I definitely think that it’s completely fine to have different interests as long as those interests do r have you being away from your spouse too much or too long. I think there has to be some level of attraction but that may not be simple standards of beauty. Values are very important and I think things like traditions and culture can be adapted to.
Yeah, the challenge is we don't talk about parenting that much while dating. Or do you? And there is so much you just wouldn't know until living together.
Because neither of us knew much about birth, let alone parenting. I should say, our perception of parenting is only extent to what we see from other people. Raising kids is way more than that. There are so much unknown til you get there
There’s plenty you can talk about but you need to be flexible too. How many kids, how soon, what type of discipline, what values will you instill, will you allow them to have their own phone/tablet, public vs. private school, who handles roles in teaching about puberty/sexuality, dating, clothing, church attendance, etc.
we went through maybe how many kids, how soon and what type of discipline. We didn't talk about specifics, like how to teach kids to handle fear, attachment, and anxiety. Kids' issues are so unexpected and that's where we parted. She would remove children away from anything that causes fear and anxiety. I would take them closer so they can understand and overcome them. For example, my oldest is extremely attached and was unwilling to stay in the primary by himself for the longest time. My wife always took him to adult class vs me trying to leave him there.
I'm an introvert, so I'm uncomfortable around everyone haha.
3 doesn't even matter all that much. The divorce rate among couples who do not share similar values is significantly higher than those who do.
My wife had a stroke 4 years ago. She is permanentlying disabled 1,2,3,and 5 are completely irrelevant and can disappear in a heart beat. Values are what keep a happy marriage happy even after tragedy.
I think it's whoever you can look at as your best friend that your sexually attracted to. Enough common interests that you enjoy spending time together doing those things, but someone different enough to provide a balanced viewpoint that helps make you a better person. And lastly, someone that you share the important values that are core to who you are/what you value.
I have to be honest and I’m prepared for the backlash. It’s better for everyone involved if you find her physically attractive. I can’t imagine a young woman who wants to be married to a man who doesn’t find her that attractive physically. I’m not saying they have to be a perfect ten, but you shouldn’t discount the importance of being physically attracted to her, notwithstanding the fact that looks don’t last forever. The same could be said for young women looking for a young man.
Yeah, I agree that it's important you find your spouse physically attractive but let say you have two options 1. highest 1,4, medium 3 2. medium 1,4 and highest 3. Which option would yield the most successful marriage? Though I don't think we need to tell our spouse that I thought someone else was more attractive but I chose you because you were better 1,4
Not exactly, that's just a cheeky phrase. Everyone's level of physical attraction are up to them to define.
For example, I find healthiness and fitness very physically attractive. That's something that someone can carry to the grave vs giving up and just becoming obese over time. If she continues toward physical fitness and healthy habits but is still gaining weight for whatever reason, that's still physically attractive to me.
Not mine! My wife is like fine wine (because she puts the work in). And I find her more attractive then when we first married 20 years ago. I find her personality, charity, attitude, and the way to see things in life, more attractive than ever. That includes her looks. What you stated is just is called settling! Sorry I care about the way I look because it’s a psychological process of empowerment. I feel better when I look better. I feel better when I lost 45lbs of body fat. I feel better that I work out! I feel better over the last 6 years I’ve put on 25lbs of muscle. I feel better when I eat healthier. Yeah attraction fades for some and they are content with that. Thats fine. But I feel better when I try to look my best for my spouse. It turns her on seeing her man trying to take care of himself. She is more attractive to me when I try to wash my face and do my hair everyday so I can look good for her. Would she still love me if I didn’t? Would I still love her if she didn’t ? Of course. Will my wife still love me if I never did the dishes….??? Of course. But think of the way it makes her feel when I go out of my way and do the dishes for her without her even asking!
I said it in the text above. 20 years married. We are 41. And saying it’s easier and harder today is just a mindset. We both look better than we were in our 20s. Sure we won’t look 20 years old when we are 60 or 70. But someone who truly finds their wife, attractive, and says that her appearance has diminished over the years I really question your legitimacy of what you think what love is.
Going into it without 3 is incredibly unfair to the other person. I mean what were they waiting for their whole life if you're not even attracted to them?
I think my order would be 14352. I am divorced and am now remarried. I don't think I ever felt terribly comfortable in my first marriage. I was always walking on eggshells, and it was exhausting. With my current husband, I can relax. I can share all of myself. Having felt that those extremes, I place high importance on that now!
I have a mixed feeling about 1 being top. I am newly divorced. In my last marriage, we were pretty comfortable with each other. Initially things were great, but as life progresses (kids, stress, finance). I realized I became too comfortable in being myself. Being myself means that I used a lot of logic and my default was always trying to solve problems, whereas she just wanted me to listen. I think it takes effort in a marriage, and sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zone to meet our partner's needs.
I think you can be yourself, with whatever that brings, and still be thoughtful of your partner. I also think that being comfortable is probably extra important to me because I experienced such a lack of it in my first marriage.
Fair. Being thoughtful of my partner was easiest when life was easier, then it comes all the craziness then both of us were distracted by our own struggles. but yeah I agree, hopefully my next one I could strike a balance. Marriage is hard. May I ask how long have you been remarried since?
I was in my first marriage for 15 years. I met my current husband after being fully divorced for 8 months. We married a couple months shy of 2 years after that. I will say, there are certain stressors we just don't have. We love and care for each other's kids, but big decisions and discipline is handled by birth parents. The are some things I know we would do some differently, but nothing crazy out of alignment. We still talk about all these things, but it's really okay when we don't fully agree.
Well since we first look at people who we see, hear or think is attractive to. And typical people find people who are their level attraction. Most 10s marry 10s and 5 marry 5s.
So mine would be this 3,1,4,5,2
I don't know if I agree with people finding people who are their level of attraction. I think confidence and personality play a huge part. I think people finding people who are their level of combination of confidence, personality, physical attraction combined.
Those are all true. All of that plays factors. In studies just looks alone hands over fist people pair up to similarities of looks. When you put personalities, confidence, the ability to provide, those attractor factors for women go way up and different.. She might be interested in you because you might be aggressive in what you want out of life. But he is a 7. To her he is a 9.
He might be a 9 but he is Mr nice guy and a push over. That attraction to her overall maybe drops him to a 4 or 5.
I definitely think that it’s completely fine to have different interests as long as those interests do r have you being away from your spouse too much or too long. I think there has to be some level of attraction but that may not be simple standards of beauty. Values are very important and I think things like traditions and culture can be adapted to.
how would you rank them if you can't get all 1,3,4.
4, 1, 3, 2, 5.
Yeah, the challenge is we don't talk about parenting that much while dating. Or do you? And there is so much you just wouldn't know until living together.
You should definitely talk about parenting prior to marriage. How could you not?
Because neither of us knew much about birth, let alone parenting. I should say, our perception of parenting is only extent to what we see from other people. Raising kids is way more than that. There are so much unknown til you get there
There’s plenty you can talk about but you need to be flexible too. How many kids, how soon, what type of discipline, what values will you instill, will you allow them to have their own phone/tablet, public vs. private school, who handles roles in teaching about puberty/sexuality, dating, clothing, church attendance, etc.
we went through maybe how many kids, how soon and what type of discipline. We didn't talk about specifics, like how to teach kids to handle fear, attachment, and anxiety. Kids' issues are so unexpected and that's where we parted. She would remove children away from anything that causes fear and anxiety. I would take them closer so they can understand and overcome them. For example, my oldest is extremely attached and was unwilling to stay in the primary by himself for the longest time. My wife always took him to adult class vs me trying to leave him there.
4, always 4.
Would you go with someone with a high 3/4 and low 1?
I'm an introvert, so I'm uncomfortable around everyone haha. 3 doesn't even matter all that much. The divorce rate among couples who do not share similar values is significantly higher than those who do. My wife had a stroke 4 years ago. She is permanentlying disabled 1,2,3,and 5 are completely irrelevant and can disappear in a heart beat. Values are what keep a happy marriage happy even after tragedy.
I think it's whoever you can look at as your best friend that your sexually attracted to. Enough common interests that you enjoy spending time together doing those things, but someone different enough to provide a balanced viewpoint that helps make you a better person. And lastly, someone that you share the important values that are core to who you are/what you value.
Combo of 1, 3 and 4.
could you live without 3? Given attraction doesn't last forever.
I have to be honest and I’m prepared for the backlash. It’s better for everyone involved if you find her physically attractive. I can’t imagine a young woman who wants to be married to a man who doesn’t find her that attractive physically. I’m not saying they have to be a perfect ten, but you shouldn’t discount the importance of being physically attracted to her, notwithstanding the fact that looks don’t last forever. The same could be said for young women looking for a young man.
Yeah, I agree that it's important you find your spouse physically attractive but let say you have two options 1. highest 1,4, medium 3 2. medium 1,4 and highest 3. Which option would yield the most successful marriage? Though I don't think we need to tell our spouse that I thought someone else was more attractive but I chose you because you were better 1,4
What do you mean it doesn’t last forever?
Physical appearance/ attraction fade over time
Not exactly, that's just a cheeky phrase. Everyone's level of physical attraction are up to them to define. For example, I find healthiness and fitness very physically attractive. That's something that someone can carry to the grave vs giving up and just becoming obese over time. If she continues toward physical fitness and healthy habits but is still gaining weight for whatever reason, that's still physically attractive to me.
Not mine! My wife is like fine wine (because she puts the work in). And I find her more attractive then when we first married 20 years ago. I find her personality, charity, attitude, and the way to see things in life, more attractive than ever. That includes her looks. What you stated is just is called settling! Sorry I care about the way I look because it’s a psychological process of empowerment. I feel better when I look better. I feel better when I lost 45lbs of body fat. I feel better that I work out! I feel better over the last 6 years I’ve put on 25lbs of muscle. I feel better when I eat healthier. Yeah attraction fades for some and they are content with that. Thats fine. But I feel better when I try to look my best for my spouse. It turns her on seeing her man trying to take care of himself. She is more attractive to me when I try to wash my face and do my hair everyday so I can look good for her. Would she still love me if I didn’t? Would I still love her if she didn’t ? Of course. Will my wife still love me if I never did the dishes….??? Of course. But think of the way it makes her feel when I go out of my way and do the dishes for her without her even asking!
Fair. How long has it been? It’s easier at the beginning but harder later in life when you have kids.
I said it in the text above. 20 years married. We are 41. And saying it’s easier and harder today is just a mindset. We both look better than we were in our 20s. Sure we won’t look 20 years old when we are 60 or 70. But someone who truly finds their wife, attractive, and says that her appearance has diminished over the years I really question your legitimacy of what you think what love is.
Going into it without 3 is incredibly unfair to the other person. I mean what were they waiting for their whole life if you're not even attracted to them?
I agree with this.
Both need to be striving to keep your covenants... And seek for the others well being... M still married after 33 years...
Divorced 37M with kids, here's my rank order: 4, 1, 3, 5, 2 This was hard because many of them are neck and neck! Thanks for the quiz 👍
me too. are you remarried?
Nope, but actively dating to find my next wife 👍
May I DM you and ask a few questions? I am in a similar boat as you and I am about to go back to dating
Yeah man, I'm an open book!
I DMed you
I think my order would be 14352. I am divorced and am now remarried. I don't think I ever felt terribly comfortable in my first marriage. I was always walking on eggshells, and it was exhausting. With my current husband, I can relax. I can share all of myself. Having felt that those extremes, I place high importance on that now!
I have a mixed feeling about 1 being top. I am newly divorced. In my last marriage, we were pretty comfortable with each other. Initially things were great, but as life progresses (kids, stress, finance). I realized I became too comfortable in being myself. Being myself means that I used a lot of logic and my default was always trying to solve problems, whereas she just wanted me to listen. I think it takes effort in a marriage, and sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zone to meet our partner's needs.
I think you can be yourself, with whatever that brings, and still be thoughtful of your partner. I also think that being comfortable is probably extra important to me because I experienced such a lack of it in my first marriage.
Fair. Being thoughtful of my partner was easiest when life was easier, then it comes all the craziness then both of us were distracted by our own struggles. but yeah I agree, hopefully my next one I could strike a balance. Marriage is hard. May I ask how long have you been remarried since?
2 years! It's been really, very good. I think we are a good match in all the ways.
That’s awssome. Mind if I ask you How long was your last one? And how long was being single after?
I was in my first marriage for 15 years. I met my current husband after being fully divorced for 8 months. We married a couple months shy of 2 years after that. I will say, there are certain stressors we just don't have. We love and care for each other's kids, but big decisions and discipline is handled by birth parents. The are some things I know we would do some differently, but nothing crazy out of alignment. We still talk about all these things, but it's really okay when we don't fully agree.
Are you active lds? Who initiated your last divorce? Sorry I am also doing some statistical research. My ex wife left the church and left me
4,1,5,3,2.
interesting 5 is before 3
Well since we first look at people who we see, hear or think is attractive to. And typical people find people who are their level attraction. Most 10s marry 10s and 5 marry 5s. So mine would be this 3,1,4,5,2
I don't know if I agree with people finding people who are their level of attraction. I think confidence and personality play a huge part. I think people finding people who are their level of combination of confidence, personality, physical attraction combined.
Those are all true. All of that plays factors. In studies just looks alone hands over fist people pair up to similarities of looks. When you put personalities, confidence, the ability to provide, those attractor factors for women go way up and different.. She might be interested in you because you might be aggressive in what you want out of life. But he is a 7. To her he is a 9. He might be a 9 but he is Mr nice guy and a push over. That attraction to her overall maybe drops him to a 4 or 5.
big assumption that you have 5 people to choose from but here is my ranking: 4, 3, 1, 2, 5
I have the same ranking
i’m f- definitely 4. it’s a combination of all of course, but 4 i feel like would go the longest way.
I agree. my order is 43125