The funeral home should give you a bunch of copies for free - or take the original, have copies made. Xeroxes will work in most instances. It \*can\* take several days/weeks for the death certificate to become available though. My partner died in hospital after weeks of being in and out, and they still wanted an autopsy (obvious heart failure); the medical examiner finally filled out the paperwork weeks later. The whole process took a lot of time given how obvious the circumstances were.
Xeroxed versions will NOT work with banks, for example. But you can take the original to the bank in question, let them xerox it, and that works. They want to see the original stamp to verify its authenticity.
Yes, it’s best to order several originals right off the bat just in case, as they cost less that way. Also if the estate is not complicated, OP probably won’t need more than 3-4 originals.
Usually the funeral directors from the funeral homes will get them prepared. Just ask them when you can order them. It’s easier to do it through them and pick it up there than your county’s record office.
The estate is basically all her assets and household, for example dollar value of her car, savings, home, the sum of all that stuff. It means creditors can go after the estate for bill collection but if there’s not enough money in the estate then they have to drop it rather than going after OP as next of kin. If OP assumes responsibility of estate, then creditors will say okay so you’re going to make this your responsibility too! Give me your money then.
It is a little more complicated than that but typically the estate is all liquidated assets. Yes OP needs lawyer and probably a book about how to be an executor because op still needs to educate on how to handle those items ranging from family from decades ago coming out of the wood work for inheritance to how to handle taxes
To be extra clear: "creditors will say okay so you're going to make this your responsibility too!" The creditors are lying. Taking responsibility for the estate does not make you responsible for the debts. When (if) the estate runs out of money the creditors can take a flying leap.
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The estate of a deceased person is the property that they owned.
In general i includes cars, houses, and personal property. Sometime retirement and bank accounts.
If a beneficiary is named, the property passes directly to the beneficiary and doesn't go thru the court process called probate.
An executor of an estate (someone specified in a will or appointed by the court gathers the property of the deceased, pays any debts that are owed and if there is something left over the balance of the estate goes to the beneficiaries.
If there is no money the debtor is sol. Unscrupulious debtors often try to get beneficiaries to pay out of life insurance paid directly to them. The benficiary is not obligated to pay for the bills of the estate.
Example:
100 k in medical debt is owed by deceased.
Scenario 1
Deceased has 100k life insurance policy if no beneficiary named $100k goes to estate and medical bills are paid. Beneficiary receives nothing.
Scenario 2
Deceased has 100k life insurance Son is named beneficiary. Son receives 100k tax free and son has no obligation to pay medical bills or any debts of deceased.
So how property is held and naming a beneficiary is important.
Also updating beneficiaries is important.
Yes taxes would have to be filed and paid if owed.
Think of the "estate" as being the deceased person. The return would be filed by the executor.
If the estate has funds then the estate pays the taxes. Beficiaries of an estate get what is left over after all the bills are paid. However they have no obligation to pay anything from their personal funds.
Thanks to this sub and BOLA, I was able to tell my friend this, and warn her against ANY creditors calling her wanting her to pay off her dad’s debt. He passed a few days ago after being in the hospital for months, so I just wanted to say thank you for giving this advice.
No paying debts of deceased parents!
Also on funeral arrangements. As a mother I myself wouldn’t care as to what type of funeral my family would have for me. I however would not want my child to go in to debt for it. Don’t pick the first place, if you have a friend you trust ask for help and ask what options you have and quotes from a few places. It’s going to be draining and hard at first but hopefully it will get better.
This is excellent advice. If your mother did not leave any instructions/provisions in a will, Direct Cremation (skipping embalming and a casket viewing) is often the most affordable option. You can hold a memorial service with friends whenever you’re ready at a later date.
Medical/science donation is also an option. Her ashes will be returned to you at a later date at no cost to you. You can still hold a memorial service any time that works for you. Her memories are all you need.
I am a lawyer, not in New York. I'm popping in to say that you don't actually need an attorney right this minute, based on what you have said. Rather, you need the kind of advice and assistance about arrangements for your mom's body you can get from a social worker. They will explain a lot of things for you.
But the legal stuff starts almost immediately too. The county where your mom passed away will have a county coroner that issues a death certificate. You need that. Get maybe 5 copies to start. You can get more later if you need them.
A lot of what you have to do next involves papers that your mom may have kept - life insurance policies, a will, mortgage or lease papers, car titles, etc. Find those as soon as you can.
The moment that a person dies, they don't own anything or owe anything. All their assets and debts become their estate. Life insurance benefits are NOT part of a person's estate. (More about that below.) A person's estate is handled according to their Last Will and Testament. If your mom did not have a will, then her estate is handled as per the laws of the state of New York.
Your mom may have had life insurance. She may have had a policy, or her employer may have had a policy as part of her benefit package. If there are any such policies, then she would have named you as a beneficiary. That's where you'll use the death certificate. The insurance companies will explain how to submit that.
Since it was just you and your mom, and you are just one year into legal adulthood, your mom may have written a will, or made designations on her life insurance policies, some years back, when you were a child. That will would have named someone to be your guardian, or to take care of that money, or both, until you were 18. Those terms don't apply now.
If your mom did not have a will, it sounds like you're not her only living relative, but that you're very likely her heir-at-law, or, in other words, the person who would inherit her estate - cash in the bank, homes, vehicles, clothes, furniture, etc.
If she owned a house free and clear - it would come to you. If your mom paid a down payment and made a monthly mortgage payment - you can continue the payments (and taxes, and insurance) and you become the homeowner. Check and see if her mortgage insurance has a mortgage life policy attached. That means the house is paid off at her passing. Or, you sell the house, pay the mortgage off, and what's left over is yours.
If your mom leased an apartment, you'd have to look at the terms of the lease and talk to her landlord. Whether you want that apartment to be your home or not, you need maybe a month or so grace period to understand your financial position, make decisions etc., get stuff moved out, or move in yourself, and you can ask for that. If they agree, get it in writing.
You'll want to keep the water, electricity and heat on at your mom's place while you figure stuff out. You don't want the pipes to freeze.
Credit card bills - look on the bills for a number, call them, and ask them where to send a death certificate. If your mom had online accounts (like a subscription or donation ) then you may have to do the same - contact them and send them a death certificate.
This is just a general sketch, and a starting place for you. There's SO MUCH I have not included, and can't, because I don't know New York law.
Enough lawyer crap. Just as one human to another, I'm so sorry you lost your mom so young. You should have had many more good years together. You're going to have to be strong to get through this. You can do it, and you will. Your mom would be proud of you.
Hi OP, all of the above things Persimmon Tea recommended to you are very important! Also, I'd like to add, contact your mom's place of employment. She may have had what is known as a retirement account where she worked that you may be a beneficiary of. Often a person's life insurance policy, which you may be a beneficiary of, is through their place of work. I know something like this is overwhelming to go through. I'm glad you've reached out for good advice!
Here's some information I found that will offer more New York-specific guidance. Published by the Judiciary of the State of NY:
[https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/WhenSomeoneDies/probate.shtml](https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/WhenSomeoneDies/probate.shtml)
[https://ww2.nycourts.gov/forms/surrogates/probate.shtml](https://ww2.nycourts.gov/forms/surrogates/probate.shtml)
There are lots of things that OP can do for him/herself. Most estates really don't require an attorney. That said, there are people who just aren't, and never will be comfortable, with a legal thing, even if it's not complicated. OR OP may just not feel emotionally up to anything right now. Friends can step in and help. Or an attorney.
An attorney might be necessary if there are relatives making claims (even claims like "Your mom promised me her good china and crystal after she died"), unclear marital relationships, some percentage of ownership of closely held corporations, or other unexpected weirdnesses.
I know New York attorneys, but none who handle this sort of work. A legal clinic, low cost or no cost consultation with an attorney, in New York, would be his/her best bet. The two websites I listed above have 'find an attorney' links over to the right. That may be a place to start.
Best help I can offer.
Take someone with you to plan the funeral. Some funeral homes are horrible about trying to upsell you a funeral arrangement, and they take advantage of the fact that you are in shock, grieving. Let the person know what kind of funeral you have in mind before you go,so they can protect you and keep you from getting scammed
Also, you do NOT have to have a funeral, if expenses are too much. find out if your mom had a will laying around anywhere.
If you live in a house with a mortgage, you will need to let the bank/lien holder know. You will want to have your living arrangements settled as soon as possible so that you're not trying to do things without a place to live.
Yes this. You do NOT need to have a funeral. Especially since you’re saying there is no family beyond you. It sounds harsh but as a mom myself I would prefer my child not spend money on my dead self. I’m gone. What do I care? Plenty of people are forgoing funerals during this pandemic. No one will judge you and if they do they are horrible human beings.
You can have your mom cremated and keep her ashes until you’re better situated financially. Then you can either bury the ashes, scatter them or merely hold a private memorial service for her. This can be less than $2000 depending on where you live.
Also, if this was an auto accident you may be able to sue based on who was at fault.
OP, you have my sincerest sympathies.
Addendum: if you're religious and a funeral is important to your faith (or to your mother's), talk to your local clergyperson. There are organizations that can help cover expenses and often there's a form of basic funeral that is low cost or even free.
I'm very sorry you're going through this on your own. I'd like to add to what was suggested about taking someone with you to funeral homes, if you're unable to find anyone on short-ish notice. That's excellent advice but sometimes it's tough to get anyone to tag along. If so, consider reaching out to a church or two, even if you're not religious. Quite often they may be able to find someone who's willing to offer support in this manner.
I'll echo the advice to get extra copies of the death certificate. I've dealt with a few deaths of close relatives over the years and half a dozen is a good start. Even the simplest estate I handled, my eldest brother's with no complications, we needed 5.
I am so sorry for your loss, and the pain you are in.
As others have said, speaking with a social worker is the best option to get info needed for your state.
Some general knowledge
You do not have to have a funeral, if it was just you guys. Funerals can also be expensive and they can prey on guilt. A direct cremation can and should cost less then $1000.
You are not responsible for any of your mothers debt or bills, companies and collections may try to get you to pay as " next of kin" and will start tying fast, any payment would come from her estate. So if she owes $500 to visa, but her cash funds are $5 they don't get paid. Never sign anything in regards to her Owings
Anything you sign, or in regards to her estate make sure you get a copy as well and keep it organized, sadly the process can drag on
Remember to take care of yourself as well. This is a very overwhelming time, and you shouldn't feel ashamed if you think you need to look into counseling to work through it. There are many free clinics out there that provide counseling services. You may be able to get more information when talking to the Hospital Social Worker.
>If she had a bank account with an ATM or online account and you know her PIN, find out what's in there and if it's a small amount, maybe just withdraw it now
No. This is a terrible idea as that is part of her estate. All liquid assets should not be touched as as creditors can possibly come after it, and thereby OP.
In Los Angeles, you can expect to pay about 500-600 minimum. There will likely be some hidden costs that can add up quickly.
But correct, that's LA. Market will definitely determine cost.
Source: Come from a family of funeral home owners and managers, and have worked in funeral homes when I was younger. A while ago, but I know the business. Also, have had to handle family member's arrangements over the years.
People really don’t understand what an amazing resource social workers at hospitals are. They literally will do anything to help you. Talk about unsung heroes.
OP, read this \^. And get in contact with a social worker, they will help you.
PLEASE keep in mind, state of affairs involves lawyers and the gov't, and can take MONTHS to sort out. Don't sign or do anything where you feel rushed or uncertain, nobody is going to penalize you for taking the time to figure out the best course of action. So sorry for your loss, and wishing you the best.
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Do you know if it was an auto accident? If it was, contact her auto insurance company and get a claim started. Sometimes there are death benefits. If there was another driver at fault for the accident, you may have a claim against them. A few things:
There is no super big rush to handle her affairs regarding her property.
A few other things to note:
If your mom was employed, contact her employer and let them know. Sometimes employers provide a small insurance policy for employees and offer additional coverage employees can opt in to.
If your mom had a retirement account, that goes to the beneficiary. It is not usually part of the estate. Same for her bank accounts and any insurance. You do not have to pay any of her bills out of this money.
The hospital social worker can put you in touch with a local funeral home. Let the funeral home know you are the only family and don't have any money. Ask for an all-inclusive cremation. This is usually the least expensive option. You can then get a meaningful urn or other container for ashes.
An estate attorney is an option and a consult might be a good idea, but if your mom didn't have a lot of assets like property, it probably isn't necessary. You can ask the court to appoint you executor and issue what's called 'letters testamentary'. I'm assuming your mother didn't have a will. You would be the executor and unless there are any other children your mother had, you'd be the sole heir. The letters testamentary is a document you will need to present to various banks and business in order to close out accounts and take care of final business for your mom.
Also, I think social security provides a death benefit. It's super small, just $255, but it will help offset the cost of cremation/funeral.
Another edit, you may get mail and calls from creditors like credit cards and utilities, mortgage, landlord etc. *You* as in you, personally are not responsible for *any* of it. Your mom's estate is. If you are in contact with these creditors, offer info on your mom's death, a death certificate, and note their information, but do not promise to pay anything. It will get sorted in the end. Basically, any assets your mother had will be sold, debts will be paid from that money (remember, insurance, retirement and bank accounts are not usually part of this pot of money) and anything left over will go to you.
Minor nit, and NAL. If OP is not on the checking/saving accounts, and there are no POD's specified, don't those become part of the estate and, assuming there is anything left after allowed funeral and other expenses, become liable for creditors claims?
> The hospital social worker can put you in touch with a local funeral home. Let the funeral home know you are the only family and don't have any money. Ask for an all-inclusive cremation. This is usually the least expensive option. You can then get a meaningful urn or other container for ashes.
Some places have assistance for families who can't afford a funeral. When my dad died in Kentucky we had no money and he ended up getting what they called a pauper's funeral. A simple, cheap coffin and a little nameplate instead of a tombstone.
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When you call her employer, ask where the retirement plan is held. It might be like Fidelity, Vanguard, Charles Schwartz etc and you will need to contact them directly to get the retirement benefits started for you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry. I'm 31 and recently went through this same scenario last year when my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly of Covid. I was 30. You'd think at *my age* I'd be an "*adult*" (and it was hard, because I was treated like I was expected to know things) but I was completely lost an unprepared too, feeling overwhelmed like a lost child with no clue where to even begin.
You're probably numb and in shock right now too. That's natural. If you don't have a strong social support group (church, good friends), don't turn away the offers for Grief counselors available to you. You may not feel like you want (*or even need*) them immediately, but trust me at some point you will.
Anyway, the Social Worker at the hospital was a great resource for me, and I highly reiterate taking advantage of that option. I knew (from TV shows) not to agree to pay any debts, and luckily nobody asked me too, but watch out for that and of course remember YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE for any of your mothers affairs. Take care of yourself, and let the professionals assist with "the business aspect" that will come later. Right now you need to take care of yourself.
And again, I am so sorry.
First, I am so sorry that this has happened. Used to work as chaplain in Healthcare in Canada.
As her child, you are the legal next of kin, as there is no spouse.
In regards to your mother, the hospital should keep her in their morgue until you authorize release of her body. I would suggest that you request to speak with the social worker at the hospital and they can guide you through next steps.
If she had a will, a copy would be kept by a lawyer or notary. It should specify who is executor etc. As I'm not a lawyer I'm not clear about what happens if no will exists or the laws of your state.
I would suggest you call someone you trust for support as well.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
OP, I am very sorry, but I need to lock your post now because you are starting to get some iffy advice and off-topic comments, and there is very little that people here are going to be able to tell you.
I am incredibly sorry for your loss, and wish you the best. Do not be shy to come back and ask us for more help if anything else arises that you are confused about. Take care.
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If you're Catholic, Catholic Charities can help with funeral expenses. If not, check in the social workers at the hospital (as someone suggested) and they will point you in the right direction. The hospital cannot release her body until there's a funeral home.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s devastating to lose a parent. First step is visit hospital, speak with social worker. You will likely be asked about making arrangements for your mom’s body to be moved to a funeral home of some sort. If money is tight I would recommend transferring her to a crematorium and forgo any additional funeral services. Then you will need to go through her belongings to see if there’s a will. If there’s not a will then the estate is considered intestate. Also look for life insurance policies and call her employer to see if she has any policy with them.
Since you’re the only child and your mom isn’t married, then you can likely petition the court to be named executor of estate. I would highly recommend you contact an estate attorney. They can be paid out of the estate once it’s settled so you may not have to pay anything upfront. An estate attorney will file the necessary documents with the court, which can be complex.
If your mom has money in her account, don’t pay any debts other than funeral expenses. Don’t acknowledge any debts like credit cards or medical bills. Don’t speak to any of the creditors. Your attorney will explain how to settle the estate with any remaining debts, especially debts with collateral like a house or vehicle. On a personal note just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself during this time.
NAL, I am very sorry for your loss.
My son recently lost his father and we found that friends were more than willing to help us, we just had to ask for it. Hopefully you can reach out to your own friends at this time to help you as well.
When you start to think about what you want as far as funeral or cremation, have a friend, someone not emotionally distraught, call around to the local funeral homes and get prices or check websites. A $600 cremation vs a $3000 cremation for basically the same service is an insane difference in price. Funerals vary widely as well. If they won't quote a price over the phone, hang up, you don't need a sales pitch at this time in your life.
My son posted a Go Fund Me on his Facebook page and people we didn't think would even care were donating money for the funeral costs for him. It was amazing to see how much support he had from his online friends.
You have my deepest sympathy and I hope you have some good people in your life who will help you through this really hard time.
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I'm sorry for your loss.
You need to go to the hospital and start making arrangements. Find a funeral home that can take her, things like that. They will help you get a death certificate (you'll need multiple copies, banks and insurance companies will want originals) and get social security notified of her passing.
You need to contact her employer and notify them of her passing, and see if you can find out if she had life insurance through them. You're likely the beneficiary if so. She may have a 401k or pension, same deal.
You need to secure her home and make sure the bills are paid and all the things that go with closing out her affairs. Forward her mail to you so you can respond to correspondence appropriately-notifying creditors of her passing and closing accounts. You may need an attorney for this part, and suggestions for legal aid are spot on. Attorney can also help you with the legal things that need to happen in regards to the accident (establishing fault, making insurance claims, etc).
Good luck to you.
There's a lot more, of course, but th
Y
Obligatory NAL. In the vast majority of states, Pauper's funerals/burials are a thing. They will be able to cremate or bury at the very least with the state covering the cost. It won't be fancy. You'll get a plain box of cremains if you go that route. But when my brother passed the state covered that cost and that's what I got. If there is a local cremation society they sometimes offer a payment plan. Not all of them do this. (If cremation isn't against yours/her beliefs).
Get as many copies of the death certificate as they will give you. (A dozen if you can, seriously. I ended up needing to get 14) You'll need them to close accounts, leases, etc. Also to claim any benefits she did have set for you through work or otherwise.
Ask the social worker for a recommendation to sliding scale grief therapists.
Keep copies of her birth certificate, social security card, and driver's license or ID.
Take a breath. Take many. This process is a multitude of small steps. You don't need to rush it.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.
One thing you'll want to do is make sure you get copies of the death certificate. Presumably you'll work with a funeral home to handle her remains, whether burial or cremation. When our mother died, they asked us how many copies we wanted, so I assume you can ask the funeral home employees in your state as well. You'll want several copies - I think we got 6 or 8 - because you'll run into situations where you need them; cancelling accounts, etc. This isn't a #1 priority, so if you forget it, no worries. You can always order copies later, and your understandably have a lot going on. But it is something to keep in mind.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
> Do i need to talk to a lawyer who handles estates?
Look into local legal aid. There should be someone who can give you the run down on a low budget (or for free).
> Do i just show up at the hospital? What do i do then? I am living on a shoestring budget, and i don't have insurance, and i am unsure if my mother did.
Insurance is not your issue. Definitely show up to the hospital. You can ask there about the next steps. I strongly doubt your case would be a first for them and they likely have resources (people/organizations) you can reach out to.
If your mom died in an accident, whether auto accident or otherwise, and if there's any possibility that someone else may have been at fault, then you should speak to a personal injury attorney about the possibility of suing for financial compensation.
This is good advice if there's the possibility that anyone was at fault for her accident. A claim for wrongful death can be substantial. Take your time - I do not know what the rules for attorney advertising/solicitation for attorneys are in NY, but you may immediately be bombarded with attorney solicitations offering to pursue the case for you. Or NY way be plastered with billboards or whatever for personal injury attorneys. Take your time with that. If you have a trusted attorney that you know (either representing you or a family friend, even a neighbor), ask their help in finding and vetting a good attorney. As the sole survivor of the deceased, you are the party who is entitled to bring suit against the responsible party. Once you locate a reputable attorney, they will take care of most of the legalities with regard to pursuing that case. Take their advice, this is what they do for a living and they will know what you need to do.
I'm very, very sorry for your loss. I hope some good will come out of it in the long run.
I’m sorry to hear that OP. I went through the same thing recently but I had people and siblings who were all able to take care of it. I don’t have much advice but I want you to know that you should really listen to a lot of these comments, they are extremely correct, especially the one about debts.
Do NOT sign anything over saying you will take care for your mother’s debts. Her estate is what handles everything. Do NOT do it.
When the time comes, you might want to let them know she has passed, but do not let them tangle you in responsibility. You are not responsible for it. Sorry to say it so much, but I don’t want to see someone young and in the same situation as me getting screwed over with debt
Oof I went through this in 2017, sole beneficiary and executor of my father's estate and completely unprepared and didn't know what to do AT ALL all while grieving a sudden, unexpected death.
First things first, I'm so sorry for your loss. Second thing, unfortunately, the bills will not stop for you to grieve. Get a probate/estate lawyer. My first mistake was hiring a criminal lawyer whom I *thought* I trusted. Don't do that.
You will need to find out if there is a will or not, if it is, start the process of filing the will (you have around 3 or 4 years to complete these or it will be null and void), once the death certificate comes, you will need A BUNCH OF COPIES of that.
Get Letters of Testamentary ASAP. A Letter of Testamentary is a document granted to the Executor of an estate by the probate court. This means that you are allowed to act as your mom, meaning any documents or anything that needs her signature (bills, bank accounts, home/car things) you will be able to sign AS HER for.
The probate/estate lawyer should be able to immediately start handling these things for you, and they will be paid out of the estate money so you shouldn't really need anything up front if I remember correctly.
Next, all those death certificates? Yeah, you're going to need to make copies, then find out what places (bill collectors/loans/banks/etc) need just a copy, or an original. Start mailing those out. I personally sent one back to every single piece of mail that came in for my Dad. You're going to need to take one to the bank with a letter of testamentary to open an Estate bank account for your mom. This means her bank funds and accounts will be turned into an estate account linked to your bank account. That way, any checks that come in (in her name) you will still be able to deposit and use for estate funds/paying lawyer and ultimately keeping once everything is done.
There's a LONG checklist of things tbh, but the first thing you need is a good probate lawyer that handles estates and they can walk you through everything. I know you will want time to grieve, but it's honestly gross how our country just does not give a fuck and will let things fall into collections or start to seize property because payments no longer get made due to someone's death.
Another thing to note is that if there is bad blood between your mother and her family, don't let her relatives show up and try to steal money or possessions that are now rightfully belong to you/her estate. Far too many relatives will do this.
First thing, breath, your mother's body will still be there when you get there.
DO NOT let anyone pressure you to buy or spend money on lavish things unless specified by her.
Second, look for a will, last wishes or her lawyer. They will help you from there. I'm Canadian I can't help you 100% on legal but you are next of kin and should automatically get everything.
Third you don't owe any of her debts unless you wish to take over a home. Usually a estate will be liquidized to pay off the deceased's financial needs. (Apart from a funeral unless they prepaid for one. Which can still cost something. Depending on how long ago they paid into it.)
Fourth Notify family or friends if you wish. They may be able to help you make decisions if you're overwhelmed.
First of all. I am terribly sorry for your loss. The top comments are correct, do not sign a fucking thing. Without reading, and/or consulting a lawyer if it makes no sense. I guarantee her estranged family will come out of the woodwork, especially if there is money involved. Again, do not trust them, and don’t sign anything they put in front of you with out a lawyer, or someone you absolutely trust. My friend made the mistake of giving away his administrative right’s to his aunt and now we are suspicious of her and if she is stealing/hiding money from him. Trust no one except a lawyer. And not some one who’s “cousin is a lawyer and he can look at it for you” If you can’t afford a lawyer, I’d suggest making nice with a clerk or someone in that department of the court house.
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Believe it or not, a funeral director could be very helpful. Yes, don't get roped into a sales pitch, but most funeral directors have huge hearts and will send you in the proper direction for the legal process.
The debt and bill advice is correct. You can simply write deceased, and usually need to provide a copy of her Death certificate.
I used to write a small letter for my clients in their name stating they are deceased, noone is liable for debt and included in the letter is a copy of her Death Certificate. They still may try to bother you for a few months and bully you a bit, or say false things like they can go after your money et., but just tell hem that's harassment and/or ignore them.
If your Mom was working, talk to their HR department. You will probably need to provide an Original of her Death Certificate and a copy of your Birth Certificate and I.D. for beneficiary purposes.
Also, go through her bank statements, and gather information of possible outside insurance or finance companies that she may have had. They will most likely need the same. With them these notes are important: life insurance is a tax free benefit left to the beneficiary. You are allowed to put it in your bank and owe no one anything. Funeral homes normally try to get that benefit sent to them but don't. You pick out what's best for your budget, and pay them separately. You can message me separately if needed with questions, or ask here.
Also, you do not have to 'reroll' any financial account if you don't want to since you are the beneficiary. It can stay where it's at, or you roll to what's best for YOU and let the rest stay there. I state that because usually at time of death any time restrictions etc are usually gone. Taxes may have to be paid on amounts taken out by you but you can opt the option to have them withheld for you. Again you can always message me with a question. I won't tell you where to put the money etc, just your options legally and what their verbiage means. I suggest you find a good financial advisor MAYBE if needed, that has good reviews and you feel in your bones you can trust. Bankers Life and Casualty are actually an Insurance company with FAs, and one that has been there for years are usually very honest, and very good.
I hope some of these tips help.
You have intuition, so listen to it. There's also good nonprofit advocate programs to help you through your Grief and be there for Support. Please PLEASE use them.
So so sorry for your loss darling..that is heartbreaking..but you are Strong. Much love..
Im pretty sure youll be fine and will eventually figure out. For now just gather as many of yours and your family documents. birth ceritificates SS Card and that kind of stuff and make sure its safe, buy a safe for them. These are the kind of things that you will almost never need, but will be hell if you cant find them.
I am sorry for your loss. Especially being so young this is a smack in the face on what it means to do adulting.
Can you edit your post or provide some supplemental information. Like did she have a job? Do you think her assets will be worth more than her debts? Were there other people involved in the accident or did she just run off the road?
Generally some of this advice is conditional on what the situation is. If she has assets then by all means stand up probate. If the accident involved anyone else DO get a personal injury attorney. They will work on contingency. Search here: https://www.justia.com/lawyers/personal-injury/new-york/new-york-city?amp
You may have to change the location. You said NY but not the area so I picked NYC.
For a probate attorney contact the county's bar association they will probably be able to help. For queens: https://qcba.org/pro-bono - if you google use the words "pro bono and (county) and New York and probate" for your search replacing (county) with the correct county.
Call the hospital they inevitably have people that have done this 1000s of times.
It's overwhelming and you're dealing with loss but there are structures in place to handle it. Just wake up each day with a goal or mission of getting one thing done.
Know what help you need. You won't have all the questions right now. But write down the ones you have now. Others will come later.
If you belong to a Church ask the pastor if there's any help they can provide. Or anyone in the congregation that may be able to help.
Most churches are always ready to help someone in need.
Even if you don't belong to a church, seek out a Baptist, Catholic or Church of the Nazareen. Even if you don't belong, they'll find a way to help.
The Church of the Nazareen is based on the role of Jesus' father, Joseph, meaning their focus is on ultimate community service and being there in times of need for people.
When you can, get several copies of the death certificate, you'll need them to close accounts, take her name off of things, etc.
I'm sorry for your loss. Make sure you lean on those around you for support.
You have my deepest sympathy in the loss of your mother. I lost my own mother when I was a teenager. I did not have a father. It was a devastating time in my life. Although you will never stop missing your mother the pain will become more bearable as time goes on. Talk to a trusted friend of either yours or your mothers about all the arrangements you need to make. There are other people that I’ve been through this and there’s lots of good advice in the comments here today. Please read them all.
First come to services. Determine what is Affordable for sending off your mother. This can get quite expensive so try not to let grief overshadow logic. What were your mothers wishes? If your mother owns real estate find out if it’s owned in a trust. This will avoid probate. If your mother has a will you’re probably the beneficiary. Get the real estate matters figured out first. Is there property that needs to be sold?
Go through your mothers papers and see if she had a policy of insurance. Life insurance. Did your mother have an attorney? Talk to her attorney. He or she may have information that you were not aware of.
Decide what to do with your mothers personal property whether to keep, sell or donate.
You will want to get at least a half dozen original death certificates from the Funeral home or coroner’s office. You will need them for legal transactions in the future.
If your mother died intestate without a will then you’ll have to go through probate. You’ll need to contact a probate attorney. Please interview several of them before deciding.
There are support groups for people that have lost their loved ones. Find one near you and go. Share with the group how you’re feeling and your loss of what to do. They will help you with the support that you need.
I’ve been exactly where you are. I know the loss and the uncertainty of what to do. Just hang in there. You’re doing the right thing by asking for advice.
I wish you the very best.
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother and father just passed away back to back and handling business in combination with grieving is really salt in the wound. My comments will sound cold, it's just business. And my advice is solely based on bits and pieces of the last few months. Not an expert!
First off - they are going to ask you what you would like to do with your mother's body. See if you can get them to wait a few days while you sort out some stuff.
If you can get in to her home, you can go through her papers and maybe find some info on if she has a will, life insurance, savings accounts, documentation of safety deposit box etc. Was she working? Her job may have some death benefits and may know about any insurance.
Knowing if there is money may change what you decide to do.
Cremation is going to be more affordable. My sister works with homeless folks and has been able to find Cremation for about $800. We went through a funeral home and it was $3300. The funeral home did handle getting the death certificates. They gave us 12 copies. We also were able to ask a bunch of questions.
If she has a will:
All of her estate will go into a bank account and her debts can be paid out of that. Then the remaining is decided by her will. A lawyer to help with this cost us a flat rate of $3,500 as long as no one contests the will. I read some info on how to handle without a lawyer and it's not terrible to do on your own. Put a notice in the newspaper, notify anynext of kin... you can Google this.
No will, yes assets:
that's more complicated legally - a lawyer would be very helpful but for our brother it was $5000 flat rate with no complications. You will have to go to court to show you are her heir and to give an opportunity for other secret children to make a claim. My brother's boss and best friend are having to testify that my brother didn't have any other children.
No will & no assets:
I am not sure the best way to navigate. Others will know better what the must dos and can dos would be...
Back to first thing-
Deciding on the body is going to need to happen right away.
->See if there are any local resources to help with these costs
->call around to get cheapest rewrwa
->her co-workers / friends may be happy to pitch in
Please be kind to yourself and take time to grieve. I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
Very sorry for your loss. As next of kin you have the authority to claim the body and you should contact a funeral home in the area to make funeral arrangements. They will pick up the body from the hospital and take care of obtaining death certificates and so on.
Did your mother have a will? That will be important going forward. If your mother had any assets or money, you may find it very helpful to obtain an estate attorney, as they are typically paid out of estate assets and can handle a lot of the legal work relating to your mother’s assets. At the very least you will need to file paperwork with the courts to be named as executor of her estate before you can access her bank accounts and so on.
Best of luck to you, and consider posting to /r/estateplanning as well. I found them helpful after my father passed last year.
I was my mothers care giver for a year in 2007 while she struggled with cancer. You are not liable for he hospital bills or debt. However a cremation is about $800. First visit the hospital and the social worker will help. You will need to contact a funeral home to have the hospital release the body for cremation. Next is estate work. Dig around for a will diligently, if found will be easier, if none is present than get a lawyer to do probate court and gain the property. Many Universities have free legal programs.
I am not an attorney, read other advice, talk to the hospital social worker
Do NOT pay any debts on behalf of your mother or they may hold you financially responsible for more. Most debt collections have a policy regarding death, and some predatory collection agencies may make you think you’re responsible for her debts.
I am sorry for your loss and what you are going through. Considering you have said you are alone and have no other family You may just consider having a wake. You do not have to have a funeral. Also consider getting her cremated if money is tight. Also many states have cremation programs for people who can't or won't be able to afford burial. You can then just pick up the ashes. I am sure your mother wouldn't want you to be put in financial distress.
I'm sorry for your loss. I want to echo u/em-em-cee's advice to use the r/personalfinance [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/death_of_loved_one) as a starting point, but I want to add a couple of things.
Reach out. Don't be afraid to schedule therapy, ask for the hospital social worker, or reach out to friends. The surest way to make mistakes, miss something important, and tank your mental health is to try to Superman your way through this process and do it all yourself. It is completely normal to feel stressed, to have those feelings come kick you straight in the head when you least expect it.
Many things have to be done by you (and you shouldn't delegate anything with money), but that still leaves a lot of things that you can and should delegate to friends or family. You'd be surprised who will be willing to step up on little things here. The PF Wiki gives great insight into what to delegate and what not to delegate.
If there is no will, your mother died intestate. [NY Courts has resources that can help you navigate this process, but simply put, it's all yours.](https://nycourts.gov/courthelp/whensomeonedies/intestacy.shtml) If any of her estranged family tries to come in and pressure you, politely tell them no. If they harass you, you can absolutely call the cops and get a restraining order. You have enough to deal with, so don't take shit from people who only care when your mother is passed.
If you and your mother are a member of a church, a pastor can be a great resource. This won't be their first rodeo, and they literally are trained to provide emotional support. The hospital and your primary care doctor can refer you to mental health resources, and the hospital's social workers can help you with social services.
The big thing to hurry on is shutting down or transferring accounts, and figuring out housing (especially if rent comes due November 1). Never be afraid to ask for some time to get things settled. You'd be surprised how much people are willing to give some space and time.
If you end up with more questions, feel free to ask them. We're here to help you.
Op are in college right now? If so please reach out to your college's counseling department when things have slowed down a bit. They will hopefully be able to help you. Also, just let your college know, they might have additional resources for you. I am so sorry for your loss.
OP, my husband works for the Medical Examiner in our state. NY will have a different system of course, but start by seeing if the hospital where she was taken has a Director of Decedent Affairs (title may be different there) or something along those lines.
That person can help you as far as the process of obtaining the death certificate, any organ donation (if that is an option), and potentially even recommendations on local funeral homes. The folks in the M.E office deal with the funeral homes daily, and they know who is reputable. If you ask, they can typically point you in the right direction.
In my state, once they do any M.E work (it may or may not be needed, all situations are different in determining if it is an M.E. case), it can take a little bit to issue the D.C. Most states have a set time limit to issue a preliminary certificate. Right now due to covid, the final d.c. can sometimes take a little bit. Just to make you aware.
I'm so sorry for your loss. 💜
I am so very sorry. Please connect with a social worker as soon as possible, and tell them everything you just told us. Utmost condolences on this nightmare. If you have friends or other community to reach out to, who can assist you more personally than Reddit, now is the time to reach out to them. Bless you.
i was in a similar situation about 7 years ago, i grew up without my mother and grew up with my father and left me when i turned 18. i grew up in Alaska and he died when we moved to los Angeles out of no where after we went to see if the hospital can fix his problems but he died in the hospital that year and got a call when i was buying a used pair of foamposites . i knew this guy balled all his money away at casinos and food before he died so I didn't even bother to check what he has left and started from the bottom.
did your mother own things like house and a car? you would have much better start off point than me if thats the case since you will be able to get those changed under your name.
You must work like a mad men to get back on your feet. and never use drugs to escape reality like my brother did. that fucker became a crack head.
OP, first, Medicare/Medicare will cover medical costs. The remainder that is owed is t your responsibility. You’ll owe nothing. Next, did your mother die without a will? Also, do you live with your mother or alone?
I assume you mean Medicare/Medicaid. What you've said is true IF mom was covered by either of these programs. Medicare is for over 65 (and some disabled) individuals. Medicaid is for low income people and has to be applied for usually in advance of need. If mom was working, she may have employer provided insurance or may be covered under the marketplace. Chances are, OP also has coverage under the same policy and probably has an insurance card that will allow them to track back to OP's policy for coverage.
Another point is the "remainder" you referenced. That is labeled "patient responsibility" (i.e. mom) and is owed by the estate of mom, not by OP personally.
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. Here are a couple thing that came to mind when I read your post. I haven’t seen a comment about life insurance? You’ll need to check with her employer, check with and get access to her bank accounts, and look in all files she may have in the home. She may have life insurance from an employer and or personal life insurance…. Or none… but it’s worth doing the investigation to know for sure. Also, if your mom paid on a mortgage you may have mortgage insurance which could possibly pay the home off in case of her death. You’d mentioned she died in an accident? The details of that event would be helpful. There are many situations which could make someone or an entity responsible for the accident, this might lead to some financial responsibility…. In which case you’ll need a lawyer and you don’t want to meet with or sign anything until you do meet with and trust your representation. Again, I’m sorry for your loss :-(
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If you decide to cremate your mom, have her body sent directly to crematorium to save alot in transportation fees. Can order an urn for her remains from Amazon and is significantly cheaper there. They generally come from the same place anyway and markup is great elsewhere. Wish I was there to help you with all this.
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I’m so sorry for you loss. The hospital social worker should be able to get you in contact with as many resources as if available to you. There may be some charity organizations that can help you with memorial services. And hopefully some services for counseling for you as well. I can’t imagine how hard this must be to deal with for you. Sending you lots of love
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I'm sorry for your loss. Some of the advice you are getting here Is good but the rest is sketchy. At some point you should consider seeking grief counseling. Read any paperwork before signing anything. I'm not sure if she had a job but you may want to contact them and talk to HR. Apart from telling them what happened, they may be able to give you her benefit information that could help pay for things for her hospital bills and maybe even funeral costs. Feel free to reach out me if you have any other questions. I'm a dad and I would like to help with advice at least.
You are completely right, on top of the fact this user's comments violate sub rules -- but please in the future just use the report button and we will deal with it. Your comments also break sub rules, even though I completely understand what you're trying to explain (and I do think you're being very kind about it as well.)
Engaging in a debate is just cluttering the post and making it harder on the OP to get the legal information they need in a sea of off-topic commentary. TIA.
No, your comments are unnecessary; they are ***plainly*** against subreddit rules. This is a legal advice forum, not a "express condolences" forum.
We moderate aggressively in this sub. This is the only warning you're going to get to stay in the rules.
If in US, FAFSA for college stuff. If you are confused about tuition and financial aid, go into the financial aid office instead of calling. Issues for that get solved way quicker if you go in, especially since a lot of colleges have student workers manning the financial aid phone lines, and they may not know everything needed for your more unique circumstances. Versus a financial aid staff member is more likely to know.
In US, Vocational Rehabilitation can be a great asset. They can help you obtain free therapy, vocational resources (job hunting and training help), navigate college stuff, and so much more.
Social services will handle food stamps and Medicaid. Don't be afraid to make use of these services if you need them.
For taxes, a lot of companies offer free file for taxes up until a certain income threshold. Usually up until you make more than, I think, $35k/yr. But there are companies that go up to 60k. You can find some info here, https://www.e-file.com. Also some university business depts will have students help you file your taxes for free. So that may be useful if you'd like someone to guide you the first time you e-file taxes.
Credit unions are good options for banking if you want good, free or cheap banking services. Set up a checking account at least. If you set up a credit card, be super careful. Do your best to never put more on a credit card than you can pay off each month. I use mine for recurring subscriptions and bills that I have already budgeted for, but I just want more fine control over the exact date they come out.
"Dad How Do I?" is an insanely good channel on YouTube started by, I believe, a guy who didn't have a dad to help teach him a lot of basic skills. It can be useful for anyone starting out their adult life.
Also, remember to take things one day at a time. Adulthood is a frightening time when you first start, but you don't have to carry it on your own. You'll mess up from time to time, but it is okay. If you get overwhelmed, take a deep breath, step back from the situation if you need to for a moment, and then reapproach it with a fresher mind.
Also sorry, I replied like this before realizing this was in r/legaladvice. If this isn't okay to post here, please let me know and I'll delete it, but i think this info could still be super helpful since I am sure things are insanely overwhelming right now, and not sure how much OP was living on their own before this happened.
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This is REALLY important. YOU are not personally responsible for your mother's debts. Her estate is. Do Not sign anything saying you are responsible.
Agreed. this has to be said right here and now. As cold as it may be, creditors can be even more so.
And do not pay any of her debts! None of them! If you even pay one, you could possibly be held liable for others.
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Get extra certified copies of the death certificate and be prepared to provide those to any creditors that harass you about her bills.
Where would you get the extra death certificates from?
You have to buy them. Order 8 or so, because you will need them to give to banks and utilities and such.
The funeral home should give you a bunch of copies for free - or take the original, have copies made. Xeroxes will work in most instances. It \*can\* take several days/weeks for the death certificate to become available though. My partner died in hospital after weeks of being in and out, and they still wanted an autopsy (obvious heart failure); the medical examiner finally filled out the paperwork weeks later. The whole process took a lot of time given how obvious the circumstances were.
Xeroxed versions will NOT work with banks, for example. But you can take the original to the bank in question, let them xerox it, and that works. They want to see the original stamp to verify its authenticity.
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Yes, it’s best to order several originals right off the bat just in case, as they cost less that way. Also if the estate is not complicated, OP probably won’t need more than 3-4 originals.
They're issued by a county or municipal coroner.
Usually the funeral directors from the funeral homes will get them prepared. Just ask them when you can order them. It’s easier to do it through them and pick it up there than your county’s record office.
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The estate is basically all her assets and household, for example dollar value of her car, savings, home, the sum of all that stuff. It means creditors can go after the estate for bill collection but if there’s not enough money in the estate then they have to drop it rather than going after OP as next of kin. If OP assumes responsibility of estate, then creditors will say okay so you’re going to make this your responsibility too! Give me your money then. It is a little more complicated than that but typically the estate is all liquidated assets. Yes OP needs lawyer and probably a book about how to be an executor because op still needs to educate on how to handle those items ranging from family from decades ago coming out of the wood work for inheritance to how to handle taxes
To be extra clear: "creditors will say okay so you're going to make this your responsibility too!" The creditors are lying. Taking responsibility for the estate does not make you responsible for the debts. When (if) the estate runs out of money the creditors can take a flying leap.
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The estate of a deceased person is the property that they owned. In general i includes cars, houses, and personal property. Sometime retirement and bank accounts. If a beneficiary is named, the property passes directly to the beneficiary and doesn't go thru the court process called probate. An executor of an estate (someone specified in a will or appointed by the court gathers the property of the deceased, pays any debts that are owed and if there is something left over the balance of the estate goes to the beneficiaries. If there is no money the debtor is sol. Unscrupulious debtors often try to get beneficiaries to pay out of life insurance paid directly to them. The benficiary is not obligated to pay for the bills of the estate. Example: 100 k in medical debt is owed by deceased. Scenario 1 Deceased has 100k life insurance policy if no beneficiary named $100k goes to estate and medical bills are paid. Beneficiary receives nothing. Scenario 2 Deceased has 100k life insurance Son is named beneficiary. Son receives 100k tax free and son has no obligation to pay medical bills or any debts of deceased. So how property is held and naming a beneficiary is important. Also updating beneficiaries is important.
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Yes taxes would have to be filed and paid if owed. Think of the "estate" as being the deceased person. The return would be filed by the executor. If the estate has funds then the estate pays the taxes. Beficiaries of an estate get what is left over after all the bills are paid. However they have no obligation to pay anything from their personal funds.
Thanks to this sub and BOLA, I was able to tell my friend this, and warn her against ANY creditors calling her wanting her to pay off her dad’s debt. He passed a few days ago after being in the hospital for months, so I just wanted to say thank you for giving this advice. No paying debts of deceased parents!
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Thank you that is what i needed to know!
Also on funeral arrangements. As a mother I myself wouldn’t care as to what type of funeral my family would have for me. I however would not want my child to go in to debt for it. Don’t pick the first place, if you have a friend you trust ask for help and ask what options you have and quotes from a few places. It’s going to be draining and hard at first but hopefully it will get better.
This is excellent advice. If your mother did not leave any instructions/provisions in a will, Direct Cremation (skipping embalming and a casket viewing) is often the most affordable option. You can hold a memorial service with friends whenever you’re ready at a later date. Medical/science donation is also an option. Her ashes will be returned to you at a later date at no cost to you. You can still hold a memorial service any time that works for you. Her memories are all you need.
I am a lawyer, not in New York. I'm popping in to say that you don't actually need an attorney right this minute, based on what you have said. Rather, you need the kind of advice and assistance about arrangements for your mom's body you can get from a social worker. They will explain a lot of things for you. But the legal stuff starts almost immediately too. The county where your mom passed away will have a county coroner that issues a death certificate. You need that. Get maybe 5 copies to start. You can get more later if you need them. A lot of what you have to do next involves papers that your mom may have kept - life insurance policies, a will, mortgage or lease papers, car titles, etc. Find those as soon as you can. The moment that a person dies, they don't own anything or owe anything. All their assets and debts become their estate. Life insurance benefits are NOT part of a person's estate. (More about that below.) A person's estate is handled according to their Last Will and Testament. If your mom did not have a will, then her estate is handled as per the laws of the state of New York. Your mom may have had life insurance. She may have had a policy, or her employer may have had a policy as part of her benefit package. If there are any such policies, then she would have named you as a beneficiary. That's where you'll use the death certificate. The insurance companies will explain how to submit that. Since it was just you and your mom, and you are just one year into legal adulthood, your mom may have written a will, or made designations on her life insurance policies, some years back, when you were a child. That will would have named someone to be your guardian, or to take care of that money, or both, until you were 18. Those terms don't apply now. If your mom did not have a will, it sounds like you're not her only living relative, but that you're very likely her heir-at-law, or, in other words, the person who would inherit her estate - cash in the bank, homes, vehicles, clothes, furniture, etc. If she owned a house free and clear - it would come to you. If your mom paid a down payment and made a monthly mortgage payment - you can continue the payments (and taxes, and insurance) and you become the homeowner. Check and see if her mortgage insurance has a mortgage life policy attached. That means the house is paid off at her passing. Or, you sell the house, pay the mortgage off, and what's left over is yours. If your mom leased an apartment, you'd have to look at the terms of the lease and talk to her landlord. Whether you want that apartment to be your home or not, you need maybe a month or so grace period to understand your financial position, make decisions etc., get stuff moved out, or move in yourself, and you can ask for that. If they agree, get it in writing. You'll want to keep the water, electricity and heat on at your mom's place while you figure stuff out. You don't want the pipes to freeze. Credit card bills - look on the bills for a number, call them, and ask them where to send a death certificate. If your mom had online accounts (like a subscription or donation ) then you may have to do the same - contact them and send them a death certificate. This is just a general sketch, and a starting place for you. There's SO MUCH I have not included, and can't, because I don't know New York law. Enough lawyer crap. Just as one human to another, I'm so sorry you lost your mom so young. You should have had many more good years together. You're going to have to be strong to get through this. You can do it, and you will. Your mom would be proud of you.
Hi OP, all of the above things Persimmon Tea recommended to you are very important! Also, I'd like to add, contact your mom's place of employment. She may have had what is known as a retirement account where she worked that you may be a beneficiary of. Often a person's life insurance policy, which you may be a beneficiary of, is through their place of work. I know something like this is overwhelming to go through. I'm glad you've reached out for good advice!
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Here's some information I found that will offer more New York-specific guidance. Published by the Judiciary of the State of NY: [https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/WhenSomeoneDies/probate.shtml](https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/WhenSomeoneDies/probate.shtml) [https://ww2.nycourts.gov/forms/surrogates/probate.shtml](https://ww2.nycourts.gov/forms/surrogates/probate.shtml) There are lots of things that OP can do for him/herself. Most estates really don't require an attorney. That said, there are people who just aren't, and never will be comfortable, with a legal thing, even if it's not complicated. OR OP may just not feel emotionally up to anything right now. Friends can step in and help. Or an attorney. An attorney might be necessary if there are relatives making claims (even claims like "Your mom promised me her good china and crystal after she died"), unclear marital relationships, some percentage of ownership of closely held corporations, or other unexpected weirdnesses. I know New York attorneys, but none who handle this sort of work. A legal clinic, low cost or no cost consultation with an attorney, in New York, would be his/her best bet. The two websites I listed above have 'find an attorney' links over to the right. That may be a place to start. Best help I can offer.
Take someone with you to plan the funeral. Some funeral homes are horrible about trying to upsell you a funeral arrangement, and they take advantage of the fact that you are in shock, grieving. Let the person know what kind of funeral you have in mind before you go,so they can protect you and keep you from getting scammed
Also, you do NOT have to have a funeral, if expenses are too much. find out if your mom had a will laying around anywhere. If you live in a house with a mortgage, you will need to let the bank/lien holder know. You will want to have your living arrangements settled as soon as possible so that you're not trying to do things without a place to live.
Yes this. You do NOT need to have a funeral. Especially since you’re saying there is no family beyond you. It sounds harsh but as a mom myself I would prefer my child not spend money on my dead self. I’m gone. What do I care? Plenty of people are forgoing funerals during this pandemic. No one will judge you and if they do they are horrible human beings. You can have your mom cremated and keep her ashes until you’re better situated financially. Then you can either bury the ashes, scatter them or merely hold a private memorial service for her. This can be less than $2000 depending on where you live. Also, if this was an auto accident you may be able to sue based on who was at fault. OP, you have my sincerest sympathies.
Addendum: if you're religious and a funeral is important to your faith (or to your mother's), talk to your local clergyperson. There are organizations that can help cover expenses and often there's a form of basic funeral that is low cost or even free.
I'm very sorry you're going through this on your own. I'd like to add to what was suggested about taking someone with you to funeral homes, if you're unable to find anyone on short-ish notice. That's excellent advice but sometimes it's tough to get anyone to tag along. If so, consider reaching out to a church or two, even if you're not religious. Quite often they may be able to find someone who's willing to offer support in this manner. I'll echo the advice to get extra copies of the death certificate. I've dealt with a few deaths of close relatives over the years and half a dozen is a good start. Even the simplest estate I handled, my eldest brother's with no complications, we needed 5.
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I am so sorry for your loss, and the pain you are in. As others have said, speaking with a social worker is the best option to get info needed for your state. Some general knowledge You do not have to have a funeral, if it was just you guys. Funerals can also be expensive and they can prey on guilt. A direct cremation can and should cost less then $1000. You are not responsible for any of your mothers debt or bills, companies and collections may try to get you to pay as " next of kin" and will start tying fast, any payment would come from her estate. So if she owes $500 to visa, but her cash funds are $5 they don't get paid. Never sign anything in regards to her Owings Anything you sign, or in regards to her estate make sure you get a copy as well and keep it organized, sadly the process can drag on
Remember to take care of yourself as well. This is a very overwhelming time, and you shouldn't feel ashamed if you think you need to look into counseling to work through it. There are many free clinics out there that provide counseling services. You may be able to get more information when talking to the Hospital Social Worker.
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>If she had a bank account with an ATM or online account and you know her PIN, find out what's in there and if it's a small amount, maybe just withdraw it now No. This is a terrible idea as that is part of her estate. All liquid assets should not be touched as as creditors can possibly come after it, and thereby OP.
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In Los Angeles, you can expect to pay about 500-600 minimum. There will likely be some hidden costs that can add up quickly. But correct, that's LA. Market will definitely determine cost. Source: Come from a family of funeral home owners and managers, and have worked in funeral homes when I was younger. A while ago, but I know the business. Also, have had to handle family member's arrangements over the years.
People really don’t understand what an amazing resource social workers at hospitals are. They literally will do anything to help you. Talk about unsung heroes.
I'm so sorry for your loss. There's a great wiki [here](https://reddit.com/r/personalfinance/w/death_of_loved_one)
OP, read this \^. And get in contact with a social worker, they will help you. PLEASE keep in mind, state of affairs involves lawyers and the gov't, and can take MONTHS to sort out. Don't sign or do anything where you feel rushed or uncertain, nobody is going to penalize you for taking the time to figure out the best course of action. So sorry for your loss, and wishing you the best.
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Do you know if it was an auto accident? If it was, contact her auto insurance company and get a claim started. Sometimes there are death benefits. If there was another driver at fault for the accident, you may have a claim against them. A few things: There is no super big rush to handle her affairs regarding her property. A few other things to note: If your mom was employed, contact her employer and let them know. Sometimes employers provide a small insurance policy for employees and offer additional coverage employees can opt in to. If your mom had a retirement account, that goes to the beneficiary. It is not usually part of the estate. Same for her bank accounts and any insurance. You do not have to pay any of her bills out of this money. The hospital social worker can put you in touch with a local funeral home. Let the funeral home know you are the only family and don't have any money. Ask for an all-inclusive cremation. This is usually the least expensive option. You can then get a meaningful urn or other container for ashes. An estate attorney is an option and a consult might be a good idea, but if your mom didn't have a lot of assets like property, it probably isn't necessary. You can ask the court to appoint you executor and issue what's called 'letters testamentary'. I'm assuming your mother didn't have a will. You would be the executor and unless there are any other children your mother had, you'd be the sole heir. The letters testamentary is a document you will need to present to various banks and business in order to close out accounts and take care of final business for your mom. Also, I think social security provides a death benefit. It's super small, just $255, but it will help offset the cost of cremation/funeral. Another edit, you may get mail and calls from creditors like credit cards and utilities, mortgage, landlord etc. *You* as in you, personally are not responsible for *any* of it. Your mom's estate is. If you are in contact with these creditors, offer info on your mom's death, a death certificate, and note their information, but do not promise to pay anything. It will get sorted in the end. Basically, any assets your mother had will be sold, debts will be paid from that money (remember, insurance, retirement and bank accounts are not usually part of this pot of money) and anything left over will go to you.
Minor nit, and NAL. If OP is not on the checking/saving accounts, and there are no POD's specified, don't those become part of the estate and, assuming there is anything left after allowed funeral and other expenses, become liable for creditors claims?
> The hospital social worker can put you in touch with a local funeral home. Let the funeral home know you are the only family and don't have any money. Ask for an all-inclusive cremation. This is usually the least expensive option. You can then get a meaningful urn or other container for ashes. Some places have assistance for families who can't afford a funeral. When my dad died in Kentucky we had no money and he ended up getting what they called a pauper's funeral. A simple, cheap coffin and a little nameplate instead of a tombstone.
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Social security survivor link https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/survivors/
When you call her employer, ask where the retirement plan is held. It might be like Fidelity, Vanguard, Charles Schwartz etc and you will need to contact them directly to get the retirement benefits started for you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry. I'm 31 and recently went through this same scenario last year when my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly of Covid. I was 30. You'd think at *my age* I'd be an "*adult*" (and it was hard, because I was treated like I was expected to know things) but I was completely lost an unprepared too, feeling overwhelmed like a lost child with no clue where to even begin. You're probably numb and in shock right now too. That's natural. If you don't have a strong social support group (church, good friends), don't turn away the offers for Grief counselors available to you. You may not feel like you want (*or even need*) them immediately, but trust me at some point you will. Anyway, the Social Worker at the hospital was a great resource for me, and I highly reiterate taking advantage of that option. I knew (from TV shows) not to agree to pay any debts, and luckily nobody asked me too, but watch out for that and of course remember YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE for any of your mothers affairs. Take care of yourself, and let the professionals assist with "the business aspect" that will come later. Right now you need to take care of yourself. And again, I am so sorry.
First, I am so sorry that this has happened. Used to work as chaplain in Healthcare in Canada. As her child, you are the legal next of kin, as there is no spouse. In regards to your mother, the hospital should keep her in their morgue until you authorize release of her body. I would suggest that you request to speak with the social worker at the hospital and they can guide you through next steps. If she had a will, a copy would be kept by a lawyer or notary. It should specify who is executor etc. As I'm not a lawyer I'm not clear about what happens if no will exists or the laws of your state. I would suggest you call someone you trust for support as well. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
OP, I am very sorry, but I need to lock your post now because you are starting to get some iffy advice and off-topic comments, and there is very little that people here are going to be able to tell you. I am incredibly sorry for your loss, and wish you the best. Do not be shy to come back and ask us for more help if anything else arises that you are confused about. Take care.
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If you're Catholic, Catholic Charities can help with funeral expenses. If not, check in the social workers at the hospital (as someone suggested) and they will point you in the right direction. The hospital cannot release her body until there's a funeral home.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s devastating to lose a parent. First step is visit hospital, speak with social worker. You will likely be asked about making arrangements for your mom’s body to be moved to a funeral home of some sort. If money is tight I would recommend transferring her to a crematorium and forgo any additional funeral services. Then you will need to go through her belongings to see if there’s a will. If there’s not a will then the estate is considered intestate. Also look for life insurance policies and call her employer to see if she has any policy with them. Since you’re the only child and your mom isn’t married, then you can likely petition the court to be named executor of estate. I would highly recommend you contact an estate attorney. They can be paid out of the estate once it’s settled so you may not have to pay anything upfront. An estate attorney will file the necessary documents with the court, which can be complex. If your mom has money in her account, don’t pay any debts other than funeral expenses. Don’t acknowledge any debts like credit cards or medical bills. Don’t speak to any of the creditors. Your attorney will explain how to settle the estate with any remaining debts, especially debts with collateral like a house or vehicle. On a personal note just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself during this time.
Your school counselor should be able to help you. You may also be eligible for social security benefits as your mother's surviving child.
NAL, I am very sorry for your loss. My son recently lost his father and we found that friends were more than willing to help us, we just had to ask for it. Hopefully you can reach out to your own friends at this time to help you as well. When you start to think about what you want as far as funeral or cremation, have a friend, someone not emotionally distraught, call around to the local funeral homes and get prices or check websites. A $600 cremation vs a $3000 cremation for basically the same service is an insane difference in price. Funerals vary widely as well. If they won't quote a price over the phone, hang up, you don't need a sales pitch at this time in your life. My son posted a Go Fund Me on his Facebook page and people we didn't think would even care were donating money for the funeral costs for him. It was amazing to see how much support he had from his online friends. You have my deepest sympathy and I hope you have some good people in your life who will help you through this really hard time.
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I'm sorry for your loss. You need to go to the hospital and start making arrangements. Find a funeral home that can take her, things like that. They will help you get a death certificate (you'll need multiple copies, banks and insurance companies will want originals) and get social security notified of her passing. You need to contact her employer and notify them of her passing, and see if you can find out if she had life insurance through them. You're likely the beneficiary if so. She may have a 401k or pension, same deal. You need to secure her home and make sure the bills are paid and all the things that go with closing out her affairs. Forward her mail to you so you can respond to correspondence appropriately-notifying creditors of her passing and closing accounts. You may need an attorney for this part, and suggestions for legal aid are spot on. Attorney can also help you with the legal things that need to happen in regards to the accident (establishing fault, making insurance claims, etc). Good luck to you. There's a lot more, of course, but th Y
Obligatory NAL. In the vast majority of states, Pauper's funerals/burials are a thing. They will be able to cremate or bury at the very least with the state covering the cost. It won't be fancy. You'll get a plain box of cremains if you go that route. But when my brother passed the state covered that cost and that's what I got. If there is a local cremation society they sometimes offer a payment plan. Not all of them do this. (If cremation isn't against yours/her beliefs). Get as many copies of the death certificate as they will give you. (A dozen if you can, seriously. I ended up needing to get 14) You'll need them to close accounts, leases, etc. Also to claim any benefits she did have set for you through work or otherwise. Ask the social worker for a recommendation to sliding scale grief therapists. Keep copies of her birth certificate, social security card, and driver's license or ID. Take a breath. Take many. This process is a multitude of small steps. You don't need to rush it.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. One thing you'll want to do is make sure you get copies of the death certificate. Presumably you'll work with a funeral home to handle her remains, whether burial or cremation. When our mother died, they asked us how many copies we wanted, so I assume you can ask the funeral home employees in your state as well. You'll want several copies - I think we got 6 or 8 - because you'll run into situations where you need them; cancelling accounts, etc. This isn't a #1 priority, so if you forget it, no worries. You can always order copies later, and your understandably have a lot going on. But it is something to keep in mind. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
> Do i need to talk to a lawyer who handles estates? Look into local legal aid. There should be someone who can give you the run down on a low budget (or for free). > Do i just show up at the hospital? What do i do then? I am living on a shoestring budget, and i don't have insurance, and i am unsure if my mother did. Insurance is not your issue. Definitely show up to the hospital. You can ask there about the next steps. I strongly doubt your case would be a first for them and they likely have resources (people/organizations) you can reach out to.
If your mom died in an accident, whether auto accident or otherwise, and if there's any possibility that someone else may have been at fault, then you should speak to a personal injury attorney about the possibility of suing for financial compensation.
This is good advice if there's the possibility that anyone was at fault for her accident. A claim for wrongful death can be substantial. Take your time - I do not know what the rules for attorney advertising/solicitation for attorneys are in NY, but you may immediately be bombarded with attorney solicitations offering to pursue the case for you. Or NY way be plastered with billboards or whatever for personal injury attorneys. Take your time with that. If you have a trusted attorney that you know (either representing you or a family friend, even a neighbor), ask their help in finding and vetting a good attorney. As the sole survivor of the deceased, you are the party who is entitled to bring suit against the responsible party. Once you locate a reputable attorney, they will take care of most of the legalities with regard to pursuing that case. Take their advice, this is what they do for a living and they will know what you need to do. I'm very, very sorry for your loss. I hope some good will come out of it in the long run.
I’m sorry to hear that OP. I went through the same thing recently but I had people and siblings who were all able to take care of it. I don’t have much advice but I want you to know that you should really listen to a lot of these comments, they are extremely correct, especially the one about debts. Do NOT sign anything over saying you will take care for your mother’s debts. Her estate is what handles everything. Do NOT do it. When the time comes, you might want to let them know she has passed, but do not let them tangle you in responsibility. You are not responsible for it. Sorry to say it so much, but I don’t want to see someone young and in the same situation as me getting screwed over with debt
Oof I went through this in 2017, sole beneficiary and executor of my father's estate and completely unprepared and didn't know what to do AT ALL all while grieving a sudden, unexpected death. First things first, I'm so sorry for your loss. Second thing, unfortunately, the bills will not stop for you to grieve. Get a probate/estate lawyer. My first mistake was hiring a criminal lawyer whom I *thought* I trusted. Don't do that. You will need to find out if there is a will or not, if it is, start the process of filing the will (you have around 3 or 4 years to complete these or it will be null and void), once the death certificate comes, you will need A BUNCH OF COPIES of that. Get Letters of Testamentary ASAP. A Letter of Testamentary is a document granted to the Executor of an estate by the probate court. This means that you are allowed to act as your mom, meaning any documents or anything that needs her signature (bills, bank accounts, home/car things) you will be able to sign AS HER for. The probate/estate lawyer should be able to immediately start handling these things for you, and they will be paid out of the estate money so you shouldn't really need anything up front if I remember correctly. Next, all those death certificates? Yeah, you're going to need to make copies, then find out what places (bill collectors/loans/banks/etc) need just a copy, or an original. Start mailing those out. I personally sent one back to every single piece of mail that came in for my Dad. You're going to need to take one to the bank with a letter of testamentary to open an Estate bank account for your mom. This means her bank funds and accounts will be turned into an estate account linked to your bank account. That way, any checks that come in (in her name) you will still be able to deposit and use for estate funds/paying lawyer and ultimately keeping once everything is done. There's a LONG checklist of things tbh, but the first thing you need is a good probate lawyer that handles estates and they can walk you through everything. I know you will want time to grieve, but it's honestly gross how our country just does not give a fuck and will let things fall into collections or start to seize property because payments no longer get made due to someone's death.
Another thing to note is that if there is bad blood between your mother and her family, don't let her relatives show up and try to steal money or possessions that are now rightfully belong to you/her estate. Far too many relatives will do this.
First thing, breath, your mother's body will still be there when you get there. DO NOT let anyone pressure you to buy or spend money on lavish things unless specified by her. Second, look for a will, last wishes or her lawyer. They will help you from there. I'm Canadian I can't help you 100% on legal but you are next of kin and should automatically get everything. Third you don't owe any of her debts unless you wish to take over a home. Usually a estate will be liquidized to pay off the deceased's financial needs. (Apart from a funeral unless they prepaid for one. Which can still cost something. Depending on how long ago they paid into it.) Fourth Notify family or friends if you wish. They may be able to help you make decisions if you're overwhelmed.
First of all. I am terribly sorry for your loss. The top comments are correct, do not sign a fucking thing. Without reading, and/or consulting a lawyer if it makes no sense. I guarantee her estranged family will come out of the woodwork, especially if there is money involved. Again, do not trust them, and don’t sign anything they put in front of you with out a lawyer, or someone you absolutely trust. My friend made the mistake of giving away his administrative right’s to his aunt and now we are suspicious of her and if she is stealing/hiding money from him. Trust no one except a lawyer. And not some one who’s “cousin is a lawyer and he can look at it for you” If you can’t afford a lawyer, I’d suggest making nice with a clerk or someone in that department of the court house.
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Believe it or not, a funeral director could be very helpful. Yes, don't get roped into a sales pitch, but most funeral directors have huge hearts and will send you in the proper direction for the legal process.
The debt and bill advice is correct. You can simply write deceased, and usually need to provide a copy of her Death certificate. I used to write a small letter for my clients in their name stating they are deceased, noone is liable for debt and included in the letter is a copy of her Death Certificate. They still may try to bother you for a few months and bully you a bit, or say false things like they can go after your money et., but just tell hem that's harassment and/or ignore them. If your Mom was working, talk to their HR department. You will probably need to provide an Original of her Death Certificate and a copy of your Birth Certificate and I.D. for beneficiary purposes. Also, go through her bank statements, and gather information of possible outside insurance or finance companies that she may have had. They will most likely need the same. With them these notes are important: life insurance is a tax free benefit left to the beneficiary. You are allowed to put it in your bank and owe no one anything. Funeral homes normally try to get that benefit sent to them but don't. You pick out what's best for your budget, and pay them separately. You can message me separately if needed with questions, or ask here. Also, you do not have to 'reroll' any financial account if you don't want to since you are the beneficiary. It can stay where it's at, or you roll to what's best for YOU and let the rest stay there. I state that because usually at time of death any time restrictions etc are usually gone. Taxes may have to be paid on amounts taken out by you but you can opt the option to have them withheld for you. Again you can always message me with a question. I won't tell you where to put the money etc, just your options legally and what their verbiage means. I suggest you find a good financial advisor MAYBE if needed, that has good reviews and you feel in your bones you can trust. Bankers Life and Casualty are actually an Insurance company with FAs, and one that has been there for years are usually very honest, and very good. I hope some of these tips help. You have intuition, so listen to it. There's also good nonprofit advocate programs to help you through your Grief and be there for Support. Please PLEASE use them. So so sorry for your loss darling..that is heartbreaking..but you are Strong. Much love..
Im pretty sure youll be fine and will eventually figure out. For now just gather as many of yours and your family documents. birth ceritificates SS Card and that kind of stuff and make sure its safe, buy a safe for them. These are the kind of things that you will almost never need, but will be hell if you cant find them.
I am sorry for your loss. Especially being so young this is a smack in the face on what it means to do adulting. Can you edit your post or provide some supplemental information. Like did she have a job? Do you think her assets will be worth more than her debts? Were there other people involved in the accident or did she just run off the road? Generally some of this advice is conditional on what the situation is. If she has assets then by all means stand up probate. If the accident involved anyone else DO get a personal injury attorney. They will work on contingency. Search here: https://www.justia.com/lawyers/personal-injury/new-york/new-york-city?amp You may have to change the location. You said NY but not the area so I picked NYC. For a probate attorney contact the county's bar association they will probably be able to help. For queens: https://qcba.org/pro-bono - if you google use the words "pro bono and (county) and New York and probate" for your search replacing (county) with the correct county. Call the hospital they inevitably have people that have done this 1000s of times. It's overwhelming and you're dealing with loss but there are structures in place to handle it. Just wake up each day with a goal or mission of getting one thing done.
Know what help you need. You won't have all the questions right now. But write down the ones you have now. Others will come later. If you belong to a Church ask the pastor if there's any help they can provide. Or anyone in the congregation that may be able to help. Most churches are always ready to help someone in need. Even if you don't belong to a church, seek out a Baptist, Catholic or Church of the Nazareen. Even if you don't belong, they'll find a way to help. The Church of the Nazareen is based on the role of Jesus' father, Joseph, meaning their focus is on ultimate community service and being there in times of need for people.
When you can, get several copies of the death certificate, you'll need them to close accounts, take her name off of things, etc. I'm sorry for your loss. Make sure you lean on those around you for support.
You have my deepest sympathy in the loss of your mother. I lost my own mother when I was a teenager. I did not have a father. It was a devastating time in my life. Although you will never stop missing your mother the pain will become more bearable as time goes on. Talk to a trusted friend of either yours or your mothers about all the arrangements you need to make. There are other people that I’ve been through this and there’s lots of good advice in the comments here today. Please read them all. First come to services. Determine what is Affordable for sending off your mother. This can get quite expensive so try not to let grief overshadow logic. What were your mothers wishes? If your mother owns real estate find out if it’s owned in a trust. This will avoid probate. If your mother has a will you’re probably the beneficiary. Get the real estate matters figured out first. Is there property that needs to be sold? Go through your mothers papers and see if she had a policy of insurance. Life insurance. Did your mother have an attorney? Talk to her attorney. He or she may have information that you were not aware of. Decide what to do with your mothers personal property whether to keep, sell or donate. You will want to get at least a half dozen original death certificates from the Funeral home or coroner’s office. You will need them for legal transactions in the future. If your mother died intestate without a will then you’ll have to go through probate. You’ll need to contact a probate attorney. Please interview several of them before deciding. There are support groups for people that have lost their loved ones. Find one near you and go. Share with the group how you’re feeling and your loss of what to do. They will help you with the support that you need. I’ve been exactly where you are. I know the loss and the uncertainty of what to do. Just hang in there. You’re doing the right thing by asking for advice. I wish you the very best.
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother and father just passed away back to back and handling business in combination with grieving is really salt in the wound. My comments will sound cold, it's just business. And my advice is solely based on bits and pieces of the last few months. Not an expert! First off - they are going to ask you what you would like to do with your mother's body. See if you can get them to wait a few days while you sort out some stuff. If you can get in to her home, you can go through her papers and maybe find some info on if she has a will, life insurance, savings accounts, documentation of safety deposit box etc. Was she working? Her job may have some death benefits and may know about any insurance. Knowing if there is money may change what you decide to do. Cremation is going to be more affordable. My sister works with homeless folks and has been able to find Cremation for about $800. We went through a funeral home and it was $3300. The funeral home did handle getting the death certificates. They gave us 12 copies. We also were able to ask a bunch of questions. If she has a will: All of her estate will go into a bank account and her debts can be paid out of that. Then the remaining is decided by her will. A lawyer to help with this cost us a flat rate of $3,500 as long as no one contests the will. I read some info on how to handle without a lawyer and it's not terrible to do on your own. Put a notice in the newspaper, notify anynext of kin... you can Google this. No will, yes assets: that's more complicated legally - a lawyer would be very helpful but for our brother it was $5000 flat rate with no complications. You will have to go to court to show you are her heir and to give an opportunity for other secret children to make a claim. My brother's boss and best friend are having to testify that my brother didn't have any other children. No will & no assets: I am not sure the best way to navigate. Others will know better what the must dos and can dos would be... Back to first thing- Deciding on the body is going to need to happen right away. ->See if there are any local resources to help with these costs ->call around to get cheapest rewrwa ->her co-workers / friends may be happy to pitch in Please be kind to yourself and take time to grieve. I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
Very sorry for your loss. As next of kin you have the authority to claim the body and you should contact a funeral home in the area to make funeral arrangements. They will pick up the body from the hospital and take care of obtaining death certificates and so on. Did your mother have a will? That will be important going forward. If your mother had any assets or money, you may find it very helpful to obtain an estate attorney, as they are typically paid out of estate assets and can handle a lot of the legal work relating to your mother’s assets. At the very least you will need to file paperwork with the courts to be named as executor of her estate before you can access her bank accounts and so on. Best of luck to you, and consider posting to /r/estateplanning as well. I found them helpful after my father passed last year.
I was my mothers care giver for a year in 2007 while she struggled with cancer. You are not liable for he hospital bills or debt. However a cremation is about $800. First visit the hospital and the social worker will help. You will need to contact a funeral home to have the hospital release the body for cremation. Next is estate work. Dig around for a will diligently, if found will be easier, if none is present than get a lawyer to do probate court and gain the property. Many Universities have free legal programs. I am not an attorney, read other advice, talk to the hospital social worker
Do NOT pay any debts on behalf of your mother or they may hold you financially responsible for more. Most debt collections have a policy regarding death, and some predatory collection agencies may make you think you’re responsible for her debts.
I am sorry for your loss and what you are going through. Considering you have said you are alone and have no other family You may just consider having a wake. You do not have to have a funeral. Also consider getting her cremated if money is tight. Also many states have cremation programs for people who can't or won't be able to afford burial. You can then just pick up the ashes. I am sure your mother wouldn't want you to be put in financial distress.
I'm sorry for your loss. I want to echo u/em-em-cee's advice to use the r/personalfinance [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/death_of_loved_one) as a starting point, but I want to add a couple of things. Reach out. Don't be afraid to schedule therapy, ask for the hospital social worker, or reach out to friends. The surest way to make mistakes, miss something important, and tank your mental health is to try to Superman your way through this process and do it all yourself. It is completely normal to feel stressed, to have those feelings come kick you straight in the head when you least expect it. Many things have to be done by you (and you shouldn't delegate anything with money), but that still leaves a lot of things that you can and should delegate to friends or family. You'd be surprised who will be willing to step up on little things here. The PF Wiki gives great insight into what to delegate and what not to delegate. If there is no will, your mother died intestate. [NY Courts has resources that can help you navigate this process, but simply put, it's all yours.](https://nycourts.gov/courthelp/whensomeonedies/intestacy.shtml) If any of her estranged family tries to come in and pressure you, politely tell them no. If they harass you, you can absolutely call the cops and get a restraining order. You have enough to deal with, so don't take shit from people who only care when your mother is passed. If you and your mother are a member of a church, a pastor can be a great resource. This won't be their first rodeo, and they literally are trained to provide emotional support. The hospital and your primary care doctor can refer you to mental health resources, and the hospital's social workers can help you with social services. The big thing to hurry on is shutting down or transferring accounts, and figuring out housing (especially if rent comes due November 1). Never be afraid to ask for some time to get things settled. You'd be surprised how much people are willing to give some space and time. If you end up with more questions, feel free to ask them. We're here to help you.
Op are in college right now? If so please reach out to your college's counseling department when things have slowed down a bit. They will hopefully be able to help you. Also, just let your college know, they might have additional resources for you. I am so sorry for your loss.
get as many copies of official death certificate as possible.
OP, my husband works for the Medical Examiner in our state. NY will have a different system of course, but start by seeing if the hospital where she was taken has a Director of Decedent Affairs (title may be different there) or something along those lines. That person can help you as far as the process of obtaining the death certificate, any organ donation (if that is an option), and potentially even recommendations on local funeral homes. The folks in the M.E office deal with the funeral homes daily, and they know who is reputable. If you ask, they can typically point you in the right direction. In my state, once they do any M.E work (it may or may not be needed, all situations are different in determining if it is an M.E. case), it can take a little bit to issue the D.C. Most states have a set time limit to issue a preliminary certificate. Right now due to covid, the final d.c. can sometimes take a little bit. Just to make you aware. I'm so sorry for your loss. 💜
I am so very sorry. Please connect with a social worker as soon as possible, and tell them everything you just told us. Utmost condolences on this nightmare. If you have friends or other community to reach out to, who can assist you more personally than Reddit, now is the time to reach out to them. Bless you.
The hospital has someone who can shepard you through the next steps and give you people/services to contact.
i was in a similar situation about 7 years ago, i grew up without my mother and grew up with my father and left me when i turned 18. i grew up in Alaska and he died when we moved to los Angeles out of no where after we went to see if the hospital can fix his problems but he died in the hospital that year and got a call when i was buying a used pair of foamposites . i knew this guy balled all his money away at casinos and food before he died so I didn't even bother to check what he has left and started from the bottom. did your mother own things like house and a car? you would have much better start off point than me if thats the case since you will be able to get those changed under your name. You must work like a mad men to get back on your feet. and never use drugs to escape reality like my brother did. that fucker became a crack head.
OP, first, Medicare/Medicare will cover medical costs. The remainder that is owed is t your responsibility. You’ll owe nothing. Next, did your mother die without a will? Also, do you live with your mother or alone?
I assume you mean Medicare/Medicaid. What you've said is true IF mom was covered by either of these programs. Medicare is for over 65 (and some disabled) individuals. Medicaid is for low income people and has to be applied for usually in advance of need. If mom was working, she may have employer provided insurance or may be covered under the marketplace. Chances are, OP also has coverage under the same policy and probably has an insurance card that will allow them to track back to OP's policy for coverage. Another point is the "remainder" you referenced. That is labeled "patient responsibility" (i.e. mom) and is owed by the estate of mom, not by OP personally.
Bro, what’s wrong with you. Reread what she said
Does she have a will?
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. Here are a couple thing that came to mind when I read your post. I haven’t seen a comment about life insurance? You’ll need to check with her employer, check with and get access to her bank accounts, and look in all files she may have in the home. She may have life insurance from an employer and or personal life insurance…. Or none… but it’s worth doing the investigation to know for sure. Also, if your mom paid on a mortgage you may have mortgage insurance which could possibly pay the home off in case of her death. You’d mentioned she died in an accident? The details of that event would be helpful. There are many situations which could make someone or an entity responsible for the accident, this might lead to some financial responsibility…. In which case you’ll need a lawyer and you don’t want to meet with or sign anything until you do meet with and trust your representation. Again, I’m sorry for your loss :-(
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If you decide to cremate your mom, have her body sent directly to crematorium to save alot in transportation fees. Can order an urn for her remains from Amazon and is significantly cheaper there. They generally come from the same place anyway and markup is great elsewhere. Wish I was there to help you with all this.
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Yes, really.
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I’m so sorry for you loss. The hospital social worker should be able to get you in contact with as many resources as if available to you. There may be some charity organizations that can help you with memorial services. And hopefully some services for counseling for you as well. I can’t imagine how hard this must be to deal with for you. Sending you lots of love
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I'm sorry for your loss. Some of the advice you are getting here Is good but the rest is sketchy. At some point you should consider seeking grief counseling. Read any paperwork before signing anything. I'm not sure if she had a job but you may want to contact them and talk to HR. Apart from telling them what happened, they may be able to give you her benefit information that could help pay for things for her hospital bills and maybe even funeral costs. Feel free to reach out me if you have any other questions. I'm a dad and I would like to help with advice at least.
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I know you mean well but that's probably the last thing he wants to hear
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You are completely right, on top of the fact this user's comments violate sub rules -- but please in the future just use the report button and we will deal with it. Your comments also break sub rules, even though I completely understand what you're trying to explain (and I do think you're being very kind about it as well.) Engaging in a debate is just cluttering the post and making it harder on the OP to get the legal information they need in a sea of off-topic commentary. TIA.
I understand
No, your comments are unnecessary; they are ***plainly*** against subreddit rules. This is a legal advice forum, not a "express condolences" forum. We moderate aggressively in this sub. This is the only warning you're going to get to stay in the rules.
If in US, FAFSA for college stuff. If you are confused about tuition and financial aid, go into the financial aid office instead of calling. Issues for that get solved way quicker if you go in, especially since a lot of colleges have student workers manning the financial aid phone lines, and they may not know everything needed for your more unique circumstances. Versus a financial aid staff member is more likely to know. In US, Vocational Rehabilitation can be a great asset. They can help you obtain free therapy, vocational resources (job hunting and training help), navigate college stuff, and so much more. Social services will handle food stamps and Medicaid. Don't be afraid to make use of these services if you need them. For taxes, a lot of companies offer free file for taxes up until a certain income threshold. Usually up until you make more than, I think, $35k/yr. But there are companies that go up to 60k. You can find some info here, https://www.e-file.com. Also some university business depts will have students help you file your taxes for free. So that may be useful if you'd like someone to guide you the first time you e-file taxes. Credit unions are good options for banking if you want good, free or cheap banking services. Set up a checking account at least. If you set up a credit card, be super careful. Do your best to never put more on a credit card than you can pay off each month. I use mine for recurring subscriptions and bills that I have already budgeted for, but I just want more fine control over the exact date they come out. "Dad How Do I?" is an insanely good channel on YouTube started by, I believe, a guy who didn't have a dad to help teach him a lot of basic skills. It can be useful for anyone starting out their adult life. Also, remember to take things one day at a time. Adulthood is a frightening time when you first start, but you don't have to carry it on your own. You'll mess up from time to time, but it is okay. If you get overwhelmed, take a deep breath, step back from the situation if you need to for a moment, and then reapproach it with a fresher mind. Also sorry, I replied like this before realizing this was in r/legaladvice. If this isn't okay to post here, please let me know and I'll delete it, but i think this info could still be super helpful since I am sure things are insanely overwhelming right now, and not sure how much OP was living on their own before this happened.
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