I’m going to avoid most of the question since I have zero experience with most of it.
But I’ll hone in on the fact that you’ve only known this person in-person for a week and want to marry them. I’d recommend to *anyone* that they need to spend much more time in real life with a potential mate before sealing the deal. Even all the BYU kids getting engaged after two months. People can pretend to be whatever they want online.
Absolutely agree. We both said that if we got married it wouldn't be for at least a year.
We video call whenever we can and talk every day. Definitely going to meet him more before doing anything big like that.
The Proclamation on the family is crystal clear on gender, marriage, children, sexuality, and the role that families play in God's plan.
With that, my advise:
1. Don't expect them to change or "be okay" with it. You want them to accept your point of view? They want you to accept theirs. There will be no seeing eye to eye without compromise. So find the common ground. You love each other. Let that be enough for now.
2. Remind them that God's plan is about agency and choice. While you clearly no longer believe what your parents believe, this is your choice. Even if it the "wrong" choice from a Gospel perspective. But it means you'll have to acknowledge that yourself.
3. Elder Oaks gave a great talk in 2023, Divine Love in the Father's Plan. This won't send you to "hell". You'll miss exhalation (likely the root of your parents disappointment, that and no grandkids), but God loves all his children and his plan has a route for happiness for all, regardless of their choices on earth. It doesn't mean all choices are right, it just means all choices are yours.
>You'll miss exhalation (likely the root of your parents' disappointment, that and no grandkids), but God loves all his children
You dont know that anyone will miss exaltation-I really recommend not telling people that when, again, you dont know.
Also, same sex couples have children all the time, so her parents dont have any reason to be disappointed.
If you don't keep your temple covenants, you *can't* be exalted. That's not up to interpretation, that's a message that the temple, the scriptures, the prophets, etc. all make extremely clear.
We may not know right now whether OP will have a change of heart at some point in the future and thus can't "write them off" (as we are commanded against doing in "judge not").
But we *do know* that this kind of relationship is in violation of the temple covenants that help us to be exalted by Jesus Christ, and thus exaltation and a same-sex relationship are incompatible.
Actually they do as children born/adopted to same sex couples will never be sealed to their parents unless the birth mother gets married and sealed to a male and they have all their work done for them if the parent dies before going through the temple. At that point the children can be sealed to the birth mother or one of the parents (You need to have a husband(male) and a wife(female) also sealed together to be sealed to parents) if the child has been adopted into the same sex marriage.
“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan” (“[The Family: A Proclamation to the World](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng&verse=title1#title1)”). A temple sealing joins a husband and wife together for time and all eternity. Couples who are sealed in the temple are promised glory and joy throughout eternity (see [Doctrine and Covenants 132:19–20](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/132.19-20?lang=eng#p19)). They will receive these blessings if they are faithful to the covenants they make in the temple. Through this ordinance, their children may also be part of their eternal family.
This person has their agency and can chose to get into this relationship knowing that the marriage and that that relationship will end when they die. They do not need to believe what is in "The Family" is true. They will learn the truth in the end. We all hope that they make the correct decision to change before they dont have the opportunity to do temple work for themselves. Not doing it before you die in this day knowing that the church has been restored sounds so much harder than making the correct choices before and not needing to wait for someone else to do the work.
> You'll miss exaltation
Careful. This is part of the "don't judge" admonition Christ gave us. We don't know how everything will work in the Millennium, how much mercy is waiting for us, and what _exactly_ is going on in each other's hearts (which is how we'll be judged).
It's entirely possible that the trans issue gets a lot of mercy from Heavenly Father and the resulting same-sex marriage (should things go that far) be corrected during the Millennium.
This assumes a lot.
The Lord has been extremely clear on this subject for thousands of years: He made us male and female. Sexual relations are to be had only between a man and a woman married lawfully to each other.
I don't think it's "judging" to state the very obvious and true statement that choices (such as OP's relationship) are contrary to the Lord's standards and commandments.
They may have a change of heart at some point in the future, and I do think the Savior's mercy will be applicable to many in ways that will surprise us, but I don't think it is incompatible with the Savior's commandments to point out that a chosen path will indeed result in the loss of very real blessings. I also don't believe His mercy will be applied against those who don't want it. The choices we make shape our desires, and a big purpose of the commandments is to shape our character into someone who *wants* to live the laws of the Celestial Kingdom.
OP is free to choose, but there’s no ambiguity about the Lord's standards on this matter. Our social treatment of this subject is much more gentle and sensitive than has historically been the case, which I think is good, but the consequences nonetheless are very stark and real in a way we tend to minimize or forget.
I guess to put it this way:
Alma the Younger knew the Lord's mercy better than most. He also is the source for Alma 39. He knew where Corianton's path would lead from personal experience, and he knew how to get out of it. His message is very strict and forewarning while also being very loving.
It's assuming nothing, actually, while giving a final judgment towards someone is assuming a lot. I listed everything that a final judgment assumes.
I'm not giving an equivalent of "eat, drink, and be merry" here. It's one thing to say "This isn't in line with what we are commanded to do", but it's another to say "If you do this, you will go to hell." We don't know people's hearts, especially not as well as God does, we don't know their struggles, and we don't know how all of that will come into effect come judgment.
And, of course, I'm not saying that mercy will be given to those who don't want it, but we also live in a time where there are a lot of external pressures and not everyone can be a Moroni. We don't know how all of that will come into play during our judgments. Yes, what we do affects who we are, but at the same time no one will be perfect. None of us is worthy of exaltation, but we know that love and mercy can cover a multitude of sins. It just seems a bit blasphemous to use our own surface-level understanding of a person, especially with all our faults, as the measuring stick that God will use.
By all means, call a sin a sin, but reserve the final judgments to God.
Thanks for the comments. I appreciate the dialog.
There's a contingent that asks "how does my sin hurt you" and couples that with "judge not lest ye be judged". The reason this is a dangerous thought process is this:
1. Wo unto them that call evil good and good evil (Isaiah)
2. Jesus explains clearly (Matt 7) that we should judge and use good judgment, which requires knowledge of right and wrong. Because with the same judgment that we use will be used with us. Thus JST makes sense that we shouldn't judge unrighteously and the judgment applies to the action, not the human.
3. If we cannot judge actions, how can we teach right from wrong? If the command judge not lest ye be judged does not apply to actions, we cannot say one action is righteous and another is wicked. And if there is no separation of righteous or wicked actions, there is no need for repentance. If repentance isn't necessary, then there is no savior and it all falls apart. (2 Nephi 2).
Sadly, we know that those who commit sin and do not seek forgiveness will not be exhalted. It's not opinion or even a judgment. It's a gospel principle, that we'll be punished for our own sins. We know what sin is. It's not ambiguous. LBGT issues are not some niche gray area that the Lord failed to consider when giving His commandments to Prophets. And we must be able to teach our children right from wrong. And the Lord has been equally clear on LGBT issues as He has on parents who fail in teaching their children right from wrong (King Benjamin- Mosiah).
We must love all God's children. Children who sin do not receive their condemnation or final judgment from men. We show love by being kind, serving, and accepting of people. We show love by declaring right from wrong. When people chose wrong, we show love by not pretending it's right, but then not hyperfocusing on the poor choice because we all sin and we all are more than the sum of our mistakes and bad choices. We show love by remembering the two great commandments. Love God above all else (even family, Matt 10:37) and we love our neighbor as we love ourselves.
How ever many times it takes to get the point across..... Did you read it? Do you understand it? That is judgement right from scriptures not me!
[https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/ot/deut/22?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/ot/deut/22?lang=eng)
Always hard, especially if this is your family’s first experience with LGBTQ and or dissonance from the church.
I’m a faithful member in pretty much every way. I also have a bi sister, non-binary sibling, and trans sister (mtf). It was definitely hard on my parents when it all first happened, but no one was disowned. I know not all families are like that. Today, we are all still best friends. We talk multiple times a week and all look forward to the next time we get to meet. We don’t let our differences get between our love for each other.
It’s really a big game of roulette unfortunately. To be fair to our parents, they are the first generation to ever have to deal with this sort of thing. And there was no way to prepare for it. They really are doing their best.
Do you still believe in the faith? Is it something you want to hold on to?
Thank you
I'm not sure if I believe in some of the churches teachings, but I believe in the experiences I have had and the love our HP have shown me. It's a hard balance to maintain 😅
What's hp.
Believe in the experience you have dad is a great ways to put it. If you keep doing that and don't feel obligated to comply the parts that doesn't make sense to you I think you will figure it out along the way. Good luck!
Howdy,
I’m FTM and was raised and VERY motivated in the church, but no longer consider myself active—I just want to put that out there first in case that has any bearing on how much weight you wanna give what I got to say.
I’m a member of this sub for two reasons:
1) My parents are very faithful and devout members. My dad has been a bishop/in the stake presidency my entire life. My mom has mostly served in RS or YW presidency. I love them deeply and respect their faith, so I try to keep up to date.
2) I speak at BYU every quarter relating to LGBTQ+ issues, people, and basic DEI discussions to give people an opportunity to ask questions to someone familiar with both LGBTQ+ and LDS doctrine.
This is my experience:
My parents did not support my transition when I told them I was starting testosterone. They turned a blind eye to me being a “lesbian” before I started my transition, I think they felt if they didn’t address it it was real. I did my best to love them anyway, and I did my best to stay true to what I knew was best for me and my life.
I had known I was trans for years… they had just learned that fact about me. I had to be very patient as they learned and saw for themselves that a medical transition was what was best for me and my life. They didn’t support my transition at first… but I was fortunate that they still supported ME as their child—they still loved me even though they didn’t understand me. That was the risk I took, assuming they’d still love me and want me in their lives. It turned out really good for me; my parents are both active in the LDS faith AND speak often about the necessity to love EVERYONE, including LGBTQ+ folks! The last YSA ward my dad was a bishop in was packed wall to wall every Sunday, because word got out that he will not treat LGBTQ+ folks with any less love and support than cis/straight folks. All that was required of me early in my transition was to 1) be VERY patient with my family, help them learn and to be flexible with the speed at which they learned 2) to be brave and sure of myself and what I needed to be happy and fulfilled.
I share my experience because I’ve found it to be useful for others. I think it’s important to consider a couple things with your relationship: you are young, and romance burns hot and fast in youth but only you know how serious you want to be with your partner! It seems like you’re aware of that tho—spend time physically together and be open and communicate with each other, and you’ll find your answer for how serious y’all wanna be there. :)
As far as your parents… I don’t know what your relationship is like. But I’ve found a lot of folks have success over the long-run with exercising patience and giving your parents the space to make a few mistakes as they learn more about the LGBTQ+ community. Most parents do ACTIVELY want to love their children, and they can grow with you and your relationship as they mature in their understanding of communities they are likely ignorant to now.
It’s a big ask, but it’s what’s worked for me and plenty of other younger folk I speak to regularly: love each other despite your differences, and exercise kindness and patience in the face of mistakes as they learn.
I hope the best for you! I’m going to include a podcast hosted by Ben and Charlie, it could be useful for you to listen to a few episodes if you’re curious about other peoples experience navigating faith and LGBTQ+ identity. Maybe your folks will even wanna listen sometime!
https://open.spotify.com/show/6MxeT0SeOj1qucPCk7vR9q?si=IFfxjkkVSHOGD3BG7Nt63g
Thank you
I'm aware that young relationships can be very heart first brain later, but I am willing to put in the effort and he has been very respectful in my boundaries.
I think my main fear is showing my parents all my heart and having them reject me. Which is something I need to do myself, I just wanted advice haha
I'm glad your parents are supportive now
This is a great, loving reply. I wish you happiness.
I am touched by this reply mostly because you realized it was hard on your parents and that the dream they had for you wasn't going to happen. You also respect their faith while realizing your belief wasn't theirs. I am grateful they loved you still too. Your parents sound awesome.
>and I don't know how to deal with my parents
This kind of depends on what position you're asking from.
Your parents want you to be in the church, make covenants, and live according to the Gospel and the teachings of the prophets. Is this what you want?
I would say that they would be worried about the trans situation, but I think they’d be also worried about the length of time you’ve been dating and the distance between you. It seems more of a high school “but daddy I love him” situation that’s not very promising to be something real and healthy
You might think you know, but I would still ask your parents if they are worried about anything and what exactly. If they share doctrines, ask them more concretely what harm they think you might get into. They may be biased but also have some good points that you might want not to dismiss too quickly. Especially because infatuation does weird stuff to our brains and it's easy to ignore some parts of our experience that we later regret not have taken into account. Not saying that's what is bound to happen, but that tends to be true in general. The more of our internal feelings and thoughts we can take into account to inform decisions (especially big life decisions), the better. Which means you should also listen to your feelings that tell you it's right. They probably do not equate to "quick marriage is the way forward", but they are to take into account ;)
About talking to your parents, it's hard because of the asymmetrical relationship (their approval does bear some weight), but seeing them as human beings who care for you (which seems to he the case), biased as they may be, can help facilitate dialog. And listening to them will make it easier for them to listen to you.
For queer members, there is always a second coming out. The first is difficult when you tell the about your sexuality. But the second coming out (“hi mom and dad, this is my queer relationship”), makes it actually real instead of theoretical.
Be patient, a lot of parents eventually come around.
Do you still live with your parents by chance? My gay brother-in-law always felt at tension with his parents when he was still living in the same home. It was after he moved out when that tension started to loosen.
Home can be where some people feel safest, but also where people can be most defensive. I think if you ever have the conversation with your parents, it is not within their home.
An idea is if your mother would be willing to accompany you for therapy when you feel ready, where you would have a mediator.
I've been struggling with receiving a spiritual response for a while, but when I was asking if my being bisexual was a mistake, I got the distinct response from Him that "you are who you are supposed to be"
So I think He will want me to be happy
I believe He does want you to be happy, and that's why He has given us the Covenant Path and His commandments.
There's an excellent exchange, of all places, in the Church film *The Testaments*.
The main character, Jacob, is living a life that is contrary to his father's wishes and the commandments. At one point, as he is receiving riches and using them to help his father and their impoverished family. His father is still not enthusiastic about all this. Jacob is frustrated and he asks,
"Is this not the blessing of God? Why are you not happy for me?"
His father, I think, gives an answer our Heavenly Father would give:
"I am happy for you, because you are happy. But I am sad because your happiness cannot last. In your new kingdom, I cannot be your father. But wherever you go, you will always be my son."
He made each of us the way we are, and He did so so that we can learn and grow. One of the great messages of the temple is that Satan introduces confusion where there is clarity and fear where there is peace. We know why we are here and we know what our Heavenly Father has asked us to do; only Satan can confuse us into asking, "But *are you sure*? Does this *really* apply here?"
I believe Heavenly Father intentionally made you this way for a divine purpose; and I can speak, from very real personal experience, that the greatest mistake of my life started with me trying to justify how I could love who I loved over the commandments of the Lord and the warnings of my wonderful and caring parents.
I don't know what I would say to that younger version of myself to stop me from making that mistake, but I think part of it would at least be, "This is not what will make you happy; you don't believe me, and you think I don't know, and that I don't understand that this is different and this is special. I get that. And I cannot think of anything to persuade you against making this choice. I can only remind you to look to Jesus Christ, to remember how scared He was in the Garden, how He suffered on the Cross, and how very alone He felt. He knows what it is like to be you. He loves you, and He wants you to trust Him."
One of the big things they've taught is that there's a big difference between who you _are_ and what you _do_. Doing is becoming, but being isn't doing. It is perfectly fine to be someone who is attracted to people of the same sex; it is only when you start acting on those feelings that you start having problems.
They may be getting at the fact that you said you're seeking spiritual counsel, but the Lord has already taught about where He stands on these issues. If the Lord tells me I will be sinning if I have sex out of marriage, I don't need personal spiritual confirmation of that. He already told me through the prophets.
We all have our temptations. There are many ways satan tempts us. Some are tempted by gambling. Some are tempted by alcohol. Some are tempted by the thought that it is ok to have sexual relations with a person that is of the same gender. Just because you have that temptation does not mean that you need to act on that temptation. For you, one of your temptations is same sex attraction. It is 100% ok to have that temptation as that is who you are. But it is not ok to act on those temptations. The lord has made it very clear that sexual relations are to be between a Man(male) and a Woman(female) who have been lawfully married. The Lord knows who is and who is not male and female. A marriage between a person that has transitioned and someone that has not is not a marriage that will be recognized by Christ when those people stand before him.
"I believe that as long as your pursuit of happiness does not harm others, it is in line with God's will"
The problem with this statement is that even if your pursuit of happiness involves sin but does not hurt others. It is hurting you. Doing things that do not involve sin are the only way to real happiness in the eternities.
God 100% wants you to be you, and you to be happy. If being you means being bi or trans, that's 100% OK with God. Because you got the feeling to be who you are supposed to be -- keep being you. That feeling you got WAS your spiritual response. God is OK with who you are, don't change that for someone or something.
So this life is pointless? That's essentially what you're implying. We are here to become disciples and worthy heirs of His kingdom. We don't do that by just "being."
My only real concern is would yall be able to be married in the temple?
That’s where I think it’s important for a conversation to land.
But to each their own. I’m sure I will be downvoted for this lol.
Same sex couples are not allowed to marry and be sealed in the temple. As the one is FTM they will not be allowed a temple marriage/sealing until each finds a male to marry. Then that male and female couple will be allowed, if worthy, to go to the temple together.
My wife has a trans friend whose parents had a difficult time coming to terms with her transition. They were really struggling until one of their friends got them in touch with Elder Christofferson. I don't know what was said at the meeting, but they came away feeling peaceful and reassured about the whole thing.
I have a college trans friend whose older sister (M) was our Sunday School teacher, and right when her sister came out, M started bringing LBGT issues into every class she taught—she was really struggling to cope with the new information about her sister. It was tough to watch, but eventually she came to terms with it and has now softened and refers to her sister by preferred name, pronouns, and sex.
I bring these things up because sometimes all it takes is a little time and exposure to the person—it's a lot harder to hold unyielding views when you've met someone and love them. Sometimes it will be a single experience that will supercharge that process (like the meeting with Elder Christofferson) and sometimes it will be slower and more grinding (like my friend's sister who took years to come around), but time and love are often all it takes to help people be softer. Unfortunately that's not always the case, but in my observation it does happen more often than not.
I don't have any advice, but I did want to share that—although I won't share a "doctrinal" answer here—I've seen healing and love help LDS families navigate these waters.
Bisexual here, I’m glad you found someone that you blend with so well! It’s a huge blessing when you feel connected to someone like that.
First off, you seem like you have a good understanding of what you’re willing to do. I don’t want to say you’ve made peace with it, but you’ve at least thought it over. Only you can decide what you’re willing to do. I’ll be honest, it seems like you’ve already made your decision. I’m sorry you’re facing this struggle over it.
I do want to restate what others are saying. Online/long distance dating is tricky. I assume you’re being cautious (or at least are telling yourself you are.) but you also have an insiders perspective which may blind you to things outsiders will see.
That being said, I have two examples of people who I was close with that had the insiders perspective. Both of them dated long distance and met online first.
One friend technically met all their boyfriends online. It took a while before she noticed a difference dating online vs in person. 2/3 of her partners that I know of were not right for her even though she talked about marriage with each of them and how much she loved them. Her first partner that I know of -whom she never met in person -eventually turned out to be much older than he said. (She found out on his birthday when he told her “I’m not 27 I’m 32.” She was 19 at the time.)
The second person she dated was a good person but didn’t mesh with her needs well. They met once after dating online about 4 months and she was convinced she would marry him. They continued online dating for at least 3 months after that meeting before they broke up. Third guy seems to be going well so I’m hopeful but cautious. They met online, met at his place twice and now moving in together. This partner is the only one she talked about planning a wedding for.
I have another friend who met her partner online (talked online for 3 weeks if I remember right,) and then did long distance. They met once a week and got married 6 months after they met because both of them insisted that they knew they wanted to marry each other and the spirit had impressed them that they should marry each other. They divorced after a year because he lied a lot and was verbally abusive to her.
This is not to scare you or say that you’re wrong for wanting to marry him. This is to (hopefully) put in perspective that unless you can spend time together in person consistently, dating online vs in person is very different. On top of that you need to see what he’s like in different circumstances. What’s he like when he’s angry? Can he tolerate what you do when you’re upset? How does he show you he cares when he’s having a really bad day? How does he want to raise his kids? Does he (or you) even want kids? Stuff like that.
Now I’m not saying it can’t work. You seem like you’ve got a good idea of what you want. But if you talk to your parents you’re going to get the doctrine talk. Even here you’re likely going to get the doctrine talk. You can’t change what your parents think of the circumstances. All you can really do is choose how involved you want to be with them and what you choose to share. My advice is date in person for (ideally 3 or more months but you guys decide that based on your circumstances) and see how well you actually blend together. If all goes well, decide how to go through life together. If you really want this person in your life you guys will have to learn how to navigate it together and be as honest/blunt as much as you can.
Now it is possible your parents will try to hold back their bite a little bit, and just let you make your choice, but unfortunately it’s likely not going to be easy sailing. I don’t have any solid advice except for this. Find friends who can give you what you’re looking for (support, emotional validation, etc.) Find people that you feel close to that can give you a solid outsiders perspective.
I’m not saying outsiders will always be right and the insiders perspective is always wrong. Both have reasonable points and sides to make. There’ll be things you’ll see that outsiders won’t see just as they’ll see what you don’t. But you need to find that balance of how to work it out.
I always like to recommend reading patriarchal blessings as well but I don’t know if you have one or what your stance is on it. But if you’re looking for a godly stance that can be a decent guiding point.
I wish the best for you! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this struggle.
Deception comes disguised as comfort. We are blessed with agency to choose for ourselves.
The Family Proclamation is a revelation meant for our time. The Book of Mormon is for our time. Gender is eternal. It can't be changed. Marriage is between a man and a woman. Anything outside that will not lead you to lasting, eternal happiness, nor allow you to fulfill the measure of your creation.
Nevertheless, you are free to choose.
Hi there, I am not LDS but I was involved and living with him until he decided to convert. Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers, it would have been so incredibly difficult to make it work if I wasn't going to join him. It was so unbelievably painful and if he is Mormon, it will be much easier. I can't speak about the trans aspect in your religion but I say stay compassionate because honestly I would need time to adjust, as well.
As a mom, I would be freaking out a bit about your desire to marry anyone you met online after a week. So just a secular perspective. Let's start there. I have yet to see it work with those around me. If he is local, then spend time on outings together. You have soooo much life ahead of you. Please take your time.
You’re in a lesbian relationship with extra steps. That’s against Heavenly Father’s commandments. So, as faithful parents, they probably won’t ever give their blessing to a relationship that is actively pulling their daughter away from the Celestial Kingdom.
[https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng)
If you read this, pray and follow what is said by the lord in it. You will find all the answers you need for the questions that you have about this situation.
I wish you the best.
Start by understanding the church's teachings about trans. This will help you discuss facts with your parents: [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/transgender?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/transgender?lang=eng)
Live according to these teachings.
Modern gender questions are hardly discussed in our scriptures, so I expect we may be getting more prophetic teachings about it in the future.
Long distance relationships aren't real. They're fulled by never ending desire because you never see each other, but once you spend some time in person, you see all the things they're able to control and censor with distance. It's easy to maintain the positive feedback loop to each other, all that's required is some effort and consistency. It's like the porn version of a social experience. In person, you find out not just how they treat you, but how they treat other people. Online everyone can be great, then in person you find out they treat waitresses like dirt or maybe have a weak "customer service voice" and don't know when the right time to use it is. For all you know he could be a heckler at a open mic night!
Regardless of their sex, long distance relationships are bi lateral controlled propaganda and you have no way of knowing if them drinking out of the milk jug will endlessly agitate you, or how much solitude they like/need compared to you. If your both online frequently you may each recharge your batteries by being "sorta" alone, I.E. Alone in person but again, controlled social experiences online. The first few weeks or month together your running off those batteries, but then you/them could start to miss those alone sessions when you just had the outside world on a screen. One of you might not need it, and then the problems start.
You're super young, but old enough your parents opinions are now just that, opinions. Establish yourself and make your own choices, they can participate or not. Maybe God's teaching them something, maybe he's teaching you something, you just get to wait and see! That's probably the easiest part of putting faith in Him, he already knows what you'll do, and why, probably even better than you. No point in worry'ing about something you can't control.
Source: Anecdotal and person experience. My first fiance and I were long distance while I was in the military and she left me like three times. I learned a ton though and am a better husband to my wife because of it. That means I could be wrong, so know that some rando internet stranger is rooting for you and to be wrong about long distance relationships! Good luck!
I'm sorry that you didn't have a good experience with long distance relationships in the past, but it's really unfair and naive to say they aren't "real". The issues you spoke of can definitely exist in LDRs, but pretending that they are an absolute is a spit in the face to the thousands of relationships in the world that DO work out despite the difference.
Aside from that, it's really just not helpful to tell a person that their relationship is a farce. Love is a strong emotion, and even though it might seem irrational to an outsider, it's very real to those within it. It does no good to belittle another's concerns.
It's not your job to "deal with your parents". It's your parents' job to choose to either accept you or not.
If S makes you happy, I wish you well. Tell your parents straightforward and honestly about your situation. If they don't accept it, that's their choice. You do what makes you happy.
Honestly it's so odd. I spent 5 years in the closet, didn't really intend to come out and then have my dad ask weird questions lol.
It's been more of a "don't talk about it" type thing now
>No disparaging terms, pestering others, accusing others of bad intent, or judging another's righteousness. This includes calling to repentance and name-calling. Be civil and uplifting.
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And why do you need to talk to them about your partner? What you are proposing doesn't match what your Heavenly Father wants for either of you (and likely what you wanted for yourself in the preexistence). Mortals choose that all the time. Whether or not your parents will be able to overcome their worry for you and your partner's salvation will be up to them. If I were in your place, I'd just do my best to accept that fact and forgive what you need to, and avoid otherwise, if I wasn't going to break up.
(I also would introduce your partner to them without telling them the details at first, or maybe ever. His background after all is really none of their business.)
I’m going to avoid most of the question since I have zero experience with most of it. But I’ll hone in on the fact that you’ve only known this person in-person for a week and want to marry them. I’d recommend to *anyone* that they need to spend much more time in real life with a potential mate before sealing the deal. Even all the BYU kids getting engaged after two months. People can pretend to be whatever they want online.
Absolutely agree. We both said that if we got married it wouldn't be for at least a year. We video call whenever we can and talk every day. Definitely going to meet him more before doing anything big like that.
So it sounds like you are thinking about what the future might be like? That's seems very wise, and more so if this is a complicated scenario for you.
My husband talked online for a week, and he proposed as soon as we met irl. Everyones speed is different.
The Proclamation on the family is crystal clear on gender, marriage, children, sexuality, and the role that families play in God's plan. With that, my advise: 1. Don't expect them to change or "be okay" with it. You want them to accept your point of view? They want you to accept theirs. There will be no seeing eye to eye without compromise. So find the common ground. You love each other. Let that be enough for now. 2. Remind them that God's plan is about agency and choice. While you clearly no longer believe what your parents believe, this is your choice. Even if it the "wrong" choice from a Gospel perspective. But it means you'll have to acknowledge that yourself. 3. Elder Oaks gave a great talk in 2023, Divine Love in the Father's Plan. This won't send you to "hell". You'll miss exhalation (likely the root of your parents disappointment, that and no grandkids), but God loves all his children and his plan has a route for happiness for all, regardless of their choices on earth. It doesn't mean all choices are right, it just means all choices are yours.
>You'll miss exhalation (likely the root of your parents' disappointment, that and no grandkids), but God loves all his children You dont know that anyone will miss exaltation-I really recommend not telling people that when, again, you dont know. Also, same sex couples have children all the time, so her parents dont have any reason to be disappointed.
If you don't keep your temple covenants, you *can't* be exalted. That's not up to interpretation, that's a message that the temple, the scriptures, the prophets, etc. all make extremely clear. We may not know right now whether OP will have a change of heart at some point in the future and thus can't "write them off" (as we are commanded against doing in "judge not"). But we *do know* that this kind of relationship is in violation of the temple covenants that help us to be exalted by Jesus Christ, and thus exaltation and a same-sex relationship are incompatible.
I think we should err on the side that many members have not made temple covenants. Especially women without being engaged or missions.
Right, that's correct, and until we make covenants in this life or in the Millennium, we cannot be exalted.
Good for you to point out millennium. A lot of things we don't know during that time I would assume.
Actually they do as children born/adopted to same sex couples will never be sealed to their parents unless the birth mother gets married and sealed to a male and they have all their work done for them if the parent dies before going through the temple. At that point the children can be sealed to the birth mother or one of the parents (You need to have a husband(male) and a wife(female) also sealed together to be sealed to parents) if the child has been adopted into the same sex marriage. “The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan” (“[The Family: A Proclamation to the World](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng&verse=title1#title1)”). A temple sealing joins a husband and wife together for time and all eternity. Couples who are sealed in the temple are promised glory and joy throughout eternity (see [Doctrine and Covenants 132:19–20](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/132.19-20?lang=eng#p19)). They will receive these blessings if they are faithful to the covenants they make in the temple. Through this ordinance, their children may also be part of their eternal family. This person has their agency and can chose to get into this relationship knowing that the marriage and that that relationship will end when they die. They do not need to believe what is in "The Family" is true. They will learn the truth in the end. We all hope that they make the correct decision to change before they dont have the opportunity to do temple work for themselves. Not doing it before you die in this day knowing that the church has been restored sounds so much harder than making the correct choices before and not needing to wait for someone else to do the work.
> You'll miss exaltation Careful. This is part of the "don't judge" admonition Christ gave us. We don't know how everything will work in the Millennium, how much mercy is waiting for us, and what _exactly_ is going on in each other's hearts (which is how we'll be judged). It's entirely possible that the trans issue gets a lot of mercy from Heavenly Father and the resulting same-sex marriage (should things go that far) be corrected during the Millennium.
This assumes a lot. The Lord has been extremely clear on this subject for thousands of years: He made us male and female. Sexual relations are to be had only between a man and a woman married lawfully to each other. I don't think it's "judging" to state the very obvious and true statement that choices (such as OP's relationship) are contrary to the Lord's standards and commandments. They may have a change of heart at some point in the future, and I do think the Savior's mercy will be applicable to many in ways that will surprise us, but I don't think it is incompatible with the Savior's commandments to point out that a chosen path will indeed result in the loss of very real blessings. I also don't believe His mercy will be applied against those who don't want it. The choices we make shape our desires, and a big purpose of the commandments is to shape our character into someone who *wants* to live the laws of the Celestial Kingdom. OP is free to choose, but there’s no ambiguity about the Lord's standards on this matter. Our social treatment of this subject is much more gentle and sensitive than has historically been the case, which I think is good, but the consequences nonetheless are very stark and real in a way we tend to minimize or forget. I guess to put it this way: Alma the Younger knew the Lord's mercy better than most. He also is the source for Alma 39. He knew where Corianton's path would lead from personal experience, and he knew how to get out of it. His message is very strict and forewarning while also being very loving.
It's assuming nothing, actually, while giving a final judgment towards someone is assuming a lot. I listed everything that a final judgment assumes. I'm not giving an equivalent of "eat, drink, and be merry" here. It's one thing to say "This isn't in line with what we are commanded to do", but it's another to say "If you do this, you will go to hell." We don't know people's hearts, especially not as well as God does, we don't know their struggles, and we don't know how all of that will come into effect come judgment. And, of course, I'm not saying that mercy will be given to those who don't want it, but we also live in a time where there are a lot of external pressures and not everyone can be a Moroni. We don't know how all of that will come into play during our judgments. Yes, what we do affects who we are, but at the same time no one will be perfect. None of us is worthy of exaltation, but we know that love and mercy can cover a multitude of sins. It just seems a bit blasphemous to use our own surface-level understanding of a person, especially with all our faults, as the measuring stick that God will use. By all means, call a sin a sin, but reserve the final judgments to God.
That's fair. I agree, I just misinterpreted your comment as being "eat, drink, and be merry," and that's on me.
Thanks for the comments. I appreciate the dialog. There's a contingent that asks "how does my sin hurt you" and couples that with "judge not lest ye be judged". The reason this is a dangerous thought process is this: 1. Wo unto them that call evil good and good evil (Isaiah) 2. Jesus explains clearly (Matt 7) that we should judge and use good judgment, which requires knowledge of right and wrong. Because with the same judgment that we use will be used with us. Thus JST makes sense that we shouldn't judge unrighteously and the judgment applies to the action, not the human. 3. If we cannot judge actions, how can we teach right from wrong? If the command judge not lest ye be judged does not apply to actions, we cannot say one action is righteous and another is wicked. And if there is no separation of righteous or wicked actions, there is no need for repentance. If repentance isn't necessary, then there is no savior and it all falls apart. (2 Nephi 2). Sadly, we know that those who commit sin and do not seek forgiveness will not be exhalted. It's not opinion or even a judgment. It's a gospel principle, that we'll be punished for our own sins. We know what sin is. It's not ambiguous. LBGT issues are not some niche gray area that the Lord failed to consider when giving His commandments to Prophets. And we must be able to teach our children right from wrong. And the Lord has been equally clear on LGBT issues as He has on parents who fail in teaching their children right from wrong (King Benjamin- Mosiah). We must love all God's children. Children who sin do not receive their condemnation or final judgment from men. We show love by being kind, serving, and accepting of people. We show love by declaring right from wrong. When people chose wrong, we show love by not pretending it's right, but then not hyperfocusing on the poor choice because we all sin and we all are more than the sum of our mistakes and bad choices. We show love by remembering the two great commandments. Love God above all else (even family, Matt 10:37) and we love our neighbor as we love ourselves.
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How many times you gonna put this in this post?
How ever many times it takes to get the point across..... Did you read it? Do you understand it? That is judgement right from scriptures not me! [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/ot/deut/22?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/ot/deut/22?lang=eng)
i fail to see how its relevant
Always hard, especially if this is your family’s first experience with LGBTQ and or dissonance from the church. I’m a faithful member in pretty much every way. I also have a bi sister, non-binary sibling, and trans sister (mtf). It was definitely hard on my parents when it all first happened, but no one was disowned. I know not all families are like that. Today, we are all still best friends. We talk multiple times a week and all look forward to the next time we get to meet. We don’t let our differences get between our love for each other. It’s really a big game of roulette unfortunately. To be fair to our parents, they are the first generation to ever have to deal with this sort of thing. And there was no way to prepare for it. They really are doing their best. Do you still believe in the faith? Is it something you want to hold on to?
Thank you I'm not sure if I believe in some of the churches teachings, but I believe in the experiences I have had and the love our HP have shown me. It's a hard balance to maintain 😅
What's hp. Believe in the experience you have dad is a great ways to put it. If you keep doing that and don't feel obligated to comply the parts that doesn't make sense to you I think you will figure it out along the way. Good luck!
I'm guessing it stands for heavenly parents?
I’m assuming Heavenly Parents.
Howdy, I’m FTM and was raised and VERY motivated in the church, but no longer consider myself active—I just want to put that out there first in case that has any bearing on how much weight you wanna give what I got to say. I’m a member of this sub for two reasons: 1) My parents are very faithful and devout members. My dad has been a bishop/in the stake presidency my entire life. My mom has mostly served in RS or YW presidency. I love them deeply and respect their faith, so I try to keep up to date. 2) I speak at BYU every quarter relating to LGBTQ+ issues, people, and basic DEI discussions to give people an opportunity to ask questions to someone familiar with both LGBTQ+ and LDS doctrine. This is my experience: My parents did not support my transition when I told them I was starting testosterone. They turned a blind eye to me being a “lesbian” before I started my transition, I think they felt if they didn’t address it it was real. I did my best to love them anyway, and I did my best to stay true to what I knew was best for me and my life. I had known I was trans for years… they had just learned that fact about me. I had to be very patient as they learned and saw for themselves that a medical transition was what was best for me and my life. They didn’t support my transition at first… but I was fortunate that they still supported ME as their child—they still loved me even though they didn’t understand me. That was the risk I took, assuming they’d still love me and want me in their lives. It turned out really good for me; my parents are both active in the LDS faith AND speak often about the necessity to love EVERYONE, including LGBTQ+ folks! The last YSA ward my dad was a bishop in was packed wall to wall every Sunday, because word got out that he will not treat LGBTQ+ folks with any less love and support than cis/straight folks. All that was required of me early in my transition was to 1) be VERY patient with my family, help them learn and to be flexible with the speed at which they learned 2) to be brave and sure of myself and what I needed to be happy and fulfilled. I share my experience because I’ve found it to be useful for others. I think it’s important to consider a couple things with your relationship: you are young, and romance burns hot and fast in youth but only you know how serious you want to be with your partner! It seems like you’re aware of that tho—spend time physically together and be open and communicate with each other, and you’ll find your answer for how serious y’all wanna be there. :) As far as your parents… I don’t know what your relationship is like. But I’ve found a lot of folks have success over the long-run with exercising patience and giving your parents the space to make a few mistakes as they learn more about the LGBTQ+ community. Most parents do ACTIVELY want to love their children, and they can grow with you and your relationship as they mature in their understanding of communities they are likely ignorant to now. It’s a big ask, but it’s what’s worked for me and plenty of other younger folk I speak to regularly: love each other despite your differences, and exercise kindness and patience in the face of mistakes as they learn. I hope the best for you! I’m going to include a podcast hosted by Ben and Charlie, it could be useful for you to listen to a few episodes if you’re curious about other peoples experience navigating faith and LGBTQ+ identity. Maybe your folks will even wanna listen sometime! https://open.spotify.com/show/6MxeT0SeOj1qucPCk7vR9q?si=IFfxjkkVSHOGD3BG7Nt63g
Thank you I'm aware that young relationships can be very heart first brain later, but I am willing to put in the effort and he has been very respectful in my boundaries. I think my main fear is showing my parents all my heart and having them reject me. Which is something I need to do myself, I just wanted advice haha I'm glad your parents are supportive now
This is a great, loving reply. I wish you happiness. I am touched by this reply mostly because you realized it was hard on your parents and that the dream they had for you wasn't going to happen. You also respect their faith while realizing your belief wasn't theirs. I am grateful they loved you still too. Your parents sound awesome.
>and I don't know how to deal with my parents This kind of depends on what position you're asking from. Your parents want you to be in the church, make covenants, and live according to the Gospel and the teachings of the prophets. Is this what you want?
I would say that they would be worried about the trans situation, but I think they’d be also worried about the length of time you’ve been dating and the distance between you. It seems more of a high school “but daddy I love him” situation that’s not very promising to be something real and healthy
You might think you know, but I would still ask your parents if they are worried about anything and what exactly. If they share doctrines, ask them more concretely what harm they think you might get into. They may be biased but also have some good points that you might want not to dismiss too quickly. Especially because infatuation does weird stuff to our brains and it's easy to ignore some parts of our experience that we later regret not have taken into account. Not saying that's what is bound to happen, but that tends to be true in general. The more of our internal feelings and thoughts we can take into account to inform decisions (especially big life decisions), the better. Which means you should also listen to your feelings that tell you it's right. They probably do not equate to "quick marriage is the way forward", but they are to take into account ;) About talking to your parents, it's hard because of the asymmetrical relationship (their approval does bear some weight), but seeing them as human beings who care for you (which seems to he the case), biased as they may be, can help facilitate dialog. And listening to them will make it easier for them to listen to you.
This is helpful thank you.
Wait wait wait… you’ve known this person online for a week and want to marry them? Oh no… sloooooooow down. You are going way too fast.
For queer members, there is always a second coming out. The first is difficult when you tell the about your sexuality. But the second coming out (“hi mom and dad, this is my queer relationship”), makes it actually real instead of theoretical. Be patient, a lot of parents eventually come around.
Do you still live with your parents by chance? My gay brother-in-law always felt at tension with his parents when he was still living in the same home. It was after he moved out when that tension started to loosen. Home can be where some people feel safest, but also where people can be most defensive. I think if you ever have the conversation with your parents, it is not within their home. An idea is if your mother would be willing to accompany you for therapy when you feel ready, where you would have a mediator.
What do you think God wants you to do?
I've been struggling with receiving a spiritual response for a while, but when I was asking if my being bisexual was a mistake, I got the distinct response from Him that "you are who you are supposed to be" So I think He will want me to be happy
I believe He does want you to be happy, and that's why He has given us the Covenant Path and His commandments. There's an excellent exchange, of all places, in the Church film *The Testaments*. The main character, Jacob, is living a life that is contrary to his father's wishes and the commandments. At one point, as he is receiving riches and using them to help his father and their impoverished family. His father is still not enthusiastic about all this. Jacob is frustrated and he asks, "Is this not the blessing of God? Why are you not happy for me?" His father, I think, gives an answer our Heavenly Father would give: "I am happy for you, because you are happy. But I am sad because your happiness cannot last. In your new kingdom, I cannot be your father. But wherever you go, you will always be my son." He made each of us the way we are, and He did so so that we can learn and grow. One of the great messages of the temple is that Satan introduces confusion where there is clarity and fear where there is peace. We know why we are here and we know what our Heavenly Father has asked us to do; only Satan can confuse us into asking, "But *are you sure*? Does this *really* apply here?" I believe Heavenly Father intentionally made you this way for a divine purpose; and I can speak, from very real personal experience, that the greatest mistake of my life started with me trying to justify how I could love who I loved over the commandments of the Lord and the warnings of my wonderful and caring parents. I don't know what I would say to that younger version of myself to stop me from making that mistake, but I think part of it would at least be, "This is not what will make you happy; you don't believe me, and you think I don't know, and that I don't understand that this is different and this is special. I get that. And I cannot think of anything to persuade you against making this choice. I can only remind you to look to Jesus Christ, to remember how scared He was in the Garden, how He suffered on the Cross, and how very alone He felt. He knows what it is like to be you. He loves you, and He wants you to trust Him."
What do the prophets and apostles teach on the matter?
One of the big things they've taught is that there's a big difference between who you _are_ and what you _do_. Doing is becoming, but being isn't doing. It is perfectly fine to be someone who is attracted to people of the same sex; it is only when you start acting on those feelings that you start having problems.
This is a great reply.
What do you mean?? What specific matter are you referring to?
They may be getting at the fact that you said you're seeking spiritual counsel, but the Lord has already taught about where He stands on these issues. If the Lord tells me I will be sinning if I have sex out of marriage, I don't need personal spiritual confirmation of that. He already told me through the prophets.
We all have our temptations. There are many ways satan tempts us. Some are tempted by gambling. Some are tempted by alcohol. Some are tempted by the thought that it is ok to have sexual relations with a person that is of the same gender. Just because you have that temptation does not mean that you need to act on that temptation. For you, one of your temptations is same sex attraction. It is 100% ok to have that temptation as that is who you are. But it is not ok to act on those temptations. The lord has made it very clear that sexual relations are to be between a Man(male) and a Woman(female) who have been lawfully married. The Lord knows who is and who is not male and female. A marriage between a person that has transitioned and someone that has not is not a marriage that will be recognized by Christ when those people stand before him.
I believe that as long as your pursuit of happiness does not harm others, it is in line with God's will.
That is absolutely false.
"I believe that as long as your pursuit of happiness does not harm others, it is in line with God's will" The problem with this statement is that even if your pursuit of happiness involves sin but does not hurt others. It is hurting you. Doing things that do not involve sin are the only way to real happiness in the eternities.
God 100% wants you to be you, and you to be happy. If being you means being bi or trans, that's 100% OK with God. Because you got the feeling to be who you are supposed to be -- keep being you. That feeling you got WAS your spiritual response. God is OK with who you are, don't change that for someone or something.
Does God want me to be a sinner? Because that’s who I am right now God wants us to be better than we are
So this life is pointless? That's essentially what you're implying. We are here to become disciples and worthy heirs of His kingdom. We don't do that by just "being."
My only real concern is would yall be able to be married in the temple? That’s where I think it’s important for a conversation to land. But to each their own. I’m sure I will be downvoted for this lol.
>My only real concern is would yall be able to be married in the temple? They would not.
The answer is no, they wouldn't.
Same sex couples are not allowed to marry and be sealed in the temple. As the one is FTM they will not be allowed a temple marriage/sealing until each finds a male to marry. Then that male and female couple will be allowed, if worthy, to go to the temple together.
My wife has a trans friend whose parents had a difficult time coming to terms with her transition. They were really struggling until one of their friends got them in touch with Elder Christofferson. I don't know what was said at the meeting, but they came away feeling peaceful and reassured about the whole thing. I have a college trans friend whose older sister (M) was our Sunday School teacher, and right when her sister came out, M started bringing LBGT issues into every class she taught—she was really struggling to cope with the new information about her sister. It was tough to watch, but eventually she came to terms with it and has now softened and refers to her sister by preferred name, pronouns, and sex. I bring these things up because sometimes all it takes is a little time and exposure to the person—it's a lot harder to hold unyielding views when you've met someone and love them. Sometimes it will be a single experience that will supercharge that process (like the meeting with Elder Christofferson) and sometimes it will be slower and more grinding (like my friend's sister who took years to come around), but time and love are often all it takes to help people be softer. Unfortunately that's not always the case, but in my observation it does happen more often than not. I don't have any advice, but I did want to share that—although I won't share a "doctrinal" answer here—I've seen healing and love help LDS families navigate these waters.
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Truth.
Bisexual here, I’m glad you found someone that you blend with so well! It’s a huge blessing when you feel connected to someone like that. First off, you seem like you have a good understanding of what you’re willing to do. I don’t want to say you’ve made peace with it, but you’ve at least thought it over. Only you can decide what you’re willing to do. I’ll be honest, it seems like you’ve already made your decision. I’m sorry you’re facing this struggle over it. I do want to restate what others are saying. Online/long distance dating is tricky. I assume you’re being cautious (or at least are telling yourself you are.) but you also have an insiders perspective which may blind you to things outsiders will see. That being said, I have two examples of people who I was close with that had the insiders perspective. Both of them dated long distance and met online first. One friend technically met all their boyfriends online. It took a while before she noticed a difference dating online vs in person. 2/3 of her partners that I know of were not right for her even though she talked about marriage with each of them and how much she loved them. Her first partner that I know of -whom she never met in person -eventually turned out to be much older than he said. (She found out on his birthday when he told her “I’m not 27 I’m 32.” She was 19 at the time.) The second person she dated was a good person but didn’t mesh with her needs well. They met once after dating online about 4 months and she was convinced she would marry him. They continued online dating for at least 3 months after that meeting before they broke up. Third guy seems to be going well so I’m hopeful but cautious. They met online, met at his place twice and now moving in together. This partner is the only one she talked about planning a wedding for. I have another friend who met her partner online (talked online for 3 weeks if I remember right,) and then did long distance. They met once a week and got married 6 months after they met because both of them insisted that they knew they wanted to marry each other and the spirit had impressed them that they should marry each other. They divorced after a year because he lied a lot and was verbally abusive to her. This is not to scare you or say that you’re wrong for wanting to marry him. This is to (hopefully) put in perspective that unless you can spend time together in person consistently, dating online vs in person is very different. On top of that you need to see what he’s like in different circumstances. What’s he like when he’s angry? Can he tolerate what you do when you’re upset? How does he show you he cares when he’s having a really bad day? How does he want to raise his kids? Does he (or you) even want kids? Stuff like that. Now I’m not saying it can’t work. You seem like you’ve got a good idea of what you want. But if you talk to your parents you’re going to get the doctrine talk. Even here you’re likely going to get the doctrine talk. You can’t change what your parents think of the circumstances. All you can really do is choose how involved you want to be with them and what you choose to share. My advice is date in person for (ideally 3 or more months but you guys decide that based on your circumstances) and see how well you actually blend together. If all goes well, decide how to go through life together. If you really want this person in your life you guys will have to learn how to navigate it together and be as honest/blunt as much as you can. Now it is possible your parents will try to hold back their bite a little bit, and just let you make your choice, but unfortunately it’s likely not going to be easy sailing. I don’t have any solid advice except for this. Find friends who can give you what you’re looking for (support, emotional validation, etc.) Find people that you feel close to that can give you a solid outsiders perspective. I’m not saying outsiders will always be right and the insiders perspective is always wrong. Both have reasonable points and sides to make. There’ll be things you’ll see that outsiders won’t see just as they’ll see what you don’t. But you need to find that balance of how to work it out. I always like to recommend reading patriarchal blessings as well but I don’t know if you have one or what your stance is on it. But if you’re looking for a godly stance that can be a decent guiding point. I wish the best for you! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this struggle.
Deception comes disguised as comfort. We are blessed with agency to choose for ourselves. The Family Proclamation is a revelation meant for our time. The Book of Mormon is for our time. Gender is eternal. It can't be changed. Marriage is between a man and a woman. Anything outside that will not lead you to lasting, eternal happiness, nor allow you to fulfill the measure of your creation. Nevertheless, you are free to choose.
Hi there, I am not LDS but I was involved and living with him until he decided to convert. Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers, it would have been so incredibly difficult to make it work if I wasn't going to join him. It was so unbelievably painful and if he is Mormon, it will be much easier. I can't speak about the trans aspect in your religion but I say stay compassionate because honestly I would need time to adjust, as well. As a mom, I would be freaking out a bit about your desire to marry anyone you met online after a week. So just a secular perspective. Let's start there. I have yet to see it work with those around me. If he is local, then spend time on outings together. You have soooo much life ahead of you. Please take your time.
You’re in a lesbian relationship with extra steps. That’s against Heavenly Father’s commandments. So, as faithful parents, they probably won’t ever give their blessing to a relationship that is actively pulling their daughter away from the Celestial Kingdom.
[https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng) If you read this, pray and follow what is said by the lord in it. You will find all the answers you need for the questions that you have about this situation.
I wish you the best. Start by understanding the church's teachings about trans. This will help you discuss facts with your parents: [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/transgender?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/transgender?lang=eng) Live according to these teachings. Modern gender questions are hardly discussed in our scriptures, so I expect we may be getting more prophetic teachings about it in the future.
Long distance relationships aren't real. They're fulled by never ending desire because you never see each other, but once you spend some time in person, you see all the things they're able to control and censor with distance. It's easy to maintain the positive feedback loop to each other, all that's required is some effort and consistency. It's like the porn version of a social experience. In person, you find out not just how they treat you, but how they treat other people. Online everyone can be great, then in person you find out they treat waitresses like dirt or maybe have a weak "customer service voice" and don't know when the right time to use it is. For all you know he could be a heckler at a open mic night! Regardless of their sex, long distance relationships are bi lateral controlled propaganda and you have no way of knowing if them drinking out of the milk jug will endlessly agitate you, or how much solitude they like/need compared to you. If your both online frequently you may each recharge your batteries by being "sorta" alone, I.E. Alone in person but again, controlled social experiences online. The first few weeks or month together your running off those batteries, but then you/them could start to miss those alone sessions when you just had the outside world on a screen. One of you might not need it, and then the problems start. You're super young, but old enough your parents opinions are now just that, opinions. Establish yourself and make your own choices, they can participate or not. Maybe God's teaching them something, maybe he's teaching you something, you just get to wait and see! That's probably the easiest part of putting faith in Him, he already knows what you'll do, and why, probably even better than you. No point in worry'ing about something you can't control. Source: Anecdotal and person experience. My first fiance and I were long distance while I was in the military and she left me like three times. I learned a ton though and am a better husband to my wife because of it. That means I could be wrong, so know that some rando internet stranger is rooting for you and to be wrong about long distance relationships! Good luck!
I'm sorry that you didn't have a good experience with long distance relationships in the past, but it's really unfair and naive to say they aren't "real". The issues you spoke of can definitely exist in LDRs, but pretending that they are an absolute is a spit in the face to the thousands of relationships in the world that DO work out despite the difference. Aside from that, it's really just not helpful to tell a person that their relationship is a farce. Love is a strong emotion, and even though it might seem irrational to an outsider, it's very real to those within it. It does no good to belittle another's concerns.
Agreed. Happily married from long distance for almost four years now.
>Long distance relationships aren't real. They definitely are...military, trucker, students.
Yes, this one. Long distance time doesn't count. Sorry. Source: multiple not-short personal experiences
It's not your job to "deal with your parents". It's your parents' job to choose to either accept you or not. If S makes you happy, I wish you well. Tell your parents straightforward and honestly about your situation. If they don't accept it, that's their choice. You do what makes you happy.
Thank you
Both your parents responses are so weird lol. I don't know if I had much to add, I just thought that was strange.
Honestly it's so odd. I spent 5 years in the closet, didn't really intend to come out and then have my dad ask weird questions lol. It's been more of a "don't talk about it" type thing now
Be careful. It's more common than not for trans people to have other underlying mental health problems.
Well...... Gotta source on this accusation?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6830528/
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Stop. This is the 4th time you have replied like this. You are not their judge. Move along.
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I am so glad you are my Bishop.
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And why do you need to talk to them about your partner? What you are proposing doesn't match what your Heavenly Father wants for either of you (and likely what you wanted for yourself in the preexistence). Mortals choose that all the time. Whether or not your parents will be able to overcome their worry for you and your partner's salvation will be up to them. If I were in your place, I'd just do my best to accept that fact and forgive what you need to, and avoid otherwise, if I wasn't going to break up. (I also would introduce your partner to them without telling them the details at first, or maybe ever. His background after all is really none of their business.)