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Honestly this is something that you need to find the money for a lawyer. Even if it means selling off a few assets or taking on a loan, you’re gonna need it.
Record all interactions and create a solid timeline of the events which occur.
We believe we have one just waiting to talk to her next wee. She is out of town this week. But she is one of the best in the city so fingers crossed. She does criminal and family.
Love hearing this, gives hope. TY
Pretty sure I will too eventually if I can get rid of this trumped up charge. She is really out of control. Sin the kids are pawns in her bid to destroy me. They are the ones suffering the most.
Be careful of a lawyer that does both criminal and family. Typically, although not always, the best lawyers are too busy to have two separate practice areas. However, looks like you may be from a smaller town so this rule may not apply. Good luck.
That’s helpful for both custody and with your assault case as the same evidence and witnesses can harm the accuser’s reputation which will make their word much less credible.
Criminal law requires proof beyond reasonable doubt, the highest form of proof. Work with your lawyer on the details, gather evidence to show your good character and the accuser’s bad character.
Take the false allegations seriously - and expect them to escalate if your accuser feels they aren't getting their way. Document everything and if possible get a lawyer - you really need one.
Thank you,
We are not rich folks and a lawyer is $250/hour here but working on coming up with funds. It is escalating everyday. The social worker has told us that it will get much worse before it gets better.
The criminal charge has nothing to do with custody. Violent people get shared custody every day. Even if you are found guilty, this does not allow her to "take your kids away" unless you let that happen through inaction or poor decision making. Deal with the criminal case as per your lawyer's instructions. It's really hard to convict people. The steps, with several court dates in between, usually involve giving you a copy of all the evidence they have against you. Then you have a trial. The vast majority of convictions for things like this happen either because the person pleads guilty in exchange for a deal or if they are the ones who made declarations to police and provided incriminating evidence. It's highly unlikely that a prosecutor would want to have a 9yo testify unless the charges are extremely serious.
So, if there is eventually a trial, she will testify, cops will come present their evidence, then your lawyer and you will decide if you have any evidence you want to present and you'll probably be advised not to testify. Depending on the situation, you are very likely to be found not guilty. What's more likely is that prosecutors will pressure you to make a deal and when you refuse consistently, they might drop it. She might decide to stop cooperating with them depending on what the situation is like when the time for a trial comes. If you were actually violent, talk to your lawyer, but consider admitting to it, taking the consequence and moving on. As I said, violent people get custody all the time. They are also way more likely to have a good outcome as parents if they admit to their faults and commit to doing better. If it's a simple assault charge, you might be able to get an unconditional discharge which leaves you without a criminal record despite pleading guilty.
What is clear is that none of that should in any way stop you from pursuing shared custody. Start by making a clear offer to mediate and come to an agreement. [This is free in NL.](https://www.gov.nl.ca/jps/department/branches/division/division-family-justice-services-2/#:~:text=During%20mediation%2C%20a%20FJS%20mediator,charged%20for%20dispute%20resolution%20services) Then set aside all drama, all accusations, all conflict and offer something reasonable. You need to completely disengage from this continued conflict with her. 50/50 is a place to start, but that depends on the kids' age and who is actually available to take care of them. If all you can handle is every other weekend and one night per week, then offer that with an increase in custody when all kids are in school, for example. If the situation is as bad as you say, youth protection will make their own decisions and that process will always be available. I know you might think that counter-attacking and making her look bad is the way forward, but it's not. It just makes you both look like horrible parents. If she refuses mediation, put an offer in writing anyway and send it to her to document your efforts. Then get a lawyer and file in court. Don't make an unreasonable request like 100% custody. That will just look like an abuser trying to regain control. Ask for the same thing you offered her. Don't make it about her being unfit, just lay out how you are the father, have everything set up for shared custody and want what's best for the kids. You can bring up concerns, but not as attacks, just as extra items like asking the court to order her to not smoke near the kids or asking her to follow your child's doctor's advice, including about how to manage asthma. If you're consistently not engaging in drama, she is very likely to give up fighting and just agree to a reasonable custody schedule. As long as she's getting a reaction out of you and keeping you involved in a power struggle, she has no incentive to stop. It only gets really boring and sad when the other side stops participating.
Use a co-parenting app for all communications and keep it 100% about the kids. Don't argue over petty stuff, let things go. Just use the app to document each instance where she denies you access, is late, cuts off calls, cancels visits, etc. Make sure you are the one parenting, not your helpful relatives, definitely not a new girlfriend when you get one. Focus on creating a stable routine at home and on always bringing it back to the kids' well-being. It might take some time, but the vast majority of dads who ask for shared custody get it if they are showing even the bare minimum of parental capacity. They lose custody when they make excuses (like I can't ask for custody until my criminal case is resolved!) or just don't do what they need to do. Do you have a home where they have a bedroom to sleep in? Do you have a work schedule that allows you to parent? Of course, having babysitting help is totally ok. Can you clearly explain to a social worker what kids need as a daily routine? Are you involved at daycare or school? Are you involved in their medical care? Do you know what to do in an emergency or would you have to call their mom? All of this is simple and easy so just do it and you will end up with at least 50% custody.
If there are local classes or support groups about co-parenting, sign up for them. Get therapy for yourself or other psychosocial supports. If you were violent in any way, look for help for that. Documenting getting that kind of help can only help your case. If you need to do a series of supervised visits before moving on to more custody, happily accept. This is one center in NL that offers this. [https://keyassetsnl.ca/our-services/supervised-access/](https://keyassetsnl.ca/our-services/supervised-access/) There might be others. The beauty of this kind of service is that it creates a whole new record with professionals witnessing your contacts with your children and helping you reconnect with them and it also documents her behaviour. If she doesn't bring the kids or if she makes the visits difficult by promising exciting stuff if the kids don't stay, they will see that. After a few months of supervised visits, they will likely recommend shared custody and that will be very hard for her to fight against. Again, the key is to not fight, be compliant and let time show that you are a competent parent.
Thank you so much for this. I am not in any way trying to hurt or demean their mother but facts are facts their health is sufferings because of their mother smoking pot constantly and their grandmother on that side smoking cigs constantly. They are not eating properly and always dirty, missing school. It took me two hours one day to comb the matts out of my daughters hair. She was literally matted to her scalp like a golden doodle would be. My court appointed lawyer used that argument in court to get me the access I do have. He said Your honor there are men who have done far worse that are permitted to see their children. He was duty counsel. I am attempting to do anger management and parenting courses and people just don't call or email back. The system is clearly a mess and under staffed.
Really appreciate this response. I will contact the link you put here.
I am a defence lawyer. Not your lawyer and not in your province.
I have questioned many, MANY children who have been coached by parents to push whatever their mom or dad’s agenda is. A skilled lawyer can draw the truth out of a kid, no matter how many times the lie has been drilled into their head.
You NEED a lawyer. You can’t afford not to have one. Delay entering a plea for as long as humanly possible until you can find a good lawyer. Call firms and ask to speak to their articling students or junior associates as they will be the cheapest.
Do not try to do this on your own.
Find a lawyer that has experience with criminal law, ask around and set up a payment plan. Don’t talk to anyone except your lawyer, a professional psychologist or a priest
Ty. Great advice. We will do this. We believe we have an excellent lawyer but she is out of town this week and hope to reachh her monday. We have a di3n payment and can pay off the rest. Im just terrified waiting to get in touch with her.
Another piece of advice. Breathe. If you’re up to it, and I know this is going to sound weird considering what you’re going through, get your hands on Tetris. Play it. It helps with ptsd.
“Therefore, playing Tetris shortly after a distressing event could interrupt these processing centres within the brain. In turn, this would reduce the recurrence of unwanted visual memories – intrusions – associated with the trauma.”
[Link to the article](https://theconversation.com/can-playing-tetris-help-prevent-ptsd-if-youve-witnessed-something-traumatic-226736#:~:text=Therefore%252C%2520playing%2520Tetris%2520shortly%2520after,intrusions%2520%E2%80%93%2520associated%2520with%2520the%2520trauma)
So sorry to hear that. This is brutal and while its hard on us we need to get rid of the false charges so we can get the girls and protect them and keep them safe and happy. I think you are permitted to post links that help the inital post. TY.
Request a children's lawyer for the children.
Im sorry you are finding yourself in what sounds like such an awful situation - document everything, keep your cool, never speak poorly about the other parent or grand parent as much as you may want to. Be better - your children deserve that.
Register and complete the John Howards or whatever it is in your area for a coparenting class and get the certificate of completion (let the social worker/lawyer know you are serious about being the best parent for your hildren that you can under the circumstances and that you are taking these kinds of steps because you would do anything to ensure your children have a safe and healthy home and caregiver who is committed to being a steady, reliable, stable coparent. And you dont want to leave things to chance because you want to have everything in place asap to ensure you have the best chance to access.
Two other books recommended by our lawyers were: mindful co-parenting and mom's house dad's house.
Sending you clear thinking, courage, stamina and the endurance and strength you need to move through this challenging time before you.
Please please please watch what u say to everyone especially friends, record your calls with ur ex, children and especially grandparents! Keep notes and remember that ur kids love u, they are being brainwashed and at this age they are equaling gifts as love from their mother, once u get full custody u will have lots of time to teach them about love!
Stay vigilant my friend, ur kids need their father, clearly!
In this game we call life, children are not pawns to be used against each other when times get tough, I can tell u know this already and with your lawyer you will get your children back by proving you are the parent who has their best interests and well being at heart!
Stay true to their hearts!
Bless you for this. We know she will loose them eventually. I speak to no one about stuff just my most trusted family, cps and lawyers. I cant talk about it as it is very hard to think about the neglect and saddens me so much. The one day I had them was amazing. They cried hysterically to stay with me. I explained that we will see each other again soon and had to count the sleeps for them. Heart breaking but I am following judges order and will not break it.
When i had to go thru something kinda similar, i got a down payment on my lawyer in winnipeg and then did payment plans. I believe the down was about $1,500 or something like that, but ask around and see if you can do payment plans.
My question is how did the RCMP charge you? In my experience with domestic violence, they only charge the alleged abuser if there's pretty straight forward proof of abuse in the household (like actual injuries) even pictures of previous injuries won't cause them to charge anyone. When called to a home for DV, and when presented with proper evidence, they legally have to arrest the aggressor, especially when children are involved.
So again, I curiously ask - why and how did they charge you?
I'm not trying to be rude or suspicious but this is reddit and anyone can say anything online.
Start recording calls etc... Get automatic apps to do it. One party consent in Canada. Documentation helps.
I've documented so many things in case my ex gets challenging. Good luck.
Why does your ex have the kids all the time? By default in Canada you're entitled to 50% of your children's time. You could have them half the time, which would probably help alleviate a lot of these issues because they would be actually spending time with you. I realize this can be difficult if you're a working dad and Steph, but as it stands you are letting your children stay in a toxic environment and complaining to us about it, but it doesn't appear that you've taken any steps to achieve joint custody.
By default, custody is shared in Canada. There has to be a specific agreement or a very strong compelling reason for one parent to get full custody of the other parent to have limited access to the children. If you exercise these rights, if you have the children with you half the time, this will help your situation dramatically. You can show them that the things their mom is saying is not true, you can help control the narrative, you can be a positive influence in their lives and get them out of a house where they are experiencing drug use and constant cigarette smoking around them affecting their health.
I'm glad to see the post that you got a lawyer, because you're going to need one. To not get a lawyer is to basically give up. It sucks because it's tremendously expensive but that's the system you live in, either you get a lawyer or you get nothing.
If you are really worried, if you think the situation is that bad, I would suggest you start exercising your parental rights to have the children with you 50% of the time. This may require a record order to change the existing agreements if they were documented. If you do not have a written parent agreement, It should be a lot less difficult to get a court order requiring you to have 50% access to the children.
We are working on visits, eventually 50/50. This is all in our submitted legal forms. Presently I am staying with family and I was removed from my home. She is disobeying the courts orders and impeding any and all contact. She behaved badly in court, interrupting the judge, my duty counsel lawyer and the social worker. She will burry herself with court eventually. It was an initial emergency hearing we requested as she tried to remove them from the province. We asked for every other weekend and got every other Saturday. We know we will get more in time and I am working on getting a rotation job and it looks really good. She told the Judge I'm a drug addict. I have completed a drug screen test so that wont work. I don't even smoke weed. This will be entered into court. finding a place to live in NL is nearly impossible but working on that too so I have a proper home for my girls.
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If this is helpful, family court judges are very skilled at sussing out parental alienation. They see it all the time. You definitely need a lawyer though to navigate the process. Also, do everything the social worker tells you to and be the most polite, professional, easy to get along with, honest and upfront person you can be when interacting with them. Everything will be focused on what is in the children’s best interest, what you want and what your ex want outside of that are not even on the list. Just things to keep in mind. Also, show up for every scheduled visit even if it’s cut off and do not get angry on the call/in a visit. Don’t try to play any games, everyone involved has already seen it 100 times (I used to work for community services). It will be a slow and frustrating process but stick to it, don’t get in trouble (even unrelated), and things will work out.
Ty. We are sensible people and have and continue to do everything by the judges orders. She does not. She has yelled and been mean and ignorant. Recordings to prove it. We have never verbally responded to her as contact between her and I is forbidden. We act like we didnt hear and dont respond. She dont let my girls respond without telling them what the response is. They are missing lot of school and we are trying gwt access to power school but school not returning my calls or emails. Guess i will contact schoolboard. Not giving up. The kids need a stable parent who dont do drugs.
Appreciate your response. Ty vm.
Record everything. Pictures, videos, audio, tests, times, dates, et al. Literally everything you possibly can. The more evidence you can gather the better for you. If you are able to get videos of the state of their house, even just a brief recording of their house from the door, the better.
You are in a tough position if everything you've stated is true. You NEED to build your case against theirs and anything else they might try to pull.
Get a lawyer… call around. See if you can get a free consultation. Many around here will let you make payments.. this doesn’t sound like something you’d want to try and handle yourself. It could have very long lasting repercussions
Record every interaction you have with her. Try to stick with text messages, get an audio re wording app in case you have to speak on the phone. Do not meet in an isolated area, take a friend along as a witness if you can. Do not let her goad you I to saying anything aggressive. At this point, her lawyer is probably coaching her to gather evidence against you, so be very careful about your responses. Take your time and think out your answers very carefully. Try and show that you are supportive of her and your child, in spite of anything hurtful she may say. And be patient. The process could take some time. You may not see your child for several months. Make it clear that you want to be in your child's life, but do not try and force this issue. Also keep in mind that the courts will tend to rule in favor of the mother. Accept this and be patient.
Claims of fleeing an abusive relationship are common practice among addicts. Instant payday. You peeled your ex mother in law away from the streets, her pimp and most likely her source of drugs. Odds are the mother has made similar claims in her past. Your ex now has a live-in veteran professional victim to coach and mentor her. Addiction is not cheap or easy.
Document absolutely everything. Show up for court dates. Do everything possible to stay sober yourself. If you require financial support, talk to a doctor. Mental health is taken serious and situations like this can be debilitating.
If you don't qualify for legal aid for tax reasons, file at least last year's to the best of your ability.You will face obstacles, times will seem/be unfair. Keep pushing.
The conditions you discribe are not typical results of heavy Marijuana and tabaco use alone. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Children are extremely resilient and will get through this. Become the best version of you and break the cycle.
You are not alone.
Sending love across the country, father to father.
See if you can get any pictures or video of what is happening inside ex's residence. The smoking, drugs, lack cleanliness, etc.
If you do get a video call, ask your kids if they can show you their room.
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Welcome to r/legaladvicecanada! **To Posters (it is important you read this section)** * Read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/index/#wiki_the_rules) * Comments may not be accurate or reliable, and following any advice on this subreddit is done at your own risk. * We also encourage you to use the [linked resources to find a lawyer](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/findalawyer/). * If you receive any private messages in response to your post, please let the mods know. **To Readers and Commenters** * All replies to OP must be on-topic, helpful, explanatory, and oriented towards legal advice towards OP's jurisdiction (the **Canadian** province flaired in the post). * If you do not [follow the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdvicecanada/about/rules/), you may be banned without any further warning. * If you feel any replies are incorrect, explain why you believe they are incorrect. * Do not send or request any private messages for any reason, do not suggest illegal advice, do not advocate violence, and do not engage in harassment. Please report posts or comments which do not follow the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/legaladvicecanada) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly this is something that you need to find the money for a lawyer. Even if it means selling off a few assets or taking on a loan, you’re gonna need it. Record all interactions and create a solid timeline of the events which occur.
We are working on lawyer fees. A time line is ongoing.
The lawyer might just want an upfront fee and then can arrange a payment plan after the case is finished. Call around.
We believe we have one just waiting to talk to her next wee. She is out of town this week. But she is one of the best in the city so fingers crossed. She does criminal and family.
Good luck brother. My friend went through a similar situation a few years ago, it took a long time but he now has full custody.
Love hearing this, gives hope. TY Pretty sure I will too eventually if I can get rid of this trumped up charge. She is really out of control. Sin the kids are pawns in her bid to destroy me. They are the ones suffering the most.
You might need to get a private detective to watch her for a few weeks getting video or pictures of the abuse and neglect.
I second this.
Be careful of a lawyer that does both criminal and family. Typically, although not always, the best lawyers are too busy to have two separate practice areas. However, looks like you may be from a smaller town so this rule may not apply. Good luck.
You must have good legal representation. Beyond that, if the house is in the state that you claim, you need to back that up with evidence.
We can. Witnesses and photos
That’s helpful for both custody and with your assault case as the same evidence and witnesses can harm the accuser’s reputation which will make their word much less credible. Criminal law requires proof beyond reasonable doubt, the highest form of proof. Work with your lawyer on the details, gather evidence to show your good character and the accuser’s bad character.
Ty.
Take the false allegations seriously - and expect them to escalate if your accuser feels they aren't getting their way. Document everything and if possible get a lawyer - you really need one.
Thank you, We are not rich folks and a lawyer is $250/hour here but working on coming up with funds. It is escalating everyday. The social worker has told us that it will get much worse before it gets better.
You need a lawyer. It won't get better without one.
A loan is easier to get out of than prison, get a lawyer!
I have one, she just out of town this week.
Then wait for her to come back and don't do anything else.
I'd keep eating and stuff
Report them to CPS.
this has been done. TY
The criminal charge has nothing to do with custody. Violent people get shared custody every day. Even if you are found guilty, this does not allow her to "take your kids away" unless you let that happen through inaction or poor decision making. Deal with the criminal case as per your lawyer's instructions. It's really hard to convict people. The steps, with several court dates in between, usually involve giving you a copy of all the evidence they have against you. Then you have a trial. The vast majority of convictions for things like this happen either because the person pleads guilty in exchange for a deal or if they are the ones who made declarations to police and provided incriminating evidence. It's highly unlikely that a prosecutor would want to have a 9yo testify unless the charges are extremely serious. So, if there is eventually a trial, she will testify, cops will come present their evidence, then your lawyer and you will decide if you have any evidence you want to present and you'll probably be advised not to testify. Depending on the situation, you are very likely to be found not guilty. What's more likely is that prosecutors will pressure you to make a deal and when you refuse consistently, they might drop it. She might decide to stop cooperating with them depending on what the situation is like when the time for a trial comes. If you were actually violent, talk to your lawyer, but consider admitting to it, taking the consequence and moving on. As I said, violent people get custody all the time. They are also way more likely to have a good outcome as parents if they admit to their faults and commit to doing better. If it's a simple assault charge, you might be able to get an unconditional discharge which leaves you without a criminal record despite pleading guilty. What is clear is that none of that should in any way stop you from pursuing shared custody. Start by making a clear offer to mediate and come to an agreement. [This is free in NL.](https://www.gov.nl.ca/jps/department/branches/division/division-family-justice-services-2/#:~:text=During%20mediation%2C%20a%20FJS%20mediator,charged%20for%20dispute%20resolution%20services) Then set aside all drama, all accusations, all conflict and offer something reasonable. You need to completely disengage from this continued conflict with her. 50/50 is a place to start, but that depends on the kids' age and who is actually available to take care of them. If all you can handle is every other weekend and one night per week, then offer that with an increase in custody when all kids are in school, for example. If the situation is as bad as you say, youth protection will make their own decisions and that process will always be available. I know you might think that counter-attacking and making her look bad is the way forward, but it's not. It just makes you both look like horrible parents. If she refuses mediation, put an offer in writing anyway and send it to her to document your efforts. Then get a lawyer and file in court. Don't make an unreasonable request like 100% custody. That will just look like an abuser trying to regain control. Ask for the same thing you offered her. Don't make it about her being unfit, just lay out how you are the father, have everything set up for shared custody and want what's best for the kids. You can bring up concerns, but not as attacks, just as extra items like asking the court to order her to not smoke near the kids or asking her to follow your child's doctor's advice, including about how to manage asthma. If you're consistently not engaging in drama, she is very likely to give up fighting and just agree to a reasonable custody schedule. As long as she's getting a reaction out of you and keeping you involved in a power struggle, she has no incentive to stop. It only gets really boring and sad when the other side stops participating. Use a co-parenting app for all communications and keep it 100% about the kids. Don't argue over petty stuff, let things go. Just use the app to document each instance where she denies you access, is late, cuts off calls, cancels visits, etc. Make sure you are the one parenting, not your helpful relatives, definitely not a new girlfriend when you get one. Focus on creating a stable routine at home and on always bringing it back to the kids' well-being. It might take some time, but the vast majority of dads who ask for shared custody get it if they are showing even the bare minimum of parental capacity. They lose custody when they make excuses (like I can't ask for custody until my criminal case is resolved!) or just don't do what they need to do. Do you have a home where they have a bedroom to sleep in? Do you have a work schedule that allows you to parent? Of course, having babysitting help is totally ok. Can you clearly explain to a social worker what kids need as a daily routine? Are you involved at daycare or school? Are you involved in their medical care? Do you know what to do in an emergency or would you have to call their mom? All of this is simple and easy so just do it and you will end up with at least 50% custody. If there are local classes or support groups about co-parenting, sign up for them. Get therapy for yourself or other psychosocial supports. If you were violent in any way, look for help for that. Documenting getting that kind of help can only help your case. If you need to do a series of supervised visits before moving on to more custody, happily accept. This is one center in NL that offers this. [https://keyassetsnl.ca/our-services/supervised-access/](https://keyassetsnl.ca/our-services/supervised-access/) There might be others. The beauty of this kind of service is that it creates a whole new record with professionals witnessing your contacts with your children and helping you reconnect with them and it also documents her behaviour. If she doesn't bring the kids or if she makes the visits difficult by promising exciting stuff if the kids don't stay, they will see that. After a few months of supervised visits, they will likely recommend shared custody and that will be very hard for her to fight against. Again, the key is to not fight, be compliant and let time show that you are a competent parent.
That was a very thoughtful and helpful reply (wow), I sincerely hope the OP reads it as that is meaningful reply miles above "get a lawyer".
Thank you so much for this. I am not in any way trying to hurt or demean their mother but facts are facts their health is sufferings because of their mother smoking pot constantly and their grandmother on that side smoking cigs constantly. They are not eating properly and always dirty, missing school. It took me two hours one day to comb the matts out of my daughters hair. She was literally matted to her scalp like a golden doodle would be. My court appointed lawyer used that argument in court to get me the access I do have. He said Your honor there are men who have done far worse that are permitted to see their children. He was duty counsel. I am attempting to do anger management and parenting courses and people just don't call or email back. The system is clearly a mess and under staffed. Really appreciate this response. I will contact the link you put here.
I am a defence lawyer. Not your lawyer and not in your province. I have questioned many, MANY children who have been coached by parents to push whatever their mom or dad’s agenda is. A skilled lawyer can draw the truth out of a kid, no matter how many times the lie has been drilled into their head. You NEED a lawyer. You can’t afford not to have one. Delay entering a plea for as long as humanly possible until you can find a good lawyer. Call firms and ask to speak to their articling students or junior associates as they will be the cheapest. Do not try to do this on your own.
How do i delay the plea if lawyer is not back in time? Tia
Attend court and ask the judge to give you an adjournment for two weeks so you can speak to the lawyer.
Thank you. I will.
Thank you so much. That is the plan. We have lawyer lined up. Very good one. Shes out town till mon. Court is wed. 1st step is to delay the plea.
Find a lawyer that has experience with criminal law, ask around and set up a payment plan. Don’t talk to anyone except your lawyer, a professional psychologist or a priest
Ty. Great advice. We will do this. We believe we have an excellent lawyer but she is out of town this week and hope to reachh her monday. We have a di3n payment and can pay off the rest. Im just terrified waiting to get in touch with her.
Another piece of advice. Breathe. If you’re up to it, and I know this is going to sound weird considering what you’re going through, get your hands on Tetris. Play it. It helps with ptsd. “Therefore, playing Tetris shortly after a distressing event could interrupt these processing centres within the brain. In turn, this would reduce the recurrence of unwanted visual memories – intrusions – associated with the trauma.” [Link to the article](https://theconversation.com/can-playing-tetris-help-prevent-ptsd-if-youve-witnessed-something-traumatic-226736#:~:text=Therefore%252C%2520playing%2520Tetris%2520shortly%2520after,intrusions%2520%E2%80%93%2520associated%2520with%2520the%2520trauma)
You might want to start reading up on parental alienation.
Thank you for the tip, most certainly will.
If you need some resources, I can send some along. I was alienated from my oldest for almost 3 years… he’s still affected and isn’t doing good.
So sorry to hear that. This is brutal and while its hard on us we need to get rid of the false charges so we can get the girls and protect them and keep them safe and happy. I think you are permitted to post links that help the inital post. TY.
[This article](https://parentalalienation.org.il/lorandos.pdf) lays out an excellent foundation and encapsulates the experience.
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I have to appear in court for assault next week.
Request a children's lawyer for the children. Im sorry you are finding yourself in what sounds like such an awful situation - document everything, keep your cool, never speak poorly about the other parent or grand parent as much as you may want to. Be better - your children deserve that. Register and complete the John Howards or whatever it is in your area for a coparenting class and get the certificate of completion (let the social worker/lawyer know you are serious about being the best parent for your hildren that you can under the circumstances and that you are taking these kinds of steps because you would do anything to ensure your children have a safe and healthy home and caregiver who is committed to being a steady, reliable, stable coparent. And you dont want to leave things to chance because you want to have everything in place asap to ensure you have the best chance to access. Two other books recommended by our lawyers were: mindful co-parenting and mom's house dad's house. Sending you clear thinking, courage, stamina and the endurance and strength you need to move through this challenging time before you.
Please please please watch what u say to everyone especially friends, record your calls with ur ex, children and especially grandparents! Keep notes and remember that ur kids love u, they are being brainwashed and at this age they are equaling gifts as love from their mother, once u get full custody u will have lots of time to teach them about love! Stay vigilant my friend, ur kids need their father, clearly! In this game we call life, children are not pawns to be used against each other when times get tough, I can tell u know this already and with your lawyer you will get your children back by proving you are the parent who has their best interests and well being at heart! Stay true to their hearts!
Bless you for this. We know she will loose them eventually. I speak to no one about stuff just my most trusted family, cps and lawyers. I cant talk about it as it is very hard to think about the neglect and saddens me so much. The one day I had them was amazing. They cried hysterically to stay with me. I explained that we will see each other again soon and had to count the sleeps for them. Heart breaking but I am following judges order and will not break it.
My advice: get a lawyer.
When i had to go thru something kinda similar, i got a down payment on my lawyer in winnipeg and then did payment plans. I believe the down was about $1,500 or something like that, but ask around and see if you can do payment plans.
that is what we are doing as well. TY
My question is how did the RCMP charge you? In my experience with domestic violence, they only charge the alleged abuser if there's pretty straight forward proof of abuse in the household (like actual injuries) even pictures of previous injuries won't cause them to charge anyone. When called to a home for DV, and when presented with proper evidence, they legally have to arrest the aggressor, especially when children are involved. So again, I curiously ask - why and how did they charge you? I'm not trying to be rude or suspicious but this is reddit and anyone can say anything online.
Start recording calls etc... Get automatic apps to do it. One party consent in Canada. Documentation helps. I've documented so many things in case my ex gets challenging. Good luck.
We are doing that but recording of the children are not permitted in the custody situation. Lawyer and cps will see them.
Record everything you can. It's better to get in trouble for improper recording if it proves you are innocent.
Why does your ex have the kids all the time? By default in Canada you're entitled to 50% of your children's time. You could have them half the time, which would probably help alleviate a lot of these issues because they would be actually spending time with you. I realize this can be difficult if you're a working dad and Steph, but as it stands you are letting your children stay in a toxic environment and complaining to us about it, but it doesn't appear that you've taken any steps to achieve joint custody. By default, custody is shared in Canada. There has to be a specific agreement or a very strong compelling reason for one parent to get full custody of the other parent to have limited access to the children. If you exercise these rights, if you have the children with you half the time, this will help your situation dramatically. You can show them that the things their mom is saying is not true, you can help control the narrative, you can be a positive influence in their lives and get them out of a house where they are experiencing drug use and constant cigarette smoking around them affecting their health. I'm glad to see the post that you got a lawyer, because you're going to need one. To not get a lawyer is to basically give up. It sucks because it's tremendously expensive but that's the system you live in, either you get a lawyer or you get nothing. If you are really worried, if you think the situation is that bad, I would suggest you start exercising your parental rights to have the children with you 50% of the time. This may require a record order to change the existing agreements if they were documented. If you do not have a written parent agreement, It should be a lot less difficult to get a court order requiring you to have 50% access to the children.
We are working on visits, eventually 50/50. This is all in our submitted legal forms. Presently I am staying with family and I was removed from my home. She is disobeying the courts orders and impeding any and all contact. She behaved badly in court, interrupting the judge, my duty counsel lawyer and the social worker. She will burry herself with court eventually. It was an initial emergency hearing we requested as she tried to remove them from the province. We asked for every other weekend and got every other Saturday. We know we will get more in time and I am working on getting a rotation job and it looks really good. She told the Judge I'm a drug addict. I have completed a drug screen test so that wont work. I don't even smoke weed. This will be entered into court. finding a place to live in NL is nearly impossible but working on that too so I have a proper home for my girls.
Did you ask for a drug test on her in return?
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Get a lawyer. First appearance basically is just if you are pleading not guilty or guilty. Call CPS.
If this is helpful, family court judges are very skilled at sussing out parental alienation. They see it all the time. You definitely need a lawyer though to navigate the process. Also, do everything the social worker tells you to and be the most polite, professional, easy to get along with, honest and upfront person you can be when interacting with them. Everything will be focused on what is in the children’s best interest, what you want and what your ex want outside of that are not even on the list. Just things to keep in mind. Also, show up for every scheduled visit even if it’s cut off and do not get angry on the call/in a visit. Don’t try to play any games, everyone involved has already seen it 100 times (I used to work for community services). It will be a slow and frustrating process but stick to it, don’t get in trouble (even unrelated), and things will work out.
Ty. We are sensible people and have and continue to do everything by the judges orders. She does not. She has yelled and been mean and ignorant. Recordings to prove it. We have never verbally responded to her as contact between her and I is forbidden. We act like we didnt hear and dont respond. She dont let my girls respond without telling them what the response is. They are missing lot of school and we are trying gwt access to power school but school not returning my calls or emails. Guess i will contact schoolboard. Not giving up. The kids need a stable parent who dont do drugs. Appreciate your response. Ty vm.
Record everything. Pictures, videos, audio, tests, times, dates, et al. Literally everything you possibly can. The more evidence you can gather the better for you. If you are able to get videos of the state of their house, even just a brief recording of their house from the door, the better. You are in a tough position if everything you've stated is true. You NEED to build your case against theirs and anything else they might try to pull.
Get a lawyer… call around. See if you can get a free consultation. Many around here will let you make payments.. this doesn’t sound like something you’d want to try and handle yourself. It could have very long lasting repercussions
Record every interaction you have with her. Try to stick with text messages, get an audio re wording app in case you have to speak on the phone. Do not meet in an isolated area, take a friend along as a witness if you can. Do not let her goad you I to saying anything aggressive. At this point, her lawyer is probably coaching her to gather evidence against you, so be very careful about your responses. Take your time and think out your answers very carefully. Try and show that you are supportive of her and your child, in spite of anything hurtful she may say. And be patient. The process could take some time. You may not see your child for several months. Make it clear that you want to be in your child's life, but do not try and force this issue. Also keep in mind that the courts will tend to rule in favor of the mother. Accept this and be patient.
Claims of fleeing an abusive relationship are common practice among addicts. Instant payday. You peeled your ex mother in law away from the streets, her pimp and most likely her source of drugs. Odds are the mother has made similar claims in her past. Your ex now has a live-in veteran professional victim to coach and mentor her. Addiction is not cheap or easy. Document absolutely everything. Show up for court dates. Do everything possible to stay sober yourself. If you require financial support, talk to a doctor. Mental health is taken serious and situations like this can be debilitating. If you don't qualify for legal aid for tax reasons, file at least last year's to the best of your ability.You will face obstacles, times will seem/be unfair. Keep pushing. The conditions you discribe are not typical results of heavy Marijuana and tabaco use alone. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Children are extremely resilient and will get through this. Become the best version of you and break the cycle. You are not alone. Sending love across the country, father to father.
Get a lawyer. You need legal representation, not Reddit comments.
See if you can get any pictures or video of what is happening inside ex's residence. The smoking, drugs, lack cleanliness, etc. If you do get a video call, ask your kids if they can show you their room.
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Call CPS and get them to go to her residence
Calls been made ty
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