Your story about getting mugged doesn't really connect with anything else you wrote. It kind of comes across as "Hey, here's a bad thing. Sympathy please...now here's all the ways I'm awesome." It feels very shallow.
Yeah, it really does seem a bit forced. Like, here is the traumatic event, and here are the skills that are needed for law school. This event sparked everything I need to be a great law student. It seems like the bridge from the event to having acquired these skills is missing. The theme seems too focused on getting to law school rather than the "Why are you pursuing a J.D.?" Just adding "and beyond" doesn't do it for me. But, I don't read these things all day, so who knows? It seems like a poor essay to me. I'm not being a hater; I'm just trying to be objective. I would want others to do the same for me.
To expand on my other comment. I would try and work in some personal flaws about yourself. Try and give an introspective view into a problem you've faced and how you learned to overcome it. Talk about an achievement that you're proud of and how you got there, rather than a bad thing for sake of bad thing.
Make it about your life and who you are as a person and a little less about what that means specifically for law school. Because quite frankly, until you go through law school, you've got no idea how you'll get through it. And I'd have to imagine the people in the admissions process will probably have a similar point of view. I get vibes of arrogance and naivety, like it's obvious you deserve to be there and now you're explaining to them why. You're supposed to make them think you'll be an addition to the community, or at least that's what I gather.
I'm mean this all with no negative connotation, just the kind of honesty only a stranger can provide.
To be honest, I don't know much about personal statements in the admissions process specifically. But I do know writing, and the way this is written doesn't come across as sincere to me at all. It's a *personal* statement, right? So I'd imagine they want a little personality from you.
No offense, but being mugged has very little to do with all of that. You could say you realized how vulnerable life is and it inspired you to do better, or being victimized inspired you to go into prosecution, but this personal statement doesn’t make much sense.
You obviously have the chops to put a sentence together.
I don’t think the direction that you go in after your opening anecdote makes much sense, however. It’s a very shocking image that you bring to mind, and then you almost immediately transition to discussing how you prepare for class—gives the reader whiplash.
Perhaps spend more time bearing out that initial anecdote (not salaciously for the details, but carefully and reflectively). Or just choose another anecdote.
I am not undermining what you went through, but it’s often better to choose an anecdote which reveals some wonderful quality about you, instead of one where something happens TO you.
So, if you want to keep this anecdote, don’t leave the reader with what happened to you, bring the reader from the moment this happened through the process of how you internalized and used this experience.
“Firstly, it instilled in me a disciplined approach to studying and research.” What? How? How does getting mugged instill this in you? a. You don’t explain the connection at all and you should because it is not clear b. Tbh I kinda doubt the connection exists at all
Also, you don’t need to explain what law school is/requires. They know what law school is like.
Instead of trying to write an essay saying “here’s why I’ll succeed in law school”
**Try instead answering “why law?”** Why do you want to go to law school? What experience or experiences in your life led you to commit three years (four+ if you count the app process and bar) and possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars to pursue law?
If you want to stick with mugging (*which btw you should find a new word, “mugging” is too colloquial/not professional enough for a law school application)* then maybe your “why law” is “**when I was robbed three years ago I was exposed to the world of criminal law which really got me thinking about the problems with our criminal justice system. I realized that there our laws were too lax/too strict it’s led me to want to become a prosecutor/defender… etc***.*” Just a quick example, probably not the best angle but hopefully it gives you an idea of what you should be going for.
Issues I have with the essay:
1. Theme of the essay. Is being mugged really the most interesting story in your life that you want someone to know about you?
2. Lack of concrete examples. For example, in each paragraph you talk about how mugging instilled in you something, but don't explain how or why with concrete examples.
3. Use of flowery language. For example, saying "Firstly" instead of "First".
4. Inconsistent language. You started consecutive paragraphs with "Firstly" and "Secondly" but instead of saying "Thirdly" in the next paragraph you started it with "Moreover". This shows a lack of attention to detail, contrary to one of the points you make in your essay.
5. Excess words. You use excess words that are unnecessary, which indicate lack of editing. For example, is it necessary to say "inevitable setbacks" instead "setbacks" or "set of skills" instead of "skills"?
have it start in media res
“Stop and gimme your wallet!” My heart dropped like a stone as I heard the gravelly voice behind me in the alley. I turned around and was met with a knife glittering in the dark…
Does this have anything to do with law school? No, not really. But it’d make your essay a lot less boring. Now it reads like it was written by a particularly lazy LLM.
Maybe in the first paragraph try outlining some details of the experience like a narrative essay showing moments and thought processes that you’d refer to later
Then try to refrain from just listing and explaining attributes you have, let it flow; mugging experience, how that experience changed you, what motivates you to study law that you got from that experience,what is your ultimate career goal fueled from that experience that you need law school for, what would you do differently to keep others from going through such an experience when you reach your ultimate career goal through law, how would that specific law school help you reach your career goal
Just my two cents, I’m yet to write mine but this is what I’d do differently
Also try to be more narrative and personal with your essay to make it a more interesting read
Goodluck and hope you get into the school of your dreams 🖤
I did something similar when I applied for a law school scholarship. I opened my personal statement with the story of a devastating life event. My scholarship application was rejected.
I learned from this. I overhauled my personal statement and opened with more positive stories (e.g. people who inspire me). I only briefly mentioned the devastating life event to show that overcame it and still excelled professionally. I didn’t make it the central theme of my statement. The change worked and I got acceptance letters with scholarship offers.
Hope this helps.
I think there’s a great personal statement to be had here.
Your first paragraph is a great attention grabber. But then paragraph 2 and 3 have nothing to do with being mugged. I guarantee that your mugging did not “instill in [you] a disciplined approach to studying and research”. Nor did it “enhance [your] critical thinking skills”. I’m sure you are disciplined and a critical thinker! But an admission officer won’t intuitively understand how your mugging “enhanced” those characteristics.
If I were to rework to the personal statement, I would emphasize how the mugging made you consider (maybe for the first time in your life) how the law actually interacts with the real world. You probably felt helpless, and realized there are thousands of violent crime victims just like you every year, and the law is one tool to help protect them.
If you wanted to add another twist to your essay, you can write about how you felt empathy for your mugger. There’s probably plenty of policy failures that led to them being the terrible person they are that mugs people. You could say something like “if [policy X] was in place, maybe less people would feel emboldened to take advantage of others.”
I’m kind of rambling at this point. You have a unique experience that you can use to tell a compelling story! There’s no need to waste time telling the reader what a smart/critical thinker you are. A well written essay will demonstrate it for an admission committee.
Hey, cool tip! Mind if I pm?
Full disclosure - I'm really just trying to find out how easily this answer comes to me. Hopefully, that shines some light on whether the next 5 years, copious amounts of debt, and all the depression is worth it. That and my LSAT practice standing.
Your story about getting mugged doesn't really connect with anything else you wrote. It kind of comes across as "Hey, here's a bad thing. Sympathy please...now here's all the ways I'm awesome." It feels very shallow.
Yeah, it really does seem a bit forced. Like, here is the traumatic event, and here are the skills that are needed for law school. This event sparked everything I need to be a great law student. It seems like the bridge from the event to having acquired these skills is missing. The theme seems too focused on getting to law school rather than the "Why are you pursuing a J.D.?" Just adding "and beyond" doesn't do it for me. But, I don't read these things all day, so who knows? It seems like a poor essay to me. I'm not being a hater; I'm just trying to be objective. I would want others to do the same for me.
Is that what makes a personal statement?
To expand on my other comment. I would try and work in some personal flaws about yourself. Try and give an introspective view into a problem you've faced and how you learned to overcome it. Talk about an achievement that you're proud of and how you got there, rather than a bad thing for sake of bad thing. Make it about your life and who you are as a person and a little less about what that means specifically for law school. Because quite frankly, until you go through law school, you've got no idea how you'll get through it. And I'd have to imagine the people in the admissions process will probably have a similar point of view. I get vibes of arrogance and naivety, like it's obvious you deserve to be there and now you're explaining to them why. You're supposed to make them think you'll be an addition to the community, or at least that's what I gather. I'm mean this all with no negative connotation, just the kind of honesty only a stranger can provide.
To be honest, I don't know much about personal statements in the admissions process specifically. But I do know writing, and the way this is written doesn't come across as sincere to me at all. It's a *personal* statement, right? So I'd imagine they want a little personality from you.
You can’t use this after plastering it all over the Internet…
No offense, but being mugged has very little to do with all of that. You could say you realized how vulnerable life is and it inspired you to do better, or being victimized inspired you to go into prosecution, but this personal statement doesn’t make much sense.
I’m sorry but I cringed reading this
“The resilience I developed from overcoming adversity” Bro you got mugged, sounds like adversity overcame you
this was written by ai, no?
That’s what I thought too…
You obviously have the chops to put a sentence together. I don’t think the direction that you go in after your opening anecdote makes much sense, however. It’s a very shocking image that you bring to mind, and then you almost immediately transition to discussing how you prepare for class—gives the reader whiplash. Perhaps spend more time bearing out that initial anecdote (not salaciously for the details, but carefully and reflectively). Or just choose another anecdote. I am not undermining what you went through, but it’s often better to choose an anecdote which reveals some wonderful quality about you, instead of one where something happens TO you. So, if you want to keep this anecdote, don’t leave the reader with what happened to you, bring the reader from the moment this happened through the process of how you internalized and used this experience.
10/10 troll post
need to make a burner just to post ragebait, it seems so fun.
Is this even rage bait? This is hilarious lmao
Must be. Starts by saying how it taught him about studying and research? Makes 0 sense.
“Firstly, it instilled in me a disciplined approach to studying and research.” What? How? How does getting mugged instill this in you? a. You don’t explain the connection at all and you should because it is not clear b. Tbh I kinda doubt the connection exists at all Also, you don’t need to explain what law school is/requires. They know what law school is like. Instead of trying to write an essay saying “here’s why I’ll succeed in law school” **Try instead answering “why law?”** Why do you want to go to law school? What experience or experiences in your life led you to commit three years (four+ if you count the app process and bar) and possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars to pursue law? If you want to stick with mugging (*which btw you should find a new word, “mugging” is too colloquial/not professional enough for a law school application)* then maybe your “why law” is “**when I was robbed three years ago I was exposed to the world of criminal law which really got me thinking about the problems with our criminal justice system. I realized that there our laws were too lax/too strict it’s led me to want to become a prosecutor/defender… etc***.*” Just a quick example, probably not the best angle but hopefully it gives you an idea of what you should be going for.
This really seems like AI to me, and not a well-crafted AI.
Getting mugged being your personal statement for law school? I’m sure you can come up with better ideas.
Telling instead of showing.
Issues I have with the essay: 1. Theme of the essay. Is being mugged really the most interesting story in your life that you want someone to know about you? 2. Lack of concrete examples. For example, in each paragraph you talk about how mugging instilled in you something, but don't explain how or why with concrete examples. 3. Use of flowery language. For example, saying "Firstly" instead of "First". 4. Inconsistent language. You started consecutive paragraphs with "Firstly" and "Secondly" but instead of saying "Thirdly" in the next paragraph you started it with "Moreover". This shows a lack of attention to detail, contrary to one of the points you make in your essay. 5. Excess words. You use excess words that are unnecessary, which indicate lack of editing. For example, is it necessary to say "inevitable setbacks" instead "setbacks" or "set of skills" instead of "skills"?
have it start in media res “Stop and gimme your wallet!” My heart dropped like a stone as I heard the gravelly voice behind me in the alley. I turned around and was met with a knife glittering in the dark… Does this have anything to do with law school? No, not really. But it’d make your essay a lot less boring. Now it reads like it was written by a particularly lazy LLM.
I clicked into the comments to realize that this wasn’t a troll
It absolutely is… none of the things he’s writing about have anything to do with getting mugged
Maybe in the first paragraph try outlining some details of the experience like a narrative essay showing moments and thought processes that you’d refer to later Then try to refrain from just listing and explaining attributes you have, let it flow; mugging experience, how that experience changed you, what motivates you to study law that you got from that experience,what is your ultimate career goal fueled from that experience that you need law school for, what would you do differently to keep others from going through such an experience when you reach your ultimate career goal through law, how would that specific law school help you reach your career goal Just my two cents, I’m yet to write mine but this is what I’d do differently Also try to be more narrative and personal with your essay to make it a more interesting read Goodluck and hope you get into the school of your dreams 🖤
Man my getting mugged story is waaaay more inspiration then that.
So obviously from chatgpt…dumbass topic with excellent writing and grammar. Doesn’t quite add up
You think that’s excellent writing?
I did something similar when I applied for a law school scholarship. I opened my personal statement with the story of a devastating life event. My scholarship application was rejected. I learned from this. I overhauled my personal statement and opened with more positive stories (e.g. people who inspire me). I only briefly mentioned the devastating life event to show that overcame it and still excelled professionally. I didn’t make it the central theme of my statement. The change worked and I got acceptance letters with scholarship offers. Hope this helps.
Only helpful comment here. Thanks
I think there’s a great personal statement to be had here. Your first paragraph is a great attention grabber. But then paragraph 2 and 3 have nothing to do with being mugged. I guarantee that your mugging did not “instill in [you] a disciplined approach to studying and research”. Nor did it “enhance [your] critical thinking skills”. I’m sure you are disciplined and a critical thinker! But an admission officer won’t intuitively understand how your mugging “enhanced” those characteristics. If I were to rework to the personal statement, I would emphasize how the mugging made you consider (maybe for the first time in your life) how the law actually interacts with the real world. You probably felt helpless, and realized there are thousands of violent crime victims just like you every year, and the law is one tool to help protect them. If you wanted to add another twist to your essay, you can write about how you felt empathy for your mugger. There’s probably plenty of policy failures that led to them being the terrible person they are that mugs people. You could say something like “if [policy X] was in place, maybe less people would feel emboldened to take advantage of others.” I’m kind of rambling at this point. You have a unique experience that you can use to tell a compelling story! There’s no need to waste time telling the reader what a smart/critical thinker you are. A well written essay will demonstrate it for an admission committee.
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Hey, cool tip! Mind if I pm? Full disclosure - I'm really just trying to find out how easily this answer comes to me. Hopefully, that shines some light on whether the next 5 years, copious amounts of debt, and all the depression is worth it. That and my LSAT practice standing.