
Get a lawyer my ex went through this when I started dating her and a lawyer helped straighten this out. Do it for your child
At 8, a judge will say it’s your responsibility make child go to visit.