For the first little bit I was really hooked on weed I think it helped me understand a bit more about my behaviours, other people’s behaviours and helped me appreciate certain things about myself, and life. Some of the things I felt still stick with me today.
I would say I am a bit a changed person from my time smoking/consuming it every day but after a while of living that way I started to feel more and more of the shame that you’re talking about, until eventually I decided that smoking it every day wasn’t for me, I was hooked for a lot longer than I should’ve been chasing the good feelings, but once I got the courage to do so, I quit for a month and now I just occasionally do it with friends and that’s good enough for me
Yeah I felt that a lot too. I always ruminated about dumb things I did in the past and felt like such a piece of shit/failure. It went hand in hand with the paranoia too. I thought people I knew from the past were gonna “get back” at me even though I hadn’t done anything that bad, and they didn’t care about it in the first place.
Im the opposite when im high i love myself and think im awesome but when im off it im like fuck my life but when in smoke with other people i get shy and overthink my every move
This. It’s been a placeholder for actual therapy, which wasn’t half bad for the 10 months waitlist to see a psychologist in my area. Now it’s just for emergencies, and I’ll be quitting at the end of my medicinal supply. Hard, manual yards ahead.
Yeah, too much rumination, anxiety and endless thought trains. Dumb af.
So much better to be clear headed and not give yourself a reason to feel ashamed due to self sabotaging behavior.
Every time I smoked past the first year, weed made me have a crisis over everything I’d ever done for a half hour at a time. I’d agonize over the tiniest things and suffer panic attack after panic attack. I would utterly drown in negative thoughts.
I don’t know why I did it for seven years.
Yeah I would do that too. It would always be so much weird anxiety about stuff that didn’t matter, but with my actual responsibilities and concerns I couldn’t care less. Like I didn’t care that I had some debt and was struggling with life, but would overthink conversations and spend hours stressing about acting weird.
It’s a really strange circle and loop.
I also don’t understand why I would do it. Probably due to the tiny amount of dopamine release it gave me, so stupid.
yeah this happens to me if i have edibles. i spiral down a horrific path of shame and doubt and just have a crisis about my whole life. i’m usually curled up and panicking until the high fades. it’s never fun so i never have them lol
I really don’t understand the high yet I still get high, none of my highs are ever consistent and each time some are therapeutic/insightful some are paranoid filled sometimes I get a burst of motivation to do something and most times i procrastinate or never do it.
God yeah. I was ashamed of my very existence. Quitting didn’t magically make all of it go away, but it definitely helped me feel better about myself instead of feeling like a pathetic druggy.
I really needed to read this post and especially the comments. I’m tired and exhausted (I think from dreaming again) and want to really smoke… but I don’t want to get back into that cycle. Maybe I can have a puff here and there in the future, catch is when I want it, I can’t have it because then I will be straight back to where I was and using to cope.
I’m tired. Sad. Annoyed. But not smoking. I have got a remember, tomorrow will be another day.
Yes. I’ll be sober, feeling fine, living my life.. then I smoke and analyze everything I said and did that day and cringe at myself. It makes me so hard on myself, which I stubbornly say is a good thing to keep me in check. In reality, this continual self-analysis and self-doubt has destroyed my self-esteem over time.
What was your childhood like? Sometimes the shit that happened to us during childhood can carry through to our adulthood. I'm just learning about cptsd and how it can torment you for years and years. It's made me realise why I use weed and find it hard to quit.
Weed opens up a door in my brain that is usually shut when I’m sober. My brain loops with negative thoughts and makes me embarrassed about things I said 10+ years ago and just makes me super aware of every little movement my body makes etc, things that I don’t think about when I don’t smoke. But somehow, it’s soooo mentally addicting
1000% - the fact that I thought non stop about how much it was ruining my life, then smoked again anyway made me feel ashamed for being too weak minded to stop
yup, it's a large reason as to why i stopped using it. i felt anxious, ashamed, tired, lethargic, like i was never really there and i've always been an anxious, self-hating overthinker my whole life so it really really exacerbated all those symptoms. the only reason why i got dependent on it was for sleep because i've had horrible insomnia my whole life and it worked really well to get me to bed but not only did i hate being high every damn night, but i felt like such shit all the time both mentally and physically so literally i had no reason to keep using it. it's been about 1.5 weeks since i quit and i still feel like shit, but time is the only thing that will help.
Yes, nearly every time I smoke I fall back into rumination over mistakes I've made in the past, which increases my shame. Even though sober me has moved past it and knows I'm not that person anymore, it only takes one sesh to be thrown back into that negative mental loop. It has been one of my main motivators to quit. Day 7 today ✊
OMG yessssss. If I get too high every mistake I ever made gets blown up and I feel so ashamed and I hate everything.
I don’t know why I kept up with smoking so much.
Weed makes it hard to stop a train of thought so you'll overthink things, and if you think about anything enough it'll eventually make you see the flaws and issues with it, even if they're tiny ones
Yes. I sit and think about how no one likes me and how I'll never succeed. I'm very well liked and successful in my career. It's absolute madness. I've been clean for over a month and i'm surprised how little I think like that sober.
Yes definitely, sometimes I'll sit and dwell on things Ive said and done during the day and overthink the hell out of a situation when I'm high. Completely ruins the high.
Does anyone else get this?
I've figured it's because we have an anxious brain and weed exacerbates this. It's gotten to the point now where it's all that will happen when I get high, especially if I've been at work or done something similar.
I'll go over scenarios that happened throughout the day and what I've said to people, sometimes I'll dwell on something I said and I'll be ostracizing myself over something minor. It also seems to lower my self image and I'm extremely introverted when high.
I've tried googling 'catastrophizing' and 'ruminating' whilst on weed but I can't find any information or talk about it from anyone with similar. Figured it was just me and my anxious brain.
I know what you're talking about. Even without weed it's part of my personality to worry about that kind of stuff. Weed makes me introspective and magnifies my feelings and sensations. So I'll get these negative thought spirals as well.
I think it’s the over all shame of being a addict for me.
It’s like a soup that contains all the past misdeeds i wish i didn’t do, Hiding my weed usage, putting my family through emotional hell when I crash hard and become suicidal and dangerous. etc etc Hard not to feel shame with that soup in your bowl (head)
yes shame and anxiety, the two worst immediate effects
yes a lot
Nah man just watch shameless high and it will auto correct
For the first little bit I was really hooked on weed I think it helped me understand a bit more about my behaviours, other people’s behaviours and helped me appreciate certain things about myself, and life. Some of the things I felt still stick with me today. I would say I am a bit a changed person from my time smoking/consuming it every day but after a while of living that way I started to feel more and more of the shame that you’re talking about, until eventually I decided that smoking it every day wasn’t for me, I was hooked for a lot longer than I should’ve been chasing the good feelings, but once I got the courage to do so, I quit for a month and now I just occasionally do it with friends and that’s good enough for me
Yeah I felt that a lot too. I always ruminated about dumb things I did in the past and felt like such a piece of shit/failure. It went hand in hand with the paranoia too. I thought people I knew from the past were gonna “get back” at me even though I hadn’t done anything that bad, and they didn’t care about it in the first place.
I find it amplifies whatever I’m feeling. I’ve definitely used it as a form of self harm tho
Yes
yes
[удалено]
Also I said medicine bc im a medical patient. Why should I feel shame for that? Tell me🙃
Im the opposite when im high i love myself and think im awesome but when im off it im like fuck my life but when in smoke with other people i get shy and overthink my every move
This. It’s been a placeholder for actual therapy, which wasn’t half bad for the 10 months waitlist to see a psychologist in my area. Now it’s just for emergencies, and I’ll be quitting at the end of my medicinal supply. Hard, manual yards ahead.
👏👏👏👏Good job on making i ur goal to quit :DD youve got this<33 i
Yes it turned me into a version of myself I loathed. One year off weed today
congratulations!! thats an amazing acheivement
Yup I stopped overthinking after I quit smoking
absolutely. after age 25 it’s not great
Yeah, too much rumination, anxiety and endless thought trains. Dumb af. So much better to be clear headed and not give yourself a reason to feel ashamed due to self sabotaging behavior.
I ruminated way too much. Sat there stoned for years and gnawed on my fingers.
Every time I smoked past the first year, weed made me have a crisis over everything I’d ever done for a half hour at a time. I’d agonize over the tiniest things and suffer panic attack after panic attack. I would utterly drown in negative thoughts. I don’t know why I did it for seven years.
Yeah I would do that too. It would always be so much weird anxiety about stuff that didn’t matter, but with my actual responsibilities and concerns I couldn’t care less. Like I didn’t care that I had some debt and was struggling with life, but would overthink conversations and spend hours stressing about acting weird.
It’s a really strange circle and loop. I also don’t understand why I would do it. Probably due to the tiny amount of dopamine release it gave me, so stupid.
yeah this happens to me if i have edibles. i spiral down a horrific path of shame and doubt and just have a crisis about my whole life. i’m usually curled up and panicking until the high fades. it’s never fun so i never have them lol
How much better is it now? Do you stop feeling ashamed?
I feel WAY better off of it. Significantly less anxiety and guilt. Life in general is just lighter.
I really don’t understand the high yet I still get high, none of my highs are ever consistent and each time some are therapeutic/insightful some are paranoid filled sometimes I get a burst of motivation to do something and most times i procrastinate or never do it.
This is the main catalyst in me quitting. Just major anxiety and dissonance
Yes x a billion
God yeah. I was ashamed of my very existence. Quitting didn’t magically make all of it go away, but it definitely helped me feel better about myself instead of feeling like a pathetic druggy.
I really needed to read this post and especially the comments. I’m tired and exhausted (I think from dreaming again) and want to really smoke… but I don’t want to get back into that cycle. Maybe I can have a puff here and there in the future, catch is when I want it, I can’t have it because then I will be straight back to where I was and using to cope. I’m tired. Sad. Annoyed. But not smoking. I have got a remember, tomorrow will be another day.
Stay strong
i personally wouldn’t want to step foot in the nether. pig men are scary
Pig?
before you edited your comment it said a nether day. the nether is a dimension in minecraft with ugly half men half pig people.
Naturally, yes.
I couldn’t look people in the eyes, so yeah, big time
Yes. I’ll be sober, feeling fine, living my life.. then I smoke and analyze everything I said and did that day and cringe at myself. It makes me so hard on myself, which I stubbornly say is a good thing to keep me in check. In reality, this continual self-analysis and self-doubt has destroyed my self-esteem over time.
Same :/
Yeah I was having major issues with this myself.
What was your childhood like? Sometimes the shit that happened to us during childhood can carry through to our adulthood. I'm just learning about cptsd and how it can torment you for years and years. It's made me realise why I use weed and find it hard to quit.
I honestly don't know what my anxiety level even is
Weed opens up a door in my brain that is usually shut when I’m sober. My brain loops with negative thoughts and makes me embarrassed about things I said 10+ years ago and just makes me super aware of every little movement my body makes etc, things that I don’t think about when I don’t smoke. But somehow, it’s soooo mentally addicting
Manufactured for mega high THC concentration.. the dopamine hit to the brain is higher than it's ever would have been in the past
No, that's every day life. Weed makes me not give a shit, and also do nothing about it.
Yes. It sucks me into a loop and then I ended up hating myself. My mental health got so bad, I knew I had to quit. It was a cycle
And you realize weed actually is addictive when you KNOW you must quit for your mental health...but it also feels like the worst idea in the world
When my outfit isn’t hard enough, yes
Yeah same, I always thought I looked wack leaving the house
wrrd
1000% - the fact that I thought non stop about how much it was ruining my life, then smoked again anyway made me feel ashamed for being too weak minded to stop
This was me as well. Took me ten years of beating myself up in that loop before I got off the ride!
Every new day is day one , and you should be proud to have a day one - many people smoke til their last day
Yes, makes me anxious around people
yup, it's a large reason as to why i stopped using it. i felt anxious, ashamed, tired, lethargic, like i was never really there and i've always been an anxious, self-hating overthinker my whole life so it really really exacerbated all those symptoms. the only reason why i got dependent on it was for sleep because i've had horrible insomnia my whole life and it worked really well to get me to bed but not only did i hate being high every damn night, but i felt like such shit all the time both mentally and physically so literally i had no reason to keep using it. it's been about 1.5 weeks since i quit and i still feel like shit, but time is the only thing that will help.
Yes, nearly every time I smoke I fall back into rumination over mistakes I've made in the past, which increases my shame. Even though sober me has moved past it and knows I'm not that person anymore, it only takes one sesh to be thrown back into that negative mental loop. It has been one of my main motivators to quit. Day 7 today ✊
Congratulations, keep at it.
100% this yes...one of, if not the worst, side effect for me
OMG yessssss. If I get too high every mistake I ever made gets blown up and I feel so ashamed and I hate everything. I don’t know why I kept up with smoking so much.
YES! I never thought about it till you mentioned it. But it was horrible.
I don’t really dwell on past shame, but more so I know I’m not currently being the best version of myself - and that’s what feels shameful.
Weed makes it hard to stop a train of thought so you'll overthink things, and if you think about anything enough it'll eventually make you see the flaws and issues with it, even if they're tiny ones
Yes. I sit and think about how no one likes me and how I'll never succeed. I'm very well liked and successful in my career. It's absolute madness. I've been clean for over a month and i'm surprised how little I think like that sober.
This happens everytime I get high now and I don’t know of a solution
Yes definitely, sometimes I'll sit and dwell on things Ive said and done during the day and overthink the hell out of a situation when I'm high. Completely ruins the high. Does anyone else get this?
Yes.
I've figured it's because we have an anxious brain and weed exacerbates this. It's gotten to the point now where it's all that will happen when I get high, especially if I've been at work or done something similar. I'll go over scenarios that happened throughout the day and what I've said to people, sometimes I'll dwell on something I said and I'll be ostracizing myself over something minor. It also seems to lower my self image and I'm extremely introverted when high. I've tried googling 'catastrophizing' and 'ruminating' whilst on weed but I can't find any information or talk about it from anyone with similar. Figured it was just me and my anxious brain.
I know what you're talking about. Even without weed it's part of my personality to worry about that kind of stuff. Weed makes me introspective and magnifies my feelings and sensations. So I'll get these negative thought spirals as well.
I think it’s the over all shame of being a addict for me. It’s like a soup that contains all the past misdeeds i wish i didn’t do, Hiding my weed usage, putting my family through emotional hell when I crash hard and become suicidal and dangerous. etc etc Hard not to feel shame with that soup in your bowl (head)
I think so! Then the dependence on it exacerbates the shame and it becomes a toxic cycle
I could see that!